<u>CW:</u>


    Mebeeee... Kinda clean? Talk of wanting more than just snuggles and talking to old lovers and also a Reaver as she explains some murples!


    I… kinda forgot how strong Raska is. Am a bit of a mess on the inside as she basically picks me up from where I was snuggling with her, turns me around, and settles me to sit a bit away from her. Her core and even all Five Spirits within finally gathering up the courage to ask the questions I’ve felt burning through her since like… well, a while.


    Not always the same. And it’s shifted a few times.


    First when I was able to avoid panicking when waking up in her arms that second time.


    Again when we were saving slaves in Theradas.


    Then… when I started healing the burns yesterday. Which… I still panic about sometimes. That doing that was a mistake. That I was being stupid. But knew better than to say that to anyone but the spirits that share a soul with me. And they both weirdly are understanding and sweet and like… even cuddle me a bit over it.


    Only really push back if I call myself stupid too much.


    And lastly, yesterday. Woke up from a nap with our Tretion to feel Awnya and Raska coming over to join us. Must have talked about things because she’s just been… bubbling up both the courage and the opportunity.


    I think.


    And my Beloved’s just stepped away to go check on something with Lenelope and the manor so… we’re alone. They even both took a good bundle of our little ones and left me with just the most sleepy two or three who refused to follow the others. But Raska was happy to cuddle me for a while before moving me. Now wears such a serious expression that like… is very opposite to what the core of her soul is struggling to deal with.


    Can’t help but giggle as I pull the two tendrils nuzzling her back to give this Everflame the space to think, enjoy as her everything hesitates in surprise at me.


    “Oke. Sorry. Oke. J– just… cute. Um... Sorry.” I whisper.


    She huffs and grins, waving at the tendrils. “They can stay, honestly. Just… mostly wanted to get some distance. Make sure like… the skinship you’ve been giving me doesn’t muddle this. Me. Mostly.”


    I consider that, then slip only a single one of my soul tails up and around her warm wonderful soul. Try very hard not to bask in what I’m pretty sure is a messy mix of horniiness, worry, guilt, excitement, hope, and… and all the things.


    Things I can’t help but really enjoy feeling in her. Even… even the bad stuff. Because knowing lets me like… not worry that any bad things are worse things.


    It’s... probably wrong or something to need this? To need to feel her every twisting of soul muses else start to panic that she might… might suddenly hate me again. Want to hurt me like before.


    “Okay. Right.” She begins, pulling me from that thought. “I… I just… So we started off oddly, before. Back when we first met. I didn’t realize what… like… how bad things were for you. With her. And starting everything with sex, while feeling really amazing, was not fair of me. Then how I… I dragged you to meet the others, while still naked, just really… I was stupid. Really stupid. And never offered you anything but physical stuff when you really needed more. A lot more. And I knew you might. But took advantage and never let that worry lead me to do anything but try and steal you away more to be with me and my gerls. Let them try and peel some answers about your past out. Eventually was going to try and talk you into staying after our Oaths passed. But you know all that. And just… After what I did. I didn’t expect you to want anything to do with me, girl. And that you do and we’re always so close I… I wanted to talk to you about that. What you might want from this. And go from there. But if skinship and friendship is everything then that’s… so perfect too. And I’ll be happy to know that.”


    Was ready for her to ask this. If... if I wanted more than just good snuggles. And like... rest is... sweet. Not sure how much I want to think about it all but...


    “Oke. Yes. M– more is good. Please.” I whisper, and can’t stop my pursed lips from tilting upwards as I look down at my talons. “Um… But.”


    Worry she’ll tilt into worry or anger at that last word.


    “Course.” She replies immediately, soul sparking with hope and relief. “Anything. All the butts you need.”


    Can’t help but giggle at that, both the silliness and my own relief. Then look up to let my gaze find hers. “Just… C– careful. M– mebe slow? A– at first? S– sometimes… um… m– might um… Need t- to stop. K– kinda br– br– broken. In pl– places. Inside a– and outside.”


    Expect her to tell me I’m wrong but…


    “I get that. Yeah, and that’s a good idea.” She agrees. “And if we try something that makes you change your mind, that''s perfect too. No obligations here, girl. You’re in control of how quick we wanna take this. Or when we end it. And I’ll just be happy to have been able to see you finding some happiness.”


    “Oke.” I murmur. “But um… also…”


    “Yeah?”


    Sigh and look away. “I Sh– should t– talk to S– Sevy and Zephin. B– be– fore.”


    The last two of the four other girls that loved me and kept me all those years ago. And… also didn’t throw me away. Screamed and shouted for Raska to… to stop. But weren’t strong enough to even walk within arm’s reach. Who apparently have been really mad at Raska ever since. More when they discovered I was here. Have… have tried to look for me and maybe even catch me early on when I was still getting used to my new soul’s senses.


    But this… weirdly relaxes her a lot. Which makes me look back up with what must be a really obvious amount of confusion.


    She grins shyly, core wiggling with some embarrassment. “Honestly, didn’t know how to handle that. Would never push you into seeing people you don’t want. Even if I think they have nothing but good sparks popping from them. But… They’re pretty angry about me being the one of us able to be close to you. Since like… I was the cunt who fucked everything up.”


    Nibble on my cheek and… Feel so stupid. That… that me, A Reaver and godthing and Fae is… so afraid of talking with two girls who were nothing but wonderful. Who weren’t even strong enough to stop Raska. Were nothing but soft and patient.


    “But… also like… You’re not a bad person for wanting to avoid people that make you uncomfortable.” Raska adds, carefully reaches out and takes up a Talon of mine.


    “Th– they did n– nothing wrong.” I mumble. “J– just me… stupid. Scared. B– but mostly stupid.”


    “I mean… Not really?” She replies. “Like… It doesn’t matter if they’re the best people ever. If you don’t wanna see or talk to them then like… that should be your call. Even… even as much as I think this will be good for you. That hearing them tell you themselves everything will help. You and I only met and got close because the Matron needed a bitch of a cunt able to sense the little changes in your soul. Then later to like... watch over you.”This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    “Yeah…” I sigh and sway a bit. “Still N– not fair. T– too them.”


    She shrugs. “Like… Sure, but that’s on me. And I knew that when I asked to move and help out here. Getting to just… keep your home safe was me trying to make some things right. Also giving them a life that doesn’t need me around to keep it stable.”


    “Oke. Oke…” I murmur. “When?”


    “Honestly? If you’re ready nowish they’ll both probably drop everything to see you again.”


    I purse my lips, then… nod and repeat. “Oke.”


    **    **    **


    “And… after that?” She asks after a few moments of silence.


    Undreka, the former Reaver of Thendra, listened to our retelling with… far more emotion than I expected. Still not as much as would be preferred to try and understand her, but… enough to let us know that she’s listening. Pointedly.


    “Then we came home and slept for a few eternities.” My Beloved Fae finishes for the chair next to mine just outside the barrier between us. “Even got Lyra to let us start to try and figure out more about this shard.”


    “And… What did you discover?” She asks from within her much larger space than the last time we talked. Expanded as she seems to treat the couple people we’ve set to help her with nothing but indifferent politeness. But… we’ve long since learned to not trust that from dangerous sorts we’ve saved. Still keep a Manor’s containment bubble established between us.


    “That it seems to only to give Thendra her like… emotions. Probably thoughts. But doesn’t do the reverse. Nothing coming out.”


    Undreka hums a low sound of acknowledgement to that. Focus seems to roll past us as she thinks on all we’ve shared.


    “So… What do you know about this?” Awnya presses as the silence stretches.


    Those dull gray eyes snap back to us at the question. “As much as you’ve told me.”


    “Ah, but I can see the songs stirring behind your eyes, you have guesses and assumptions and… even a little anger." My Beloved grins at her. "Willing to share?”


    The former Reaver actually lets a small smile touch her lips at that. “No, but I will. This is… not something I was aware Thendra could do. Or would desire. But slowly recovered recollections may one day present me with that. For now I will give some of my better assumptions.”


    “That would be most welcome.” I agree while adjusting to sit more comfortably.


    “It is a Spirit Hook. Much like Ukalon’s Feathers or some crude metal creation. Probably very simple but… deftly woven to its purposes.” She begins. “Some are obvious. A direct perception of Lyra and her brood. Some less so. Being formed from the stuff deep within Thendra’s core, the deepest parts of the Amwella, means it also bears sympathetic links like Ukalon’s do. Even if they don’t seem to gift her much, the sparks from one such as Lyra are precious to us that drink soulflame. Even before she was Fae or Godling.”


    “I can assume, but… also would like you to explain that.” I press. “What about her Amwella let her travel here?”


    “Because she didn’t have Amwella before, it was…” Undreka trails off, seems to puzzle over and both of us are happy to let her find the most precise words. “Something else. She was her flame, and it was her. Which is not the case for others. As you are not your hand or leg or heart. Those are simply disparate, if important, pieces. It is the same for Amwella. But to dwell within the Fae’s Broken Dream and alter it with will and ways, you must carry some. So either she was gifted this or sparked it as the young do.”


    Can’t help but smile at that. How… how even this Reaver accidentally affirms that the loss of my first Amwella was not some indication that I’m not the woman from before. While this is something I knew in my mind, I… often found myself worried about that. Especially upon my first Beloved Bound’s return.


    That she would see a new soul and not consider me the woman from before.


    “Huh, sounds about right.” Awnya agrees. “Can I ask why you call it that? Most types… don’t really think much of my kind’s views on the Dream. And like… we don’t really think it belongs to us. As much as many will try to ask like they do.”


    “That… is not something I understand fully either.” The big woman replies, even lets her expression show her annoyance. “Other than it is so. The Rifts and especially the Fae Woods are sung to match the visions your kind had, then slowly Rotted to what they are as the ages passed.”


    “Is this something inherited from unremembered aspects of yourself, or a thing Thendra spoke of?” I ask.


    “Both.” Is her immediate reply. “The words seem true from my current observations prowling the Sapana, and she has spoken to this three times in my current form’s memory.”


    “And... The Sapana? I''ve not heard you use that word before.”


    Those gray eyes turn to consider me. “It is what my brood calls the ocean between, and everything within.”


    Separate from this ‘Fae’s Broken Dream’ she spoke of? I… wonder how. And in what ways? What would the Rifts be without the Fae’s songweavings holding the Rift back besides the Blighted Ocean between?


    “And… the most important question.” Awnya sighs and leans back. “Are you Hooked like Lyra is? Have a shard from Thendra tucked away inside? ”


    Undreka lets out a bark of laughter, which makes my Beloved flinch in such an odd way. Like she’s not afraid of a strike from this Reaver. But as if the sound jerked a memory free to the surface of her thoughts?


    “Yes, but also no.” She replies as Awnya settles. “As far as I know, my thoughts and considerations are my own. But… I don’t assume that is the case when I die and return to the Pit. Only hope. When fishing my empty corpse to serve once again it is possible at least some of my experiences will be laid bare to her.”


    “I… I’ve seen what I think you’ve called the Pit. Twice now. Seen the others rise from it. And… Dreamer’s Tits is it weird and spooky like nothing else I’ve seen.” My Fae shivers in worry. “No idea what like… is even going on there. Other than that she can bring you all back without memories. Or with slowly coming back memories?”


    “Close enough to the truth.” Undreka only shrugs. “Thendra has grown very proficient at growing Reavers to suit her needs. Both from the Well itself, and after. I knew from the moment Thendra focused her designs on Lyra that her breaking would be simple enough. Once she stopped ignoring what her eyes saw and thinking her anything but what she chose to become.”


    Awnya glances over to me at that.


    “That’s… another question we had, if we’ve not exhausted your patience.” I offer.


    The former Reaver grins at that, seems to see right to the heart of me with her sudden focus. “You wish to know what I saw that day? Living amidst the most Blighted place within the Sapana?”


    “Course… But that place isn’t the ocean itself. Is on the borders. How can it be the worst?” Awnya leans forward, palms up. “Not that I’d know, can’t pass through thicker Blights myself with some really solid Songwork.”


    “The Rot roils against the Rift’s warmth and songs.” She explains. “Like how the waves of the sea can crash hardest when finding the shore. Most all life lives without or within, not betwixt. And yet… there she was. As I guess she formed herself when her Fae mother taught her the songs to find her form. Wrapped in flesh molded to the shape she desired.”


    “Not getting torn up at all, was she?” Awnya smirks.


    Undreka shakes her head and huffs out a growl. “No. Which led myself and even Thendra to think her something else.”


    Not... Not unwoven to base Flame and will? Exactly as my Beloved believes she was?


    “Like what?” I press. “Thendra said something to Lyra. Something I’d like to either disprove, or prepare for. That there were more dangerous things than Fae or Godlings that could threaten us all.”


    She shrugs. “I guess such things exist. But have not encountered them in this incarnation''s memory. Lyra’s Blight Weaving is powerful, and she is one of the few who claims that ability. But she is not the first within to do so. And such abilities twist opposite to the Fae''s Broken Dream."


    "Can you and Thendra''s Reavers survive the Blight? Weave it?" My Fae adjusts to lean an elbow on crossed knees and hand on a palm.


    "Weave? No more than a large creature in the desert shifts the sands. But... survive?" Undreka thinks on that for a good few moments then speaks carefully. "For a time. Not unchanged long though. None can. Not even Lyra. I cannot swim through it like she can. Not without losing myself like any other creature stepping from the Rifts without protections."


    "What about Thendra?"


    "I... doubt it." She answers, but is openly unsure. "But even if she could, will prefer old pathways and more commonly know methods to avoid attention."


    "Why''s that? Lyra seems to think she could crack even Dreadweave''s cold rock form. Or at least help her do it."


    "Because Thendra doesn''t seek violence as an end, but a means. And such abilities might incline older enemies to move counter to their predicted pathways."


    "And those ends? Do you know what they could be? Or understand why seeing a clutch of Thendra''s young drove you to such anger?" I murmur gently.


    She shakes her head in obvious disgust. "No. Another hundred soul''s consumed may dredge up some understanding, or leave me even more confused and furious. And Lyra spoke wisdom before. To seek something beyond Thendra, I must find a path devoid of her... lessons."


    "Honestly?" Awnya grins and rises to stand. "Good call. Best we can do is find the happiness we''ve gathered up and deal with the cunt as needed."


    "Agreed." I echo and stand as well. "Thank you, Undreka. We''ll share this with Lyra when she has a spare moment. Otherwise... continue your healing in this peaceful manner and we''ll love to enable you more freedoms. Listen to our duenna and those sent to help you. They... may be younger than you by many years. But are devoted. Treat them with the respect expected."


    "Of course, Matron Tretion." She nods. "I''m no Oath Breaker. There isn''t enough of me after Lyra''s final strikes to survive the cost of such actions."