Chapter One Hundred and Sixty-Five


    Thursday. It was finally Thursday.


    Not seeing Asher in the privacy of either of their houses, or even going on dates, over the past couple of weeks almost killed her. She couldn''t wait to get changed into her pyjamas, curl up on Asher''s couch and spend the night watching YouTube videos and gaming in his arms. Sure, he''d probably want to study tomorrow, but tonight? She could probably convince him to relax. Especially since she handed in her last assignment last night – it was practically guaranteed that his were handed in now too, even if there were due dates for next week.


    The morning passed in a blur after shoving her remaining bags into her locker. She''d had Design, then Japanese, and now it was morning tea. Her excitement overruled any hints of gossip that she might''ve heard about Jackson and Asher, which she mildly noticed towards the end of her journey with Asher to the locker room.


    "You''ve been buzzing all morning," Asher laughed.


    "Of course," she said, swinging his arm delightedly. "I''ve missed you."


    "You''ve seen me every weekday," Asher said incredulously. "It''s not like we haven''t seen each other."


    "Yeah, but I''ve missed hanging out. I literally just got used to the idea of us hanging out almost constantly and then we couldn''t anymore."


    "I''m sorry," he replied quietly. "I-"


    "You had good reason, Asher," Lila affirmed. "It helped me, too. Usually, I''d be spending morning tea and lunch working on assignments and stressing up until the final second, working on two or three assignments at a time. But… I handed in my last assignment last night without any stress."


    "Congrats," Asher beamed. "Looks like we''ll need to celebrate then."


    "Yup. I hope you reward me for my hard work."


    He looked away from her, his face pink. "Of course. I''ve seen how hard you''ve been working. Besides, I told you I''d make it up to you."


    "Sounds like you''ve got a plan," Lila grinned. "Care to let me in?"


    "Nope," Asher said emphatically. "I don''t actually have a plan. Or, at least, not anything set in stone."


    "So you are thinking about something," Lila narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Tell me."


    "I''m not going to," Asher said, his expression strangely nervous. "Stop it."


    "But I''m relentless, remember."


    "You''ll know soon enough."


    She pouted and he shook his head. "Pouting''s not going to work on me, Lila."


    "But I''m so curious! I think I might die."


    "If you die, then you won''t find out."


    Her pout was even more dramatic and he laughed, kissing her on the side of her head.


    "You''re cute, Lila, but that won''t work either. You''ll just need to wait."


    She huffed.


    "You''re just going to hype yourself up for something that''s not even guaranteed. Like I said, it''s not set in stone."


    "So then you can definitely tell-"


    She was silenced by his lips on hers and the feeling of his hands on her waist. She struggled against him, but he continued on, melting her stubbornness with each passing moment. A clever ploy to distract her… one that wouldn''t… work.


    He gently pulled her head to the side, exposing her neck to him and he trailed kisses down her jaw, his breath-


    "Asher," Isaac''s cold voice proceeded his yanking of the back of Asher''s blazer. "The fuck did I say?"


    Lila pressed her hands to the side of her face, barely taking in Asher''s apologetic expression next to Isaac''s irate one. What had Asher been about to do?


    "… the Dux has… insane-"


    "… rule breaker…"


    "Someone should stop him…"


    "Isaac… angry."


    "That''s new."


    Lila whipped her head around, finding that members of their cohort were staring at her, Asher and Isaac. As soon as they realised her eyes were on them, they hurried inside the door to the locker room.


    "Asher, you''ve never pissed me off as much as you have now."


    Lila''s attention snapped back to Isaac, who was trembling with apparent rage.


    "Why?" Asher straightened up, looking incredibly concerned.


    "Why? Why? How many times have I told you? You just seem to want to ignore me as much as possible. I''m not going to be sympathetic to you when you get in trouble."


    "When?"


    "Yes, when. It''s inevitable. What the fuck''s gotten into you lately?"


    Asher took a step back from Isaac. "What the fuck''s gotten into you lately, Isaac? Something''s-"


    "Whatever. I thought there was a teacher here, but seems like you''re lucky. I''m going to my locker."


    Isaac turned tail and headed into the locker room, leaving both Lila and Asher''s jaws agape in shock. They exchanged a look before wordlessly heading in as well.


    Lila opened her locker, taking her morning tea out of her bulging school bag. What was wrong with Isaac? Was it just the stress of assignments and exams? Or was it just because Asher wasn''t listening to his warnings? Or… had he started gambling again?


    It was possible since working at McDonalds meant he had more money now.


    Lila slowly closed her locker. Asher''s busyness for the past couple of weeks meant he''d hardly had time for Lila, so it was unlikely that, if he was in debt, Isaac felt able to talk to Asher about it.


    She pursed her lips, leaning her back against her locker. Isaac didn''t seem angry with Lila, but she wasn''t about to ask him if he''d gotten himself into trouble again.


    There was probably one person she could ask, though.


    "Hey, Elise," Lila called, turning her head to face Elise as she rummaged through her locker.


    "Yeah? What''s up?" Elise replied, locking her locker. Lila beckoned Elise to come closer, which she did, her head tilted in curiosity.


    "Something''s been different with Isaac lately," Lila said once Elise stood before her. "Do you know any reason for that?"


    Elise stiffened, her hands clutching her sandwich bag tightly. "No idea."


    "It looks like you do."


    Elise shook her head. "I really don''t. Maybe ask Asher."


    Lila pursed her lips. "I would, but Asher''s been so busy that I doubt Isaac would''ve told him anything."


    "Then I don''t know."


    "Are you sure?"


    "Dead sure."


    Lila paused, narrowing her eyes at Elise. "Is it to do with money?"


    "Money?"


    "Yeah. Like, I know you know he''s trying to pay Asher back but has something happened that''s making it difficult?"


    Elise relaxed her tension. "Y-Yeah. He''s paying for a few things which has meant his debt to Asher is on the backburner."


    "Like what?"


    Elise shrugged. "Driving lessons, other stuff here and there. I don''t know, I''m not his accountant. All I can say is that he feels guilty, but he knows Asher will understand. He just hasn''t had the opportunity to tell Asher about it and renegotiate."


    "I see… is that why he''s so stressed out?"


    Elise paused, as though she was considering Lila''s words. She shrugged.


    "No idea. Looks like Asher''s coming with Isaac. You could ask-"


    "Nah. If you reckon he needs an opportunity to tell Asher, then I''ll let him do that."


    Lila then turned to face Asher and Isaac, who looked in a much better mood now. He even seemed to be smirking at Asher. Had Asher said something to Isaac at their lockers?


    "Let''s go," Asher said to Lila with a smile. She nodded and followed him out of the locker room and towards the library.


    "Isaac seems to be in a better mood," Lila eventually commented.


    "Does he?" Asher replied idly.


    "Yeah. Did you tell him something?"


    Asher''s face turned red. "Not at all."


    "That''s suspicious as heck."


    Asher sighed. "Look, I just told him that you were being persistent and that was one way I could get you to forget about being persistent."


    Lila frowned. "Did you tell him whatever plan it was you have?"


    Asher shook his head. "No."


    There was something about that simple response that made Lila doubt him but she decided to let it go. She could be patient.


    <hr>


    The rest of the day went by with Lila concentrating as much as she could on studying for her final exams. She figured that if she studied well enough in class, then she might be able to carve out a little more time to simply relax with Asher over the weekend.


    It seemed that Asher was on a similar wavelength. They had English after lunch together and once he sat down next to her, he didn''t say a word and instead knuckled down to practise for their exam next week. The practice exam was doing her head in, but she managed to figure out what half of it was asking for by the end of class.


    Then, it was their final subject. Maths was surprisingly easier for Lila to get into practising for. Perhaps it was because her textbook had a variety of questions and some exemplary ways to solve similar problems. Either way, she finished class feeling quite satisfied with today''s progress. She''d also managed to ignore any further whisperings and gossip about her and Asher too, so all in all, it was quite a successful day – one to be rewarded for.


    Lila hardly recalled getting into the taxi and leaving campus, her excitement now at a fever pitch.


    It was strange in a way, just how excited she was to just loaf around with Asher for the afternoon and into the evening. While she was still curious about what plans he had in mind, truthfully it didn''t matter as long as they were together.


    "Thanks, George. See you next week," Asher said as he exited the taxi. Lila jolted – she hadn''t realised they were already here.


    "Thank you, George," Lila said as she unbuckled her seatbelt. Asher was by her door in a flash and helped her out before grabbing their things.


    "No worries at all. Have a good long weekend," George said pleasantly before winding up the passenger window and driving off. Lila and Asher watched him go for a moment. Then, Asher turned to Lila with a smile.


    "Welcome back," he said gently. "It''s been a while."


    "Too long," Lila replied with a grin. "Let''s go."


    Asher opened the door as Lila took her shoes off. His house was the same as it always was, and its familiarity made Lila''s heart soar. She was really back here, with her love. Something so simple made her heart so, so warm.


    "Gabriel, Lila-"


    "Coming!"


    Asher had barely closed the front door behind them when Gabriel appeared, his welcoming beam a sight for sore eyes.


    "Lila!" Gabriel said, taking her arm and pulling her further into the house. "It''s been too long. I''ve got a long list of meals that I''ve been itching to make for you. You wouldn''t believe how gloomy it''s been without you here."


    "Gloomy? But you''re here, Gabriel."


    He gave a hearty laugh, leading her to the kitchen with Asher trailing behind. "Even so, it''s been very gloomy. Asher can be incredibly moody, you know."


    "Well, that''s rude," Asher huffed behind them.


    "Not untrue though," Gabriel sang. He let go of Lila''s arm before throwing open the door to the butler''s pantry. A brilliant burst of colour danced across her eyes before she realised what she was looking at. The disco ball.


    "It''s a party in here," Lila grinned. "How can it be gloomy with this thing?"


    "Oh, trust me, it helps," Gabriel laughed. "It''s almost constantly on."


    "I''m glad you like it," Lila said with a chuckle. "I thought you would."


    "Like it? I love it," Gabriel declared. "Just a moment."


    He bustled into the butler''s pantry before returning with a tray of desserts. The smell was heavenly and something else that she''d sorely missed.


    "Here, take these. Dinner will be ready soon. Lasagna, just like you ordered."


    Lila gratefully accepted the tray and Gabriel waved her off. She turned to Asher, only to see him smiling.


    "Let''s head on up," he said.


    They climbed up to the rumpus room and Lila opened the door, stepping aside to let Asher in. It was exactly as she''d remembered and she crossed the room, placing the tray on his coffee table. He placed her bags down beside the couch, closed the door and made his way to the kitchenette. She looked at her bags for a moment before picking them up, placing them in the spare room and returning to peruse the offerings on the tray.


    "Juice?" he asked when she closed the door to the spare room.


    "Of course," she replied, picking up a small red velvet brownie. She bit into it, letting the decadent chocolate flavour coat her tongue. Gabriel''s cooking was definitely something else. She hummed a little as she finished it off.


    Asher approached, two cups in his hands. He passed her one before sitting next to her and taking a sip of his.


    "So, Lila," he said with a smile, "what would you like to do?"


    She glanced at him before putting down her cup. She took his from his unresisting hands, placed it next to her cup and turned to face him, her face sombre.


    "Cuddle."


    He laughed. "Cuddle?"


    "Please."


    "Would you at least like to watch a movie while we cuddle?"


    "Got any in mind?"


    "A few." He reached for his PlayStation 5 controller and turned his console on, opening up Netflix. She looked at him expectantly and he shuffled aside, allowing her to nestle herself next to him. She wrapped her arms around him and watched while he scrolled through the movie offerings before they chose one. Though she was comfortable, there was a secondary reason for her arms around him – the edge of the couch was very close.


    Her head was on his chest, her thoughts purely on the feeling of bliss she had in this moment. His heartbeat was mostly strong and stable. Occasionally they''d share a brief kiss, with Lila noticing his heart rate pick up slightly when she pressed her ear against his chest afterwards.


    The end credits began to roll and she stretched with a smile on her face.


    "Did you like the movie?" Asher asked, a smile on his face too.


    "I liked being with you more."


    He laughed, his face pink. "I did too."


    Then, he reached forward for their cups. "More juice?" he asked.


    "Yes, please."


    He shuffled over to the kitchenette, stretching as he did so. She inspected the tray for more goodies, but there weren''t too many left.


    "Should we save these for after dinner?" Lila asked, turning to look at him.


    "If you think so," he replied noncomittally. "I''m sure Gabriel has something in mind for dessert, though."


    She looked down at the remnants before shrugging. "Always room for more desserts."


    He chuckled, making his way back over with their cups. He continued standing next to the couch, his expression conflicted.


    "Everything okay?" she asked.


    "Huh? Oh." He passed her cup to her with trembling hands. She accepted it, though she was still concerned that something wasn''t right. He remained standing for a few moments before taking a deep breath and looking down at her.


    "So… uh, I was thinking," Asher said, slowly sitting next to her. "If you want to, and you don''t have to, but… would you like to sleep in my bed tonight?"


    Lila stared at him for a moment, trying to ascertain if he was joking. He seemed serious. With shaky hands, she placed her cup on the coffee table.


    "Y-Yeah," Lila replied, suddenly feeling shy. She twirled her hair in her fingers as she imagined what it might be like to sleep next to him. If he had more nightmares, she''d be able to help him directly. And… it definitely had more space than his couch, so she wouldn''t need to worry about falling off when they cuddled. She smiled. "I''d really like that."


    He took another deep breath, setting his cup down. "With that… there''s something else."


    "Something else?" she repeated. Their eyes met before he tore his gaze away, looking beyond her shoulder.


    "Yeah. I…" he paused, bringing a hand through his hair. "I''m ready."


    She sat forward – he was ready? Was it… for what she''d been hoping for?


    "I''m ready to… do more," he said quietly. "N-Not just more. If you want to, I''m ready to go all the way."


    "W-Wait, really?" she asked as she compulsively smoothed down her hair. Did he mean right now? Her heart made itself known loudly in her chest as she continued to look at him.


    "Yeah. Well, I''m… nervous as fuck, b-but I''m ready. I can push past all that-"


    "Asher, are you just forcing yourself to be ready?"


    He shook his head, gently taking both of her hands in his own. "No. I''ve thought – a lot – about my hesitations and decided that… even if they do still exist, which most of them do, this is more important. That… if I keep getting scared off, I''ll never get to experience this with you, and that''s not what I want. Look, I''ve been wanting to do this with you since before we got together, but… well, then we got together."


    Lila tilted her head in confusion. "Us getting together… was a bad thing?"


    "Definitely not. What I mean is… now that we''re together, I''m terrified of losing you. Especially over this."


    "You won''t-"


    "I know. And I logically knew that, but I needed to get myself to believe that."


    The intercom''s shrill tone made them both jump, and Asher seemed annoyed as he got up to answer it.


    "Yeah?" he asked with a hint of petulance.


    "Dinner''s ready, Asher," Gabriel''s voice replied.


    Asher looked at Lila before answering. "Okay. We''ll come down now."


    His expression was apologetic as he turned to Lila. "Sorry. We''ll… pick this up after dinner."


    Lila couldn''t even look at him, her mind in an absolute flurry. He was ready? Why would he tell her that just before dinner? Now she wouldn''t be able to think about anything else.


    He stretched out a hand to her and she could hardly look at that, either.


    "Lila?"


    ''Calm down. Let''s just have dinner. He probably didn''t mean today. Keep your cool.''


    But no matter how many times she repeated the phrase, all she could do was silently hold his hand to the dining room. The smell of cheese and mince wafted from the kitchen into the dining room, which allowed her mind to switch gears just a little. Marlene greeted Lila with a wide smile, pouring her and Asher some punch.


    Gabriel bustled into the dining room, carrying two plates of lasagna which he eagerly set down in front of her.


    "It smells delicious, Gabriel," she said, though her usual enthusiasm was missing due to how hard her heart was beating. She stared down at her lasagna, the melted cheese still steaming and bubbling.


    "Is everything okay?" Gabriel asked, his face concerned. "Are you not hungry?"


    "Huh? Oh. I… I''m starving," Lila replied, reaching for her cutlery and digging in. After her first bite, she grinned at Gabriel, who had been looking at her apprehensively.


    "It''s amazing. Much better than the school''s lasagna," she declared, taking another bite.


    "I''m glad to hear," Gabriel chuckled. Marlene took her usual place at the table.


    Lila felt Asher''s hand graze against hers and she jumped.


    "S-Sorry," Asher mumbled, taking his hand back.


    She grabbed his hand, though she still refused to look at him. Now that they were touching, her heart rate was so fast it was almost painful. It was taking everything she had to focus on her food now and she was losing the battle. Terribly.


    "Are you not hungry, Lila?" Marlene asked, her tone kind and concerned.


    She was – but she was also something else. She started shovelling her food into her mouth without answering, which seemed to resolve everyone''s concerns. Gabriel attempted some conversation about Lila''s past two weeks, but, given the fact that it was mostly filled with study, that died pretty quickly.


    Finally, she finished her food and took her first glance at Asher, who was watching her closely. Their eyes met and she instantly looked away, her heart racing faster than she could move.


    "Apple crumble for dessert," Gabriel said, helping Marlene to clear their plates. "I won''t be a moment."Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.


    Of course, Lila wanted dessert but… she''d rather-


    "Um, the lasagna was pretty filling," Asher replied, getting up from his chair. Lila looked up at him in surprise, seeing that his hands were trembling again.


    "Y-Yeah," Lila agreed, also getting up. "Thanks, Gabriel. It was amazing as always, but I can''t fit another bite."


    He looked devastated in response.


    "Now, now, Gabriel," Marlene said pleasantly, "it''s been a while since they''ve seen each other outside of school. Of course they want to hurry out of here."


    For some reason, Lila didn''t like the way Marlene said that. Was she implying what Lila thought she was implying?


    "If they''d like it later, then I''ll happily warm it up for them."


    Gabriel made a begrudging sigh. "If you are full, then I suppose there''s no reason to force-feed you dessert."


    "Thanks, Gabriel and Marlene. See you tomorrow," Asher said, taking Lila''s hand again. She grasped it tightly and he looked down at her in surprise.


    "See you," Lila repeated. Marlene and Gabriel said their goodbyes and Lila and Asher made their way upstairs.


    Lila stepped inside the rumpus room, her anxiety in full swing. Asher closed the door to the rumpus room and started to make his way to the kitchenette.


    "A-Asher," she called, forcing him to turn around.


    "Yeah?" he replied, his expression curious. He reached into the fridge as she struggled to find the words she wanted to say.


    "U-Uh, I was wondering if I could, uh, check out your room?"


    "M-My room?" Asher asked, suddenly looking nervous. He closed the fridge and continued to stare at her, which made her flustered for a moment. She took in a deep breath, bringing her hands together in front of her chest.


    "Yeah. I… just-" Lila tried to think of an excuse – any excuse – to finish their earlier conversation in his room. That way… they could hopefully get down to business. "Just want to see where I''ll be sleeping. It''ll be easier if I bring my bags there too."


    He seemed like he was about to say no, but he instead nodded. "Alright."


    She took measured steps to the spare room and picked up her bags, trying to either not shake or look too excited. Once she reached him again, he took her hand and led her into his room, her heart beating with a lot more force at each step.


    He slowly opened the door and flicked the light switch on. His room was incredibly tidy – even more than usual. It seemed like he''d planned for Lila to say yes to staying in here tonight.


    "Do you have a side you usually sleep on?" she asked, trying to seem nonchalant as she placed her bags down. He glanced at her as they approached the bottom edge of his bed.


    "Yeah. This one." He fondly patted the right side.


    "So, I get to sleep on that side?" she pointed to the left.


    "I mean, if you''re attached to the right, I''m not about to say no."


    "I don''t mind." She smoothed down her hair again. "So… you were saying… about being ready for more?"


    He looked at her before sighing. "Yeah. It… look, you''ll have to hear me out since it sounds like I''m not, but I want to check that you really want to do more with me. I told you before that I have… some hesitations which haven''t exactly gone away. So, I want to clear them with you and make sure you actually want to do this, with… all the information available. Since a lot of them stem from the fact that I don''t know what you think." He reached out for her shoulders, looking into her eyes as though searching for any hint of hesitation on her part. "One of those is the fact that it''ll be with… me. Are you sure you want me to do this with you? Going all the way? Especially as… your first?"


    "Asher, we''ve been over this to death now. I want to do more with you. I''m constantly thinking about it. I want you and only you."


    "I know that," he murmured, now avoiding her eyes. "After we talked about it the first time, I''ve been doing some research… Lila, sex is completely different to just kissing and touching. It… well, I''ve read that it hurts for girls. The first time, maybe even the first few times. And I don''t want to hurt you… plus… I just-"


    "I''m not fragile, you know."


    "I know," he whispered, bringing his forehead to hers, his hold on her shoulders tightening slightly. "But that''s not the only thing I''m afraid of."


    "What, then?"


    He pulled away, his face a brilliant shade of red. His breathing seemed to be rapidly increasing in pace, his eyes roving down her body before travelling back to meet hers.


    "I''ve… been really terrified that, by hurting you too much – emotionally, physically, and all of that – you''d leave me. I can''t lose you, not when I just… finally…" He pressed his lips together, sighing ever so slightly. She wanted to refute this, but he began speaking again before she had the chance.


    "And… like I said before… I''m afraid of losing control. About this, specifically. I… I''ve never done this before, s-so I don''t know what I''d be like. And that mystery – something I can''t account for, overthinker I am, keeps freaking me out. It''s been the main thing that''s been stopping me, even when you''ve been so upset about it. And… if I lose control to the point of hurting you? I don''t know what I''d do. I mean… if our kissing is anything to go by…" he trailed off, tentatively meeting her eyes before looking away again. His grip on her loosened, as though dejected.


    Lila''s heartbeat pounded in her ears, her face reddening. She gently pushed him back and he let go of her entirely, lowering himself backwards onto his bed. She climbed onto the bed, placing her hips squarely over his. She wasn''t exactly sure where the sudden surge of confidence was coming from, but she found herself saying, "Well, after the first time you said that about your sense of control, my curiosity has been burning. Since you always seem so put together… well, I''d… really like to see you lose it completely. I''m more than ready to take it. And… by the look in your eyes, I can tell that you''re curious about how it''ll feel, too."


    His eyes widened, his mouth slack-jawed and dumbfounded. "W-Wha-"


    Lila pressed a finger against his mouth before grazing her lips against his. As though by instinct, she felt his hands wrap around her back, pulling her as close to him as he could. He returned the kiss, moving in a rhythm that was distinctly theirs. His lips were the same softness that she''d felt many times before, but there was an energy in this kiss that was spine-tinglingly new – one that she wanted to know more intimately. When she broke away for air, she was instantly back, his magnetic pull not allowing her a second more away from him.


    Her body began moving on its own accord, as though desperate to feel as much of Asher as possible. Her hands ran up his body before resting on his broad chest as she continued to straddle him. Her blood had been replaced with a fire she''d never felt before – even when compared with all their previous kisses combined.


    She moved against him, gripping the collar of his shirt to stabilise herself. A soft moan escaped his lips, somehow strengthening the buzzing thrum pulsating through her thighs as she rotated her hips. His hands traced their way down her back before resting on them, the flexing in his fingers betraying how much he clearly desired her touch. She wondered, briefly, how his hands would feel right there, against her bare skin, before the sensation of his kiss wiped any thoughts from her mind.


    Just as quickly as they started, Asher suddenly broke away from her entirely. He sat up, consequently taking her with him though his hand on her back stopped her from falling off the bed. Her heart stopped, the now-familiar feeling of disappointment settling in her chest. But, unlike all the previous times, this… seemed different.


    His face was an impossibly deeper shade of red – the deepest she''d ever seen on him. He wiped his mouth with the back of his free hand before bringing both of his hands to his hair, clutching at it.


    "Oh man, oh man," he muttered, near-hyperventilating, his eyes looking beyond her. "This isn''t a dream, right? You''re actually okay with this? With… me? I can actually do what I want, right?"


    Lila smiled, his words reassuring her entirely that he wasn''t going to stop just yet. She placed her right hand on his chest again. "Only if I can do what I want, too."


    His eyes snapped to hers before fluttering shut. "I-It probably sounds like I''m scaling back to what we''ve talked about again and again, but I-I''m freaking out."


    "Same here."


    "Y-You don''t seem like it. I-I… I''m ready. I''m ready to just let go and… and trust that everything will be okay – but are you sure you are? Even with what I just said, a-about it hurting you? I just- I don''t want to rush you, or push you into this. J-Just to be clear, I really want to, but I know that sex means something very different for girls, like are you sure I''m the right-"


    "Asher, if you don''t shut up and kiss me, I''m gonna go crazy."


    His hand curled around her right hand and he lifted it up, swiftly placing his other hand on her back. Her world spun for a moment, and suddenly she was the one lying down on his bed. His mouth captured hers again, his tongue running along her lips. She let out a low moan as he cupped her face, caressing her cheek with his thumb. Tingles shot through her whole body and she clutched his shirt, the fibres instantly crumpling in her fists. Feeling good was an understatement – this, coupled with the anticipation that maybe they would finally do what she''d been wanting to do for weeks – months, even – was addictive. She was craving everything he could give her within this moment.


    He continued to passionately kiss her, her head empty of any rational or reasonable thought. She brought a hand underneath his shirt to his toned stomach, touching it for a moment before trailing downwards, drifting over his pants. Asher broke their kiss again, standing up entirely with his hands raised in surrender.


    "I-I''m serious," he stammered, "i-if you touch me there again, I won''t be able to restrain myself. I''m already on the edge here."


    "Do you want to restrain yourself?" she challenged, raising an eyebrow. "I thought you just said that you were ready. If you''re not sure about this, we don''t have to-"


    "L-Lila, you''re driving me insane," he replied breathlessly. "You''ve been driving me insane. As… hesitant as I''ve been this whole time, there''s something else that has been tearing at me – telling me to just… take you."


    He took a deep breath as he brought a hand to his chest. "Sometimes it makes my chest hurt with how intense it feels. Y-You''re right… I''m beyond curious." He looked incredibly conflicted, glancing back at her whilst biting his bottom lip. Then, he hung his head, pulling back from her slightly. "But I… don''t have any protection."


    "I''m surprised."


    "I just hadn''t thought I''d be in a position to need it. And I… I thought we''d wait much longer than this. That I''d just tell you I was ready and we''d… go slow. Wait until we see each other next or something. So, I thought I''d have time to prepare. But… the more you kiss me and touch me, the less I want to wait." He sighed before shaking his head. "Actually… I think… it was more my cowardice coming through, so I could back out again since… I was convinced you wouldn''t be okay with me, or getting hurt, and all of that. S-Sorry. For disappointing you again."


    Lila gestured for him to come closer, shuffling up on his bed to give him room. "Let me tell you a secret," she whispered. He obliged and she grabbed his shirt again, pulling herself close to his ear. "I''m on the Pill."


    His whole body shivered and he looked astounded for a moment. "Really?"


    "Yeah. When you went away, Clare took me to see a doctor for it. So, I guess you could say that I''m always protected. Well, for some things. Not everything."


    He stared at her before ruffling his hair and looking down at the bed. "… Fuck," he murmured under his breath.


    "Please."


    He gave her a sharp look, and she returned it with a steady one of her own. The butterflies in her stomach, permanent residents since they started dating, had now swelled to the size of birds. Her heartbeat pounded heavily in her throat as she waited for his reaction. She was ready. After abstaining for so long against her desires, even though it was for the growth of their relationship, she never wanted anything more in her life. And… when she heard that he was finally ready – it just made the feeling even more powerful.


    His expression changed to one of sincere nervousness as he lowered himself onto the bed, propping himself above her with his arm. They remained in that position for a split second, Lila''s eyes searching his for an answer to her implied request.


    "Since you asked so politely," he whispered in her ear, kissing it gently. He continued his kisses down her neck, setting her body alight with a shuddering rush. She gave an involuntary groan, which seemed to arouse him further, his pace quickening. He traced her collarbone with his fingers, sparks flying down her body with each movement downwards, before easily unbuttoning her shirt one by one…


    <hr>


    Lila was glad that she was staying over. There was no way she''d be able to walk straight to her sister''s car after they were done. She clutched Asher''s blanket tightly in her right hand, raising it to cover her bare chest even more. She still hadn''t regained her breath properly, and it sounded like Asher hadn''t either.


    Though she''d been told it would likely be this way, she hadn''t expected just how much her first time would be both a thrilling and awkward experience – clumsy, yet exciting. It''d taken them a while to get into the swing of things, spending quite a lot of time warming up through touches, kisses and more, with a couple more questions about whether or not they were ready to keep going.


    Once it was time to actually have sex, though she''d felt ready, she couldn''t help but also feel nervous. After they started though, there was no way of stopping until the natural end. As it had felt that Asher worshipped every part of her body, treating her with the utmost care and respect, she hadn''t minded the initial pain she''d felt. It had quickly been replaced with pleasure, after all.


    Through all of it, she found a connection to him that seemed to intertwine their very souls together – one that raised her trust in him to new heights. Now she was beyond certain – there was nothing else in her heart for him except for love and there was no room for anyone else, either.


    His embarrassment about how it had ended was adorable, his panicked apologies almost making her laugh. Somehow, she felt that nothing could have endeared him more to her and after several reassurances that it really was okay – that, actually, she''d liked it – he''d finally settled down enough to hold her hand underneath his blanket.


    Asher seemed spent as he stared at the ceiling, his mouth twitching occasionally as though he was about to say something. She wondered what he was thinking about but couldn''t find the words, or breath, to ask.


    They laid like that, side by side, in his bed for a few minutes. Eventually, Lila''s breathing returned, and she relaxed her grip on the blanket. She was feeling rather exhausted, after all that. She closed her eyes before feeling Asher''s arm wrap around her once more. Her breath spiked along with her heartbeat, and she turned to look at him. He was gazing at her with a blazing intensity – one that she''d never seen before, though previous looks had come close.


    "Lila," he said seriously, "I love you. I''ve… wanted to tell you for a while, but couldn''t get the courage. You don''t have to say it back, but I can''t hold it in anymore."


    She gave an impulsive laugh – a laugh that shocked even her. Asher instantly looked hurt before Lila leaned forward and kissed him. He reciprocated, though he seemed reluctant.


    "Sorry," she said, moving back to her original position. "It… just came out. I think… well, after everything, and what you did to me just now, it felt like you better love me. Especially ''cause…" she smiled, her heart beating almost as fast as it had just minutes before, "I love you, too. I''ve also wanted to tell you for a while but didn''t want to scare you away or force you to do this before you were ready."


    Asher breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God," he said, beaming at her. "And… I guess we''re even now."


    "Even?"


    "Well, kinda. Not fully. As even as we can get. Since I laughed – when you confessed. So, it''s only fair that you laughed when I confessed. Fuck, though, that hurt. I… I''m so sorry I did that to you."


    She looked at him for a moment, her eyes briefly drawn to the ''L'' that he was still wearing, before scooting closer to him. "Guess we are even," she agreed softly, leaning her head on his chest. His heartbeat sounded strong and stable – comforting. He lightly stroked the top of her head, and she closed her eyes again. With him, she felt entirely safe. Warm. Loved, even.


    <hr>


    As though losing her virginity had unlocked something deep inside her, Lila found herself not only thinking about it the next morning but also with an insatiable yearning for more. Her previous level of desire was no match for what it was like now that she knew exactly what it felt like, beginning to end. This feeling wasn''t helped by the fact that she knew that if they practised more, it would feel even better. When she woke, though, Asher was still asleep next to her, snoozing peacefully.


    She looked over at his sleeping form fondly. She was glad that he hadn''t had any night terrors or nightmares last night. From how rested he looked, it seemed that this was the soundest that he''d slept for a long time – even more so than the night they started dating.


    Looking around the room, she could see the pile of clothes that they had taken off in a hurry next to the bed. It was probably a good time for a shower…


    After it was sufficiently warm, she stepped inside, the water refreshing her tired body. Surprisingly, she was aching in places and ways she didn''t know she could, but figured she''d get over it soon. The shower was helping, at least.


    It turned out that Asher losing control was like lifting the lid on a gentle yet untameable beast. In fact, he still had enough control to make sure she enjoyed herself and Lila had a slight inkling that, perhaps, he had still been holding back. Overall, he needn''t have been as worried as he had been…


    "Showering without me?"


    Lila jumped, spinning around to see Asher poking his head into the shower. Instinctively, she tried to cover herself with her hands. She could see, though, that he was naked, except for the ''L'' around his neck. In an instant, she remembered that there wasn''t even any need for humility.


    She lowered her hands and moved back. "You''re welcome to join if you want. I just thought you were still sleeping."


    He gleefully stepped in, and she felt herself grinning. Though clearly designed to be a one-person shower, there was more than enough room for them both.


    "So…" he said casually after a few minutes of running through their showering routines. "Any complaints?"


    Lila smiled at him, pecking him on the cheek. "None whatsoever."


    "None? That sounds promising."


    "Well, actually," she said playfully, tapping her chin. "I do have one complaint."


    "Uh oh."


    "It''s made me want more."


    "Oh." He looked down at her before a look of realisation crossed his face. "Oh." His face turned red, though a tentative smile started to form. "I reckon I could fix that."


    "I''ll report back," Lila promised, turning around to rinse her body. She felt his hand brush against her shoulder and she turned back, looking at him curiously. His face was entirely flushed and eyes seemed to pierce the core of her soul.


    "I… just wanted to say," he began, his voice a low rumble, "I''d never forget this. Not in a million years. Every moment feels etched into my memory and every time I close my eyes… well, I see you. I''m… so glad I waited. For you."


    "Well, you didn''t know I had a crush on you," Lila replied softly, tracing the lines of the muscles along his bicep. "So even if you hadn''t waited, that would''ve been okay, too."


    He gently took both her hands in his, tenderly kissing each. "It feels like I was meant to wait for you. Like fate was stopping me on purpose – telling me that she wasn''t right for me. Being with you just feels right. It''s always felt right, even when I didn''t want it to. Like I said before, somehow, we just clicked."


    Lila''s heart jumped in her chest and she squeezed his hands, a genuine smile on her face. "I love you. I''m glad that I could experience my first time with you. Even though it hurt a little at first, I didn''t mind. You make me feel safe. Almost like… you''re my home."


    He inhaled audibly before enveloping her in a hug. He seemed overcome with emotion, the realisation of which prickled the tears behind her eyes. After a couple of seconds, he let go with a wide, sparkling grin.


    "I love you too. Let''s get outta here, though. I think we''re in a drought."


    <hr>


    Lila couldn''t hold back any of her giddiness, exchanging furtive looks with Asher filled with meaning over breakfast that Friday morning. It was yet another secret that they shared, their nighttime passion, and she hadn''t anticipated that it would make her feel this joyful.


    Gabriel eyed the both of them suspiciously as they ate their breakfast of elaborately decorated French toast.


    "Something good happen, I take it?" he asked. Asher''s fork clattered to the floor and he bent to pick it up, his face cherry-red.


    "N-No," Asher replied, his voice quivering. "N-Not at all."


    Gabriel stared at him for a moment before heaving himself to his feet with a loud, long-suffering sigh.


    "Yup," Gabriel announced. "I think I''m going to eat in the kitchen before you make me feel sick. I don''t like the looks you keep giving each other."


    Lila was mortified as Gabriel swiftly took his leave, armed with his breakfast. Asher''s face was still cherry-red, though he seemed to relax a little now that Gabriel had disappeared.


    Lila snuck a peek at Asher and his eyes met hers. They smiled at each other simultaneously, though neither spoke. They finished their breakfast and Gabriel returned, his nose wrinkled.


    "Any plans for the rest of the day? Since it''s a pupil-free day," he asked stiffly, collecting their plates. It seemed like he didn''t actually want to know the answer, but Asher spoke anyway.


    "I was, uh, thinking of going to the shops," he said, wiping his hands on a napkin. His eyes flickered to Lila''s, though she wasn''t exactly sure why. They hadn''t discussed any plans but something behind his gaze was telling her to agree.


    "Yeah," Lila said, looking back at Gabriel.


    "Probably better off that you two aren''t loitering around the house," Gabriel said sagely. "I presume you want to take the bus?"


    "Yeah," Asher said quickly, standing up. He tucked his chair in haphazardly. "We might take the bus home, too."


    "Alright," Gabriel nodded. "I''d expect it to be crowded with school students since school''s not on today."


    "Thanks for the reminder," Asher replied. Gabriel inclined his head again before departing to the kitchen once more. Asher made his way to Lila''s side of the table. He gently held her hand, helping her to stand.


    "Thanks," Lila smiled, tucking her chair in with much more success than Asher. "Why''d you wanna go to the shops?"


    He let go of her hand, his face breaking out into an anxious smile. "I-I need to get something."


    "Something?"


    He nervously looked behind him, as though expecting Gabriel to be standing there. He leaned in close to her ear and whispered, "Condoms."


    Lila emitted a surprised squeak, covering her face with her hands. Obviously, that implied they''d be doing it again…


    "B-B-But, I mean, we don''t have to, if you don''t want to, I mean, it could be a one-time thing, i-if you didn''t like it, a-and, besides, I don''t want to pressure you, and I know you''re on the Pill, but I think it''s better to be safe-"


    "It''s okay," Lila interrupted him, her voice muffled behind her hands. "It just took me by surprise. We''d… probably need them."


    She hoped he wasn''t looking at her as she said that. When she didn''t hear a reply, she lowered her hands. He was hiding behind his own hands, the bits of his face that she could see a vibrant scarlet.


    "L-Let''s go," Lila said hurriedly, "the bus''ll be here soon."


    <hr>


    Visiting the shopping centre felt odd. Being the first time they ventured into the open after having sex, Lila felt almost paranoid that people around them would know. After they got off the bus, Asher slipped her hand into his and they walked in step with one another, their fingers interlocked. Were there people from school around? Would someone see them? Did she need to panic?


    ''Calm down,'' she told herself firmly. ''You''re his girlfriend. Of course you don''t need to panic.''


    The fact that they were dating had spread around school incredibly quickly over the past few weeks – undoubtedly helped by their making it official on social media and Asher''s dramatic punch-up with Jackson. It was likely that if someone from school did see them, they''d already know they were dating. Besides, how would anyone be able to tell that they''d done it anyway?


    "Hungry?" Asher asked kindly as they passed through the automatic glass doors.


    "Nah," Lila replied, patting her stomach with her free hand to test her hunger. "I''m still okay from breakfast."


    "Alright."


    They walked around at a leisurely pace, pointing out various shops of interest to one another as they usually did. Eventually, though, they passed a chemist and Asher slowed to a stop.


    "… If we don''t get them now, we''ll probably forget," he said softly.


    "… Probably."


    Neither moved a muscle as they looked at the clinically bright, bustling store.


    "You''ve… never bought them before, right?" Lila asked in a low voice.


    "Never," Asher replied, shaking his head. "I don''t even know where to go."


    "I think I''ll die if we have to ask someone."


    "We''ll find them," Asher asserted firmly, squeezing her hand. He uneasily turned his gaze back to the storefront.


    "Well… we won''t find them out here," Lila said after a few moments. They exchanged an apprehensive look before stepping inside.


    The signage, lights and sheer number of products stacked high on shelves were overwhelming. Lila couldn''t orientate herself properly and was glad that Asher was still holding her hand.


    "It might be down here," he murmured, gently tugging her down a particular aisle. It wasn''t, and together they searched every aisle they came across until finding one called ''Family Planning''.


    ''I… guess planning against kids is family planning,'' Lila thought to herself as they found the requisite section. If finding this particular aisle had been overwhelming, finding the right product was even more so.


    They wordlessly picked up two different brands of condoms, reading the back of the boxes.


    "I… don''t know what any of this is trying to say," Lila muttered.


    "It''s a bit like that, isn''t it?" Asher agreed with a sigh, putting his box back and selecting another one. Lila looked back down at the box she was holding. What were the differences between condoms? Did reviews even exist for these things?


    "Hey guys," a voice called next to them. "What- uh. Why are you guys holding those?"


    Lila whirled around to face the owner of the voice and saw an awkward-looking Isaac. Asher immediately chucked the box he was holding back onto the shelf and tried to look casual as he faced his friend.


    "N-No reason," Asher replied, a trembling grimace on his face. Isaac''s eyes slid over to Lila''s face before travelling down to the box in her hands and back up to the label of this section of the aisle.


    "… you guys-"


    "Shhhhhhh!" Asher hushed loudly, drowning out the rest of Isaac''s sentence. "Not. Another. Word."


    Isaac mimed zipping his mouth together and throwing away the key. The trio stood there, looking at each other, each of their faces varying degrees of red, before Asher sighed, running his fingers through his hair.


    "Why''re you here, mate?" he asked. Isaac mimed searching for the key in his pockets and Asher glared at him.


    "I''ve been feeling like I''m coming down with a cold," Isaac explained, the faintest trace of a grin on his face. "I''m still taking on a whole bunch of shifts at Maccas, so I can''t afford to get sick. Literally, and also because then I won''t be on with Elise."


    "Makes sense," Lila replied, slowly putting the box she was holding back on the shelf as if it would make Isaac forget what he''d seen.


    Isaac cast them a suspicious look before placing his hands behind his head. "You know, when I started shipping you guys, then Elise and Grace came on board and we played matchmaker, I didn''t realise that you''d just fly so quickly into those activities after you finally started dating. I thought it''d be at least a few more months with the way Asher was going on about it at camp. I think I''ve still got the bags under my eyes from staying up. I also thought all you were doing this weekend was telling Lila you love her, not making love to her."


    Asher whacked him on the stomach with the back of his hand and Isaac gave a small "Oof" before rubbing his stomach, looking distinctly displeased.


    "If you were going to be this sensitive about it, you should''ve done a click and collect or something," Isaac objected. "It''s fine, dude. You''re dating and even if you weren''t, it''s still fine. No need to freak out about it. I''d recommend the Skyn brand. Anyway, see ya later."


    Isaac looked ready to skedaddle like a Looney Toons character before Asher gripped his jacket.


    "Wait, how do you know what brand to get?" Asher asked seriously. Isaac smirked, however his eyes looked uneasy.


    "Wouldn''t you like to know? Anyway, I''ve-"


    "Are you and Elise banging?" Lila piped up. Isaac began to splutter, his face entirely bright red.


    "W-Why would you say Elise and I were?" he queried nonchalantly, though the panic in his expression was painfully apparent. He shrugged off Asher''s hand, looking elsewhere in the aisle. "I''m, uh, as virgin as the day I was born. T-Trust me, I just guessed a brand since you guys looked lost."


    Asher and Lila exchanged a look.


    "Bingo," Asher nodded. "As your best mate, that''s the worst attempt at lying I think I''ve ever seen from you."


    Isaac sighed, shaking his head in apparent defeat. "Fine. Yeah. Since just before term started, that week Asher was in Vanuatu."


    "That long?" Lila gaped, her mind scrambling to figure out how many weeks ago that was. To say she was floored by the revelation was an understatement, that''s for sure.


    Isaac shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Yeah. Uh, please don''t tell her I told you. She''ll kill me."


    "How''d that even start?" Lila crossed her arms, impatiently waiting for a response.


    "It… was an accident," Isaac said awkwardly, still avoiding looking at either of them.


    "H-How can you even do that by accident?" Asher looked bewildered, a blush rising on his cheeks. Lila averted her eyes from him – as far as her experience had gone, it had been very purposeful.


    "It… we went on a walk to the park after a shift. Then, she started crying – about her Mum, and all the stress she was under and a whole bunch of stuff. A-And I didn''t know what to do to help." Isaac himself looked incredibly stressed now, his eyes darting around wildly as though searching for escape routes.


    Lila''s mind was swirling. "So… having sex with her was the answer? In a park?"


    "I-It''s not like I had any money to help her and it''s not like it was out in the open," Isaac replied, his voice both strained and exasperated. "We just… kept doing it and… she started getting a lot happier. So… we''ve been doing it ever since."


    "It kinda sounds like you sold your body to her," Asher commented, raising an eyebrow. Isaac spluttered, though he didn''t refute this.


    "Hang on, you guys are both so busy," Lila frowned. "It''s not really like you have that much free time to go visit each other''s houses since you''re working so much, plus school. Besides, Elise''s Dad would kill any guy who stepped foot into his house. Neither of you can drive, too. So, where do you guys even do it? Just at yours?"


    Isaac''s face turned scarlet as he mumbled, "I''m not gonna tell you guys."


    Asher blinked. "Why not?"


    "You''ll take my spots."


    "Your… spots?" Asher raised an eyebrow before realisation lifted both. "Wait – you guys are doing it at school?"


    Isaac didn''t respond, instead preferring to begin sidling away from them, his expression telling them all they needed to know. Definitely at school.


    "Are you guys dating?" Asher questioned, his volume rising as quickly as Isaac''s escape, which picked up in pace as he shuffled away even faster.


    "If you guys are dating, then why wouldn''t you tell us sooner?" Lila''s tone was accusatory. Isaac immediately broke off into a sprint, out of the aisle entirely.


    "They''re totally dating," Asher said monotonously. He pressed a hand to his forehead before inhaling deeply. "Skyn, huh…"


    "I feel like you''re brushing past this way too quickly," Lila huffed.


    "They clearly have their reasons as to why they didn''t tell us," Asher shrugged, picking up two varieties of the Skyn brand. "How do I even know what size I am?" he murmured, frowning as he read the backs.


    Lila pursed her lips. He seemed to sense her discontent as he glanced up at her and placed one of the boxes on his hip.


    "I''ll process it at some point. Don''t worry. I''ve just got a one-track mind here. That being I gotta get this and get the fuck outta here before more people we know show up."


    Lila nodded – that would probably be for the best. As she looked at the rest of the aisle, something occurred to her.


    "There''s no cold and flu medicine in this aisle."


    Asher blinked down at her. "What?"


    "W-Well, I just noticed that there''s none of that stuff here. Somehow, I don''t think Isaac''s coming down with a cold."


    Asher laughed before understanding sparked within his eyes. He looked down at the boxes he was holding, then back at the shelf they were at, before resting his eyes on the banner declaring what aisle this was.


    "He was trying to get more, wasn''t he? That''s why he stood around for far too long, answering our questions. Now I feel bad for chasing him away."


    Lila looked back at where Isaac had fled with a sigh. Seriously – why couldn''t they have told Lila and Asher earlier? All at once though, the feeling that she''d had about Isaac''s weird behaviour for the past few weeks made sense.


    "Alright, I think I''ll just… get this one," Asher said, drawing her attention to him. His face was bright red, his posture awkward as he showed her the box.


    "T-Twenty?" she stammered, staring at it. "Don''t most of these come in sets of ten?"


    "U-Uh, I just thought… y''know, to be prepared. Buy more than we''d need. E-Especially since I didn''t have any yesterday."


    Twenty… seemed like a lot. She glanced at him, only to see that he looked incredibly anxious.


    "Actually, I''ll just grab a ten-"


    "No, no. Take the twenty."


    "You sure?"


    Lila nodded, unable to meet his eyes. It was a lot but it wasn''t as though they weren''t going to do it again. There wasn''t anything wrong with preparation, after all.


    "Alright, I''ll just buy these quick. Uh, should we grab some lunch?"


    "Y-Yeah."


    Buying the things was the most uncomfortable thing she''d felt in a long time. The attendant hardly batted an eye, proceeding through the transaction as though they''d just bought Band-Aids but surely they were thinking about why Asher was buying these, right?


    They survived the transaction and he''d purchased a paper bag for them even though she put it in her handbag. It felt like its mere presence was burning a hole through both. Was there a way she could escape this embarrassment?


    It started to ease as they walked to the food court, but her mind kept drifting to both the fact that they''d just bought that – but also that they''d finally…


    She gripped Asher''s arm tightly and he looked down at her.


    "Whoa, you look pale," he said, stopping in his tracks. "Are you okay?"


    "I… I''m okay. Just… thinking."


    "Thinking?"


    She could only muster a nod. He smiled, touching her cheek before lightly brushing her lips with his finger.


    "I''m thinking too," he murmured, leaning down for a kiss. She was worried for a moment about kissing him in public before she realised that they were at the shops. There wasn''t any reason to stop just a kiss.


    Except – when their lips met, she was suddenly transported back to what they''d done and what she was hoping to do when they got back. He himself felt like-


    "Shit, this isn''t good," Asher said, breaking apart with force. "L-Let''s get lunch. Um, was there anything else you wanted to do here?"


    It felt like there was a hole in her chest, right where her lungs were. She sucked in a deep breath, recovering as much as she could before answering.


    "N-Nothing else. Just, um, keen to get back."


    His face, which was already pink, turned a deeper shade. "Okay. Sounds good."