<table border="1">
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<td>Welcome Asandria to Virtual Training Part 1</td>
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<table border="1" width="521">
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<td>You Will now go over all the basics a member of Noble Society needs.</td>
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These words were shoved in my face as soon as I appeared in the virtual space. All around me was an empty field as far as the eyes could see. Covered in emerald grass shifting in the wind. There was just the sound of the rustling grass blades in my ears, it was very peaceful.
.........Man, she could of at least waited a few minutes before she shoved me into a VIU pod. We really had no time for me to say or settle things with this situation. Wow, She did that on purpose didn''t she! Ohhhhhh ill get her to win I get out of here.
BAM! Jumping back from the surprise I slipped on the grass falling to my butt. From the sky fell a school building ancient in design like from a period piece talking about old Earth.
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 26.063809229342194%" border="1">
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<td style="width: 100%">Student Asandria your first class Starts now. </td>
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Walking into the building the walls were made of what I think was brick, only one classroom was open at the end of the hall. There I found one desk and chair and a teacher. She wore a business-like jacket and a skirt in navy blue coloring. She looked towards me and spoke.
"Greetings Lady Asandria I am Spire the AI in charge of your basic education from Elementary to HighSchool. It has come to my attention time is of the essence so further chit chat is pointless to let us begin with your knowledge assessment." She gestured toward the desk where a tablet was waiting for me to pick up.
"Um ok so what is this test about and what am I learning here," I asked grabbing the tablet and siting.
"Questions answered after you partake in the assessment, Now begin"
Nodding my head I thought well the sooner I finish the faster I get out this virtual world. So I can complain to my new mom. Stating of the test at first was easy but 10min in and my head was hurting from unknown formulas and questions I had no idea how to answer. But I tried anyway who knows might get lucky. Time ticked on and after one and a half hours time was up. Well..... I failed without a dought.
"Well, lady Asandria your results were abysmal by all standards but in history, free-thinking, and average in math. But fear not it was expected, your education was poor at best till now Ill have you caught up and excelling at your strong points by the end of my time with you."
"Now its time for real Learning" With a smile on her face that sent chills down my spine I knew the coming days were going to be tough and they were. I knew not how long our lessons went for but at least three months went by before she considered my knowledge acceptable by normal standards. Then the true nightmare began I had no breaks and no rest for at least another nine months before she told me I graduated HighSchool for real and I was handed a Digital Diploma. In the real world, I was not to graduate for another 2 years at least.
But it was not over as I was thought it was, we continued my lessons on areas she said I showed promise in such as programming, engineering, and my favorite History and psychology. I always found history interesting learning about past discoveries and uncovering the mysteries of our ancestors and the galaxy around us. Past wars and lessons humans never seem to learn and continue to repeat. We are a paradox of compassion and hate we call for justice but creat tragedy.
I digress it was another six months of this advanced learning when I learned I had earned a Bachelor of History, psychology, and computer engineering with a minor in math. It was the proudest day of my life I never thought I could get this far in life. Tears were in my eyes I assumed I would eventually end up a space miner or dead in the streets killed buy some gang or forced into prostitution in some dark basement. Life on the dark side of Telten is never easy or safe for long and for a somewhat pretty girl like me never peaceful. Many girls have gone missing after leaving the orphanage never to return.
Time compression must have ticked up quite a bit, there is no way I could have done this so fast otherwise three degrees and a minor I''m speechless. I wonder how high it is "Teacher Spire how much time has passed in realtime when do I get to go back." I looked at her with pleading eyes she may be strict but she has a soft side if you poke her sympathy right. My psy degree is coming in handy already hehehe.
"Little Lady doesn''t try and get me with those pitiful eyes I would have told you already if you had just asked. Its been about eight days in real-time but the time compression is only increasing so you have about another six to eight months left of learning time normally we would continue your education but now its time to learn Noble customs, rules and important facts and names. Then you continue on to basis in self-defense and modern combat boot camp with another AI."
My face collapsed into a frown I thought I was almost done there''s still more to go over. "Do I really need to learn that noble stuff" With a stern glare Spire just locked eyes with me.............."Fine, you don''t need to give me a death glare I get it, important noble stuff blah blah blah it''s for my future and owns good. Let''s just get it over with at least its kind of interesting I just want to get out of here, it''s just the two of us here Spire I''m bored with just all the learning there''s nothing fun." I slammed my head on the desk.
"Well, lady Asandria tired as you might be like you said it is for your own good. You will be done before you know it and be a proper member of the house Tonoute upon the completion of your training. Now let us get started it should not be too hard a lot of facts and customs were covered in your history lessons."
"Nobles are broken into three layers lower nobles, upper nobles, and royalty. Lower nobles include Knights, Barons, Viscounts, and Counts and all their female counterparts. Upper nobles Include Marquess, Dukes, And ArchDukes including female equivalents. Royalty includes Princes, princesses, Queens, Kings, and Emperors/Empresses. All of them have there roles and powers as I''m sure you understand."
"Our House made of two brother-sister Baron rank individuals is in the lower noble layer but we have the land and power of a Count house maybe Marquess house. A knight usually has no land but some have towns or cities s typical baron might own a Continent on one planet or moon or even just a few cities on a planet. Viscounts two continents, Counts a Planet or moon, Marquess two to three planets, Dukes a solar system with 3-5 liveable planets, ArchDukes 2-3 solar systems and of course a King a kingdom of 20-40 liveable systems with all kinds of systems in between. An Empire 50-100 liveable systems."
"This is the power level of the different noble ranks. Usually, lower nobles are under the rule of Upper nobles helping them to manage their territory we are luckily an independent Baron family directly under the Emperor we answer only too him. But this favor has earned us the displeasure of many other noble houses. Creating a stressful political environment for us, one of these houses was responsible for your kidnapping." She took a pause to see my reaction.
Her words drew my attention more than usual, so that''s, why the family has not directly retaliated for that event the other house, must be of higher noble rank.
"Now on to matters of customs and language" My lessons continued in that pace for three more months I learned posture, walking, presence, names and territories of the empire, and the internal structure of the House. Its managed like a company run by two presidents Celta and Rendal Tonoute the two twin founders are still alive. Under them, a board of elders and successors runs the day to day of the house which is split between the descendants of Celta and Rendal. Technically there are two Baron Houses with the same name residing in the same place. Each branch manages there own people but we share the same resources.
After all that stiff noble junk I said farewell to Spire with a big hug. She was uptight about it but I knew she would miss me as well. I was then transferred to a new space to start boot camp.
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 26.192732355728207%" border="1">
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<td style="width: 100%">Recruit Tonoute welcome to Basic Training.</td>
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I found myself in another large field but this time it was covered in military equipment and in the distance, there were all kinds of terrain from mountains to desert and tundra.
"Wake Up Recruit! there is no daydreaming in my camp!" I jumped with fright and turned around the person who just yelled in my ear was a tall dark brown-skinned man with muscles ripping through his military camo uniform. He was giving me a mean look.
"I''m Sargent Fortress your instructor for basic but you call me Sir or Instructor from now on. When you respond to me you respond yes Sir YOU HEAR ME RECRUIT!"
"Yes Sir"
"I said YOU HEAR ME!" "Sir YES SIR" "That''s good you have some lungs on you now we need to put some muscle on you, Connect to your PAL and look up your stats on the double."
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<td style="width: 100%">
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 55.215648548981896%" border="1">
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<td style="width: 50%">Name:(Asa)Asandria Tonoute </td>
<td style="width: 50%">Alias:</td>
</tr>
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<td style="width: 50%">Military Rank: Recruit</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Noble Rank: Lady</td>
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<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 38.14935064935065%" border="1">
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<td style="width: 50%">Skills</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%">Special Skills</td>
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<td style="width: 50%">Programing Lv 5</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%">Evaluate Mind Lv 3</td>
</tr>
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<td style="width: 50%">AI Lv 2</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%">Search Intentions Lv 4</td>
</tr>
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<td style="width: 50%">Computer repair Lv 4</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%"></td>
</tr>
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<td style="width: 50%">Ethical Hack Lv2</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%"></td>
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<td style="width: 50%">Computer systems Lv 6</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%"></td>
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</tbody>
</table>
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 38.34856396866841%" border="1">
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<td style="width: 50%">Equipment </td>
<td style="width: 50%">Property</td>
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<td style="width: 50%">Civilian Clothes</td>
<td style="width: 50%">NONE</td>
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<td style="width: 50%">PAL</td>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
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<td style="width: 50%"></td>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
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<td style="width: 50%"></td>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
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<td style="width: 50%"></td>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
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<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%" border="1">
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<td style="width: 50%">Body Stats Height: 5''9 Weight: 161bs </td>
<td style="width: 50%">Mind Stats</td>
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<td style="width: 50%">Health: 3.21</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Intelligence: 13.34</td>
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<td style="width: 50%">Speed: 4.10</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Wisdom: 12.89</td>
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<td style="width: 50%">Strength: 2.32</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Charisma: 4.22</td>
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<td style="width: 50%">Endurance: 4.46</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Mental Endurance:15.34</td>
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<td style="width: 50%">Attraction/Beauty: 7.21</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Flexibility: 11.11</td>
</tr>
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<td style="width: 50%">DNA limit: 20.78</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Learning:10.12</td>
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</tbody>
</table>
</td>
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</tbody>
</table>
looking at the page that came up I had some ideas of what it meant I saw it before when I was learning from Spire its an estimation of a person''s abilities and skills.
"Ok recruit its time to get you strapped up and caught up your body is pathetic I''ve seen seven-year-olds in better shape than you." Before I could retort my clothes changed and I was in a military camo uniform all white and green in color. Then a heavy backpack was thrown to my face. I caught it barely stopping myself from falling." Now put that on and run this whole base ten times and no stoping or ill double it."
Endless torture was all I could call this I ended up stopping twice so now I have 40 laps total. I have no idea how long its been since I started but the sun went down and came up, but I''m almost done only one more lap. I would cheat if I could but this monster instructor is right behind me watching my every move with no sweat on his face and a smoothie in his hands jogging at a relaxed pace. Damn him and his smoothie. I''m so thirsty how can you be thirsty in a virtual world it''s killing me. Almost there I can see the finish line 20ft...10ft....5ft..3..2.1. Falling face-first into the dirt I no longer had the energy to move.Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.
" Well well well slurp slurppppp. Ahhh that was good, finally done I see a good job I thought it would take another day for you to finish." He said while walking toward a bucket next to the wall. Grabbing it he threw the water at my face. Seeing it approach I opened my mouth to get some. It was a mistake the water was rancid and swampy I threw up what little water was in my stomach. Cough Cough cough "whyyyyyyy".
"The second rule of camp, mouth shut face up there''s no relaxing on my grounds you sleep and rest when I say. Now get up and clean up I want that uniform spotless and shiny by tomorrow''s training Dismissed." In the end, I failed to get the uniform clean all the way, the punishment more running and no lunch this went on for days till I learned to keep it spotless during the run avoiding mud and other dirt. I then moved on to uniform inspections taught and inspected by the instructor along with map reading, com usage, gun training, survival training, and hand to hand combat. This also included team combat, basic medicine, and small area tactics. My training went on and on and by the end, I was a new me my skin was tan before but now it''s a healthy light bronze my baby fat is gone and I can see muscle and definition all over. I have four-pack abbs now and my butt has perked up and rounded out its soft but firm I would hug it if I could. I got taller is now 6ft 1in on the dot a little taller than the average 5ft 10in for women these days. My chest even got a little bigger I think I''m a size or two larger may be in the D range.
"Well done recruit well done your training is almost complete now you just need to pick your specialization training and you''re done."
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 22.916666666666664%" border="1">
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<td style="width: 100%">Select Primary path and secondary Path </td>
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<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 61.77884615384615%" border="1">
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<td style="width: 100%">Forward Scout, Heavy Gunner, Anti Armor, Non-Specialized, Tech expert, and support gunner, support engineer.</td>
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</table>
I had a tough choice to make I really don''t want heavy gunner or support gunner, Non-specialized is like the same as nothing and anti-armor sound cool but I don''t want that either. Forward scout sounds dangerous but fun and Tech expert and support engineer sound just like me. But I only have two spots they all three sound so good. "Ok I pick Forward Scout, support engineer, and tech expert"
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 44.31089743589744%" border="1">
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<td style="width: 100%">Hidden option unlocked Ambitious Learner. The second sub-specialization unlocked.</td>
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</table>
"Wow, I expected a no there not a hidden option, well glad I tried now I can do everything I wanted."
"ok Recruit you''ve been promoted to Cadet class 2 congratulations your now on the road to a real soldier. Now its time for real training follow me." We walked to the familiar armory. "Its time for your weapons and armor loadout this will determine your effectiveness and survivability on the battlefield. You selected the Scout class and two support classes lucky you, these are your weapon options determined by skill and rank."
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<td style="width: 50%">Guns:</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Equipment:</td>
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<td style="width: 50%">KillerBee-Light mini Pistol(Hidden Weapon), Stone87- light pistol.</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Plasma grenades, Smoke Grenades, Frag Grenades, Nanite Grenades</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">
Saint 231- Pistol, Pl40-Pistol.
</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Remote Demo bombs, Mini remote bombs, breaching charge(land, ship), smart bombs</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">MK3000-Heavy Pistol.</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Rounds: Tracker, Anti-Armor, Heat, Plasma, Regular, Bladed silent, Stun</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Badger 3T-Multipurpose.</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Universal Suppressor/Silencer(Locked), pistol silencer, combat knife(curved, Regular)</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">DT50- Assult Ririle.</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Health Kit, Foam injector</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Hawk30-Scout Rifle.</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Scout armor Mk1, Light Cloak armor(Locked), Infiltrator armor(Locked), Engineer armor</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">L89700-Rifle.(Locked)</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Personal Drop Pod(Regular, Cloaked(Locked))</td>
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</tbody>
</table>
I went through all my options and after consulting with instructor Fortress he recommended some things to me. Making my decisions I took the chance to equip my loadout. "Ok Cadet its time for some real training, too the battle range we go." Man, I don''t like the look he just gave me. The battle range is similar to the shooting range the only difference is that the targets shoot back stun rounds that knock you down for 5min of nerve searing pain and spasms. It''s not nice you never want to experience it, believe me, my third month was spent all on the ground moaning from stun rounds. I''ve learned when in dought take cover or you are done.
"Ok rifle up I want head or heart shots, if you want to be a good scout silence and accuracy are your best friends now begin." I adjusted my rifle and took in breaths to calm my mind and heart we went over this in past training. In(Siiiiii), Out(hooooooo) down the sights 300meters my targets came out covered in armor these battle drones are a deadly adversary I aimed for the head and placed my finger on the trigger patience wait wait Now! BANG! my round flew and grazed my target on the head plate armor. Damn now the squad of drones is looking for me wait wait ok head down move position I took my rifle and moved 50meters left and set back up. "Ok, there in my sights again where is the leader ill get him first." Downrange the squad of seven was scanning for my position I positioned my scope on the command drone and fired again BANG! the round was dead center this time and the drone flopped to the side. "Now the sharpshooter drone" Bang! the round was short and clipped the shoulder, not a kill but it''s disabled it cant shoot now. This continued for a few minutes the drones eventually found me and fired back but by then only three were left. I was grazed by a stun round making my leg numb but I won in the end.
"Good job now we train stealth. Complete the maze and enter the forest heading for the other side if you''re caught you start over with a stun round to the chest." Before I appeared a concrete building with one entrance and I''m guessing one exit.
"Ok I can do this only a little more and it did with this." Heading toward the entrance I pulled out my Pistol and attached a silencer. Turning the knob slowly I opened the door, I found a dark hallway with no doors. Slowly I inched forward and eventually found a turn at the end, and around the corner, a drone patrol walking across a T shaped hallway section. Waiting for them to move past I came up behind them and passed them by heading up the next hall. I would be a fool If I started a shoot out right now, staying slow and steady I came across two more patrols but I can''t seem to find the exit this really is a maze. There are no signs and no landmarks just hallways and drones.....I need to get some kind of intel, I need to ambush a patrol silently and hack there map drive.
Determined to take down the next patrol I increased my pace to the next intersection. "Oh shiiii" I came to a quick stop, behind the next corner was a three drone patrol I halfway walked in front of them and made a sound there heading right towards me. Sweat came to my brow, in a whisper "I don''t want a stun round please please please please." I lifted my pistol and grabbed my combat knife waiting for them to round the corner.........Where are they?
''Unknown to Asa the drones never saw her they thought the sound was a gear joint squeaking from one of them they continued there to patrol and a golden chance was missed by our brave Protagonist.''
Resolving to start the fight I peered around the corner only to find nothing.........Really they just left I missed an ambush chance....................well I guess I move on. I Continued the exploration but I only encountered larger and larger patrols with fewer places to hide along the way. Then I found my chance a command drone was heading for recharge the rest of the patrol continued. Sneaking up behind it I took my combat blade and jammed it into the spinal power core rendering it immobile but functional.
"Nice now let''s see here" I lifted the head plate and removed the data drive connecting it to my PAL. "Come on come on i need this fast that patrol will be back soon" the data was downloading but was taking its sweet time with no time to waste tossing the head behind me I started moving. Leaving a nice surprise for when they found it I was on a clock as soon as I killed something with nowhere to hide a body its a guarantee they will find it. Five minutes later the download was done and decrypted, thank you ethical hacking lessons your knowledge was used for a good cause. Right then Boom! an explosion sounded out from where I came. It seems my trap was effective now all I need is the exit before they all converge on me. Sifting through the data a map appeared of the maze it seems I got myself fairly close to the exit but the two largest patrols are between me and it. "Let''s see are there any more options for me to leave" Scrolling through I noticed another exit on the roof and vents used to supply air to the building.
So death ambush, vent crawl or roof hummmm I think the vents if I can fit that is. Referring to the map I located the closest vent and crawled in the space was barely enough but I found an exit leading right to the side of the building next to the forest. Slowly removing the vent cover I scanned the surroundings for any drones finding none I jumped down and went straight for the trees. The test was easier after that the drones are not really quiet in the forest. I passed training Part 2 and continued to learn about bombs and how to hack and protect systems and hardware, the weak points to buildings, and how to map and scout towns and terrain. By the end of the next few months, I could call my self a real soldier.
"Cadet I''m proud of you making it this far not many last this long in my training most quit or go insane, but sticking it out means you have potential to be a real elite crushing all who stand in your way good luck out there and get out my fucking training ground." Those were the last words of the instructor before I was booted out of boot camp. My Stats looked completely different by the time I finished
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 78.68589743589746%" border="1">
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<td style="width: 100%">
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 55.215648548981896%" border="1">
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<td style="width: 50%">Name:(Asa)Asandria Tonoute </td>
<td style="width: 50%">Alias:</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Military Rank: Cadet Grade 1</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Noble Rank: Lady</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
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<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%" border="1">
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<td style="width: 50%">Infantry Primary: Forward Scout, Sub-support engineer, Sub- tech expert</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Navy: None</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 38.14935064935065%" border="1">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Skills</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%">Special Skills</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Programing Lv 7</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%">Evaluate Mind Lv 4</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">AI Lv 4</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%">Search Intentions Lv 6</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Computer repair Lv 7</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%">Marksman Lv 6</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Rifles Lv 7</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%">Stealth Lv 4</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Hacking Lv 5</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%">Map Making Lv 5</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Countermeasures Lv 4</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%">Drone Hacker Lv 2</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Demolition Lv 4</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%">CQC Lv 4</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Pistols LV 5</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%">Team Combat Lv 7</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Ethical Hack Lv 7</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%"></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Computer systems Lv 6</td>
<td style="width: 58.09399477806789%"></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 38.34856396866841%" border="1">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Equipment </td>
<td style="width: 50%">Property</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Scout armor Mk1</td>
<td style="width: 50%">PAL</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Health Kit, Foam injector</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Civilian clothes</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">KillerBee-Light mini Pistol(Hidden Weapon)</td>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Saint 231- Pistol,Silencer</td>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Hawk30-Scout Rifle.</td>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Badger 3T-Multipurpose.</td>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Frag, smoke grenades</td>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Mini remote bombs</td>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Smart bombs</td>
<td style="width: 50%"></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%" border="1">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Body Stats Height: 6''1 Weight: 171bs </td>
<td style="width: 50%">Mind Stats</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Health: 9.30</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Intelligence: 17.34</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Speed: 10.10</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Wisdom: 15.89</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Strength: 8.22</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Charisma: 9.22</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Endurance: 14.46</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Mental Endurance:20.44</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">Attraction/Beauty: 8.59</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Flexibility: 14.13</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 50%">DNA limit: 22.78</td>
<td style="width: 50%">Learning:15.22</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
"Wow I got promoted again and it soon should be time for me to get out of this virtual hell." Mom, here I come to punch you in the face for not warning me.