“What are you looking for?” Mini asked Prof, who was crawling around the final room, looking into every nook and cranny.


    “One of the figurines, I’m collecting for a time now.”


    “Oh, you mean that collection quest? The only one system-sanctioned quest known?” Mini asked. “You do know, you have to meet prerequisites to find one of the figurines?”


    “Really? I did three dungeons previously, and all three dropped one on the first try.”


    “Really. You have to completely clear the dungeon on your very first try, and you have to do it solo. Even so, it depends on Luck, if you find one. Probably your Scavenger Perk helped you.”


    “What happens if you collect every part?”


    “Dunno. Probably you would get a full set. I think, no one ever collected every part. And only those parts count, you get directly from a dungeon. For example, the pieces you found in the ruins of… whatsisname… don’t count. Neither would it count, if I gave you my pieces.”


    “You do the quest too? Why don’t you do solo runs then?”


    “It''s too much of a hassle. If you are too high Level, the dungeon wouldn''t drop a piece, so I would need to do three-floor dungeons to get one. My duke has almost two-thirds of the pieces, but he too gave up on the quest. Finding dungeons, that are high enough, isn''t exactly easy."


    “So, the whole quest is useless?”


    “No, not exactly. The pieces still have value for collectors.”


    “Yeah, I came up on one of those pieces once. Sold it for quite the money.” Bianca added. “If you are done snooping around, can we go already?”


    “Sure. Are you finished with everything else? Haven''t left anything behind?"


    “No, we have even packed up that decorative plant. What is it anyway?”


    “According to my [Herbology] and [Alchemy], it is a miniature Baobab tree. The leaves can be used for medicine.”


    “Strange, that you know the uses of such an exotic plant, but are clueless about other, local stuff.”


    Prof didn’t have an answer to that question, although he noticed similar issues for a few other of his Skills. For example, he knew of a monster, that he was almost certain, lived exclusively on Chimeria, but drew a blank on the two-named dinosaurs in Willowflower, which were allegedly all around Fenria. If not for those nice Elves, he wouldn’t even know their names! Or for how much people were fined for hunting them.


    It was probably a bug in the System, with the install wizard already preparing to launch an update. Most likely at the most inopportune moment, right before he saved an important file, he had been working on for hours. Without saving.


    On the way back to Sumpfigerort, Prof finally found time to look at Sleepy’s Character Parchment. Without Mini’s help, he would have never found it, or figured out, how to access it in the first place. Of course, the Vampire waited until Prof grew frustrated with finding it, and asked her. The access was well-hidden: he had to concentrate in a certain way on “Perks” of all things to bring up the “Pets and Mounts” sub-menu, where he had to concentrate in a certain way to navigate to Sleepy. It was needlessly complicated, and no non-native person would find it there. Why couldn’t the Administrator put it in its own, easy-to-find location?


    Oh yeah, probably because the Administrator was a jackass or an idiot.


    As Prof found out, his Nightmare''s parchment was quite different from his. The Stats were the same one he, and probably every other lifeform on Arkadia had – after all, every last one was needed to describe a being. Sleepy had Perks too, however, most were linked to the species, and for the rest, Prof got the distinct feeling, they were "selected" from a very shallow pool. The biggest difference was in Skills. The Nightmare had only a few. [Attack], [Defence] and [Navigation] being the highest.


    “Say, Irresponsible and Cruel adventuring master of ours, how comes, that Sleepy has so few Skills? I thought the Character Parchments and the System were universal."


    “It''s ''Fabulous and Magnificent'', never forget it, moronic and clueless apprentice of mine! What do you think, a mount would do with a separate [Swords] Skill, or [Architecture]? Or any of the Skill, you need hands for? Mounts, monsters, and animals simply don''t need most of the Skills you do – not, that you are very good in quite a few – so the Heavenly Game Master simply omitted them. Or locked them down, or something. I heard about a rat, that somehow got [Cooking], so the Skills are most likely present, but can''t be accessed."


    “A rat as a cook? I don’t think, I would like to eat in that place” Bianca interjected


    “You see, the rat was quite good in cooking, and it disguised itself as a… some kind of small sapient. Unfortunately, it got eaten by a random patron, mistaking it for the main dish. Or so the story goes.”


    “That’s disgusting!” Bianca exclaimed


    “Yeah, can you believe it? Killing someone without motive, just because of stupidity?!? If the food had been bad, I would have understood it, but so?”


    “I meant, eating a rat.”


    The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    “Ratssss tasssty.”


    “Anyways, Skills…?”


    “Oh, yeah. Our belowed pets simply don’t need most of them, and since they mostly don’t have the necessary Intelligence or sapience, or whatever, the Points are distributed automatically. Or something like that. If I’m right – and I’m always right, don’t forget it – it is possible for the owner to distribute the Points manually, if she has a high enough [Animal Training]. Or the pet is loyal enough. Or something.”


    “Do you do it for Binky?”


    “Naw, I don’t see the point. Binky is good at munching on things, why make the hassle.”


    Mini probably didn''t have the Skill on a high enough Level or didn''t meet the prerequisites, but Prof wasn''t ready to point it out to the Vampire. First, he was a Gentleman, and pointing out their weaknesses to proper ladies wasn’t very gentlemanly. Even if Mini could hardly be called a proper lady, Prof didn’t do it, because, secondly, pointing out their weaknesses to Narcissistic people was a good way to start a fight.


    The closer they got to Sumpfigerort, the more Greenskins they saw running around and preparing for something. Did the uproar in the capital already reached here? Was Wolfgang going to do another concert? Were aliens invading? Or was it time for the yearly Sumpfigerort-Leberpfütze bloodball match? As far as Prof heard, that was a classic, including a carefully organized riot.


    As they found out as soon as they arrived at the Adventurer’s Guild, it was even more sinister, than aliens invading.


    “We have an insidious and surreptitious slime outbreak! You valiant and indefatigable adventurers are drafted for the invincible and indomitable rapid-reaction teams! Prepare!"


    To Prof’s utter surprise, neither of his party members started arguing, that they just returned from an excursion into a lifelike recreation of Human technological evolution, but dumped their loot into a corner, and started preparing. Even Sharpclaw, who didn’t speak Greenskinian, and probably didn’t understand, what happened. Neither did Prof.


    “What''s the matter? Why is everyone behaving like it is the end of the world? It''s just slimes."


    “EXACTLY! It is Slimes!" Bianca was frantically checking her gear. Prof still didn''t understand. Why get their knickers in a twist just because of the most basic, laughable monsters there were? Slimes were so basic, that even kids could exterminate them! Every last story he read said so! They were so basic, even his low [Monsterology] failed to give knowledge!


    “Bia, my dear, you forget, Prof isn’t from here, and he can be dumb as fuck.” Mini came to his rescue. If calling him an idiot could be considered a rescue.


    “You see, Prof, Slimes are a scourge. Some scientists speculate they were created as a weapon by one of the precursor species in the dawn of time, and no one was able to get rid of Arkadia of them. There are very few rules, that everyone abides by. Next to killing off Heroes as soon as possible and not using them in any capacity are slime outbreaks. If one happens in the middle of a war, an immediate cease-fire is called, and both sides work together to stop those monsters."


    “Yes, every toddler knows that! Report the Hero’s Party, kill Slimes. Failing to do either… well, you will be dead either way.”


    “But they are just small blobs of… slime. What’s so dangerous about them?”


    “They eat literally everything. Animals, trees, grass, each other. They leave a wasteland behind.”


    “Miss Minerva is right. My mercenary company had once had the misfortune to take part in an extermination campaign. You see, Slimes are born from pools of Goo. If you don''t manage and suppress the pools, Slimes are going to come out. The more they devour, the stronger they get. They evolve! A strong enough Slime becomes a Jelly, then a Jam, a Marmalade, a Pudding…"


    Prof was getting, for some absolutely unexplainable reason, hungry.


    “… and then they enter the truly horrifying territory. I don’t know the proper names for the next stages, we referred to those as ‘Call-the-Heavy-Infantry’, “Get-the-Mages’, “Meteorblitzkrieg-Now!’ and “Everyone-Run-For-Your-Lives!’. I only met one of the first, that was enough.”


    “Speaking of Jam, Marmalade and Pudding. Do they also evolve into a cake?”


    “That’s not funny, Prof. Never joke about Slimes.” Mini was curiously tense “Besides, Cakes are a completely different kind of monster. They are a kind of Mimic, related to Brownies and Biscuits. At home, we keep them in the kitchens, both as traps for burglars and for disposing of kitchen waste. And, in a pinch, you can eat them too.”


    The infodump Prof received was enough to raise his [Monsterology] by 2%. All in one go! Why had he paid exorbitant sums for trainers and teachers, if a short conversation with his friends provided the same for free? Most likely, there were other things in play, not just raw mathematics. It was getting tiresome, every time he started to understand the System, something new came up. He needed a Rulebook – the real one, not a simplified version, made for entertainment. If he remembered correctly, Foxy said something about scientific versions being around. Prof assumed, he needed to visit some kind of university, research institute, or a big pharma corporation. Or the hidden vaults of any government.


    Unfortunately, Sumpfigerort didn''t have any of those. Maybe it had a hidden government vault, but if so, it was well hidden and unknown to Prof.


    Strange, that hidden government vaults weren’t advertised to foreigners…


    It took a few hours for the rapid reaction teams to assemble. Everyone was handed a few potions – mediocre HP, and acid resistance ones – which was highly welcome because during the dungeon run, they had used up quite a few of their own. The Guild obviously was keen on building balanced strike teams; Prof''s party – or rather Mini''s, since she was the master adventurer – was assigned an offensive magic user. A Dwarf, of every possible species.


    Their new companion was vertically challenged with only around a hundred and twenty centimeters low, with pale grey skin and red eyes – red, as in the whole eye was red, the pupil and iris were just slightly different reds.


    “Greeting, esteemed, glorious, and courageous colleges!" the dwarf intoned in passable Greenskinian "This humble one''s self-chosen designation is Catapult Winespitter. You can address me as Cat."


    Remembering a months-old conversation, Prof had to admit, that the Dwarves indeed had an awful sense of naming. Not, that the official name was much better. According to its Character Parchment, the name was Másodikm?szak Mélytárnabányász 34062CA-666/FFF Sorozat. In comparison, Catapult Winespitter was immeasurably better, and with that Extreme Alcohol Intolerance of it, probably also fitting. Strangely, the self-designation was in Bergian.


    Since it was an adventurer, the costume it wore was understandable: a high, pointy hat (it was half as high as the dwarf!) with a huge rim, and decorated with – probably – arcane signs. For all Prof knew, it could have been the phonebook for a Dwarven city. Outside of the hat, it wore bright green, slightly see-through robes, also decorated with the same symbols and frilly leather sandals.


    What wasn’t exactly understandable was the ankle-length fake beard. It was pink, for some reason too.