The noise marine looked down on everyone present. That wasn’t because he wasn’t excellent and an entitled twat with delusions of grandeur and thought, everyone was beneath him.


    In a sense, everyone was beneath him – or at least below his eye level. Being a tall Orc, while everyone else was sitting, there was no way not to look down on them. The sole exception was Adeltraut. It was very hard to look down on an Ogre, even if she was sitting. In fact, it was she, who was looking down on the noise marine. Well, she managed to look down on Goblins and random Kobolds while she was lying down, but, well…


    “Good day to you. Can we be of assistance?" Prof flexed his gentleman muscles. It was never a bad idea to be polite to heavily armed and armored people, especially, if they were of a higher Level. And were referred to as elite combatants.


    “The not-Guildmaster is being not-excellent. It''s a disgrace to all Greenskinkind." Surprisingly, the Orc had a very nice, sing-song voice, and was speaking in an educated way. His tone and speech were rather destined for an opera house, not for the battlefield.


    “While I think, Mythrill is disgusting, and unbefitting for Greenskins, forbidding it is not-excellent. Sending thugs, especially foreign thugs to beat up a Redcap… That is outrageous.”


    “You are planning to switch sides?” Prof asked


    “No, that is not possible. Leaving a contract before it’s fulfilled would be not-excellent. However, there is a loophole. If you defeat us, the bodyguards, in a fair fight, we would be required to not fight you again.”


    “That''s it? Anyone could neutralise bodyguards just by beating them in a fair fight?!" that sounded not like a loophole, but like a loopgate or something. It was too easy and made bodyguards basically useless.


    “Of course, it''s not so easy. The bodyguards in question have to issue the challenge with the Bodyguards'' not-Guild presiding over the duel. Both sides will have obligations after the duel is done. For your party it would mean, you wouldn''t be able to make a move on the not-Guildmaster for a month and a day."


    “Or else?”


    “It wouldn’t be excellent. Besides, the whole Bodyguards’ not-Guild would be on you, if you did.”


    “How are we going to do this? Get out on the street and start a brawl?”


    “Oh right, you are a Pinkskin, you wouldn''t know. So, both teams have to have the same number of contestants, as far as possible with the same specialization, Level, and Skill Levels. There are rules in place if one side is underleveled or underskilled. Anything else wouldn''t be fair and thus excellent."


    “Compared to you three, our party and band can be definitely considered both. What kind of edge do we get?”


    “We are Level 26, 22, and 20, respectively, so you can have a low-Level team with a sum of… say… 53 Levels."


    “Let''s see… Our best are Bianca at Level 13, Wolfgang at Level 12, Mini, and Theodor at Level 10. We need another eight Levels'' worth." Prof''s 54% in [Mathematics] was obviously high enough to add three numbers together and realize, the sum was lower than another number. He was even able to figure out, how much the difference between those numbers was. With a bit of luck (or Luck) he would have even been able to pass a graduation test. At a primary school.


    “Yes, you could add another contestant with a Level of 8 at most.”


    “And you would still have an edge.”


    “Naturally. You could gain more with this duel than us, so it is logical, we would have an edge.”


    “So, we need another person, with Level 8 at most. Right. Hey, why is everyone looking at me?!”


    Indeed, everyone was looking at him expectantly – even Sharpclaw, who didn’t speak Greenskinian. Why was everyone always taking advantage of poor Central European expats? What next? Washing dishes? Do hard and smelly work?


    “You do realize, my friend, you are the only one, who fits the criteria?”


    “Nonono. There are three others, who are at or below Level 8 besides me!”


    “I’m absolutely useless in a fight.” Wilhelm told him “The best, I could do is to lawyer them to death. That would be just cruel. And not excellent.”


    “No one would expect an Ogre to fight too. They are peaceful and pacifists." Theodor added while the peaceful, pacifist Ogre in question nodded, hefting her mauls… ehmmm… drumsticks to her shoulders. Prof could almost believe the peaceful and pacifist parts.


    “Also, would you send a poor, Level 5 Kobold into a duel to the death against high-Level professionals? That''s not exactly gentlemanly" Even Mini piled on him. Of course, Prof wouldn''t have sent some under-leveled person to certain death. That included himself too.


    “The duel isn''t to the death, but until one of the sides is incapacitated." lasting, grave injuries sounded much better, than instant death. No, not really. If you lost an arm but survived, you still had the absence of an arm, while if you lost an arm and died… You usually didn''t care about lost appendages anymore. Maybe if you were an Undead. But those could just reattach anything detached. Right?


    “What, not to the death?!?! I’m already dead, so I would have instantly won!”


    “Miss Minerva, until death doesn’t…”


    This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    “Yes, Bia, darling. I know! I’m not some idiot!” Well, maybe she wasn’t an idiot (the jury was still out on that question), but she certainly was clinically insane. There was no way to tell, what she meant seriously, and what was only her… colourful… personality asserting itself.


    Either way, after Prof was successfully dragged into the whole duel thing and other people''s problems, Wolfgang and the noise marine hashed out the details. The duel was scheduled to dawn, the next day, and according to the terms, everyone could use every magical trinket and potion currently in their possession. Unfortunately, no pets, mounts, and such were allowed – sending Binky and Sleepy in would have ended the challenge quite fast. Maybe even Binky alone. That monster was simply a… well, monster.


    Normally, granting a high-Level team access to their full collection of magical stuff wouldn’t have been a good idea. On Arkadia, however, that kind of gear wasn’t too prevalent, and mostly not overly powerful. Simply put, they were too expensive for most people.


    Actually, Prof''s party, and to a certain degree Mythrillhead were quite overgeared, not just for their Level, but in an absolute manner. Plundering the Hags of their collection, and spending said gains for even more stuff, and almost everyone was able to equip themselves almost completely. That was even without Mini''s truly massive outfit stock of questionable utility. Prof somehow doubted the Vampire could scandalize the bodyguards enough so that they threw the towel. Well, she could flash some body parts as a diversion.


    However, high-Level individuals probably reached those high Levels because diversions didn''t work on them to begin with.


    “I have a plan!" Mini declared after the noise marine left the building "I will take care of the crossbow-Goblin, Bia will wall the main target, Wolfgang will play hard and heavy, we need all the good stuff from you, the rest of you dispatch the Hobgoblin first, and then we all attack that Bia''s boyfriend."


    “He’s not my boyfriend!”


    “After getting close and personal, pitting one body against another, he should be your boyfriend or husband! Bad Bia!”


    “Why do you have to always sound so dirty, Miss Minerva?”


    “’Cause it’s fun!”


    “I don’t think so.”


    “Nope.”


    “Not really.”


    The plan, Mini came up with, wasn''t actually bad. One simply doesn''t attack the strongest enemy head-on, one-to-one, while neglecting the small fry. Well, small fry in this case meant, double the Level their best had.


    “Why don''t we send Sharpclaw after the not-Guildmaster while we entertain his bodyguards?" Prof found an interesting point. "He would be defenseless."


    “That wouldn’t be excellent. Taking advantage of an enemy’s momentary weakness, while their caretakers are away on a sanctioned duel would lead to repercussion.”


    “Let me guess, the whole Bodyguards’ Not-Guild breathing down our necks?”


    “Correct.”


    The rest of the day went by testing their plan – first at the desk, using Arkadia’s game rules, and then on a field, rehearsing their teamwork. Obviously, they couldn’t ask the bodyguards to play along – although, that would have been excellent – so the rest of Mythrillhead had to stand in as villainous minions.


    It wasn’t overly realistic, though. Most of the musicians were even lower Level than their best frontliners, and those were half the Level of their future enemies. At least they could train how to react to Mini’s commands.


    Entrusting an insane bimbo with battlefield overwatch and calling shots wasn''t a good idea – at first glance. What Prof and everyone else, even off-Arkadia, had to remember, was that Mini was pre-ritual even higher Level, than the noise marine. As a trusted vassal (and a member of the ruling class or something), she picked up quite a few things during the years and Levels. Mostly clothes, but still. She actually had the highest [Command] Skill in the whole assembly. An incredible 66%! Her [Small Unit Tactics] was the second highest after Bianca – an unbelievable 62%.


    “Now, everyone, strip!” And she was still insane.


    The party didn''t have many problems to iron out, after all, they had been killing wildlife for some time together. Everyone already knew, what to expect from everyone else, what they were capable of, and how everyone would react to certain situations. Their biggest challenge was to compensate for the absence of Binky and Sharpclaw.


    That, and integrating two musicians.


    Actually, Wolfgang wasn''t hard to work with, they had already some experience with each other killing off evil, loot-stealing, and hoarding Hags, and he was to hang back and play some nice fighting music in the first place. [Magic: Music] and [Magic: Sound] were excellent things to have, if one wanted that certain edge in a life-or-death (or life-or-serious injury) fight.


    The only one, who really needed integration and assessment was Theodor.


    While the Goblin was foremost a musician, he proved the truth, Prof found out too: specializing overly much got you killed on Arkadia, and got you killed fast. Next to passable [Evade], [Parry], [Block] and [Acrobatics] he was very good in [Hand-to-Hand Combat] and [Throwing] – and had a few Perks too. Unfortunately, most of those were only good in a bar fight, not on open ground. Why a musician felt compelled to be a good bar fighter too, Prof didn’t understand.


    Well, when you mostly play in bars, that was the location, where you discussed the finer points of art with your critics. Throwing a mug at the face of someone, who voiced his displeasure at the current song, was probably a very good skill for every aspiring musician. Doubly so, if you didn''t miss a note while doing so.


    Watching Theodor jumping around while trying to land a hit on Wilhelm reminded Prof of an old movie, where another small green bugger jumped around in a hanger. Theodor magic did not have, unfortunately.


    Well, magic, that helped with jumping around and punching people in the face. Magic, that was fitting for a musician, he was quite good at it.


    “Ted, you have magic! Use it to stagger Bill!” Mini ordered. If singing someone to death was possible, why not use that ability to, well, sing someone to death?


    “You mean, shout at him? Would that be excellent?”


    “Sure! It’s a Skill and a Spell! Here, try it on Prof.”


    “Wait a minute! Why me?!?!”


    “You have higher resistances than our friend Bill there.”


    “Eh, Mini, could you please stop calling us Bill and Ted? Somehow I feel like a moron every time you do that.”


    “Yeah, it isn’t excellent.”


    “Fine. Theodor, would you please shout magically at Prof? You may punch him too.”


    The thing Theodor did wasn’t shouting. It was a magical, very loud, and directed belch. It somehow even rhymed.


    Oh, and Prof could tell, Theodor had onions and dog sausages for lunch.