He was in a bare stone room of the dungeon. The walls were ten feet high and ten wide, there was a vague musty smell, and a dingy wooden door blocked him off from one of the halls the teenagers were exploring. "Bleh," he said. "This isn''t even creative." But Volt was there, and that made it cooler.


    Volt paused with one hand on the door. "You jumped in, too?"


    He scuffed the stone floor with his foot-talons. "They''re going to beat you up. I tried making friends with them before. They said I was a stuck-up billionaire baby. My parents aren''t that rich."


    Volt''s slitted eyes narrowed. "Ugh. What if we fight them, then?"


    "They''re tough."


    "But that was before. I mean, if you were in their game then you were probably using whatever generic rules the monsters use, right? Now that Miss Ludo is treating us like real players, we have character sheets and can get the same kind of powers they have."


    He went wide-eyed. "You''re right! And there''s two of us now. They''ll probably still win, but we can give them a challenge."


    His job was to amuse the Fun Zone''s guests and help them have fun. Being a "baby" that they sneered at and beat up wasn''t fun for them, but having a chance to kick their butts and make them sweat would entertain them whether they won or lost. Right?


    Phoenix raised one hand and did the gesture and nonsense phrase that made his journal appear like it was burning in reverse, and drop intact into his grasp. His character stats were near the front. He winced at the fact that he didn''t have any skills, even though he''d studied hard. History and math apparently didn''t count. Or, for a better way to think about it, the rules were going to track what he did starting now. He put the book away and said, "Okay! We need weapons and armor. Or at least I do; you''ve got that lightning breath."


    They opened the little room''s door and crept out to a hall. No sound of the "heroes", but they couldn''t be far off. Volt asked, "How big are these places?"


    Phoenix spotted a suspicious panel set into the floor and guided them around it. "Usually the customers have an..." He tried to think of the word. "An ongoing adventure, but when they come here to the Fun Zone they''re mostly there to hang out with friends. So a dungeon like this is something they''ll want to finish over an hour or two of drinking."


    "Drinking? Like, beer? They''re too young."


    "Psssh. You''ve never seen Castor, have you? Hardly anything''s illegal. The Fun Zone had to spell out that you have to wear clothes, when you don''t really have to in public. If I were out there as a human I could buy bad drugs."


    They found a room with racks of weapons, and a practice dummy made of rags. "All right!" said Phoenix. There were swords and staffs, axes and bows... He hefted a spear because swords were generic and he had no idea how you really fought with any of these, if you weren''t just pushing an Attack button on a controller. "You should pick something too."


    "Look out!" said Volt. The practice dummy roused itself from the post holding it up, and shambled toward him.


    Phoenix yelped and jabbed it with the spear. The rag golem slipped to one side and punched him so hard it was like getting slapped with a sandbag. He fell down and saw words across his vision: "Minor wound!"


    Volt grabbed the nearest sword and swung it wildly at the dummy while Phoenix got up. The thing dodged again but that gave Phoenix an opening to stab it. It fell back clutching its cloth chest as though he''d really hurt it.


    "You''re just a monster, right?" said Phoenix.


    The dummy silently came at him again, and he and Volt double-teamed it. It swiped at them with its heavy fists but they jabbed and slashed the thing until it fell down and didn''t get back up. Volt said, "Great!"


    He checked his stats again and saw "Spear" next to "Skills". "I don''t know if this means I got better because the skill is listed, or what." However that worked, he at least knew a little more about fighting. "Did you get ''Sword''?"


    "Yeah."


    He grabbed a wooden shield, then noticed something. "Hey Volt, you''re left-handed?"


    The dragon looked at the sword in her left claws. "So? We''re made differently from you. From humans, I mean. I asked once and Miss Ludo said we''re ambu -- ambidextrous but one of her programmers put a ''default hand'' setting to ''left''."


    "Why?"


    "I don''t know. I guess they''re weird enough to make talking dragons and mermaids and centaurs and phoenixes instead of everybody looking human."


    Now that they were armed, they explored more of the dungeon, keeping eyes out for the teenagers. Those guys were slow, probably spending half their time drinking in the real world instead of playing. He felt like a mouse underfoot since this place was set up for tougher heroes than he was. One room they found had a bellowing minotaur in it, and he slammed the door and ran instead of even trying to take it on.


    Volt frowned. "It''s just a maze, right? Not a ruin that used to be a prison or a city or something."


    "Well, yeah. It only exists so these guys can walk around and kill stuff for treasure. There''s no history." He looked at one of the blank stone walls. "Hey! Can you carve messages into the stone with those claws?"


    She tried, creating tiny sparks as she scored a V into the grey rock. "Looks like it."


    "Then let''s make this place cooler."


    They grinned as they scrambled to redecorate the dungeon. Phoenix''s talons could mark the walls too, so they began leaving cryptic notes. "BEWARE! THE SEVENTH LEGION FELL HERE WHEN AMBUSHED BY THE TWOTONS!" Did he spell that right? He''d been distracted by one of Volt''s jokes while reading the Roman stuff, earlier. Outside the minotaur''s room they scratched, "BRAVE HEROES MUST CHARGE STRAIGHT IN AND IGNORE THE ILLUSIONS!" And so on. They arranged weapons from the training room all over that trap hallway to disguise the floor trigger he''d found, and managed to revive the rag golem and get away before it attacked, then prop up an axe above the door so it''d fall on someone.


    They hid around a corner to watch the heroes. It was more fun to risk getting caught and fighting to the death than to jump out of the game and see from outside. The teenagers finally got closer and found the tale of the legion''s woe.


    "The hell is this?" said a wizard, reading. "We finally get a backstory?"


    "I don''t care about the plot," said the guy playing their barbarian axe-man.


    "This could be a clue. We did find that ''Angel Legion'' tablet last week."


    "Whatever."


    Then they all walked straight into the hall trap, and rocks rained down on them. Red and yellow wound icons flashed all around them.


    "A major and a minor. Great. What healing have we got left?" said the wizard.


    The third teen, dressed as a thief, tossed him a potion. "That''ll fix the minor, but I''m out of major healing. We''ll have to play it safe."


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    "Or what; we respawn at the entrance?" the barbarian said. "I''ve got work to get back to. Let''s get this lame quest done with before we have to pause it for the day."


    "Two tons," the wizard mused, looking at the fallen rocks. "Fine, but be careful."


    The barbarian read the bit about charging in, and decided it was good advice. Phoenix and Volt couldn''t help laughing when they heard the minotaur growl and chop up the startled adventurer.


    "I heard something!" the wizard said.


    "Yeah, ''Gronthar'' failing to disbelieve the illusion. Guess we have to retrieve his body."


    "No, other people! Whoever you are, come out!"


    Phoenix whispered to Volt, "Retreat?"


    "Nah, let''s fight." She jumped out from cover, brandishing her sword, and said, "Huzzah!"


    "Huh?" said Phoenix.


    "Battlecry."


    Phoenix jumped into view too. "Huzzah!"


    The wizard groaned. "Not you again, trust fund baby. Who''s the chick?"


    "Volt''s the name," said the dragon. "We already took down one of you. Want to go two on two?"


    Phoenix imagined the barbarian''s player sitting in the restaurant, watching his friends keep playing, or already back in the game and running from the last checkpoint to rejoin his friends. He whispered to Volt, "To the weapon room when I say."


    The wizard and the potion-dealing thief had a magic staff and a lot of knives between them. The mage said, "Out of our way, kids. We''re here for whatever the treasure is."


    Phoenix said, "You don''t even know?"


    "We''re here on a long lunch break. I have a real life, squirt. Who cares what randomly generated widget we get at the end of this level?"


    This place didn''t have a story at all until Phoenix and Volt got there to write a little of their own ideas into it. In fact, it was as though the details of the rock trap had taken a cue from what he wrote. Phoenix thought back to the terrible movies he''d watched with his parents, and the books he''d read. "I care, because it''s not random. The treasure here is a pair of armor gloves called the Hands of Fate. Once a day they can cheat luck and make special things happen. Like, making dice all come up six. But it''s guarded by a Moon Beast with weird legs."


    "And only one weakness," said Volt. "It waits in a room all made of smoke and silver, with lots of spikes, and -- oh wait, you don''t want to hang out with us, right?"


    The thief said, "Just tell us already."


    Phoenix grinned. "Please?"


    The wizard said, "Let''s kill ''em and get on with this."


    "No, I want those gloves now. You know that trick with making potions that make you better at potion-making? We could abuse the odds and do that. Even sell the items for real money. We forfeit and go back to random loot if we lose this."


    That explained the barbarian not coming back into play. Phoenix folded his arms and savored the moment. "Well, you''re not getting the treasure if you fight us, ''cause we''ll get in a couple of wounds even if you beat us. Your only chance is --"


    "Ugh," said the magic-user. "Fine, you can come with us, but we get the Hands."


    The four of them made their way through the dungeon together. Volt "spotted" the axe trap above the weapon room, helped the players beat the rag golem, then ventured beyond the paths Phoenix and Volt had seen. They fought a suit of silver armor that clanked and roared, swinging swords built into its arms and knees. At last they reached a shiny silver door.


    "So what''s this weakness?" asked the thief.


    Volt said, "Lightning. Which I happen to have. It stuns the monster."


    Behind the door, everything shined. Walls, floor and ceiling were all metal, wreathed in smoke. As soon as they''d all entered, some of the vapor condensed into an unholy-looking version of the armor guardian, with glowing white eyes and as many spikes as the walls. It let out an unearthly howl, and the battle was on.


    Volt fought for a clear line of sight, but the Moon Beast knocked her down and sent her skidding across the floor. Phoenix rushed to defend her. When the Beast''s fists shot out like rockets with chains attached, he knocked one aside with his spear but got slammed with the other, into a spike through his back. His vision flashed red with the words, "Major wound!". That actually hurt! He yanked himself off of the spike and stood, still aching, but there wasn''t any blood when he fished around behind him with one hand.


    The teenagers battled with it, calling out, "Where''s that lightning?"


    Phoenix helped Volt to her feet. She drew back her muzzle and blasted the Moon Beast with a line of crackling blue lightning. Thunder boomed. The monster roared and jittered... and the energy shot through the silver floor and sent everyone tumbling down and twitching.


    "Way to go, dumbass," said the thief. He and the mage couldn''t feel any pain through their computers, so they recovered first. The boss was already defending itself again, though.


    Phoenix staggered, and in the corner of his vision he saw he had two major wounds and one minor. Everybody had at least one. "Need a new plan."


    The mage cursed. "Did the door lock behind us?"


    His friend lunged over to it and shoved the door open, one step ahead of the Moon Beast''s spiked fists. "This way!"


    Phoenix and Volt banged on the monster with their weapons, lured it back to the middle of the silver room, then fled. Everyone was outside the final chamber now. "Try again," said Phoenix.


    "Can''t. Give me a minute to recover my breath attack."


    The wizard groused, "Waiting for the kid to breathe. Great."


    Phoenix said, "Then get it to chase me." He jabbed it with his spear to get in the Moon Beast''s face, then fought defensively and let it drive him back. The others were happy to let him face most of the attacks. It scored another minor wound on his leg with a chain, tripping him. The humans bashed the Beast from behind until Phoenix could get up.


    Phoenix caught its attention again, then ran into the room of weapons. He switched rapidly from spear to axe to knives, literally throwing everything he had into the fight.


    Volt called out, "Ready! Stand back." Everyone gave her space. She blasted the Moon Beast with lightning again, this time staggering it without hurting everyone else. The four adventurers closed in and beat the monster down with half a dozen weapons and some kind of arcane blast. At last the thing melted into the floor, and a treasure chest appeared.


    "It''s ours, you hear?" said the thief.


    Volt hopped back. "Yeah, yeah."


    Inside were gauntlets inlaid with intricate metal tracing like circuitry. The mage stared at them, reading something Phoenix couldn''t see. "Just like you said. These are going to be great."


    Phoenix said, "I guess we''re done here?"


    "Yeah." The mage paused. "Thanks, kid."