Thieves… Was he there to rob him blind? Collect taxes? Why introduce himself, then?


    “I was hired to review the concert and your permissions.”


    “Don’t say, you are a lawyer.”


    “Unfortunately, yes. I have [Law: Greenskinian] at 380% and a few Perks, just so you are informed. I already have completed my preliminary survey of the environment and I have to say, you are in trouble.”


    Prof had to give it to the not-Guildmaster, he was competent after all. Sending lawyers instead of assassins was insidious, purely evil, and would probably accomplish more. What could you do against lawyers? Nothing! Not that it was legal to bash them over the head with an axe, in contrast with assassins. The best one could do was sic another lawyer on him and watch the disgusting, bloody battle unfold.


    Prof glanced to the only lawyer they had available at the moment, but Wilhelm was concentrating on hopping along on the stage and shredding.


    “Oh, young Wilhelm is indeed a good musician. Much better than lawyering. It pains my heart to do this to him, but a job is a job. You know how it is. I will have to apologize to him later.”


    “That’s good, you want to apologize for probably wrecking the most excellent concert ever.” Prof was not sarcastic. Definitely not. That wouldn’t be polite. Or excellent.


    “I’m glad, you understand.” Neither was the lawyer sarcastic. “Let’s start, shall we? I have noted, your venue here violates law 13 from the year 3844, paragraph 4, point b. Also, law 666 from the year 3996, paragraph 6, point f. Furthermore, it isn’t confirming to the regulations from law…” Siegfried continued on and on and on. By the time he finished listing his preliminary findings or rather the laws and regulations they violated, the band finished with two songs.


    All the while, Prof learned a lot of laws they violated, but not how and to what extent. Or what those laws were, to begin with. Was the audience trampling grass? Was someone illegally hugging trees? Vomiting in public? Singing off-tune? Throwing medieval under-panties at performers? Surely, the audience did all that and more. However, for all Prof understood from the list, they could have violated a law against wearing boots, selling dog sausages that were decades past their shelf-life on the premises or not having first aid personnel on hand.


    They probably were doing those too.


    Were those laws even still valid? Or real at all?


    “That would conclude my preliminary findings. At this point, I’m required to offer you choices by the not-Guild’s code. First, you could pay a fine of… let’s see… six Marks and twenty-two Schillinge. I’m a certified tax collector too, you could pay right here. Of course, in this case, I would need to continue my assessment. Your second choice is to bribe me to forget I found anything. The current rate would be three Marks and five Schillinge. That is a gross amount, if you present the receipt to a tax collector at the next collection, you would get a deduction of thirty Schillinge.”


    “Let me get it straight. You tell me the going rates for a bribe and give me a receipt for the amount I bribed you with?”


    “Of course! We aren’t barbarians! It wouldn’t be excellent to let civilians guess the right amount! What if they tried to overbribe? Also, without a receipt, how would you deduct the bribe from your taxes?”


    “But…" Prof shut up without finishing his complaint. Different worlds, with different rules, after all. Why would an alien species on a completely different world subscribe to Earth-Human logic? The Greenskinian logic for bribes was actually more excellent than what they did on Earth. If the going rates were known and articulated, everybody would be aware of their right to bribe officials!


    Not, that Greenskinian logic saved him any trouble at the moment. Even if the band and the party pooled all their cash together, they wouldn’t have that kind of money. A tenth, maybe. Probably less.


    “We don''t have that kind of money," Prof confessed


    “We take collaterals too. Although, you would need to make a deposit that is worth fifty percent more. We would need to sell it, after all.”


    Prof was shocked. Selling his loot, he worked so hard for, under value for a scam? That was not happening! Not, that he intended to pay anything to begin with. He just needed some way to wiggle out of the situation. Maybe get Mini to intimidate (or seduce) the lawyer. Or Binky to get his newest chew toy.


    “What if we don’t have collaterals?”


    “I would need to close the venue immediately. You, of course, would be sent for re-education in the mines. For a year or so, if you work diligently and are willing to better yourself. Teaching, how important it is to get excellent is what the mines do. Not paying what you owe, wouldn''t be excellent, wouldn''t it?"


    This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    No, it definitely wouldn''t be excellent. Converting big rocks into small rocks didn''t sound like an excellent pastime. He even selected a Perk that lowered his [Mining]! He simply had to wiggle out of parting with his precious loot below the price or breaking rocks for a year!


    But how?


    They only had one lawyer, and in order for him to engage in a bloody battle with the evil threatening to end the concert, they would have to end the concert. Neither could they just run into the city to find a member of the Thieves'' not-Guild for legal advice. The costs for that would be probably on the level of the fine anyways. Neither had they enough money to illegally bribe the lawyer to forget the legal bribe. Prof, however, wasn’t prepared to just kill off someone just doing his more-or-less legal job. Where would that end?


    “Could the discussion wait till the end of the concert?”


    “It pains me, but no. Although I truly like this new music, it wouldn’t be excellent to bend to rules to benefit things I like. We have to come to a solution shortly. I would suggest… arggh…”


    The last exclamation was due to a suspicious Kobold knifing the lawyer in the back and running away. Prof wondered, who that may have been. Such a highly skilled assassin slipping below the Radar… ehmmm… detection magic arrays, just to kill off a probably highly respected member of the Thieves’ not-Guild in such a crucial moment. Oh, the times, oh the manners!


    “Officer!” He immediately contacted the authority, standing not far away and nodding furiously to the music “A suspicious person just killed this innocent Hobgoblin here! He ran that way!”


    “What species?”


    “I think, it was a Kobold.”


    “Squad! On the double! Full pursuit! Find that suspicious Kobold! I will stay here to observe the concert and take witness statements!” The squad didn’t exactly look happy that they had to abort observing the illegal concert, but nevertheless set out to find the killer. Sharpclaw chose this exact moment to surface from the exact opposite direction, Prof saw the assassin disappear.


    She was looking obviously innocent. Rightly so, it was clearly another Kobold assassin that killed the lawyer who made problems for Prof, the party, and the concert. Not, that Prof could differentiate between one Kobold and another – in fact, Sharpclaw was the only Kobold he have ever seen.


    However, the other Kobold wore clothes, which Sharpclaw did not.


    “Was it this Kobold?” the officer asked.


    “No, I don’t think so. The assassin was wearing clothes and hid its face, but I highly doubt, it was Sharpclaw. She just came from the opposite direction.”


    “Can you describe this other Kobold? How did it look like?”


    “Like a Kobold. Or something that looked like a Kobold, I don’t really know, what other species there are that look like Kobolds.”


    “I mean, the color of the scales, special identifiers?"


    “Not that I noticed. Probably light-colored scales. Sorry, it''s dark here."


    “It can’t be helped. Are you sure, it wasn’t your Kobold? Oh, a new song is starting!”


    “Reasonably sure, yes. Enjoy the concert, officer.”


    “I’m not enjoying the concert, I observe it carefully.”


    “What should we do with the corpse?”


    “When the squad is back, I will let them take it to the crematory. You can just leave it here for the time being. I will need to examine it later, anyway.”


    Prof nodded. He really hoped the authorities would find the suspicious Kobold – which was definitely not Sharpclaw – and bring it to justice. Civilizations were built on laws and justice, after all. The crime of stabbing a law-abiding lawyer, just doing his work, could not left unpunished!


    “You have blood on your claws, Sharpclaw. Did you cut yourself?" Prof hoped Sharpclaw didn''t injure herself while stabbing the lawyer… khmmm… while doing what she did while sneaking around stealthily, looking for enemies, who were trying to sabotage the concert and looking for a light stabbing.


    “Ssssankssss, Missster. No, Missster.” That was good. Getting an infection because of untreated wounds was no joke.


    With the issue resolved, Prof surveyed the audience and the special effects. The latter was even more awesome than during the first part, the mages were getting the hang of the rhythm and the lyrics. They were helped by the apprentice illusionists immensely. Prof found it would be excellent to reimburse him in some ways, at least with a band shirt or something. Did they have Ogre-sized shirts ready?


    The audience, on the other hand, was going absolutely crazy. Now, that they were able to figure out the lyrics from the karaoke illusionist, they were singing a close approximation. Bellow, more likely, and off-rhythm, to be honest, but it was still better than before. Currently, the line, let the corpses hit the field was repeated over and over.


    Prof predicted a bright future for Mythrill if this audience was any indication. Perfect, Wolfgang would be happy.


    If Prof counted correctly, only two or three songs were left when he was approached by Mini.


    “Prof, the fun will start shortly!”


    “What do you mean? Isn’t this enough fun for you?”


    “A squadron of Goblins on Warhogs are coming.”


    Well, obviously it was time for the old not-Guildmaster’s last play.