more customers for tea room


    not girl


    different humans


    two of them


    got them both while they were pointing bulletguns at me and being really aggressive actually


    all yelling and looking at me


    this after they spotted me


    and chased me


    into an alley


    well more like the space between two houses


    it had grass and stuff


    and also


    teleport anchors


    had time to place them in this situation


    nice neat square portal


    probably a bit too big actually


    there''s some stuff with portal entrance/exit interaction where if the entrance is too much bigger than the exit then there''s some


    well


    i guess let''s call it stretching


    not great for the old internal organs let me tell you


    but oh well


    better than lasering a couple of dudes into just smoking boots


    which is probably what would literally happen?


    man


    i turned into a toon so gradually i didn''t even notice


    anyway


    they messed up my tea room


    should have maybe taken their guns


    although


    how could i do that


    they were twice as big as me


    i mean each one of them was twice as big as me


    together they were quadruple my size


    yes yes i know i have a robot arm. yes it has insane grip strength. that is not the issue. size is like. touchiness. awkward. explainhard.


    touching a person even with a robot arm


    nope okay nopeThis story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    stopping that line of thought


    moving on


    where was i anyway


    oh right


    trashed tea room


    humans are so ungrateful


    you''d think in this ant apocalypse people would maybe appreciate a lovely tea room. just a nice quiet place to have a hot drink and a biscuit and relax for a few minutes before resuming necessary survival actions.


    but no


    apparently not


    apparently people just want to break stuff and make a huge mess and shoot a teapot with a teleportal inside it hooked to a hot tea dimension


    and get blasted by a stream of hot tea


    that was pretty funny actually


    although now i have a little dimensional tear in my tea room


    really should figure out how to close those things


    i mean in this case i just put a fancy box around it and labelled it auto tea dispenser and hid another portal in the catch tray underneath to feed back into tea dimension


    but in other cases it might be useful to know how to actually get rid of these things


    anyway


    eventually they got bored of destroying my stuff


    and they pressed the do not press button


    and they went out and got instantly eaten by ants


    not really


    well i mean maybe that''s what happened


    but probably not


    i waited a while then went and tidied up the mess they made


    i am a builder not a


    whatever those guys are


    got my drone buddies to help me. robots are so reliable. a robot would never wreck a tea room. not unless you specifically told it to. or forgot to specifically tell it not to. anyway it wasn''t such a chore. kind of nice to take a break from stuff and just fix things. spent ages making the fancy box for the tea dispenser. designed a proper one with the mareo. that was pretty fun.


    oh yeah


    one thing


    think i might have found the suburbland hive


    or should i say


    dunno


    there is some weird stuff going on over there


    suburban ants have learnt subtlety or something


    subtleurban ants


    suburbtleants


    nope thought that would work but it doesn''t


    anyway no great big gaping hole with like ants swarming everywhere. like the mall hive. or the waterfactory biz with holes eaten out of the thing and. again. ants swarming everywhere.


    no no


    this is


    different


    want to know the creepiest thing a giant ant can do?


    carefully open a door with its mandibles


    go inside a house


    then close the door behind itself


    yick


    i mean what is the deal with these insects and their smarts? speaking as someone who has spent time mucking around with giant ant brains i feel like i can safely say. these things shouldn''t be clever. the goo inside their heads is not exactly tier 1 thinking gear.


    but they do have all those weird sensory organs and crystal junk


    there is the possibility that thinking of these giant ants as insects is completely the wrong way to look at it


    maybe i should be thinking of them as


    robots


    welp lots there to noodle over. the main thing i learned on my little outing is that in a suburban house vs laser shotgun deathmatch battle you should probably not place any money on the house. yes this may be the only situation where the house always loses. heyoo just a little casino joke for you there. i am on fire tonight. when i''m lugging around my laser shotgun stuff tends to just burst into flames around me. weird.


    anyway not sure what to do about this suburbland ant situation. all these minihives where


    oh


    didn''t actually talk about the anthouses


    yeah


    those things are


    gross


    as


    heck


    so okay. picture with me here an ordinary human house. from the outside it looks perfectly whatever. inside it is crammed full of giant ants. there are gaps between the ants. like tunnels. which other ants can crawl through. and then slot into gaps for themselves. i sent eyespider in to check stuff out. ants ignored it as usual. let me get a really good look around.


    so yeah


    that''s antburg


    not sure exactly how many houses are infested. it''s not like they take over a whole neighbourhood or whatever. it''ll just be like. one or two houses. on a street. are home to nightmares. and the rest are just empty i guess.


    didn''t see any humans


    aside from those two jerks


    not sure what they were doing there actually


    but


    well


    hmm


    nope i''m bored of thinking about this mystery. the problem is that i don''t care. so. hard to go anywhere from that point.


    anyway i think right now i want to go do a vaporise/burn/explode combo on some more anthouses with my magical laser shotgun


    actually turned down the power a bit. got this variable thing now. uses jump up to 1471 at regular strength.


    yay yay


    i know my plan was to let ants come and siege and make biscuit fort unattractive to humans


    but


    laser shotgun too op


    anthouses too gross to exist


    i feel a responsibility


    to use a fun weapon


    to destroy these things that creep me the flip out


    so


    that is what i am going to do