“Miau!" the local, an enormous white cat with a shredded ear, heterochromatic eyes, and missing patches of fur informed them. Prof was almost sure, the sound it made should have been ''meow'', but the cat was most likely speaking in some strange dialect too. Or had a too low Skill in [Speech: Cat]. With Arkadia, you couldn''t be sure about that NOT being an actual Skill.


    “Miau, I said." the cat said, eyeing the steaming chicken. Cats had that certain look, where you could figure out without much of a problem, they wanted food. Even if you weren''t speaking the same language. While Prof liked cats in principle, feeding a strange pocket lion mostly led to excessive expenditure of cat food and a new transitional tenant in the house, however.


    “Look, moron, I said ''Miau''. That means you give me food. Did you grow up in a cave or what? Gimme food, already, jackass!"


    “Ehmmm… Mini… Did that cat just insult me in perfect literary Gerulian?”


    “I don’t think so. I haven’t heard any insults, just truths stated. You are a moron and did grow up in a cave. His Gerulian is very good, though."


    “What cat sssssaid? Sssstab cat?” obviously Sharpclaw started to have a certain mentality: if you had a dagger, everything looked like a kidney.


    “Ohoho, what do have here? Stab-happy foreigner morons? From the Bergian lands? You, corpse-lady! Tell your boy toy and your dagger chick to calm the heck down and gimme food!"


    As it transpired, the cat was truly multilingual and switched from literary Gerulian to literary Bergian on the spot. Not, that he became any more polite. Probably even the opposite. Calling a proud Vampire noble a corpse lady wasn''t exactly nice, and why he assumed, Prof was her boy toy was pre-supposing at best, and offensive the worst. Why couldn''t Mini be Prof''s trophy wife or bed warmer? Mini certainly would have liked both versions.


    Well, and Prof being her boy toy even more so.


    “He’s right, Prof! You have the fortune to become the temporary servant of a Grimalkin, a noble and virtuous species from Forestdeep. And they are cute too! You can have so much fun with them!”


    “If you try to pet me, I will scratch out your eyes, bimbo!” Mini, for some reason left out ‘rude’ from her description. Well, their new addition was a cat, after all, that character trait was mostly a given.


    “That hasn''t even crossed my mind! Can we play Where Did That Kid Disappear To? We need at least two people for that, and these guys don''t let me play it in so-called ''cultured lands''. But with another Forestean around…"


    “I think, it is time for introductions, respected feline traveler.” Prof immediately changed topics. Every time, Mini wanted to play some deranged Forestean game, he got the urge to run away. “My name is Ferenc Hegyesi, Prof for short. My companions are the noble Minerva Pannonnii, master adventurer, and Sharpclaw Shakleton, stabbing specialist.”


    “You forgot, Heir to the Throne of an estate!” Mini corrected.


    “You are an heir?"


    “Not exactly. But only a couple of people need to re-die, and I''m on the shortlist for inheritance!"


    “Fantastic! A peasant, some hobo, and a wannabe heir, just my luck. Bow to my magnificence, mortals, because it is I, Prince D?nci Dundifia Selyemsz?r! Actual heir to the Estate of Barackos!”


    “Wait a minute! Doesn’t Selyemsz?r means…”


    “If you continue that sentence, you cretin, you will regret your mom was ever born!”


    “You said, the Estate of Barackos? If I''m not mistaken – which I''m never – your estate was conquered two years ago by the Elven Community of New Rapidwater-by-the-Stormy-Lake, and then conquered by the Skeleton insurrection of the Boner Brigade just last year. You don''t have an estate anymore, and thus aren''t an heir either! Hah! I''m more royalty, than you!"


    “Actually, we re-conquered the estate from the Skeletons not long after. Unfortunately, we were then backstabbed by our former ally, Rhea the Treacherous. But, you know the Forestean Law: you are the king of your castle as long as you live!”


    “Heh, you really believed that Nymph? Why do you think, she is named The Treacherous?! Aaaand, you don’t have a castle anymore! Not even a shack!”


    “Look, you leach, it''s metaphorical! As long as I have a tent and a place to erect it, I still have an Estate! I know of quite a few Lords and Ladies, who don''t even have that! Hah!”


    “Do you have a tent?” Prof asked incredulously. The cat was indeed a well-prepared traveler, even if he didn’t have opposable thumbs to build a tent, or the stowage capacity to transport one!


    “No. It’s metaphorical. I’m a Grimalkin, why would I need a tent? Every peasant should be glad to give me food and shelter! Speaking of food… That chicken turned into charcoal, you will need to cook me another.”


    Random conversations had the same magical effect everywhere in all the multiverses: you just wanted to say a few words, and before you knew it, even water was burned to ashes. Turning almost-ready Dire Hen on an open fire pit to charcoal was even easier – especially, if the cook’s [Cooking] was barely enough to put a can of beans into the microwave. The more intelligent people removed the food from the can first, for example.


    As for cooking another serving, Prince D?nci was out of luck. Whatever remained from the poultry after the battle, was cleaned up by Binky and Sleepy – strangely, the Nightmare realized, there was free food around as soon as the action ended.


    “We have jerky if you want." Prof, ever the Gentleman, wasn’t going to send a talking cat away on an empty stomach.


    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    “Fine. That will suffice for the time. Peasant." why the Grimalkin insisted on constantly calling Prof a peasant, he didn''t understand. Only for a short time, though, then he remembered the Perk he picked up. Even if he was a rich man (although he still didn''t know, how to exchange his shiny pebbles for hard currency), every member of the nobility and royalty still looked down on him.


    The prince without an estate could do so as long as he liked, Prof doubted very much, that he would ever attend a Forestean social gathering.


    Well, and he could always look down on that penniless cat. Prof had the height advantage in that regard.


    “So, D?nci, what are you doing here, so far from Forestdeep?”


    “It’s Prince D?nci for you, peasant! I''m on my way to Fallaria, to enroll in their – sub-par – magical academy, and study [Magic: Curses], [Magic: Mental], and [Magic: Emotions]!"


    “So you can go back and liberate your ancient home?”


    “Are you retarded, moron? Why would I want to go back to that backwater dump? NO! I’m planning to take over from that stupid bimbo of Fallarian empress and conquer the whole of West’s End!”


    Obviously, Forestdeep had a habit of producing people with mental health issues. Mini was… Mini and Prince D?nci was a rude megalomaniac. Well, and Binky a walking disaster.


    Of course, if a whole… "country", in the absence of a better word, thought, constant utter chaos was a great idea and the strong had the right to do whatever they wanted, that bred a… certain… mindset. And weeded out the weak, completely useless, and totally crazy faster than the Elven secret police dispatched Travelers.


    Although Mini survived quite well.


    But then again, both Mini and the Prince were asked politely to leave the vicinity…


    “Are you any good in magic?” Prof had no ulterior motives whatsoever. Who needed a mage (or any other dress fashion for magic-users)? Prof definitely not, his party was well-rounded and perfect as it was.


    Not really.


    “Did you grow up in a cave or what, peasant? I’m a Grimalkin!”


    “I know, you are a Grimalkin, but that doesn’t answer my question.”


    “Prof, actually, it does. Grimalkin are the most magic-capable species on Arkadia!”


    “That’s probably right for Mana Capacity, but what about the Skills?”


    “You dare to question the Skills of the future Supreme Emperor of the Unified West’s End, peasant?”


    “Well, Arkadia works on Skills, so the details are important, no?”


    Either Prof''s Skill Check for [Convincing] or something was a critical success, or the cat was not loath to boast. Either that, or he was in dire need of free transportation, and hoped, he could hitch a ride from his maybe future subjects. Probably the latter, it was probably hard to walk long distances on stubby cat legs.


    Either way, the future Emperor sent his Character Parchment over.


    Mini was right, a Grimalkin was indeed a magical creature, D?nci had an insane number of Mana Points, easily three times as many, as Foxy had – even considering, their newest walking mana battery was a Level 12 Boss. He was full of useful Perks for magic too, from extra efficiency to the removal of required gestures, spoken spells, and components.


    Well, D?nci was, after all, a cat, gestures and material components were probably hard to use on four legs.


    Of course, the Prince was a three-point Megalomaniac, and was Rude too… And a Snob, which probably would have a nice synergy with Prof Parvenu in the future.


    As for Skills, he had [Magic: Fauna], [Magic: Summoning], [Chi: Kinetics] and [Sneaking] tagged, and at around 180% each. Not overwhelming for a Level 12, but still respectable. Otherwise, he invested heavily into "social" Skills, and had four languages (Forestean, Bergian, Gerulian, and Fallarian) at or markedly over 100%, as well as quite good [Literature], [Legends], [Law], [History], [Heraldics] and [Etiquette] – mostly, but not only the Forestean versions. Obviously, this was how a well-educated person''s Character Parchment looked like.


    As for fighting or survival Skills… he had [Unarmed Combat] at 120%, [Evade], [Acrobatics], and [Climbing] each at 110%. Being royalty probably didn''t lend itself to physical activities. A few of the Skills probably had something to do with D?nci basically being a cat, when everything was said.


    Most interesting was his Stat distribution. Next to a Strength of 5 and a Charisma of 7 were Dexterity and Agility at 22, Vitality at 20, Perception at 19, and Intelligence at 18. The other Stats were sitting safely around average too. Being a Boss gave that many extra Points to distribute – and a Grimalkin probably got a few Points for this or that.


    All in all, Prof didn''t find anything suspicious, so the Prince probably wasn''t covering his tracks or some kind of criminal. Or a secret agent.


    But, well, nobility – and by extension, royalty – were probably schooled in subterfuge, collecting information and didn’t advertise their true colors. The better ones, at least. The rest was most likely darwined out in short order or stayed in their little cottage, out of the way of grown-ups.


    Having an actually competent magic user on the team (and someone, who was even willing to cast spells), would have been quite a boon.


    On the other hand, having a Megalomaniac Snob as a traveling companion was probably not the best idea.


    Prof shot a glance at Mini and Sharpclaw. The latter just shrugged, as long as there was nothing to stab or nowhere to hide (in order to stab someone more efficiently), Sharpclaw was actually quite subservient. Prof was his boss (or superior, or something or other – Prof still wasn''t able to figure out Reptile thinking), and if the boss said something, a good Kobold would go and stab it till death. Sometimes Prof would have been happy if Sharpclaw had more… initiative? Was more… proactive? Well, not those, that would have led to many more people with metal poisoning in their kidneys. It would have been nice if she participated more in the decision-making process.


    Mini just nodded enthusiastically. Given, that it was hard to have intercourse with a cat (for some strange reason, Prof assumed, Mini wanted to have such with basically everything… They didn’t talk about the Tree Incident), there was only one other reason, she wanted D?nci in the party: her other main hobby.


    Carnage and chaos, in other words, ''having fun''.


    So, it was probably not a good idea to travel with the Grimalkin.


    The decision was taken out of their hands, in the end.


    “Freeze! You are under arrest for colluding with illegal nobility!”