Rowan woke with a start, not having remembered falling asleep. He blinked in the unfamiliar darkness and saw the shadows of some grotesque creature reaching towards him. He bit back a cry and nearly fell out of the bed he was in. His hasty retreat was hindered by the sleep-warmed arms that snaked around his waist, their owner drifting on the edge of wakefulness. The memory of the day before rushed back to Rowan, and he leaned into the embrace with a relieved breath.
“Sebastian.” He gave his boyfriend an affectionate nudge.
“Too early.” Sebastian groaned. Soft lips brushed bare skin as he nuzzled into Rowan’s shoulder. “Cuddle longer.”
The soft glow of the moon-shaped night-light allowed Rowan just enough to see the smattering of freckles against one cheekbone, the soft lashes that fluttered as Sebastian fought the urge to wake. Rowan ran his fingers down Sebastian’s silk shirt, making him squirm, and managed to sneak them underneath for a small taste of warm skin before they were smacked away.
Sebastian opened one eye with a laugh. “Hands to yourself, love. I still need my beauty rest.”
Rowan snorted. “If you get any more of that, the women really won’t be able to keep their hands off you.”
“Or the men.” He trailed a gentle finger across Rowan’s cheek. “No worries about that. You’re the only one for me.”
Red pulsing light filled the room as an alarm blared, its wailing driving spikes of pain into their ears. They jumped apart, a furrow appearing between Sebastian’s eyebrows as he threw the blankets off them with an irritated flourish. “Well, now I’m awake.” He muttered as he began to search for a fresh pair of clothes.
Rowan pressed his hands against his ears as he sat up and watched Sebastian dress. The room shook violently as if a vicious storm was assailing the ship. Were there storms in space? Sebastian took his time to dress, but it did nothing to calm Rowan’s nerves. A gray sweatshirt hit him in the face, startling him. “You can stay here if you’d like.” Sebastian said as the ship shook again. “It’s probably nothing.”
Rowan glanced at the statue, caught the glint of coal in her eyes, and shuddered. He quickly pulled on the sweatshirt. “No, thanks.”
The room seemed to sway as he stood with a wince, every inch of him sore and aching as if he had run a marathon the day before. He stretched his hands over his head as he followed Sebastian from the room, but it did little to alleviate his aches. He kept a hand on the trembling wall as they moved quickly past the other rooms, the rest of the crew conspicuously missing.
Sebastian burst onto the bridge and immediately went to his chair. The rest of the crew were already present, hitting switches on their chairs and consoles as the ship shuddered again. Rowan flinched and looked to the front of the ship, into the darkness of space for any sign of what was attacking them. Sebastian silenced the alarms with a series of codes though the red lights still flashed. Rowan’s ears still rang with the ghosts of the alarm. He shook his head, hoping to clear it, then had to cling to the wall to keep on his feet as the ship swerved around a massive rock hurtling towards them. Asteroids, Rowan’s mind supplied.
“Where did this come from?” Sebastian asked as more asteroids followed the first.
“It’s the Lethe asteroid belt.” Brie ground out as another shudder racked the ship. “We forgot about it.”
“Let’s make sure it doesn’t tear a hole in our ship. I’d rather not spend weeks being unable to remember my name.”
“If it does, we will have to make sure we collect some of the asteroid dust. It is good for the Yateveos.” Lyra interjected.
“Lyra, those plants of yours don’t need any more fertilizer. They’re large enough as is.” Brie said.
“We don’t use it as fertilizer.” Kenan jerked as he aimed one of the ship’s cannons at a particularly large asteroid. It exploded, sending tiny bits of shimmering rock and dust in every direction. He aimed a few more cannons, shattering several more nearby asteroids before pulling on a surgical mask he had been wearing around his neck. “Trust us when we say you’re gonna want us to get that dust.”
He winked at Lyra as he passed on his way to the hanging spacesuits. She gave him a cheery thumbs up as he pulled on the suit and checked his oxygen supply. He stepped into a tiny room off to the side of the bridge. Moments later, Rowan caught a glimpse of Kenan, tethered to the ship, floating amongst the debris. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth as he watched. Kenan casually began scraping some of the smaller asteroids, gathering the dust into a large jar. Lyra kept casting furtive glances towards the room where Kenan had vanished as if longing to join him.
She jumped to her feet when a small asteroid clipped the side of Kenan’s suit. He clutched his arm and spun in the air, clinging to his jar of dust. Lyra whispered something in a language Rowan didn’t know, but it sounded suspiciously like a prayer, and her feet carried her towards the door. She hesitated and cast a helpless look at Sebastian who had yet to see the trouble his crew member was in.
Another asteroid hurtled towards Kenan, and he tried to scramble out its way. It missed him by an inch, but the rope tethering him to the ship had been sheared in two. “Sebastian!” Lyra and Rowan both called to the captain who turned to see where they pointed.
Sebastian swore and raced to the spacesuits. “Brie, take the controls. Keep us from being hit, but don’t let us go too far.” He suited up and stepped out, his own rope a flimsy lifeline now that they had seen how easily it could be severed.
Lyra moved away towards the window, her arms wrapped around herself as she stared at her friend, her breath coming in short gasps. Rowan took a moment to stare at the spot where Sebastian had disappeared before joining her. She was muttering something to herself, switching between two languages. “This is my fault.” She said. “I have done this.”
“Because you wanted the dust? He chose to go out there. You can’t blame yourself.” Rowan assured gently.
Lyra gave him a melancholic smile. “No. I am a Xi. We are doomsayers, death bringers. I should not be on this ship. I warned them. Now he will die.” A slight tremble shook her small frame. “Everyone near me dies.”
“That isn’t true.” Brie said as she came over to them. The asteroids had cleared, and Sebastian and Kenan had vanished. “This is just something that’s bound to happen in space.”
The door behind them slid open as Sebastian and Kenan tumbled inside, both hitting the floor hard. Sebastian rolled Kenan over and hastily removed his helmet. The jar full of asteroid dust rolled harmlessly away. Sebastian patted Kenan’s face, but the other remained stubbornly unconscious, not a single breath stirring his chest.
“No, no, no.” Sebastian murmured. “Don’t do this, Kenan. You can’t die over a jar of dirt. That’ll just make us look bad as pirates.” He pinched Kenan’s nose closed and pressed his mouth to his then began pressing down on his chest.
Lyra’s trembling worsened. “He is--”
“No!” Sebastian snapped, glaring at her, as he continued the chest compressions. “We haven’t lost him yet.”
He breathed into Kenan’s mouth again before being shoved away by Kenan who sat up and began coughing. His breaths came in harsh gasps. “Are you alright?” Brie asked as she came over to them, her boots clicking on the metallic floor.
Kenan nodded then winced as Sebastian grabbed him in a crushing hug. “You idiot.”
“I’m okay.” Kenan assured hoarsely.
“You very nearly wasn’t.”
Kenan looked around the room, at his concerned crew, and his eyes landed on Lyra who stared down at the floor, wringing her hands together. “Lyra.”You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.
“It is good you are okay.” She said, looking up but not at him.
“This wasn’t your fault.” Kenan said as he struggled to his feet.
“I am--”
“I know what you are. We all do. We don’t care. What happened out there; that’s happened before, long before either of us were part of this crew. You didn’t cause that.”
“I am unlucky.”
“Luck only exists if you believe in it.” Rowan said.
Kenan spared him a quick grin. “Exactly, so stop believing you’re unlucky. Things are different in space.” He pulled her into his arms, and she buried her face into his shoulder. “And I still got the Lethe dust.”
“I am glad you are not dead.” She murmured. “I do not believe I could take care of those plants alone.”
Rowan went to collect the jar and tried to hand it to Kenan. Lyra took it instead as she stepped away from him and brushed a casual hand against her gray skirt. “This should last us a good while.” She said. “Thank you. If we are no longer needed, we will go and store this away now.”
She left the room, her soft slippers barely making a sound, and Kenan turned to follow her. Brie placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. “Leave the stupid shit to us from now on, okay?”
“Got it. Thanks for saving me.” He looked to Sebastian who shrugged and pulled himself from the floor.
“Thanks for not dying.”
“As if you’d ever let me.” Kenan shed the rest of the spacesuit and followed after Lyra.
“That was too close.” Sebastian said then grunted when Rowan threw himself into his arms.
“You scared me.” Rowan whispered before stepping back.
Sebastian watched him with those gentle eyes like liquid sunshine and opened his mouth to reply when Brie interrupted, “we were nearly knocked off course.”
The map appeared before them, highlighting their path in bright red. A little cartoon shark danced farther down the map. “How long until we arrive?” Sebastian asked as he moved towards Brie to study the map.
“If we can get the turbo engines to work, another few hours or so. If not, probably a little over a day.”
“We can barely get the main engines to work. I could see if Thomas could take a look. Have you seen him this morning?”
Rowan perked up at the sound of his brother’s name. He had hopes of speaking to him and trying to patch things up before having to return back to his own planet. He needed to show him that family was still important.
“He’s still sulking.” Brie announced. “And probably will be until we drop your boyfriend off somewhere.”
“I’d be okay with dropping Thomas off somewhere instead.” Sebastian muttered. “In all fairness, he’s the stowaway. But I guess I could talk him into eating something too. Wouldn’t want him to waste away and all.” He turned to Rowan. “You wanna head back to my room? Or I could show you to the kitchen. You haven’t eaten yet either, have you?”
Rowan shook his head. The thought of seeing that statue again sent shivers through him, and he wasn’t feeling particularly hungry. “I think I’m just going to take a shower.”
Sebastian’s eyes brightened, but instead of the lecherous remarks Rowan was expecting, he simply said, “Alright. Borrow any of my clothes you’d like. Let me know if you need anything.”
Rowan locked himself in the bathroom and stared at his reflection in the cracked mirror. He pushed his hair back to reveal the jagged scar. He hated it, hated what it represented, and everything he couldn’t quite remember. If he didn’t have it, maybe his brother wouldn’t hate him so much. He let his scarlet hair fall back into place and pushed himself away from the mirror. Steam filled the room as he turned on the shower and tossed his clothes onto the floor before stepping under the scorching spray.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, letting the water relax him as he thought about his home planet. For so long he had wanted to leave that place, had dreamed and planned around college with the sole intention of never going back, but he found himself missing it. That quaint little town with its doe-eyed villagers who all seemed to carry a hidden sadness, a place filled with his father’s inventions, and his father. His overprotective father who would never want this kind of life for his son. His father who had been tossed in prison for a crime he could never have committed.
He doubled over as a sharp pain shot through him and scrambled to find the unknown injury, but there was nothing to be found. This came from deep inside, filling every inch of his being as he gasped for breath. He thought he could hear the grinding of gears as he twisted the knobs and stopped the torrent of water. He hit his knees, pain rattling through him. His hands shook as he fought to keep a grip on the edge of the tub, the too-bright lights burrowing into his skull. His mind flashed back to the broken vials on his bedroom floor. Was this what dying felt like? Was this how it would end? In the small bathroom of a ship floating in space?
A cough clawed its way up his throat and, with it, a stream of foul-smelling yellow sludge flecked with blood. He coughed and choked until there was nothing left, the pain ebbing away to more manageable levels. He crawled out of the tub and fell in a heap on the rug. With what little strength he still possessed, he rinsed out the mess and sat with his head pressed against his knees. He took slow, easy breaths.
A single gunshot echoed in his head, and he flinched, clapping his hands over his ears as he curled farther into himself. A pool of blood crept towards him as his brother screamed his name. He couldn’t remember, couldn’t think. Everything hurt. He saw his father standing over him with a hammer, felt each and every blow as it tore him to pieces. He saw his brother board a spaceship and leave.
Rowan jumped to his feet, the room spinning dizzily. He placed a hand on the wall and used his other to wrap a loose towel around his waist. With another deep breath, he carefully exited the bathroom, trying to clear every thought from his head. His thoughts were a revolving mess of the same question: what had happened to him? He used to imagine some invention blowing up, something that had hurt both himself and his brother. Maybe that was why Thomas was so angry. Maybe it was something his father had prompted him to do, and that was why his father always looked so guilty. His nightmares and memories blurred together, and he didn’t know what was real anymore.
“Look. I know you’re not happy about this,” Sebastian’s quiet voice floated down the hallway, stopping Rowan, “but you could at least be civil to him. He’s done nothing wrong.”
“He exists. That’s enough.” That was Thomas, bitter and hurt all at once.
“Thomas. You can’t mean that. He’s your--”
“Don’t. You can’t seriously…” Thomas trailed off. When he spoke again, his voice had grown softer, sadder. “Tell me you’re not in love with him.”
“You know I love him.”
Thomas’s voice broke when he said, “but he’s not the same.” A pause, a loaded hesitation. Something dark and dreadful existed in those few seconds of silence. “The accident changed him. He’s not the same.”
“He’s still him. He’s still...Rowan.” Rowan’s heart lurched at the sound of his name, at the quiet desperation in Sebastian’s voice.
“He’s not.” Thomas choked out the words. “God. Sebastian, he’s really, really not. And I can’t….I just can’t. Okay?”
“Then I won’t make you.” Sebastian said with heavy resignation. “Just take care of yourself. Please?” There was no response as Sebastian walked away, coming towards Rowan, who was still reeling from his sudden bout of illness and the conversation he hadn’t meant to overhear. His brother, the reason he was so angry, was because the accident had changed Rowan in some way. It only solidified the fact that the accident was his fault somehow.
Rowan flinched when Sebastian rounded the corner and pretended he had just exited the bathroom. Sebastian looked up and smiled though it failed to reach his troubled eyes. “Well, this is quite the view.” His voice lacked its usual cheer, but the words still had Rowan looking away in embarrassment.
He tightened his grip on his towel. “I-I was just heading to get dressed.”
“Don’t get dressed on my account. I would be perfectly happy if you stayed like this for the rest of the trip.” Sebastian said with a grin. “Although, I suppose my crew would have some reservations about it.”
“Spoilsports, all of them.” Rowan said just to see Sebastian throw his head back and laugh. When he looked at Rowan again, that strange sadness had vanished, replaced by his usual mirth.
“While I agree, they do outnumber us, but allow me to offer my services in helping you dress.”
“I think I can manage.” Rowan deadpanned and brushed past Sebastian to head to the latter’s room. He felt his skin tingle as they brushed, and Sebastian’s appreciative whistle followed him into the room. The flirting had helped to ease him a bit despite the way his hands still shook and jumped, as if everything he touched sent a shock through him.
He tossed his towel onto the statue’s head and proceeded to throw on some of Sebastian’s clothes, the first things he found that weren’t formal wear. The shirt hung off his smaller frame, just enough to make him feel safe as if Sebastian’s arms were around him as he curled up on the bed. It felt like safety. Like home. He shuddered, this time not from the remnants of his illness. The conversation between Sebastian and Thomas had him worried about things he had never stopped to consider before. He found that as much as he missed his home planet, he loved this rickety ship in the middle of space even more. He feared if he stayed much longer, he wouldn’t want to leave. Just as he equally feared that Sebastian wouldn’t want him to stay. He finally knew what his brother truly thought. What if he convinced Sebastian to feel the same? What would he do when he found out how sick Rowan truly was?
It was easier to have a relationship when there were galaxies between them, when they expected little more than a casual text or late night phone call. This close, with their hearts and fears ready to bleed out before them, Rowan tormented himself with thoughts of being abandoned, of watching Sebastian finally take heed of his brother’s warnings and walk away. If he was truly broken beyond repair, a completely different person than he was before, would Sebastian waste time trying to fix him? Or just leave him collecting dust on some forgotten shelf of the past? Another ex to leave behind on a planet he’d never visit again.