"God, you asshole."


    She''d taken care of the mages, their heads bloodied her sword as she approached me shaking her head.


    The dragon must have recognized that at the least we did not intend to slaughter it, after I had crushed the rest of whatever army was trying to take its head it swiftly retreated. I watched it fly away into the horizon wondering if it would remember me, wondering if it knew about the choice I had made. I pondered on whether the dragon thought about the value of its life, maybe it would be more careful in the future because of this encounter. Unfortunately, I did not get to ponder long for I was most rudely interrupted by a fist from someone who I thought was my ally.


    "Ow."


    "You couldn''t have killed them like you killed the others? What''s with the needless torture?"


    She was visibly upset, waving her hands as she was chastising me. I think she picked that habit up from our many years together


    "Sorry Your Majesty, I didn''t realize I was laying my hands on your royal subjects."


    "No amount of sarcasm can detract from the fact that you just forced one-hundred fifty good men who were just doing what they were paid to do into a chain ball of death. You know well that there''s a million other ways you could''ve dealt with them but you chose the one that hurts the most."


    "I''m sure there''s a level above what I did. Are you asking for a display?"


    She hit me again.


    "What''s with the physical abuse, can''t you use your words?"


    "You''re sick, you know that? What, some dragon who''s leveled towns deserves your split-second sympathy but you can''t shred an ounce for men with families who are just trying to get by?"


    Something in her words was extremely agitating. Sure, I chose to get rid of that little army by gruesome means but who is she to tell me off? Where had this focus on morals come from, where was it before? This wasn''t some act of sadism, I just made a choice as to how I''d kill those men and followed through.


    "So what am I now, some unruly mass murderer? Are you going to find the nearest nation and whine until they put a bounty on my head?"


    "God you''re insufferable. Apparently, I''ve found myself in a party with a god who can do no wrong over the past twenty years. I should start counting my sins, I''ve disagreed with you quite a lot."


    "Sarcasm doesn''t fit you. Maybe try simple lies."


    "I''m trying to get it through your thick skull how infuriating you are, but you are clearly the type of person to stare longingly at yourself in the mirror."


    "We have these arguments all the time you know, when should I stop assuming that you''re just annoyed and don''t actually mean what you say?"


    "Let''s try right now."


    She stormed into the patch of burnt woods ahead of her, and I watched her walk away for what must have been the rest of the day. Dusk came and masked the embers of the long-burnt landscape before my eyes as I realized how long I''d been frozen. My period of indecision was broken by the growling of my stomach, and I knew where my next location would be. Hundreds of chains gathered and filled the space beneath my feat, they acted as my pathway for wherever I chose to go.


    ...


    I opened the door to the inn only to find an empty hall, the only sounds finding my ears were that of the main fire in the center and the stream of liquor hitting the bottom of a tankard. I turned to my left and found an old husk of the innkeeper who greeted me with the widest smile you''ll ever see for a man who''s three steps from death''s door.Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.


    "You seem to have missed the sign outside, we''re not open today."


    "Why''s that? Finally, decided that you''ve made enough money from the people who come here hoping to meet us?"


    "Well it does have something to do with you in particular, though, the young miss came through here back when the sun was still up to tell me that the event planned for today was a mistake. I must say I was most confused that you were not with her."


    "An event?"


    "Well, it''s to no surprise that you did not know. She planned a retirement party for you and her, and she asked me to keep the crowds out for one evening so you two could eat and drink in peace. I of course couldn''t refuse a request from my most treasured patrons."


    A party? Why would she plan a party? I was the one who asked her to do one last mission on a whim, I basically sprang it on her. The night before I kept her up late practically begging for today to happen, so how did she have the time to plan anything? Why did she even consider it?


    "Wondering why she went to these lengths?"


    "I''m wondering why she went to any lengths at all."


    I grabbed my seat at the round table we always sat at. The table had blade marks scattered across it and all of the chairs, despite being hidden under the table had the same memories of usage engraved on their wood. The innkeeper brought me a tankard and some and a freshly baked loaf of bread.


    "This is all you have to give to your self-proclaimed prized patron?"


    The innkeeper chuckled, but his laughter was interrupted by coughs. As he shortly gasped for air I could almost hear his lungs crying out for help, asking to be laid to rest.


    "If you don''t mind my intrusion into your life, I believe she harbors feelings for you."


    "Well, I''m glad she had the courtesy to keep someone who she has been next to for most of her life in her mind."


    "Don''t be a fool, she loves you, patron. I strongly believe that she wants to be closer to you than she is."


    "Everyone wants to be closer to me, ever since I was crowned the savior of this nation every single countryman, every noble, all of them have yearned for my attachment."


    "I think you understand well why her situation is not like the ones you have experienced many times before. There are tens of thousands of people who hold you in high regard. Some of them think that you''re a particularly likable character, others admire your actions, and some others only view you as your accomplishments. A few of these people mistake the opinion they hold of you for some emotional attachment to you, and so naturally they want you to reciprocate that attachment."


    He walked back over to grab a tankard from behind the bar.


    "This is the majority of what you see, people who are misled into believing that they want you to be emotionally attached to them. The reason I am so sure that these bouts of chasing you wherever you go attempting to grab your attention are merely fleeting impulses rather than some genuine desire for you is because they do not know you in the slightest. All you are to them is someone who has a story to tell, someone who has done great things, but if they were asked to describe you purely from their perspective they would either avoid the question or deliver an answer that could not be further from the truth."


    "So the fact that she is an actual accomplice of mine instead of someone who has simply heard my name means what in regards to these alleged emotions of hers?"


    "Maybe her feelings are not true, maybe she is misled, but out of everyone who has ever proclaimed their love for you, would she not be the one who you would trust most to say such a thing?"


    "I can see the other members of my party conveying similar thoughts to me just as well."


    "Perhaps that is true, but they are not with you anymore. She is the only one that has elected to stay near you. Despite all the arguments, despite the disbandment of your party and all that came with she has stayed your accomplice, your partner. Surely she wouldn''t do such a thing if she didn''t want to."


    He was right. I''d known of her feelings for me since our early days. The arguments that I gave the innkeeper with false pretenses were nothing but a representation of the same avoidance I''ve kept over the last twenty years. I''ve led her on, nearly bordered on emotional manipulation just so I don''t have to accept or reject the notion that she loves me.


    Perhaps it is because I am afraid that regardless of my choice our relationship will end in flames just as the rest of mine have. Maybe I just can''t comprehend commitment, like that damned lord who hired us to kill that dragon. But it was all too late now. I''m sure that she''s already talked to the rest of my "friends" about what happened today and they''ve all told her to give me a rest, to simply let go. Even if she did come back, what would I say? I''m forced to confront my feelings.


    Perhaps it is better this way. I''ll find some way to justify my actions, rationalize what I did today, and convince myself that she was corrupted. I''ll tell myself that she became just like the rest of this party who could no longer stand me, but that it could never be my fault. They act in bad faith when they damn me, whether it''s because they are jealous, or they just have fleeting anger at me that they allow to devolve into hatred. There is always an explanation as to why people act a certain way, so why would they escape that principle?


    Yeah, that certainly sounds believable.


    I would believe it in another few days if she hadn''t walked through the door.