After Leola and Lanaea had taken care of me and laid me down in one of the infirmary beds, Danith came back in asking them if I was well enough to talk.


    “He’s well enough for that.” Lanaea said. She turned to me as she said the next part. “But I don’t want him up and about until he gets the ok from me or Leola.” She pointed at me with her eyebrows raised. I chuckled my understanding. My mood had improved greatly since yesterday, thanks to her and Leola’s care.


    “I’m glad to hear that.” He came in and pulled up a chair next to me. “I remember you being a lot smaller. You got big kid.”


    “Thanks.” I said awkwardly. I don’t remember him.


    “I know you don’t remember me, but I used to visit your family every couple of years to see how everyone was doing.”


    “Really? You used to visit? Yea, sorry, I don’t remember.”


    “Not a problem. I haven’t been there for six years, so I don’t expect you to remember me.”


    “Do you have any stories of my family?”


    “Oh, I’ve got plenty, probably a few more than I should, but I’ll tell you about those another time. I wanted to talk to you about something else.”


    “Sure. Is it about Sacae?”


    “At first yeah, I was told you may be confused about all of this, I thought I’d tell you what I know about him. I also would love to talk about Sealí. I’m curious to know how she’s doing, and the rest of your family. That alright?” He asked.


    I nodded. Somewhat unsure of how this would go, but admittedly curious about what he would say. “So, Sacae first. I wasn’t personally on the Aging with him, so all of this is what I’ve heard from Ríger and his group. He was a terribly angry Ager. I would say a lot like William, but much worse. He would take out his anger on the smaller Agers, bullying them like he did you. Ríger was the one that would put him in his place. I guess he resented that greatly. As for the incident with Sealí, I want you to know that it wasn’t easy for her. She cried herself to sleep for weeks afterwards. Anlea was a great friend to all of us, Sealí would never have hurt her. How are you feeling about all of that?” He asked, waiting for a response.


    “I know Sealí wouldn’t do that.” I said firmly. I have always loved and respected Sealí, there was no way I could believe she could be a murderer.


    “Good. That’s good. I don’t know how Sacae got it all so twisted, but I am glad to hear that you don’t believe any of it. Now on to your family. Speaking of Sealí, how is she doing? How’s Rendalae?” (Ren-duh-lay).


    “Rendalae died in the Eastern War ten years ago.” I said simply. Danith’s face fell. “Sealí mostly stays at home with mom, but she would come into town with us whenever we went.” I continued.


    “I’m sorry to hear that. She never mentioned that. How are Aeleen and Drewk?”


    “They’re well. Growing fast. Drewk turned six before I left.”


    “Oh that’s great! I’m happy to hear it. Looks like I need to visit her when we return. Her and your family will want to hear all about your journey. Thank you, Croí.” I dipped my head with a slight smile. “What about the rest of your family? How’s Bacta been?” He asked. All this talking is really starting to hurt my ribs but I’m enjoying talking about my family and don’t want it to stop.


    “He seems well, usually in high spirits. Though he tends to take almost everything with a fervent seriousness now.” I took a slow breath, trying to be careful with my ribs.


    “Yes. Well, he would, Aging like he had. Still, he’s had at least six years to adjust and I’m glad he’s doing well.” He took in a breath to keep talking but I interrupted, intrigued.


    “What do you mean, ‘like he had’?” Danith let out the breath.


    “Are you sure you want to hear this right now?” I did… But him asking that makes me nervous. But I’m still curious. I want to know. “I can tell you later if you’d like, or you can ask him yourself when you get home.” Danith finished.


    “I can ask you about it later.” I said with a slow nod. He smiled.


    “Ok Croí. Speaking of brothers, Bacta’s homecoming was somewhat opposite of your other brother…” He paused, looking at me quizzically. “Cyclone? I believe that’s what he’s calling himself now. From what I’ve heard from Ríger, he did not take kindly to how your parents raised him to be so naive. He had many unkind words for them. Took several years before he was calmed down enough to hold a civil conversation with them.” My eyebrows raised.


    “Really? I didn’t know that.”


    “Well, you wouldn’t, it was well before your time. I only know because I talked with Ríger. Speaking of Ríger. I hear he’s taken up leather tanning with Kixas?”


    “He did. I’ve worked with them plenty of times.” I said. Danith nodded approval.


    “Now, I’m sure you have questions for me about our Aging right?” He asked, taking in a deep breath. My eyes opened wide.


    “What was Sealí like? Did she kill anything?”


    “That she did.” He said, smiling. “Aids aren’t supposed to engage if they can help it, but Sealí preferred a more preventative approach to her medicine. Liked to kill the monsters before they could kill us. In fact, she saved my life.”


    “Really?!” I asked.


    “Twice, no...” He thought for a second. “Three times.”


    “What did she fight?”


    “All kinds of things. Our leader for one, after fighting that Golden Gorrick with us. She broke his legs when he told us to leave Anlea. At one point she fought with a Redback.”


    “Really? Redbacks are huge! How did she do that?”


    “True. They’re enormous, fast, and strong, but Sealí never fought with strength, she focused on agility. She would jump and twist all over the place, nothing could hit her. Was a thing of beauty to witness.” I would never have guessed that. Sealí always seemed to move calm and slow at home.


    “Why haven’t you visited in recently?” I asked.


    “I’m usually busy on this ship, I don’t really have a lot of time for visiting people.”


    “That’s a shame. I’m sure my family would like to see you more; Especially Sealí, she seems lonely sometimes. Especially when she’s not with her kids.”


    “I suppose I could take a break, just for one season anyways.” He mused with a small smile.


    “Could and should from what I’m hearing.” Lanaea said with a knowing smile. Danith looked to her.


    “Lanaea, keep it to yourself.” Danith said smirking, cheeks slightly red. She laughed.


    “It’s fine. He doesn’t understand the undertone, just the words. Right Croí?” Lanaea asked. I looked at both of them, confused.


    “I guess?” I said.


    “Alright, playtime’s over. It’s time for Croí to get clean, his ointments need to be reapplied.” Danith nodded and bid me good day. Lanaea led me to the washtub and helped me wash my back and hair, leaving the rest to me. It was indescribably awkward being naked in front of her. She laughed when my face turned bright red and dropped a towel into the water for me to hide myself with. “If you’re not thorough, I’ll have to help with the whole thing next time.” She threatened as she walked behind the curtain. I absolutely did not want that. I was as thorough as I could be but had to be gentle with the majority of my body, especially my ribs.


    It had been a full day since Sacae’s intentions had been revealed. Unthinkable, awful, cruel intentions. My thinking was notably muddled. I had trusted Sacae, disliked or maybe hated him sure, but trusted him. He was our mentor, a mentor Edorin had introduced us to. I hated his methods, but I believed he was trying to cure me of my weakness. Only to find out that he was trying to kill me. Kill us. It was unthinkable.


    There was a strange nervousness I felt around nearly everybody. Jumping when they would try to touch me, resistance to eating and drinking anything they gave me. Edorin frightened me now, more than conveying respect or awe.


    Once I’d finished bathing, I gently pulled myself up and out of the tub and grabbed a dry towel. I heard the door open slightly, then whispering. I peeked around the curtain to see Edorin and Lanaea whispering to each other.


    What are they talking about? Why are they whispering? I tried to focus my hearing on them. I could start to make out small words at first, then some phrases from Lanaea then muffled sounds from what looked like Edorin. I could only hear Lanaea’s side of the conversation.


    “It’s his mind I’m worried about.” Then a pause as Edorin responded. “You know him, naive is an understatement. I’m just worried that Sacae caused more damage than we thought.” Another pause. “Could? Not good enough, I know there are no guarantees as soon as they get there, but while they’re here it’s supposed to be safe.” This time a shorter pause. “It isn’t right. I’m not going to just let this slide.”


    A long pause. I tried to make out what Edorin was saying, but it was too quiet. “By then the damage could be done. What if it seeds distrust between him and the group? That’s a death sentence on the Islands and you know it.” Another short pause. “He’s bathing right now. Come back an hour or two before break. He’ll be ready by then.” She sighed. “Thanks Captain.” She closed the door and sighed again. I walked out in my towel. I felt a strange unease, a new kind of nervousness regarding their conversation.


    It was just like before with Sacae. But this time it was Lanaea. She was talking to Edorin about me being weak. Falling behind. This is Lanaea though. She’s not trying to hurt me. She’s not like Sacae… Right?


    “Who was that?” I asked.


    “Edorin. He came to check up on you. I told him to come back to see you later because you were bathing.” Her answer made me feel a little better. She seemed to be telling the truth.


    Then thoughts crept up, memories of all the times Sacae had told me things I thought were true. I felt that same unease of mind. Could she be like Sacae? No. She’s helping me. But so was Sacae in the beginning. But she’s not Sacae. “Now, Leola should be here any minute to help lather you up and get that body back to its natural fresh state. Lie down alright?” I nodded and laid back down but kept my eyes on her. “So, with everything going on, we haven’t had much time to check up on how you were handling your condition.” Condition? Oh...that…


    “You mean my…” I pointed down.


    “Yeah. Any more problems with it?” I shook my head.


    “Not really.” I said simply. She raised an eyebrow at me.


    “Not really… That it?” I nodded. She squinted her eyes in confusion.


    “What’s wrong Croí? Are you ok?” What am I doing? Why don’t I want to tell her? I like talking with Lanaea. Why do I feel scared to talk to her now? “If you don’t want to share, you don’t have to.” She said, smiling. I do want to. I just… I couldn’t figure it out. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it and nodded. She looked at me confused, then she seemed to focus in on me. “I was right.”Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    “Hm?” I grunted.


    “I told Edorin that what Sacae did to you hurt more than your body. Normally you liked talking with me. At least I thought you did. Now you seem like the first time you came to me.” I do want to talk. I think… Should I try to? I mean… Lanaea has helped me a lot right? She’s fun and nice. She’s never hit me. She helps me. I can talk to her.


    “I do.”


    “Do what?” She asked.


    “I like talking with you. I just…” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence.


    “Feels different?” She asked. I nodded. “Would you like me to leave you be for a bit?”


    “I’m not sure.” I said.


    “Ok then. Try answering the question, see how it feels. Have you had any more problems?” She asked again.


    “No. I mean, I still feel attracted to them, but I haven’t had any… problems.” I said.


    “Is that just because you haven’t seen them so much recently?”


    “I… I don’t know, you’re the one that knows all about… those. I haven’t seen them much over the last week, so it’s possible.” She laughed.


    “Very possible. So, are you feeling better?” She asked. I opened my mouth to answer, but there was a knock at the door and Leola spoke.


    “May I come in?”


    “Come on in.” Lanaea responded. Leola came in with Céírde carrying a plate of food.


    “Good morning Croí, how are you feeling?” Céírde asked.


    “I’m fi…” I remembered Leola telling me she would scream if I said ‘I’m fine’ again. As if serving as a second reminder, Leola stared at me with raised eyebrows, like she was saying, ‘try it’. “I’m hurting, but not as bad as yesterday.” Leola smiled. It was difficult to say the words, to admit to weakness, but it made them smile, which cut back on the shame.


    “That’s right. No more lying about how you’re feeling or you’re in big trouble.” Leola said. I nodded, smiling weakly.


    “Glad to hear it. Well, I’ll see you at break.” As Céírde turned to leave, I could see her expression turn sad. She’s wearing a mask. Like my family did. I wondered if they were all wearing masks to make me feel better. I sighed in frustration. They wouldn’t be wearing those masks if it weren’t for me. If I could have just beaten William. I startled as Leola’s hand touched my shoulder with the salve. She looked at me strangely.


    “You, ok? Did I hurt you?” I shook my head.


    “No, you’re ok, just jumpy I guess.” I said in a small voice. Her and Lanaea looked at me skeptically.


    “Jumpy huh? You sure that’s it?” Leola pressed.


    “I was just thinking about some things.”


    “Like what?” Lanaea asked. I sighed. I’d learned in my interactions with them since yesterday that they wouldn’t let up once they were interested unless I begged.


    “I don’t know how to explain it.” I said. Leola smiled as she spread the cold oil on my shoulder.


    “Try. We have eight hours for you to figure it out. You’re my training now.” Lanaea nodded agreement. I sighed deeply.


    “Ok. Well, When Kixas said his goodbye to me, I told him that I thought my family didn’t care about me, that they were okay with me going to the Island and dying. He had a happy, or sometimes stoic face but with something strange about his eyes, until I told him that, then he started crying.” Tears came to my eyes as I remembered that moment. The love I felt from my older brother, love that I longed for now. “At first, I thought it was my fault and I told him I was sorry, but he said it wasn’t my fault. That him and the rest of my family had been wearing masks to try to make it easier on me, but that he had taken his off. When Céírde came in just now I could see her mask. She was smiling, but her eyes seemed sad, and when she turned to leave, her mask came off.” Lanaea nodded in understanding for a few seconds, then said.


    “It’s not your fault Croí.” I looked at her, sighed and closed my eyes. Yes, it is. Sacae might’ve had weird motives, but if I wasn’t weak, or just wasn’t me, none of this would’ve happened. “You get that right Croí?” She asked. I shook my head. “Ok then, tell me how it’s your fault.” She kept working but looked at me expectantly. I thought about it for a moment.


    “I’m weak.” I said simply. She put her hands on her hips, curling her fingers in to avoid getting ointments on her clothes. Leola squinted at me in confusion.


    “Weak? What are you talking about? You’re not weak so cut that out.” Lanaea said, waggling her finger at me and Leola agreed, adding.


    “You’re not weak Croí. It’s silly to think you are. If you were weak, you wouldn’t be able to move around with all these injuries.” I sighed and nodded.


    Yeah sure. If I wasn’t so weak and pathetic, I wouldn’t have been beaten like this by Sacae to begin with. But I am weak, and stupid, and he deceived and beat me for weeks. It’s silly to think I’m weak? Silly to think that I couldn’t compete with my brothers? Silly to remember that the group had to protect me from William when I’m supposed to protect them? Silly to think that I was too weak to take Sacae’s punishment and too stupid to realize he was trying to kill me? Silly to think that I got beaten by William? Not to mention I can’t even control or understand my own body. I’m pathetic mentally and physically. You’re all just too nice to say it out loud. All just wearing masks.


    I stayed mostly quiet as they finished covering me in healing ointments then ate some delicious breakfast. I felt stupid having everybody make such a big fuss about me. It was nice when they applied the ointment, but them getting me water and food, always asking if I was alright, just felt strange, wrong somehow. I asked them how the rest of the tournament went. Lanaea told me that Keokin was beat by Klintock, Jael beat Flint, and Céírde beat Leola. She said it was a quick and decisive match and that Céírde seemed to know what Leola was going to do before she did. Sable and Lánn had a rematch, and Lánn barely won.


    “Who’s training Jael and Klintock now?” I asked.


    “Zanataz stepped in. In a week you should hopefully be well enough to get back to training with them.” Lanaea answered while focusing on some notes she was writing. A week? That seems soon. Are these salves really that good? There was a knock on the door and Lanaea opened it. “Speak of Líugh (Lee-h) and he appears.” Zanataz stepped in with a displeased but jovial smile on his face. He pointed to himself questioningly and made a small grunt with his eyebrows raised. Lanaea smiled wryly.


    “Me the Trickster? Well, that’s not very nice. How’s my star pupil?” He asked. Lanaea snickered.


    “He’s recovering nicely. If all goes well, he’ll be fit to start training by the start of next week.” Zanataz smiled at me.


    “That’s fantastic news. I was worried about you. Well, me and a few others.” He said, glancing towards the training room.


    “How are they?” I asked.


    “They’re well, doing fitness training right now. Their worry for you was distracting their training, so I came to check up on you for them. Then again with these two lovely ladies looking after you, how could you be in any pain?” Lanaea swatted at him with the back of her hand, and he laughed. “I would say ‘I’m only joking’ but I think that’d get me in more trouble.” He said fake whispering again.


    “You’d be right.” Lanaea said, smiling.


    “Very well, I’ve worn out my welcome. I’ll give your companions the good news. Good day Croí.” He gave a slight bow to the three of us.


    “Good day Zanataz.” I replied. As soon as the door closed, Leola spoke.


    “Lanaea. Would it be alright if I went to the galley during break today?”


    “To help with those pants again?” Lanaea asked. Leola nodded. Lanaea glanced at me with a smile. “Sure. Just make sure to bring Céírde in here when they’re finished so I can check your work.” Leola smiled brightly with excitement and nodded.


    “Absolutely. We can show them to Croí too. He seemed to like Sable’s pants.” I blushed as Lanaea looked at me with a knowing smile. Stop it! I don’t want them to know about it!


    “How much longer do you have on them?” Lanaea asked.


    “Well, we’ve worked on them for about ten hours, so I would say another four hours should do.”


    “Then take off early and get them done.” Leola’s eyes lit up.


    “Like, right now?” Lanaea nodded and Leola grinned.


    “Thank you! I’ll go now.” Then she stopped and looked at me, then back to Lanaea. Lanaea waved her hands.


    “Don’t worry I’ll stay with him.” Leola thanked and hugged Lanaea and then lightly put her hand on my shoulder.


    “Rest. Get better, ok?” I nodded and she left the room in a hurry. Lanaea turned to me.


    “Now then, let’s talk about your condition.” She sat down next to me.


    “What’s the point of it? And why didn’t it happen to the others?” I asked. She chuckled.


    “I think they’ve already had it happen and explained to them and were able to control it, but you being raised how you were under the Pure Sect, you weren’t taught any of it. As to what it’s for.” She took a breath and sighed. “Oh, dear how do I put this? It’s used during...physical intimacy.” There’s that word again. Intimacy. Edorin said it during our orientation, saying not to be physically intimate with other Agers. But what does it mean?


    “What’s intimacy? Edorin mentioned it during orientation, saying not to be intimate with other Agers. What does that mean? Are hugs intimate?” She chuckled awkwardly and put a hand on her face.


    “Well… It’s…” She looked at me for a second. “Well, I guess I’ll just tell it to you clearly, catch you up with the rest of Cianíans. If your parents wanted to be the ones to tell you, then they should’ve told you before now.” She resituated and put her hand on mine. I jerked it away slightly, then stopped and kept it there, thinking this was part of her explanation. “This is intimacy. One version of it, what I would call the good kind if you’re familiar enough with the person.” She took her hand away. “There are two types of intimacy, generally speaking. One is like the bonds of friendship or family. It’s a type of closeness. That’s something I think you’ve already experienced right?” I thought about it.


    “I feel a tremendous fondness for my group, for the most part. I’m terribly nervous to meet them after everything that’s happened, and I feel terrible having let them down or made them sad, but I want to make things right with them and keep going as we were. Is that what you mean?”


    “Yes, exactly. That’s a form of intimacy, basic, but still. What Edorin was referring to was physical intimacy specifically. There are levels or types of physical intimacy as well. First is something like a touch of the hand, a hug, or a pat on the head, which are more innocent. They’re more shows of affection, or sensuality, depending on who does it and how its delivered. Then there’s one level past that, and that’s stuff like kissing or touching certain areas, generally considered personal or private. That’s where the penis comes into play, among other things.”


    “Kissing? Like my sister did before we left?” I asked, ignoring the bad word.


    “She kissed you on the cheek?” Lanaea questioned. I nodded. “Not that kind of kissing. I’m talking about kissing on the lips or touching private areas. I’m sure you must have caught your parents doing that on occasion, or your brothers and sisters with their partners.” Oh... I had seen it, but it was just awkward and strange to me. Kissing. Why? It seems like you would just get your lips all wet with the other person’s spit. Sounds unpleasant. Maybe there’s something I’m missing. I thought about Leola’s lips, how soft and pink they looked. I wondered what it felt like to kiss them. My heart beat faster. I immediately shook my head trying to get the thought out. Strange… That’s… never happened before.


    “So, kissing on the lips is bad, and touching private areas. I knew about touching from my family, mostly my sisters. They said not to touch someone above the knee or elbow without express permission or need.” I spoke quickly to try and pull my mind off the thought.


    “Good advice.” Lanaea agreed.


    “But that doesn’t explain what a… what the thing is for. Is it supposed to be touched?” I asked. She chuckled with an awkward smile, then sighed.


    “An erect penis is used during a deeper form of intimacy called sex.”


    “Those are bad words.” I said. Lanaea sighed, like she saw my response coming, but was still annoyed.


    “Only to some. Very few now, especially among Cianíans.” Her face went back to being pleasant for her next words. “Sex is usually a primarily physical act of intimacy, and an erection is generally considered essential in performing sexual acts for males.” Physical act? Like running and jumping. But only for men? What about women?


    “So, ‘it’s’ used during… the bad word… for males, but what do women have?” She chuckled at my nervousness.


    “Oh, Dían this is actually kind of fun. No, women have something else.” My head was flooded with questions.


    Something else? Like what? If it’s to do with… bad word. I struggled to say the word even in my thoughts. Though my curiosity was starting to get the best of me. Then it’s to do with marriage too, right? Because when Ríger mentioned… it… that one time, and I asked mom what it was, she got mad and said never to say it again and that I didn’t have to worry about it till I was married. And I know that after people get married, they have babies, is it something to do with babies? Or maybe where babies come from? Maybe it’s something to do with the stomach. Babies form in the stomach, right? So maybe it’s the belly button. No, I have a belly button. Maybe I should ask.


    “How do girls get pregnant?” She looked at me, surprised.


    “Through the act of sex.”


    “But… How? What do they use to make a baby?”


    “Babies grow in something called a womb. Is everything making sense?” She asked. I nodded cautiously.


    “I get it a bit, but I still don’t know how to make it stop, or what makes it go to begin with, and if I’m honest, I don’t know what to do with it when it comes to… the bad word.”


    “It happens when you get aroused. Usually breathing techniques or thinking about other things that don’t arouse you, or just sheer willpower can make it stop. So I’ve heard.”


    “Aroused?” I asked.


    “Yes, like when you looked at Sable, you were aroused by her.”


    “But… Why? It’s never happened before. And it doesn’t really happen with Leola or Céírde. Well, most of the time it doesn’t. Or any of the other girls. Or even you.”


    “Really? Nothing at all for anyone but Sable?” I glanced nervously around.


    “I mean, not nothing. I get that same heart pounding feeling for some others, but I don’t get… ups for them, not really.” She thought for a moment.


    “Maybe it’s because you feel more attracted to Sable than any of the others.” But… I feel like I enjoy Leola and Céírde’s company just as much as Sable, so why is it only Sable? “Are things starting to make sense now, at least regarding your problem?” She asked. I nodded. I had some vague notion of what was going on now but was still filled with questions.


    “Mostly, I have a vague notion at least on where to start. Have you ever been intimate?” I asked. Her eyes went wide.


    “My, you’re forward Croí. Just for future reference, it’s not usually polite to ask people that unless you know each other well, especially not so directly. But you didn’t know so we’ll let it slide. Yes. I’ve had intercourse many times.”


    “Really? So, you’re married?” I asked. She chuckled.


    “No. I was once, but I haven’t been for a long time now. You don’t have to be married to have intercourse, it’s just… well some people, like your parents, believe that it’s bad to have sex before being married, but others think it’s ok as long as you’re safe and all parties involved are consenting.”


    “Consenting? Like they all agree to it? They have parties for it?” She chuckled.


    “By parties, I meant individuals involved in the act of intercourse. Yes, consent is making sure that those parties are all willing and agreeing to the act, of their own free will.”


    “So, individuals. Does that mean more than just the man and woman are involved sometimes? How many people do you need.”


    “I think we’re getting a little too deep into things here. We’ll leave it at that for now, alright? Maybe we can talk more about it later.” I sighed and nodded. I had dozens more questions now and was very confused, but at least I had some understanding of what my problem was. “Now lie back and get some rest. I’ve got some things to tend to.” I laid back in bed and immediately felt relief from my body that had been straining to remain upright. It was all so strange. I’d never known that part of my body to be useful for anything, other than using the restroom. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.