Book 1: Chapter 130


    Iy curled up on the ground, buried in pain. It hurt so much that I couldnt even straighten my back. The passage of time was like a tangible presence in front of me. There was no relief. The pain was so severe that even my mind was nk. All of the distractions in my consciousness disappeared, leaving only time. But I didn''t know whether that time was going fast or slow.


    During those excruciating moments, I had numerous illusions that I was somewhere else: a cave, an ancient tomb, the Seven Star Lu Pce, deep in the mountain valleys of the Qinling Mountains, the snake marsh, the Zhang familys ancient building, or even that temple in Tibet. I had also had moments in those ces that made me curl up in pain. But this time, there was a strong difference. I didnt know why, but every time that happened in the past, I always had the conviction that it would all pass. This time, however, that conviction was gone.


    The intense pain sent a clear messagethis time, God wouldnt let me go. I didnt know if I felt this way because of what Uncle Two had said or if it was really different this time.


    I never actually passed out, because I clenched my blood-covered teeth and refused to let my consciousness slip away. I didnt know how long Iy curled up on the ground, but I eventually felt someone walk into the room. I felt their body heat and the surrounding air shift as they moved around. At that time, my consciousness began to slowly spread like spilled ink. I knew that I was lifted up and people were talking around me, but I couldn''t hear the details clearly.


    My consciousness was like an iron chain that I refused to let go of. The pain eventually started to dissipate and I knew that I must have been injected with an analgesic. After the pain faded, drowsiness washed over me like the tide.


    Logically, my consciousness should have also retreated into the darkness at this time, but I was still awake. I could even tell that I was in the ward of a county hospital. There were three other beds in the ward, but no one was lying on them.


    I couldn''t move, but at that time, I suddenly heard the sound of someone knocking on the door again. It was very gentle, just like a ghost.


    It was exactly the same as what I had heard in the hotel room before. I looked at the door and was overwhelmed with the sudden fear that it shouldnt be opened. <em>It cant be opened, </em>I thought to myself.<em> This door shouldnt be opened by any means.</em>


    As Iy there terrified, the door quietly opened and a man slowly walked in. I couldn''t hear any sounds as the man approached my bed.


    I looked at him and was surprised to find that it was a familiar face.


    It was Pan Zi.


    Pan Zi looked at me silently, his eyes full of helplessness. I tried to open my mouth and ask: Are you here to pick me up?


    But I couldnt speak.


    Pan Zi sat down on the edge of my bed with a smile on his face, put his hand on my chest, and began to talk but I couldn''t hear anything.


    I stared at his mouth and tried to read his lips, wanting to know what he was saying. But I couldn''t concentrate and felt annoyed and angry with myself. A kind of bitterness suddenly surged up from the bottom of my heart like the rising tide and I wondered, <em>was Pan Zi always by my side? Has he been following me this whole time?<em> Is this why he''s the first person I see as Im dying</em>?</em>


    <em>Have you been here the whole time?</em><em>As it turns out, the song wasnt finished.</em>(1)


    <em>You saved my life at that time. You dont want it to end like this, do you?</em>


    I looked at Pan Zi speaking to me, and then watched as he got up, slowly turned away, and went out the door. As this stream of consciousness slowly dissipated, I began to see the real world. I opened my eyes and found that I was lying in a bed with tears on my face.


    The ce where Pan Zi had been standing was empty. It wasnt the middle of the night, but already daytime.


    I tried to raise my hand to feel the empty space beside me and then touched my chest. It was all just a dream. What had Pan Zi been trying to tell me in my dream?


    I found myself remembering some of his lip movements. As I tried hard to recall them, I found that they were just a few words.


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    TN Notes:


    (1) Pan Zi was singing Sister Go Boldly Forward from the popr Chinese movie The Red Sorghum when he died in Vol 8 Chapter 62.


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    <strong><em>Oh God, I''ll just be over here crying. I was NOT expecting to get sucker-punched in the feels like that. PAN ZI! </em></strong> *(><)*