Japes was a vagrant who traveled the world taking on odd jobs. “Anything for Anything” was his catchphrase.


    Most people scoffed at him and his services, but those few who entertained his offer were surprised to find that he was a man of his word.


    One day he wandered into a province ruled by a god named Aldegaurd. There he received plenty of work, and all for the price of whatever.


    He harvested fields for coppers, chopped down a whole forest for a lumberjack’s leftover lunch, built entire homes for pocket lint, and he kept a lonely widow company for a bowl of soup.


    Eventually he made his way to the city and found himself just as busy. He cooked meals for an orphanage in exchange for a bed to sleep in. He cleared the smoldering ruins of destroyed buildings for a mug of ale. He also helped dig countless graves upon receiving an encyclopedia of mushrooms.


    After a particularly hard day of work he made it to his post in front of the statue of Aldeguard. It was located in the city square where it received the most foot traffic when the sun was out.


    Just when he thought he would turn in for the night, a cripple with a missing arm approached him.


    “Are you Japes?” the old man asked in a hoarse voice.


    “Yup, that’s me!” Japes proudly exclaimed. “And I have the pleasure of talking to…”


    “Morise. I was told you would take on any task for any price.”


    “Anything for anything!” Japes exclaimed. “That’s my sales pitch!”


    The old man threw Japes a copper coin.


    “Why, aren’t we eager! Now what would you like me to do?”


    “I want you to kill the god of this province. Aldeguard.”


    “Why of course, I-” Japes was taken aback. “Sorry, did I mishear you?”


    The old man scoffed. “Anything for anything huh? I knew you were full of shit.”


    Japes lowered his head at his words. The old man signed regretfully.


    “I’m sorry. I know all the good you have done for this city and the people outside it, but you have seen how horrible Aldeguard is first hand. He leveled buildings and killed countless innocent people whenever he threw his tantrums.”


    Japes knew of Aldeguard’s transgressions. The widow he kept company had lost her husband to one of these outbursts. All his jobs in the province had been related to the mad god in one way or another.


    “He takes women to his temple by force to be part of his harem, and more often than not he kills and throws them aside when he gets bored.” Morise shook with anger. “Years ago his men tried to take my son’s wife on his orders. My son and I warded them off, but then Aldegaurd came down himself and killed him. I was maimed and he took her. That bastard needs to die!”


    “Old man, you know that no one has ever killed a god before. Why would you think a homeless drifter could?”


    “I know! I just want justice! I-I want my family back.”


    The old man wept in frustration. After Morise cried, Japes spoke.


    “If you would allow me, may I tell you a story?”The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.


    The old man nodded.


    “Long ago, there was a boy, who was orphaned by the gods. They had killed his family when humanity rebelled against them. His parents led that rebellion. When they discovered that their son was alive, they were ready to dispose of him. However one of them took pity on the boy and adopted him as her son.”


    “Isn’t that an extremely stupid idea?”


    “The other gods agreed, but this goddess in particular thought that they needed a better chance to understand humans before hating them.”


    “Is this what this story is about? Some lesson about understanding those you hate. Are you asking me to sympathize with a mass murdering rapist?”


    “Let me tell the story please.”


    Morise held his tongue.


    “The boy also thought this goddess was extremely stupid. He had a seething hatred for the gods, and he used every opportunity to train with them and search for a weakness to their immortality. The goddess knew of the boy’s plans, but she kept trying to show him a world of kindness and compassion. And for a time, it was working. However the boy hadn''t given up his ways soon enough. His training had shown the gods his proficiency in combat, and they turned him into a weapon of war. He was put on a leash and forced to slaughter his own kind. His hate for the gods became boundless.”


    “The boy had eventually grown into a decrepit elderly man and his hands were stained with the blood of countless innocents, but in that time he had also discovered a way to finally be free of his captors. He found a way to kill a god.”


    The old man perked up.


    “And so on the day he planned to enact his vengeance, the goddess stepped in his way.”


    The old man groaned in annoyance.


    “The old man threatened to kill her if she didn’t leave him alone. Instead of calling for help, she broke his shackles. Confused, he asked her why. The goddess told him that killing the gods won’t solve anything, and above all, she didn’t want him to die.”


    “He told her that he didn’t have anything to look forward to in life, at his age he didn’t have any time left, and that killing at least one would bring him some satisfaction before death took him.”


    “She couldn''t argue with that, but she didn’t stand down. They went back and forth. She told him to leave the gods behind and live. Finally he gave in, but he was scared. He said that he didn''t know what to do, or what to live for.” Japes paused and looked at the old man. “You know what she said?”


    The old man just stared.


    “Do anything for anything, just don’t die. And so the elderly man left the gods behind. Later, he learned the gods punished the goddess for her betrayal. His boundless hatred grew, but he lived the remainder of his days doing anything for anything.”


    “Is that where you got that phrase?”


    “Yep, isn’t that a beautiful way to live when things seem too hopeless. I’m glad you came when you did. One of the reasons I do this is to keep busy. When I’m not busy, my past haunts me.”


    Japes looked down at his hands which were covered with countless lacerations. Morise observed them with shame.


    “Sure the work is tedious and grueling sometimes but it''s better than throwing myself off a cliff. Plus helping others makes me feel good, and they usually give me more than what they initially pay.”


    “That’s good to hear.”


    “You may be hurting more than I can possibly imagine, but I encourage you to go out and find something to do. The orphanage could always use a… singular hand.”


    The old man looked down at his one arm and sighed. “I guess so. Thank you for the tale.” He frowned. “And I am sorry for making such an absurd request. As your elder, I’m pathetic for asking you to kill anyone.”


    “In all my years of traveling, I have never been tasked with killing a man, let alone an immortal deity. It would have been a big jump.”


    Morise smiled wanly, “I think I’ll take you up on that suggestion about helping out at the orphanage. You’re a good man, keep the coin.”


    Just as Morise turned to leave, he stopped and asked, “By the way, where did you hear that story?”


    “A decrepit old man told me about it.” Japes rolled the copper coin across his knuckles. “In exchange for a pebble.”


    Morise chuckled and walked back to his empty home where his family lived. He slept peacefully for the first time in years.


    In the morning he heard knocking at his door.


    Upon opening it, his son’s wife stood before him. She looked haggard but he was in disbelief that she was alive. He embraced her and they cried into each other''s arms.


    Then he realized that Aldegaurd didn’t return the women he took. When he asked for an explanation, she told him that Aldegaurd had died.


    He heard people on the streets yelling and screaming. Aldeguard had been killed. For the first time since the reign of the gods began, a god had died.


    Japes was nowhere to be seen after that night. And once Morise told his story, people could only come to one conclusion.


    A god slayer had been born.


    _ _ _ _ _ _ _


    “And that’s the tale of Japes, the one and only god slayer.” Said the tavern maid.


    The party of adventurers at the table sat back and laughed. “Imagine killing a god for a single copper coin. This story never gets old.”


    The archer of the party looked up and asked, “Say that’s the first time I heard of the conversation between the old man and Japes in such detail, where did you hear this version?”


    “From him, the new hire.” The party turned to a young man who was serving a party of two. “The owner got him to work here for a year in exchange for pocket change.”


    “Wow, your very own Japes.”


    “He’d be happy to hear that. That’s his role model.”


    Over at the new hire’s table, he placed two large pints of ale before the tired adventurers. A mage and a swordsman.


    “Thanks friend.” The swordsman looked at the pints then noticed the numerous cuts on the server’s hands. “Say if you don’t mind, what was your profession before this?”


    “Oh, wondering about these?” He turned his open palms towards them. “I was just a vagrant before this. Let’s see… as a kid I had very tough mentors, and a couple of the odd jobs I took on cut up my hands pretty good.”


    The mage looked up at his face. “What about that scar across your cheek?”


    “This one?” He reached up and felt the deep crevasse marring his otherwise spotless face. “I angered a very cranky provincial lord.”