~After the break up~


    “I want to break up,” Gary’s voice echoed in Daphne’s mind. “I ended up meeting someone else.” Daphne was still reeling from Gary’s words as she opened the door to the café and walked out, feeling the door automatically close behind her. She took a quick peek at her cell phone for the time. It was nine pm.


    It only took fifteen minutes for a six-month relationship to end, Daphne thought. Is that how little I meant to him?


    She looked up at the sky, noticing that the cloud cover had gotten thicker since she had taken out the trash and it had started to snow a little at that point. Having just come from a warm building, she shivered and pulled her coat tightly around herself.


    I’m not ready to go home, she thought. Maybe I’ll go to my spot instead.


    She gritted her teeth, still holding back tears, and began walking towards her apartment complex.


    Was that all I meant to him? Daphne caught herself wondering. I wasn’t even good enough for him to not cheat on.


    She thought back to the beginning of their relationship when he had given her flowers, and even when he had helped her clean up her coffee. Did I misinterpret his actions? She couldn’t help but wonder. It is not as though it had been the first time I had received flowers… She shuddered at the memory of bouquets she had held before.


    She looked up again at the gray sky. Or is it the fact that he only gave me a single bouquet of flowers that made them deceptive?


    Daphne walked past her apartment complex, over to a park that was nearby. She heard the sound of the river moving as she got closer and closer to her spot. Daphne carefully walked down the steep incline to a little beach on the river’s shoreline. There were little concrete bricks dotting the small beach amongst the dormant brush.


    I don’t know that I’ve ever been here in the winter, Daphne thought as she sat down on one of the concrete blocks, unclenching her jaw. It’s a lot less private than it is in the summer.


    She watched the river flowing lazily in front of her. I suppose it’s been a long time since I’ve been so upset, she thought. I haven’t really needed to come all that much this year.


    She let out a big puff of air, as she felt the corners of her eyes pricking with the tears she’d held back at the café.


    Or maybe this whole break up really was because I was neglecting Gary, Daphne thought, feeling a couple of tears sneak out of her eyes. She wiped them away with one of her gloved hands, lest they freeze to her face.


    It’s probably easier to blame Gary for being a bad person than it is to consider what role I may have played in it all, she thought. I figured it was enough to meet with him in my free time and give him money when he needed it.


    Daphne sniffed. They hadn’t gone on very many dates but she’d never pushed the issue after Gary had gotten laid off. Maybe I should have taken him out myself? She wondered. I figured that might make him feel bad. Should I have just been clingier?


    Despite how close she lived to the café, Gary had never been to her place, and she had never been to his. Was our relationship too wholesome? She wondered. Did I move at too slow of a pace for him?


    The sky was beginning to drop chunks of snow now, and Daphne’s waterworks turned on. She sobbed, having to hug her legs in order to muffle her cries.


    I just don’t understand what I did wrong, she thought. Why couldn’t he tell me if he was so unhappy with my actions? Why did he have to go find someone else instead?


    She bit her lip, wondering what he must have thought of her. I’m so pathetic, she thought. I thought that we were serious. Yet I’m twenty-six years old and I’ve never had anyone take a relationship with me seriously…no matter how I feel.


    She cried loudly, the falling snow dampening the sounds of her tears. I gave him so much money! Why did I do that? She chastised herself. If I had saved that money for myself…A million different things she could have done with the money swept through her mind. I’m so foolish, she thought.


    Her mind drifted back to the words they had exchanged at the café. I had asked him if his new girl was going to pay for him. Idiot, idiot, idiot!


    “I should have asked for my money back,” she mumbled softly to herself. “I should have demanded it.”


    Really, though, she thought. I should never have given it to him in the first place.


    “What if he approached me in the first place because he thought I was pathetic?” she wondered aloud.


    He wouldn’t have been wrong, she thought in her own head. And he certainly wouldn’t have been the first.


    There’s nothing I can do about it now, though, she thought, her cries starting to subside a bit. It’s over between him and I. I can’t fix or try to save something that no longer exists.


    “Speculating on his motive doesn’t matter either,” she told herself. “Maybe he thought I was pathetic. Maybe he didn’t. Either way, I can’t do anything about it now.”


    I just need to move forward, she tried to convince her heart internally. I just need to learn my lessons and do better next time. That’s all I can do at this point.


    Much to Daphne’s chagrin, her heart still ached, still feeling as though she was splitting down the middle.


    “Come on,” she croaked at herself, looking at the running river in front of her, fresh tears springing to her eyes. “You just need to move on,” she said.


    What am I going to do for Christmas now? She wondered, resting her face on her legs again as tears began to fall once more. Maggie is going to be pissed if I call her and ask to join two days before the holiday.


    It sure would have been nice if he had waited until after Christmas to end things, she couldn’t help but think.


    The present that was nicely wrapped in the sparkly green and red wrapping paper on her kitchen table came to mind. She had bought Gary a pair of nice cuff links that she figured he would be able to use when he was interviewing. At least I’ll be able to return those, she thought. Even though it will be a hassle.


    Her tears were calming again, and she took a shaky breath. What would her family think of her if they saw her like this? Outside of work, she was a failure in every single meaning of the word. Her sister Maggie had been married for four years, and already had two children. She had gotten married when she was Daphne’s age. Her younger brother, Oliver, who was two years younger than Daphne, had already been in a serious relationship with someone for five years. Maggie had even told Daphne that Oliver was planning on proposing his girlfriend for Christmas.


    And I can’t even have a stable relationship for an entire year, Daphne thought.


    When it came to work, though she was paid well, and had a moderately prestigious job as a project manager, it still paled in comparison to her older brother, Cy, who had started his own company that was growing very rapidly. At thirty-two years old, though he had yet to build a family, Cy was already far more successful than most people could ever hope to be.


    And while her youngest sister, Viola, was still in high school, she was a budding oil pastel artist. She had already won several awards, even at a national level, and clearly had a bright future ahead of her.Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.


    I’m just nothing in comparison to my family, Daphne thought, rolling her face around on her pants to help dry it. My father would be so ashamed to see me like this.


    Daphne swallowed hard, her lips shaking again at the thought of her beloved, deceased father. If it was anyone she could have counted on to give her guidance at that moment, it was her father.


    She took a deep breath, the cold air entering her lungs, stinging a little and calming her.


    She looked at her watch and let her breath out sharply. Shit, she thought. It was already nine forty-five, and she still hadn’t even eaten dinner yet. She thought of Tanpopo, and how she had promised him she wouldn’t be out too late.


    I need to go home, she thought, standing up quickly off of the concrete block. She watched the river running for a few beats, wishing that the flow could take her problems with it.


    As she turned to climb up the slight incline, she noticed that it had begun to snow heavily. The snow was rapidly piling up, making the short slope far more slippery than it had been when she had descended it.


    Carefully, she pulled herself up the hill and took one quick glance back at the river. I’m sure I’ll be back in the next couple of days, she thought. She turned away and began her quick walk home.


    ~


    The snow was coming down heavier and more quickly than Daphne had seen in a long time. When I wished for a white Christmas, I didn’t expect this, she thought looking up at the dark sky above her. If this keeps up, I might be spending Christmas alone after all. The wind was beginning to whoosh around her, sending chills down her spine. The snow swirled around with it, and Daphne began to realize this snowstorm could be particularly dangerous. I didn’t hear anything about this on the news, she thought. Where has this weather come from?


    Her phone started vibrating in her pocket, and she pulled it out. It was flashing and notifying her that the weather had become a blizzard warning. Her eyes went wide. What in the world? She wondered. Normally they give at least some sort of information in advance about how bad snowstorms could get.


    She put her phone back into her pocket, tightening her coat around her. She was thankful that she didn’t live too far away. Still, she thought, I am going to take it slow so that I don’t slip and fall. The snow was heavy, slick, and wet. The type that made the movies look like Christmas.


    She kept her eyes on her feet as her mind drifted back to her breakup. Will I ever find someone who will love me for who I am? She couldn’t help but wonder. Or is that too high of an expectation? Do I really have to modify myself to such a great degree to be loved? Or is it that other people just hide parts of themselves from their partners? Will I really have to compromise on who I am just to find someone? Just to not be lonely?


    She sighed heavily, her breath coming out as a powdery white cloud in the snowflake swirling air. How do other people do it? She wondered. How do they find a partner? Where do they find a partner? What am I doing wrong?


    If she didn’t have a hat and gloves on, she knew that she would be pulling at her thick black hair.


    What am I missing? What do I need to change? I don’t want to spend my life alone.


    Her heart clenched. Did I miss my chance by not finding someone in my school days? She thought about Holly, who Daphne estimated to be maybe a year or two older than herself. Landon, on the other hand, was a year younger than her.


    What about them? She wondered. Do they have partners? She couldn’t remember if either of them wore rings on their left hands.


    When I see them again, I should ask, Daphne thought. Maybe they will give me some clues of how I could find someone myself.


    She looked back up at the dark, cloudy sky, the snow now coming down harder. Why is life so difficult? She wondered. Did I do something so wrong to deserve all of this? Is everyone else as lonely as I am? Surely not…


    Daphne heard the engine of a car, and quickly glanced at the road nearby, noticing that a smaller car was struggling to get up the slight hill with all of the snow. This came on really quick, she thought again. No one was prepared, not even me. She chewed a little bit on her lower lip. I should try to be careful, she thought. No car would be able to stop if they started slipping and coming at me.


    She turned away from the street, her mind wandering back to the feeling of emptiness she felt inside. She had to clench her jaw in hopes that she wouldn’t start crying all over again. All I want to do is be happy, she thought. Why does that seem harder than it ought to be?


    She breathed heavily, and looked up at her apartment building. I do have Tanpopo, she thought. I’m not completely alone because of him. She grimaced. Though, the past six months, I really haven’t been paying all that much attention to him…Daphne’s chest felt tight at the thought. I didn’t even think about getting him a Christmas present, she thought.


    The cuff links, ornately wrapped on her table came to mind. I’ll just return them tomorrow, she decided. And then I’ll get Tanpopo a gift instead. She smiled at the thought.


    For the future, though…she thought. I can’t neglect Tanpopo the way that I have been for the last six months. I chose Gary over Tanpopo, and look how that ended for me. She shook her head at herself, tsking. How ironic is it that I’ve been trying to fill my life with the person who abandoned me, while ignoring the most loyal being in my life.


    She nodded sharply at her thoughts. I guess that means going forward, Tanpopo needs to come before anyone else who might come into my life. Whoever I date in the future will just have to understand that Tanpopo is a priority. They will just need to understand, she thought. Even if that lowers the pool of potential partners, I can’t neglect Popo the way I have been.


    Daphne smiled at the apartment building that she was getting close to. Her heart started to grow warm at the thought of Tanpopo, warm and cuddly, snuggled up in his hammock bed, waiting for her to return.


    She thought about how Tanpopo had greeted her when she got home from work, and she couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to greet her just the same when she got back from her outing. No matter what changes with me, he’s always so happy to greet me, she thought. He’s always so happy I’m home.


    Her stomach growled loudly, and squeezed hard, reminding her that it had been nearly ten hours since she’d last eaten. She patted her tummy gently, grateful to have an appetite despite having been broken up with. I’ll get you taken care of soon, she promised her stomach.


    Just then, she heard a car engine revving, sounding reckless for the weather. She shook her head. People will be people, she thought. She heard the squealing of breaks, as the world around her got brighter from headlights that were pointed…at her.


    She swiveled her head to turn and see a truck that was coming straight at her. She didn’t have time to react or jump out of the way before the truck slammed into her, crunching the lower half of her body against a utility pole.


    She heard a scream, and wondered if it was her own, because in the next moment, she was nearly unable to breathe from the excruciating pain she was in. She couldn’t feel her legs, and the stomach that had been growling only moments earlier seemed to be cut off from her brain.


    In front of her, she saw the snow that had stuck to the ground turning bright red with blood coming from her head.


    Inches from her nose, somehow still alive and having been revealed from the accident, was a bright, happy yellow, chrysanthemum.


    For the first time in a long time, she heard her mother’s voice. “It’s traditional to bring some kinds of mums to funerals in the fall and winter,” her mother had lectured her, when Daphne had come to her father’s funeral empty handed a couple of years earlier. “The most common colors are white and yellow,” her mother’s voice continued in her mind. “White signifies grief, and yellow signifies hope that the person made it safely to the afterlife. In other places, yellow mums at a funeral also serve as a symbol of renewal, a hope that the person will be met again in the next life. Next time, make sure you bring flowers if you’re going to be so upset about a death.” Her mother’s scoffing face appeared in her mind for a brief moment.


    How ironic it is that these yellow mums are growing where I am dying, Daphne heard her own voice in her head now.


    She tried to focus on the flowers, attempting to sniff if they had a scent, but instead, she started coughing up blood. Will paramedics be able to save me? She wondered. Even if they can, I don’t think I’ll be able to walk again.


    The concrete, despite the temperature and the wind, was beginning to feel a bit warm and sticky from her blood. Her own body was feeling the chill of the weather more than it had before.


    I’m going to die, she thought, managing to glance over at the apartment building. She had almost made it home. I’m sorry, Tanpopo, she thought. Thank you for the flowers. I, too, hope we see each other in the next life.


    She tried to swallow and clear her throat, but it was now filling rapidly with blood. She coughed again in an effort to clear her lungs.


    I wish I had a chance to find happiness in this life, she thought. If I could do it all again…She coughed again, the snow around her melting from the heat of her body flowing out onto the ground. I would put myself and Tanpopo first and try to make the two of us happy, she thought. I’ve spent so much of my life running around, trying to make other people happy instead of myself.


    Her vision was beginning to fade, and she still wasn’t hearing sirens. She heard, instead, the sound of the truck door opening and closing, it’s engine still idling in the blizzard.


    She could barely make out someone squatting down in front of her. Help! She screamed in her mind, but the words wouldn’t come out of her mouth.


    Her vision stabilized again for a moment, and she saw the bottom half of the driver’s face. She could only see from the nose down, but the driver was wearing dark red lipstick, and those very suave lips were widening into a cruel smile.


    The lips moved, saying something, but Daphne was no longer capable of hearing. Her ears were ringing, and a single thought was clear in her mind.


    This was not an accident, she thought. This woman…murdered me.


    Daphne’s eyes fluttered shut, her world rapidly darkening and growing colder.


    I…never got to be happy…