《Worlds Without Number》


 If Only It Were Real, Though

    Crystal Nicole Barnes was massively dissatisfied with her life, though she had no real reason to be. She had a loving family, she had all her physical needs met, and she lived in a good neighborhood where the folks were friendly and willing to help one another out.


    Granted, she had some issues. She was morbidly obese thanks to bad eating habits that had only been exacerbated by COVID-19 changing the way things tasted to her. She was also autistic, with all the emotional and mental struggles that entailed. But she was trying to eat better, even when the foods she used to love now tasted gross or just bland. She was also getting counseling, though the practice was overworked and understaffed beyond belief. And she could drive where she needed to go, even if it wore her out considerably sometimes.


    Crystal looked in the fogged-up bathroom mirror, having finished her shower a few minutes ago. She knew she was pretty despite her obesity. Bright blue eyes and shoulder-length dark blonde hair, fair skin that had finally decided to act its age; of course she was pretty. Though it would have been nice to hear a guy say that to her during high school or the years in her YSA ward. So far, no such luck.


    "Maybe that''s why I don''t take care of myself like I should" she mumbled as she opened the bathroom door, letting the cooler, drier air in. An absolute relief compared to how hot and steamy the bathroom got during showers due to poor ventilation installed by stupid, lazy builders. Crystal went into her room next door and shut the door behind her. At least she always had the ceiling fan on in her room.


    Unfortunately, her room was also always a mess. Not that she really wanted it to be one. But the thought of cleaning even a corner of the room left her paralyzed. She and her younger brother, Jared, would always try to explain to Mom and Dad about their executive dysfunction, but they would constantly forget. Though in their defense, they were in their sixties now, so a bit of forgetfulness was to be expected.


    Crystal looked at her phone. It was almost midnight, meaning the first of September was minutes away. Compared to the last few years, 2023 felt like it had whizzed on by. And with September near, so was her thirty-fifth birthday on the twenty-third. To which Crystal could only muster a giant "Ugh" in response.


    "What am I doing with my life?"


    It was a fair question. Ever since she graduated high school a year early, her progression in life had come to a standstill. Higher education? One credit at Utah Valley University. Job skills? She could clean and run a cash register thanks to her time at Deseret Industries. But executive dysfunction and lack of money reared their ugly heads when it came to continuing college courses. And having to deal with all those people in retail? Draining and overwhelming and just plain hard with autism. Plus, ever since Mom became bedridden, Crystal needed all her energy to help around the house as much as she could.This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    At least I''m a good writer, she thought as she sat on her bed. That UVU credit was for the college writing course, and she had done well. She absolutely couldn''t stand the research project and paper, but at least she did it. Creative writing was more her forte, but she was very nervous about posting her fanfiction ideas online. Her religious beliefs would seep into her work, and to say that Latter-Day Saint beliefs were unpopular in fandom circles would be a bigger understatement than calling Donald Trump a mite controversial. Yeah, she knew persecution followed Christ''s disciples constantly, but it didn''t make it suck any less when it happened.


    Crystal placed her head in her hands and let out another sigh. The worst part about all this was that she just didn''t care. She didn''t care if she never posted a single fic. She didn''t care if she had no job or any higher education. She honestly didn''t even care that she was single. Because even if she had them all, she wouldn''t have the one thing she wanted more than anything else in the universe: an honest-to-goodness adventure. Not one of those globetrotting journeys of self-discovery that pretended to be half as exciting as doing a backflip, snapping the bad guy''s neck and saving the day. If Crystal couldn''t have an adventure like that, then what was the point of having all that other stuff?


    And yet, she thought glumly, that sort of thing only happened in fiction. Not that that little fact had stopped Crystal from wanting an adventure for as long as she could remember. And she was quite sure that desire had been the main if not only, reason that she couldn''t move forward with her life.


    "I need to pray about this."


    Crystal got back on her feet. If ignoring the problem hadn''t worked, prayer had to. She knelt beside her bed and began.


    "Heavenly Father, I am having a devil of a time letting go of my desire for an adventure like in fiction. I''ve wanted one ever since... well, forever. But this desire is preventing me from progressing in my life. I do know that warp drive and lightsabers and Elves and Keyblades and the like aren''t real. At least, my head knows. Please help my heart know so I can move on with my life and do the things thou wouldst have me do, no matter how boring it may seem."


    Crystal waited a minute after her "amen." She didn''t feel any different about adventure, yet. But good things require effort, and she was willing to put it in. Prayer, fasting, a blessing from Dad, whatever it took. Sure, she''d have to fast from the internet or something rather than food, but she knew God would count it if she meant it.


    She got up from her kneeling position and reached for her phone again. Five after midnight. Officially September now. And the battery was at thirty-one percent. Time for bed. Crystal hooked up the phone to it''s charger and turned on the Soundcloud app. She shuffled her liked tracks (most of them vocal synthesizer covers) before she turned off the lamp on her desk that did double duty as her side table. She got under the covers, holding her extra pillow close. The first song of the night was the Kingdom Hearts III version of "Dearly Beloved." The song was so beautiful, it nearly made her cry when she first heard it, much like the rest of the Kingdom Hearts series''s music. No wonder Crystal mumbled "If only it were real, though" as she drifted off to sleep.