In which Papa Snake awakens.
Of course it had to be on Sunday, why did she thought otherwise? The past month of relative “peace” was but a ruse, a delusion of her own. Normal people don’t just begin a strange militaristic lifestyle without planning something down the line, specially if they are The Potatoes. She should have seen this coming.
“<What happened?>” Said Captain Arasha’Ssabi, arriving in combat gear at the farthest end of the hallway outside Potato Fun, where a squad of seven guards and two paramedics were attending the trio of guards attacked by Cecil Noodle, the Jornissian of the Potato Crew.
“[Officer LANCER was hit by [Potato Noodle] after provoking him, according to the recorded feedback from their personal cams.]” Said Dorarizin COREMASTER, Head of Security, with little sympathy for his three subordinates.
The Captain immediately caught the implication behind his attitude, and as the feedback was sent to her visor, she looked at the trio of guards sitting by the wall. Two of them, a male Karnakian and a female Dorarizin, were looking at her with a mix of anxiety, fear and shame, while the third one, the Jornissian “victim”, was being treated for a broken snout by the paramedics; all three stripped of their weapons and cuffed.
The video feedback of three cams kicked in.
“[Alright, alright. Here they come.]” Said the Karnakian (identified as ARCHER in the feed) giggling. From the different perspectives, the Captain could deduce they were standing behind a corner at the utility hallway that connects the “cultural exchange halls” (storage rooms hastily converted into classrooms) with the laboratory, the farthest distance the Potatoes were willing to go under her crew’s request.
Seconds later, the Potatoes made their appearance, being followed by a handful of interns who wanted to keep their cultural exchange going, everyone trying to pass each other inside the crammed corridor as the Potatoes just powerwalked in silence.
Then, the trio of guards came out of their hiding spot.
“[Alright, everyone. That’s enough.]” Commanded the Dorarizin (identified as MACER) as they approached their targets. “[We got orders to escort these fine gentlemen back to their living quarters, so go back to your posts. Thank you.]” She brandished her (stun-only) weapon to dissuade the crowd from following, and they turned tail in a sheepish hush, pushing each other along the way.
“[Well, that was easy.]” Said ARCHER, positioning himself next to his fellow Karnakian, Paul Feathers, while his battle buddies took their own parallel escortees. “[Ain’t you guys just glad we are here?]” He nudged his escortee with a playful elbow. “[You were almost eaten alive back there, you know?]”
Paul just gave him an awkward look as he followed behind his brothers.
“[Yeah. It must be hard being so popular, eh?]” Said MACER. “[Lucky for you, we are certified trained soldiers.]” She leaned closer to Alistair Kibbles, her escortee. “[Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe, cutie ham~?]”
“[(No, thanks.)]” Ninjutsued Alistair, ears back. “[(I’m already with GEICO.)]”
“<Let them be, guys.>” Said LANCER, escorting Cecil Noodle at the front. “<After all, they don’t need our protection. They are “the Potato Squad”, fierciest unit in the whole System.>”
There was a bout of not-so-subtle chuckles.
Ugh. It was a misguided case of The Boot, Captain Arasha’Ssabi understood right then and there. She kept watching the record, noticing the Potatoes’ facial expressions and tense body language, the (unauthorized) convoy on it’s midway point by now.
“<I’ve seen you guys train.>” Said LANCER. “<Not bad, not bad. I mean, not impressive either. But, not bad.>” He radiated a smug aura. “<I doubt you would last on a real training course, though.>”
“[Yeah, you guys may have been at it for a while.]” Said ARCHER. “[But, it doesn’t mean shit if you can’t measure up.]”
“[How are they supposed to measure up, guys?]” Said MACER, continually stealing glances at her escortee. “[They’ve never seen a real training…yet.]”
“[Oh, I know!]” ARCHER then put his arms and gun behind his neck in a carefree manner. “[Why don’t we show them?]”
“[What a fantastic idea~?]”
By then they had nearly arrived to Potato Fun, before LANCER cut them off. “<You are right.>” He looked down at Cecil, blocking his path. “<Someone needs to show this guys how it’s done.>” He got closer to his face, hood flared out. “<What do you say, [Spud Pasta]? Up for a training session?>”
“[No.]” Said Cecil with a glare, a hint of fear clear in his eyes.
“<Ooooh, how spooky~>” LANCER mockingly backed off, and Cecil took the chance to gesture his brothers and let them slip-by straight to Potato Fun. “<Is that your war face, rookie?>” He got back on his face. “<Come on, let me see your war face.>”You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
Cecil said nothing, maintaining eye contact with his parallel and circling around to bypass him. At this point, Captain Arasha’Ssabi recognized the first video feed she was sent after being called, when the ruby-red Jornissian from the Potatoes was confronted by LANCER. But now it was obvious Cecil Noodle was in fight-or-flight mode.
“<Show me your war face, [Spud Pasta].>”
Cecil said nothing, torso now turned clockwise 45 degrees, arm locked with tension.
“<GRAAAAH!>” LANCER raged at his escortee. “<THAT’S A-WHACK Right in the kisser.
Arasha’Ssabi flinched at the sudden war cry and subsequent blow coming from three different perspectives at the same time, an “oh shit” being uttered by two voices as LANCER was knocked back into a wall before Cecil Noodle disappeared from view and the video cut off.
A sudden chill befell the hallway as everyone awaited the Captain’s orders.
“<…COREMASTER.>” Said the Captain at last, zero emotion in her tone.
“[Yes, ma’am?]”
“
”
“[Yes, ma’am.]” COREMASTER gestured to some guards to get the offenders on their feet. “[You heard the Lady. MOVE.]” And with that, half the present party left the hallway for the Starbinder.
The remaining guards observed in silence as the Captain approached the door to Potato Fun, her calm demeanor concealing her inner cries of FUUUUUUUU-WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?
Months of work trying to gain the trust of these funny (and crazy) savages, only for a trio of frustrated rookies with too much ego to undo it all in one day. “The Boot is to challenge them to step up, not to step on them, you idiots.” Arasha’Ssabi raged inside.
She stopped at the door and let out a heavy sigh, trying to come up with a way to fix things. “Ok, ok. I can manage this.” She clutched her head in thought. “I just tell them the truth and they will understand that we are all friends and this was all just an unfortunate act by rogue agents and it won’t ever happen again and they are safe and they got nothing to fear. Just like I have told them before. And before that. And before that. And-” Yeah…She already knew the Potatoes were not going to trust her.
But she still had to try.
“<[Kr’Re’Ki]?>” The Captain put a claw on her comm-bead (a gesture that was more for her peace of mind than anything) reaching out to her best ally: mission control. “<Do you have a visual on the Potatoes'' current location?>”
“[Sorry, [Arykins], but they holed up in their Den and covered all available cameras.]” Said a worried female voice on the other side.
“<[Kr’Re’Ki]. This is an official record. Don’t call me by my nickname.>”
“[Oh, my apologies, Captain. It’s just…]” Kr’Re’Ki trailed off. “[I saw the video feed of when they entered Potato Fun. Their scared expressions…I…They…They looked like cowering [error:unknown].]” The last word was an animal that could best be described as a “space fuzzy bunny”, and Arykins knew what she meant. (She had just seen the confrontation itself, after all.)
There was a pause.
“[…Are we really that frightening?]” Said Kr’Re’Ki, unable to understand how three grown xenos could fear their own kind to such degree.
“<I wish I knew…>” Arykins let out a sad sigh, gesturing one of the guards to open the door to Potato Fun, knowing her targets were a room deeper in their quarters. “<For now, we gotta do everything we can to set things straight.>” They entered the rec room and immediately noticed (and dismissed) the group of xeno scientists and interns that were looking worried from the observation theater behind the glass wall. “
”
“[Channel open, Captain.]”
“<Hello?>” Ventured Arykins. “<Mr. [Potato Noodle]. Mr. [Potato Feathers]. Mr. [Potato Kibbles]?>”
“[Goaway…]” Answered a chilling voice over the sound of whimpers.
“<Mr. [Potato Noodle]? This is Captain Arasha’Ssabi. Can we talk?>”
“[Leaveushalone…]”
“<There is nothing to fear. You did nothing wrong. I saw the footage and the offenders are in custody now. You can come out, we won’t harm-“ There was an audible flinch from within the den and Arykins could hear a voice saying “[I don’t wanna die.]”
“[Leave.]” Said the chilling voice.
“<I know you are scared. But, I assure you, we are your friends. We are just as shocked as you are that this happened. Please, come talk with me.>”
“[Leave.]”
Arykins paused to process her next move. On one hand, leaving them alone would allow them to cool down and perhaps later they would approach her on their own accord. On the other hand, she needed to know their current status, and without the cameras, she had to intrude on their privacy to ensure they did not need medical intervention (at least, not physically).
She gestured a guard to override and open Potato Den.
GOREEP The door disappeared.
“
Within the darkened room awaited a ruby-red figure of primal rage protecting his shivering brothers behind a set of sharp fangs, his fully flared hood giving him a looming presence that hid an arched spine ready to unleash its tense power at the smallest sign of danger. From his mouth escaped a low warning hiss, a pair of amber eyes focused on the intruders with the intensity of a sun, carving in their souls a single message: take a step and it’ll be your last.
“[LEAVE.]” Said Cecil Noodle.
GEEROP The door closed again.
The Potatoes didn’t need a medic.