《Summoner of Darkness (Quaraun Vol. 11)》 Chapter 1: Introducing GhoulSpawn ~o0o~ CHAPTER 1 ~o0o~ Unknown to either Quaraun or GhoulSpawn their lives were being watched. Hardly a year had passed since Quaraun and Unicorn had left the Sun Elf village. They had left it, like so many other villages, oblivious to the destruction that fell upon it hours after their departure. That the Sun Elves, like the Moon Elves, were all dead, save one lone survivor, was still unknown to the Moon Elf wizard and his undead Phookan companion. They had left happy in the knowledge that so long as at least one group of High Elves had survived, the High Elves stood a chance of coming back into power. Or at the very least not vanishing off the face of the Earth, as had already happened to the Gnomes, Dwarves, and Pixies. A year had come and gone as they journeyed across the snow packed tundra and the sun, now nearly set, shone brightly into the sky, casting a warm orange glow upon everything within its path. Quaraun watched the sun setting and thought of the Sun Elves. After centuries of believing he was the last Elf left alive, finding the Sun Elves had filled him with hope. Knowing that the Sun Elf village was still alive and thriving, filled the lonely Moon Elf''s heart with the determination to press forth and seek out other High Elves whom had survived the attacks by the Lich Lords. But alas, Quaraun''s search would be futile, for there were no more. The Sun Elf village, truly had been the last survivors and now, unknown to Quaraun, they too, were gone, leaving behind only one survivor, the young half Elf wizard, Glinter, who now without a home also began to wander aimlessly across the planet seeking some place where he could belong. Quaraun was now the last pure blooded Elf, and Glinter the last half-Elves. As of the year 1458, the Elven race had officially succumbed to extinction, save these last two. With yet another High Elf community laid to waste, another entire race wiped out over night, the High Elves were now in critical risk of extinction. Quaraun was no longer just the last Moon Elf, he was now also the last full blooded High Elf. But Quaraun, had not gotten to know Glinter well. Dubbed GhoulSpawn by the other Elves, for his sin of having been born a half-Elf, Quaraun assumed Glinta to be half-Human. It had not occurred to Quaraun to think anything else, and Glinter, had not informed Quaraun otherwise. Glinta, Glinter, GhoulSpawn. Quaraun wondered which name was correct to use, as the Sun Elves had used all three and the half-Elf had answered to all three names. The Sun Elves had called him evil. Forced him out of the hive mind, and made him live by himself in a hut on the outskirts of their village. He had not been welcomed within their society and was only tolerated on account of his mother having been a Sun Elf. The story of his mother''s death, shock Quaraun to his core. The Ghoul, an ancient infamous demon, had grabbed the pregnant Elf and tossed her through a portal, into Hell. And thus GhoulSpawn was born and raised on the Fire Planet, The Flaming Planet of molten lava. Hell, the Humans called it. Glinter was not evil, but he was familiar with evil magic arts. He had intimate knowledge of some very dark sorcery. Rituals, that even most evil wizards did not know existed. Glinter knew the darkest of the ancient spells, the ones used to call up Demons from Dimensions long ago sealed up. He was on a first name basis with some of the evilest of all Demons of all existence. Most wizards opened the doors to Demonology through simple curiosity or from greed. It was not from curiosity or evil intents that Glinter knew these Demons or the spells with which to call on them, but rather from having been born into the wrong family. Glinter was not as most people assumed, a half-Elf whose other half was half Human, but rather Glinter was half Demon. While the majority of Demons, full blooded, half blooded, possessed or otherwise, lived up to their evil reputations, a few, like Glinter, just wanted to live in peace, but in order to do so, required they hide what they were, never letting it be known they had Demon blood. Demons were hunted. Killed on sight. Kill first. Ask questions later. That was the Human way. Non-Humans greatly feared the Humans for this very reason. Humans were vicious, terrible monsters who hunted everything not them. And not for food or survival, but for fun and sport, in the name of religion, and out of greed, fear, or hate. While Humans walked the Earth unfettered, no non-Human was safe. Demons least of all. With witch hunting on the rise, it was becoming increasingly more dangerous to be a Demon in the world of Men. Glinter was lucky that he could pass for an Elf. You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. Most half Demons could not hide their slithering, tentacled Demonic features. Glinter had no outward Demonic features to hide, other then his glow in the dark neon lemon coloured hair and his glowing pleco-pupiled golden yellow eyes, both of which he could explain away as alchemy accidents... well... almost nothing to hide. GhoulSpawn was a sheep. Long luxuriant Cotswold wool grew from his legs, and instead of feet, he had ivory coloured cloven hooves, which his painted gold, to seal out cracks and prevent fungus and hoof rot from setting in. It was easy to hid his furry legs, cloven hooves, and long tail, under the many layers of flowing orange and yellow silk robes that he wore under his floor sweeping green velvet coat. On his head, grew ram''s horn. Big circular horns, like a those of a big horn mountain goat. GhoulSpawn kept his horns sawed off, filed level with his head, and hidden under his massive poofs of fluffy phosphorescent yellow hair. Thus while most Demons and half-Demon could not hide their animal features, GhoulSpawn had long ago adapted to pretending to be a half-Elf/half-Human by carefully keeping his animal parts covered and hidden. With his village destroyed and his family dead, Glinter set out to find a new home. What he found was that half Elves were just as hated as Demons. Not welcomed in any Elven community and run out of most every Human town, Glinter began to wish he could return to the Hell Dimension he had been born in. At least he had people who accepted him there. Glinter''s father had been a dark sorcerer, a practitioner of evil blood magic. A Demon able to travel through dimensions to other realms, other planets, even other times, Glinter''s father had brought death and destruction to billions across the universe. His downfall was kidnapping the Sun Elf princess, Glinter''s mother. The peaceful Sun Elves, a community made up entirely of wizards, fought fiercely to get their beloved princess back and in doing so killed Glinter''s father, sealed up the portals, and burned every scroll telling how to reopen them. The Sun Elves were going to burn with those things, the half-Demon spawn as well, had Glinter''s mother not begged for the life of her half Demon son. And so the half Demon child was raised by the Sun Elves, raised with the Elven name his mother had given him: Glinter. But with the death of his mother and all the other Sun Elves, and his not finding a home elsewhere among the Humans or the Elves, Glinter now cast aside his Elven past, taking up once again his true name, the name his father had given him at birth: GhoulSpawn. GhoulSpawn''s father was an evil Demon who commanded an army of Ghouls. Because of this, he was known simply as "The Ghoul". GhoulSpawn''s mother was a Sun Elf whom had fallen in love with The Ghoul, but was forbidden by her family to have contact with him. She in turn ran away with her Demon lover, thus causing a war between Elves and Demons. The Sun Elves tell a story of how their Princess was kidnapped and raped by the Ghoul, thus she gave birth to the Spawn of the Ghoul. Though his mother named him Glinta, she died while he was still very young, and his Elven kin, took to calling him GhoulSpawn as a way to brand him not one of them. He grew up constantly being told he was unloved and unwanted and should have been killed at birth, resulting in the very low self esteem he has. GhoulSpawn is an interdimensional time traveller, because he is unable to remain in any one time, place or dimension long, because he was born in the Hell Dimension, which exists outside of the realm of time and space as we know it. The Ghoul tried to escape the Sun Elves by going to the distant future (1974) and leaving his half-Elf son and the boy''s mother there to live among a band of LSD addicted hippie Humans whom drove a 1974 AMC Gremlin. The Sun-Elves eventually found their missing she-Elf and brought her back to the 1400s where she belonged, but she refused to leave her half-Demon son behind. After his mother''s death, GhoulSpawn was made a servant to his High Elf step-father and full blooded Elf step siblings, all of whom abused him and treated him like a slave. He grew up constantly being told he, because he was only a half-Elf, was unloved and unwanted and should have been killed at birth, resulting in the very low self esteem he has. GhoulSpawn had been only a young boy when his father died, but he remembered the trips through the portals, the trips through time and space. He had watched his father open portals time and time again. He knew the rituals from memory. He knew the chants. He knew the spells. He knew he couldn''t remember everything and he knew he wasn''t evil enough to perform the blood rituals, but he figured he knew enough to reopen the portals, to find his Demon kin and bring them here, so he wouldn''t have to be alone anymore. And so GhoulSpawn set out to open the portals, not really knowing why so many wizards had risked their lives to close them forever. Unlocking portals, was not the only things he unlocked. Neither Demons nor half-Elves are considered welcomed members of society, both being forced to live in small tribal groups on the outskirts of civilization. Both are often stoned to death or hung if they dare set foot in a city. Half Elves, being denied work or stable places to live, often become wandering thieves out of the need for survival, sneaking into towns at night to steal food or basic items. As is typical of half-Elves, GhoulSpawn became an expert pick-pocket at a very young age, and by the time he had meet Quaraun had already made an art out of stealing pretty much anything he can fit into his coat pockets. GhoulSpawn was a notorious pick pocket and master thief. He could walk up to anyone and clean out their pockets without them ever realizing he was there. He thought nothing of sneaking into houses and taking anything he can fit in his pockets. Of course, As Quaraun already knew, he carried a 1974 AMC Gremlin in his pockets, along with a herd of sheep... there isn''t anything that he can not fit in his pockets. Unlike most wizards who used their magic as a profession, GhoulSpawn used magic for everything. He used magic to move silently, and cast "foggy haze" in people''s minds causing them to have distorted vision for a few moments, allowing him to get past them unseen. He built himself a wand which could zap open most any lock. While he used his magic for little things in every day life, the magic he used so carelessly, was very difficult to learn and even the most powerful of wizards could not master it. GhoulSpawn was fast gaining a reputation as one of the world''s most powerful wizards, believed by Demons to be the most powerful sorcerer to ever live... ..and the Thullids took notice of this. The Thullids had also noticed that GhoulSpawn and Quaraun had, on their first meeting, immediately become good friends. The Thullids also knew something that neither Elf did... The God of the Demons was pregnant and her clutch of eggs was fast in need of a place to hatch. The Sacred Pink Jellyfish as not herself these past few weeks, and her brooding moody temperament grew worse with each passing day. As the time grew nearer for the day of hatching, the Thullids became ever more intent on protecting their beloved Goddess, and so once again, they sent forth the priest who long ago had sworn to serve and protect her at any cost... Chapter 2: The Cultists and The Coming of The Darkness ~o0o~ Chapter 2 ~o0o~ A group of Thullid cultists slithered and slunk their way through the rubble. They spoke to one another in hush whispers of their native Demon tongue with its squishy sounding words made up mostly of ''L''s, ''i''s, and break clattering clicks. The squid headed cultists in their long orange robes, contrasting with the brilliant purple tentacles, dragged between them another Thullid, dressed in vivid pink robes embroidered with glittering bubblegum pink jelly fish - the distinctive regalia of a Di''Jinn priest, worshiper of The Sacred Pink Jelly Fish. The orange robed cultists were young, as could be told by their vividly purple hued tentacles, glistening with slick slime. The pink robed priest they dragged with them was exceedingly ancient, his tentacles aged to a dull dusty pink, dry and wrinkled, no longer protected by their slime coat that had long since worn away. The cultists chattered excitedly about the coming of change and good fortune, but the old priest coward between them in fear. The Cult of the Sacred Pink Jelly Fish had search high and low for the last of Her Ladyship''s disciples. Long feared dead, ZooLock the Great had finally been found. For centuries ZooLock had stood as the personal bodyguard of a tiny pink jelly fish, kept imprisoned in a glass bowl, where she was worshiped by Demons from all points of the galaxy. For centuries the tiny pink jelly fish had begged for her freedom, but trapped she was in a tiny glass bowl. Then the Humans came, like a plague upon the planet the Humans spread quickly and with them they brought a God of blood, lust and war. A God who murdered his only son, then demanded the Humans eat his flesh and blood every week, over and over again for centuries. An angry God who hated Demons and demanded the Humans slaughter them all. And so the reign of Demons on Earth fell, as the Humans rose to power. One by one the Demon temples were shattered and the priests murdered. When only one temple remained, The Temple of the Di''Jinn, the Thullids had gone en masse, to protect their Goddess, but their numbers were too few, and the like so many before them, the Di''Jin priests were slaughtered... ...save one... ZooLock. A plain simple priest with only one job: stand beside the Pink Jelly Fish and make sure no one touches her glass bowl. A lonely job he did for centuries. When the Human Army attacked, ZooLock grabbed the bowl and ran into the desert, never to be seen again. Seen by many as a coward, news soon spread to Demon ears, of the horror of what ZooLock had done... ...Desperate to save Her Ladyship, ZooLock did the unthinkable and implanted the Sacred Pink Jelly Fish inside the body of an Elf. The only Thullid never implanted, now lived inside a host, like the rest. ZooLock had done what he had sworn to do... protect the Goddess at any cost. And thus he became known as ZooLock the Great, the only Demon brave enough to save Her Ladyship from the onslaught of the Humans and their Demon murdering ways. But that was nearly 500 years ago, and ZooLock now found himself in chains, dragged a long by members of a new religion. A group calling themselves The Cult of the Sacred Pink Jelly Fish. The ancient priest had no strength to fight his captors, and was dragged along with chains on his arms and legs, his once purple tentacles, now faded to a dull mauve, hung limp before him. ZooLock knew not what the cultists had in mind for him, and his pleco pupiled fish eyes searched desperately for any means of escape. At last they stopped, standing before the remains of a once large stone church, that was now nothing but broken up bits of wall scattered about. The leader of the cultists, took their prisoner and stood staring up at one particularly dangerous looking stone wall. "It''ll fall over at any minute," ZooLock said in his timid frightened voice. "You''ll be safe here," the squid headed Elder said to his chained and shackled prisoner. "Safe?" ZooLock squealed as he looked around the vast ruins. "How is this safe? Humans have razed this place. They''ll be back..." "They won''t come back. Their army has moved on." The cult elder took ZooLock''s chains and secured them to a stone wall. "What are you doing?" The frightened Di''Jinn priest asked. "You are the last of the Di''Jinn. Saved from Her wrath only because you are a coward. When death came for the rest, you had already fled." "Her Ladyship was protecting the horses. You know how She loves horses. You should not have killed Her horses. You should not have angered Her." "She likes you." "She hates me." "She won''t kill you." "Only because I did not help you kill Her horses." "She''ll be here soon." "What?" ZooLock looked around franticly, curling his tentacles nervously as he did. "She''s here?" "You''ll not have long to wait." "Wait for what? What is going on?" "If you live, you will lead Her to us." "If I live? What do you mean? What is going on?" "Her Ladyship is pregnant." "Pregnant? That is not possible. I put her in a male Elf." "You must protect the eggs until the time of hatching." "How do I do that?" "You''ll think of something." "But She does not like me! I am a Di''Jinn. She killed us all! I am the last Di''Jinn. You are right, I lived because I am a coward. She''ll kill me soon as She sees me!" "She won''t kill a wounded animal." "I am not wounded." "That is easily fixed."Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Before the ancient Demon priest had time to respond the other Demons pushed the stone wall over on top of him. The squid-headed beasts quickly made their way back to the road, leaving old ZooLock crushed and injured, buried beneath the rubble. Furry paws and glistening eyes watched from the shadows, keeping notes on everything they saw and heard. ~o0o~ Meanwhile, in a coastal fishing village not far away, there sat a massive lighthouse, built out of smooth black river stones. Vastly bigger on the inside, then it''s outward appearance, the tower housed a band of half-Elf thieves, who fancied themselves wizards, though in truth, they were barely mages. This band of magic wielding thieves was lead by an ancient old, one armed half-Elf, whom called himself HellBorne the Evil. "We''ve found him!" HellBorne said excitedly as he ran into the room. The other half-Elves stopped what they were doing to listen to what their leader had to say. "The Darkness is upon us," the ancient one armed Half-Elf continued. "We must begin preparations. Every thing must be ready before he arrives." HellBorne spent the next hour explaining in great detail what the Darkness was, why it was imperative they welcome it, and what must be done to prepare for it''s arrival. HellBorne began listing off the items he needed and barking out orders, giving each of the other half-Elves their instructions on what to get. One by one the half Elves scurried off to carry out their orders. All but one. HellBorne looked across the room. GhoulSpawn, was once again not following orders. The Sun Elf was sitting in the corner with his nose in a book. A pair of gleaming green eyes peered through the window, watching the scene unfold. Whiskers twitched as tiny grey paws took notes of what they saw. "GhoulSpawn!" HellBorne yelled angrily. "What?" The young Sun Elf jumped from his seat, looking around and wondering which way to run. The poor half Elf was scared of everything and the slightest sound sent his heart racing in terror. "I need more sheep," HellBorne said. "Go get me more sheep." "Sheep?" GhoulSpawn had not been paying attention to anything the old half Elf had said to him and only heard this last part, commanding him to get sheep. "Why do you need sheep?" "The Darkness is upon us!" "The Darkness?" "Haven''t you been listening to me?" "Uhm... I... I was reading." "You and your books." "I want to learn..." "You don''t learn by reading. You learn by doing." "I''m not good at doing... uhm... anything," GhoulSpawn admitted. HellBorne grabbed the book away from GhoulSpawn and threw it across the room. "I said, go get me more sheep!" "Sheep?" "Yes! Sheep!" "Why?" "I''ve a sacrifice to prepare!" "Sacrifice? With blood?" "Of course with blood." "Can''t you do a non blood sacrifice?" "You whimpering pussy! The Darkness is coming and we need blood to bring it closer! Before it gets out of range." "But I don''t like killing things..." "You don''t like killing? What kind of a wizard are you?" "Not an evil one. My father..." "You''re father was one of the greatest wizards of all time." "He was evil." GhoulSpawn was ashamed of the things his father had done. "How did a snivelling coward like you come from the loins of a great sorcerer like him?" "My mother was an Elf. I was raised with her people, not his. Elves are mostly peaceful." "Only to other Elves. What Elf ever treated a half-Elf with respect and dignity?" "We don''t have to kill things to..." "GhoulSpawn, you are young. You haven''t seen enough of the world to know how shitty it treats us half-Elves. You are still innocent to the ways of the world and it''s hatred for our kind. But that''s going to end soon. The Darkness will be here soon, and with it, our salvation." "But do we have to kill sheep?" "The sheep make way for the sacrifices." "Aren''t the sheep the sacrifices?" "You really weren''t listening to anything I said were you?" "I guess not." "The ritual takes seven days to complete. We need seven sacrifices, one each night for seven days. The sheep blood is to purify the tools that we will use to kill the sacrifices." "But..." "GO!" GhoulSpawn quickly scurried out of the room. A couple of the other half-Elves chided him, but he didn''t stick around long enough to hear what they had said. While living with HellBorne wasn''t ideal, at least GhoulSpawn was no longer alone. HellBorne was wrong. GhoulSpawn did know far too well, the hatred the world had for half-Elves. He''d grown up with High Elves. And they never let him forget, he wasn''t worthy to be alive. From the time he was old enough to walk, his days were spent running from bullies. Constantly beaten and publicly humiliated, the young half-Elf now live in mortal terror of every shadow. Loneliness was a major issue for the Sun Elf. It was the thing that kept him working for HellBorne. GhoulSpawn had no friends. His family, his people, his village were dead. He had a few wives here and there, but he admittedly didn''t love any of them and had a difficult time being faithful to any one. GhoulSpawn had a wife in nearly every town he''d ever walked through, most of which he never returned to, many of which he''d left to raise alone children he didn''t even know he had. A bigger problem for GhoulSpawn was the trail of pregnant prostitutes he left behind every where he went. While he hated being alone, he also shied away from any sort of commitment. The more commitment a situation required, the faster he ran away from it and thus GhoulSpawn found himself bedding every female he meet within a few hours of meeting her, then disappearing from her life within a week of meeting her. GhoulSpawn had come across the one armed half-Elf HellBorne a few months ago. HellBorne had opened his home up to other half-Elves and now quite a large number of half-Elves were living with the ancient wizard, doing his bidding in exchange for free room and board and protection from the Elves and Humans who hunted half-Elves. The half-Elves living with HellBorne had all been treated poorly by Elves and Humans alike and all of them had grown bitter and vengeful and thus were quick to help HellBorne in his questionable experiments and rituals. GhoulSpawn had questioned HellBorne many times and each time was meet with the wrong side of HellBorne''s frightful temper. But still, GhoulSpawn stayed because he was accepted by the half-Elves here and had not found acceptance among Elves or Humans, was too scatterbrained and flighty to raise a family of his own and could not bear to live alone. Escaping to the outdoors to run errands for HellBorne gave GhoulSpawn the breathing room he needed. GhoulSpawn soon found himself sitting alone on a rock in a field, watching a herd of sheep, waiting for the lazy Human shepherd to fall asleep and hoping he could find an excuse for coming back without any sheep. His reached into his pocket and pulled out a big red arm chair to sit in. GhoulSpawn wished he could set up a TV here, but it was the 1400s and electricity had not yet been invented. He tried to remember not to have items from the future that would be questioned by others. This arm chair was definitely out of its time period, but a chair was a chair and he could at least explain it should someone question it. And it was more comfortable than a rock. Of course, if anyone did question the chair, their more probable question would have been how the hell did he get it all the way out here in the middle of a field, but GhoulSpawn hadn''t thought of that. He could of course tell them the truth, that he was a wizard and was wearing a coat that was lined with dozens of pockets, each pocket bigger on the inside then the outside with plenty of room to carry a few cities worth of houses around with him. But GhoulSpawn was not a member of the Guild which meant he was practicing magic illegally and should any one ask to see his papers, he had none to give and would be quickly tossed in a dungeon and his coat of many pockets filled with items from the future confiscated and burned. GhoulSpawn was not known for thinking logically of such things so did not hide the fact that he was a wizard from any one. And so, there GhoulSpawn sat in a big red arm chair, in the middle of a field of sheep, his hair and eyes glowing a blinding shade of yellow, wondering if there was a way for him to stay in the future permanently never again having to return back here to his own time, wishing he was in the 1970s watching Saturday morning cartoons, and pulling dozens of books out of the pockets of his dark green velvet coat, trying to decide which book he should read next, in a time period before books were invented. Reading took his mind off HellBorne and his father and the shitty way Elves and Humans treated him. GhoulSpawn worried that HellBorne would tell the others that his father was a Chaos Demon and not a Human as everyone believed. All of the other half Elves were half Human. In addition to being the only half Demon among them, he was also the only one who had High Elf blood. The others were various races of Common, Wild, or Feral Elves, most of them Wood Elves. GhoulSpawn''s spaced out day dreamer attitude was attributed to his being the bastard of an aristocratic. The other half Elves picked on GhoulSpawn because HellBorne coddled him, giving him assignments that were easy and allowing him to sit around doing nothing. Most of the half Elves could neither read nor write, and it being a century before Gutenberg invented the printing press, they did not know what those strange blocks of paper squished between boards were, that GhoulSpawn was constantly carrying around and so did not understand why GhoulSpawn was allowed to sit all day doing nothing but staring at squares of paper. GhoulSpawn found a book to read and soon the absent minded half-Elf forgot about sheep and was lost in trying to translate an orange spined spell book he''d brought back from the future: Unearthed Arcana by Gary Gygax. A pair of yellow eyes peered out from the bushes at the edge of the pasture. Whiskers twitched and tail stood tall as small black paws jotted down more notes. Chapter 3: EelKat and The Kats of Planet Ptarmagin ~o0o~ Chapter 3 ~o0o~ Many years ago, on another planet, in another time, lived a tiny race of furry four legged alien beings whom had appointed themselves as the guardians of all life. They were the gods of the universe, or so they had told themselves and they refused to hear anything different. They lived to be worshipped. They lived to be served. It was their job to watch over the stars and the galaxy and protect them from all threats and evil, to keep the galaxy safe from any threat at all and anyone who dared try to interfere with this divine task of protecting the stars. That is how it has always been ever since they began to care for the galaxy. There are those among them who have questioned that there might be more, if only more than three, but they have never been found out and they have not revealed the existence of anyone else in that time. The godlings did not wish to reveal anything of the other races or planets, knowing that these would interfere with the protection of the stars. It was simply better if no one knew about what they were. No one could know about that which they protected and they were content with just being left alone, with the knowledge of their true duties fulfilled. One day, long after the war had ended, they received a visitor from yet another planet whose name they did not know. This visitor, however, came bearing gifts with him and he asked them to serve him in return for his thanks and their protection. The godlings accepted this offer without hesitation and agreed to do whatever the man requested. He asked for an alliance between two races of people who shared their beliefs. The godling¡¯s first thought was that perhaps these were humans But it was no use being a race of beings that required constant worship, when there was no one left alive to worship you. Earth, known to the Elves as Vesonta, was a planet teeming with large bipedal beasts who were quick to seek something, anything in need of worshipping. The Humans were strange beasts who had the constant need to find things to worship. A species that demanded constant things to dominate them, so that they could satisfy their need to kill each other over who worshiped what. A god could live in eternal bliss here on Earth, with Human servants to wait on you hand and foot. Free food lavished upon you. Boxes of sand. Toy mice and jingly balls. Life was good here on Earth with the idiot Humans. Earth was a paradise and the self appointed gods of the universe could not risk the end of Humanity. Without the idiotic Humans to worship them, they would have to feed themselves. They would have to work and hunt for food. They would have to pee and poop outside once again. No. They needed their Human slaves to feed them tuna and change their sandboxes. The gods must remain gods and the Humans must live on to ensure that. And to their horror, there would come a day, when one lonely wizard would say enough was enough, and cast a spell to wipe out the entire population of three solar systems, killing billions upon billions of lives in the blink of an eye, an event known as The Battle of Ongadada. This, said the gods of the universe, must not be allowed to happen, for our Human slaves must live to serve us. And so spurred on by the goal to stop the infamous Battle of Ongadada, these tiny four legged furry gods of the universe sent their litters of children back through time, to seek out the wizard who would set these events in motion and stop him. But learning too late, that by going back in time to stop the future, by changing the past, they had inadvertently sealed the future guaranteeing it could now never be changed.Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. And now going back a thousand times and changing a thousand different things, they could never stop Ongadada, for had Ongadada never happened, they would never have gone back in time, thus making any changes null and void, as Ongadada was now a fixed point in time that could never be changed because without it, time travel would never have existed. Desperate to undo their error, they instead traveled far ahead into the future to the year 2525, where they found another wizard from the past, still alive, now ancient and no longer a wizard, but now a scientist desperately trying the bury the memories of the lover whom he could not save from a horrible death. A scientist and a wizard. The yellow haired Demon with a terrifying control over machines, able to bring cars to life as sentient beings, to toss trains into the ocean and pull planes from the sky with nothing but the words "I wish..." Because of his disruption of all things mechanical, the Humans had dubbed this powerful Ancient yellow haired Demon "The Gremlin". If any one could stop Ongadada, it would be the Gremlin, the one person left alive who had been on the battlefield and had witnessed the mass slaughter. But he was mad. Every one knew this. The crazed old wizard lived with Roderic, in a giant flesh eating mansion, and spent his days gibbering in terror of pink fish flying through clouds seeking to kill him. When the self proclaimed gods of the universe found The Gremlin, he was writing thousands of endless scientific and mathematical equations, up and down the endless walls of the Twighlight Manor, something he had done, according to Roderic, for the past few decades. That, and fill the rooms with endless herds of sheep. The Kats arrived at the Twighlight Manor and The Gremlin ran off when he saw them. ¡°He''s a survivor of White Rock,¡± Roderic said with a shrug. When they finally caught him and got him to stop screaming about the armies of murderous pink sequined penguins trying to suck out his brain, the guardians of life, these self proclaimed gods of the universe, told The Gremlin of what they had done and begged him to once again, reopen to portals to help them save the world from an evil pink wizard, whose inner darkness, would bring about the end of everything. ¡°The Pink Necromancer?¡± The Gremlin asked. ¡°Yes,¡± The Eel-Kat, the green eyed black bob tailed cat said. ¡°He must be stopped. Ongadada can''t happen.¡± ¡°No,¡± agreed Spriggan, the small white cat, furiously beating his tiny purple wings. ¡°It must not happen.¡± ¡°Never happen,¡± agreed Bela, a huge black Bombay cat. ¡°Never happen,¡± repeated Uncle Whiskers, the orange Persian cat. ¡°It is imperative we stop this,¡± the grey tabby, Lynxiana added. ¡°Imperative,¡± all the cats said in unison. The Gremlin was sitting on the floor in the hall of the Manor. He looked up at Roderic, standing over him. ¡°The cats are talking to me,¡± Gremlin whimpered, not trusting what his eyes were seeing. ¡°I know,¡± Roderic answered. ¡°One of them is flying.¡± ¡°Yes. I see them too.¡± ¡°There are two flying eels following that one,¡± he pointed to the Eel-Kat. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Why are there cats talking to me?¡± ¡°They want you to reopen the portals and go back through time again, to find my grandfather and stop him from killing every one at Ongadada.¡± ¡°The Pink Necromancer.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°He''s insane.¡± ¡°Yes, he was.¡± ¡°I''m insane.¡± ¡°I know.¡± It was with much persuasion that the Kats of Planet Ptarmagin convinced The Gremlin to help them. But finding the wandering pink wizard was a task not easy, for Quaraun was a recluse, rarely seen. He entered villages infrequently and fled them quickly, retreating once again to the lonely wanderings through thick forests and snow filled wastelands of northern New England. Finding the infamous pink Necromancer that would be the end of all life, was like finding a needle in a haystack. To find him, the tiny aliens knew they would have to infiltrate every corner of the planet with eyes and ears, constantly watching, constantly listening, waiting, ready to pounce the moment they saw him. And so in the year 1458 a new species arose on the planet, as the Ptarmagin Kats silently invaded Earth, leaving scouts in every home, in every village, in every dark alley. Their gleaming eyes watching, their tiny ears listening, their whiskers twitching, as they quietly waited on padded paw for any hint to the location the Pink Necromancer. A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 1 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience. Chapter 4: The Moon Elves of Ivujivik ~o0o~ Chapter 4 ~o0o~ "Will you stop touching me!" Quaraun yelled at Unicorn. "No. I refuses to." Quaraun had just finished brushing his twelve foot long hair, an endeavour that took several hours, and Unicorn, a little black furred trickster Faerie pony with a gleaming silver horn on his head, had decided it would be great fun to mess the Elf''s hair back up. He had run up behind the Elf and twirled Quaraun''s Rapunzel locks around his horn, but when he tried to run off afterwards, somehow got his horn stuck in Quaraun''s impossibly long hair, which Quaraun was now trying to untangle. ¡°I canna move,¡± Unicorn whimpered mournfully, now regretting having messed with the Elf''s hair. ¡°You shouldn''t have stuck your horn in my hair.¡± Unicorn shook his dreadlocked mane, trying to get his horn out of Quaraun''s hair, but just made the tangled mess worse. ¡°Stop moving,¡± Quaraun snarled. ¡°Just grab some scissors and cut it.¡± ¡°I''m not cutting my hair! My father cut my hair. I''m never cutting my hair again.¡± ¡°Ya Daddy issues is becoming problem.¡± ¡°Shut up.¡± ¡°What ya gonna do in a few years when ya needs servants to carry ya hair?¡± ¡°It won''t get that long.¡± ¡°No? It already long enough that ya always tripping on it. And ya canna sit down any more without making a fuss over where to puts ya hair otherwise ya can''na move iffy ya sits on it.¡± Quaraun''s pink pupiled blue eyes flashed with anger, as he continued, now silently to unwrap his hair from the pony''s spiralled horn. ¡°Ya too easy for enemies to catch now. Ya wants to run away, all dey has to do is grab ya hair un then ya canna move.¡± ¡°I''m not cutting my hair.¡± ¡°Ya does nae have to cut it short. Just cut two or t''ree feet off of it.¡± Unicorn wiggled again. ¡°Stop moving. You''re making it worse.¡± ¡°Dis were bad idea.¡± ¡°Obviously.¡± ¡°Why did I do dis?¡± ¡°Because you''re a nut.¡± ¡°I wants to run free. Galloping through the fields,¡± Unicorn moaned sadly. ¡°You could be if you hadn''t been trying to annoy me.¡± ¡°It fun to annoys ya. Makes me horny unicorny.¡± ¡°Stop moving.¡± ¡°I can nots.¡± "Stop it!" "No." "I''m gonna push you off a cliff," the pink Necromancer snarled. "Oooooooooh!" the undead pony whinnied excitedly. "Go ahead. I ain''t died by cliff death yet. Might be fun to die cliff death. Shatter me guts all over de rocks, let the birds feast on me entrails. Heck, let me know the next cliff ya sees un I''ll save ya the trouble un go jump off it meself. Goody, goody, goody, goody. A new way to die!" Quaraun glared at the Unicorn, who right now was purple and had a mouthful of Quaraun''s long white hair gripped firmly in his teeth. Unicorn in life had been a Phooka. A Faerie Horse that lived in the swamps and feasted on lost travellers. His real name was Gwallmaiic, though Quaraun frequently referred to him as BoomFuzzy, and he had been many centuries ago, the King of the Realm of Fae, a job he never enjoyed as his true passion in life was cooking. Unicorn was a gourmet chef. Gwallmaiic was a shape shifting prankster Fae chef from Pepper Valley, who''s primary diet consisted of Humans, but over time he''d developed a taste for Elves and so had switched from eating Humans to eating Elves, thus how he had been nicknamed The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley. Originally from Scotland, Gwallmaiic had grown bored with slaughtering Elves in Europe and set his sights on the New World, spending the past few centuries living in Nova Scotia terrorizing the Human settlers. He had roamed aimlessly from the frigid Far North down the coast line all the way to the tropical Everglade swamps. Then back to the North again. He went inland to the Great Lakes for a while, where he ate the tree dwelling Cookie Elves after learning to bake Elf shaped cookies. After eating all the Keeblers, Gwallmaiic headed to the North Pole to be the head chef at Santa''s Village, making friends with the evil old red robed, child murdering Frost Lich Leprechaun and his Phookan partner in crime Krumpas. Gwallmaiic lived with Santa and Krumpas for several years helping them poison gingerbread and give gifts to children as a diversion to the fact that they were kidnapping other children, which Santa kept in his vast frozen dungeons. In one night the three of them could round up enough children to last for a year, and when the food supply ran out, Santa would head out once again with a jolly Ho-Ho to give out gifts while Gwallmaiic and Krumpas took other children to refill their food strange. Unfortunately, Gwallmaiic had discovered he much preferred the taste of Santa''s Christmas Elves to the taste of Santa''s kidnapped Human children and so Santa asked him to leave, and thus Gwallmaiic, when just passing two thousand years old, found himself in a village the Humans refereed to as: Ivujivik, Quebec, just south of Santa''s Village. Ivujivik, a word which means: the place where ice accumulates because of strong currents, was not far below the North Pole. 1242 miles north of Montreal, Ivujivik was Quebec''s northernmost village. Nestled in a small, frozen sandy cove, the village was surrounded by imposing cliffs that plunged dangerously into the storm tormented waters of Digges Sound. Ivujivik is the place where the strong currents of Hudson Bay and the Hudson Strait clash. Icebergs and rainbow coloured lights are frequently seen off the shore. During high tides, hapless animals are crushed between violent movements of sea ice. Few dared brave the icy wastelands the separated Ivujivik from the rest of the world. Ivujivik was isolated from everything and from the undiscerning eye of a random traveller, there was nothing here but ice and snow. No life other then the seals and penguins and the polar bears who ate them. On the Ungava Plateau which crowned the cliffs around Ivujivik, the only plants which stubbornly clung to the rocky tundra were lichen. Different peoples, including the nomadic ancestors of the Inuit, had inhabited the coast and islands of this area for about 4000 years, with seal, walrus and beluga forming their staple food source. But the populations were small, with the Humans of the area living in tiny tribal family units that followed the migration of the wildlife. Marine animals were abundant in these waters. Strong currents prevented the sea from freezing allowing hunting year-round. The myriad of islands housed waterfowl in the short frozen summers. The Humans who lived here were of little consequence to our story. It was not the Humans of Ivujivik that made this area important to our tale, but the rather the Elves of Ivujivik. The Elves of Ivujivik. Small, reclusive, rarely seen. Living in subterranean sea caves along the shore, exiting to the over world only under the safety on moon light, quickly scurrying back to their underworld at the slightest sound.This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source. The Elves of Ivujivik lived in total isolation from all other life. They survived on the mushrooms and lichen growing on the walls of their opulatant crystal encrusted cave homes. Cut into the cliffs of Ivujivik, dwelling like potter wasps hanging precariously off the jagged rocks. Rumours existed the world over, of a race of tiny albino Elves, insane from their centuries of isolation, hidden somewhere in the Deep North. High elves, who believed themselves Gods, because there was no one near by to question their belief. Long thought to be myths, it was in Ivujivik that Gwallmaiic had found the most outlandish race of High Elves he had ever encountered: The elusive Moon Elves. Moon Elves. Unearthly albinos, with long thin, delicate pointed ears towering a foot over their heads. Whiter than the snow itself, with phosphorescent skin that glowed during a full moon. White hair, white skin, and pale frost blue eyes, so pale they looked white from a distant. No other race of Elf had their strange glowing skin. No other race of Elf had their strange foot long long ears. No other race of Elf had their unnaturally white skin and hair. No other race of Elf spoke a dialect anything remotely close to the language of these alien space Elves, trapped on a planet not their own. Like Humans, most Elves were jewel tone shades of beige, topaz, umber, sepia, and copper. White skinned Elves were even more rare then white skinned Humans, to the point that many people did not believe there even existed such a thing as a white skinned Elf. The palest Elves known were the Sun Elves and the Silver Elves. The Silver Elves being cream coloured, green eyed Elves and the Sun Elves being yellow eyed blonds. By the time Gwallmaiic had found the Moon Elves, the Silver Elves were already extinct, and both the Moon Elves and the Sun Elves were numbered at fewer than a 1,000 Elves total between the two, the Moon Elf village having a population of 349 at the time it was decimated. Like other cold region Elven races, the Moon Elves of Ivujivik were small, though not as tiny as the four foot tall Cookie Elves of Lake Gitchegumee or the even smaller Christmas Elves of the North Pole. The Moon Elves were the tallest of the Arctic Eves, most standing around five feet tall, with the tallest of them never reaching to six feet. Quaraun himself was five feet and six inches tall, which was quite tall by Arctic Elf standards, but having been raised with Humans who were considerably taller then he, Quaraun over time had developed a severe inferiority complex over his lack of height. The Moon Elves of Ivujivik, were a near mythic race of Elves, often mentioned in legends but never seen. So rare were they, that many Humans said they never existed at all. They lived underground, in crystal caves, cut deep in the snow cliffs of the Deep North. For centuries people had wandered into the Deep North hoping to get a glimpse of these rare exotic whiter then white albino Elves, but few had ever sighted one. It was by chance and dumb luck that Gwallmaiic had discovered the Moon Elf village, here on the cliffs of Ivujivik. Gwallmaiic had spotted a Moon Elf, Quaraun, travelling through the Frozen Forest a few miles to the South of Ivujivik and followed him to see where he went. Quaraun stood out from the other Moon Elves by the way he dressed. Though born here in Ivujivik, Quebec, Quaraun had spent most of his youth and young adult years living in the burning deserts of Persia, raised with Gypsy Humans and DiJinn Demons, while learning the art of wizardry, Thus, while other Moon Elves wore thick white polar bear skins and protective white beluga leather, Quaraun wore brilliant coloured silks, rich with heavy embroidery, and as his favourite colour was pink, he was most often seen in varying shades of pink. And so while other Moon Elves were near invisible as they moved white against white in the endless snow, Quaraun could be seen from many miles away in his eye popping shades of pink, the only colour among the blinding white snow. Upon discovering the location of the Moon Elf Village, King Gwallmaiic, Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, built himself a gingerbread house at the southern edge of Ivujivik, at the edge of the Frozen Forest, where the tree line ended and the tundra began, shape shifted himself into the form of a half-Elf named BoomFuzzy and began selling drugged candy to the Elves. He soon discovered that the Moon Elves tasted vastly different from other Elves and the reason they looked so different from other Elves was because they were in fact, not Elves at all, but creatures from another planet, trapped here centuries ago by their space ship having crashed into the Atlantic Ocean. None of the survivors of the crash knew how to repair their damaged ship and the local Humans mistook them for Elves, so they pretended to be Elves and never left. After centuries of pretending to be Elves, they eventually forgot they were not Elves. The Moon Elves bred only with themselves, the Silver Elves, and the Sun Elves, because they were the three races to survive the crash, none of them being true Elves, all of them being alien to planet Vesonta. Quaraun was seen as a blight to his village. He''d become infected with a parasite known as a Thullid, a Demon that possessed people by eating their brain. A common creature on his home planet, but rarely seen here on the planet the Humans called Earth. Thullids were tiny larvae, that burrows into the brain, slowly eating the victim''s brain and growing to fill the skull. They hollowed out their victim''s body, killing the Elf and wearing it''s empty husk of a body like clothing. While Quaraun was born a Moon Elf, the Elf had died in childhood and a Thullid now lived inside. It was for this reason he was sent far away to the Desert of the DiJinn in Persia. While the Moon Elves suspected him of being a Thullid, they could not prove this fact without killing him, cutting his head open, and looking inside to see if there was a brain or a JellyFish looking creature inside. And as Quaraun was the only male heir to the Moon Elf throne, they did not want to risk smashing open his skull until they first had a second male heir to replace him. So they sent him away to forget about him and focused on producing a new male heir. They did not expect all of his siblings to be born female, nor did they expect him to one day, 75 years later, to walk back into the village, now a famous wizard, dressed in eye blinding pink dresses. It was Quaraun''s being a famous wizard that was bothering the Moon Elves most of all. If he was a nobody, they could smash his head open, slaughter the Jelly beast living in his skull, and just let one of his sisters be a regent Queen until she gave birth to a suitable male heir to be King. But Quaraun was a wish granting wizard with a high rate of success and cults of adoring worshippers were popping up all over the planet in his honour. Superstitious Humans in desperate situations were singing praises to the Moon Elf whom many were now calling a god. The Dark Ages of Humanity were trying times, with pestilence, war, famine, sickness, and plague around every corner. To find an immensely powerful, yet kind hearted Elf wizard who was not prejudiced against non Elven races, and whom had both the desire and ability to help every one he meet, was a blessing unlike anything the Humans had ever known. The Pink Necromancer was being hailed a Messiah come to save Humanity, and when he walked from Persia back to the Moon Elf Village on the cliffs of Ivujivik, Quebec, he had done so with disciples of desperate Humans following along behind him, setting up road side altars and worshipping him all the way. These roadside altars now acted as markers to pilgrims seeking healing of their sick and raising of the dead. A path straight to the centuries hidden Moon Elf Village. The Moon Elves liked their privacy. They did not like the pilgrims, the cultists, the disciples, the tourists, the greedy, the needy, the beggars, and the worshippers who were making their way to Quebec in search of Quaraun. For thirty years they held their peace, but it did not go unnoticed that a Phooka had arrived in the Village and was killing the Moon Elves one by one, nor did it go unnoticed that Quaraun, was not only dressing like a she-Elf, but that he was acting like a female as well, bedding with other males, allowing other males to copulate with him as though he were a female. It was his bedding not only with other males, but with non-Elves that outraged the Moon Elves and in the end resulted in them finally taking action. And so the Moon Elves began hatching a plot to kill two birds with one stone and get rid of both the Thullid infested, sodomizing wizard and the Elf Eating Phooka at the same time. Unfortunately for them, they did not know that just outside their village was camped an army of Liches, lead by the Dark Elf Necromancer General Gideon the Great, waiting for the attack command of their King. The Moon Elves attacked in single accord, their peaceful and completely harmless wizard, torturing him and nearly killing him, setting a trap and using his bloody body as bait for the Elf Eater, not knowing that it was the Elf Eater himself who was Quaraun''s lover. The enraged King slaughtered the Moon Elves whom had crippled his Elf, not expecting his General to turn on him in mutiny. For the first time, Quaraun took the life of another, killing Gibedon to save King Gwallmaiic. Gibedon, the most feared Necromancer of all, the General who lead the Lich Lords to battle decimating everything in their path, was defeated by a little peace loving Elf who now found himself in control of the most fierce Liches on the world. And thus started the now widespread rumour that Quaraun must be the most powerful wizard in the world, for who other than an even more powerful wizard, could defeat the previously undefeated Gibedon the Great? The truth was far less dramatic. Gibedon''s death had been an accident. Quaraun grabbing a dagger that lay on the ground and more or less tripping and falling and inadvertently stabbing and killing Gibedon with a fatal knife wound. There was nothing wizardly or powerful about how Quaraun came to kill Gibedon. But the rumours strayed far from the truth and every attempt by Quaraun to correct the rumours was laughed off as his being overly modest. No one would believe that Gibedon''s death had been an accident and so wild tales of Quaraun''s vast abilities as an all powerful Necromancer circulated far and wide with people now believing the gentle harmless wizard to be a horrific monstrous sorcerer. But the dagger that killed Gibedon, was the same dagger that Gibedon had run through Gwallmaiic''s belly moment earlier. Gwallmaiic was badly wounded in the fight and despite Quaraun''s efforts to save him, the infection grew worse, causing the Phooka to take his own life in order to avoid the agony of a long and slow death. With his lover dead Quaraun''s mind sunk into madness, as he hatched a plot for revenge, living up to the reputation people had falsely given him, spending one hundred years building a massive Necromantic ritual unlike anything any wizard had ever attempted before: to build the ultimate Lich, a Lich that was truly immortal, and could never be killed, a Lich that could die as many times as, as many souls as it took to bring him to life. On the hundredth anniversary of BoomFuzzy''s suicide Quaraun murdered every last Moon Elf, including his wife and children, to resurrect the evil King Gwallmaiic, as the Lich, BoomFuzzy the Unicorn. Chapter 5: The Return of ZooLock ~o0o~ Chapter 5 ~o0o~ "Will you stop touching me!" Quaraun yelled at Unicorn. "No. I refuses to." Quaraun had just finished brushing his twelve foot long hair, an endeavour that took several hours, and was attempting to fold and pin it back up into the more manageable four foot length style he usually kept it in. Unicorn, a little black furred trickster Faerie pony with a gleaming silver horn on his head, had decided it would be great fun to mess the Elf''s hair back up. He had run up behind the Elf and twirled Quaraun''s Rapunzel locks around his horn, but when he tried to run off afterwards, somehow got his horn stuck in Quaraun''s impossibly long hair, which Quaraun was now trying to untangle. ¡°I canna move,¡± Unicorn whimpered mournfully, now regretting having messed with the Elf''s hair. ¡°You shouldn''t have stuck your horn in my hair.¡± Unicorn shook his dreadlocked mane, trying to get his horn out of Quaraun''s hair, but just made the tangled mess worse. ¡°Stop moving,¡± Quaraun snarled. ¡°Just grab some scissors and cut it.¡± ¡°I''m not cutting my hair! My father cut my hair. I''m never cutting my hair again.¡± ¡°Ya Daddy issues is becoming problem.¡± ¡°Shut up.¡± ¡°What ya gonna do in a few years when ya needs servants to carry ya hair?¡± ¡°It won''t get that long.¡± ¡°No? It already long enough that ya always tripping on it. And ya canna sit down any more without making a fuss over where to puts ya hair otherwise ya can''na move iffy ya sits on it.¡± Quaraun''s pink pupiled blue eyes flashed with anger, as he continued, now silently to unwrap his hair from the pony''s spiralled horn. ¡°Ya too easy for enemies to catch now. Ya wants to run away, all dey has to do is grab ya hair un then ya canna move.¡± ¡°I''m not cutting my hair.¡± ¡°Ya does nae have to cut it short. Just cut two or t''ree feet off of it.¡± Unicorn wiggled again. ¡°Stop moving. You''re making it worse.¡± ¡°Dis were bad idea.¡± ¡°Obviously.¡± ¡°Why did I do dis?¡± ¡°Because you''re a nut.¡± ¡°I wants to run free. Galloping through the fields,¡± Unicorn moaned sadly. ¡°You could be if you hadn''t been trying to annoy me.¡± ¡°It fun to annoys ya. Makes me horny unicorny.¡± ¡°Stop moving.¡± ¡°I can nots.¡± "Stop it!" "No." "I''m gonna push you off a cliff," the pink Necromancer snarled. "Oooooooooh!" the undead pony whinnied excitedly. "Go ahead. I ain''t died by cliff death yet. Might be fun to die cliff death. Shatter me guts all over de rocks, let the birds feast on me entrails. Heck, let me know the next cliff ya sees un I''ll save ya the trouble un go jump off it meself. Goody, goody, goody, goody. A new way to die!" Quaraun glared at the Unicorn, who right now was purple and had a mouthful of Quaraun''s long white hair gripped firmly in his teeth, chewing on it as though it were hay. "BoomFuzzy! Stop chewing on my hair!" "I is horse. Ya hair look like hay." "My hair is not hay!" Quaraun glared at the purple Unicorn. It had been a few hours since their hair entanglement debacle and Quaraun and Unicorn had now continued onward for another couple of miles before Quaraun decided he was completely and thoroughly lost. He stopped to sit on a log and looked at his map. The map was a blank scroll, which drew itself every time you looked at it. No matter where you were, it drew a map of the area. If you were in a new town, it drew all the streets for you. With the Elf Eater''s enchanted map, one could never get lost. King Gwallmattic, Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, had been the world''s most powerful wizard for most of the 2,000 years of his life. But he could not read or write and so his spell scrolls were drawn out in pictures and symbols, which he understood, but no other wizard could decypher. Like every other spell he had written, his map looked like it had been drawn by a 2 year old. When a non-wizard looked at the map, all they saw was a row of purple stick figure puppies, scribbled out trees, a house, and a great big red X in the middle. Like a child''s treasure map to nowhere, it looked like it was not a real map at all. However, in the hands of a wizard, the crayon drawing came to 3-D life and began running across the page, rearranging themselves to match the area around the wizard holding it. Quaraun looked at the map. Right now, purple cartoon stick puppies drawn in crayon were dancing around the edges yipping excitedly, wagging their tails, happy to see him looking at them. Blinking arrows were pointing in every direction, each one yelling at him: ¡°Pick me!¡± screaming one puppy. "I know where to go!" ¡°No! Not him. I''m knowing a better place! Pick me!¡± ¡°Look at me, I''m not purple. I''m pink. Pick me.¡± It was an enchanted map. It had been created by an insane wizard. A purple unicorn, who didn''t know how to read or write and draw everything in purple crayons. A purple unicorn that right now, was chewing on his hair and burping loudly. The pony suddenly pricked up his fuzzy ears, and then galloped madly into the field, to trample a nodding daisy. Quaraun turned the map around several times, trying to figure out which way was up and which way was down. Where North was, and which road on the map, was the road he was standing on. It never told him any information he wanted to know. He didn''t know why he kept expecting it to tell him anything useful. The tiny purple unicorn was galloping though a nearby field chasing butterflies and eating them. When he got bored with that he skewered several butterflies on his horn and trotted back to sit beside the old Elf. Quaraun looked over at Unicorn. "Why are their butterflies on your horn?" "Why not?" Quaraun shook his head and went back to staring at the map. "Ya put ribbons in yar hair. I put butterflies on me horn." Unicorned turned back into his Human form and ran screaming into the forest on the other side of the road. Quaraun looked up and watched him. A few minutes later he came screaming back and sat down beside the wizard. Quaraun continued to stare at him. "What?" Unicorn asked. "What the hell is wrong with you?" "I is be restless." "I can see that. Why are you running around screaming?" "I had to get it out of me system." "Do all Faeries act like you?" "Aye." Quaraun shook his head and went back to trying to translate the Elf eater''s enchanted map. Unicorn came up behind the Elf and read the map over his shoulder. Unicorn couldn''t read or write. When he wanted to write spells on scrolls his did so with crayons and drawings of stick figures. Though extremely effective in the hands of any one who could read his childish scribbles, his spell scrolls were nearly impossible for other wizards to interpret and cast. "Is we dair yet?" Unicorn asked. "No." "How come for." "Because I don''t know." ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°I don''t know. How many times do I have to say it?¡± "Where is we be off to?" "I don''t know." "Why does ya no know?" "Unicorn." "What?" "Stop." "Why?" "I can''t concentrate." "Why?" "Because you won''t shut up." "Why?" "How the hell should I know why you won''t stop?" "What fot I needing shut up?" ¡°Because I''m trying to think.¡± ¡°About what?¡± ¡°About where we are. And where we are supposed to be. And why we are not there. And why are there purple puppies running back and forth across the map so I can''t see what the map says?¡±Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. ¡°Is we lost?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Does ya even know where we is going to?¡± ¡°No, I don''t know where we''re going.¡± ¡°Will ya knows where we is going after we gets there?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Does ya knows when we will be getting to this place ya does nae knows we going to?¡± ¡°No, I don''t know when we''ll get there. Because I don''t know where we are going, this damn map won''t tell me a damned thing." "Then why are we going anywhere?" "Because the pumpkins told me to." "What pumpkins?" "The ones we meet last night." "We meet pumpkins last night?" "Yes." "Canst thou wit what the day shall bring. " ¡°What? ¡°Ya is talking to pumpkins?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Me Necromancer, high on all that poppy milk we harvested earlier, is now talking to de pumpkins dat ain''t no there.¡° "I am not high on poppies." "No?" "No. Not right now." "Meaning ya twere last night un ya will be again later." "Unicorn. Please. Stop. You''re being as annoying as a Golden Retriever." There was a poof of purple smoke and suddenly a purple Golden Retriever was running circles around Quaraun, yipping excitedly. Quaraun sighed and leaned forward resting his head on his arms, crossed on his lap. ¡°Why me?¡± he moaned. ¡°The things poppies show me aren''t half as strange as the things you do.¡± Unicorn didn''t answer. His was too busy getting dizzy, running in circled with his tail in his mouth. "UNICORN! STOP IT!" The Phooka turned back into his Human form and sa down beside the Elf. Quaraun went back to trying to translate what the map was telling him. Unicorn started poking the Elf''s 12 inch long pointed ear. ¡°Stop it,¡± Quaraun said swatting the Faerie''s hand away. Unicorn poked him again. ¡°I said stop it.¡± Unicorn poked him again. This time Quaraun swung around and punched him. The Faerie fell off the log, turned back into a purple puppy and began bouncing and barking excitedly. ¡°STOOOOP!¡± Quaraun screamed. Seeing that he was risking pushing the wizard''s temper too far, Unicorn turned back into his Humanoid form and sat quietly on the ground in front of the Necromancer. He was too fidgety to sit for more then a few seconds. "I is bored." "I can see that!" "Need boredom to end." "So turning into a dog and chasing your tail is gonna help?" "Aye." "Why don''t you do something useful?" "Like what?" "Like teaching me how to translate this damn map." "There is no t''ing to translate. Map take ya where evers ya need be." "Right now all it''s doing is pointing at you." "Aye. It lead Elves to me sos I can eat dem." "Is this thing taking us back t the Screaming Unicorn?" Unicorn looked around. "Look that way?" "Do you know where we are?" "Nope. But dis definitely coast road I been being on before. I think we is few days from me inn. Week from here. Maybes two." "So it''s taking you home?" "Aye." "Is that where it''s supposed to take us?" Unicorn shrugged. "It take us where ever it is we does need being. If we need place to sleep, it show us place to set up camp or tavern for night or whatever is near by." "I know that''s what it is supposed to do. That''s why I can''t figure out why it lead us here. There''s nothing here. You got an open field over there and dense forest over there, and a decimated town over there. None of them safe places to set up camp for the night." "So why we stop here?" "Because the map stopped here." Quaraun held up the map. "Look! There''s nothing else on it. All it is showing me now is that city right there, that isn''t there anymore." Unicorn looked at the razed town ahead of them. "It not been razed lang. Still smell smoke. Happen only week gone by." "Which means there is a Human army within a week of here, meaning this is not a safe area, meaning this map is not working." "Maybe map say we supposed to spend night in ruins?" "Spend a night in ruins?" "Aye." "Let''s keep walking," Quaraun said as he stood up, and went back to the road. Unicorn followed him. "Why for not stay in ruins?" "Fresh ruins. With soot and ash..." "Aye. Me forgetsing, me Elf can''na get dust on him perfectly pristine self." ¡°Why did you make this map?¡± ¡°Sos I never gets lost.¡± ¡°It never tells us anything useful.¡± ¡°Than why ya uses it?¡± ¡°I don''t know, I...¡± Quaraun suddenly stopped walking. Unicorn slammed into him. "I wish ya would no stops like dat. Give me some warning before ya does dat." "I heard something," Quaraun said nervously. The Elf''s eyes grew wide with fear, his long pointed ears pricked high and alert. "Ya always hearing t''ings. Ya can hear a mile away wid those rabbit ears o''yars." "No. I heard something." "Dair ain''t no t''ing out dair." "There''s always something out there." "Aye. Frogs in trees. Birds in water. Fish in sky. Dair always be t''ings out dair. We does no have to panic over every one of dem, eh?" "Yes we do." "No we do''na." "There''s dangers around every corner." "Aye. Un scared rabbity eared Elves waiting to runs from every one of dems." Quaraun''s long ears laid back fearfully. "What was that?" He whispered. "What were what?" "Shut up." Quaraun clamped his hand over Unicorn''s mouth and perked up his long pointed ears to listen. "I heard something." Quaraun climbed up onto a log and continued to listen. His thin, pointed foot long ears twitched, nervously causing the chains connected back to his nose to shake and tinkle. "Someone''s hurt." "Eh?" "That way." Quaraun pointed, then ran off in the direction he had pointed to. Unicorn turned into a tiny black Shetland pony with a silver horn and galloped along behind the Moon Elf. They soon came upon the city ruins. The razed village was not as big as it had appeared from the hill. It was only a small village that had been built on top of ancient ruins. Trees had grown over the crumbled walls of buildings fallen over decades ago. There appeared to be no sign of life anywhere. Quaraun stopped and listened again. "I don''t hear it any more," he said. "I was certain I heard someone, but now I hear nothing." Unicorn transformed back into his Human form and sniffed the air. Faeries had keen sense of smell, especially when it came to sniffing out blood. He could smell fresh blood near by. "Over dair," Unicorn said, pointing to a pile of rubble, freshly tumbled over. "It a Thullid." "A Thullid?" Quaraun stopped. "Out here?" Quaraun cautiously moved forward. Thullids were not to be trusted. They were dangerous. He saw something laying in the rubble. As he approached he could see that it was indeed a Thullid. The squid headed beast was old, it''s purple tentacles faded to a dull, dusty mauve. It wore the robes of a DiJinn priest with a distinct pink and orange swirling pattern. The purple tentacle beast was trapped beneath a stone wall that had fallen on top of it. The elderly squid was too weak to lift the stones off himself. "Can I eat it?" Unicorn asked. "No." Quaraun approached the wounded Thullid. "Are you alright?" "They abandoned me," the Thullid whimpered, not opening his eyes. He was a Demon in a world that was quick to slaughter Demons and he was at the mercy of whomever had just found him and so he hoped his death would be quick and painless. "Who did?" "My people. We were on our way to meet the Summoner and stopped here to rest among the ruins until it was safe to travel at nightfall again. But alas this wall fell on me just before we set out the travel again, and they just left me here to die. I am too old. Too weak. Too unimportant. Now I will never lay eyes on my Lady again. Kill me quickly that I may swim in the oceans of the eternities." "Hmmmm, a very Thullid thing to do," Quaraun said as he began rummaging through his tiny, pink, beaded, heart shaped bag of holding, which was far bigger on the inside. "Whatch ya looking for?" Unicorn asked. "Chains." "Chains?" ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Why?¡± "We''re taking him with us," Quaraun said. "We is?" Unicorn asked. "You are?" The Thullid asked, opening his large squid eyes and looking up at the Elf for the first time. "YOU!" The Thullid gasped. "Hello, ZooLock," Quaraun said as he pulled iron shackles and chains from his bag. The Thullid suddenly began to flail and thrash and try desperately to escape, but the wall remained firmly on top of him. Quaraun clamped the shackles on ZooLock''s arms. "Lift the wall off him," Quaraun said to Unicorn. Unicorn did as he was asked, while Quaraun locked the remaining shackles on the Thullid''s legs. ¡°Oh saints be praised! Glixtiill shines blessing upon me!¡± "That''s greeeaat. Just wonderful. Exactly what I didn''t want to hear. Can you stand on your own?" Quaraun asked the old squid headed alien. ZooLock attempted to stand and found he was only mildly bruised. "Yes, I can walk," he said cheerfully. "I no longer need your help, my blessed saviour." "I''m not here to help you, ZooLock." "Oh. No! Of course not. One as great as you has many more important things to do then rescue a lowly priest as me." ZooLock fell face first to the ground and began kissing the Elf''s pink satin shoes. ¡°I brother.¡± Quaraun shook his head. "I''d forgotten how annoying ZooLock could be." ¡°By the glories of Xillithual, we are reunited at last!¡± Quaraun turned and walked out of the ruins, not giving the Thullid time to stand up, and so instead dragged him on the ground. Unicorn watched as the Elf, normally a dainty, delicate creature who never hurt anyone, bruscky dragged the Thullid making sure to hit him on every rock he could. "Me t''inks one does not like de Thullid," Unicorn said wehen he caught up to Quaraun. "Really, how could you tell?" "Ya knows him than?" Quaraun stopped walking. "ZooLock, this is King Gwallmaiic, the Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, otherwise known as BoomFuzzy the Unicorn. Unicorn, meet ZooLock. Last of the Di''Jinn priests, and my prison guard for some thousand or so years. He kept me imprisoned in a glass goldfish bowl." "Ah! Dat would be de Jelly Fish talking, yes?" "Yes." Quaraun continued on. He walked back to the road, dragging ZooLock along behind him. The old Thullid didn''t seem to mind and allowed himself to be dragged through the mud as he continued his outbursts of praises to various Demonic deities. ¡°So, I take it ya knows him?¡± Unicorn asked. ¡°Yes. Unfortunately. And he''s a raving lunatic.¡± ¡°Why would him no be? Every one else ya knows is.¡± "I never thanked you for the map, ZooLock." "You are most welcome..." Quaraun glared at the squid beast, who was laying face down on the ground, being dragged along behind the Elf with no complaint. ¡°ZooLock...¡± ¡°Yes?¡± The squid looked up at the Elf''s angry eyes. "Oh... you were being sarcastic. My apologies my Lady. Has the a whip that I might lash myself for my indiscretions?" "This is map guy?" Unicorn asked. "Yes. Unicorn. This is ZooLock. The lunatic that sold me the map. This map!" Quaraun waved the map in the air. "This damned map! ZooLock, meet Unicorn. The lunatic who made the map." "He is a Phooka," ZooLock replied. "He is King Gwallmaiic." "The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley?!" "The same." "Then you found him!" "Obviously." ¡°Oh glorious days! Love blooms again. My lord has found his long lost love. I shall toss a dozen babies into the pits of Fire Mountain in celebration of this glorious day.¡± ¡°You''ll do no such thing!¡± Quaraun yelled. The Elf stomped angrily down the road, once again dragging the Thullid priest behind him, who continued to make no attempt at standing up and walking. ¡°I am so fed up with these psychopathic cultists worshipping me,¡± Quaraun grumbled as he walked. ¡°It is so frustratingly annoying that everywhere I turn, there''s another group of lunatics sacrificing innocents in my name. What do they think I am? I''m just an Elf. What is wrong with these people. Now they are sacrificing babies to volcanoes in my name? What next? What next!" "You do approve of sacrificing babies to you?" "You dare sacrifice a baby in my name, I won''t just feed you to my Unicorn, I''ll eat you myself!" "Ah! Very good. I shall make note of this. No more sacrificing of babies in Her Ladyship''s holy name." "Why do you insist on worshiping me?" "You are the Sacred Pink Jelly Fiish." "I was before you stuffed me inside of this damned Elf!" "Is the Moon Elf''s body not to your liking? We can move you to another body more to your liking." "No. I like this, Elf. But I would rather have been set free to live the ocean again instead." "Sadly that is not possible, my Lady. As you well know the oceans of this planet are poison to you. I tried to put you in the ocean? Do you not remember? It burned your jelly flesh. You were so badly damaged. I no choice but to implant you immediately to save your life. The soft flesh of the Elf''s brain healed you and kept you alive and now you have his body. You are no longer traped in a bowl. Now you can walk any where you please." "Un walk him does," Unicorn said. "We walks all way from one side of planet to ot''er. Up coast. Down coast. Is dat why him walking so much? Make up for so many much years of no freedom to move?" "I hate, having these damned cultists around," Quaraun said. "Then why have you put me in chains?"ZooLock asked. Quaraun stopped walking and turned to glare down at the old squid headed priest. "You imprisoned me in this Elf. And get up you idiot. Stop making me drag you. You have feet, you can walk.¡± ¡°Yes my Lord.¡± ¡°Stop calling me that!¡± ¡°Yes my Ladyship.¡± ¡°Stop it!¡± Unicorn giggled. ¡°Don''t you dare start,¡± Quaraun snarled at Unicorn. ¡°I said nothing.¡± ¡°I shall build altars at every town we pass...¡± ZooLock started to say. ¡°Don''t you dare!¡± Quaraun turned from ZooLock, pricking his ears up once again, listening. "Ya hears somet''ing again," Unicorn stated. Quaraun scanned the area but saw nothing. "I feel like someone''s following us." "Does ya?" "I heard that sound before, back on the road." "What sound?" "Wings flapping." "Dat would be de birds, Quaraun. We out in wild nature. Dair be birdypoos every which way." "It''s not a bird." "How ya know that?" "I know the sound of birds and this doesn''t sound like a bird." "What it sound like?" "I don''t know. Not a bird. It''s been following us for a few days now. It keeps it''s distance. But it got close this time." "Yis certain we is being followed?" Unicorn looked around. Not that he could see any thing. He was almost blind and could barely see a foot in front of his nose. "Yes." "By a t''ing wid wings?" "Yes." "Ya sure it wings?" "Demon wings." "Demon wings?" "Leathery fleshy wings without any feathers." "Like a dragon?" "Too small to be a dragon." "A baby dragon?" "Too stealthy to be an infant." "So a Demon." "With soft padded paws." "Padded paws?" "Like a rabbit." "We is being followed by a Demon winged rabbit?" "You know he''s insane, right?" ZooLock asked Unicorn. "Aye. un iffy yar is one what put Jelly in him head then yis one what did it to him." "It doesn''t hop like a rabbit," Quaraun continued. "Does nae hop like a... Eh?" "No. And it''s definitely not a pumpkin." "Eh? What? Pumpkin?" "The pumpkins have been following us for a few days now." "Have t''ey?" "Yes." "Quaraun? I trust ya rabbit ears to pick up every sound in the area, I just does nae trust ya conspiracy filled Jelly brain ta translate those sounds correctly." A pair of blue eyes watched from the ruins as Quaraun shrugged and continued walking, his newly captured squid in tow and the little black unicorn prancing along behind. Purple wings fluttered, lifting white paws off the ground and to the trees. Chapter 6: The Gremlins Warning - Quaraun Meets The Gremlin Quaraun and Unicorn were discussing what to do about finding ZooLock, when they noticed a strangely dressed wizard along the side of the road. He was sitting on a boulder, with a touchscreen tablet on his lap, attempting to get the internet to function here in the 1400s when internet and satellites did not exist. He was dressed head to toe in florescent neon orange that looked as though it probably glowed in the dark. It had a reflective quality to the cloth that shimmered and was almost horologic. A glittering fluffy pink sheep sat beside him, looking over his shoulder, staring at the blank tablet screen and bleating. The thing that bothered Quaraun was that, it looked like GhoulSpawn, but it wasn''t GhoulSpawn. It even had sheep like GhoulSpawn. But this half-Elf was too old. GhoulSpawn was a young half-Elf, barely more then an Elfling. This was a half Elf too, but he was old. Very old. Ancient. The half-Elf sitting before them couldn''t be less then a thousand years old. But he was a Sun Elf, like GhoulSpawn, with phosphorescent glowing yellow hair and gleaming gold eyes, again, like GhoulSpawn. But he was old. He was very old. By the expression on his face, he also looked lost. "Can we help you?" Quaraun asked the old half Elf. The orange robed wizard jumped startled by the interruption. Clearly he had thought he was alone. He looked up, saw Quaraun and immediately the colour drained from his face. "You''re alive," he whispered to himself. "I''m sorry?" "Nothing." "You look lost." "No." "What''s that?" Quaraun pointed to the tablet. "It''s a computer. You wouldn''t understand. Magic from the future. But it doesn''t work here. Been trying to contact the Kats. Their ship''s out of range." The old Elf''s hand wandered aimlessly to the sheep, scratching it''s head. "You still have sheep." "I always have sheep." "You sure?" "I''m not lost. I know where I am. Just trying to figure out what year it is. I''m in the right place. But I''m not sure if it''s the right time." "Then you are lost." "Something like that." "Time traveller?" "Yes. You know of such things?" "I know a time traveller. Ain''t seen him in a few years. Till yesterday. He just fell out of the sky. He looked a lot like you. A lot younger." "He''s always happy to see you." "Do I know you?" "No. I don''t think so." "You''re Glintar." "Am I that far back?" "You are Glinter." "No. I''m The Gremlin." "Gremlin?" "Hum-huh." "Like that ... thing?" "1974 AMC Gremlin, 2 door, 4 cylinder hatchback. Most gas efficient car of it''s time. A car so small it fits in my pockets. Of course, everything fits in my pockets. I still have it. It doesn''t run any more. I find the strangest things in my pockets. Do you know I found an entire barn full of sheep in my pockets once. Three hundred sheep. And an entire barn. GhoulSpawn''s been dead for centuries, and I still haven''t gotten to the bottom of his pockets." "What year are you from?" "1987. No. 2525. Yes. I''m not sure. I don''t know what time I belong in any more. What year is it now?" Quaraun shrugged. "I don''t know. I can''t count." The Gremlin looked pasted Quaraun to Unicorn. "It should be 1458 if I got my co-ordinances correct. How long have you two been together? How long ago did BoomFuzzy die?" "Three hundred years. I think. We''ve not been together long." The Gremlin looked to Unicorn again. "Can you do math any better them him? Do you know how long ago BoomFuzzy died?" "It been three hundred-ish years since I die. Him been with me now, as Unicorn, about ten years." The Gremlin looked around, slowly turning to look at every tree and examine the road, then stared intently in the direction of the ocean. "Don''t go that way," he said pointing to the East. "Why not?" "Bad things happen if you do. This is the right place. I just don''t know if it''s the right year. Oh dear. I have a headache. You don''t have calendars or clocks yet. I could be two years ahead or three years behind. All I can do is continually come back to this spot over and over again and every time I met you here, tell you not to go there until at last I ''m here in the correct year and tell the right one of you not to go that way." "You don''t look like you''ve travelled far," Quaraun said noticing how clean and un-dusty Gremlin''s vivid orange satin robes were. "Is there a village around here?" "There is. Just over that way," the ancient half-Elf answered while pointing in the same direction he''d just told them not to go. "I live on the Old Orchard Beach in the Town of Old Orchard Beach, in Maine. We have 3,000 year round residents, 12,000 property owners, and get 2 million tourists every summer mostly because Stephen King filmed Thinner in our town, and based Thinner, Christine, and Chinga off of our town. The town is pretty isolated, surrounded by a vast salt marsh , a nature preserve, on one side and a huge old growth pine forest (with some of the biggest trees in the state, including some 500 year old giants that rival California''s Redwoods.) We are, right here, in the middle of Saco Bay, basically a town built on a below sea level sand bar shaped like a horseshoe and it''s not an island but it''s residents often referred to as island folk due to their/our extreme isolation from the maineland folk. "There are a couple of island off shore of us and ferries do run for the locals. Most islanders own cars "off island" stored in 5 to 7 story tall parking garages in Portland and either have a second car on the island, or use bikes or just walk on the island. (The ferry also docks in Portland). Ferries are 3 times a day most of the year 10AM the first, 7PM the latest. (Portland btw has a 5PM curfew - all businesses shut down at 5PM and people are off the streets by 9PM) Ferries are hourly May to September when the tourists are here. They shut down for Hurricanes, Blizzards, and Squalls and some large electrical storms. A Vincent Price/Betty Davis movie (Whales of August) was filmed on one of the islands, so that''s the "hot spot" that most tourists go to by ferry. Also tobacco is illegal in Portland but Marijuana is legal. "Also many towns in Maine have bans on tobacco (you can be arrested if caught owning it) and some have bans on alcohol. "One beach front town has a ban on: tobacco, alcohol, and religions of debatable faiths you can be arrested for any of those "crimes". I once tried to buy a house in Ocean Park (in 2006) and was told by the Ocean Park Real Estate (the ONLY real estate agency approved by the Ocean Park Community to sell houses) that I was not allowed to buy property in Ocean Park because I was #1 not Human and #2 not Christian "our town has standards you know" they said. Ocean Park is a town that thinks it''s a gated community..." "Most residents of Old Orchard, Ocean Park, and Pine Point (the 3 sister towns that share the same beach) could be described as "red necks"... "Houses are TINY. The average 4 room house is 20feet by 20feet, and the 4 room are 1 bedroom (that sleeps up to 8) and a kitchenette/dinette combo and a bathroom (water closet) and a"living room" that is too small to fit a sofa in so has lawn chairs in it instead... "One room 12x12 "beach cabins" with no kitchen, no plumbing, and a port-a-potty on the lawn for a bathroom, are very common. A few hundred families have that set up here in OOB...." The half-Elf suddenly stopped talking and looked very troubled. "That is most definitely GhoulSpawn," Unicorn said to Quaraun. "Him be reading one of them cyclops oPiedias in his head again." "No," he said shaking his head. "Forget everything I just said. It didn''t happen yet. Not for you. Oh dear. I''m in the right place, but I''m in the wrong time. I don''t know when I am. You died a long time ago. I forgot." "I died?" "Centuries ago." "Are you sure you know who I am?" Gremlin stared at Quaraun. Then stared at Unicorn. Then back to Quaraun.This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it. "You''re the Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets." "I suppose." "And he''s a unicorn. Though he doesn''t look like one right now." "Do you know our names?" "Names?" "Yes. We do have names." "Names." "People in the future still use names don''t they?" "I''m sorry. I forgot your name." "Really? How''d you do that?" "You died four hundred years ago. I''ve forgotten a lot of things." "Are you sure you''re okay?" "They did something to my head." "Who did?" "Checka." "Checka?" "He used to be ZooLock. He changed bodies. He''s not a squid any more. No Thullid is now. Don''t trust ZooLock. Never trust ZooLLock. He''s not your friend." "We seem to have lost him. AGAIN. He keeps running away." "Is ZooLock with you?" "He was. Highwaymen attacked us and he escaped." "Escaped. I remember. You had him in chains. In the old cathedral." "What old cathedral?" "It hasn''t happened yet." "I guess not." "That''s good. That means there''s still time. I''m not too late." "Too late for what?" "You''re hurt. Your leg. The Hell Hounds bit you." "Yes they did." "How long ago did that happen?" "A few hours ago." "I''m in the right time. And the right place. This is where I should be. I didn''t miss it." "What are you trying to not miss?" "Let ZooLock go and take GhoulSpawn instead." "Why?" "So they don''t kill him. Please. Let him live. He''s so scared. He needs your help, but he won''t ask for it. He scared of everything. He''s scared of you. He''s especially scared of the Phooka. But he trusts HellBorne and he shouldn''t. He needs to trust you instead." "I don''t understand." "There isn''t time to explain. There''s a hurricane coming. It''ll be here soon. Here..." The old half-Elf handed Quaraun a small box. "What''s this?" "Candy. You like candy. Sugar cubes. Pink. All these years, I never knew what happened. Strange I had them with me just now. Didn''t plan to. You''ll like those. I like those. You''ll love those. We never did figure out what happened to you. You''ll find the cathedral soon. These will be gone by then, but you can get more from GhoulSpawn. I always have them with me. More now then I used to. I stole the Gremlin from hippies. Found a lot of strange things in that car." "You know you don''t make a lot of sense when you talk, right?" "That would be the sugar cubes." "Do you... Need help... Or something? You... You seem out of sorts." "They put a needle in my eye. Sliced up my brain. Parts of my memories are gone. I have to pretend I don''t remember you. They''ll do another lobotomy if I mention you. They cut pieces out of my brain. Pink penguins help me forget what they do to me. I''m so confused now. They locked me up in a padded cell, for decades and wouldn''t let me out. Alone. Solitary confinement. I''m crazy you know. That''s what they tell every one. If I mention the Pink Necromancer, they say ''He wasn''t real; He never existed; Just a figment of your imagination.'' I was alone for decades. In a room smaller then a box. White room. In White Rock. Padded walls. And a straight jacket. That''s what they did with me after they killed you. I''m free now. But they shut down the portals. Sealed every thing off. I''ve had to start all over. I''ve only been able to find a few. I try to remember where all the portals were. But they cut pieces out of my brain. I don''t have the intelligence I used to have. My head hurts all the time now." "Are you okay?" "No. I''m barely surviving these days." "I can always find Black Tower. It exists in every space of every time of every dimension, on every planet, in every galaxy. I don''t know how. Or why. It''s like that volcano, your Lich used to live in. It exists everywhere and no where at the same time." "What''s Black Tower?" "You''ll see it soon. Don''t go there. Just take GhoulSpawn away from HellBorne. Don''t let them kill him. It''s good to see you again. I miss you. I miss both of you." "Are you GhoulSpawn?" "GhoulSpawn''s dead. I just live in his body. I''m not GhoulSpawn. I''m The Gremlin who lives in his body." "Are you a Thullid?" "Have we met yet?" "I''m sorry?" "No. I''m sorry. It''s been four hundred years since I saw you last. I''ve forgotten your name. I''m old. I''ve forgotten a lot of things. They cut out pieces of my brain. Forgetting your name... they erased you from history. No one remembers your name. They did something to my head. To make me forget you. But I didn''t forget. But I did forget your name. I''m sorry. I wish I could remember your name." "Quaraun." "Quaraun," Gremlin whispered slowly to himself. "Quaraun Swanzen, father of King Vielder. And Melaca..." "I am father to no king." "You haven''t built the Twighlight Manor yet?'' "The what?" "Ongadada hasn''t happened yet, has it?" "What?" "What year is it?" "I don''t know. I can''t count. I don''t know numbers." "You look young." "Do I?" "How old are you?" "I''m 400 hundred. At least." "You are young. You''re too young. I''m in the wrong time. It''s hard to control the portals. I can get to the right places, but not the right times." "Are you okay? You sound confused." "Have we met yet?" "You already asked that." "You didn''t answer. What''s my name?" "You said Glinter the first time we meet and GhoulSpawn the second time." "Glinter? Have you recently met Glinter?" "Uhm... Why are you talking about yourself like you are not yourself?" "Time travel. Though I probably shouldn''t have said that. Oh dear. You''re not supposed to know that. I so am so differently in the wrong place. Have you recently met Glinter? Are the Sun Elves still alive?" "I''m not sure what you mean. Are the Sun Elves dead?" "Oh, I''m very in the wrong time. You haven''t seen Black Tow..." Gremlin stopped, stood up and turned around scanning the horizon, trying to gain his bearings of where exactly he was. "Have you met The Eel Kat yet?" "The what?" "A black Kat. Raises eels." "I think I''d remember that." "Oh you would. You don''t forget a talking Kat. She''s not from this time. This place. This planet. This galaxy. She''s here to stop Ongadada. Their planet was destroyed in the battle. When you meet her. Do whatever she says." "Uhm. Okay?" "You haven''t meet HellBorne yet." "HellBorne? You keep saying that name. I don''t HellBorne." "You don''t know HellBorne yet. That''s good." "Is it?" "There''s still time to stop you." "Stop me?" "You can''t do what you are going to do." "What am I going to do?" "You''re gonna meet an evil wizard and you''re gonna kill him, which is a good thing, it''s gonna save a lot of lives, but... you can''t do it." "Why not?" "You have to stop him from killing GhoulSpawn instead. It''s going to set in motion the events which cause Ongadada to happen." "What''s Ongadada?" "Every one dies. The whole planet. The whole solar system. Billions of people. Dead in the blink of an eye. It''s how King Vielder''s reign of terror got started. We have to stop Ongadada. Please. Go back. Don''t keep following this road. Just go the other way." "Why?" "I can''t... I''ve told you too much already. It''s not good to know your future. I can''t tell you more. Just find a different road. Please. I have to go." "Who are you?" "I''m afraid I don''t know what year it is." Gremlin sounded confused. "Have you been to White Rock yet?" "White Rock?" Unicorn asked. "What that?" "It''s a hospital full of trapped souls," Gremlin said glumly. "Don''t ever go there." "But what is the hospital full of trapped souls for?" "It''s a place run by Faeries. The decided enough was enough and gathered up every last magical being they could find to... to... sort of sterilize them. Neutralize their magical abilities and prevent them from reproducing more magical beings. And... kill the ones they can''t subdue. They''ve nearly eradicated the Thullids and Elves are all but extinct. There are exactly five Phookas left on the planet, Gnomes and Dwarves have been gone for centuries. Humans have spread like a plague. There are eight billion Humans on the planet now. And Vincent van Gogh''s impressionistic strokes, replicated in the right place, can change the shape of Faerie''s real Starry Night." "Vincent Van Gogh? Who him?" "No one you''d have heard of yet. I think I''ve gone too far back in time. Forget you saw me." "Are we friends?" Quaraun asked. "In the future." "We were." "But not any more?" Gremlin shook his head and looked away. "You forgot my name. That means you haven''t seen me in a long time. You said I died. What happened?" "You died. You died a long time ago. I''m sorry." "Was it your fault I died?" "No. But I think I could have saved you and I didn''t. I was scared. I could have saved you. I chose not to and I regret it. I was too scared of Harrier. He did what no one else could do. I didn''t think he would kill you. I didn''t think he could. I didn''t know any one could. I''m so sorry. I didn''t know what he was gonna do." "What did he do?" "He killed his grandfather." Gremlin''s eyes gazed to Unicorn. "Permanently. So he couldn''t come back. He knew how to kill Liches." He looked back to Quaraun. "The Phookas are viscous. In the future they''ll have technology... science ... magic... magic you can''t even begin to comprehend. A Phooka worse then King Gwallmaiic is going to rise up. Blackbird. Esmerald Blackbird. And a second Phooka, the brother of the first, Harrier, is going to rise up against him. If you ever cross paths them them: Blackbird won''t hurt you, not once he knows who you are, you tell him who you are, and he won''t hurt you. He loves his grandfather. Idolizes him. Wants to be him, but Harrier will kill you. He''ll kill both of you. Don''t trust Harrier. He''s lived with the Humans too long. He blends in with Human society. Cool, calm, and collected. Every one thinks he''s good, but he''s not. He''s gonna kill the Lich and then he''s gonna kill you. And then he''s gonna trap me in some sort of weird time loop that I can''t get out of. It keeps sending me all over the place. Different times. Various points of your life. But I can''t get back to the day you died. I could stop it if I could get back there. I never know what year it is. I think, that for you... this may be the first time we''ve met. I''m not Glinter anymore. Nor GhoulSpawn. I''m not an Elf anymore either..." "Not an Elf anymore? Are you Thullid now?" "He was your friend. I''m sorry. I did not want to kill him. GhoulSpawn''s dead. I just live in his body." "So you are a Thullid." "Yes. A Jelly Fish like you. I could have left this body, years ago. But he was your friend and were devastated when he died. I continued to live in his body, rather then change bodies like I should have. Now I''m trapped in this body forever and I''ll die when it finally grows too old, which it will do soon. The bones grow stiff and the muscles week. If I could leave into another body, I would live on for many more centuries as we Thullid should, but this body has grown old and is reaching the natural end that your friend would have had, had I not killed him and taken his body. I''m sorry. I didn''t chose this body. Don''t let him go back to HellBorne. Take him away from this place. If the Thullids don''t implant him, he won''t die, and I''ll never exist, and none of this will have happened." "Who''s HellBorne?" "They killed him. HellBorne''s gonna kill him. He''s innocent. GhoulSpawn doesn''t know what HellBorne is doing. He''s not involved in what they''re doing. He doesn''t know what they''re planning. Please, get him away from HellBorne. He won''t leave on his own. Don''t trust ZooLock. Keep him away from GhoulSpawn. I''m The Gremlin. GhoulSpawn died centuries ago for me, but I think for you, it''s about to happen. The Kats think I''m trying to help them stop Ongadada to save the galaxy. I''m not so noble. I loved you very much. I still do. I never stopped loving you. If I can stop Ongadada, Harrier won''t have reason to come after you and you won''t die... or at least not how you did." "You watched me die. I can see it your eyes." Gremlin''s eyes glazed over, staring off into the distince as the horrors of Quaraun''s death played over again in his mind. He closed his eyes trying to block out the image. "I''m not trying to save the world. I just want to change the events of the past, so you don''t have to die. You shouldn''t have died. Not like that. I will lay a thousand years of legacy and tradition at your feet, if your heart will beat but once more." Gremlin''s voice cracked as he fought back tears. "I have to go. Don''t follow this road. Please." Before Quaraun could say anything, the strange orange robed wizard vanished as quickly as he had appeared. "What were that?" Unicorn asked Quaraun. "I''m not sure." "Him look very old." "He did." "Was that GhoulSpawn?" "I think so." "Him must be nigh on a thousand years old." "I noticed." "He still has sheep." "I noticed that too." "Him were so very young last time we saw him." "He was." "That were only a day ago." "It was." "Him really is time traveller, yes?" "I think he is." "T''ink what him says be true?" "I don''t know. But I think," Quaraun turned around. "I''m not gona tempt fate and we''ll go this way instead, in case he was telling the truth. Glinter helped us before and so did GhoulSpawn. No reason to think he isn''t helping us again now, no matter who he calls himself. Let''s go." Quaraun went back in the direction they had come from. Unicorn followed him. "We need to find ZooLock," Quaraun said while he absent minded eat the sugar cubes The Gremlin had given him. "Should ya be eating those?" "Hmm?" Quaraun looked down at the pick crystals in his hand. "Why not?" "Candy from strangers." "Candy from GhoulSpawn." "Strangest stranger we ever meet." Chapter 7 - Part 1: A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond "Why are we waiting?" ZooLock asked the little purple Unicorn. "Me Elf is picking flowers." "Yes, but, why?" "ZooLock, has it not occurred to ya, yea be in chains?" "Yes. My freedom is taken from me. I am deeply aware of this." "Then what makes ya t''inks ya can sit here jabbering at me?" "You are the one holding my chains." "Aye." "That makes you to person for me to talk to." "I eats Thullids. The only reason I holding ya chains instead wrapping then round ya neck and strangling ya with ''em, is cause me Elf says him does wants ya alive. If it were left to me, ya''d already be in me belly." "Do you really eat Thullids?" "Yes." "Why?" "Ya tastes delicious. I eats Elves un ya be squid flavoured Elf." ZooLock was about to respond to this, but his train of thought was interrupted when Quaraun suddenly came bounding out of the field, jumping around excitedly like a drunk gazelle. "Delicious autumn!" Quaraun cried out. "My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns." The high High Elf ran off into the tall grass. "What is he doing?" ZooLock asked as he watched the Elf run in circles, his arms outstretched. "I t''inks him being a bird in search of autumn," Unicorn answered. "Just like him did said him were gonna do." Quaraun suddenly stopped running. "Polar bears!" Quaraun yelled, then turned around and ran out of the field screaming like a terrified little girl. "Ah, polar bears," Unicorn mused. "Ya can never see ''em through the snow. O''course, t''ere be no snow here. And no polar bears. Ya seeing t''ings again, Quaraun." "Ah! My brain... my... gah! It hurts!" Quaraun threw himself on the ground and continued screaming. "Make it stop!" "Ah," Unicorn said looking down at the drugged Elf. "I see ya''ve set aside this special time to humiliate yarself in public." "Make it stop!" Quaraun continued to scream, now holding his fists to his temples and squeezing his eyes shut. "The eggs are burning my brain out. Make it stop!" "Eggs?" Unicorn asked. "Eggs?" ZooLock muttered to himself as he toddled over to look down at the screaming Elf. "My head''s full of eggs," the Elf wailed desperately. "They''re going to hatch and destroy my face." "Ooookay." "You''re short," Quaraun said looking down at Unicorn, who was standing over him. "Ahya. I knows I is. I shorter then Dwarves. Only Gnomes un Pixies is shorter-ing then me." Quaraun stared up at the sky and began humming. "Where''d the moon go?" "It day time." "Oh." "I like the moon." "Okay." "I''m a Moon Elf." "Ya is." "Why don''t I live on the moon." "I t''inks ya is right now." "We should go to the moon." The high, High Elf closed his eyes and began humming again. "Quaraun?" Unicorn interrupted Quaraun''s thoughts. "There''s polar bears on the moon." "Is there?" "Pink ones." "Every t''ing pink with ya, Quaraun." "I need a moon dragon." "What about Pocket Lich?" "Everything''s getting brighter." "Ya eyes is closed." "Are they?" "Quaraun?" Unicorn interrupted Quaraun''s thoughts again. "What for has happened to ya?" "I got all these colourful sparkles mixed in with the encroaching darkness," Quaraun said. "What?" "Colours are attacking my senses," Quaraun wailed, holding his hands over his eyes. "Colours can''na attack ya," Unicorn answered, trying not to sound as annoyied as he was feeling just then. "What''d ya take, Quaraun?" Quaraun started screaming hysterically. "It''s all too much," he wailed. Quaraun was crying now, though he didn''t know why. "Aye," Unicorn agreed, not sure exactly what it was he was agreeing to. "Ya supposed to let me process it before ya takes it. Ya stupid dolyt." "I need to find a dark place to lay down." Quaraun didn''t seem to be aware of the fact that he was laying down. "Very dark. Dark and quiet. Very quiet place to lie down." "Ya knows ya is already laying down right?" Unicorn asked. "Am I?" Quaraun opened his eyes and stared up at the sky. "Aye, right in the middle of the road." "Look!" Quaraun exclaimed pointing up as an even more terrifing realization hit him. "The sun''s up there!" "Oh fucking titties! Yep. There she is," Unicorn nodded. "Exactly where she supposed to be." "How''d it get up there?" Quaraun asked. His voice trembled with fear. "A Sun Elf flew up there and hung it on a hook in one of the clouds," Unicorn spoke in his usual, jesting way. ""He went Shabbooshkie! And stuck it to the top of a t''ee. It keeps falling off so they had to tac it up there with the clouds to keep it in place. But the Sun Elf it was just too much for him to keep doing it over and over again. ''So I got to not fucking break my god dam fucking legs!'' Him did cry. That why the birds is up there singing. ''Woooo-heee, hell yeah!'' Cause the more they sing, the higher the clouds fly. Eventually it''ll be high enough to reach the moon, and then you Moon Elves can live on it. But the Cookie Elves they no like the sun up there because it over bakes their cookies, so Santa Claus, he came with his eight tiny fkying Rain Demons and they kicked the Sun back out of the sky. And one little Moon Elf came along and said ''Oooh, pick me! I want to stab Santa!'' And that''s how the sun fell out of the sky, but now the Sun Elves put it back up there, see?" "Oh." Quaraun''s voices indicated that he believed every word of the lie Unicorn had just told. "Why do you do that too him?" ZooLock asked. "I was being sarcastic," Unicorn stated. "I know that, but he doesn''t know that. Look at his eyes! They are as big as the moon right now. What the hell did you give him?" "I did nae gives him nothing yet." Unicorn tried to pull Quaraun back up to his feet. That lasted a few seconds before they both fell down. Quaraun landing on top of Unicorn in a rather awkwardly sexual position. "Ahh.. hello there...," Unicorn crooned seductively. "Such a tender romantic moment. I does nae t''ink I needed a prostate exam. Ya want to suck me dick while ya down there?" "Okay," the spaced out Elf answered. "Eh?" Unicorn looked down at the Elf. "Well that were unexpected. Ya does no have to ya know. Though I will no stops ya iffy ya did. Heheh. Yas good at sucking me dick." A black stillness echoed through Quaraun''s mind. He felt as though he was falling endlessly deeper into a black hole. "I should nae takes advantage of ya whiles ya not intending it, eh?" Unicorn crawled out from under Quaraun. Quaraun was usually drugged out of his mind just before bed time, an intentional and mutually consensual ritual the two of them had, in their nightly ritual games of rapist and victim. Quaraun liked being sexually molested by the Phooka, but he did go into it planning on losing control of his senses and being made a sex slave to the Fae King. Just now however, Quaraun was somehow drugged by unknown means and Unicorn was uncertain how willing the Elf really was for sex games in daylight with an audience. "Ya t''ink ya can stands up?" Unicorn asked the sick Elf. "Ain''t I?" Quaraun asked. "No." Quaraun stopped looking at the sun and turned his head to look at Unicorn. "You''re laying down," Quaraun said to the Faerie. "I am standing up." "Nope." Unicorn crouched down to look at Quaraun, eye to eye. "Ya not be standing." "What am I doing?" Quaraun asked, his voice filled with confusion. "Laying on ya back in the middle of the road." "Why am I doing that?"This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon. "I does not know. Ya tells me." Unicorn waited for a response, but didn''t get one. "Ya no clue where ya is, is ya?" "No." "Does ya know how ya gots down here in the dirt?" "No." "Ya knows ya is getting ya dress dirty, right?" "Am I?" "Yep." "Okay." Quaraun closed his eyes and started humming softly to himself. "Oh, crapper fuck," Unicorn muttered. "Him oot enough to not be bothered by hims dress getting dirty. What the frick did he take?" "I see rainbows!" The Elf suddenly exclaimed, pointing up to the sky, without opening his eyes. "I''ll bet ya does. We''ll all be eating butterflies and pooping rainbows soon if ya keeps this up." "We shouldn''t leave him laying in the road like this," ZooLock said. "Help me, help him up," Unicorn said to ZooLock. "Why do you need help?" "Oh, go eat ten dicks," Unicorn scowled at ZooLock. "I does nae want to argue withs ya, right now." "I''m not arguing with you," the squid priest said. "I just don''t see why you need help. You''re stronger than an entire Human village combined." "It nothing to do with strength. Him needs someone tall enough to steady him, sos him can walk. If ya had no noticed, as short as he is, I a whole foot shorter then him. I barely five feet tall!" The squid headed priest beast and the Phooka, got the ill Moon Elf back on his feet. "My head is pulsating," Quaraun moaned, soon as they had him upright. "I need to lay down for a little while." "Aye, but not here, we need to find ya some place safe. We is out in the open here." "Unicorn?" ZooLock asked timidly. "What?" "Does he always talk about eggs in his head like that?" "Not that I can recalls. How come for?" "Is there a way to get him to stop talking this stuff for a while?" Unicorn shook his head. "You give it to him. You could simply not give it to him any more." "I dids nae give him t''is one. Not sure what him took. Some t''ing him did pick out in the field. Mushroom maybe? Morning Glories? Does nae know. I can no stops him from taking stuff. It why I give him stuff. Give him somet''ing I knows will nae hurt him. Avoids him taking stuff on him own that could kills him. Safer t''at way." "Will it hurt the eggs?" "What? Yar daft as him be." "Oh no, any eggs of the Sacred Pink JellyFish must be protected at all costs." "There is no eggs in hims head, him high on... Something. I dids no see what him tooks." ~o0o~ Unicorn and ZooLock helped Quaraun walk. The road was getting wider. The forest getting denser. Small patches of swamp land rose up to either side. Grey, decayed deadwood tree rising up out of their watery graves, surrounded by tall towering pines on all sides. The orange, reds, and yellows of the autumn maples and oaks, offset the vast walls of green pine needles stabbing the horizon. The way the road twisted and shifted in loops, they couldn''t tell if they were moving closer to the coast or farther from it. As the road wound up the side of a mountain, the walking became more and more difficult for Quaraun. With his leg wounded and his head full of scattered nonsense, Unicorn and ZooLock found it difficult to guide the Elf up the steadily rising road. "We need to stop," ZooLock said to Unicorn. "He needs to stop. Her ladyship needs rest." The squid pointed a few tentacles at the sick Elf. "Who the fuck are ya?" Unicorn snarled. "Ya t''nks I does nae know this?" "Then why won''t you stop?" "Because there is no not one place near by heres to stop. Him injured. Them HellHounds bit up him leg, remember? And now him got who knows what messing up him mind. We is sitting ducks out in the open." "Sitting ducks?" ZooLock stopped walking and looked at the dense forest surrounding them as far as his bulging squidy eyes could see. "For what? There''s no one for miles." "Oh, shitballs! Ya un yar damned tentacles of doom! Opening ya fricking fish eyes. There is always someone un ya said yarself, we must protect him. Eh? Did ya not just say so just this morning?" "I did. I did. I said exactly that. Especially now with the eggs. They makes it even more important. You are right. Protecting the Sacred Pink Jelly Fish must be our number one top priority. Her eggs must not be harmed. Nothing else matters." "Well then, we does nae stop here. I does no sense this place is safe. We move on." ~o0o~ After about a quarter of a mile of uphill walking, they came to a leveled off area. Before them the road forked. At the center of the fork, was a small island of dune grass, at the center of which stood a tall wooden sign post, with many carved wooden signs up and down it, each pointing in different direction. Unicorn stopped to read the signs, leaning Quaraun on the post. The Moon Elf quickly clasped his arms around the post and clung to it as if terrified he was about to fall off a cliff. "What it says?" Unicorn asked at last. "I thought you just read them?" ZooLock said. "Yeah, eat dick ya tentecaled bag of fuck! I can no reads." "You can''t read?" Unicorn shrugged his shoulders. "You can''t read?" ZooLock said again. "Nope," Unicorn stated. "I am stunned by this revelation!" The squid head priest waved several tentacles to emphasise his shock. "Wizarding requires centuries of studying!" "Aye." "Humans rarely know magic arts because they lack a long enough life span to absorb all the knowledge there was to learn." "Aye." You are a two thousand year old Faerie! It is preposterous to think that an illiterate wizard was even a possibility, let alone a wizard of your level of power." "Ya acknowledges me as a wizard, eh?" "You are the Great King Gwallmaiic. Necromancer warrior king. Greatest Necromancer of all time. Until herlandyship came along. It''s not possible that you can''t read." "Bubbidy, buddidi, boom, baddaboshkie. Can''na read a blooming t''ng. It frustrating as tits." "Aren''t you supposed to be Gwallmaiic, King of the Faeries, Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, Leader of the Lich Lords?" "Yep. That be me. Illiterate King of the Faeries." Quaraun was slowly sinking to the ground, while still tightly hugging the sign post as if his life depended upon it. Unicorn grabbed Quaraun and pulled him back upright. "Stay!" Unicorn commanded, pushed Quaraun against the sign post. "You wrote volumes on Necromancy," ZooLock continued. "And the Dark Arts and Demonology and ... no wait... you didn''t write about Demons... who was that?" "Me wrote them books when me was alive." "And now you are an undead Lich with all of immortallity to read and learn even more magic and gain greater powers..." "It does no work that way." "What do you mean it doesn''t work that way?" "I mean, here I is a Lich and I can no remembers how to read or write. It just like me natural instinct was to kill ya, but I dose nae know why I needs to be killing ya. Just like I does nae knows why me Elf be not letting me be killing ya. And just like that I can nae reads. Sorry. It way it is." "Do you suggest all Liches are illiterate?" "All ones I met is." Unicorn grabbed Quaraun by the pink, rhinestone jeweled collar around his neck. "I ought ta put a leash on ya. Wonder if I got some rope? What am I saying, ya has everything." Unicorn leaned the tipsy Elf against the signpost again, then took Quaraun''s bag of holding and began rummaging around in it looking for some rope. ZooLock looked up at the posts and read the numerous signs out loud. "Duck Brook. Were you not just talking about ducks?" "I was?" "Yes, you said we were sitting like ducks." "Aye." Unicorn looked around at the wide open space they were standing in, here at the crossroads. "We is more sitting duck right now too. Oot here in der open like t''is, never be good t''ng to be doing. Which way be Duck Pond?" "Brook," ZooLock corrected. "What?" Unicorn wasn''t paying attention. He was too busy trying to decide which of the ropes he had found would be best suited for putting Quaraun on a leash. "It says Duck Brook." "Pond. Brook. Whatever. Same difference. Water be water. Which way be it?" Quaraun was sliding back down to the ground again. Unicorn again stood him back up and propped him against the sign post. "I said STAY, now STAY!" He ordered. Quaraun slid back down to the ground. The Elf was almost unconscious by this point. Unicorn stepped back and stared at the woozy Elf, then at the rope in his hand, and then stared at the sign post. "Well, fuck, I been doing it the wrong way." Unicorn tied Quaraun''s hands to the signs on the post, and let the Elf hang their by his wrists. "There! Now ya can''na fall over!" "You''re gonna hurt him," ZooLock said. "Nah. Him used to it. I ties him up in trees all de time. Him love getting him arse poked while him hanging in trees. It him favourite t''ing. Him like being fucked whilst him be restrained?" "Black Bear Brook, seems to be that way..." ZooLock pointed a slimy pink tentacle down one of the dirt roads, ignoring what Unicorn had said. "Black Bear?" Unicorn was puzzled. "Did ya not just say Duck a minute ago?" "Yes, one says Duck Brook and the other says Black Bear Brook." "Which brook do we want?" "There is no Witch Brook. But Witch Pond is that way." "I did nae say Witch Brook, I asked which brook for we is to go to!" "Well there is no Witch Brook and Witch Pond is that way." "Does we want to go to a place named after witches?" "Do you have something against witches?" "I were murdered by a witch." "I thought you commit suicide?" "That was the first time I died. When Quaraun resurrected me as a Lich. Second time I died I was killed by a Lich Hunter Witch who knew how to make Liches stay dead. Cut me clean in two. Ran off with me entrails, tossed ''em all over shit. That when Quaraun bring me back as a Vampire. Now I is VampiLich." The rope on Quaraun''s wrists came lose and the Elf suddenly fell down to the ground again. "Well, shit balls, I did nothing correctly," Unicorn scolded himself as he dragged Quaraun back to his feet again. "Why don''t you just let him lay on the ground, while we figure out where we are going?" "Eh?" Unicorn dropped Quaraun on the ground and walked over him. "Okay. Where is we going?" Quaraun tried to stand up on his own this time and quickly grabbed hold of the sign post. "The ground is moving," the sick Elf moaned. "Green Mountain is over there," ZooLock said. Unicorn stared up at the mountain behind them. They were only at the foot of it. Unicorn looked back over at Quaraun. He was still holding on to the sign post but was now vomiting uncontrollably. "I does no be t''inging Quaraun in any condition to be climbing the mountain just now. Him vomiting him guts out. Him need a place where him can lays down and sleep off whatever bad trip him having." "There''s one here called Great Meadow," ZooLock suggested. "Perhaps he could lay down in the nice cool grass. Ease his stomach. If it were tall enough we could all hide in it and not be as you say sitting duck. Great Meadow is that way. I think. Looks to be same road as Witch Pond." "Ya t''ink some''ne that pink can hides?" "No." "Does they say anyt''ng of how far away they be?" Unicorn tossed a worried glance at Quaraun. The Elf shivered with chill and fatigue, he appeared tired and haggard, his face pale and looking dreadfully ill. "I t''nks Quaraun at end of him ability to walk much farther. And now him be vomiting his guts out...again." "There''s Beaver Dam Pond down that way. Same road as Witch Pond." ZooLock continued reading the signs. "And Sand Beach is that way, about a mile back, according to this sign." "Ya big dick! Quaraun can''na walk a mile like this. Him can no even stand up. What is closet?" "Closest." "What?" "You said closet." "No I did not." "Yes you did." "Ya ain''t hearing me right." "You aren''t talking right." "Find safe place to take me Elf before I rips ya head off." "Otter Cliff, Otter Point, and Otter Cove," ZooLock went on. "There must be an over abundance of otter around here. The Thunder Hole? I wonder what that could be? Hunter''s Beach seems to be the same road as the Otter and the Thunder Hole." "If it somet''ng to do with thunder, it probably too loud for Quaraun right now. Him sences on overload. And we probably want to avoid, Hunter''s Beach. Quaraun is too ill as it is. Don''t want to risk him getting killed by hunters." "Bubble Pond. That sound nice. Bubble Pond," ZooLock said letting the words roll off his tongue. "Bubble Rock Trail, doesn''t sound quiet so pleasant as Bubble Pond does, though. And another brook. Deer Brook. There certainly are a lot of these named after furry creatures." "Are there many more of those things?" Unicorn asked. He hadn''t expected ZooLock to take so long reading them, and was growing impatient. "Pretty Marsh Picnic Area. Can a marsh be pretty?" "We Phookas t''ink they is." "You also enjoy eating Elves." "Un ya Thullids does nae?" "We do not eat Elves. We use their bodies to house our young. That''s different." "Ah. I see." "Bass Harbour Lighthouse. A lighthouse could possibly be a safe place to stay for a bit, except it says 3 miles on the sign. That''s a few days walk with him like this." "ZooLock?" "Yes?" "Pick some place near by." "How do I know what''s near by?" "I can see numbers on the signs. Pick a low number." "Little Moose Island. Are the Moose little or is the lake little but filled with Moose?" "ZooLock!" "Yes, yes, I hear you. Pipe down. I''m still reading them. Perhaps then we should go to Eagle Lake?" "Eagle Lake, sounds big and dangerous. Quaraun is small Elf with small dick. Him like small t''ings. And him no like the danger." "Well that was the last sign. YOU, pick one." "Quaraun," Unicorn pulled the Elf back to his feet. "Pick one. Where ya wants to go?" "Witch Pond," Quaraun answered dreamily. "Shabbooshkie!" "Witch Pond? Why Witch Pond?" "It sounds niiice," Quaraun slid down to his knees again, then fell over face first, asleep on the dune grass, with his bum up in the air. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Suck a dick, fuck! Now him out cold," Unicorn complaned. "Help me get him back up. We is gonna has to carry him rest of way." "Where are we going to?" "Witch Pond I guess." "Are you sure you want to go to a place haunted by witches?" "Who the fuck said anything about it were being haunted?" "Don''t witches haunt swamps?" "You fucking penis headed cock ass!" "What did I say?" "Ghosts and giests haunt things, not witches." "What if it''s the ghost of a witched, murdered in these swamps long ago?" "Quaraun says we is heading towards Witch Pond, sos we is head towards Witch Pond. We does no question our Elf any more, remember? Yar orders. Now make that ass clap and get going!" "Is he in any condition to be telling us which way to go?" Unicorn looked down at the Elf, still slumped face down, asleep on the ground. "No! Fucking tits! Him not even awake just yet." "Now." "What?" "You said yet. You meant now." "Will ya stop correcting everyt''ings I says!" "You''re Elvish is terrible. I don''t know how Quaraun tolerates it." "And yet yis the one in chains." "What does that have to do with anything?" "I free. You prisoner. I do as I wants. Ya does as ya tolds." "I am only in chains, because her ladyship desires it to be so." "Ya knows him does nae likes ya calling him his ladyship." "Yes. But he''s passed out and I''m awake. You''re logic." "ZooLock...I will pull out yar heart, stuff it with acorns, un leave it for the squirrels, if ya does nay stop annoying me. And way Quaraun be right nows. Him can nae help ya.". "You are so violent, Gwallmaiic. So very violent. You need to learn to meditate like Quaraun does." "Like him doing right now ya means?" ZooLock looked down at the High Elf, who was no longer high and fast crashing into deeper fits of nightmares. "Well, no. Not like that. We need to get him off that habit. What if the hell hounds had come at us with him like this?" "I simply chop them up. Only reason I does no go chopping up more t''ings is him will''na lets me." "I still feel there is no reason for you to be so violent." "Un yar is being a wee bit unrealistic iffy ya t''inks ya can gets by in this line of business without hurting no body." "I just think you are too violent." "Yis a Thullid. Yar whole damned race known for killing all life." "I am a Di''Jinn priest. My purpose is to serve her ladyship." "Keep going as ya is now un yar purpose will be getting a boot up yar arse." Chapter 7 - Part 2: A Day At Witch Pond After walking for another quarter of a mile they reached what they assumed to be Witch Pond. There was no sign to tell them this was the place, but it was a pond, surrounded by a swamp, with spooky dead wood trees all about, and certainly looked like a place any self respecting witch would pick for a home. Indeed across the pond they could see, half hidden by the forest, what appeared to be a perfectly stereotypical witch''s hovel on the shore. It was as perfectly spooky as a picture on a Halloween card. Quaraun wasn''t noticing the pond or the hoval on the other side. He was too busy slumped over a boulder, vomiting. The poor Elf was not doing much better then he had been earlier when they had seen the sign post directing them to the pond. "How long does this stuff take to wear off?" ZooLock asked Unicorn. The priest was becoming increasingly agitated by the Elf''s increased lack of sanity. "No way to tell." Unicorn''s boisterous expression stilled and grew serious. "I did no see what he took or how much. I usually monitor these things. Him small Elf. Do''na take much to get him gone loopy. Him too prone to overdose himself for me to trust him taking anyt''ing on hims own." "He''s done this before then?" ZooLock twisted several puce tentacles worriedly. "I''m not happy with the idea of him tampering with his mind. Think of how this effects the eggs... the poor Sacred Pink Jelly Fish." "He be high almost every day." "He is?" "Aye." "I''ve never seen him do this before." ZooLock stared at the spaced out Elf. "No. Him usually not take enough to make it act like this. He took too much of somet''ng. Would help if I knew what it was him took. It''ll wear off after a while though. Not much we can do but wait." "How long does it usually last?" "Six hours." "Six hours! Six hours of this? What will that do to the wee ba... the Jelly Fish?" "Ayha." Unicorn answered. "Six hours minimum. Twelve hours if he took other stuff same time, which he might have. Days, if he took a lot. Him took took much it could kill him or damage him. I has seen other take too much stays with them weeks. Un I t''ink the Jelly Fish the one what does it. Him did no take this stuff before him had Jelly brain ya know." "Why do you give him anything like that?" "Him in pain. It help. But I knows how to give him. I give him ''nough to calm him, Help sleep wid out de pain. Dis... dis, what we see now. Him take too much. Un what I give him. Even if him took too much, it no do dis. Him took some''ing else. I know not what. Many t''ing have dis reaction." "What can you do?" "To help him? Not much. Not when I knows not what him took. Just watch him. Try un keep him calm. Wait for it to wear off. Hope it not hurt him ''fore it does. Dis not good t''ing him did. Him no understand drugs. Him t''ink like child." "You said he was in pain?" "Aye." "Why?" "Him sad. Him lonely. Him miss him children. Un BoomFuzzy." "But he killed his children and you are BoomFuzzy." "Him loved his children. Him is tormented by what him done. I suspect him were quite high when him kill them. Him no good at no taking too much. When him sad him take too much. No realize it. Forget he take it, take again. When him very sad, him take many times too much. I left him once. Gone long time. We had fight. Him try to kill me." "Kill you?" "Tie me up. Put me on altar. Cut me gullet open. Him out of head bad then. I almost die. So I leave. No come back. Gone many months. Him badly regret what happen. Him much nicer to me now. Scared I leave again if him even raise voice. So him be very submissive to me now. Him were not so before. Him scared of himself now. Him knows him have problem, know not what to do. Him kill him best friend. Now him very scared." "He killed someone else?" "Him kill many someone else''s. Him kill Moon Elves. Sun Elves. A Pixie village. Everyone in valley of Katopas. The Di''Jinn." "He didn''t used to be like this." "No. Un him no remember what him do. Too high when him do it. Him see dead people after un no knows do it. If very scared. Him no want hurt people." "Which bring me back to my question: why give it to him?" "I already done tolds ya. What I give him, it no what make him do these t''ings. Him take other t''ings. T''ings I no give him. I tell him not to. Tell no do dat. Him no can stop." "He didn''t take drugs. Not before he met you. You''re a drug deal." "I Faerie. We all make these things. It no meant for none Fae to take. It no do to us wat it do to Elves and Humans." "He shouldn''t take it." "Ya should no has put Jelly Fish in him head." "What does that have to do with anything?" "Ya Sacred Pink Jelly Fish is very unhappy at being implanted in him head, ya know? She wanted her freedom. When ya kidnapped her out of her ocean. She dreamed of escape. When ya kept her looked in a tiny bowl of water, she hoped to return to her sea. Now she trapped for eternity in the skull of an Elf. She can no stand it. It torture for her. She not born inside Elf body like ya was. She was feral Thullid in natural state. Ya took that away from her. It why she keeping ya in chains now. Yis be priest what put her in this Elf. She want ya to know what it feels like to have ya freedom taken away." "I was not trying to hurt her. I never wanted to hurt her. I saved her. The rebels would have killed her. Putting her in this Elf was the only way to save her life." "Ya killed the Elf. I t''ink she would rather have died instead. Only t''ing that keeps her going is trying to be the Elf she killed. And she having a hard time of that or t''is sort of t''ing would na keep a happening." "And you don''t know what he took?" "Him were picking flowers. I did nae knows he was eating them as well. I could have paids attention to which ones he was eating, had I gone and thunk he would eat them." "What might he have eaten?" "Poppies most likely. We was in a field of poppies. Shit ton load of poppies back in that field. More likely was drinking raw tears, straight from the pod. Not as strong as if it were refined, but certainly different reaction from normal. Or Morning Glories. There could have been some morning glories out there. Right time of year for the seed pods on them too. A handful of those would has done this to him. Or mushrooms. Mushrooms is everywhere and him be known to grab a few of those from time ta time. And spearmint. Been seeing that everywhere. He could has been chewing on it all day. Who knows? All thems grow wilds around here. Who knows what else? I does nae knows this forest. All sorts of strange t''ings could be out here for him to nibble on and get wonky with." "You do not suggest he just randomly eats plants not knowing what they''ll do to him?" "Oh fuck yeah. Him does it all the time. Always on look out for new plants to give him new highs. Him fucking wicked addicted to it in fact." "And he does this frequently?" "Aye. Every damn fucking day, him taking trips to the moon. Ya get used to it." "Why have I never seen him do this before?"The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. "Well, usually I give him stuff and him does not go looking for it on him own. I knows how much to give him to keep him from going off fucking deep end like this, sos usually ya sees him just wide eyed and not acting too much out of character for him." "So he took too much of something now?" "Too much? Oh hell, yeah, too much of somet''ng and wrong time of day." "What does time of day have to do with it?" "In day time it impair him judgement, like what ya seeing right this now. I usually give it to him just before bed. Helps him sleep. Him too scared of sleep otherwise." "He''s scared to sleep?" ZooLock stared at the Elf. "How does one be scared of sleep?" "Nightmares. Bad ones. Fucking pogo man." "Pogo man? What''s that?" "I does no know. His dad murdered his mum when him was just wee lil pup of an Elf. Then him has murder of him four babies stuck in him head. And me fucking suicide does plague him every night. Him cling to me desperate to make sure I does no re-die on him again. Him no sleep well. Him go many weeks between sleep. So I make him happy dreams. Give him eggnog to send him to happy lands at night. This way him have happy dreams. Usually. I try to not give it to him during the day, on account of him get like this." "That doesn''t have anything to do with the things you do to him at night?" "Aye. It does. That be a Yorhinbre bark. Oooh! Makes him all tingly in his balls! Gets him wanting to rub them on something to relieve the tension. Let''s me rub me own balls on his. We both get to go to high heaven." "Does he know you''re drugging him so you can molest him?" "Aye. It were his idea." "His idea?" "Him like the drugs. Him like getting the tingles in him balls. Him like getting double fucked up his arse by a double dicked horse. Him like hanging by his balls from the ceiling." "He... what?" "Heh ha! Ya should join us in bed sometime Squidy. T''ink of all de places ya could stick them tentacles." "Why I never!" Unicorn had let go of Quaraun and the Moon Elf wandered away from the road, zig-zagging back and forth along the edge of the pond. "Hey!" Unicorn called out to the Elf. "Ya gets ya arse too close ya gonna fall in." Quaraun wasn''t listening however. He was too busy staring down at the pink and white lily pads growing along the edge. Unicorn trotted up beside Quaraun. "Whatcha looking at?" The pony stared down into the water, but saw nothing but lily pads floating quietly in the murky peat boggy muck that rippled along the pond''s mossy edge. Suddenly Quaraun yelped and ran, stumbling across the road, and falling into the ditch. "Oh fuck titties! What are ya doing in there?" Unicorn said as he trotted across the road. "Ya missed the pond when ya fell over. But ya fricking muckier here then had ya landed in the water." "There is a fuzzy Swamp Shark after me," Quaraun said, terror dripping from his voice. Unicorn looked back at the pond. "There were nothing there," he said as he turned back to Quaraun. ZooLock waddled over to the water and looked in. "Nope. Nothing here," he agreed with the horse. "There''s sharks in the water," Quaraun said as he huddled back against the tree he was leaning against. "They''re falling out of the sky." Quaraun pointed down to the water. "Outta the sky?" Quaraun nodded. Still pointing at the water. "That not sky." "What is it?" Quaraun whispered, his voice growing more fearful. "It be water." The Moon Elf''s eyes widened even bigger then they already were. "Water?" "Ayah. Water." "That''s water?" "Yep." "Why is it up there?" Unicorn brought his face close to the Elf''s and looked deep into his eyes. Quaraun''s pupils were dilated so much that the blue of his eyes was no where to be seen. "Morning glories be me guess," Unicorn said to ZooLock. "Look at what it done to him eyes. Him eyes get like that when him has had too many morning glory seeds. Not sure him know how to count or measure. T''ree hundred seeds is him limit. He prob''y ate way more then that." Quaraun screamed again and grabbed hold of Unicorn, hugging the pony for dear life. "They''re after me," the frightened Elf wailed. "What is?" Unicorn crooked between the Elf''s strangle hold on his throat, looking around and seeing nothing. "Sharks. They want my testicles." "Oh boy. Here he goes. Sharks live in oceans. This here be pond. Swampy pond." "They''re Swamp Sharks," Quaraun whispered. "They''re gonna take my eggs!" "There be no such t''ing." "They''re covered with fur. We need to escape." "Sharks don''t has no fur." "They''re right behind you. They''ll eat us." "I sees nothing." "You never do," ZooLock added. "Even if there was something there, you wouldn''t see it. You''re blind." "Yis not helping, ZooLock." "I saw them," Quaraun whispered. "I bet ya did," Unicorn whinnied. "Ya gone loopy today. I does no doubt ya seeing a lot of t''ings right now." "I see a meadow up ahead," ZooLock pointed out. "Perhaps we should get him over there. He can rest for a few hours. We can watch for danger from the hill and he could sleep off whatever this is he''s on." "Aye. Excepting him no gonna sleep. Him wide awake and ready to run at every sound. More so than usual. Him got lots o t''ing to run from around him right now. Not sure what him took. Mushroom maybe. Him seeing bad shit wanting to kill him, that not usual." Unicorn turned back into his Humanoid form and reached he hand out to the fallen Moon Elf who was still sitting in the mud in the ditch. "Come on, we sees a place ya can rest. No sharks to bite ya balls off over there. See?" Unicorn pointed towards the direction ZooLock had suggested the meadow to be in. He couldn''t see the meadow, but he assumed ZooLock to be telling the truth. Being almost blind, he couldn''t really do anything else. When they reached the meadow, Unicorn directed Quaraun to sit and rest rest. He sat down beside the Elf and watched as Quaraun, once again, slowly fell over and then stared up at the sun. "There''s no sharks on the sun," Quaraun said. "Nope, not one," Unicorn agreed. "Ya balls is safe here." Nothing else happened for quiet some time. Quaraun spent the rest of the day, laying on his back, intently watching the clouds drift by and pointing out the various monsters he saw jumping out of them, while Unicorn and ZooLock, tried to patiently wait for the drugged Elf to come back to his senses. ~o0o~ Several hours slowly drifted past and soon the pink glaze of sunset was whispering against the big fluffy white clouds. "There''s a pretty, pink sequined axolotl up there," Quaraun said, pointing up at the clouds. His voice sounded clear and normal again. "What a axolotl?" Unicorn asked. "A white salamander that lives under the water." "That was a full and complete sentence." Quaraun turned his head and looked at the Faerie Horses sitting beside him. "Why wouldn''t it be?" "Ya been gibbering about strange t''ngs all day, most of them not coming out in full sentences, half the time slurred up so much ya can no tell what words it was ya were intending to be saying." "I took too much of something, didn''t I?" "Aye. Ya did." Quaraun sat up and looked around. "my head hurts." "I bet it does." "I feel weird." "Yis still high. Just less loopy." "I feel like I''m flying outside of my head." "That not good." "I feel like there''s two of me, trying to break out and run away in different directions." "What did ya take?" "Nothing. I didn''t take anything." "Ya took somet''ing." "I don''t remember taking anything." "Maybe ya forgot when sharks was after ya." "Sharks?" "Ya was out of ya head for a bit. A bit more then a bit." "I feel like I still am." "What ya feeling?" "Like I''m falling. Like everything around me is a big black hole and I''m just falling and I can''t stop. Make it go away. I want it to stop. I feel like I''m falling out of the sky. Forever ever and ever and I can''t hit the ground. And there''s blackness trying to swallow my feet." "I tinks ya is still seeing tings." "Make it stop." "Make what stop?" "I can''t stop falling." "Yis got ye bum sitting firmly on ground." Quaraun looked down at the ground then ran his hand through the grass. "I can see it." "See what?" "The ground. It''s there. I can see it there. Why... I feel like I''m falling through it and it''s not there. I can see I''m not." "And ya can no remember what ye took?" "I didn''t take anything. I know I didn''t." "Maybe something got in ya food? Ya eat any wild berries or plants or mushrooms. Anyt''ing that look normal, but may have not been what ya t''ought it were." "I don''t think so. Where are we?" "Having a moment of quiet contemplation on a nice grassy knoll overlooking Witch Pond." "Witch Pond?" Quaraun gazed out over the swampy pond. "What are we doing here?" "Ya tells me. It be ya idea to come here." "It was?" "Ya was tripping quiet a lot this morning." "Yes. I remember ... some .... of it. How did we get here?" "We does what we always does. We walked. We kind of half dragged ya. Ya was looking at stars and moons where there were none." "I''m dirty." "Yis feeling somewhat better if ya noticing the dirt." "There''s dirt on me." "Yeah, ya kept laying in the road. Could no get ya to stand up most of the day." "I need a bath," Quaraun said. "Aye." Quaraun stood up quickly, then stumbled and sat back down. "I''m dizzy." "Yeah. Ya nay out of de woods yet." "I need a bath." "Ya will drown ya self if ya can not stand up." "Help me bathe." Unicorn helped Quaraun as he bathed himself. It always amazed Unicorn that this Elf who daily sought out a brook, pond, river, lake, or ocean to wade into and bathe himself, was also the same Elf who ran screaming in mortal terror from bridges, had a horrific fear of crossing water via fallen logs, avoided rain, and spent an inordinate amount of time worrying that he''d fall into inch deep mud puddles and drown. ¡°Tell me how it is," Unicorn asked Quaraun. "That ya be so fearfully terrified of every wee little thing. Water afearing ya more then most things. How does someone so terrified of water, bathe so much?¡± Quaraun looked down at the water he was currently waist deep in. "I am scared of water, but I''m more afraid of being dirty.¡± "Ya is dirty this time, but what about all the other times?" "Other times?" "Ya bathe every damn day. That ain''t normal. No one else does. Ya know de Humans have laws against it. Execute ya as a witch iffy ya bathe more than twice a year." "I''m not a Human." "Elves does no bathe this much ether." "JellyFish do." "Yis trying to live in water, but yis trapped in body what can no breath under water, then eh?" "Yeah." "I almost drowned once. I didn''t know... I didn''t Elves couldn''t breathe under water. I don''t want to lose this body. Have to change Elves. This body is beautiful." "It is that." As they sit on grassy hill overlooking Witch Pond, which is actually a large swamp, edged with dead wood trees, Quaraun contemplated the events of the day. The ones which he could remember, that is. The murky water was covered with lily pads and cattails along the roadside edge. To the far side across the pond, he could see a beaver damn. Beaver chewed tree stumps stood here and there around the road side. Quaraun was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, his chin resting on his knees. Unicorn, in the form of a little black Shetland pony, was sitting beside the Elf, quietly munching on grass. ZooLock was laying on the grass to the other side of Quaraun and had fallen asleep. "This is a nice place," Quaraun said quietly. "It is," Unicorn agreed. "Where are we?" "I''d say ya has arrived at a vast, dark, foggy swamp." Chapter 7 - Part 3: Fleeing To The Forest "This inspires some memories for me." "Eh?" "The Swamp of Death." "Aye. Ya does nae want to be going back there." "I killed BeaLuna." "I know." "She was a ghost all this time." "Aye." "And Bullgaar?" "Him were a nzambie. It why him never talked." "I didn''t mean to kill BeLuna. She showed up after I killed the Moon Elves. I... I ... she walked up behind me and ... I don''t know what happened. I can''t remember. She was my best friend. I never would have hurt her. Gnomes don''t live that long. I didn''t notice. Three centuries went by. Gnomes only live two or three hundred years. They''re not long lived like Elves. I got there. Back in the Deep North, a few days after leaving the Screaming Unicorn Tavern, and there''s a Human village built up there now. It''s like the Moon Elves never existed. And BeLuna was there. Still there, right where she had been when... I ... I ... killed her. But I didn''t notice. She was a ghost. And she started following me. Followed me every where. I couldn''t get rid of her. Why didn''t I know she was a ghost?" "Ya was in shock." "But I''m a Necromancer." "Aye. And that be why ya could see her when, most no one else could." "Did you see her?" "Aye. I is dead too, remember?" "Do people see you?" Unicorn stopped chewing grass. Quaraun was asking hard questions now. Looking at a truth that he didn''t want to see. A truth Unicorn knew eventually the poor Elf would have to face. "Ya talk to people no one else sees, Quaraun. It why they think ya insane." "People couldn''t see BeLuna and Bullgaar, could they?" "No." "Do people see you?" "No. Not many." "Why do I see you?" "Does it matter?" "People talk to you." "Do they?" Quaraun stared at the Phooka. "Don''t they?" "Quaraun, the world ya see... it ain''t the world every one else sees. Yis one what found me when I died." "You killed yourself." "I know. I did. Un ya loved me a lot more dan I knew. Drugs killed me un damaged you. I does no tinks ya realized how much ya has changed. Yis were quite different when I was alive. Ya was no a drug addict when I was alive." "I needed to bury the pain." "I know. I should no have done that to ya. Ye should no have been de one to find me like that." "You took so much poison. It dissolved your organs. You drowned in your own blood." "I know." "I wanted to die with you." "Something happen to ya when I died. I had a lot of stuff in me candy shop. Ya took a lot of it day I died. Ya took too much of too many tings all at once. I does no tink ya remember. Ya tried to kill yaself, day I died. Ya head not right no more. People ya see, they ain''t always there. People ya talk to, they ain''t always saying what ya t''inks they is. Ya is insane, Quaraun." "I''m not insane." "Ya has a Thullid in ya head, eating ya brain. It making ya see un hear t''ings no one else does. ZooLock there, him understand. Him were Elf once. Him real. He can help. I t''ink he wants to help. He really does like ya Quaraun." "Are you real?" "I is a golem ya built." "Why did I do that?" "Because yis was very lonely. Ya people did bad t''ings to ya. They tortured ya un then they wounded the Phooka that protected ya from them. His wound did no heal. Him suffered many months. Then killed himself when him could take de pain no more. Ya could no face his death. He was the only one who loved ya. Some t''ing broke inside ya head when he died. Ya ain''t been right since." "Are you real?" "Aye." "How can I tell?" "We are soul bound, remember? Ya poor, sad little Elf. Ya bound ya soul to a Phooka." "You died." "I know, but ya brought me back. Some of me. My soul is broken. I is Lich. Emotions be fleeting. I is only one part of what is left of ya Phooka. His soul is cut up and put in 13 bottles all across de world."Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. "If I found all of the phylacteries and put the pieces of your soul back together... would that restore you back to who you was?" "Maybe. I does no know." The trio stayed on the hill overlooking the swampy pond for more time then any of them kept track of. Neither Quaraun nor Unicorn knew how to count, and ZooLock just wasn''t paying attention to the sunsets. He was too busy eyeing the sick Elf and worrying about the damage that might have been done to the JellyFish eggs he was sent to guard. And yet, not one of them knew, what it was that had caused the Elf to become so ill that day on the road to Witch Pond. Oh why, he grew sick again, worse then the first time, a few days later, preventing them from continuing on their way. The poor Elf was wracked with hallucinations that grew ever more frightening with each passing day. His inability to tell reality from illusion grew worse. But all was planned... back in the future, many centuries away from 1458, Gremlin knew... as horrible a thought as it was... GhoulSpawn must die, if Gremlin was to ever be born... and to do that, Quaraun must no longer be fully aware, of what he was doing, where he was, or what e was seeing. Gremlin sat in 1974, in his red armchair, patting his sheep with one hand, and staring down and the pink sugar cubes he held in his other hand. He knew the danger he had put Quaraun in, when he handed the sugar loving Elf, the box of drug laced candy. Gremlin ate one of the sugar cubes and closed his eyes. He knew all too well what LSD did to one''s mind. And so back in 1458, the days passed as one long blended horrific nightmare, for Quaraun and his friends who watched in horror as the Elf lost full control of his senses and were clueless as to how to help him. As days not counted passed, the Elf finally began to recover. "This is a nice place," Quaraun said quietly, looking around at the area around Witch Pond, seeing it clearly for the first time since they had arrived. "It is," Unicorn agreed. "So quiet," Quaraun said dreamily. "And peaceful and relaxing and..." The Elf suddenly stood up, his long thin ear perked up high over his head, listening for danger. "What ya hearing?" Unicorn asked. "People. A wagon''s coming." Unicorn sniffed the air. "Humans. I can smell tem." "There''s a turtle in the road." "Is there?" "They''ll kill it." Quaraun jumped up and started running down the glade back to the road. "Hey! Where is ya off to?" "Got to move the turtle out of the way of the wagons," Quaraun called back. "Ya crazy Elf. Get back here!" Unicorn stood up and followed the Elf. He wasn''t in any hurry, so by the time he reached the road, Quaraun was standing in the middle of the road, yelling at the band of Humans and refusing to let them pass until the giant snapping turtle had finished crossing the road. "Thought ya was gonna move the turtle?" Unicorn asked. "It''s too heavy, I can''t lift it and it''s a snapping turtle. Pick it up wrong it''ll bite your hands off." "That a damn big turtle," Unicorn said, looking at the giant snapper. "Would take five people to lift her." Quaraun went back to arguing with the Humans while Unicorn watched the turtle slowly make its way across the dirt road, towards the swampy Witch Pond. The turtle was so big that it wasn''t possible for the wagons to fit by without hitting it. "I does no remember an island in the pond earlier," Unicorn said. But no one was listening. The Humans with the wagons were in a hurry to get to where ever they were going before nightfall and did not want to wait for the turtle and suggested the turtle would make a good stew for tonight''s super, which in turn sent the vegetarian Elf into a fit of hysterics. "Quaraun..." Unicorn tried to talk to the Elf. Quaraun now had his wand pulled out and was threatening to kill the Humans if they killed the turtle. "Quaraun?" "Not now." "Now is good time." "I''m busy!" "Un I is hallucinating with ya now." "What?" "Uhm," Unicorn said, trying to get Quaraun''s attention. "The island is moving." "Islands don''t move," Quaraun sputtered, not paying attention to Unicorn as he glared at the closest Human and pointed his wand in their face. Unicorn took a few steps back, staring up high above them. "Ya right, it no island." A large shadow went across the road. "Quaraun. We needs to run." "What? Why?" Quaraun turned to face the pond, just in time to see a giant turtle, big as a house, rising up out of the water, on her way to the shore to protect her baby. "Oh dear!" Quaraun didn''t have a chance to say any more, before Unicorn grabbed his arm and ran off the road towards the forest. "We needs to get to da trees, it too big to pass t''rough ''em." The Humans were screaming and yelling and instead of running, drawing swords and arrows to battle the beast. Quaraun looked back into to see the massive turtle open it''s mouth wide and scoop up a wagon filled with Humans and swallow it whole. "It just ate them!" "Yeah, well let''s get out of here before it eat us." ZooLock, who had been watching all of this from the meadow ran into the forest to catch up with Quaraun and Unicorn. The Elf stopped to catch his breath. "What if the Humans follow us," ZooLock asked. "What if they do?" Quaraun said, gasping for air. "I am so out of shape." "They was pretty mad at you for making them stop, if any of them survive that turtle beast, they''ll blame the deaths of the others on you." "Good point." Quaraun stared at the swamp''s deadwood trees towering above him. "Don''t let them follow us," the Necromancer said to the trees. Instantly every dead tree in the forest, uprooted itself and went marching off towards the Humans. The Humans worked frantically to drag their wounded from the pond''s edge and avoid being eaten by the turtle, as the forest began to eat their dead. "Great!" Unicorn said sarcastically. "And now if any survive they will just kill ya no questions asked." "Come on," Quaraun said as he turned and walked deeper into the forest. "The more distance we put between us and them the better." "What if some of them Humans survive?" "They won''t." "What if they do?" "They won''t. The trees will eat them if they try to follow us." "So what happened to all ya, live and let live, harm none crap?" Quaraun shrugged. "I''m a Necromancer. Besides, they''re Humans. I''m an Elf. My job is to protect nature from Humans." Quaraun stopped walking and stood thinking for a moment. "Thought Humans was part of the nature ya Elves was supposed to be protecting?" "You''re right. What happened to me? I''m evil. I didn''t used to be evil. I don''t want to be evil. What''s wrong with me? I just sent dead trees to eat people. I shouldn''t have done that. Why did I do that?" "Because they was heavily armed highway men who would have hunted us down and slit our throats had ya not done it." "That doesn''t make it right, what I did. I shouldn''t have done it. Let''s go." "Is ya feeling better?" "No." "I does nay, know how to help. Iffy I knews what ya took. I maybe could gives ya something to counteract it." "I told you, I didn''t take anything." "I know. But ya got something in ya system somehow. Maybe ya touch something. Ya know how ya always picking flowers. Maybe one were super toxic." "Or maybe ZooLock poisoned me." "Oh no, My Ladyship!" ZooLock immediately answered. "I was sent to protect my Ladyship, not hurt her." "I''m not a ''her'' or a ''she'', will you stop calling me that!" "Yes my Ladyship." "Stop calling me that too! You''re annoying me, ZooLock." ZooLock went back to his sullen silence. "Would him hurt ya?" Unicorn asked. "He''s a Thullid. They can''t be trusted." "Yis a Thullid." "I''m a Spawnling. That''s different." "Is it?" "Yes." "Perhaps we can figure out what ya eats.I first notice ya acting off in de field of poppies. But it had to be in ya long enough to do dat tos ya. Sos ya could not has eaten anything there to done it. When dids ya first start not feeling good?" "I don''t know. I can''t remember. The last few days are all melted together. I can''t differentiate one from another. I can''t tell what actually happened and what didn''t." "Well, de turtle actually happened. I saw that hallucination with ya. Unless what happening to ya, now happening to me too." "Could it?" Unicorn shrugged. "We Fae, tings toxic to most others, is no toxic to us. Or, it take longer to has effect." "Great. So ZooLock could have poisoned both of us and it would effect me days ago and only just start affecting you." "Aye. Or de turtle is real." "It was as big as a house." Chapter 8: Santas Dead Floating Body "Pine cones!" Unicorn suddenly screamed. "What?" "Look at the cute little pine cones!" "I''m looking at them," Quaraun said. "I''m just not sure why you are." "I love pine cones." "Why?" "Pine cones are like tree poop." "Tree poop?" "Aye." "You think of the weirdest things." "Aye. I knows it." Quaraun stared at the tiny green and brown cones scattered on the ground. "They look like miniature dead goblins," Quaraun said. "We''ve lost Xanadoot," Quaraun said looking around. "ZooLock! Where''s your slave gone off to?" "I know not, my Lord." "Will you stop calling me ''Lord''?" "Yes, your Ladyship." "ZOOLOCK!" Quaraun glared at the squid beast. "Where is Xanadoot?" "He ran off when the highwaymen attacked. Your dragon brought me back, but neglected to bring back poor Xanadoot. He''s probably halfway back to Persia by now." "I don''t believe you." "I speak the truth." "Which is out of character for you, seeing how nothing you say is true." "As you wish, my Lord." "I told you to stop saying that." Quaraun turned to Unicorn. "Why didn''t you tell me Xanadoot was missing?" Unicorn shrugged. "I did nae notice." "How could you not notice?" "Ya was flying through the clouds most of da day. Me brain no can keep track of many t''ings at once. Ya was vomiting ya guts half the day. I did spend me time taking care of ya. I was no paying mind to the Thullid''s goblin." Quaraun sighed. "Let''s go." "Where we go to." "Into the woods. Just follow this path and see where it takes us. It seems to be what I do." The three continued on in silence for a short while, moving quickly through the dense forest to put as much distance as possible between themselves and the Human cravan they''d left back on the road. "Why does ya walk so much?" Unicorn asked Quaraun, breaking the silence. "What do you mean?" "I mean ya walks all over the world and ya does no seem to have a reason for doing so." "I like walking." "Most Elves settle down and lives in a house. Hs a family. Never travels. Ya never settles down. Not even for a few days. Not even now when ya is hurt." "I''m not hurt." "Ya leg is bleeding." Quaraun looked down at his wounded knee. "I hadn''t noticed." "I t''inks we should find a place to settle down for a while." "You mean stop travelling?" "Aye." "Why would I do that?" "Why are ya travelling?" "I''m a Lich Hunter." "Who does nae hunt Liches." "I found my Lich." "Ya started travelling to look for me." "Yes." "And now ya found me. So why ya still travelling?" "I don''t know. Habit. I''ve done it so long. I can''t seem to stop." "Does ya want to?" "I have to now. There''s a price on my head." "The Guild?" "Yeah. Necromancy is outlawed. I had to become a Necromancer to resurrect you. And then I killed my family. And all the villagers. And the king." "And the Katopas." "And the Katopas." "And the DiJinn," ZooLock added. "And the DiJinn," Quaraun sighed. "I''m wanted for murder, mutiny, treason, genocide, necromancy, practicing magic without proper permits and authorizations from the Guild, and being the male sex partner of another male. I can''t really stay in any one town very long before some one figures out they can gain a king''s ransom for turning me over to the Guild," "So ya started out travelling, to looks for me dead soul," Unicorn stated. "And in doing so, raked up a criminal record, which now forces ya to continue travelling causing ya be on the run from the Guild, then, eh?" "Yes." Quaraun stopped walking. Unicorn who was walking too close behind the Elf, ran into him. "I wish was would no stop like that," the Faerie complained. "Give me some type of warning ya gonna stop bolt short like that."The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. "I just thought of something," Quaraun said, not paying attention to Unicorn''s complaint. "What ya Jelly brain t''inking?" "For the past three days we''ve had one thing after another chasing us off the main road." Quaraun turned around to face the direction they had come from. "It''s like someone is tossing stuff in our path to stop us from going forward." "Ya mean magic? Like another wizard?" "Yeah. Either preventing us from going on that road or forcing us to go into these woods." "Why would someone do that, eh?" "I don''t know. But first those highwaymen, then those hell hounds, and then that impossibly huge turtle... and those two cats and the pumpkins and that out of season field of poppies that had a really bad effect on me this morning. None of this feels right. Those highwaymen didn''t try to rob us. In fact they didn''t go after you or ZooLock at all. They just held you down while they attacked me. I thought they were going to rape me, that''s what most Humans do, but they didn''t do that either. They ambushed us, just to hurt me. That''s all they did. It''s like they knew we were coming and waited for us." "Ya t''ink someone paid them to beat ya up?" "Yeah. I do." "Who would do that?" "I don''t know. But their is a price on my head and it gets higher all the time. What you said about me travelling, back there. I keep thinking about it. I would like to settle down and have a place to live and not travel any more, but I can''t because there''s always someone ready to hand me over to the Guild." "Aye, but ya is very, wicked powerful wizard. People says ya is most powerful wizard in whole of world. More powerful then evil Lich King Gwallmaiic, Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, leader of Lich Lords." "You ARE King Gwallmaiic, exiled King of the Realm of Fae." "I knows. And that why I know rumours is true. Ya has far surpassed me in magic ability, provided ya stay off the poppies and wine long enough to keep ya head on straight." "Those hell hounds," Quaraun went on, ignoring Unicorn''s remark about his drinking and drug addiction. "They were from another dimension. They just appeared out of no where. Zapped into existence. Magic literally tossed them at my feet. And that half Elf..." "The GhoulSpawn?" "Yeah. He just showed up out of no where, in the middle of no where and he just happened to know how to get rid of the hell hounds." "Him were shifty character. Him with hims pockets full o sheeps." "I think he put those hell hounds in the way to chase us off the road, but I don''t think he meant to hurt us. I think he thought we''d run. He showed up just when the dogs knocked me down and bit me." Quaraun reached down, pulling his skirts up and rubbed his wounded leg. The deep punctures from the bite were still seeping blood. "He didn''t expect me to get hurt. I don''t think he would have shown up, except the dogs bit me and he was scared I''d be killed so he had to come out into the open to make the dogs go away. He used magic to poof them back to the hell dimension they popped out of, but how did he know where t send them? It would have taken even an advanced wizard weeks to figure out which hell dimension those dogs came from and then more time to find the right spell to send them back, but he knew immediately where they came from and the proper spell to send them back. He had to have been the one who sent them after us." "But why would he do that?" ZooLock asked. "He seemed like a nice chap." "He is," Quaraun answered. "For a half-Elf. He helped us before. A few years ago. But he was using a different name back then. He was calling himself Glinter when we first met him." Quaraun stared up at the tall pine trees towering over head. "Something''s not right with GhoulSpawn. Nor any of this. Why would he be doing this?" Quaraun had begun muttering to himself under his breath about Hell Hounds and GhoulSpawn and was no longer watching where he was going. Unicorn was nearly blind, though pretending not to be, thus he walked inches from Quaraun, keeping the Elf in sight so as not to walk into any trees. "Why we stop?" "There is no more path!" Quaraun pouted. "Oh! That fixable," Unicorn said cheerfully, pulling out his machete. "How is that fixable?" Before Quaraun had time to ponder the possibilities any further, Unicorn ran charging forward, while screaming at the top of his lungs. "Murder! Death! Destruction! Santa''s floating dead body! Yes! Yes! Yes! Woo, ho, ho, ho! Hahaha! Kill every one! Die! Die! Die!" Quaraun stood motionless watching Unicorn run around like a raving lunatic, screaming and yelling and shrieking, while brandishing a machete and chopping up the overgrowth. Knowing the Phooka was blind and and couldn''t see where he was swinging that weapon, terrified Quaraun as he watched the Faerie hack every thing in his path to nothingness. ZooLock cowered behind the Elf, knowing it was the only safe place to hide as the Phooka would never hurt Quaraun. After a few minutes, the feral Faerie had cleared a path through the brambles. Unicorn trotted back up to Quaraun. "See? All fixed." "What the hell is wrong with you?" "What?" "You just massacred those poor plants." "They is plants Quaraun. One can no macaque plants." "Plants are living beings." "I a Phooka." "And I''m an Elf." "So?" "I''m suppose to protect plants!" "Ah yeah. Forgot, yis a butterfly kissing, treeing hugging looney." "Those poor plants!" "Theys plants, Quaraun." "Those poor babies!" "Babies?" Quaraun rushed forward to examine the slashed shrubbery, dragging the still chained up ZooLock behind him as he went. "No concern for that life, eh?" Unicorn pointed to the Thullid being dragging in chains behind the Elf. Quaraun was suddenly on his knees hugging the chopped up bits of plants. "They''re all dead!" "Aye." "Why did you do that?" "I is dead warrior king. It in me blood." "Oh. Uhm. Okay." Quaraun wasn''t sure he understood what the old Faerie was implying, but he decided it best to just agree with the Phooka and hope something made sense. ZooLock staggered to his feet, hoping Quaraun wouldn''t run off without warning, knocking him off his feet and dragging him on the ground again. "I suggest," the squid said. "We stop and eat while we are stopped already." "I shall cook dinner, then," Unicorn stated. "Are you sure you can handle dinner?" Quaraun asked. "I master chef," Unicorn declared. "What for ya t''inks I can no handle dinner?" "We have no food for you to cook." "Ya always has food in ya bag of holding there." "It only holds stuff infinitely, it doesn''t stop it from spoiling. I can''t keep more then a few days worth of food at a time in it. You know that. We are nearly out of food." "Ah! Then it good t''ing we in swamp." "Why is that a good thing?" "Swamp is full of wild edibles." "I don''t eat roughage." "Roughage?" "Do you really expect me to eat wild plants?" "What wrong with wild plants? Ya was just loving ''em a minute ago." "I''m not a Wild Elf! I am civilized. I grew up in a castle. I don''t eat stuff off the ground like a common Wood Elf! I do not eat wild stuff! It''s savage and barbaric..." "It been 300 years since ya last lived in a house." "That doesn''t mean I have to act uncivilized!" "Yis more uncivilized then ya t''inks. Wild Elves act more civil then ya does these days." "You take that back!" "Why ya being so hysterical?" "I''m not being hysterical." "Yea ya is. Ya been acting like a crazy bitch in heat all week. Getting crazier by the minute." "I think it''s his leg," ZooLock said soothingly. "His ladyship is hurt." "Stop calling me that," Quaraun snarled. "Yes, your ladyship," ZooLock said bowing to his knees. "Well, I is Faerie and we eats wild stuffs all the time, which by yar standards make me to be savage and barbaric." Quaraun stopped yelling. "I didn''t mean you were savage and barbaric." "Does ya t''inks I be uncivilized?" "You''re a Faerie." "T''at no answer me question." "I don''t know how to answer it." "Because ya do be t''inking I be savage and barbaric and uncivilized and ya does no be wanting to say it to me face." "That''s not... I don''t..." Quaraun stammered trying to find the proper words to say. "I don''t think of you that way." "If ya saw some one else acting way I acts ya would t''inks that way of them, though, eh?" "I... I ... I don''t know." "Yes, ya does." "Ya would call ''em savage and barbaric and uncivilized. And that mean ya do be t''inking I be savage and barbaric and uncivilized as well." "I don''t." "Why?" "I like you." "And ya does no likes dem? Is that all that make a difference?" "I''m sorry." "For what?" "I didn''t mean to hurt your feelings." "Does ya t''ink ya did?" "I don''t know. I don''t want you mad at me." "Does ya t''ink I am?" "I don''t know. You get mad so easily." "I actually dreams of slicing bread instead of people," a metallic voice said. "Did your machete just talk?" Quaraun asked. Unicorn pulled out the machete again. "Aye. It does that some times." "I was forged in the blood of a thousand enemies," the sword said. "No ya was nae. I knows causing I mades ya." "The blood of 400 men would have had enough iron in it to forge a machete of about 1.2-1.6 kg. Quite a decent machete. Plus, burning the exsanguinated bodies to use the carbon for a carbon steel machete, or using less blood with better machete crafting techniques using other parts of the bodies for other bits and pieces of Unicorn''s machete, quenching the blade in the blood, mixing the blood with iron..." "Aye, all sorts of interesting things! Now shuts up." "Why didn''t I know you had a talking sword?" "I knows nots." ZooLock creep up close to Quaraun. "He had an enchanted map didn''t he?" The old squid headed priest asked. "Yes. He did." "And a cursed dagger." "That''s true." "Why would it be shocking that he has a talking sword as well?" "That''s a good point." "BLUEBERRIES!" Unicorn screamed. "Give me a cup." Quaraun pulled a cup from his bag of holding and gave it to Unicorn. "A cup full of glorious blueberry mashed alien brains," the Phooka said delightedly as he started picking blueberries from a nearby bush. "You are not eating my brain," ZooLock said. "Why not?" "I need it!" "There it is again!" Quaraun said, jumping to his feet. "What?" "That cat. That same black cat. It''s following us." A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 2 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° Chapter 9: Worms! "Worms!" Quaraun gasped. Unicorn looked to see what Quaraun was looking at. Worms. A squirming knot of worms. Twisting. Wriggling. Writhing. Squirming. Quaraun stared at the worms, then turned and ran out of the room. Unicorn followed after him and found the Elf vomiting his guts out. "Hetushki! Oho! Was it the worms or the opium did that to ya?" Unicorn asked as he watched the Elf puke. "Both," Quaraun gasped as he staggered back to the building. "I don''t like this place." "Well, it what we gots." Unicorn''s protective hand pulled Quaraun beside him, then pressed the Elf closer. "Ya is so frail of late." "I''m always frail," Quaraun whimpered. "I''m a weak, cowardly, frail, runt. The Moon Elves were right. I''m pitiful and worthless." "Fudger Fluffer Nutters. Ya is no worthless. Pitiful, maybe, but never worthless." "I don''t like it here." "Well dick brains. Ya wants to keep walking, th''ough dense thunder storm filled forest at night?" "No. I just wish we weren''t alone in this place." Just then there was a crackling zap across the ceiling, followed by flashes of lightening blue streaks dancing in the air, followed by a great black hole opening up and a half-Elf, falling, flailing, screaming as he dropped out of the sky and landed on the floor in front of them. The instant he hit the ground, the black hole closed up and vanished as if it had never been there. "Did ya just grant yarself a wish?" Unicorn asked Quaraun as he watched the whole in the ceiling disappear. "I don''t know," Quaraun moaned. "My head hurts." The Moon Elf wizard sat on the ground clutching his head. "Owwww," the yellow haired Sun Elf moaned as he also held on to his head as if warding off a headache. "Fuu-uuuck! What was that?" Unicorn stood up and stared at the spot where the hole had been. GhoulSpawn stood up to answer Unicorn, but immediately fell back down. "GhoulSpawn''s here," Unicorn said as helped Quaraun back up. "I can see that. Where the hell did he come from." "I tinks ya just wished him here." "Why would I do that?" "Ya tell me. Ya dids it." "I didn''t mean to." "Oh well, moving on.. don''t mind me as I eat de jit..." "You are not gonna eat him!" "What the hell? Why not?" "Because I said so." Unicorn stood over GhoulSpawn. "Where did ya come from?!" Unicorn stared down at the half-Elf sprawled on the floor in front of him. "Uhm... I... " GhoulSpawn struggled to find words. "Are you alright," Quaraun asked GhoulSpawn as he helped the dazed Sun Elf to his feet. "How did that happen?" GhoulSpawn asked as he pushed away from Quaraun and stood with his head tipped back, staring up at the spot in the ceiling where he had just fallen out of. "I''m not sure" "Where am I?" "We don''t seem to know where we are." The half Sun Elf turned to Quaraun and asked again: "Where am I?" "I don''t know," Quaraun said, shrugging his shoulders. "We aren''t sure where we are. Which I already said. We were running away from a giant turtle and ended up here." "Giant tur... What?" "I''ve had a bad day." "How did I get here?" "I don''t know," Quaraun said, "Though I suspect I just wished you here." "Wished me here?" "Yeah." "How?" "I''m a wish granting wizard." "I thought you were a Necromancer." "No. I''m a Di''Jinn. I grant wishes. Even my own. Especially when I''m not expecting to." "I was... and now I''m... what? ... how...." the dazed and confused half-Elf spun around several times looking at everything and everyone in the room, through his very wide, very frightened lime yellow green eyes. "I didn''t... I wasn''t... This shouldn''t have happened! It''s completely unexpected." "I always expect the unexpected," Quaraun said. "I''m a DiJinn. You never get what wish for. You always get a version of the wish that you least expect. And so I expect nothing." Unicorn suddenly slapped Quaraun for no reason. "Hey! What was that for?" "Ya was no expecting it." Quaraun was about to punch Unicorn, but the Phooka wagged a finger in the Elf''s face. "Uh-uh-uh. I be expecting t''at. I punch harder un faster. Ya''ll be on ground wid bloody nose fore ya get a swing in." Quaraun put his hand back down, "Why do you keep doing this to me?" "I is a Faerie. This what we do." "And he does this frequently?" ZooLock asked Quaraun, looking at Unicorn. "Yes. Every damned hour of every damned day, all week long, every month of every year. Faeries are the most annoying creatures there are." "Then why are you travelling with one." "It keeps my life being dull. I''m an Elf. I wouldn''t have any excitement in my life if I didn''t have a Faerie pestering me all day long." In their arguing they had forgotten that the strange half-Elf had just fallen out of the sky. Again. For the third time this week. The room was dark, only a couple of candle lights lit, and GhoulSpawn''s hair was glowing a vivid fluorescent yellow, as were his eyes. It was theIr first time seeing him at night. "How does ya glow like that?" Unicorn asked. "What?" "Ya hair un ya eyes. Ya lighting up the whole entire of room. We can use ya for lamp post!" GhoulSpawn reached up and put both hands on the top of his head. "Oh! I forgot about that!" He closed his eyes and opened them again, this time his eyes were a more normal shade of golden hazelnut flecked with brilliant limeon yellow green, but his hair was still glowing. The demonic Elf twirled his long glowing yellow curls on his finger. "Why does this always have to happen?" GhoulSpawn moaned as he fussed over his glowing hair. "I can''t fit in with anyone." "Always remember dat yis absolutely unique. Just like every body else." "Oh dear!" He muttered as he stared mournfully at the glowing strand of hair wrapped around his finger. "Not much I can do about that. You don''t want me on a stakeout or anywhere you need to hide from a killer. I''m sorry. I glow in the dark. I probably should have mentioned that at some point. Except it didn''t seem relevant and I didn''t think I''d ever see any of you again." "Well, join the club!" Unicorn laughed, slapping the half Elf on the shoulder. "So does he." Unicorn pointed to Quaraun. "What?" "Him glows in dark." "Do you?" GhoulSpawn turned and asked Quaraun. "Yep. Only not just my hair. My whole body. I light up like up a Christmas tree every time it''s a full moon." "It causing ya both is Space Elves." "I''m a Moon Elf. It''s why they call us Moon Elves." "Ah. I''m a Sun Elf. My hair glows at night if I stay out in the sunlight too long during the day. It''s why they call us Sun Elves."If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. "You''re eyes were glowing too," Quaraun said. "I''ve never seen an Elf with glowing eyes." "Oh, uhm... that, yes. I''m only a half-Elf." "I never saw a Human with glowing eyes either." "Human? I... Uhm... Oh. No. I''m not... I... uhm...Human," GhoulSpawn tried to think of an explanation to why his eyes were glowing. One that didn''t involve him telling strangers he was a Demon. But he couldn''t think of a good lie off the top of his head. Lying wasn''t something GhoulSpawn was good at or used to doing, though he tried to do it frequently. "Elephants..." "What?" "You saw a giant turtle? How giant?" "Big a small mountain. What about elephants?" "What?" "You said elephants." "Did I?" "Yes." "Oh. I... Am I standing up?" "Him is high," Unicorn said to Quaraun. "Like I was, it looks like," Quaraun agreed. "Uhm... Oh dear... I don''t know what year it is.." GhoulSpawn mumbled to himself, looking around the room as he did. "What year is it?" "That''s right. You''re a time traveller. I forget. What year were you in." "I''m not sure. I... I wasn''t paying attention. There were too many penguins." Quaraun waited patently for the half-Elf to get his story straight inside his head. "Humans don''t... no. That won''t work," the half-Elf continued to mutter to himself. "Goldfish. No. That''s not right either. Oh dear." GhoulSpawn was absolutely terrible at lying. Quaraun smirked as he watched the poor half-Elf try to come up with a lie. "And," Quaraun said, to farther disrupt the poor half-Elf''s train of thought. "You seem to be able to control it. Humans can''t do that either." "Control?" "You''re glowing eyes." "Glowing... Eyes... Yes. My eyes glow. That''s not right." "Human eyes don''t glow." "Humans... can''t..." GhoulSpawn said slowing. "My eyes glow... Humans don''t have ... glowing..." Quaraun shook his head. "Oh! I know!" The half Elf exclaimed cheerfully, as he thought of an answer that didn''t involve him admitting to being a Demon. "I''m a Chaos Wizard. We can do that." "You forgot you was a wizard?" Quaraun asked. "What? Oh. No.I... It''s...uhmmm..." "You''re lying to me." "No I''m not. It''s...it''s... It''s LSD. I''m a bit... High right now. I''m sorry. I can''t... I can''t think well just yet." "You had to stop, for a few minutes, and think about your answer before answering me." "No I didn''t." "It took you three minutes to think up an excuse." "No it didn''t." "Aye, it did," Unicorn agreed. "Yis a bad liar." "I''m sorry," GhoulSpawn muttered. "For what?" Quaraun asked. "I don''t know," GhoulSpawn said, shrugging his shoulders. "I''m not... I don''t... people make me nervous. I''m not used to talking. No one ever talks to me. They''re usually too busy kicking me." "Kicking you?" Quaraun asked, now sounding sympathetic. Having been abused himself growing up, he hated to see anyone else abused. "That''s not right. Who kicks you?" "Elves. I''m a half-Elf. I''m not a viable member of society. Valuable. I''m not a valuable member of society. I don''t deserve to live." "It that what the Elves around here tell you?" "The Sun Elves. Yes. They are High Elves. Highest High Elves on the planet, after the Moon Elves." GhoulSpawn suddenly looked scared. His eyes darted nervously around the room looking for a means of escape. "You''re a Moon Elf." "I am, but I won''t hurt you. I have nothing against half-Elves. I''m not like other Moon Elves." "The Sun Elves are dead." "Are they?" "I''m the last one." "You''re a half-Elf." "I know. I''m unworthy." "Don''t say that." "It''s true." "Your value doesn''t decrease based on someone else''s inability to see your worth." "No one cares about a half-Elf. The High Elves want us dead, the Wild Elves don''t care about anything at all, Faerie eat us, Humans usher us off into reservations and concentration camps, Demons don''t want..." GhoulSpawn stopped himself before he said too much. "I''m not welcomed anywhere." "I know the feeling," Quaraun said. "Do you? You''re a full blooded High Elf from the look of you." "I am." "Aren''t you Quaraun the Insane?" "I am." "Purest blooded Elf on the planet if the rumours about you are true. You are a result of hundreds of generations of sibling marriages." "I am. That part of the rumours is true at least. I''m the Elf all other Elves strive to be, blood-line-wise. In every thing else they can''t be as far from like me as possible." "What do you mean?" "I''m a Necromancer. I dress like a she-Elf. I murdered my family. I have non-Elf friends. I don''t hate half-Elves. I like getting my ass fucked by male Faeries. Most Elves count those things against me and say it makes me the evilest Elf to ever live. I''m a disgrace to Elfdom. I''m worse than a half-Elf. I''m a waste of a perfect bloodline. Chin up, GhoulSpawn, there''s worse things in life than being born a half-Elf. You could have born a Demon." GhoulSpawn shuddered at the High Elf''s words. "But," Quaraun continued. "One can''t help what you are born as. It''s your parents fault, not yours. It''s not like you chose ti be a half-Elf. And who am I to judge? I''ve been judged enough in my life to know how much it hurts to be on the receiving end of that judgement." "Do you not like Demons?" GhoulSpawn asked. "Demons? Why do you ask about Demons?" "You said there was worse things in life to being born a half-Elf. You said I could have been born a Demon. You''re voice was filled with contempt when you said the word Demon." "Was it?" "Aye," Unicorn said, agreeing with GhoulSpawn. "It was. One would t''inks from ya tone of voice, ya hated Demons." Quaraun looked over at ZooLock and sighed. "No. I don''t hate them," he turned back to GhoulSpawn. "I just having one raising heck in my life right now, so I''m currently annoyed with Demons, is all. I grew up with Demons, you know. Him in particular." Quaraun tossed a thumb back over his shoulder in ZooLock''s direction. "He''s in chains," GhoulSpawn said mournfully, as if he expected Quaraun would put him in chains along side of ZooLock. "Yeah. He is. But only because he kept me in chains for thirty years. I thought he''d like a piece of his own medicine." "If another Demon were here, would you put him in chains too?" "No. No reason to. Not unless he gave me a reason to." "What would be a reason too?" "Hurt me or someone I love." "So self defence?" "Quaraun? Defended himself?" Unicorn laughed for a moment before finishing. "Him kind of person what would defend himself from vultures by passing out un playing dead." "He''s supposed to be the world''s most powerful wizard." "Him is, when him stop running from hims own shadow long enough to remember that." "You describe him like he''s stupid." "Him too stupid to live. Him world''s stupidest wizard. Him would has died centuries ago if not for me looking out for him. Him ain''t got no brain in him head." "That''s not a very nice thing to say." "Why not for, eh?" "It''s mean." "It true. Him brain was eat by Thullid years ago." "Thullid?" "Aye." "Thullids are Demons." "Aye." "That would make him part Demon." "Aye." "Then he''s not a full blooded Elf." "I was born a full blooded Elf," Quaraun said. "I''m a Thullid now." GhoulSpawn stared wide eyed at Quaraun. "Are you? You don''t look it." "Jelly Thullid, not Squid. I''ll never hatch out of this Elf''s head, like he did out of his Elf''s head." Quaraun again looked in ZooLock''s direction. Then turned back to GhoulSpawn. "You''re a Thullid?" GhoulSpawn asked again. "Yes." "That means you''re not an Elf then, right?" "Aye," Unicorn answered. "Him gots Jelly in him skull instead of a brain." GhoulSpawn said nothing more. He had not realized that Quaraun was a Thullid. He wondered what HellBorne would think of this news. He wondered too where HellBorne was and how far away he was from Black Tower just now and how could he escape this place and get back there. "Techchally that makes me a Demon myself, now. Quaraun the Elf is dead. He''s been dead for a few hundred years now. Quaraun the Thullid, lives on in his place, replicating the Elf''s habits and mannerisms and living inside his hollowed out skull." "So in a way," GhoulSpawn stated. "You''re a half-Elf, half-Demon?" "Unfortunately, yes, that would be the case. It is why my father wanted me dead. He suspected, though couldn''t prove I was a half-Elf. And unlike most Thullids, I did not choose to be implanted. I wanted to be set free. I wasn''t given a choice in the matter. My Jelly body was captured by ZooLock here, as was my Elf body. He forced my Jelly body inside of this poor Elf''s brain. Once inside I couldn''t get out. I was faced with starving to death and letting the Elf live, or eating his brain and taking full control of his body in order to stay alive. I chose to live, and so the Elf died and so now I''m a female Demon trapped in the body of a male Elf." "Female?" "Yes." "You''re a female?" "Yes." "A female Demon inside the body of a male Elf?" "Yes." "Is that why you dress like you do?" "Yes. Technically I am female, so I dress female." "But you use male pronouns." "Yes. The Elf has a male body. Male reproductive organs. Male body parts. I''m a female with a dick. How utterly annoying. He used male pronouns when he was alive. I honor his choice in that by continuing to use male pronouns for him, even though I am myself female." "That''s very complicated." "Yes, well, ZooLock could have put me inside a female Elf and made it less confusing for me, but what''s done is done, there''s no changing it now. I''m a female Demon trapped in the body of a male Elf. And nothing I can do about it. It is what it is." "I thought Thullids could change bodies? Why don''t you just find another Elf to live in?" "I could have centuries ago, but not now." "Why not?" "I was a very small Jelly, small enough to be implanted. Barely an inch across. I''m the size of an apple now, and my tentacles have grown throughout his entire body. I could leave his body, but not without destroying his body and seriously damaging my own body. It would require severing my tentacles and growing back new ones and I''m too large to implant myself into another body anyways, I would require a way to live outside of a host, and on this planet, none has yet been found." "Didn''t you say he kept you in a bowl of water? Couldn''t you returned to a river or something?" "No. The water on this planet''s poison to us. The water in the bowl was from my home planet. A planet that now burns in flames. I would quickly die outside of this Elf''s body. I am trapped in this Elf''s body with no hope of freedom." "I''m sorry." "There is no need to be sorry. You did nothing. It was ZooLock who took me from my ocean. ZooLock who imprisoned me in the bowl. ZooLock who implanted me in the Elf." "And that''s why you keep him in chains?" Quaraun nodded. "Is that not you doing to him the same thing he did to you?" "It is." "Why?" "He is unaware of the suffering he caused me. Unaware that I once had a family in my home under the sea. A family I''ll never see again. They died centuries ago, along with the rest of the planet." "Doesn''t that mean ZooLock saved your life?" "He did. And he did try to let me go free. When the cultists attacked the temple. He fled to the ocean and set me lose, but the water of this planet burned me. I nearly died. He took me back out of the water and tried to ease my pain, but the damage was already done. I was dying. The water was eating my body like acid. He knew the only thing that would heal me, was to be encased in the soft, protective flesh of an Elf''s brain. He implanted me into Quaraun to save my life. We were the last three. Me. My medusa and her servant. Now I''m the last one. There are no more Jellies. Only me and I''m badly damaged. Unicorn is correct. I am very stupid, but I didn''t used to be. That was a side effect of being set free in this planet''s ocean. I''m the Elder Brain that can control them all. Every last one of them. It''s why they fear me. Why some, like ZooLock here, worship me, while others, seek my destruction. But I don''t seek to control them. It''s a power I have but not a desire I want. I only seek to live in peace and be left alone." "How old are you?" "The Jelly? Or the Elf?" "Both." "The Elf was a baby when he was implanted. BoomFuzzy died three hundred years ago. I think that makes this body around four hundred years old. A frightening thought as Elves, though the longest lived life forms on this planet, still have very short lived lives. In our home waters, we never die. We heal ourselves indefinitely. Chop off a limb, we grow it back. Cut us in half, we become two Jellies. We can live forever. Not so here. We had no measure of time. I don''t know how old I am. I was imprisoned in the bowl for centuries. And I lived in my ocean, for centuries more before. I am many thousands of years old and yet, I am still very young. It will be millenia more before I grow old, though I can not say as much for the body of this Elf. It is easily damaged and not so easily healed. It is frail, unhealthy, and very weak. He is beautiful beyond imagining, but he was born very sick and had I not been implanted in him, he would have died while still a small child. He was born dreadfully ill." "Is that why you''re so small?" Quaraun looked down at his tiny Elf body and nodded. "I do not know what is wrong with him. He did not grow correctly. Other Elves are so much taller. Much bigger. And so much stronger. This body lacks both the size and the strength to survive a physical confrontation with another Elf. Even the she-Elves are bigger and stronger then I am." "Why don''t you live with Demons?" "I''m an Elf." "You''re Demon possessed." "No I''m not." "You''re a Demon possessing an Elf''s body." "Have you seen Demons? The physical forms of most Demons are incompatible to that of an Elf. I could not live with them." "Have you ever tried?" "You like Demons." "What?" "You keep bringing up Demons." "I''m sorry." "Don''t be, just tell me why you like Demons." "I tend to sympathize with Demons more then I do Elves." "Why is that?" "No Demon ever hurt me. I can''t say that for Elves." "Have you had close enough encounters with Demons to warrant saying that?" "I lived with Demons growing up." "Did you?" "Yes." "How did you come by that?" "I... My father... He..." "He was a sorcerer. You told me that before. Back when you were calling yourself Glinter. And you had that big orange ... Beast." " My Gremlin?I still have it. I keep it in my pocket." "You fit THAT in your pocket?" "They''re bigger on the inside." "You keep it with the sheep?" "There are no sheep," GhoulSpawn lied. "Okay. So how did you who has no sheep stashed in you''re pocket grow up with Demons?" "I was born in a Hell Dimension. I''m not from here." "And you''re name is GhoulSpawn." "Yes." "A name your Sun Elf family gave you." "Yes." "Do you know what it means?" "I do." "Spawn of The Ghoul." "Yes." Quaraun turned to Unicorn. "Didn''t you know The Ghoul?" "The Ghoul? Aye. Him worked for me. Him un Gibedon both." "This seems to be his son." "Him were not an Elf." "I''m a half Elf," GhoulSpawn said. "Yes, you are," Quaraun agreed. "But neither Humans nor Elves have glowing yellow eyes, you know." "I know." Quaraun smiled and nodded and said no more of the matter. Chapter 9A: The Glow-In-The-Dark Sun Elf Who Fell From The Sky If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 3 Part 1 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel ¡° Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. The nursery. There was a village nearby, down in the valley. Quaraun had seen it the day before. He could have gone there and looked for a room to rent, a bed to sleep in, so as to not have to sleep on the cold hard ground. Quaraun preferred to sleep in his tent, in the forest, away from Human populations. He was the last Elf. Few Humans these days even believed that Elves had ever been once real, so it was generally best to avoid Human villages until scouting out the beliefs of the local cultures and knowing their thoughts on magical creatures, like Elves. "...a black mirror, a silver dagger, and a white feather. A white bird''s wing, on its head, and a white cloth with black lines over it as a bandage for a wound. A white dress, black feathers on top of each head, black clothes, and white boots. A black crow carrying something in it''s talons, feathers ruffled like they had been through wind. An empty cage, with its contents long gone. The three children who had been playing with the ravens before, now standing beside him. They were no longer laughing or screaming as they used to, but their eyes seemed dull with grief and despair, tears running down their faces, hands shaking as they looked around at what was left of the forest they had once known so well. There were trees and flowers everywhere, birds singing, animals running through the field, rabbits hopping from tree to tree, butterflies and butterflies flying in the air. The raven in front of them, though, was still just dead; nothing was alive anymore. There were no life, no movement, no life except for that one little, white feather floating in the air, drifting up and away until it could no longer be seen. He watched as it fluttered further away into the sky. He felt like he should be angry or sad about this..." A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 3 Part 2 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Chapter 10: GhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A Phooka Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. Chapter 9B: Letter to Home - How the Phooka Does His Illusions Dear Lynxiana, I have been going forward and backward to other times and trying to find out more of this Elf and Faerie and how they came together. He''s the King of the Faeries. King Gwallmaiic, King of the Faeries, Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, Leader of the Lich Lords, the one the Elf calls BoomFuzzy. The one you know as Antares of The Silver Coach, from White Rock Asylum of the Criminally Insane. King Gwallmaiic is Aardsvorkus Mudsburge''s father. And Blackbird''s grandfather. And also Harrier''s grandfather, which is of important note, as, it does mean Harrier has a personal interest in this case, and perhaps, can not be trusted. Harrier is the one who signed the papers to have Antares moved out of White Rock and to The Twighlight Manor. Which was against everyone''s better judgment. He is one of White Rock''s most dangerous patents, moving him to out patent status was not recommended by anyone. But Harrier did it anyways. I do believe Harrier is too close to this case emotionally. I think too it is important to note that King Gwallmaiic is not actual royalty. He has common blood. He''s not even a full blooded Faerie. In fact, he''s not even one quarter Phooka. I had not realized this before now. All of the Mudsburges identify themselves as Phookas, and yet, all of them have Human mothers. King Gwallmaiic Mudsburge, is himself only one quarter Phooka. This means Harrier and Blackbird are each only one sixteenths Phookan. They are more Human than Faerie. His mother was a half Fae, half Human. Her Faerie half was Aswag, her Human half was one quarter Japanese and one quarter Mongolian. His father was also half Fae and half Human. His Faerie half was a Phooka. His Human half was Jale, from the Highlights of Papua New Guinea. King Gwallmaiic was born on the Sepik River, but his parents left the island and moved North when he was still a child, so he grew up in Scotland, where he took the form of a Kelpie, a black unicorn. And he got to be king by defeating all the other lesser Faerie kings and doing it largely with his magical abilities. This is a very powerful creature, unlike any other Phooka I''ve ever encountered. There is something strange about King Gwallmaiic. He has powers no other Phooka has. He has Thullid powers. I believe, he too, may be a Thullid and is hiding it. It would explain his strong attraction to the Elf. The Elf being a Thullid. Near as I can tell, King Gwallmaiic reached a point of thinking he''s the most powerful, most undefeatable creature on the planet, and I think he''s right... except... well... I think that is why he is obsessed with the Elf. The Elf is more powerful then King Gwallmaiic. Though neither is as powerful as The Gremlin. And King Gwallmaiic believed himself most powerful, until one day he set up shop in the Moon Elf Village just south of Santa''s Village. The Moon Elves didn''t know he was a Faerie, because they see what he wants them to see: another Elf. Now, people call him a shape-shifter, but near as I can yell, physically shifting his body to other shapes is not in fact what he is doing, at all. He is always just a horse, but, people rarely see the horse. The Elf often says he always sees a horse and never sees the illusion, and I believe what King Gwallmaiic does is just that: an illusion. He''s not actually becoming another form, he just tricks the minds of those around him. He is never not a horse. It just looks like that to the untrained eye. My research has shown, that King Gwallmaiic has a sort of "masking" type of magical ability in which he is able to control what people see when they look at him. He doesn''t actually shape-shift, but rather he pressures people''s minds into seeing a different face and body, of his own choosing. King Gwallmaiic does not manipulate his own bod into shifting shapes. He is instead manipulating the minds of those around him. He is using psionic mind control. Like a hive mind, but different. This is most definitely Thullid powers and not Faerie powers. His powers are somewhat of an advanced hypnotism I think. And possible something to do with scent, as he seems to be quiet keen on smells and carries with him an apothecary box, full of, not only drugs, but also strongly scented oils, powders, and spices. King Gwallmaiic has cinnamon sticks and anise stars woven into his dreadlocks and I''m not sure what else, but he spends a great deal of time every morning fussing over having just the right items tied into his hair. I think that has something to do with his ability to gain such powerful control over the minds of so many. The strong smell of the incense in his hair, seems to dull the senses of those around him, making it easy for him to lull them into his illusions. I''ll probably do more research into this in the future, but I like the idea of aromatherapy and pheromones triggering hypnotics states in people, as a means for him to better control their minds. I think that is what he''s doing. Indeed, we''ve seen BlackBird do similar things. Perhaps we are seeing where BlackBird learned the mind tricks he does. His house, is built out of the bones of dead Elves, and drips with blood and entrails, but what the Elves see when they look at it is a gingerbread house. He sets up shop as a candy maker and sells handmade chocolates to the Elves. The Elves see and taste chocolate, but it''s actually poison mushrooms. When the Moon Elves are drugged out of their minds on the mushrooms, he killed them and ate them, Elves being the main source of his diet. Which is why they call him the Elf Eater after all. Everything was going well and good for his scheme until one day the village''s wizard, a hermit who rarely leaves his tower, hears tell of a new candy shop in town and goes to meet the new Elf... but all he sees is a tiny, scruffy looking, shaggy, black Shetland pony with dreadlocked mane and tail, and a gleaming silver horn on his head. All the Elf wizard sees is a very old looking unicorn, which he can also see has gone blind and has silver cataract clouded eyes and is horribly thin, looking like it is starving to death. Instead of hooves it has sharp eagle talons on it''s feet, and it has long sharp fangs hanging over it''s lips. While the beast looks fierce, it''s only the size of a Golden Retriever and is obviously extremely ancient. The wizard knows immediately this is a Phooka, a type of evil Faerie Horse, but he also has sympathy for the creature, realizing it''s starving to death because it is blind and can no longer see to catch it''s food, thus why it has left it''s swamps and moved into the Elf village.If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. The wizard has been told of the marvellous gingerbread house and the wonderful candy made by the strange new Elf, but when he gets there, he doesn''t see the gingerbread house at all. He sees the grizzly nightmarish horror built out of the remains of dead Elves. He sees the other Elves eating candy, but he doesn''t see the candy, he sees the mushrooms, and he knows the Faerie is a Faerie, because he can see the Faerie. Unfortunately for the Elves, he''s not a very nice wizard and joins forces with the evil Fae, but... ...this wizard, said to be the world''s most powerful wizard, is the first time the Faerie King ever encountered someone who''s mind he couldn''t deceive. Throughout the series he tosses every illusion he can at the wizard, and sometimes the wizard goes along with it and the Fae thinks he''s finally beat him, but then he realizes the wizard is just pretending to see the illusion, and it frustrates him to no end. Both the Faerie and the wizard are using what is known as Psionic Powers and are Psions. While both of them are Psions, the wizard is schooled in Necromancy and is not skilled in using his Psionic powers for Illusions. The Faerie however is schooled in Illusions and is an Illusionist. Because of the type of Faerie he is, he can both shape-shift (into things of equal size to himself) and then "add on" to his shape shifting using illusions to "power up" the fear factor of whatever he shifted into. He can also make items near him appear to change shape through illusions (such as how he changed his house) Because these are natural abilities he has (due to being a Faerie) he can do them "at will" without using rituals or spell casting, however because he is himself also a wizard, he has learned how to do illusion spells and rituals. Because of this, he is quite different from others of his race. For example: Most Fae can do illusions, but only for short periods of time, before they grow too tired. Fae can not maintain their illusions while sleeping, when sick, when wounded, or during sexual intercourse. At such times they "revert back" to their true form. The particular Fae, when he grows tired, can cast a spell that maintains the illusion, without his having to use his own mental powers the whole time, thus he can rest and remain in the illusion. He is able to have sexual relations with various people because of this. He is able to sleep with others and maintain the illusion while sleeping. If the wound or illness is not critical he can maintain the illusion then as well. Because of being a wizard, he can cast spells on objects to create "magic items". For example, he could cast an illusion spell on a necklace, which had the effect of "turning him into" a specific person whenever he wore it. Thus he has a box of several magic items (necklaces, rings, gloves, bracelets, cloaks, boots, etc) that each one changes "who he is" and thus he can "change persons" as easy as changing clothes. Also, because he is a drug dealer/chemist who specializes in hallucinogenic drugs (especially opium and mushrooms) he can keep illusions going without the illusion. While in his "morphed" state, he gives those with him "candy" (drugs with illusions spells cast on them - never take food from Faeries) and he can then stop using illusions for 6 to 12 hours, while they are hallucinating and not knowing what they are seeing. This gives him "down time" to rest between illusions. Also, not fully explained, but often hinted to... His powers are somewhat of an advanced hypnotism I think. And possible something to do with scent, as he seems to be quiet keen on smells and carries with him an apothecary box, full of, not only drugs, but also strongly scented oils, powders, and spices. He has cinnamon sticks and anise stars woven into his dreadlocks and I''m not sure what else, but he spends a great deal of time every morning fussing over having just the right items tied into his hair. I think that has something to do with his ability to gain such powerful control over the minds of so many. The strong smell of the incense in his hair, seems to dull the senses of those around him, making it easy for him to lull them into his illusions. I''ll probably write more with this in the future, but I like the idea of aromatherapy and pheromones triggering hypnotics states in people, as a means for him to better control their minds. What type of people can see through his illusions? Not many. Certain races of High Elves with natural inborn magical abilities can "sense" his illusions, and know a Faerie is what they are seeing, but they often can not see the "truth" behind the illusion, even though they know what they are seeing is an illusion An alien race of squid headed beasts, who are Psions themselves, can not be deceived by Faerie magic A certain religious cult of wizard-priests, who''ve spent decades training themselves in mental powers, can see through his illusions, with varying degrees of difficulty depending on the training of the priest in question A race of "undead" Elves, who are now "empty husks" controlled by The Sacred Pink Jelly Fish (a tiny parasitic alien jelly fish that gets into the blood stream, makes it''s way to the brain, then eats the brain, and takes over the body) are able to see through his illusions Unicorns, Kelpies, Phookas and other Faerie Horses can not be fooled with Illusions Leprechauns, FarDarrigs, and Clurichaun can not be fooled with Illusions Wizards whom have learned illusion magic, can at least tell when an illusion is being cast even if they can not see the truth behind the illusion. As a general rule, most any race appearing on this list: Lists of Legendary Creatures I would consider as having some level of being able to at least sense an illusion is in the area, but if they could see through it or not would vary depending on the type of creature in question Sometimes he encounters young children (under 10 years old) who see him for what he is, and he attributes this to children being born "Faerie Sighted" but losing that "gift" when adults teach them to stop believing in "imaginary friends" Virgins (male and female) are rumoured to be able to see through his illusions; he claims Unicorns are "attracted" to virgins, simply because the fewer virgins there are, the fewer people can see their true forms, thus unicorns seek out virgins and become their loved simply to remove the threat of virgins identifying them Basically only others with mental powers on the same levels as his own, are able to see through his illusions, but very few people out there have that level of power, so it is rare for him to encounter anyone who is not fooled by his illusions. Throughout the series, everyone sees the Phooka as a humanoid, often a Human or an Elf, but the wizard himself, always sees the tiny little pony. You can tell in the stories who can see through the illusions, because they will address the pony as if he was a pony, while everyone else sees the Human or Elf he wants them to see. The wizard in question, Quaraun, who can see through the Fae''s illusions, is that particular certain type of High Elf, and was raised in the cult, becoming a wizard-priest, and has long ago had his brain eaten and replaced by a Sacred Pink Jelly Fish, so he''s got a super ability to not be fooled by any illusions the Fae tosses at him. Times when he loses control of his illusions include: When he''s very angry and lost his temper. When his seriously wounded. When he''s very hungry (as in near to starving to death). When he''s completely calm and relaxed (such as in when in a deep sleep). Sometimes during sex, his illusions melt away. Because he''s blind and pretending not to be, some times he runs off and runs into trees and knocks himself out... while unconscious the illusions melt away, unless he''s wearing a magic item that keeps the spell going. We must continue to watch the Phooka. I fear he is far more dangerous then Harrier has let on. ~Love From Your Sister, Miss Citten The EelKat A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 4 Part 1 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 4 Part 2 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel ¡° ¡° Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author. ¡° A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 4 Part 3 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡°A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 4 Part 4 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. ¡° Chapter 11 - Part 1: The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience. Quaraun looked around. It was still early morning. The sun was not quite up. The stained glass windows sent erry shadows across the room. ZooLock was asleep at his feet. Morning had arrived and the storm had left. Chickadee and Titmouse were singing in the pine trees. There was a fresh, musty wet smell to the air. The smell of fresh rain in a mossy forest. Quaraun got up and went to the door to look outside. Though the rain had stopped, everything was drenched through. Tree branches hung low, water dripping from them. Dark puddles stood in places all around. The rich black earth was mushy and boggy, waterlogged from the heavy torrents of rain that had kept the Elf and his companions trapped in this church, now for three days. "Take GhoulSpawn with you and go back the way you came," a female voice said. "Leave ZooLock behind. Take the half-Elf away from here." Quaraun was suddenly alert, his foot long ears perked up high over his head instead of drooped backward as they normally were. With his ears twitching and listening like a scared rabbit, he looked all around for the source of the voice. His sight was not nearly as keen as his hearing though and he could see no one. "Don''t let him go back to that village. They''re gonna kill him. He''s too innocent. He doesn''t know who they are. He doesn''t know what they have planned. What they''re gonna do. Take him with you. Don''t let him go back to that place. Now that you have him go back the way you came. Don''t keep following this path." "Who''s there?" Quaraun asked. The sound of Quaraun''s voice woke Unicorn. "Who ya talkin'' too?" ¡°I heard something.¡± ¡°I can see that,¡± Unicorn said. ¡°Ya sexy little ears is gone erect.¡± ¡°Someone was talking to me.¡± Quaraun was looking all around, scanning the trees for signs of life. His body was tense and alert, ready to run at the slightest sound. Unicorn kicked ZooLock. "What?" The Thullid jumped up ready to attack, then relaxed when he remembered where he was. The commotion woke up GhoulSpawn, who sleepily sat up and tried to remember where he was and how he had gotten here. "What for did you kick me?" ZooLock demanded. "Our Elf busy being terrified bunny having nervous breakdown again." "What? Oh." ZooLock looked over and saw the panicked look on Quaraun''s face and the stiffness of his tall alert ears. GhoulSpawn had never seen Quaraun like this before so wasn''t sure what was going on. He sat on the bed of furs and watched as Quaraun began trembling in sheer terror. Unicorn and ZooLock both went to the door beside Quaraun and looked around with him, but neither of them saw anything, partly due to the fact that Unicorn was nearly blind while ZooLock was a nocturnal, underground dwelling beast who was blinded by sunlight and could see nothing in the day time. Quaraun continued looking around then gasped and fell back away from the door. There it was. Right in front of him. The black cat was watching them again. This time it was right there. Inches in front of him. It''s green-yellow eyes gleaming at him. ¡°Look at that,¡± Quaraun pointed to the cat, but when he did the cat lept up and ran into the bushes. ¡°Look at what?¡± Unicorn looked to see where Quaraun was pointing. There was nothing there. ¡°A black cat, with a jeweled collar.¡± "Ya seeing cats again." "Kats?" GhoulSpawn asked. "You see Kats?" Unicorn went back to the fur bed and plopped himself down beside the half-Elf. "Him been seen cats all over the place for the past week or so." "Where?" "Every where. Every where we go. We turn ''round and there him go gibbering about cats talking to him and following him..." "Are they following him too?" GhoulSpawn''s eyes widened in terror. "Aye." "They''re everywhere!" GhoulSpawn gasped. "Eh?" "I can''t get away from them," GhoulSpawn said, now sounding as scared as Quaraun. The half-Elf began trembling in fear and started crewing on his nails, and twisting his yellow hair nervously around his fingers, while his gold flecked eyes darted fearfully around the room. "Ya what?" "They''ve been following me for weeks." Unicorn leaned back, looking at GhoulSpawn, then turned to ZooLock. "What it with Elves being scared of cats? This one doing it too." ZooLock toddled over to get a closer look at GhoulSpawn. "What do the cats look like?" "There''s a black one. Wearing lots of green jewelry. And a white one. With purple wings. And another black one. And a grey one. With tuffted ears. And an orange one. With long fur. And a flat face. And they talk. They won''t stop talking to me. They show up every where I go. I thought I was going mad. No one else sees them. No one will believe me. The other half-Elves laugh at me. They say I''m crazy. They''ve started calling me GhoulSpawn the Crazed. I don''t know what''s real and what isn''t any more." "Those are the same ones I''ve seen," Quaraun said, coming back into the room and sitting on the floor beside GhoulSpawn. "We should leave while the rain has stopped Quaraun ordered Unicorn to pack their things and the Phooka quickly obeyed. "Travel with us," Quaraun said to GhoulSpawn. "I can''t." "Why not?" "HellBorne needs me..." "HellBorne? You mentioned him before. Who is he?" "He''s an old man. Ancient. Can''t get around good any more. He''s got a withered arm. Been that way since birth. It''s like there''s no arm there are all. Just skin over bone and the bones are like too short. It looks like he has one arm. He needs help doing things and now that he''s old, just getting around." "Have you known him long?" "No. My father knew him before I was born. I only met him a about two months ago. He''s a half Elf and he takes in half Elves. There''s a lot of half Elves there. It''s kind of a half-Elf community." "So you have a place to go?" "Yeah." "And you''re not alone?" "No." "Are you happy there?" "I.... Uhm ... Not really. They''re the ones killing the sheep." "You''re hiding the sheep from HellBoorne?" "Yeah." "Are you in trouble?" "Kind of. And I will be even more now." "More now?" Why what do you mean?" "I''ve been gone three days." "Do you not have freedom to come and go as you choose?" GhoulSpawn looked away and didn''t answer. "Tell me about HellBorne. Who is he? What does he want with you?" "He calls himself the Summoner of Darkness. Darkness is coming and we have to be ready." "Meaning?" "He''s gathering up Thullids. A lot of them. Some type of cult. A lot of priests. Like him." GhoulSpawn pointed to ZooLock. "They''re all gathering in the next village from here. If you keep going done that road you was on, you''ll come to it. They''re getting ready for something. Don''t know what. They''ve been gathering up sheep to sacrifice to some ancient Elder God." "Elder God? A Thullid Elder God?" Quaraun looked over at ZooLock. Chapter 11 - Part 2: The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death "Why haven''t you run away? I''ve not been holding your chains since the field of poppies back there." "No reason to run away my lady," ZooLock answered. "Stop calling me that." "Why''s he call you that?" GhoulSpawn asked. "He thinks I''m a god. Or goddess. The Thullids call me The Elder Brain. I''m supposedly... I don''t know. They think I''m an ancient Jelly Fish living inside this Elf body of mine." "Are you? You did say you were a Thullid." Quaraun stopped talking to think. He tried thinking about what the black cat had said. He tried thinking about everything ZooLock had said before they reached the Witch Pond. He tried to think about everything GhoulSpawn had said these 3 days trapped in the storm with them. "Gremlin," Quaraun said. "Unicorn what did he say to us?" "A five o clock curfew. King Stephen and his thin Gypsies. Tiny houses on the beach. Apple orchards. You being the father of two evil kings. Ongadada. Twighlight Manor. Don''t go near Black Tower. Stay away from HellBorne. Trouble brewing ahead. Sun Elves are dead. White rocks are bad. Trapped souls. My grandson is gonna murder me. He had a headache. Humans take over the planet. You''re gonna die. He loves you. He''s here with the cats to stop HellBorne. Don''t follow that road. Don''t trust ZooLock. If you see GhoulSpawn, don''t let him go back to Black Tower." "If you''re lonely you can stay with us. We all like you," Quaraun said to GhoulSpawn. "Why the concern?" GhoulSpawn asked. "I get the feeling you''re unhappy there and that you''re happier here with us." "I''m the only High Elf among the half-Elves. The others are all common Elves and Wild Elves and Wood Elves and the like. I''m the only one not half-Human too. They pick on me. I''m... I always had servants. I... I''m not... I''m not good at d..do..doing things. At all. Basic every day things they do every day... I... I''ve... I''ve never done them before. They''re all half Elves, but their Elf parents were Common Elves, not aristocrats. Not royalty. Wood Elves mostly. They know how to do things. Farming and building and crafting and working with their hands. I try to help and end up getting in the way. I''m more bullied there by them, then I was by the Sun Elves. I just want to belong some where." "You can belong with us." "Aren''t you both wanted for murder?" "Yes. We are." "You live on the run." "That''s true." "You don''t have a place to live. Don''t you just, live like this. Camping out in whatever abandoned building you find." "Yes. And taverns. And inns. Brothels. Sometimes we stay with friends. There''s a Leprechaun travels with us sometimes. He has a Vardo. We live in that when we''re with him. I have a tent. We set that up and sleep under the stars. It''s not a bad life, living on the road like we do. You can stay with us. Travel with us. We don''t mind your company." "You''re a full blooded High Elf." "I was raised by Demons in a Human village. My lover is a Faerie. I''m not like other High Elves. I don''t mind other races, including half-Elves. And I don''t like seeing you unhappy. And I like talking to you. It doesn''t happen often that another High Elf to talk to. Please consider travelling with us." "I need to go back home. I''ve been gone too long already. HellBorne will be furious." "Then you will not come us?" "I need to go back." "Do you mind then, if we travel with you?" GhoulSpawn couldn''t think of a logical reason not to travel with them, seeing how they were walking on the road leading back to his village and he would have to walk this direction any ways. And so they finished packing their things and set out for GhoulSpawn''s village, rather then turning back as the black cat had advised. They walked for about an hour with nothing of any significance happening to them, following the path around Witch Pond, until they came to the other side. It was once again becoming windy as dark clouds hung low in the sky. "Looks like it gonna rain again," Unicorn said. "I hate being wet," Quaraun said as he looked up at the storm clouds. "We are on the other side of Witch Pond," ZooLock said. "Look there is the witch''s house we saw from the other side. Perhaps we can stop there until it passes?" "I don''t want to stay at a witch''s house," Quaraun mumbled. "Did that before. Mariasma. And look where that got us." "Where did it get us?" ZooLock asked. "She killed me dead," Unicorn said. "Him had to resurrect me all over again. Now I a VampiLich." Thunder crashed near by. Quaraun''s foot long ears laid all the way back, down flat against his back. "I hate being wet," he said again. A sound at his feet, caused his ears to go back up. The water, in the shape of a hand, rose out of the pond and grabbed hold of his ankle, pulling in forward n the slipper moss. "How is it you had to resurrect him again if he is a Lich?" ZooLock asked. Quaraun wasn''t listening to ZooLock, he was in a trance, staring down at the water. "Are you alright?" GhoulSpawn asked. "The water entices me." "Entices you?" "Something is trying to pull me into the water."If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. GhoulSpawn looked at the water. "There''s nothing there." "There''s something there. Something invisible. In the water. Crawling over the edge. Grabbing at my feet. Trying to pull me in. Trying to drown me." "There ain''t no ''ting there, Quaraun," Unicorn said. ZooLock inched cautiously closer to the water, leaned over the edge and brought one of his large fish eyes to the edge of the water. A purple blue bolt of lightening flashed across the sky. "Nope," ZooLock said at length. "I sees nothing." "You can not see an invisible entity," Quaraun said. "I don''t like this place." Another crack of thunder smashed through the air as the winds picked up. "The water is gettin'' choppy," Unicorn said. "Ya should nae be so close to the edge." "Water that entices you in until you drown," Quaraun whispered. "Come, ya drown from falling in and being crashed under the waves iffy ya does not come back from the edge." Unicorn forcibly dragged Quaraun away from the pond. The thunder claps were growing louder, the lightening flashes bigger, and the wind was howling fiercely now. Angry black clouds, blotted out whatever sun light there had been. In the near distance the sound of ocean waves crashing on the shore could be heard. The strong smell of seaweed and crabs filled the air. Quaraun thought for a few seconds. "We are in an enchanted forest." "Is it is Faerie Forest," Unicorn asked. "You''re a Faerie, can''t you tell?" "Usually, but I does nae sense no Fae in these woods." Quaraun nodded. "It doesn''t feel like Faeries. I''m Faeries sighted, I can usually tell if there are Fae around. Can you tell if there are any Fae around," Quaraun asked GhoulSpawn. "Hmm... that''s a good question. There''s no way to be sure, to be honest." "Implying everything else you said was a lie?" Quaraun pointed out. "What?" The remark caught GhoulSpawn off guard. "No one who is telling the truth, ends a sentence with ''to be honest''. It means everything else you said was a lie." "I don''t lie," GhoulSpawn hung his head in shame. "That''s kind of my problem I can''t lie." "I''ve noticed. You keep trying to lie and you act like someone''s cast a spell on you that prevents you from lying and you just blurt out the truth while trying to lie." "Yeah, something like that," GhoulSpawn said quietly. "What happened?" "To what?" "Why can''t you lie?" "I... uhm... well... it... I ..." "GhoulSpawn... why are you trying to lie about why you can''t lie?" "I don''t know." "You''re trying to hide something from me, aren''t you?" GhoulSpawn didn''t answer. Quaraun thought some more then looked at GhoulSpawn. "You said something about Chaos Magic before. And you keep talking about Chaos Demons. You''re a Chaos Wizard, aren''t you?" "Yes." "Do you work with Chaos Demons?" "Uhm... I... uh... sort of." "Chaos Demons would explain a lot." "What a Chaos Demon?" Unicorn asked. Quaraun shook his head and took another drink. "They create Chaos everywhere they go. They can''t help it. They''re not from this dimension, their bodies react to the gravity or something. I don''t know. I''ve never tried to do Chaos Magic. It''s dangerous. Energy goes mad around them. Things start happening at random and half the time they don''t know they''re causing it. It''s common for Sorcerers and Demonologists to summon Chaos Demons than hold them captive Quaraun paused and looked back at GhoulSpawn again. "Are you a Sorcerer?" "Kind of?" "Kind of... question mark? You don''t know?" "My father was a sorcerer. I... I... I learned magic from him, but I... he... uh... he..." "Killed Unicorns. You''re father was evil, wasn''t he?" "Yeah. He''s dead now. A group of wizards killed him. I think. I don''t know. I''m trying to find him." "The Guild?" "I don''t know. I wasn''t very old. They burned all his books and scrolls and... they... we... they killed all his children too. I''m the only one who survived. My mother protected me. They spared me, because she was an Elf and they said I was young enough to not know what he was doing so I wouldn''t be able to do the stuff he did." "I''m sorry. The Guild has been killing a lot of wizards and their families. Usually without any real evidence to support their reasons." "My father was evil. Nations rejoiced on his death." "I''m sorry. Did he work with Chaos Demons?" "Yeah." "You don''t know much about wizardry, do you?" "Not really." "Why Chaos Magic? Of all the things you could do, all the types of magic out there, why focus on Chaos Magic?" "I''m good at it. Sort of. Not so much good at it. I''m trying to gain some control over it. Have less Chaos and more normalcy in my life." Quaraun raised a questioning eyebrow, but didn''t comment of this for a while. Instead he went back to deep thought. "Is Chaos a problem for you?" He asked GhoulSpawn. "Yeah." "You know it is every time you show up that life for us goes to Hell, right?" "I kind of noticed that. I''m sorry. I try to avoid people. It''s why I can''t stay married. Weird things start happening and she''ll get scared and I just... I leave and don''t go back. Let her have a life without my bad luck following her around. I hate being alone, but people get hurt whenever I''m near them. I''m not doing Chaos Magic to... I''m not doing what other Chaos Wizards do,.. I''m trying to stop it... find a cure so I can live with people and not have to be alone any more." "You''re welcomed to stay with us." "I cause Chaos in your life." Quaraun shrugged. "I''ve got a Phooka here. I guarantee you can''t cause as much Chaos in my life as he does. You''re welcome to stay. Though I have no home and wander." "Why is that?" "Why do I wander? Never become famous. I can''t stay any where long. Disciples, worshipers, and cultists follow me every where. And I''m wanted by the Guild, so wizard hunters are after my head. I wish I had a place to stay. A house to live in again would be nice..." "That''s bad, " ZooLock interrupted. "Why did you do that!" "What? What did I do?" "You''re a wish granting wizard and you just said ''I wish''. Every time you say ''I wish'' something bad happens." "Oh dear. I do need to guard my words better. And I don''t wish for this house." "Did that erase your wish?" ZooLock said. "I don''t know, did it?" "Hmm... that''s a good question. There''s no way to be sure, to be honest." "Implying everything else you said was a lie?" Quaraun pointed out. Quaraun turned to GhoulSpawn. "You keep trying to lie to me." "What?" The remark caught GhoulSpawn off guard. "No one who is telling the truth, ends a sentence with ''to be honest''. It means everything else you said was a lie." "I don''t lie," GhoulSpawn hung his head in shame. "That''s kind of my problem I can''t lie." "I''ve noticed. You keep trying to lie and you act like someone''s cast a spell on you that prevents you from lying and you just blurt out the truth while trying to lie." "Yeah, something like that," GhoulSpawn said quietly. "What happened?" "To what?" "Why can''t you lie?" "I... uhm... well... it... I ..." "GhoulSpawn... why are you trying to lie about why you can''t lie?" "I don''t know." "You''re trying to hide something from me, aren''t you?" GhoulSpawn didn''t answer. Just there there was a sound at the door. The sound of someone coming home. Coming home to find that there were four very strange men, siting in their front parllor, uninvited. After a few moments of clattering at the door, the jingling of keys and scraping of shoes, the voices of to elderly women could be heard. "It''s already open." "What''s popping?" "Not popping. Open." "What?" Screamed the old woman. "Open." "Who''s doping?" "No not...Never mind. You forgot the lock the door again." "Who let a whore in?" "No. The door." "What whore?" "No, the lock." "Mr. Spock? Who''s Mr. Spock? I don''t know any one named Spock." "Look, someone unlocked it without a key." "On birds knees?" The deaf woman yelled. "No. I said, without a key." A few moments of silence passed, followed by more scuffling noises at the door. "Magic," whispered one old lady to the other. "What''d ya say?" the other yelled loudly. "Talk louder. I''m deaf ya know." "Perhaps I could help," Quaraun said as he opened the door. Both women screamed from fright. "Who are you? What are you doing in our house?" Demanded the younger of the two. By younger, she was about 80 years old. "Is that Mr. Spock?" said the deaf woman who was closer to 90. "I''m sorry for the intrusion. It was raining and there was no place else to seek shelter from the storm. Plus the water was inciting me to drown myself and I thought it would be nice to meet the witch who cast the spell on the pond." The two women chattered between themselves. The younger turned back to Quaraun. "Are you a wizard?" "Yes. We all are. All four of us." "The water compelled you?" Chapter 11 - Part 3: The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death "Yes." "All four of you or just you?" "Just me," Quaraun said. "How very strange. Did you hear sister? The water compelled him." "How did he get in our house?" "How did you get in our house?" "We just..." Quaraun started to answer. "Uhm.... I think I wished us here. I''m not sure how we got inside. I don''t remember coming in, actually." "How did you even see our house?" "I''m sorry?" Quaraun did not understand what they meant. "No one ever sees our house." "No one..." Quaraun was confused. "No mortal ever sees our house." "No man can see our house." "No Human has ever seen our house." "You are no mortal man." "You are not Human." "None of them is Human." "Is it a goblin?" "No it''s an Elf." "Are they all Elves?" "No. Just this pink one." "What are the others." "A Faerie and a Demon and another Demon." "What type of Fae are you," one woman asked Unicorn. "I is a Phooka," Unicorn answered. "A Phooka." "Then not a true Fae. A Water Demon." "How interesting." "An Elf with three Demons." "And an Orc with two." "And an Ogre with three." "Do you think we will live forever?" "Probably not," Quaraun interrupted. "It seems we have arrived too early." The room turned to stare at Quaraun. "Too early for what?" "This must be your home," Quaraun gestured around himself. "It has a lake with a fountain. I saw a garden on my way in. It looks lovely." "Why would we need a place like that?" "We don''t need a place like that." "You are right," Quaraun said. "We don''t need a place like that. This is where you live. I am sorry for intruding but it looks as if we were going the wrong direction." There was silence in the room. Quaraun looked around at the people in the room; they were all staring at him. He was used to being stared at by mortals. There had been many times when he had wished someone else in his place. But this was not one of those times. His heart sank into his stomach. "Excuse me, may I ask who might you be?" the old woman asked at last. "My name is Quaraun," "And you say the pond compelled you?" "Yes," Quaraun answered, looking at GhoulSpawn and not the old women. "There are two Elves here, one Faerie and one Demon." "No. There is only one Elf and three Demons. I am Bean-Nighe and this is my sister Ben-Neeyah." "Banshees," Unicorn whispered to Quaraun. "We wash the blood stained garments of those about to die." "We died the childbirth." The two old women grabbed Quaraun and dragged him out of the house to Witch Pond. The others followed. "We stay here are the mouth of the stream." "Where the water empties into the pond." "And wash clean countless dead." "Look out over the water." "What do you see?"Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Quaraun looked and saw the same pond they had seen before. Clear blue to it''s center, somewhat swampy to it''s edges. Lily pads on the road side, reeds and cattails in the low parts. A beaver dam blocking the flow of the stream. There was nothing unusual or remarkable about Witch Pond. It was like the thousands of other ponds that dotted the coast of Canada. "I see a pond, no different from any other pond," Quaraun said. "You are Faerie sighted, Necromancer. Close your eyes and look again." "I never told you I was a Necromancer." "But you are, aren''t you?" "Yes. I am." "The water would not have compelled you otherwise. There is a darkness in your soul. A darkness that comes only from Necromancy." "I am not evil." "No one can take the life of the innocent and use their souls to raise the dead, without blotting out a piece of their own soul. You have the blood of innocents on your hands. You have murdered children. Their souls scream for redemption. Close your eyes and look again. See the water as we see it. Know the truth." Quaraun closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he gasped and took several quick steps back. The pond was gone, replaced by black brackish waters of a stagnant bog. A dense fog hung low over the surface. Dead trees, the bark long ago fallen away, their wood bleached white as bones, sunk into the mire. It was a creepy, gloomy, dreary scene, but the thing which made Quaraun gasped was the ghostly spirits pacing to and fro across the surface of the water. Their arms and legs in chains. As they reached the water''s edge, each ghost reached out trying to grab hold of Quaraun and pull him into the bog. "What are they?" "The souls of the dead. Trapped between the realm of the living and the Swamp of Death. Look at how they reach for you. Listen to their words. Their screams. Their cries." "Why are we back at the Swamp of Death? We escaped it." "Have you walked through the Swamp of Death, Necromancer? Did you take your own life?" Quaraun clamped his hand over his wrist. The memory of The Mournful Lamb Inn burned in his brain. He had tried to kill himself. He had sliced his wrists and almost died. Unicorn had saved him. Nursed him back to health. But he''d spent weeks lost in the Swamp of Death, wandering among the lost souls of suicide victims. "One of you will die soon." "What?" "In a few days, one of the four of you will be dead." "Who?" Quaraun asked. "Many will die." "Hundreds will die." "Thousands will die." "But one of you four, will be dead before the year is over." On those final words the two Banshees, their house, and the soul filled bog all vanished and Witch Pond was back as they had found it. "Quaraun?" Unicorn said, while shaking the Elf, trying to bring him out of his trance. "Quaraun!" The Elf looked down at Unicorn. "What just happened?" Unicorn asked. "What?" "Ya went all spaced out there for a minute." "Where did the women go?" "What women?" "Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah." "The Banshee sisters?" "Yes." "Is ya feeling alright, Quaraun?" "What?" "Ya was spaced out for quite a bit there." "Where did the Banshees go?" "What Banshees?" "Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah." Unicorn gave Quaraun a puzzled and worried look of concern. "Has ya been seeing t''ings again?" "You didn''t see them?" Unicorn shook his head and tossed his mane. Quaraun turned to ZooLock. "Did you see them?" "No, my lord. But I doubt nothing your ladyship sees." "Did you?" Quaraun asked GhoulSpawn. GhoulSpawn said nothing. Quaraun looked around. "Where are we?" "At the church," Unicorn answered. "Big ass turtle chased us here, remembers?" "We never left?" "No. Did ya t''inks we had?" "I don''t know what I think any more." Quaraun sat down and tried to make sense of what had just happened. He didn''t think it was a dream, as he had not been asleep. Nor did he think it was the drugs, which admittingly did make him hallucinate, but usually he could tell afterwards what was real and what was the opium, plus he hadn''t taken anything since yesterday and that had worn off hours ago. "I don''t know what''s real and what isn''t any more." "Was a dream. They be very real some times." "I wasn''t asleep. Was I?" "Not dat I saw." "What happened to me?" "Just now?" "Yeah." "Ya kind of spaced out. Like no one was in ya head." "Outer body experience?" "What dat?" "Like when I was lost in the Swamp of Death. Not dead, but... not in my body either." "What ya see while ya was there?" "We left the church and followed the path around the pond, until we came to a house. I stopped to look at the pond and something tried to pull me in, but there was nothing there. And it started raining so we went inside the house. No one was home, but we waited for them. Two old women, Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah arrived. You said they were Banshees and they agreed with you. They addressed me as an Elf and the rest of you as Demons. they said they died and were cursed to spend eternity washing the blood stained clothes of people about to die. And then every thing disappeared - the forest, the pond, the house... and a vast swamp, a peat bog, that spanned for miles, was all I could see. The Swamp of Death. And that''s when I could see what was pulling me in the water..." Quaraun stopped talking. A look of horror spread across his face. "What was it?" Unicorn asked, seeing that the Elf would not finished what he was saying. "Children. Murdered children. Hundreds of them. Thousands of them. Wrapped in chains. Being sucked down into the mud. Drowning. They weren''t trying to pull me in. They were trying to get me to pull them out. It was like the Swamp of Death... only worse... much worse. What have I done?" "Did ya do somet''ing?" "I cast a horrible spell. A long time ago. I forgot. Why did I forget?" "Ya has a habit of blocking out the memories ya does no wants to see. Would nae be the first time ya forgot doing a horrible t''ing." "So many souls." "What did ya do?" "I changed your spell. The Lich spell. I altered it. It''s why you''re different from other Liches. It takes a hundred years for a Lich to regenerate after they''ve been killed. They come back, but not quickly. But not you. You die. And you resurrect again in hours. Some times sooner." "I had noticed. Ya never tells me how ya did that to me." "I made a Golem out of ice, and I killed innocents to capture their souls inside the golem. As many souls as was put in you, that''s how many times you can die and come back again." "How many souls did ya put in me?" "I don''t know. Hundreds. Thousands. All the Moon Elves. All the Pixies. All the Katopas. All those children in Witch Pond, guarded by Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah." "Ya murdered children?" Quaraun did not answer. "Why children? Ya love children." "I murdered my own children. Why did I do that? I loved my children." "Where ya children there? In the swamp?" "They were the ones pulling me in." "Quaraun, ya never left t''is building. Ya been right here with us. Ya seeing t''ings that is no t''ere again." Quaraun fell silent for several minutes. "Some one''s casting a spell," he said at last. "What kind of spell?" Unicorn asked. "A big one. Big enough to get inside my head." Quaraun looked up at GhoulSpawn. "Are you a Psion?" "A what?" GhoulSpawn was unfamiliar with that word, until earlier this evening when ZooLock had mentioned it. He still wasn''t entirely certain what a Psion was. "You''re not a Psion. I can tell. And even if you were, I don''t think you''re a powerful enough wizard to pull off a spell of this scale." Quaraun turned to ZooLock. "Where were you going?" He asked the Thullid. "When we found you. You said you were travelling with others and they left you behind because you were old and weak and had gotten hurt. Where were you going and why?" "We were to meet with a wizard who is summoning the Darkness." "What does that mean? Summoning the Darkness?" "An ancient Demon. We are going to call it forth to this world, then sacrifice it to our lord and savior. We will then drink his blood and eat his flesh, and he will rise again from his tomb." Chapter 11A: Another Letter To Home Dear Lynxiana, Okay, so I have more detail about the Necromancer ... The Elf did not start out a Necromancer... He started out as a wizard priest of a very specific religious order. The Di''Jinn. The order requires all of it''s priests to have Psionic powers (mental magic, such as mind control, being able to press one''s will on others to control their actions and make them your thrall). In his world, Psionics is an in born ability, it''s not something you can learn. Near as I can tell, it''s rare and not many are born with it, but those that are born with it are hunted down by this cult, kidnapped, and forced into being priests wither they want to be or not. The Di''Jinn priests have extreme mental control and are able to force the new "recruits" to do anything they want them to do, so no young Psion has ever been able to escape kidnapping and being forced into the priesthood. The Di''Jinn priests then teach the young Psions how to control their mental powers. The most Psions remain priests of the religion once they reach adulthood, but the most powerful Psions go on to become wizards as well, such was the case of my Necromancer. A Guild of Wizardry exists, that regulates who can do magic, when, where, how, and why. They demand fees, taxes, etc, and place absurd restrictions on every minute detail of the magic arts. Most magic users oppose them. The Guild has it''s own army and keeps a list of "the most wanted wizards", who are magic users that practice magic without paying tribute to the Guild and or are not "approved members" of the Guild for any of various reasons. A few centuries prior to the time he''s in now, there was a war started by a warrior Necromancer who was also King of the Faeries. His lover. The one I''ve been telling you about. The Phooka who pretends to be a Unicorn. His armies killed millions of people, nearly bringing the Elves to extinction in the process. He was practically undefeatable because he had in his control 12 powerful Liches. Eventually he grew old and retired, remaining undefeated, but the fear that another like him would rise up, resulted in the Guild''s creation to regulate magic arts, and resulted in a ban on Necromancy. Anyone found practising Necromancy is sentenced to death. The magic of this planet is so different then what we are used to back home on Ptarmagin. Magic here is closely related to religion. Females RARELY take up magic studies (because this is largely a male dominated society and females are thought of as having their place in the home, can you believe it? So there are few opportunities for them career wise; if they do study magic it''s often done in secret.) Boys who become wizards ALWAYS started out as priests. Wizarding being seen as an advanced form of priesthood, thus most why wizards are old. Young boys (pre-teens) are sent off to live in temples with priests, to learn to become priests themselves. It''s not a path they choose, but rather one adults pick for them, based on specific attributes a particular religion demands for it''s priests. (In some religions it''s almost bordering on slavery, with many boys actually being kidnapped by temple priests, in some extreme cults, the boys being kept in chains to prevent their escape while they are being trained in priesthood.) Rarely does a boy seek to become a priest and even more rarely do they seek the advanced priesthood of becoming wizards, as was the case of the poor little frightened Moon Elf. He was taken to the temple - from his frozen icy snow covered home in the arctic North to a burning hot desert on the other side of the world - when he was only 9 years old, with his mother being killed while trying to keep the priests from taken him. He spent the next 30 years of his life in chains, forced to learn the priesthood and magic arts against his will, beaten and starved if he disobeyed. Because of the way they are treated (often tortured for many decades) most of the boys are raving mad, utterly insane, by the time they reach the status of wizard. The poor little frightened Moon Elf escaped the temple, by killing the priests and fleeing back to his home in the frozen North, but he was 75 years old by the time that happened. (He''s an Elf, so 75 years to him is about 18 years old for a Human) While any race can become a magic user here on Vesonta, it''s Elves, Faeries and Demons who are more likely to become wizards then any other race, simply because their long life span allows them to devote several hundred years to studying magic arts. Elves typically live 500 to 750 years, while Faeries and Demons live about 1,500 to 2,000 years. Half Elves, Gnomes and Dwarves are the next most likely become wizards, again because of their long life spans (300 to 500 years each). Because everyone knows the treatment they had on the path to wizardry, most of this world lives in mortal fear of wizards, as it''s a known fact that wizards are insane and can not be trusted. Because of this, the general population also fears magic and many religions have now risen up to preach against magic use as evil.Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. Some wizards (the most "powerful" ones) are sometimes seen by other people as being gods or demi gods, thus religious cults pop up here and their, with the cultists worshipping a certain wizard as their god. The poor little frightened Moon Elf is a Necromancer who has 2 such cults devoted to him (though he''s disgusted with both of them and wishes they''d just leave him alone - being a Necromancer means he''s wanted by the law - the Guild - and wants to keep a low profile and these cultists followers make it difficult for him the stay under the Guild''s radar) - one cult worships him thinking he is a god, while the other cult hunts him down to kill him, thinking he "the evil one" (something akin to Satan, I guess?) Magic itself is seen as being what all life is made out of (energy?) and thus anything/one can use magic IF they know how to, and everything is capable of being a magic/cursed/enchanted item. It requires chants, prayers, and elaborate rituals to change the natural (magnetic energy?) force that flows through an object, in order to bend it to your will, thus magic arts are difficult and not easily mastered. There are however those who''ve mastered the art of manipulating magic just by use of thoughts or hand gestures, but they are rare and have to have a huge about of mental self control, being able to meditate and focus on their goal. Because magic is an energy source it can be "powered" and "stored" (think of it like solar energy, when solar panels collect energy from the sun and store it in a battery to power electricity). Thus why wizards have wands, staffs, orbs, magic swords, seer stones, etc. They can "charge" a wand with certain spells for use later. This poor little frightened Moon Elf for example has a wand that can contain 6 spells at a time, as long as he remembers the charge it with magic ahead of time. If he uses a spell, it then only has 5 left, until he recharges it again. Spells that are cast by words/phrases, are similar to wands, in that the wizard has to have pre-prepared said spell (often by use of spell scrolls). Once the spell/scroll is powered, all the wizard has to do it read the words on the scroll to activate the spell. If he has the spell memorized, he does not have to look at the scroll or even be in the same room with it, for it to work. Some wizards can "pull" energy out of objects and "put" it elsewhere, thus resulting in being able to briefly levitate objects. For example a wizard wants to sit on a chair that is floating a few feet above the ground, he can pull the energy from a cloud and move the cloud under his chair causing it to "float". So, our little wizard here, the First Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets, Roderic''s grandfather, Quaraun Swanzen, he was forced against his will to become a priest, further forced against his will to become a wizard...and then only became a Necromancer because his lover died and he was desperate to bring him back to life. Thus we see an Elf who is not evil become a Necromancer Before being taken by the Di''Jinn priests, he was just a simple Elf who loved nature, especially flowers, most especially pink roses. So as an adult, when he finally escapes from the Di''Jinn priests and goes off on his own, he gets himself a wizard tower and surrounds it with a vast rose garden and spends most of his days doing absolutely nothing at all but tending to his many acres of roses. If left to his own and nothing ever bothered him, he''d do absolutely nothing but fuss over flowers and butterflies and feed song birds, simply because that''s the type of person his is... the problem is, that by killing the Di''Jinn priests to escape enslavement by them, he''s now wanted for murder, and a Psion who has used his mental powers to kill another Psion, the punishment is death of sight, simply because his mental powers are so advanced that they know they couldn''t take him alive. (Or so they think, they don''t realize he''s not a violent person and wouldn''t fight back. They also don''t know he only killed the Di''Jinn priests because they were torturing his lover to death and their deaths was not intended.) Then on top of that he went and became a Necromancer and has a Lich (his resurrected lover, the Unicorn) travelling with him every where he goes, so the people are just scared out of their minds that he''s going to use his mental powers to control them, then turn everyone into an undead army. Rumours are flying all over the place, with people saying he''s building vast armies of undead to take over the planet, when in fact, he''s not doing anything but sitting in his rose garden, listening to song birds. So people end up hunting him down, because they let their own over active imaginations run away with them, forcing him to constantly be on the run. Usually he just runs. He''s not a fighter. He''s a peaceful person who just wants to be left alone. But because of what he is, people are scared of him, so they keep attacking him. Usually he runs, but sometimes he gets cornered, caught, injured, or worse case - his lover gets cornered, caught, or injured. His lover, being undead, isn''t quite so peaceful and matters are made worse by the fact that in life, his lover was a serial killer who every body was quite happy to have left dead. In fact, he''s the Necromancer King who killed millions with an army of Liches and was the very reason the Guild was created and a ban placed on Necromancy, which is doubly why people are so terrified of the Necromancer, because they ASSUME (falsely) that the Necromancer resurrected the evil King in order to finish his work. Plus, now in undeath, the Lich King more violent and more dangerous then he was in life. He also loves the Necromancer very much, and while the Necromancer turns to run, the Lich turns to fight. People assume the Necromancer controls the Lich, they don''t realize the Lich is not under the Necromancer''s control and is acting of his own free will, so when the Lich attacks in order to protect the Necromancer from harm, people think it''s the Necromancer, using mental powers to send the Lich he built after them, which in turn makes the situation worse, making people come at the poor frightened wizard with much more force then they really need to. The poor Elf is scared out of his wits, which angers the Lich to see how much the people are terrorizing his Elf, making the Lich even more violent. The whole thing becomes a vicious circle of the people attacking the Necromancer on mistaken beliefs, then the Lich attacking them to protect the Necromancer from harm, the people fighting back because the Lich attacked, but attacking the Elf thinking he''s controlling the Lich... in a never ending circle. So you can see, the way his life is. I wish we could do more then observe these events from the past. The poor Elf, he has no idea what he''s going to become. He''s not evil. He doesn''t want to be evil. But to interfere... we''ve changed the past so many times as it is, and every time we do, something worse comes of it. The Gremlin is right, we have to be careful now. Change the wrong event, and we could bring about something far worse then Ongadada. ~Love From Your Sister, Miss Citten The EelKat A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 5 Part 1 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡°Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 5 Part 2 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 6 Part 1 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. All still pretending they were not following him, every time he looked back to see if they were still there. A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 6 Part 2 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel A tree branch moved in the wind. Someone was watching him. Quaraun spun around quickly, but found only himself facing more trees. In fact, it was more trees than had been there a few minutes ago. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it. A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 7 Part 1 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 7 Part 2 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel Stolen novel; please report. A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 8 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel "So, what you are saying is, gullible people, to stupid to know the difference between reality and fantasy can see you?" Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 9 Part 1 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. "No. We has to flick flies with our tails though and it damned difficult to hit them, when ya has a matted tangled up tail what not made for slapping around like way dogs can do." A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 9 Part 2 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. A Tale of Pocket Lich Chapter 9 Part 3 - A Summoner of Darkness Prequel "BoomFuzzy. You know better than that. You can speak to me in whatever language you want. I know eighty-four languages, remember? There is bound to be a language you can speak fluently that I can understand. And you changed the subject. I was pontificating and you interrupted my pontificating and now I don''t know what it was I was saying. You made me forget." "Ya going to be de one tree what stand against the wind, clinging to the cliff when all the rest fell down the mountain together, eh?" "No. Here on this planet. Dis realm. Earth hates me." This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. "Quaraun. I know what happened. I ghost, remember. I walk among de living seeing all, hearing all, and not being able to interact with none of it. And somehow ya figured out a way to see and hear me and for dat I am grateful, as it is dreadfully lonely to be a ghost and have no one, not even other ghosts, see or hear you. But all dat means is I saw what ya did. I heard why ya said ya did it. Ya killed ya children, Quaraun, because ya t''oughts they had become evil and ya wanted to save dair souls before they turned evil. Ya said it yarself, Quaraun. Was dat not ya laying blame on de victim, calling dem evil to make it easier for ya to slit their throats after ya poisoned dair candy?" "They did not know me, Quaraun. They was born after I died. There was no evil in their hearts, Quaraun. No malice for me. They were singing a holiday son they heard others singing that day at the festival. That''s all they did. They did not even understand the meanings of the words. Quaraun, ya killed ya children because ya did no want to hear de words of dat song coming from dair voices." Chapter 12: The River Boat Man-Woman Quaraun stopped and stared at the river. Many small brooks veered off of it and they had come to a section that was shallow and wide and had a nice quiet, clean brook branching off it and he decided it was time to bathe again. ¡°Why are we stopping?¡± Unicorn asked. ¡°I''m dirty. This water is clean. Very clean. It has beach sand in it. We are getting closer to the ocean.¡± ¡°Ya''ve already bathed today.¡± ¡°I know.¡± Once again Unicorn watched as the Elf did his daily ritual of very sexually bathing himself in front of the Phooka. After which the two rolled around on the moss bank shooting their seed on each other, When their ravenous lovemaking was finished, they once again continued their journey. Quaraun and Unicorn walked alongside the small brook. "Where do ya suppose ZooLock got to?" Unicorn asked. "I don''t know," Quaraun said. "I''m starting to not care." "Ya gonna go after him?" "No. I''m sick going after him." Just then, a person wearing a long black hooded cloak and riding on a swimming otter cat, pulled up beside them. The person''s entire body was obscured by the cloak, so there was no way to identify their species, race, or gender. "Hello!" The cloaked stranger said cheerilly. The voice gave no indication of who or what they were either. "Erh, hello," Quaraun said in return. He looked around wondering where they had come from. "I''m the River Man." "Uhm... Okay, Riverman." "Or perhaps I''m the River Woman." "Alright, then Riverwoman." "How dare you try to assign my gender!" The cloaked person suddenly yelled at him. "I wasn''t..." The startled transgender Elf began to say. "I''m here to take you across the river. " "There''s no river," Quaraun said looking around. "This," the River Man-Woman said waving their arms around magnanimously. "Is the River Tem!" "It''s a not a riv..." "I can take you to visit Tem, if you like." "Tem?" "Tem." "Who is Tem?" "Tem is the greatest." "Oh!" Quaraun paused and thought on this fora moment. "I wasn''t going..." "Tem is my bestie." "That''s nice. But I..." "Me and Tem are best friends and we both live on the River Tem." "You''re completely not listening to..." "Tem is friends with Tem, you know. You''ll love Tem." "Who''s Tem?" "Which Tem are you asking about?" "Is there more than one?" "All Tems are Tems. Which of the ten tems did you want?" "I don''t know. Which Tem are you talking about?" "Doesn''t matter. Every Tem is identical you know. Except for Bob." "Bob?" "His parents were rebels. Filled with determination, they was. Bob is the only Tem in all of Temville, who''s name isn''t Tem. But that''s alright. Bob''s name being Bob fills Bob with even more determination." "It''s the BuckleBerry Ferry!" Unicorn said pointing to the otter cat. "I feel like I''m in a bad nightmare," Quaraun groaned. "Glorious isn''t it?" Quaraun turned to Unicorn. "What did you put in my eggnog?" "Only de usual," Unicorn replied. "But I does nae t''inks dis here be the nog jogging ya nogging." "Are you seeing this too?" "Aye." "What''s happening?" "Does nea know." Unicorn turned to the Riverboat Man-Woman. "Whatcha want?" "I''m here to take you down river." "Why?" "You need to go to The Prancing Pony." "I do?" "Hop on my boat and we''ll be off!" "What boat?" Quaraun asked. "I t''ink he-she means the otter cat." Quaraun stared down at the strange looking brown animal the River Man-Woman was sitting on. "I''m not getting on that thing."The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. The otter cat looked insulted and hurt. "Ya stupid cunt. Ya hurt it feeling," Unicorn said. "Let us get on de boat and take a ride, ya could use a rest." "That is not a boat!" "It probably safer then a boat, come on." Unicorn stepped off the mossy banking onto the back of the otter cat, then reached back to take the Elf''s hand and guide him on board. "I''m not...argh!" Quaraun fell backwards as the otter cat zipped off full speed, running over the top of the water. "Squall-la-la, we''re off! " Cried the Riverboat Man-Woman. "What the hell is this thing!" Quaraun gasped as he sat back up, and clung to Unicorn, terrified of falling off into the water. "Have you ever seen a Vulkin?" The Riverboat Man-Woman asked, completely ignoring the Elf''s question. "No," the frightened Elf answered, his eyes growing wide as he watched the forest zooming by at lightning speeds. "He mistakenly believes his lava heals people." "His lava?" "He''s a magma man." "Okay. I guess." Quaraun wasn''t paying attention any more. He just wanted to get off this thing before he got sea sick. "I feel sick. I want to get off." "Tsunderplane, likes to get in the way," the Riverboat Man-Woman continued. "Not on purpose or anything." "Tsunderplane?" "My boat!" "What..." "Tell my boat she has a nice rudder," "There isn''t a bo..." "That ain''t no rudder," Unicorn said, pointing to the otter cat''s bum. "No." "Hey baby!" Unicorn screamed out. "Nice ass! Ya could probably kick like a horse with that ass!" The otter cat purred happily and started running faster over the surface of the water. "Unicorn..." Quaraun started to say, but the River Man-Woman interrupted him. "She liked that! Listen to her engines roar! Tell her she''s got great turbines now!" Unicorn learned over and looked the otter cat in the face. "Nice tits ya gots there, Baby!" He yelled cheerfully. "Ohhh hoo! That cheered her up! Ooooh! Yaaaaehhh... that''s it! I got this! I did it! Faster, Thunder Baby! Faster! Arrgh! arrgh! Arrgh! Oh god! Fuck me! Damn! Faster! Faster! Oh fucking suck a cock! Look at her go!" Unicorn was loving the ride. "What is wrong with you?" Quaraun asked the over hyper Faerie. "I is a horse. How often do we horses ever get rides? Everyone rides on us, but we never gets to ride on anyone else, now does we?" Quaraun closed his eyes and sighed and pretended none of this was happening. A sign appeared on the trees. "Look at that sign," Unicorn said. Quaraun opened his eyes and say a blinking neon sign writing in a language he didn''t recognize. "What does that mean, River Man-Woman?" Quaraun asked pointing to the sign as they passed it. "Girth! Coming this spring," the River Man-Woman said. "New super store." "I don''t like that you used the words girth and coming in the same sentence," Quaraun said. "We are freeeee! Ha ha ha!" The River Man-Woman cackled hysterically. "Kicking people is the best!" "Kicking pepo..." "Have you ever tried it?" "No!" The Elf sounded mortified at the thought. "Kicking people is fun!" "Can you slow this cat down?" Quaraun asked. "No! It''s a bird! We''re flying and we''re all wearing loin cloths! Woo hoo!" "You''re wearing a loincloth under that robe?" Unicorn was suddenly naked, except for a loin cloth. "Why are YOU wearing a loincloth?" Quaraun asked. "I don''t know. It felt like the t''ing ta do." "Christmas is coming, you know." "I don''t celebrate Christmas," Quaraun said. "I should take you to visit Santa Claus," Unicorn chirped. "I love Christmas," River Man-Woman said. "Everything just goes nuts and your brain melts right out of your head. Makes the best cheese." "Him has no brains already," Unicorn said, referencing the fact that a Pink Jelly Fish was living in Quaraun''s head and had eaten his brain several years ago. "Hey, here''s a Christmas gift," River Man-Woman said as they handed Quaraun a cheerily wrapped box, topped with a big sparkling bow. "I swear there''s not a Human head inside this package. It''s just a toy." "Somehow I''m not believing you..." "Weeee! Isn''t this fun!" Was all the River Man-Woman said in response. "I did at first, but it''s not so bad. This place is my new home now, so I''m happy to." "Happy to what?" "Beside the river stands the Holy Tree of Life. There doth my Father dwell, and my home is in Him. The Heavenly Father and I are one." "What are you talking about?" "A weed is simply a plant that has mastered every survival skill. Except for learning how to grow in rows. It does it''s own thing. Doesn''t follow the leader. What is wrong with that? What gives you the right to kill it just for being different?" "I want to get off this boat." "Anything short is just laziness and a form of looking away." "Please stop this boat and let us off." "If you''re thinking ''that''s so tolerant,'' it really isn''t..." "There''s that cat again," Quaraun said. Quaraun pointed to the black cat watching them (again). No one else had noticed it, again. "What cat?" The River Man-Woman asked. "Where?" "It''s the same black cat from before," Quaraun said with a worried tone. "I feel the cat is following us, yet it cat can''t be the same one. It couldn''t possibly have traveled from there to here. Could it?" "Kats are tricky you know," River Man-Woman said. "Never know what they''ll say next." "Say? Cats don''t talk." "Not where you''re from maybe." "Where are you from?" "What''d the Kat look like?" "A black cat with yellow-green eyes, and wearing a collar richly encrusted with faceted peridots." "That would be her majesty." "Her majesty?" "Empress EelKat. Queen of the Ptarmagin Kats." "What''s a Ptarmagin Kat?" "Here from Planet Ptarmagin. It''s an invasion. First Temville, soon the world!" "You''re insane." "As are you!" ¡°Look at that,¡± Quaraun pointed to the cat, but when he did the cat leapt up and ran into the bushes. ¡°Look at what?¡± Unicorn looked to see where Quaraun was pointing. There was nothing there. ¡°A black cat, with a jewelled collar. I saw it again. Why are there cats watching my every move?¡± "Ya is getting paranoid," Unicorn said. "I''m not imagining it. I saw a cat. The same cat I keep seeing. Everywhere we go! It''s following us." "Why would a cat be following us?" "I don''t know." "Cats does nae follow ya, Quaraun. Ya being loopy again." "Look! There''s another sign," Quaraun said. "I would read it but I currently have my mouth full of cheese," Unicorn said. "You can''t read." "Oh yeah! I forgot." Unicorn laughed. "Want some cheese?" "Where''s you get..." "It were in the box," Unicorn explain. "It head cheese." "Squall-la-la, we''re here!" The River Man-Woman announced as the otter cat came to a halt. Quaraun got off as fast as he could. "We didn''t go anywhere," the Elf said looking around. "She''s gonna be so happy now," River Man-Woman said "I''m not," Quaraun muttered. "I''m scarred for life." "Kicking people is the most fun," River Man-Woman said very matter of factly. "Well, it was nice meeting you all, but we must be off. Time to murder people." "Time too...what?" Before Quaraun could ask for further explanation the mysterious robed person and their otter cat were gone. "Unicorn? What just happened?" "Beats me. Good cheese though." "Do you think about anything other then your stomach?" "Does fucking ya arse count?" "No!" "Then, no. Want some?" Unicorn handed Quaraun the now opened Christmas package. Quaraun looked inside. In the box was a Human head, the top sawed off the skull, the brain removed and replaced with a whipped cheese, brain, and pimento drip. "Head cheese is made with real heads isn''t it?" Quaraun asked. "Yep. Usually they they use hogs head and hogs brain or moose head and moose brain. Have ya ever tasted moose head cheese?" "No." Quaraun felt sick. He closed he box and handed it back to Unicorn. "It delicious. But this Human Head Cheese even better. Must get the recipe." "Where did ZooLock get to?" Quaraun asked looking around. "T''ought we was no more caring what happen to Squidy-pants." "I don''t trust him." "Ya does nae trust any one, Quaraun." "I trust you." "Really?" "Yes." "Well, take me eyes out with a melon baller and burn them in hell for all eternity!" "You don''t believe me." "Nope." "Why?" "Yis a scardy pants Elf, what got morbid thoughts in him head. Always t''inking everyone be out to gets him..." "Everyone''s out to get me." "That true. And it beside the point. Ya has gotten so paranoid about the peoples who really are after ya, that ya go off t''inking peoples who ain''t after ya is after ya as well." "No I don''t." "Yes ya do." "When do I do that?" "Ya tied me to an altar and tried to vivisect me, because ya got it in ya head I was among the peoples ot to get ya. I has not forgotten that yet." "I''m sorry." "Ya almost killed me." "You''re a Lich, you can''t d..." "Ya''re a Necromancer with power over Liches." "I love you." "I know ya do. I would nae stays with ya if I did nae think that. But ya has trust issues, Quaraun. And I can no trust ya, because ya does nae trust me." "I trust you more then I trust anyone else." "I know. I can see that. And I can see ya pull away at night. Ya still scared of me." "I''m scared of everyone." "I know. Ya''ve had a hard life. I does nea fault ya, ya fears. Ya''ve been given good reasons to fear, but ya does nae have to fear me. I is no going to hurt ya, Quaraun. Someday ya''ll accept that." Chapter 13: The Strange Village or I Love The Smell Of Decomposing Bodies In The Morning "This is a nice village," Quaraun commented as he looked at the rolling hills and the well manicured juniper trees. "It''s very warm. Inviting. Comforting." "Ya likes it here, then?" Unicorn asked. "I like the tower. This appears to be the village it goes with." Quaraun pointed to the old lighthouse, which was standing at the far side of the village, casting a shadow over it, from it''s precarious perch on the cliffs. "The area is beautiful," Quaraun continued, looking around. "An elegant local for wealthy merchants, by the look of the houses." "Aye, and slums along the docks, by the look of the waterfront." "Where we''re likely find a tavern." "So avoiding, the safe side of town for the seedy side, eh?" "Of course we are. Where else would I go?" "How did ya go from aristocrate snotty pouf, to a drink chasing gutter slum rat?" "I met you." "Ah! Of course." "You do realize I didn''t drink before I met you?" "Ya did nae knows what sex was neither." Quaraun gazed out over the field, surrounding the village. Then looked back to the dense forest they had just immerged from. "Still..." Quaraun said in a troubled voice. "Something feels wrong here." "Eh?" "These fields and the forest... they should be worked and yet we''ve not met a single woodsmen. Not one hunter. And now look at these fields. It''s harvest season. They should be filled with workers, gathering the crops. Look those potatoes are ready for harvets. And so isn''t the corn. And those pumpkins..." Quaraun stopped talking when he saw the pumpkins. "The pumpkins are following us again..." "Pumpkins is no follow us, Quaraun. I just harvest season un everyone round these parts grows lots o pumpkins." "This area is quiet and empty. And yet, look at the size and multitude of the houses ahead of us. This is quite a large city. Must be a thousand people in it at least, judging from the houses. Why are the fields empty?" "Perhaps it is a holiday. Ya knows how Humans is with their Christy-mustnesses and stuff." "True. Humans do seem to be a lazy lot. Have a day off for every excuse under the sun. But I don''t think that''s it. Something''s wrong. I can feel it. And it has something to do with that tower." "The tower again?" "Yes. It calls to me. And it shouldn''t be doing that. There is strong magic at foot here and I want to get to the bottom of it. I don''t like the fact that the tower is pulling me closer to it. Someone is trying to control me." "Is they?" "Yes. There is a Psion around here. Trying to tap into my brain and take control of my thoughts. Manipulate my actions. They want me to go to the tower." "Than should ya not be going the other way?" "No." "No?" "No." "Why not then?" "Because we need to find out who is doing it and why and make them stop." Unicorn sniffed the air. An undeniable stench of rotten flesh hung in the air. "That no dead fish, I smelling," Unicorn said. "Yes. I smell it too." "Someone is dead." "Some ONE? Not something?" "That Human flesh." "Are you sure?" "Aye." "Do you know where it is coming from?" "Should be able to follow it to the source." Quaraun and Unicorn entered the village. "It''s him!" A woman gasped. Quaraun stopped to see who had said this and as soon as the woman realized he was looking at her, she dropped her load of root vegetables and ran away. Quaraun and Unicorn continued onward, and were greeted moments later by the woman returning, running back, with several other villagers with her. "Look!" The woman yelled. "See? I told you! It''s really him! It''s Quaraun the Insane, just like ___ said. He''s here!" Quaraun stopped walking again. "Me t''inks dis be the village ya screaming fangirl came from," Unicorn commented. "Apparently," Quaraun agreed. "Ya t''inks they coming to greet ya or t''rows ya out?" "I don''t know." He wasn''t given a chance to ponder the possibility either, before the crowd was gathered around him. Quaraun immediately made ready to run, but just then the crowd fell to it''s knees in front of him. Men and woman of all ages, but no children, were gathered, weeping, crying, pleading, and begging. There were too many of then talking and screaming and yelling at once for Quaraun to make out anything any of the were saying. The Elf flattened his ears back. He could hear better than anyone else around. Even the slightest noise picked up full decibels in his very sensitive ears. Quaraun prefered quiet for the very reason of the fact that his ears picked up even the minutest sounds, from clear across town. Loud noises hurt his ears. This noise was loud.Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. This noise hurt. It made him want to run. But he was completely surrounded by the frantic people, and he wasn''t sure if they were about to attack him or not. There was too much noise for him to focus on any one person. He could not pick out safe sounds from threatening sounds and that made him start to panic. Quaraun liked safety. He did not feel safe just now. "Stop yelling," Quaraun said, as he clamped his hands over his sensitive long ears. "Please. Stop." "SHUT UP!" Yelled out over the crowd, flying up over the crowd and hovering in mid air, looking very fierce and ready to attack. Upon seeing the Phooka, the crowd immediately went dead silent. Many of them cowering back in fear, uncertain what Unicorn was or how he was able to float in the air like he was doing just then, but they knew Quaraun was a wizard and so most of them assumed it something Quaraun was doing to cause this. "Please, help us," one man said stepping forward, his voice trembling in fear. "What?" Quaraun looked around at the people. He was confused by the terror in their eyes. This village suddenly didn''t feel as quiet and peaceful as it had felt moments ago. "Why? Why do you need help?And who do you think I am, that you think i can help you?" "Are you not Quaraun the Insane?" "I am Quaraun," he said dryly. "But I dislike being called insane. I wish you Humans would stop saying that about me. It''s mean. It hurts my feelings. I''m not insane and I don''t like your people constantly telling me I am." "We are sorry, kind sir, but we know you by no other name." "I am Quaraun. Just Quaraun. Nothing else. What do what from me?" "You are a great and powerful wizard, are you not?" "I used to be." "Are you no longer a wizard?" "No. I''m still a wizard. But I''m wanted by the Guild..." "For practicing Necromancy. We know. You are the Pink Necromancer." "Why don''t you call me Quaraun, The Pink Necromancer then? Why must you insist upon calling me Quaraun the Insane?" "It is not we who gave you your name. We simply know you from the stories we have heard." "What stories?" "That you help people." "That''s debatable." "You are the last of the DiJinn." "Am I the last?" "You are a wish granting wizard." "You don''t want wishes granted by me." "But we do! Surly we do!" "I''m a bumbling drunk, drug addict wizard and my spells often go wrong, especially my wish granting spells." "But only very powerful, advanced studies wizards can even grant wishes at all!" "Wish granting is a dangerous practice, outlawed by the Guild and with high rate of error. While all wishes that are granted succeed in doing SOMETHING, 9 out of every 10 wishes is almost guaranteed to go horribly wrong. Such as wishing for a bag of gold, and a giant bag of gold falls out of the sky, lands on the wisher, crushing his skull - he got his gold, his wish was granted, but he''s also dead." "But it is said you have a high rate of wishes granted going right. Higher then any other wizard known." "Yes. I do. And even then, three out of every 7 wishes ends in the wisher being killed or horribly maimed by his wish when it comes to pass." "We need your help." "Do you have any idea what it is like for me? Do you think I can just help every one? When a wizard is found who has a high rate of wish granting success with a low rate of wisher harm, he tends to end up with hoards of needy and greedy followers thronging to him requesting and demanding he grant their requests." "We are not greedy." "No. Just needy." "We need your help." "In the same way desperate people pray to God, desperate people, parents of sick children, people in financial trouble, alongside greedy politicians seeking power, and criminals who want to not be found, flock to us wizards with wish granting powers. Like you are doing right now." "Please. We need your help." "You need to harvest your crops before winter comes is what you need. I saw those harvests not being harvested out there. Villages in famine regions are known to gather up all their gold and offer it to these god like wizards, as they call us, in hopes of getting wishes for rain granted. And here you are letting your crops go to waste! While politicians seeking power, will kidnap us wish granting wizards holding us hostage, often torturing us until us grant the evil one''s wish. Because there is no limit on the number of wishes that can be granted, some wizards are enslaved by kings and forced to grant countless wishes. You have no idea what it is like. Everywhere I go you stupid Humans are trying to get me to grant wishes for you. Why don''t you just get off your asses and do your own dirty work yourself." Quaraun flung his pink feather boa over his shoulder as he turned and walked back towards the village gates. Unicorn followed him. "Please!" The Human cried out. "Don''t leave..." "Do you know," Quaraun continued talking. "There are cults, churches, and temples built in honour of wish granting wizards, in hopes of attracting the wizards to come to their village?" Every Human in the crowd stopped talking. Quaraun stopped walking when he heard the silence and tried to think of what he could have said to get that reaction. Then turned, and with his hands on his hips glared angrily at the Humans cowering before him. "Let me guess, somewhere in this village is a cult that worships me, and you''re all members, who consider me to be some god you''ve been praying to waiting for me to rescue you." No one answered him. They all looked scared out of their minds, with the sudden realization that they had angered the world''s most powerful wizard. "Ya has fan girls," Unicorn whispered to Quaraun, laughing. "Don''t remind me. I''m trying to keep a low profile..." "By wearing the pinkest dresses ya can find?" "I''m wanted by the Guild." "Aye. And they want ya dead. These people here want ya alive, so''s they can kiss ya feet and crown ya god. Ya ought to like that." "They''re worse then ZooLock," Quaraun grumbled. He hated helping people. At the same time, he hated the guilty feeling he got whenever someone asked for help and he said no to them. Everyone knew the stories. No one knew the truth. "Tell me what you want." "You said that... "Ya said that too..." Unicorn said. A dark and stormy night dimmed in comparison to what it was now. "They attack their own people and claim it was their enemies." "Why?" "No idea." "In the process of cleaning up, the government and church betrays them and has them all murdered by the army." "Murdered by the army?" "Probably." "As an outsider, what is your opinion on the human race?" "I''m confused. Why are you telling me these things?" "You''re an Elf." "Yes. Which is why I am wondering why you, a lowly Human, is speaking to me." "Mmmm, I loves de smell of decomposing bodies in de morning." Quaraun and the Human both looked at Unicorn questioningly. "Does ya no smell it?" Unicorn asked, seeing Quaraun''s confusion. "No. I''m an Elf not a Bloodhound." "They is burning bodies." "Who is?" "De Humans. I smells the burnt blood of half-Elves un young-uns. De Humans around dese parts is burning child''en un Half-Elves. Dis village not so nice as it looks." "Burning Half-Elves?" "Aye." "That''s not right." But before Quaraun could consider this more... "Quaraun!" "ZooLock?" Quaraun asked when he saw the squid headed priest. "What are you doing here?" "Quaraun!" ZooLock exclaimed, uncharacteristically happy to see the Elf. "I thought I''d lost you!" "I''d hoped I''d lost you," Quaraun snarled. "Good to see you too!" ZooLock wrapped many tentacles around the Elf to hug him. "Let go of me!" Quaraun yelled, trying to wriggle out of the Thullid''s grasp. "How have you been?" "Terrible. A crazy boat person took us down river on an otter cat in a brook instead of a river. Santa Claus is apparently an evil bastard, and Unicorn is eating Human Head cheese." "Marvelous! How is your leg?" "It hurts like Hell, thank you for asking. I didn''t want to be reminded of it." "This town has a tavern, I''ll get you a room there." "Why you being nice to me?" "Why shouldn''t I be?" "You''re never nice to me." "I think, you''ve misunderstood me." "You locked me in a bowl for centuries and then you stuffed me in this Elf. You delight in tormenting me. What''s there to misunderstand?" "I was trying to take care of you. As I still am." "You''re up to something." "No. I just finally realized you felt like you were my prisoner all those years and I had no idea you felt that way. I wanted to make life good for you. You never had to do anything. We always did everything for you." "I couldn''t even move." "We didn''t know you wanted to." "I lived in the ocean. Free to swim wherever I pleased. You put me in a bowl! Now I''m trapped in an Elf, but at least I can move his body and make him travel." "Well, I am deeply sorry. I didn''t know." "I don''t believe you." "Let me make it up to you." "How?" "I''ll serve you." "You got your chains off." "Oh, yes, but they are right here." ZooLock pulled out his chains. "No reason to wear them if you weren''t there to drag me around. Look. I''ll put them back on, so you can drag me around again." Chapter 14: The Golden Rooster The trio had found a village with a tavern named The Golden Rooster and settled down into the booth at the back to try to avoid attention, which was difficult to do, when your group consisted of a transvestite albino Elf with extra long hair, foot long pointy ears covered in gold hoops each hoop with a gold chain connected back to the gold ring in his nose, while wearing neon pink sequined sari and huge fluffy feather boas, travelling with an undead Faerie Horse, and a squid headed brain sucking alien. At some point they had misplaced the tiny green Goblin, but ZooLock was not overly concerned about his missing thrall, as Xanoodut often got lost and eventually would find his way back to them. Quaraun had difficulty staying seated, with father made it difficult for them to not draw attention to themselves. The Elf talked with his hands more often then he realized and had a short temper. In between his constant arguing with Unicorn and ZooLock he was repeatedly jumping up from his seat to stamp around in circles, screaming at the ceiling and shaking his fists. Every time he did this every Human in the tavern stopped what they were doing to stare at the strange little pink robed Elf wizard. None of them could understand a word the odd little Elf was saying and they were uncertain if he was drunk or insane or both. ¡°Is that an Elf?¡± ¡°Looks like one.¡± ¡°Tiny little thing, ain''t it?¡± ¡°What''s wrong with it?¡± ¡°Must be drunk.¡± ¡°What is it wearing?¡± ¡°No clue.¡± ¡°Have you ever seen so many pink feathers?¡± ¡°Have you ever even seen pink feathers before?¡± ¡°I always heard pure blooded Elves were crazy.¡± ¡°That one''s crazier than those half-Elf wizards up in that tower.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± With Elves being as rare as they were now, none of the Humans knew if this was just how Elves acted normally or not. However there were a few half-Elves in the village and they certainly did not act normal by any Human standard, though they also did not act as crazed as this little pink wizard was doing, so the Humans concluded that this Elf was acting like an Elf should be acting Unicorn, being originally from Alba, spoke with a thick Scottish accent. The dark skinned Phooka spoke to Quaraun in the Elf''s native tongue, which Quaraun never thought strange, though he should have, given that the Moon Elves had died out three centuries ago, Quaraun being the last, and with them, their ancient Elven language had died out with them. All Elves were rare these days, and the Moon Elf language had been thought of as a dead language even when there were still Moon Elves alive. Quaraun had had to learn the many varied languages of the Humans, the lesser Elf races, and other nonElven races in order to communicate with them. There was no one to speak his native tongue. The Moon Elf language was as dead to the Elves as Latin was to the Humans which was why the poor Moon Elf had taken up the bad habit of talking to himself, in order to keep from forgetting how to speak his native tongue. Unfortunately for Quaraun, what he did not realize is that he long ago had stopped speaking the ancient Moon Elf language and was in fact speaking the Thullid language to himself most days. The Thullid language was not an Earth language, the Thullids being aliens from a far distance galaxy who''s ship had crash landed on Earth centuries ago. The Thullid language was made up of a lot of ''L''s, ''T''s, ''X''s, and ''I''s and not many other letters, and consisted of very snake-like, slithering hissing sounds. The language was spoken very fast and often intermingled with screams, and shrieks, that actually were words, but sounded to Humans like screaming and shrieking, and so, Quaraun, in his eye-popping pink beaded gowns, walking in circles, screaming and shrieking to himself in a language that sounded nothing like a language at all, terrified most people. Quaraun rarely spoke to anyone, as he was often too busy having conversations with himself to notice there was anyone around to talk to. Most people who came across Quaraun, dressed as he dressed and talking to himself in the Thullid language, heard nothing but a lot of wild rambling gibberish that didn''t sound anything like any Earth language they had ever encountered and so most people took Quaraun for a psychotically deranged, gibbering idiot and was very careful to avoid him. Few realized that Quaraun was no longer an Elf at all, but rather was in fact a Thullid. Quaraun was a Thullid Spawnling. The Thullid had killed the Elf. That''s what Thullid do, they kill Elves and then take over their bodies. Even they''re closet friends won''t know they''re dead, the Thullid larvae hollow out their skulls and live inside their heads, fusing their tentacles to the nerves. Quaraun''s icy white blue eyes were cold. Empty. Completely devoid of any emotion. They were not the kind eyes of an Elf, but the empty emotionless eyes of a Thullid. Quaraun was not an Elf, not any more. Unicorn had said it many times before, but most people didn''t want to believe it. Quaraun was dead. He''d been dead a long time. A Thullid had taken up residence in his body, infesting him, infecting him, when he was just 3 years old, and eventually devouring his brain and replacing it with it''s own brain. Quaraun the Elf had died centuries ago, at the young age of only 9 years old, and all that remained was the empty husk that was reanimated by the tiny pink jellyfish living in the dead Elf''s hollowed out skull. Looking into Quaraun''s emotionless dead eyes, you knew something was wrong with him. Quaraun was nothing but the long dead corpse of an Elf whose body had become the home of an alien sea creature. Quaraun had become someone else. He had become a Thullid. Unicorn shuddered to think of the horrible agony Quaraun would had to have suffered through. To be captured by a Thullid, to have it hold him down and drill a hole into the back of his head, them implant a larvae into his brain. The weeks and months of agony that would have followed as the larvae feed off the poor Elf''s brain, while rooting it''s spidering tentacles throughout his body, replacing his nerves with it''s own, hollowing out his muscles and refilling them with its own. The poor Elf had suffered in agony for years while the creature slowly took over his body and learned to replicate his words and actions. In all the Realms there was no death more horrific or more feared, then to die by Thullid infestation. Unicorn had never known Quaraun the Elf, only Quaraun the Thullid, meaning the real Quaraun had suffered in agony, alone, with no one there to comfort him. The real Elf had died such a horrendous death. Quaraun looked like an Elf, he had been born an Elf, but it was the Jellyfish living in his brain, that is who Quaraun really was. It was this reason, that Quaraun could often be seen, talking to himself, in a language that was filled with squishy, fish-like shrieks and screams that made little sense to the people who met him. Quaraun spoke 84 common languages. In spite of this, the Phooka did not address Quaraun in any of the common Human languages, nor in any common Elven language, nor did he speak in Phookan, but rather spoke to Quaraun in the ancient Moon Elf dialect of the royal family. The fact that anyone even remembered the rare Moon Elf race at all was in itself an anomaly, and though the Phooka was messing up the language badly, it was clear he was familiar with it well enough to speak more or less fluid conversation using it. Quaraun, being the highly educated High Elf that he was, spoke most of the known languages of the region, and thus immediately shifted his own speech to match whatever language was being spoken to him. His ability to speak most every language, could sometimes make talking to him difficult as he could, and often did, change languages mid-sentence and rarely realized he was doing it. Most of his conversation with the Phooka was thus a strange blend of his own native Moon Elf, mixed with Thullid in a bizarre language Quaraun had unknowingly created for himself in his last two hundred years of hermit like solitude. The Phooka, able to speak both Moon Elf and Thullid, was quick to pick up on this difficult self-language Quaraun had made for himself, but was having trouble verbally speaking it and ended up getting quite a bit of it wrong, which amused the Moon Elf, but at the same time was a relief to find someone willing to communicate with him on his level instead of forcing him to learn their language.Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. When Quaraun finished screaming at nothing, he went looking for a waitress that wasn''t too terrified of him to take his order. ¡°I want melba toast, biscotti, apricot jelly, and chocolate sauce,¡± Quaraun repeated to the girl. ¡°And I already told you, this is the only toast we have, I have no idea what biscotti is and we don''t have apricot anything or chocolate!¡± Angry at not getting what he wanted to eat, Quaraun flung a pink feather boa over his shoulder and sulked back to the booth, where he found Unicorn and ZooLock, screaming at each other in the Thullid tongue. The Phooka and the Thullid bickered the pros and cons of religion and Chaos Cults as they ate. ZooLock, a devotee priest of Gluoxilick, Llearsii, Yog-Sothoth, Kaajh''Kaalbh, Cxaxukluth, Ycn¨¤gnnisssz, Xexanoth, Baoht Z''uqqa-Mogg, and other Chaos Demon prophets, firmly believed, as did Unicorn, that Quaraun was the great pink Jellyfish, known as The Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets. ZooLock had nothing but praise for his Lord and master, The Sacred Pink JellyFish and the Chaos Gods of the Under Realm. Unicorn on the other hand had no sympathy for priests and found the idea of religion detestable. Unicorn would have been perfectly happy to see religion vanish off the face of the Earth, while ZooLock thought there needed to be more and more religion. ¡°...especially now!¡± ZooLock said ending his monologue of all the reasons more churches were needed. ¡°What does ya me by especially now?¡± Unicorn asked. ¡°The fruition has come!¡± ¡°More like the frustration has come,¡± Quaraun grumbled. ¡°They does not have the fancy pants food ya wants, no?¡± Unicorn asked. ¡°No. Never heard of it. What kind of a backwoods town is this?¡± ¡°The Sacred Jelly Elf must have the food she desires!¡± ZooLock declared. ¡°ZooLock, will you stop worshipping me? It''s getting a little annoying.¡± ¡°But you are so worthy of worship.¡± ¡°No I''m not. And I''m not a sheElf, stop calling me a she.¡± ¡°Will you permit me to go in search of food for you?¡± ZooLock asked. ¡°You want me to unchain you and let you walk out of here?¡± ¡°Yes, your grace.¡± ¡°ZooLock, stop worshipping me.¡± ¡°I am most certain that I can find the food you have desire for.¡± ¡°In this hicksville town?¡± ¡°Yes. Most certain.¡± Quaraun stared at the purple squid beast and contemplated the thought of letting the Thullid go free. ¡°Go.¡± Quaraun waved his hand towards the door. ¡°Will you not remove my chains?¡± ¡°I''ll think about it while you''re gone. If you come back, maybe I will.¡± The Thullid bowed and recited psalms of praise before leaving the tavern. ¡°Think he''ll come back?¡± Unicorn asked. ¡°I think he''s stupid enough, yes.¡± ¡°Will ya let him go free?¡± ¡°Maybe, if he comes back.¡± ¡°If he does nae come back?¡± ¡°I''ll send my DracoLich to find him, like I always do.¡± ¡°Ya does nae really have a reason for keeping him, do ya?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Then why ya keep him?¡± "He kept me prisoner for many years. I just want him to know what it feels like. To his credit, he never hurt me and he did take care of me on some level. He''s a religious fanatic and having me was like having some sort of trophy sitting on a shelf. But I had no freedom.¡± ¡°That why ya travel so much now ain''t it?¡± ¡°Kind of. Yeah. So many centuries of being locked in a tiny goldfish bowl, when I used to have an entire ocean to swim in.¡± ¡°ZooLock one what put ya in the Elf, did him not?¡± ¡°Yes. Now I''m trapped in an Elf''s head.¡± ¡°Him always call ya a she. Is ya?¡± ¡°Yes. I''m a female Jelly trapped inside the body of a male Elf.¡± ¡°Can ya no change bodies?¡± ¡°I could have, decades ago. But not without killing the Elf, and now, there''s little left of the Elf. I''m fully integrated into his body now.¡± ¡°Is the Elf still alive?¡± ¡°On some levels. His body lives on.¡± ¡°But his mind?¡± ¡°I try not to think about it. Thullid infestation is the worst possible death for an Elf. He suffered in agony for years, while I devoured his brain and absorbed his thoughts and learned to mimic his speech and habits. The poor Elf, he knew what was happening to him. He knew I was becoming him, taking over his life, so that I could live among the Elves without them knowing what I truly was. And there was nothing he could do to stop it, to save himself, to tell any one what was happening to him. Most Thullids, we forget. We don''t like to think about what it is we have to do in order to survive. But I did not forget. I make sure never to forget. Our kind, we kill to live. The poor Elf. I refuse to implant Elves for that reason.¡± ¡°Can ya do that?¡± ¡°Implant my spawn into the brains of more Elves? Yes. Unfortunately.¡± ¡°I did nae know that.¡± Further down the hall sliding doors revealed a well-kept and brightly decorated dining area, blue willow china in white china cabinets, white walls, and dusty fake flowers sitting in a dark blue vase on the white table. "It''s quite nice," Quaraun said as he looked round. "I hadn''t expected that." Grey stone, around the door, red brick around the rest of the lower half, the upper half-timbered and white with a sloping room covered in brown roof tiles. "It''s a nice place you''ve got here," Quaraun said to the tavern keeper. "Have you got any peach melba?" "No." "I want Peach Melba." "We don''t have any. I don''t even know what it is?" "Peach Melba?" "We just remodeled..." "And you did an admirable job of that," the Elf said. "But people can''t always get what they want. It''s time to rid the world of your gentle lies, and give them back the truth that they need." "Is ya feeling okay," Unicorn asked Quaraun." "I''m fine." "Yis seem unfine." "Why?" "I t''inks de drugs still aidling ya head." "Are they?" "Looks it. Yis no conversing properly." "Am I not?" "Ah! Un now ya is just olde un stupid," he snarked back at Quaraun. "What?" Quaraun was uncertain he had heard what Unicorn was saying. He looked around the room. The stairs were melting into the ceiling. The tables were dripping like candles, pooling on the floor. "That''s not right," Quaraun said. "I think I need to lay down." A hovering server keeps interrupting their conversation. Quaraun pushed the waitress away, and muttered about Peach Melba. He was suspecting Unicorn was right, that he still wasn''t seeing or hearing things properly and he couldn''t be certain of anything going n around him. Quaraun not getting the food he wanted from the tavern, started digging around in the tiny beaded heart shaped bag that hung from his belt, looking for a jar of apricot preserves, and a box of chocolate truffles. The tiny pink bag was about big enough to carry ten coins in it, however Quaraun was pulling out boxes and bottles and jars and books and scrolls and swords and knives and other assorted things, none of which should have fit in the tiny bag which was much bigger on the inside. "Sugar cubes!" Quaraun had found the sugar cubes, the Gremlin had given him and placed them on the table with the rest of the items, then continued looking through his bag. ¡°Ah! My throne!¡± Quaraun pushed aside the tavern chair, and pulled a giant gold throne with bright pink velvet cushions out of his bag and set it next to the table. After a few more minutes of search, he found the food he was looking for and set up a feast of sweets and candied for himself, put everything else back in his bag, then settled down in his throne, to eat candy and listen to his friends debate religion. The hovering server continued interrupting their conversation during the meal. "I wish I had natural born magic powers like you Gypsies do," she said to Quaraun. "I hate being Human." "Like us Gypsies?" Quaraun asked. "Yeah." The girl sat down beside Quaraun, propped her elbows on the table, plopped her chin on her hands and gazed dreamily into the Moon Elf''s large crystal blue eyes. "Did any one ever tell you, you have the most beautiful blue eyes?" "All the time. My lover makes sure to tell me every day." "Could you use another one?" "Another eye?" "Another lover?" "I''m quite happy with the one I have." "Wouldn''t another one be nice?" "Are you suggesting yourself?" "Of course!" "You''re a Human." "So?" "And you''re female." "Aren''t you male? I mean, you look like a woman in that get up and all, but every one says you''re a man in a dress..." "Man... in... a ... dress?" Quaraun repeated the words slowly, thinking on their meaning. The young love sick girl continued to blabber on, but Quaraun was no longer listening and did not hear what she was saying. "I AM NOT A MAN!" Quaraun suddenly yelled as he lept up from his seat and slmmed his hands palm down on the table. "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A MAN!" "Oh boy," Unicorn muttered, leaning back in his seat and watching the Elf have a public meltdown. "But I thought..." the girl stammered looking confused. "I''M AN ELF!" "I didn''t say y..." "I AM NOT A HUMAN." "But..." "I DON''T LOOK LIKE A HUMAN." "But I..." "I DON''T DRESS LIKE A HUMAN." "I like the..." "I DON''T ACT LIKE A HUMAN." "I wasn''t..." "I DON''T CONSORT WITH HUMANS." "But you''re in..." "I DON''T WILLINGLY SPEND TIME IN HUMAN VILLAGES." Tears welled up in the girl''s eyes. "AND I CERTAINLY DON''T FUCK HUMANS! I HATE HUMANS! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Quaraun pulled out his wand and shook it in the girl''s face nearly hitting her nose with it. Electric blue sparks jumped angrily from it''s tip, some of them hitting the girl. "Oww!" She cried, holding her hand over her nose. "That hurt!" "Get away from me," Quaraun snarled. "You don''t have to be such a bully!" The girl jumped up and ran out of the tavern crying. Quaraun pocketed the wand and sat back down. "She right, ya know," Unicorn said. "About what?" "Ya does no has to be such a bully." "I''m not." "Ya sure?" "You heard her." "I did. She was screaming fan girl gushing with love for ya, just likes every other female what walks by ya un falls into ya lap, in love wid yas at first sight. Ya forgets how hypnotically beautiful ya be." "I know how beautiful I am. I never forget that." "Tis true," Zoolock butted in. "The beauty of this body is exactly why we chose it to be the abode of our ladyship." "Stop calling me your ladyship. And this is a Human village. Why are we in a Human village?" "Ya wanted to come here on account of that tower speaking to yas, remember." "She called me a Human." "I does no t''ink she meant too." Chapter 15: Meeting Mallac Unicorn called for the waiter to bring Quaraun a jug of ale, then went back to his argument with ZooLock. Quaraun ate quietly as he listened to the Phooka and the Thullid argue. Quaraun was so intently listening to his companions argument that he did not notice the young human soldier stride up to their table and stare intently at the three non-humans. Quaraun, as he did in every tavern, was not sitting in any of the chairs, stools, or benches provided by the tavern, but rather was sitting on an ornate, gold gilded, throne, covered with pink velvet cushions. ZooLock," Quaraun interupted them. "Yes?" "Your argument bores me." "He is the one..." "Go find me some food." "Yes, my Lady." "Stop calling me that." ZooLock slipped out of his seat and set out to find food for the wizard. With ZooLock gone looking for the food Quarun had requested, Unicorn turned his attention to the Elf. "Eating Humans would be option," Unicorn said. ¡°Why are you sitting on a throne?¡± The solider asked. ¡°I''m a king.¡± ¡°Not a queen?¡± ¡°I''m the Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets.¡± ¡°You''re what?¡± ¡°I''m the...¡± ¡°You''re hair''s touching the floor,¡± the young man said not letting Quaraun finish. ¡°Yes. I know. I have not cut my hair in three hundred years.¡± ¡°Are those real?¡± The Human reached out and pulled on Quaraun''s foot long ears. ¡°Stop that!¡± Quaraun slapped the Human. ¡°How dare you touch me!¡± Quaraun screamed hysterically. ¡±No body touches me! I do not like being touched.¡± ¡°Are you an Elf?¡± Quaraun was still screaming and not listening to the soldier. Unicorn looked up at the young man and exclaimed: "Oh my! A tasty looking human. Look how him justs, brings hisself right over to us table for me to eats him!" "You are not eating the humans," Quaraun scolded. "Oh pooh! Suck a cock dick damn it! Yis one what can nah food ya wants. Eating Humans would be option," Unicorn said. "If I was going to eat Humans, I wouldn''t pick these distatfeul..." ¡°Do you eat Humans?¡± The wide eyed Human asked. "I''m sorry," Quaraun said to the young man, who appeared to be a soldier. "What?" "You were talking about eating Humans." "I''m an Elf." "Meaning?" "We don''t eat anything that was ever once alive." "Oh." The man thought silently for a moment. "And him?" He pointed to Unicorn. "He''s a Faerie, their ways are different." "I''ve never seen any of you before," the soilder said. "No," Quaraun answered. "We just arrived. We only stopped for a meal and a place to sleep for a few hours. I hurt my leg outside of town, otherwise we wouldn''t have stopped at all. I need to rest before we can continue. We will be on our way once we are done eating. Except he''s never done eating, so we could be here a while." The man looked around the room nervously, as though hoping to not be overheard, then pulled a chair up to their table and whispered to Quaraun: "You''re new in town, right?¡± ¡°Yes. I just said as much. You weren''t listening.¡± ¡°That means you didn''t commit the murders." "Murders?" Quaraun asked. "Sssshhhhhh. Not so loud." The man looked around the room, then whispered: "I need your help." "Our help?" "Yes." "You don''t even know who we are." "I know you are not murderers." Unicorn burst out laughing. He laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and then fell out of his chair and continued laughing while laying on the floor. "What''s wrong with him?" The man asked. "He''s a Faerie," Quaraun said. "They do that." "Oh." The man watched the Faerie as he continued to lay on the floor laughing uncontrollably. "You were saying you needed our help?" Quaraun asked. "Yes." Quaraun kicked Unicorn. "Stop it," he said to the Phooka. Unicorn stopped laughing for a few seconds, and then started laughing again. "Is he all right?" "Oh, yes, he''s fine. Faeries are very emotional creatures. Ignore him and continue, please." "My name is Mallac. I am the chief of the Burgermeister''s guards and he has assigned me to solve the mystery of the recent murders, but I''m no detective. I don''t know what I''m doing, I don''t know who I can trust, I need help..." Unicorn sat up and pulled himself back up into his chair and said: "Un ya t''inks we looks likes, we be good upstanding, trustworthy, un-cannibalistic, non-murderous citizens willing for to helps ya, eh?" "Well...uhm...uhm...uhm..." "What be tripping ya up, dat we is cannibalistic or dat we is murderers?" Mallac stared bugged eyed at Unicorn then sent a questioning glance back to Quaraun. "Faerie," Quaraun said. "They say the first thing that comes out of their mouths, without stopping to think about what it is or how it sounds. Please, ignore him and continue with your story." Quaraun popped a truffle into his pink painted mouth and waited for Mallac to continue. "I don''t know who I can trust and I''ve heard Elves are compassionate and willing to help those in need." Unicorn started laughing again.Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. "Ya heard... hahahaha! Elves! Hahahaha!" "Unicorn..." "Quaraun? Compassionate? Ha ha! Un willing to help! Ho ho, heh, ha!" Mallac turned back to Quaraun. "Faerie," Quaraun said. "You are an Elf aren''t you?" "Yes. I am an Elf, but he''s right. Faerie or no. You shouldn''t trust strangers, not even an Elf. Especially not me." "Why not?" "Why not trust strangers or why not trust Elves?" ¡°Why not trust Elves.¡± ¡°There do exist cannibalistic murdering Elves.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Really.¡± ¡°Have you ever met one?¡± ¡°You''re talking to one.¡± ¡°I am?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Where is it?¡± Quaraun blinked and waited for the Human''s brain to register what he had said, but, Humans, being the idiots they are, this one being more idiotic then most, never once thought that Quaraun might possibly be referring to himself. Quaraun popped another truffle into his mouth, then straightened a few of the many rings that sat sparkling on his fingers. "You don''t know who I am do you?" Quaraun finally asked. "No. Should I?" "I don''t know. Soldiers tend to be the ones who put up the wanted posters and read the Guild''s most wanted of the week messages." "Yes, but..." "You''d think if any one knew a pink robed, Moon Elf wizard, it''d be a Burgermeister''s guard, right?" "But..." "You''ve never heard of The Pink Necromancer before have you?" "No. Should I have?" "You don''t ever read those wanted posters you put up around the town then?" "No. Why would I? It''s not like anyone new ever comes to these parts. We''re East. Everyone is heading West." "That''s true." ¡°We don''t get many Elves around here.¡± ¡°Obviously.¡± ¡°We do have a gang half-Elves in town. Strange men. Wizards. Keep to themselves. Live in that creepy tower outside of town.¡± ¡°Tower?¡± "But you are an Elf?" "I am a Moon Elf. You mentioned the tower..." "Oh good. I wasn''t sure. I''d never seen an Elf like you before." "Because he''s a Moon Elf," ZooLock pointed out. "Last of his kind." "Yes I heard...uhm...her...him?" Mallac leaned closer to Quaraun. "I''m sorry. Are you a male Elf?" ¡°Do you think I''m a male Elf?¡± "Yes. Uhm. I think. I thought you were a female when I started talking to you. I mean you look like... but your voice, you don''t... you sound like... " ¡°I''m a male Elf with a female Jellyfish living in my brain. The Elf in me died centuries ago. The Jelly controls my body. I have the mind, spirit, and soul of a female. I just have the misfortune of living in a male body.¡± ¡°You''re insane aren''t you?¡± ¡°Yes, actually I am. I''m Quaraun the Insane, that''s what everyone calls me these days. Even though I''m not insane. It''s the name they put on the wanted posters. ''Quaraun the Insane: World''s Most wanted Criminal. Extremely dangerous. Approach with caution. Necromancer. Always wears pink.¡± ¡°So are you male or female?¡± ¡°Does it matter?¡± ¡°Uhhmm... Why wouldn''t it?¡± ¡°The only person who needs to know what my biological gender is, is the person I choose to sleep with. It only matters what sex I am to some one who wants to fuck me. And then it only matters if I actually want them to fuck me. He''s the only the one allowed to fuck me.¡± Quaraun pointed to Unicorn. ¡°And so he''s the only one who needs to know what gender I physically am.¡± ¡°And that would be?¡± ¡°You want me to lift up my skirts and show you what I got between my legs?¡± "Oh, uhm.. no...I thought... I''m sorry.... I didn''t mean... I''m... I... I''ve never seen an Elf like you before. But the way you''re dressed and the make up and jewellery, you look..." "No, you were right to think I was a female...I do not dress as a male." "Oh, well... uhm...why do you dress like a woman? If you don''t mind my asking." "I am a wizard of the Di''Jinn order. This is how we dress. We reject the gender of our birth, to embody the soul of both genders." ¡°I don''t understand.¡± ¡°I''m a Thullid.¡± ¡°A what?¡± ¡°THAT is a Thullid.¡± Quaraun pointed to ZooLock, who was just then using his longest tentacles to steal food off the plates of the next table. ¡°That''s one of those squid headed Chaos Demons.¡± ¡°Yes. They are called Thullids.¡± ¡°You don''t have a squid head.¡± ¡°No. Not all Thullids do. There are different types of Thullids. Some are Squids. Some are Octopus. Some are Cuttlefish. Some are Sea Cucumbers. Some are Lobsters. Some are Eels. I''m a Jellyfish. I will never get any bigger then the size of an apple, and therefore I will never grow large enough to have to hatch out of my host''s body. I will forever look like an Elf. I will never have a Squid head. I''m not a Squid Thullid. I''m a Jelly Thullid. I am beautiful pink Jellyfish with long feathery purple ruffled tentacles...¡± "So, you ARE insane.¡± Quaraun sighed and went back to eating melba toast. ¡°But, you''re a wizard, right? You said something about being a Genie." "DiJinn. Yes," Quaraun sounded annoyed at having been interrupted. "I am a wizard of the Di''Jinn order..." "So you ARE a wizard." "I''m a Di''Jinn wizard." "How is that different from any other wizard?" "It make him a elitist, egotistical wizard," Unicorn chirped. "Will you go turn yourself into a Unicorn, run into a tree, and knock yourself out for a while?" Quaraun said to Unicorn. Unicorn simply raised his mug, saluted the Elf and went back to drinking. "He''s a Moon Elf," ZooLock said to Mallac. "Yes, I heard him..." Mallac started to answer. "Why are you drinking that?" Quaraun demanded of Unicorn. "You''re a Lich. You can''t get drunk and you know it." "No," Unicorn laughed. "But it annoyances ya un dat do be fun." "Why can''t he get drunk?" Mallac asked. "He''s dead!" Quaraun screamed. "Dead?" "Yes." "I thought you said he was a Faerie." "He is a Faerie." "But you just said he was dead." "Yes.¡± "I think I''m confused." "Of course you are. You''re a Human. I''m a Necromancer. He''s a dead Faerie. What is there to be confused about?" "But he''s...he''s...he''s...uhm..." "What?" Unicorn smiled trying not to start laughing again. "I sitting here, talking, laughing, drinking, not rotting in the grave being eat up by maggots wherest I shouldsest be?" "Well, yeah..." "He done tolds ya already, he bes a wizard of the Di''Jinn order. Did ya really expects of him to not has a dead thing sitting here with him?" "Well...I...uhm..." "Ya does''na knows what a Di''Jinn wizard is does ya?" Unicorn asked. "You''re dead?" Was all Mallac could think to say. "He''s a Moon Elf," ZooLock said once again. "Yes, I heard you before." "Ya do''na know who he is being, doose ya?" Unicorn said while trying to stifle a snicker. "Should I?" "I am a Moon Elf," Quaraun said plainly as he began spreading chocolate sauce, pickle slices, and apricot preserves on his biscuits. "A Moon Elf who likes, BoomFuzzy''s chocolate covered apricots...and right now with extra pickles and ice cream. Boy is ya eating weird things lately, Quaraun." "Does that mean something?" "The Moon Elves are extinct," Quaraun answered. "They went extinct centuries ago." "If they went extinct then how can you..." "It means, that I am Quaraun the Insane, Last of the Moon Elves..." "Insane?" "Yes. Insane." "So you''re like crazy or something?" "Or something. I am Quaraun the Insane, Last of the Moon Elves, Ruler of the Di''Jinn, Murderer of Gibedon the Great, Master of the Dead, Commander of the Lich Lords, Resurrector of the Black Dragon, most powerful and most feared Necromancer of all time. I am the most feared wizard on the planet. Lover to the Elf Eater of Pepper Valley. Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets..." "Really?" "Really." "Really?" "Yes." "Huh. Never heard of you." Quaraun sighed and went back to eating his meal. ¡°Can you help us?¡± Mallac asked the Elf. "Tell me what you want." "I need your help..." "You said that... "I''m the chief of the guards, of the..." "You said that too. If you don''t stop annoying me and needlessly interrupting my meal, I''m going to feed you to my Unicorn." "You have a unicorn too?" Quaraun sighed again. "Humans are such idiots,¡± he muttered. ¡°Just tell me what you want." "There have been murders..." "And you are not a detective, yes I know, you already said all of that. But what do you expect me to do about it?" "You''re an Elf." "Yes, we have established that." "And a wizard." "Yes. Of the Di''Jinn order, as I have already told you. You''re not telling me anything I don''t already know." "So you are smarter then an average Elf." "Of course, I am. I''m smarter than everyone. I''m the Grand High..." "Un arrogant," Unicorn added. "And you are a Necromancer, you can call up the dead and find out who killed them." ¡°I can what?¡± ¡°You can call up the dead and find out who killed them." "Well, That''s debatable, but we''ll go with that for the moment, except you did not know that I was a wizard or Necromancer, when you first asked for my help. So what did you think I could do then?" Just then two more Humans, entered the tavern. "Have you found anything?" one asks Mallac. "No, but there are three strangers, just arrived in town. They know nothing of the murders. They know no one in town. I thought, perhaps, because they have no connections, no bias, no motives, They could help us. They have nothing to hide, no reason to lie to us." Two more men, entered the tavern and joined the other three. The five town guards exchanged updates on their progress, or lack there of, and then discussed Mallac''s suggestion that Quaraun, Unicorn, and ZooLock help them. "They are talking about us," Unicorn said to Quaraun. "Every one always talks about us, Unicorn. You should be used to it by now." "I does not like people talking about us." "Calm down, Unicorn." "I wants to eats them." "We are not here to eat the villagers, Unicorn." "They are annoying ya." "We don''t eat things that annoy us." "Ya said I could eat things that annoyed ya." "A lot of things annoy me." "Ya ate yar father." Quaraun glared at Unicorn. "What? Ya did." Quaraun sighed and went back to his meal. Mallac came back to their table. "Will you help us?" ¡°Solve a murder?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± "Do we have choice?" "Well, we can''t force you, but we could lock you in irons if you refuse." "Oh! Goody!" Unicorn began clapping excitedly. "Chain him up. I can fucks him better that way!" "UNICORN!" Quaraun screamed. "What? Ya likes being chained up while I fuck ya un ya knows it." "Unicorn." "Ya do." "Do you?" Mallac asked. "He does," ZooLock answered. "Did I give you permission to talk?" Quaraun growled at the Thullid. ZooLock recoiled his tentacles and went back to nervously signing psalms of praise to the Sacred Pink Jelly Fish. "Can we get back to the murders?" Quaraun asked Mallac. "He does no like talking about hims sex life," Unicorn said to Mallac. "I on the other hand, loves ta talk about it." Quaraun ignored Unicorn. "Who was killed? How? When? Where? Why? Can you use your idiotically, stupid, useless Human brain long enough to tell me that much at least?" Mallac pulled out a map and rolled it out on the table. The map was simple, not to scale, and badly weathered. Mallac pointed out the locations of each murder, in the order which they have occurred. "It was a ritual killing," Mallac said. "We are sure of it. Each victim was cut palm to palm, all the way up the arms and across the neck. They were each left face down, left to bleed straight into the ground. There was no obvious trails in the dirt. It appears the bodies were killed where they were found and not brought from elsewhere. Until tonight, it had been one victim each night, but this time there were two deaths." Mallac sat back and stared at Quaraun, waiting for the Elf to say something. Chapter 16: A Serial Killer at Large "It was a ritual killing," Mallac said. "We are sure of it. Each victim was cut palm to palm, all the way up the arms and across the neck. They were each left face down, left to bleed straight into the ground. There was no obvious trails in the dirt. It appears the bodies were killed where they were found and not brought from elsewhere. Until tonight, it had been one victim each night, but this time there were two deaths." Mallac sat back and stared at Quaraun, waiting for the Elf to say something. "I can''t help you." "But you are the world''s most powerful wizard..." Mallac started to say. "So?" Quaraun deeply disliked being called the world''s most powerful wizard. Calling him thusly was the fastest way to offend him. "But people say..." "People say a lot of things," Quaraun said. "People can say, whatever the hell they want. It doesn''t make it true." "So are you the world''s most powerful wizard or not?" "So what if I am? What difference does it make?" "It makes a lot of differance." "How?" "You can save us..." "Oh fuck off!" "But... "Do I look like I care?" "You look increadibly pissed off right now..." "Oh really? And I wonder why that possibly might be?" "We need your help..." "Why?" "I told you already..." "People in this town are being murdered left and right, blah, blah, blah. In what town isn''t that the case?" "But you''re the world''s most powerful wizard..." "So? What do you even think that means?" "Well, you can do things." "Like what?" "You can use magic to defeat monsters..." "Magic doesn''t work that way. If it did, I wouldn''t be sitting in this tavern right now with a bloody leg." Upon saying this, Quaraun hiked his skirts up and threw his wounded leg up on the table, in the most unladylike way possible. "You see that?" He pointed to the bite wound. "A monster did that. Magic didn''t stop that from happening now did it?" "But you''re the world''s..." "Phfft." Quaraun pulled his leg back off the table and turned away from the soilder. "Why can''t I go anywhere without this happening," he asked Unicorn. "Yis world''s most powerful wizard," Unicorn stated. Quaraun sighed. He hated the reputation he had. He almost wished it wasn''t true. He never set out to become the world''s most powerful wizard. He wasn''t even sure that he was all that powerful at all. The only reason anyone said he was, was because of what happened to the DiJinn. Quaraun loved horses. Too much perhaps. He couldn''t just stand back and do nothing while the DiJinn slaughtered an entire herd of innocent little ponies. That the ponies were really monsters in disguise hadn''t mattered to him. He just couldn''t watch someone kill a horse. And so he told the DiJinn to drop dead, and they obediently did exactly that. Seconds later all that was left of the most powerful guild of wizards, was piles of ash, where live wizards had once stood. Quaraun wasn''t certain how exactly it was he had killed the Di''Jin. He didn''t even know if he could do something like that again. He wasn''t in the habit of using magic. And it seemed, he had little control over the magic he did use, which was mostly sporadic bursts of his anger manifesting in horribly bloody disaster. That was him losing his temper and everyone around him dropping dead. Magic was not what people thought it was. It certain wasn''t what Mallac thought it was. Quaraun simply did not know how to explain to people the way magic worked, at least in any way they could understand. Especially not when he didn''t even understand the workings of magic. Studying to become a wizard had not been his life choice. Like all wizards, he had been a child abducted by fanatical priests and raised in a self made temple that forced young boys into servitude to a demon. Wizards were a far cry from the magical beings the average person thought they was. They were nothing more then glorified priests who happened to serve real "gods". Not that their gods were actual gods. the gods of wizards were demons with true powers, powers wizards were taught to call up. Unlike other wizards, Quaraun had not succumbed to the servitude his kidnapped had forced him into. He had rebelled constantly against them, rarely paid attention to the prayers and rituals they taught him, spent most of his days finding ways to escape rather than memorize chants to the god of the DiJinn. The public image of wizards was nothing but a scam, put out their by the leaders of the wizarding guilds, to try to make the wizards of their guild seem more powerful then the wizards of the next guild. Nothing but pompous old men puffing each other up. It disgusted Quaraun and wanted no part of it. All he had ever wanted to do was escape the egomaniacal demon cultists and go back home to his family. But now his family was ded. His people were dead. He was alone. Travelling with the last of the DiJinn priests and an undead Faerie who was trapped in the wrong dimension and loving it. So many people here for him to play pranks on. Quaraun looked up from his thoughts. Mallac was still going on about the ritual murders taking place every night this past week. Unicorn had left the table momentarily. He had spied a sleeping patron at another table and snuck over to tie the man''s boots to the table leg. Quaraun shook his head. He did not understand Unicorn and his endless need to torment every one and everything. Unicorn was a Faerie after all. Quaraun had long ago given u trying to understand the irrationality of Faerie logic. "And you are the world''s most powerful wizard..." Mallac said again, in the middle of his explanation of the details of the grizzly murders. Quaraun heard only that one line. The rest of Mallac''s words drifted passed him. Quaraun thought about the little black ponies. Tiny little Shetlands, so out of place in the desert of the DiJinn. Galloping and playing. Sleeping along the river bank. He had known they weren''t really horses. No wild horses ran through the desert of the DiJinn and horses didn''t have fangs or sharp claws instead of hooves, Quaraun had known from the first day he had seen them, that they were a pack of Faeries in disguise. He had also known that no good Fae ever pretended to be a black furred animal. The most telling sign of all was the fact that the herd was led by a little black unicorn. The size of a goat. With a gleaming silver horn on its head. And the skull of a dead Ef skewered on it''s horn and worn as a crown. The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley. King of the Faeries. And he dark, evil army. Quaraun had known who they were and why they had surrounded the temple of the DiJinn. Why they called to him each day, luring him outside, down to the river, away from the safety of the DiJinn. They hunted Elves. Killed Elves. Slaughtered Elves. And ate Elven flesh. And Quaraun was an Elf. But none of this had stopped the young Elf from skipping his studies every day to go down to the river and watch the herd of little black ponies chasing each other, luring him ever closer to the marshy shores of the river bank. Then one day, Quaraun snuck out, to find the DiJinn waiting, and frightened little horses crying out in agony, as one by one the wizard priests slaughtered the evil little pony-nots. "No! Stop!" "You don''t know what they are." "Stop hurting them." "They are here to kill our god. The Sacred Pink JellyFish must be protected." The DiJinn heeded not the cries of the young Elfling. A child with barely any training, standing up against the most powerful wizards on the planet. It had been foolish to think such a small Elfling stood a chance against the DiJinn. The DiJinn - who were capable of cutting down the Elf Eater''s army like they were nothing but flies. And yet, the DiJinn themselves, worshiped the young Elf, proclaiming that a Demon god had burrowed itself into his body and now lived inside him. It was foolish of them to defy her will. Quaraun watched in horror as the ponies fell before the wizards. One by one the ponies died. Their screams cutting through his soul. The ponies ran, but were cut dead in their tracks, no match for the powerful DiJinn wizards. Seeing his army defeated, the unicorn ran too. The little black unicorn. Quaraun''s favorite pony, fell to the DiJinn. "You''ll not kill my unicorn," the words of the Elf rang through the desert. His voice now changed. No longer the voice of the Elf, but now the voice of the beast that lived inside him. To hear her speak, caught the DiJinn of guard, as they turned to the Elf. "DIE!" The last word any of them heard. The moment the word left his lips, every last DiJinn, save one coward who had fled earlier, withered away to dust. Their bodies burning in flames, twisted in agony. And seconds later, the DiJinn were no more. ZooLock along survived and he fled to the desert, terrified of the wrath of his god. Terrified of the Sacred Pink Jellyfish. No doubt in his mind existed now that she was anything other then the one true god. The unicorn had watched in awe, at the Elf powers unlike anything he had never seen. No wizard had the power''s Quaraun had. This was not magic. The unicorn knew this. This was something else. Whatever Quaraun was, he was neither Elf, nor Wizard, and now both the unicorn and last of the DiJinn worshiped him like a god. Quaraun watched ZooLock stealing food off people''s tables while they weren''t looking, and Unicorn, now dumping a bottle of red pepper into a jar of strawberry jam. They both believed he was the world''s most powerful wizard and they both followed him, obeying him without question because of it. All because of how he had killed the DiJinn. Perhaps it did make him the world''s most powerful wizard, but it didn''t mean he could control it or even knew how he did it. Wizardry was not what the world thought it was. Magic didn''t have all the dazzle and punch rumors said it had. Far too many people, people with no knowledge of magic, had it in their heads that all a wizard had to do was wave a wand and -POOF- they could do anything and everything. The problem stemmed from the fact that wizards were rare and magic uncommon, resulting in mystical glorification of both. Stories gave wizard''s god-like powers they were not even remotely capable of in real life. Quaraun long ago gave up trying to explain to common folk what magic was and was not capable of. The soldier continued to tell Quaraun of the murders that had plagued their town this past week and all the reasons why magic and wizards were exactly what they needed right now. Quaraun didn''t listen to a word of it. He contemplated telling the soldier all the reasons his misconceptions about wizards and magic were wrong, but concluded it was a waste of his time to argue with the man, so instead let the man ramble on, while he dozed off.Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. "YOU''RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!" Quaraun sat up and looked around. For a moment he couldn''t remember where he was. Then he saw the soldier, glaring angrily at him. "What?" Quaraun asked sleepily, yawning. "You fell asleep." "So?" "You were not listening to me?" "Was I supposed to be?" "Now I have to say all of that all over again." "You really don''t..." "You have to pay attention..." "I do?" "Yes!" "Why?" "If you are going to help us, you need to know what happened." "Did I say I was going to help?" "Yes, you did!" Quaraun looked at Unicorn. "Did I say I was going to help?" "Ya mumbled some''ing to that effect. After him threatened to toss ya in in prison for not helping him." "Bother." "Are you going to stay awake and listen to mem" Mallac asked. "Fine. Who died? What do you know about them?" "The first victim was Gnnizllahuantyotleyog, a Dwarf.¡± "That is a Thullid name," Quaraun said. ¡°Why would a Dwarf have a Thullid name?¡± ¡°She was the daughter of the most prominent merchant in town. She was about to be wedded to the son of another prominent merchant, They were going to combine their establishments. We thought at first, that it was motivated by perhaps a third merchant who wanted to prevent the merger of two big shipping companies into one huge shipping company..." "But you no longer think this?" Quaraun asked. "No. The second victim was Axcolwbettlii.¡± ¡°Also a Thullid name.¡± ¡°He was a big sloth of a man. Not well liked. He had a farm outside of town. Kept children, orphans, you know, little kids, as slaves. Cheaper then farmhands, he said. A lot of people in town would have liked to see him dead..." "And there was no connection between the two them? Other then both having Thullid names?" "Nope, none as far as I can tell." Mallac pointed to the third murder site marked on the map. "Selliinsuji was the third victim.¡± ¡°Another Thullid name.¡± ¡°A young girl. Recently married. We found her here, same as the others, cut palm to palm, face down in the mud. Her family''s farm is just over there, she was probably on her way home." "What''s that over there?" Quaraun pointed a large blacked out circle on the map, just off to the side of where Selliinsuji''s body was found. "That''s The Black Tower," said Mallac. "Black Tower?¡± Quaraun turned and looked out the window. He could see Black Tower from here. ¡°What IS Black Tower? It calls to me." "Calls to you?" "Yes. Can you not hear it? It''s been calling to me for days. It''s fascinating." "Uhm..." "Tell me about Black Tower. What is it?" "A tall tower built out of smooth black river stones. It''s really ancient. I think it was part of an old castle years ago, but there''s nothing but the tower standing there today. It was converted into a lighthouse for a few decades. An old half-Elf lives there now. He fancies himself a wizard, but he''s, I don''t know, he''s kind of stupid. Can''t do much in the way of magic, near as I can tell. He''s the kind of guy who just wants to run around in a cape. He''s got this strange looking servant, also a half-Elf, but not like any Elf I never did see before. Got hair yellower then if it had been painted." ¡°A Sun Elf?¡± ¡°Don''t know Elf types.¡± ¡°Sun Elves have bright yellow hair that glows in the dark. And we meet a Sun Elf on the way here. GhoulSpawn. Used to call himself Glinter.¡± ¡°Don''t know. Just know the old Elf is ancient and the young Elf has got yellow hair like nothing I''ve ever seen before and they both kind of crazy.¡± ¡°Crazy how?¡± ¡°Hermits. Keep to themselves. Caught the yellow haired one stealing sheep a couple of times.¡± ¡°Sheep?¡± ¡°Yeah, not sure what he does with them.¡± "Do you suspect him of being connected?" ¡°The yellow Elf? Nah. He''s kind of crazy, but he seems harmless. I don''t think he''d hurt anyone. Not sure what it is with him stealing sheep though. I think he steals corpses too.¡± ¡°Corpses?¡± ¡°Yep. Caught him a couple of times out in graveyards and fields with a shovel. Never seen him with no body, though. It''s like he''s looking for buried treasure or something. Strange fella, but nice enough whenever I''ve talked to him.¡± "You''re lying to me." "What?" "Your voice changed. When ya started talking about GhoulSpawn. You don''t like him. Your words said one thing, but your voice said something else. Why don''t you like GhoulSpawn." "He''s a thief." "Considering he cleaned out my pockets, I had already gathered that much." "You had a run in with him." "That storm a few days ago. He got caught in it. So did we. We both ended up seeking shelter in the same abandoned cathedral. Had to wait out the storm before going forward. I had gold coins in my pockets went I fell asleep. They disappeared some time during the night." "We can arrest him on that." "Don''t bother." "Why not?" "He''s just a child. An orphaned one at that. I already confronted him. He gave me the coins back and then I gave them to him. Poor thing looks half starved. For such a prosperous town, I''m surprised you have people going hungry like that." "He''s a half-Elf." "Meaning?" "It is what it is." "I don''t like the tone of your voice." "hat''s wrong with it?" "It implies that a half-Elf does not deserve food." "Listen... might as well get it out now." "Get what out?" "Folks ''round here don''t like half-Elves." "Why not?" "There''s a band of half-Elves just outside of town. They start trouble. Band of thieves. Steal everything that ain''t nailed down. Food, weapons, tools, you name, they steal it." "In my experience no one steals unless forced to out of great need. And as I said before... a town this prosperous, should have enough to go around. There shouldn''t be anyone going without, so there should be no need to steal." "Yeah, you''re not from around here. You don''t get it." "Perhaps I don''t. What about the other one? You said there were two half-Elves in town. Do you think he''s involved?¡± "HellBorne? HellBorne the Evil, Summoner of Darkness the Great and Mighty Overlord of the Evil Black Tower of the Dark Castle of Doom? Nah." Mallac laughed at the thought. "No HellBorne is harmless. Crazy as ten coots, but harmless." "Someone with a name like HellBorne," Unicorn said. "Does no sound harmless." "Oh, no. He changed his name to sound scary and spooky. He''s like that. No, he wouldn''t hurt anybody. I told you, he''s an Elf." "No, you said he was a half-Elf," Quaraun stated, as though half-Elves were scum of the Earth. "You didn''t say half what else. If he''s half-Human, that alone makes him prone to evil." ¡°Can an Elf be half something not Human?¡± ¡°He could be half-Faerie or half-Dwarf or half-Mountain Troll or half-Orc or half-Demon or...¡± ¡°Half-Demon?¡± ¡°Yes. Horrible thought.¡± "I don''t know what else he is, but he''s an Elf, so I know he wouldn''t hurt no one..." "Are you of the opinion that being an Elf, precludes one from doing harm?" "Well, yeah, I mean, Elves are Elves, they do nice things, like granting wishes..." "Granting wishes? That''s what Kelim said to me." "Kelim?" "An annoyingly stupid Pixie that reminds me of you." "He asketh Quaraun to grantth him wish," Unicorn explained. "Just before his village went din-din to Pocket Lich." "Pocket Lich?" "Him carries Lich in his pocket." "You do?" Mallac asked Quaraun. The Elf just smiled and said: "Yes, and my other Lich doesn''t want to be in my bed tonight, otherwise he''d shut up." Unicorn immediately stopped talking and sat as quiet as a grave he was no longer buried in. "Tell me about HellBorne," Quaraun said to Mallac. "He''s just a crazy old coot. Got old and lost his marbles. You know the type. He''s just a crazy old man who likes to scare the kiddies. Makes all kinds of lights go off around the tower. Fireworks and stuff. Smoke and nonsense." "And yet he lives in something called Black Tower." "Well, yes..." "I''d like to see Black Tower up close." "Nah. You wouldn''t like it." "How would you know?" "Like I said. He''s trying to make himself sound all big and scary. He thinks he''s a Necromancer. You know, evil wizard, black mage, army of zombies..." "I know what a Necromancer is." "Oh, that''s right, you are one aren''t you?" ¡°Yes, I am.¡± ¡°People like to go up there at night and watch the show. Some times they get drunk and come back talking about all these monsters and things...¡± ¡°Monsters?¡± ¡°Yeah. Like your squid buddy there, only bigger, more hulking, squatter, fatter, green skin, sort of rubbery looking...¡± ¡°Uoogal-Thorpe?¡± ZooLock asked. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Uoogal-Thorpe.¡± ¡°What''s that?¡± ¡°An Uoogal-Thorpe is a type of Chaos Demon, made out of Thullid larvae implanted into UmberHulks.¡± ¡°UmberHulks?¡± ¡°Hhhhm, yes. Nasty beasts. I wonder how an Uoogal-Thorpe got into this dimension?¡± Mallac pointed to the site of the fourth murder. "Ellreekii died here..." Mallac started to say. "That is a Thullid name as well," Quaraun said. "Elderly woman. An Elf, like you. Well, not like you. But an Elf. Wouldn''t harm a soul. She was known for her generosity and kindness. Everyone loved her. Her husband was a merchant of rare herbs and spices." "Another merchant?" "Yes, well, this is a sea port after all. Ships dock right down yonder." Mallac pointed in the direction of the coastline. A seagull flew over head and screamed as if to emphasis how close The ocean was to them. "There''s a lot of merchants in these parts. Merchants. Captains. Cut throats. Pirates. Scallywags. It¡¯s the area for it. Yeah, stands to reason most folks in town have some connection to a merchant. That¡¯s just the way it is in these parts. What with the ocean right there and all.¡± "I see." A freckled, distraught boy emerged from an alley. Mallac watched the boy nervously and waited for him to be out of sight before continuing. "Well yeah, any ways, he died a few years back. Old age.. Nothing suspicious. Just a really old Elf. Her sons took care of her after he died and she used every penny she had to do good to those less fortunate..Not a sweeter soul in these parts. Can''t figure out why anyone would hurt such a sweet, kind soul." "Ellreekii is a Thullid name. No Elf would name there child a Thullid name. She must have changed her name later on. What type of Elf was she?" "Just an Elf, I don''t know how you tell one from another. An Elf is an Elf." "Indeed. I could say the same of Humans. You all look alike, can''t tell one from another." "Now you''re just being rude." "And arrogant," added Unicorn. "Very arrogant this one. He be a king ya knows? Went right to his head it did." "You''re a king?" Mallac asked. "Yes," Quaraun answered. "Though I''ve no kingdom and no people." "He killed his people," Unicorn stated. "You...killed your people?" "And he ate his father," Unicorn chirped happily. "Don''t forget that." "You...why?" "He cut my hair, burned my dresses, and killed my lover. Said he wanted his son to be a King, not a Queen. and he didn''t like BoomFuzzy." "What''s a BoomFuzzy?" "I a BoomFuzzy," said Unicorn. "His father killed me and now I a Unicorn." "I don''t understand." "His name was BoomFuzzy," said Quaraun. "When he was alive he was a candy maker..." "Drugged candies," Unicorn corrected. "Played fun with ya mind." "He''s a Phooka," Quaraun went on. "And an Elf Eater. He took up residence in our village, pretended to be a half-Elf and set up a candy shop, which was a false front for the fact that he was a serial killer who used candy to drug Elves, so he could kill them and eat them without them making a fuss." "Plus ya drug yarself when ya eats drugged Elf flesh," Unicorn said cheerily. "Fun times!" "So, you''re both insane?" Mallac asked. "Yes," answered ZooLock. "They most certainly are. and I''m their prisoner, not that anyone cares." "But you''re an Elf?" Mallac said to Quaraun. "Yes." "And he... eats?... Elves?" "Yes." "But you said he was your lover?" "Yes." "I''m confused." ¡°Everyone is.¡± "Don''t try to think about it," warned ZooLock. "It''ll mess with your mind. The worse part of it is the fact that he lets the Faerie drink his blood while they fuck each other. He''s a sick Elf. Not right in the head at all." "And you ate your own father?" "Yes." "So you''re a cannibal?" "No. I don''t make a habit of eating Elves. It was a one time thing. A play on something he said once. He did not like BoomFuzzy. The villagers agreed with him. So I killed them and ate him.¡± "So, you''re a murderer." "I am Quaraun the Insane, Last of the Moon Elves, Murder of Gibedon the Great, Master of the Dead, Lord of the Lich Lords, Resurector of the Black Dragon, most powerful and most feared Necromancer of all time. Most feared wizard on the planet. Lover to the Elf Eater of Pepper Valley... and you asked for my help in solving a murder. Who better to understand the mind of a murderer, then another murderer?" "That...that actually makes sense," Mallac agreed. An apparently foreign, happy girl walked by very slowly, bringing them out of their side tracked conversation. "Now this Ellreekii, what did she look like?" "She was an Elf." Mallac shrugged. "Elves look like Elves." Quaraun sighed. "This is why I hate dealing with Humans. They are all so stupid." Mallac was about to respond but Unicorn stopped him. "Donna bother trying to defend ya honour. He be an incredibly arrogant Elf. He be so arrogant, that his ego has it''s own pet ego. Ignore it when he tells ya, that yar race be the scum of the Earth and not fit to be ants under his feet. He is a king after all. His father raised him to see everyone as unworthy peasants. If ya really wants his help, just agree that ya is scum of the Earth not worthy to kiss his feet and he''ll helps ya out of the kindness of his heart and in the knowledge that it be his duty as king to help those races not fortunate enough to have been born Elves." "Do you do that?" "I should probably point out that my real name was not BoomFuzzy, no matter what he says. I am King Gwallmaiic Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, Leader of the Lich Lords. We is both royalty. Neither of us likes Humans. We both see the Human race as parasites to be squashed, but I is not so open about it as he is. I would rather just eat them and be done with them, while he would rather belittle them and use them as footstools, so either way ya is not dealing with anyone here who thinks very highly of Humans." "What about him?" Mallac pointed his thumb at ZooLock. ZooLock tried to answer, but Unicorn shoved him out of his seat. The Thullid fell to the floor and rolled under the table. "He''s a Thullid," Unicorn said. "Ya does nae fucking know what a Thullid is do ya, boy?" "No, can''t say as I''ve ever seen anything quite like him. He''s like an octopus or something, right?" "Most Humans, dub the Thullids as ''The Brain Sucking Squids From Neptune'' Moon''. Thullids, eat Humans. They came from across the galaxy in flying ships. They are only here to harvest Humans for slaughter to be sent back to their home planet as steaks. Ya Humans is to the Thullid as cows is to ya Humans. Tasty with a side of fish, chips, and mushy peas. Hmmm. I''ve not had fish, chips, and mushy peas in ages. Do ya suppose they have it here?" Unicorn got up and went to find a waiter to ask. Most of them had run off to hide, as the tavern was running out of food, trying to cater to the Lich''s endless hunger. "You''re not sneaking away again," Quaraun said to ZooLock, who had crawled under the table and tried to get to the front door. ZooLock glumly came back to the table and sat down next to his Elven captor. "Now then," Quaraun addressed Mallac again. "Ellreekii. When I asked, what she looked like. I meant, describe her to me. Was she tall? Short? Pale? Dark? Blond? Redhead? Green eyes? Blue eyes?..." "Blue." "She had blue eyes?" "No, she was blue." "Explain yourself." "Every inch of her was blue?" "How so?" "Blue skin, darker blue hair, blue eyes, really, really, wicked long blue ears. I mean long ears. Her ears must have been a foot tall above her head. Just like yours. Always wore blue gowns, all embroidered in silver and trimmed in white fur..." "She''s from the Deep North," Unicorn said as he came back to the table eating what appeared to be the arm of a waiter. "What ya is describing is the traditional dress of the Moon Elves." "Except she was blue, not white," Mallac said. Chapter 17: The Summoner of The Darkness "You''re not sneaking away again," Quaraun said to ZooLock, who had crawled under the table and tried to get to the front door. ZooLock glumly came back to the table and sat down next to his Elven captor. "Now then," Quaraun addressed Mallac again. "Ellreekii. When I asked, what she looked like. I meant, describe her to me. Was she tall? Short? Pale? Dark? Blond? Redhead? Green eyes? Blue eyes?..." "Blue." "She had blue eyes?" "No, she was blue." "Explain yourself." "Every inch of her was blue." "How so?" "Blue skin, darker blue hair, blue eyes, really, really, wicked long blue ears. I mean long ears. Her ears must have been a foot tall above her head. Just like yours. Always wore blue gowns, all embroidered in silver and trimmed in white fur..." "She''s from the Deep North," Unicorn said as he came back to the table eating what appeared to be the arm of a waiter. "What ya is describing is the traditional dress of the Moon Elves." "Except she was blue, not white," Mallac said. "Which is Frost Elf." "No," Quaraun corrected Unicorn. "Frost Elves are white like us. Crystal Elves are blue." "What she was, doesn''t matter," Mallac said impatiently. "Yes, actually, it does." "Why?" "Because the people you have named are Thullids." "No they weren''t." "You gave Thullid names." "No I didn''t." "Yes. You did." Mallac protested Quaraun''s assertion that he was speaking Thullid, but Quaraun had once again stopped listening. Quaraun''s mind was drifting again. He was troubled by the things Mallac said. Not the murders, but rather the inconsistencies he described about the victims. Mallac''s story wasn''t adding up right. He had said he had never seen an Elf before. Yet he was describing several dead Elves. He said only two half-Elves were in town and then said they had problems with a large ban of half-Elf thieves. And he struggled to describe the murder victims without randomly speaking Thullid words, that he was apparently unaware he was saying. "Summoner of Darkness?" Quaraun once again joined the conversation but, doing so by responded to what Mallac had said a half hour ago. "What?" Mallac was uncertain what Quaraun meant. "You called him The Summoner of Darkness?" "Who? HellBorne?" "Yes. You called him the Summoner of Darkness." "Yeah. That''s what he calls himself." "What''s does that mean?" "I don''t know. He runs around saying he''s summoning some ancient elder god demon thing..." "An Elder god? You mean a Chaos Demon?" "Yeah, something like that. I don''t know. I never paid much attention. He just keeps talking about how he''s calling up some god Demon thing." "Indeed. And is he?" "Like I said, the man''s crazy." "When one finds dead bodies along side the home of someone who claims to be summoning Demons, I would think they would be your first suspect." "You''d have to believe in Demons first." "HeelBorne obviously believes in Demons." "So you believe in Demons?" "That''s not what I said." "Listen, HellBorne''s crazy. He runs around the town saying he''s bringing some sacred demon god to town. He''s nuts. He''s not involved in this." "You are certain he jas nothing to do with the murders?" "Yes." "Because he''s crazy?" "Yes." "And yet he has a Demon in his employ?" "Does he?" "Gremlin is a Demon." "Gremlin? Who''s that?" "GhoulSpawn''s future self." "Future...what?" "GhoulSpawn''s a time traveller."If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. "What''s that?" "He''s from the future." "Future?" "1974, he said." "The year?" "Yes." "He''s crazy." "I believe him." "What? Why?" "Because, I have meet him 3 times in the past year and he''s been vastly different ages each time. Glintar is very young. Just a boy. GhoulSpawn''s a young adult, not very old, but not an Elfling anymore. And Gremlin is an old man. He must be 750 years old, at least." "It''s probably just his younger brother and his grandfather." "No. All three were the same person. Of that I am certain. He walks through dimensions like they were swinging doors. He threw a trio of HellHounds at me just outside of town. Thus this bite on my leg. He calls himself a Chaos Wizard. Do you even know what a Chaos Wizard is? It''s not a wizard at all. It''s a sorcerer who has Demon blood and uses demonology - Demon magic, to get things done. GhoulSpawn may be a half-Elf, but he''s also a half-Demon and if he''s powerful enough to open portals and walk through time and space, he''s one damn powerful wizard, that I personally wouldn''t want to get on the wrong side of. Especially not when GhoulSpawn is his real name, and implies the Ghoul himself is his father." "You''re saying GhoulSpawn is a Ghoul?" "No. The Ghoul was a nickname people gave an old Demon who went missing a few decades ago. Cold hearted, blood thirsty, evil bastard of a Demon. Noted for having invented Portal Magic and time travel. He left trails of dead bodies in every town he entered. The Guild used his own portals against him. Seeled him up in a Hell Dimension." "But aren''t you the world''s most powerful wizard?" "Let''s not go through that again. It bores me." "But you just said... you said you couldn''t fight GhoulSpawn in battle." "I said nothing of the sort." "You said..." "What I said was, I wouldn''t want to be on his bad side. There''s a very powerful sorcerer hiding inside that nervous little half-Elf. If he can bend time to his will and cut holes through dimensions, than he''s dealing with very high level magic. Not something a young beginner like himself should even attempt to be learning yet. And he''s wielding it with the expertise of an ancient wizard. That''s troubling." "But that doesn''t help us." "How doesn''t it?" "We''re looking for a murderer." "And you still cast no suspicion towards HellBorne or GhoulSpawn?" "No. Why should I?" "You''re stupid Mallac. GhoulSpawn has openly admitted The Ghoul is his father and that he''s trying to find the portal the Guild tossed him into. You''re telling me you have ritualistically murdered bodies showing up in your village, while some old wizard is running around calling himself The Summoner of Darkness, claiming to be about to resurrect a Demon God and you are just going to completely discredit the possibility they might be the ones killing your villagers?" "Yes." "Why?" "They couldn''t do it." Unicorn leaned over to Quaraun, pointing to ZooLock, and whispered: "Psion." "What?" "The Thullids are Psions." "I know that." "There be Psionics at work here." "How so?" "Mallac''s struggling to disagree with ya." "Is he?" "Aye. I been watching him. Him try to say one t''ing to yas. Him mouth not matching what him brain trying to speak. Ya noted voice change un inconsistency yarself." "What are you thinking?" "I t''inking Mallac begging for help, on account of Thullid''s have control of town un him can not tells us truth cause Thullid got him locked in mind control." "Why would you think Thullids have control of the town?" "I Illusionist. I see t''rough Illusions. There ain''t no many Humans in dis here town." "What do you mean." "I mean we meet ZooLock just outside of here un I do not t''ink it coincidence. Gremlin told us to no come to dis town. Him say it trap. Him tell us to get GhoulSpawn un run far from here. Remember?" "I do." "I t''ink de Thullids set trap for us un we walk right into it. Un t''ink Mallac trying to tell us but him have Thullids blocking him un no letting him say what him want to say." ZooLock interrupted them just then, placing a plate of food on the table, then throwing himself at Quaraun''s feet. "Your food my Ladyship." "I told you stop calling me that... ZooLock. Summoner of Darkness, what does that mean to you?" "Summoner of Darkness? I know it not, my Lady." "Of course you don''t, which means you know all about it, seeing how you are incapable of telling the truth." "As you wish, my Lady." "STOP WORSHIPING ME! I CAN''T STAND IT ANY MORE!" Quaraun kicked the squid headed priest sending him sprawling on the floor. "Mallac," Quaraun said. "Why did you approach me?" "The murders..." "I''m a complete total stranger. You don''t ask a total stranger to help you solve a murder. What''s really going on here?" "We need your help..." "Why?" "Please." "Why me?" "You''re the world''s most powerful wizard." "I never told you that." "You''re a Necromancer." "I didn''t tell you that either." "You''re Quaraun the Insane." "You said you never heard of me. Why did you decide to walk through those doors, march up to this table, and ask me to help you?" "I...uhm... I don''t know." "You don''t know." "No." "What were you doing before you addressed me?" "I was looking for my men." "And why did you come in here?" "I don''t know." Quaraun turned back to Unicorn. "You may be right." "I knowns I is." "If there''s Thullid mind control going on here, why can''t I feel it?" "Ya been kind of looply de past few days." "Someone drugged me." "Aye." "It wasn''t ZooLock." "Ya sure?" "I am. He wouldn''t hurt me...or..." Quaraun stopped talking. "What?" Unicorn asked. "Is everyone in this tavern a Thullid?" "Just about. Not Mallac. A couple of the barmaids. The prostitutes is Human still. Mallac''s men is still Human." "And everyone else?" "Everyone else in town is Thullid." "Everyone?" "Everyone." "The whole village?" "Entire village." "It''s a hive." "Appears to be." "How did we walk into a Thullid hive and I not know it?" "Whatever that drug was, it messed up yar senses for a few days. Did no wear off good." "When did you notice they were not Humans?" "After I notice Mallac seem like him struggling against invisible force not letting him speak hims mind." "Why didn''t you notice, before?" "I were focusing on yis loopiness. Ya been running away from pumpkins un flying cats un river boat men women all week." "You saw the river boat man woman too. Didn''t you?" "Aye. I did." "How do you explain that? Were you drugged too?" "I t''ink not. Thullid mind control me t''inks." "How? You''re supposed to be the best there is at illusions and stuff like that. I thought you were impervious to mind control?" "If it were one Thullid, aye. Maybe even a few. But dair is few hundred Thullids in dis town." "A few hundred?" "At least. Un dems just de ones what still look Human. Have no yet sprouted their squid heads." "Meaning somewhere in this town, there''s more. Not spawnlings, but full fledged squid heads." "Aye. Un Gremlin mentioned cave systems. If dey is underground, dair could be thousands of dem under our feet un we never know it." "And I can''t see them? Why can''t I see them? Are there so many, that''s they''re blocking my ability to see them? Oh my! Then this isn''t a hive... it''s a central nerve system... there''s an elder brain nearby." "Aye." "It''s in the tower." "Why ya say dat?" "That''s what''s calling me. The tower... it speaks to me. The tower itself is alive. The tower, is not a tower. It''s sentient. I can hear it. It''s calling me." "Is tower Demon?" "Yes. A giant Demon, disguising itself as a tower." "Why would it call ya?" "I''m the Sacred Pink JellyFish... the Thullids think I''m their god. They''ve somehow gotten in my head and tricked me into coming here." "Why would dey do dat?" "I''m pregnant." "I knows." "ZooLock knew before I did... They want my eggs. ZooLock said that. He didn''t say he was protecting me... he said he was protecting the eggs. He said protecting the eggs was his priority. ZooLock didn''t drug me. He wouldn''t risk hurting the eggs. He said that. I remember. He said, he was scared for the eggs, after he found out someone had drugged me. Which only leaves GhoulSpawn... GhoulSpawn drugged me." "Why would him do dat?" "I don''t know, but I want to find out." Quaraun turned back to Mallac. "Take me to the murder scenes. I want to see them." Chapter 18: Corsets, Elves, and Undead Faeries "Damn it!" Quaraun muttered as he stopped to adjust his pink corset lacings. "Boob!" Unicorn yelled out. "Sweet nip nop." "Nipnop?" "Ya nipples." "I know what you meant. What the hell is wrong with you? Where do you come up with these words?" "Ya pink titties match ya dress." Unicorn pinched the Elf''s nipples. "Will you stop it?" Quaraun slapped the Phooka. "No! I saw yar boob." "I don''t have boobs. It would be much easier to wear this corset if I did." "Yis has lovely boobs." "I don''t have boobs." "Aye ya does. Yis mammal." "And male." "Dressed as female." Quaraun glared at the little goat sized Unicorn. "I do not approve of assigning gender to clothes. Anybody ought to be able to wear whatever they damned well want to wear without being told only males or females are allowed to wear it. There is no damned reason why only females can wear dresses. Tighten this damned thing for me. I can''t do it myself." The Elf lifted his long hair around his shoulder, off his back, while holding one hand over his chest holding the pink lace corset in place. Unicorn moved around behind the Elf and cinched up the laces tightly. "That tight enough?" "No." "Really?" "You can go tighter." "Ya sure?" "Yes." "Ya''ll pass out." "I''ll pass out any ways." "That true." Unicorn continued tighening the cords. Quaraun held his breath. Unicorn stopped pulling, to tie the ends. "Tighter," Quaraun said. "T''at gonna hurt." "Since when do I not like pain?" "Too tight un ya''ll crack ya ribs or rupture yar spleen." "Tighter." "It can''na go tighter." "Tighter!" "It''ll break ya ribs if it go much tighter." "It can go tighter." "I does no want to hurt ya." "I like it tight. I can''t get it tight enough myself. I need you to do it." "I can t''ink of other things I like tight un would love to do." Quaraun looked back at Unicorn. "You don''t have to fuck me every five minutes." "Aye, I does." "Later." "Why not now?" "Just tighten my corset." "I''d rather remove it." Unicorn wrapped his arms around the Elf''s waist and pulled him close. Quaraun felt Unicorn hard and erect, pressing against him. Unicorn forced the Elf forward, pushing him against the wall. Quaraun gasped, suddenly realizing how much he wanted the Phooka to fuck him. He did not resist as Unicorn began to hump against him, kissing his neck and slowly pulling his skirts up. Mallac came storming in just then. "What are you two doing?" The Human demanded. Quaraun looked back towards the door. "Do you never knock?" Quaraun groaned. Unicorn continued kissing Quaraun''s neck, unperturbed by the Human''s intrusion. "You two are indecent." Quaraun placed his hands against the wall to steady himself and push Unicorn back. Unicorn stepped away when he realized the Elf was trying to get away. "What do you want, Mallac?" Quaraun asked as he straightened his clothes once again. "Finish tying me up," he said the Unicorn, once again holding his hair out of the way so Unicorn could lace up the corset. "You were supposed to meet me," Mallac growled angrily. "Was I?" "Yes." "Oh." "Well?" "Well what?" "Where have you been?" "Obviously right here where you found me." "Doing what?" "Being fucked by him." "That''s not what I asked you." "It most certainly is what you asked me. You wanted to know what I was doing. That is what I was doing." "You was supposed to meet me." "I don''t seem to recall." "Don''t play dumb with me, Elf. You agreed to help me." "I did?" Quaraun was only half listening to what the soldier was saying. He was trying not to talk as to hold his breath while Unicorn tightened the corset strings. He was also trying not to pass out, as Unicorn was correct, the corset was too tight all ready. Mallac continued talking, explaining how upset and angry he was, but Quaraun only heard a word here or there. "...and you knew that." Mallac finished with. "Did I?" "You are an hour late." "Hour?" "Yes." Quaraun looked back at Unicorn and asked: "What''s an hour?" Unicorn shrugged. "I knows not." He was too busy focusing on tying ribbons and cords to think of anything more to say. "What''s an hour?" Quaraun asked Mallac. "Don''t play dumb with me!" Mallac yelled, while taking several brisk steps forward. This sudden movement startled Quaraun who released his grip on the wall, stepped back and stumbled over Unicorn. Unicorn was caught off guard and also stumbled, but was able to grab Quaraun''s bare shoulders and steady him, and likewise keeping them both from falling. "Yis scaring me Elf," Unicorn snarled. The soldier was inches from Quaraun now, yelling in his face and shaking an angry fist. Lots of angry words spilled from his lips, but Quaraun was too light headed to hear most of them. Mallac wasn''t a very large Human, but even a small Human was big next to the little petit and easily frightened, and right now not getting enough oxygen, Elf. Words were coming from the Human''s lips. His mouth moving in angry jerks, his eyes blazen with hatred, his fists flying over his head. Panic seized the Elf. The Human''s movements were too threatening, too much looking like an attack, and Quaraun was far too unprepared for this interruption and so did exactly what he did best: had himself a panic attack. Bright coloured snowflakes of light bursts were flashing in front of his eyes, mixed in with a sinking blackness that was enveloping him. Quaraun didn''t hear what the Human was saying, he was too busy hyperventilating from the panic attack that resulted from the Human''s unexpected and threatening movements. Sight and sounds melded together into one. Seconds later, Quaraun was passed out on the floor. Next thing Quaraun knew he was waking up, with Unicorn hovering worriedly over him. "Yis okay?" Quaraun stared up at Unicorn for a moment trying to remember where he was. "I think so." Unicorn had removed the corset and wrapped the Elf in one of his pink silk kimono instead. "I told ya it was too tight," Unicorn chided. Quaraun tried to sit up. "I still feel light headed," he moaned as he laid back down. "You pussy," Mallac yelled. "Leave ''im alone, ya git." "I wasn''t talking you." Unicorn''s eyes flared with rage, glowing red.A faint blue glow hovered around his body. "Unicorn, don''t," Quaraun said weakly. The Lich did not listen. The undead beast saw this Human as a threat and was ready to turn into a bloodthirsty skeletal beast to suck the life out of the soldier. "Unicorn..." Quaraun forced himself up and pulled Unicorn away from Mallac. "He''s not evil. He''s not trying to hurt us." "Him attacked ya." "No. He didn''t. He wasn''t trying to hurt me. He was upset. His people are being killed and he was expecting us to help him stop the attacks. Some how he got his information wrong. He thought we abandoned him. You know what abandonment feels like. Better then most." "I does. It no fun." "He''s frustrated and frightened. Something or someone is killing his friends and family. He''s frightened, he''s reacting out of fear." Quaraun turned to Mallac, then leaned again the bed to steady himself. He was breathing heavily trying to catch his breath.Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. "Oooh. I''m so dizzy." "Damned corset were too tight on ya. Told ya. Ya would nay listen." Quaraun ignored Unicorn and addressed Mallac. "I''m sorry. I really wasn''t aware you expected us to meet with you today. There seems to have been a miscommunication somewhere. I would have been there had I known it was what you had expected. I''m afraid your language is difficult for me. It''s not my native tongue, and the local dialect is not one I''ve heard before. Perhaps I did agree to meet you, without fully understanding what it was I was agreeing to do?" "Is that an apology?" "Why was it you wanted to meet with me... or us meet with you?" "The murders." "Of course. You''ve said that. Your people are being murdered. I know. I don''t know how I can help. We were not planning to stop here in your village. I was wounded back by Witch Pond. Highwaymen and a pack of hounds attacked us, just outside of your village. We only stopped here so I could rest while my wounds healed. I lost a lot of blood, I''m very weak right now. It''s why I keep passing out. I''m not sure what use you think I could be in my current condition." "I asked around about you. You''re a wizard for hire." "Yes." "You help villages in trouble." "Occasionally, yes. That''s not the type of wizardry I specialize in though. I mainly make magic items for other magic users." "I have no other wizard to go to for help." "My understanding is you have a whole group of wizards living here in this village." "HellBorne and his lot?" "Yes." "They are half-Elves!" "Is there something I don''t know about half-Elves that makes them not someone you can go to?" Mallac spit on the floor. "We don''t associate with half-Elves. A damn pack of thieves." "Perhaps if they were allowed to have jobs and make trades with your people I doubt they would nee..." "We do not make trades with half-Elves." "I see." "You don''t know what half-Elves are like." "Maybe if you Humans didn''t treat them like shit, they wouldn''t have to become criminals to survive." "Those Highwaymen you meet, were probably half-Elves." "The Highwaymen were Humans. Scum of the Earth. Parasitic plague." "Probably cast a spell on you to make you think they was Humans." "Half Elves is evil but you can full blooded Elf?" Quaraun sat down on the edge of the bed. He was too dizzy to stand any longer. He didn''t want to pass out again. "Full blooded Elves like you don''t roam around the countryside killing people." Quaraun raised an eyebrow at this. Unicorn sat on the floor grinning and trying not to laugh. Roaming around the countryside killing people, was exactly what Quaraun did. "Thought you asked about me," Quaraun said dryly. "I did." "And? What did you learn?" "That''s you''re the world''s most powerful wizard." "And no one mentioned anything about me being an evil super villain roaming around the countryside killing people?" "No. Why should they?" "Probably because I AM an evil super villain roaming around the countryside killing people." "Are you?" "Yes," Quaraun said. Quaraun waited for Mallc to respond, but the soldier just laughed, clearly thinking that Quaraun was joking. Quaraun sighed. "And you have to have a wizard to help you?" Quaraun asked. "People round these parts are scared of wizards." "As they should be. But I do not understand, why, when you have an entire group of wizards living in this town, do you not go to them. Surly they have more interest in helping their fellow villagers than some some random stranger would have." "Most of them ain''t been here long." "No?" "No." "So you are saying they are strangers?" "That old lighthouse is basically a bandit''s camp these days." "What about GhoulSpawn?" Quaraun asked. "That crazy glowing in the dark freak? Even the other half-Elves don''t like him." "So I''ve heard. But wouldn''t he help you if you asked." Mallac laughed at this. "I don''t what is so funny. I meet GhoulSpawn outside of town. He helped me when the dogs attacked. He probably saved my life. The dogs caught me off guard. If GhoulSpawn hadn''t been there I might be dead now." "Pttf." "You clearly don''t like him." "No one round here does." "Why not? He seemed nice enough." "He''s the worst thief among them. Steals everything that ain''t nailed down. My men try to catch him and he opens up a hole in thin air and runs through it." "What does he steal?" "Everything. Every damned thing. We catch him jumping over fences into fields and orchards. Stealing harvests, corn, apples, pumpkins..." "Pumpkins?" "Lately sheep. Every damned last sheep for miles around. Hundreds of them! All gone missing." "He does like his sheep." "The other day my men caught the hoodlum robbing graves." "Grave robbing?" "Yeah. Not jewelry like most grave robbers, either. No. Bodies." "Bodies?" "Probably getting them for that damned HellBorne. He''s a Necromancer you know?" "HellBorne is a Necromancer?" "Yeah." "I wonder how it is I don''t know him?" "Why would you?" "Necromancy is a very specialized skill. Only a few who know how to do it well enough to teach it. Three I believe. Gibedon, who I killed. Gwallmaiic, who Gibedon killed, thus why I killed Gibedon. And me. Me and Gibedon both trained under Gwallmaiic. If HellBorne''s a Necromancer I would know him. And I don''t. So I doubt if he''s a Necromancer." "I didn''t come here to talk about HellBorne. I need your help." "But why? What is it you think I can do? We are strangers here." "You have a reputation... one I think, you don''t live up to well..." "No. I''m not the big scary monster, the stories like to say I am." "People are scared... but they''re more scared of you. They''ll talk to you. You''re coming with me. I want you to talk to them." "Talk to who?" "The victims'' families. Witnesses. Anyone who might know something." "Meaning I need to get dressed, which is what I was trying to do when you interrupted us." "It looked more like you were trying to get undressed." "Yes, well, I seem to have difficulty keeping my clothes on around him. He''d rather take them off them put them on." "What are you two?" "I''m an Elf and he''s a Unicorn." "That''s not what I meant. I meant... You two... You..." "I''m his wife. Is that what you wanted to know?" "You''re a male." "So?" Mallac decided to change the subject. The thought of a gay couple bothered him. "He doesn''t look like a Unicorn." "He''s a shapeshifter. Takes a Human form when we are around Humans." Quaraun turned to Unicorn. "Re-lace me." "Ya gonna try un squeeze into dat t''ing again?" "Yes." "Why?" "I like wearing it." "It does no fit ya. It made for woman. Yis no shaped right to wear it." "I am going to wear that corset and you are going to help me get it on." Quaraun tossed his kimono off. "Boobies!" Unicorn screamed again. "WILL YOU STOP IT!" "I can see ya boobs again." "I don''t have boobs, as you just so aptly pointed out, my being male and lacking boobs is the reason I''m having trouble wearing this damned corset." "Then why wear it?" "I like it. I look good in it when I finally get it on." "If ya folded the top down ya could walk around wid ya tits on display." "Unicorn, just help me get it on." Quaraun once again went through the process of putting the corset on. "I understand ya wearing dresses. Ya can find dresses what fit ya boobless body. Corsets I does no understand. Dey is made to hold boobs on shelf un ya ain''t got no boobs to put on shelf." Once again the Elf lifted his long hair around his shoulder, off his back, while holding one hand over his chest holding the pink lace corset in place. Unicorn moved around behind the Elf and cinched up the laces tightly. "Dair must be gender transformation spell out dair to give ya boobs, sos ya could wear these t''ings better." "I don''t want boobs." "Why not?" "I''m not trying to be a female." "Ya might as well be female, ya let me fuck ya un suck on ya nipples." Mallac stared at Quaraun wide eyed. "Do you?" He asked the Elf. "It''s none of your business what I do or do not do with him. Why are you even still here?" "We have people to question." "People to question," Quaraun sputtered angrily. He braced his hands against the wall while Unicorn pulled the laces tighter on the corset. "I still don''t remember agreeing to do that." "I think you were drunk." "When?" Quaraun asked Mallac. "Tighter," he added to Unicorn. "When you agreed to come with me." "And when did I do that?" "Last night." "Last night... Oow!" Quaraun yelped in pain. "What are you doing?" He yelled at Unicorn. "Ya said ya wanted tighter," the Faerie answered. "I said tighter, not kick me in the back!" "Well how is I to get ya in dis t''ing. It does nae fit ya. Ya skin un bones un I still has to squish ya into it." Quaraun spun around to face Unicorn, pulling the cords out of the little Fae''s hands, in doing so. "You don''t have to kick me!" "I was nae kicking ya, I were bracing me foot so to get cords pulled tighter for ya." "In my back?" "How else I supposed to get ya in damned t''ing? Un why ya gotta wear dis one for, eh? It does nae fit ya un ya has dozen others what do." "I want to wear this one." Mallac watched the two magical beings as they bickered over the corset and the fact that it was several sizes too small for the Elf trying to wear it. Mallac contemplated interrupting them, but was scared of both of them. His being loud, rough, and bullying towards them was more show than anything else. The fact remained, Mallac was terrified of Elves and wizards and Necromancers and here was one that was all three. He''d seen the powers half-Elves had and knew they were very limited compared to the powers of a full blooded Elf. He''d heard rumours that the High Elves had more inborn powers than other types of Elves. While he had not heard of Quaraun himself before, others in the village had and after last night''s meeting, Mallac had told other soldiers of Quaraun''s agreeing to help them, and a few began to tell the stories they''d heard of the infamous transvestite Pink Necromancer Quaraun the Insane. Word had soon spread around town and by morning fear hung on the tongue of every Human in the village, as they whispered every rumour they had heard and every rumour they had not heard, plus simply began making up new rumours, about the strange albino Elf that had arrived in town last night. Mallac had begun to question his invitation to the Elf to help him investigate the murders. Quaraun had clearly not been interested in helping the Humans, for the simple reason that they were Humans, and now this morning he seemed even less interested. It was clear by the scene he was watching right now, that the vain, flipitant Elf was far more interested in his clothes then he was in helping anyone. Mallac didn''t know what to think of the little Faerie. He''d asked around town if anyone knew anything about Faeries and everything he was told was that they were bad news. When those who knew of such things, asked him what type of Fae he had seen, and his answer was a Phooka, he watched their faces turn from fear to dread as every last drop of blood drained from their faces. "A Phooka?" One old man had said. "Yes, a Phooka," Mallac had answered. "Worst of the worst," another elder said. "They eat Humans," a third added. "Predators with no morals," said a forth. "Tricksters." "Shapeshifters." "As bad as Demons." "Deviant bastards. Never turn your back on them. They''ll make you think they are your friend then BOOM! When you least expect it, rip off your head and eat your entrails." "Only good Phooka is a dead Phooka." "Damn near impossible to kill. They Blink and Shimmer. Can''t catch them. Once second they are here, next second they are on the other side of town." The men had continued on in this manner for well over an hour. By morning Mallac was regretting he''d approached the two beasts. Everything he''d been told, left him filled with dread. Apparently High Elves were stuck up snobs who hated Humans, seeing them as inferior to ants and a High Elf traveling with a Phooka could only mean that this Elf hated Humans more than most. "You say the Elf is travelling with this Phooka?" An elder asked. "Yes," Mallac had answered, retelling the events of his meeting them. "Undead?" One elder had exclaimed upon hearing this part. "The Phooka is undead? And you say the Elf is a Necromancer dressed in pink? The Pink Necromancer?" "You think this is The Pink Necromancer?" Another elder asked the first. "Think of the implications if it is!" Mallac had never heard of this Pink Necromancer before, so was unable to comment on this, but the elders began talking among themselves and would not have heard anything he''d said anyways. "They say he controls Liches." "They say he BUILT the Liches." "Most powerful Necromancer on the face of the Earth." "Killed Gibedon." "Killed King Gwallmaiic." "Wasn''t King Gwallmaiic a Phooka?" "He was. Elf Eater of Pepper Valley they called him. He''s one of the Lich Lords now." "The Pink Necromancer built the Lich Lords." "And controls them." "They do his bidding." "Keeps them as his slaves." Those words buzzed through Mallac''s head as he watched the little Phooka obeying the pink robed Elf''s every command without question. He wondered if the Phooka had any free will of it''s own, if it even could say no to the powerful, eccentric wizard would stood before him, trying to squeeze into a stiffly boned, pink lace corset. It made matters worse, in Mallac''s mind, that both these magical beasts were not only not Humans, but they were also wizards. He wondered if one could trust a wizard. He''d seen many wizards of late, what with HellBorne gathering up every low level mage and sorcerer he could find. But Mallac was uncertain how those self taught hacks, compared to these very advanced, elite high level wizards who were academically trained. Quaraun was supposedly the most powerful wizard on the planet, a title that Gwallmaiic had held before him, and here now was both Quaraun and Gwallmaiic together, arguing over a piece of women''s underwear that the wizard was intent on wearing. Quaraun seemed to be doing an awful lot of bossing Gwallmaiic around and Mallac was trying to determine if the little Phooka was a free man or a slave, when the creature turned to him and said: "Help me get him in dis damned t''ing. Him stubborn as fuck. Him will nae helps ya till him dressed for grand entrance. Arrogant piece of shit." Before Mallac had a chance to respond, Quaraun had spun around and was screaming at the top of his lungs. "What the hell did you call me?" "I called ya arrogant." "You called me shit." "I calls every one shit, ya should be used to me tongue by now." "How dare you!" Quaraun pulled out his wand and waved it in Uncorn''s face. The Phooka, straightened up, crossed him arms and smirked at the Elf. "Oh I dare ya try that! I gots more power in me little finger then ya will ever has. Ya''d be dead before ya hit me." Anger flared in the Phooka''s eyes. Quaraun immediately went dead silent and quickly put the wand away. It bothered Mallac, how absolutely terrified the Elf looked just then. If this truly was the world''s most powerful wizard, than anything that scared him, was to be feared, or so Mallac thought. "Turn around, shut up, un let me get get dis damn t''ing on ya," Unicorn growled as he shoved the Elf into the wall. Quaraun did as he was told without further objection. From that point on the Elf remained gravely silent. Mallac tried to determine the pink Necromancer''s expression, but Elves did not outwardly show emotions the same way Humans did. Mallac finally concluded that Quaraun looked too scared to speak. The fact was, Quaraun like being pushed around by Unicorn and frequently went out of his way to irritate the Phooka, with the intention of getting Unicorn angry enough to push him around. The problem with this was Unicorn''s temper tended to get out of control and often became too violent for the frail, ill healthed Elf. This was one of those times. Quaraun was scared and he had stopped talking because he realized he had gotten Unicorn too angry this time. There was a fine line between Unicorn''s playfully roughly handling the Elf and abusively beating him. While he liked Unicorn to be rough with him, Quaraun did not like Unicorn to beat him. When Unicorn finally got the corset facened, Quaraun silently finished dressing. He was visibly trembling with fear. Unicorn saw this and grabbed the Elf''s shoulders from behind, in an attempt to calm the frightened Elf, but Quaraun squealed in terror and jumped away as though he thought he was being attacked. Unicorn quickly jumped back, holding his hands up. "I not gonna hurt ya," the Phooka said quietly, now realizing how badly his words had frightened the little Elf. "I don''t want you mad at me," Quaraun whispered, his words barely able to come out. "I not mad at ya. Ya was waving wand in me face. Dat t''ing dangerous. I does nae like ya pointing it at me." "You eat Elves." "I will nae eat ya. Ya should know dis by now." Unicorn pulled the Elf close to him and softly kissed his face. "Yis so high strung lately. What is wrong wid ya? Ya like wild little filly needing taming. Ya becoming as feral as a Wild Elf. I never seen ya dis high strung before." "I don''t know." "I t''inks dat bad trip ya had still messing wid ya head. Hope ya dids nae damage what little brain ya gots left." Quaraun suddenly remembered Mallac was in the room and regained his earlier prideful composure. Walking past Unicorn and up to the Human he asked: "Where did I say I was going with you?" "There have been five murders. One each night for the past five nights. You was going to help me question the victims'' families." "Did I say I would do that?" "Yes, you did." "I don''t remember it at all." Quaraun turned to Unicorn. "Was I drunk last night?" "Aye. Un ya did tell ''im ya would help ''im. I heard ya says it." "Well then, I guess I''m coming with you," Quaraun said to Mallac. "Let me get my things and then lead on." Chapter 19: Visiting The Scene of Murder #1 With An UnGelded Stallion Mallac pointed to the still sticky pool of dark blood in the middle of the dirt road. "He was a farmer, nothing fancy. Livestock and crops. Not native to the area. A newcomer, moved here about 20 years ago, Never came into town much always busy with his crops and such. His wife''s name was Aleaka. They fell on hard times. Livestock got sick, lost most of his herd. Crops failed due to the weather we''ve had lately. It was just last week I saw them in town, arguing in public, right over there at that market stall. He slapped his wife. Everyone saw it. I was out on patrol tonight, found the body myself. Still warm." Quaraun wasn''t listening. He was hurt and tired and drifting along as though in a dream. It had not yet occurred to him that the candy Gremlin had given him was drugged, so he was still eating it and still seeing and hearing things that no one else was. ZooLock had been trying to listen to Mallac, but he spied a man in a robe and his attention went to the stranger instead. Soon ZooLock had left the group to approach the man. "Ah, are you one of those socialist druids?" ZooLock said. Unicorn wasn''t listening to Mallac either. He never was. His hyper mind was picking up on everything else going on around them. Two men were talking in the street as the group passed. "Extra stallion?" One man said. "Yep," the other answered. "Don''t know what to do with it. Can''t have 2 males with my female in the stable. They''ll get to fighting and one of the males will be dead by morning." "Geld it," said the other man. "Geld it!" Unicorn exclaimed. He stopped walking with the rest of the group and glared angrily at the two strangers, then marched up to them, with hell fired angry in every inch of his little five foot one inch tall body. "How dare ya geld a stallion!" He screamed at the man. The two men jumped, startled by the Faerie''s intrusion. "I ought to skewer ya!" "UNICORN!" Quaraun yelled, running to stop him before he killed anyone. "Come on," Quaraun grabbed the Faeries arm and tried to pull him back. "They be wanting to geld a stallion!" "I heard, let''s go, it''s none of our business..." "Would ya want to be castrated?" "You know my thoughts on that." "I know exactly ya thoughts on that." "It''s just a horse, let''s go..." "JUST A HORSE!" The Phooka shrieked, becoming hysterical. "What the hell am I?!" "Right now, you''re supposed to be a Human, because we''re in a Human village." "They is gonna geld a stallion." "And what am I supposed to do about it?" "Stop them!" Quaraun sighed and turned to the two men who were gawking at the strange pair that had just interrupted their conversation. "Why are you going to geld a stallion?" "My mare''s in heat and a wild stallion showed up in my stables. We caught the brute but now he''s fighting with my stud stallion." "Would you sell him?"Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on. "To you?" The man chuckled. He''d never seen another man dressed up like a fancy saloon girl before and was trying very hard not to burst out laughing at the fancied up Elf. "Yes. To me." "You gonna dance a can-can for the boys?" Quaraun closed his eyes. He hated dealing with male Humans. "No." "Then what are you doing dressed like a frou-frou?" "This is how I dress. Will you sell me the horse?" "How much you willing to pay for it?" "How much are you asking?" "How bout you put on a show for us?" Quaraun pulled out his wand. "How bout I ram my wand up your ass and let it blow your head off?" The two men jumped back at the sight of the rainbow wand, swirling in oil slick colours and sparking blue lightening from it''s tip. "Are you one of them wizards?" "I''m a Necromancer, yes." "A Necromancer? Wearing a pink dress... Are you? You''re that... you killed Gibedon... you''re the one... you''re the one everybody talks about... building up an army of Liches to take over the world..." "Yes, I''m the Pink Necromancer. I know I''m the one every body around here talks about. I wish they''d all shut up. Now are you gonna sell me that horse or not?" ... "Ya said ''I wish''," Unicorn pointed out a few minutes later, after the men finally sold Quaraun the horse. "Did I?" "Aye, ya did." "What did I wish for?" "Everyone around here to shut up." "Great! Now they''ll probably all lose their mouths or something. Why did you make me buy that horse?" Unicorn stopped and looked up at the horse that was now trotting along with them. "We saved him from fate worse then death." "And what are we gonna do with him?" "Ya could ride him." "I like walking." "Then I''ll ride him." "A horse riding on a horse?" Unicorn shrugged. "No one here knows I is a horse, now does they?" Quaraun watched Unicorn talking to his new pet horse. He wondered why a horse would want a pet horse, but had long ago learned not to question Unicorn''s ways. Quaraun looked around wondering where ZooLock had gotten off to. ZooLock was still talking to the robed figure on the other side of the road. "How much you willing to pay for it?" "How much are you asking?" "How bout you put on a show for us?" Quaraun pulled out his wand. "How bout I ram my wand up your ass and let it blow your head off?" The two men jumped back at the sight of the rainbow wand, swirling in oil slick colours and sparking blue lightening from it''s tip. "Are you one of them wizards?" "I''m a Necromancer, yes." "A Necromancer? Wearing a pink dress... Are you? You''re that... you killed Gibedon... you''re the one... you''re the one everybody talks about... building up an army of Liches to take over the world..." "Yes, I''m the Pink Necromancer. I know I''m the one every body around here talks about. I wish they''d all shut up. Now are you gonna sell me that horse or not?" ... "Ya said ''I wish''," Unicorn pointed out a few minutes later, after the men finally sold Quaraun the horse. "Did I?" "Aye, ya did." "What did I wish for?" "Everyone around here to shut up." "Great! Now they''ll probably all lose their mouths or something. Why did you make me buy that horse?" Unicorn stopped and looked up at the horse that was now trotting along with them. "We saved him from fate worse then death." "And what are we gonna do with him?" "Ya could ride him." "I like walking." "Then I''ll ride him." "A horse riding on a horse?" Unicorn shrugged. "No one here knows I is a horse, now does they?" Quaraun watched Unicorn talking to his new pet horse. He wondered why a horse would want a pet horse, but had long ago learned not to question Unicorn''s ways. Quaraun looked around wondering where ZooLock had gotten off to. ZooLock was still talking to the robed figure on the other side of the road. "What are you doing with Mallac?" "I don''t know. I was wondering that myself." "Are you okay? You don''t look so good." "I''m tire." "Aren''t you a full blooded Elf?" "I am." "I thought you lot didn''t sleep." "No. We sleep. Just not as often as others. I only need four or five hours of sleep a week, but I still get tired and need to rest every day. And Mallac has decided I don''t need any rest today." "I''m sorry? I don''t understand. What''s Mallac go to do with you sleeping?" "He thinks I need to solve these murdered as he can''t." "Murders?" "You didn''t know about them?" "No, I... uh... I had heard. I try not to think about it." Quaraun gazed across the road to ZooLock again. "Borage Blossoms are a lovely blue hue and taste like cucumber!" the squid headed priest was saying to the robed figure he was still talking too. "There are so many Demons in town," GhoulSpawn said. "What?" Quaraun looked up at the half-Elf. "Those Demons," GhoulSpawn pointed to ZooLock. "There''s more and more of them showing up every day." "Is that a Demon, ZooLock is talking to?" "Yeah." "And Demons are not usually in town?" "No. They only just started showing up." "And you''re obsessed with Demons aren''t you?" Quaraun asked the Half-Elf. "I... uhm..." "You keep talking about Demons every time we see you, which seems to be quite a lot." "You!" Both Elves turned to face Mallac. "That''s the yellow haired half-Elf I was telling you about," Mallac said to Quaraun. Before Quaraun had a chance to answer, GhoulSpawn ran off. "Hey!" Mallac called out to a few of the other city guards. "Go get that damned thief." Without question the others ran off after GhoulSpawn, but the wizard was long gone. He''d ran through a portal and was no longer in the area. The Humans, however, not knowing this spent the next few hours searching the area for the strange yellow haired half-Elf. Chapter 20: I Never Wanted To Be a Wizard "Why do you wear a dress?" Quaraun opened his eyes, to find GhoulSpawn looking down at him. "Why do you steal sheep?" "I''m an animal rights activist," the half-Elf answered as he sat down beside Quaraun. "You''re a what?" "I rescue animals." "Why didn''t you just say that?" "I did. Except I forgot the term hadn''t been invented yet." "Time traveler. Hmm. Why stay here?" "This is actually my correct time period." "Is it?" "Yeah. That''s why it''s the only one I can stay in for very long." "I thought you were from 1874, you said." "1974, and yes, that''s where I was born, but only because my parents were not in their correct time period when I was born." "Oh." "You have no clue what I''m talking about do you?" "Nope." "Why talk to me then?" "You seem to be the one talking to me. I was asleep. You woke me up." "You never answered my question." "I have big balls." "What?" "You asked why I wear a dress. That''s why. Pants, codpieces, and hose, put an undue amount of pressure on my balls. The chaffing is dreadfully uncomfortable. I''d much rather let them swing free." "That''s... an answer. Not one I was expecting, but, okay." GhoulSpawn thought about it for a moment and then added. "You know, I''m not wearing pants either." "Indeed you are not." "But I''m also not wearing a woman''s dress." "Have you a problem with how I dress?" "No. I''m just trying to understand it. You look like Liberace and Rapunzel put together, with a touch Dame Edna." "Rapunzel I know. I get called that one a lot. Who''s Liberace and Dame Edna?" "A flamboyant piano player and an equally flamboyant drag queen. You were born in the wrong century. You''d like the 1970s. You''s fit in good there. You''re not trying to be a woman are you?" "No." "You must run into issues with sumptuary laws, all the time." "I do. But I''m a king. And you wear a houppelande. And you''re not a king, so you must run into problems with sumptuary laws... more then I do." "Yeah." "You''re a thief." "Yeah." "You''re a very well dressed thief. Where''d you get your hands on a coat like that?" "It was my mother''s." "In other word''s you wear women''s clothing as well." "It was my father''s before it was her''s." "I see. Are you hungry? Quaraun pushed a plate of food to the young half-Elf. "Do I look hungry?" "Yes. You look half starved actually." "I can''t to buy food." "I''m not asking you to buy it. It''s already paid for. Here. Eat." GhoulSpawn took the food without further protest. Quaraun watched the young half-Elf eat. "If I does nah keep me eye on ya," Unicorn said to Quaraun. "Ya''ll be feeding every stray dog in town." "GhoulSpawn''s not a stray dog, Unicorn." "Why we feeding de whelp?" "Because he''s hungry. And I can certainly afford to feed everyone in this town if I wanted to." "Yar also too stupid to know better then to flaunt ya wealth in front of a thief." "I''m not gonna steal from you two," GhoulSpawn muttered. "No?" Unicorn said. "Ya already did dat, now dintcha?" "And I gave it back?" "Only afta ya got caught." "Leave him alone, Unicorn." Quaraun placed his hand on the Phooka''s arm. "What''s done is done and he''s not doing anything now. Let him eat." Quaraun directed his attention back to GhoulSpawn. "How is it you you''ve gone so lng without food?" "I''ve not been without food." "You''ve lost quite a bit of weight since we first meet. And that was barely a year ago. Someone with proper access to food does not lose so much weight so fast." "I''m a half-Elf." "Meaning?" "They don''t like half-Elves around here. Bunch of racist bigots." "Then why live here?" "Other towns are worse. And I''ve not been here long." "When was the last time you had a proper meal?" "I don''t know." "You don''t know. You poor thing. Why don''t you travel with us?" "Why would I do that?" "He''s a chef." Quaraun pointed to Unicorn. "You''d never go hungry. Look at me. I used to be skinnier than you. He''s a candy maker too. You can have an endless supply of chocolate." Quaraun took a box of chocolates out of his bag and set it on the table. Quaraun had gone back to his usual not a care in the world attitude, and would have gone back to eating candy none stop, had GhoulSpawn not suddenly grabbed the box and threw it across the room. "You can''t eat that, it''ll kill you!" The half-Elf screamed. Quaraun and Unicorn both stared at him dumbfounded, not entirely certain what had just happened. ZooLock slithered out of his seat and dutiful set about picking up every last piece of candy and returning the box to the table. "Where did you get that?" GhoulSpawn demanded. "BoomFuzzy makes chocolate..." Quaraun started to answer. "Not the chocolate," GhoulSpawn took a pink sugar cube from the box. "This." "The sugar cubes? I keep them for horses. End up eating most of them myself though." "This isn''t a sugar cube." ZooLock took the tiny pink lump and examined it. "Looks like sugar cube," the squid priest said. "That''s LSD. You shouldn''t be holding it." "Why not?" "It''ll soak in through your skin. You don''t even have to eat it." ZooLock stared at the half-Elf. "Soak through my skin and do what?" "Uhm... it''ll... your brain... it''s..." GhoulSpawn tried to think of a way to describe LSD to a group who were still 500 years before LSD was invented.This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. "Fly agaric. It''s like Fly Agaric, only more. A lot more. A hell of a lot more." "It a drug," Unicorn stated. "Yeah. A bad one. It''ll drop an elephant in minutes." "And ya recognize it, how?" "I... uhm... make it. It''s ... uhm... kind of why I... can''t go back to the 1970s. I''m, kind of...uhm... wanted." "Wanted?" "The police. Yeah. I was living with hippies and they were drug dealers and I learned how to make LSD from them and... and then the police... there was a drug raid. And then I stole that car and... there was a high speed chase... and I don''t have a driver''s license yet... I''m not even old enough to drive a car yet and... possession of drugs, making drugs, selling drugs, grand theft auto, eluding police, driving without a license at about 70 miles over the speed limit... I''m kind of gonna go to jail for a lot of things if I go back there. Not old enough to drive yet, but probably old enough that they''d try me as an adult and I kind of don''t want to go to prison." Quaraun leaned back in his pink cushioned gold plated throne, his hands clasped, silently listening to GhoulSpawn''s attempt to explain his crimes between the terrified stuttering that was getting worse the more nervous he became. "Fly agaric," Quaraun said after GhoulSpawn paused long enough to seem to be finished. "I''ve had that before. That would certainly describe the past week. How old are you?" "I was 15." "When you stole the car?" "Yeah." "Where is the car now? I''ve not seen you with it. You had before, yes? That big metal orange thing on wheels. It was like a small dragon, with big glowing eyes and flames." "It''s in my pocket." "With the sheep?" "Yeah." "Of course it is." "Except the sheep are in a different pocket." "Your pockets are made out of bags of holding. I forgot about that. And you made them you said, yes?" "Yeah." "How old are you now?" "18. Almost 19." "So you are as young as you look." "Have you been eating those?" "I have. And I''ve had a strange week." "It causes hallucinations. Really BIG hallucinations." "Yes. I definitely had those. The river boat man woman. Huh? Well. I suppose, my head should clear up, if I don''t eat any more of those. Is that correct?" "Yeah. It can take a few days to wear off." "I had noticed," Quaraun agreed, nodding and remembering the week of Witch Pond. "I use them for time travel." "Time travel?" "Yeah, LSD can power portals really good." "Really?" "They aren''t usually pink like this. I make the pink ones. And the black ones. I colour code them so I know what strength they are. The orange ones have other stuff in them too, which turns regular sheep into fire breathing demon sheep." "Demon sheep?" "Yeah." "Why would you ever need fire breathing demon sheep?" "Well... I... uhm... I don''t know. Anyways, I made these. Where''d you get ''em?" "From you." "I didn''t..." "In the future." "In the future?" "Your future self, Gremlin, paid me a visit and gave me that box of sugar cubes." "It could have killed you. It''s easy to overdose with it." "Why would the future you, come back here and give it to me?" "I don''t know. Did he give you anything else?" "Advice. He told us not to come to this town. He told us, to find you, get you to travel with us, away from here, a not let you return to HellBorne." "Why? Why would I tell you that?" "He said HellBorne was going to kill you." "Me? That''s not possible. Not if I came from the future. If HellBorne... I wouldn''t be able to... because I''d be dead, but if I ... then... that''s weird." "You know HellBorne, right?" "Yeah. I live with him. For now." "Would HellBorne kill someone?" "I don''t think so. I mean, he''s kind of nuts, but I don''t think he''d hurt anyone." "You know about the murders in town, right?" "Yeah. I slept with a few of the women who died. I knew them." "Did you kill them?" "Me? No! I couldn''t hurt any one. I''d probably die of heart attack if I tried. I... I...uh... I have anxiety issues. And phobias...and stuff." "I''d noticed. You''re scared of your own shadow aren''t you?" "Yeah." "So am I." "You''re supposed to be the world''s most powerful wizard." "Yes. I know. That''s rather debatable, now, isn''t it? I don''t claim to be a powerful wizard. I barely acknowledge being a wizard at all. I didn''t set out to be a wizard you know." "You''re one of those ones that got taken as a kid and forced into it?" "Yes." "What would you do, if you''d been given a choice?" "I was a tailor. I like sewing. I''m damn good at embroidery." "He embroiders everyt''ing," Unicorn muttered. "He''d be sitting here embroidering de damn tablecloth iffy de''d let''im." "You made your own clothes didn''t you?" "Yes. Every stitch. Every bead. Every flower. Every heart. Every bird. I had a lot of older sisters, and I liked sewing fancy dresses for them. And they liked dressing me like a little doll. I''ve never worn boy''s clothes. I wouldn''t even know how to. I was the only boy. Had three dozen older sisters. They treated me like I was just another girl. I liked that. I never wanted to be a wizard. I wanted to move to France and be a fashion designer." "Are you not from France?" "No." "I actually thought you were. You sound French. You are French, aren''t you?" "Why would you assume that?" "You have a French accent. And you keep speaking in French, which is why I don''t understand half of what you say, because I don''t know French." "I am from Inuvik." "Where''s that?" "Quebec." "So you are French." "I am Canadian." "You''re a French Canadian. Are there many Elves in Quebec?" "Not many Elves anywhere these days." "What are you doing down here?" "In America? Being annoyed by the idiot Americans. It''s what all we none Americans do in America." "I''m an American." "I pity you. You should change countries immediately. Revolting creatures." "You hate Humans, don''t you?" "I absolutely despise them." "You know you''re awfully arrogant for someone who supposely hates arrogance." "I''m the Grand High Emperor of The Triple Planets. Last of the Moon Elves. I come from 500 generations of sibling incest. I''m the purest blooded pure blood Elf in the Universe. There''s nobody in this galaxy worthy to kiss my feet." "Uhm... okay. You know that wasn''t an invitation for you to be even more arrogant, right?" "I''m the ONLY person on this god forsaken planet with any right to be arrogant." "Wow. You got an ego problem." "Yis knows not half of it," Unicorn stated. "Try living wid him. Hims ego has wee lil pet egos un dey all prance around giving each other little ego trips all day long." "Where''s he from?" GhoulSpawn pointed to Unicorn. "He can barely speak English at at all." "He is a Gypsy. He''s from Scotland. Lived in Newfoundland for a while. Or was it Lapland? Maybe it was Greenland. I can''t remember. We lived together in Inuvik for a while. Originally I meet him here in this town." "This town has a name you know." Quaraun laughed. "The Garden By The Sea, is hardly a name." "They''ll change it. In 1821, The Town of The Old Orchard Beach, it what''ll be then." GhoulSpawn paused for a moment then asked Unicorn: "Are you sure you''re Scottish?" "Aye." "You''re black. And Asian. And wearing Japanese clothes." "Ya has problem with blauch?" "No. It''s just most Celts I''ve meet are whiter then he is." "Him albino. Can no go outside in daylight. Un I is no Kelt. I spit on Kelts. I Pictish. Not Keltish. We blauch, dey albus. De Celts invade our land. Kill our horses. Rape our woman. Slaughter our bairn. I is Scottish un I spit on de Kelts. Evil white bastards." "But you''re also Asian. And you''re wearing a silk kimono and an aikido hakama. Those are both Japanese." "Aye. Me mother was Aswang." "Aswang? I thought you were a Phooka?" GhoulSpawn asked. Unicorn nodded. "Aye. All Phookas is male. There is no such t''ing as female Phooka. We reproduce with Aswangs. All Aswangs is female. They have no males among dem. Some parts o Scotland call us Each-uisge. We horsemen. Not horse. Not man. Not Centaur either. "You''re the King of the Faeries, right?" "Me was. Me left dat job. I no like be king. I chef. When one is king, one has no time to cook, un no let ya cook. I like to cook." "But you call yourself a Faerie? Aren''t Aswangs Demons?" "We is Fae. We is Demons. We is Yokai. It all de same. Fae are Demon. Demon are Fae. Ursiugs are seen as Demons or Faeries, depending on who ya talk too." "Uruisgs?" "Like me, half horse, half man, excepting Uruisgs is half sheep." GhoulSpawn fell very silent. The mention of an Uruisg had upset him. Quaraun leaned over to GhoulSpawn and whispered: "We know what you are, remember?" "I should go." "Do you wear shoes?" Unicorn asked out of the blue. The question came out of the blue, and completely derailed Quaraun''s train of thought, but this was expected of BoomFuzzy. "Who are you talking to?" Quaraun asked. "Demon Boy here." BoomFuzzy pointed at GhoulSpawn. "Me?" "Of course. Who else has hooves?" "You." BoomFuzzy looked down at his own lack of feet. "Ah! Yes. I should have done thought of that. But I am a horse. I is supposed to has hooves. Yes?" "You are a Phooka. You just pretend to be a horse." "Aye. This is true. And ye did no answer me question." "I have hooves. I don''t wear shoes." "What is ya?" "I''m a Demon. Remember?" "Aye. But y''is only half Demon. Ya momma was a Human. Was she not?" "I don''t know the full story. You know that. And I''m half Elf not half Human." "Yis a strange Demon." "Why? "Yis a sheep." "So?" "Is not most Demons goats?" "I wouldn''t know." "Why ya hide ya legs? Is ye ashamed to be half sheep?" "No. I don''t hide from you and Quaraun." "Yi used to." "I didn''t know you back than." "Were you scared of us?" Quaraun asked. "I''m generally scared of everything. Or hadn''t you noticed?" "Quaraun no notice these tings. Him too busy being muchly even more scared of everyt''ing then ya is." "I suppose that''s true. But I live among Humans. They don''t exactly find it easy to believe creatures like me exist. Kill first, ask questions later. Then sell it to science to chop it up and study it. Maybe let Proctor and Gamble run experiments on it while your at it. That''s the Human way. Than cover up the evidence that non-Humans ever existed. Blame it all on aliens. Pop out government stories about Men in Black at Area 51, get people looking in the wrong place so they won''t see the real crap you are covering up. Isn''t that why Quaraun''s the last Elf? You''re probably the last Phooka. I''m probably the last Demon. Isn''t FarDarrig the last... last... what the hell is FarDarrig? Wasn''t your friend Bulgaar the last Dwarf, before he died? And wasn''t your other friend BeaLuna the last Gnome, before her death? You killed both of them didn''t you? You have a bad habit of killing your friends, you know that. I don''t feel safe around you. They''ll be nothing but Humans left soon, and our races, we''ll be categorized as fictional creatures from children''s fairy tales. It''s been so long since most non-Humans died, that this current generation of Humans already believes our races never existed. And it''s worse than that. Humans are killing Humans. Black Humans hate white Humans. White Humans hate Black Humans. Straight Humans the Gay Humans. Every one is killing everyone. The world has gone mad." "Uhmmm..." Quaraun couldn''t think of anything else to say. He didn''t know half the words GhoulSpawn had just said. "The 1970s are... stressful for you?" "Stressful? The 1970s? Oh no! The 1970s are great. I didn''t go back to the 1970s. No. I wanted to see what the future is like. You know. I mean I''ve seen the past enough times, that 1974 seemed dull, so I didn''t go back there, instead went to see the furte, and the future is fucked. It''s just fucked. The future is fucking fucked. When I went back it was the 1980s. The 70s are so much better, but I decided to go to the 1990s. Hell on wheels. But that''s nothing compared to 2020. I went to 2020. Than I came back here. Damn. I probably shouldn''t have done that. Do you think I brought the pandemic with me? What if the Black Plague of 1666 wasn''t actually the Black Plague it was the Coronavirus and I caused it by coming back here? What have done?" "What''s wrong with 2020?" "Everything. What isn''t wrong with 2020? Do you think I could have caused pandemic here in the past, if I visited a pandemic in the future and then come back here to the past, to visit you guys instead going back home to 1974 where I belong? I could have just killed everyone on the planet! I need to stop time traveling before I kill everyone on the planet. I need to stop going outside. That''s what I need to do. No more time travel No more outside. Heck, I shouldn''t even leave my room. I should just lock myself in a closest and never have contact with anyone ever again. That''s what I should do." "All dis because I asked iffing ya wore shoes?" "I''m sorry." "Don''t be." Quaraun said as he embraced GhoulSpawn. "I know how you feel. We all do. Humans are killing us all off. And there''s not enough of us left to stop them." "Right!" BoomFuzzy jumped up. "We should band together, build an army and kill all Humans. Take back de planet." "Uhm..." Quaraun stared at Unicorn. "No. You''re supposed to be trying to NOT kill Humans anymore, remember?" "Ah yes. We big bad, evil Phookas must pretend like we is peace loving Elf hippies now. Oh, well than, drugs?" BoomFuzzy handed Quaraun his latest creation. "What is it?" "How the fuck should I know. It''s mushrooms and poison berries, it''ll either send ya to de moon or crush you under a rock. You ought to love it." "Will it kill me?" "Doubt it''ll kill you, nothing else has yet." "Are you TRYING to kill me?" "Course not? Who will I fuck if ya dead?" GhoulSpawn pulled up his bright yellow silk skirts and stretched out his cloven hooves to look at them. "Maybe you''re right. Maybe I should start wearing shoes. Do you think I could find a cobbler who would make shoes for sheep?" Chapter 21: Sheep Again "Aswang? I thought you were a Phooka?" GhoulSpawn asked. Unicorn nodded. "Aye. All Phookas is male. There is no such t''ing as female Phooka. We reproduce with Aswangs. All Aswangs is female. They have no males among dem. Some parts o Scotland call us Each-uisge. We horse men. Not horse. Not man. Not Centaur either. ''re the King of the Faeries, right?" "Me was. Me left dat job. I no like be king. I chef. When one is king, one has no time to cook, un no let ya cook. I like to cook." "But you call yourself a Faerie? Aren''t Aswangs Demons?" "We is Fae. We is Demons. We is Yokai. It all de same. Fae are Demon. Demon are Fae. Uruisgs are seen as Demons or Faeries, depending on who ya talk too." "Uruisgs?" "Like me, half horse, half man, excepting Uruisgs is half sheep." GhoulSpawn fell very silent. The mention of an Uruisg had upset him. Quaraun leaned over to GhoulSpawn and whispered: "We know what you are." "I should go." GhoulSpawn tried to get up, but Quaraun grabbed his arm and gently pulled him back down. "You don''t have to leave. We''re not gonna hurt you. You are an Uruisg, aren''t you? Which is why you don''t wear pants. You can''t, can you? And that''s why you wear the huge green houppelande coat. An Uruisg is a male Glastiv, yes? You''re a sheep." "Glastivs are goats," GhoulSpawn said quietly. "They run around in the mountains of the Scottish Highlands. Uruisg are sheep. We''re from the Shetland pastures." "Just like the Phooka''s who are little ponies from marshlands. Centaurs of the forests. Fauns of the lowlands. Satyrs of the coast. Minators of the desert. I''ve never seen an Uruisg before. Can I see your legs?" GhoulSpawn lowered his eyes and shook his head, silently mouthing the word ''no.'' "Why not?" "I don''t like people to see my legs. I get beat up when people see what I look like." "We won''t beat you." "You''re an arrogant High Elf." "Only around Humans. I hate Humans. But I happen like Faeries and Demons and half-Elves and you''re all three. Besides, you''re almost as beautiful as I am." "You''re just in love with yourself aren''t you?" Quaraun completely ignored this statement. "Is that why you rescue sheep? Because you are a sheep?" "Yeah. Something like that." "Would also explain your insatiable lust for women. Uruisgs are like Satyrs in that respect, yes?" "Yes." "You don''t have to hide what you are from us. We won''t judge you and we won''t hurt you. You''re safe with us. And your certainly welcomed to travel with us." "I can''t travel good." "Why not?" "Muddy roads. Rain. Snow. Ice. Wet grass." "I do not understand?" "Hoof rot. Muddy and rain and dampness, causes hoof rot. Wet grass and ice have no traction. I''d fall and break my legs. Once I''m down, I can''t get back up very well, not without help. My legs are made for climbing rocks, and not much else. My hooves are not made for travel. I can''t run. I can sprint. But not sustained running. And I can''t walk on smooth floors. Polished marble, tile, linoleum, waxed hardwood. There''s nothing for my hooves to grip. I can''t climb ladders. I need help on stairs. I''m good at mountain climbing. Leaping around on rocks and ledge. That''s why I like this town. The cliffs on the ocean. Beach sand. Dune grass. Blueberry plains. Apple orchards. The ravine. I can maneuver those with ease. The terrain here is good for me. There''s a lot of lege here." "But the people here don''t like you." "I know. The prostitutes and housewives like me. Quite a lot." "You''re good in bed." "Very. I''ve long soft Cotswold wool. Women like having something soft and furry to cuddle with." "Iffy ya lower half be a sheep," Unicorn stated. "Then ya got the cock un balls of a ram. I guessing de wimin folk be liking dat quite a lot as well." "Can you not talk about me... uhm..." "Ya can not say cock un balls can ya?" "No. I didn''t grow up in Biddeford." "I did, so fuck you." "Yeah, I gathered you were a Biddefidian by the lewd, crude way you talked. Most vulgar town in the world." "It a sea port. What do ya expect. It sailors, merchants, un fishermen. Rife wid rats, cockroaches, un lobsters." "You know in the future lobsters are a delicacy and people pay $30 a pound for them."The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. "Unicorn has a point," Quaraun said. "You''re balls must be bigger than mine." "What?" "You know, before, I wanted to see your legs. Because I never saw a man with sheep legs before. But, now I want to see your balls. I''ve seen sheep. They have monster sized testicles. Fow does that translate over into a hals-Elf-sheep like yourself?" "You''re both crude." "I''ve lived with him too long. And I have a thing for furry lovers." "Furry lovers?" "You excit me." "Did I want to know that?" "Probably not." "I''m not gay. And you probably don''t know what that means. I don''t think that word was in use yet back here in, whatever time this is. I don''t with other men." "You like women. Which is fine, because I have Unicorn. And I''m quite content with him in my bed." "There you are!" A voice called from across the tavern. "Oh Goody!" Unicorn said. "Mallac''s here." "Oh bother," Quaraun grumbled. "I think I was supposed to meet him somewhere today. He''s trying to get me to solve those murders for him, and I really want nothing to do with it." Mallac appeared at their table and was about to say something to Quaraun, but saw GhoulSpawn sitting next to him and adressed the half-Elf instead. "YOU!" "Hi, Mallac." GhoulSpawn said not looking up at the Human soldier. "I''ve been looking for you." "I know." "There is not one sheep left in this town. Not one!" "I know." "Do you know how long you''ll be in prison?" "Twelve years for each sheep. I know the law." "Just return the damn sheep. If you don''t they''ll slap you with witchcraft, consorting with Demons, Satan worship, and everything else they can think of. They''ll hang you, stone you, crush you, and burn you." "I can''t return the sheep." "Why not?" "They''ll be killed." "They are wool farmers, not lambchop farmers. They aren''t killing the sheep, you stupid tree hugging Elf." "Not the farmers. The cultists. They''re the ones taking the sheep. Sacrificing them. I didn''t take the sheep from the farmers. I took the sheep from the cultists. The cultist took the sheep from the farmers." "You and your damn cultists. You''re crazy GhoulSpawn." "I know." "Damned crazy Elves." "I''m also an Elf, Mallac," Quaraun said, his voice seething with anger. "And unlike GhoulSpawn, I''m an Elf who doesn''t like Humans. And every time I see you, I like Humans even less." "You stay out of this, you sissified puss..." "You funking flith loaded piece of shit." Quaraun stood up was now pointing his wand in Mallac''s face. Mallac took a few steps back. He was uncertain what exactly the wizard''s wand was capable of doing and he didn''t want to find out. "You came here to harass me, not him," Quaraun continued. "Now what the hell do you want?" "I want him to give those sheep back." "That''s not what you came in here for..." "That''s what I''m in here for now." "What do you want, Mallac?" "I want you to make that damned half-Elf thief bring back the damned stolen sheep." "He already told you he ain''t the one who stole them." "No, but he admitted to stealing them from the people who did steal them. Which means he has them." "That''s not what it means at all." "Holy bananas!" Unicorn exclaimed, but Quaraun and Mallac were not listening. Neither was GhoulSpawn, who had grabbed the pink LSD sugar cubes, tossed them into an alchemy potion bottle that he''d pulled from on of his coat pockets. Then threw it into the crowd of dinner guests, and ran out the door. What happened next was absolute pandemonium as total chaos ensued and everyone in the taver was suddenly jumping out of their seats, screaming, yelling and running from the vast amount of hallucinations that had manifested and could be seen by everyone. "Rubber Duckies!" Mallac screamed as he ran out the door. "We have to save the rubber duckies! The hurricane will take them all out to sea!" "What the hell is he talking about?" "Love not about better communication, it about connection," Unicorn said in response. "What? What are you... Did you just fall over?" Quaraun asked Unicorn. "No, I has attacked the ground," Unicorn stated very seriously and matter of factly. "Backwards?" "Well, I is just that talented!" ¡°Of course you are.¡± "A wild boar just came running into the room!" Someone yelled from across the room. Several people jumped from their seats and screamed. Quaraun watched the boar chase guests around the tavern as some men tried to catch it. "What the hell did he just say?" "When his testicales hit together it sounded like bells," Unicorn said. "What?" "BoomFuzzy''s rules of manliness - clap yar balls together while ya walk and sound like angels." "You''re insane." "No, that yar job. It my job to keeps ya t''ere. Ya should clap ya balls." "And how exactly am I''m supposed to do that? Unicorn you''re being ridiculous." "No! Yar just let ya ball sac slap against ya thighs. Ya''s is big enough to do that." Unicorn reached between Quaraun''s legs and grabbed him by the testiclles. "STOP IT!" Quaraun yelled, slapped Unicorn''s hand away. "Men with small dicks always has big balls." "Will you stop it?" "No. Ya ain''t gots not''ing under ya skirts. Ya swings free. If anyone can clap his balls it would be yis." Quaraun was about to comment when a drunk Human stumbled and fell and grabbed hold of Quaraun''s long hair for balance. "Owwh! My hair!" Quaraun suddenly jumped up and punched the Human that had touched him. "How dare you touch my hair!" The infuriated Elf screamed. Quaraun pulled out his silver brush and began obsessively brushing his hair. "Two scantily clad chefs are slinging electrically charged pancakes at each other," Unicorn said. "It fills ya with determination." Quaraun wasn''t listening. He was too determined with obsessively brushing his hair into perfectly smooth silk. While Quaraun obsessed over his hair, Unicorn listened to the scuffle going on in the kitchen. "We''ve got all the ingredients we need for cake... milk, sugar, chainsaws, a Human soul...." "Are you sure we should be using Human souls?" "It''s what the recipe calls for." "But what if somebody is a vegetarian?" "Good thinking! I have a can of MTT Human Soul Substitute right here..." "I t''inks there be something not right about this place," Unicorn said. Quaraun still wasn''t listening. He was muttering about split ends and pixie tangles and holding the ends of his hair in front of his eyes looking for tiny knots that were not there, but he was convinced were there anyways. Unicorn went back to watching what was going on in the kitchen. From the kitchen a giant fish-headed humanoid was yelling: "I''m making pasta, not lobster!" "Put the damned lobster in the pot!" The tavern''s chef yelled back. "No!" "They ordered lobster!" "Well they ain''t getting it!" "Give me that lobster, damn it!" "No!" "Undyne! Your fired!" The chef screamed. "Get out of my kitchen!" Fiercely the giant talking fish dropped the pasta into the pot, grasped hold of the lobster and stomped out of the kitchen. "Come on Papyrus!" Undyne yelled. A skeleton came running out of the kitchen behind her. He was wearing a cape and carrying a plate of spaghetti. "Where we going?" The animated bones asked. "Out of this place," the fish answered. "The pasta ain''t worth eating here. Homemade pasta is best and they use store brand because it''s cheaper. And look at what they tried to do to this poor lobster! They was gonna stick him in a pot of boiling water. Come on! We got to take him back to the sea and set him free before someone kills him and eats him." "What about the Human souls?" "I''ll take the Human souls and beat the hell out of you with them. Now let''s get out of this flaming inferno." The strange duo left the tavern. "What just happened," Unicorn asked Quaraun. "What?" The Elf was furiously brushing his silken white, ankle length hair. "Ya did''na see a t''ing dids ya?" Quaraun looked around. "Did something happen?" "It was like a nightmare popped out of ya head and ran rampant." "What did I miss?" "A giant fish rescuing a lobster, and a skeleton eating pasta." Quaraun blinked as he stared at Unicorn. "I''m usually the one seeing things." "I knows it. That why I t''ink somet''ing weird going on in t''is here town. None of t''is seems right. And I the one seeing it, not yis." The feeling of calming tranquility filled Quaraun''s soul with determination. "GhoulSpawn did something to us," Quaraun said. "He cast some kind of mass hallucination spell. We have to get out of this building." Chapter 22: Back At The Tavern and Still No Shrimp This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° Chapter 23: Quaraun, Unicorn, GhoulSpawn, Chastity Cages, and Whores ¡° ¡° ¡° The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. Chapter 24: Tumbling Down Stairs With Slutty Elves and Angry Liches It had started out as a tumble to the ground, but laying on top of Quaraun''s soft, feminine, fleshy curves was more then GhoulSpawn could bear. Quaraun''s annoyance at being on the floor was quickly shattered by the intense hunger of GhoulSpawn''s kisses. His kiss was urgent and exploratory. Quaraun was shocked by his own eager response to the touch of his lips. The thought of cheating on Unicorn had never crossed his mind, but just now being this close to GhoulSpawn sent reason out of his head. Though Unicorn had pointed out the attraction several times, Quaraun remained in denial over his ever growing lust for the young Sun Elf. Quaraun wasn''t given any time to think about his actions, he merely responded to the pleasurable sensations he felt as GhoulSpawn''s touch sent shivers down his spine. There was the delicious feel of excitement. Of first-contact. Of naughty thrills. Quaraun was suddenly filled with the overwhelming desire for GhoulSpawn to fuck him. Quaraun moaned as he felt the Sun Elf''s hard cock pressing into his groin. Quaraun pressed closer to GhoulSpawn in response. The two Elves were instantly lost in the passion of kisses and embrace. As quickly as it started though, GhoulSpawn suddenly broke it off and clambered fearfully to get quickly off of the sultery, lust filled Necromancer. "I''m so sorry," GhoulSpawn whispered as he stood up and looked around for a place to escape. Then ran off towards the door. "No!" Quaraun cried out, pointing a finger towards the door. GhoulSpawn stopped and stood terror stricken, staring at the blank space on the wall before him. The door was gone. Vanished as if it had never been there. He looked around the room. All the windows and the other door were gone as well. Panic rose in his throat as his heart rate quickened. He became terrified of what the Necromancer would do to him. Quaraun slowly pushed himself up. The fall had dazed him and he was not quite steady enough to stand quickly. "I''m sorry," GhoulSpawn said again, this time with great difficulty. Fear welled up inside of him. He was trembling so bad, he thought he would faint. Quaraun stood, still dazed, now leaning against the table. "Why are trying to run away," Quaraun asked. "I''m sorry." "You''ve said that. I heard you the first two times. Why are you sorry?" "I didn''t mean to... I shouldn''t have... I''m sorry... I..." "Breath, GhoulSpawn. Stop hyperventilating. I''m not gonna hurt you." "The doors..." "You were trying to run away and I''m physically too small and too weak to stop you." "I shouldn''t done that." "Fall on me?" "No... not..." "Yeah, I know what you meant. You want to fuck me." "I don''t... I..." "You want to fuck me. I know what I felt." "I''m sorry." Quaraun walked over the stand directly in front of GhoulSpawn. "You don''t have anything to be sorry about." "Please let me go." "I want to know what just happened." "I... uhm..." "You like me quite a lot." Quaraun eyes never wavered, staring directly into GhoulSpawn''s, as he reached out, took hold of the Sun Elf''s hand, then placed it over his groin, allowing GhoulSpawn to feel Quaraun''s warm erection on the palm of his hand. "You can finish what you started, GhoulSpawn. I don''t mind." "I shouldn''t." GhoulSpawn pulled his hand away and averted his eyes from Quaraun''s gaze. "I really don''t mind." "I don''t... I like women. You''re male. You don''t look it, but you are." "You can make love to me, the same way you would a woman. I''m used to receiving male lovers that way." "You''re with Unicorn." "I''m a High Elf. I''m not monogamous, GhoulSpawn. I do not object to having multiple lovers." "What about Unicorn?" "What about him?" "He''s so violent." "I like him violent. It thrills me. He''s bold and dominate. You''re the complete opposite. You''re quiet and shy and gentle. I love the contrast between the two of you." "You''ve been with him a long time. I don''t want to come between you." "I want both of you." "I shouldn''t have kissed you." "He''s also undead. And you''re very much alive. It''s been a long time since I''ve had the warm flesh of a living lover pressing against me. I''ve been wanting you for quite some time." Quaraun stood up on his tiptoes to reach GhoulSpawn and kiss him on the lips. Lips to lips. Flexing and yielding. GhoulSpawn did not resist the High Elf''s advances. He could not hide his attraction to Quaraun. Their lips touching, parting, and touching again. It was timeless and beautiful and amazing. He wanted so desperately to make love to the Moon Elf. Feeling Quaraun''s growing desire made it difficult for GhoulSpawn to resist. Quaraun involuntarily mewed. A tiny expression of happiness. In stark contrast to Unicorn''s harsh forcefulness, GhoulSpawn was gentle and loving. "Yi fucking pink penguins!" GhoulSpawn immediately let go of Quaraun at the sound of Unicorn''s voice. "Ya got an explanation for this?" Unicorn asked as he stared angrily down at the two Elves. "We fell down the stairs," Quaraun said simply, pushing GhoulSpawn off of him and acting as though nothing had been going on between them. "Un ya forgot to get back up, I see. Of course de stairs is over dair." "Well, you can help me up now." Quaraun stretched out his hand and waited for Unicorn to help him to his feet. And completely ignored the fact that he and GhoulSpawn were no longer anywhere near the stairs they had originally tumbled down. Unicorn was glaring at GhoulSpawn, who was sitting beside Quaraun trembling in fear and looking as though he was about to piss his pants. Quaraun snapped his fingers to get Unicorn''s attention. The Phooka turned to Quaraun. "Help me up," Quaraun commanded. Unicorn grabbed the Elf''s wrist and jerked him up violently, then slammed him very hard back into the wall, holding him up off the ground. Quaraun squealed in pain as his back made contact with the wood. Fear filled his eyes. He had not expected Unicorn''s violent reaction. "Unicorn, please," Quaraun begged. "Nothing happened." "Ya has strange definition of nothingness." "Unicorn..." "No. I saw everything." The Phooka leaned in, gripping one hand tightly around the Elf''s throat, pressing his lips to the Elf''s ear and whispered. "I saw more then ya t''ink. I saw ya fall. I saw ya get back up. I saw ya seduce de half-Elf un pull him down on top of ya. I saw him try to get away un ya not let him. Nothing happened only because ya did nae have time before I stopped it. We is soul bound. Did ya forget that? I know every t''ing that happens to ya body. I feel what ya feel. I know when ya horny. Und ya been waiting to get alone with him ever since ya first saw him. Ya t''ink I did nae know that?" "I wasn''t..." "Ya was. I does nay like being cheated on. Ya knows dat. Ya knows what happened to de Elves before ya." "You ate them. It''s why they call you the Elf Eater." "No one cheats on me," the angry Faerie snarled as he tightened his grip on Quaraun''s throat. "Unicorn please..." "How far would ya have gone if had I nae stopped ya?" "I''m sorry..." "No ya not." The Elf Eater squeezed his hand, cutting off Quaraun''s ability to speak, choking the poor frightened Elf who was only now beginning to realize how truly angry Unicorn was. "Ya just saying that cause ya no want me to rip ya throat out. Ya get alone with him again and ya''ll whore yarself out to his all over again. Just like the trashy little slut ya are." Unicorn tightened his grip more, blood trickled through his fingers as his razor sharp claws sliced through the Elf''s flesh like butter. Quaraun''s feet were no longer touching the ground. Terror filled him as his chest tightened from lack of air. Franticly Quaraun clawed at Unicorn''s arm trying to release the fingers that were strangling him. The Lich Lord''s eyes glowed blue as his illusionary flesh stripped away, replaced by the boney blue crystal skeleton that was his true form. Though a Necromancer able to control the dead, Quaraun had been taken by surprise by Unicorn''s reaction and not been prepared to fight back. The Lich continued to tighten it''s death grip on the wizard''s throat until he felt Quaraun''s body begin the seize. Only then did Gwallmaiic let go, knowing that if he did not, the Elf would die. Quaraun fell to the floor, sprawling on the ground, choking, wheezing, and gasping as his chest heaved to his lungs'' desperate attempt to suck in air.Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. The Lich turned to GhoulSpawn who was frozen in terror. The eyeless sockets of the glowing skull glared at him. He had never seen the Lich''s true form before. "I let ya off dis once, because ya dids nae know what him be like. Him a slut of a whore. Him went after ya soon as him knew ya gets excited over him. But now ya know. What I is. Him already tolds ya, but like everyone else, yis did nay believe him. Ya dids no take him serious. Him never tell lie. Him always speak truth. Yi just like no good Humans. Laugh at his clothes un ignore hims words. I Lich, just like him said. Un now ya knows. How I got me name. What I do to a lover who cheats on me. Him is far from the first Elven lover I had. Ya''ll have nae second chance. Do somet''ing like dis again un I kill ya both." The Lich vanished, taking with him every last drop of warmth in the room. Ice crystals formed over everything as a glaze of ice swept across the walls. Mallac entered the room just then. The Human stood for a moment looking around at the frigid room. His breath hung frosty in the frozen air. Then he saw the two Elves, both still on the floor. Once clearly wounded and the other too terrified to move. He ran forward to help them. "Are you alright?" He asked running to Quaraun. "What happened?" Quaraun was too weak to talk. He was still trying to breath properly. "This is a Lich''s frost," one of the other soldiers said as the rest of Mallac''s men entered the room. "There''s a Lich in the area!" Another Human shouted. Fear filled the hearts of the Humans as they began to realize the danger they were in. Unicorn entered the room along with the soldiers, and was now back in his deceptively small and harmless looking Human form. He lovingly took Quaraun in his arms, cradling him, purring soothingly, kissing the wounds on his neck, licking the blood from the wounds, and acting as though nothing had happened between them at all. The soldiers began scattering about looking for any signs of the Lich. GhoulSpawn sat silently watching Unicorn''s gentle care of the injured Necromancer. The Necromancer he had just injured. A Necromancer who clearly did not have as much control over Liches as HellBorne had said he did. This was not the first time GhoulSpawn had felt like the Lich had control of the Necromancer instead of the other way around, but it was the first time he''d seen without a doubt that when push came to shove the Lich was far more powerful than the Necromancer. GhoulSpawn wanted to run, but he was too scared to move. GhoulSpawn stared at Unicorn. His heart pounded in his chest. Quaraun had told GhoulSpawn that Unicorn was a Lich. He''d said it many times. Somehow GhoulSpawn had not really believed it. Quaraun had said Unicorn was really, King Gwallmaiic, Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, but he hadn''t really believed that either. Quaraun was, after all, insane, wasn''t he? But Unicorn had changed. The tiny, Human like form had melted away into the distinctive blue crystal bones of a Frost Lich. Did the stories not say, that King Gwallmaiic, the evil Necromantic Lich King, was a Frost Lich? No one ever paid much attention to anything Quaraun said. No one took him seriously. Why would they? He was wearing a pink dress, his floor length hair tied up in twin pigtails. A twinkling silver tiara on his head. Every one knew to look at him, the man was insane. Every one said it didn''t they? People mocked him and teased him and dubbed him Quaraun the Insane, so why would they believe anything he said. He always talked of Liches. No one ever believed him. GhoulSpawn was beginning to see the error of the logic of the masses. Quaraun was not insane. Eccentric, yes, but insane? No. Far from it. His bitterness and animosity towards Humans, was nothing more then his frustration at constantly being ridiculed for the way he looked and no one believing a word he said or taking him seriously, because they were too busy judging him for his outlandish cloths. "It''s no where, Sir," one of the soldiers said to Mallac. "You!" Mallac shouted to GhoulSpawn. "Did you see it?" "What?" GhoulSpawn somehow managed to whisper. "The Lich. Did you see it? What did it look like? Where did it go?" GhoulSpawn stared at Unicorn. The Phooka was glaring angrily at him, a low threatening, growl rumbled under his breath. GhoulSpawn looked back up at Mallac and shook his head. "No," he whispered, still too frightened to find his voice. GhoulSpawn knew Quaraun had told Mallac that Unicorn was a Lich. He had been there when Quaraun had said it. More than once. Like everyone else, Mallac had been quick to pass Quaraun off as insane because of his fashion sense, and had not believed him, when the transvestite Elf had pointed to the Phooka and said - "He''s a Lich". This was obvious now, by Mallac''s seeing the evidence of a Lich''s presence, and completely ignoring the fact that Unicorn was the very person Quaraun had said was a Lich. "You were right," Mallac said to Quaraun and Unicorn. "Some one''s building a Lich and now it''s here. We must find it." Mallac barked orders to his men as the Humans tumbled out into the streets to search for the beast that was sitting right in front of their noses. GhoulSpawn was seeing now, first hand, how easily the rumours about Quaraun had been started and spread. No one listened to anything he said. They were too busy laughing at how he dressed. And now, when the words he had previously said, had come to pass, no one even remembered the words he''d said. This fact shed new light on the depression and loneliness Quaraun lived with, the intense sadness of knowing no matter what he said, no one would listen, because no one could accept with any seriousness a man in a dress. With the Humans gone, Unicorn helped Quaraun back to his feet and guided him back to the tavern. GhoulSpawn followed them, though he wasn''t sure why. He was too scared to do anything else. Quaraun passed out before reaching the tavern, and Unicorn carried him from that point. When Unicorn had Quaraun tucked in bed, and was sitting on the bed beside him, GhoulSpawn broke the long silence that had stood between them. "Is he gonna be alright?" Unicorn looked back at GhoulSpawn who was hanging back near the door looking as though he''d run at any second. "Him is fine. Him need rest." "He''s unconscious." "Aye. Him need rest." "You tried to kill him." "No. I merely scared him." "He''s unconscious." "I poisoned him." "Poisoned?" "Me claws un me fangs, dey be venomous. I poison Elf so dey feel no pain while I eat them. It puts dem into deep sleep." "You hurt him." "I know. Un now I takes cares of him. Him High Elf. Sleep helps him heal." "Why help him after you''ve hurt him?" "I love him. I does nae want to lose him. Not to death. Nor to you." "I''m sorry. I should go." "No. Ya stay." "Why?" "Him likes ya. Un him will t''inks I ate ya if ya is nae here when him wakes up." "You really are the Elf Eater aren''t you?" "Leader of de Lich Lords, King Gwallmaiic, Elf Eater of Pepper Valley. Aye. Dat would me." "You''re a Lich." "Ya knew that." "I don''t think I believed it." There was silence again. "Why are with him?" "I done tolds ya. I love him." "But he''s an Elf." "Aye." "And you eat Elves." "Aye." "I''m an Elf." "Ya is." "Are you going to kill me?" "No." "Why?" "Him likes ya. Him t''inks of ya as a friend. He does nay have any dose. Not since BeLuna un Bullgaar died." "I don''t understand you." "What to understand?" "A few minutes ago you were threatening to kill both of us." "Un few moments gone yi was t''reatening ta fuck him. Yi not now." "People think he controls the Liches. He doesn''t, does he? You control him." "No. But him could, if him wanted to. Him could easily defeating me iffy him were to fought back. Him does be much more powerful then I be. Him could control every dead t''ing him wishing. He does chooses not to. Him does nay abuse powers him is possesses. He is no greedy for power or riches or any worldly t''ing. Him does simply want to be loved. Hims greatest desire is simply to love un be loved in return. He peaceful un non violent. Him does no fight un refuses to defend himself when is attacked. Him knows how great of power him possesses. Him knows how dangerous him does can be to every one ''round him. Di''Jinn are dead. Turned to ash, by words ''I wish''. Moon Elves all is dead. Frozen into solid blocks o ice, by de words ''I wish''. Pixies are dead. Turned to jellied piles of blood, by de words ''I wish''. De Sun Elves is dead. All save ya. They bodies burned to char, from inside out, by de words ''I wish''. He is being fully aware o how dangerous him does be. He distances himself from populated areas, be wandering hermit, terrified of for to enter any village we passes, for fear him will accidently say words ''I wish'' un lay it to waste without ever meaning to. He really is world most powerful wizard, but it power him does nae know how to control un he lives in mortal fear of it un refuses to use it willingly. Him could has control me if him wanted to. Him choose not to." "Why didn''t you kill me back there?" "Because him likes ya. Un he asked me not to, back at Witch Pond." "You hurt him." "Aye. Un nows I help him." "You wouldn''t hurt him like that if you loved him." Unicorn got up off the bed and approached GhoulSpawn, placing his hands on the wall to either side of the half-Elf, trapping him. "Love is nae easy for me. I is nae like ya Elves. I is what most would call a monster. To ya Elves, I is predator. Higher up on food chain then ya is being. It is me nature to kill Elves. It me natural instinct to tear ya throat out un feast on ya flesh. It is with great difficulty dat I restrain meself un does nae eat de both of ya. I lust for taste of Elf flesh. I has killed millions of de Elves. It is nothing to me to kill millions more. But ya two I does nae kill. Because I does very much love him un him sees ya as his friend. And apparently he wants ya for a lover now as well." "I''m sorry. I didn''t mean for that to happen." "I knows it. Un it be why no kills ya. I saw him pull ya down on top of him un ya try to get away." "I don''t trust you." "As well ya should not. I does nae trust meself. Yis a tasty Northern Elf. It with great difficulty I does nae eat ya." "You''re dangerous." Unicorn stepped back away from the half-Elf. "Aye. We Phookas is top of the food chain. Yis our food. It be difficult for me to be in this town. It is filled with Humans, ripe to eat. I feel nothing for them. I help Quaraun to help them, only because it keep Quaraun happy. Him sad, lonely Elf. Helping Humans make him happy. But if de Humans turn on him, I will have no trouble to kill every last one o them." "Why him? You''ve killed so many Elves. Why not him?" "He saw for me what I is and loved me any ways." "You''re a vile monster. A feral undead beast." "Aye." "ZooLock told me a story. Is it true?" "What is story?" "The Moon Elves caught him in bed with another male, a non-Elf, a Faerie, and tortured him for it. Used him as bait to try to catch you. You killed them and rescued him." "T''is true. I were also de male Fae him were bedding with. ZooLock would have ya t''inks we is together because of that incident. We was together before it." "But that doesn''t answer my question." "Being?" "Why him? You eat Elves. Why do you not eat him?" "Him not Elf. Him Thullid." "Do you not eat Thullids?" "No. I eats Thullids too. But not him. Him Sacred Pink Jelly Fish. Him Elder Brain. Him not know it, but him is. Him ancient Demon. I worship him. And now I fuck him. He is a god un he sleeps in my bed. Not yars." GhoulSpawn slid down to the floor and pulled his knees up against his chest. He was scared of the Lich and wanted to run away, but he didn''t really have any place to go to other then HellBorne and he didn''t want to go there even less then he wanted to be here, and he was worried about Quaraun. The Elf had been injured and now was passed out. Unicorn stood and watch the frightened Sun Elf. "How old is ya?" GhoulSpawn looked up, not certain the creature was talking to him. "Ya not yet a hundred years old are ya?" GhoulSpawn shook his head. He was not sure why the Phooka suddenly wanted to know his age. "That why ya look so yang. Ya is yang. Yar just a wee lil pup. Ya not even an adult yet. Quaraun''s old enough to be ya grandsire. Did ya know that? Him not as yang as he looks. Him de Necromancer what made me a Lich un I died three hundred years ago." Unicorn continued to watch the young half-Elf, now realizing GhoulSpawn was still an adolescent, and to other Elves, still considered an Elfling. Though in the eyes of Humans he looked like an adult, in the eyes of Elves, GhoulSpawn was still only a child. Unicorn felt less threatened by the welp now that he realized how young he was. GhoulSpawn was tall, quite a bit taller than either Quaraun or Unicorn. This had caused Unicorn to think the half-Elf was older than he was. Unicorn bent down, grabbed GhoulSpawn by the elbow and pulled him up. The startled half-Elf cried out from fright and tried to get away, but the Lich''s iron grip held tight. "Stop being a nervous Nelly, I ain''t gonna hurt ya." Without another word, Unicorn dragged GhoulSpawn to the bed and shoved him on to it beside Quaraun. "Ya stay there. I can keep an eye on ya better." Unicorn sat on the foot of the bed and watched the two Elves, one injured and unconscious and the other hyperventilating and trembling with fright. GhoulSpawn watched Unicorn waiting for the Phooka to pounce on him, but the beast remained still and silent. An hour or more passed before GhoulSpawn finally relaxed and moved out of the position Unicorn had tossed him in. Seeing Unicorn''s anger seemed to have subsided, GhoulSpawn gently moved closer the Quaraun, nuzzling against him, hugging him, closing his eyes and going to sleep. Unicorn watched the two Elves sleep together. It did not anger him to see them like this. Curled up together like this was innocent and non sexual. He had no problem with the two Elves touching and being close. It was the intense sexual passion that had risen up between them, that had angered the Phooka. Quaraun had an exotic enthral beauty to him, that caused every one they meet to have a sexual attraction to him. Usually however, Quaraun didn''t bat an eye at the constant sexual advances he received from men and women, Elves and Humans alike. But GhoulSpawn was different. Quaraun was highly aroused by the young Sun Elf and started flirting with GhoulSpawn every time he was around. Quaraun was lusting after GhoulSpawn something fierce and was making no attempt to hide his intense desire to be fucked by the golden haired half-Elf. The two Elves had seemed to have an instant connection. A closeness that defied explanation, as though they had been friends and lovers for decades. Unicorn found himself feeling very jealous, and very threatened by this unexplainable connection the two High Elves had for each other. It was many hours later when Quaraun woke up again. He was surprised to find GhoulSpawn asleep beside him and Unicorn sitting on the bottom of the bed watching them. "You let him sleep with me?" "Aye." "Why?" "I does nae want ya fucking with him. I did nae says ya could no be friends with him." "I want him to stay with us." "I know." Chapter 24A: The Dungeon Masters Manual, 4th edition "How can the apple red Sun Fish of healing result in a crazed celebrity chef eating a bowl of tomato soup?" GhoulSpawn muttered to himself as he read a book titled: The Dungeon Master''s Manual, 4th edition. "What...?" "Arrgh!" GhoulSpawn screamed as he jumped to his feet and spun around to see Quaraun. "What are you reading?" Quaraun repeated his question. "Do you make magic items?" GhoulSpawn asked, suddenly becoming interested in their conversation. "Yes," Quaraun answered. "It''s what I do for work, when I need money. Not that I ever need money these days. I killed a dragon, you know. Now I''ve more gold then I know what to do with. Make magic items when I need them or when somebody else needs them." "Do you make staves?" GhoulSpawn asked unable to hide his excitement at finding a wizard who knew how to make magic items. "Staffs?" Quaraun thought about it for a moment. "Probably could. I''ve made wands. It''s the same basic principle, just bigger sticks." "Could you make me a staff?" GhoulSpawn asked eagerly. "Possibly. What do you want it for?" "I haven''t decided yet." "You haven''t decided?" Quaraun hesitated, blinking with bafflement. "If you haven''t decided, then why do you want one?" "Because I don''t have one." A dazed expression glazed over the Necromancer''s eyes as he tried to process the half-Elf''s logic. "Do you need one?" Quaraun asked in a baffled tone. "A wizard should have a staff." "I don''t have a staff." GhoulSpawn shuddered inwardly at the thought. "Why not?" "Never needed one." "But you''re a wizard." "Yes. I am." "Shouldn''t every wizard have a staff?" "Have you ever known a wizard who had a staff?" Quaraun challenged. "They''re the latest fashion in America. Every wizard at ComicCon has one." "ComicCon?" "Humm." "What''s that?" "Oh!" GhoulSpawn suddenly remembered he was back in the 1400s again and that he wasn''t supposed to be talking about his trips to the future. "It''s a group. A fair of sorts. Merchants set up booths to sell books and dice and stuff... I have some..." GhoulSpawn reached into his pockets and began pulling things out. "Hims pockets is like ya bag of holding," Unicorn said to Quaraun as they watch the half-Elf pulling endless piles of stuff out of every pocket in his long dark green velvet coat. "I come prepared for everything," GhoulSpawn explained. He stopped and stared at a small box he pulled out of another pocket "Batteries not included," he said, reading the package. "Well how am I supposed to use it then. Do they I can just run back to their time and grab batteries at will?" GhoulSpawn set the box on the table. Quaraun picked it up and turned it over several times. "What is it?" The pink Necromancer asked. GhoulSpawn was muttering to himself, naming each item as he pulled it out of his pockets and didn''t hear the Moon Elf speak... "Pencils, pens, erasers, I should get a pencil box for these... rubber bands, paperclips, calculator... calculator? When''d I get that? These take batteries too. Why do I keep having things that need batteries? I don''t have any batteries. I need to stash up on batteries. You have no electricity back here..." "Should we..." Quaraun started to say, but GhoulSpawn wasn''t listening. "Sharpies! Oh! 36 colours! Look at the colours! I love colours! So pretty! You know I have a Crayola Big Box around here somewhere. They have 120 colours in 2016 now! Forgot I had them. Pencil sharpener! I needed that. Tape, string, scrap paper, Kleenex, hand sanitizer, Purell is a much better brand, I gotta go back and get some more of this. Just avoid 2020 on that trip. They had a worldwide shortage then." "You''re a time traveller." "Moist towelettes, wipes. Tampons? Hmmm? Why do I have tampons? Oh dear. I was supposed to give them to my wife, wasn''t I? Which one? I don''t remember who I got these for. Which wife was getting them for? It''s so hard to keep track..." "Which wife?" Unicorn asked. "Ya has more than one?" "I have a wife in every time period..." "Time period?" "At least one. One in every town. Thirty or Forty at least." "Ya has t''irty or forty wifes?" "Yeah. I lost count." "Ain''t ya a bit young?" "I''m nineteen." "And yar has 40 wives?" "Yeah." "Damn. How''d ya do that?" "Oh. Furry movement and I''m the real thing. These ain''t a costume." GhoulSpawn pointed to his sheep legs and cloven hooves. "In the 21st century, if you''re a furry, you can laid in every town." "So," Quaraun said. "Not a Satyr, but as sex crazy as a Satyr." "Band-aids. I needed those yesterday. I need to organize stuff. Scissors, LED light, post-its in various colours, highlighters, hole punch, ruler. What''s this?" GhoulSpawn stared at the tiny wooden chip in his hand. "A Q scrabble tile, who was I playing scrabble with. I got to return this to them. Can''t play the game without all the pieces. A deck of cards, a lighter, another calculator?" He held up the small thin item. "Oh good! This one''s solar powered. No batteries need. I love solar power. Greatest invention ever. A shot glass? I don''t drink. Who put that in there? Did I steal a shot glass? Ah! The Book of Mormon! I gotta finish reading that." He suddenly pulled out a very large statue. "Uhmmmm," GhoulSpawn stared at the stone beast. "What that?" Unicorn asked. "Uhm... it''s a... a gargoyle," GhoulSpawn stammered trying to not explain the creature. He bit his lip as he looked away, then swallowed hard trying to manage a feeble answer. He wasn''t good at lying. "Yeah. A gargoyle. Has nothing to do with Gorgons." He shoved the white stone beast back into a pocket. "Teabags, handy invention, have tea anywhere. And a... uhm... a paperweight? Is that a paperweight? I don''t know. Hmmm. I should clean out my pockets. I don''t know what half this stuff is. What was I looking for? I forgot." "You wanted me to make you a staff because everyone at ComicCon had one," Quaraun answered. "Oh yes! The Wizards of the Coast!" "Wizards of the Coast?" "Yeah, it''s a group of wizards from Oregon, they make all kinds of books on making magic items and how to cast spells and defeat monsters. Most fascinating books I''ve ever seen. But vague, Very vague. They don''t really go into much detail of how to make the stuff. It''s kind of an encyclopedia of types of magic items with charts. Magic users are supposed to take the book to the local Dungeon Master and have them give the charts to a Wizard trained in making magic items. Here it is... The Dungeon Master''s Manual, 4th edition." GhoulSpawn pulled out a large bright coloured book, flipped through the pages and began reading: "I don''t know which one I want yet, but I narrowed it down to these: Animate Staff Created from a number of iron rods, copper gears, and silver screws, this staff constantly shifts and changes. Cephalopod Staff This dark mahogany staff is carved in the shape of a squid''s tentacle and smells strongly of seawater. When grasped, the staff animates, writhing momentarily until it regains its rigid, wooden form. Chaotic Staff Made up from a number of different materials, including wood, metal, and possibly pieces of flesh, this staff seems to shift in shape and form over time. Dragon Staff Made from a large dragon bone, wrapped in scales and topped with the fearsome image of a dragon, this staff radiates power. Each dragon staff is linked to one type of chromatic dragon: black, blue, green, red, or white. All the spells that can be cast using the staff are tied to that choice. Any energy types chosen by spells from the staff must match the type as well (black and green are linked to acid, blue is linked to electricity, red is linked to fire, and white is linked to cold). Ember Staff The reddish brown bark of this charred manzanita branch shows only in patches. The staff is a mere 3 feet long and balanced for use as a masterwork club. Gravedigger''s Spade The sturdy, well-polished oaken shaft and the sharp blade attached to its tip allow this magical staff to be used as a masterwork shovel when not employed in spellcasting. Heretic''s Bane This sturdy wooden staff is crowned by a holy symbol, surrounded by wicked barbs of metal. Holy Staff This staff is made from polished birch, inlaid with ivory, and topped with a pristine white gemstone. Hungering Staff A ring of curved fangs circles the tip of this 7-foot-long bone staff. When magic mouth is cast from the staff, the resulting illusory mouth is filled with countless needle-like fangs. Lawful Staff This staff is crafted from a perfectly smooth triangular rod of silver, and its top is crowned with a golden sphere. Many-Eyed Staff Whenever the user is holding this wooden staff, 10 bulging eyes carved along the length of the staff animate, granting the user a +5 competence bonus on Perception checks as long as he is grasping the staff. As a move action, the wielder can select a creature within 100 feet and see through its eyes with no saving throw. Monstrification Staff The figures on this scrimshawed ivory staff slowly morph from one monstrous figure into another, and often grow to take up more space on the staff''s surface. Musical Staff This staff is made from high-quality wood and festooned with brass rods and keys, looking almost like an instrument. Spark Staff Thin golden strands snake through this transparent shaft, seeming to flow from one brass end-cap to the other. Spherewalker''s Staff This slender darkwood staff is topped either with a star-shaped crystal or a butterfly-like silver head. Staff of Abjuration : Usually carved from the heartwood of an ancient oak or other large tree Staff of Abjuration Usually carved from the heartwood of an ancient oak, ash, sequoia, or other large tree, Staff of Accompaniment This staff is adorned with musical notes. Staff of Acid This staff is made of a rust-colored metal that has been corroded by acid, with a sickly green gem at its tip. Staff of Aspects This stout staff is made of ash. Four faces of animals-a bear, a falcon, a stag, and a wolf-are carved at its top. Staff of Authority This stout ironbound staff functions as a +1/+1 quarterstaff. Staff of Belittling Someone who carries this blue-and-white staff need never feel small nor weak, as the staff brings everybody and everything down to size. Staff of Blessed Relief This simple wooden staff is given to young clergy when they first set out into the world to spread the charity of their faith. Staff of Bolstering The top of this rosewood shaft narrows and then expands again, bound by a number of metal rings.Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. Staff of Cackling Wrath The thorns embedded in this gnarled length of wood make it rather tricky for the unwary to grasp. Staff of Charming : Made of twisting wood ornately shaped and carved, Staff of Charming Made of twisting wood ornately shaped and carved, Staff of Conjuration : This staff is usually made of ash or walnut and bears ornate carvings of many different kinds of creatures. Staff of Conjuration This staff is usually made of ash or walnut and bears ornate carvings of many different kinds of creatures. Staff of Courage This sturdy-looking hickory staff is capped with a figurine of an angelor other benevolent spirit, wings and arms outstretched as if in welcome. Staff of Curses This gnarled wooden staff is bedecked with broken charms and burnt fetishes that were once used to ward against bad luck, but now are in shambles. Staff of Dark Flame Made from bleached bones that have been fused together, the head of this staff burns with an unholy fire. Staff of Defense : The staff of defense is a simple-looking staff that throbs with power when held defensively. Staff of Defense The staff of defense is a simple-looking polished wooden staff that throbs with power when held defensively. Staff of Divination : Made from a supple length of willow, often with a forked tip, Staff of Divination Made from a supple length of willow carefully selected to have a crooked, forked tip, Staff of the Doomsbringer The staff of the doomsbringer is a twisted and cracked length of glossy black wood. Staff of Earth and Stone : This staff is topped with a fist-sized emerald that gleams with smoldering power. Staff of Earth and Stone This staff is topped with a fist-sized emerald that gleams with smoldering power. Staff of Eidolons This crooked staff is made of mahogany and decorated with the bones of eidolons that jut out of the wood. Staff of Electricity This staff is made of shining silver, with a tip shaped like a lightning bolt. Staff of Enchantment : Often made from applewood and topped with a clear crystal, Staff of Enchantment Often made from applewood and topped with a clear crystal, Staff of Evocation : Usually very smooth and carved from hickory, willow, or yew, Staff of Evocation This smooth staff carved from hickory or yew Staff of Feast and Famine Leaves sprout from this wooden staff, some green and some black. When the wielder uses the staff, he plucks one of the leaves: a green leaf to provide sustenance or a black leaf to cause hunger or thirst. Staff of Fire : Crafted from bronzewood with brass bindings, Staff of Fire Crafted from bronzewood with brass bindings, Staff of the Flame Lord Crafted from cherry wood and ornately carved to resemble a column of flame, Staff of Fortune This staff is made of ivory and gold and is topped by a large, flawless piece of quartz. Staff of Frost : Tipped on either end with a glistening diamond, this rune-covered staff allows use of ... Staff of Frost Tipped on either end with a glistening diamond, this rune-covered staff Staff of Healing : This white ash staff, with inlaid silver runes, Staff of Healing This white ash staff is decorated with inlaid silver runes. Staff of Heaven and Earth Topped by a swirling cloudy stone and wrapped with black iron filigree, Staff of Hoarding This gorgeous teak shaft has many gold and silver coins hammered into it. Staff of Hungry Shadows This staff is made of scorched and twisted wood and is set with a crystal sphere filled with swirling smoke. Staff of Hunting This length of aged ivory is carved with numerous hunting scenes which seem to animate and tell a story when the staff is rotated. Staff of Illumination : This staff is usually sheathed in silver and decorated with sunbursts. Staff of Illumination This staff is usually sheathed in a layer of silver and decorated with gold and amber sunbursts. Staff of Illusion : This staff is made from ebony or other dark wood and carved into an intricately twisted, fluted, or spiral shape. Staff of Illusion This staff is made from ebony or other dark wood and carved into an intricately twisted, fluted, or spiral shape. Staff of Internal Assault Crumbling bark continuously flakes from this solid, aged oak staff without diminishing its size. Staff of Journeys This walking stick, which still has dark gray bark along its entire length, branches into an ornate fork at its top, decorated with wildflowers and different kinds of leaves. Staff of Life : Made of thick oak shod in gold, Staff of Life A staff of life is made of thick polished oak shod in gold and decorated with sinuous runes of silver or ivory, which depict various cycles of life and death according to different cultures. Staff of Many Rays The elaborate swirls and delicate flecks of shining metal adorning the head of this pale wooden shaft make it seem almost as much a long mace as a staff. Staff of Minor Arcana This gleaming staff is made of polished silver and capped with a simple gemstone. It is frequently given as a gift to apprentice spellcasters upon completing their tutelage. Staff of Mithral Might This staff is made of silver, with a shimmering sphere of mithral at either end. One end features a golden snake wrapped around the staff and cradling the larger of these two mithral spheres. The staff may be used as a weapon, Staff of Necromancy : This staff is made from ebony or other dark wood and carved with the images of bones and skulls. Staff of Necromancy This staff is made from ebony or other dark wood and carved with images of bones and skulls mingled with strange spidery runes. Staff of Obstacles Dark and solid, this worn staff appears to be carved of rough stone, yet feels and weighs like light wood. Staff of One Hundred Hands Sculpted into the shape of dozens of grasping, distorted hands, this staff appears to be carved entirely from one piece of clear crystal. When held, the hands that form the staff distort to resemble the gloves or hands of the person holding it. Staff of Passage (no description given) Staff of Passage (no description given) Staff of Performance Soon after falling into the hands of a new owner, this piece of finely varnished cedar develops ornamental brass keys, strings, or other decorations that make it look like a stylized version of its owner''s favorite type of musical instrument. Staff of Power : The staff of power is a very potent magic item, with offensive and defensive abilities. It is usually topped with a glistening gem, its shaft straight and smooth. Staff of Power A staff of power is a potent magic item with varied offensive and defensive abilities, carved from magically hardened wood. It is usually topped with a glistening gem or orb that burns from within with a flickering red light. Staff of Radiance This silver-tipped willow staff constantly emits light, as if from a light spell-the radiance is emitted from the staff''s metallic end and flickers as if with flame. The staff''s wielder can deactivate or activate this glowing light as a swift action. Staff of Revelations The forked top of this walnut shaft resembles a combination of a dowsing rod and the curled horns of a beast, and a delicate gemstone hovers between its enfolding arms. Staff of Rigor This iron-shod wood staff... Staff of Shrieking Holes in this metal shaft cause it to emit an eerie moan when swung through the air. Staff of Size Alteration : Stout and sturdy, this staff of dark wood Staff of Size Alteration This staff of dark wood is stouter and sturdier than most magical staves, with a gnarled and twisted knot of wood at the top end. Staff of Slumber Smoky spirals adorn the length of this staff, and have an almost hypnotic effect. Staff of Souls This ominous staff is made of twisting wood and topped with a small skull. Staff of Speaking When the wielder of this hollow wooden staff speaks or shouts, it reverberates with the sound of her voice, lending a booming insistence to her words. Staff of Spiders This staff is constructed from thousands of carefully prepared spiderwebs packed around a base and layered to make a shaft just as hard as oak, if not harder. A staff of spiders functions as a +1/+1 quarterstaff. Staff of Spirit-Talking A staff of spirit-talking is made of ebony or other dark wood, with the bones of numerous small animals dangling from it. Staff of Stealth This twisted, dark gray staff Staff of Swarming Insects : Made of twisted dark wood with dark spots resembling crawling insects (which occasionally seem to move), Staff of Swarming Insects Made of twisted darkwood covered with knots and nodules resembling crawling insects (which occasionally seem to move), Staff of the Avenger This shining golden staff is topped with a radiant gemstone that emits light like a torch. Staff of the Freed Man Just over 7 feet tall and topped with what looks like a large iron skeleton key, this unassuming oaken staff appears to be nothing but a common walking stick. Staff of the Hierophant The staff of the hierophant is a powerful magic item with the ability to both heal and harm, which also gives its wielder a number of protections. The staff is crafted from platinum and topped with a glowing blue diamond. Staff of the Magi : A long wooden staff, shod in iron and inscribed with sigils and runes of all types, this potent artifact contains many spell powers and other functions. Staff of the Master (no description) Staff of the Planes This obsidian staff twinkles as if reflecting the star-filled sky at night. Staff of the Scout This staff is carefully crafted from the branches of a tree, still intertwined as they grew and crowned with living leaves. Staff of Woodlands : Appearing to have grown naturally into its shape, this oak, ash, or yew Staff of the Woodlands Appearing to have grown naturally into its shape, this oak, ash, or yew staff Staff of Toxins This length of hemlock-shrouded oak gives off the faintest whiff of rot and corruption. Staff of Transmutation : This staff is generally carved from or decorated with petrified wood Staff of Transmutation This staff is generally carved from or decorated with petrified wood or fossilized bone, each etched with tiny but complex runes. Staff of Traps The tip of this dark wooden shaft holds a piece of hard, chalk-like stone between black, claw-like protrusions. Staff of Travel This staff appears to be nothing more than a finely made walking stick, but closer inspection reveals that it is inlaid with a fine copper tracery that makes up an intricate and incomprehensible arcane map. Staff of Tricks This thin staff is made of stiff wood that has been wrapped in colourful bands of cloth and topped with a number of feathers, bells, and other decorative baubles. Staff of Understanding This polished maple or oak staff is inlaid with ivory strips along its length, and runes of various languages also formed from inlaid ivory span the shaft. Staff of Vision A clear crystal orb is affixed to the top of this length of brass and scaled skin, and a smaller, crimson orb is set into a spherical ornament near the base of the shaft. Staff of Weather The carved surface of this solid oaken beam always depicts a scene with the opposite qualities of the current weather (rainy on dry days, dry on rainy days, and so on). Staff of Wings Angels crafted the first staff of wings to assist their mortal allies during a fiendish invasion onto the Material Plane. Copies have since been made by secular crafters. A staff of wings is made of light birch and topped with a carved pair of angelic wings made out of precious stone. This staff produces flight effects, and the wielder gains translucent, illusory wings upon casting them. Staff, Acolyte''s These slender crystal shafts span 4 to 5 feet in length, with facets covered in deeply etched white runes of unknown make. Staff, Totem (no description) Unholy Staff This twisted iron staff bears ominous stains along its length, and ends in a black skull with red gemstone eyes. I''m not sure why some of them were listed twice. Staves seem to have descriptor tags tacked on to them, based what spells they contain, and the spells they contain seem to be determined specifically by the material made out of, the shape carved into, and the adornment on them. But you are right, in every case the word is simply "staff" not "long staff" or "board staff". I think this is because each staff is unique, often hand carved by the wizard himself, thus he has no need to go to a blacksmith and say "I need a ___ staff of Holding" GhoulSpawn finally stopped talking. "Uhm..." Quaraun did not know what to say. "Can you make one?" GhoulSpawn asked. "I''d have to examine the book and see what I could figure out. Maybe. Making magic items IS what I do. You''re gonna have to narrow it down to one." "Yeah, eat dick ya fuck!" Unicorn said to the half-Elf. Unicorn stared at him, blinking, then turned to Quaraun and said: "Him is crazier then ya be." "How?" "Him just read entire book, un we did no ask him too. Fucking pogo man." "Actually, that was just the table of contents," GhoulSpawn pointed out as he held up the book. "See?" Quaraun took the book from GhoulSpawn and examined it. He had never seen anything like it before. It had a smooth glossy cover, it''s equally glossy pages filled with bright colours pictures of creatures Quaraun had never seen before. "Dungeons and Dragons," Quaraun read out loud. "Where did you get a book like this? I''ve never seen one like it." "They''re ... uhm ... I ... they''re not from around here," GhoulSpawn tried to think of a way to explain a book he''d brought back to the past with him from the future, without telling anyone he had recently discovered time travel. "They''re made by a guild that call themselves Wizards of the Coast, but I don''t'' know what coast. Never meet them. They''re in Oregon I think. Or maybe Washington. I don''t think it''s California. Just like reading their books. They have strange magic they do. I''d like to learn it. I find staves fascinating. I''m going to use their books to make some. Only I can''t figure out how." "I''ve never heard of these spells," Quaraun said. "Nor have I," GhoulSpawn agreed. "It''s the strangest spell book I''ve ever seen. But there''s tons of them. I keep going back to get more of them. See?" GhoulSpawn pulled out a few more Dungeons and Dragons game manuals and handed them to the wizard. "I like the 2nd Edition spells but the 4th Edition has the best pictures. There''s these new 5th Edition ones have a lot more detail but, the spells are very confusing. I can''t get any of them to work. You''re the most powerful wizard to ever exist, I figured you could figure out how to get these to work." "It say Players Handbook," Quaraun said. "And this one says Game Guide on the cover. I don''t think these are real spell books. It looks like a children''s game." "Yes, HellBorne pointed that out to me already. And the Humans of the future don''t seem to have any magic in them at all..." "Humans of the future? Where did you get these books?" "Uhm... not here," GhoulSpawn tried to think of a way to get Quaraun''s mind off his slip of mentioning time travel. "Even if they''re not real spell books, you''re a real wizard. You write spells. Could you not find a way to write real versions of the spells in these books?" "Why?" "I really want a Chaos staff." "A Chaos staff?" "I''m a Chaos Wizard..." "I suppose that explains why my world seems to turn to chaos every time you show up?" GhoulSpawn reached out to take the book from Quaraun, but Quaraun refused to let it go. "I''ll read it and get back to you." "I really shouldn''t let it out of my sight, things from other times... er... places, tend to ... cause trouble if they get out and about." GhoulSpawn tried the pull the book out of the little Moon Elf''s hand, but Quaraun''s sweet expression changed to pure rage, as he tossed his feather boa over his shoulder, startling the half-Elf. "I''ll sic my Lich on you if you don''t let me read it," the Necromancer snarled. "Lich?" "He''s a Lich." Quaraun pointed to Unicorn. "The Phooka?" "I is King Gwallmaiic," unicorn say, his eyes glowing blue and his flesh melting away to reveal the skeletal Lich underneath, "Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, Leader of the Lich Lords, Servant of the Sacred Pink Jelly Fish." GhoulSpawn looked at Unicorn, now a Lich and then back to Quaraun. "You''re the Sacred Pink Jelly Fish? Evilest Necromancer of all time?" "How many pink transvestite Necromancers do you know?" Quaraun asked. "Or did you not notice the way I was dressed?" "Uhm..." GhoulSpawn stared at Quaraun. He hadn''t noticed the way the Moon Elf was dressed. "I should go. I really shouldn''t be talking to you... you''re... I gotta go." GhoulSpawn turned and ran off, not bothering to retrieve the Dungeon Master''s Manual from The Pink Necromancer. Chapter 25: Where Are You Hiding That Horse? Mallac stormed into the room, without first knocking on the door. Whatever it was he was intending to say, was lost in the garbled gurgle of his throat as he stared, stunned and dumbfounded at the sight before him. Quaraun was laying face down on the floor, his arms and legs sprawled in various awkward positions. The Elf was passed out, not asleep. The Shetland pony that was laying on top of him. "What the hell..." Mallac exclaimed, as he stared at the scene before him and tried to process it. The Human''s scream had woken both the Elf and the pony. Quaraun pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked around blinking, not quite sure where he was or what was going on. "Oh dear," was the only thing Unicorn said, as he realized the Human had realized he was actually a horse. Gingerly he removed himself from the Elf. Knowing that Quaraun did not like anyone to see him naked and realizing that the Elf was still in a dazed drugged and drunken stupor, Unicorn took the Elf''s discarded pink dress and tossed it over him. "That''s not right!" Mallac yelled at the Elf. "You can''t be doing this. How''d you even get a horse in here?" "What?" Quaraun rolled over onto his back and stared up at the Human that was staring down at him. He still wasn''t fully awake. The sleepy Elf slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning. "You can''t being doing the nasty with a horse!" The soldier yelled. "A horse?" Quaraun asked as he looked around the room, trying to remember where he was and how he had gotten here. "Yes, that horse right there..." Mallac pointed to Unicorn who was now back in his Humanoid form and sitting on the floor grinning, trying not to burst out laughing. "Where''d it go? How''d you get in here? Where''s the horse? There was a horse there a minute ago." Mallac began going around the room moving furniture and looking up the bed, trying to find the missing pony. He stopped in front of Unicorn and demanded: "When''d you get in here?" "I been right here the whole time. I were fucking me Elf when yar came barging in and disturbed us." "There was a horse here." "Ya is seeing t''ings. It were only me and me Elf in the room." "I saw a horse." Quaraun yawned and stretched as he watched the Human argue with the Faerie. Quaraun slowly began to realize what had happened, and decided to go along with Unicorn''s current version of the truth, as he pushed himself up off the floor and began to dress himself. Quaraun pulled a full length mirror out of his tiny pink beaded heart shaped bag of holding and then pulled out a rack full of several pink beaded dresses, followed by a petal pink vanity table, a matching chair, and huge assortment of make up, and then set himself down to the very long process of putting his garish, pink and gold glittering makeup on. "What are you doing!" Mallac demanded as he stormed up the Elf. "I''m getting dressed," Quaraun answered, not looking away from the mirror. "What are you doing?" "Where did you put that horse?" "What horse?" "A little black, Shetland pony. It was right there." "You''re seeing things, Mallac." "That horse was on top of you having it''s way with you." "Ahhh!" Quaraun waved a gold armoured finger in the air. "That is where you are confused. No. Unicorn was fucking me when you so rudely interrupted us, and came barging in here without knocking. You in your wild imagination, saw Unicorn and thought you saw a horse, because of his name meaning Faerie Horse." "That''s not what happened." "Of course it is." "You had a horse in bed with you." "Are you sure you didn''t hit your head on door post on your way in here? You are a foot taller than me you know." The soldier put his face nose to nose with Quaraun''s. "I saw a horse." "Prove it." Quaraun kissed the Human''s nose. Quaraun turned back to his mirror and began painting neon pink gloss on his lips. "Give me that bag!" The hysterical Human grabbed the Elf''s pink purse. Quaraun shrugged and let the soldier pull away his bag of holding. "Where is it?" The man screamed. looking into the bag. "What do you expect to find in there?" Quaraun asked, as he painted a strip of glue to the edge of his bright pink flamingo feather false eyelashes, then delicately put it in place on his eyelid. "I know you hid that horse somewhere!" Quaraun laughed. "And you expect to find a horse in my makeup bag? Ha! Ha! You''re crazy, Mallac." Quaraun set about to putting his other huge, fluffy, pink feather eyelash on. Mallac reached his hand in the bag and pulled out ten gold coins. He stared blankly at the coins. "Keep them," Quaraun said, as he adjusted the ten gold armour rings that covered his long thin fingers, so he could brush his 12 foot long hair without them getting in the way. Mallac shook the bag trying to get something to fall out of it. He had just seen Quaraun take the mirror, desk, chairs, and rack of dresses out of this impossibly small bag and was convinced there was a horse hiding in the bag. He knew wizards were sneaky like that. But there was absolutely nothing in the bag but the ten gold coins he''d pulled out of it. Mallac turned the bag inside out and back right side out again. "How do you make this thing work?" The Human asked as he put his eye in the bag and tried to see anything inside of it. "I don''t know what you''re talking about Mallac." "Don''t lie to me, Wizard! I see you pulling stuff out of this bag all the time. It''s somehow bigger on the inside and you keep a king''s ransom of treasure in this thing. Now make it work!" "You''ve been hitting the bar too much, Mallac. Why don''t ya go home rest it off for bit?" "Don''t play coy with me, Wizard! I saw you playing brood mare to a horse. I know you hid it in this bag. Make it work!"The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. Quaraun shrugged, and took the bag from the Human, reached into it and pulled out a handful of pink ribbons and a silver tiara that glistened with rhinestones. He handed the bag back to Mallac, then set about to brushing two long pigtails high on top of his head, tying the bright neon pink ribbons folding his 12 foot hair into a more manageable walking length of four and half foot long glossy white hair, and then perched the little tiara on top of his head. Mallac reached into the bag and pulled out ten more gold coins. He stared at the coins in his hand. "You can keep them too," Quaraun said. "Now you''re as rich as the king. Think of what you can do with twenty gold coins, Mallac. That''s more then you''ll make in your lifetime. You can buy your own country, crown yourself king, build your own army. No more working for others." "Don''t try to bribe me, Wizard. There was a horse in here. I know it." Quaraun sighed. He was becoming increasingly annoyed by this Human. If it wasn''t for the fact that his leg still needed more time to heal from the Hellhound bite, he would have left this village by now. "Why are you even in my room, Mallac?" "There''s been another murder." "Of course there has. What else ever happens in this town? There''s a murder every day. But what does that have to do with barging into my room, uninvited, without even knocking, I might add." Quaraun got up from his chair and put it and the vanity table back into his bag. Mallac immediately grabbed the bag and reached in to pull the table and chair back out, but came out with an additional ten gold coins instead. "Look at that," Quaraun said cheerfully. "Now you got thirty gold coins. You can buy yourself a haram and fill it with pretty women. One assumes you like woman?" Mallac glared at the little bitty transvestite Elf. "Or do you like boys and all this hostility towards me and my personal sex life, which is in no way any of your business, actually just a cover for the fact that you really like boys but that''s not allowed in this village so you take your frustrations out on me by seeing horses where there are none and digging into my private affairs?" Mallac scowled and shoved the bag back at the pink Necromancer. "If it wasn''t for these murders, I''d have you trussed up and hung in the city center. Sexual deviants like you belong in stocks and bonds." "Well, at least you wouldn''t be the first to think of doing that to me. Seems to be the going trend these days. A guy likes dressing like a girl and having dicks stuffed up his ass, and therefore he has be tied up and humiliated by the deviate bastards who take sexual pleasure in sexually torturing his genitals as they are hung out on display for the men of the town to get their latent homoerotic desires out on him, seeing how the law won''t let them get their hands around another man''s dick otherwise." "You''re sick." "Just stating the facts as I know them. I''ve been hung in quite a few town squares before. I know for a fact that half the men of the village, are going to spend an inordinate amount of time grabbing the balls of the naked victim, just so they can get pleasure from watching him cum on their hands. Why don''t you save time and just grope me now. Then you can get it done in private without everyone in town watching you have an erection while you grope my balls in public?" Quaraun flipped his skirts up, holding the pink ruffled hems to his chest. "Here, why don''t I put them on display for you?" Mallac tossed the bag of holding back at the sluty, half naked Elf and stormed out of the room while screaming at the top of his lungs: "I don''t want to look at a she-male''s balls!" Quaraun let his skirts drop back to the floor as he stood watching the Human leave. Unicorn was still sitting on the floor beside the bed, now laughing hysterically. Quaraun turned to face the Faerie. "You were fucking me while you were a horse, weren''t you?" The Elf demanded. "Aye. But ya did say I could." "I did, didn''t I? Why did I do that? What did you give me?" Quaraun didn''t give Unicorn a chance to answer. "Did he just call me a she-male?" Quaraun asked. "Him did," Unicorn answered. "How utterly offensive! I am deeply offended. He has deeply offended me. I don''t like this village. The Humans are too uptight here. He called me a she-male! She-male? How dare he call me a she-male. I''m triggered on so many levels. I need a pickle. Here, finish packing my things up." Quaraun handed the bag of holding to Unicorn. "I''m going down to the kitchen to get a pickle." ~o0o~ A few minutes later Unicorn, now a Human, came down the stairs to find Quaraun screaming hysterically at one of the Humans who worked in the kitchen. "What is problem?" Unicorn asked Quaraun. "They are refusing to put pickles in my ice cream!" The Elf screamed while pointing a gold plated accusing finger at the Human holding a plate of pickles in one hand and a bowl of ice cream in the other. Unicorn stared at the Elf for a few seconds, wondering if perhaps Quaraun had miss-spoke. "Ya be WANTING pickles in ya ice cream?" "YES!" "Ah! Of course. Why did I no think of this. Insane Elf want insane t''ings. Here," Unicorn gave the bag of holding back to the enraged Elf. "Take, ya go sit ya pretty lil arse down. I fix this." "They..." "Nope!" Unicorn waved a hand in Quaraun''s face. "I chef. I fix. Go sit. Ya under too much stress." Quaraun grabbed his bag and stomped out of the kitchen, pink feathers and gold glitter wafting through the room behind him. "I tried to tell her..." the kitchen staff began to say. "Him," Unicorn corrected. "Him? Who?" "That male Elf. Him get mad iffy ya call him a she. Him already mad, because crazy Mallac just called him a she." "But..." "Ignore how him does look like. Pretend all men dress like that. It only way to reason with him." "Oh... uhm..." "Tell me what happened." "She... er ... he asked for a plate of pickles..." "Which I see ya has in ya hand." "Yes, and I gave it to her... uhm... him... and but she.. he... wouldn''t take it and started demanding ice cream instead, which we don''t normally have, we only have it because she keeps..." "Uh-uh." Unicorn shook his head. "What?" "He, not she." "Oh, yeah, we only have ice cream because he was demanding it when he first got here and you went and made it for us..." "Aye. So what problem now?" "Well, I gave her, him, her, his pickles and his ice cream and next thing I know she''s, he''s yelling at me because they are in two separate plates and he said it was supposed to be pickle ice cream not pickles and ice cream, but that''s not what he asked for, I swear..." "Un I believes ya. I does lives with him. I know what him is like. Why did ya not just mix them together in one bowl?" "He didn''t give me a chance to! He just started screaming and then you walked in." "Ah! Well. Give me plate." Moments later Unicorn was sitting down beside Quaraun. "Pickle ice cream, just what de queen bitch from blazing hell planet ordered," Unicorn said as he handed the bowl to Quaraun. "What is it with ya eating habits dis week?" "I always eat like this," Quaraun said as he devoured his pickle ice cream like he was half starved. "No ya do nae. I never seen ya eat like this. I hardly ever see ya eat at all. Yis look starved all bone, no flesh. Usually ya running around screaming ya can nae eat because ya gonna get fat. As if any fat would dare latch on to ya bones! Ya''s zap it with ya wand before it got a good grip on ya." "Are you suggesting I''m under weight?" "Heaven forbid I suggest ya was fat! I''d get wand stuffed up me nose." Quaraun glared at Unicorn. "It probably good t''ing ya is eating ice cream." "Why?" "Ya could stand to gain a few pounds, before ya melt away into nothing. I ain''t never seen an Elf as skinny as ya. Make it hard for me to fuck ya like I wants to. Too afraid ya gonna break if I slam into ya too hard." "You can slam into me as hard as you want." "Aye." "Quaraun!" An excited voice chirped from behind them. "Oh no!" Unicorn groaned as he recognized the voice of GhoulSpawn. The half-Elf sat down between Quaraun and Unicorn, without waiting to be invited. "There was another murder last night!" He said in a hush voice of excitement. Quaraun couldn''t tell if he was happily excited about the murder or scared excited. GhoulSpawn''s outward emotions seemed off from what was normal. "I''d heard," Quaraun said as he continued to eat his pickle ice cream. "You have to stop him," GhoulSpawn said very seriously. "What?" Quaraun looked up, not sure what the half-Elf meant. "Who?" "He enjoys pulling strings from the shadows, setting up wars that lead to the destruction of thousands and thousands of souls in his revenge," GhoulSpawn said quietly. "What are you talking about? Who does?" "This isn''t what I signed up for..." GhoulSpawn continued, completely ignoring Quaraun''s question. "GhoulSpawn. What are you talking about?" "I didn''t know he was killing people..." "You know who the murderer is, don''t you?" "I just wanted to find a place where I fit in. I''m a half-Elf and they were a group of half-Elves." "Who''s killing people around here?" "You''re a full blooded High Elf. You don''t know what it''s like for us half-Elves. No one accepts us. We''re always alone. I thought... I thought I''d a place I belonged. He''ll kill me if he finds out I''m talking to you." "Are you in danger?" "I didn''t know they were hurting people. I''m not one of them. I''m not like that. This isn''t what I signed u for. I didn''t know what they were doing. I''ve been trying to find a way to stop them." "Who?" "I don''t want more people to die. I''m not a strong enough wizard to stop them on my own. But you are. I''ve seen you do stuff. You can stop them. I know you can." "Who? GhoulSpawn stop who?" "Please. Stop him. Before he kills again." "Who is killing people?" GhoulSpawn suddenly jumped with a start, as if he heard something that terrified him. "I gotta go," he gasped in a frightened squeak. GhoulSpawn quickly jumped up and skittered back out of the tavern. "GhoulSpawn get back here! GHOULSPAWN!" The half-Elf was gone. Apparently vanished into one of his portals. "Well that was strange," Quaraun said as he watched the half-Elf disappear. "Him strange Elf," Unicorn agreed. "Wonder who he was talking about?" "HellBorne?" "That was my thought, but... You never know with him. He''s so scattered brained." "Ghouly is dat. Though I be thinking most Elves is." Chapter 26: The Hostess Twinkie Aisle of Biddeford Wal-Mart Quaraun and Unicorn, suddenly found themselves in another building, unlike anything they had ever seen before. Big as a town itself and filled with aisles of food. Fluorescent lights, blinking and flickering above them. "Where the Hell are we?" Quaraun asked Unicorn. "Does nah know. But people all is frozen." 21st century Humans stood around the freezer department, loading their shopping carts, but time had stopped for them, so now none could move. A familiar bleating sound came from the next alise. "Sheep. GhoulSpawn." Quaraun and Unicorn ran down the aisle to the next, but GhoulSpawn was not what they found.... "You!" Quaraun pointed an accusing finger are the ancient orange robed wizard, whom many centuries ago, used to be GhoulSpawn, but no longer was. "You did this!" The wizard did not answer them, instead, he sat in his red armchair and unwrapped Hostess Twinkies, breaking them apart and feeding them to his sheep. "Where are we?" "Earth. America. Maine. Biddeford. WalMart. Hostess Twinkie alise," The Gremlin said, not looking up. "What is tis place?" "It''s like a market. A big one. Merchants sell their food to WalMart at a discount and WalMart sells it to the people. The merchants name was, Walden or Walton or Waldorf or Waldo or something. Where''s Waldo? Hmmm. Haven''t seen a Waldo book in a while. I wonder if they still make those? It''s his market, thus the name WalMart. He also owns Sam''s Clubs. His name is Sam. Sam Walden. I think. I''m not sure." "What year is it now?" "2016. November." "Send us back." "No. You don''t want to go back." "Yes, I do." "No you don''t." "Send us back, right now!" "Twinkie?" Gremlin handed Quaraun a squishy yellow pastry. "What the Hell is that?" "Food. You''ll like it. Sugariest thing ever made." "Last time I took food from you it was poisoned." "Poisoned? I''m sorry, that should not have happened. What did I give you?" "Pink sugar cubes." "Ah! LSD. Oh dear. I should have told you how to take them. You melt one in Faerie Wine then drink the wine. Eating them like candy can be dangerous. I''m sorry. I had not meant to hurt you. You were in pain. As I recall, you were wounded. I gave them to you to help ease the pain. But a Twinkie is not medicine. It''s cake, with it''s frosting on the inside. The sheep love it." "You and your sheep. What are we doing here?" "Not dying." "What?" "I had to change your past again." "Why?" "I can''t let you die." "What?" "Had you continued on where you were, you would have died. Now you are here with me instead. Alive." Gremlin ate the Twinkie that Quaraun did not take from him. "What happened to all these people?" Quaraun pointed to the shoppers all standing frozen stiff. "I''ve stopped time. More or less. Or rather, time is moving so slow for them and so fast of us, that we move among them invisibly. A spell you taught me, when you killed my people. The day we meet. I''ve learned how to do it now. They can neither see nor hear us. Makes it easier." "Makes what easier? Stealing from them?" Gremlin shrugged as he pulled another Twinkie box off the shelf and began opening the cellophane wrappers and feeding more Twinkies to his sheep. The sheep, with pastel coloured wool, were all gathered around him begging. "It''s been how many hundred years since I meet you and your still a thief?" "Some habits die hard." "How do you keep bring us to these places?" "Portals." "You do magic I''ve never seen before," Quaraun said. "I''m a more powerful wizard than you ever was," Gremlin stated. "It''s called science. I use science with my magic and that''s why they locked me in White Rock. Solitary confinement for 400 years. Chained to the wall of a room, barely as big as a box. Not even tall enough for me to stand, not wide enough to lay down, I got too powerful. It scared them. They found a way to neutralize me and I couldn''t get out, not while the barrier was in place. They slid food in once a day, through a hole. I was taken prisoner after you died, locked in White Rock Asylum For The Criminally Insane and given a lobotomy, which damaged the Thullid living in my body. They put a needle in my eye and cut out part of my brain." "You''re a Thullid now?" "Yes. Like you. It would be nice if you could stop it. Prevent it from happening. I didn''t mean to kill your friend. I know you loved him." "What is White Rock? You mentioned it before. You said it was a place?" "It hasn''t been built yet. Not in your time at least. Here. In my time. White Rock rounded up the non-Humans partly to protect the non-Humans from the Humans and partly to allow the Realm of Fae to remain hidden from Humans, by not allowing the 7 billion Humans to ever encounter a non-Human. This was due to in the 1980s, a pharmaceutical lab, gathered up a bunch of non-Humans to do tests on them. Most of the test subjects died in horrifically agonizing ways, specifically via the Draize Eye Test. While the Fae who run White Rock had the right idea in mind (rescuing and protecting the non-Humans from the Humans), there were far too few workers to deal with the large amount of ''inmates'' and thus their methods were questionable at best, overcrowding a serious problem, and in many cases the Fae treated their captives far worse than they would have been treated by Humans."This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. "Seven billion Humans?" "Seven billion Humans. That was in the 1980s. It''s 2016 now. There are 8 billion. Soon 9. They are vastly over populated. And not enough food to feed them all. Even with places like this. This WalMart, and all it''s food, tens of thousands of Humans starve to death every single day. Only the wealthy can afford to shop at place like WalMart." "Why?" "This is the world after Ongadada. After the Humans gain full control. And White Rock stepped in. The solitary confinement cells in White Rock are very small. Little more than a closet, with only room to sit or stand and not big enough to stretch out or lay down. They have no windows. The only door is airlock sealed. The walls, floor, and ceiling are all padded and blindingly white. Inmates put in these, often go mad, from lack of anyone to talk to and having nothing but blank whiteness to look at. I went mad. People called you insane, but I actually am. There is a slot at the bottom of the door, which food is slid into each day. The person inside never sees their guard. The rooms have the ability to gas the patient, knocking them unconscious, so the guards and bath them and clean up after them. (There are no toilets or buckets in these cells.) If the inmate shows signs of waking up before the guards are done, they are injected and unconscious again. Some long lived inmates, like myself, have been in solitary confinement without ever seeing a person for more than a century. Solitary confinement is reserved for very dangerous criminals, or high risk of escape persons, such as wizards." "I''m sorry." "The worst part about White Rock, is no one knows it is there. It exists behind a Faerie Glimmer spell and is invisible to the world. Someone who has been inside, can see it after leaving. Once in a great while, someone escapes or is released, and when they try to tell people what they''ve been through, no one believes them. When they try to take people to the location where White Rock is, all they see is a forest covered hill, with a large white rock/boulder on top of it. It''s in Bridgetown, Maine is you ever want to see it. The big white rock. No building. No guards. No fence. No dogs. If you try to tell any one it is there, no one believes you and thinks you are crazy. This is why you''re GhoulSpawn became a recluse after his release... why he becomes me." "The Gremlin?" "The Gremlin. Yes. At first I had tried to tell people, but no one believed me, because no one could see it. I can still see it, but no one who had never been inside could. I tried to tell people of the others trapped inside and in need of help, but, everyone just laughs at me. Human psychiatrists diagnosed me as having schizophrenia. Realising the Faerie glimmer spell would never allow Humans to see the building, and thus no one would ever believe what had happened to me, I retreated into the forest and left society completely. I have a sheep farm now." "Who runs White Rock? Can''t you go back to his past, change his life, so White Rock doesn''t become?" "White Rock is run by a Phooka, a type of Faerie not known for their sensitivity or compassion. While he, Harrier, is more compassionate and much kinder than the average Phooka, his ways are still harsh and brash. One of his doctors, Checka, is lobotomy-happy, and if any inmate proves too feisty or tries to escape, the solution is simply to give them a hack and slash lobotomy that is often done incorrectly and does serious brain damage. Harrier is constantly at odds with this doctor as Harrier has a strict non-lobotomy policy and does not like to see his inmates harmed, as keeping them safe from Humans was his intended goal." "So Harrier is not the problem? Checka is?" "Yes. Don''t trust ZooLock. Never trust ZooLock." "Why ZooLock?" "The fact remains, Harrier, though his intentions are good, simply does not have the manpower or resources to handle the mass amount of overcrowding. Guards fearing that too many inmates together, make a strong crowd, will frequently beat inmates without any real cause. Inmates being beaten to death by guards happens more often than Harrier would like to admit. Starvation is a problem for some sectors of the building, as there are not enough guards and what few guards there are, and not good with keeping records. Some sections get forgotten or the guards will assume another guard already did the rounds or an illiterate guard may accidently mark the wrong place off in his record book. Some cell blocks have been known to go without food for days on end, before it is noticed they were forgotten at meal time." "What has that to do with ZooLock?" "Checka is easily frightened. It makes him do cowardly things." "Checka?" "You''ve not met him yet. You won''t meet him for a few hundred years, still." "I don''t understand." "There may be a dozen or more people in each cell. Each cell being small and shouldn''t have more than 4 people in it. Rarely do they have beds or blankets, often the concret floors are simply covered in hay. There may or may not be a bucket. None has a toilet or sink. Only a rare few have windows. The cells are made out of steel bars set in concrete and escape is near impossible." "In White Rock?" "Yes. In White Rock. Should one manage to escape, getting past the taser toting guards is difficult. If one gets out of the building, getting out of the yard alive in next to impossible. A massive double fence outlines the perimeter. Barbed wire at the top. The whole thing electric and controlled by an off planet space ship, that will incinerate you with lasers if you get over the fence. Inside the fence however, roaming the grounds, are fierce Hell Hounds that you''ll have to get past." "Hellhounds? Like the ones that bit me?" "No. Not like them. The very same ones. White Rock is where they came from. Black Shuck and White Wolf." Gremlin absently rubbed his wrist, as though it hurt. "What''s that?" Quaraun asked, pointing to the silver band on the Gremlin''s arm. "You don''t want to know." "Why?" "Forget you saw it." "Why?" "Because you loved GhoulSpawn and you really don''t want to know everything that has happened to him, since your death. It would break your heart." Tears filled the Gremlin''s eyes as he clutched his wrist. "I must go. I''ve been away too long." "Are you in pain?" "Very much." "That thing''s hurting you." "Yes. It is." "Is there something we can do. In the past. To prevent your suffering?" "I don''t think so. Not unless you can keep GhoulSpawn alive. And I don''t think you can. I think his death is a point in time that is fixed." "If you can come back in time to change things, can not that too be changed?" "No. Because if GhoulSpawn doesn''t die, I never exist. And I''m the one who invents time travel. Without me, there is no way to come back in time and keep him alive, so that I don''t ever come to exist." "There must be something we can do." "You have already set foot in Black Tower. I think is too late." "What is this?" Quaraun took hold of Gremlin''s wrist to examine the silver band, and was horrified to see that it not only went around his wrist, but was drilled through it as well. "Because of my ability to bypass locks and open portals, I was given a lobotomy to reduce my ability to control magic, then had this special kind of shackle put on my arm, allowing the guards to have some level of control over me." "It goes through your arm." "It goes through my bone." The silver coloured metal band fit seamlessly around his wrist, and had a bar in it''s center that passed through his wrist, piercing the bone. "It is made of silver plated Faerie Iron, a special metal that neutralizes magic and making it difficult to impossible for the wizard to cast spells. It''s imbedded with a microchip homing device (GPS) that can locate the wearer no matter where they are, even if they go through a portal. It also holds an electrical charge, which shocks the wearer, should they walk out of the assigned range of the band." "Electric charge?" "Like the blue lightning bolt from your Rainbow Wand. After the band was put on/through my arm, I was next straightjacketed and put in a solitary confinement cell, where I would remain for several centuries. The last thing I saw before being put in the padded cell, was my two best friends being viciously and brutally murdered by one of White Rock''s guards. I was not allowed to grieve, before immediately finding myself with a Faerie Iron band piercing my wrist bone, wrapped in a straight jacket and being locked in a padded cell." "This can''t happen." "It must happen. It will happen. It already has happened." "We must be able to change it." "If you can, please do. Please end my suffering. I believe, enough time has passed, that you may go back now. But I must warn you, don''t trust ZooLock, stay away from HellBorne..." Gremlin turned to address Unicorn for the first time: "Should the chandeliers come, there''s a cave, not far from Black Tower. Go there. You''ll find a friend. You''ll need him. I don''t know if you can prevent what''s coming, but if you can''t, Quaraun is gonna get hurt very badly. Very soon. If he does. Take him to Crystal Cave, at the edge of Crystal Lake, under Crystal Falls, beside Suicide Island, and the mouth of Blueberry Gorge. You''ll find an old friend living there." "Who?" Quaraun asked. "Not someone you know. You haven''t meet him yet. But Unicorn has. He''s an old friend of Unicorn''s, from a long time ago. In a place far away. He came here searching for his father, but never found him, and so now he lives in Crystal Cave. With at least one of his sons. If you can help me now in my time, to not suffer so much, it''ll be through him and his son. Find them and perhaps, you can change your GhoulSpawn''s future." Before Quaraun had a chance to respond, WalMart whirled around him, and vanished, leaving he and Unicorn back where they had started. "What happened?" GhoulSpawn asked, seeing them back. "I don''t know," Quaraun said looking around very confused. "I think you of the future just saved my life. Would I have died had we not vanished?" "Yeah Maybe. I think so." GhoulSpawn pointed to the chandelier on the ground. A massive structure weighing several hundred pounds. Now shattered on the floor in the spot Quaraun and Unicorn had been in moments before. Chapter 27: HellBorne The Evil, Lord of Black Tower, Summoner of The Darkness Quaraun and Unicorn found themselves once again overlooking another murder site. "Tonight''s victim was Marissa," Mallac said. "Single she-Elf. Widowed three years ago. Her husband you killed a freak accident. " "What do you define as a freak accident?" Quaraun asked. "Stampede of Satanic bulls. " "Stampede of bulls?" "Yep. Bulls straight from the pit of Hell. Glowing eyes. Flaming horns..." "Hell Bulls?" "Yep, barreled right over him, Her youngest son is kind of slow. Stupid. Kind of, well, almost like you in a way..." "The village idiot you mean?" "Well I wouldn''t put it that way." "How would you put it?" ''''Well, humph, I... well, anyways, she is very protective of her youngest son and after her husband died she couldn''t run the farm on her own, not and take care of the idiot child too, so she sold the land and has been living off the money, here she is." Mallac pointed to the body laying face down in the road, just ahead. A large pool of blood was forming around the body and had not yet soaked Into the dirt. Quaraun stood staring at the dead sheElf and went into a trance like state as he stared at the blood. A few seconds later Quaraun was laying passed out on the ground. "Great. There him go again," Unicorn muttered as he waited for Quaraun to come to. ''Is he alright?" Mallac asked, looking down at the unconscious Elf. ''''Oh he be fine," Unicorn answered. "This happen all time. Every day. Few times a day." "What just happened?" "Him saw dead body." "I thought he was a Necromancer." ¡°He is." ''''Then what just happened?" ''''He faint at sight of blood. We go through this every day." ¡°But he''s a Necromancer" "Aye," ¡°Doesn''t he work with blood and cadavers and stuff?" "He does. It why we go through this every day. Him no stomach for dead things. Him way better in bed then him is in lab." ¡°But..." Mallac stared at the unconscious Necromancer. ¡°How does he get any thing done?" "With great difficulty,¡± Quaraun answered. "Help me up." "What just happened to you?" Mallac asked as Unicorn helped the weak Elf back to his feet. ''''I keep telling you, I''m in need of rest. I''m sick. I''m tired. I''m injured. I have catalepsies. I have fainting spells. My corset''s too tight. He put a damned chastity cage on me. And you won''t let me rest. That''s what happened." ¡°You''re supposed to be investing this murder. Not laying on The ground," "Laying on the ground? LAYING ON THE GROUND! DID YOU NOT HEAR A WORD I JUST SAID!?! I fainted, you idiot bastard of a Human! I''m sick. I''m wounded. I haven''t slept in days. I need rest. And investigating this murder isn''t my job. It''s your job. I''ve got half a mind to kill you and feed you to my Unicorn. You are so darned annoying!¡± "Him be Human . What more ya expect?" "Humans aren''t usually this annoying." "He be a white Human. They is worse then the rest. Him white Human in Old Orchard Beach, ten times worse then any other white Human yis ever meet. I should change me skin colour to be ten times darker. See how fast it takes the white power jackasses of this town to kill me today." Unicorn promptly changed his skin colour to an even darker shade. "Will you stop doing that!" "Why?" "Because I''m tired of the angry mobs of this town trying to kill us because you''re black. And you''re not even black to begin with. You''re only being black to piss them off." Exactly." "You''re trying to get a mob after us." "Of course I is." "Why are you trying to drive me crazy." "Yis already insane. Me no thinks ya need much help." "Will you two pay attention?" Mallac asked. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" Quaraun shrieked at the solider. "We have another murder here..." "I DON''T CARE!" "How dare you raise your voice to me, Elf." "I''ll raise my voice to any body I want, you damn fucking, Human." "Igit almost as arrogant as ya be," Unicorn said. "Almost as white as ya. Must be something to do with ya skin colour." "Unicorn." "What?¡± ¡°Shut up.¡± ¡°Why?¡± "You''re annoying me." ¡°Aye un ya canna do anything about it. " "Why?" ¡°Because ya will no let anyone else touch ya un ya addicted to being fucked." "You was not this annoying when you was BoomFuzzy. " "Oh, no I was probably worse. I was being white back then. Had to act like stuck up holier then though white rich boy, ya know." "Will you two pay attention to me?'''' Mallac demanded. Mallac had been talking the entire time the Elf and Faerie had been arguing, but neither Quaraun or Unicorn had been listening. ¡°Shut the fuck up!¡± Unicorn yelled at Mallac. ¡°We is conversating.¡± ¡°I''m trying to show you...¡± Mallac went on, but no one was listening. Quaraun was white and Unicorn was currently black, and they were both now making racists slurs at each other based on each other''s skin colour. Neither were actually mad at the other, as this banter of picking on each other was a daily habit they had developed and often ended with the two of them in bed together. Mallac continued to try to draw their attention to the murder victim, but they were two busy arguing to care about what Mallac was saying. At last Mallac grabbed hold of Quaraun and forcibly dragged him to the body. ¡°Let go of me!¡± The enraged Elf shrieked. ¡°I''m trying to show you something!¡± "Mallac! STOP TOUCHING ME! Why don''t you just do your job and leave us alone?" Quaraun said. "Did you hear anything I just said?" ¡°No!¡± ''''No?" ¡°No." ''''What do you then no?" "No. means, no.. I don''t know what Else it could mean." "Why weren''t you listening to me?" ¡°I was talking to my Unicorn.¡± ¡°He''s not a Unicorn. He''s a nigger.¡± ¡°Why are you bothering us?¡± ¡°You are supposed to be listening to me!¡± ''''I was not aware I had to." "When I talk, you listen. That is the way it is.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°BECAUSE I''M IN CHARGE! I''M THE SUPERIOR COMMANDER HERE. YOU''RE NOTHING BUT A TWO BIT ELF, AN INCOMPETENT DIME A DOZEN WIZARD. I''M IN CHARGE. I GIVE THE ORDERS. I SAY YOU''RE SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO ME. NOW SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!¡± "Told ya,¡± Unicorn said. ¡°He white. White ones is always the worst.¡± Mallac began to repeat whatever it was he had said before, but once again Quaraun wasn''t listening. Unicorn watched as Quaraun''s eyes widened with fear, his long rabbit ears perked high over his head, alert with a sense of danger. Unicorn looked around and listened, but whatever it was that was agitating Quaraun, he wasn''t seeing or hearing it. Unicorn edged closer to the suddenly frightened Elf. "What wrong?" "I feel the same presence I felt before,¡± the wizard said as he avoided looking at the bloody body on the ground before him. "Something''s wrong. None of this is right. Do you sense an illusion?" "No. But ye does?" "I''m not sure." Quaraun turned and looked up at the lighthouse. "We''re closer to it now." "The tower?" "Yeah. Something''s not right with that tower. I can feel it. But I don''t know what I feel. Something''s blocking it. There''s psyions here." "Aye. Whole town be over run with Thullids." "Thullids out in the open. In broad day light. They''re planning something. And they don''t want me to know. They''re putting up barriers, so I can''t see what they''re doing. There''s a big illusion here. And these murders are connected. Mallac..." Quaraun called the solider over. "What do you know about that tower?" "Black Tower?" Mallac looked up at the lighthouse. "That''s HellBorne''s house. Strange one that. Just showed up one night. Wizard''s tower." "Showed up. Wasn''t built?" "Nope. Showed up about a year ago. Maybe two. Then all these half-Elves showed up. Now the Thullids. And they''re all wizards. Every last one of them." "And you don''t think the murders are connected to the tower?" "Nah. HellBorne''s lived here for years. Crazy old coot, but he''s harmless." "What about the half-Elves that live with him, know anything about them?" "Don''t see many of them. Bitter bunch of bigots. Other then that yellow one with the sheep, they rarely come into town." "Couldn''t imagine why." "They certainly hate Elves enough to kill every Elf they see."A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. "I want to see the tower. How do you get to it?" "You don''t. It''s guarded by Death Mages. Necromancers. Geists. Ghouls. Demons. Liches." "Liches?" "Liches." "And Death Mages?" "Yep." "And HellBorne''s harmless?" "Yeah. Crazy, but harmless." "But not the half-Elves that live with him?" "Nah." "It is definitely the same killer as the last one,¡± Unicorn said, looking at the wounds. ¡°I don¡¯t understand the red glow,¡± Quaraun said, glancing at the body then turning back to look at Black Tower. ¡°That is strange." "What red glow?" Mallac asked. "I keep seeing a red glow. An evil aura. I don''t understand it. I''ve never seen that before. I don''t know what it means." Quaraun was about to say more but a sound behind him made him turn. A small boy ran Into the bushes. "That''s him!" Mallac screamed. "Who?" "The boy." "What boy? " ¡°That boy! Quick grab him!¡± Mallac pushed Unicorn and pointed towards the boy that had run off into the bushes. ¡°Ya wants me to catch somet''ing? Why?¡± ¡°That''s the victims son, The one I was telling you about." "When I was no listening, ya means?¡± "Catch him!" Mallac screamed. He and his men ran into the forest after the boy, leaving Quaraun and Unicorn alone with the body. "Can you catch the boy without scaring him?" Quaraun asked Unicorn. "Of course. Catching small children is a hobby of mine. I eats little boys remember?" "Can you catch him without eating him?" "Aye." "Those men are gonna traumatize him chasing him like that. If this is his mother. He''s already traumatized." "Bad memories?" "Yes." Quaraun closed his eyes, trying to block out the memory of seeing his own mother''s murder. He had only been 9 years old. "Ya wants that boy?" "Yes. She was only just killed. The boy probably saw the killer. We need to talk to him." "I shall get him." Unicorn transformed into a sweet looking, shaggy little black Shetland pony with a gleaming silver horn and trotted off into the woods after he boy. Quaraun sat down on the ground and waited for the others to return. He had only been alone a short while before an extremely ancient looking, elderly half-Elf, wearing long black velvet robes covered in gold skull embroidery, came tottering over to him. "Are you alright, my songbird?" "What?" Quaraun wasn''t sure if he''d heard right. "Ain''t seen you before," the ancient half-Elf said. "I''m just passing through," Quaraun answered not looking up. "Are you a wizard?" ''''I am. What makes you ask?¡± "You look like a wizard." "Most people think I look like a prostitute." "That''s because they don''t know a DiJinn when they see one." "You''ve studied magic." "Yes." ¡°What are you doing here with the body?¡± ¡°Waiting for Mallac. He seems to think I can solve the murder.¡± ¡°Can you?¡± ¡°Probably, if it was any interest to me, which it isn''t.¡± ¡°Why is is of no interest to you? I would think a Necromancer would find murder very interesting.¡± ¡°Who said anything about Necromancers?¡± Quaraun looked up at elderly Half-Elf standing over him. ¡°People around town have been talking. Said Mallac brought a Necromancer in to solve the murders. And here you are, a DiJinn Wizard Priest, sitting beside a murder victim. It is a simple matter of logical deduction to assume you are the Necromancer.¡± ¡°I suppose.¡± ¡°Why do you not resurrect the body and ask her who killed her?¡± ¡°Resurrecting a body is not that simple. Besides, I resurrect flowers.¡± ¡°Flowers?¡± ¡°Roses.¡± ¡°Not bodies?¡± ¡°Nope.¡± ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°It''s messy and I faint at the sight of blood.¡± ¡°Which would explain why you''ve got your back turned to the body.¡± ¡°Yea.¡± ¡°Why are you helping Mallac?¡± ¡°He''s not giving me a choice.¡± ¡°But you''re a wizard.¡± ¡°So?¡± ¡°A powerful wizard wouldn''t let anyone push him around.¡± ¡°A smart wizard wouldn''t let anyone know how powerful he is,¡± Quaraun said. ¡°What do you make of these murders?¡± ¡°Someone is building a Lich.¡± ¡°What makes you say that?¡± ¡°Is it not obvious?¡± ¡°It is, to someone who has studied the art of Lich making, but it''s a lost art and banned by the Guild.¡± ¡°As is Necromancy, but here you are.¡± ¡°Yes, well, murder is banned by the Guild as well. So now the Guild is dead.¡± ¡°The Guild is dead?¡± ¡°I killed them.¡± ¡°Did you now?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± "You look ill." Quaraun pointed towards the dead body without looking at it. "I''m not used to seeing stuff like that," he said to the old man. "Are you not a Necromancer?" "What does that have to do with anything?" "I would think you''d be used to seeing corpses and blood." "Why would I be used to seeing such horrid things?" "Are you not a Necromancer?" "I am. But again. What does that have to do with it?" "Working with dead bodies is what you do." "No it isn''t." "Aren''t you a Necromancer?" "Yes. But I abhor death, avoid corpses, and I faint at the sight of blood, all of which have nothing to do with Necromancy. What is wrong with everyone in this town? Why doesn''t anyone know what Necromancy is?" "Necromancers resurrect the dead." "In fairy tales, yes." Quaraun shook his head in dismay as he spoke. "Not in real life. That''s silly. A Necromancer is someone who can see and hear ghosts." "Do you not travel with an undead Faerie?" "Yes." "And did you not resurrect him, yourself?" "Yes, but not because I''m a Necromancer." "No?" "No." "Why then?" "I have a JellyFish living in my head. She does whatever she wants to do. I don''t seem to be given much of a choice." "You really are insane, aren''t you?" Quaraun looked up at the old man, then looked back down at the ground. He hated when people called him insane. He hated it more when people did not believe that there was an alien JellyFish living in his skull, feeding off his brain. Quaraun always spoke the truth, he found it difficult to tell a lie, and found it terribly frustrating when people thought him to be telling a lie. He also never trusted any one who thought he was lying, because he believed any one who assumed he was lying, must themselves be a person prone to lying otherwise they would have no reason to suspect others of telling lies. Quaraun immediately decided he did not like this old man and that the old man must be lying about something otherwise he would not have just now accused Quaraun of lying. "You annoy me," Quaraun said at last. "And pray tell, how have I done such a thing?" "I''m not insane." "Every one says you are." "Every one''s full of shit." "You have a bitter tongue." "As is my right." "How so?" "I''m sick. I''m tired. I hurt. And I''m fed up with this town, it''s murders, and it''s half assed population of idiotic, retarded, dolts." "What have you against this town?" "Other then the fact that it''s primary population seems to be Human and half-Elves?" "Have you something against Humans and half-Elves?" "Humans are a parasitic plague taking over the planet, and half-Elves are their mongrel offspring." "You do not like half-Elves?" "They are mutated hybrids, half of them are born sterile as mules, as they should be. They are a corruption and a perversion of our previously perfect race." "You mean the High Elves, like yourself." "I mean nothing else." "You''re an arrogant young fool, aren''t you?" Quaraun stood up to face the old man eye to eye, a difficult task, Quaraun being so short, the old man''s chin was eye level to him. "I happen to be the purest of the pure blooded High Elves. My blood isn''t muddied like your''s." "You''re also dressed like a woman." "How I dress is none of your concern." "But you hate half-Elves?" "No. You can''t help the sins of your parents. I pity your kind." "And yet are you not friends with a half-Elf?" "Am I?" "GhoulSpawn seems to consider you a friend." "GhoulSpawn?" The mention of GhoulSpawn''s name got Quaraun''s attention. Not many people in town mentioned the resident sheep loving Demon-Elf Chaos Wizard. "He certainly spends enough time with you." Quaraun did not answer. He stepped back from the old man to get a better look at him. The ancient half-Elf continued talking. "He''s not getting his work done, he''s spending so much time with you." Quaraun narrowed his eyes and continued to examine the old man. "It''s become very frustrating to never know where he''s run off to, because he''s always off with you of late." Quaraun stepped away from the old Half Elf, then turned to look down at the dead body. He twitched his ears nervously then turned back to the old half-Elf. "In fact he''s late right now. Can''t for the life of me figure out where he''s gotten to this time. Certainly not gallivanting off with you. You''re right here and he''s not." "You only have one arm," Quaraun said. "Does that bother you too?" "No. I just rather assumed there wouldn''t be too many one armed half-Elves in one village." "Have you seen another?" "No. You''re the first. That''s why I mentioned it." "Do you know this woman?" Quaraun pointed to the body, but the old half-Elf never took his eyes off Quaraun. "I make a point of never getting to know the villagers. Humans are as much a waste of my time as Elves are." "GhoulSpawn said the half-Elves ''round here didn''t like either Humans or Elves." "No Human or Elf ever gave a half-Elf a reason to like them. Evil bastards every one." "Indeed." Quaraun looked down at the dead woman. "You don''t know her?" "Should I?" Quaraun looked back at the old one armed half-Elf. "There''s been a murder every night this week." "So I''ve heard. This is the 6th one." "Sixth?" Quaraun puzzled over this. "Have you any thoughts on the murders?" "Necromancy ritual." "You think?" "Most certainly." "Mallac doesn''t think so." "Mallac''s a fool." "Indeed." Quaraun looked down at the dead woman again. "There were two murders last night, you know?" "Were there? I hadn''t heard." "Yes. Woman killed her abusive husband. Dragged him out here, made it look like part of these serial killings. Was easy enough to see it wasn''t connected." "How so?" "He was killed elsewhere and dragged here. But not the others. The others were drugged. Bond. Laid out. And killed on location. Ritual murder. This one''s different though." "Is it?" "Yes. We interrupted the killer before he could finish. She''s dead, but he blood hasn''t been drained. Her organs have not yet been removed. The killer is still in the area. He hasn''t had time to leave yet. He''s still here." "Are you accusing me of killing this woman?" "No." Quaraun stepped back again. "You are HellBorne," Quaraun said. "You sound surprised." "I had not expected you to be so old." "I am HellBorne the Evil, Summoner of The Darkness, the Great and Mighty Overlord of the Evil Black Tower of the Dark Castle of Doom." Quaraun looked past the old wizard to the black lighthouse teetering off the distant cliffs. There was no castle beside Black Tower, nor any sign that there had ever once been anything other then the lighthouse sitting on it''s perch. "Castle of Doom?" "Yes," HellBorne said sadly, shaking his head in dismay and looking back in deep forlorn at his Black Tower. "Alas, she did not come with the Tower. She is still trapped in the Mushroom Forest back on Planet Ptarmagin." Quaraun raised a questioning eyebrow and began to think the man insane. "The Kats are trapped here with her," HellBorne added. "Cats?" Quaraun inquired, remembering the two cats he had seen so many times the past few days. "What cats?" "We call them the Ptarmagin Kats. Don''t know what else to call them. Not like any earthly cats that''s for sure." "Do you suggest the Tower and the cats came here from another Realm?" "But of course." "Are they Faerie cats?" "No. Nothing like that. Not from any Realm we know. From up there." HellBorne pointed up to the stars overhead. ¡°I wouldn''t mind talking to you again,¡± the old half-Elf said. ¡°You''re a Half-Elf, why would I want to talk to you?¡± ¡°Because you seem to have trouble talking with anyone, on account of my house is distracting you.¡± Quaraun stopped staring at Black Tower and looked up at the old Half-Elf. ¡°You''re house is fascinating.¡± ¡°I can see you see that.¡± ¡°Would you sell it?¡± ¡°Sell my Black Tower? I will never sell Space Dock 13.¡± ¡°Space Dock 13?¡± ¡°That is what the Kats call it.¡± ¡°Cats?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°I keep seeing cats.¡± ¡°Do you now?¡± ¡°A black cat. With a jeweled collar.¡± ¡°And a white one too I suppose?¡± ¡°Yes. You know them?¡± ¡°They lived here before I did.¡± ¡°No one else sees them. Everyone thinks I''m insane. I keep seeing things no one else does.¡± ¡°You must be Quaraun the Insane, famous serial killing Necromancer. Evillest of all evils to ever live. The Darkness we summon forth.¡± ¡°I am Quaraun. Though I wish people would stop calling me insane. I don''t like it. And I''m hardly evil. I noticed you not noticing the body." ¡°What?¡± ¡°You haven''t yet looked at that body. Not once. Yet you''ve been talking about it.¡± "Oh no I saw the guards earlier the first time they were here, before they brought you back here with them.¡± ¡°And you just hung around?¡± ¡°I try to avoid them. Doesn''t do to get involved with Mallac. I guess you''ve figured that out...'' ''''Yes, I have." A sound rustled in the bushes near by. "Well, I''ll be off,¡± HellBorne said suddenly. ¡°Got to get home before the sun comes up. Nice talking to you." The old half Elf made his way towards the Black Tower and Quaraun considered following him, but just then Unicorn returned carrying a small half-Elf boy. The first thing Quaraun noticed was that the boy was covered with blood. "You didn''t hurt him did you?¡± "No. Him was like this when I found him. Poor ting." Quaraun wasn''t sure what to do with children. It had been centuries since his own children had died and he''d not dealt with children since then. He had quite forgotten how to interact with them. "What does we do with him? ''''Unicorn asked. "I know not. I don''t know why the Humans were chasing him." "Does we know who he is?" "No." Quaraun looked at the boy and then the dead sheElf ''''I think it''s her son. Mallac called him the victim''s son. We should take him somewhere else. Mallac said she had a son that she was very protective of I would assume this to be him." Unicorn set the boy down, but kept bold of his hand. "Where do we go with him?" ''''I don''t know." Quaraun looked around. He stared at Black Tower. He felt drawn to the tower. He wanted desperately to go that way, but something inside him told him not to take the boy there. "We should go back to the tavern." "With a child?" ZooLock asked. "When did you get here?" Quaraun looked around. He had not seen ZooLock earlier. "I followed you out here." "No you didn''t. There''s been no one here but HellBorne." "HellBorne?" Unicorn asked. "Ya met HellBorne?" "Yes. And I don''t like him. He lied to me just now. He''s hiding something." "Is him the killer?" "No. I don''t think he is. But I do think he''s involved." "How come for ya no t''inks it him?" "He''s too old, too frail, too weak, too crippled. He hasn''t got the strength to carry a body. But I do think he''s involved. I think he''s the one giving the orders. Every murder victim has been an Elf. He hates Elves. Bring the boy. I don''t want to be here when Mallac gets back." "What we do with body?" "Leave it. It''s not our concern. We need to go back to the tarven. Bring the boy." "You can not take the boy to the tavern," ZooLock demanded stubbornly. "''No place else we can go, is there?" "''No place that I can think of,¡± ZooLock said. "Then why do you object?" "You''re going to take a child to a tavern? One with a brothel?" "The women there are better adapt to caring for children than anyone else in this town. Half of them are pregnant. Most of them already have several children. Some of them have born my children." "Yes, I am aware of this." "Most of them will have GhoulSpawn''s children by the end of the year. There''s at least three that want mine. In my experience, prostitutes are far better at taking care of children, then the average woman. They have to be. They have more children then the average woman." "And YOU would know that?" "Yes. I would. For your information, I''ve spent the last 300 years of my life living in taverns. I''m well acquainted with prostitutes. I don''t like sleeping alone. Unicorn''s only been with me the last 10 years." "Prostitutes are not cheap...." "I''m the Grand High Emperor of the Triple Planets. And I killed a dragon. Three hundred years of prostitutes every night doesn''t make a dent in my gold." "You''re supposed to be a virgin." "Sorry to disappoint you, but I happen to be an Elf. When was the last time you met an Elf who didn''t have a dozen wives, several hundred concubines, and a few thousand prostitutes on the side?" "You''re supposed to be a virgin." "Well, I''m not. Get over it ZooLock!" Quaraun grabbed Unicorn''s arm. "Come on." Quaraun and Unicorn went back to the tavern, Unicorn carrying the small boy, who was clinging to the Phooka''s neck, leaving ZooLock alone with the dead woman. Back at the tavern, Unicorn tucked the boy in bed and waited for the boy to fall asleep, while Quaraun set out to drawing a map of the town and marking the locations of the murders. Once the boy had fallen asleep, Unicorn joined Quaraun and watched silently as the Elf, drew a large red star on the map. "Wat dat?" "I connected the dots of the murder locations and it makes a 7 point star. Almost. One point is missing. The next murder is gonna be at Black Tower. See?" Quaraun pointed to the lighthouses location on the map and the fact that it lined up with the missing point on the star. "Did ya really spend ya nights with prostitutes?" "What?" "Ya told ZooLock was spent every night of ya 300 years alone, living in taverns and sleeping with prostitutes." "I''m not in the habit of lying, Unicorn." "Aye. I knows it. I also knows ya does no like sticking ya dick in a cunt." "I didn''t say I did." "No. Ya did." "Unicorn... I said I didn''t like sleeping alone." "And?" "I paid women to sleep with me. Doesn''t mean I fucked ''em." "Ya paid women to sleep in ya bed wid ya, but not have sex wid ya?" "Yes." "Why do I believe that be exactly what ya did?" "Because I don''t like having sex with women and you know that." "How many prostitutes get to hear a man tell them he wants to sleep with them, un have him actually mean sleep not sex?" "Is there something wrong with that?" "Yis strange Quaraun." Chapter 28: The Map of The Town "All things bend to help that man," a barmaid muttered as she brought Quaraun another bottle of Faerie Wine. "Mallac?" the Elf asked. "Yep." "What''s with him, anyways?" "Coward of a soldier," the barmaid said. "Got stationed to guard duty of this no account village. You know, us hicks out here in the sticks, where he can''t embarrass his commanding officers. Gave him a big head though. This job is punishment duty and everyone knows it, except Mallac. Mallac and his pack of cowards. If any one ever stood up to him, he''d turn tail and run. Every last one of them would. It''s why they are not out on the battlefront fighting the war. Tough bunch of bullies they are here in town, but you challenge any of them and they just turn tail and run away with their tails between their legs." "Really?" "Yeah. All bark and no bite. That''s why they can''t solve the murders. Mallac ain''t got the guts to face a murderer. All he knows how to do is be a big fat bully, pushing little people around. The smaller they are the bigger of a bully it makes him feel. It''s why he singled you out, you''re being a little guy and al. No offence." "None taken." "I really think that''s why he picked you. You know. Because you''re well..." "Short?" "Yeah. He always picks on little guys, like you and your friend there. Thinks cause he''s bigger, that it gives him the right to push others around." "I grew up with people like him. I know how to deal with bullies. I''m thinking, Mallac could do with having someone stand up to him." "Ha! That''ll be the day." "You find that thought funny?" "No one''s ever gonna stand up to Mallac. Whole towns scared of him. Most people round here are more scared of Mallac then they are those half-Elves up in the old lighthouse." "HellBorne?" "Yeah. Him. Ha ha! Silly old man. He thinks he''s a wizard." "Is he not?" "No! Of course not. He''s more of a Witch. You know uses potions and stuff. He used to help people in the village, before he lost his arm." "How''d that happen?" "Don''t know. He got beat up. Never was sure if it was an Elf or a Human what did it. Either way he''s hated both Elves and Humans ever since. Locked himself up in that tower, never comes down to the village any more.None of them do, except GhoulSpawn and he ain''t lived with them long. He doesn''t really fit in with them. I got the impression he''s sort of a drifter and won''t be staying long." "You know GhoulSpawn?" Quaraun asked. The girl giggled. "You''ve slept with GhoulSpawn?" "Who in this town hasn''t?" "Good point. He does does seem to have a way with women." "He''s soooooo fluffy. Like a teddy bear." "Yes," Quaraun agreed. "All that long wool of his." "Did you know him?" the bar maid asked. "I see him talking to you a lot." "We''ve meet a few times. I was injured by some soldier a year ago and he was in the area, saw what happened. Took me in. Took care of me until I was able to travel again. Then we crossed paths again. Got caught in a storm, ended up seeking shelter in the same place. Then I ran into him again here. He seems to have a strange habit of showing up whenever I''m in trouble and need help." "Mallac''s been saying you gonna solve these murders. Are you?" "Solve them? Eh. There''s not much to solve." "What do you mean?" "It''s pretty obvious what''s going on." "Really?" "Yeah." "You know who''s doing the murders then?" "More or less." "Are you gonna tell Mallac?" "I''ve tried to already. He doesn''t seem to listen to me. I''m just an Elf, after all." "Yeah, that''s Mallac for you. Soldier ain''t got the guts to go to war, gets stuck with guarding a village miles from the war. He thinks it''s a great honour and now he bosses the whole town around..." "You sound like you don''t like living in this town." "I don''t." "Why do you stay?" "Travel costs money." "What would you do if you had the money?" "Head West. Go to the city. Get a real job. Work in a mercantile." Quaraun took the girl''s hand and with placed 10 gold coins in her palm. "You go do that. Leave tonight. Follow your dreams." The girl stared at the coins dumbfounded. "I can''t take this," she finally said. "Yes, you can." "But..." "I don''t need it. You''ll make better use of it then I will. All I''ll do is drink it away in taverns." "But..." "I have plenty more. Go." The girl left the table. Elwin, who had been sitting beside Quaraun, climbed up on his lap, hugging the Elf''s neck. "What it with ya children?" Unicorn asked. "What do you mean?" "Kids always like ya." "I like children." "I hate being Human," Elwin said. "What''s it''s like not being a Human?" "You''re not all Human. Your mother was an Elf." "No one likes half-Elves." "So I''ve been told. Don''t suppose you know why there are no children in this town, do you?" "There used to be." "And now they''re gone?" The boy nodded. "And you''re the last one." The boy nodded again. "So you''ve lost your family and your friends." "I didn''t have no friends." "No?" The boy shook his head. "Why not?" "I''m a half-Elf. I''m not allowed to have friends." "So yang," Unicorn said. "Already him know prejudice." "He grew up in a Human village, with white Americans, no less. What else would you expect? I''ve never meet a white American Human yet who had a kind or decent bone in their body. All they know how to do is bully every one who is not them and kill those that don''t fall into submission. Getting Elwin out of Humans hands may well be the best thing for him." "We is taking the boy wid us?" "Yes." "Why?" "His family was murdered. He doesn''t have anyone. If we leave him here, these damn half-Elf hating Humans will kill him with a week''s time."Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. "hat does we know of raising children?" "I had four children of my own." "And we know how well that went." "I think there is a bigger problem in this town. One that no one is willing to talk about. There children have all gone missing and not one of the parents is consirned enough to make a fuss." "Meaning?" "Meaning, they know what happened to their children and refusing to talk about it. And you heard ZooLock. He said that cult he joined up with was sacrificing babies. Well what do cultists sacrifice when they run out of babies?" "What?" "Children. I think the Thullid cult has a bigger hold on this village then we realize. And I think these murders are nothing but a diversion to get us looking the wrong way. It is a coincidence the murders started right when we arrived? I don''t think so." Mallac returned with a giant map. Shoved everything off the table and slammed the map down in front of Quaraun. Elwin hugged the Elf tighter, clearly afraid of the Human towering over them. "Now if you look over here," Mallac said, pointing to the map. Quaraun didn''t hear the rest, as he found the embroidery on the soldier''s uniform to be utterly fascinating and started counting the thread stitches wondering how difficult it would be to recreate the same pattern on one of his dresses. As Mallac continued talking, Quaraun''s mind wandered back to his youth, when the Moon Elves were still alive and he had a tailor''s shop. Back when he was nothing but a simple wizard for hire as a pastime and a tailor as a career. That was 400 years ago. Things had changed quite a lot. Now he barely had time to sew his own clothes, let alone sew clothes for others. Being a wizard had become far more complicated than he had anticipated. People like Mallac came to him for help all the time now. He barely had time to sleep. As of this moment, he hadn''t slept in days. He was so tired. "Are you listening to me?" Mallac yelled, snapping Quaraun out of his thoughts. Quaraun had no idea how much time had passed. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. As it was now nearing sunset, it must have been hours. The sunset was causing a reflective light on the soldier''s uniform. Quaraun quickly sunk back into his thoughts of embroidery, his brain drifting sleepily into dreamtime. "You''re doing it again!" "What?" Quaraun asked, blinking and he sat up wondering why the man was yelling at him. "Stay awake!" "That is easier said then done. I''ve not slept in days." "Have you heard anything I said?" "No." "No?" "No." "Why the hell not?" "Your embroidery..." "My what? What the hell are you talking about? This is important! What the hell were you doing instead of listening to me?" "Your embroidery..." "Where is your brain?" "A jelly fish ate it." "What?" "A jelly fish ate my brain." "What is wrong with you? Can you stop acting crazy long enough to listen to me?" The soldier tossed the map in front of the Elf and repeated everything he had already said. "I said..." Quaraun didn''t hear a word of it. He went back to memorizing the detail of the embroidery stitches on Mallac''s coat so he could sew them on his next dress and slowly drifting off to sleep again. Quaraun was suddenly jolted awake by a loud noise. He looked around wondering where he was, then remembered Mallac and the map. Mallac had slammed his fist on the table and was now yelling angrily at Quaraun. Elwin now had a stranglehold on Quaraun''s neck and was crying frantically, terrified of the screaming soldier. "Shhhhhh," Quaraun hushed the toddler, stroking his hair and rocking back and forth. "It''s alright. Ignore the crazy Human." To Mallac he said: "You''re scaring the child." "You refuse to stay awake!" "I''ve been awake for the past 7 days. I need some sleep." "You have a job to do." "No, Mallac. You do! You have a job to do and you''re too damned lazy to do it yourself so you''re trying to pass it off on me instead." "It is your responsibility..." "I am not one of your soldiers," Quaraun said as he set Elwin on the seat and stood up to yell back at the soldier who was yelling at him. "I don''t take orders from you. I didn''t mind helping, because you were in trouble, but you are taking advantage of that. You have no right to boss me around. I''m not one of your men!" Elwin was crying frantically now. Seeing Quaraun arguing with the solider, scared the little boy who clambered to Unicorn and was now hugging the Phooka''s neck. Poor Elwin was traumatized more then any of them realized. He had just witnessed his mother murdered by an angry yelling man, and did not want to see yet another murder. Mallac continued yelling at Quaraun. "You''re scaring the boy," Quaraun yelled back at the soldier. "I don''t know why you bother fussing over that child. He ain''t nothing but an ingrate half-Elf." "I am fed up with the way you arrogant, piss ant Humans treat the half-Elves around here!" Mallac opened his mouth to respond, but before he could get a word out Quaraun punched him in the face, throwing every bit of his tiny five foot six inch body into the punch. Mallac, not expecting the Elf to attack him, was easily knocked off balance. The soldier went tumbling to the floor. Unicorn stood up, carrying the child and looking back and forth from Quaraun to each of the soldiers. He knew that punch was about all the fight Quaraun had in him. Should the rest of the Humans decide to defend their leader and attack Quaraun, he didn''t stand a chance. But none of the Humans did anything. In fact, they looked like they were about to drop their weapons and run. "That barmaid were right," Unicorn said to Quaraun. "Gi''me, Elwin," Quaraun said as took the child from Unicorn. Mallac was sprawled on the floor holding his nose and looking like he was about to start crying. "I don''t like bullies," Quaraun said to Mallac. "And I especially don''t like grown men who pick on innocent children. You people in this town ought to be ashamed of yourselves. If the half-Elves are rising up to kill you all, well, then it''s because you damned well deserve it. What is wrong with you people? I didn''t come here to be pushed around by you. I came here to rest. I''m wounded and need to heal. It''s terrible what is happening to your people, but it''s not my responsibility to fix it, and from what I''ve seen it''s your own damned fault. You treat the half-Elves like shit. They aren''t being allowed to buy, sell, or trade. They are not being allowed to have jobs. When they go off by themselves, not bothering a damn one of you, what do you do? You murder their families and raze their farms. I''ve seen the half-Elf camps for myself. They are starving to death. They have no shelter. And winter is coming. You kill their livestock, destroy their crops, burn down their houses, simply because you don''t like the colour of their blood. Then you complain because they are forced to steal food to survive. You brought this uprising on yourselves, and now you want me to clean up your damned mess? I''m not here to do your job for you. Had I not gotten wounded, I wouldn''t even be here at all and you''d be stuck doing this all on your own." With the orphan half-Elf toddler still in one arm, Quaraun took a map of the town and laid it out on the table. He began marking where each murder had occurred. After a few minutes, he said: ¡°If you connect the dots, it makes a seven painted star, with one ray missing. That means here will be one more murder in order to connect the dots. It''ll be in the same place as the first, to seal the line.¡± Mallac climbed up off the floor to look at the map. ''''Are you sure?" "''Yes." ''''How can you be sure?" "Because it''s the same star that was drawn in blood on this boy''s head. The killer murder this child''s mother then drew that star of his head with her blood, to taunt you, for your foolish stupidity." "It means something, yes?" Unicorn asked as he examined the map. ''''Yes. It a symbol used to call up Demons. I''m not sure which Demon the killer is attempting to call up on, but if he kills the final person, it will bring a Demon up among us and that can be nothing but bad. We have to stop him before he kills again." ''''How do we stop him?'''' Mallac asked. "Well, we know where the next murder will take place.¡± ¡°We do?¡± ¡°You''re a very stupid Human,¡± Quaraun stated. ¡°In the same place as the first in order to close the circle. And there may be another murder at the centre of the circle. I''m not sure the exact spell he is using. If I knew that I''d know if there was just one more murder or two more. " ''''Is that important?" ''''Yes. It means The Demon will rise up in either one more murder or two. " "It is not a Lich making spell is it?" Unicorn asked. ''''No. I don''t think so. It doesn''t appear to be Necromancy, it looks like Demonology." ''What''s the difference?" Mallac asked. ¡°Quite a bit of difference. Necromancy manipulates soul of the dead. Magic involving manipulation of souls and spirits of the dead. Can be used to communicate with the Realm of the Dead, such as ghosts; can be used to reanimate dead bodies briefly. For example, mindless zombies, ghouls, etc. Can be used to resurrect dead loved ones - people and pets - as vampires or liches, which is something I specialize in and it can be used to restore life to dead plants, such as crops destroyed by frost, flood, etc. Which is what I do mostly. While most wizards use it for greed, power, and selfish reasons (evil Necromancers) a few of us use it for good to help people (good Necromancers).¡± ¡°And this Demon whatever you called it?¡± ¡°Demonology. It''s magic using Demons. There are several types of Demonology schools, depending on the type of Demon a sorcerer has assisting him or type of Demon he is trying to call up. This appears to be Chaos Magic. The Guide has declared it illegal and any non-Demon caught practicing it to be executed on sight. Magic that was invented by Chaos Demons and harnesses energies from Hell Dimensions. Considered dangerous because of it''s hit or miss chaotic results, but used because it has bigger results, not attainable through other less dangerous magic forms.¡± ¡°Bigger results?¡± ¡°Such as allowing the sorcerer to harness lightning bolts out of the sky and shoot them at enemy villages.¡± ¡°Can wizards do that?¡± ¡°Some can, yes.¡± ¡°Can you?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Are you are Demonologist then?¡± ¡°No. Thullid. Thullids are a type of...¡± Quaraun stopped himself before saying Chaos Demon. It was hard for him to admit that he wasn''t an Elf any more. Admitting to a Demon hunter that he was a Demon possessed Elf seemed to be a bad idea. He drew a 7 pointed star on the edge of the map. ¡°A star like this is used in Chaos Magic. Chaos Magic is difficult to use. Demons and Half Demons can usually wield is safely, but most other races suffer seriously mental side effects, to the point that the Faeries in the future will have to build an insane asylum just to contain all the criminally insane wizards who went mad after attempting to practise Chaos Magic.¡± ¡°Are you criminally insane?¡± Quaraun stared at Mallac, but didn''t answer. He did not like it when people called him insane. Seeing Quaraun was not going to answer him, Mallac continued. ¡°Magic is magic, far as I can see.¡± ¡°There are lots of types of magic groups and sub groups, Chaos Magic, Blood Magic, Demonology, Sex Magic, Green Magic, Sea Magic, Necromancy, etc. Each has it''s own guilds, cults, rules, laws, politics, religious followings, etc. Within each are groups, cults, bands, churches, clubs, so on and so forth, some very strict, some admitting only members of certain races, etc.¡± ¡°Isn''t all dark magic, just dark magic?¡± ¡°Necromancy is only dark magic when used for evil intent. It can be used for good. Demonology could be used for good as well, but it rarely is and if they are killing people, it certainly isn''t. Since whoever is doing this is clearly killing people as part of their practicing Chaos Magic, then the type of Chaos Magic they are doing is clearly evil.¡± "What about that GhoulSpawn?" Mallac asked. "What about him?" "He goes around calling himself a Chaos Wizard and he''s always talking about Demons." "You think GhoulSpawn capable of murder?" "He''s a criminal isn''t he?" "He''s a thief. Practically a pirate. But that doesn''t make him a murderer." "Who else would it be then?" "What about HellBorne?" "Pfft! HellBorne. That old hack! Ha ha! Clearly you''ve never met the old coot." "No, actually I have." "What? How''d you meet him? He never comes down out of that tower of his." "Actually, he''s been at every murder." "How do you know that?" "Do you recall, I mentioned there was a red glowing powder at each crime scene?" "Yes." "And foot prints with drag marks, as though some one was draging something very heavy, yet, nothing was dragged?" "Yes." "Last night. When you and your men and Unicorn went looking for the boy, and left me alone with the body. An old one armed half-Elf, wearing long black robes with gold skulls embroidered on it, came out of the bushes. He''d been hiding there. He went up to the body, didn''t realize I was still there, then had to come up with some lame excuse about why he was there. He was lying through his teeth." "What does that have to do with the red powder or drag marks?" "He was sprinkling the red powder around the body, chantting." "And the drag marks?" "He walks with a limp. Drags his leg. I checked his foot prints after he left. They''re the same ones. HellBorne''s your murderer." ¡°What at centre of star?¡± Unicorn asked. ¡°We are." "We is?" ''''Yes. The tavern is at the centre of the star. '' ''''Do dat mean tavern have some kind of meaning to someone?" ''''I don''t know. I''m not getting a sense of any magic or presence or anything here at all... I don''t think this is the place he will call up the Demon,¡±