I was lying on a hard bed and couldn''t sleep. Loneliness followed the music in the headphones, which exploded in my body little by little, and with loneliness came the feeling of shame that nothing had been accomplished.
I got up and opened the curtains, and the staggered lights, through the windows of tall buildings, through the stalls on the street, through the booms of tower cranes, weaved the dreams of the city. I lost my mind, and everything seemed to be gone, until the cigarette burned my hand, and I continued to do it again.
"Michael, open the door, I know you''re home."
The knocking on the door and the sound of talking woke me up suddenly, I threw the half-lit cigarette in my hand into the burnt yellow ashtray, and opened the door for Lu Jia, we haven''t broken up yet, but we are on the verge of breaking up.
Lu Jia wore her most beautiful summer dress, and on her feet was a pair of Chanel sequined sandals with half of her toes exposed, which made her look cleaner than ever.
I let her into the room, looked at her, and thought I slept with her as usual, even though we hadn''t done it in a long time.
In my cognition, the blending is like a good medicine, which will kill the loneliness of the virus, in the past three years, I have been verified by Lu Jia countless times, I can always open up boundless imagination in her body, and then forget my own mediocrity.
"Michael, my visa to France has been issued, I want to find a university over there, continue to study fashion design, I don''t mean anything else to come to you, everyone loves each other, even if it is goodbye."
Lu Jia broke the silence and began to take off his clothes.
When she stripped off only her panties, I finally hugged this familiar and somewhat unfamiliar body, threw her on the hard bed, and roughly pulled off the last barrier, and went straight into her. In the irregular shaking of the bed and her moanings, I had exhausted all my loneliness and remained in her body, and I could not care about any inner activity.
I know that this is probably the most decent way to break up, after all, you can do it once at the time of the breakup, which proves that there is no third party insertion between us. Come to think of it, is there a happier breakup than this?
Putting on my clothes, I curled up on the bed and smoked, Lu Jia took a shower in the bathroom, she didn''t close the door, probably to make it easier to say something to me.
"Michael, what are your plans for the future?"
I couldn''t say the tiredness, exhaled the cigarette in my mouth heavily, and slowly replied: "The kind that wants to sleep well without dreaming." ”
Lu Jia responded with a smile: "Don''t be sleepless, you''re a man." ”
I have a lot of words in my heart that I want to justify myself, such as the world is unfair, such as bad luck, such as only a few people can excel, and most people can only live mediocre lives, but what is the point of saying this?
In her laughter, I shifted the subject: "What about you, will you return to China in the future?" ”
"If you meet a suitable one over there, you probably won''t come back."If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
I felt very sad and said, "Remember to send me a picture of you wearing your wedding dress when the time comes." ”
"I''m not the kind of ex who can be friends after a breakup, so don''t get in touch."
The sound of the water stopped, and it didn''t take long for Lu Jia to walk out in the clothes she had come. I was in a trance, she seemed to smile at me, I was used to her standing naked in front of me after taking a shower. Suddenly, I had an urge to see this, and this was what it used to be.
"Michael, take care of yourself, I''m leaving."
Lu Jia took off the ring I gave her three years ago, gently placed it on the table, and turned away without looking back. I was caught off guard, the impulse in my heart was extinguished, I didn''t want her to give me back everything in the past.
Standing on the 19th floor, which seemed to be isolated from the world, I looked desperately at her back waiting for the bus, and the moment she got on the bus, I was sober, more sober than ever.
Forrest Gump said that life is a piece of chocolate, and I thought: maybe he was right for a woman who said life is a child and a house, and I thought: maybe she was also right for God to say that life is salvation and repentance, and I thought: maybe I''m a sinner. I''ve been singing since I was five years old, and I''m still empty-handed, goodbye like a speck of dust, goodbye to the twentieth century, people who are as confused as I am."
In the bar, I sat by the window, and the band was not far away singing this song whose name I don''t know, but it reflected my mood. I can''t let go of Lu Jia''s choice, but I have to understand her, because love is not a means, and when she has a better tomorrow to choose, I can''t keep her in the name of love. However, her choice magnified my pain, and I didn''t know what kind of attitude to face the future.
Wang Lei, who was sitting opposite, handed me a cigarette, lit it for me, and said with a smile: "Do you think that you are much happier than most lovelorn people, at least there is a fellow like me who is willing to accompany you, but, can you fucking not treat me as air, even if it is a "squeak"!" ”
"Squeak."
"you, do you want to be so real?!"
Wang Lei was wearing a sexy short skirt with tight hips, she said that she didn''t want to dress herself like this, but this is the need of a night club career. In Shanghai, I''m afraid only I know her full name, and her colleagues and guests call her Lei Lei. We are both from a small place in Sichuan, she is a very difficult woman, her parents died in the 512 earthquake, she suddenly became an orphan before the age of 16, and life has never given her a chance to choose.
After a moment of silence, Wang Lei leaned over again and said: "There is a special thing: a few buddies who opened an inn in Dali came to the field last night and told me a lot of things about Dali. They said that there is a group of men who are very free and bastards, riding motorcycles every day on the ancient city and the shore of Erhai Lake, but there are women who are willing to be good with them, if they are placed in Shanghai, if they are placed in Shanghai, isn''t it just nonsense, if you don''t have a house and a car, who wants to fall in love with you! ”
Wang Lei laughed after speaking, and suddenly she lowered her voice and said to me: "But I really want to go and see, they say that Erhai Lake is very beautiful, and there are seagulls." ”
"How can I have time?"
After speaking, Wang Lei looked at me and said on a whim: "Mi Gao, why don''t you go to Dali to open an inn, you said that you are in Shanghai, and you only receive a salary of six or seven thousand yuan a month, I feel desperate for you, it is really better to try the life over there, maybe it is really as good as they say!" ”
She fell into a state of delusion, and still instigated in my silence: "Go, I heard that you can make money by opening an inn over there, and when you are stable, take me over again, let''s go together."
I interrupted her: "Don''t dream, I want to have the money to open an inn, it''s better to make a down payment on a house in Shanghai, and a one-bedroom one-bedroom apartment can be completed!" ”
"You don''t, I do."
Wang Lei said that she really took out a bank card from her handbag and handed it to me: "There are 190,000 yuan in the card, which should be enough to open an inn." ”
I didn''t answer and lit myself another cigarette.
Wang Lei shoehorned the card into me and said, "What else is there in Shanghai except for a woman who dumped you?" Go to Dali, even if the inn loses, don''t be afraid, I can make money in Shanghai, I take care of you. ”
In order not to hurt her enthusiasm, I finally took the card from Wang Lei''s hand, but I will not leave Shanghai. I will keep her money for the time being, and help her save for her money. Her income is very unstable, she lives on the mood of the guests, and when she is down, she will be rescued in the future.