<b>71.</b>
It was the party that Mother cared about the most. Even her dress was entrusted to Ludelsia’s top seamstress; adorned with whitece, it seemed to be colored by the blue sky. <i>How could I forget Mother’s devotion?</i>
“You really…came?”
Although she did not fully believe it, there was a slight tremble in her voice. Erce admitted that the voice, which sounded funny, was apanied by a sliver of hope— unlike before.
“I arrived near the end.”
“…”
“…But something came up so I had to go back.”
Either way, he was absent. Even so, just the fact that he came made her happy. Erce paused at his words that something came up and he had to go back. Could it be…rted to Princess Hermia? Erce was curious, but she couldn’t ask. By mentioning her name, she didn’t want him to be reminded of the noble princess. Erce was not foolish; she did not want to bepared to the other woman who was quite elegant and beautiful.
Erce vaguely knew what this ugly feeling was: an inferiorityplex she had unconsciously harbored, that perhaps she wasn’t the best choice for Harsen, that it would have been better for him to marry the princess.
“I didn’t know you still had it in your heart.”
“I waited for you!” Erce shouted in spite of herself.
Harsen’s eyes appeared disturbed, but she couldn’t afford to notice.
“I waited for you. I waited all day. It was my Coming-of-Age…yet you only sent an obligatory congrattions in advance.”
<i>Of course that didn’t mean he’de. Even though I knew it well, I was just being unreasonably hurt. You said congrattions in advance so why didn’t youe? Why did you go to the princess’s birthday then?</i>
Harsen was staring at Erce’s tilted head as if she were preupied with something. After a while, he answered a beat slower, “You were with Casaro Damonshire.”
Erce was stunned at the name brought up without context.
<i>Casaro Damonshire? Why him all of a sudden? Have I ever met him separately?</i>
At her Coming-of-Age party, she was on the jump because of the influx of people. Could she have time to meet Casaro separately..?
For a moment, Harsen’s lips curved gracefully, “You two were having a bit of a tryst in front of the annex.”
At the detail of the location, Erce was able to recall that she briefly met Casaro separately that day.
Erce felt wronged. It was a very brief meeting thatsted less than ten minutes. Even that was half-forced by Casaro. <i>It wasn’t nearly long enough to be called a tryst. But did that dratted meeting look like a tryst?</i>
“A tryst? That’s impossible.”
“Then?”
“He just had something to say.”
“What did you talk about?”
“It’s not anything too important—”
“It’s important to me.”
His persistent interest stopped Erce.
Harsen, who was staring at Erce with her mouth agape, smiled faintly and cupped her cheeks. “I’m curious.”
“…”
“What sweet words did he use to seduce you? Did you fall for it? Were you shaken even once? And if you were shaken, was it your mind or heart?”
“…”
“Were you willing to have thatme name, even for a split second?”
Due to her slightly raised chin, she was half-forced to meet his gaze. Erce looked at Harsen. A man smiling arrogantly as he called the family serving Grania for generationsme. It looked strange.
“Tell me.”
An urging tone. But Erce couldn’t say anything as if she was bound.
Did she fall for the words sweet as candy? She did. Though not in her heart, but in her mind. She was willing to take the Damonshire name— Casaro Damonshire— simply because he was her best choice.
<i>Before you became my best choice.</i>
<i>But the moment I say those words, our rtionship will be twisted again.</i>
Erce chose a bitter silence.
Harsen spokenguidly as if he already knew her answer, “I know how much you value your family. Caron Visaride, Eshahilde Visaride, you couldn’t abandon them. When I see you, sometimes I wonder what a family is. You, who dreamed of love while reading cheap novels, I wonder how much you love your family for you to be willing to embrace a man you don’t even love. I wonder what you thought as you hugged me. How you felt when you bore a child that looked like me? What does family mean to you? Do you consider me your family?”
“…Of course, that’s a given.”
“What an honor.” He concluded his speech with an uninspired, gentle tone. His tired, nted lips did not seem to believe her.
Erce looked at the man who had returned to his nk expression. His pitch-ck eyes were as indifferent as if he would not budge even if she was not wearing a single thread.
His touch, contrasting his dull face, brushed all over Erce’s face. The finger on her cheek swept down her eyshes. His careful touch tickled as if it were dealing with something precious. Erce nced sideways at the big hand wrapping around her. She suddenly felt a little cheated.
<i>‘He…told me not to touch him.’</i>
<i>Still, he’s very good at it.</i> Having resigned and fully epted his touch, Erce noticed the smell of alcohol wafting from him.
“Did you drink?”
“A little.”
<i>He does seem a little different from usual.</i> Erce thought.
<i>‘Did he drink a lot?’</i>
Seeing that the color of his face remained unchanged, he seemed to be fine.
“I don’t think you drank,” said Harsen.
“…Hmm.”
“That’s a relief.” He wasnguidly relieved.
Erce felt ashamed for a moment, “Was I being…very annoying?”
“Then you won’t drink?”
Erce groaned as if she were suffering from the impossible.
“Was I that much…of a nuisance?”
She seemed to want him to tell her, even if indirectly, that her asking him questions was not a nuisance.
Harsenughed a little nervously in response. <i>Just thinking about you dancing in the arms of another man while drunk makes me sick, yet you speak of it so casually.</i>
“Nevermind. Let’s hear what happened at the party.”
Erce was discouraged. He neither denied nor agreed, and seeing that he cut her off definitely meant an affirmative.
<i>‘I must have been a nuisance.’</i>
She felt the need to restrain herself for the time being. She didn’t n to attend many banquets anyway. There weren’t enough days to even care for Vicente.
In the meantime, Erce was dumbfounded that he had not forgotten his original purpose. She thought she could pass it flexibly, but it seemed he didn’t intend to.
Erce recounted what happened today. A lot had happened. Caron spoke ambiguously, she was criticized by people, she apologized to Garten, she was shamelessly angry at Vicente, and showed a brazen smile in front of a Robert.
<i>It was a series of bad things. I’d rather tell him everything. I hate the Gartens so much. I don’t want us to get engaged to that family, should I beg him? If I cry andin, won’t he listen to me?</i> Erce scoffed at her disorganized mind.
<i>‘Just as a bunch of apologies doesn’t solve everything, it’s toote to cry over spilled milk. Aren’t you old enough to not act selfishly? You sure live a very convenient life.’</i>
<i>As Vicente said, I tend to solve everything the easy way, while dripping tears and grumbling, things that children would do.</i>
Not everything in the world works out the way you want it to. Had she epted it calmly and sought out a new path, would something have changed by now? Could she have appeased his deep-seated distrust toward her?
<i>‘Can I instill faith in him?’</i>
<i>Time and time again, the thought that I wasn’t this man’s best choicees to my mind.</i> Erceughed bitterly and said in resignation, “I…”
“…”
“Why do I keep feeling sorry toward you?”
“…”
“Why are you making it hard for me to be mad at you?”
<i>He’s like…</i>
<i>Like someone who wants to be confirmed that I won’t leave them.</i>
She felt mortified by his lowly suspicions.<i> I know I said I’d like to wake up alone, but if he’s next to me I’d rather lean on him…</i>
“I want to change…”
“Stay like this.”
<i>What does Harsen mean by ‘like this’? Only he’d know. But I can’t stay ‘like this’.</i> Facing Harsen with blurred vision, Erce asked, “Do…”
“…”
“Do you still need me?”
She was not confident. <i>How much stake do I have in the life of this man who seems indifferent to everything?</i>
Harsen sighed, “I see we’re on different pages.”
Without even asking, she knew he meant it about the conversation. In the end, he gave up on her insistence on not telling the whole story about what happened at the Coming-of-Age party.
“I don’t know what you want me to answer, but…”
“…”
“Yes, I need you.”
“…”
“So stay by my side.”
Erce looked vacantly at Harsen.
“I’ll always treat you with love.”
“Dear,” the low voice added.
Her mind drifted away.
* * *
He swiped the engravings on the doorknob with his index finger.
“Would you like to go back in?”
Clifton asked cautiously at Harsen’s seemingly lingering behavior. Even though he knew very well his master wouldn’t. And just as Clifton thought, Harsen didn’t. Initiated by Clifton’s words, he pulled back his hand back from the doorknob.
“What about Vicente?”
“The Young Master is in his room.”
Clifton didn’t bother to mention that Vicente was working on the paperwork that he hadn’t finished by now. He, as his father, would know better than anyone else that the Young Master did not like to waste time.
“Call him to the study.”
Clifton was worried Vicente would be exhausted, but he couldn’t object.
“Yes, Master.”
* * *