Running always helped clear my head. I could shut out the world, and get lost in the sensation. With the winter months coming up, the cooler air felt refreshing. I didn''t have to be Erik out here. I was just a stream of wind, rushing down the trails. It felt almost ethereal. My phone rang, tearing me away from the little peace I''ve had lately.


    "Go ahead." I answered.


    "I need to see you in my office. I think it''s time we had a conversation." Mr. Pendragon said. There was no maliciousness in his voice. I had been avoiding everyone since I brought Dyson back. I had abandoned my training. It had felt nice to shed my responsibilities, but I guess that was over.


    "I''ll be back shortly." I told him.


    Mr. Pendragon approached me from the side, shooting out of his office as I arrived. He quickly ushered me inside and closed the door. He seemed perturbed; his hair was dishevelled and his blazer and tie were missing, revealing a wrinkled white shirt with sleeves haphazardly rolled and black suspenders.


    “Things have been so chaotic around here lately with Dyson joining us, and Chase coming back. I''ve also been in so many meetings I feel like I could pull my hair out,” He sighed and shook his head.


    I notice he’s distracted; constantly checking his phone and moving behind his desk to check his computer. I straightened and gave him my full attention, clasping my hands behind my back, spacing my feet shoulder length apart; as is routine.


    “I’m getting carried away.” He said.


    “Should you sit down?” I suggested, sweeping my hand out toward his large black and red chair. He opened his mouth to reply, but simply nodded. I waited to sit until he asked me to. When he sat, he looked at me, as if to ask why I was still standing and ushered me to the chair with his hand.


    “Your formality is unnecessary.” He told me.


    “It’s good form, Sir.” I reply, almost robotic. It feels like a script.


    “Erik, Chase is a good friend of mine and we worked closely back in the day. Unfortunately, as I had said before, I feel it would be best if you stepped down from your position and allow Chase to take over. He''s done an exceptional job of getting the team on a training schedule and he''s got enough knowledge of how the Order works to take some of the pressure off of me."


    Mr. Pendragon tries to appear disarming, but his erraticness only fuels my own building anger at the subject. I try to contain my outrage, but I know my face had gone visibly red.


    “You will, of course, get to return to the team with Kalysta and Dyson following close behind.” He finished, as if that was supposed to be some consolation.


    “I haven’t worked with them in quite some time now. You had me helping you and away from them for so long. I don’t even know if Orion will simply just relinquish leadership of the team back to me.” I grasped at the next rung down on my descent of the corporate ladder.


    “That would be between you and him.” He said absently, returning to his computer and beginning to type. Like that was all there was to say about the matter. He offered no referral, suggestion or support.


    “May I speak freely?” I ask, the solider facade slipping as my anger builds.


    “You always could, Erik.” He sighed at me.


    “What makes you think Chase is a better candidate for this job?” I was straight-faced, but he looked at me and I could see the fatherly disappointment on his face. He shook his head again, like he didn''t quite understand my implication. When I offered no further explaination, he shifted to put his elbows on the table and leaned in on his fists.


    “I’ve known Chase since I was around your age. He was ex Special Forces after he left the Order. He speaks more languages than everyone here combined and is one of the strongest swordsman I know. And quite frankly, he outranks you simply in seniority, if not prowess," He says before calming himself. He could see my visible frustration growing. He continued with a lighter tone.


    "I’m not saying you’re not good at what you do, Erik. When our ranks had dwindled, you stepped up to the plate and helped me drag things back together. No one is questioning your abilities…”


    “It certainly feels like it.” He was shaken when I interrupted him. Perhaps the years of formality had been too much. I put too much on myself. I had something to prove, but not anymore.


    “I’m sure if you spoke to Orion, he wouldn’t mind…” He tried to start again but I cut him off.


    “My father was an old friend of yours too.” I said. This time, he glared at me.


    “Erik, your father was a strong man who was integral to the Order and this branch. And yes, he was indeed a...friend of mine. I’m not discrediting anyone or your legacy here. Lots of the others are legacies too. I’m simply asking you to…”


    “Step down. I get it.” I slouched into the chair. It felt like just yesterday when Kalysta had spoken to me about dounts and my disconnection from the group. How distant I had seemed from people who were supposed to be my friends. “And what if I refuse to abdicate my position?”The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    “It wasn''t a request Erik. The position is filled. You''ll rejoin your team.” He said with finality.


    I wanted to scream at him. I could visualize the violence too easily. I could jump the desk and fight him. I wanted to punch his stupid face. I knew I wouldn’t make it out of the office.


    “Understood, sir.” I said through clenched teeth.


    I got up and turned to leave and I could feel his steel grey eyes burning into the back of my head. I thought about slamming the door. But I didn''t.


    I got down the hall and realized I’d been holding my breath. I kept shaking my head, trying to find ways to deny reality. How did things go so wrong for me? Truly, I felt like Icarus.


    ~*~


    Knock, Knock, Knock


    “Orion, are you up?” I called at his door. There was no answer.


    Knock, Knock, BANG


    “Holy shit! Is everything ok?” He opened the door in his boxers, half awake. Sometimes I forget that most people sleep eight to ten hours during the night.


    “We need to talk.” I told him, pushing passed him to stand in the center of his room. Looking around, it’s a simple accommodation, like my own, but he’s got video games and paraphernalia all over. I had almost assumed he had a larger, better room.


    “Yea, sure. Come on in.” He groaned, trying to wake up.


    I stared him down but he just sat down on his bed and smiled at me. I hated that he wasn''t being emotional. It made me feel irrational.


    “I need you to step down as team leader and let me take over again.” I told him. There it was, plain and simple. It wasn''t a request.


    Orion laughed and cocked his eyebrow at me.


    “Aw man, what happened?” He said calmly. I felt even more irrational.


    “Mr. Pen… Anders has decided to make Chase his second in command. He told me to rejoin the team.” I stuttered out.


    “Did he tell you to wake me up in the middle of the night to assert dominance too?” He knew me too well. He’d try to make a joke out of it, like he does everything else; trying to get me to calm down. He’s too comfortable, I thought.


    “I felt it necessary to alert you to the changes in leadership immediately.” I said, stiffening, trying to take a military-like stance.


    “Cut the rigid soldier thing dude. You don’t need to do that with me. Or anyone really.” He tried to be disarming. I visualized knocking the smile off his face as my rage still simmered.


    “Do we have an understanding?” I didn’t have time for his shit right now. I needed to know. I needed confirmation of my control. The one thing I had to cling to. He laughed again and I felt my fist clench.


    “No. We really don’t dude.” Orion stood up and my back stiffened. I instinctually puffed out my chest and he put his hands up.


    “I’m not gonna fight you, man. You need to bring it down like four notches.” He made a motion, like turning down a dial.


    “I didn’t come here to joke with you Orion. I’m asking you if you’ll step down and allow me to take over as team leader.” I needed this. I needed him to just say yes.


    He turned around and stared at some photos stuck to the wall on a cork board. He stared so long, it was hard not to look at the photos myself.


    There was a picture of him with the O’Bryne siblings. Ethan, of course, had his shirt off. One is a photo of him and one of the reindeer from the sleigh, flashing the peace sign. There is a group photo of us standing outside the Louvre in Paris. My eyes settled on the one he was staring at.


    The one of him and I. Our arms over each other’s shoulders at a Toronto Maple Leafs home game, his small frame drowning in a triple XL jersey. Both of us had blue and white face paint.


    “I feel like we''ve hardly spoken at all this year. We used to do everything together. We talked about literally everything. And the first thing you say to me in months is this shit." He didn''t turn to face me.


    “Orion, I''ve been busy with important mattters for the Order and I…” I tried to tell him. I''m shocked when he raised his voice.


    “No!” He said, spinning on me. His voice was so loud, I was certain he’d woken everyone else up. I actually stumbled back from his uncharacteristic anger.


    “We didn’t speak for almost a year, so you could stick your head so far up Anders'' ass, you probably knew what he had for lunch. And then the minute that goes ass backwards for you, you come back here asking for your old spot back?” He was so red in the face. His small body trembled with the effort of his anger.


    “I’m not asking.” I said quietly.


    “Fuck you dude.” He shot back.


    “I understand what this looks like, and I’m sorry that my position here put strain on our friendship, but I’m adamant about this.” I needed him to understand just how much I needed this. But I couldn''t tell him. Every emotion but anger got caught up somewhere inside me.


    “Strain on our friendship? Bro, do you even realize that it’s been so long that the team doesn’t even recognize you as one of us? You moved up to bigger and better things and you completely forgot about us. At least in the beginning you tried to make an effort, but as soon as Kalysta joined, you completely shut off.” He spun back to his desk and slammed his hands down.


    “Orion…”


    “Do you even realize what you’re saying? Like, for five seconds, try and put yourself in our shoes. Dude, Amelia was into you for so long and you hardly even acknowledged her. You guys were close for a while there, and then Erik got a promotion and BOOM, suddenly he’s an asshole.” He kept going.


    “That’s enough.” I snapped. I was losing my patience. He’d had his rant, and now I needed my answer.


    “No, I’ll tell you when it’s enough.” He spun on me and got up in my face, pointing his finger at me. I felt my fists clench tighter.


    “Back up.” I commanded.


    “Or what? You’ll bully me some more? Kick my ass in my own bedroom? Get real dude.” He shot back. I felt cornered. It was hard to sympathize with him when all I could focus on was my own needs.


    “Orion, I just need you to tell me that you’ll step down.” I wanted to tell him why. I wanted to tell him my life was spiralling wildly out of control. That I went for long jogs to clear my head. That when I was on those jogs, I visited my mother had her care home. The one my father had left her at after he spent years abusing her so bad that her mind broke. I wanted to tell him that all the change here was hard for me, when I had no control of anything in my life.


    Orion''s whole body tensed and he looked like he was about to lunge at me. I could see he wanted to hit me. I realized I had felt the same way with Anders only moments earlier. He took a huge steadying breath and turned back to face his photos.


    “Get out.” There was no emotion left in his voice. He was drained.


    “Orion, I need you to…” I almost pleaded.


    “Is it more important than our friendship?” His voice cracked. I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out.


    “Get out, or I swear to all the Gods, I’ll drop the sleigh on you.” His voice was trembling and I knew he was crying. My instinct was to reach out for him, but I knew if I touched him, it would be taken as violence.


    I promptly moved for the exit, but I turned around to look at him as I held the door handle. I stepped out of myself and tried to remember the last hockey game we had gone to. I could have told him how much I missed that. Or when we''d sneak out in the middle of the night to get cheeseburgers while the others slept.


    I want to tell him that I missed him. Instead, I stood in the doorway, waiting for my answer.


    “Fine, I’ll step down. Just go.” He said quietly, full of defeat.


    Something inside of me settled and I took a breath like the weight of the world was lifted.


    But at what cost?