Chapter 11


    Jake


    Normally, I sleep at home on Sunday nights and drive to the ranch on Monday morning. However, tomorrow I’m heading out with a small team to the farthest pastures of the ranch, where we have to check all the fences, feeders, troughs and the shed, and make the necessary repairs before the weather turns. It takes quite a while to get there since we have to go on horseback, so we’re leaving at four thirty in the morning. We’re hoping there isn’t too much damage and that we can get everything fixed in a single day. However, we’re prepared for the possibility it might take longer, so we’ll bring some overnight supplies just in case.


    Not wanting to wake up even earlier tomorrow, I decide to head back to the ranch tonight and sleep in my cabin. I’m just putting on a pair of sweats, getting ready for bed, when I hear a knock at the door. Assuming it’s one of my coworkers, who maybe also came back early and wants to grab a beer before turning in, I open the door—only to find Amber standing there. I can’t hide my surprise.


    ‘I’m sorry,’ she blurts out, before I can say anything.


    ‘Okay…?’ I reply slowly, slightly frowning at her.


    ‘About this afternoon,’ Amber clarifies. Her face is ridden with remorse. ‘When you were driving away I realized that I had tried to excuse myself, but that I hadn’t actually apologized to you for saying those horrible things. So, I’m sorry.’


    ‘Alright. Thanks for apologizing, I guess?’


    ‘I really am sorry, Jake,’ Amber says softly. She looks up at me with pleading eyes. ‘I never should have said what I said. I never should have even thought those things. I should have known that you wouldn’t do something so inappropriate. I feel beyond stupid that I actually considered that you might.’


    ‘You should,’ I agree, seeing no reason to deny that. I’m not angry with her, but I admit that I felt disappointed knowing that Amber thought so little of me. It kind of stung.


    ‘I know,’ she says guilt-ridden, lowering her gaze.


    ‘I’ve never denied that I enjoy being with women, Amber, but I would never go near a minor,’ I say firmly. Never thought I’d need to say those words out loud, but here we are.


    ‘I believe you,’ Amber says quickly. ‘And I really am sorry for even hinting that you might. I hope you can forgive me for making such a stupid snap judgment, Jake. I just…’ Her voice falters, and she gazes up at me with those big blue eyes. ‘I haven’t made many friends here yet. And you’ve been so nice to me. I’d hate for you to end up hating me over this,’ she whispers.


    My heart softens instantly at her vulnerability. ‘Nah, I don’t hate you, Poppins,’ I say warmly.


    ‘You don’t?’ Amber sounds relieved, though not entirely convinced.


    ‘We’re good, Amber,’ I assure her, grinning.


    ‘Thank the Lord for that,’ she exhales, and she raises her eyes to the heavens in relief.


    ‘Do you want to come in for a bit?’ I offer.


    ‘Sure,’ she replies with a smile.


    I take a step back and hold the door open for her. I’m not entirely sure it’s the best idea to be alone with her in my cabin, especially given that I’m only half-dressed. But I have a gut feeling Amber needs the reassurance that we’re truly alright. Judging from the quick glances she sneaks at my bare chest, she doesn’t seem to mind the lack of a shirt.


    ‘This is nice,’ she says, her eyes roaming over the cabin, taking in the space.


    I chuckle, glancing around. My cabin is small and basic—only about two hundred and fifty square feet. There’s a kitchenette with a tiny sink, barely half the size of the one in Amber’s quarters. I managed to fit in a queen-sized bed and a couch that can just about fit two people. In the far corner is a cramped little area with a shower and a toilet, separated by a thin wall. The only decoration in the place is a small TV mounted above the bed, which I can watch from the couch. It’s nothing special, but it gets the job done. Like most of the workers here, I only really use this place to sleep during the busy weeks. On my days off or when we finish early, I prefer heading home to stay with my family.


    ‘Ray clearly values his nanny more than his ranch workers,’ I tease Amber, as I motion her to take a seat on the couch. Her quarters must be at least three times the size of my cabin.


    ‘I seriously doubt that,’ Amber laughs, as if I made a joke, but I know it’s the truth. ‘You do have more privacy here, though.’


    ‘That’s true,’ I concede. ‘Do you want something to drink? I have beer or tap water.’


    ‘Water, please.’


    I fill a glass with water and hand it to her. Amber accepts it with a grateful smile and glances around my cabin again. I pour myself a glass as well and lean against the kitchenette. Silence fills the room as neither of us knows quite what to say. My mind keeps returning to something that’s been nagging at me all afternoon.


    ‘Can I ask you something?’


    ‘Sure,’ Amber replies quickly.


    ‘Why were you so quick to believe that I would sleep with a high school girl? Did you really think I was such an asshole?’


    I’m not sure I want to know the answer, but I have to ask. Amber stares down at her hands, swirling the water in her glass. She hesitates before speaking.


    ‘Honestly, I think it had more to do with me than with you.’


    ‘How do you figure?’


    ‘It’s just…’ Amber makes a funny face and looks at me somewhat awkwardly. ‘You have a lot of experience with women, from what I’ve gathered.’


    ‘I do,’ I admit, unashamed. There’s no reason to lie about it. I set my glass down on the kitchenette and cross my arms, meeting Amber’s gaze. ‘I like women, and I’ve been with a lot of them over the years. I’m not ashamed of that. I don’t discriminate based on age, size, or color. I’ve been with younger women, older women, bigger women, smaller women, women with dark skin and women with light skin—and everything in between. If I feel attracted to a woman, I like to sleep with her. But I’ve never, ever had sex with a woman who didn’t want it, and I never lie about my intentions. So I won’t apologize for that,’ I add, my tone sharper than I meant.If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    ‘Nor should you,’ Amber nods affirmatively.


    I relax my arms again. That was not necessarily the response I expected.


    ‘I figured you were judging me for it,’ I say honestly.


    ‘Not at all. You should be able to live your life the way you want to,’ Amber says, her voice sounding completely sincere. That rare, unpretentious quality of hers shines through again. She takes a sip of water before looking up at me, her eyes softening slightly. ‘It just makes me kind of jealous of you,’ she admits.


    I scowl at her. Now I know she is fucking messing with me!


    ‘I mean it,’ Amber says emphatically when she sees my incredulous expression. She hesitates for a moment before continuing. ‘I think you must have figured out by now that I missed out on a ton of normal experiences that most people have had in their lives.’


    ‘I assumed you had a bit of a sheltered upbringing, yeah.’


    ‘That’s the understatement of the century,’ Amber scoffs. She downs her water and slumps back against my couch. ‘I’m an only child. My parents, especially my mother, are extremely religious,’ she explains. ‘As in, going to church every single day, praying before every meal, organizing weekly communions in our home, and reading from the Bible before going to bed every night. I was homeschooled because they wanted to protect me from all the sinful and immoral influences of the outside world. I was allowed to go to church, to Bible study, and to church-organized events, but that was it. Playing the piano was the one exception my parents would allow as a hobby, I guess because I didn’t have to leave the house for that. But even with that, they tried to decide what kind of music I could and couldn’t play. I have never been on a date. I’ve never even been properly kissed. I had absolutely no friends growing up, except for Hailey. I talked to the other kids at church, of course, but they weren’t really my friends.’


    ‘That sounds pretty lonely,’ I reply softly.


    Amber always seems so vibrant and joyful, so I never would''ve guessed she had such a solitary existence. I’ve had my own share of hardships in the past, but at least I always had Cooper and the others to count on, no matter what was going on in our lives.


    ‘I did have Hailey, thankfully—my cousin, who was here this afternoon?’ Amber looks at me with questioning eyes.


    I nod to let her know that I remember her cousin, encouraging her to go on. I honestly find it fascinating to get this sudden insight into Amber’s life. I had already realized that she grew up sheltered from what she said last night, but this seems pretty next-level. It does help explain some things about her, though.


    ‘Hailey is three years older than me, but we sort of stuck together growing up,’ Amber continues. ‘My aunt and uncle were also religious, but not as strict as my parents. Hailey was also a lot braver and more rebellious than I was, so she sort of became my go-to source for information. She’s the one who sneaked teen magazines, and non-religious books, and mp3-players with unapproved music inside my house, so I wouldn’t be completely cut off from the modern world.’


    ‘Growing up like that must have been fucking rough,’ I say, furrowing my brows. I can’t imagine what it must have been like, being so controlled. ‘How did you get away from all that?’


    ‘Hailey, again,’ Amber answers with a fond expression on her face. ‘She moved away from home when she found a job out here, all on her own. She was supposed to be a librarian.’


    ‘Supposed to be? So I take it she’s not?’


    ‘No, she just volunteers there to keep up appearances.’ Amber suddenly starts giggling. ‘In reality, she’s the personal assistant of a semi-corrupt investment banker, who brings her along to all sorts of scandalous, highly immoral engagements.’


    I can’t help but laugh along with her. ‘Sounds like she was a great role model for you!’


    ‘She still is,’ Amber replies simply. ‘Even after she moved away, Hailey made sure to stay in touch. She got me a phone so we could text and call, and a laptop so I could access the internet without my parents monitoring me. She’d tell me all about her new life and made me believe that I could make it out there on my own too.’


    ‘And you did.’


    ‘It took a while, though. Being sheltered and homeschooled didn’t exactly provide me with a lot of options,’ Amber admits. ‘But I always liked being around children. I used to volunteer during a lot of activities involving the children at church, and I babysat for some of the church families. I was good at it too. So I figured becoming a caretaker for children somewhere would be my best option. I took Haileys advice and started taking online classes in early childhood development. I was even able to take a children’s first aid course at the local community college.’


    ‘Your parents were good with that?’


    ‘Yes, actually. They think caring for children is a suitable profession for their daughter—at least until I get married. It’s all about preparing me for the duties of motherhood.’


    ‘You want a husband and kids then?’


    Amber gives me a hesitant glance, scrunching her nose as she considers the question. I don’t get the sense that she’s avoiding it—she genuinely seems to be thinking it over.


    ‘Honestly, I’m not even sure,’ she confesses with a sigh. ‘My whole life, I’ve been told what to think, and I’ve been expected to follow orders. There’s never been much room to think about what I actually want for myself. I guess that’s why I’m here—to figure that out.’ Amber stares off into the distance for a moment, lost in thought. ‘All I know is that if I do have children someday, I’d want more than one. I wouldn’t want them to grow up alone. I’d want them to have siblings,’ she says firmly.


    ‘Siblings are great,’ I nod. I don’t know what I would’ve done without mine.


    ‘That’s how I ended up here,’ Amber continues in a matter-of-fact tone. ‘Hailey found out that Marjorie and Ray were looking for a live-in nanny through her volunteer work at the library. She called me about the job, drove all the way to St. Clouds and back to pick me up so I could meet them, and then by some miracle they offered me the job.’


    ‘And you got out of there.’


    ‘And I got out of there,’ Amber repeats, nodding. ‘It’s great to be out in the real world, but it’s also lonely and terrifying sometimes. I’m suddenly confronted with all these things that are normal for everyone else, but completely new to me. Like going to a fudging bar on a Saturday night.’ She sighs, clearly still processing it all. ‘I think that’s kind of what happened this afternoon,’ Amber continues, her voice tinged with apology and a hint of embarrassment. ‘I’m really not judging you for being so experienced, Jake. It’s just such a big contrast with my own inexperience that, I guess, I just sort of jumped to some stupid conclusions.’


    ‘Yeah, I understand.’


    ‘I''m really sorry.’


    ‘You already said that,’ I say with a smile. ‘Don’t worry about it anymore, Poppins. It’s forgotten.’


    ‘Thank you,’ Amber says, returning my smile. ‘Honestly, I really want what you have. I want to live a full life, the way I want to live it. One filled with laughter, fun, experiences, and adventures. With both the normal stuff and the exceptional stuff. I want independence, and friendships, and kisses, and love, and sex—everything. I just want it all!’


    Her words hang in the air as Amber looks at me with those captivating blue eyes. There''s an intensity in her gaze that I can''t ignore, and I can almost instantly feel myself getting hard. She''s fucking impossible to resist when she looks at me like that.


    ‘Amber…’ I begin hesitantly, unsure of how to find the right words. Silence stretches between us.


    ‘I like you, Jake,’ Amber says softly, her voice almost shy. ‘When you looked at me the way you did last night, after you walked me back to my door, my whole body tingled. I just wanted to feel you close. I’ve never felt anything like that with a man before.’


    There it is again. That pure, unpretentious declaration of what she’s feeling. How can she be so innocent and yet so brave in sharing the most personal parts of herself at the same time?


    ‘I like you too, Poppins,’ I admit. After her honesty, it would feel wrong to deny it. ‘You are a beautiful woman and I''m definitely attracted to you, but I don’t think you should want to involve yourself with me in that way.’


    I have to force myself to push the words out, because what I really want to do is to pull Amber off that couch, lower her onto my bed and explore every inch of her delicious body. But I know that would not be fair to her.


    ‘I’ve never had a serious girlfriend, nor do I want one,’ I continue in a warning tone. ‘I like my life the way it is, with no romantic commitments or expectations. So even though I would definitely enjoy exploring some of the things on your list with you, I think we’d be better off staying friends, so you don''t end up getting hurt.’