Chapter Ninety-Six


    Lila decided not to touch her findings until Asher returned. While she would have been excited to bring some answers to him on Saturday, she was finding it difficult to work through the pieces of information she had in any tangible way.


    ‘Besides,’ she thought as she sat beside her Mum on Thursday morning, sharing a packet of sunflower seeds whilst watching a new Filipino drama, ‘I think I should enjoy my holidays with my Mum…’


    Truthfully, the more that Lila thought about Tabitha’s disappearance and how it affected Asher, right down to the night terrors, Lila’s appreciation that both of her parents were still with her grew. Experiencing the little moments with her family, even if her Mum was pressed up against her as though Lila herself was the couch, filled Lila’s heart with warmth.


    It would be a lie to say that Piper’s death didn’t solidify Lila’s feelings in this regard. All of these experiences, memories and feelings – these were things that Piper would never get to have again. There would be nothing new for her.


    Lila grew quiet as she chewed on a sunflower seed, looking down at her lap and trying not to let tears form in her eyes. Her Mum glanced at her before lowering the volume on the TV.


    “What’s wrong, Anak?”


    Lila sighed, avoiding her Mum’s eyes. “Nothing, Nay.”


    “Ah, Lila, you hardly ever call me Nay,” her Mum said fondly, scooting even closer and pulling Lila into her chest. “Something’s wrong.”


    “It’s ‘cause you called me Anak, Nay,” Lila mumbled. She felt her Mum smooth her hair and she leant into her. She never really spent many moments like this with her Mum growing up. It was hard, given she was the middle child, to get any attention from her parents. Probably why she usually kept her head down and did her own thing… though, of course, if her parents knew what she’d been up to this year, they’d most likely flip regardless.


    “Is it about that girl? Was she a friend of yours?”


    Lila shook her head. Her Dad’s warning, to not tell her Mum any details about her connection to Piper, rang in her mind. She bit her lip as if it would prevent her from spilling the beans.


    “It was an awful way to die,” her Mum whispered, squeezing her shoulders now. “I feel so sorry for her parents.”


    “Yeah…”


    “Lila, please stay safe,” her Mum’s voice was incredibly serious, and Lila looked up into her Mum’s eyes. They were a darker brown than Lila’s, homely, warm and also filled with a wariness Lila hadn’t seen from her Mum in a long time.


    “I will, Mum.”


    “Good.”


    Her Mum didn’t let go of her grasp on Lila, instead preferring to hold her even closer. “When is Asher getting back?”


    “Saturday morning. Why?”


    Her Mum paused for a moment before sighing. “Because I feel like you will want to see him.”


    “… Yeah. I want to.”


    Another sigh. “As long as you stay inside his house, you can go see him,” her Mum relented. Lila sat up, their eyes meeting again.


    “Really?”


    “Yes, Lila. If you’re with a boy, you’ll be less likely to be attacked.”


    “I… guess so. Thanks, Mum.”


    “I… I’m scared that you’re growing up, Lila,” her Mum said quietly, turning her eyes towards the TV screen. “You probably want to date, and do all sorts of things that teenagers do. But… I think it’d be better if you waited.”


    “Waited?”


    Her Mum pursed her lips before giving another sigh. “Waited to do those things.”


    “Until?”


    Her Mum shrugged. “Until you’re 30.”


    Lila began to pick at her nails before hearing her Mum continue.


    “I know it’s unrealistic. And… I do think Asher is a good boy. But… your Mum is worried that he’ll use you for sex and break your heart.”


    That… was entirely unexpected. Lila stared at her Mum, who returned her stare with a soft gaze of her own.


    “A mother’s fear, I’m sure. Every time I see you come home, looking upset after visiting Asher, I just want to ban him altogether,” her Mum said gently.


    A trickle of panic started to make its way down Lila’s spine as she kept looking at her Mum. She definitely didn’t want to be banned from Asher.


    “But… I want you to be independent. That means… not making decisions like that for you. It means… watching you make mistakes.”


    Her Mum thought Lila being with Asher was a mistake?


    “So, I’ve decided I’ll stop worrying about you and him,” her Mum frowned, as though disbelieving what she was saying.


    “That looks like a lie,” Lila said pointedly.


    “It’s not a lie,” her Mum insisted. “It’s… hard.”


    “Why?”


    “Oh, Lila,” her Mum brushed aside a couple strands of Lila’s hair behind her ear. “It’s… not as great as it seems. You should do it with someone you can trust. And I’m not convinced you can trust someone who changes your emotions so quickly.”


    Lila blinked in astonishment.


    “So… you’re not even going to say I should be married first?”


    Her Mum gave her a hard look. “Ideally, yes. If I had it my way, yes. But neither of those things are reality. I already know you’re on the Pill.”


    “Wh-”


    “I’m not stupid. I know what that medication is, and what it’s for,” Lila’s Mum gestured to the packet poking out of the top of Lila’s breast pocket.


    Lila fell silent, feeling rather uncomfortable and awkward now. It seemed futile to state that she was on the Pill for period management, as Clare had said would be the official reason if their Mum asked. Besides, she was still reeling from her conversation with her Mum. She’d never expected this perspective. Her Mum was, as far as Lila’s impression had been, a devout Catholic Filipina lady. She was completely sure that her Mum would insist that she’d need to be married before having sex, or wait until she was far older… Had her impression of her Mum been wrong all these years?


    “I… I have a question, Mum,” Lila uttered quietly, moving slightly away and looking at her knees. “Um… if… if I did get p-pregnant, during school… what would you do?”


    It was her Mum’s turn to look astonished. “You’re not, are you?”


    “No. I still haven’t done anything near that in the slightest. Promise.”


    Her Mum muted the TV, her expression thoughtful. “It’s up to you, what you want to do. If you wanted to keep it, I would support you as best as I can. If you didn’t want to keep it, we would see the options – adoption, or whatever else. If we needed to go to a doctor for an abortion, I’d take you.”


    “Even if that means… going against…”


    “Religion? Culture?”


    “… Yeah…”


    Her Mum clasped Lila’s right hand within both of hers. “Once upon a time, I would have said that you must be married before having sex and that you must keep any children that you’re blessed with. That… was before I realised why people do the things they do.”


    That sounded awfully vague. Lila didn’t respond, instead keeping her eyes on her Mum’s.


    “When I was a na?ve little girl in the Philippines, living how my parents taught me, I mean. But I grew up. Faster than I would have liked. That’s all.”


    The way her Mum’s voice strained at the end – it… sounded like there was far more to it. Lila contemplated probing further, however, before she could reach a decision, her Mum unmuted the TV and turned up the volume.


    “Besides, if I keep saying no, you’ll be like Clare and run and do it anyway,” her Mum chuckled.


    Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.


    “… Probably,” Lila replied sheepishly. Her Mum patted her knee, turning her attention to the show playing before them.


    The rest of the day passed with Lila and her Mum keeping each other company in the living room. Occasionally, Daniel and Clare joined them at varying intervals before disappearing back up into their rooms. Eventually, as dinner approached, her Mum stood up.


    “I have to start cooking,” she announced, looking down at Lila. “I was thinking fried rice.”


    “That sounds yum, thanks.”


    Her Mum gave her a small smile before heading off to the kitchen. Lila watched her go for a moment before hurriedly following behind.


    “Oh?” her Mum sounded surprised after glancing behind her at Lila. “Here to help?”


    “Yeah,” Lila nodded. “I… also wanted to learn.”


    “You’ve made fried rice before, and you’ve helped me a couple of times.”


    “I know… but… you make it so well. A-And… I want to learn properly.”


    Lila’s Mum paused for a moment before her face split into a brilliant beam. “Let me teach you.”


    Cooking with her Mum was something that Lila had done in the past, as part of her chores. This time felt different, though. Perhaps it was because Lila had volunteered her services, or because she actually wanted to learn, or because she wanted to spend some more time with her Mum. All scenarios sounded likely.


    Surprisingly, the atmosphere whilst they cooked together was rather relaxed. Lila’s previous memories of helping her Mum in the kitchen involved being yelled at, being run out, or feeling incredibly frustrated. But this… this was nice.


    Lila was designated the chopper for bits of chicken and vegetables, whilst her Mum set about heating up leftover rice, making scrambled eggs and otherwise assembling various spices and sauces.


    At one point, Lila arranged the vegetables on the cutting board to look like her Dad, complete with oval-shaped glasses made of many shallowly cut shallots, which made her Mum laugh so hard she almost tipped over the reheated rice onto the floor.


    Learning the recipe – in particular, the ratio of spices, meat and vegetables to rice – was also less painful than Lila had imagined. Maybe one day she’d ask about tocino. She wanted to try her hand at making some for Asher since he’d enjoyed it so much. Plus, it was only fair after he’d made the adobo chicken. If she made enough, she’d offer some to Gabriel too…


    “Lila, stir, stir,” her Mum urged, gesturing at the wok. Lila came back to her senses and heeded her Mum’s instructions. She’d forgotten that they’d changed tasks now so that Lila was the one at the wok most of the time.


    “And… we’re done,” her Mum declared, grinning at Lila. “Good job.”


    “Thanks, Mum. Thanks for teaching me.”


    Her Mum seemed bashful as she waved Lila off, exiting the kitchen and calling down the rest of the family for dinner.


    Friday passed in much the same way – with Lila and her Mum sitting together, watching TV. That was until Clare flopped onto the couch just after lunch with a long-suffering exhale.


    “What’s up?” Lila asked, glancing at Clare over her phone game.


    “Nothin’,” Clare replied with yet another long-suffering sigh. Her eyes met Lila’s and she raised an eyebrow coupled with a knowing expression. If that wasn’t an invitation to talk about it later, Lila didn’t know what was.


    Their Mum gave them both a disapproving look. “You two girls are just making me sad,” she said through pursed lips.


    “Sorry, Mum,” Lila murmured.


    “Sorry, Mum,” Clare repeated, also in a murmur.


    “Well, now you both look even more sad,” Lila’s Mum huffed, sitting up straight. “Right, that’s it.”


    “What’s it?” Clare asked warily, sharing a look with Lila.


    “Get up, come on,” her Mum insisted, gesturing. “Let’s go.”


    “Go where?” inquired Lila.


    “Let’s paint our nails,” her Mum said shortly. “Come, come.”


    Groaning, both Clare and Lila stretched almost identically before following their Mum. Lila shuffled her feet somewhat unenthusiastically. She wasn’t exactly in the mood to paint her nails.


    But as her Mum gleefully pulled out her nail polish collection in the spare room, choosing colours and placing them against Lila’s hand, she slowly warmed up to the idea.


    “But Mum, I get my nails done professionally,” Clare complained, though she still dug through the containers of polish, inspecting each one.


    “I can see you don’t get your toenails done,” her Mum retorted, passing a deep maroon to Clare. “They’re crying out to be painted.”


    “They just chip so easily,” Clare replied, her eyes intentionally flickering to Lila’s. Lila suppressed the grin threatening to spread across her face, and instead picked up two shades of pink, evaluating both.


    “What are you even doing that chips your toenails like that? It’s those ridiculous heels you have, isn’t it?” their Mum questioned, picking up a navy colour. “You need to stop wearing those. They’ll ruin your ankles.”


    “I’ll be fine, Mum,” Clare said gently. “I’m young.”


    “It’s exactly because you’re young that you should stop. You haven’t stopped growing, you know.”


    “Stop fretting,” Clare laughed. “I think this colour matches my nails. What do you reckon, Lila?”


    They spent the rest of the afternoon painting their nails and watching a romantic comedy, with Lila choosing a deep plum colour for her nails and toenails. Her Mum insisted she put a coat of sparkly silver glitter over them, which she did. It ended up looking better than she’d thought. Her Mum went with the navy, and Clare had put a coat of blush pink on her toenails.


    They ended up talking about a few things, including lamenting the start of their respective new schooling periods and giggling over their ratings of the attractiveness of the male actors in the movie.


    Eventually, the conversation turned to Clare and her love life after their Mum asked when Clare would be bringing a boy home.


    “Never, Mum,” Clare replied idly, shaking her head whilst fanning her toenails.


    “Are you planning on being alone for the rest of your life?” their Mum queried, blowing on her fingernails.


    “Jesus, Mum, that’s rude,” Clare responded, her expression affronted.


    “I’m just asking,” her Mum replied, her expression innocently curious. “Man, woman, I don’t care. I just want to see you married and have kids.”


    “Oh God,” Clare pretended to throw up dramatically. “Not anytime soon.”


    Her Mum pouted. “You’re going to leave it up to Lila and Daniel?”


    “Mum, if you want little kids running around, you should have more,” Clare said stiffly.


    “Maybe,” their Mum’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “Don’t blame me if I do.”


    “Yikes,” Lila piped up, laughing. Clare and Lila’s Mum joined in on her laughter, and their conversation instead morphed into a critical assessment of the main lead’s failings in the love department.


    Both Lila and Clare helped their Mum prepare dinner, which consisted of salmon, rice and avocado topped with Kewpie mayonnaise and teriyaki sauce. Lila again asked her Mum for more details regarding the recipe, though this one wasn’t quite so complicated. She did try and commit her Mum’s tips for crispy salmon skin to memory, though.


    Once dinner was over and their bellies were full, Lila and Clare trudged up the stairs. It seemed like Daniel was content with spending time with their parents, finally – or he hadn’t realised dinner was over as he remained behind.


    To Lila’s surprise, though, Clare followed her into her room.


    “What’s up?” Lila asked, sitting heavily on her bed. Clare sat down on Lila’s desk chair, her expression rather serious.


    “Mum said Asher’s coming back tomorrow. Do you need a lift or something to see him?”


    Lila blinked. “Probably, why?”


    “I need an excuse.”


    “An excuse?”


    “To escape plans with Alex.”


    Lila gave her a bemused look. “Uh… why?”


    Clare sighed. “He’s started to get real clingy. Wants to see me all the time, but I just need a break. This was meant to be casual.”


    “What’s stopping you from getting serious?”


    Clare ran her fingers through her hair. “I guess… I’m just not ready for anything like that. I like having fun.”


    “You could say no,” Lila replied sensibly.


    “I could… but… I don’t want to.”


    “That makes no sense.”


    “I know. It annoys me.”


    “Sounds like you might like him a bit more than casually.”


    Clare spun around in Lila’s chair once, making a noise of discontent. “But… he’s from the club. I can’t bring him around.”


    “Did Mum’s question get to you?” Lila smirked.


    “Maybe a little.”


    “I mean, he can wear long sleeves and take his piercings out,” Lila reasoned. “He’d look more respectable that way.”


    Clare was silent for a moment before she began messing up her hair in frustration. “I know, I know. But… he’s… from the club. He’d tell Mum I work with him. Our parents don’t know that I’m working, period.”


    “You don’t have to bring him over, either. If you want to keep it casual, or end it because he’s being too clingy, that’s up to you.”


    Clare bit her lower lip, her eyes clearly troubled. “I… don’t know what I want.”


    “You came in here saying he was too clingy, and you wanted to keep it casual,” Lila reminded Clare, though not unkindly. “Obviously there’s something holding you back.”


    “I guess… it’s the fact that I work at the club as a dancer. I mean… no guy wants someone who earns their money flaunting their body for men,” Clare said in a small voice. “I’m tainted. Not suitable for anything serious. I mean… there’s the problem of me bringing him home, but… he can’t bring me home, either.”


    “Whoa,” Lila uttered, sitting up straight. “That’s not true. I mean, you may be tainted in my eyes, but that’s just ‘cause you’re my older sister. He already knows you work at the club, and if he still wants to date you, obviously it’s not stopping him. Has he said that he wants you to stop working there?”


    “No…”


    “What do you want? Never mind what he or anyone else thinks.”


    Clare paused before hanging her head. “I hadn’t got that far.”


    Lila nodded, remaining quiet for a few moments before smirking at Clare again. “It’s interesting, that it seems like you’re looking for advice from me. It’s not like I’ve got anything good to say, what with my history.”


    “You’ve got a better head on your shoulders than Daniel, that’s for sure,” Clare responded derisively. “Even if you haven’t had experience, just talking about it can help me enough.”


    Lila recalled her conversation with Elise – that Elise had felt better after simply talking to Lila about her issues. Perhaps that was what Clare was looking for.


    “Don’t you have other friends who could give you better advice?” Lila questioned.


    “… Not really. I haven’t told any of the girls at the club that I’ve been seeing Alex, since it wasn’t serious, and my Uni friends don’t know I’m working at the club either. So… while I could tell them my predicament about being casual with someone, it’s not like they could understand the nuances to it all.”


    “I see.”


    Clare sighed again, rubbing her forehead. “Looks like… I need to think on it some more. But I’ll try and get some distance first. That might help me figure it out.”


    “Well, you told me that some distance with Asher might be good. Perhaps you should take your own advice.”


    Clare pursed her lips, seeming unhappy with Lila pointing that out. “I did say that, but I didn’t say that for me, you know.”


    Lila laughed. “I know, but you’re the one who has the best advice out of all of us.”


    “Eh, don’t sell yourself short,” Clare said, standing up. “My advice includes hiding tattoos and secretly working at a club, remember?”


    “I mean, knowing our parents, keeping both a secret is good advice,” Lila grinned. Clare rolled her eyes playfully before moving to the door.


    “Like I said, I’ll cancel with Alex tomorrow. Let me know what your plans are.”


    “I… don’t have any right now, and he doesn’t have reception in Vanuatu… so I’ll only know in the morning. Is that too short notice?”


    Clare furrowed her brow. “No reception in Vanuatu? That’s… odd.”


    “Odd?”


    “Well, some of my friends have gone over there and they could contact me just fine. Sent me photos and called and everything.”


    “… That… is odd…” Lila furrowed her own brow. What did it mean? Marlene had told Asher that there wouldn’t be reception in Vanuatu… but why?


    “Anyway, since I don’t have work tonight and I won’t have plans in about five minutes, you can let me know in the morning. That’s fine,” Clare smiled. Then, her face turned sombre. “Remember, Lila, you shouldn’t jump his bones without a condom for at least a month after starting the Pill.”


    “I’m not going to,” Lila replied, throwing a cushion at Clare, who punched it right back at Lila. “Get out.”


    Clare poked her tongue out at Lila before cheekily grinning. “Just trying to give you some of that good advice that you reckon I have.”


    “Well, thanks,” Lila responded sarcastically. Clare snorted before departing.


    ‘Of course she just had to throw that in there,’ Lila thought to herself with a shake of her head. Lila checked the time on her phone. If she went to bed now… then… Asher would be back sooner.


    If she could go to bed now. Her excitement about his return was building in the form of a crescendo in her chest and flittering in her stomach. Perhaps some light reading would take the edge off…