Oxford, to the romantic, is a monument to learning. A living, breathing edifice that''s dedication to knowledge is renowned around the world, putting itself on the same platform as the library of Alexandria, the Lost sea scrolls or to many englishman’s dismay, Harvard. Yet, like many romantic ideals, their foundations are far from savoury. To say little of the University''s heavy investment in fossil fuels or the inherent elitism that destroys geniuses in their cradle, the underbelly of Oxford was much the same as any university. Highly stressed students pissing up walls, excreting in urinals, fighting in the streets, prostitution in the dorms, mass bullying of the weak; the usual. That being said, for 3 grand a year for tuition alone the learning centres were impressive. For Joe, that is all that mattered. The world renowned professors who moonlit at places like the Large Hadron Collider or were consulted on movies for their in-depth knowledge of history, fashion or what have you, gave the place its credibility. Doctor this, doctor that, CBE this and MBE that.
Joe was quite happy with this state of affairs and he looked forward to his lectures with these prestigious lecturers, preeminent in their respective fields. Joe found out after some time the best way was to catch the professor at one of the innumerable pubs scattered around the city. He had stumbled into his Physics professor by accident when on a date, who was quaffing ale at the Bear Inn. After Joe had bought Dr. Wikarski, a large VSOP cognac, the amenable doctor was much more open to Joe’s inquiries to the intricacies of the recent lecture and the date, much to her distaste, was soon forgotten.
Joe was on the promised scholarship, and as such he was entitled to free accommodation with Trinity college. The digs were of standard student quality, PDF board furniture, shared fridges and dingy communal rooms. This is where the students would invariably pre-drink whilst listening to Radio 1. Joe’s roommates were a loquacious bunch, and as lively as fermenting yeast. The comparison didn’t stop there as there was also a permanent floating odour that drifted across the cramped room like mustard gas across no man’s land. No wonder women were rarely brought back to be introduced to the crew, solely left in the common room with all other hopefuls. Joe was no exception, and if ever he got lucky, we would rent a room at a local hotel. Such was Joe’s life for the first year, heavily studious, occasionally pursuing a light dalliance, but overall keeping himself to himself. He declined most invitations of his roommates for parties and the like and would often disappear to the vast library to peruse some unfathomable tome. The library was truly his sanctuary, he would often just scan the stuffed bookcases with a wistful gaze, knowing he would never have the time to fully digest even a fraction of the knowledge contained therein. He became so well known to the head librarian that he was offered a post as a librarian who’s only duties were to make sure the books were looked after whilst also earning the right to take more than just the usual 3 books home with him.
Epistemology is the study of knowledge and through his learning back at WGSB with Dr. Fox Joe had found a calling in this pursuit. An existentialist at heart, Joe took his time to analyse and break down everything he learned, not relying on any fallacies or broken axioms as far as he could. The pure breadth and scope that his own personal learning took surprised even himself. He found himself studying the engineering behind Brunel’s nascent tunnel building and then hopping over to see which stitch was used on a hem of a dress. This seemingly useless information to his field, helped to fill in the void within him, or at least patch it. Occasionally of course he would think of Julia, and his heart would flip. The worst would be if he was walking between lectures, he would see a swaying figure in the distance with dark black hair. He would feel a sudden urge to see whether the figure itself was Julia and then reprimand himself for his foolishness. Remember what she has done, remember with whom!
In reality maybe in some strange way he should thank Bob and Julia for if not for their actions he would never have had the impetus to pursue his studies such as he did.
He also managed to make a friend in the first semesta, a black guy from Nigeria, Nathan Likando. Nathan had spent the majority of his youth in the UK and thought himself more of an Englishman despite his heritage. He was a keen Rugby player, been a swift winger to Joe’s more sedate second row pace and they became fast friends when Nathan took Joe’s legs clean out in a practise session. Joe being no slouch to his formidable centre of gravity at a whopping 16 stone was very impressed and hence a friendship quickly blossomed. It should be said that Nathan weighed only 13 stone and measured 5ft 11 inches.
Nathan also had a mastery over the ivory keys and as such, they occasionally jammed together, their music tastes being somewhat similar. Nathan was a much better musician than Joe, yet Joe didn’t mind, taking great pleasure in Nathan’s ability to create new and wonderful sounds.
This duo would often go visit Turf Tavern, a pub that had its own courtyard where they would sit and discuss their most recent lectures or the release of some new music from an obscure artist. It was on such an occasion that Joe and Nathan were fast into their third pint towards the end of November when Joe felt his chest tighten. He had heard a familiar female voice, and that voice turned his face white as a sheet.
“What’s the matter JJ, you look like shit mate? Bad beer?” Nathan squinted into his own glass to make sure nothing was amiss, sniffing and shaking his head.
Joe ignored Nathan and turned his head to find the source of his disquiet. Leaning up against the courtyard wall he saw her. Nathan followed his gaze and his eyebrows raised “cor! What a beauty eh mate!? Shotgun?” Nathan winked at Joe who only shook his head in response. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
“Let’s leave,” he said.
“ Eh? I haven’t finished my pint yet. I''m not like you with money pouring out my ears you know?”. Nathan noticed how odd Joe was acting and decided to down his pint. Just as the pair were standing up to vacate their bench, an angelic voice called “Joe?”.
Joe felt his heart shudder, and with a despairing look at Nathan, he turned to face Julia.
“Hello Julia, fancy seeing you here. We were just leaving I’m afraid. See you around though yeah?”
With that he grabbed at Nathan’s shoulder and made to leave. He felt a soft pressure on his other wrist and stopped.
“Just give me some time to explain please Joe, you owe me that at least?”
Without turning around Joe replied, “I owe you nothing” as he practically ran out of the pub.
Nathan, who was left flustered as his mate had just scarpered, looked at Julia.
“What’s that about then?”. Julia ignored Nathan and also left the pub.
—--
Back in his halls, Joe sat on his bed staring blankly out of the window. Thoughts were rushing through his mind like a raging river, leaving behind a silt of confusion. Emotions that he had thought long buried had resurfaced and he had acted a fool. He had lost control of what he had hard sought. ‘Will she plague me forever? Maybe I cannot hide from what must be faced or I''ll be a wreck whenever she is mentioned’, He watched a robin leap from a branch as it swooped in a circle before disappearing behind a rooftop. “Ah if only I could fly away and forget it all!” he cried, burying his head into his pillow as he groaned. Finally he resigned himself that if he didn’t see Julia again things should be fine and as he felt his head sink further into the sand, he felt the illusion of relief. ‘I need to go to the library’ he thought.
Alas the illusion was soon to break and his sanctuary was soon breached, the defenses as flimsy as his own excuses. For when he made his way to his usual study spot the next day, a familiar face was waiting at his desk. Joe gritted his teeth, unwilling to show fear and lose what little face he had. “What do you want?” he asked, placing his newly acquired books upon the desk.
“I just want to talk. Explain even, I won’t take long, I just feel awful Joe, truly, I didn’t want to hurt you!”. Numerous shushing noises were heard from the nearby tables along with some shining gazes. Who would have thought the library would be a great source of drama? To their distress, Joe led Julia away to a private reading room and closed the door. “What are you doing here?” he asked, waving his hands in an open fashion.
Julia laughed enchantingly “this is my library too dummy, or what, do you think you own all of it Mr. Librarian?”. Joe was stunned for a moment but he wasn’t thick.
“Which college?” he asked.
“Queen’s”. He nodded his head in understanding.
“Good for MChem it’s true. So what do you want?” he looked her in the eyes for the first time defiantly. Julia faltered for a moment seeing his gaze and then took a breath.
“Like I said, you’ve never given me a chance to explain, and I have to steal that chance myself”.
“What’s there to explain, you fucked my best mate on my birthday on my parent’s couch… Seems pretty clear cut to me” a hint of anger and shame crept into voice raising the pitch slightly. “To think you even have the audacity to try and speak to me after that beggars belief”
Joe made to leave, yet he was stopped once again by Julia’s hand. He made the mistake to look at her face and saw the tears streaming down her face, annoyingly making her look even more enchanting. He felt his heart stir, for no man can stand strong in the face of a crying woman, especially a loved one.
“I’m so sorry Joe, I know I can’t give you a reasonable excuse, what we did was beyond bad, it…” she faltered. “It was very, very cruel to you and I’m more sorry than you can know, but I was very drunk, and Bob…”
“I don’t want to know Julia, I’ve moved on, and yes, what you both did is inexcusable” he took a deep breath and looked at Julia seriously. “You broke my heart you know, my dad had just passed and yet you not only destroyed our relationship but mine and Bob’s too. I know” he said holding up his hand “ that Bob is as guilty as you are, but you are the one who hurt me the most”. His control had slipped and now tears were falling freely but his sight remained clear.
“I want nothing to do with you, do you hear? I am a broken man, a shadow of myself but I must carry on and not even you can stop me”. And with that he marched out of the room, head high, but his heart as heavy as a stone. Julia stood alone in the middle of the room openly weeping, fists clenched by her side.
Joe returned to his desk and buried himself into a book, yet he couldn’t find it in himself to focus. He daydreamed about what would have happened if he hadn’t passed out that night, if Bob and Julia hadn''t had the chance to be alone. Then caught himself, knowing that if they were willing to do it then they might have done it another. Still he wished, unwittingly, that things had been different, that Julia and he could still be together here in Oxford pursuing each other as they pursued their dreams. Alas, thoughts are a great betrayer and he shivered. ‘A rabbit hole I mustn’t delve’ he reprimanded himself, wise enough to know that such thoughts were unhealthy. Shaking his dead to dispel any unwanted thoughts he looked at his book once again. This time an obscure tome on the history of the middle kingdom and their versions of folklore and legends. The immortals, Wu Kong, the Yellow Emperor and his ilk. Ascendance, immortality, pill brewing? Joe lost himself in these intriguing legends, lending his mind to a fantasy to distract.