Chapter One Hundred and Sixty-Two


    Monday morning started with a drizzle – one that Lila didn''t mind being unprotected from. She shook the droplets off her hat as she entered the locker room with a yawn.


    Despite her best intentions, she hadn''t slept well. Asher breaking his promise had affected her more than she realised, it seemed.


    But… it also seemed to have affected Asher.


    She smiled upon seeing him pace outside her locker, his face wracked with guilt and anxiety. He hadn''t paced like that for a long while, his hair fluffed up like he''d run his hands through it a million times over. For now, his hands were in his pockets.


    "Good morning," Lila said as soon as she reached him. He stiffened before looking at her, the worry etched even deeper into his face.


    "G-Good morning," he stuttered, somehow jamming his hands even deeper into his pockets.


    "You don''t need to look so scared," Lila laughed. "It''s okay-"


    "It''s not okay. I broke my promise."


    "Asher, it''s seriously fine," Lila replied, shaking her head.


    He gently gripped her wrist, slipping her bag off her shoulder, his face still morose. "It''s not."


    "Asher-"


    "I''m telling you, it''s not fine," he said firmly. "At least, to me. It''s really not fine and it won''t be fine. I really wanted to call-"


    She placed a gentle hand on his face, looking deeply into his eyes. They didn''t look rested at all – in fact, she was certain he hadn''t even slept yet.


    "You didn''t sleep, did you?"


    He gripped the strap of her bag, his jaw twitching. "I… slept."


    "That''s a lie if I''ve ever heard one."


    He looked at her before closing his eyes and exhaling deeply through gritted teeth. "I slept on the bus."


    "That''s it?"


    He nodded rigidly, opening his eyes once again. "I worked really hard to get it done. I haven''t handed it in yet, since I haven''t slept, but I-"


    "Asher, don''t do that again, please. Thursday is ages away. You could''ve spent some of your time sleeping."


    "I… couldn''t," he muttered, lightly touching her hand. "I let you down. There''s no way I could sleep after that."


    "Your reason is justified, Asher," Lila said seriously. "It''s not like you just decided to be a dick."


    He pressed his lips together and she let her hand fall back to her side.


    "Even so," he said, his voice strained, "I never want to break a promise I''ve made to you."


    "It''s not as though it was a serious one. It was only a phone call."


    "It''s serious to me. I don''t want to set up a pattern."


    "If you''re reacting like this to a phone call, then you won''t."


    He stared into her eyes, brushing her cheek with the back of his hand. "You didn''t sleep either. Shit."


    She pulled away from him, looking behind his shoulder instead of his face. "I did."


    "Not much. I''m so sor-"


    "How many times do I have to say that it''s okay, Asher? It''s just one night."


    He clenched his jaw. "It was my fault for being stupid and not looking at my assignment properly."


    "But you have now, so it''s fine."


    Neither spoke, both standing in defiance of the other. Then, he sighed.


    "I want to make it up to you. What do you want?"


    "What do I want?"


    "Yeah. I''ll get you anything you want as an apology, and I mean anything."


    "Asher, I don''t want anything-"


    "Sure you do. Everyone wants something."


    She swallowed, glancing down at his body for a moment, her face flushed. There was… something – but that''d be horrendous of her to ask for that.


    "I''ll go to the shops this afternoon," he continued, seemingly unaware of where she was looking or what she was thinking.


    "I don''t-"


    "Please."


    His eyes were wide and beseeching, as though he was one moment away from grovelling.


    "I don''t want you to get into a habit of buying me things as an apology," she said after a few moments. "After all, that''s not a very good apology. That''s more of a band-aid or a distraction."


    He faltered and she clutched his hand.


    "But, since you want to make it up to me so badly, I have two requests."


    "Two? Okay."


    "The first is… you have to buy me the most expensive ice cream at Tuckshop."


    "… That''d only be, like, ten bucks at the absolute most."


    "Yeah, and? You said anything I want and you said we were going to Tuckshop yesterday, so that''s what I want."


    "I''ll buy your whole lunch."


    "Is your card set up?"


    "Yep." He nodded furiously and she smiled.


    "Deal, then. The second thing that I want… is a good kiss."


    "O-Oh." He gave her a tentative smile. "Is that all?"


    "Yup. That''s the two things I want."


    "Well… if that''s the case… I can at least give you that kiss before class."


    "It has to be good, remember."


    "Of course." He started to bend down, but she placed her hands on his chest and shook her head.


    "I don''t want it to be interrupted by Isaac," she murmured, glancing around before looking back at Asher. "Otherwise, it wouldn''t be a good one, would it?"


    She heard his breathing stop for a moment, a flash of guilt in his eyes again, before he nodded.


    "Alright. Let''s go to English, then."


    He stood aside as she set herself up for her morning classes. Once she was ready, they set off, with Lila keeping a close eye on Asher. An all-nighter didn''t sound like it would do him any good when he already ran on little sleep.


    He seemed to be okay during English, diligently working away on his laptop, and on their journey to the STEM area.


    "See you in a bit," he said quietly, squeezing her hand at their usual breakaway point.


    "See you-"


    Her goodbye was interrupted by Isaac slapping away Asher''s hand.


    "Isaac, I''m really getting tired of your antics," Lila frowned.


    "It feels like it''s getting worse every day," Asher commented, rubbing his hand. "Are you okay?"


    "No," Isaac replied, turning towards the Chem lab. "You two keep making me anxious."


    "You''re worrying far too much-"


    "You''re worrying not enough," Isaac retorted, cutting off Asher with a glare – one that was more severe than Lila had ever seen from him.


    "I think you need a new hobby, Isaac. Stop worrying about what we''re doing and start worrying about what you''re doing," Lila snapped. "Either that or get your shit together and start dating Elise."


    Isaac took a step back from Lila, blinking at her in shock. "Someone''s grouchy today."


    Lila rolled her eyes. "I''m not in the mood."


    Surprisingly, Isaac actually looked apologetic. "I… I''m sorry. I just…" he blew out a long, slow breath, his face reminiscent of a blown-up pufferfish. "I can''t do this anymore."


    He started to walk off in the direction of the Chem lab before Asher grabbed a hold of his blazer, forcing Isaac to look back at them with impatience.


    "What?" he asked harshly. "Clearly, I shouldn''t be around-"


    "That''s not what I meant, Isaac," Lila sighed.


    "No, no. I''ve gotta go."


    "What''s wrong? Something''s been off with you recently, and it really makes me concerned," Asher said. Isaac attempted to wiggle out of Asher''s grasp, but Asher simply tightened his hold.


    Isaac pressed his lips together, staring down at the ground. "I… don''t want to admit it, but…" he said slowly, sounding as though he swallowed several golf balls at once.


    "But?" Asher pressed, his grip still tight.


    "But… I''m… jealous."


    Asher let go of Isaac''s blazer, his shock evident upon his face. "Jealous?"


    "Jealous of you guys… being together. Watching you two be affectionate around campus in the open like that reminds me that I… can''t."


    "Isaac…" Lila murmured in sympathy. "You could-"


    "I can''t," he said shortly, refusing to look at either of them. "I''ve told you once, I''ve told you a billion times. I''m gonna go to class. Chem''s due tomorrow."


    With that, Lila and Asher watched him go, both dumbfounded. He had long disappeared before Lila and Asher finally turned to each other. Asher was gaping like a fish, his eyes darting back and forth as though he was running through thousands of thoughts all at once.


    "I… I''ve never experienced this from Isaac," he finally uttered. "I can''t believe I never realised. It makes sense that he gets uncomfortable seeing us even just hold hands. Fuck, he must really like Elise. I feel like the biggest idiot-"


    "Asher, if you didn''t know, then you didn''t know-"


    "But I should know. He''s been my best friend for, what, a decade? And I''ve been hurting him…"


    She reached out to touch him, but he sidestepped her and instead handed her bag to her.


    "I''ve gotta get to class. I''ll see you at morning tea, Lila."


    She dropped her hand, clenching her fist around her bag. "See you then."


    He rushed to his class, leaving Lila by herself. She wasn''t quite sure what to do besides go to Maths, so that''s what she did.


    She ignored the Isaac problem for now as she instead focused on her assignment, the rhythm of typing from surrounding students helping her concentrate. She was so close to finishing it…


    "Are you going to stay here forever?"


    Lila jumped, looking wildly around from her laptop. Asher had taken a seat opposite her, his expression both concerned and guilty. They were otherwise alone.


    "S-Sorry," Lila stood up, packing away her laptop. "I didn''t realise."


    "You don''t need to apologise."


    She tightly pressed her lips together as she shoved the rest of her materials into her bag. Now that he was here, she was reminded of how this morning had started and how it would likely go. There wasn''t a scenario where Asher would be as touchy with her as he normally was since Isaac admitted to being jealous-


    "I think the library would be full at this time, so maybe we should just take a walk around campus for morning tea," he suggested, taking her hand in his.


    "S-Should you be touching me?" Lila asked in a whisper.


    He looked down at their hands. "Yeah."


    She blinked at him. "But Isaac-"


    "About that," Asher sighed. "I managed to talk to him after class. I''m actually late coming by and I thought you''d left already. Anyway, he apologised. He said he was just getting worked up because of exams and assignments. The whole jealousy thing… he feels it, but he''s not upset by us. He''s more upset at himself, for not having the balls to ask Elise to be his girlfriend. I asked if he could tone it down, and he said he would unless we start kissing around teachers."


    "I see." She continued to look at their conjoined hands and he smiled.


    "C''mon. Let''s go."


    After putting away their things and grabbing their various fruits for morning tea, Lila and Asher picked a direction to start walking in.


    "Are you sure Isaac''s okay?" Lila asked after the number of students around them thinned out to only a couple every so often.


    "Yeah," Asher replied. "He cooled down after class, so."


    "The solution is so obvious. I just wish he''d take that step with Elise – aside from the fact that he could then be as affectionate as he wants, I think they''d be really happy together."


    "I know. I think the same. But it''s obvious to us, and absolutely terrifying to him. I mean, I was terrified when I asked even though I knew you liked me."


    "I remember that. Why were you so scared? Did you think I was going to turn you down?"


    "… Yeah. I mean, it''d been a while since you told me you liked me and I thought I missed the boat, especially since I was taken to Vanuatu and we couldn''t hang out."


    "I promised I''d wait for you."


    "I was worried you''d changed your mind."


    "Never."


    "Well, I know that now," he laughed. She laughed as well and they slowed their walk down as they approached the IT building. There wasn''t anyone around and they wandered over, leaning against the brickwork on the side of said building.


    "So, something interesting happened yesterday," Lila said conversationally, taking a bite of her apple.


    "Yeah?"


    "Clare came home all pissed off and remained that way all day ''cause some new girl at work crashed her set on Saturday night," Lila explained. "Apparently, the girl ignored her after their Manager talked to her and… well, I was wondering if you could bring it up to Gabriel."


    "To Gabriel?"


    "Well, yeah. Since he''s the boss."


    Asher pursed his lips. "I will, but I don''t think he can change much. I mean, she''s been spoken to already, so hopefully she gets it."


    Lila nodded. "Yeah, but… Clare was a bit insane. Like, she was throwing rocks in the backyard and yelling for ages. She didn''t even know Daniel and I had sat down to watch her."


    Asher snorted. "That''s an image I won''t forget easily."


    "Yeah, neither."Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators!


    "Alright, I''ll mention to Gabriel that it''s been affecting Clare quite a bit."


    "Thanks."


    He silently looked at her as she took one final bite of her apple. She put the remains in her sandwich bag and into her pocket before she glanced at Asher, only to find him still looking at her.


    "What''s wrong?" she asked.


    "I… was just wondering if you wanted me to give you that kiss," he replied, now looking at the trees just across from them. Her heart thumped.


    "But what if-"


    "There''s no one here and no one will come here now that morning tea is half over," he said frankly.


    "Sounds like you''ve thought about it."


    "I may have tried to direct you here for a specific purpose."


    "A specific purpose?"


    He flashed her a grin, moving to stand in front of her. "One I''d like to show you, if you wouldn''t mind."


    A rush of goosebumps rushed through her, her heart suddenly feeling jittery.


    "U-Uh, yeah."


    He placed his hand on the wall next to her, using it to brace himself as he leaned in. She clutched at his blazer''s lapel, her breath halting as it waited to meet his. He pressed his lips to hers, not waiting a second more before his tongue lightly touched her lips, a hidden invitation behind this touch. She let their tongues dance as she felt blood rushing to her ears.


    Then, just as she was weakening from the feeling of their kiss, his free hand grazed her cheek before descending – lower, then lower and lower still. She didn''t move for fear of scaring him away, but as soon as he touched her chest, she couldn''t hold back her yelp of surprise.


    "S-Sorry," he immediately said, backing away.


    "No," Lila replied, her disappointment turning her voice into a whine. "Please don''t go."


    "But you-"


    "Like it."


    "Huh?"


    "I like it. I was just surprised."


    He continued to look unsure. "I should''ve asked."


    She was rapidly falling out of the mood. "Asher, it''s fine."


    "It''s fine?"


    "It''s fine."


    He took a deep breath, his face crimson. She thought he was about to start pacing once again but he instead stepped forward, placing his hands on her shoulders.


    "If it''s fine, then…" he trailed off, his eyes glued to hers. She nodded and they picked up where they left off, though his hands were still on her shoulders. It didn''t seem like his hands would go wandering again so she instead focused on the fluttering in her chest and his lips on hers.


    Just as she figured the kiss was over, his hand grazed her collarbone. Would he keep going?


    "Please," she found herself whispering.


    He didn''t hesitate. He caressed her chest before he finally touched her boobs – both of them.


    Was it acceptable to explode? Aside from how it felt physically, her mind was spiralling with excitement. It hadn''t been a fluke after all – the last time he did this. And this time, there was no nosy Clare to ruin everything.


    She closed her eyes to allow herself to concentrate, her smile uncontrollable. With each second he lingered, held and fondled them, the more she wanted him to keep going. How would it feel under-


    "I-I have to stop," he stammered, turning around from her. "I''m sorry."


    While she wanted to keep going for curiosity''s sake, with the way her body was quivering, the heat of his touch reaching places he''d never been near, it was a very good idea – especially since he wasn''t ready for anything her mind was envisioning.


    "It''s okay. Um, that was enough for me," she said, her voice suddenly shy, her hands clasped together in front of her chest.


    "Really?" he asked, still turned away from her.


    "Yeah."


    "You''re not… disappointed?"


    "Um, no, actually. I think if it was longer, I would''ve passed out. Or away."


    "What?" He swiftly turned back to her, looking over her person as though he could diagnose what she''d meant from a glance.


    "I think I stopped breathing, is all."


    His shoulders relaxed. "Same here. And, uh, we''re at school. Acting up too much in the open doesn''t sound like a good idea."


    In the open? Lila squeezed her hands tightly, her nails digging into her skin. It helped to force her question – about whether not being in the open would make a difference – out of her mind. It was way, way too easy for him to get her into a tizzy. Was there a way to stop it or get it out of her system?


    At the same time, though, it was exciting – the way he could turn her into a mess from something that seemed so simple. Did she even want to get it to stop?


    She peeked at him as something else occurred to her. That was the first time that she''d said it was fine to keep going and… he listened.


    He suddenly pulled his phone out of his pocket. "It''s time to go," he said reluctantly.


    She smoothed down her blazer before nodding. "Alright."


    He offered her his arm and she took it, clinging on as they strolled towards the locker room. She was still buzzing and warm when they entered, even as she opened her locker.


    "Someone seems happy," Elise said loftily as she passed by. Lila turned to look at Elise and felt her face flush deeper. She wasn''t quite sure about telling her friends about what Asher had done to her, but with how light she was feeling, it might end up flying out despite her best intentions.


    Lila was saved by the fact that Elise was rummaging in her locker and not paying her any attention. Lila finished collecting her things and turned, almost bumping into Asher. His surprise appearance made her heart leap to her throat and she attempted to clear it with a cough.


    He smiled at her. "Hello," he said warmly.


    For some reason, she''d lost the capacity to speak. His smile grew wider, his eyes sparkling with humour.


    "I had a question, actually," he said. She nodded, her voicebox still refusing to work.


    "Whether you''d classify, well, that as a good kiss?"


    She nodded emphatically, her head almost flying off with how forceful it was. He laughed, intertwining their hands.


    "I''m glad that I''m halfway to making it up to you."


    She cleared her throat again. "Y-You''ve done more than make it up to me."


    "I''ll still buy you lunch."


    She relaxed her shoulders, squeezing his hand. "Okay."


    He beamed at her and, with an incline of his head towards the exit, walked with her to her PC class.


    She hurried inside with a wave to Asher and slotted herself into her usual seat, a smile still on her face. She greeted Elise and Grace, who exchanged a look before returning her greeting.


    "Yeah, nah, you''re not just happy, you''re ecstatic," Elise said, tapping the edge of the table for emphasis.


    Lila shrugged, opening her laptop screen.


    "C''mon, let us know," Elise cajoled, shaking Lila''s arm as she typed her password in.


    Password incorrect.


    She typed it in again with a reproachful look at Elise.


    "I''m just naturally happy," she insisted, pulling open her Maths assignment. If she concentrated, she might even be able to submit it during PC today.


    "Now, I''d believe that if I didn''t see the look Asher was giving you in the locker room just now," Elise replied, as though she''d cracked the code. "You went over to his on the weekend and did it, didn''t you?"


    "Jesus, no," Lila hissed, closing her laptop lid. "Don''t say that."


    Elise smirked. "So, what then?"


    "Just… kissed a bit at morning tea. Besides, I didn''t go over to his on the weekend. He''s busy studying, remember?"


    "That''s right, you''re staying with him this weekend," Grace interjected.


    "Yeah."


    "I agree with Elise, though. That''s a smile that says more than kissed a bit."


    "Am I that obvious?" Lila felt a blush rising on her cheeks again and she opened her laptop screen once more.


    "With anything to do with Asher, it''s ridiculously obvious when you''re affected by him," Grace clarified, her eyes narrowing. "Other things, not so much."


    Lila immediately averted her eyes from Grace, instead looking at Elise. It felt as though Grace was calling Lila out for not being obvious with the fact that she had known Grace''s secret for as long as she had before their canoe confrontation.


    "So, what happened then?" Elise queried, sounding like she was desperate to know.


    Lila''s blush deepened. "N-Nothing much. But… he touched my, uh, chest again and even after I freaked him out a bit since I was a bit surprised, he kept going. I think that was the first time he listened when I said it was fine and he carried on."


    Both Grace and Elise grinned at Lila, which only made her feel more shy about the whole thing.


    "Good for you," Grace nodded. "I''m sure you''ll be riding that high all day."


    "Yeah," Lila smiled. "I will be. Plus, Asher talked to Isaac and told him to stop doing his weird thing that he does when he sees Asher and I being affectionate or whatever. That took a bit of pressure off."


    Lila kept her eyes on Elise, who dropped her smile as she opened her laptop. It suddenly occurred to Lila that perhaps she shouldn''t have said that. Was Elise jealous of Lila and Asher too? Lila wanted to ask but decided against it. Instead, she shut up and continued with her Maths assignment.


    <hr noshade="noshade" size="1">


    "Are you humming away over there?" Asher''s voice was light with amusement as Lila locked her locker and faced him.


    "Maybe," she replied, her cheeks feeling warm under his gaze.


    "I feel like I know the reason why," Asher smiled, his face flushing slightly.


    "I''d hope so. You''re the reason, after all."


    He held her hand in his, leading her to the locker room door. "I''m glad it made you so happy."


    "I don''t think it''d ever make me unhappy, coming from you."


    He was strangely silent as they walked in step towards Tuckshop. Eventually, he murmured, "I''ll keep that in mind."


    "Please do."


    He gave her a sideways glance before running his fingers through his hair. "Sometimes, I wish you could feel the effect you have on me."


    Well, that made her curious.


    "What do you mean?"


    "The way you look at me sometimes… makes me feel like I''m having heart palpitations. Despite that, I don''t want you to ever stop looking at me. Especially when I do something that makes you happy."


    "You want me to feel like I have heart palpitations?"


    Asher stumbled, looking incredibly flustered. "That''s not what I-"


    Lila laughed, reaching up to touch his face. "I''m kidding. I don''t need to feel the effect I have on you since… you make me feel like I have heart palpitations too."


    He closed his eyes, the colour in his cheeks deepening. "Well, they''ve started up again."


    She moved her hand to his chest, concentrating on the feeling. He was right – and now it''d set off her own. He seemed to recognise this as he opened his eyes with a smile, his eyes appearing to shine gold in the sunlight.


    "I''d test your heartbeat too, but we''re standing in the middle of the road here. I think that might be a step too far," he said, his gaze roving downwards in a way that told Lila he really wanted to go against that. "Let''s go before the Tuckshop line gets too long."


    Now the silence between them had a giddy atmosphere and neither spoke until they joined the back of the Tuckshop line.


    "So, what''re you wanting for lunch?" he asked, looking down at her.


    "Hmm… it''s been quite a while since I''ve had Tuckshop, so maybe lasagne?"


    "Lasagne? Do you like it?"


    Lila shrugged. "It''s decently okay."


    "Looks like I''ll need to see if Gabriel wants to compete against the school lasagne."


    Lila laughed, imagining Gabriel scrambling to make the most perfect lasagne imaginable. "When?"


    "Maybe… Thursday?"


    She grinned, her happiness rising even more at the mere mention of Thursday – enough that she was convinced she''d float away soon. "Sounds like a plan."


    They chatted away, with Lila proudly announcing her Maths progress and Asher listing off the assignments he''d handed in, until they were about halfway to the entrance of the Tuckshop, closer to the bulk of the students milling around.


    "… assembly was wild-"


    "Like, what rumours… around?"


    Lila straightened up, something that Asher noticed.


    "Uh-"


    "Shh," Lila hushed quietly, clutching his arm. "I''m listening."


    "Listening?"


    She gestured around them at several pockets of gossiping students. He smirked at her but kept his mouth shut.


    "Jason… Piper… dated?"


    "No way… she was… stalker."


    "Shit, yeah…"


    "… serial killer-"


    "… terrifying."


    "Morphine…"


    Lila snapped her head to look at Asher''s face. From what she''d heard from official statements, no one had ever said anything about morphine. He seemed to have heard the same thing, his eyes wide. They shuffled forward as the line moved along.


    "… sucks… needed that…"


    "You bought…"


    "''Course. Everyone was."


    "Where do you think they took his…"


    "EW! Why even ask?"


    "Did you want it or something?"


    "… jealous ex?"


    "How jealous… have to be?"


    "Bet he banged… wrong person."


    "Yikes. So that''d mean… killer is… student?"


    "Probably."


    "… creepy…"


    "Teacher…"


    "… sad… Ms Alexander…"


    "… so busy… always with that girl…"


    Lila froze in place. That sounded like suspicion about Ms Alexander and Grace was arising…


    Asher pulled her forward to fill the gap left in the line and she obediently stood next to him as they waited some more.


    "Why… Ms Alexander leaving?"


    "Maybe she killed Jason-"


    "Idiot."


    So maybe there wasn''t suspicion about Ms Alexander and Grace after all.


    "… Flora Park… other day…"


    "Jesus, you''re brave. Or just stupid…"


    "Hey!"


    "… true."


    "Whatever… haunted for sure."


    "Did… see… ghosts?"


    "Nah but… Piper… killed Jason?"


    "… you high?"


    "I wish."


    Lila snorted, prompting Asher to glance down at her. He grinned and they stepped forward again, Lila straining to hear what else people were saying.


    "Ms Alexander… so nice…"


    "Hot too…"


    "In your dreams, dude."


    "Probably got… man."


    ''Unfortunately not,'' Lila thought. It seemed more students than Grace would''ve liked to be with Ms Alexander.


    "… Jason… Banker?"


    "It''s still… probably not…"


    "Ayla… bit weird."


    "Who even… Banker?"


    "No clue… Grade 12?"


    At least Daniel''s role as the Banker was still a mystery on campus. It was pretty unlikely that people would suspect that the Grade 9 kid running the payments for orders and admin was the whole boss of the operation. Though maybe he''d hired someone to do that for him by now.


    "You coming?" Asher asked. Lila looked up – he was halfway into the Tuckshop and she heard quite a few disgruntled people behind her.


    "Yeah."


    They took their time picking their lunch for today – Asher choosing a butter chicken and Lila indeed taking the lasagne – as well as desserts. Luckily for Lila, the ''most expensive ice cream'' at Tuckshop was one that she did want to eat.


    Asher proudly paid with his student ID card, and Lila took a curious peek at his photo as he did so.


    "How the heck did you manage to get a good ID photo?" she complained as he passed her lasagne to her awaiting hands on the way out.


    He gave a surprised laugh. "You think this is a good ID photo?"


    "Yeah, you look really hot-" the words slipped out of her mouth before she could think it through and say it with a bit less reckless abandon and a bit more eloquence. She cut herself off, trying and failing miserably to stop feeling embarrassed.


    "I-oh."


    His lack of a coherent response made her feel nervous and she side-eyed him. He looked both chuffed and shy from Lila''s words. Their eyes met and his lips twitched into a smile.


    "I''m glad you think so," he said, his acknowledgement of her slip-up making her die a little inside.


    "A-Anyway," Lila stuttered, grabbing his arm and pulling him along in a random direction, "let''s find somewhere to eat."


    He allowed her to take him past the Tuckshop and towards an empty table. They sat down, with Lila still feeling embarrassed. Neither spoke as they opened their containers of food, Lila wishing she''d said something much better than that. For whatever reason, the word ''hot'' just seemed too… objectifying, the one thing she didn''t want to do since it might give him the impression she just wanted to use him-


    "… I never thought you''d describe me as hot," Asher murmured. She immediately placed her face in her hands.


    "Sorry-"


    "What''re you apologising for?" he laughed, gently pulling her hands away from her face.


    "I-I just… you''re more than that," she replied, staring at her lasagne.


    "If you say so, but somehow hearing you say that surprised me in a good way. It feels like I should know what you think of me, but I''m honestly at a loss sometimes."


    Lila''s eyes met his. "What does that mean?"


    He shrugged, looking down at his butter chicken and stabbing a piece with his fork. "That I''m still waiting for you to say ''psych'', laugh and tell me I''m stupid for thinking you liked me."


    "Whoa," Lila lowered his fork and kept her hand on his. "Asher, that''s-"


    "No, no, I''m just tired," he mumbled, "I don''t think that."


    "That''s not something you just say because you''re tired. You mentioned something similar before, so I''ve got to ask – is it because of something I''ve done? Or haven''t done?" ''Like say I love you?'' she added to herself. She''d been about to when Asher had brought up feeling insecure over the phone until Marlene brought him brownies. Was this the time?


    He sighed heavily, letting go of his fork and slipping out of her grasp. "Not at all. I just keep being too much in my head."


    "I said a while ago that you shouldn''t doubt me," she replied quietly. "Are you doubting me?"


    "Not at all – it''s… ah, fuck, there goes my big mouth again." He looked totally frustrated with himself, his frown deep-set and lips pressed together for a moment. "Lila, it''s nothing to do with you at all. It''s everything to do with me."


    "But if I wasn''t failing at something, then you wouldn''t feel that way."


    "I told you before that I''m an insecure person. I''m trying to stop feeling that way, but it still creeps up on me especially when I''m tired. It''s really just me."


    Lila sighed, slowly pressing her fork into her lasagne. She wanted to instead press the issue, but he had a stubborn glint in his eye. She acquiesced. "Promise me you''ll sleep tonight?"


    His mouth twitched. "Yeah."


    "You don''t sound like you believe you will."


    His eyes flickered to hers before he resumed his hold on his fork. "I promised, didn''t I?"


    She paused. He looked both determined and exhausted, and she resolved to move on from this conversation topic as quickly as possible. It wasn''t a good time for them to get into it, though she really wanted to get to the bottom of those feelings. She needed to assure him in whatever way she could that she wouldn''t do any of that since the previous time she said he didn''t need to feel insecure or inadequate clearly hadn''t worked.


    It would be a dance that she needed to figure out soon – one that didn''t pressure him but comforted him enough that he could feel entirely secure with Lila. Truthfully, the fact that he felt this intensely about her laughing and telling him he was stupid about believing she liked him stung – but…


    ''I bet if Holly hadn''t cheated, he wouldn''t feel like this about me,'' Lila thought, a flash of anger passing through her rapidly enough that she managed to keep her lasagne intact though it was in danger of being mauled by her fork.


    "I''ll believe your promise," Lila finally said. It was like he hadn''t taken a breath since his last sentence with the way he sucked one in now.


    "Good. Like I said, I don''t want to break them."


    "I know. But… well, you making up for breaking them hasn''t been so bad."


    "Even though I ruined lunch?"


    "You didn''t ruin lunch, but I was thinking specifically about… my other request."


    He flushed, taking several bites of his butter chicken as if he''d never eaten in his life before. It looked like she wasn''t the only person who was still flustered over it.


    "Um, I wanted to ask though," she continued as he downed yet a few more bites. What was he going to do when he had no more food left?


    "Y-Yeah?" he asked, pausing his onslaught against his butter chicken.


    "Did you like it?" She''d never actually asked him this before, whether he liked doing the things he''d do to her. What if he didn''t? Could that be why he''d stop all the time? She''d just assumed that he liked it since he was worried about losing control. But she''d never checked. Sure, she''d asked if he liked her sounds, but this was a bit different…


    "Like what?"


    She swallowed, her mouth suddenly feeling dry. Why was she trembling right now? "U-Um, touching me."


    He reddened, casting his eyes around before lowering his fork. "Do I give you the impression that I don''t?"


    She violently shook her head. "Not at all but I just wanted to check, I guess."


    He pursed his lips. "Checking… is good." It seemed like he couldn''t meet her gaze. "Of course I like it. As much as I want you to feel the effect you have on me, I''m ecstatic that you can''t. I think I''d die of embarrassment."


    How many times had she felt the same this year alone? "That sounds familiar."


    His eyes darted to hers as though trying to discern the meaning behind her statement. Nervousness passed over his face, the tips of his ears now red and she instantly wanted to ask about the cause of this. However, it seemed like the moment he recognised her curiosity, he shuffled back in his seat and picked up his container of food.


    "Eat before it gets cold," he said, gesturing to her sadly prodded lasagne. "Otherwise I can''t give you that ice cream you asked for."


    She''d forgotten about that.


    The question on her lips fell away as she immediately started devouring her food in record time. Once she was done, she outstretched her hand to a dumbfounded Asher.


    "Ice cream, please."


    He laughed heartily. "Where did you even put that lasagne?" he asked incredulously, sliding over her ice cream.


    She patted her stomach. "Here, of course. I thought you''d know that."


    He chuckled, opening his ice cream. "I don''t take Biology, so I guess not."


    She giggled and they both ate their ice creams in contented silence.


    Eventually, they started to speak about things that didn''t venture close to their relationship. At least for Lila, she figured she''d had enough vulnerability for one day.


    This feeling carried on all the way to the bus station. Her countdown until she could hang out with Asher again was loud and clear in her mind as she watched some students greet the teacher on hat duty. She drowned out her excitement by running through her mental list of assignments left to be handed in.


    "Your bus is here," Asher''s voice forlornly intruded on her thoughts and she looked up. There it was, curving around the bend just before the station.


    She smiled at Asher, taking her bags from him. "See you tomorrow."


    She started to walk away, her mind on her awaiting Maths assignment which she needed to double check before sending, when he pulled on one of her bags.


    "Excuse me," he said in bewilderment. She looked back at him.


    "Am… I not seeing you tomorrow?"


    He frowned, shaking her bag slightly. "You are, but you look like you''re going to get on that bus without a goodbye kiss."


    She flushed. "Sorry, I was caught up thinking about Maths and… it felt like our other kiss more than filled today''s quota."


    He let go of her bag with a shrewd smile. "I think I''m rubbing off on you," he said pointedly. "Thinking so hard about Maths that you forgot a goodbye kiss? The Lila I know would never let me forget."


    She felt the heat on her face grow. Was she actually like that? For some reason, she felt sheepish, her heart stuttering. What was wrong with her? Was she really that demanding?


    He chuckled. "I like that about you. Don''t worry."


    "R-Really?"


    "Well, yeah," he nodded, his eyes entirely serious and voice low with a quality that made her shudder, "why wouldn''t I want you to want me? Especially considering… what I said at lunch. I tried to play it off, but I''m really tired." He paused, looking just behind her shoulder. He seemed like he was going to say something else, but he was stopped by her lips which she desperately pressed against his. He made a small sound of surprise before it was replaced with the sound of laughter.


    He gently pulled away from her and she took in the sparkle in his eyes.


    "You''re going to keep your promise, right?" she asked breathlessly, lightly grazing her fingertips against his blazer.


    "My promise?" His whole body tensed up, though she couldn''t think why.


    She raised an eyebrow. "To sleep tonight."


    His shoulders relaxed. "Of course. My head''s never going to hit the pillow as hard as it will tonight."


    She laughed, touching the side of his face. "Well, don''t go too hard. Knocking yourself unconscious is different to sleeping."


    He grinned. "Nah, it''s the same thing."


    She playfully pushed his shoulder and he laughed before growing serious. "I''ll keep my promise this time, don''t worry. See you tomorrow, Lila. Your bus is about to go."


    She turned, seeing the line into the bus only had a few people left.


    "See you tomorrow," she replied before hurrying off, looking backwards to see him waving goodbye, the exhaustion taking over his entire face in an instant. How long had he been pretending to be so alive for? It almost seemed like he''d collapse right there.


    She pressed her lips together, fighting back her urge to go back to him. If he did what he said, he''d be fine tomorrow.


    The door on the bus swung shut behind her and she begrudgingly took her seat. Thursday – then she could make sure he fell asleep, in her arms or otherwise. He''d worked so hard over the past few weeks that rest was her biggest mission for the weekend and she wouldn''t take no for an answer.