Amdirlain’s PoV - Limbo - Monastery of Will’s Hand
Holding her at arm’s length, Amdirlain gave Livia a beaming smile before waggling a finger at her. “I told you I was here healing.”
“Eb told me you were doing better, and I needed to see you for myself,” responded Livia, deliberately not looking at Cyrus. “Why does he look like Master Farhad when all the rest had died?”
“Master Farhad didn’t know the full story. They took a different route to get the evacuees to safety, hence why they didn’t join the fleet going west,” Amdirlain replied, noting the tension in Livia. “What’s wrong?”
“He got all possessive of you and questioned my choice to come to check on you,” Livia said and shot Cyrus a dirty look. The gesture reminded Amdirlain of a tiny kitten hissing and grumbling at a Great Dane, oblivious to their size differences.
“Aren’t you being possessive of me as well?”
“No, I’m protective, not possessive,” corrected Livia and put her nose in the air, even as her lips twitched mischievously.
Amdirlain gave her a stern look and held an eyebrow raised until Livia started giggling. When Livia leaned back in to hug her again, Amdirlain held her, stroked her hair tenderly, and kissed her forehead. “What’s wrong, Livia? And how are you here alone? Sarith’s mental touch showed no other guests with you. Where are the boyfriend and your team?”
Livia’s muscles tightened at her questions, and Amdirlain stroked her back. “Sorry, never mind. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s nothing like that. Everyone’s alive, but we’ve just gone our separate ways. I saw the stress building in his aura months ago. Too many close calls, but he continued adventuring because he didn’t want to let me down,” Livia said and glanced at Cyrus. The look she directed at Cyrus wasn’t grumpy, but it was still cautious. “Can we have a private talk—unless you want to let him know everything going on?”
“We’ll talk privately,” agreed Amdirlain, and Cyrus simply nodded to Amdirlain with a smile at them both—that Livia pointedly ignored—then left.
Livia waited until she heard the outermost door close before she spoke again. “They didn’t end up talking to Judge Po?”
“They never died. They escorted the evacuees off the Material Plane by Heavenly Gates to the Celestial realms of the Jade Court. After the Dragons’ fighting stopped, they returned and rebuilt. They didn’t destroy everything, just whatever got in the way, where valuables were left behind, they always looted.”
“But Master Farhad-”
A pained sigh from Amdirlain cuts off Livia’s protest, and she continues when Livia doesn’t speak up. “Was wrong; it happens, not like anyone’s perfect. Apparently, from their perspective, they didn’t send him away to atone; they just sent him away and assigned him a duty to keep him busy. I’m not sure what to tell him. He’s so focused on his Tao that I don’t know what impact that would have on him.”
“I think you should tell him it would be better for him. Not the first time he’s assumed and then not gone back to check, is it?” asked Livia and Amdirlain gave a smile at her reference to Ebusuku. “Are you going to put a concealment in place or just host in your Mind Palace?”
“There are some strong wizards here, and I’m not sure I could quickly duplicate anything close to the wards against scrying on Elliyna’s room,” admitted Amdirlain.
“You mentioned her in your messages. Any chance of meeting her while I’m here?” asked Livia eagerly. “She sounds so interesting, and she’s been helping you.”
As she gushed, the tension left Livia, and a bright smile appeared.
Resisting the urge to hug her again, Amdirlain gave her a rueful head shake. “No, sorry, she’s away for another fifteen days at least. Be careful; she’s a follower of one aspect of the Queen of the Winter Court.”
“Eb mentioned that to me, but I’d like to meet her. Though I told Eb I’d only stay at most five days to not distract you from normal routine too much,” replied Livia.
“I wouldn’t have tried to abbreviate her name to that,” laughed Amdirlain. “Did you call her that to her face?”
Livia threw her arms out wide in a full-bodied shrug. “She gave me a stern look so I couldn’t resist using it. I don’t think she’s perturbed about it given her name change; she didn’t even tell me her new name.”
“I’ve been avoiding using it, so I don’t let it slip unintentionally, plus she’ll always be Ebusuku to me.”
“About that privacy thing?”
Amdirlain presented a mental link, and when it touched Livia, she took them both into her Mind Palace, and they appeared atop a transparent crystalline sheet overlooking the landscape. Below them, clear blue waters lapped around the closest exposed forms seeping in through the cracks in the obsidian further away. If one ignored those still trapped in obsidian beyond, it almost appeared as if they were relaxing in a pool beneath the golden sun.
Yet as Livia looked around the Mind Palace’s landscape, Amdirlain could feel her tension increase. “How many people have you shown this place?”
“Only a few,” replied Amdirlain. “Why, do you think I’ll give them nightmares?”
“I’m more concerned for you than anyone else’s mind. I don’t believe this is a Mind Palace; you’ve been letting them see the boundary of your Soul,” answered Livia. “My aura sight is still working. That shouldn’t happen in a Mind Palace; I’ve enough memories to know that. I can make out what looks like a facet of your Soul in every form.”
“Laodice told me that an Anar’s memories remain with their Soul,” groaned Amdirlain.
“Whatever defences you had in place are long gone, but your storeroom is sure a mess. I’m so glad you took a different path and didn’t find balance with Viper. My memories had me thinking she was simply a part of you—I gave you terrible advice.”
Amdirlain felt the landscape around her twist but rode the fear rather than attempt to lock it away. Among some forms still wrapped in obsidian, the rock buckled and cracked. Though some seemed to benefit and gain greater freedom, from others, she could see blood spurt or ooze from among the cracks. The clear waters became quickly stained into a rainbow of colours as many coloured fluids mingled with the water. Expecting pain, Amdirlain breathed in relief when it seemed the Ki flowed into the opened wounds.
“I believe I just got through talking about not being perfect. Though you just helped by letting me know what you see now. I guess that makes sense of why cycling Ki has been helping so much, easing the forms,” murmured Amdirlain thoughtfully.
“It’s an energy that comes from the Soul. It makes sense when you accumulate too much it’s washing back into the Soul’s wounds and into your Domain,” Livia said. Despite the transparent crystal, she still moved to the platform’s edge to peer down at the clear blue waters currently sitting atop the clay.
“What does the Domain look like now?” Amdirlain asked innocently, but Livia’s first response was a derisive snort.
Waving a finger at her, Livia fairly scowled. “Oh no, no, absolutely not. If I tell you, I’ll get skinned by Ebusuku. She even made me promise not to tell you. Though I will admit, she promised to ensure I was there when you got home because I want to see how you react.”
“Not fair; that could be years yet,” grumbled Amdirlain and motioned off to the forms whose prisons showed nothing beyond a few hairline cracks. “Should we keep talking here, or does this mess make you uncomfortable?”
“I can see you’ve come a long way. Ebusuku filled me in. It might be the safest place we can since your Soul has so much in the way of protection. Just don’t bring anyone here you don’t trust again. Okay?”
“I won’t. I’ve not even allowed a few people that wanted to see it a look,” admitted Amdirlain.
Livia gave a pleased nod, and a mysterious smile twitched the corner of her lips. “Ebusuku figured you’d become more inclined to need someone to earn your trust. Don’t you know enough now to continue this in the Domain?”
“I can feel others—the Petitioners—and the wellspring itself when I’m there. It makes it hard to tell between my emotions and others. Plus, this place was vile at first. I didn’t dare risk touching the Domain for a while. Imagine tainting the feel of the Domain with the vile memories, the most bitter of regrets you can imagine, and then multiple that a thousandfold.”
Livia wrinkled her nose in consideration and shuddered. “Okay, I can see why you came here. I’ll just have to continue to hope your healing progresses. Ebusuku mentioned you were getting past life memories. What’s the weirdest memory you’ve gotten back?” asked Livia. “Some figures below look very non-humanoid, and I once remembered that I was some kind of Lizardman, not all of its life but bits and pieces. I’ve got a memory of laying eggs and watching over them until they hatched. How’s that for weird?”
The change of subject had Amdirlain smiling again, and she paused as she considered the variety she’d recovered but kept coming back to two in particular.
“The weirdest memory so far was when I was Human, well, sort of Human. It feels like it was my earliest life at that in it, the Titan was actually my father,” replied Amdirlain and bit her lip. “Weird, right? To most, the creator of the universe, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around that he was once dad. Not just the type that did the deed and then left type either. He looked after me, and we mourned lost family together. The events in it were before this universe, realm, reality, whatever you want to call it, existed. I saw Hestia in it as well, and she looked almost identical. I want to talk to her again, as it certainly seems like she has pieces of the puzzle.”
“That sounds a lot to take in,” Livia returned after a long moment of silence.
“It’s been doing my head in. So far, out of thousands of memories, I’ve gotten back two memories from that lifetime. I’ve still got mixed feelings about getting more. Her form is in this mess, and her face matches what I saw reflected in the forge’s metal.”
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Amdirlain went through the details of the memories as best she could but avoided directly sharing them with Livia.
By the story’s end, Livia’s expression was tight. “Then what sort of father is he if he’s let you stay cursed?”
The words she spat out held anger that had Amdirlain holding up a hand to derail Livia’s protest.
“That’s it. He isn’t letting me stay cursed, he’s forced to let me stay cursed. The rules I told you about in the memory. I don’t remember the complete details, but I know breaking them isn’t an option if he wants to stay in this place.”
“That sounds like rubbish, móeir. Shouldn’t he the all-powerful being, be able to break you free?” insisted Livia.
Amdirlain almost snorted, remembering the fury she’d felt with her initial interaction with the Titan’s servant, and her certainty she was being played.
“When he mentioned setting the rules in place, I knew we’d decided them together after a millennium of consideration and planning. I so wanted to hate him, heck I did hate him when I found out he made the damn thing used to curse me,” offered Amdirlain, and clasped Livia’s hand.
Squeezing her hand in return, Livia leaned against her with a grumble. “Then why does it sound like you’ve forgiven him?”
“This isn’t the same as your father offering you to Janus’ service, Livia,” replied Amdirlain gently.. “He isn’t doing this to profit from it.”
The look of distaste on Livia’s expression eased, but her suspicion was still clear.
“Because the memories let knowledge trickle in, now I know the inertia of the universe would recoil against him if he broke our rules. The longer he is here, the more power he accumulates, but if he breaks the rules, he won’t even get to see the outcome. He will effectively take one path as the universe moves along another. The same way I flung Viper free, he’d end up flung from this universe and then there isn’t any coming back,” explained Amdirlain. Though she wasn’t sure she’d understood the full implications, it seemed like that would be the best result, and after billions of years of accumulating power, it could be far worse.
“Wait! You both were involved in setting them?” asked Livia, having caught the second reference.
“Yeah, that was a kicker when he mentioned the rules in the memory, and later more context trickled in. They weren’t a set of rules, he determined, but we determined them and then he set them in place. I wanted a universe where we could hold them and other beings of power to account. An example of ‘be careful what you wish for’?”
Was I later held to account for not doing enough? No, I don’t have the information. I can’t assume it’s something I did or didn’t do in a past life that brought this result.
Livia’ watched her expression shift and gave her another hug, the young lady’s own concerns set aside.
“Stop doubting yourself,” Livia scolded gently, “I can see your aura even here, so don’t deny it.”
Amdirlain’s mock pout just drew a stern look from Livia. “Oops.”
“No oops,” grumbled Livia with a frown.
“I swear you’re worse than a house cat,” teased Amdirlain, and gave a playful sigh. “How come you get to be the boss of me?”
“Not being the boss of you, just concerned. I came because I worry about you, but mainly I’m here because I miss you. I wanted to let you know you’re loved, not because of the help you give, but for yourself. You get so focused on doing things to help, you forget you need to stop and be yourself. Even here you came to heal because you didn’t want to risk contaminating the Domain. Really?!” protested Livia, and clasped Amdirlain’s face in her hands. “You should heal because you deserve to be happy and loved.”
“Guess I brainwashed you when I cycled the Ki to replace those Abyssal energies,” Amdirlain offered glibly.
Livia gave Amdirlain a frown and poked her in the side. “Naughty.”
“I’m so sorry,” Amdirlain said and fluttered her eyelids.
“No, you’re not,” Livia said, and glumly shook her head. “You and Sidero are both quick to make smart remarks, though I noticed hers had the blades pointed out. You use words to dig at yourself as if you’re to blame for all the hurts others near you have taken.”
Amdirlain winced at how much Livia’s observation matched discussions with Elliyna and tried to change the subject. “You’ve met her. How is she doing?”
“I went to Letveri. Ebusuku was trying to talk me into helping Torm. They’ve recently started working with the Elves there, but they don’t have a lower continent filled with Thri-kreen to deal with. Sidero’s followers are so strait-laced, which is ironic considering the way she talked to me.”
“I still can’t believe that Sidero has people worshipping her as well,” admitted Amdirlain, and stopped with a giggle. “Well, kissing her boots I can see maybe, but worshipping her, that’s harder to picture. Though you never know with quiet people: still waters can run deep, Sarah seemed very normal until you got beneath the surface.”
“Yeah, Sidero wasn’t the one that arranged that,” Livia said, with a smug smile. “Plus, I can see auras. They’re all the type that wants everything done properly, agreements in place and plans set before anything starts. They certainly don’t live for the moment.”
Sarah told me about all the dominatrix questionnaires and scenario scripting involved. She didn’t always live in the moment either.
“Back up, what do you mean Sidero didn’t arrange that? What happened?”
“You’ve left a sneaky lady in charge, móeir . From what Torm let slip, Ebusuku’s been in regular touch with Tyr. After you told her about the Mantle she apparently went to Asgard to have a long conversation,” replied Livia. “You can talk to her about that. I only know the instructions Torm received, and I feel like I’ve got a thousand questions for you.”
Amdirlain gave her a tight smile and patted her arm. “I’ve got a million that I’m hoping memories will eventually answer for me. The more I learn about the situation, the more questions I have.”
Pulling a face, Livia raised a hand to still Amdirlain. “If you were there first, then why weren’t you the Anar queen?”
“No idea, but I—she—didn’t want power, basically didn’t trust herself having it. I wonder if she wasn’t the brute force person others thought her to be? She could use the power of True Song to solve a problem, or she could use a lesser tool. My present belief is she used the least powerful tool required, so fought a lot of battles with weapons and spells instead of immediately resorting to True Song. That was the feel I got from the memories of her dealing with the Gold Elves. But-”
“You could be wrong?”
Amdirlain gave Livia a wink and tapped the side of her nose.
Livia winced and gave Amdirlain a hug, the mere contact conveying her concern and love. “It seems you’ve learnt some significant memories. No sign of being able to sing the rest free?”
Pulling a face, Amdirlain could only sigh at the rather large missing piece. “I remember singing. In fact, I remember dancing the True Song into effect, which I didn’t know was possible, using my movement to twist my body’s Song and project it. But I can’t hear it outside the memories, and without hearing it, I’m sure I can’t do anything with it. I’m currently tone-deaf, you could say, and no idea how I gained that ability initially.”
Livia sat and let her feet dangle over. “Have you found her amid this mess yet?”
“If we’re really looking at the boundary of my Soul isn’t this all both of us?” responded Amdirlain, before she made a tossing gesture behind them. “Her form showed up quite a distance in that direction, with the brands presenting themselves as metal vines digging into her.”
“The fact they’d not object to their royalty putting that into their laws makes me think the Anar aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Obviously breaking their rules doesn’t have the repercussion of the Titan’s yet they branded your Soul,” huffed Livia.
“Well, you and Master Cyrus have something in common then. He called them savage for ever doing that to a Soul.”
The discontented look that Livia fixed her earned a snort of amusement from Amdirlain. “He used his third eye on me and kept it running even when I didn’t flinch. Can’t say that he impresses me with that sort of behaviour.”
Amdirlain touched a finger to the tip of Livia’s nose and gave her a cautioning look. “He was immortal before the Jade Court entered the Titan’s realm. Apparently, he’s been working to transform from an immortal to a Shen for a while now.”
“Maybe he should work harder than,” huffed Livia, shrugging off some of her apparent ill-temper at Cyrus to give her another smile. “After all, you went from a Succubus to a Fallen before you hit your second decade.”
Livia’s response caused Amdirlain to giggle lightly, and she wave a finger reprovingly. “Stop stealing my job as the undiplomatic one, thank you. All I meant is he’s likely got a different perspective on things. Also, he’s got a lot of knowledge and experience that you might find useful, so some manners might be advisable. His levels are not something to be taken lightly young lady.”
“I’ll try,” offered Livia, and raised her hands in protest. “Though he was rude first.”
Amdirlain gave her an understanding look. “You might have parted amicably with Gunnarr, but that doesn’t mean you’re not nursing some regrets.”
An unhappy sigh confirmed her assessment and when she gently stroked Livia’s back, the young woman sighed again and leaned against Amdirlain. “It’s ironic, he knew me well enough to know I wouldn’t stop, yet I resent him for just accepting it. We parted ways, but I still love him.”
“You wanted him to fight to keep you instead of just giving in?” asked Amdirlain.
“Maybe. Yes. How am I supposed to know? I wanted us to keep adventuring together. I have to accept that what is, isn’t what I had hoped for and not be unfair to others. He had been adventuring for a few years before me, so he had seen and lived through more.”
“Did his aura let you know something was going on?”
“Yeah, months before he decided. After we went back to the juniors we were escorting, we helped them for a time. Once they got to level twelve and had a bit of real-world experience, we left them to it. We took on a few tasks with some more senior adventurers and on the third job together, a trap almost caught us both. The rogue with us wasn’t so lucky. One moment she was fine, and the next dead,” Livia recounted flatly.
“I take it from your tone, not in a way that was possible to raise them,”
Livia’s pained expression was answer enough, and Amdirlain sat quietly holding her hand. They stayed like for some time, just looking over the scene below them before Livia spoke up again. “There were no remains at all, and resurrection with none isn’t in my capabilities as yet. After that, the tension built in his aura for months, and all he’d say is he had stuff on his mind.”
“You said one of your strengths as a couple was you’d talk. How did you take the fact he didn’t want to talk about it?” asked Amdirlain.
“Like you coming here, he was trying to work out what was best for him without wanting other viewpoints to sway him. Really, he knew what my preference would be without asking. He wanted to be sure it was a decision that was right for him, that he wouldn’t hold against anyone later. What he eventually said made it clear he’d known all along. He’d been trying to figure out if he could continue,” explained Livia.
“Perhaps he had been fighting for you, since he didn’t immediately throw his hands up and walk away,” offered Amdirlain. “How long ago did you split up?”
“Six days,” muttered Livia, and gave a nod. “I’ll try not to let my irritation cause a problem with Cyrus.”
“You’ve got your own pain to deal with, so try is all I ask,” replied Amdirlain, and wrapped her arms around Livia and kissed her forehead. “You’re all grown up, and I missed it.”
“That is something you’ve commented on before,” Livia observed dryly and leaned into her hug.
“Doesn’t make it any less true,” grumbled Amdirlain, but didn’t let her go.
“Has he been helpful to you?” asked Livia, her quiet tone a peace offering.
She nodded, and Livia snuggled into the hug as Amdirlain explained. “I’m sure I wouldn’t have figured out the cycling technique without his help, and that really made a difference to both my healing and accessing memories. Not to mention he’s ranked as a grandmaster in an evolved Martial Arts style.”
“I turned down his offer to get to know me, said I wanted to talk to you first.”
“At least you didn’t tell him to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine,” laughed Amdirlain, and leaning back caught her out-of-sorts expression. “You might learn a lot sparring with him. I put it off for ages. Or even spar with Master Liran?.”
Not going to tell Livia why I delayed, I’m sure that would make her cross with him again.
“He mentioned Liran?, what’s he-”
“Her,” corrected Amdirlain, and continued on at Livia’s confusion. “The Githzérai use Master regardless of gender, Liran? is female.”
Livia blinked thoughtfully, but then just shrugged and started again. “He mentioned they’d been sparring in the training hall, and not even disturbed your meditations.”
“When they’re sparring, they don’t come up and hug me,” teased Amdirlain. “That certainly got my attention, in a good way.”
Livia had just enough time to give her a relaxed smile before Amdirlain released the link between them. When the training hall was suddenly around them again, Livia looked at Amdirlain in confusion.
“Why did you release it?”
“It’s great for privacy but that’s not the priority right now,” stated Amdirlain, but her oh so serious expression had Livia’s gaze narrowing.
“What are you up to?”
“Taking advantage of Limbo, allow me to introduce you to the joy of ice-cream and chocolates,” Amdirlain stated, and two heaped bowls appeared in her hands. “It’s a known requirement for dealing with heartaches. Let’s start with vanilla with chocolate chips, but since you’ll be here a little while, we can try other flavours. I know you have milk and cheese, so you shouldn’t have a problem.”
“Why would that be an issue?”
“Let me explain the horror that is lactose intolerance to you, a greater crime there has never been,” declared Amdirlain seriously.