"Micah, Sunny! Your sister is here. Please say hello." Mrs. Mathers voice has a clear indication that she is not asking, despite the cheery tone. Sunny almost immediately jumps up and rushes to me. I step back and put my arms in front of me. My face scrunches as I inhale very deeply.
Slowly I relax my face and look at Sunny and then the ground. His face has a smile that doesn''t reach his eyes. He looks disappointed but is trying not to show it. I regain my composure and look up at him with a carefully placed smile on my face. His eyes search mine; I''m unsure what he is looking for.
Micah looks up to me. I can see the moment he remembers who I am. His eyes widen the slightest amount. It''s so miniscule only those who learn others body language out of a need for survival would pick it up. "Hi." His voice is deeper than when we last spoke, although I guess that is what 5 years and puberty does to a boy. I give a small head nod, unable to find my voice.
His messy hair looks exactly like I remember, although slightly less greasy. Probably a result of regular showers. He still wears dark band tee-shirts, although they now fit his body better. And his body is better. The slight definition of his arms even when relaxed, the skin smooth, despite scarring. His thick black lashes that would make all the girls envious of him. His deep brown eyes which almost appear black, the kind you could get lost looking into. The kind you want to get lost looking into.
My mind scrambles, looking for words to say. While time has been kind to him it seems, I know the same cannot be said for me. My brown hair is thin and frail, my clothes hang off of my body, bruises cover me from an array of people I do and do not know. My lips peel, because ChapStick is a luxury I cannot afford when lipstick will do more for me. I know I am far thinner than most men''s tastes. I am far thinner than my own taste, but feeding me was second to feeding the other kids in the house. So sure my ass hurts every time I sit, and I have bruise from guys grabbing my hip bones because there is no padding, but I suppose it''s worth it.
"I suppose Mr. Duncan and Dad should be done now. Sunny can show you around the house and to your room," she says, but the end of her statement seems to trail into a question for Sunny. He gives her a nod with a tight smile on his face and walks past me, motioning for me to follow him.
First he shows me to the kitchen, which is filled with green painted wood, and laminated dark brown counters, which appear to be a different kind of wood. The dining room is combined with the kitchen, with no wall between them. Four chair and a bench surround a tall table, set with a cloth, table runner, and matching placemats.
I follow sunny again and we go up the stairs. He opens the door just past the landing a crack and I am met with an office. It smells strongly of the leather, the same thing all the seats appear to be made of. Shelves line the walls from the floor to the ceiling. They are all filled with books, not a single piece of shelf decor. There appear to be photos on the desk but they are facing away from where I stand so I do not see what they contain.
"This is Dad''s office. He doesn''t mind if we need him while he is in here, but we need to knock because he has clients in here sometimes." Before I get a chance to ask what he does, we are moving again leaving me no choice but to follow or get left behind.
We approach another door, which is entirely glass. It reeks of wealth. We walk in and I see exercise equipment all around the room. Floor to celling mirrors are on every wall, making dizzying reflections of reflections. Weights line the wall to the left of the door, yoga mats and stretching equipment to the right. They have a treadmill and squat rack, a weight bench, and machines I have never even heard of. I feel like orphan Annie in the mansion for the first time.
Next is a bathroom, which is fully coordinated. A bathmat that looks like sand, a tastefully tacky seashell shower curtain, and towels with words like "ocean" and "waves" on them. Subtle beach decor is present throughout the bathroom, yet another show of the copious amounts of money they have. I mean who cares to buy a starfish toothbrush holder unless it is on sale. It''s all so pointless and wasteful.
The last room we approach, we do not enter. "This is Mom and Dad''s room. I wouldn''t suggest walking in there without knocking unless you want to be scarred for life. Even if you think they aren''t home." Sunny adds the last sentence after a second but seems to shudder at a thought or memory related to it.
We go up the final set of stairs and I only see two doors. It shocks me at first because I didn''t think they boys seemed like they would share a room with each other in a house this large, and then my assumption is proven correct when Sunny points out a string hanging down from the celling.
"That leads to the attic where Micah''s room is. We offered him the one down here so he didn''t have to climb the ladder all the time but he wanted to be up there. It''s fully furnished although it does get cold. Anyways please don''t go up there without his permission. My parents worked hard for that to feel like his space, and though he won''t yell at you for entering, it will make him extremely uncomfortable." I give him a nod. I understand this more than he knows. To have a room that solely belongs to you, a space no one enters without your knowledge, that place is a safe haven.The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.
He walks over to the door on the left and opens the door. Inside I see something that almost makes perfect sense for him. It still has the mess I remember from us being kids. Clothes strown about the room, study materials anywhere but a solid surface, such as his bed or the floor, and a bed so messy I wonder how he sleeps on it. I look on the walls and see photos. All of different people. I see a younger him, with who looks to be a younger Micah. They star in many photos. There are also many of a girl. She is a bit shorter than him, her hair in long and blond. It''s always perfectly curled and shiny without being greasy. I see her and him at football games, in cheer and football uniforms. I see them getting ice cream. I see them at parks with other people their age. All I wonder is who took all these photos, and who has the desire to take all these damn photos.
"Well this is my room. It''s a mess obviously. Feel free to come in any time. I tend to have my headphones on so I might not hear you knock." I give a small nod before he turns and stares at me staring at his room. His gaze burning into me forces me to look back. "I mean in Raine. Anytime." His voice holds a seriousness I never remember hearing from him. I give another nod but offer no words of my own.
We back out of his room, into the hall, and towards the final door. He gestures towards it with his hand and I move towards the handle. I push the door open to a giant room. The room was shaped similar to an L, with the corner cut off by walls having a door leading to what I assume is a closet. The walls were various shades of blue, one a darker than navy, one a pale blue-ish gray, and then other walls plain white with no warm undertone. The side of the room made smaller by the closet had a loft, made of the same dark wood planks the floor was.
It had a bed on top of it and a larger, queen sized bed underneath it. next to the bed, under the ladder to the loft was a soft chair, though it seemed to only be accessible by climbing over the bed. across from the loft area was a couch and chair, both pointing at a very large TV resting on a console table. Beside the TV in their living room, this may be the biggest TV I have ever seen.
Under the seating was a plush carpet a color similar to the dark navy wall. Along the same wall was large, empty, white, wooden bookcases, that extended to the corner where the wall with the door meets the wall they lined. And finally a desk. The desk had a laptop and books on in, and behind it, was a wall of mirror. It extended from to corner to about half a foot short of where the door is.
Despite the room being full of furniture, it felt impersonal. I felt like I was looking at a show room display of furniture, furniture that matched someone to a T. However it did not match me. I turn to look at Sunny who has the largest grin I have ever seen. I quickly put a matching one on my face, scared to disappoint him. Clearly he is enthusiastic about this room, although I have no clue why. I will admit, the colors of the room are pretty, but other than that, it''s just any other room.
"I hope you like it. I tried to remember about when James would drop us off at Rooms To Go. Your favorite rooms always had lofted beds. And you seemed to enjoy when we were at the library. You always convinced him to take us," a dark look washes over both of us as he mentions our father. He clearly remembers these events differently than I do, but I won''t bother to correct his images of our past. "Mom and Dad figured you could slowly build a collection of books, or store whatever you already have, since none of us had any idea what you would like to read." The dark look on his face has disappeared as he rambles on about the room and decor choices. I just smile along waiting for him to tire of talking.
"When is lunch?" I ask. Other than hi, this may be the first thing I have said to him since we have reunited.
"Oh lunch will be in about two hours. You can hang out here, explore the laptop, or come chill with me or something. Just whatever you want to do." I give him a small nod. We both stand there in awkward silence before he has a small look of realization, that I''m waiting for him to leave. He walks out the door mumbling a small apology and closes it behind him. I count to thirty before locking the door as silently as I can. I walk over to the lower bed and lay down. I want to turn on some music on my phone, but am too tired to go across the room to where Mr. Duvall dropped of my bag. So I just lay in bed, but soon my eyes grow heavy.
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Everything comes with a price. That''s what daddy says every time I ask for something. The first time I was old enough to pay, Sunny turned 7. Daddy said his cake costed him lots of money and he needed to feel better to he could earn the money to pay for its. I didn''t know how I was gonna make him feel better but I wanted Sunny to haves cake for his birthday.
I know today that asking to go to the library will costs stuff. But Daddy is having a bad day. Today mom died a long time ago, and that means Daddy will get mad, and then Daddy will hurt Sunny. So I asked Daddy to take me and Sunny to the library before he could be mad so Sunny and him wouldn''t be hurting.
He said yes so we went to the library. Daddy dropped us off six hours ago. That''s how old I am. The book lady says our Daddy needs to get us soon cause the building is closing. Sunny jumps in and tells her he''s already here. He drags me out to the parking lot. He looks mad. I only brought him here so Daddy and Sunny wouldn''t be mad and hurt.
It''s another two hours before Daddy picks us up. Me and Sunny get into the car silently. He speeds home. He smells like gross soda. I once tried his gross soda. It''s yucky.
Once we are inside Daddy tells Sunny to go to bed. I go to follow him but he says no. He tells me I have to pay for the library. I don''t want to but he says it''s only fair.
We go to his and Mommy''s room. I wonder if Mommy would still let me pay in her room if she was here. Daddy says it''s impolite to pay in front of people, so I don''t think she would like it.
Daddy makes me cold. I don''t like being cold. He puts a ball in my mouth. It feels kind of like one of my bouncy balls. Daddy gets cold to. I lay on Mommy''s old bed. It hurts a lot to pay. Daddy says it feels nice to him, but it hurts a lot. Sometimes it hurts so bad it gives me ouchies.
When I am done paying, Daddy tells me to go take a bath. I feels funny when I try to walk, but I do it anyways. Last time I didn''t leave after paying, he said I had to pay again.
After my bath I go to mine and Sunny''s room. I want to cuddle but he pushes me away. I don''t know why Sunny is mad at me. Sleeping feels extra lonely tonight.
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