<h4>Chapter 99: April 19th (Monday) – Asamura Yuuta</h4>
Cherry blossom petals no longer lined the gutters, and the city has been decorated with vibrant shades of green. This was a sight I saw every year—pink petals discarded by the trees that gave them life, and the scenery changing aste spring took hold. It was always the same.
But for us high school students, not everything stayed the same. Moving up a grade was a significant change for us. The sets of stairs we climbed to reach our ssroom increased by one. Looking out the window from our new vantage point, we could see the rows of trees lined up outside, and our view of the school grounds extended further than before. These small differences were enough to make us feel one more step closer to adulthood than the year before.
The same went for the view inside the ssroom, too. Among the rows of neatly shuffled students, one-sixth of the familiar faces from the year before were gone, reced by fresh ones. Naturally, that meant the atmosphere in the ssroom changed as well, and it took a bit of getting used to.
I reached into my bag to take out my textbook and began getting ready for the first ss. While I was at it, I also grabbed my notebook and a mechanical pencil to jot down my notes.
Now that we were in the same ss, Ayase-san''s seat was two rows in front and one to the right of mine. I could barely make out her bright-colored hair among the nearby group of girls. I''ve kept my promise to Ayase-san and haven''t spoken to her much at school. Well, it''s not like I get that many chances to naturally talk with girls, anyway.
The girls were chatting away energetically in a circle, even though they only had ten minutes after homeroom ended before ss started. I have no idea how they have so much to talk about.
Ayase-san seemed to be mingling with the group pretty well, participating in their conversations normally while not looking like an outsider. She seemed to have taken the changes brought about by the ss reshuffle in her stride.
It was theplete opposite for me. Come to think of it, when I was with Maru for PE yesterday, he said, "Yo, Asamura, I''m worried about you. You eating lunch alone?" I told him that I really didn''t mind that much and that he shouldn''t worry about it—
But then it hit me. It was already the 19th today. April was almost over. If I don''t get closer to my new ssmates soon, I won''t have that many chances left before Golden Week, which is only in 10 days.
"Golden Week ising up pretty soon, huh? It kinda sucks that we''ve just gotten to know each other, but we won''t be able to see each other for a while," I overheard a girl from the group say.
It was exactly what I''d just been thinking, so I couldn''t help eavesdropping. The girl who said it looked disappointed, standing there with her shoulders slumped. The other girls around her were patting her on the back and stroking her head.
"Aww, you''re so cute, Ryou-chan! I''ll be lonely too!"
There was a chorus of agreement, and one of them followed up with a suggestion to go to karaoke together.
"Hey, Ayase-san, do you have any ns for Golden Week?"
My heart skipped a beat as I heard the name that came out of Ryou-chan''s mouth.
Buried in the gaggle of girls, Ayase-san said, "I''m probably just going to study for the mock exams."
"You''re pretty serious, huh?"
"You think so?"
"Uh-huh. Sorry if this sounds rude, but I get the feeling you''re a really serious person when I talk to you. I mean, we''re all taking entrance exams, but still, there''s only one Golden Week this year, y''know?"
"There''s only one Golden Week no matter what year it is."
"B-but, Ayase-san, spending all your time studying sounds boring. Don''t you wanna do other things?"
"Other things…? Like what?"
"Like doing stuff with your boyfriend, for example… ahem ahem," Ryou-chan cut herself short with a cough. I find it odd that she was embarrassed by her own suggestion; I can''t really get a good read on her.
–Oops, I''m definitely eavesdropping, aren''t I?
"Hey, boys! No eavesdropping!" One of the girls, our ss representative, shouted.
All the boys turned their faces away in unison. Also being one of them, I felt the shock deep down in my heart. But one cocky boy wouldn''t stand for it, shouting, "Hey, I''m not eavesdropping! I can just hear you, is all!"
Is he still in elementary school?
"Are you still in elementary school?!"
Laughter spread across the ssroom, as ss Rep pretty much said what we were all thinking–even the boys pretending not to listen were getting in on it. Looking around, everyone had half-amused, half-serious smiles on their faces. Heh, looks like I joined a good ss, feeling the warmth spread through my chest.
"Anyway, what do you mean by ''doing stuff''? What are we actually meant to do?"
"Oh? Ayase-san, you have a boyfriend?"
"...That''s not what I meant. Um, I mean, just doing things with boys in general."
"So it means you are interested."
ss Rep grinned, as if she''d hit a bullseye.
"Nah, not in particr…"
"Well, you could go on dates?"
"Dates…?"
"Y''know, like eating together, watching movies, hanging out at home, or making dinner with him—stuff like that."
"I see. Um, is that all?"
"Well, yeah… but are you saying you wanna do more than that, Ayase-san?"
–Murmurs immediately rose from the other students.
Ayase-san''s lips moved as she tried to say "No, that''s not it." – but just before she could, the first-period bell rang and the ssroom door swung open with a sharp snap. Our Modern Japanese Literature teacher strolled in. The noise and chatter in the room gradually died down.
As I looked at Ayase-san''s back, I ruminated on the conversation. Eating, watching movies, and cooking together at home, was it? We''ve already done all that. Ayase-san''s response was something like, "Is that all?" But that didn''t mean she actually wanted to do more, right? Anyway, this wasn''t something I should be thinking about so early during the first period.
I stole a nce at Ayase-san''s face. Our eyes met. She looked a little uneasy, and she looked away quickly to face the ckboard.
Lately, Ayase-san and I have been making eye contact more often in ss. I don''t know if it was just by chance, or if it was because I unconsciously followed her with my eyes. Maybe it was because I''d been watching her so much that she caught me staring when she looked over, and we ended up locking eyes…
"...mura-kun."
And because I daydreamed about stuff like that I sometimes lost concentration.
"Asamura-kun… Asa-mu-ra-kun!"
"Y-yes!"
I didn''t even notice the teacher calling my name. That was a dead giveaway for how little I was paying attention.
"Continue reading from where we left off."
Textbook in hand, I hastily stood up and began reading to the ss as instructed.
"...That''s enough for now," the teacher said, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I sat back down.
While the verse was short, literature from the Meiji period was still difficult for us modern-day students to read. I traced the verse I''d just read to the ss with my eyes.
『Truly, I who now return to the East, am not the same as the one who set forth upon his journey to the West in the past.』[1]
[1: A famous phrase in Japanese culture and is often used to express the transformative power of travel and the passage of time. Its author is unknown.]
Not the same as your past self, huh?
"Next up is Ayase-san."
"Yes."
A well-spoken voice caught my ear, and I looked up. Ayase-san, standing at her desk to my right, began reading from the textbook. Her soothing voice calmly reciting the old-fashioned text slowly drifted through the ssroom and into my ears. She''s really good at reading Japanese literature, isn''t she?
It''s been almost a year since our parents remarried and we started living together, yet I still discovered new and surprising sides of my Stepsister. Each and every time I find myself impressed by her.
"That''s enough. Well done."
"Thank you very much."
Our Modern Japanese Literature teacher was the type to praise even the smallest things, like knowing a difficult idiom.
ss Rep, seated next to Ayase-san, tapped her on the shoulder as she sat back down.
"You have a really nice voice, Ayase-san."
Ayase-san returned ss Rep''s smile with a small one of her own. I wonder if Ayase-san from a year ago would have smiled back like that. She probably would''ve just said "Thank you" in an aloof voice without changing her expression at all.
I couldn''t pinpoint exactly when, but somewhere along the way Ayase-san had changed. She''d kept her core personality—not trying too hard to please others–but it wasn''t the same as when she used to call Narasaka-san her only close friend.
Now, she talked casually with the girls in our ss. Not just with Narasaka-san or the people she went to the pool withst summer, but also with ssmates she''d only met when the new school year started. ss Rep was one of those. She was often called ss Rep instead of her actual name, maybe because of her overflowing leadership qualities. Ayase-san talked with her as if it were nothing, now.
It''d barely been two weeks since the new school year started, yet she was already getting friendly with ssmates she''d just met. I was genuinely amazed at how much she''d changed.
Have I grown too?
I recalled what happened when we went to my grandparents'' house for New Year''s. My grandfather had been bad-mouthing Ayase-san, and I''d jumped to her defense—"Saki is kind, sincere, and a truly hard-working person", I''d said.
Yeah, she''s always doing her best.
I also wanted to ovee something I was bad at.. I thought about Ayase-san chatting away with the other girls earlier. Like her, maybe I should try to be more positive and sociable toward other people. Maru once told me that I didn''t show enough interest in others, after all.
I rested my chin on my hand, lost in thought. I was staring at the ckboard when my name was called again, and since I hadn''t been listening, I didn''t know how to answer this time around. There wasn''t much point in trying to lie, so I figured I''d just be honest.
"I don''t know."
"No, I haven''t asked anything yet."
"Ah."
The whole ss burst outughing.
I guess I''ve been spacing out too much.
I managed to answer the teacher''s question without drawing any more attention to myself, and soon it was recess.
Yoshida came over to my desk to dig the knife in: "Sup, Asamura. I pegged you as the serious type, but turns out you''re one to fall asleep in ss, huh?"
"I was awake the whole time."
"Stayed uptest night? Were you watching porn or something?"
"Nah, nothing like that. I just spaced out a bit."
"I see. But that''s pretty unusual for you, right?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Hmm. Well, I probably got the wrong impression. Honestly, we didn''t really talk much until the school trip."
I replied with an "I guess so." Yoshida and I were in the same ss in our second year, but I didn''t really talk to anyone except Maru, so my rtionship with him isn''t any different now than it was before the ss reshuffle.
I got to know him a bit better during our school trip when Yoshida, Maru, and I shared a room. He was a pretty friendly guy and was the first to talk to me after the ss change: "Looks like we''re in the same ss again. Let''s get along, dude." Since then, he chatted with me on asion.
Unlike with Maru, I didn''t have much inmon with Yoshida, so by extension, there wasn''t much we could talk about. Yoshida was a good guy, though, and he was satisfied with my vague responses. I hadn''t been assertive in striking up a conversation and before I knew it, a whole two weeks had passed by. But if I did want to start a conversation, what should I talk about?
"Hey, Yoshida."
"Hmm?"
Crap, what do I say now? If it were Maru, a topic would easilye to mind, but now when I try to have a casual conversation like this, I can''t think of anything to talk about.
"So, what about you?"
My question wasn''t really a conversation starter, I know.
If he''d asked me "So, what about you?" I''d be at a loss for what to say.
I know it was a pitiful attempt at starting a conversation, but Yoshida, being the good guy that he is, epted my sloppy attempt, "Me? Well, at night I usually listen to music or watch videos."
Ah. I guess Yoshida interpreted my vague and meaningless question as "If you stay upte, what do you do?"
He then listed a few of his favorite songs, but I hadn''t heard of any of them before. I tried looking them up on my phone.
"Let''s see... Oh, that one''s an opening song for an anime."
"Oh really?"
"That''s what it says here," I said, showing him the search results. He responded "Wow, I didn''t know that," so I figured he only knew the song because it was trendy rather than because he was interested in anime or manga. Yoshida added he didn''t watch anime or read manga that much.
I mostly read books and manga myself, but thanks to Maru''s influence, I also watched somete-night anime. But surprisingly, I was still behind on thetest trends and didn''t know that particr song. I did a quick search and found the anime''s official website had posted the song as a promo. I made a mental note to check it outter.
"You''re a real good guy, Asamura."
Surprised, I looked up from the smartphone screen.
"Huh? Why?"
"I mean, if you didn''t know about the song, you could''ve just brushed it aside, but you went out of your way to look it up to get on the same page as me. You really are different, man."
Hmm, do I really do that? Not sure if that''s true, honestly.
I know that I''m biased when ites to my favorite genres. Not just with books, but also with music and movies. That bias could lead to narrow-mindedness, arrogance, and narcissism.
I learned the fear of bing a closed-off person from reading books. And that''s why when I read books, I try to not only read fiction, but also literature delving into Japanese philosophy, business, autobiographies, popr science, history, and so on. Bias is yet another form of one''s individuality, so its existence is inevitable. But I have tried to avoid being fixated on it.
When ites to music, I don''t want ignorance to be the reason I didn''t listen to a song. And if I''m going to listen to something anyway, why not enjoy it?
So, I exined my reasons to Yoshida.
"Ah, I see. I don''t really get it, but okay."
"It means I like listening to others talk about things they like. Anything else you''ve been intotely?"
"Gotcha. If that''s how it is, then my rmendations are–"
Yoshida talked about the YouTubers, popr songs, dramas, and the like that he was into. They were mostly new and unfamiliar genres for me. Maru usually just rmended that I watch VTuber gaming livestreams.
I tried to keep up with the conversation by looking up unfamiliar words on my phone every time they came up. I wasn''t sure if this counted as a proper conversation, though.
…Is this what small talk is like?
Either way, I managed to muddle my way through the rest of recess. I find it impressive how effortlessly everyone else can do stuff like this. As the bell for the start of ss rang out from the ss'' speaker, Yoshida returned to his seat.
I nced up after opening my textbook and caught a glimpse of bright-colored hair passing through my line of sight. For a brief moment, my eyes met Ayase-san''s. She quickly turned her back and faced the ckboard, but I definitely felt like she had been looking at me.
Or maybe it''s because I''m always consciously looking for her that I notice stuff like that…?
***
After school, I stopped off at home before heading to the bookstore where I worked.
My manager called out to me as I walked into the office, "Asamura,e here for a moment."
"The thing is, Yomiuri-kun sent me a message saying she won''t be able to work all her shifts this week because she''s going out job hunting."
Today, there were only four people working—me, Ayase-san, and two university students who just started this spring. So, unintentionally, I have be the most experienced staff member.
"Asamura-kun, I think you are experienced enough to know this already, but handling the returns is going to be pretty tough this week."
"Ah, yes. I suppose so."
Next week is the start of Golden Week, a long holiday, so deliveries are going to stop. In other words, magazines that are supposed to be released on Monday won''t arrive. This poses a problem for our customers. People want to read regr magazines every so often, and if a book is set to release each month, they expect it to be avable in bookstores by the 25th.
If it''s a problem for customers, it''s a problem for the bookstore. So what happens then? Well, when the release date of a product, in this case, a book, coincides with a holiday, it is released early. The wisdom behind it is probably, "It''s better to be early thante."
And so, before Golden Week starts, a week''s worth of books wille pouring into our bookstore. Our bookstore''s decently sized, so the number of booksing in will reflect that. And during Golden Week, returns can''t be issued. So if we don''t stack up on inventory in the office, we''ll have to return the magazines and books that are already selling well before Golden Week. That way, we can make space on the shelves.
If Yomiuri-senpai was here, she would have given the returns processing to the other staff members, but as she wasn''t, I''d have to take the lead.
I kept the conversation with the manager in mind as I made my way over to the shelves. When I passed by the register, I made eye contact with Ayase-san, who was working the same shift as me. I gave her a slight nod and proceeded towards the shelves to start organizing them.
Generally, when I''m working on the shelves, Ayase-san is at the register, and when Ayase-san is on the shelves, I''m at the register. We try not to talk too much during our shifts, as per our agreement. That being the decision to not be too chatty with each other at work so that we can maintain a certain level of professionalism. That is, within natural limits.
During our break, a male student happened to enter the office at the same time we were there, and Ayase-san and I couldn''t continue our conversation in peace. So, we ended up just sipping our tea without saying much to each other. The male university student finished his break and the other newbie, a female student, came in just as he left. As they passed each other, they exchanged a brief, "I''m heading back," and "Sure." The female student gave us a slight bow and made brief eye contact before sitting down and pulling out a small paperback book from her pocket to read. She was radiating an aura that screamed, "Don''t talk to me." Looking at her, I thought–
"Right now, you''re probably thinking I was just like her, aren''t you?" Ayase-san, who was sitting next to me, muttered in a voice that only I could hear.
I almost spat out my tea.
Without waiting for a response, Ayase-san grabbed her paper cup and quickly left the office. The female university student briefly looked up from her book and shot me a suspicious nce.
What? I didn''t do anything.
And just like that, my shift was over. I was reminded just how important Yomiuri-senpai, our social lubricant, was to us. Like, if she had been there today, she would''ve casually engaged the two newbies and us in conversation. It would have been fine to talk to Ayase-san normally, too.
When Ayase-san and I were alone, I couldn''t seem to adjust to maintaining a professional distance between us, which scared me. Even if we didn''t intend to act overly friendly with each other, if our colleagues saw us that way, we might end up getting criticized or used of doing something inappropriate at work. So we held back. But as a byproduct, we ended up distancing ourselves from the other two part-timers. It was frustrating, to say the least.
When our shifts ended, Ayase-san and I returned to the office together, only to find Yomiuri-senpai standing there in an interview suit, despite the fact that she was supposed to have the day off.
Wearing a white shirt underneath a navy-blue suit, and with her long ck hair tied back into a ponytail, Yomiuri-senpai looked quite different from her usual style of letting her hair flow down to her shoulders. It''d probablye off as condescending if Imented that she looked like someone who''s good at their job, so I bit my tongue to avoid the risk of angering her.
When we entered the office, Yomiuri-senpai greeted us with a yful voice.
"Yaa~ho! Have you two been lonely without your beloved senior?"
She was grinning ear-to-ear, just like a teasing cat. Out of sheer stubbornness, I found myself not wanting to admit that I actually had been a tad bit lonely.
"Nah, I wasn''t really lonely, but I definitely felt the pain of being short-staffed."
"Oh?"
"Anyway, weren''t you supposed to have the day off today?"
"Goodness, what''s this? Am I nothin'' but a nuisance now? Is that what''s be of me?"
"No, no. Not in the slightest."
"Oh, how awful. I came all this way to support everyone''s hard work, and this is the thanks I get?"
"If you said you came here to make fun of our hard work, then you''d have me convinced."
"What a mean thing to say, Junior-kun. Sob sob, whimper, sniffle."
She had an unnecessarilyrge repertoire of fake crying routines.
"Um…"
As a high school boy watching an older woman cry, the smart move here was to change the subject.
"So, why''re you here anyway?"
"Well, I sorta realized Golden Week ising up soon, so I figured I should be a good little worker bee ande help out, even if this is the dreadedte shift."
So, it appears that after her job interview, Yomiuri-senpai asked to work thete shift since she knew the bookstore would be busy. However, she was still nning to work her regr shift on top of that. Ayase-san seemed to realize this at almost the same time as me and immediately bowed her head in gratitude.
"Thank you very much."
"No, no, it''s no big deal... But go ahead, you can shower me with praise if you wanna."
It was kinda hard to praise her when she was the one who brought it up. Or was this just her way of hiding her embarrassment?
I also thanked her from the bottom of my heart. After all, what I''d said about uscking manpower was the truth.
We finished earlier than expected and stopped by the office again after changing back into our normal clothes. Yomiuri-senpai was rxing in a chair, a can of coffee in her hand.
I was about to say goodbye to her, but something came to mind, "Senpai, is job hunting hard?"
"Oho, are you interested, Junior-kun? But you two are both nning to go to university, right?"
Ayase-san bobbed her head and I nodded, too.
"Yeah. I''m nning on going to university, but I''m also thinking about finding a job afterward."
"You''re a pair of little go-getters, huh? When I was your age, all I could think about was taking entrance exams."
Sheunched into a rundown of her job-hunting experience. She had applied to a bunch ofpanies, including academic book publishers, e-book stores, ITpanies, office work at manufacturers, and more.
I was surprised by the number ofpanies she had interviewed with, but honestly, I was more surprised to learn that she had applied to a wide range of industries despite only having a preference for a few of them.
"I thought you were the type to go straight for the job you wanted. Are you really applying to so many differentpanies?"
"Is that what it looks like?"
Ayase-san nodded.
"It does."
"Oh, really? Do I seem like someone who''s got it all figured out?"
"Not exactly like that."
"Uh-huh, uh-huh, then how do Ie across to you, Saki-chan? I''m burning inside to hear your hot take."
"Um…"
Ayase-san groaned and fell silent. I understood why Ayase-san was struggling to put her thoughts into words. To put it lightly, Yomiuri-senpai''s personality was hard to describe.
Seeing Ayase-san''sck of response, I reluctantly took over, "You''re the type of person who''ll go with the flow when you''re traveling with someone, but when ites to deciding where to go yourself, you only choose ces you really want to go to."
Ayase-san nodded along in agreement.
"I see it that way too."
"You''re willing to go along with others, but you''re also stubborn about what you want."
"Oho. Can you really say I go with the flow? I may be pretty good at faking a smile, but didn''t you just call me stubborn?"
Well, I did say that.
But even so, I feel like I chose my words carefully.
"Wow, what a weird person, dontcha think? Do people with such outrageous personalities really exist?"
Both Ayase-san and I stared nkly at that very person standing in front of us.
Yomiuri-senpai let out a dramatic scream and clutched at her chest as if she''d been stabbed with a spear.
"Your eyes… they wound me! This is psychological warfare! When did you two start coordinating your attacks? Show some mercy, will ya?"
"We were trained by a merciless teacher, after all. Like some kind of demon."
"Okay, okay. Well, I get what you''re tryna say. But when I chose my university, I wasn''t that picky about it matching my job prospects."
Yomiuri-senpai told us she didn''t pick a university based on the career she wanted in the future, but instead, because it was a convenient location for living in Tokyo after she''d moved from the countryside. It seems that she traveled for a change of pace, trying to figure out what it was that she wanted to do.
"That''s why I haven''t narrowed down my options yet, even though I''m on the lookout for a job."
Ayase-san and I listened to Yomiuri-senpai''s story with a mix of amazement and admiration. Never would we have thought that someone would enroll into a prestigious women''s university for a reason like that.
"So, Junior-kun and Saki-chan, you should probs start thinking about that stuff soon, too."
"Okay."
"Got it."
I had this vague idea that aiming for a university with a high entrance exam score would open more doors for me in the future, but seeing a real example with my own two eyes made me realize that I ought to put more thought into my goals.
"Ahhh, my stomach! It hurtsss! I wonder if I''ll get an offer from some employer anytime soon."
Yomiuri-senpai moved her hand from her chest to her stomach as sheined, and it seemed that our manager, who''d just entered the office, overheard her ramblings. "If you''re that worried about it, why not just work here?" It sounded like he was joking, but his tone was dead serious.
"Deary me, there you go joking around again, manager."
"The pay will be good, you know? Probably."
"I''ll keep that in mind, thanks."
Despite only just getting here, the manager quickly left the office again. Yomiuri-senpai sent him off with a wave and then whispered in a voice that only we could hear. "To be honest, I haven''t been thinking about staying here for the long haul. I mean, I don''t hate the job or anything, but I think I''ll get bored if I keep doing the same thing. I want some new stimtion, get what I mean?"
It was gettingte, so with awkward smiles, we promised to keep what she''d said a secret before leaving the office.
Job hunting, huh…
Ayase-san and I started walking home, with me pushing my bike beside her.
The season was transitioning from spring to early summer, and I rarely felt chilly while walking outside anymore. The branches of the trees lining the roadside were lush with green leaves, and the people we passed on the street wore bright colors, ditching the dark and heavy hues of the colder months. In some shop windows, mannequins wore summer-ready short-sleeved clothes.
Ayase-san was peering through the ss of the shops we passed to check out the clothes on disy. I joined in, following her gaze and asionally making ament.
"Looks like there''s a lot of light purple clothes now."
"Digitalvender," Ayase-san pointed to a light purple dress.
"That''s the name of this color?"
"Yeah. I heard that this color is going to be trendy soon, too."
I showed some interest, so Ayase-san talked about what clothes were trendy. But she used a lot of technical terms, and there was no chance I''d remember them all. She taught me a few trendy colorbinations, too, but I''d probably forget them by tomorrow.
Having said that, the word "trend" is used for something that is currently popr, and therefore couldn''t be used for something that didn''t exist yet. The phrase "next trend" was clearly counterintuitive. But even so, the phrase wasmonly used in the fashion world. It''s almost like being able to predict the future.
"It''s also used for books too, right?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
Like the boom of fluffy romance novels or the rising poprity of isekai[2] stories.
[2: Isekai is a Japanese fiction genre where the protagonist is transported to, or reincarnated in, a different world and has to adapt to new surroundings and challenges.]
"Also, aren''t there people who say things like ''this is going to be the next big trend''?"
"Perhaps there are."
Oh, I see. The timing of discovering a trend and its peak in poprity must be two different things.
"If you try to force a trend, there''s still a chance it might not catch on, then it won''t actually be a trend."
"That makes sense."
If a fashion expert said so, there was no room to disagree. I gathered that it''s not about predicting the future or anything, but instead just making an educated guess. So, if you think about it like a form of fortune-telling, you don''t need to be obsessed with chasing the next trend. With that in mind, Ayase-san''s rmendations might actually stick with me. Maybe.
We turned off the main street and began to walk down a narrow alley leading to our t. The bright lights of downtown Shibuya faded behind us. It was a bit harder to see, with only a spattering of street lights dimly illuminating the road ahead. The hustle and bustle of the city soon faded, too, and it should have made it easier to talk now. But strangely, both of us just continued walking in silence.
We were close enough to feel each other''s body heat, and our shoulders almost touched. With no words to fill the silence, the only sound that could be heard were our breaths echoing in the night.
"Job hunting, huh…" Ayase-san muttered as I spotted the entrance to our building, echoing the thoughts I had when we left work. Her words were filled with vague anxiety about the future. If only a job-hunting expert—well, a career counselor, I suppose—would read my career fortune just like fashionistas do for clothing.
We rode the elevator up to our t and opened the door with a joint "I''m home." Our parents hadn''te home yet. While it was normal for Akiko-san, who would''ve only just left for her bartending job, not to be here, my old man had his hands full with the new fiscal year starting, and often didn''t get home until after midnight.
Ayase-san and I ate dinner and washed the dishes together, after which we retreated to our respective rooms and took turns taking a bath. Ayase-san suggested that we didn''t need to change the bathwater every time to save water, and now, we decided who would go first with janken[3]. It had be our little routine.
[3: Janken is the Japanese version of "rock paper scissors" and uses the hand gestures "guu" (rock), "choki" (scissors), or "paa" (paper) to determine the winner.]
After freshening up, I either continued studying or read a book if I had finished. It was a peaceful time before bed.
In the midst of this routine—
"Can Ie in?" Ayase-san called out to me as she tapped on my bedroom door. I told her it was fine, and she came in carrying two steaming mugs.
A gentle breeze from the air conditioner blew the pleasant fragrance of her freshly washed hair into my nostrils. I swiveled my chair to face her, and Ayase-san walked me over to me, cing the mugs on my desk.
"Milk tea?"
"Yeah. I figured it''d be better than coffee before bed."
"Thanks."
Ayase-san smiled with a "You''re wee."
"Hey, so... You were talking to Yoshida-kun today, right?"
She probably meant after Modern Japanese Literature ss.
"I was, yeah. He asked if I was staying upte."
"And the teacher called your name multiple times, right?"
"I was just zoning out. So, then we started talking about what we do before going to bed. Like this—" I showed her the spine of the book I was reading.
"I read books, while Yoshida listens to music, so he rmended some popr songs for me to listen to."
I listed off all the song titles and Ayase-san seemed to know them all. She told me which one was her favorite, and I said I''d listen to it.
Then I fired back a question of my own, "You were chatting to that ss Rep girl who sits next to you, right?"
It''d be part of our routine to exchange trivial stuff like that with each other before bed. It was as if we were trying to make up for the fact that we couldn''t behave like a couple in ss or at work.
We ended up in the same ss and we were very conscious of each other, yet—
"To be honest… I feel a little lonely." Ayase-san muttered, her head down and shoulders slumped.
"I want to talk to you more in ss. I want to be closer to you."
"I''m sorry. I''m not all that great at starting conversations."
Ayase-san shook her head, her slightly damp hair swaying steadily as she did so.
"I was the one who said it would be better that way in the first ce."
We didn''t want to attract attention by acting like a couple too openly.
"I know, but still…"
But we don''t want to suppress our feelings anymore, either. That''s what we agreed on during the school trip. We decided to act normal, but for some reason, the more we tried to act normal, the more unsure we became about how to act around each other.
The hand sping Ayase-san''s mug was trembling. Unable to bear it any longer, I stood up from my chair and embraced her slender body. Ayase-san leaned her head against my chest and nuzzled it. I could hear her muffled voice say, "Asamura-kun…"
"...Kiss me."
"Okay."
We brought our faces together and closed our eyes. The mug sandwiched between us stopped shaking without us noticing.
Ayase-san pulled away from our embrace and said "Good night," then returned to her own room.
I let out a faint sigh and slumped back down in my chair. My door clicked shut, leaving only the hum of the air conditioner in my ears.
My racing heart gradually calmed down, and Ayase-san''s lingering scent was snatched from my nostrils as it slowly faded away.
—Is it really okay for us to stay like this?
I wonder what the perfect distance between us should be.
I resumed reading the book on my desk, but none of the words made their way into my mind.