Chapter One Hundred and Twenty


    “Morning,” Asher beamed as he opened the front doors to his house. Lila glanced behind her, seeing Clare give her a small wave which she returned, before smiling at Asher.


    “Good morning.”


    He waved at Clare, who waved back before she began to drive away. He grabbed Lila’s hand and gently pulled her inside.


    “Bag looks heavy,” he observed, taking it off her shoulder.


    “I brought the books we were reading yesterday and some study stuff. I thought a bit of variety could work.”


    “Fair enough. Hungry?”


    Lila paused for a moment. She’d just had breakfast before coming over, but it seemed he was expecting her to say yes.


    “I… could eat just a little,” she said carefully. He smiled, shaking his head.


    “If you’re not hungry, that’s okay. I just asked because Marlene’s about to start cleaning up.”


    “I see… yeah, I’m not at the moment. Thanks for the offer though.”


    She took her shoes off, placing her feet into the slippers set aside for her by the front doors, and shuffled further inside his house.


    “Good morning, Lila,” Marlene chirped from behind the kitchen sink, her hands scrubbing at a soapy pan. “Are you hungry?”


    “I’m okay, thank you,” Lila replied.


    “We’ll see you later,” Asher said, taking hold of Lila’s hand again. They headed upstairs to Asher’s rumpus room, the comfortable familiarity setting Lila at ease. He closed the door behind them, a fact that Lila tried to ignore, and set her bag down beside the couch.


    Without asking if she wanted one, she heard Asher put two cups down on his counter, pouring drinks for them both. She gratefully accepted the cup once he passed it to her.


    “So…” he trailed off, his expression looking slightly timid. “I’ve been thinking.”


    Lila’s heart dropped. That didn’t sound good. Was he about to break up with her?


    “I really lost it yesterday. I’m sorry for doing that to you.”


    “You should be,” Lila stated, putting her cup on the coffee table. Her fingers were beginning to shake, so she clasped her hands together in an effort to disguise this. He winced, his expression changing to mortification, so she quickly clarified.


    “Rather, you should be sorry for doing that to me and stopping it short.”


    He pressed his lips together, his eyes looking conflicted. “Lila, what I’m trying to say is… it was really intense… and I’m not ready. I know it’s my fault, again, for starting something and then giving you mixed signals. But after your Mum came up and almost caught us, I realised what I was doing and… that I’d lost control of myself.”


    “Asher…” Lila sighed.


    “I know we talked about it. But it was too easy for me to slip into a part of me that just… terrified me, after I realised what I did – and your reaction to us almost getting caught by your Mum doesn’t help that. There’s… just something about you that tempts me in a way I’d never been tempted before, and before I know it, I lose my impulse control like it’s nothing.”


    She reached a hand out to his, taking it gently whilst trying to ignore her racing heart. “We can go slow.”


    “It’s my fault for… speeding it up.”


    “Asher, I’ve already told you that I want more. You don’t need to worry about me. If you’re uncomfortable with it, then that’s where the line’s drawn. But… it felt amazing, at least.” She couldn’t look at him as she admitted this.


    “Dammit, Lila,” he muttered. “I’m trying to do the right thing here.”


    “And? What’s that?”


    He sighed, thrusting a hand into his hair in apparent frustration. “You’re precious to me. I want to spend time with you, as my girlfriend, without… well, without getting lost in the physical side of things. I feel like I know you really well, but I hardly know you as my girlfriend. It’s only just been a full week.”


    “Oh.”


    Had it only been a week? It felt as though they’d been together for much longer. Were they moving too fast? And… now that she considered it, he was right. She hardly knew him as her boyfriend, either. They’d been best friends before they started dating, but even in this short week alone, she’d noticed subtle yet undeniable differences in him – aside from the fact that they’d been kissing and touching in ways they’d never done before. Differences that she might appreciate more if she wasn’t so distracted by her sexual wants.


    Hearing Asher’s perspective on the matter felt like a bucket of ice water had been poured over Lila. Sure, Cecelia and Lucas didn’t seem to have had a problem with having sex on their first day of being a couple – but they’d also been close friends for years, since at least Grade 8, from what Lila had noticed. Far longer than Asher and Lila.


    Of course, there was Willow and her boyfriend, Damian. They’d waited for about a year.


    Then, there was Grace who took a couple of months to start having sex with her girlfriend. Though Lila still had no idea who Grace was dating, how they met, or anything of the sort, because she hadn’t seen Grace spend a lot of time with anyone else besides Elise and Lila, she assumed that Grace mustn’t have known her girlfriend for too long prior to getting together.


    And Lila couldn’t forget that Asher and Holly dated for six months without having sex.


    But did they do other things?


    The way that Asher kissed, held, and touched Lila suggested that perhaps they had. But… if she asked, and got an answer she didn’t want, then what? It wasn’t as though she owned him – not now, and definitely not back then. Despite that, the sting of the potential that Asher had done things with Holly – more than he’d done with Lila – was starting to burn a hole in her heart like a poison-tipped arrow. Maybe it was better not to ask.


    Although, if she didn’t ask, then she would probably always feel as though she were living in Holly’s shadow – the girl he had claimed to love in front of Lila – and forever trying to measure up to whatever Holly had done with Asher. And now that the thought entered her mind, she was beginning to question who he preferred kissing. After all, Holly apparently had plenty of experience – and all of Lila’s experience before Asher amounted to two awful kisses with Isaac, the occasional handholding, and hugging.


    Lila brought her arms around her stomach, suddenly overcome with cold as a new question occurred to her. Was she just touch-starved or maybe feeling a general desire, or was she specifically wanting to do these things with Asher? He meant a lot to her, and she trusted him, but even if they didn’t work out… that meant that she wouldn’t have any ‘firsts’ with anyone else, depending on how far they went. Was that something she was willing to give to him?


    She hadn’t really sat down and thought about whether this was the path she wanted to take for herself – instead, she was letting her body take the reins. Would she regret it if she didn’t figure that out, and they went further than she truly wanted, deep down? They’d only become closer since February, even though they’d done a whole lot of things that others would call crazy. It was July now, and they’d been together a week… was that really enough time for her to be sure about all of this?


    She felt a soft blanket wrap around her shoulders and she looked up. Asher’s expression seemed concerned as he sat next to her again.


    “Did… I break you?” he asked quietly, his hands fidgeting in his lap. “You just… went really quiet for a while.”


    “Sorry,” Lila whispered, nestling herself deeper into the blanket. “I got lost in my thoughts.”


    “I’d ask to exchange a dollar for them, but… suddenly I don’t know if I should try and bribe you,” he murmured, almost too softly for Lila to hear. He cleared his throat, lifting his eyes to meet hers. They seemed to be shining, but not of happiness.


    “I’m sorry, Lila. I can try and get over whatever it is that’s going on with me, but… it won’t be anytime soon, I don’t think. I-If that’s a deal breaker, then…” his voice cracked and he grabbed his cup, drinking from it in big, audible gulps.


    Lila’s mind flashed back to her fear that he was breaking up with her not even ten minutes ago. She emphatically shook her head.


    “Asher, I wouldn’t break up with you over something like that,” she said earnestly.


    “… you wouldn’t?”


    “Of course not,” Lila scooted closer to him and he put his cup down. His cheeks were pink, his chest rising and falling far more rapidly than usual.


    “We’re a team,” Lila continued, her voice gentle and comforting. “And… you made a really good point.”


    “I did?”


    “Yeah. I mean, Asher my boyfriend and Asher my best friend are both the same person – but I’ve noticed the differences between them over this past week alone. It’d be nice to get to know this new stage of our relationship properly. I mean, we haven’t even gone out on a date in the outside world yet. Considering all that… really changed my perspective. I want to enjoy this fully – and doing those kinds of things can wait. We don’t need to do more right away. We’re not in a rush.”


    Asher’s shoulders slackened; his face pulled into a meek smile. “Are you sure?”


    “Of course I’m sure. Your views are important to me, and they happen to make a lot of sense.”


    He closed his eyes for a brief moment before pulling her into a hug, the blanket slipping off her shoulders. She pressed her face to his chest, deeply breathing in the hug. Yes… it was moments like these that she was thinking about. She felt him gently caress the top of her head before giving it a tender kiss.


    She would have melted if that act alone hadn’t reminded her that, well, she probably wasn’t the first girl he did that to. She pulled away, surveying his warm smile with distinct nervousness. Should she ask?


    “What’s with the frown?” he asked with a breathy laugh, gently running a finger along her eyebrows, which relaxed under his touch.


    To her surprise, she felt tears welling up in her eyes. She wiped at them, shaking her head. Why was it bothering her so much anyway? What he did with people before her – was that really her business?


    He instantly pulled her into his chest again. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” he questioned, an undercurrent of alarm in his otherwise stable voice.


    “N-Nothing,” Lila sniffled.


    “That convinced no one,” Asher replied, an edge of panic to his tone. “You can tell me if you were lying about being okay with going slow. I-I’ll figure something out-”


    “It’s not that,” Lila subtly shook her head in his chest, lightly gripping his crinkled t-shirt. She couldn’t find the words to articulate what the problem actually was, without sounding insecure. But insecure she was – desperately so. She hoped that Asher hadn’t done anything with Holly, but knew it was unlikely, given Holly’s persistence in trying to get Asher to sleep with her. Had they almost gone all the way in the end? Here? Or maybe in his bedroom?


    She shuddered, trying to throw her thoughts out of her mind but nothing worked – not even willing herself to think of cute puppies.


    “Seriously, what is it?” He tilted her head up, frantically searching her eyes with his. She forced her head back down, wiping her teary eyes on his shirt.


    “I… I…” It was no use. She couldn’t find the words. He cradled her head with one hand, the other resting on her shoulder blades.


    “Did… I do something?” he queried. She could tell from his voice alone that he was becoming anxious, the longer she stayed like this. A flash of anger shot through her – anger at herself, for being so ridiculous.


    “I… I want to know if you did,” she finally forced out, her head still hiding away in his chest. She felt another tear escape and she wiped it away with his shirt.


    “Did what?”


    “Something… with Holly.”


    “Huh?” He gently took her shoulders and moved her away from his chest, looking down at her with a bemused expression. She squirmed under his scrutinising gaze before sighing in defeat.


    “I… want to know how far you went with Holly.”


    She felt his grip on her shoulders tighten as he stiffened, no longer meeting her eyes.


    “I’d ask why you want to know, but that’d be hypocritical of me,” he finally said after a few moments of absolute silence. “Since I asked about you and Isaac.”


    He pulled back from her entirely, his body language and facial expression the most apprehensive she’d ever seen from him. He picked at his nails, the struggle to find what to say apparent in the way that he softly sighed. She felt another tear trail down her face and she wiped it away before looking back at him.


    “I’m going to be completely honest with you,” he eventually said. “We didn’t get far… but we did get a little bit further than you and I have, in some aspects.”


    The confirmation that Lila had feared stole the breath from her lungs. His eyes darted to hers before returning to his hands.


    “We made out a fair bit. And… uh, touched each other… over clothes and only with our hands. I did touch her boobs a couple times, and she… well, touched my dick here and there. We never saw each other naked or exposed in any way though. But… it doesn’t compare at all to what I feel when you kiss and touch me. That’s part of the reason why I’m so freaked out. My body just… moves on its own when you’re involved. It’s like my mind shuts off, and I happen to rely on that a lot…” He gave her a humourless smile before continuing. “With her, it was all very conscious – and I felt in control of myself every step of the way. She tried to do more, but it was easy for me to stop her and feel basically nothing about it.”


    Lila felt herself quivering and she hoisted the blanket back over herself, her mind going a mile a minute as she processed what he said.


    “I never kissed her anywhere else besides her face and the top of her head,” he added, his face glowing bright with red. “I told you a while ago that I didn’t want to have sex with her because I wanted to wait a bit longer and see that she definitely wanted me as I am, and because I thought she was perfect – to the point that if I did have sex with her, I’d ruin her. Well, that’s not exactly untrue – but there was something else. When I look back at each time I said no, and each time I stopped her from undressing me and herself… I just wasn’t excited. Aside from feeling terrified and anxious that I’d ruin her, there wasn’t this burning desire that I feel with you.”


    He met her eyes, his face incredibly serious. “Lila, even if I had fucked her, I don’t think the feeling would compare to even just kissing you.”


    She blinked, the sudden crassness of his statement jolting her. The meaning behind his statement also hit her like a freight truck, her mind suffering from whiplash so quickly that she barely had time to catch her breath before he started speaking again.


    “Sorry, that was… a bit vulgar,” he sighed, running his hands through his hair. “Just thinking about her again makes me sick. A-Anyway… from the beginning, when you and I started working together, we just clicked in a way I can’t explain. And that’s carried over to us being physical – dangerously so.”


    “You think it’s dangerous?” Lila whispered, sinking further into the couch. He glanced at her, a soft, forlorn smile on his face.


    “Unfortunately, I do. For now. I… well, you’ve made me feel wanted and accepted for who I am – something I never really got from Holly, and something that I’d been waiting for before I would’ve had sex with her. I don’t know if that’s what’s different, besides the fact that I’ve liked you for years and years. But, because of that, I feel like if I open the door to us doing anything more than kissing, I’m not going to want to do anything else-” he cut himself off, suddenly looking deeply embarrassed. “Shit, I didn’t mean to say that.”


    “Is that a lie, then?”


    “No, not a lie. But I just don’t want you to think…” he ran his hands through his hair again with a touch more aggression. “I don’t want you to think that I just want you for your body. A-And I want to prove that to you, by going slow. If you were to ever resent me because it felt like I was using you for your body, I think I’d just pass away.” He gave a dry chuckle, though somehow Lila didn’t think he was joking in the slightest.


    Lila felt a rush of butterflies fluttering within her stomach and her cheeks heating up as what he said sank in. In an instant, she recalled her Mum’s words, when she confessed her fear to Lila that Asher would use her for sex and break her heart before Asher returned from Vanuatu. Not that she’d ever tell her Mum in a million years about this conversation with Asher, Lila felt even more confident that Asher had her Mum’s stamp of approval as Lila’s boyfriend. Which, for some reason, seemed to speak to her soul. Perhaps… he was the right person for Lila to give everything to.


    After all, the depths at which he’d considered this, and the fact that he was trying so hard to restrain himself brought some relief to Lila. His want to go slow wasn’t because she was worse than Holly at kissing, or because he just didn’t want to have sex with Lila. From Lila’s understanding, it was so they could grow their relationship first. She considered that if they did that, then they’d have a solid foundation upon which they could finally give in to the full extent of their desires. It… made a lot of sense. With a careful plan like that in mind, she couldn’t imagine a scenario where she’d regret every first she could give Asher.


    The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    Neither spoke for a couple of seconds before Lila spoke, her voice shaky. “Asher… I’m curious. How often have you thought about having sex with me?”


    He looked at her as though she’d shot him. “You want to know that?”


    She gave him a sharp nod. He exhaled through gritted teeth, seeming conflicted.


    “… Please don’t hate me,” he implored.


    “Why would I?”


    “Just… you might, after you hear the answer,” he replied, placing his head in his hands in painfully apparent shame.


    “What, is it once a day?”


    He shook his head. “Worse.”


    “… Once a week?”


    “That’s worse?” He stared at her in confusion. She blushed, simply nodding in response. His eyes slid to his hands, a slight frown gracing his face.


    “At a conservative estimate… I’d say at least once every hour,” he murmured. Lila’s breath caught in her throat.


    “S-Since when?”


    His eyes flickered to hers before returning to his hands, which he clasped on his lap. “Since before I started dating Holly. Then, when I started dating her, it kinda fell to the background. I tried to concentrate on my girlfriend more. I say tried – it wasn’t as if it went away entirely but I told myself it was just thoughts, not actions.”


    This news, instead of repulsing her as Asher seemed to expect, relieved Lila considerably. She couldn’t imagine a scenario where someone was thinking about sex more than she was, but it seemed that she was wrong. And… knowing Asher desired her so much did something odd to her, deep within. The strange pulse that she’d felt recently returned, hovering in her abdomen. She started smiling, which seemed to startle Asher.


    “Why the smile?” he queried, straightening up.


    “I… well, a couple reasons. But if you’re thinking about it at least once an hour, how do you manage to maintain your Dux status?”


    “Sometimes… it serves as a driving force,” he said, his voice sounding slightly strained. “And besides, I’m used to it now.”


    “I see…” Lila paused before smiling at Asher again. “You’re not alone, actually. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, since before we started dating. Probably not once an hour, but at least a couple times a day. Since we started kissing, though, it’s been more frequent.”


    “Really?” He seemed stunned, his jaw slack.


    “Yeah. I was really anxious, trying to keep my thoughts to myself, especially when we weren’t dating. But… knowing that you want me like that too, as often as you do, makes me feel like I don’t need to be so anxious. I thought that you might think I was trying to use you for sex, like Holly had, if I told you what was really going on in my mind.”


    He bit his lower lip, his eyes shifting slightly from side to side as though he was working through something in his mind.


    “Waiting… sounds a bit stupid, after hearing that,” he uttered. “But… I’m sticking by what I said. I want to show you that I’m not using you for your body, and I want to get to know you as my girlfriend before giving in to those impulses.”


    “Is kissing off the table then?”


    Asher shook his head. “No. Except I’ll be more specific. Kissing your face is the extent that I’m willing to go. Any more than that, any lower than that, especially knowing you’re thinking about it often as well, is way too risky. I learned that the hard way yesterday.”


    Lila nodded. “Alright.”


    “Alright? That’s it?”


    Lila nodded again. “Well, yeah. I feel a lot better after our conversation, and you make really valid points. Plus, it’s not as if you’re rejecting me. In fact, it’s more like… you’re wanting to get to know and accept as much of me as you can, before we get carried away.”


    “That’s exactly it,” Asher said, his face brightening with evident relief. “Sorry I had to bring everything down and stop going further, even though we both clearly want it. It’s oxymoronic. Or maybe just moronic.”


    A smile flickered across her face before she spoke. “It makes me feel better to know that you are restraining yourself, actually. It shows that you actually care about me as a person – putting the needs of the relationship before your own like that.”


    ‘Somehow, it was actually possible for Asher to be even more attractive than he was before,’ Lila thought to herself, shifting slightly in her seat. She’d never turned her mind as to what emotional intimacy looked like, but… this conversation felt as though they were building it together, piece by piece.


    “And, now that I know how important it is to you to go about it this way, I’m more equipped to help stop us from going further,” Lila added softly.


    “Thank you,” Asher smiled. The rest of his face looked exhausted. “I was really nervous about asking you to slow it down, especially after my lack of control, but it seems like you’re getting what I’m putting down.”


    “No need to worry about that,” Lila chuckled. “I’m glad we talked about it, and everything else, too. I think… my head’s clear, now. Now that I know the answers to what I was so worried about, I feel like going slow is the right thing to do for the moment. Especially since it seems like you’ve put a lot of thought into it, for the sake of us.”


    Asher bowed his head. “I’m an overthinker, you know.”


    “I know,” she smirked. “Same here.”


    “Say it ain’t so.”


    She nudged him with her shoulder and he nudged her back. Then, he moved closer to Lila altogether, lightly touching the side of her face. She turned to look at him and he kissed her with a tenderness that seemed far more amplified than what she was used to. It confirmed to Lila that he had been just as worried about it all – and for a while, too.


    It wasn’t as though her desire had disappeared in the slightest, but now there was a new layer to their kissing that somehow added so much more meaning. They pulled away, her eyes magnetically drawn to his. She felt as though she finally understood Asher in a much different light, as her boyfriend, and the realisation alone made resisting anything more much easier. It wasn’t just for his sake – it was for the benefit of both of them and if deepening their connection in other ways made her feel like this already – well, she was starting to get both curious and excited for this new state.


    Cecelia and Lucas were right – talking it through with Asher and working together on this, under a mutual understanding, was a good call. What had once been a problem plaguing Lila, by the simple act of being honest and communicative about something so vulnerable, it had transformed into something manageable. She was starting to forget exactly why it was such an issue. Cheesy as it was, communication really was key.


    “I do have to say,” he added in a low voice, bringing her closer to him, “that knowing you’re not so innocent… makes me feel a whole lot of things. Better, mainly.”


    “Same here,” she smiled. “I kinda thought you were so studious and dedicated that anything of that nature was the furthest thing from your mind.”


    He chucked. “Sometimes being so studious and dedicated is the only way to stop it, even just for a little bit. Besides, I am still a guy.”


    He leaned in for another kiss and she met him halfway, softly placing both her hands on his chest. She could feel his heartbeat through her fingertips and found that it quite matched her own – heavy, yet quick.


    “Alright, well, perhaps we should do something else,” he said gently once they stopped for a moment. He tucked some flyaway hairs behind her ear before holding her gaze once again. “Not to say I couldn’t do this forever.”


    She smiled at him before pulling herself closer to his chest, resting her head there for just a second. “Okay.”


    He reached over to the coffee table, reaching for some joy-con controllers. “I don’t think I have space in my head for planning right now,” he said as he passed a set to her. “Wanna play?”


    She sat up with a grin. “Of course.”


    “Alright, well… give me some blanket, will ya?”


    She unravelled herself enough to cover him and they began looking through his games. Her hands twitched for a moment as she gave him a sideways glance – one that he caught.


    “What’s up?” he asked, opening up the most recent game they played together.


    “Nothing… but…” she trailed off before breaking into a small, giddy giggle.


    “Doesn’t seem like nothing,” he replied, smiling fondly at her.


    “I… just wanted to know… if you’re thinking about it now,” she said, the corners of her mouth trembling in a poor attempt at concealing the smile that threatened to burst across her face.


    His eyes widened, his face instantly a deep crimson.


    “I shouldn’t have told you,” he groaned, hiding his face behind his hands. “You’re just going to keep teasing me.”


    “It’s not like you can’t tease me back,” Lila laughed, placing her head on his shoulder. “You didn’t answer the question, though.”


    “… Yes.”


    Lila tilted her head up to his and he slowly lowered his hands, his eyes wary – as though waiting for her to be offended or disgusted with him. A fleeting, reassuring smile crossed her face.


    “Same here,” she whispered. She heard him take a sharp, shallow breath and she gently pressed her lips against his, the feeling sending a pulsating zap straight to her heart. He kissed back, grazing her neck with his hand which then travelled upwards until it met her jaw, the sensation causing goosebumps to tingle across her arms. He seemed to hesitate before shuffling back, sitting so he was looking at the TV.


    “It almost happened again,” he said faintly. “Sorry.”


    “Just need practice,” Lila replied, taking his hand and squeezing it. “Sorry for teasing you. Let’s play.”


    Falling into their usual routine felt different, somehow. It was as though they’d closed some kind of unobservable but keenly felt gap between them, which led to a much more carefree and comfortable time than she’d ever felt with him. Had she been battling against an invisible pretence this whole time?


    Eventually, Marlene called them down for lunch, which was a simple chicken and vegetable soup. She didn’t join them – though when they did cross paths with her, Lila had the distinct impression that she was watching them far more intently than usual. As Lila slurped her soup, her eyes lingered on the doorway leading to the kitchen, as though expecting to see Marlene just beyond it. She didn’t, but the feeling remained.


    Asher seemed none the wiser as he contentedly ate his soup, occasionally looking up to smile at Lila. As she returned each smile, she wondered if any of his was hiding thoughts that she was dying to hear him say – thoughts about what he’d like to do to her.


    “What’s up?” he asked, taking a sip of his water. She shook her head, spooning some soup into her mouth. One of the upsides to their conversation was that Lila felt that she didn’t need to fear that she wouldn’t know them one day. So, she didn’t need to know right now.


    Once lunch was over, they meandered back upstairs and simultaneously flopped onto Asher’s couch after he closed the door behind them.


    “Well, I feel like I can start focusing again,” he said pleasantly. “You ready to plan?”


    “Sure,” Lila replied, drawing the blanket over herself. “You were a little bit mysterious when you mentioned planning. What did you have in mind?”


    “The morphine ring,” Asher’s voice was grim as he sat up to look at her. “I’d been thinking about what you said, how we really need to dig in to these Grade 12s. But I’m stuck. What kind of evidence do you think we need?”


    Lila pressed her lips together. Photos of a deal might work… but how do they even organise their deals? Unlike the Banker, she’d heard nothing about it when she listened out for rumours. Were their deals even more underground? It would make sense since it was actually illegal.


    “Zack,” Lila murmured, tapping her chin.


    “What about him?”


    “Well, when you kicked the ball at Theo so hard he fell to the ground, Zack ran over and gave him something that… well, could only be morphine,” Lila recalled. “Then, of course, Jason was mad that Zack used some on Theo. Livi said something like Zack only had a bit – so maybe she manages stock?”


    Asher crossed his arms, his brow wrinkled in apparent concentration. Then, he smirked. “Theo kinda looked funny, flailing on the ground like that.”


    “Asher.”


    “Sorry, sorry. I… guess I kinda resent the guy a little. He took you to the aquarium. I would’ve liked to have taken you there.”


    Lila blinked rapidly in surprise. Asher had never mentioned that before.


    “You still can,” she eventually said. He shook his head.


    “Nah. Not special anymore.”


    “I disagree. I think going with you would be special.”


    His eyes briefly met hers before he turned his attention to his hands, which had fallen to his lap. “Maybe one day. If you’re sure you’d want to see it again.”


    “I’ll be your tour guide,” Lila grinned. “The tidal touch pool was really cool.”


    He gave her a half-smile before he grew serious again. “A-Anyway… I haven’t heard anything in the locker room or at practice about morphine.”


    “Is there anything weird that gets talked about? Like a code name or something?”


    “A code name?” Asher seemed to ponder this, narrowing his eyes at the coffee table as if it held the answers. “Not… anything in particular.”


    “It’d have to be innocuous,” Lila pressed. “Something that sounds pretty ordinary, if you don’t think about what’s actually being said.”


    Asher rubbed his forehead. Then, he looked up at her, a dawning realisation stretching across his face.


    “The Grade 12s always talk about grabbing juice after practice.”


    “Well, that sounds a bit too normal.”


    “It does… until you think about the fact that Tuesday arvo finishes after most juice shops close.”


    “You don’t need to go to a specific juice shop to get juice.”


    Asher fell quiet, nodding slowly. “You’re right.”


    “It’s a good start, though,” Lila said hurriedly. “We can start there. Keep an ear out on Tuesday.”


    “Do you hear about anything from the hockey girls?”


    Lila shook her head. “Nothing of the sort. Maybe the morphine ring targets guy sports more?”


    “Maybe… I’d ask Isaac, but I think we should keep this on the down low for the moment. I can’t think of a way to ask him if he remembers the guys talking about juice, and whether it stuck out to him or not, with a reasonable enough explanation.”


    “Yeah. That sounds like a good idea. Can’t believe everything leads back to juice, though.”


    “If it does,” Asher added. “I could be wrong, or just too suspicious.”


    “No such thing as being too suspicious this early on,” Lila stated, imitating a noir-type detective’s voice. He snorted.


    “Never do that again.”


    “Aw, come on, sonny,” Lila nudged him, exaggerating her voice even further and tipping an imaginary hat.


    “Somehow I feel like you’ve never actually watched any of those movies.”


    “Why don’t you quit cryin’ and get me some bourbon?”


    He laughed. “On the house,” he replied, his eyes twinkling. He grabbed both their empty cups and topped them up again in his kitchenette.


    “So, what’s on the menu for tomorrow?” he asked after he returned, passing her cup. She took a small sip before setting it down on the coffee table.


    “I was thinking that Mexican could be nice again,” she said.


    “That place was good, wasn’t it? Let’s lock it in.”


    “Are you sure you want to go see them?”


    “You got my mind to start ticking about the morphine ring again. Even if Livi manages to find something, the information we’ll be gathering on her will be far more valuable. Put it this way, if everything is operating as it had before the Square system, then that’s just suspicious. The main feature of using Square was the efficiency with it all. Plus, not having bundles of cash just sitting with her all morning tea and lunch. But, if they’ve changed up their routine, then that might tell us how they’ve reorganised themselves after the changeover – which might give us a clue as to the structure of the ring.”


    His face was aglow with passion as he spoke, and Lila felt herself being drawn in to what he was saying.


    “Makes sense,” Lila nodded. “Maybe now that we’re not so stressed about the whole thing, we could observe a bit more of the others. I still think Theo’s in the clear-” Asher tutted, but she continued on, “-since he was forthcoming about it all.”


    “Because you seduced him.”


    “I’ve seduced no one, thank you very much,” Lila retorted. He raised an eyebrow at her.


    “Uh huh. That’s why you’re sitting here, letting me hold your hand.”


    She looked down – her hand was indeed intertwined with his. She hadn’t noticed, what with how comfortable and normal it was starting to feel. Almost as though their hands belonged together. She blushed, suddenly flustered. She’d lost her train of thought back at the station. Seemed like she’d need to fire her conductor.


    “Anyway,” Asher said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze, “we had that list of prospective members of the ring, remember?”


    “Yeah. It’s on my laptop, I think. I did bring it, hold on.”


    “I’ll grab it.”


    Asher poked through her bag, victoriously picking up her laptop. “Send it to me. I reckon it might be handy if we’re going all out on this investigation.”


    “We have to,” Lila said gravely. “Leaving it alone sounds like a terrible idea.”


    He tapped the lid of her laptop before passing it to her. “Somehow… this is starting to get really interesting.”


    “It wasn’t interesting before?”


    “Well… it’s not that. But it just feels more legit. Since it’s connected to an actual investigation that your Dad is actually working on – and one that my Dad hired your Dad for.”


    “Not that either of them should know we’re looking into anything related to it at all for now.”


    “I know. I mean, what could we even say?”


    “We’ll have to think of something when we bring it to my Dad.”


    “Hopefully it organically comes to us,” Asher murmured. Lila nodded, opening up the document that they’d worked on just after Asher returned from Vanuatu. After seeing the work they’d put into it, she was kicking herself for letting this investigation fall out of her focus.


    “What’s your email address?” she asked, opening up Gmail. He recited it to her and she sent the document through. His phone buzzed on the coffee table and he checked it briefly before putting it back.


    “… Should we ask Daniel if he’s noticed anything with the Grade 12s?” Asher queried, glancing at her.


    “He would’ve told us when you were going through his books. As much as he’s in the prime position to gather intel, I really don’t want to toss him to the wolves like that. He’s… he’s really in a precarious situation, and he doesn’t know the half of it. If he knows even a word more, it would only be a matter of time before one of the ring members throws him under the bus.”


    “Shit,” Asher muttered, biting his thumbnail. “It looks like we won’t be able to plan much more until we see what happens tomorrow.”


    “Yeah. Which is fine. We’re working with not much info – and it seems to be by complete design. What I find interesting is that you don’t know much about it, since you’re a soccer boy.”


    Asher shrugged. “I don’t normally stick around after practice. Got work to do at home. Plus, when you have a private chef, you don’t need to care so much about smashing juice with the boys. Gabriel’s drinks are far better than anything you can buy.”


    “I see. And definitely agree, with the whole Gabriel’s drinks are better thing. Although, now that I think of it, do you know how far your goody-two-shoes reputation extends?”


    “Uh… odd question.”


    “Well, I wonder if sending you in as a mole would work against us.”


    “How do you figure?”


    “If they all think that you’ll just run off to a teacher, then of course they’re keeping a tight lid on it when you’re around. But only if they think that’s who you are. If they think that maybe you’re a rule bender, they might see dollar signs when you come into the picture.”


    Asher placed his chin atop his right hand, looking reminiscent of The Thinker. “I… honestly don’t know what my reputation is,” he said after a few seconds. “I was a goody-two-shoes, before this year. Now I guess you could call me a criminal, not that anyone else besides you knows that.”


    “Well, it’s not like I’m not a criminal either. Since we’ve been doing criminal activities together.”


    “Bonnie and Clyde,” he smirked. “Hopefully with less murder, though.”


    “That’d be nice,” Lila laughed. “I think I’ll personally stick to break-and-enter and stalking. Being underage in a nightclub wasn’t too bad, either.”


    “Who knows, maybe Alex won’t throw us out if we get in again since you’re Clare’s sister, and my family’s Gabriel’s employer,” Asher chuckled.


    “Jokes aside,” Lila smirked before becoming serious again, “how would we get intel to know what your reputation’s like?”


    Asher pursed his lips. “I mean, does the reputation that precedes me matter? If I just say that I’ve turned a new leaf, y’know. They know I’m loaded. It’d be hard to turn me down if I’m convincing enough.”


    Lila paused. “Let’s park that idea for now. I think… maybe we’d send you in as a last resort.”


    Asher sighed. “It’s a curse, not only being loaded but also the son of the CEO of Forestglade Private Hospital, if that’s where the morphine’s coming from.”


    “If they even know that’s where it’s coming from, if it is coming from there.”


    “There’s too many questions,” Asher grumbled.


    “For now,” Lila replied confidently. “If we dig a little, I’m sure we’ll find the answers we’re looking for.”


    He exhaled heavily, leaning back into the couch. “Well, we’re at a dead end right now.”


    “At least we’ve thought about it together,” Lila said, closing the lid of her laptop. “Once we get more information, we’ll be able to start building our case, I reckon.”


    “Yeah.”


    They sat in a comfortable silence for a little while before Asher glanced at Lila.


    “Do you wanna watch something? Or… maybe we could study?” he suggested.


    Lila wrinkled her nose. “Studying sounds soul-sucking.”


    Asher gave a short, sharp laugh. “Great alliteration. Reckon you’re ready to destroy that English assignment.”


    “Don’t traumatise me further.”


    He laughed again. “Alright, alright. Watching something, it is.”


    They spent the rest of the afternoon into the evening hanging out, watching videos together, laughing and chatting. Every so often, Lila’s thoughts would wander towards what they’d discussed that morning, but she didn’t mind it occupying space in her mind.


    After an uninspiring though hearty dinner of a chicken casserole, Lila found herself in Asher’s arms, her back pressed against his chest, waiting for Clare to pick her up. A YouTube video was playing in the background, though Lila wasn’t paying much attention to it.


    “Are you sure you have to go?” Asher suddenly said quietly, squeezing her gently.


    “Yeah,” Lila replied forlornly. “But it’s not so bad. We have English second tomorrow.”


    “I mean… English is great and all, but it’s not like we can do this during it,” he squeezed her gently again before kissing the top of her head.


    “We could try,” Lila replied light-heartedly.


    “I think Ms Shard would skin us alive.”


    “She’s not so strict, I don’t think,” Lila said absently. “Besides, once she figures out my brother’s supplying her Indian fix, I reckon she’ll turn a blind eye to a few things.”


    “Sounds corrupt-y.”


    Lila snorted. “If she’s as much a fiend for Indian as you say, I think she’d do anything to not upset the balance.”


    He lightly caressed her cheek. “You’re probably right. As usual.”


    She chuckled again, closing her eyes. It enhanced her ability to feel Asher’s touch against her face and if he kept going, she would probably fall asleep. But an almost violent buzzing of a phone against the coffee table rudely startled her awake. She reluctantly sat up, reaching for her phone. It was a message from Clare – she was outside.


    “Have to go,” she said feebly. Asher sighed, getting to his feet and helping her stand. He grabbed her bag and she made sure to take her laptop as well.


    They headed down the stairs, with Lila saying goodbye to Marlene as she bustled about in the kitchen. Marlene returned the goodbye and Asher punched the security code into the alarm system.


    They shuffled out of his house and to Clare’s car, both seeming rather deflated by this turn of events.


    “Hello, lovebirds,” Clare said cheerily as Asher opened the door for Lila. She grabbed her bag on the way and tried to close the door when Asher stopped her.


    “See you tomorrow,” he said sincerely before swiftly kissing her lips. She returned the kiss, a small smile left on her face as he stepped back.


    “See you tomorrow,” she replied, buckling herself in. He smiled, though it didn’t seem quite so happy. He closed the door and stepped further back, his arms folded against his chest.


    “He seems really sad,” Clare commented as she reversed down the driveway. “What’d you do to him?”


    “Nothing,” Lila answered honestly. “I guess it’s just what happens when you date someone you care about.”


    “Fair,” Clare laughed. Then, she narrowed her eyes at Lila. “You haven’t finished a pack of your Pill, right?”


    “No, not yet. Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten that it hasn’t been a month yet.”


    “Good, good.” Clare eyed her suspiciously as she waited for her turn to cross a roundabout. “Have you told him you’re on the Pill?”


    “No,” Lila felt her face flush momentarily. “It… hasn’t come up.”


    “I’d keep it to myself until the first pack’s done,” Clare said sagely. “If he knows what the Pill is, which he should since the sex-ed at Forestglade College isn’t the worst I’ve heard, he might get funny ideas too quickly.”


    ‘He’s already got plenty of those,’ Lila thought, lightly touching the pendant he’d given her. ‘At least once an hour, at a conservative estimate…’


    She smiled to herself, leaning her head against the window. All in all, it’d been a good day.