<b>37.</b>
That night, Casaro Damonshire came to see Erce.
She decided to send Casaro back as soon as possible after a brief conversation out of courtesy, but since he came to the garden, she greeted him there and not in the reception room instead. Because of this, their surroundings were all dark.
Erce met Casaro’s grey-brown eyes. She thought he would be angry, but he was looking at Erce more calmly than she expected—no, he seemed a bit colder.
<i>There’s no hint of betrayal on her face whatsoever. She knows as well. She knows that she was never mine.</i> After an ufortable silence, Casaro finally moved his lips, “I’ll respect your choice.”
Erce’s eyes opened wide at his unexpected words. But Casaro’s expression was still callous.
“Just keep this in mind,” he said.
“What?”
“Did you know that Princess Hermia proposed to him?”
“…….”
<i>The Princess proposed to him? I’ve often heard about marriage talks but the Princess herself..?!</i>
Casaro’s mouth twisted sinisterly at Erce’s tant confusion as if he expected it. “You didn’t know that he wanted to marry you so he could refuse the princess? You know Bernhardt is politically neutral, right? If he marries the princess, he will be a subordinate of the Royal family. To avoid that, he proposed to you—a Visaride. He may be the King’s loyal sword, but he doesn’t want to be involved in troublesome political disputes.”
“What are you…”
“Visarides are the closest to the Royal family. By marrying you, His Majesty can’t punish him. His Majesty can’t interfere in the private matters of the Visarides who have been defending the Royal family for generations. In this way, Bernhardt could stay neutral. There’s now that states that you must follow a family’s political position just because you are allied together by marriage. So even if the Bernhardts seem to be royalists to others, it won’t matter as long as the they insist on their neutrality.”
“…….”
Casaro took a deep breath and sneered, “You’re just being used by that guy.”
If you look closely, Casaro’s logic had some loopholes. But he said it so matter-of-factly that it sounded usible and convincing.
“You were the only one he offered to dance with that day.”
“…….”
“He was aiming at you from the beginning.”
<i>Maybe Casaro’s words are true.</i> He and Erce met for the first time that day, and she did find it strange how he only danced with her. She felt the faint hope rising in a corner of her heart gradually fade away.
“He sent you some valuable gifts, didn’t he?”
“Young Lord.”
“He’s pretending to be madly in love with you. That way, he can justify refusing the Princess’s proposal.”
“Please stop.”
“He’s also someone who lives for the sake of his family after all. What? You thought he proposed to you because he loved you?”
“…….”
“You were just a girl who fits the bill.”
<i>What was I expecting?</i> Suddenly, she found herself to be ridiculous. <i>Actually, it doesn’t matter if Casaro’s im was true or not. On the contrary, I’m grateful to him for telling me this. It made me realize the reality that I had forgotten.</i>
“… I don’t care. Because I need him, too.”
She was the same too. Even if she hoped it wasn’t a political marriage, Erce, in fact, epted his proposal after weighing the pros and cons of marrying him.
She needed that man to avoid marrying Casaro. Harsen is needed to support Eshahilde as queen. Bernhardt is needed for the Visarides.
<i>It doesn’t matter if the Bernhardts remain neutral; they can help us in times of need so nothing has changed.</i> He was still her best choice.
When Erce seemed unwilling to change her mind, Casaro’s face began to contort gruesomely, “Does your life even matter to you?”
“Don’t twist-” Erce had no choice but to stop talking as his face became as cold as frost.
“They say he’s a knight, right? Let me tell you then. He’s a rotten bastard on the battlefield. Did you think he’s never yed with amon whore there? Did you assume there aren’t bitches out there throwing themselves at his handsome mug? Even the noble Princess Hermia is one of those bitches. Rumors are rife that that son of a bitch met the Princess during youring-of-age party. When you came of age, the bastard was with another woman.”
“Milord!”
“He must’ve thought to have a fling with the Princess before breaking up with her, who knows.”
“Watch what you say, Milord!”
“He’s the one messing around with another bitch. Don’t forget that unless the war ends, he’ll have to go back to the battlefield. What if he dies there?”
Casaro’s usual calm and collected face became utterly wretched. He now seemed to have no intentions of hiding his true feelings. He didn’t even try to hide his jealousy. Nevertheless, she didn’t find Casaro repulsive because she couldn’t refute his argument.
Tales about men spending a night with their lover before marriage or secretly taking a mistress after marriage. <i>I’ve heard stories like these often on the streets. Furthermore, he’s a knight. Unless the warpletely ends, one day, he’ll go to war. What if he gets killed there like Casaro said? It’s a terribly usible assumption.</i>
Casaro’s words were so realistic that Erce didn’t want to hear him talk anymore. “Casaro.”
Casaro flinched when Erce called. Erce’s eyes were resolute and unwavering despite her internal trembling. “Go back. My choice won’t change.”
She’ll marry Harsen no matter what. <i>I’ve made my mind, and it’s done and final. Nothing will change. None of those rumors matter. No, even if it mattered, I want to let Casaro know that I will not choose him.</i> As if realizing that Erce won’t change her mind, Casaro nervously ran a hand through his hair, “Yes, I know, the choice is yours in the end.”
After saying that, Casaro left in defeat. She nkly stared at his back for a while then looked up at the slightly cloudy sky. There was nothing special about the sky, but she found it so bleak that she thought she’d lose herself to it. But she soon shook off the thought and moved on.
When she returned to her room, a familiar scent brushed the tip of her nose. Erce gathered the flowers in front of her and put them in a box.
She neatly sealed the box. There were no white flowers in sight anymore. The dreams her heart blossomed scattered as if they never happened.
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It was Princess Hermia’s birthday banquet. Naturally, as a member of a distinguished noble family in the capital and a rtive of the First Princess Consort, Erce had to attend.
As soon as she walked in, Erce broke into a sweat trying to ignore the piercing gazes of people. She heard her name whispered everywhere. <i>Of course they’d gossip.</i>
People were gossiping about how the Young Lord Bernhardt was in talks to marry Princess Hermia but rejected her for the Visarides’ second daughter.
The presents sent to the marquisate were quite exquisite, so people who liked twisting the truth said that the Young Lord loved the Visaridedy.
So the truth was dramatized and rumors grew out of control that their marriage was a result of passionate love, not politics. <i>How funny</i>.
Erce looked around, dealing courteously with the curious people that approached her while keeping an appropriate distance.
<i>Do these people even know that the fiance whom they im loves me dearly didn’t even show a hint of his shadow since hising of age? I only saw the face of my soon-to-be husband once! He’s not the demon king from fairytales, nor am I the princess who’s forcefully wed to the demon king. Isn’t this too much?</i>
She was filled withints that she couldn’t voice out but suddenly decided to stop her train of thought, finding herself being a little foolish. <i>It’s a political marriage. No matter what the public says, I don’t need to dance to their rhythm.</i>
Just as Erce was getting tired of her thoughts, a gentle melody spread through the hall. The first part of the banquet was beginning shortly. She was bored so she thought of looking for something to quench her parched throat.
Erce felt a presence near her. Upon recognizing the face, Erce curtsied and said, “… Greetings to Her Honorable Highness. I am Erce Visaride. My sincerest congrattions on your birthday.”
Princess Hermia remained silent. Erce still had no choice but to remain bowed until permission to rise was granted.
After a few seconds, which was longer than usual for a curtsy, a clear voice like falling beads said, “Raise your head, Young Lady.”
Erce could finally see her face. Every inch of the princess who was born and raised exalted was elegant. Even the tiny curves around her mouth were naturally graceful.
<i>I already knew this, but she really is beautiful.</i>
Erce was dazedly admiring the princess when she suddenly addressed Erce. “You must be the one Sir Bernhardt is marrying.”
“… Yes, Your Highness.”
“Congrattions on your impending marriage.”
A gentle voice flowed into Erce’s ears. Suddenly the princess’s hair color caught Erce’s eye. The princess’s hair that curled below her chest glimmered like ck pearls. The color reminded Erce of a certain someone. She felt very odd inside.
“I envy you.”
“…….”
The words identally spewed tiredly by the princess came to a sudden halt. Erce was at a loss as to what to answer. There was sadness in the princess’s voice.
The princess wasn’t expecting an answer so she smiled gently, “I have something to apologize for to the Young Lady.”
“Your Highness, what do-”
“I apologize for being unkind to Lady Visaride on the day of youring-of-age.”
The princess left as soon as she said that. She was quickly surrounded by people, so Erce could not even see the back of her head.
Erce recalled what the princess said, but she couldn’t figure out what it meant by any stretch of the imagination.<i> I apologize for being unkind to Lady Visaride on the day of youring-of-age</i>? Erce couldn’t understand what the princess meant because her two-day-longing-of-age ceremony ended well. Then suddenly she remembered someone. <i>Is it perhaps rted to him?</i>
<i>‘He must’ve thought to have a fling with the princess before breaking up with her, who knows.’</i>
Casaro’s forgotten words echoed in her ears. Erce shook her head. <i>That’s just his im. There is nothing more foolish than to take the words of a man who has a grudge against me seriously</i>.
“Mother, I’m going to rest for a bit.”
<i>The banquet hasn’t even started, yet I’m already tired.</i> She wanted to rx her shoulders right away, but couldn’t because many eyes were still on her.
Erce kept a straight posture and headed toward the terrace.<i> I’ll be fine after cooling my head with some fresh air.</i> As she opened the door thinking so, a cool breeze grazed her shoulder. Her eyes met with someone’s.
“…….”
She felt despondent when she saw the man standing in front of her<i>.</i> He never showed up at hering-of-age party, yet here he is at the princess’s birthday banquet.
Unexpectedly, he broke the silence first, “It’s still cold outside.”
<i>Does he want me to go back in because it’s cold out here? That’s not something he should say to me as soon as he sees me after a long time.</i> Erce did not move a step. She just stood there staring at the man in front of her.
However, like he said, the air was quite cold and naturally, her shoulders trembled. He watched her but then sighed and slowly narrowed the distance to Erce. Just then, she felt a light weight on her shoulders.
Erce nced at the cloak covering her shoulders and then looked up at the man in front of her. They were so close that they could even hear each other’s whispers.
“Listen-“
“The proposal.”
“…….”
“Did you write it yourself?”
It was rude of her to cut him off, but she didn’t find it strange. He didn’t look particrly displeased either. As usual, there was another moment of stillness.
Their eyes met under the moonlight. Contrary to her expectations, the man’s answer was curt as ever, “Yes.”
She was stunned at his immediate affirmation. She asked bitterly, “Why?”
“Did you not like it?”
Erce was unable to answer. She couldn’t understand herself either. <i>Why does it matter whether I like it or not? It’s just a formal procedure for marriage, so why am I so obsessed with it?</i>
“If you want, I’ll send another one that’s more formal.”
“No, I mean… I was just surprised because I’ve never received something like this before.”
“That’s how I wanted to write it.”
<i>What does he mean? </i>She found it ambiguous. Perhaps because of the dreary mood, she felt like she was floating in the air. Eventually, she changed the subject, “Well, the presents were a bit too much.”
“…….”
“You didn’t have to-”
“Those were my intentions, so please ept them.”
His seemingly indifferent voice disappeared again. Then he slowly nced at Erce’s face. Passing by her eyes, nose, and finally her lips, his gaze lingered at each step, creating a breathtaking tension between them.
“Let me ask you a question, too,” he said.
“…….”
“Why did you ept it?”
He didn’t specify what, but she could tell. He’s asking why I epted his proposal. As he asked, his eyes dropped to her lips as if waiting for an answer. His lips twisted slightly for a moment.
“Was it because your father advised you to?”
The smile on her face wasn’tpletely a smile. <i>What kind of answer does he expect?</i> Erce couldn’t tell what this man really wanted. So she gave the best answer she could.
“It’s because you’re my best choice.”
“… I see.”
His answer was a beatte. He turned his head to an angle where she couldn’t see his expressions. Feeling guilty somehow, Erce avoided his gaze and added, “But isn’t it the same for you, Milord?”
<i>After all, you proposed to me just to use me.</i>
The words were at the tip of her tongue. As she gulped down those words, her reason slowly returned and she realized that it was a bad question. Whatever Harsen’s answer may be, Casaro’s words had already shackled her, destroying her sweet fantasies.
“I don’t remember marking other people as the second best choice,” Harsen said.
“…….”
“And I don’t intend to do so ever.”
<i>What does he mean? Since he never ranked people in order, does that mean I was never his best choice in the first ce?</i> <i>This person is hard to read.</i> Her lips trembled with bitterness.
Erce looked at Harsen as she gathered her thoughts slowly. <i>If I marry this man, I could remain in the capital. I can still be with my family and friends, so life won’t change much. Isn’t that enough?</i>
Yes, Erce was satisfied with that. Only then, for the first time ever since this meeting began could she smile at him.
“It really is cold. I’ll head back in now. Take care,” She said in a slightly mischievous voice. As she retreated, she recognized the coat draped on her shoulder and stopped again.
Erce took off the coat and shyly handed it to him. “Our next meeting will be at the wedding, right?”
<i>Wedding.</i> She felt weird even though she was the one that said it. Excitement, flutters, giddiness- there was nothing between them. They just needed each other. Her heart sank coldly and her mind felt cooled down, too. Yet, it wasn’t difficult for her to smile brightly.
“Also, you’re the same age as my brother, so it’s fine to talk to me informally…”
“…….”
“…Sir.” She oddly hesitated here.
<i>His name… I can’t say it.</i>
<i>We’re soon to be married so it shouldn’t be awkward, but this guy just makes it hard to call him by his name.</i>
<i>How should I address him in the future? You? Dear? She choked up and couldn’t say anything.</i> The sound of the wind flowed between them. In the dark of the night, brilliant golden hair brushed against him.
Her hair was entangled in his ck robes. The man looked at it oddly and faced her again. Erce gasped when he met her eyes.
There was a strange longing permeating through his unwavering gaze. <i>I guess he’s hoping for something… but I don’t dare to know what it is.</i> After a short time, he smiled slightly and broke the silence, “Harsen.”
“…….”
“Call me by my name.”
The wind blew.
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