A few days later, Prof and Mini were walking back from their training, chatting away.


    “Do you think, this whole concert thing would be a success?” Mini asked


    “I hope so. The Greenskins already know music from back home, Mythrill shouldn’t be much different. Back home, there were whole festivals, spanning many days, we liked music and the good bands that much. Greenskins love music even more, so I don’t see much of a problem.”


    “The idea looks like fun. Who knows, maybe you could bring it to other countries and species too! Imagine, everywhere I go, I would be able to party! Don’t mess this up!”


    “Sure, but you have fun everywhere you go. However, I’m not exactly certain, other species would like hard and heavy Greenskin music.”


    “Dragons and Dungeons!”


    “No, I don’t think, playing in a dungeon would make them like the music better. Aren’t dragons extinct, anyways?”


    “No, silly! I don’t mean literal dungeons and dragons. Although a dungeon…”


    “Focus, Mini!”


    “Ah, yeah. I meant that store!” Mini pointed to a shop with a well-made wooden dragon above the entrance. From the angle they were looking at the shop, Prof wasn’t able to read the shop’s name, though.


    “What about it?”


    “It''s the most awesome shop in all of Arkadia! I visited one years ago in Kaa''Raa''Taak, but mostly we just order from a catalog."


    “Wait, Kaa’Raa’Taak is somewhere in the North of Forestdeep, no? How could be a shop here in Ostwaldland too? What they are selling anyways? Weapons? Ingredients?”


    “It’s a magical shop, Prof! It is said, the Heavenly Game Master himself operates or owns it! It sells the most awesome game on the whole of Arkadia! Basically, everyone plays it!”


    “I’m on Arkadia for a good time already, and I never heard about it.”


    “Most of the time, you were stuck in the Domain, and Elves don’t like the game. They think, it’s childish and a waste of time. More likely, they don’t see it as a game, played for fun, but as a means for training. Plus, I think they play by different rules.” While talking, Mini dragged him to the store. It was indeed named Dragons and Dungeons. The walls on both sides of the door were painted with what Prof called warriors, mages, musicians, and monsters. A strange design to find in a Greenskin settlement, where buildings were just painted in different shades of green, without any other decoration.


    “It looks exactly the same as back home!” Mini exclaimed “The only difference is, the store in Kaa’Raa’Taak was painted with various undead, not Greenskins. Come, let’s take a look!”


    The shop was a mix of bookstore and game shop – on one side there were shelves full of books, the other side held little figurines on smaller shelves and what looked like board games. Prof had a very bad feeling suddenly.


    “Say, Mini, what exactly is this game?”


    “It''s a simulation game. We all have Stats and Skills and Perks, and whoever wrote the game first probably thought, why not make it into a game? The rules are already there, why not imagine yourself as a high-Level adventurer or problem-solver? Go on adventures without leaving the house, simulate missions with your actual Skills, and so forth! Look, figurines!"


    Mini pointed to the smaller shelves. Prof took a closer look. Not only were there Goblins, Hobgoblins, and Orcs in different armor with different weapons, but a lot of monsters too.


    “Hey, they put undead with animals and monsters! That''s offensive!"


    Most of the figurines were unpainted lead, but there were a few beautifully painted ones too.


    “There should be a workshop in the back, for a small fee, they will paint the figurines as you like. They can even make new ones according to your specifications. It''s awesome! I have three custom-made ones, I will show them to you when we get back to the inn."


    “Mini, about that game… Am I correct in the assumption, that there is a Game Master, who tells the story, what he says is law, and the players have to play their characters as written down on a physical Character Parchment?” Surely, RPGs couldn’t be the most played game on a world that ran on RPG rules! It was impossible!


    “Exactly! You know the game after all!”


    “Yeah, we had a similar game back home.”


    “AWESOME! We should play sometimes! It’s months since my last mission!”


    “Mission?”


    A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.


    “Oh, we call a game session a mission. You know, a mission you have to complete! Wait, do you have a set of dice? Everyone has one! I got my grandmother’s. Hmmm… I don’t have my rulebook with me, but you certainly will need one. Obviously, you don’t know even the rules of Arkadia, and while the game’s rules are similar, they are different enough. Let’s see…”


    Mini started to peruse the books on the other side of the store.


    “Eh, they only have the Third Edition. It''s the worst. Imagine, they had to bring out a few Supplemental Rules volumes, that are together three times as long as the basic Rulebook! Our Duke had the complete collection, but said, they could have put everything in only one book, and it would have fewer contradictions and rules left out. Hmmm… They don''t have most of the Supplemental Rules either. Crap, the most important one is about Skills, and they don''t have it. Anyways, I mostly played with the Fourth Edition, it''s actually the best one. The Fifth Edition is… most likely written by a kid. No one plays with it. Here."


    Mini put a book in Prof’s hand. It was titled “Arkadia’s Rules for the casual Gamer, Third Edition”. Prof started to skim through the book, and the more he saw, the deeper his heart sunk. He saw that book before! Not just saw it, he read it, and built his whole existence on the contents!


    “Say, Mini. How accurate are the rules in the book? In regards to Arkadia, I mean.”


    “The Third Edition? Not very much. It''s a rulebook for the Game, not for Arkadia. A lot of common knowledge is left out, because why would you put things, everyone knows, into a book? As I said, they had to bring out a lot of Supplemental Rules, because of the important things they left out. See, the Perks section is just this long, but look at the Supplemental Rules on Perks, here.”


    Mini showed another book to him. It was half as thick as the core rulebook, while the section about Perks in the latter had only twenty or so pages.


    “The Skills books are even longer. Even so, the whole series, I mean the Third Edition, is still full of left-out information, contradictions, and completely false rules. We know, which points and rules to ignore and have knowledge about Arkadia''s rules, so it''s not actually that bad for a collection of game rules."


    “But they are not Arkadia’s rules.”


    “No. Only a complete moron would mistake one for the other. If you are interested in Arkadia''s Rules, you should visit a larger library. Maybe they have a dissertation or two. Don''t expect much, though, the really good ones are under lock and key at different organizations and guilds."


    Prof already realized he should have asked more questions to that airheaded bimbo in the afterlife, but that he was handed a set of rules for a game felt like a full-blown scam to him. Truly, no one could be such an idiot to mix up a game with reality. It was like handing the rules for Monopoly to someone new to Earth!


    “Let’s see…” Mini was in high drive “You will need the core book, the one about Perks, the one about species, the one about magic should be helpful too. Of course, they don’t have Skills, Chi isn’t here either… Military Tactics I don’t think you would need… Health and Disease, they don’t have it… Miscellaneous Rules… no, that one is crap… Various Rules you should buy. Assorted Rules, they don’t have it. Mixed Supplementary Rules they don''t have, but is crap, to begin with. Castles and Manors? No, you don’t need that. Advanced Various Rules and Mixed Supplementary Assorted Rules would be nice, but not for that price. Auxiliary Supplementary Rules…? No. Dungeons and Monsters, yeah, definitely! Oh, it’s for the Fifth Edition… Hmmm… We could work with it nevertheless. What else…? Oh yeah, the mission Return of the Living Dead. It has a nice set of extra rules and clarifications. Heh, my Duke wrote that mission!”


    Prof was just standing there, while Mini put book after book into his hands. He just wanted to cry. Cry and find Sandy and kick her ass into the next multiverse! Obviously, there were accurate rulebooks written by local Arkadians, but no, she had to choose a crappy rulebook for a game, and even that was not complete! If she was more or less working for the Heavenly Game Master, surely, she could have asked for a complete set of rules from the fucking highest authority in the world! But no, she had to play games with rewards for good questions, and not to forget. The. Rulebook. For. A. Fucking. RPG!!!!


    Mini started to prattle on figurines, but Prof was too shocked and depressed to pay attention. The Vampire ended up poking him multiple times.


    “They only have a few Human figurines, none really fits. Do you want to make a custom order?”


    “Yeah, sure, whatever…”


    “Take this seriously! While we could play without the figurines, it makes things easier to describe. See, I even found a Kobold with a knife! I will take a few animals and monsters, but you should order a nice figurine for yourself. And for Bianca! She would be surely very thankful, wink-wink!” She even said wink-wink. Prof was quite sure a Prude Ice Queen wouldn’t be very thankful in the ways Mini implied. However, he was busy wallowing in self-pity currently.


    “Sure, whatever. Can you make the order? Let them make it to your specifications. You know better, what is possible.”


    “Oooooh! Thank you! You won''t regret it!"


    For some strange reason, Prof felt like someone just walked over his grave, came back, and used it as a trampoline. What did he just do? Gave a crazy Vampire a free hand in designing his likelness? What could possibly go wrong?


    Most likely a lot of things. It was Mini, after all. Prof started to regret going into the shop already.


    He handed two silver schillings over to the clerk and went outside to cry silently.


    He needed a drink. Or multiple ones.