Amdirlain''s PoV - Outlands - Annex of the Monastery of the Western Reaches


    Livia teleported them into the meeting room overlooking her mansion’s rear yard. The room''s decorations blended objects and styles from four cultures.


    Amdirlain took in the sounds of the Monastery’s inhabitants, and only when things seemed calm did she move from their arrival point. As Amdirlain put a hand on the back of a chair, she received word from Silpar that they would be clearing out monsters that threatened some tribes.


    "Are you sure you want me teaching children?" asked Amdirlain.


    "Yes, but I was joking about one thing: I won''t be watching over your shoulder. If you''d like to be involved in teaching the youngsters, you''ll be my teaching assistant," replied Livia.


    Amdirlain exhaled in disbelief at the thought of a Goddess and a Fallen teaching the young. "Do I get your tea and help you mark exams? How does being your teaching assistant help progress my abilities?"


    Temporarily ignoring the question, Livia headed to a side table to fetch an ornate tray laden with the tea set and water heater. When her hands touched the handles, she paused.


    "Master Cyrus already told you that you''d need to examine your fundamentals through teaching. He didn''t have the time to guide your teaching style and self-examination before you ran off to deal with the Eldritch," said Livia, and she raised a hand as Amdirlain started to protest. "Yes, I agree it was a situation where a world needed your help. My concern is that you''ll always be able to find a critical situation for someone that prevents you from taking time for self-assessment."


    "I feel selfish if I don''t help where I can," sighed Amdirlain. “I don’t go looking for trouble, but I’d prefer to settle what I can.”


    Livia smiled sadly. "And I feel selfish for pointing this out after you helped me again."


    Amdirlain grunted and fixed her gaze on the table''s mosaic top. "Are you sure you and Silpar weren''t trading notes?"


    "Does getting the same advice from multiple sources invalidate it?" asked Livia as she lifted the tray and turned. "I''m not telling you what to do."


    "Reactions at Xaos repeatedly threw me off. The Qil Tris trip was necessary because of the Eldritch, but I also got Femme Fatale under control and improved my powers," replied Amdirlain. "I didn''t enjoy having that Skill, and getting rid of it was a priority for my peace of mind."


    Livia brought the tray to the main table and conceded to Amdirlain’s point with a nod. "Understandable, but the world''s problems almost cost you your legs forever. You blew up a lab after taking a Power you didn''t know enough about. Kadaklan recklessly killed himself to help. Which, by the way, he feels is on him, as you could have damaged your sigil permanently. How many times have you charged up to the knife edge of destruction? You should strengthen yourself as much as you can."


    "Only part of a lab, not to mention..." Amdirlain stopped and smiled ruefully. "Never mind, our stay got a bit interesting on occasion."


    "Master Cyrus is under the impression that you run away whenever it''s time to stop and take stock. Is that because of all the bad memories you''ve been finding?" asked Livia as she sat down, leaving a seat between her spot and Amdirlain’s.


    Is she worried about crowding me with her energies? Or do mine make her uncomfortable, even concealed as they are?


    "There is a hollow of pain inside Ori''s memories," whispered Amdirlain. "Silpar questioned if I hated myself, and meditating on it brought up all these awful memories."


    Livia winced, "Has Sarah commented about any of your past lives?"


    "She told me I had some happy ones around, but she wasn''t surprised that I remembered the worst of my dwarven lifetimes," admitted Amdirlain.


    "If you seek something hard enough, you''ll eventually find it," noted Livia.


    Amdirlain sighed in dissatisfaction. "I''ve heard that somewhere, but sometimes what you''re seeking isn''t interested in you."


    "Maybe you need to find something that brings you joy with no side effect of pain, like your singing. Your drive to improve yourself has likely left you little time to do that or review the basics of your powers and skills to improve your fundamentals."


    The accuracy of Livia''s insights had Amdirlain shifting uncomfortably.


    "I taught Jul’iane some Ki abilities so she could develop her own Monk Class. Gilorn helped me refine my True Song, and they went from basics up," objected Amdirlain. "And-"


    Taking her seat, Livia nodded again. "And then you sent Gilorn off with Gail. Why? Because you were planning to torture yourself for a year to throw points into your resistance levels. I agree that it stops you from potentially enduring damage after enemies hit you. How about you spend time evolving your abilities so you don''t get hit?"


    "Someone will always be able to hit you," argued Amdirlain.


    "That is a more frequent occurrence if you don''t get better at techniques to prevent it," riposted Livia, her gaze filled with concern. "Though I was ecstatic about your help, I also felt guilty for distracting you. Then you sent the details about the Fey, and I was worried and asked for help."


    She''s worried about me, and she''s right to be worried. Livia''s just pointing out places I can improve, not trying to control me.


    Her right hand twitched in remembered pain, and Amdirlain let it wash by rather than burying it. The difference calmed what little frustration she felt. "Livia, I need to go places where the environment will try to kill me. From what Silpar said, it might well actively attack me guided be a semi-sentient aggression."


    "Do you know what Ki State can do besides armouring your form? You know all the basics of what it allows now. Do you know what its evolution options allow? What does Ki Strike''s evolution do? What do any of the Monk Power evolutions do?" asked Livia. Her voice was calm, but her words came in a brisk flow.


    "One lets me put energy into a weapon and speed across the sky," quipped Amdirlain.


    "Are you running to something or from something?" asked Livia. "Because if you''re running from yourself, you''ll always flee those who love you."


    Amdirlain blinked. "I didn''t know you felt that way."


    "I wasn''t sure if it was true, but I thought it was a question that needed to be asked," said Livia, and she sighed sadly.


    "I wanted to make sure you were safe," replied Amdirlain.


    "And concerned about the world''s people, I didn''t object," Livia sighed and rubbed a hand across her face. "I''d like to ensure your safety, but you''ll never live a safe existence."


    "Dealing with your problem was likely the safest I''ve been in a while. Last time I stopped, Apollo''s priests summoned me," observed Amdirlain.


    "You stopped on Qil Tris," responded Livia.


    "You can''t get summoned again when you''re already on the Material Plane," explained Amdirlain.


    "Oh!" whispered Livia. "Though I''m not sure that completely explains why you keep running from task to task."


    "I''ve no idea. Maybe a bit of all your concerns? When I''m stressed, getting things done helps me calm down. I''ve got concerns churning in my mind and many I can''t handle yet. Dealing with a Frost Giant incursion seemed nicely defined and limited. I''m not a very good specialist in myself," replied Amdirlain, her gaze not lifting from the table as it traced the edge of the coloured tile pieces.


    "What is the chance of someone being able to summon you now?" asked Livia. "Except through those devices you make for yourself."


    Throwing her arms out, Amdirlain waved her hands. "It''s a big realm. I might already be too late to stop some enemy''s moves. While I have some preparations, who knows what tricks I''ve missed? I can''t assume I''ll be fine if someone pulls me to the Material Plane."


    "I''ve got news for you: it''s always too late to stop all your enemies'' moves," replied Livia.


    A shudder went up Amdirlain''s spine. "Yeah, so Precognition just confirmed."


    Livia stiffened, and lines of tension formed around her eyes. "Are you heading off already?"


    "There weren''t any details. It was an ominous sensation, like spotting a massive storm on the horizon that''s only flashes of lightning, but so far away that the thunder isn''t reaching me," offered Amdirlain.


    "I''m sorry for pressuring you to spend time here," sighed Livia. "There is so much going on. I feel like there will always be something dragging you away."


    "I wanted a day in the sun, and I had promised you a week," said Amdirlain. "You pointed out what I''ve neglected and expressed concerns from your and Master Cryus''s perspectives. I''ll work to correct that, but I often learn best by doing, so I''ll look to split my time between training and breaking demons. Hopefully, I will be more successful this time, but we''ll re-evaluate as I go."


    "We?"


    Amdirlain nodded. "Yourself, Master Cyrus, and me. I''m sure I''ll be stubborn occasionally and need a few koans to tip me off balance."


    A pensive frown crossed Livia''s face. "I''ll see if I can prevent anyone from being summoned from within my Domain. That way, it''s a proper place of rest for you."


    "I''m sorry I didn''t ask Ebusuku to extend that offer of divine sponsorship to you," said Amdirlain.


    "I already refused it," said Livia. "The Mantle was unexpected and, just as you told us, the mantles are a test to ensure the quality of the individuals that reach a divine state. I want to prove myself worthy. Also, there is the matter that advancing as a deity isn''t a matter of experience. It requires actions within your purview to distill divine essence, and that''s a lot more involved than merely fighting off monsters."


    "You think progress requires building up a congregation first to be plausible?" asked Amdirlain.


    "Yes. Since I can deactivate the Mantle, it still lets me get stronger in the meantime," replied Livia. "You''re not the only one who likes to test her limits."


    The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.


    The recount dug at Orhêthurin''s memories, but nothing new came forth beyond singing to an empty sky filled with impenetrable night. "I''ve not dug up any recollections about how gods advance."


    "I was given some basic advice by Bahamut, who contacted me after you left," said Livia. "Only from a high level. His take on my Mantle is not to see it as a trap but rather a training phase to establish a proper foundation."


    "One with consequences," said Amdirlain.


    Livia tapped the table. "There are many ways to look at them, but shouldn''t there be consequences if you abuse your position? We''ll have plenty of time to discuss the Mantle. Do you want to help me teach the kids, or do something else?"


    "A week to relax first, and then I''ll decide," replied Amdirlain.


    "You could come along to the lessons and listen in. I normally teach them for a time each day, and I thought it would be something we could do together," explained Livia.


    Amdirlain looked up to meet her gaze, and Livia smiled.


    "You ditched your bodyguard," noted Livia.


    "Yes. Sometimes he''s fine to be around," allowed Amdirlain, and she nodded toward the distant Portal to Círbann. "Other times, his presence bugs me. I''m not used to someone who seems so disinterested in time."


    "That''s the only problem? What about the times you thought he might have exchanged notes with us?" asked Livia.


    "Those too," muttered Amdirlain.


    "Might I share an observation?" asked Livia.


    Grimacing, Amdirlain bowed her head and raked her fingers through her hair. "I''m not sure I''m up for more analysis now."


    "Then I''ll leave it be," said Livia quietly. She reached out and touched Amdirlain''s hand. "Do you think we''ll become oblivious to the passage of time?"


    Her choice of subject earned a sigh from Amdirlain.


    "I can already get like that, especially when singing," replied Amdirlain. "That''s likely one reason why Silpar''s presence can annoy me, looking down the road at what I don''t want to be."


    "Why?" asked Livia curiously. "With a long life ahead of you, wouldn''t it help to have a different perspective on time?"


    "They can stand just watching for centuries or even millennia if need be, and I''d prefer helping people than waiting," replied Amdirlain.


    Livia rolled her eyes. "Móeir, if something needs to be protected, standing guard over it is helping people."


    "Actively helping," expanded Amdirlain.


    "It''s because you like to know you''ve made a difference," replied Livia. "You need to be careful you''re not substituting results for self-value."


    Is that one of my issues? I''ve got all this power and don''t think I''m worthy of it or have even earned it. Is anyone capable of earning the amount of power True Song gives? I love the creation of life and healing planets. Anna was upset about how she twisted life to use it as a weapon, but I never blinked when I took the lessons I learnt about volcanoes to destroy demons.


    Amdirlain raised an eyebrow and frowned. "I take it that wasn''t the observation you declined to make earlier?"


    Livia bit her bottom lip before giving a sheepish grin. "Oops, yes, completely unrelated."


    "Does it have to do with Kadaklan''s observations on my unhealthy relationship with pain?" probed Amdirlain.


    "That''s one way to put it, but I can understand why someone might see it that way," said Livia.


    That doesn’t answer my question.


    "I believe it''s simply because you value others more than temporary pain. Just as a warrior will put themselves between a monster and a loved one, you ignore the cost to yourself and focus on the gain. It''s been a long-held view of mine, even when your methods made some people squeamish."


    "Really?"


    Livia grinned, and the tension smoothed from her face. "I remember when you made thousands of blankets and simple dresses, and then later, I found out you''d done so by becoming the material and ripping a piece from yourself. Those who knew were careful not to let that slip to the ladies you rescued, but I heard Torm and Verdandi talking about it in her chambers. Before you were cursed, how would you have taken someone covering you effectively in their skin?"


    Did they rub in the lotion?


    The stray thought had Amdirlain suppressing a smile, and she shook her head.


    "Such an eavesdropper," grumbled Amdirlain.


    "Almost literally—I was sitting under her window and had to listen hard," laughed Livia. "How could you do it? I heard that more than a few times from Verdandi, and the answer was obvious. You didn''t see the pain you suffered. Instead, you focused on your ability to help remove what would be prolonged discomfort. I was a disembodied Soul sitting on your lap watching the stars, and you drew all my pain away. You were always enduring pain for others without a second thought."


    "Much the same attitude as when I needed Kadaklan to fix my spiritual net," replied Amdirlain. "Except perhaps at that time I did hate my flesh."


    "I think I added to your problems there," said Livia as she arranged the tea cups and water heater on the table between them. "I gave you advice I thought was wise but was, at best, naive. When I told you to balance with Viper, it was because, having started in Janus'' service, you two seemed to embody his busts and masks. One angry or hideous, faced one direction and a handsome one pointed in the other."


    "You gave advice you thought was right, and so did a group of celestials that Yngvarr and Alfarr contacted for me. The information was right as far as you knew, just as theirs was," clarified Amdirlain. "I don''t hold the advice against you. You were looking to help, and it was your honest perspective. Viper presented herself so well as part of my former subconscious that she sometimes had me questioning myself. Why would I blame you for not seeing through that?"


    "I was horrified I''d given you that advice after I learned more about demons," admitted Livia. "Sarah told me how her physical sensations impacted her mind and thoughts, yet she didn''t have a malicious intellect behind what she was experiencing. I''ve meant to apologise for that advice repeatedly."


    There isn''t a reason not to tell her any more unless I want to keep it a secret.


    "Don''t blame yourself, and I can see how Janus'' imagery would have influenced you," said Amdirlain, and she decided to bite the bullet on her own admission. "Speaking of things left unsaid. Now that you''re no longer a priestess, there is something I''ve desperately wanted to tell you."


    Livia raised an eyebrow, her hand paused about the teapot. "That sounds ominous. I hope it''s not an issue with my loyalties? I still have good relations with him."


    "It''s nothing like that. It''s more about Orhêthurin, and I didn''t want the information automatically shared with him," replied Amdirlain. "Orhêthurin was the Titan''s daughter. Her mother and two of her younger siblings died because of some of the Greek gods in another realm. Thousands of others died as well, but the death of her family wounded her badly."


    "Móeir," breathed Livia. "Was Orhêthurin who Roher and Erwarth refer to as the Titan''s Songbird? The one who sang the realm into existence?"


    "She never let them know who she was, and that was the Titan''s nickname for Orhêthurin," confirmed Amdirlain. "He''d call her his songbird before there was even a realm or she understood her power. When she was a child, there was pretty music always around her, and then she learned its purpose."


    "No one taught her?"


    "An entity left her a message that told her what the music could do and what she could create," replied Amdirlain. "It both inspired her and broke her in some ways."


    Livia winced "Broke her?"


    Amdirlain glanced towards the window, but her attention was focused on the fleeting memories she''d recalled. "She found out she could have saved her mother and siblings with a few notes instead of merely hearing their deaths. Despite still being a very young girl, she blamed herself and spent aeons questioning her acts from the day they died and earlier. There are many moments of self-recrimination in the memories I retrieved."


    "I''ve so many questions," murmured Livia.


    Amdirlain smiled tightly. "Everyone I''ve told does, but I don''t have all the answers."


    "Did the egg come first?" asked Livia, her tone bright to lighten the mood.


    A smile twitched on Amdirlain''s lips. "No one''s asked that one. Since Ori sang the first dragons into existence as adults, the dragons came first, and they laid eggs."


    "But what about the poor chicken?" Livia asked playfully, and Amdirlain smiled at her attempt to lighten the mood.


    "Far, far later, there were many eggs before things got that fowl," replied Amdirlain.


    Groaning, Livia covered her eyes with a hand. "Móeir, I hope Kli didn''t get her bad taste in puns from you."


    "I think that''s her experimenting with kinder forms of humour, but who knows the full impact of my meddling in her life," said Amdirlain.


    "That is a point," admitted Livia, and she sharply shook her head as if to dispel an image. "I hadn''t looked at her eccentricities that way. I''ve noticed you tend to attract the oddest individuals."


    Amdirlain nodded glumly. "You certainly are a prime example of that."


    With her mouth parted, Livia halted herself and turned her attention to the tea preparation. She set out a cup for each of them and started heating water. "Móeir, never mind my questions. Orhêthurin''s history isn''t something I should dig into for curiosity''s sake. I''m happy for you to discuss whatever recollections you have with me. Whether to lighten their burden or if you want a different perspective. All I want to know is, how are you?"


    "Some days are easier than others," said Amdirlain, and she gently patted Livia''s hand. "Thank you for asking. You could have sat a bit closer on this table."


    "I didn''t want to crowd you," replied Livia. "Aura of a Goddess and all."


    "Mantle holder," corrected Amdirlain with a grin. "I''ll be glad when the harmonics of my auras are gone. I''ve concealed them from others, but they frequently make my teeth ache. I''m surprised Roher didn''t comment on them."


    "They had aeons of practice filtering out each others'' melodies. It''s likely he still does that around you," proposed Livia. "Never mind that your Hidden state conceals your Soul in any case, so he might not have bothered to listen to the rest. Do you plan to visit them at all?"


    "I''ll think about it," replied Amdirlain after a prolonged pause. "It depends on if I ever visit Veht?. Roher is presently keeping my nature secret from his wife, and I‘m trying to avoid being a topic of conversation about the place."


    "They might be talking about you anyway with Isa," observed Livia. "Just because a particular someone isn''t underfoot doesn''t mean they don’t get talked about."


    "Underfoot," huffed Amdirlain. "I could show you underfoot. How about I randomly add a few million things to the monastery''s store for others to purchase with contribution points?"


    "It''s bad enough you were so generous with me. What should I do with this key you made for me?" asked Livia. "It occurred to me when you vanished away that I was a bad guest. I brought presents for the Fey but nothing for you."


    "Your presence was a present, and it''s just as well you didn''t, as the Fey wouldn''t have considered you my family if I acted like I expected gifts from you. As for the key, it is yours. It''s got suitable challenges for those with four combat classes around level forty, so maybe charge contribution points to enter it," suggested Amdirlain. "If you''d like, I could build this monastery a whole training complex. That would stop the students sneaking into the one at Xaos by hiring on with the guards."


    "Let me think on that, and I''ll get back to you," said Livia.


    "No rush," agreed Amdirlain. "Not like I''m looking to push my levels right now."


    Though I could, it won''t impact what last evolved Base Class I get if I shove them ahead. It''s more about getting the skills and powers to increase. I still need tens of thousands of demi-planes to equalise the training complexes linked to Qil Tris'' existing cities.


    Livia narrowed her gaze. "How long would it take you to make one?"


    "How big would you like it to be?" countered Amdirlain.


    "I''ve not even considered it yet," Livia huffed, and she finally set about boiling the water.


    Though it was tempting to tease her, Amdirlain waved towards the monastery''s lower tiers and changed the subject. "How many youngsters are in your class anyway? There are eighty or ninety around that age in the outer area."


    "There are only twenty in the class I teach. I''m strangely sure you won''t have trouble remembering their names. The White Tiger relocated a couple of villages to help with the fields and manual labour, and we''ve some distinguished craftsmasters, their families, journeymen, and apprentices," replied Livia. "Does that mean you''re considering it?"


    "I was simply indulging in my curiosity without sticking my fingers into brains," replied Amdirlain.


    Livia snorted.


    "You mention you''ve got a sparring ground. How do you control the use of that, or do the exchanges remain civil?" asked Amdirlain.


    "A healer and referee must always be present. If you break it, you fix it. Those students without the magic to do so pay in contribution points for its restoration," replied Livia. "Though I''m sure those matters aren''t an issue for you. Why do you ask?"


    "Just that those using it at the moment are very energetic. I thought I''d watch and see what moves I can pick up to add to my collection. I can always serve as a healer and earn contribution points," clarified Amdirlain, and she gave Livia a sly grin. "Or would I be taking the work from another student?"


    Livia briefly wrinkled her nose. "Too many are focused on learning how to use Ki to fight and not learning anything beyond the basics of Universal Life."


    "Just as well I want to evolve my Universal Life."


    "Even without your Charisma rampaging, some would like to suffer injuries to be tended by Master Livia''s móeir," suggested Livia.


    Amdirlain smiled. "Do you think they''d butter me up to try and reduce the expected dower?"


    "Móeir," grumbled Livia.


    "Yes?" asked Amdirlain innocently.


    "Shut up while I make the tea," huffed Livia.


    Amdirlain burst out laughing, and a smile brightened Livia''s face before she joined in.