Felgning ignorance


    I got drunk that night, so Ryan had to send me home. When we exited his car, he carried me on his


    back. I piggled and refused to go inside.


    He walked around the neighborhood with me on his back while recounting everything that happened


    during my freshman year. I remembered how nice he had been to me. Eventually, I fell asleep on his


    back.


    I didn’t remember how I returned to my room, but I felt at ease. I was no longer afraid since my parents.


    were there to care for Ava. I felt like I could do whatever I pleased.


    Suddenly, a series of phone calls woke me. My head still pounded, and I knew it was a holiday. I


    silenced my phone and buried my face in the pillow, forcing myself not to overthink. However, I couldn’t


    sleep or shake the pain in my heart anymore.


    Suddenly, my phone rang again.


    I picked up my phone and saw As’s name. After some hesitation, I finally answered. After all, I had


    longed for him to call me.


    “Yeah?” My voice was hoarse from just waking up.


    “Why didn’t you answer earlier?” It seemed As had noticed the indifference in my voice. “Why are


    you


    crying?”


    “I just woke up.”


    “If you’re unhappy, just say it. If you have questions, ask,” As’s tone remained cold.


    I said nothing and felt a bitter lump in my throat. There was a long silence between us when As


    finally asked, “Aren’t you happy I called?”


    “I’m afraid of misspeaking again. After all, I’m pretty dumb,” I bitterly replied.


    He responded with a mocking scoff and taunted, “You should reflect on yourself. Aren’t you dumb?”


    “Mr. As, I’m a divorcee, so I’ve failed in life. You can find someone young and beautiful-“Before I


    could finish, he rudely interrupted me and hung up.


    I held my phone for a long time before realizing I had gone too far. I felt uneasy again, wondering why I


    sought momentary satisfaction like that. Even if we couldn’t be together, we didn’t need to hurt each


    other


    I knew this rtionship wasn’t conventional. Since it was a matter of mutual benefit, it was unnecessary


    want it to be a forced decision. I only wanted to be the one As favored.


    However, I dared not say that because I knew my ce.


    He couldn’t give me what I wanted because I had to contend with hisplicated family. I knew my


    insignificance.


    I leaned against the bed’s headboard and pondered until my mom called me for dinner. I rushed to the


    bathroom to freshen up and went downstairs. Still, I felt ashamed. Despite what he said, I brought my


    parents here to look after me.


    During dinner, my mom said, “Why don’t you call Ryan and invite him for a meal tomorrow to celebrate


    the New Year? He’s alone in Foswood and can’t visit our hometown for the holiday. He cane here


    for


    a meal instead.”


    I rolled my eyes but dared not argue. To be honest, I became a hands–off leader since Ryan joined the


    company. Still, he and I agreed he would have his shares once thepany became sessful and


    reached certain goals.


    Although I felt at ease, I couldn’t help but feel reserved about Ryaning to my house. I won’t deny


    having my own motives about it. Nheless, Ryan had been good to me, and I couldn’t find faults


    with


    him.


    I knew my parents’ thoughts, too. I was also aware that Ryan was patiently waiting. He yed the


    perfect role as a backup withoutints.


    My parents feigned ignorance, but I refused to believe they hadn’t learned about As from Ava. At the


    very least, Ava would want to unt her beautiful doll.


    My mom continued when I didn’t object, “Ryan cares a lot about you. Don’t pretend you can’t see it.”


    “Mom, I didn’t say he can’te, did 1? Why do you think I’m feigning ignorance?”


    My dad knocked on the table. “All right, let her eat.”


    I


    In truth, I had lost my appetite from my heavy thoughts.


    Ryan brought many things to my house in the afternoon. It seemed he had been to the market.


    Although speechless, I acted warmly and looked over everything he had bought. The atmosphere felt


    homey.


    The sudden realization reminded me of As’s birthday, and my heart ached. I thought he wouldn’t


    understand this atmosphere because he seemed detached. It seemed he and I weren’t from the same


    world.


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    Suddenly, my phone rang. I froze when I saw the name on the screen.