The Flying Dutchman was a monstrous ship, with an equally grisly crew. I’m not as unnerved by the undead as much as others on the team but I’m certainly not comfortable. I began to wonder what Anders was thinking when he hired this mad woman and her zombies to ferry us across the Atlantic.


    I paced up and down the deck along the starboard side and went over the details of the plan in my head. Anders had made it sound so simple; sail across, intercept if we can, or else travel to Greece and sink the ship with the Golem aboard. He didn’t inform us about any of the dangers along the way. He hadn''t even warned us we''d be getting in a ghost ship. I tried to shake my doubts about the chain of command; I was back in control and that was all that mattered.


    I suddenly felt the guilt of bullying Orion. The team still followed him because they were comfortable with him. He was charismatic and friendly. Somehow he always managed to have a smile on his face and be there for everyone. But that was not what a leader was supposed to be. Was it?


    I played our argument over and over in my head. I hadn''t wanted to make him feel bad. I just had to get my life back on track and he was collateral. I thought about the picture he had of the two of us at a Leafs game...


    Had he mentioned something about Amelia throwing herself at me? I had been so caught up in my work for Anders that I had neglected my own needs and desires.


    “Yer gonna wear a hole in me deck lad. How’s about ya go sit in the Capt’n’s quarters and think out whatcha gotta think in there?” Siobhan shouted down at me from the helm made of skeletal remains.


    I looked down at the scuff marks I’d left on the deck, and then to the forlorn look of the undead crewman who was trying to scrub them away. It stared at me with empty eye sockets and a drooping lower jaw, and then back to the deck, making a raspy sound I could only assume was a sigh.


    “Right.” I made my way to the stairs and up passed the captain to her quarters. She motioned behind her to the big doors etched with images of death. The effort made her stagger.


    The quarters were more extravagant than I would have assumed for a murky ghost ship. Lavish carpets lined the floors and a huge four poster bed sat against the back, under a row of small windows. I went to move to the bed but I imagined Dyson tied down here and buried under the pirate woman and I immediately turned to the simple writing desk off to the side.


    Scattered across the desk was an excessive amount of trinkets that I assumed were probably stolen. I made space and sat down with a pen and paper to work out some of the details of our mission. It made me feel better to have a list or itinerary. But what did it matter?


    Orion had been up in the Crow’s Nest since we boarded, and would not speak to me unless it was necessary. Ethan and Tadashi had taken off to explore the ship, the former excited about the fabled ghost vessel and the latter probably making sure he didn''t break anything. Neither of them had any interest in hanging out with me. They would follow orders, sure, but there was no personal connection anymore. I had broken that connection when I failed to maintain friendships as I took on more responsibility. Hardly my fault.


    I scribbled some thoughts and ideas on the blank page. Battle tactics, mapping out parts of the Mediterranean with known monster lairs.


    I could not stop the nagging sensation of self-doubt. I was stronger than that. I was in control again. And yet...


    I slammed my fist on the desk, at the same time as a knock came at the door.


    “Come in.”


    Amelia opened the door and slipped in, leaning back against it. She looked nervous, which was out of character for her. Was I that off-putting? Had I fallen so far?


    “I wanted to talk to you. Is this a bad time?” Her speech is slurred and I realize why she seemed different.


    "Amelia, are you drunk?" I asked, sighing heavily and turning to face her. She blushed and turned her head so her raven hair fell in front of her face.


    "Ethan found a stash in the bottom of the boat and we kinda helped ourselves." She said, embarassed. I rolled my eyes.


    “What can I do for you?” I tried to be as disarming as possible. The smile I forced was awkward. How did Orion do this all the time?


    “I heard about your fight with Ori,” She said, moving from the door to stand against the wall across from me.


    I didn''t want to talk about it, but if I dismissed her now, I’d lose her too.


    “You guys used to be so close. And now that your back with us, isn''t it weird that we don''t see you guys all buddy-buddy again? What did you even say to him?" She hiccuped and burped at the same time and I cringed.


    “I simply told him the truth. Anders made me step down so Chase could take my old position and I told Orion that I was coming back as leader of the team. He wasn''t happy about the way I approached the situation. But since I''ve been back, things haven''t been the same. With any of you. You guys don’t trust in me the way you do him.” I ran my hand back through my hair and braced myself for whatever hard truth she would shoot back.


    “Hey! I trust you. I think you’re a great leader. But you’ve spent so much time doing desk work for Anders that you forgot the qualities that made you a good leader before. Helping Anders wasn''t your position Erik, it was here with us.” She said, stumbling forward, leaning heavily on the wall.


    She was probably right. I must come across like a grumpy old man. Like Anders.


    "Amelia, you''re really drunk. You should sit down." I got up and guided her to the edge of the four poster bed. I remembered having to guide my mother up the stairs and into bed. She used to drink so much wine she could hardly walk. She would sit with me on the edge of the bed, just like this, and cry. She hated my father, and I didn''t know what I was supposed to do about it. I spent so much time idolizing my father that I failed to see his faults.


    When my father died, Anders had become the only male role model in my life. It made his betrayal all the more painful. So much time wasted. I could feel my anger creeping back into me.


    “You’re right Amelia. I''ll do my best to be who I used to be. Do you think you could maybe talk to Orion for me? Make him come around?" I asked, as I helped her lean against one of the bed posts.


    “I think it would mean more coming from you directly. Mind you, you’d have to climb to the top of the mast to get to him now. He''s been up there since we got on the boat." She said, closing her eyes and resting her head back.Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.


    “He’s avoiding me. He hates me.” I said, seething.


    “He’s hurt, Erik. He trusted you and looked up to you like a big brother. He tried so hard to fill your shoes and be a good leader. All he wanted was some recognition. You ripped him down with not even so much as a thank you.” She snapped at me.


    I felt my aggression flair and I clenched my fists without thinking about it. She''s too drunk to see how her words effect me. Either that or she doesn''t care.


    “I guess I’ll have to climb up there and talk to him then." I said standing from the bed.


    “He’d probably take shots at you the whole way up. Just wait for him to come down. He’ll cool off eventually.” She tried to smile at me, but her eyes were swimming. It was pathetic how much she reminded me of my mother.


    “Orion had mentioned you in our fight. He said you had been practically throwing yourself at me and I was too dense to notice.” I said plainly.


    She snorted while laughing and waved at me, but all her bluster was gone. I can tell Orion was telling the truth by how red in the face she got. I had missed her attraction to me.


    “I wasn’t throwing myself at you. I was just…I was hoping you would notice me. I kinda had a crush on you for a while.” She turned her head away from me defiantly.


    “Had?” I asked. I couldn''t help but wonder what still might remain of those feelings. I had missed so much and focused on all the wrong things. Was there something here for me that had also slipped from my control?


    “Well, yea. I mean you and Kalysta…You guys are a thing right?” Amelia said, dejected.


    “It''s not like that.” I said, trying not to ruin my chances.


    "Not like what?" Amelia slurred out. She looked like she might topple, so I leaned her back against the bedpost.


    “She’s into me, but I’m not sure how I feel about her.” I lied, probing for oppurtunity.


    “You seemed sure. Don’t think we all missed the way you look at her.” She crossed her arms and glared at me.


    “She’s attractive, sure. But I look at you too.” I said with a smirk.


    “You do not! You’ve got your head too far up your own ass for that.” She slugged me in the shoulder. Or at least tried too. I hardly feel it.


    “What is it you like so much about me?” I asked, sitting back on the edge of the bed with her.


    “Don’t fish for compliments Erik, it’s not attractive.” She gripped the bridge of her nose, squinting her eyes. Her head was probably pounding.


    “So I guess there is no chance of anything between us then? We can keep this purely professional?” I said, staring her down. I knew she wouldn''t back down from the challenge. Amelia didn''t like being told what to do.


    “I...don''t know Erik. I don''t feel that way anymore." Amelia put her hands on her legs and leaned forward, her hair falling in front of her face. I wasn''t sure if she was going to pass out or vomit.


    “Well, what did you have in mind when you were throwing yourself at me back then?” I sat back, looking her over. She was a mess, but there was still something here.


    "Erik, it''s not like that anymore. I...I like someone else." She said, but I could tell she wasn''t sure.


    "Someone on the team?" I probed. She nodded before getting up from the bed and rushing to the waste bin beside the ship''s map table. She threw up and I cringed in disgust.


    "So who is it?" I pressed, walking to stand over her. "Who replaced your feelings for me?"


    Amelia pulled her hair back and looked up at me glaring.


    "Not now Erik..." She said quietly before retching into the bucket again.


    Until now, I hadn''t even realized that I was interested in her. Was it because suddenly there was competetion? Because I wasn''t enough?


    Who could she possibly have met that made her feelings move away from me?


    "Is it Orion?" I gritted my teeth as I said his name.


    "Erik, please stop." She said, wiping her mouth and using the wall to try and stand back up.


    "He just moved in and tried to take everything from me." I growled, putting it all together now. Had our friendship been a pretense for this betrayal? Was Anders in on it?


    "Erik, no one took anything from you." She said, but I hardly heard her. "I wasn''t yours."


    "So it is him." I said, glaring at her. I moved closer to her quickly and grabbed her by the shoulders.


    "No Erik. Its not him. Let me go." She tried to squirm, but she was weak. Like my mother. Fragile and worn from alcohol. She didn''t know what she wanted.


    "So who is it? It couldn''t be Tadashi. Is it Chase? He''s ancient. It can''t be him. That only leaves..." I stopped, still clutching her tightly as she tried to break free of my grasp.


    "Erik, let me go!" She snapped.


    "Dyson? Really? That scrawny little prick." I looked at her with disappointment. She was so lost and misguided.


    "Erik, you''re hurting me..."


    She is only saying it to hurt me. She wants me to pick between her and Kalysta. I could have had her if Anders hadn''t tricked me into being his second in command, so Orion could take over...


    I was so close to having everything I wanted. I was so close to total control. It was literally within my grasp.


    I moved in quickly and kiss Amelia. She tastes like alcohol and vomit. I was disappointed by the lack of sparks, but I knew she must have felt something.


    But when I pulled away she only looked at me with shock and disgust.


    "Erik, I''m leaving. Let me go." She told me. Was she playing hard to get?


    I moved in to kiss her again, hoping this time it would trigger a different reaction.


    I was met by sharp pain shooting up from my groin into my stomach.


    I released my grip on her and growled defiantly. It hurt so bad. How could she? As she removed her knee from my groin, I fell to my knees, clutching myself.


    She was crying as she hurried out the door. It made no sense, I was the one who was hurt, why was she crying?


    ~*~


    I walked out from the Captain’s quarters sometime later. I assumed everyone would be asleep, but the dead don’t rest. I could feel the eyes on me everywhere. My presence among them turned every empty eye socket to me, and I imagined they judged me with hundreds of years of experience. Above me, the skeletal first mate had the wheel, and sailed us through the night. Even it looked down at me, with what I assume is disapproval.


    What had Amelia told them? Did they know?


    I made my way down to the crew quarters where everyone was sleeping and ran into Siobhan. She was standing outside of a room with her hand on the door handle, and looked at me like a deer caught in headlights.


    “Do I want to know?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow. Her mouth split into a huge grin and she shrugged.


    “Probably not lad, though I’m sure you’ll hear bout it in the mornin’.” She winked at me and then opened the door and stumbled inside.


    “’Ello gorgeous!” I heard her exclaim from behind the door.


    “Oh dear God, no!” Dyson yelped in surprise.


    Was Dyson trying to sleep with everyone? Did Amelia know that he was also sleeping with this pirate woman? Then why would she still have a thing for him?


    My mind raced and I felt the anger building up inside me again. I clenched my fists and I tried to figure out which room was Amelia’s. I see Ethan standing outside of one of the rooms, leaning on the wall.


    "I''m looking for your sister''s room." I told him.


    I was surprised when I wasn''t greeted with his normal light-heartedness.


    "You''re gonna stay away from my sister." He said quietly, still staring at the ground.


    "Ethan, just tell me which one she''s in." I ordered. It was unlike him to be insubordinate.


    "Walk away Erik. Please." He said, still not looking at me.


    Why was everyone being like this to me? What had I done to deserve any of this? Had Orion poisoned them all against me?


    As I approached I could hear her beind the door, still crying. I tried to move to the door handle and Ethan grabbed my wrist. I pulled back defensively.


    "Erik, last warning. Back up." This time he meets my gaze. His eyes are filled with sadness and confusion. But his face is painted with rage.


    "Nothing happened, just let me talk to her." I pushed. He moved to phyiscally stand between me and the door.


    "I don''t know what you did to her, but I know she came back down here in tears. I might have had a bit to drink, but I know Amelia doesn''t get like that." He said.


    Ethan filled the doorframe, having a similar physique to mine. I tried to make myself larger, puffing out my chest and straightening my back.


    Ethan doesn''t move.


    I had imagined my night going very differently. There was something about all this that felt off. Like I shouldn''t be here in this moment. Why was this happening to me?


    "Walk away." Ethan said, his tone threatening.


    I stared him down for a long moment, before doing as he said. I headed back up the stairs, teeth grinding, my fists clenched at my side.


    As I came out onto the deck, I looked up at the crow''s nest. I could feel Orion staring at me from his perch. It made my blood boil even more.


    As I returned to the Captain''s quarters, I slammed the door behind me. The sound made me flinch, remembering how my father would slam doors. Slamming the front door. Slamming the bedroom door. My mother used to cry like Amelia too.


    I looked down at my hands, shaking.


    What was I becoming?