“Well, about that," Bianca said. After that interjection, Prof was fairly sure, they wouldn''t be able to leave Ostwaldland because they didn''t have traveling permits, no proper identifications for their almost-brand-new weekend vehicle, or some other harebrained other thing.


    Or the small issue, that they just have minced a respected elder functionary of the probably most important not-Guild the Greenskins had.


    No, it was most likely just some kind of bureaucratic idiocy, like back home. Open borders were just semi-permeable at the best of times, and Arkadia was Medievalia at its purest. They probably had walls, checkpoints, and toll stations on every other corner! He had some doubts about the off-road capabilities of his two-hogpower wagon. No chance to avoid taxes, tolls, and customs.


    “I have decided to stay here." Bianca continued. Well, that was better, than the alternatives. But again, no self-respecting country would forgo border patrols. "Mister Wolfgang offered me a position as a general-purpose guard for his band."


    Prof thought Wolfgang was his friend, but no, he just poached the most important person of Prof''s party! How would they survive, if their trusty meatshield wasn''t there anymore to soak up damage?!? What next? Mini finding a job, washing dishes, living with half a dozen random strangers in a small flat?!? Oh, actually, Mini getting a small flat and inviting random strangers would be just in character for her.


    “All right, but why?!?” Prof asked, trying to be friendly and not whiny. Or desperate.


    “Mainly two things. Firstly, all those situations you tend to encounter are too much for me. I’m just a Normal, not an Elite like you or Miss Minerva.”


    “Sssharpclaw alsssso a Normal.”


    “Yeah, I know, but still. I would pick a battlefield before some of your ''adventures''. At least, on a battlefield, I could pull a Szent, and get away."


    “And the second reason?”


    “Miss Minerva. She’s a bit hard to bear. All the scandalizing she is constantly doing is… Well… Not my kind of thing to watch.”


    “I’m hard to stand?!?! My radiant personality is too scandalous for you?!? Pah!”


    Bianca just did it. You just don''t tell crazy people, you don''t like them and their exaggerated ways of presenting themselves. Not, if you don''t want to face the fallout. Like an overgrown lizard munching on your remains. While destroying all your expensive gear, so your friend wouldn''t be able to inherit.


    Not to say, Bianca was absolutely right in her analysis of Mini, and what she constantly did. Prof, on the other hand, was quite sanitized by this point – mostly from his life on Earth. Growing up in Central Europe taught him how to tolerate all the other crazy people, morons, and self-declared experts in everything. All forty to fifty million of them.


    The only difference on Arkadia was, that he could point out, how good a self-declared expert he was, or how the other person wasn’t. Skills were an objective and absolute thing here.


    Having around 50% in quite a few Skills entitled him to well-founded opinions, no?


    Another skill he picked up in his previous life was to tune out discussions, bickering, and problems he had absolutely no interest in participating in. A true Central European guy only meddled in other people''s lives once a day. Or when he was bored. Or when he could pose as a self-declared expert in something or other.


    “… pay out my share."


    That part of a sentence got his attention. Of course, Bianca wanted a piece of his hard-earned loot! The bothersome truth was, however, that she was indeed entitled to one-fifth of the loot from Dunkelwald and one-fourth of the loot since then. Subtracting the food, gear, and expenses she kept, consumed, or incurred that was still… a lot of money. More, than Prof earned in a couple of years back home.


    The uncomfortable truth was, reviewing their monetary assets that they were almost broke. Again.


    Not counting all those gems and jewelry, worth more, than a small country. Or an extremely poor larger one.


    “Would it be acceptable, if I pay you with the stuff still in Saugarten?" he had an Intelligence of 18, so pointing out the obvious solution was almost too easy. Paying a debt with assets you wrote off is a win-win situation for everybody! Mostly for you.


    “That would amount to… hmmm… If you add the stuff still in the warehouse, and that awesome adventurer habit, you have a deal. I don’t need so much money like you true adventurers.”


    Yeah, getting two hundred gold or mark was indeed almost nothing. Someone could probably survive on a paltry two million EUR for… Probably forever. But then again, a boat, a sports car, and a nice house didn''t buy themselves from nothing, and then you have all those old friends, distant relatives, who just remembered, you existed and asked for a loan or something.


    Prof and Bianca shook on the deal – it was Bianca''s responsibility to keep the money, after all. Luckily, Greenskins didn''t have much of a maritime tradition, and sports-hog-wagons weren''t up for sale, as far as Prof knew.


    With Mythrillhead present, Prof had a lawyer on hand and wasn''t afraid to use poor Wilhelm to get the paperwork in order. While he was almost certain, Bianca wouldn''t pull a dirty move like pocketing the stuff in Saugarten just to sue him for outstanding share, he wasn''t dumb either. Even his Character Parchment said so. While had to admit, some parts of Arkadia’s rules were still a little bit foggy, not getting looted by one of your friends, you knew for a few months, was just normal survival sense!


    Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.


    With the paperwork done, signed as witnesses by everybody present, it was finally time to get on the road again. The promised paradise of nice weather, good food, and normal Human inhabitants was waiting! Since Bianca wasn''t one for hugging, they waved goodbye with only a little bit of moist eyes. Well, Mini did hug her, and Prof was certain, she also grabbed some ass.


    For good measure, she hugged everyone else too, Prof included, and definitely grabbed a lot of ass.


    With everything already packed up, and ready to go, Prof took the driver’s seat, right next to Sharpclaw. Mini, for some reason, stayed on Binky.


    “Say, Prof. There’s one thing I wanted to ask you.” As usual, Mini was grinning, despite her argument with Bianca “How high is your [Driving]?”


    “29%. Why do you ask?”


    “Oh, nothing particular. Drive on, you rascal!”


    For some strange, unexplainable reason, Prof started to feel dread. Driving a two-hogpower medieval RV couldn''t be so hard, no? While that accursed game rulebook had only a passing relationship with Arkadia''s reality, Prof had worked out the math for driving! As long as he kept to a low velocity, was sober, the weather was good (including the sun NOT shining), it was day, the road was good, and there wasn''t much traffic, 29% ought to be enough.


    He wasn’t planning to go off-road, driving at night, or race some young idiot with a credit-bought used quadriga in the first place.


    That, and he was used to driving his old, legal-aged car with the marked deficit of power back on Earth, so the same principles probably applied to Arkadia too. Do not try to overtake anything but pedestrians. Keep a lookout for good portions of pavement between all the potholes. Give way to any and every larger vehicle, even if you don''t have to. Do the same with obviously expensive-looking ones. They won''t give way, to begin with.


    “Yee-Ha!" Prof started the wagon. Or tried to. Obviously, the ages-old sound effect to get a horse-drawn carriage going didn''t work on hogs. Probably they didn''t understand Foreignian. Of course, Prof had a solution for that within moments: using the same idiom in Greenskinian. The hogs lazily turned to him, conveying a small measure of irritation. Or they thought Prof was an idiot.


    “Damn it! How to start this crap?!?! Do I need to go OINK-HONK-OINK or what?!?”


    That was the worst thing he could have said.


    Both hogs let out a loud OINK! and they went off like a rocket. Well, since they weren''t built for speed but endurance, it was a very slow rocket, but of the kind, that will trample and eat you while still going at somewhat faster than walking speed.


    After a few corners, Prof managed to get his awesome vehicle – or more precisely the hogs – under control – mostly because he rear-ended a larger farmer wagon, transporting hogmilk. Luckily for his monetary wellbeing, all the barrels stayed milkproof, and the damage to the rear fender (why Greenskinian wagons had rear fenders, Prof didn''t exactly want to know) was also slight, and the farmer waved Prof''s guilt away.


    Just to be on the safe side, Prof let him sign a waiver. He had a few dozen of those, courtesy of Wilhelm. It looked like the lawyer didn''t have confidence in Prof''s driving Skill.


    Why that was…?


    Well, the wagon – without much of Prof''s contribution – managed to run a booth for selling hot vegetables, damage the front fa?ade of a building (how concrete could be damaged by a wooden wagon… Prof didn''t ask), bump into a couple of other carriages, bend a wooden guardrail in two and plow up a decorative flower bed. Oh, and almost got a young-looking Orc isekaied.


    It was almost like one of those overworked and underpaid Central European truck drivers, annihilating everything they found.


    To pay for those damages, he had to part with a piece of jewelry – but at least the Greenskins were excellent enough to give him a little bit of change back.


    After receiving the signed waivers from everybody, a Hobgoblin approached him, clad in the typical guard uniforms of the day. Meaning, that he wasn''t wearing anything fancy or standard, but he had a badge, a helmet, and a pike, all denoting him as a man of the law.


    “Dear guest! I have to congratulate you on your achievement! I haven''t seen anybody drive so badly while sober, and you set a new record for most things damaged in the shortest time. The previous record was held for almost a decade. Strangely, it was set by a Human too. Anyways, please note, that you are fined for reckless driving, and I hereby forbid you to ever again drive in a Greenskinian settlement. As soon as you have at least 66% in [Driving], you may take a test to have the restriction removed. I wouldn''t recommend driving in a settlement, every guard will know, you aren''t allowed to."


    If Prof hadn''t known better, he would have guessed, the nice guard constable had Elven blood in his veins. Only Elves fined random strangers, after all!


    There was a difference between Elves and Greenskins, though. While the former wouldn''t even bother to warn him (so other guards wouldn''t need to invent fineable offenses), the Hob even arranged for a qualified person to drive Prof''s wagon to the city limits.


    “That went better than I suspected," Mini informed him after she stopped laughing.


    “Wassss better!” Even Sharpclaw chimed in. Traitors!


    “Why didn’t you say something? Maybe when we bought the wagon? Or before I started driving?” Prof felt a little bit hurt. If they knew, his driving Skills weren’t so awesome as he thought, and he was a danger to everyone present, they (or rather him) could have continued walking. Less expenses!


    “You were obviously having fun! I’m not Cruel enough to kill other people’s fun. Besides, as long as I have known you, you wanted a carriage. Oh, and your driving is fun to watch. All that mayhem! Carnage! Vehicular havoc!”


    “Misssster intelligent. Ssssharpclaw though, Misssster knew.”


    Well, Mini''s answer was typical for her. In a twisted, sick, and perverted way, she actually cared. Mostly for her own amusement, but as Prof thought about their time together, she actually supported everyone to have awesome fun.


    Of course, she still got the last laugh out of every situation.


    “But I did the math! I would have been able to drive through the city!”


    “Oh, my object for lust, you still think, this is a game or some shitty story?"