《Falling Petals》


 Chapter 1: Wherein I Rage Against Reality

    A terrible chill came over me, and I wept. I¡¯d screamed out her name until the blackness took me, and I¡¯d fought it as it wrenched me away from her. I flailed uselessly against the dark fingers that grabbed at my limbs, but they were mighty and bruising things, and I was so pathetic and weak before them that for all of my efforts: I could not stop their pull upon my person!


    My futile resistance came to near an end in this manner, and in the darkness I beheld an emptiness beyond my comprehension! I teetered upon the very edge of that infinite void, and I should have fallen then, for I had no power by which to defy that evil will that tugged upon me still, but I heard her voice again!


    She was¡­ calling my name, and she sounded so very small and distant and sad, and I would not stand for this! I would not allow that she suffer such a torment as my loss, and so I brandished the power of my love for her against the weighty emptiness that claimed me! I was hers, and it was nothingness itself, and it should be no surprise which claim was the lesser!


    With all of my strength, I at once tore myself free of my accoster, and out into the moonless night I searched for her! Corpses littered the ground beneath my feet as I sought out her distressed voice, and I fell many times before I finally found her, on the steps that used to lead into our home, which had been torn apart in the battle.


    She was coughing the ichor from her lungs, and she seemed so very unwell, but I told her I was there ¡ª I assured her of this truth as she channeled aether between coughing fits; even as she seemed unable to hear me: I comforted her with my safety ¡ª and I frantically worked to save her, though it would be incredibly difficult.


    My beloved was lacerated such that there was scarce a portion of her skin that bore no injury, and she¡¯d been eviscerated such that her viscera pooled within my hands; only her arcane powers yet preserved her life, and not for much longer by what I could see.


    Still, I could help her maintain her life long enough for her to finish her spellcraft, and even if she were only my lifemate and lover: I would have sought to save her from that impossible situation all the same, for to not have tried was madness!


    I left her side only to pull water from the well, and I battled with her broken body to save her, for I had to replace her organs back inside her body as it shoved them out all of its own heaving accord! Her blood ran with a strangely rich colour ¡ª so thick it was with aether that even I could observe its presence! ¡ª and it flowed from her body in spite of my salves and bandages.


    She must have finished with her arcane craft, for I saw her eyes briefly flare, and a shallow smile appeared on her lips, despite the deathful bloody coughs that shook her completely! She closed her eyelids with a moment¡¯s satisfaction, but an agonized wince struck her as I wound bindings around another hole in her stomach, and so it seemed that she¡¯d finally taken notice of my gruesome work.


    She looked over to me with happiness swimming in her eyes through her pained tears, and her lips absolutely beamed such that even as she was wracked by those horrid coughs: I knew she¡¯d been successful with her spells. Goodness she was so proud of herself then, but she shortly changed for the worse. I didn¡¯t know what''d happened that she was made to leave that giddy state, but some horrible transformation occurred in her eyes as they gazed upon me.


    They furrowed as if uncertain, and then they widened with shock, until they¡¯d morphed into a horror that consumed them in totality! I saw her face whiten with terror, for I knew those contortions were completely apart from her staggering blood loss, though I did not know why she should be so frightened now. She¡¯d suffered this dire state stoically for so long, so why should she have been overcome with such fear as she gazed upon me?


    She spoke between the fits, her voice laden with a despair so heavy upon it that she could barely bring it to a whisper, and although her words were so often interrupted with coughs that I couldn¡¯t understand much of what she¡¯d said: I was sure I¡¯d heard her crying out with an endless sadness and anger,


    ¡°No, Mercy no¡­ Not you! Please, not you too! Mercy take¡­ fucking bastards¡­ Killed my...! They¡­ kill them again¡­ never stop¡­! Please! Please let it be enough!¡±


    Her usually rich and plump lips were drawn in a thin line, and they trembled with blubbering sobs as she tearfully attempted spellcraft once again with a hateful grimace. Her body went out of focus for me, as my own tears came down without end, and I could not tell any longer whether it was rage or seizure that so violently shook her chest!


    I could still vaguely see that her fingers reached towards my head, and so of course I brought myself down to her, but she never touched me in the end. My beloved soon lay dead before me, and I was unable to react for such a long time¡­ for an eternity I was locked in that moment; trapped between her last breath, and its release.


    Everything blurred for me, and I shortly knew only that I¡¯d been screaming with heart-wrenching sadness, and howling out of despair. But why would I do such a thing? She¡¯d been prepared for this, and she¡¯d dedicated so much to its prevention! There was no reason for this grieving of mine: she wasn¡¯t even gone, so what cause had I to feel despair?!


    It had to have been her dread at the end, for the way she¡¯d looked at me ¡ª as if I were myself dead and bloodied before her! ¡ª led her to terror in the end, and it had affected her significantly. Something had gone wrong then, and I knew it, though I could not for the life of me know what. The answer to my sorrow was in her fear, this much I knew, although I knew not why.


    I didn¡¯t understand, so I had to know: I had to ask her why she, so mighty and remarkable, was so scared? Why did she look at me in such a manner? I had known her for so long, but I¡¯d never known that she was even capable of fear; she¡¯d laughed at death at every juncture¡­ but the way she¡¯d looked at me was unlike ever before, and I had to assure her that there was nothing wrong; that there was nothing she could not surely overcome!


    She was afraid, and I had to let her know that everything was alright, and so I awoke again, and I wondered why¡­ why were my eyes blurred with tears? I wiped them with a bloody sleeve, and I focused them again upon her¡­ and what a horrible sight she was to behold!


    Her body would twitch and spasm every now and again, though I could not see her chest rise, nor her breath upon the air. With fumbling hands I moved to change her seeped-through bandages; her¡­ brutalized form, with all those horrible injustices came bare before my fingers, and I would trace comfort across her cold hands and cheeks ¡ª whether for her sake or mine, I was uncertain ¡ª as I replaced the dressings.


    All the while, I would be assaulted by phantoms of her voice; I¡¯d hear her bellowing with a rage unintelligible, then she¡¯d shift to desperately begging for me to stop, and she would at times break down with sobs such that only a weak plea could come out: that I should leave her body be and rest!


    At times her voice would speak to me in the haughty tones of a princess, to impatiently explain that there¡¯s no need to cry since she¡¯s still here ¡®obviously¡¯... and when I could bear the echoes of her no longer: again the darkness would come for me.


    This could not have been the first time I went through these same sad motions; no, I don¡¯t believe that I stopped for a long while. I would celebrate as her bandages came out cleaner, then upon further reflection of her state, whether I checked her pulse or examined her breathing, I would despair. I would become insensate, and I¡¯d go gibbering to that dark place where I would no longer know of her passing, and from there this routine must surely have begun anew.


    She must have disappeared somewhere while I couldn¡¯t see, and this is what eventually broke me from that wretched pattern, for I moved to touch her, and my fingers only met the ground.


    I reached further for her then¡­ and when I didn¡¯t make contact with her, I reached out again, and then once again, and I kept looking for her with my hands ¡ª for my eyes were entirely overcome with tears, for what reason I could not, no: I would not remember ¡ª but no matter where I searched: she was gone! Where she had gone I did not know, but I suspected she was alright, she could overcome anything after all!


    Though I didn¡¯t understand, I''d heard her voice even then, but even when I wiped my frustrated tears away: I still could not find her, and so I''d concluded that the voice was a hallucination; a trick my own mind was playing on me! So I ignored it, and when I stared around with blinking eyes¡­ I did not know what to think.


    In a wide circle around myself: only the earth remained. Where was our house? Where were the bodies? Where was she hiding?! I lashed out at the ground in a sudden anger, and I beat upon my breast, only for my hand to come away with an odd squelching sound, and a wetness then covered it.


    I gave my hand a glance, and it was covered in blood, both coagulating and fresh, and I could see bits of viscera upon it. I shook it from my hand, for it disgusted me to gaze upon blood so soon after her death, and I looked instinctively for the well, only to be left perplexed by its absence.


    The houses were all gone, nothing left of them but bare dirt outlines; shadows that they once may have existed, and if I did not know that they used to sit there: I might¡¯ve come to the conclusion that someone had cut away the grass into rectangles and circles, and other strange shapes that defied my explanation, for reasons unknowable and beyond my ken!


    Not an insect buzzed around me as I lifted myself to my feet, nor a birdsong alighted my ears to a gentle melody; no, nothing but the crunch of dirt under my feet, and the echoes of her voice chased after me now! I closed my ears to her, for I would not allow such a mockery to besmirch her memory; she was precious to me, and I would not enable these illusions to distract me from finding her for even a moment!


    I rose to my feet, for I was angry, and her corpse was my duty to burn and to bury! Someone must have come and stolen her away! They even had the nerve to take away everyone else, though I wasn¡¯t a thousandth as bothered about them as I was about her disappearance! Corpses do not simply up and walk away, and I would find hers!


    Were I being rational, I might have cared just a small amount more about the vanished corpses of my fellow townsfolk, for while most were never the kindest to us: they didn¡¯t treat us so poorly that I shouldn¡¯t have felt so little a connection to my neighbors!


    Luca, I should have cared to find Luca at the least, for he was kin to me and likewise missing, but my grief for her had consumed me in totality. Perhaps I was being irrational, but instances like the one I found myself in do rather seem to call for an extreme response!This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.


    There remained five still-standing buildings, if indeed they could still be called that, as only the Fredrickson¡¯s house was left completely intact ¡ª I suspect because it was rather further away than the rest, Bart and Lisset never really cared much for company until Talia was born.


    The other ¡®buildings¡¯ were cut away in a perfect sphere, and try as I might in my dazed state: I couldn¡¯t explain it. It was as if a dome had come out of the ground, and stolen all the houses away in that exact space! The only irregularities were where something had clearly broken, and fallen inside of the circle¡­ but even those remains were nowhere to be found!


    My fists shook with impotent fury, and as I became conscious of their clenching: I found a golden chain in my hand. A deep and ruddy colour came from the gem at the end, as beautifully bewitching as ever, though if I wasn¡¯t mistaken¡­ wasn¡¯t it rather larger than I remembered?


    It was her project, a phylactery she would call it with a reverential affection; ¡°a ward against the worst that could happen,¡± she¡¯d giggled as she draped the chain across my shoulders, and the last I knew it was around my neck.


    A vision came to me at this point, of her reaching out to me and pulling it from my neck, though the chain was unbroken still, so how she¡¯d done it was beyond me. As a blackness spread out from underneath her, that damned illusion had her tell me that she loved me, and to be strong, and of all things: to wait! To wait for what, Arianna?!


    I didn¡¯t know, and these lingering assurances angered me greatly, but before I could find myself howling with fury: a blinding light stabbed into my eyes, and I was soon screaming in agony, and sorrow, and hatred, and all the bitter feelings I¡¯d ever before known, and perhaps some which I never will know again!


    How. How? I dared to wonder as the sun¡¯s rise scorched my skin: how was I supposed to be strong when she was gone?! She was my strength! But how could strength matter anymore and... how could mere waiting bring her back to me?! I needed her terribly¡­ I always did, why should she hide from me now?! What was I waiting for, then?!


    My feet collapsed beneath myself, and I wept between the scalding agony and endless sorrow, but as the pains upon my skin dissipated: I¡¯d heard her soothing me; comforting me with lullabies and gentle love songs we used to know, and I clung to her voice for a while. She even apologized in that time, and I held onto every scrap of her that came to me then,


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Mira¡­ you needn¡¯t have burned for so long. But¡­ I¡¯m here now, I¡¯m so sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to let you get hurt. I love you, I really do, you know?¡±


    If a voice could hug a person, hers was like a mother¡¯s bossom to a frightened child, and I sobbed within her embrace for a very long time. I let her whisper assurances and warm things in my ears until a thought struck me: why¡­ oh why was I listening to this damned voice?! If a mere memory could have brought my beloved back, then¡­ just where is she?! I¡¯ve remembered enough, haven¡¯t I?! I could¡¯ve remembered her forever, if she would only show herself before me again¡­ but how could she?! She was dead! Dead!


    Tears streamed out and I was overcome with a bitter fury; I raised my hand high to throw that precious gem, and then I shook with a tangible fear, as I was gripped with the great paralyzing terror of losing any more of her than I already had¡­ and I had already lost so much of her. Her warmth, her smile; I¡¯d lost everything but that damned voice and this!


    The necklace, ¡°a pendant¡± she often semanticized to me, was a promise she made, one in lieu of a ring, and it meant far too much to me to be rid of, no matter how much it hurt to look upon now¡­ to feel it¡¯s weight upon my person. I fastened it back around my neck with trembling fingers; back where it belongs, oh if only I could have had her where she belongs too, for I so missed her.


    I wandered aimlessly for a while after. It¡¯s so easy to lose your focus when you¡¯ve experienced a significant enough loss, and I was looking into¡­ something, probably where either she or her body had gone, for I¡¯d rapidly shifted between my emotions then, and denial with the subsequent grief of realization were endlessly prevalent.


    I cannot know why I¡¯d examined the strangely vanished houses, but I scrutinized the things as if their vanishment was an illusion. I reached my hand right into the air where the houses used to be, and I would pull it back as if a sheet were hiding them from my eyes, but I¡¯d grabbed only at the air, and I found no catharsis for the wound rent in my world.


    For a time I felt that I¡¯d been searching in a fever pitch. Days it seemed that I was at it, though it¡¯s clear to me now that I could not have suffered so for more than a few hours at most, after all: there was so very little left to be searched, and yet I am to believe it took me so long?


    Sweet Mercy, I cannot say anymore whether it was thirst or hunger which drove me through those hours, for I was tremendously famished, and I thirsted for a thousand things; was it the still-stinging skin from my sunburns that was responsible for my bewildering sorrowful fury? Whatever carried me on then: it made my steps heavy, and hurtful.


    I remember exacting some strange vengeances upon the remains of those few houses, like their ever-inanimate ruins were to be called to account for their missing residents! I would strike them, and I would curse them, and all I got for the trouble was a splinter. I just cannot know why I did those things, but I¡¯d found so¡­ so very little, and it so hurt to see; it hurt more than any of my words can describe.


    An emptiness settled over me as I ¡®investigated¡¯ around. Some food spilled here, where it had been left on the half of stovetop that remained; a quarter of a bed over there, where it had toppled from its one remaining leg.


    Even the well we had dug so deep had vanished into a flat circle of dirt like it had never been there to begin with, and since I could not wash my hands: I instead wiped them on my dress, though I was so hungry that I was even seized with the disgusting thought of licking them clean! Even after cleaning them as well as I was able, I still had the strange craving for the few caked bits that wouldn¡¯t rub off!


    There were no bodies either of course, nor evidence of their dragging, nor clothes torn, nor weapons abandoned, nor¡­ no, I knew what I was really looking for, and deep down: I knew that I wouldn¡¯t find her¡­ so irrational we can be as to not give up despite the obvious reality, and I just hurt so much at those spare moments where the truth stood as fact in my mind!


    I was lucky to have found a few specks of blood on a small piece of the Rodderick¡¯s place, and an odd feeling came over me when I saw it. In a trance, I was taken over by the grisly scene where Vance¡¯s body had been impaled into his own wall, now missing.


    That surely wasn¡¯t a dream of mine, for here was the very evidence of it having happened! My eyes gazed upon the blood with a passion unknown to me, and I swallowed back something wet, which was strange considering how much I thirsted, but I was starving, and that was probably behind that odd feeling and saliva production; it¡¯d been a while since I¡¯d had any meat too, and my attention naturally fell upon the livestock pen.


    Out of our herd twenty strong, only six sheep remained, eating grass without a care in the world; all the rest of them vanished. My stomach growled mightily as I looked upon them, but I wasn¡¯t about to butcher one up¡­ that wasn¡¯t something I had too much experience with really, that was among Arianna¡¯s talents, and I would surely see her soon. They were hard to ignore, but I managed to tear them out of my eyes in the end.


    The fence was sliced into pieces reminiscent of the ruins around, and as for why those six sheep yet lived: I couldn¡¯t rightly know if the reason was because they had been in the untouched section, but I suspected this, though that then clashed with my own survival, so I reluctantly had to give up on this line of explanation.


    Only one more place remained to¡­ ¡®investigate¡¯, and I found myself filled with a trepidation as palpable as a solid wall. Any sane and rational and logical person might have visited the singular remaining intact building first, after all: that¡¯s surely where any survivors would have grouped together, but I was none of these things anymore.


    I wasn¡¯t so thrilled to open the door as I arrived at the Fredrickson¡¯s. A deeply held panic seized me when I observed the door; it restrained my hands at times, and at others they shook such that I could not have secured the knocker within them had I tried! Some part of me said that I must not pull upon this handle, and it made itself known within me as I struggled to make myself clasp the knocker in my hands!


    This was the last chance I had to avoid the grim truth, the stark betrayal that reality held in store for me, and despite myself: I¡¯d known it was so. When I¡¯d turned away from the unthinkable, I¡¯d found myself powerless to avoid what happened next¡­ so weak and small before what always happens when we try to ignore what¡¯s staring us in the face, and were I not so desperate for that sweet lie: I should have seen it for what it was!


    Hope. That most wretched of wants rose within me, as always it does in such times! Hope always sneaks its way inside the heart when it¡¯s most ¡®welcomed¡¯ there, and likewise damaging; it¡¯s that cruel kindness the mind invents so as to ensure our final despair; it¡¯s a virulent infection of the soul for sake of mere ego!


    Hope is at best a disease, and when it¡¯s at its worst? It was as I felt that day, for at that moment I¡¯d heard her voice again, as if she were inside the house, speaking animatedly to Petyr and Lisset, while Bart held young Talia and the younger Mister Fredrickson on his lap and chuckled quietly!


    ¡ª Of all the great sins Man has selected should ought be virtues; of charity, and chastity, or that miserable treasure come last from Pandora¡¯s box: the Hope of humanity may well be the greediest, most desirous, most prideful sin to crown them all, and drown out any of the evils since and thereafter concocted! I hope only for hope¡¯s eternal end, that I may never suffer it again! ¡ª


    I gathered my emboldened courage and I knocked upon the door. My recent luck should¡¯ve had it seen that the door¡¯s opening revealed only survivors of that evil army that put us to the sword, as it were. Actually, they speared us to death, and then she massacred them, at great personal cos¡­ no, no I mustn¡¯t think of it again so soon, I thought, for I wasn¡¯t ready.


    But I stood relieved when a young child answered the door, and she gasped loudly, and my tears also flowed without end as she threw herself at my waist. Inside were survivors¡­ so many of the children had survived as to be called miraculous, even the young Mister Fredrickson was here, so by chance Lisset too must have made it through!


    I recalled then, through my happy tears, that the night of the attack had been Talia¡¯s sixth birthday, and the children must all have come over to play. I had witnessed the attack while I was on my way to give her a magical charm¡­ that¡¯s when they¡ª I heard Talia crying in my arms, and I returned to the present.


    Talia was sobbing as she held onto me, and Luca approached with a grimace upon his face. His eyes seemed to flash as I stared into them, and I couldn¡¯t believe I¡¯d forgotten him for an instant! He was the closest thing to a child I would probably ever have, and I¡¯d simply forgotten him? If the thought made me bitter then, then by now it must have soured until it had fermented into poison!


    Still, I didn¡¯t see her, or Lisset and Husband for that matter, but I wasn¡¯t worried. They were probably just resting in the master bedroom, she must have been so low on aether after the battle, so it made sense that they¡¯d taken her to bed too, though I was rather jealous. I trusted her though, she wouldn¡¯t do something like that to me, obviously, never mind how attractive Lisset was.


    I couldn''t wait to see her, but I had to ensure my job was done too, and I wouldn''t have her showing me up just because she can summon all that aether! I¡¯m a doctor, and I¡¯m proud of it¡­ never matter how many times she¡¯d tried to pervade my medical expertise. I could have done with her touch all the same, but more important things needed doing, and she could probably do with the rest.


    This was the first feeling of happiness and relief I¡¯d had since the attack began¡­ the greatest gift that could be had after such a tragedy: the children had made it out of that night alive. Some sobbing here and there, and crying out even as they looked at me¡­ but these wounds would likely fade in time, and they could be addressed later.


    At least, almost all of them survived, since a few faces were missing from my sight: Roger, Vitali, and Petyr; Pamela, Elissa, and Sasha as well... but missing doesn¡¯t mean dead, and not dead didn¡¯t mean not hurt, and I knew what I must do.


    So, I turned to Luca, he was always the most responsible teen in town, and my apprentice, so I wiped away my own tears, and addressed him as if it were just another day on the job.


    ¡°Luca, report on the living.¡±

 Chapter 2: Wherein Reality And I Enter An Odd Relationship

    My Luca stared at me with strange eyes for a moment, as if I¡¯d said something he¡¯d rather not been expecting, and he opened his mouth as if he wanted to comment regarding whatever he¡¯d seen of me. Whatever it was that made my family all look at me as if I were deathly ill: I wanted to know, and so I bade him to speak with a tilt of my head, but he soon swallowed down whatever it was with a short shake and provided,


    ¡°Petyr¡¯s in the back room.¡±


    I started in that direction, and after a moment¡¯s dawdling with his fidgeting fingers, Luca followed in behind to better inform me of Petyr¡¯s condition.


    ¡°He¡¯s real bad off.¡± He said to me plainly, before further elucidating, ¡°I did what I could, but he needs a real doctor; real medicine. Lacerations all over, the idiot¡¯s lucky to be alive right now. He''s cut up from front to back, but no clear organ strikes. Cleaned him up a bit, but he¡¯s still bleeding more than I¡¯m comfortable; was about to burn the backs before you came round.¡±


    I¡¯d been gone for so long, and I felt it was strange that my Luca hadn¡¯t stopped the bleeding injuries yet; did he have no thread? With the well gone, and only this house left, there could only have been so many things he¡¯d still had access to, and Lisset wasn¡¯t known for her talent in sewing.


    Still, Bart had a shed, and I would have thought that he would have had something for this, but in circumstances with few resources: the best that could be done about blood loss is to burn the worst offenders, and even then it¡¯s a perilous method to use, for the bacteria might have enjoyed the state of a burned wound.


    ¡°Luca,¡± I called him to attention as I stepped into the room and saw that Petyr¡¯s still-bleeding form was laid upon a bedsheet, ¡°Bart kept a couple of tarps in his shed; retrieve the cleanest you can find. I¡¯d ask you to wash it by the well, but¡­ well, how much water do we have?¡±


    I saw him grit his teeth with frustration, and an angry sob almost came out from between them as he answered me, ¡°His shed... is gone, and we.¡± He took a pause, as if trying to work out the best way to tell me of the dire reality, ¡°We¡¯ve only that.¡±


    He pointed out the single remaining bucket that we could use, half-emptied already from his earlier efforts. Several clean rags were beside it, and evidence of what he¡¯d already done was nearby: a small plastic washtub dirtied with bloodwater, from which it seemed the¡­ the oddly sweet scent of iron was permeating, at least, it seemed to be iron? To say nothing of how wonderfully pleasant Petyr smelled in spite of his wretched state.


    ¡°Mercy.¡± I heard my own voice laden with a deathful prognosis, and I couldn¡¯t help but to ask my son, ¡°Luca, is there really no thread? Can¡¯t you dethread a shirt?¡±


    My Luca groaned so at this, and he cupped his face in his hands. It would seem that he simply hadn¡¯t thought to do it, and I certainly couldn¡¯t fault him for that, because I should have been here earlier. We had so little water that this was going to be dicey regardless of what we did now¡­ there wasn¡¯t even enough for me to scrub away the caked on filth from my hands, so I certainly couldn¡¯t be touching poor Petyr as I was.


    Small hands suddenly wrapped around my waist, and Fredrickson blond hair appeared when I turned to see who was holding me in such a manner. It seemed that Talia was rather upset about the state of her elder half-brother, and so she squeezed me tightly as she begged for me to save him, as if there was any chance that I would give up on Petyr without even trying.


    I couldn¡¯t bear to tell her that I would almost certainly fail, for without water we had so little a chance of saving Petyr, and I certainly didn¡¯t want to lay my disgusting hands on Talia, so I asked my son to detach the crying girl from my waist in my stead, ¡°Luca, would you remove Miss Fredrickson from the surgery?¡±


    He made to rescue me from the potentially fatal interruption ¡ª young Talia was so like her mother already: just determined to put herself in the way of every medical operation that included her family ¡ª but she clung to me with a surprising strength in her fingers, and I was sure they would leave me bruised by the morrow. Being more than twice her size came to Luca¡¯s advantage however, and though she screamed so: she was eventually pulled away from me.


    Her voice rang out at such a pitch that it was giving me a headache, but it was muted with distance. Hunger again nagged at me as I heard Talia being fruitlessly mollified by Alexander, for it seemed that my son had wisely chosen to delegate the duty, and my Luca was surely off to find an acceptably clean shirt. All these things ran in the background, but since I had an impossible problem to solve: I ignored the presently irrelevant.


    My mind mused uselessly that if I''d had a tarp, clean and without tattering as I imagined it then, Petyr might have escaped the introduction of further bacteria. With unrelenting pointlessness, my faculties were cast upon my whole kit; that with all its salves and antiseptics: Petyr¡¯s lifeblood might''ve stopped seeping, and much of the present bacteria could have been purged.


    Finally, I could endure my own fanciful uselessness no longer, and I complained of my wistfulness to the very air, ¡°I need water! The rest we could manage without, but not water!¡±


    I closed my eyes, and I breathed deeply to calm myself as I considered the alternatives. The dethreading would take some time, and although ligature would work even without the cleaning, the risk of infection was just so high. Heaven forbid we find any clean tools to simplify the process, and my mind just returned time and again to the damned water, for no matter the solution: it was imperative that Petyr be clean, for there would be no saving him if he went septic.


    My eyes came back open, and as I made the decision that cauterizing the arteries might actually be the better option at this juncture, and turned to tell my son of my dangerous decision: I caught something so absurd that I continued walking away for a few steps before I fully registered what I¡¯d seen!


    A pristine tarp in a blue tone deeper than any I¡¯d ever before observed lay atop a wooden stool that I didn¡¯t believe had been present only a moment ago. That was amazing luck, but it was still something that Luca and me could have potentially missed¡­ unlike my medical equipment, which was there in its entirety! In the room there were such heavy cabinets that I couldn¡¯t have moved them by myself if I¡¯d wanted to, and even the things that I¡¯d seen broken with my own eyes were all in their rightful place!


    Though these misplaced ¡®objects¡¯ were fascinatingly realistic: I easily dismissed these illusions as simply ludicrous; but a sign of a sleep-deprived and otherwise-disturbed mind seeking its salvation, and never mind the thirst and hunger!


    Unfortunately, it was the third and last strange hallucination which triggered something so particularly inconvenient in me that I could no longer ignore these figments of imagination: a dreadfully potent hope.


    A globe of water hovered in the air, and it called my mind to a time long ago, where she and I had first played together; she with her magic, and me with my mind and body. This memory of her broke my reverie with the strange mirage before me, and I turned to see her, but¡­ when I looked: she wasn¡¯t there.


    Again, she wasn¡¯t there! She was always playing these games with me, but now really wasn¡¯t the time, Rianna! I needed to save Petyr, and although it was selfish of me: I still wanted to see her even in spite of his deathful need! She surely should have read my want for her upon my face? Did she go back to rest after conjuring up this liquid?


    The sloshing water still hovered in midair, I know because I looked, just to be quite certain it wasn¡¯t my mind playing a trick upon me like those other strange phantoms which resembled the tools I¡¯d needed. I almost turned away from Petyr to follow her out at that moment, if only so I could breathe her presence into the empty void I felt inside of me¡­ but what would she think of me if I allowed Petyr to die just because I missed her a little?


    I turned to Petyr, and I got to work. I washed my hands and arms, and I was startled as the gunk water deposited itself in the little plastic tub! What a fantastically convenient adaptation, Arianna! I would have to congratulate her later for it, though I was sure that she was already bragging to Luca about her newest technique! The boy should have been back by this time, and he must have gotten held up by her, which is why neither of them had come back to me yet.


    Perhaps she¡¯d only meant to surprise me? I was thankful though, and I was shortly washing Petyr down with my now seemingly infinite source of water. Although it vexxed my mind to do it: I slid the nonexistent tarpaulin underneath him as I turned him over. I knew it wasn¡¯t real, but I couldn¡¯t help my instincts as a doctor, even if they made me do such a silly thing, and goodness Petyr was heavy¡­ he¡¯d gotten quite a bit older now, and so this was an incredibly troublesome thing to do by myself.


    Luckily for me, my assistant arrived around that time, but I heard his feet stop short of reaching me. I spared him a glance, and I found that he was just staring around the room with one of Bart¡¯s shirts in his hands. He seemed to be lost in something between wonder and confusion¡­ and a strange pallor came to his face when he saw me leaning over Petyr to move him.


    ¡°Don¡¯t just stand there, boy! I¡¯m needing help over here.¡± I called him to action, and although for a moment he strangely scrutinized me and the recent adjustments to the room: he soon slapped his cheeks with his hands so hard they left a red imprint on each side of his face, and came over to better wash up.


    Arianna must not have been bragging to him then, so I wondered what could¡¯ve held him up so long, and indeed: why wasn¡¯t she here just to boast to me anyway? She would always come to tell me about her every miniscule arcane breakthrough or discovery, so I didn¡¯t know why she was withholding it this time, but I had more important things to do than to think about it.


    ¡°Finish him up here.¡± I commanded him as he helped me roll Petyr over, and then I found my feet before my kit. I stopped, and suddenly I felt like slapping my own face in a manner like my Luca had done, because I was about to waste Petyr¡¯s precious time on some absurd phantom imagery! There was precious little time to save him, and I was standing over here, playing pretend doctor like little Talia?!


    Perhaps I would have faltered and returned to Petyr¡¯s side only with self-frustration, but I again heard her voice speaking¡­ inside me it seemed, and it came to shouting at the end. I turned immediately to see her, but again she wasn¡¯t present,


    ¡°Spare me my patience Mira, and just save the damned kid already! You can¡¯t even call yourself a doctor if you just stand around doing absolutely fucking nothing!¡±


    Well! That was a rather hurtful thing for her to have said; she¡¯d never spoken to me that way before! Just how stressed could she have been to take it out on me in such a rude manner!? Perhaps she¡¯d learned some strange new sorcery by which to cast her voice around, and¡­ she used it to insult me?! If she cared so much about Petyr, then maybe she should¡¯ve been the doctor, and not I!The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    Maybe I was still hallucinating like I¡¯d been earlier, but if that was really her talking: I decided that she would have to apologize! I would make her beg for my forgiveness! My hands absently found my thread, and my tools, and I was so irritated with my beloved Arianna that I only felt my focus come back to me as I was tying off a suture, having long finished with Petyr¡¯s worst offending vessels, so my feet must have found my way back to him!


    My Luca had been applying one of my antiseptics to each wound before I¡¯d gotten to them with my stitching, and he was paying particular attention to the ones I wouldn¡¯t be stitching closed again¡­ the ones where the bleeding and tissue damage was so excessive that I¡¯d had to ligature their veins shut.


    In this manner we worked together in silence, and only my orders for him and his acknowledgement of them pierced that quiet between us. Luca had a mortar and pestle in his hands, and a healing salve was forming under them by the second, and he would soon be applying it to the surface above the wounds, if only to stave off any further attempts bacterium might make at infection.


    I finished my last suture and breathed easier for a moment, during which my son finished dressing the patient, and instead of waiting for my further direction: my apprentice soon had a stethoscope in hand for me. I felt my pride for him just soar, and even though her voice spoke its false congratulations in my ear: I tuned her out, as was becoming my custom.


    There were more important things to listen to right now, such as Petyr¡¯s heart, which was making such direly rapid sounds that it must have unsettled me despite lacking in murmurs, as that strange feeling from earlier was coming over me again, and although it was hard to put down what it was, it was clear that it was coming from Petyr.


    That feeling seemed to strike at any moment I lacked a strong focus, like some strange hunger, and a thirst, and something else besides? Obviously, not lust, but strangely similar¡­ something for later. I handed the stethoscope to Luca, ¡°Have a listen, I think he¡¯ll make it past this stage, if we can slow that beat.¡±


    Not that it would be easy, but I had some medicine I could try for the effects of replenishing blood and relaxing the strain on his heart. I left Luca to it and returned to the bizarre phenomenon which seemed to have made my dreams of saving Petyr come true, and I¡¯d really started to believe it was all real, for I¡¯d held the tools in my very own hands.


    I wondered idly just how insane I¡¯d become, for I was taking the reality of this outrageous situation for granted, but for it to fool so many senses of mine at once was a curious thing to experience. I¡¯d read a small number of works regarding the flaws of the human psyche, although I hadn¡¯t found much cause for medically administering for them beyond calming concoctions to ensure restful sleep, and so I was quite dreadfully out of my depth when it came to diagnosing whatever it was that I was suffering from.


    My understanding was roughly that I was agitated, and in terrible need for rest and for food. As I worked, my eyes kept subtly shifting towards the bloodwater and wet discards for a reason I couldn¡¯t know, but something deep within me knew that I didn¡¯t desire to linger my gaze upon them for long enough to find out!


    In my hands rested a small bowl of medicine for Petyr¡¯s sake, and I brought it over to him, but before I gave it to him: I just had to be sure, so I asked my son to clarify for me,


    ¡°Luca, inform me on what I¡¯ve just done.¡±


    My boy gave me such a stare at that moment, that I thought something akin to ¡®ah, I knew it, surely I¡¯ve gone insane and I¡¯m simply in no state to be doctoring; it was my ego¡¯s fantasy to save Petyr¡¯, but his answer was oddly out of line with my expectations,


    ¡°You pulled dried hawthorn, garlic, and barberry out from those medical cabinets, Mum, and you mixed them together with some aetherwater in amounts that looked normal.¡±


    This threw me considerably, because that¡¯s what I¡¯d imagined I¡¯d been doing, and so I had to ask him directly, because otherwise I simply didn¡¯t know how else to ask the question which was eating at me, ¡°Luca, dear... are all these things... real?¡±


    ¡°Mum, I¡­ I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re seeing, but I¡¯m seeing crazy.¡± He wearily said to me, and his face made an uncertain look near enough to my feelings. With a helpless shake of his head he continued,


    ¡°None of this makes sense, Mum; I stepped out for just a few seconds really, and suddenly our water and medicine problems are gone, and you¡¯re in here pulling a tarp under Petyr. If I hadn¡¯t touched it all with my own hands¡­¡±


    His voice lingered some over this, but since we both seemed similarly indisposed, I figured that I may as well go with my gut, and so I opened Petyr¡¯s mouth, and I slowly brought him to swallow down all of the medicine. He should feel quite lucky to have been unconscious for this, because its taste was disgusting enough to frighten wild pigs away!


    Luca interrupted my errant thoughts as he filled the fresh bucket up with the water that still defied gravity, ¡°Nobody else needs looking at until Mrs. Freddrickson and Roger are back, so when you¡¯re done cleaning up: you should come see about food.¡±


    Back? Back from where I had wondered, as well as how they must have been injured to still be wherever that was instead of laid up like poor Petyr here, but I soon concluded that it didn¡¯t matter at the time, and I was struck with a small laughing matter.


    The severity of today¡¯s events actually made me find the thought of cleaning up presently to be a bit amusing, after all, as I mused aloud, ¡°But I¡¯ve nothing else to wear?~¡±


    ¡®Clean up¡¯ he¡¯d told me, and I did rather fancy a proper bath right then, which was convenient since I did seem to have quite a lot of water apparently at my disposal.


    It¡¯s not as if he¡¯d expected me to strip myself naked in a room with a patient, where privacy was anything but guaranteed, and play around with that magical volume of gravity-defying water without a drainage around, only to then put on my bloody clothing again. But it was amusing to imagine that he''d meant it in such a manner, and it''s what his real mother would have meant if she''d been the one to say it!


    I chuckled and closed my eyes, and although he¡¯d surely only meant for me to wash my hands and face: I very much appreciated the humor of my initial misinterpretation, but a sudden series of events took all the humor fast from my circumstances.


    Rather suddenly, I¡¯d been affected with the shock of being sprayed upon by that magic ball of water, completely outside of my control! I attempted to step back away from it, only for the torrent to follow me exactly! I spluttered, and some of the blood I was covered with entered my mouth, which provided only more abnormality for me to process!


    The dirtied liquid seemed to flow into an odd blackness that had appeared in the floorboards¡­ which themselves were shaping up into walls that reached to near the ceiling! I had a suspicion at this point, but it became a wonderful certainty as soon as the walls were up:


    A surprising warmth came through the water, and my hope just soared as I immediately recognized the technique as hers ¡ª for she¡¯d spent the entirety of a season on developing it, and for such a silly reason ¡ª and so I scanned the ¡®new bathroom¡¯ for her¡­ but she was again nowhere to be seen. Why wasn¡¯t she joining me if she was going to go this far?


    It¡¯s not an easy work of magic, it takes an incredible concentration, and early into her advancements it was so draining for her that she¡¯d twice gone into aethershock for her unseemly ambitions. Besides, she¡¯d always prefered to observe the sweet torments she inflicted on me, and I¡¯d never known her to be so charitable as to use her aether unselfishly where it involved me!


    A horrible oozing feeling then arose in me as a black mist wrapped around me, and besides the jewel around my neck: what I wore became as dust, and disappeared into the darkness as if eaten by strange shadows!


    How could she have¡­ just how long did she waste to discover spellcraft that merely removed my clothes from me? It wasn¡¯t as if I could have saved those soiled things anymore, but the principle still mattered, Arianna!


    As if in answer, her voice cut through to me, ¡°Mmmmn, I definitely like this look on you the best~¡±, which while under normal circumstances I¡¯d maybe appreciate hearing, but in that moment I was just too worried that she might make me plead for her to give my clothes back to me, and I honestly felt rather threatened and heavy-handled by her!


    But I needn''t have worried for those things, for that disturbing blackness appeared just a little ways away, and the delightful red and black dress she¡¯d arranged for me last year suddenly rested in a neat fold on a dry section of the floor.


    The water soon stopped spraying upon me, though not before doing something I was rather unprepared for, and I stood there dripping for a while as I shivered in my nakedness. I considered myriad responses, from strong expletives to shamefully asking for something of her if she was able, until my mind settled on an actually adequate way to deal with my confused emotions: audacity,


    ¡°And the towel, love?¡±


    Blackness swirled up around my arms, and a pearly-white towel was deposited in them. These bizarre events were absolutely shredding my sanity apart, but I tried to push past them to the best of my ability, after all: I knew now that she wasn¡¯t dead. She¡¯d told me not to cry because ¡®obviously¡¯ she was still here, and how else could such an event have happened to me?


    Though it could certainly have been merely my memory made manifest: I ignored that possibility in favor of what all my senses were telling me in harmony. A person can only doubt what¡¯s in front of them for so long, and so I eagerly listened as she hummed lazily, as she so liked to do.


    No more words were necessary, surely, so I¡¯d thought: the important thing was that we were both healthy enough to play around, and so our dreams could yet come true, despite this terrible setback.


    I¡¯d dried myself, and watched as the towel was taken away by the eerie darkness I knew must somehow be coming from her, and I shook as I thought of it, likely because of the chill that still clung to me.


    As I went to the red and black dress, I was a little irritated that she¡¯d ¡®forgotten¡¯ to include any undergarments, all the more so given how many children might try to follow my example if I were to leave it be in this cramped house and an accident of any sort were to occur, so I tapped my foot impatiently until she saw fit to dress me up properly.


    Undergarments appeared out of the darkness where there had been none before, and I was happy that she saw reason this once, for I would not have put it beyond her ken to intentionally leave me underdressed only for her own future amusement. It wouldn¡¯t have been the first time, but now wasn¡¯t an acceptable occasion, and as I was finished clothing myself: the wooden walls sank back into the floor around me.


    Her new might was rather frightening though, for she¡¯d never able to simply claim the clothes from my skin in such a manner before. Whatever strange powers she¡¯d gained was making me feel rather insecure despite being presently dressed! After all, if she could simply will them away whenever she wanted: there was no telling what awkward and terrible time she might employ this new technique!


    Mercy but I hate the effect she can have on me, and only seeing the look on her face could have possibly settled my trepidation right then ¡ª not that I was looking to merely stare into her eyes after what she¡¯d just done!


    But it wasn¡¯t to be. I noticed as I made to leave the room that the deadwater and the soiled dressings had both disappeared during my impromptu shower, but I thought little of it, for surely the explanation lay within her new dark powers!


    I left Petyr to convalesce, and immediately as I entered the main room of the house: my nose was assaulted with the sweet scent I¡¯d noticed in the surgery, or ¡®back room¡¯ as it used to be¡­ and it rather stopped me in my tracks as a red haze encroached upon my vision.


    Luca came over to me, and although he seemed rather surprised by my lovely dress and sparklingly clean-feeling aura: he offered me some gruel in a bowl, but I told him I could wait to eat until I¡¯d seen her. I''d made the most terrible mistake I could have then, though I didn¡¯t realize it: I''d asked my son if he knew where my Arianna was.


    Truly, I¡¯d thought that nothing strange could¡¯ve possibly come from that innocent question, but I shortly felt his hand on my arm, and he led me away from that lovely scent ¡ª I wonder when a simple gruel got to smelling so lovely, I must truly have been famished to think of it. Starvation really must be the choicest of all spices. ¡ª to the master bedroom.


    Well of course he did, that¡¯s where I¡¯d figured she would be anyway, and I really looked forward to seeing her again¡­ though being led to her by our son was rather awkward, and why was he leading me so aggressively anyway? I turned to look at our Luca, and I tried to search his expression for an answer.


    He was always so observant, and he must surely have known what fate he was delivering me to¡­ so why hadn¡¯t he simply let me walk there myself? There was something incredibly suspect about the way he was walking, and it made me feel terribly uneasy.


    Goodness he was getting taller these days, he was almost as tall as I was now, and as we entered the¡­ oh Mercy. I couldn¡¯t believe the empty master bedroom in my eyes, and Luca said to me with a watery grimace plastered to his face, ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, M-Mum.¡±

 Chapter 3: Wherein I Finally Arrive At The Unpleasant Truth

    Tears flooded my eyes, swamping them in an instant, for to face her death demanded them in infinite number! Luca lingered there for much longer than a casual touch, and it was the most comforting discomfort I¡¯d ever known.


    The grip of his hand tightened painfully upon my arm, but I did not dare to ask that he remove it! I knew that if he were to let go: I should feel that terrible weight fall upon me again in whole, and I could not bear to suffer it alone!


    I cried out in anguish as I was confronted with the terrible happenings of that night, and Luca held me through it all. He must have held me as tightly as he could, for I writhed to escape as though possessed, and would surely have lashed at myself and come to injury were I not so well restrained!


    To still live on when she did not was maddening¡­ no: it simply madness itself! I would spout reason against the fact that she¡¯d died in my very arms, and I¡¯d say to it that she must surely yet live! Despite her evading my person at every turn: she¡¯d¡­ she¡¯d done to me as always before; with the teasing and those pleasant torments, and I just knew that she¡¯d never abandon me!


    This dichotomy of reality and strangeness I¡¯d been experiencing had entirely taken my logic from me. That strange blackness seemed to carry her will, and it was real enough to clean my person in such an invasive manner! Her dark powers enabled my healing of Petyr from that deathful state, and even Luca told me he¡¯d seen its works: it was surely beyond argument! She was here, and damned be any argument to the contrary!


    But that night returned to me despite my protests, and an animalistic dread overwhelmed me. I gripped Luca so tightly around his back that my knuckles went white, so utterly overcome was I with the fear of remembering what I mustn¡¯t. Nobody should ever have to relive such a terror as I was consumed with then, itself but the mere echo of that harrowing affair!


    Would that I could have perused a gentler part of that day; perhaps I could have smiled again as I was with Elena as we talked over her young girl¡¯s health, having just finished treating a minor cold in the household, but a sudden horror came as a realization struck me: I¡¯d recommended she keep Pamela at home that night, instead of sending her to play at the Fredricksons! Oh I could have just kicked myself if I couldn¡¯t feel Luca holding me so tight as to make me unable¡­ and I might still have managed, if I weren¡¯t drawn inexorably into the further horrors that night yet held for me!


    I¡¯d taken a short stop back home for a wash, as it wouldn¡¯t do to spread the sickness to the other children. I¡¯d distracted my Arianna with a short kiss, and I didn¡¯t know then that it would be the last time I would see her so wholly intact and beautiful, as she pored over some silly acane matter ¡ª Mercy, but I love her so. I soon had myself redressed and with my present in hand, and I was off to the Fredrickson¡¯s.


    Talia¡¯s birth had been so dangerous that Lisset and I had ended up bonding after a while, as I¡¯d nursed her back to health, and I¡¯d rather figured she could still use a little help in watching over the whole town¡¯s worth of underfoots. Though their house was all the way on the other end of town and then some: I¡¯d been making good time when something unusual had shown up on my route.


    Despite the lingering heat of summer, a gaggle of overdressed priests had come into town, and although it was in truth but a disguise for villainous magisters with designs against us: I was then none the wiser! Although I gave them a curious glance, I nonetheless left them to their conversation with Nestor, despite the monied exchange that seemed to be taking place.


    Nestor was always the kind of man who put himself first, and I¡¯d figured that he must have found some way to scam those ridiculously dressed missionaries; perhaps had I been in his situation: I might have done worse, as I would¡¯ve never allowed for them to infest the children with their evil faiths! If I really had it to do again, though: I would have immediately run home to warn her of what was to come!


    Her response to the attack was so very delayed almost none of us had survived, and if Petyr¡¯s state is to be judged by: it was also very nearly entirely too late for us too! Luca hadn¡¯t told me specifically how Petyr had come by those injuries, and didn¡¯t have to: his bloodied body was a canvas painted with history!


    It was spears that had rent open all those holes, and indeed Petyr was very lucky that so many strikes failed to strike his vitals! He was entirely of Lisset¡¯s heritage, and he was truly lucky for that, as his immense size must have come to his salvation that night! Where he¡¯d gotten injured, well that was no mystery to me either, for how could he have avoided the same vanishment that had affected all of my neighbors and our attackers if he weren¡¯t near to his own house in the first place?! If he had taken even a single strike more¡­


    Arianna, why did it take you so long to act? Given my very limited knowledge of ¡®witchhunting¡¯ practices, I¡¯d suspected that they¡¯d lowered a binding over her aether, but that they weren¡¯t strong enough to hold her forever. They came prepared for her, for they must have known of her tremendously magical presence, as otherwise: why would they have come in secret with so many sorcerers? They already knew they could not match her without trickery, and so was our fate sealed¡­ as was theirs.


    I¡¯d continued on for a while, and had just stopped as Stella approached me for an evening chat, and we spoke about how she and her baby were doing, when all of a sudden: a great light flared to life in the sky, and an alarming array of weapons were shortly upon us. The shock was tremendous, as neither of us could fathom why anyone would even want to attack us, let alone how they¡¯d managed to transport enough supplies out here to sustain an attack, but animosity ran high in town regardless of the reasons behind their unforeseeable assault upon us!


    Who¡¯d started killing whom first, I couldn¡¯t say, but Vance was the first neighbor I saw to die, and in such a horrible grisly fashion before his own wife¡­ skewered to his house with two spears in his gut, and yet he was not immediately slain! Instead of pulling them from what should have been his corpse: they tore Stella cruelly away from him, and they were blind to her protests and grief, and also to my horror!


    Their ignorance meant that they didn¡¯t see her pull the dagger ¡ª she¡¯d always loved so to practice strange tricks with it; the number of times I had to care for knife wounds leapt dramatically when the Roddericks came, and I was endlessly fretting that she would hurt her baby in more recent times ¡ª and those two fell to her, but death came also for Stella and her baby, as she was lanced through the neck, and a terrible gurgling scream went out as they put her down!


    I felt immensely nauseous as I remembered these gruesome deaths, but still that strange feeling from before seemed to haunt my memory of them. Something about the situation was awfully appealing to me, though I could not for the life of me indicate what, and all throughout those memories of death and blood: that disgusting feeling refused to disappear, and it even grew in strength!


    So quickly they had overrun the Roddericks, and as I wasn¡¯t about to fight back: all I could do was run towards home, to where I knew she still must be, but they were faster than me by several lengths, and they shortly had me in hand. The soldiers seemed to be terribly confused by what was happening in those few moments I had to endure them, and they spoke panickedly in the first language we¡¯d ever learned; one we¡¯d rightly meant to never hear again! These men belonged to her father, and I felt such a rage towards them that not even their horrible actions could explain!


    Still, I don¡¯t believe they¡¯d meant to kill us; it was actually a mournfully accidental affair it seemed from their conversation, but it wasn¡¯t as if they could allow us to live to spread the truth about such a colossal ¡®mistake¡¯, and so I soon witnessed them slaying my other neighbors in evermore deliciously stomach turning ways! They were skewered, and beheaded, and stabbed, and some women were not so lucky as to have been caught by mere murderers!


    I could only be thankful that their contemptible fate was so short-lived, but as I looked around my memories of all the bodies and the blood, and that sweet scent came from immediately before me: I felt a strange overlap between them, and my vision was being taken over at the edges by a red fog.


    That incredibly strange feeling was shaking me from the memory of that night, and I shortly found myself staring at my son in my arms as if our murdered acquaintances were overlaying with him! For¡­ for some awful indecipherable reason: I couldn¡¯t fully shake the thought that he too would be delicious.


    I swallowed back some of my gathering saliva, and I really was ravenously hungry, but for such a thing to even occur to me, for Mercy¡¯s sake: he was like a son to me ¡ª nay! He¡¯s my own son! I¡¯d always struggled with his adoption, for I¡¯d tried to put Carmen first, as it was the least I could do after she left us¡­ but today I could finally admit to my own selfishness!This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    Why I only knew that now¡­ now that I couldn¡¯t be his mother anymore; I could only cry as this aberrant hunger set me against my own son! I wanted so badly to ignore this unnatural hunger which hurt me so, but I felt my jaw opening of its own accord, and I clenched it back shut as longed for the return of normalcy to this life where my Arianna couldn¡¯t be beside me anymore!


    My stomach was gurgling so painfully, such that I was sure my Luca must have heard it, and as he broke the wonderfully warm embrace we¡¯d shared: a chill I¡¯d never known was present returned to me. Were it just that horrible cold that affected me, I might have simply wrapped myself in the blankets¡­ but another feeling was flaring to life inside me!


    As contact with his body left me, I felt a terrible rage erupt from inside me, and a growing part of me seemed incensed that such a morsel should escape from me! But obviously: I wouldn¡¯t listen to something so utterly insane and absurd, and I wasn¡¯t having it for even a single damned moment!


    Luca sniffed, having clearly been crying some himself, and I remembered that she too was like a mother to my poor Luca, and this self-evident truth was about to set me off again for he¡¯d lost us both in the same day, but he¡¯d spoken to me before I could go off bawling again,


    ¡°I¡¯d better get you something to eat.¡± He further moved to grab a pillow from the bed, and he placed it in my arms, ¡°It¡¯s a poor substitute, but I¡¯ll be back with food soon, okay?¡±


    I could only nod as I came out of that strange haze, and when he left I began to meditate upon the realization sinking into me, because something¡­ something wasn¡¯t at all right. I couldn¡¯t quite put a finger on it consciously, for I was longing in such a peculiar manner, but I felt that I was only delaying myself from having to face it, and so I¡¯d meant to.


    But whatever was happening to me would have to wait, as another spate of indecipherable feelings overwhelmed me as my Arianna¡¯s voice again came to comfort me. This, this of all things, I could not bear. She was dead, and I could not stand to be comforted by her now!


    That pillow endured the kind of pressure that could break a mere person, and I begged that she stop speaking, since I couldn¡¯t grieve for her death properly if she kept talking to me. Her voice couldn¡¯t be real, and I knew it! Nobody else seemed able to hear her, and I felt such a longing for her to hold me as she spoke that I collapsed onto the bed with a weariness that went through to my very bones!


    This sort of emotion was beyond my scope to handle, but before I was even able to properly attempt to process it: Luca had returned so soon, and along with him came that sweetness I¡¯d been smelling across the day, and when he helped me back to a sit: I could finally see the sweetness for what it really was!


    Gruel, I supposed it technically constituted, but the warm bowl was a mercy to my fingers, which seemed to have been taking on quite a chill. Still, a strangeness again surfaced, as although I shouldn¡¯t have been bothered by the dull-looking porridge, as I¡¯d long grown used to the blandness of frontier life: an odd sense of distaste came to my tongue before I¡¯d even had it, and instead my eyes had flowed towards Luca before I¡¯d noticed.


    I forced myself to look back at the food I held, and it seemed that he¡¯d given me quite the serving of it. So much infact that I couldn¡¯t possibly eat it all; I found myself suddenly thinking up ridiculous excuses not to feed myself while I was so starved for nourishment!


    So irritated I was by the prospect of turning away the gruel that I drew the spoon to my mouth as if in defiance of that absurdity¡­ though my hand seemed oddly wont to betray me. My fingers bent with such a fierce rejection of my resolve, as if they were gripped with an otherworldly force intent on flinging the bowl to the floor and making a dreadful mess!


    Ridiculous! So I ¡®ate¡¯, or perhaps ¡®drank¡¯ what I could, which turned out not to be so great an amount of it, as I found it absolutely distasteful. It was like swallowing still-burning ashes rather than drinking a refreshing liquid! It burned in my throat, and I was set to coughing for a while, but I recovered soon enough. I took another spoonful, expecting that I¡¯d simply swallowed some of that sustaining broth into my lungs, and I was baffled when the material again tasted of hot ash!


    Luca looked at me with a dreadful despair upon his features when I gave the bowl back to him, hardly emptied at all. I rather didn¡¯t know what to say, but I was ashamed. While I was distracted by figuring out what to tell him, my traitorous eyes settled upon his arm, as if it were so irresistibly delicious that they couldn¡¯t help but to eat him up. Unbidden, and rather uninvited: the thought came to me that all I had to do was lean over a little and I could¡­ and I actually felt myself gravitate towards him before I shook myself of that startling influence.


    Something seemed to be snapping inside me, and tears just poured from from my eyes, for possibly the fiftieth time that day; had I ever really stopped crying? I saw Luca coming back to hug me, but I pushed him away with as much force as I could muster, for I felt myself rapidly losing control over my actions, and a fear was again settling upon me, from somewhere I¡¯d never before experienced it: myself.


    This disturbing longing was just too much for me, and I giggled aloud nervously. ¡®Strange symptoms are best handled cautiously,¡¯ I''d taught him so before, and to Luca¡¯s credit as my student: he''d already backed up a step towards the door. He always had good instincts, and I suddenly felt very glad to have him out of arm¡¯s reach.


    ¡°Luca, dear¡­ I¡¯ve been feeling most unnaturally, and I believe it might be best if you lock the door behind you when you leave-¡± I started calmly, before feeling something shift inside of me, as if demanding that I chase down my son, and so I continued with a sudden shout,


    ¡°Immediately! Under no circumstances are you to open that door!¡±


    His eyes poured with hateful tears¡­ and I wondered how long he''d known what I''d refused to even acknowledge, for his eyebrows were lowered with a bitter frustration as he bit hard upon his bottom lip, and though his fists were clenched: he didn''t contest me even a little on this.


    He didn''t even seem surprised as he followed my directions with a careful silence, and even though his eyes were so sodden: he never took them off me until the door closed to seperate us. I heard the desired click, but my boy didn''t stop there, no, for a while I could hear the scraping sounds of furniture as he barricaded me inside the room!


    I was so damned proud of him, and I found myself wishing that I could continue to avoid the realization taking shape in me. It occurred to me that he may well have to lead all those other children through the wilderness of the frontier, with only the limited grasp of medicine and magic we¡¯d left him.


    Not even her arcane notes, or my medical journals remained for him to inherit, and I imagined that he might feel so lost and alone without us, and so I was soon entirely swept up in this solemn mood.


    We¡¯d never really gotten around to teaching him about so many things, Arianna and I¡­ we came here together with his genetic mother so many years ago. Carmen was a very pretty thing, though she often seemed lonely after her husband, Luca¡¯s namesake, had died a mere seven months after their whirlwind meeting. We''d been sure to keep her company as oft we could, for we both cared for her immensely, and the both of us had long been sweet on her.


    When Luca was born was the happiest I¡¯d ever seen her, and it was the sweetest delivery I¡¯ve ever since performed; easy on the mother and the baby, and full of the warmth only the closest of friends can feel for one another. She was so happy every time we saw her¡­ she looked so happy that what happened always burdened us both with a guilt indescribable.


    Two years after his birth, although she¡¯d never once indicated she would do so: she¡¯d hung herself, and left Luca to us; as if she had weaned him, and only then finally allowed herself to die! I¡¯d suspected that the trauma we''d brought her away from had overcome her in the end, but regardless: Arianna was inconsolable for months, for she blamed herself most of all. Almost a whole year went by before I saw her smile again, and I was left distraught to look after her and Luca all the while.


    But I never can distract myself from the haunting truth for long, for it always finds a way to come back to me in each and every tangent, and I finally knew the reason for Arianna¡¯s paled face that night. I¡¯d seen that look upon her features only once before, and it was as we¡¯d first found Carmen''s body. I knew now why she¡¯d recoiled from me in terror when she should have been able to laugh at the mere concept of dying before me!


    I understood now, after thwarting that attempt on her life: she¡¯d primed herself for ascension, just as she¡¯d planned to do for so many years, albeit not for a while longer yet, as she¡¯d still had many aspects to refine, and she wasn¡¯t supposed to be in danger of dying during the process!


    Focus is tantamount in such situations, and I¡¯d shattered hers when I¡¯d thought she¡¯d finished with her chanting. It wasn¡¯t a long process, but the effects were permanent, and I was the very reason she wasn¡¯t able to sit beside me anymore!


    When Carmen left us, my Arianna had been so terribly aggrieved that her recovery began with an insane quest into the aetherstream. She¡¯d sought an arcane answer to the horror inherent in death, and she never once feared for the terrible possibilities which arrayed themselves before her!


    Even though such horrific mistakes often accompany those who attempt to cheat death: she wasn¡¯t about to harm anyone else for the privilege, and in this way her soul remained pure, and we should both have lived through that terrible night!


    But both of us didn¡¯t, and only because she¡¯d seen me at the worst possible juncture. The energy she¡¯d harnessed must have shattered to pieces in her rage and distress, and she¡¯d been forced to channel all that she still could into the pendant around my neck, so as to preserve as much of herself for me as she could¡­ but she¡¯d likely lost much of what could have been.


    It took me a long while to contemplate what I should say to her, and so I was silent for a long time, but I couldn¡¯t help but to tell her what I¡¯d been meaning to say to her all this time! Although I¡¯d gotten distracted so often, and I¡¯d tried to ignore it at other times, and I¡¯d even almost managed to convince myself otherwise: she had to know, as useless as it was for me to say after so long.


    So I clutched the precious red gem I held onto, and I imagined that I held her in an embrace as I kissed the stone she¡¯d surely become. I breathed deeply, all the while trying my hardest to ignore the hunger that gnawed at my very bones; I really did my best to displace it as my tears came down in a cascade.


    My voice cracked with heaving sobs when I whispered to Arianna, whose face I might never see again, ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry, Rianna¡­ I¡¯m sorry I,¡± I was almost unable to continue, but finally I''d forced the words out of my shaking lips in full,


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry I died, Rianna¡­ I really ruined it all this time.¡±

 Chapter 4: Wherein A Frank Discussion Is Rudely Interrupted

    A silence stretched across the master bedroom after I¡¯d unloaded my bitterly heartfelt apology, only punctuated by the grumbling of my tortured stomach. For a while after, I simply sat with the ruddy crystal in my hands, awaiting whatever judgement was forthcoming.


    But time continued to span on for so long that I¡¯d rather started to wonder if she¡¯d actually heard me. I was soon rocking on the bed with impatience, as my hands fidgeted and traced the arcane symbols that had been scrawled across the gem¡¯s otherwise smooth surface, and I¡¯d even begun to doubt in myself.


    I patiently suffered through her silence for still a while longer, but it was ever so vexing for me, and I was rapidly losing whatever patience I¡¯d been holding onto! Eventually, my vexation peaked, and I¡¯d grown so sour of waiting that I let out a rageful shout that rang across the room,


    ¡°After all your badgering and insults! All the chattering you inflicted upon me, and you dare to keep your silence now!?¡±


    A yelp sounded out from somewhere within me as a frightful feeling surged alongside it. Her stammered response came fast, as if it were chased out of her by some terrible beast,


    ¡°S-Sorry!! I just didn¡¯t know what to say! Um, forgive me? Please? Don¡¯t be¡­ mad?¡±


    I felt a relieved chuckle growing in my throat, and the tightening around my heart was fast loosening. Yes, this was the Arianna I knew; always something to say in every situation, and usually so confident and cool about it, but if one could push aside her ¡®collected¡¯ veneer and catch her unexpecting: she¡¯d go all abashed, and her blushes were just the sweetest reward!


    We were quiet after that exchange, but I didn¡¯t mind it at all, for unlike the suffocating silence of before: this was a comfortable, even almost cozy quiet. The terrible tension that had tormented me before was good and well broken, but unfortunately¡­ we could not stay so forever.


    My stomach was absolutely seizing on me, and it had become rather impossible to ignore, and my mind began to drift towards the unpleasant. I was hurting to even think at this point, but although I was ready enough to accept the truth: I was still not ready to accept what I was compelled to do.


    It didn¡¯t care that I wasn¡¯t ready for what it wanted, and although I would have liked to have rejected it until the end of my days: I wasn¡¯t at my strongest on an empty stomach. Quite the opposite actually, in fact: if there was one thing which could be said to have driven me through those awful days I¡¯d spent on the street, it was my hunger.


    Those who¡¯d never known starvation might not understand, but I was not so lucky an individual as they. The Mother once withheld food from me for weeks at a time, and so I was forced onto the street, with a thousand other emaciated creatures!


    The things I saw people eat¡­ leather, and garbage, and I had myself almost been reduced to such questionable materials for consumption! Only my forbearance saved me, then¡­ for I chose theft over such things, and it rather worked in my favor!


    Food is important to a person, and it was already wretched enough that I would have to give it up! This horrid hunger would not allow my abstinence from this monstrous new diet of mine, and it had a tremendous appetite. No, I would not tolerate my own denial of this meal ¡ª though it was far from the ordinary foodstuffs I¡¯d been fond of for all my life ¡ª for my hunger might not be restrained for much longer!


    ¡°Rianna,¡± I carefully began, and I only continued after I¡¯d thought my way around asking that first horrible question that had come to mind, ¡°Where did the medical kit come from?¡±


    A panicked squeak came out from inside me, and I could tell that she was embarrassed that ¡®she¡¯d messed up so dreadfully¡¯, but since my vision was shading over with the red haze despite myself: I rather didn¡¯t think that I had time enough for her to sort through the matter,


    ¡°You can be ashamed later, Rianna. We¡¯ll talk it through together then, but right now I need you to tell me, please.¡±


    Back when I¡¯d awoken to those strange circumstances ¡ª where I¡¯d been previously surrounded by the dead and the dying ¡ª I¡¯d been so surprised to be alone in that suddenly empty space that I¡¯d accused some unknown personage of hiding them all away from me, and I wasn¡¯t wrong to have thought like that.


    I¡¯d eventually suspected myself of having stolen all the bodies away inside me, but although I was not at all willing to face it at the time: in a sense, I wasn¡¯t truly mistaken, as my better half was infact responsible, and was guilty of doing that very thing!


    But I heard her whimper with insecurity, and despite my ever-growing need for an answer: I couldn¡¯t force one from her disembodied voice, not for the question of ¡®Did you consume most everyone we knew last night, as well as every mortal possession they¡¯d ever had?¡¯


    All the more since I was coming down with a bad case of something equally as terrible as what I¡¯d practically accused her of¡­ Mercy but I wished it wasn¡¯t true: I could feel it growing inside me as it reached out with ever more insolence! It stretched through my limbs until it could move my fingers all with its own intent, and it would shift with such a terrible lurching that I felt utterly unbalanced even as I sat upon the bed!


    Even as I rocked there not entirely of my own accord, I was lost in the contemplation of my own regretful decision not to force her compliance with my depraved request. Her own body was gone, missing like the rest of them, and I knew for certain that hadn¡¯t at all been her intent.


    She¡¯d told me time and again about every small intricate element that the ascension process involved; I¡¯d been informed of every possible element a thousand times more than was necessary, and then a thousand times more just in case she hadn¡¯t told me before!


    She would ramble in a meandering manner about every one of her discoveries ¡ª new and old ¡ª to me as I¡¯d tried to shush her to sleep at night, and she would be so entirely enthused with the matters of the arcane that I often had to remind her of the matters of the flesh before she¡¯d fall to sleep beside me!


    Arianna honestly never wanted to hurt anyone; she¡¯d meant so strongly to never so much as chance such an outcome that she¡¯d designed a thousand additional safeties and auxiliary protections into the process! Her modifications were such that despite the ritual¡¯s often evil invocation: it could no longer have been called unholy, for in no way could it possibly discolour the soul!


    My beloved had missed a phenomenon somewhere, though¡­ and all the more reason that she¡¯d intended to continue testing it for long enough that Luca¡¯s children would be having children! We simply weren¡¯t ready for those awful circumstances!


    How could we have been ready? We were so very far away, and had seen no sign of pursuit for so very long! We might as well have anticipated an attack by vampires in the daylight, it was so unlikely that we were still being sought for. Arianna was near enough to the point that women stopped having children, so they can¡¯t have still wanted her for something as crass as a legacy, surely?


    Why should they have come so far for us? The Vatican may well be made of gold, but it wasn¡¯t made of food! I could certainly attest to that much¡­ and they¡¯d traveled here just before winter of all times. What could have caused such insanity in the Cardinal that he convinced so many to march here under his cause? How much gold had he spent to employ so many soldiers? These questions ate at my mind like my hunger ate at my body: with so terrible a strength as to drive me to despair!


    How could she have known that those terrible magisters would blunder such that they accidentally sealed up many of the safety mechanisms she¡¯d made to prevent any one of the horrid possibilities that plagued such intricate aetherial endeavors?! She was dying, and it wasn¡¯t as if she¡¯d had time to run through her safety checklist before attempting ascension!


    The buildings which were cut away in an exact circle around the two of us? That could have been a coincident occurrence with the spellcast; an accidental discharge that ate away at inanimate matter, which was not too uncommon when practicing with aether. Although it usually wouldn¡¯t have made for such a grand scale: it was a difficult magical spell being cast by a veritable genius, with the aether of fifteen years stored inside it!


    That all life within said circle seemed to have vanished, though; even the bugs from the grass, and the birds from the bushes ¡ª which were themselves were all gone as well! ¡ª and the sheep who should never have been so much as hurt were also gone from their pen? That left an uncomfortable question to hang in the air, and I knew I wouldn¡¯t have my answer in short order, for how could she even speak of life¡¯s absence in the area when so much had already gone so horribly wrong?


    Whatever mysterious existence she¡¯d accidentally become, I couldn¡¯t say, but of myself the same was not true. There were three strong possibilities which stood out to me now, though I was not hastily moving to pick any one of them!


    Had I become a disgusting ghoul, for I longed greatly to devour my own son while he was still beside me; or had I become a dreadful vampire, for I longed all the more to drain all the children of that wonderful sweetness their bodies yet held; or to judge by how I was feeling: was I both, and a still more terrible creature besides?A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    ¡°Rian¡­ Rianna please, I must know,¡± the question escaped through my perseverance as I was overcome with that fearful attraction, and I knew from the sobbing she¡¯d returned that she was well aware of what I needed from her, but I couldn¡¯t hold the question back any longer, for the hunger was overwhelming my weakening restraint,


    ¡°You¡­ you have them, don¡¯t you?¡±


    Her answer was absent besides the weeping, and it made me sad to hear her struggling so with the horrible thing I needed her to do. I clung to the gem that housed her body with all of my care for her, though I did not yet know if she could feel it. I would have held her forever if I could''ve, but my ability to comfort her was receding with a rapidity that was shocking to experience!


    Whether I liked it or not, and I did greatly despise it: my body was beginning to realize its final truth. Although my ghoulish inhumanity was rather frightful to be faced with, I wasn¡¯t struggling so much anymore with what form the monster I¡¯d become had taken.


    No, I didn¡¯t have any more room in my heart left to care about that. Instead, I was dwelling hard upon the sorrow of what all I would be robbed of by my very own continued existence! ¡ª of what had in truth already been stolen away from me: that I should lose my Luca to myself of all things, and this I simply couldn¡¯t stand¡­ for I had only just come to know what he was to me!


    The whiplash of my changing emotions struck me, and I was broken down between the hunger and the sadness such that I was left reeling. To realize the loss of family I was to suffer after having only just started to recover from that first unimaginable bereavement¡­ was leaving me staggered. So many sentiments swirled to life in the gaps these greater emotions had rent within me, and they gathered all together in uproar! In discordant harmony they chanted for my surrender, and I was feeble enough then that I might''ve given in to anyof them, if I could have just seen one for the other!


    All as one they rose up and fought with each other, and there was no telling which of them would reign in the end. I was greatly confused by how they rapidly they shifted for supremacy; I was so hungry, and so terribly thirsty, and so woefully needy, and so unspeakably angry! I was so overfull of feelings that they overflowed, and I shortly lost track of them all amidst the maelstrom of primal emotion that now ran in my mind!


    Amongst them all, hunger ate up all the rest, and as I couldn¡¯t keep up my resilience in such overwhelming circumstance: the red haze soon settled over my mind in full. I was at once alarmed out of that strange stupor, and so I strove to fight it away again, but I was far too late to have tried, as it was persistent, and it was powerful, and so weakened as I was: I could not stand against it for long! The hunger had a life and body it could call its own, and I was made feeble before it!


    It picked me up off the bed, and I flung myself to the floor in my desperate need to put any more distance between myself and that awful feeling. I crawled hard against the forces which drove me to eat, to devour, to bleed them all dry and suck the marrow from their bones!


    The hunger was demanding too much from me, though: I was a doctor, and I swore to do no harm! So self-encouraged, I would pull myself towards the corner of the room, but my momentary victories only allowed it purchase upon me once more! It would take control of my own feet as it lifted me back up, only for me to fling myself back to the floor again in defiance of that abominable hunger!


    Never would I allow it to leave this room¡­ and I rather meant to never tolerate its mere attempt at the door! But the red haze thickened in response, and that terrible hunger made such wolfish growls from my own throat as it fought my every leftover scrap of willpower!


    Hunger seized my feet from me, and so I forced myself down to my knees as I dragged my body back to the corner with my hands! Then it arrested my hands from me, and so I pulled myself along with my elbows instead! Not content to leave me my limbs, the hunger stole both sets from me at once, and I could only throw my weight around like a worm to keep it away from that door!


    That abominable hunger had soon taken my whole body from me, but I still had my teeth, and although it held my throat: they came open, and I sank them into the mattress and bedsheet with my last desperate motion! They tasted of ash such that I nearly recoiled from it, but my teeth held tight despite the fiery sensation that engulfed them, and there they stayed all through the ripping and tearing motions that Hunger made with my neck! I held on for so very long it seemed, but there could only be one conclusion to this battle.


    Red was soon all I could see, and even if I¡¯d still wanted to further defy it: I no longer could rightly orient myself away from Hunger¡¯s desires¡­ my desires. I¡¯d fought them, and I¡¯d lost, oh I¡¯d lost so devastatingly as to call it a complete victory for Hunger! I heard Rianna speak even then, but I knew not what she¡¯d said, for I couldn¡¯t understand anymore than my Hunger, as that revolting need to fill the emptiness within me took over my very mind.


    What happened next I knew only in snippets of memory. I¡¯d felt myself slam against the door, and my hands were fast upon the handle, fervorously shaking it such to make it open up. I was glad then for Bart¡¯s strange bashfulness, for if he were any bit less paranoid that one of his children would''ve walked in on him and Lisset: I might have done something truly terrible.


    I¡¯d bitten at the door in ravenous hunger such that my teeth ached, and I¡¯d opened up a gash in my lip for the trouble. I¡¯d clawed at the wood with my fingers as if to find some secret purchase, but that only made them sore and brittle-feeling, and I tore a nail clear away from my hand! I¡¯d even kicked at the door and banged my knees against it, as if my abysmal strength was enough to simply knock it down and to pieces!


    It was true, I thought as I came back to myself here and again, my life as a mother, and a doctor, and even as a human had fully come to an end. Utterly animalistic growls and vicious-sounding snarls came from my person, and although I could also hear Arianna from somewhere very far away crying out; screaming at times with horror, and imploring me otherwise to stop: I could not bear to, for my need was so immense, and it was ever-expanding.


    Never was I so glad for my body¡¯s relative weakness as I was that day, as my frenzied form was not so intelligent as to try for the privacy window ¡ª the fragile wooden shutters through which I could surely have fit if I¡¯d tried. I knew later that I¡¯d been instinctively avoiding the noontime sun, but at the time: I was only infinitely grateful that Luca had barricaded the door, for I would endlessly regret how desperately necessary it might have been!


    Luca¡¯s face came to me unbidden with those thoughts, and again I tried and failed to seize control of my own Godforsaken body, as it hungered for his flesh from toe to top, as if the thought of harming another human being wasn¡¯t enough: he was my son! Tears flowed from me as my stomach roared with want, and I was ever so bitter that in the end I should have become so evil that even family meant nothing before my Hunger!


    I called myself a fiend, and a devil, and a monster, and I deserved all of these titles and more as I damned myself in all manner of ways; curses of all kinds flowed from me, for they are made necessary when beastly intentions overcome us from within, such that we would harm our very own loved ones, and even knowingly!


    A darkness then spread about, and it broke my short introspection. I was confused by it as it congealed again a small distance away, until a soldier from that night appeared suddenly beside me, and I attacked him before he could hurt me, or anyone else again!


    He was on the floor, so if I¡¯d still had my sanity, I might have kicked him while he was down¡­ but instead: I came down after him, biting at him and tearing away at his skin and his flesh, which came out in chunks, and I ripped off the clothes and armor which hid his body from me like wax hides a cheese wheel!


    That so much of that gruesome event escaped me is something to be endlessly relieved of. The memory of his flesh¡¯s texture in my teeth as I tore into him unfortunately lingered, but as it was so delicious, if a bit¡­ stringy, in a chewy sort of way¡­ I suppose it was so heavenly in taste that I could almost stomach what I¡¯d done, though my morality still made itself known with horrified affect!


    I was ashamed, more than anything¡­ not as sorry for what I¡¯d done as I was for having done it! If only that were the only thing I remembered, for the rest came with more clarity than could have possibly wanted, and they were worse to remember by far.


    It was those other memories that really found me disgusted, and which eat at me still, as I¡¯d gnawed at his very bones, and they¡¯d eventually given way with a sickening snap, and the marrow inside him was so incredibly savoury as to revolt me of myself ever since!


    As if that terrible feeling with every snap weren¡¯t enough for me to despise myself for all time: there were his organs; tough meats for sure, but packed full of precious flavour, and I gorged on them until only his stomach and the lowest part of his intestines remained, and even his skull was not spared as I broke it apart and ate at the matter within!


    I was so relieved to not be hungry anymore that I made the mistake of looking at the few remains I¡¯d left behind. Words¡­ words fail me, for the image of my handiwork was so depraved and ghastly that it sent me into an almost catatonic shock, and I could not force my eyes away from those absolutely dehumanized remains!


    What I¡¯d done set my heart to race; in overwhelming dread, and in a sick nauseous delight, and in a terrible desire to re-engage in that savagery while still conscious of it! Indeed, I greatly feared that although I wasn¡¯t starving anymore: I might¡¯ve still continued through want alone, as if his bloodied bits were little snacks to be snapped up, and I felt my control fluctuate there for far longer than I appreciated.


    We were silent for a very long while, long enough for the sun to have greatly lowered in the sky, but Arianna finally awoke us both from the horror of what I¡¯d done, and she shuddered so as she spoke from within me,


    ¡°Well, that was¡­ gruesome.¡±

 Chapter 5: Wherein We Face The Fact That I Ate A Man

    I momentarily recovered from the shock of the unprocessable scene before me, and though I was exhausted wholly of my capacity for horror: I was still gripped with a tangible unease, and so I rolled away from that grisly affair! I¡¯d plopped with all of my weight onto my back, and from the discomfort that stabbed into me: it would seem that I had not quite escaped the mess of splintered bone.


    Immediately, I forced myself back up to my knees, and I grimaced as a small chip of bone was held to pressure against my patella, but I nonetheless found a small patch of the floor near me that wasn¡¯t covered with an assortment of scattered human remains, and I collapsed onto it with the fleeting strength I¡¯d left to me. I was so tired then, that I could almost have slept right there where I lay, as I was quite at the end of my ability to endure my continued awareness.


    Not that I was comfortable even then, for the varnished hardwood of the floorboards wasn¡¯t a joy to lay on at the best of times, let alone when a person is covered in someone else¡¯s congealed blood, with bits of drying organs stuck to their face, and scraps of skin tangled in their hair!


    But my eyes were not to be deterred from their closing, for I was exhausted, and although I dared not to sleep, even as weary as I then felt: I did achieve some manner of restfulness for a while. However, the feeling of uncleanliness got to be too much for me before too long, for how could I easily rest while so smothered in another person¡¯s blood and guts?


    ¡°Rianna?¡± I started with a croak, ¡°Could you eat-¡± and I heard an absolutely bristling squawk from inside me at my word choice so ¡®soon¡¯ after that sickening performance, so I hurriedly tried to mask what I¡¯d said, ¡°-Clean! Could you clean all this up?¡±


    It was clear that she¡¯d been insulted by the equivalence I¡¯d made in haste, if not strictly in error, and she wasn¡¯t about to let me sweep it aside and bury what I¡¯d just done! While we were both fixating on my lamentable usage of the word ¡®eat¡¯, she gave me a disdainful retort, ¡°The last time I did something for you, you ate it!¡±


    If she¡¯d meant to shame me: she¡¯d succeeded, for I shuddered still to think of what I¡¯d done, and her emphasis scored right into the guilt and self-contempt that had formed around my heart! We were each quiet again a moment, as we were both regretful for the things we¡¯d said, and we knew well how hurtful we¡¯d been to each other in that exchange.


    My tongue nervously licked my lips, and it unfortunately came back with that dreadfully sweet taste I wished I could forget, and my chest heaved with the revulsion that I should still find it so appetizing! I was upset that I¡¯d hurt her with what I¡¯d said, and as the awkward silence between us stretched on, I found that I was too weary to bear with the temptation that had settled upon my own lips for even a second longer, and so I begged her apology,


    ¡°Sorry Rianna¡­ I didn¡¯t mean to say that,¡± I¡¯d begun, and I took a pause to wet my dry lips, only to come back with still more of that savory foulness, ¡°But please, I can¡¯t stand having this filth on me any longer!¡±


    I felt the blackness stir inside her, the sensation was something between an ooze and a slight wind, and while she apologized to me as well: I was rather focusing on the increasing sensitivity I seemed to be having towards the subtle things happening inside her entirely inhuman body.


    Feeling her voice tremor as she apologized was beginning to rather nag at me; I felt so much that I could feel her talking as if with my very own throat! Before I could wonder for long about the phenomenon however: my attention was once again consumed with the expanding blackness that came out, and my jaw clenched tight at the sight!


    Though I was fast becoming more familiar with her newest ''talent'' for removing filth: it was still the eeriest thing I¡¯d ever seen her do. A terribly useful technique, as I shuddered to think of how I might''ve otherwise been covered in gore and unable to clean myself for a long while, but that isn¡¯t to say it was at all a joyful experience.


    I shivered as my clothes were stolen away from me again, and a chill swept across my exposed skin ¡ª it would seem that the shutters weren''t quite so well sealed as they might have been, and autumn¡¯s cold drew my arms to wrap around myself ¡ª and I could feel the dried blood peeling off of me, leaving my skin pink and raw in those places where the gore had caked on.


    I glanced at the blackness as it receded from my body, which drew my attention to a still stranger phenomenon, and I was greatly startled! The scars which had littered my hands, the small blemishes that once scored my skin by the dozen¡­ the acid burns from when the lab exploded, and even the wounds I vaguely remembered recently inflicting upon myself: all of them were missing, as if eaten up by the darkness!


    Paranoia took hold of me for a moment, and though I was able to reason away that this was far from the strangest happening I¡¯d experienced in recent times: a small seed of it remained buried within my heart, for those scars had marked my life, and I felt strangely defiled by their sudden and unasked removal!


    Altogether, this process made me feel so vulnerable and small before her, and the mighty new power she possessed was making me increasingly uncomfortable. That kernel of paranoia ate away at me, bringing unbidden torments to mind that wondered at which new and more terrible manners she might discover by which to further molest my person!


    I tried to calm myself from these irrational thoughts, and I reminded myself that it was far better than being covered in gore, as I greatly appreciated her new dark powers in this specific circumstance¡­ but my mind¡¯s fears struck back, and I found that I could only be relieved that she hadn¡¯t yet invented a method by which to touch me directly, though given her interest:sthere was probably only so long until she would have me completely under her diabolical thumb!


    The blackness danced around the room for a while after, turning teeth into dust, and swallowing up the splintered bones I¡¯d managed to leave behind, which brought me to wonder: how did I manage to eat so much of that man? He was twice my size and then some, and yet I am to believe I swallowed so much matter inside me? Where would it even fit?! The snapping sound came back to my memory, and it was a horrible-enough recollection to make me shudder, so I¡¯d surely broken those bones, though I didn¡¯t know how I¡¯d managed such: they were as big as my arm!


    While I had been delving into these mysteries, she¡¯d finished cleaning up the room such that it was perhaps more sterile than when Bart and Lisset had first built it, despite having just had a man devoured within it. Again, that thought brought to my mind, ¡®how?¡¯, for it seemed to defy all the laws of nature I¡¯d ever known, and then a few of Heaven¡¯s besides.


    A feeling of excitement bubbled inside me, though a dark shadowy undercurrent could be felt as though just under the surface, and a few more interesting feelings came with them; another frightfully strange effect that was occurring inside me with increasing regularity¡­ or was it that I had only become more aware of them, as these feelings mirrored my own almost in exact, and yet they felt so supremely alien as if they came from her instead!


    Patently absurd, all of these things, but as I pondered of these impossible truths, and had nearly come to a conclusion that these strange mysteries might be as unsolvable as they were bizarre, she¡¯d excitedly threatened me as was surely inevitable, as if I¡¯d been expecting it from her all the while before she spoke,


    ¡°Mmmm, no, you should definitely stay just like this, and¡­ oh! There¡¯s a bed and everything!~¡±Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    Sweet Mercy, even though I¡¯d somehow seen it coming: there¡¯s a damned time and a place, Arianna, and this was neither, so I told her, ¡°Rianna, I¡¯ve eaten a man today. I¡¯m not in the mood.¡±


    ¡°But that¡¯s all the more reason!¡± She¡¯d immediately argued back to me with enough intensity to be called desperate, and I found myself oddly drawn by an intense loneliness and fear twisted by that alien feeling, ¡°Don¡¯t you see?! I can¡¯t just¡­ I need to forget, I¡­¡°


    Forget? I wondered what she might need so terribly to forget that I felt such a heaviness upon my own heart? Her voice had trailed off and became weak, and she seemed closer to tears with every faltering word she whispered to me, ¡°I couldn¡¯t¡­ I couldn¡¯t close my eyes, at all, during that, I saw it all, and¡­ and Mira: I need you; I need to touch you, and I just¡­ I just can¡¯t!¡±


    Sympathy swept up inside me as she wept with heaving sobs, and a dreadful sadness erupted from within me, and so my tears flowed once again. I nestled her red gem against my chest, for I didn¡¯t know how I could possibly console her when almost all our usual methods, whether they be holding each other close, or comforting each other with chaste kisses: they were impossible without a body by which to touch.


    Still, I couldn¡¯t leave her to cry out of the same frustrations I¡¯d been feeling since I¡¯d first found her missing, so I hummed our lullabies to her, and since I wanted some comfort myself: made my way over to the bed with my eyes laden with sadness and tiredness.


    As I sat down, I told her I loved her, and I gently stroked the red crystal she¡¯d become, all the while singing our love songs, and in time her quaking sobs subsided to hiccups, and her aggrieved wailing faded into sniffles.


    I did feel immensely strange to be sitting upon Bart and Lisset¡¯s bed, especially while naked, but I overcame my odd feelings for her sake, and I¡¯d propped myself up against a few pillows. I prayed that I wouldn¡¯t set her off again with this, Mercy knows but my tongue had done enough damage today, but I knew well of the power distraction held over sorrow, and so I had to try; I¡¯d do anything if only to see her happy again, and so I¡¯d started,


    ¡°Rianna~, can you see me right now?¡±


    A few sniffs came out of her, but she¡¯d responded nonetheless with a mumble, ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°Then,¡± I began, deliberately pausing to change my posture ¡ª this really would¡¯ve been easier to do if I only knew more about how she saw the world now ¡ª so that she¡¯d instinctively pay closer attention, ¡°how do I look?~¡±


    I was able to hear her audibly gulp, quite a trick considering she was made of precious stone now, and I had the strangest sensation that she was trying to avoid my eyes when she¡¯d murmured as if embarrassed, ¡°¡­ Pretty.¡±


    ¡®Unable to close her eyes¡¯, unspokenly, she¡¯d meant that she¡¯d seen ¡®everything¡¯ while I¡¯d shredded that man to pieces, and to what degree that meant I didn¡¯t yet know, but it was a terrible fate nonetheless, and I was ever so remorseful to have inflicted it upon her, but it could also be the implement by which I could heal the wound, perhaps to clean it out before it festered into a trauma!


    Functionally, she was a captive audience, and I¡¯d caught her simply by existing, so I took a deep breath, and I pondered for a while if I should consider another method for this, but before I could help it, I¡¯d caught myself speaking,


    ¡°Oh? Do you like what you¡¯re looking at there, Rianna?¡±


    A strangled cry escaped her, whether of offense or shame didn¡¯t matter as I¡¯d begun a treatment method I couldn¡¯t afford to stop for her sake, and I wasn¡¯t even close to finished,


    ¡°Since when have you been such a¡­ voyeur?¡±


    Panic and a thousand related feelings suddenly shot into me through that strange connection I seemed to have with her, and she cried out in protest,


    ¡°What?! A voye-NO! No, I¡¯m not listening to this!¡±


    Abashed as ever when pressed, I felt a relieved smile forming on my lips, and I let my eyes close; I imagined we were home, having as normal a day as any, and I found that teasing her in this manner was bringing back a peace in me that had been lost that night. It seemed that this treatment would be healing for the both of us, and though I couldn''t see her face so as to tailor my taunting, it would seem that I didn¡¯t need to anymore,


    ¡°Oh, but you just can¡¯t stop looking, can you Rianna?¡±


    ¡°Miiiraa!¡±


    Shock and horror and excitement poured in at once from the strange contact I seemed to feel from her, and I couldn¡¯t resist any longer her longing for me,


    ¡°Are you not the one holding my clothes hostage?¡±


    She spluttered, and that blackness flowed out in objection from the gem around my neck, and it fell to the bed where it pooled into a flowery blue sundress, one of my favorites for summer wear, and I was immensely amused to see she¡¯d been thoughtful enough to include undergarments this time.


    ¡°You¡­ a voyeur¡­¡± I¡¯d certainly aroused anger in her voice, and it came to a swell as she haughtily explained to me, ¡°Mira, you can¡¯t just call people voyeurs!¡±


    That wasn¡¯t how I saw it, though, so I told her, ¡°But I wasn¡¯t calling just anyone a voyeur, I was addressing someone who¡¯d been actively engaging in voyeurism, and besides, I do wonder what other titles apply to persons who steal a lady¡¯s clothes?¡±


    ¡°This was all for the clothes, wasn¡¯t it?¡± She complained to me, with a heightening agitation, ¡°You¡¯re horrible! You don¡¯t even care about my feelings!¡±


    I tapped my ankles patiently, and kept my silence for a number of seconds, wondering when she¡¯d notice. Today had been rather extraordinarily hard on us both, and she was right to have suggested that method for burning away all the stresses we¡¯d gone through to get here. We were alive, in the sense that we were both dead but still going through the motions, and there were certainly some motions which were better than others.


    Even though I wasn¡¯t keen on it at first ¡ª though more for the moral implications than any actual distaste; it was strange indeed how relatively unaffected I seemed to be from having literally eaten a man, which was something I¡¯d never anticipated happening in any manner before, let alone¡­ every, Mercy! The thought alone is enough to bring a shudder of disgust to me! ¡ª but I really did need her, even if we couldn''t touch in quite the same manner we once did.


    ¡°You¡¯re¡­¡± she finally spoke, though I heard her swallowing again ¡ª I really did have to wonder about these subtle things that I was somehow able to feel from her; we were in dire need of a conversation, and soon, but not while I was experiencing such a yearning from her ¡ª and her voice was almost raspy with desire as she continued, ¡°You¡¯re not¡­ You actually aren¡¯t wearing them.¡±


    A warm smile slipped onto my face, as I couldn¡¯t contain the bubbly feelings that warmed my cheeks. I didn¡¯t know how this would work at all, but I longed for her, and whatever happened: we¡¯d work through it together, as always.


    That eerie blackness spread throughout the room and into every corner, and before my vision had quite darkened behind a curtain of cloth: I¡¯d caught glimpses of so many unspeakable implements, and I knew this evening would be equal parts magical and wearying. I loved her so, and in case she couldn¡¯t feel my love for her as well as I could her lust for me, I had to let her know,


    ¡°I love you, Rianna.¡±

 Chapter 6: Wherein The Monster Inside Shows Me Up

    I¡¯d fallen to slumber while listening to her endless incessant gushing about her new arcane ¡®discoveries¡¯. No matter how many times she¡¯d elucidated to me in agonizingly intricate detail about the many things each ¡¯aetherial experiment¡¯ suggested; no matter how blatantly she walked through every step of her entirely scientific actions: I was still as enamored with her as ever, and I was brought to the heights of bliss all the same.


    Certainly, her babbling might have irritated me, for it was almost the worst it had ever been ¡ª In the past I would have sealed her lips by physical action, or I would have simply teased her until her babbling became unintelligible and therefore adorable¡­ but unfortunately: I knew no such method of response while my lover was a rock ¡ª but even still it was a blessed return to the happiness we had known for so long, and I was greatly relieved of the burdens I¡¯d carried in my heart.


    In the darkness of my dreamland, I could hear her sweet voice singing in gentle lullaby, and I could almost feel her caress again, so softly her words touched me. Though at first my dreams were as wonderful as any I¡¯d ever known, they soon shifted towards the nightmarish. They became bitter, and hard, and they were vicious as they gripped me tight and dragged me away from that once happy place; they were villainous, and they were scandalous, and despite having put every effort into driving these terrible things from my mind: they hadn¡¯t yet departed from me, and I was theirs, and they would have me know it!


    I was then trapped in a strange and terrible nightmare which preyed upon my recent death and apparent resurrection such that I could not escape them for their very novelty. Monsters might chase a person, but they still can at least attempt to run, or if they¡¯re cleverer still: they might otherwise change the paradigm in which their dream¡¯s setting haunts them, such as running from open fields into a city filled from skyline to sewer with soldiers¡­ but a person can no longer use this simple technique if they themselves have become the monster.


    The polar extremes I''d experienced yesterday thrust me through all the spectrums of joy, and sadness, and anger, and all these original emotions would combine in such an abstract and indecipherable pattern as to leave me entirely stunned before them¡­ and the absolute kaleidoscope of visions which assaulted my senses.


    When I was but a foundling underfoot, I remembered finding myself inside the Mother¡¯s locked room ¡ª for I was rather a little urchin in my early youth ¡ª and inside she¡¯d hidden many treasures of the Ancients, of which I¡¯d stolen away from her that small plastic tube, and its fascinating display of unbelievable colours affected my young mind greatly. It filled many of my days then, such that today it lay broken from the wrenching my tiny hands had given to it¡­ but I held it to me still in this frontier, for it was a memento of the very best and the worst that city had imprinted upon me.


    So beautiful, so colourful, and so treacherous to possess. Just as psychedelics can affect the mind in incomprehensible ways, so too did these dancing emotions of mine begin to change for the worse. I would shake myself away from these bizarre and horrible notions as I became aware of them, but then they would come back, for they clung so tightly to me now that I could not simply be rid of them!


    Always it started with the smell, so sweet and hard to resist, and it tempted me closer to the new emotions that had invaded my dreamscape. A thirst would then follow, and I couldn¡¯t help but to fixate upon the blood I¡¯d find before me. Then, the cruelest, most despicable sights would come to me, and I would see them, and¡­ no, as if I should allow for such a thing!


    I could see myself ravaging the bodies of everyone I¡¯d ever known. They were being feasted upon as if by wolves, but the only animal I could see was¡­ myself.


    They were alive at times, and dead at others; sometimes I could see them relax into that horrible scene with rapture upon their faces, and I would shudder simultaneously in horrified revulsion and... as blood¡¯s scent rushed into my nostrils I found myself affected by a strange arousal, but it was only a dream; an unexplainably bizarre and disgusting one, if oddly appealing, but a dream nonetheless.


    Other times, when their agonized screams would alight my ears, I would thirst so for the living, and at those moments I better knew what I was capable of¡­ and what I would never allow to be realized!


    Out of my own body, I watched myself with a mixture of horror and awe¡­ and I came to a conclusion then, as well as one is able to in a dream: it was me, it was their own fault for being so mouth-wateringly sweet, it was a part of me now, and there¡¯s nothing wrong with doing what one must, or perhaps I was rather a part of it, as I was certainly much more than I once had been. I had thought that eating literally more matter than I¡¯d previously contained before would surely be sufficient, but I was wrong, I was so very very wrong.


    Time and time again these visions burned into me, and there they left an imprint that could not be refuted. Still, I would all the same try to shove it away, for this insanity¡­ surely it couldn¡¯t be real, as it defied reason, but then I was back in my body, and I felt more than that Thirst for life again.


    I had inside me a Hunger for death, and I seemed drawn inexorably towards some aetherial phenomenon beyond my very body and soul, and altogether these three formed a terrible need like none I¡¯d ever before experienced¡­ so strong as to even eclipse my need for her!


    When my thoughts would rest upon her, I would be freed from the strange feelings I could scarcely confront¡­ and they would be replaced with thoughts that were all too real. For so long, as long as I remember, even as a foundling: she¡¯d entranced me.


    She alone had been enough for me to turn my back on the rest of the world and all its wonders, were I so made to choose between them, though she never made me, despite how jealous she always was to share me with the world! The frontier needed doctors, and she needed a quiet place far from the reach of her father, and we¡¯d rather thought we¡¯d found such a place, and before yesterday: we¡¯d even called it home.


    Always she looked so beautiful to me, so enchanting, and delicious, so lovely, and sweet; her golden hair framed her form like honey, and she was so enticing I just couldn¡¯t help but to eat her up. Despite our evening¡¯s symposium of discovery: I longed for her touch again. I was weak to my desire for her in the first place, as I was so very susceptible to her, and she knew it well.


    She¡­ she always knew just what to do to take control. With me, no bonds were necessary, for I was held prisoner by mere touch. My love for her was uncontainable; it encompassed me in full, and it drowned me to my deepest fathom, and it suffocated me until I was breathless but for her. I loved every second I¡¯d ever shared with her, and every small taste of her presence sent me to a Heaven without compare.


    The greatest nightmare of all is the kind you cannot walk away from; I¡¯ve long thought it, and ever it has held true for me. Drink the blood of the children? No, that anyone could surely deny their errant spirit of, and even mock its feeble thirst, as they were children for all goodness¡¯s sake, and I could never be enticed by such an objectionable thing as to harm them!


    Easiest thing in the world to deny, easier still to resist surely, easy enough to ea- no, clearly not so ¡®easy¡¯ as my impotently ghoulish nature might have wanted it to be. It was obvious now to me, that disembodied dream had rather disentangled my desires from that overwhelming experience they¡¯d first been: unless I was starving until my very flesh cried out to the point of madness, I was the stronger.


    How could I ever hurt them? I swore an oath to do no harm, and I¡¯d rather intended to keep it. Still, how could my mind be so villainous as to even conjure up images of my hurting the children? I hated myself for even having the capacity to dream of such things. No, no matter what, I could never be driven to this, and I would ensure my death long before it could ever come to such an absurd thing, not that such would even be necessary!


    However, a disgusting thing never really holds us to account, for we know it¡¯s abhorrence well, and it is therefore made powerless before our revulsion. What always takes us¡­ are the things we see nothing wrong with. Those are insidious, for they are unknowable, and they are powerful, and I would contest that it is here where we are at our weakest; it¡¯d certainly been true enough of myself.


    A person only really falls into an abhorrent thing when they start making excuses for it. ¡®But I was hungry and I might have starved¡¯, they might have said, ¡®but I was angry and I might have suffered¡¯ they might have reasoned, ¡®but they deserved it and I might have delivered justice¡¯ they may well have declared¡­ and with these excuses come theft, and murder, and war. Only when we find our actions justifiable do we release our civilized coil, for morality is infinitely mutable once we¡¯ve excused ourselves of its absolute tyranny.


    Once, long ago, back when I¡¯d first met Arriana, I¡¯d exacted church morality upon myself with an extreme vigilance, as was expected of any self-respecting Christian. I stood on guard against all that I¡¯d ever been told of what constituted right and wrong, but my desire for her was merciless, and though I¡¯d forbade her from myself: I eventually succumbed to the terribly inevitable need she¡¯d impressed upon me.


    Ultimately, what shattered that facet of my morality was a simple excuse: she was the one to first push it upon me, so I only had to ¡®give in¡¯ to her wants, and in that manner I freed myself of the responsibilities I¡¯d held to account for so long. That singular misstep was the keystone from which near-all of my churchfound goodness soon departed me, as before I¡¯d even known it: she¡¯d opened me up to wonders I¡¯d never so much as imagined through all those years of perverse interest in my best friend, and I never mourned of my loss of those societal rules.


    Because it was something between us, desired by us both, exciting, and easily compatible with the rest of my morality: I¡¯d relaxed my miserable self-policing. Would that I had stopped with just having her, we might never have been so far into the frontier, hunted down like plagued animals through the outer cities and border towns! Oh, but I loved her, and I¡¯d believed then in the good sense of people, and I¡¯d wanted the world to know that she was mine, and mine alone!


    That was a mistake I never should have made, for in their eyes we had exchanged our abstinence for depravity of the highest order, and so deeply I¡¯d sunken into my feelings for her that were I able to drink her and eat her: I would never have hungered or thirsted again! Hedonists, they called us, and heathens, and the less philosophically and theologically inclined had still other names for us, which were oddly both more plentiful in variety, and more hurtful to hear.


    No matter, I¡¯d never considered eating her like¡­ this. It wouldn¡¯t be the first time I¡¯d tasted her, but it was the first time I ever dreamed of taking a bite of her flesh¡­ It should have disgusted me, but it¡¯d targeted a weakness I could never have defended. These wanton visions depicted her desire for me, her excitement, and I felt such a passion towards the woman I love that I never could deny her something that would make her eyes glow so bright and rapturously.


    Debauched as it was, I liked her smile as I bled her¡­ the way she would squirm in my dreamland before every nibble, and the sweet screams that came with every piece of flesh I tore from her! I loved expanding my existing perversions towards her to such a degree, as all of my newfound wants cried out for her in harmony, and all the while I heard her voice screaming out with ecstasy like I¡¯d never heard from her before, and this more than anything was the final straw for my patience with myself. I knew it now, I knew.


    I wasn¡¯t merely an aether-animated body that needed flesh to survive, and I was no simple Godforsaken vampire come back from the dead to haunt her loved ones; I finally remembered it, I wished so that I could refuse it again, but I knew of it already, so how could I forget!? How could I simply ignore it!?This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    I awoke with a cold sweat, and though I¡¯d strangely heard Arianna mewling with a dreadful dissatisfaction: I tuned her out, for I had remembered the first blackness in full, and it had rather taken my mind with horror.


    Why Luca had looked so strangely at me all the while before he¡¯d barricaded me in here, the way he''d held me as if it was for the last time he ever would¡­ it surely was the hole in the fabric of my dress! A hole which had offered glimpses straight through where my very heart had once been, for that is where I¡¯d been skewered by the soldier when it came my turn to join the dead.


    Helpful, he¡¯d probably thought he was being, and so very kind as to not allow me to suffer long¡­ but the hole was now gone, and it was his body I had eaten last night! Hah! Arriana always had a real vengeful streak underneath, and I wondered how she¡¯d known whom to serve up to me first.


    The children were crying when I¡¯d entered the house, and I should have known then, but I was rather too self-focused to pay them the mind they deserved, why¡­ why would they all at once be crying so many hours after, and looking at me with fear in their wide eyes?! Why didn¡¯t I see their fear?!


    Mercy, Luca, for how long did you suffer knowing what I¡¯d become before I¡¯d made you lock me in here? He¡¯d always kept his gaze towards me, why hadn¡¯t I noticed the prepared spellcraft in his eyes? Why, Luca, why didn¡¯t you strike me down out of instinct alone? I thought we¡¯d taught him so well, but there was still so much more we couldn¡¯t teach him anymore.


    That night I had been stuck clean through the heart, and I knew that no mere vampire could have risen in those circumstances, for the staking of the heart was an endlessly common burial practice, though to really be sure, a body would have been instead burned. Ghouls were dead risen by aetherial ambience, and usually where there was one, there were a thousand all rising, as Caesar¡¯s legion had long ago, and they exclusively feasted upon the rotting dead, with less desire for the freshly dead, and none whatsoever for the living until they were made otherwise!


    Neither of these creatures could remotely defy the laws of mass and matter, and though leaving the body was possible for a vampire, for the body was but a vessel by which their terrible spirit strengthened: they were not interested in the already-dead whatsoever, and so they were known to keep ¡®thralls¡¯ all throughout the Deadlands.


    Until I¡¯d dined upon a person from top to toe, perhaps it might have been hard for me to understand¡­ but these creatures, they surely don¡¯t see humanity like people. We are chattel to them; both a delicious dessert, and a wonderfully scrumptious breakfast; we exist to be molested for their thrills and joys, and beaten bloody as flesh-sacks for their unleashed angers and woes.


    My mind cast about for which evil monster I must have become; I¡¯d read so much of these conditions before, and they must have been documented somewhere! Ghouls and vampires were out¡­ I couldn¡¯t have been a changeling, those were out west and they are not risen but born. Stories of werebeasts came out of the north often, but I was certainly not lunar-affected, and they were not known for escaping death¡¯s claws.


    So many beasts in human skin ran through my mind, but I could not arrive at an answer! There were rumours of creatures that yet lived among us, and murdered our children to masquerade as them¡­ but who hasn¡¯t heard that they don¡¯t butcher us for sustenance as do cannibal tribes, but instead plot to use us for their rather nefarious ends? Of course I knew these tales, I would be surprised if there remained a single person who wasn¡¯t at least once entertained on a dark night by such stories.


    Unfortunately, I¡¯d been rather scientifically inclined before, when it didn¡¯t matter near so much to me as now, and so I¡¯d dismissed most of the fluff that came with those stories before, and rightly so I should have then thought! Yet my nightmares made it rather clear that a being lacking in human morals entirely would make those horrible tales that had once kept me awake until the early hours of dawn ¡®the romances¡¯ of the subject matter.


    To the monsters, we surely have no rights, no purpose in existence aside from their Godless intentions for us! Mercy, but was I really thinking that we¡¯re all that much better than the monsters? When the fate of our village came into my mind, I''d had to reconsider what humanity hath wrought:


    Death, in all its flavours, from the skewered to the beaten and beheaded¡­ and the depravity besides that some had engaged in, before my beloved had broken free of their arcanists and slew them all like less than animals, were particularly¡­ they made my nightmares almost look pleasant.


    But I had to chide myself for believing for one second that I was better than those brute beasts and morally misguided humans¡­ for I felt a feverish heat still from that last dream, and I knew that I would do those things, at least with her¡­ and I wouldn¡¯t have even been inclined to ask her before I¡¯d started, because I was sure she¡¯d have it turned into a new game for us to play before long.


    Being that none of the dreadful creatures I¡¯d been considering quite matched with my symptoms: I had to wonder long and hard as I picked through all my learning, and I thought of the first long blackness I¡¯d felt back then; my death.


    I was dead, and that certainly was a terrible thing to know, but what was worse by far was remembering what''d happened after¡­ that feeling where I¡¯d been trapped in my own skin and unable to leave, to see the light of peace and salvation and to be yet denied it was an agony upon the soul, and it twisted me inside my own dead flesh.


    The phylactery had drawn Arianna¡¯s soul inside it, but perhaps it had also pressed mine around hers, for I felt her inside me even now. Her soul had always been immensely magical, and if her ascension was successful: she¡¯d become as aether incarnate. I¡¯d always been devoid entirely of such a mystical force, and in the past some had even called me a cursed child, so following that logic I had to wonder with a laugh if mine had become a rejection of aether itself, as if such a thing could be real.


    But there was no more denying it for me: I was sick, wrong in a manner I¡¯d never heard of before, and not knowing is what makes people their most powerless. I shakily stood on my feet, and her voice rang out around me with disappointed moans.


    Was I truly hearing her voice now, or was it the echoed remnant of the dream? Excitement lingered still from my dream, and it grabbed upon my greatest hopes, that I could bring her happiness again, but all the same, I made to I slip on the summer dress that had fallen onto the floor.


    Arianna whined at me for clothing myself, but it wasn¡¯t as if she¡¯d never see me naked again, so I ignored her and I opened the shutters to the darkness of night. Lisset must have returned by now, and if my dream from before was damnable proof: if I really truly fancied someone, then I could not be sure I would remain in control, as if I heard what I wanted out of hallucination: how was I to tell? Though realistically, how could she possibly ever want me to bleed her as vampires do?


    It was not even worth consideration, surely, and that should have been enough for me to stay here, but my sanity clearly wasn¡¯t quite with me anymore. I was a woman who believed she had died, and that I was communicating with the voice of my dearly-departed as if she had been inside me all along, and my mind had been conjuring up illusions of the bizarre, the strange, and the impossible!


    I wished to all the angels the Father had beaten into me that it weren¡¯t so, but I¡¯d been at least a little into her in the past, and who wouldn¡¯t have been? I didn¡¯t have to envy Bart, I had Arianna after all, but Lisset was still very appealing to look at, and it wasn¡¯t as though I could drain the life from a rock, and so I had well and truly lost my own trust.


    I wondered there, if this is how rapists feel, like they¡¯re on a precipice of control, and as though the slightest sign is sufficient? Pah! I can¡¯t exactly speak like I could know whatever went through their evil minds, and I should think that they must be even weaker-willed than I to fall to such depravity over mere desire¡­. but for all that I cannot know a fiendish man¡¯s mind: I sure knew what was going through mine!


    Bloodthirst, an ever present hunger for the living, and a desire of such intensity¡­ plainly, I wanted very passionately to tear a poor enraptured woman apart while I drained her of lifeblood¡­ an impossible fantasy! Really, I wanted my beloved so desperately, but she was already gone from the realm of the living¡­ but I love her, and surely I wouldn¡¯t do such a thing on the very morrow following her passing?!


    How could I do this to the woman I love: to betray her but one day dead, and all the more while she was still aware, and entirely unable to turn away from the matter? Was my coveting for a ridiculous dreamland fantasy really sufficient for me to stoop so low and infidelious?!


    Surely I couldn¡¯t be addicted to something I¡¯d never even tried; to something so utterly impossible and insane. How, I again wondered, for the thought truly frightened me, could someone possibly consent to die over such a whimsical interest come from the depravity of a man-eating monster?!


    They must first have to be suicidal, and second they must have lost any esteem they¡¯d ever had of themselves, and finally they must be willing to endure being torn apart limb from limb¡­ and all for a simple satisfaction of someone whose humanity may well be skin deep?


    It surely was an uncomfortable thought, Mercy but I was uncomfortable thinking about these things. It isn¡¯t every day a person wakes up a monster, and I was so nauseous and appalled just thinking about this that I wished I would just stop and think of absolutely anything else, but I just couldn¡¯t help my inclination to muse over such matters when they concernedme.


    The answer to this ailment wasn¡¯t remotely a certainty¡­ an antidote to cure me somehow of death would be wonderful, but as a doctor, I knew that the only solutions were either abstinence and prayer, or some form of indulgence, and if Arianna had not yet lived: I might yet have prescribed a more staying death upon myself.


    I knew that Lisset at least must be separated from me, and soon, and I knew that better than to trust in myself anymore was to trust in the absolute physical law of distance.


    Unfortunately, as I was considering how to make myself fit out the window, which was rather too small to accomodate me without some major renovations, I¡¯d heard a scuffle taking place in the hallway, and the sliding sound of wood against wood soon had both my surprise and attention.


    A cacophony of muffled phrases were exchanged over each other such that despite their rising volume: I could not understand a single thing that they¡¯d said, though I could tell that my son and Lisset accounted for two of the voices.


    It was such an odd and sudden happening that for a moment I¡¯d felt rather frozen in place, but then the door handle rattled, and all hell broke loose in my heart.


    I panicked greatly, and I looked for another way out as if there were any other exits I could possibly have taken, but there remained only the privacy window. It was too small for me, so I did the next best thing I could: I wrapped myself up in blankets, and I raced into the far corner.


    If I couldn¡¯t escape, then the least I could do was to prevent myself from chasing them down before they could lock the door again. The door swung open with a creak, which is how I¡¯d known of it, and a few seconds passed in which the patter of feet foretold the arrival of the prettiest airhead who ever lived.


    ¡°Miiiirraaaa!!!¡± Lisset squealed as she tackled me from the back, driving me even further down to the floor than I¡¯d actually thought possible, and I was feeling that terrible discomfort rather acutely when she¡¯d mercilessly continued,


    ¡°You¡¯re alive! You¡¯re really alive! And I¡¯m so sorry about Arianna dear; Lord knows I¡¯m missing Bart.¡±


    As I did my best to sort through the pain while retaining my control, I was rather surprised that my vision hadn¡¯t simply gone red with her mere presence, and I heard Luca speaking with urgency,


    ¡°Miss Fredrickson, I know you¡¯ve missed mum, but you need to leave her be! It isn¡¯t safe to be near her right now!¡±


    At that moment, I wished for anything that Lisset would listen to Luca, if not for her own sake then at least for mine! Although I was endlessly relieved that I hadn¡¯t immediately followed in the path of my nightmares: my spine really wasn¡¯t supposed to bend in this manner!


    ¡°Sheepshit! She saved my boy, didn¡¯t she!¡± Lisset absolutely puffed with pride for me, and my heart warmed a bit, Petyr had made it to this point, and I wondered if he caught a fever, before I suddenly felt the sweet release of my backbones, and I immediately straightened up as she turned upon my son,


    ¡°You can¡¯t just keep your mother locked up like this because she¡¯s unwell!¡±


    Luca argued back with anger laced throughout his voice, "It''s standard practice, you should know better after Tali-"


    He was surely trying to remind her of the quarantine we''d had to put Talia through when she''d developed the mumps, sweet mercy but she was always such a sickly child, but I knew Lisset wouldn''t understand it. Her respect for me was the only reason she''d allowed me to do it before, so I''d been in the process of standing up, and his voice went dead. I turned towards him, and I saw aether absolutely flooding into his eyes, but I wasn¡¯t about to tell my son to disarm himself before an undead creature that might''ve attacked him at any moment.


    Lisset¡¯s arms came around me again as I stood, and so we shared in a dangerous hug; hers was tight and I could almost feel my ribs creak, Mercy she was strong, but mine was gentle and rather careful to avoid touching her much more than was necessary, as my control felt as delicate as if upon a razor¡¯s edge.


    ¡°Please, Lisset, could you go and get me something to eat?¡± I managed to speak through the pounding of her heart, and I felt that if she did not let me go very soon: a terrible fate might come for my dear friend at my own hands, just as I¡¯d feared doing even worse to my own son just yesterday!


    ¡°Sure!¡± Lisset cried out, and after a very tight squeeze that left my bones aching and my bloodthirst soaring, she¡¯d raced back out the door for the kitchen.


    I turned to Luca, and although I terribly wished to ask him how it was that Lisset had come by the key for the door handle, I knew we didn¡¯t have enough time until Lisset would return, so instead I said to my son,


    ¡°Go, go! We don¡¯t have long til she¡¯s back! I¡¯ll block the door from my side, so go!¡±


    My boy could listen even if he couldn¡¯t keep a key out of that airhead¡¯s hands, and he was soon behind the door. Oddly, I heard it click behind him, so perhaps there was more than one key? No, that made some sense, but I needed something, and I knew just the person to ask,


    ¡°Rianna? Would you please block the door so Lisset can¡¯t kill herself?¡±


    At once, the black mist went out, and although I¡¯d been expecting her to pile something heavy in front of the doorway, she¡¯d instead sent the mist around the gaps of the door itself, and I watched in awe as she¡¯d turned the door into yet another unbroken section of wall.


    I dropped to my knees in amazement, and my admiration for her magical talents overwhelmed me for a while, and I couldn¡¯t help but to ask a question that had formed at the very heart of all my doubts,


    ¡°Rianna¡­ how exactly did you do that?¡±

 Chapter 7: Wherein A Sheep Is Almost Sacrificed For Science

    She¡¯d always been a prodigy, my Arianna. I remember that warm summer day where we first met; I had stolen from her because she looked an easy mark, and I¡¯d almost made off with her father¡¯s money before she¡¯d dropped enough water on my head to send me, and her father¡¯s money, right down the storm drain.


    Though she¡¯d lost me in that event, she¡¯d caught up with me but a small handful of days later. I hadn¡¯t been able to move that much gold at once as a foundling, and she¡¯d found me by literally tracking the aether that¡¯d been imprinted upon the gold, which at the time I¡¯d neither known about, nor understood how one could find something they couldn¡¯t see.


    Why she hadn¡¯t called the guards on me, well it was probably because she was rather headstrong as a young girl, and she¡¯d wanted her money back with her father none-the-wiser. She should have departed from my life at that moment, and I should have never seen her again, but I¡¯d been the first to successfully steal from her despite many attempts, and she was most curious as to how I¡¯d done it.


    The how was easy, as I was no master at the craft of pickpocketing: I simply had no aura ¡ª a cursed child I¡¯d been called, and the Mother would endlessly tell me that I was lucky to have been taken in at all, as I was illegitimate, and it was only that someone had paid good money for them to look the other way ¡ª and in this way I had been able to evade her magically enhanced sight.


    The fact that I had no aether to protect me rather fascinated her, and though the only thing I¡¯d ever done for her attention was to have been born the way I was: she¡¯d asked me if she could experiment upon my person.


    How dreadfully villainous it¡¯d sounded to me then, but how was a poor urchin who¡¯d lived off the scraps of society, and who¡¯d never experienced a parent¡¯s love to stand before the whims of the rich and learned? I couldn¡¯t help but to agree to the attentions of a young girl so rich that she could ask such a question with so bright a smile upon her face.


    At times, taking a risk can rather pay off, and when one has so very little to lose, and they stand to gain so very much: it wasn¡¯t at all unusual to see the wretched bodies of those risk-takers dumped in the river en masse. Never would they dump them upriver, where all the holy and precocious sorts lived, but downstream lay the seedy underbelly of the city, and the more clandestine activities of the Clans could be observed daily.


    I was luckier than that lot, that much is certain, though I very easily could have been among them, and infact a part of me at the time somewhat longed to be. She would come by that house of death where children would disappear every day, and she would go away with me for her ¡®experiments¡¯, which were largely just an excuse for her to get out of that palace to play.


    My repeated interactions with Arianna had brought the Mother to see more value in me, and soon I was off the streets, and I found myself being tutored, if only so the Mother could better get in with the Cardinal, or more specifically: with his money.


    At first, although Arriana had an incredible amount of aether to work with: she wasn¡¯t terribly gifted with control, and so accidents were prone to occur. That¡¯s how we''d met Carmen actually: by setting her hair on fire as she¡¯d been laying in a field of grass, just vacantly staring up at the sky.


    Time passed, and I had become apprenticed to a local doctor, and as we¡¯d grown older Arianna wasn¡¯t around to play as much anymore, but we could still see her accidents as her magical power grew exponentially with age, and such sights as pillars of fire in the sky, or sudden rainstorms would accompany every failure of control.


    Being the Cardinal¡¯s daughter, she was from an old and powerful Clan, and was the result of the union of two great mystics, even if she was the seventh of that lot. But those lonelier days of standoffish distance came to a close as she dueled the firstborn, and defeated him soundly.


    How she¡¯d babbled to us about that duel; apparently The Pope himself had been in attendance, and so she was destined for ¡®the greatest of things like ever¡¯. Though she made me chuckle so, I certainly was in no mind to disagree, and a year passed by again accompanied by the charming daily presence of my unknowing benefactor, over which she taught me so much about magic that I can never forget its principles.


    The things she had been doing since we died¡­ they were impossible, physically they could not be done, due to the very mechanics by which aether was drawn into objects, such that they resembled great orbs of aura which each could be interacted with individually.


    Particularly clever and gifted sorcerers had long theorized that it was possible to control aether on the very molecular level, or perhaps even the elemental itself¡­ but even if Arianna had become capable of such a thing: in no understanding of science could a person join two objects together seamlessly, and with magical effort alone.


    The orbs repelled each other in a very magnetic sense: they must always be a certain distance apart, and so while a rock might be shaped by magic into smaller pieces of itself: it could not be made to join another rock. Set upon, certainly¡­ but what Arianna had done to the door went well beyond the theoretically possible, and was outside of everything she¡¯d ever told me before.


    ¡°¡­ Well,¡± she¡¯d started, sounding extremely hesitant to explain herself, an unusual enough thing, for normally she so loved to talk about the arcane, ¡°It¡¯s like¡­ sort of your fault, I think.¡±


    I blinked a moment, and I felt an annoyance bubbling to the surface, but before I could snap back at my beloved, she¡¯d again sent out that dark power, and she¡¯d made a door-sized hole in one of the outside walls of the room.


    ¡°Fresh air will do us good, right?¡± her voice alighted my ears like a song of insecurity, and it rightly shut down the explosion of irritation I¡¯d been about to unleash. Then she continued with a smile I could hear, ¡°You¡¯re always telling me to get out more.¡±


    Stress has always had this effect on relationships, such that partners who might go years without having raised their voices at each other might one day suddenly explode over the pettiest of matters, and I rather didn¡¯t desire to shout at her over any further trivialities; I was better than that. I sighed, and nodded in acquiescence, and I could hear her giggle a little as I went out the door into the¡­ night.


    Outside was oddly bright, despite it being the new moon. Strangely, I could see everything near as if daylight, and even the colours ¡ª which reason told me should have faded with the absence of the the sun¡¯s intense light ¡ª seemed to somehow shine with an unbelievably vivid appearance, as if I had lived all my life in a desaturated world, and had only now come to see.


    The stars shone so brightly, and they enchanted me such that I mindlessly stepped away from the ambient aetherlamps, and I felt the night breeze breathe upon my exposed arms and neck, and the whole experience rather titillated me for a while. I might have stood there the whole night through, rooted with fascination, if Arianna hadn¡¯t interrupted my reverie with a soft affectation on her voice,


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s certainly different, actually not a half bad place to start, Mira are you listening?¡±


    ¡°How could I not, Rianna?¡± I felt her absolutely boil inside me with indignation, but it seemed that she too was rather unwilling to escalate our current stresses in the face of such calm, so I heard her breathing deeply for a while, and it seemed almost as if some of the colour around me had flowed towards me as she inhaled.


    Though my repeated ignoring of her all day long had rather affected her, as still I could feel a slight umbrage at my thoughtless remark, finally she spoke again, using common truths more as a way to calm herself down than to communicate,


    ¡°Okay, so, you know how I used to do this; focus on the object, envision my change, will that it happen, and then aether would be consumed proportional to my understanding and such, right? So¡­¡±


    She took another deep breath as she got to the meat of the matter,


    ¡°So actually, when I channel my aether now, it sort of¡­ goes through you; actually it¡¯s really weird, because I¡¯ve never heard of aether turning black before, it¡¯s supposed to be visible only through enhanced vision, but it¡¯s like seriously physical, and-¡±Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    ¡°Rianna,¡± I interrupted her likely minutes-long tangential interest, ¡°Focus, you said it was my fault, so tell me how, please?¡±


    Embarrassment flooded through her, Mercy if she was before me and blushing like this: I might have become similarly distracted, but she explained even through her bashfulness,


    ¡°Er, right, sorry, um. So, I channel it through you, kind of can¡¯t not right no-focus right, anyhow, I channel it through you, and it like, warps¡­ and the next thing I know, when I look at an object, and envision my change, and finally will it so: it seems I absorb the aether inside it, and then I push it back through in the desired way, and it snaps back into the new shape, which is how I did the thing with the door.¡±


    Goodness but she can be hard to parse when she¡¯s interested in something, but I tried my best to put it together, and I asked her to confirm if I had the right of it,


    ¡°So you channel it through me, and that allows you to drain objects of their aether, which means you¡¯re able to ignore the law of separation?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, basically, but that¡¯s not all!¡± She just bubbled with excitement, and I felt myself instinctively bracing as she continued to yammer on in her enthusiasm,


    ¡°I can take everything, Mira! Everything! Like the towel, and the gore, and your clothes, and stuff! This is such a scientific milestone, not that I¡¯m fast looking to recreate it mind you, can¡¯t go sacrificing whole cities just to try to do it again, but you know how you ate like, that whole entire human, eugh, still can¡¯t believe you ate his di-¡±


    ¡°Rianna!¡± I shouted, for I rather didn¡¯t want to be reminded of it, though I also shivered with disgust. I could feel her forming an apology inside myself, but I didn¡¯t really need it. I felt that I knew where she was going with this, so I asked,


    ¡°You think that I¡¯m some kind of spatial anomaly now, like a black hole, but for aether?¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ basically,¡± she began, and she seemed lost in thought for a bit, so I took the opportunity to sit on the grass and look up at the stars, when another thought sprung up at me.


    ¡°Hey Rianna?¡± I asked, ¡°Why is the grass still here?¡±


    Anger swelled within me such that I felt I might burst from its ferocity, and she spat, ¡°Those damned bastards; they undid like ninety percent of my spellwork when they showed up! Ninety! No they just couldn¡¯t have left me the protections I¡¯d tailored to everyone, somehow Petyr of all people didn¡¯t get sucked in, and instead I get the damned grass!!!!!¡±


    It was easy to see that she was really a little beyond frustrated, which would have been fine: I was rather inclined to let her let it all out, but her feelings now had an effect upon my feelings, and I felt my world going red again.


    Her tirade of ever-accelerating expletives began to fade into the background for me despite myself, and I rather needed her to calm down, so I begged her,


    ¡°Honey, I really need you to calm down, right now, if you could, please?¡±


    ¡°How can I possibly be fucking calm?! They fucked us, the-¡± came her immediate answer, but then I heard a soft ¡®oh, oh sorry¡¯, and I could feel her dialing back her anger at such a speed that although the haze lingered in my eyes a while after: it felt suddenly much more manageable, but my want for the living still stood as preeminent in my mind, and I had yesterday involuntarily thought of a solution for it, so I asked her,


    ¡°Honey? Thanks, but given that vampires eat the living: do you think that vampires can eat livestock?¡±


    ¡°Err, sorry, you know, I don¡¯t really know,¡± Arianna said, but I felt a pondering feeling pressing out at me, ¡°but I¡¯m supposing you¡¯re keen on finding out?¡±


    A black mist appeared in my hands, and I raised them to see what she was giving me, only to almost recoil in shock when a knife and a goblet with a string in it were deposited in them.


    ¡°What?¡± she asked as if perplexed by my reaction, ¡°Sheep are gross, it was the sheep right? Anyways, I¡¯m not watching you do that with your mouth, I swear to God I¡¯d rather you eat Lisset than to see that. Actually I may want to see that anyways¡­¡±


    ¡®Mercy, Arianna, you are such a pervert, whatever am I to do with you?¡¯, I thought, and I found my voice working in conjunction,


    ¡°Mercy, Rianna, you are such a pervert¡­ just what am I to do with you?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t even answer, Rianna,¡± I was sure I didn¡¯t want to hear anything she might say at that point, and I reiterated to be sure, ¡°don¡¯t even answer.¡±


    Thankfully, she was quiet aside from the mixture of feelings that I felt from her as always, a little shyness, a lot of interest, and still more ponderous emotions seemed to be expressing themselves inside me.


    The journey to the sheep was slower than it might have been yesterday, for they had quite wandered from their pen since then, but they couldn¡¯t have hidden from me now if they¡¯d tried, for I could taste the echoes of their life that hung in the air.


    Rianna spoke up more seriously around the time I spotted them, ¡°Together, we¡¯re a bit like a spacial and aetherial anomaly I guess, though I don¡¯t really know. It seems I¡¯m able to pull objects inside you, and I can infinitely warp them inside, before putting them back out however I want them. It¡¯s unique, Mira, it¡¯s so utterly unique that I¡¯ve never heard of it before, and I¡¯m really excited to figure out what we can do with it, obviously, I¡¯m always ¡ª sorry, I''m babbling.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay, Rianna, you know I like your babbling most times.¡± I felt myself smiling, and I paused a moment to pet the red gem that housed my beloved, and I could hear her purr a little, so either she was having me on, or I actually could touch her in some way. I wasn¡¯t one to be deterred for long though, as I was nearing the sheep now, and I finished elucidating, ¡°It¡¯s only when I¡¯m trying to sleep, or to get a specific answer out of you that I get irritated, and I¡¯m sorry for that.¡±


    ¡°Mmmn,¡± she answered me, goodness she sounded so cozy as to almost distract me from what I was doing, but I needed to know if I was able to be safe around people more than I needed another ¡®therapeutic session¡¯ for science¡¯s sake.


    I felt dreadful about it, as I stood before the sheep, for I¡¯d really very rarely been the one of us to kill things. I heard her murmur to me then, ¡°Want me to do it?¡±, but I shook my head, and it would seem that she understood well enough to give me silent comfort for a bit.


    After all, if this worked, I had no way of knowing how much I might need, and so I apologized to the poor sheep, even though I knew it was for my benefit alone,


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry dear, this is going to be terribly uncomfortable I¡¯m afraid. Rianna? Mind binding him down for me, and maybe cleaning the skin around his neck?¡±


    A black mist rose rapidly around the sheep, and although it was startled immensely, it was not able to react in time before earth had shot up to hold it immobile. Its panicked bleating affected my heart, and I almost turned away from the process, but I knew I needed to do this, otherwise I would have to go off into the night alone and disappear.


    I tied the twine tightly around the sheep¡¯s neck, such that the veins rather made themselves known, and a watery black mist scrubbed him all down his neck. I braced myself for the red haze that might follow, and I made the puncture as light as I could.


    Redness smothered my vision for a few moments, but I held strong against it, either a worrisome sign that this wouldn¡¯t work, or an excellent sign that I could better contain one of the beasts inside me, and my goblet soon overflowed with blood, which I was not near so capable of stopping myself from partaking of.


    The taste was almost divine, even though it came from a sheep, and it rather made me wonder how the blood of humans must taste. But I was shortly back for a second gobletful, and then a third, and by the fourth I¡¯d almost felt myself overcome with a desire to drink from the source, but I¡¯d strangled it with all my willpower, and I forced myself to untie the twine that bound the sheep''s neck, and I was sure he''d heal shortly.


    ¡°Feeling better?¡± I heard Rianna ask with a touch of concern, and I smiled deeply, for indeed I did. I felt a million times better than I had but ten minutes earlier, or rather¡­ I felt like the animal that called me to bleed the living had gone quiet.


    ¡°It worked, Rianna,¡± I gushed with happiness as tears fell from my eyes, ¡°I don¡¯t have to kill anyone, I can¡­ I can still be a doctor. I¡¯m better for sure, my love.¡±


    I felt the sun shine inside me, and I knew that her heart just soared for me, and she asked,


    ¡°Then, shall we go see Luca?¡±


    The warmth that glowed within me just pulsed to a heat that couldn¡¯t be contained, and I said,


    ¡°Yes, let¡¯s go see our son.¡±

 Chapter 8: Wherein An Irresponsible Question Leads To Grave Consequences

    The trip back to the Fredrickson household was short, for my feet were light upon the earth as warmth cradled my heart, and my spirit just soared with a delight that sang joyously within me. Salvation was upon me, and I almost leapt with the self-assurance that although I may yet be a damnable creature: I was not condemned to an unlife in self-enforced solitude.


    Those beautiful stars smiled upon me, and the vividly green grasses seemed to cheer for me with every footfall. The unease which had so gripped me before had relented in entirety, and I knew that even though my son would certainly have misgivings at my presence: he surely would come to appreciate what it offered in this dangerous frontier.


    I stood now before the door that had once filled my heart with a tangible apprehension, and I was unable to smother a giddy laugh as I thought of how incredibly wooden it¡¯d really been. The world, which had become so cruel and lonesome and dreadful to me, was still the same world I used to know, with its warmth and happiness glowing around every dark corner if I was looking to find it.


    The sweet scent of life drifted out of the house, and I had to chuckle that Bart¡¯s drafty workmanship had led me to such a wonderful idea, which had been hidden behind literal darkness. A notion had occurred to me on that doorstep, that although the gruel I¡¯d eaten earlier was ash for me, it couldn¡¯t have been all that much better for any of the children, and so I spoke to my dearly departed,


    ¡°Rianna? Do foodstuffs rot inside that strange space you¡¯ve access to?¡±


    She hummed in my ears for a while as she pondered, then I felt her shrug inside me, ¡°Only one way to find out.¡±


    That blackness began to spew forth from the phylactery around my neck, and I turned to where it was pooling into a mass behind me. Tables, chairs, and even the rough outline of a house ¡ª in that it had pillars, cornerboards, and a roof, but no walls at all ¡ª had formed up a short ways away.


    Inside that new structure appeared a veritable feast, and the black mist became all sorts of fresh fruits and vegetables. The autumn harvest was close at hand, and we must have collected near all the crops in the village through the sorcery that remade us ¡ª we¡¯d long been unable to expand the fields too far beyond the protection of the houses, due to the wild beasts that would come to gorge upon our undefended foodstuffs.


    Out of the mist, I saw cooking appliances that I¡¯d recognized, as they¡¯d come from other people¡¯s houses, and I should know since I¡¯d been in most all of the houses in the village by now, though Nestor¡¯s family always firmly maintained that they never wanted much to do with a doctor of my persuasion.


    The man himself, though, had come by to beg for cures to any ailment that ever surfaced in his household, and I liked to imagine that he simply kept where he got my medicines from secret by way of lying that he¡¯d found them dropped off a wagon, or that a wandering healer provided them. Roguish fellow really did like keeping his cards to his chest, and having been born of Olga and Dmitry Orlov, I could endlessly sympathize with him.


    Still, this staggering scene continued to develop into the finest feast I¡¯d ever seen, lit so brightly by the aetherlamps which spawned from the purest blackness that the building was blotting out all the starlight! It was so packed with food that it even made the Cardinal¡¯s dinner party look paltry ¡ª if the one I¡¯d ever been to was anything to judge by, though that¡¯d ended with ¡®fireworks¡¯, so perhaps the memory was more unpleasant than it otherwise deserved ¡ª and altogether this incredible sight had rather answered my one question, and by way of astonishment had raised in me another,


    ¡°For just how long are you able to do this?¡±


    All at once an almost manic grin sprang to life inside me, and since it most certainly wasn¡¯t upon my face: my heart murmured with unease, and when I¡¯d heard her chuckle I instinctively knew what was to come. I shivered as she said in a voice deeper and far more dangerous than was usual,


    ¡°Only one way to find out~¡±


    ¡°Stop! Stopstopstopstop! Rianna please! Don¡¯t do this!¡± I begged her then, for I knew that tone of voice, and it screamed at me that she was going to get herself addled with aether, if not go into aethershock itself! To say nothing of what might happen to me, us being somewhat linked and all!


    But as was typical, she was beyond the point of listening, and a column of fire rose into the sky some distance away. Not as usual, however, was that I found myself unable to turn away from the dreadful firestorm that burned so hotly despite being so far from it, as with this new connection to her: I felt at least some amount of her pyromania, and in this way I was rooted where I stood with a fascination spiking within me.


    Her cackling and giggling went on for quite some time, and I found that I was feeling terribly dehydrated, and I felt sweat seeping down my skin as my mind slipped away inside the fire. I could hear her mentally counting the seconds with a luscious ferver, which seemed to intensify greatly with every second she¡¯d gained over her old ¡®record¡¯ of just over a minute.


    The door opened some ways behind me, but I wasn¡¯t able to shake myself to see, so it came as no small relief when Lisset managed to do it for me with a tremendous hug from behind, and I heard her gush in her usual airheaded manner,


    ¡°It¡¯s such a relief that Arianna¡¯s alive, Mira dear! I¡¯m so happy for you! I didn¡¯t know she could build a house with magic, but look at this feast! Where did it come from dear? I¡¯ll get the kids, they¡¯ll love this!¡±


    Lisset was so sweet to celebrate my happiness, and yes, having a building full of food appear outside your front door is probably incredibly exciting for such a large woman as her, but rather than surprising¡­ shouldn¡¯t she be panicking more? That fire was the biggest Rianna¡¯d ever made, and she¡¯d been going at it for quite a while longer than was normal, and the voice inside me was warbling with enough ardor to bring me shivers with every additional count,


    ¡°Two hundred forty six! Two hundred forty seven! Two hundred forty eight!¡±


    It was all too much for me to endure, and I shouted out as I reached the very end of my patience,


    ¡°Enough! Just make it really big and be done with it already!¡±


    For the first time in my life, I wished that she hadn¡¯t heeded my direction, for she sent the column of fire so high into the sky as if to take the place of the sun at noontime. There it¡¯d sprung forth a maelstrom of conflagration such that it stretched near to the horizons, and its colour became lighter and lighter until it was a blindingly white fire like only the Pope had ever been known to conjure up, and never in such a massing as this!


    Would that I¡¯d had more time to look at it, for it was astounding, and beautiful, and a testament to my Arianna¡¯s ascension, but my body just scorched under the heat of it all! The fire seemed to affect me rather similarly to the sunlight in that it burned upon my skin, if magnified immensely such that soon all I knew was fire, and the agony of immolation was upon me.


    All I can remember for a while after that was the pain. The white flame in my eyes turned black as they were burned right out of their sockets, and a terrible screeching sounded in my ears before they too became as ash and fell from me, and in a hundred other unknowable but unforgettable ways: I was aflame.


    The skin across my whole body blistered and peeled; it would erupt with flame, and my very bones seemed to take fire, and they burned with a bitter cold that had me retching. I experienced a searing agony as boiling water roiled across what remained of me, but the fire yet blazed.


    Soon I was suffocating, and the fires upon my person were fast becoming smaller, but being only a small amount on fire is still being on fire, and I writhed for so long a time that the blackened bones of my arms had both splintered quite far from me, and I became rather paralyzed despite that agony I could only recoil from.


    For so so long, there was only the pain, but a deep red haze came out through it all, and though I didn¡¯t know it, for I could neither smell, nor taste, nor even feel it: I was again feasting upon human flesh.


    When my scars and blemishes had disappeared, I¡¯d rather blamed Arianna for it, and I¡¯d held a seed of grudge in my heart even though we¡¯d reengaged in intimacy after death, but it was infact my very own doing; a byproduct arisen of my newfound ghoulish nature: a consumptive regeneration borne of the very evils inherent in my unnatural resurrection.


    Every part of me was healing, and I shortly could ¡®see¡¯ why, for my prototypical eyes could not close without their eyelids, though I only knew it in a daze, for the healing process was rather akin to burning backwards; rather than a fire eating away at me until it burned me through, I was burning through with such a heat that I felt I could erupt into fire again at any moment, and I greatly feared of this happening!


    I couldn¡¯t move my limbs, and so immobilized the heat overwhelmed me, and my heart was seized as I screamed out with dreadful apprehension! If I¡¯d realized that my voice was muffled by flesh, I might¡¯ve held them back, but my ears had not yet reformed, so I did not know why I would be choking on congealed blood with every terrified inhalation, and this only frightened me further!


    The flesh would take my brittle teeth with each bite, only for them to begin growing again alongside the most vicious toothache I¡¯d ever had, which I felt from somewhere deep in my skull, and ever so terribly it pounded and panged! It was as if an ogre were banging a gong right over my head, and was more often than not missing the instrument in favor of me!


    But I ate, even though my jaw felt like it was near about to fall off of my very face! I ate, even though I burned between fires both inside and out! I ate, even through the agony that wracked my body from toe to top ¡ª which was more from thighbones to cheekbones if the dreadful state of my body were to be considered ¡ª and I was so well departed from my sense of ¡®self¡¯ at this juncture that besides the pain and the eating: I registered nothing but burning images wrapped in pain for me to later suffer through!


    Those torments would surely come to me still in the future, whenever I was exposed again to the feeling of burning, but as I lay exhausted in a darkness surrounded by an assortment of human remains: my ears finally came back to me, though at first they rung with such an unpleasantness that I¡¯d rather wished they hadn¡¯t!


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯m so sorry, sorry, I¡¯m sorry, Mira, I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯m-¡± In the distance, and through the crackling, I faintly heard my beloved weeping, and endlessly apologizing, and yet I didn¡¯t really understand it for what it was, even as I absently broke apart a femur with my own bare hands, and I drank of the marrow which had secreted itself away from me.


    In this manner, I continued to gorge myself unconsciously for a long time, such that it wasn¡¯t until much later that my awareness came back to me. I was so surprised by what I saw when sense finally returned to me that I¡¯d flung myself away from that gruesome scene until my back had painfully found an obstacle: a shockingly cold stone wall, and there I stayed while I surveyed my terrible handiwork.


    Certainly I was rather impressed with the horror of what I¡¯d done, for the gory details before me told the story of at least four corpses, and what little of my morality and humanity that remained told me that I should be off mumbling with madness, but I was instead almost startling stoic about the corpses scattered around me. I held a femur still in my hand, and an immense strength could be felt in each of my limbs, such that I knew I could yet shatter it for marrow within, but I couldn¡¯t bring myself to do it.


    Not because I didn¡¯t want to, for I very much did, and not because of the moral implications, for I was very much past those¡­ no, it was for my beloved that I couldn¡¯t debase myself so. Arianna¡¯s voice was wracked with sobs, and she kept saying that she was sorry over and over again, and while the fire was a horrible enough experience to defy even the primal language of pain: it was long over, and I wouldn¡¯t have her hurting while I was able to do anything about it.


    I cradled her gem against my breast, and I murmured to her for a while that I was alright, and that I didn¡¯t blame her, but she was inconsolable, and not even the soft kisses I placed upon her with my lips affected much change in her state. Still, I kept at it, moving eventually to gentle song, and I would have departed from that stone box full of bones to give her a less grisly scenery, but it was closed save for the top, and so the best I could do was to stay where I was, and sing to her.


    Her sobbing came to an end in time, but I didn¡¯t stop singing to her or snuggling against her all the while, for that dreadful guilt and sadness tugged at me from within her. She must¡¯ve felt absolutely horrible for what she¡¯d done to me by accident, and it was clear that she¡¯d been quite terrified of losing me forever. For these reasons I¡¯d not seen any obvious method by which to take the burden of fault off of her in a way she¡¯d believe.


    She always was too clever for her own good, if selectively so when it came to the arcane, but I had a plan of action nonetheless, although it wouldn¡¯t be nearly so effective as my last employment of the technique: diffusing with what humor could possibly be gleaned from this situation. So I said to her with the most chipper voice I could manage,


    ¡°Three times in twenty four hours, Rianna, and I think I¡¯ve rather understood the message by now: you just hate it when I wear clothes!¡±


    I might have tried for it a little early, as although I heard her lightly scoff: she had no response to give me. But no matter, there were millions of funny things just waiting to be said by me, and if I only could have found them: she might have been happier.


    My expertise with humor was in teasing her, and what little talent I¡¯d ever had with that didn¡¯t also extend to general witticisms. Neither of us much needed them in life, and that was Carmen¡¯s role anyway; we¡¯d not seen fit to replace the void she¡¯d left in our lives. But since we were both as dead as she, and my beloved was feeling so hurt by her own actions: I rather would have appreciated my old friend¡¯s inevitably inappropriate assessment of these events, for surely she could have brought Arianna to laugh, even though I couldn¡¯t begin to know how.


    Somehow, she could have turned the words I feared to so much as touch upon, ¡®hot¡¯, and ¡®firey¡¯ into such clever remarks as to make my beloved run and hide behind me. I¡¯d have exchanged the power that had grown in each of my limbs a hundred times for the power to make Rianna smile again.


    Since I had not the power to tease my way out of this quandary of upset, I opted instead to do what I do best: the practical. I looked at the femur my hand had quite refused to let go of ¡ª despite my earlier decision that I would not consciously make her witness the monstrosities I was recently capable of ¡ª and as I turned it over and around in my hand: I simply couldn¡¯t understand what ghouls found so ¡®good¡¯ about rotting corpses.


    Rather, I found myself feeling repulsed by even the slightest idea of letting a corpse rot, not while they were so wonderful to eat when fresh! The marrow inside bones reminded me of the succulent treasure I¡¯d previously sought from inside the chassis of a crab¡¯s shell, and to allow Rianna to sweep away this femur as if it were trash¡­ was not something I felt particularly able to do, the more I thought of it. It may have been only one femur, but I didn''t want it to go to waste.


    They were already dead, I figured, and my foundling morality made itself known to me here, so it wasn¡¯t as if I was hurting anyone. They¡¯d even meant to make us dead, and they¡¯d succeeded with me at least, so surely they ought to pay reparations from beyond the grave?


    I let Rianna¡¯s gem gently down from my hand, and so she rested against my sternum, and I seized the bone in both of my hands as I prepared to snap it apart, but that wasn¡¯t to say that I¡¯d completely and totally forgotten about my beloved, no¡­ I¡¯d just grown used to my way of unlife, and so I whispered to her, though I knew I was making her suffer to see this,


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Rianna¡­ but I think I really need to do this.¡±


    With a terrible splintering snap that made her wince inside me, the bone gave way, and it wasn¡¯t a clean break, for some small bit of it went flying away some distance with an even smaller amount of what I sought upon it, but no matter, for the marrow was shortly upon my tongue, and I slurped it up rather greedily.


    Amazing, just what an incredible flavour it really was, and I was soon quite finished with that femur, so as I calmly chased down the piece that had gotten away from me: I glanced around to see if there was anything else remaining, and since I didn¡¯t see much else left to be eaten, I lapped up the small amount that had earlier escaped. I wondered then, as I more closely inspected my ¡®accomplishment¡¯ of eating four men in full ¡ª though their bladders remained, interestingly¡­ wonder why the first guy¡¯s didn¡¯t ¡ª how many eating competitions I might have won if only they were of corpses, and so I asked my beloved,


    ¡°Do you think that the hunger ever really stops?¡±


    She shuddered inside me, and apparently disgust had rather worked to bring her back to reality, and I¡¯d figured that it might¡¯ve, since she¡¯d been such a prude before. I could feel her thinking, it was almost like having a thousand ants crawling across your heart, but oddly not uncomfortable in the slightest, and finally, she said,


    ¡°I sure hope so, and I really don¡¯t want to see you do that again, so¡­ I hope that you won¡¯t?¡±


    A small portion of disgust arose in me when she¡¯d said that terrible word, and twice at that, but as I¡¯d just willfully engaged in eating a corpse: this probably wasn¡¯t a good time to tell her that she mind her manners. I was very glad that she was talking to me again, for that was always the method by which she healed the best, and I answered her icky inner feelings,


    ¡°I won¡¯t, love,¡± I¡¯d begun, then I had to chuckle so for a moment, and I could feel her wariness rising within me, so I explained with a grin, ¡°just so long as I don¡¯t find myself another femur in this mass grave~¡±


    ¡°Gross, that¡¯s just gross, Mira!¡± She whined from inside me. ¡°Oh,¡± she then realized, ¡°oh right, I¡¯ll get it cleaned up, sorry.¡±


    The blackness I was fast becoming fond of came out, and it rapidly consumed what little remained of my four course meal, and it cleaned my stained skin better than a thousand showers might have done. I felt a weight disappear off of my body with the grime, and I was feeling rather relaxed, when suddenly the stone house started to sink back into the ground it¡¯d formed up from, and I was brought back to my nakedness and likely location ¡ª being entirely in sight of all the children, and never mind Lisset ¡ª so I shouted,


    ¡°Clothes, Rianna! I haven¡¯t any clothes!¡±


    A yelp sounded out inside me, and though the stone was still falling at an alarming speed: the blackness came back to my body, and there it deposited the red and black dress I¡¯d been wearing before I¡¯d rather soiled it with gore, and not a second too soon I was dressed, except for something which vaguely tugged upon my heart.


    The children were indeed partaking of the feast, and most all of them turned to see me as the stone barrier completely came down, and I breathed with no small relief that she could apparently dress me up without my asking, which I could only imagine would lead to further atrocities against the Lord in the future.


    Except¡­ something was missing. Nobody could see it, but I¡¯ll be damned if I couldn¡¯t feel it, and so I muttered through my teeth,Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    ¡°Underthings, now!¡±


    She squeaked, and the black mist somehow hid itself underneath my clothes as she placed them around me, and if I wasn¡¯t mistaken I heard her breath hitch, which set a slight blush upon my face, but she¡¯d luckily left it at that. Would that she could¡¯ve so subtly placed stockings upon my legs, but I would simply have to endure being bare-legged for a while.


    Lisset was seated at the furthest table from me, and she¡¯d rather set herself in against such a mountain of food that I briefly had to wonder which of us might have really won that eating contest, but she¡¯d somehow managed to miss the stone walls disappearing back into the earth, and therefore she wasn¡¯t looking at me, so Luca made it to me first this time.


    He stayed a healthy distance away, but was close enough to ensure total accuracy, and I saw the dark bags under his eyes which told me he hadn¡¯t slept since the attack had happened¡­ apparently he¡¯d well-realized that he was the only one present with appreciable combat prowess, and he¡¯d taken it all upon himself to protect the well-being of the other kids, and I was proud of him for what I saw.


    That said, the spellcraft he was working on, if I wasn¡¯t very much mistaken they were glowing in quite the wrong manner. Not that I¡¯d ever seen them glow at all before in life, since I¡¯d been quite devoid of aetherial senses before I¡¯d ¡®risen¡¯ with the world¡¯s most powerful lich inside me, and my total absence of aether was now inextricably bound to her absurd abundance of the stuff, so I quietly asked Rianna,


    ¡°Love, is that what ice looks like before it skewers me?¡±


    I heard her absolutely groan when she looked more closely at our son, and she muttered back to me in such a way it felt like she was spiting herself,


    ¡°Yeah, that¡¯ll be ice, God what was I even teaching that boy that he went with ice? What¡¯s he gonna do, throw a snowball at you?! He¡¯s been faced with an undead so freakish ¡ª sorry, Mira, but it¡¯s true ¡ª as to make the fucking Vampire Lord look like a twice-damned wisp! To say nothing of me: I¡¯m a lich of all God¡¯s damned things, and I¡¯m inside that freakish monstr-¡±


    There was an awful lot that she¡¯d unpacked there, but because it all sounded like pretty rude stuff, and never mind how unhurt she thought I¡¯d be: I rather didn¡¯t want to be skewered by icicles, or be frozen inside a massive block of ice, so I tuned her out, and I spoke to Luca,


    ¡°Fire, Luca. Fire against the undead, my boy. Ice will only hurt my feelings, and my dress.¡±


    The spell he¡¯d called up wound down with such a rapidity that I¡¯d caught myself worrying that he¡¯d lost control of it, but my son was better than that. He soundly rebound all the aether he¡¯d been about to unload, and for a while I let him rub his eyes with such a terrible ferocity that when he¡¯d come back to himself, and set them again upon me: he¡¯d made them all red.


    This was inexcusable, so I took a step towards my son, and his eyes absolutely ignited with what surely must be fiery spellcraft, but I was never one to be deterred in the face of my duty as a doctor, and my duty as a mother ran deeper still than that.


    I carefully took another step towards him, and I could see his wide red eyes expand with further fire, but in this manner I continued towards him, and although he¡¯d very much been threatening to: he never let his magic loose upon me, and I soon had him in my arms in as tight a hug as I dared to give him with my much increased strength.


    ¡°Rest, Luca, it¡¯s alright to rest now, dear. We¡¯re fine now, and I¡¯m not going to hurt anyone, I promise, and she wouldn¡¯t let me besides.¡± I assured my son, for he so terribly needed the rest.


    The aether in his eyes dimmed, but it didn¡¯t entirely go away, and he asked with an uncertain doubt in his voice that bade I hold him ever more tightly,


    ¡°Mum, if she really ascended, then where¡¯s Ma been all this time?¡±


    It was a rather hard ask, for I¡¯d wondered the same when I¡¯d first lost her, but I knew better now. That said, it sounded so mental that I rather didn¡¯t know how to describe it at the time, but I did my best,


    ¡°I know how it sounds, Luca, but¡­ Rianna¡¯s inside me.¡±


    He snorted, and his chest shook with barely restrained laughter, as apparently I hadn¡¯t really known how it sounded, because I¡¯d been figuring it sounded ¡®demented¡¯, but on reflection, it rather instead came out as a touch ¡®inappropriate¡¯.


    ¡°Mercy, Luca! I¡¯m being serious here! Did I really raise you, or was Carmen¡¯s ghost responsible?!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m, Mum I¡¯m sorry,¡± he burst out with, and for a while he was unable to contain his laughter anymore, ¡°I¡¯m probably just lacking sleep, but I understood what you meant ¡ª despite how you said it.¡±


    Just like that, he was lost to another fit of giggles, but he soon straightened up under my glowering,


    ¡°So, you¡¯re both sort of in the phylactery, right?¡±


    Mother of astuteness, I¡¯d almost had to be told that before it¡¯d really sunken in, so how in the blazes ¡ª here I made myself wince for a moment, but I brushed past it ¡ª so just how had he arrived upon that conclusion I wondered, when he supplied,


    ¡°The ridiculously huge fire spell, Mum,¡± ¡ª oh Luca, how could I forget being burned alive, well not alive, but burned undead just doesn¡¯t seem to do being immolated with holy fire justice ¡ª ¡°I already knew that Ma was mostly successful from that, but I guess I was just waiting on confirmation before I could accept it.¡±


    That made some sense, I could admit, albeit not aloud, since Lisset had rather discovered my reunion with my son, and we suddenly were both being crushed in her tremendous arms ¡ª really, I had always wondered how this two and half meters tall woman had ever been satisfied with a man of Bart¡¯s stature, for the guy was barely taller than me, and their relationship honestly defied my understanding of normal women¡­ which it had to admitted, Lisset was not. Nobody else I¡¯d ever met was so capable of touching upon secret truths as she was despite being so mind-bogglingly, well¡­ her.


    ¡°You¡¯ve made up!¡± she boomed with happiness, ¡°I¡¯m so happy for you! It hurt so much to see you two fighting! Where¡¯s Arianna, dear, for I must see her! With the well gone, there¡¯s just not enough water for a proper bath anymore! If my Bart was still here, I¡¯d have him wash my back for me, so you don¡¯t mind if I borrowed Arianna for a while, Mira dear?¡±


    Rianna¡¯s lust was leaping to life inside me again, but I couldn¡¯t even chastise her in my heart, for I could well understand why she might be feeling that way¡­ and it wasn¡¯t even the first time Lisset had requested a bath in such a manner! Since we¡¯d taken them together with the giantess so many times: I wasn¡¯t feeling particularly interested in judging her for it, but since Rianna was clearly waiting on my ¡®go ahead¡¯, I numbly nodded my head.


    Evil blackness streaked back to where I¡¯d devoured all of those bodies, and there it formed up a stone building with no roof with such a swiftness that I¡¯d wondered idly if she¡¯d acted so fast to put the fire off of me, for I¡¯d certainly felt that I burned for an eternity and some. As might have well been expected, Lisset wasn¡¯t the slightest bit perturbed by that darkness made physical, and never minding how it bothered Luca beside her: with an excited squeal she¡¯d rushed into the building, and the doorway disappeared into solid stone behind her with not so much as a scraping sound.


    Luca looked at me with a slight confusion, and when I stared blankly back at him, he enunciated,


    ¡°You¡¯re not going to join in, then?¡±


    My eyes grew wide with the accusation my own son had levied upon me, and I fell to my knees in shock of what he¡¯d said to me! It must have taken me a number of seconds to formulate a response, but I glared at him, and I studied his unimpressed face carefully, before berating him,


    ¡°Do you really think so little of me, son? I¡¯ll have you know that we¡¯ve never done anything with Lisset that¡¯d strain her marriage!¡±


    I heard Rianna snicker inside me, ¡°But Mira, Bart isn¡¯t around anymore! Well, he¡¯s a corpse we¡¯ve got stored of course, so I guess part of him still is, not that it matters,¡± and she continued to babble, but I knew she was just winding me up, so I let it go.


    Luca shook his head with a small smile forming upon his lips, and with his eyes closed, he said to me,


    ¡°That¡¯s not it, Mum. You¡¯ve just never fully trusted Ma not to get frisky with Lisset, so you always chaperoned them before. The trust in your eyes now¡­ Mum it¡¯s a good look on you.¡±


    The warmth I¡¯d felt earlier, before the disaster with holy fire, was rushing back in full, and though I lightly associated it with that horrid occasion, it was also quite apart from that feeling. A few hot tears went down my cheeks, and I sniffed, but it wasn¡¯t because of any insecurity I had towards the heat: it was because of the loving warmth that only family can bring a person.


    Soon, Luca had come down to my level, and he hugged me, so I warmly sank into these happy feelings for a while, and I could tell that Rianna felt rather put out that she couldn¡¯t exchange such an embrace with us herself, so a small pit of jealousy came out from her general direction.


    Still, I felt that I had to admit to Luca the reason for the change; since he was my son, I couldn¡¯t leave him in the dark about such an important thing, and I said to him,


    ¡°Luca, I¡­ my perspectives on a lot of things have been changing since I¡­ I¡¯ve¡­¡±


    I swallowed, for I found it hard to get the words out, and I found the words would rather catch in my throat each time I tried to express them, so Luca quite surprised me by completing it for me,


    ¡°Since you¡¯ve eaten¡­ bodies, Mum? Yeah, I can see how that¡¯d change things, I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    His arms squeezed me in support, and tears just streamed from me, and I held him all the tighter myself, as I¡¯d been dreadfully afraid that he might¡¯ve been wholly repulsed by my actions, for I truly deserved it if my old morality were to be the judge. I shook so with something between fear and confusion, and my voice shakily voiced the question of my son,


    ¡°H-how, did you¡­?¡±


    I could hear him crying himself now, or rather I could feel it as his chest would heave now and again, and as he finally swallowed back the lump which must have been forming in his throat, he managed,


    ¡°I¡­ I heard it, Mum, when I¡¯d barricaded you inside¡­ for a while you¡¯d been making the door shake and I backed off a bit in case the¡­ if the worst came to pass, but then you stopped and I drew close again. I¡¯d kind of thought I heard bones¡­ s-snapping, and just¡­ the noises, Mum¡­¡± and here he shuddered greatly, as if still quite affected by the event, and I felt a tremendous amount of shame gripping around my heart, but he continued, ¡°When I saw the, the ¡®banquet¡¯ out here, and I heard those sounds again faintly from inside that stone room, I was¡­¡±


    He breathed for a while, as if contemplating how to say it, and he concluded,


    ¡°I was pretty sure, Mum, but seeing you act like this, it just¡­ you were so¡­ so shy, and scared, and cowed, and just so horribly unlike you¡­ so that¡¯s how¡­ that¡¯s how I knew, Mum.¡±


    Luca¡¯s grip upon me tightened such that I almost felt like I was being squeezed by Lisset, and tears and sobs left me all the while, but after crying together for some time, I raised my courage, and I asked him,


    ¡°Luca, how¡­ how can you trust to hold me now, when you¡­ when you know what I¡¯ve done; what I¡­ what I almost did to you?¡±


    He shook his head, and he patted my back some as he told me with much more security in his voice,


    ¡°No, Mum, it was new to you then, and you didn¡¯t know what was happening to you, it was obvious to see. You promised me just a bit ago, remember? ¡®I could rest easy, because you weren¡¯t going to hurt anyone¡¯,¡± and he released me from the hug, and he looked at me with a proud smile upon his tearstained face, and he said ¡°and my Mum always keeps her promises.¡±


    I positively blubbered for a while after, and I held my son to me in such a tight hug that it surely was uncomfortable for him, but the cry was doing wonders for my emotional state that I didn¡¯t even know I¡¯d been so affected before it, as the numb terror that¡¯d beaten through my reformed heart and veins had finally released me, and though I couldn¡¯t have been said to be fully recovered: I was well and truly on my way now.


    After a bit, I¡¯d released him, and as I noticed Roger at the dinner table, I¡¯d thought back to what he¡¯d said when we¡¯d just been finishing up with Petyr, ¡®only ones who might need looking at are Roger and Lisset when they get back¡¯, and Lisset looked pretty good to me, so it must have been Roger, but before I could ask Luca what¡¯d needed looking at: Arianna¡¯s speech was overwhelming me with words again,


    ¡°Wow Luca, that was amazing, now I just need a body for myself again, and Luca and I can cry it all out too! I¡¯d complain about how I don¡¯t have a body, and he¡¯d complain about how I stole the well, and we¡¯d talk through how I almost burned you to ashes, I¡¯m still really really really really sorry about that, sorry, and anyway, we¡¯d carry on crying together until I¡¯d tell him about all the weird new arcane things I can do now, and anyways: Miss now-very-single Fredrickson is clean, and clothed, don¡¯t you worry, so brace yourself, alright?¡±


    Brace myself, Arianna, really, you waited until the end of that to tell me to brace myself? I saw Luca¡¯s eyes widen for a moment, and the next thing I knew: I¡¯d in a rush suddenly gone away from the ground, and I was being carried like a princess in the mighty arms of an absolutely sparkling Lisset, and she¡¯d unleashed her unnecessarily radiant smile upon me such that my face reddened as if sunlight itself were shining down on me!


    ¡°Let¡¯s get you something to eat, Mira dear! Truly, your Arianna is an amazing girl, dear, and I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever felt so clean before in my whole life!¡±


    I felt my mind slipping at being treated in this ¡®handsy¡¯ manner by her, such that I really wanted Lisset to tell me about it, and I had some trouble stopping myself from begging that she not leave even a single thing out about the affair, when she¡¯d so spontaneously sat me down in a wooden seat she¡¯d pulled beside her mountain of food that I¡¯d almost gone dizzy!


    Though I tried to break myself out of the mindset Lisset had just raised me into: I could hear Arianna¡¯s evil giggling come from inside me, and I blushed all the fiercer as I knew that I would be paying for the feelings that had come to me unbidden, but I didn¡¯t have to sit for this behavior from her, for I wasn¡¯t the one who¡¯d gone and gotten herself an eyeful in such an indecent manner earlier! To say nothing of cleaning Lisset, I was feeling rather vexed with Rianna¡¯s indecent behavior, when that giant beauty came to intrude upon my deliberations yet again!


    ¡°Have a steak, Mira dear!¡± Lisset happily cried out, and a huge chunk of steaming mutton had appeared upon a plate before me. I could see that it was almost perfectly cooked, and so my eyes almost bulged with indignation that someone would ruin so much fresh meat by cooking it!


    ¡°Your Luca told me that vegetables were no good with the state you¡¯re in, so I went and butchered one of those sheep for you! Odd thing, but I¡¯d barely had to bleed him! I can cook you some more later if you¡¯re still hungry, but your Luca told me there was no need, that this¡¯d be plenty enough for you!¡±


    Oh, that poor sheep¡­ not only had I fed off of him once, but I¡¯d also encouraged Lisset to slay him while I¡¯d been locked up in that stone chamber, but I had to wonder, as I looked upon the depressing sight before me: could I eat meat if it was cooked? I brought a fork down to it, and I was relieved to have been provided a knife as well, so I cut up a small piece, and I anticipated the worst as I¡¯d brought it to my mouth.


    I bit down on it, and at first I thought I¡¯d been right to fear the bite, for a terribly burnt flavour quickly went over my tastebuds, but I¡¯d kept at it, and it would seem that although it was very unpleasant: I indeed could actually eat cooked meat, if only to be polite.


    Not that there was any call for that level of politeness here in the frontier, but I figured it would be good news if for whatever reason I was made to dine in an ¡®ordinary fashion¡¯... though I would probably do my best to keep it as ¡®rare¡¯, and even on the side of ¡®raw¡¯ as I could possibly manage.


    ¡°Lisset?¡± I asked her, ¡°This is great, but could you finish this one? I¡¯d rather try it¡­¡± and I paused, because even though Lisset was probably the single most accepting person that the Lord had ever placed upon this Earth: I couldn¡¯t be sure about how she might react to my¡­ more beastial traits.


    ¡°Raw, right Mira dear?¡± Lisset absolutely beamed at me, and when I simply couldn¡¯t hide the shock that had erupted across my face, she chuckled and came in close to me, and said in a conspiritorial whisper, ¡°I¡¯m stupid my dear, not blind.¡±


    My face should have paled to have heard her say it, but instead her closeness was making me feel rather uncomfortable in other ways, and I was suddenly wishing that Bart would show up to distract her attention away from me, for he was always so gifted at doing that.


    Still, however she may have come upon the fact that I¡¯d become more drawn to raw meat, I still felt that my friend should ought to know why, so I asked her,


    ¡°Lisset, for how long have you known that I¡¯ve been dead?¡±


    ¡°Well!¡± her voice boomed, and in my current state, I was rather more appreciative of that element of hers than I would have normally been, damn it all Arianna, but Lisset kept ¡®talking¡¯,


    ¡°Your Luca was telling me as much earlier, but you sure seem pretty lively to me!¡±


    More than once in my life, I¡¯d had to wonder if Lisset knew what she was doing or not, so I¡¯d always been erring on the side of ¡®it¡¯s probably unintentional¡¯, but the way her eyes gleamed as she stared at my growing blush was rather affecting me more than it should''ve, so I¡¯d awkwardly coughed, and I told her as full and honestly as I could,


    ¡°Lisset, I was¡­ I was stabbed through the heart, so I promise you: my son isn¡¯t mistaken. I¡¯m a¡­ I¡¯m a man-eating monster now, and you really shouldn¡¯t get so close to me anymore.¡±


    Suddenly, Lisset had pulled me out of my chair, and she¡¯d lifted me so high into the air that her neck was right before my eyes, and I could hear her heartbeat just thundering away beside me, which just pounded away at my former security that I could easily restrain myself if I¡¯d only drained from animals.


    She wasn¡¯t squeezing me as tight as was usual of one of her hugs, and I was so startled by this sudden hug that it seemed she¡¯d rather misunderstood my fears, as she gently patted my head, and began to mollify me of all things,


    ¡°You poor dear, I¡¯m so sorry you had to eat a man. That must have been so hard on you, Mira dear! If I can help in any way, you just tell me dear!¡±


    ¡°In¡­ in any way¡­¡± I repeated dully, for every beat of her heart just made my eyes flash with red, but my sanity came back to me before I did anything rash, and I asked with a terror so strong that I could feel my face draining of colour, ¡°Lisset! You can¡¯t possibly mean¡­ that I can¡­¡±


    My voice had rather trailed to a self-accusing whisper, and I felt just dreadful to even say it aloud, for obviously it was just stupid to even think, but I finished with my heart full of shame, ¡°... bite and¡­ and¡­¡±


    I couldn¡¯t even finish saying it, but the response that came from Lisset was so absurd that I¡¯d thought it made up, ¡°Yes, Mira dear, like the sheep. I found the poor bugger wobbling around like he¡¯d found wine! Don¡¯t be scared, Mira dear, I¡¯ll stop you if you¡¯re going too far!¡±


    She then hoisted me such that my lips were against her neck, and my eyes had gone quite permanently hazed with red, but before I went completely delirious from the sound of blood rushing through Lisset¡¯s veins, I barely managed, ¡°Rianna¡­ did she just say¡­ what she just said?¡±


    Arianna seemed entirely flummoxed, and from the feelings that I was receiving from her, it seemed that the way her pyromania had affected me: my bloodthirst was affecting her! So even though I¡¯d certainly heard her respond in the affirmative in a dozen different ways, I simply couldn¡¯t trust her, so I cast my voice out for my son, for I was sure that he must be nearby enough to hear me at least,


    ¡°Luca¡­ don¡¯t let me¡­ hurt her¡­¡±


    Then I was lost, for both the monster inside me, and the monster within me had come to an agreement about the course of action to take, and I was too dreadfully taken to stop either of them. My teeth sank into Lisset¡¯s collar, and the gasp I then heard from her sent me entirely over the edge.


    If the sheep¡¯s blood but for a moment separated from its source was ¡®divine¡¯, the only word I knew for Lisset¡¯s blood come directly from her was ¡®ambrosiac¡¯, for she was wonderful beyond words, and I greedily sucked down her lifeblood without even a thought in my head left to say ¡®control¡¯. All my carefulness, and Lisset just had to barge right past it all, and I could hear encouraging sounds from both Lisset and Arianna, although it had to be said that Lisset¡¯s were subtler by far, for Rianna was being an absolute pervert about my whole ordeal, and this was rather flushing me with a dreadful desire.


    Then, all of a sudden, that sweetness was cruelly stolen from me, and I fought to push myself back up, but I felt strong hands firmly upon me, and I was panting and gasping such already that they were rather bringing me to a felicity I couldn¡¯t have even dreamt of pushing away.


    Luca¡¯s voice came out through that fuzzy happiness, though I could barely string together the words he said,


    ¡°Mercy, but I wish I hadn¡¯t had to see that¡­ are you alright, Miss Fredrickson?¡±


    I could hear Lisset¡¯s voice ¡°Yes, Luca dear, I¡¯m quite a bit more than alright! If my Bart had been the one to do it, I don¡¯t think I¡¯d have had it in me to stop him. Goodness but I wish he was back, even if in the same way Mira here is. Luca dear, could my Bart come back to me too?¡±


    Arianna must have heard them talking, because although her voice was a bit huskier than usual, I¡¯d heard her quite well saying something akin to,


    ¡°Actually, like, I think I can do that, why didn¡¯t I think of it before?! Mira, I¡¯m a lich! For fuck¡¯s sake! What¡¯ve I been dooooing?! Liches summon undead, fuck I¡¯m a ditz sometimes! We¡¯ve even still got hold of their souls, Mira! Just think abou-actually, just stay right like that, wow. Anyhow, I¡¯m absolutely going to try my hand at this!¡±


    The words Arianna said were sounding incredibly dangerous, and although I wasn¡¯t fast sobering up from literally the best experience of my unlife, I knew somewhere deep inside that something irrevocable had been broken, and it¡¯d happened when I was in no state to argue against whatever it was! Was it that she¡¯d more-or-less promised something incredible to me?


    The blackness swept out, and I felt a terrible dizziness come over me, and as my sight faded from me entirely and I fell to sleep, I heard Lisset ask the most terrifying thing,


    ¡°Bart dear? Is that really you!?¡±

 Chapter 9: Wherein I Do Not Entertain A Scholarly Interest In Human Experimentation

    I was¡­ floating, or at least I seemed to be floating along in an endless space of blood and darkness which cast out away from me in every direction. With only a little hesitation, I reached my hand out before me, and it trailed through the red liquid that¡¯d formed up like a sea around me. My hands formed themselves into a cup, and I drank from them without pause for the blood was sweet; this must be what it is to have a sweet dream, I thought, and though I¡¯d never had one quite like this before: I found it wonderful.


    The blood ferried me along as if it were a stream that carried me, and I could feel that I was moving towards some surely unknowable destination, but I soon knew it with an absolute certainty of mind. The walls of the darkness would undulate with a predictable tempo, and red would flow all around me in accordance with this rhythm; I knew that I was being delivered to my heart.


    This dream of mine was beyond strange, for all along the way I was granted ephemeral visions; strange and ponderous spectres of my life appeared before me, and they would then be snatched away again like they were shaped from smoke.


    I passed through what must have been incredible and wondrous sights, for as surely as they fell away from me unremembered: they must also have been remarkable to witness, were I to judge by the reverential affection that seemed to grow inside me as each of them dissipated into a black mist.


    One stood out, not wholly and entirely forgotten, although it was wholly and entirely unimportant. It was of my good friend Nestor, and me, as we chattered away about nothing at all, but always out of the elder Orlov¡¯s sight. Arianna really hated Nestor; said he was a slimy scumbag and that he was worthy only of revulsion, but I always felt that she¡¯d read Nestor wrongly.


    We cannot choose who we are born of, I would tell her, and she surely should¡¯ve known better about the dreadfulness of family matters than I, for before her I¡¯d had no family to call my own. She liked to counter at those times that, unlike Nestor, she¡¯d fought back and rebelled, but in truth: she¡¯d simply endured for so many years, and she hadn¡¯t been moved to rebellion until she had the power to fight back; it was Carmen¡¯s affairs that first brought her to that edge, and it was mine which pushed her beyond it such that she could never peaceably return, not that she¡¯d ever wanted to.


    So it was with Nestor, I would argue for the poor man¡¯s sake. He wasn¡¯t powerful, he had no cause to fight for, and he had nothing so precious to him that he¡¯d defend it at any cost. She could call him a rogue all she wanted, but it wasn¡¯t as if he¡¯d ever been caught trying his hand at anything actually unsavory, and he was always pleasant enough when he spoke, if often lying throughout everything he¡¯d ever said.


    But that memory was long ago and without purpose, and I¡¯d passed through many others which had their purposefulness obfuscated from me, until I¡¯d at last arrived at the end of the stream in my dream¡­ and found something I wasn¡¯t expecting; surely I must have been mistaken with my final destination, for how could this have possibly been my heart?


    Where were its chambers and valves that made its sections, or the pumps and viscera that I was so familiar with? This was a single chamber made of gemstone, and although the blood inside it flowed away and back again to a predictable, if elevating beat: it also moved freely within as to defy gravity and it seemed to produce without end. Who could really know their dreams, and perhaps I¡¯d simply had the wrong conclusion about its setting, and I¡¯d actually ended up in the phylactery?


    That made more sense to me, for on a cold facet of gemstone in the center of the chamber: I saw my Arianna, naked and curled up like a foetus as she held her head such that her fingers rather more resembled tools of torture than the soft instruments of the arcane that I¡¯d long known them to be!


    She¡­ she was weeping, but she wept with no eyes; I saw, felt, and heard at once as she sobbed, and blood just streamed from where her eyes used to be ¡ª for it seemed that she¡¯d¡­ gouged them out ¡ª and she rocked back and forth as if driven so by madness and sorrow! It hurt so much to see her like this, and I greatly feared for what could have caused her to abuse herself in this manner!


    She must have somehow sensed my presence through the agitation that grew in me, for she¡¯d turned to look at me with a visage so marred that it made me feel sick as the horror of what was happening to her sank itself deep inside me! I heard her speak as if it came from the blood rushing through my own veins, and all around me, the chamber simply thundered with her voice,


    ¡°I can¡¯t get out, Mira! My body¡¯s right there and I can¡¯t enter it! I can send them out; all of them if I want to! So why can¡¯t I get out, Mira?! Why can¡¯t I get out!?¡±


    She would tremble so violently now and again, and a crackling would sound out around her as if her very aether had been shaken loose in her sorrow, and I wished that she hadn¡¯t been so far from where I¡¯d been deposited by the bloodstream, for even as I rushed for her with all my might: she was still so very far away, and she cried out,


    ¡°I really don¡¯t get it, Mira¡­ this shouldn¡¯t have happened! I just don¡¯t understand! Why am I trapped here?! This doesn¡¯t make any sense, and I just, I don¡¯t understand where I went wrong... how could I have messed up like this? I can¡¯t even understand how it could¡¯ve gone so wrong! Why can¡¯t I get ooouuuut?!¡±


    My beloved howled out with frustration and despair so mighty that each word buffeted me as the chamber shook, but I finally arrived before her. I made for each of her hands, and she squeezed them with enough strength that I almost felt that she would break the bones within them, but I dared not to leave her alone when she was in such a volatile state, and I feared very much that touching her any more directly would be all the impetus she needed to free herself entirely of aether.


    My beloved had found herself in the most dreadfully dangerous state I¡¯d ever seen her, and even though this awful nightmare was the one to put her here: I could not simply sit back and wait for it to be over.


    Although I¡¯d been born without aether, and I hadn¡¯t simply been overcome by whatever ambient or free aether surrounded me: the same was not true of people who¡¯d been born with aether, and had then lost it. There were many theories as to why this might have been, but although no answer I¡¯d yet heard had explained the strangeness of those born without: I well knew the horror that came with losing the aether that¡¯d been built into the body since birth.


    Arianna had somehow managed to send herself so very near to aethershock that it defied my sense. How was this possible, when she¡¯d been so utterly unaffected by those absurd and mighty feats she¡¯d performed before I¡¯d fallen asleep? I couldn¡¯t understand. Was it a delayed reaction? She was affected now when she hadn''t been back then, so I thought that could be a possibility, although I¡¯d never heard of it happening before. Well, only time could help her with the addling, but I could at least hold her through this.


    I gently guided her to hold me, and she followed my pull to the exact although I¡¯d said nothing ¡ª for the last thing she could have needed was my errant mouth to cause her any distress while she was in such a wretched state ¡ª but even as she held me so tightly: her aetherial-induced insanity improved so very slowly that I¡¯d become quite worried that she¡¯d gone well beyond too far, and wouldn¡¯t get better at all.


    All the while, she cried and shouted so dreadfully with madness, and she¡¯d thrashed and lashed out at herself so much that I¡¯d had to hold her arms down so that she wouldn¡¯t attack herself again in that manner in which I¡¯d first seen her. She¡¯d decided to take the hint eventually, and she¡¯d then moved to attacking me instead ¡ª which I was all too relieved for, since she¡¯d had to wait for her natural aether to fill her up before this dream version of her would heal again, whereas I would heal in the very instant I was attacked ¡ª and I did not fear to be an outlet for the unspeakable pain and rage that my beloved was so consumed with.


    My eagerness that she not harm herself anymore might¡¯ve very much risked damning my Arianna¡¯s soul though, for when she became conscious again of what she¡¯d been doing: I felt such a sorrow through her that I worried that she¡¯d go and implode with guilt, but I mollified her, and she slowly came closer to a calm.


    For so long we sat there together, with the only exchange between us that she¡¯d allowed my arms to wrap around her stomach rather than her knees, with the effect that she could hold me all the tighter. I could only accept that she¡¯d felt much more herself once she¡¯d started to wriggle with antsiness inside my arms, and so I finally felt her condition was stable enough to chance the ask,


    ¡°What were you doing that got you so addled, Rianna?¡±


    The ants that resembled her thinking marched across my heart for some time, before she rather made to pull away from my arms, so I let her, and when she came to face me I was deeply relieved that her eyes had healed wholly. I would have liked to have gotten lost in them for a while, for they always seemed so beautifully magical to me even before I could see the deep wells of aether within them¡­ but with her squirming so much before me: it was all I could do to avoid staring upon her nakedness.


    She swallowed, and a slight wince appeared upon her face, as if she knew I wasn¡¯t going to like whatever this was, and she was preparing for an outburst in advance. She then cast her eyes away from me, and prepared to say what she feared so to tell me, but I wouldn¡¯t have it,


    ¡°Rianna, if it¡¯s really that bad: I need you to look me in the eyes when you say it. Can you do that for me?¡±


    A cute pout formed on her face, and she furtively looked up into my eyes for only a moment before tearing them away to lay them upon me with nary a hint of subtlety, and she said as she started lecherously eating me up with them,


    ¡°Jeeze, Mira, I¡¯m not a kid.¡±


    ¡°Clearly not,¡± I agreed with her, though I crossed my arms and held her fast with my next words, ¡°but I still won¡¯t let you distract me from this.¡±


    Her eyes widened with faux betrayal, and she brought them back up to my face, where they wavered for a while, and started to drip with tears as she spilled her guts,


    ¡°Well, I wanted to get back to my body, and I couldn¡¯t, so I thought it was an amount of aether problem, but¡­ I was wrong. I fucked up, Mira. I mean: I really really fucked up, and I¡­ I did something I shouldn¡¯t have.¡± Her eyes went down again automatically, so I lifted her back up to me by her chin, and she swallowed again as she forced herself to meet my eyes, before continuing,


    ¡°So, back when I made the phylactery, I kinda used your blood to tailor it specifically to you, so ummm, that¡¯s why you didn¡¯t¡­ just, I¡¯m sorry Mira, I shouldn¡¯t have done it behind your back, just after¡­ after Carmen, I couldn¡¯t take the thought of you dying. I was¡­ greedy, and I¡¯m really sorry.¡±


    She breathed a while, and it felt as if she were breathing using my very own chest, which was starting to feel rather unpleasant given the implications of what she¡¯d just told me ¡ª obviously, she¡¯d bound me to the phylactery around my neck, but that was only something to apologize for after the fact, and I certainly wasn¡¯t as upset about it as I might have been¡­ but that was quite apart from the horror that was building up inside me ¡ª and I knew that she could feel it from me, for I felt her desperate plea coming before she¡¯d even made it,


    ¡°Please don¡¯t be angry! I didn''t mean for this to happen, it was only for if everything went wrong ¡ª which it did! It went so much worse than I thought it could, but this really wasn¡¯t the phylactery¡¯s original function! Mira, I swear I didn¡¯t mean for you to be locked inside it! Your blood was supposed to help me send you back to your heart through the runes I put on it if the phylactery caught your spirit. But¡­ but your heart was...¡±Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.


    She broke her eye contact with me as she spoke of my heart, and her sobs wracked my own chest, and I simply sat there as I tried to endure the magnitude of what I couldn¡¯t quite grasp it, even as it pranced around my head mockingly, so I eventually asked her to clarify some matters,


    ¡°Rianna, I¡¯m not angry: I¡¯m confused. How did my heart¡¯s destruction affect the process, and why did it end with both of us stuck inside the phylactery?¡±


    Arianna¡¯s lips trembled so terribly, and her eyes darted around as if she¡¯d wanted to be anywhere else even as they swam so, but she didn¡¯t leave me waiting for too long, for she said in a teary rush,


    ¡°It¡¯s so much worse than that, Mira. You were stabbed through the heart¡­ what that means is that the connection between the phylactery and your blood got all¡­ goofed up, and what was supposed to be a real easy rebound, you being¡­ umm.¡±


    ¡°Cursed, Rianna?¡± I mused with an eyebrow raised, and she winced when I said it, but she continued,


    ¡°Yeah, not actually the word I was going to use, but that. You didn¡¯t have any aether to interfere, was the theory, so I was able to set you up as a secondary, um¡­ soul receptacle, so that if for whatever reason I didn¡¯t make it to the phylactery: I¡¯d be able to redirect to it from you, and with the amount of aether I was working with it should have worked! But you see,¡±


    She needed a few breathes, and I gave her hands a light squeeze of support, so she smiled warmly at me and finished,


    ¡°Since you died first, your soul mostly traveled through the blood link to the phylactery, and you didn¡¯t have a heart to return to, so you were kinda stuck there. Then you came over to me, and I sorta lost focus and¡­ and I don¡¯t know what happened then. I think the magic went into the phylactery already, but so much of it came with my soul to where your heart used to be, and I guess the aether expanded to fill the rest of the space by copying the phylactery I was trying to get into?¡±


    At the beginning, she¡¯d seemed so sure of what had happened, but now that I¡¯d had an outlet by which I could escape from the conclusion forming inside me, that she was trapped in my body and couldn¡¯t escape because she¡¯s too integrated with it: I absolutely leapt at it,


    ¡°Rianna, if your soul is in my body and mine is in the phylactery, then why are you the disembodied one?¡±


    I saw her curl back into a ball, and that hadn¡¯t been my intention at all, so I brought my arms back around her with a heavy guilt in my chest, but she answered me even as tears fell from her by the score,


    ¡°Because, Mira¡­ I messed up. This is so messed up and I¡¯m sorry, but your soul isn¡¯t only in the phylactery. It¡¯s also still in your body. I broke us, Mira¡­ I broke us to pieces, and then I fused us together! The worst part of all is I don¡¯t even know how I did it! It¡¯s as if all the years I spent on this were for nothing, that¡¯s how little I know anymore! I¡­ I can¡¯t even be sure if I can¡­ fix us¡­¡±


    She whispered this last, and she wept in my arms for so long, and though for a while I cried with her, for that dreadful sadness of hers was at least partially upon me: I was also immensely glad that I could really hold my Arianna again. All through it, I whispered that I loved her, and that I didn¡¯t mind being broken if I still got to be with her, and the weight I felt upon her soul lessened until it was but the slightest presence.


    Still, I would have stayed there much longer; I could have held her for an eternity only out of love, but the world of the waking made itself known to me so intensely that if this wasn¡¯t a medical emergency: I was damn well going to make it one!


    ¡°My Petyr¡¯s caught fever, Mira dear!¡±


    Mercy, Lisset, it¡¯s just a fever, it¡¯s not as if Petyr was cut up all over and laid out on a bedsheet where he¡¯d been slowly gathering the bacteria up into his body for God knows how many hours before I¡¯d gotten around to treating him ¡ª


    ¡°Bring me to the surgery, Lisset.¡±


    Her legs were faster than mine, and my eyes could barely see for the bare daylight that was shining in upon them, which rather hurt them so much that snow on a sunny day might¡¯ve been easier to stare at, or perhaps even the sun itself which I most certainly didn¡¯t desire to try.


    Lisset didn¡¯t need telling twice, and she scooped me up into her arms in the same princess carry she¡¯d used last night, and I could only be glad that I was both too blinded and groggy to appreciate the experience. She¡¯d either made excellent time, or we¡¯d been pretty close by, and perhaps both of these things were true at once, for she¡¯d shortly deposited me back upon my wobbly feet just inside the surgery.


    The foul smell of infection was in the air where she set me down, but my eyes started going red in spite of that, so I wondered if I should ask my friend for some more of her delicious blood, but I shook myself of these thoughts as I had a patient in need, and instead asked her,


    ¡°Would you fetch Luca for me?¡±


    Her boisterous reply before she¡¯d departed wasn¡¯t something that made it into my hazy ears, but I figured she¡¯d be off and back again any moment with my son, so I got to work, which started with a request of my beloved,


    ¡°Rianna, I am going to need water heated to a boil, then brought back to lukewarm.¡±


    ¡°Just like I did the other day, you mean? Why don¡¯t you do it yourself anyways?¡± Arianna¡¯s answer came to me, even if it was loaded with something that sounded awfully important, but I told her,


    ¡°We¡¯ll talk later, right now I need you working, love.¡±


    The black mist formed out into water before my eyes, and this relieved me greatly, even though I felt her pouting inside me, so after I washed up and went to fish through my medical draws, I said to her,


    ¡°Rianna, I need you right now. You¡¯ll be instrumental for this.¡±


    In my hand was a scalpel, the only one made of surgical steel that I¡¯d ever seen pristine, as my beloved had swiped it from the Cardinal¡¯s palace as an anniversary gift for me, and I¡¯d done what I could to take care of it since, but the years had put a small spot on the handle. Thankfully, the blade was yet untarnished with rust, but before I got to work on Petyr¡¯s infected back wound, I needed something from my Arianna,


    ¡°My love, would you scald the blade, just in case?¡±


    The blackness formed into a fire, and I immediately recoiled away from it, and the fire ceased to be. Both of us just stayed silent a moment after, me with unsettled adrenaline and fear, and her with intense guilt and apology. But I had no time to stand on my issues, so I shook myself of the fear, and I rephrased,


    ¡°Perhaps with boiling water?¡±


    That was done by the same magical trick in midair, but the heat alone was bringing back that awful event from yesterday, so I was very relieved when it was over, even if the spectre of its passing hung over my shoulders. I brought the scalpel near to Petyr as I investigated the infection.


    This was a serious matter, as it was seeping red liquid before I¡¯d even gotten to it, and I knew that if I wasn¡¯t fast about this it might go septic, and saving him from sepsis would take miracles that didn¡¯t exist in the frontier, and only for the richest in the Vatican. So I guided my beloved,


    ¡°I need the lukewarm water to run over this wound at a steady pace while I scrape out the contamination.¡±


    We worked in tandem to clean the wound, and the terrible infection came away by the second. I felt the red haze overwhelming my eyes as his blood came out with freedom, and I had to wonder if I even could get sick anymore as I held the monster inside me in check.


    Lisset arrived with Luca in tow, and I didn¡¯t stop to greet him, but instead directed him to check on the fever, for that would be our next biggest worry. My boy washed up, and shortly he had his hand upon Petyr¡¯s sweaty forehead, and it was soon enough under Petyr''s jaw, and the grimace he¡¯d then made was indicative enough of the answer, but he spoke it as was our practice,


    ¡°High fever, and heart¡¯s up again too; replenishing tea?¡±


    ¡°Water first, but yes. Get him some warm water to use, Rianna.¡± I agreed with my son: the most important thing for Petyr was that he stay hydrated now, but there was no need to wait for tea to start. As my beloved poured my son the water to force down Petyr¡¯s delicious-looking throat: my thoughts were elsewhere, for I needed to know to know something from Lisset, but Arianna spoke to me with enough force that my thoughts went right out of my mind,


    ¡°Mira! I just had the best idea! Why don¡¯t we just ¡®eat¡¯ the infection?! We could fix anything in anyone, this is awesome! Just think about it, Mira: we can literally rebuild people¡¯s bodies! Reconstruct them so that they¡¯re better in every way! Tougher skin, harder bones, and we can even make them stronger! Imagine Lisset with more muscle mass: we could do that!¡±


    I felt a little awkward to answer Arianna¡¯s hopefully academic enthusiasm with the coldness of reality while neither Luca nor Lisset could hear her, but could still hear me telling Arianna the dos and don¡¯ts of science on the human body.


    With no small amount of haste to separate my patient from Arianna¡¯s sudden scholarly interest in human experimentation, I went to the medical cabinets and pulled out a towel, which I unceremoniously shoved beneath Petyr¡¯s legs ¡ª long periods of unconsciousness might end with brain damage without proper circulation, and I suspected that he wasn¡¯t about to wake up soon.


    I made my way to the door in an incredibly calm manner, and I turned to address my son whose eyes still had appreciable bags underneath them,


    ¡°Luca, when you¡¯re done, go get some proper rest, I¡¯ve got bandage duty this time.¡±


    In that manner, I left the back room, and I carefully passed by Talia where she was playing with the younger Mister Fredrickson in the main room. Really, the Fredrickson household was huge in terms of floor space, and so much of it was simply wasted. The only reason I could ever figure for it was that Lisset¡¯s size made the house seem smaller to her, and she must have driven poor Bart to the ends of his wits to construct the thing.


    My first step outside the front door came with a terribly blinding light again, and I had to wonder how I¡¯d managed to deal with it before, since it was rather intense upon me now. A swift black mist washed across my body, and relief came immediately to my eyes, so that explained it, although it didn¡¯t explain why I¡¯d woken up in such a dire state that I¡¯d needed Lisset to carry me. I walked just a small distance away from their doorway, and I pondered this for a while, but I answered my Arianna¡¯s question,


    ¡°Rianna, a person cannot simply remove the bacteria from someone¡¯s body, and even if we are now capable of doing it, which I¡¯m not going to be convinced of without sufficient evidence of its relative safety: you forget the body¡¯s response to the invaders. If the disease suddenly goes missing, the only thing the body knows is that it was attacked, so it''ll destroy itself from the inside.¡±


    The ants marched across my heart, and I heard her respond as if it were the most natural thing in the world,


    ¡°Well, why don¡¯t we just eat them too? They¡¯re just misbehaving cells, right?¡±


    ¡°Antibodies,¡± I specified to her, ¡°and yes, if you¡¯re willing to take away a person¡¯s entire ability to fight off disease, I suppose you could ¡®just eat¡¯ all of those too. There are so many unknowns with all of this, and we are not just going to start testing them out on my patients!¡±


    Arianna was looking for a compromise, I felt her little ants each running individual marathons at their top speed, but she wasn¡¯t going to think her way into this one. Unless we had a damned good reason, there would be no testing on humans, and I didn¡¯t care what she had to say about the matter, for I wouldn¡¯t be changing my mind.


    A figure came walking over from the ''feasting area'' that''d sprung up overnight, but I was too preoccupied with my beloved''s newfound interest in meddling with God''s creations, when quite suddenly all of the little insects stopped mid-step. Even when she had a body separate from me: I could not have made her stop thinking so entirely with such a suddenness, and so I was considerably perturbed by this, but the figure had come close enough that I could easily see it was Bart Fredrickson, and he waved to me with a jovial spirit.


    ¡°Mira! It¡¯s wonderful to see you again!¡± Bart said to me with a wide smile, and I found myself having to smile back, always a sweet guy, Bart. That¡¯s probably the reason Lisset went for him in the first place, but the red haze was making itself known to me again with his appearance, and I had to answer Bart anyway,


    ¡°It¡¯s good to see you too Bart. Don¡¯t worry about your son either, he¡¯ll be alright.¡±


    He shook his head and laughed, ¡°I¡¯m not worrying, Mira. What¡¯s the worst that can happen anymore? It¡¯s not like dying¡¯s going to kill him!¡±


    Bart guffawed heartily as he headed inside his house, and the door shut behind him with a gentle sound. I¡¯d assumed that Arianna would return to her argument with glee, but she was oddly silent right then, and I could feel that she was bracing for something, though I didn¡¯t know what. Arianna¡¯s silence seemed to stretch on in that unnatural manner, and I simply didn¡¯t understand why she wasn''t suggesting we start with vivisection, or otherwise pressing that we begin testing upon the deceased... after all, I''d already been eating them, so I st-


    ¡°Rianna, what have you done?!¡±

 Chapter 10: Wherein An Arcane Investigation Concludes With An Absurd Hypothesis

    Arianna recoiled inside me as my fury spiked to a height I¡¯d never before experienced; I¡¯d reached a plane of anger that lay far beyond the reach of my previously mundane reckoning, and though I¡¯d had no knowledge of its existence until now: I certainly wasn¡¯t going to boil away alone in that place. She couldn¡¯t escape my ire while trapped within me, and so she would simply have to endure my wrath until it ran its course¡­ and I could just endlessly spew thunder as this furious energy coiled within me!


    I stormed off towards the forest as I shook with a barely-contained anger, for I could very much feel the coming bitter tirade, and I would not unleash it any further upon the children than my very first unbidden outburst. As my steps resounded from the unfortunate ground, my mind cast about wildly to understand how I¡¯d been so blind as to have missed Bart¡¯s ¡®resurrection¡¯, and Mercy guide me if he wasn¡¯t the only one!


    In my dream, which must have surely been a real event, my Arianna had complained that she couldn¡¯t get out, not even with all of the aether at her disposal¡­ but she¡¯d said that she could send ¡®them¡¯ out, all of them if she¡¯d wanted to. At the time, I was overwhelmed with the deathfulness of her situation, and I hadn¡¯t lingered upon the nonsense she¡¯d screamed out in the throes of aetherial deficiency.


    How would I have had the wherewithal to have guessed that there was more than madness to her words? Perhaps it was from before I¡¯d fallen asleep, when she¡¯d said something about doing what witches do best? But she¡¯d always made it very clear to the children that she was ¡®a proper sorcerer, not some poultice-peddling madwoman¡¯, and since when did witches raise the dead¡­ God, Arianna, what have you done?


    Remorse swam from that place inside me, and I knew that even without raining down with more shouts than my first: she was certainly sorry enough, and perhaps I even felt shame come from within her. Whatever she was really feeling, it seemed that my anger could not dwell inside me forever in such a magnitude, and even though I was well into the forest now: I no longer wanted to hold my beloved to account with anger alone.


    A gentle breeze blew through the trees above as I came upon a clearing, within which a small stream flowed. My mind cast back to where Lisset and Roger might have gone when I¡¯d first arrived at the Fredrickson house, and I had to wonder if it wasn¡¯t here, for with the well gone: this stream was the only appreciable source of water around.


    In truth, our little unnamed settlement should have been founded closer to this stream, but the Orlovs claimed that the rusalka dwelled within its slow-moving waters. While they weren¡¯t strictly evil creatures: one did not needlessly provoke the ungodly spirits of nature, for the risks inherent in their attention could have easily seen all of our crops wither and fail!


    Frontier life was always like this, I thought as I¡¯d approached the clear waters. People take to the frontier for endless reasons¡­ to get away from the law¡¯s reach, as Arianna and I had, or to escape persecution for their religious beliefs, as had the Orlovs. Some came out here to try their hand at a new life away from scrutinous eyes, as Lisset and Bart had done, and still others simply wished to be away from the hustle and bustle of the cities, as had the Roddericks¡­ Mercy, but I missed them all, even Dmitry, though perhaps not his wife; Old-Hag-Olga, as the children had nicknamed her.


    Gerald had been out here for trapping, and he was rather gifted with the trade; he was a lonely man out here only to spend his last days, and his health was rather on the poor side, so I¡¯d had to visit him often enough that I knew well all the exploits of his life, and many of those he¡¯d only ever had in his dreams.


    There were so many sad stories to be had with frontier life, but some things still weren¡¯t supposed to happen out here, and what killed Gerald in the end wasn¡¯t the hypothermia or his hypertension: it was His Holiness who allowed that this travesty could occur! I¡¯m sure that most would have blamed the soldiers who put us to death, but I knew a soldier, and I wouldn¡¯t hear myself blaming their profession for simply existing to do the bidding of other men!


    Our Amadeus was a grizzled ex-legionnaire, and though he was always gruff and inclined towards impure utterances: he was gentle to his Elissa, a cursed girl who should have been put to death were it not for her father¡¯s love, and so he¡¯d often come by to ask me how to best to care for his aetherless child. I couldn''t have been her mother, but I¡¯d become something rather similar to a role model of sorts to her in the twelve years she¡¯d known me.


    So many children lived out here, and I often wondered why it was that they should number near to half of the adults when so many out here were so old. I thankfully didn¡¯t have to miss many of them, but Sasha, Vitali, Pamela¡­ and Elissa; the faces that were gone from this world were precious, and my beloved and I were almost certainly at fault for it, for bringing down the church¡¯s ire upon them.


    Goodness but I missed them, and Carmen, God knows but I missed her too; she would have known what to say to settle things between Arianna and I. I¡¯d never been one for anger, and she¡¯d never been one for fear, and we were both so affected by these new emotions that their intensity since death was rather new territory for us as a couple.


    A chuckle came to me then, for long ago it¡¯d been my dream to promise myself to my Arianna until death came to us, and now we were testing our bonds and acceptable boundaries in the hereafter! That stream played a pleasant melody to my ears, and I felt the distance between us shorten considerably¡­ so what if she¡¯d been treading on God¡¯s ground, really: what¡¯d God ever done for me that she hadn¡¯t done better anyways?


    My eyes closed as a sense of peace washed back across me, and with it came a weariness of loss that wore most the rest of my anger away from me. I suddenly could really have used a place to sit down right then, so that I could focus inwards and talk to her without resorting to the bug-covered grimy ground ¡ª I certainly didn¡¯t wish to dirty my dress needlessly.


    I lazily opened my eyes, and upon my tongue was a request to my dearest, but it seemed she¡¯d already beaten me to it, for there in the clearing was a table and a single chair that so perfectly fit with my imagination that I might have designed them myself! They were even stationed in the most perfect place in that little clearing, so warmth spread within my chest, and it banished away the rest of the storm clouds that¡¯d been gathering up in my heart.


    How I loved Arianna for all the little things she¡¯d do for me, but we still had to talk about some things over, and Bart¡¯s matter was near the core of them. I began with thanking her for the comfortable place to sit, although I couldn¡¯t begin to know how she¡¯d known I needed one,


    ¡°Thank you, love. I really appreciate the sentiment.¡±The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    I breathed in, and I was about to continue on to the meat of the matter at hand, when I felt her churning strangely inside me. A desire to speak rose from the morass of feelings that came from her, so I delayed for a moment, after all: she might be about to tell me everything I¡¯d ever wanted to know, and so much more that I never cared to find out, and my interruption might have stymied this whole process.


    ¡°Mira¡­?¡± She finally said to me, with a lot of hesitancy clinging to her voice as if she didn¡¯t know how to tell me something important, ¡°I didn¡¯t do anything.¡±


    ¡°Of course you did, Rianna.¡± I wondered what game she was playing at this time, and my patience sifted away like an hourglass split open, so with much more vitriol than I¡¯d expected, I said, ¡°How else would this furniture appear here!?¡±


    A quiet murmur came from her, for I¡¯d cowed her so with my resurging anger, and I very much wanted to lambast myself for inflicting it upon her when I hadn¡¯t meant to, but I was instead focused upon what she was saying,


    ¡°Can I maybe ask you to do something, Mira? Please?¡±


    Well, I could hardly refuse her between the guilt I felt growing within me, and the insecurity that came pouring out from her, so I resolved myself that I wouldn¡¯t get angry, no matter what it was she¡¯d wanted from me ¡ª even back when anger was as foregin an emotion for me as fear was for her, she would always get me to do things through the power of guilt, such that I would have accused her of siren-sobbing if I could only have overcome the guilt I¡¯d have felt to say it ¡ª so I apologized to her,


    ¡°Yes, Rianna. I¡¯m sorry for getting angry out of nowhere like that. Ask away, my love.¡±


    Relief flooded through our connection, and even the hint of a smile appeared in my heart as my beloved contemplated how to phrase her request for me. Still, I wondered what it was she might have me do, and I suspected that she¡¯d manufactured some foul play so as to distract me away from the unhappy conversation to come, and then to ensnare me so totally that I should not speak of it further.


    A little more confidence wrapped around that core of her inside me, and I somehow felt as if she was getting in the mind for testing something upon my person again, but it¡¯d been ages since we¡¯d done anything regarding my physical state; it was a bit of a sore spot for me, and no amount of subverting it through pleasure had ever quite cured me of the scars my nature had left upon me.


    ¡°Could you imagine something appearing on the table, Mira? It can be anything, just don¡¯t tell me about it, okay?¡±


    Some new part of me cried out in outrage for such a pointless distraction in the face of resurrecting the dead, but I clamped down on it the moment it appeared; I¡¯d made a promise to myself that I wouldn¡¯t get angry, even if I couldn¡¯t see any sense in this inane exercise!


    I closed my eyes, and I tried to picture something, anything at all, but the images I sought were flashing away from my grasp the very moment I¡¯d made to seize upon them, and so I got to my feet and stretched to settle the restless energy with which my thoughts evaded harness. My back cracked as I reached up behind me as far as I could, and a small sound impudently escaped from my lips.


    ¡°Mmmmn, that¡¯s not what I asked for, Mira,¡± mused my Arianna, for she was never one to leave alone a temptation, however miniscule, as she relished to prove with her following words, ¡°but I¡¯ll take it, Mira, oh I will definitely take it.¡±


    ¡°Mercy, Rianna,¡± I protested with exasperation heavy upon my lips, ¡°but you just can¡¯t help yourself.¡±


    Her very unchasteness had finally put an image within my mind, and I imagined that it was resting there on the table. A black mist came out from the phylactery around my neck, and it formed up with density until it became solid, and a single plastic ¡®device¡¯ full of a mysterious liquid appeared. I lifted it up with my hand with no small matter of satisfaction, and pointed it at myself threateningly as I dramatically declared,


    ¡°Prepare yourself, Rianna! I will have you atone for your misdeeds!¡±


    ¡°Is¡­ is that¡­?¡± I¡¯d heard her hesitantly begin, although she trailed off with surprise as I felt her recognition swell within me, so I turned it away from us, and I gave its trigger a squeeze, from which a mist of water vapor harmlessly went out into the air.


    ¡°Yes, it¡¯s the spray bottle.¡± I affirmed to her, and I remarked with some amazement, ¡°I don¡¯t know how you did it; this thing hasn¡¯t worked in years, frankly I was under the impression that you¡¯d burn¡­¡± my breath caught as an unpleasant memory came to mind, and it caught me so by surprise that it¡¯d rather stopped my speech in its tracks.


    She came to my rescue with speed, thankfully, when she¡¯d corrected me, ¡°I disposed of it back then, Mira, I really did.¡± She pondered for a moment, and I could feel such an excitement bubbling up from her that it was almost ticklish when she began to enumerate the many wonders of the arcane to me,


    ¡°So far, I¡¯ve only been working with the things we already had, and changing them. Mira, this is new. I don¡¯t mean in the scientifically new kind of way, although it very much is: I mean this spray bottle is actually a completely new creation ¡ª not that I know what it¡¯s made out of¡­ but I think I can guess.¡±


    Her excitement changed so rapidly to a dark and terrible trepidation that it rather sent my stomach into knots, and a nauseousness overwhelmed me with the whiplash by which her feelings were affecting me! Either her feelings and mine were coming closer to being one and the same, or she¡¯d gone from one total extreme to another with such a speed as to leave me feeling dizzy. Whichever the case may have been, I felt that I rather could have done without it, for it so assailed my insides that I felt my strength failing!


    She quietly expelled her sickly apprehension into my body, and I rather had to sit again upon the chair while I waited for my stomach to settle back down. It seemed that she would be quiet forever if I didn¡¯t say anything, so I asked her,


    ¡°Rianna, what do you think it¡¯s made out of then? Aether?¡±


    It was to my relief that she didn¡¯t attempt to shake my head again, and instead she verbally came back with a simple statement,


    ¡°No, Mira¡­ just let me think for a bit, okay?¡±


    Though I was reluctant to let her stew in whatever strange thoughts she was having, it wasn¡¯t as if I could do anything to affect a change in that manner, so I simply put my hand over my heart, and I pressed it against myself in the vain desire that she would physically feel my reassurance.


    ¡°Oh Mercy, that makes so much sense¡­¡± I heard her whisper out, as if she''d simply been unable to let whatever it was stay inside her, and for a few short seconds she¡¯d rather had me on the edge of my seat with wondering, but her following silence rather spoiled my ability to sit still. The anticipation and dread I felt for her unstated conclusion simply became too much for me, and I practically begged that she elucidate me,


    ¡°Rianna, please: what makes sense now, love?¡±


    She gulped using my throat, but I didn¡¯t mind in the face of the terrible arcane secret she was about to posit to me, and I''d thought I was prepared to hear anything when she said,


    ¡°You''re not aetherless, Mira. You never were.¡±

 Chapter 11: Wherein The Spirit Of Death Finds Me

    My world flipped onto its head as her words struck me, and the echoes of her voice rung within me like tremendous bells, in that they sent mighty reverberations down through to the very core of my person, and there threatened to shake apart everything I¡¯d ever known! I wasn¡¯t aetherless? I¡¯d never been?! Her joint assertion was not so much ludicrous as it was surely impossible!


    Now, I¡¯d heard my share of the incredible, such as when a southerner had declared to me in all grave seriousness that the Ancients had set their very feet upon the Moon, and taken sizable chunks of it back to the Earth with them! That¡¯d certainly constituted an extraordinary claim, and the man had been declared stricken with madness¡­ but to even consider that aether had dwelt within me all this time?


    That was such a terribly unbelievable contention that my very Faith in God and His Precepts was probably the lesser! What terrific buffoonery it was that my Arianna should say such a thing! But I wasn¡¯t laughing, and I could feel her certainty evolving into something more iron-clad by the second.


    Mine was a life so overabundant with harsh lessons to the contrary that I might¡¯ve been her argument¡¯s very antithesis made flesh! The mere suggestion brought me well past a healthy skepticism and deep into a profound sort of incredulity! How could it even be possible?! I¡¯d had to wonder, for I genuinely had no basis on which to begin to process her allegations!


    What immense and unshakable proofs had my Arianna uncovered which so convinced her of the justice in tearing open these old wounds of mine, and if they were so obvious to her now then why couldn¡¯t I see them for myself?! Why should I have to abide by her indulgence in this cruel fantasy?!


    ¡°Rianna¡­ why?¡± As the immediate shock retreated from me: so returned my emotions, and I began again with a shaking tremor in my throat, ¡°Why do you say this to me?¡±


    She knew well what she¡¯d done in saying this callous thing, for I could feel her apprehensive dread so strongly before she¡¯d said it, and all the while after I could sense her reeling from her very own revelation! This¡­ this insinuation of hers had hurt me irrevocably, and it was something that could not be taken back once put forth!


    Arianna never hurt me intentionally, not when she could¡¯ve at all avoided it ¡ª she¡¯d have gone to infinite lengths to delay, distract, and otherwise devil me just to keep a mildly malicious matter from possibly offending me! Why did she not refrain from speaking of this; was it somehow an inevitability that I would find out? But that¡¯d never stopped her before, no: that only made her all the more desperate to obstruct my discovery!


    Surely, she cannot have thought that just because the scars upon my flesh were gone that the ones upon my soul were also healed?! To be born Cursed was a death sentence for most, and by all rights I should have been put to death at once if only for the convenience of convention, for that was the common practice!


    Failing that, I should have been disposed of shortly thereafter¡­ just one more body drifting along a river that unceasingly knew the company of corpses. I¡¯d long looked at the Tiber with reproach, and as it sent the deceased downriver, I would wonder to myself why I hadn¡¯t been made to join those men and women in death. What was so pleasant about me that I was denied a fate that was shared by hundreds every day?


    What was it that¡¯d stayed my father¡¯s hand: insecurity, or perhaps embarrassment? Was it grief that spared me strangulation by my own mother¡¯s arms? I should never know, for I was delivered to the Foundation so shortly after my birth, and I had never known of the circumstances by which my death was deferred. It was nothing short of miraculous that the payments kept coming in for long enough that I should have survived babyhood in the Mother¡¯s midst!


    When I was a young girl, I¡¯d liked to imagine that my parents had been royalty, and had wealth beyond my wildest imagination! I dreamed that they would reconsider their abandonment of me, and that I would someday know why they¡¯d been rid of me in the first place ¡ª surely some great plot against my life had arisen, and this was the only method by which they could protect me!


    I¡¯d harboured that ridiculous thought in my heart for much longer than I should¡¯ve in this world that never wanted me¡­ one which could scarcely tolerate my very existence! It wasn¡¯t until the gold stopped coming, that the direness of my reality had quite set upon me, and I¡¯d been forced to turn urchin to request my stay of the Mother. She always took most everything I¡¯d come by, and she could command that I give her all the rest as well with but a hint of aether; a princess¡¯s fate indeed.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Mira. I really am, but it¡¯s true! Well, I don¡¯t know how to classify your aether yet, but the answer is definitely on this track.¡± She said to me with a voice filled with equal parts sorrow and certainty.


    The ¡®answer¡¯, she said. To the problem we¡¯d long had with understanding my nature. We¡¯d investigated it for years, and yet our conclusions were simply so inconclusive that we¡¯d wholly given up on ever being the ones to expose the secret mysteries behind my aetherless form. All the while we¡¯d been stymied and frustrated by my very changeable nature, and how significantly it was affected by miniscule amounts of aether.


    Someone might have just looked at me with a hint of aether, and my body would have simply morphed to suit their whim ¡ª if not always in the way that they¡¯d expected, as my Arianna and I had long been wary of ¡ª and yet, at other times I seemed almost invincible to the thoughts of others, such that it wasn¡¯t until they put their excruciating spells to voice that they might¡¯ve take effect upon me!


    Arianna herself had tested these aspects of me extensively, though she always sought out my permission before any test, and she would describe it all in her particular manner before she would begin. We¡¯d found that the introduction of foreign aether into persons with none originally, such as myself, tended towards the bizarre, and were often dichotomic in the extreme.


    Perhaps it wasn¡¯t much of an inference, but I was a difficult creature to test upon by anyone who cared for me¡­ for it could be quite painful to change in accordance with the wishes of others. We hadn¡¯t had cause to investigate further since we came to care for Luca. Small and safe changes for mutual pleasure? Those weren¡¯t so unpleasant, even as they brought my vulnerabilities to the fore, but we¡¯d done no more testing since she¡¯d first found those scars.


    For her to now be telling me that all along we were mistaken, and that I¡¯d really had aether within me since I was born? I didn¡¯t know what to think, but it hurt. I was so revolted and hurt that my Arianna was the one to strike upon this matter which was so critical to me as to be called a foundation of my person!


    ¡°To the point, Rianna!¡± I shouted through the tears that poured from my eyes, and I wasn¡¯t going to let her obfuscate upon this subject any further, ¡°Tell me your damned premise, and don¡¯t you dare apologize!¡±


    I¡¯d once thought myself lucky, really. People didn¡¯t just go down the streets of the Vatican wishing that I¡¯d implode upon myself, or that my face would turn inside out¡­ but it was bad enough to be wished ill, and I would not have been all that surprised to have dropped dead if anyone ever truly willed me so!


    The Mother and Father had delighted some in tormenting me until I took Arianna¡¯s interest, and they would make me stand upon my toes for hours with but a word, or even harm myself for their amusement! They were sick creatures¡­ not fit to be called human! But they were still all I''d had before my benefactor changed things for me.


    The Mother would come upon me in a drunken state, and she would delight in commanding me around with aether, knowing full well that I could never simply say no to her! If I was made to move, then I would move¡­ for I was not the only master of my own body when aether was involved, and this feeling of total control over someone in her turbulent and out-of-control life took her with a manic glee.


    So lucky was I that the Mother was an unimaginative cow throughout, and her terrible habits came to a close when Arianna first found out about them, when she¡¯d returned to my life once again. She¡¯d threatened the Mother to within an inch of her life, and the Father was the first man my Arianna ever put to death.


    I was immensely grateful for this, truly, for his sick and twisted fantasies grew with every year, and though my interactions with him were far rarer: they were a thousand times more brutal than mere commandments to move about, and it was only my luck that his comeuppance had come for him before his taste in punishing me had grown towards the sexual in nature!


    ¡°I¡¯m sor-¡± My Arianna caught herself mid apology. I felt her trying to clamp down on her overpouring emotions like a wet sponge in a vice; I knew that they were surely as terrible and wretched as my own, and she didn¡¯t want me to feel them¡­ but she couldn¡¯t hide from me that she was about to explode with emotion as she spoke,


    ¡°This¡­ this is the worst. Fuck! Mira, you were willing yourself to follow other¡¯s directives. All along, the aether was yours, which is why it gets weird when you didn¡¯t know what they wanted you to do!¡±


    That¡­ couldn¡¯t be. The merciless and sadistic tyranny I¡¯d long suffered under¡­ it couldn¡¯t have been my own, there was no path to that conclusion! I couldn¡¯t- I would not hear this! But that I refused to listen any further didn¡¯t stop her from talking, and although I covered my ears: one cannot stop hearing a voice that comes from inside themselves!


    ¡°You only knew that what they wanted was probably awful!¡± I could understand that she was trying her damndest to stop me from internalizing this, and her panic was readily clear to me as she continued, ¡°So, you¡¯d ended up going through something as awful as you could imagine! It turned out you could imagine some really really fucking horrible things, and since you could use it so freely, you were able to¡­ you just didn¡¯t know, Mira! I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m so sor-¡±


    ¡°So what, you¡¯re saying I inflicted it all upon myself?! That¡¯s madness, Rianna!¡± I cried out with rage and interrupted her, though it was certainly not she who was more afflicted with this insanity! Still, it was my only recourse as the ground under my feet shifted, and I recoiled under the colossal weight of this revelation!


    I cannot know when I¡¯d left the chair, for I was no longer armed with the knowledge of its presence, and I was shortly on my hands and knees in the dirt, bawling all while she desperately denied that terrible truth I would never be able to purge from my awareness,


    ¡°I¡¯m not saying that! I¡¯m no-well, technically I guess I did- fuck, no! Mira, they were the ones who made you do it! They¡¯re at fault! How could you have known any differently?! I¡¯ve got two arms but if someone made me hit myself with them, that¡¯s on them, right?! Fuck ¡ª oh fuck she¡¯s gone off ¡ª Mira, come back to me!¡±


    My face buried itself in my hands, and then I was slamming it down into the mushy ground with not a care in the world for how disgusting it was! A number of older drives, long absent in my life, sprung back into being. I wanted to hurt, I deserved to hurt, I needed to hurt so badly that all I knew was pain!


    If I¡¯d then had a knife, I might have stabbed it into my arms, or perhaps I could have sunk it deep within my breast and cut out my new heart! But I could not even rake my face with my fingernails, for I¡¯d always had cause to keep them clipped and filed. Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Was it lucky or the opposite that my mind was no longer cognizant enough to have considered bashing in my brain with the wooden table and chair, or drowning myself in the river? Who could say, but I came upon a method in my relentless pursuit of self-destruction.


    It was always my power, then? Then¡­ couldn¡¯t I use it to hurt however much I wanted?! A fanatical glee settled upon me as I made my arm come apart as if by its seams! A sharp rending sensation affected me as my skin and muscle unwound before my eyes, and my tendons and bones were bared before me, though as usual: the blood formed a string of its own.


    The blood¡¯s state was strangely disappointing for me, but I was shortly seized with an unhinged curiosity, one I¡¯d never been ¡®made¡¯ to do before! A wondrous rapture came to me as I unwound the bone in the same manner as before, and it peeled away with that delightfully cold and nauseous agony to form solid curls!


    The marrow was left in a state similar to the blood: forming a spiral of interesting matter, and with that I was taken with the madness of bringing it before my mouth, and I drank of the wonderful goodness until it was all gone! That finished, I bought the bone, flesh, and skin back to me ¡ª I replaced all the marrow too, for it was well within my power to recreate that wonderful substance ¡ª and I was delighted by the steep cliff of agony the healing process brought me as well!


    In this manner, I caressed the anguish that was entirely within my power to provide. It was real, and it was wonderful, and I had to smile with tears in my eyes as the last of my unstrung arm reknit into the limb it once was. How empowering it was in the moment that I just had to grin with exhilaration¡­ and how terrifying it was to recollect with a grimace at the very imagery!


    One might have thought that was surely sufficient damage to have put oneself through, but it wasn¡¯t enough. The strange thing about that state of mind is that it can never be enough. Never while we are sane can we grasp upon that state that lies within us, beyond logic, but still within emotion.


    I wondered what more I could do to myself, and I got to weighing my options, but before I could draw myself too deeply inside them: a blackness began pooling a short ways from me, and grabbed upon my errant attention.


    Curious, I didn¡¯t think I¡¯d done that, so it must have been my Arianna¡¯s doing. Perhaps it would be another corpse, but she¡¯d had me read wrongly if that was the case, so I thought I¡¯d save her the time,


    ¡°Hey Rianna, what dish are you conjuring up for me this time?¡±


    ¡°Oh my God, Mira, I¡¯m getting help.¡± She¡¯d told me, rather unhelpfully, but her follow-up was better, ¡°I¡¯d come out myself to hold you if I could, but I can¡¯t, so I¡¯m getting someone who can!¡±


    This tickled me so. Was this person going to end up like Bart, as some kind of undead monstrosity, simply to try to console me from myself? I had to chuckle, and I asked her as the blackness began to form up,


    ¡°So who¡¯s the lucky villager, Rianna? Can¡¯t have been Nestor, you hate him. Is it little Elissa? Going to have the sweet little Cursed girl cuddle sense back into me?¡±


    ¡°Sweet Fuck, Mira, you¡¯re so awful when you get like this.¡± She said with a palpable disgust, ¡°Just shut up and let me surprise you out of¡­ whatever your medical fucking term for that was.¡±


    I considered it for a while as the blackness began to resemble a human in shape, and an answer came swiftly for her rhetorical question, in defiance of her demand,


    ¡°Probably self-mutilation, Rianna. But medically speaking, keeping me talking is about the best medical ¡®fix¡¯ I¡¯ve heard of for it, short of binding me down for lunacy. It¡¯s highly unlikely to become patterned self-harm, so there¡¯s no need for any help. I¡¯m okay now. See, I¡¯m already all better.¡±


    Arianna¡¯s voice came back with a total rejection to my self-diagnosis, ¡°You can¡¯t hear yourself I guess, because you don¡¯t sound at all better to me, Mira. But hell, yeah I¡¯ll keep you talking until she gets in on this. We¡¯re fucked, Mira, not just you, me too! We need her.¡±


    That sounded suspiciously unlike anyone from the village during the attack, especially since Lisset was still around. Her? Well, the black mist was starting to rather resemble a¡­ remarkably well endowed woman. Who could she be talking about, though?


    A new source of dread was sinking into me, so I asked her with considerably more emotion than I¡¯d felt before, starting with concern, and rapidly shifting into anger as my subconscious came upon the realization,


    ¡°Rianna, tell me who she is. Right now.¡±


    Strands of black hair came into being, and specks of her bronze skin appeared. Arianna spoke to me as if she were performing the most benign and reasonable procedure that''d ever been invented,


    ¡°She¡¯s Carmen, obviously, even you can-hey!¡±


    My fury rose to the top of my being, and I began dissolving the black mist that had almost formed into our dearest friend. I told my beloved in no uncertain terms,


    ¡°It¡¯s my power, Rianna, and you will not use it to bring back someone suicidal.¡±


    ¡°That was then, Mira!¡± She argued with me, as she kept trying to rebuild the body, and I could sense her despair at being made powerless. What I was doing to her now was probably near so damaging to her as being told I¡¯d never been so powerless was to me. She swallowed back her tears and shouted inside me,


    ¡°We need her now, Mira, we need her now more than ever. We¡¯re not okay! She can make us better! She always did! We can do better this time too, and she can meet Luca!¡±


    She¡¯d always blamed herself, but just this once, I would not allow her to have her way. I¡¯d have let her turn even little Elissa into a goddamned ghoul before I would let her put Carmen back into this world. Not that I¡¯d have let her do that either, but I¡¯d have been willing to entertain the idea.


    Not Carmen, though. She¡¯d done everything in her power to kill herself with no regrets. She was not unjustly put to death: she very deliberately sent herself into the beyond.


    Our Carmen had left such a hole in our lives that day, and I hoped that she never learned of it in the afterlife. She¡¯d intentionally waited to do it until Luca was old enough to survive without her, and she¡¯d killed herself on the only day that both Arianna and I would not be present to save her by any means arcane or medical. Two hours, that¡¯s how long of a gap she had to do it in, and if she''d missed it: it might have been years before we were both so seperated from her by distance, and she¡­ she''d succeeded.


    The fear that we¡¯d been the ones who trapped her in this life was all too real for the both of us, and it was weeks before I could convince Arianna to touch Luca without her shrinking away with renewed horror! Of course I wanted her back, but her very choice of when to seek death for herself belied a terrible truth: that she did not want us back.


    My Arianna wept with helplessness, and I knew not what to do. There was no possibility that I was going to head back while we both felt so unstable, and so I went to the river and I sat beside it in silence. This one had no bodies in it, we should be relieved, and on a whim I pulled the table and chair back inside me too.


    One would think that sticking a dining table inside themselves would feel uncomfortable, but it didn¡¯t really feel like anything. It grabbed at my attention, sure, and I could vaguely feel it even if I wasn¡¯t looking at it, but of all the disquieting feelings I¡¯d had since my resurrection: this was actually among the least disturbing.


    I absently pulled off my shoes, and socks, for I was struck with a much less harmful interest, and I rather didn¡¯t want to get them wet. I plunged my feet into the chilly waters, and they flowed around my feet in a very pleasant manner. It was autumn again, almost to the start of winter. My existential muse flooded me as if my feet were absorbing the water, and I had to wonder what was the point of surviving that night. What was it even for? Just to live as we always did? But we couldn''t anymore.


    Arianna¡¯s weeping wasn¡¯t subsiding at all, but my existentialism was distracted by a fascinating idea. A blackness coated my feet, and the water began to flow inside me, though I could no longer feel it. What a strange sensation, and I had to ponder some about its nature when a sultry voice sounded from the bank across from me,


    ¡°Are you drinking with your feet? I¡¯ve never seen that before.¡±


    A young woman with vibrant red hair and pale white skin sat opposite me, and trailed her own naked feet in the water ¡ª not that any of the rest of her was any more clothed than them. It would appear that the Orlovs had the right of it for once, as a rusalka had cut into our miserable silence, but one must never be rude to the spirits of nature, so I answered her,


    ¡°It¡¯s the first time for me too, and I can¡¯t imagine it¡¯s too regular an occurrence.¡±


    She shifted her body entirely to show her curiosity, though how she looked I wasn¡¯t at liberty to say, for my eyes were boring into her red and pupiless ones so that I might avoid looking at anything¡­ so dangerous. Even Rianna¡¯s weeping was coming to a close, which was a great relief, because if this situation became¡­ dangerous: I was really going to need her help.


    Well, perhaps I could manage somehow to ¡®eat¡¯ an unclean spirit of nature with my dark and terrible powers ¡ª though that thought put something so very splendidly dangerous in my head that I really could probably have done without it in there!


    ¡°You look terrible, sweetie! Oh, you should just bathe in the river!¡± The nameless spirit famous for death-by-drowning made her move with infinite cheer, and that was oddly a tremendous relief to me, though I had to laugh at her ¡®offer¡¯.


    ¡°I thought you only went for men, though?¡± I grinned, of true amiability this time, because this creature that surely meant for my death was being so pleasant and cheery to me about it, and I found it just terribly lovely after mine and Rianna¡¯s argument.


    She looked aghast at my accusation, as if it were the most unthinkable and awful thing I might have said, only to have that give way to an attractive smirk, and she pondered a while as my eyes tried to betray me. They only sometimes managed to get away from me, but both the ¡®women¡¯ in my company unfortunately knew it.


    ¡°Mira,¡± Arianna spoke to me then with, full of a jealous righteousness, ¡°I swear to the God of Mercy, if you do anything like what you¡¯re thinking, I¡¯m-¡±


    ¡°Men? Don¡¯t be silly, sweetie.¡± Mercifully, Arianna¡¯s threats were cut across by the gorgeous spirit of watery graves, ¡°What man could be so wonderful upon my eyes as you? All you need to do is get that grime off you, and you¡¯ll be able to appreciate your beauty too!¡±


    Right, and drown, it¡¯s tenuous enough that even my toes were in the river with a rusalka around, but since they were not really touching the water: maybe that much was actually safe? There was no need to find out, though I did have a question of my own for her, as I''d always had a lingering interest in spiritual matters,


    ¡°What brought you here to gaze upon my underappreciated beauty, Miss...?¡±


    She pouted, and I rather expected that she wouldn¡¯t answer me, firstly because she¡¯d have to make a name up on the spot, which is not something that the spirits of nature were particularly gifted with if stories were to be believed, but mostly because she¡¯d probably have to back off on the prospect of drowning me. It came as a surprise to me, then, when she spoke rather solemnly,


    ¡°I¡¯m Katherine, and it was your anguish which brought me here, poor girl.¡±


    My stunned silence rather allowed her to get more words in than I¡¯d expected to hear, as her voice turned increasingly chipper,


    ¡°I really won¡¯t drown you. I just want you to cheer up, and the first step in that process is cleaning up!¡±


    To trust a heathen spirit that ¡®lives¡¯ to lie? I must''ve been mad, but I did feel a spot of trust, or perhaps it should be said that trust didn¡¯t even need to enter into it. In the worst case scenario: I could probably pull the entire river and embankment inside me, or Arianna could manipulate them such that Katherine could ¡®drown¡¯ like a fish does in the air!


    There was really no reason to worry, as far as the danger goes, and the peace I¡¯d felt earlier, before that terrible secret came forth, started to come back to me. I peeled off my dress in my new dark method, and I most certainly wasn¡¯t about to forget the socks and shoes I¡¯d left on the side.


    ¡°You can¡¯t be serious right now, Mira!¡± Arianna exclaimed at me, and although there was still a seed of jealousy in her: it was nothing next to her fear for me, ¡°She¡¯ll try for your life, of course she will! You don¡¯t even need to get in the water to be clean: you can just leave it to me!¡±


    I had to smile at my beloved, for this is still what suited her best, even if she had to feel some of my old fears beside it: she was headstrong, and protective, and she loved me. I could do better, and I would do better¡­ I had to, but I might as well start cleaning up my afterlife with cleaning up myself, and the shock of the water upon my skin would be a delightful thrill.


    My feet stopped swallowing up the water, and I stepped into the chilly river under Katherine¡¯s excited eyes. Her ''body'' rapidly shed its human facade, and fell back into the water without so much as a splash, only to rise again around me in defiance of gravity! It was to my immense relief that she really didn¡¯t try to drown me immediately, and instead she started to wash away the filth and grime that had gathered upon my skin ¡ª although I might''ve been marginally happier if she''d taken more advantage of my nakedness. Men, and spirit-women''s taste in them, should just disappear from this world, I thought, except for my Luca: he can stay.


    As she scoured my body with her more natural form, I felt a little wistful that she hadn¡¯t done this with her illusory form instead, and I could tell that Arianna knew it from the feelings that came from her! She got to clean Lisset all by herself, so I wasn¡¯t about to hear any complaining from her on the ¡®bathing with beauties¡¯ front!


    Thankfully, Katherine let my face be, probably so I wouldn¡¯t think she was suddenly trying to drown me, so I asked my beloved,


    ¡°Rianna, would you do my face for me?¡±


    A warm blush radiated from within my heart, and I had to wonder how I¡¯d managed to make her do that, since it seemed mildly more than romantic... or perhaps she was just thrilled that I''d even remembered her in the presence of the decidedly less-deathful-than-expected spirit? I felt oddly compelled to ask her, though niether of us were able to say anything before someone happily answered me,


    ¡°I¡¯m Katherine, sweetie! Don''t you remember?¡±

 Chapter 12: Wherein I Take A Very Much Needed Bath

    Arianna and I together burst out with laughter, and what a terribly refreshing thing that was to feel! We¡¯d had far too few matters that warranted laughing over of late, and so perhaps this giddy cheer was made more delightful than it should have been, but it was so very wonderful that I rather didn¡¯t mind looking the loon for it!


    Her warmth bubbled over into my chest, and I overflowed with a mirth that was not entirely my own anymore. I was wreathed in cool river water, and it was rather exacerbating my predicament, for it tickled me so while I was already in such an uproarious state!


    She was the first of us to settle down from our mutual amusement, and this was instrumental in bringing my own feelings back to Earth. That isn¡¯t to say they fell all at once simply because my beloved wasn¡¯t joining me in merriment any further, for they continued on for a while in small spates of uncontrollable giggling, and I just loved to be able to laugh so freely!


    My dearly departed formed up that black mist over my head, and it was shortly clean of the muck I¡¯d put my face into, which was immensely preferable to having mud smeared across my features. I felt truly cleaned, both inside and out as I laughed, and it was so fresh a feeling that washed over me that I simply had to smile!


    I felt that years of horror and pain fell away with my every chortle, and it was a very healing thing to experience. Tears had fallen with them as well, but these were of happiness, and so although I sniffed with blurry vision between my giggles: I was feeling altogether rejuvenated by this outpouring joyful sentiment!


    Katherine had largely ¡®frozen¡¯ in her cleaning of my person, as anyone sane and reasonable would have likely been perplexed by my sudden, prolonged, and unsolicited outburst of emotion! I could feel her rippling with her bemusement across my skin, as surely she hadn¡¯t said or done anything so humorous as to cause me to make such an uproar, and so she¡¯d asked me with such uncertainty that I shortly felt I¡¯d been dreadfully impolite,


    ¡°Forgive me beautiful, but did I say something I shouldn¡¯t have?¡±


    What an unbelievably courteous spirit this Katherine was! Indeed, if she should have been a courtier in a rich estate instead of a spirit in a stream, then to hear her speak I could not have heard the difference!


    If it weren¡¯t for her fastidiousness in our interactions, then perhaps I might have questioned opening up my mouth to answer her while I was otherwise ¡®entangled¡¯ with a rusalka in her river, but as she came across so genuinely in her efforts to clean me: I didn¡¯t feel even the slightest bit threatened by the prospect of her behaving in such a fearsome manner!


    I simply couldn¡¯t allow for such a rudeful and offensive thought that she must¡¯ve somehow misstepped to survive within her mind! I could not be at all ungracious towards her in my heart, so I hurriedly assuaged her worries,


    ¡°No, Katherine: you¡¯ve been nothing but kind and lovely to me. Please, don¡¯t mind my laughter; I really am just feeling terribly relieved.¡±


    The rusalka hummed with acknowledgement, and returned to washing my body of the filth that had once been upon it. However, since it had already become rather clean: to still declare what she was currently doing to be ¡®cleaning¡¯ was as if referring to a brothelhouse as a massage parlour! Technically correct, if entirely missing the point, and it was such stances which so like to shatter marital agreements by reality, if not strictly by legality.


    Unfortunately, and although I was loathe to dismiss the diverting sensations which so pleasantly affected me, I could tell that if I didn¡¯t stop it here: my Arianna was going to be quite justly cross with me ¡ª which is to say nothing of how resentful I would¡¯ve been with myself for having enabled such behavior to continue ¡®unwittingly¡¯ ¡ª and so I said to Katherine,


    ¡°Thank you dear, but you won¡¯t mind if I take it from here?¡±


    I could¡¯ve sworn that I¡¯d heard the water make a noise rather like the clicking of a tongue in response to my unsubtle suggestion, but whether it was an expression of missed opportunities, or Katherine was merely feeling put out by my insinuations¡­ who could say?


    There was always the possibility that she¡¯d been more like Olga with distaste for the prospects, but I felt that she wouldn¡¯t have done such things if she was of such stock. Still, I didn¡¯t have to wait long for her to be indicative of whichever it was, for she retreated from my body with an appreciable haste, and before long she¡¯d formed herself back up across from me into that wonderfully perilous shape again!


    She carried a sore smile of readily apparent disappointment upon her features, and so she was clearly of the first variety when she asked me,


    ¡°Who¡¯s Rianna, then?¡±


    My heart bled for Katherine at this question, for it was clear enough to me that she couldn¡¯t have had very many suitors out here in the frontier, not while her river was as nameless as the glaciers it was spawned from. I immediately felt the necessity of comforting her, in whatever manner she might so understandably be wanting for, and if I were free to have realized what my instincts so cried out for me to do: I would have held Katherine, and laid with her, and still more if she¡¯d asked it of me!


    Mercy, but I was always so weak to loneliness, for I so well knew of its burden in my youth. I¡¯d had to live the life of the shunned within a Foundation full of other children that reviled me, and they¡¯d feared me like the unsullied feared of lepers! I was so often alone in those days, and not even Arianna¡¯s warm and friendly interactions with me convinced many of them that my atrocious state wasn¡¯t equally as contagious!


    Before I might''ve parted the crowd of children around me wherever I went, so simply being very much avoided was an extremely positive change. I¡¯d only slowly become a ¡®part of the crowd¡¯ once Carmen had come by to see me a few times, and although it did change for the better then: it could hardly have been called ¡®good¡¯, for I never once knew the touch of my peers in the Foundation.Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.


    Not even the Mother or Father ever laid a finger upon my person, for they didn¡¯t dare to. I do not know how they managed to feed me before I could attempt to feed myself, but I do know that the touch of another was such a rarity for me in the Holy City that only the most desperate for doctoring would ever allow it¡­ and many of those I¡¯d saved from certain death even reviled me for having saved them with Cursed hands!


    When my benefactor first propositioned me upon her return to my life, I most certainly didn¡¯t feel that I could say no to her: all of the pleasant and good aspects of my life had come from her, after all¡­ so what if she¡¯d wanted something back for such generosity? I was used to being used, and that she¡¯d wanted to use me too only surprised me that such a beautiful and wealthy girl might want to have anything to do with me after having left me alone and abandoned for so long!


    She¡¯d so soon asked it upon seeing me again that I¡¯d rather expected it was the very reason she¡¯d come back to me after so long a time away, and this made me incredibly paranoid of her intentions! I knew that she was too good to be true! Her kindness itself was a farce, and all along she was lying! She was behind the Mother and Father¡¯s renewed interests in me! Was it all to drive me into her arms with despair, only to fall into her trap?! Did she believe that I wouldn¡¯t see?!


    These thoughts had seized me, and even though she¡¯d never done anything intentionally to hurt me before: I¡¯d momentarily suspected that I would shortly be turned floater, and so I¡¯d recoiled instinctively from her when she¡¯d first admitted her attraction to me!


    My instantaneous response had hurt her enough then that she didn¡¯t believe in my following insistence that the interest was mutual ¡ª every time she¡¯d looked at me for days after I could see her eyes battling between her guilt and her desire to accept what I said as truth ¡ª but it was true that I¡¯d long desired her touch, and I¡¯d had such an infatuation that I¡¯d exploited every time she¡¯d given me her hand! I may not have known much about the deeper matters of touch, but I knew that I adored hers even when it hurt me!


    Her touch was the only one I¡¯d truly known in my entire childhood, and I¡¯d sought after Arianna as if she were a terribly addictive substance, for I was always so wonderfully sensitive to her barest contact, and I would ¡®accidentally¡¯ bump into her and stumble into her for the mere brush of her skin against mine! So afflicted was I that she¡¯d rather believed me to be very clumsy by the time she¡¯d chanced to advance upon me!


    Arianna¡¯s mere hands upon mine had long brought me an ecstatic thrill, and I was so insistent that they be held! Even though touching was always so strange and alien to me back then, and it could be so severe that I sometimes had to withhold screams from its sheer intensity: I could not help but to seek out opportunities to experience that sensation again!


    Eventually, her perseverance in the face of what she might have done to me lost out to her desire to believe in me, and in my acceptance of her own selfish wants ¡ª to say nothing of lust¡¯s surely tempting effect upon her endurance ¡ª and so we¡¯d fallen into that first magnificently excruciating exchange.


    That first kiss had been unbelievably intriguing, and it was so terribly inviting for a second one that I could not have aspired to resisting the third. Even as agony went down my spine in deep spikes: I could not bear to stop, for I had been wholly overcome with that intense passion, and my ardor for her would not be restrained!


    So it should have been, for it went without any restriction until she¡¯d found with her hands the wounds I¡¯d unknowingly inflicted on myself, and that felicitous torture was broken with her horrified shock. She¡¯d wept for me then, and when I¡¯d tried to comfort her: she pushed me away, only to then pursue me with her embrace! She could not believe the state my body had fallen into in just those few short years where she couldn¡¯t see me, and I saw rage blossom inside her such that her very eyes blazed with a hateful fire!


    She¡¯d been so slow and gentle with me after that, and it was rather frustrating for me, because here we¡¯d begun our relationship, only for her to now be infantilizing me? I wanted more, and despite my firm insistences: it took years before she was able to stomach doing anything near so as intense as what I needed from her, as on the attempt she would simply break down, and be entirely unable to continue with any further cruel-seeming treatment of me!


    So I well knew what it was to go without the precious touch of a lover. I knew how terribly it hurt a person to be rejected both in part and in full, and I certainly knew the need of appreciation, but all of that together at once didn¡¯t mean I could help Katherine any more than the next person.


    ¡°Rianna is my lover, Katherine.¡± I apologized to her, for I really did regret being unable to show her the affection she so wanted from me, ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    The ghostly woman shook her head as a bit of amusement took her. She then waved off my apology with a careless flick of her wrist, which splashed a small amount of water at me, and a playful smile came over her features.


    My Arianna absolutely groused when the water hit me, for she muttered something I couldn¡¯t quite hear while I was lost in the enchanting beauty before me. Goodness but she was something to look at when she smiled, so I rather had to wonder if the reason that rusalka are so often depicted as drowning men to the bottom of lakes and rivers is that they instead simply eloped with them!


    I couldn¡¯t help the silly grin that came to my face as I took in the glistening woman before me, and my breath rather caught as her red hair shimmered in the sunlight, for she so looked like the ocean reflecting a sunset in that moment. It took a momentous effort to simply hold myself from reaching out and touching her, but I was just able to withstand her almost magnetic pull upon me.


    May it never be said that I was weak of will, for it was no small challenge to take my eyes off of Katherine, but I did ultimately manage it. As I broke my gaze with that wondrous beauty, my Arianna¡¯s voice came to me with complaint,


    ¡°...mmune to magic! It¡¯s not like she¡¯s pulling at you magically, or else I¡¯d feel it! Mira, listen to me! She¡¯s not even worth looking at anyways, I mean, she just looks like some really agitated water! Besides, I¡¯ll bet I¡¯-¡±


    ¡°Rianna,¡± I interrupted her, because I wasn¡¯t going to let that slide, ¡°She really is that beautiful, I promise.¡±


    Katherine chuckled across from me, and this drew my eyes back to her once again, but the allure of her ¡®body¡¯ was rather easier to resist when I¡¯d been prepared to do so ¡ª which isn¡¯t to say it was ¡®easy¡¯ at all, for knowing a thing will be beautiful before I look at it hardly stops my appreciation for it! She raised an arm as she explained herself to me,


    ¡°It¡¯s just my luck that the first girl that¡¯s wanted me since I died is already married to some other woman.¡±


    ''Since she died'', she¡¯d said, so I supposed that the tales that rusalka were drowned women had some merits to them after all, though I did immediately find it strange that I had to correct her on one matter,


    ¡°We¡¯re not married, Katherine. Women can¡¯t be married to each other in the first place.¡±

 Chapter 13: Wherein I Claim That I Am Of Sound Mind

    She gasped, and she looked to be so utterly horrified that it rather perplexed me. This much at least was common sense, surely¡­ and Arianna and I should have known it better than most! But the way this simple observation affected Katherine substantially more than I could have anticipated!


    Katherine slammed her watery fist down upon the riverbank, where it disappeared into the dirt, and sent muddy water spraying out! Such a growl then came from her that she sounded almost as fierce as the ocean¡¯s roar on a particularly stormy day!


    The river churned in response to her apparent distress, such that small waves came up to lap at the banks, and small eddies began to form as it flooded! I was beginning to think that it might be for the better if I were to leave the water, but I¡¯d heard Katherine shout before I moved my feet,


    ¡°That¡¯s not even a little true! What a foul and horrible thing this is to hear!¡±


    I raised my arms in as placating a manner as I could, but the waters roiled around me without pause, so it came as little surprise to me when I felt my Arianna folding layers of aether beneath me. What a strange thing it was to know how aether actually looked and felt, and it would seem that Arianna wasn¡¯t used to me being able to sense it either, for she warned me before she unleashed spell,


    ¡°Mira, don¡¯t panic or anything, but I¡¯m about to lift you into the air, okay?¡±


    She engaged her magic before I could even nod, let alone before I could insist that she get on with it already. I was already well accustomed to her magical surprises by now, for she¡¯d much enjoyed greeting me with such frivolous aetherial techniques for as long as we¡¯d been together¡­ even our first short meeting and deathly parting were arcane in nature! So I was plenty well aware of which particular trick she was going to pull this time, and I knew better than to react overmuch to what it was she¡¯d wanted to do.


    Still, all the preparation in the world cannot prepare a person for that loathsome feeling when unnatural flight comes over them. Naturally, as I was suddenly thrust into the air and came to such a height for me to feel uncomfortable: I let go a squeak of fright, and I could feel an immediate burst of feelings come from my Arianna in response!


    This was among the first times that she¡¯d done this to me while naked though, and never while both naked and covered in river water, so to be flung around in such a manner was incredibly brisk.


    Oh how I wished that I could not feel what my beloved was feeling at that moment, for I could tell that an absolutely frisky interest was coming over her, and this I couldn¡¯t abide lest she decide to leave me hanging in the air! It wouldn¡¯t have been the first time, so I admonished her with my voice at a higher pitch than it usually came out with,


    ¡°Put me down at once, you rogue!¡±


    So devilish my Arianna was that she cruelly let me drop down a little! Mercy, but if she still had a body: I would have wiped that smirk she made with my lips off of her face, but my body was instinctively bracing itself for an impact, and I would simply have to be at her mercy until she decided to put me down!


    Thankfully, I didn¡¯t have to worry for long whether that ¡®eventuality¡¯ would come to pass, since she¡¯d shortly seized me again with that same arcane playfulness, and I was gently brought back to the ground, if a bit further away from the river than I had been.


    ¡°This travesty, this is an affront to God in the Highest!¡± Katherine still shouted, as if she was entirely unobservant of my ¡®short¡¯ series of predicaments, ¡°Whoever told you that should be ashamed of themselves! Are we not born under the same sky? Are we not shaped by His hand?!¡±


    The river spirit still seemed to be somewhat preoccupied with raging against the reality she must¡¯ve not known, so I took a moment to clothe myself with an outfit that came with leggings, for I didn¡¯t wish for any further violations of my person¡­ though I had to wince as I felt that my Arianna¡¯s mischievous machinations had indeed come to some fruition.


    I closed my eyes, and I tried my best to affect the ¡®feeling¡¯ of a glare back towards the perpetrator who¡¯d been determined to cause it! My efforts were rewarded, for my Arianna rather meekly shriveled up inside me, as the feeling must have drawn her mind back to those times when she¡¯d previously brought my retribution upon herself!


    A wistful sigh blew through my lips, and a smile came upon my face as I breathed in the autumn air, though I remained somewhat vexed by how rapidly my heartbeat still came. If Arianna was my heart now, then I had to wonder if she weren¡¯t more directly responsible for making my blood flow in such an insistent manner!


    All the more she¡¯d be paying for later, I supposed, but I returned my gaze to Katherine, who¡¯d finally stopped shouting to the Heavens, and had ¡®come back down¡¯ to Earth all while never leaving the water¡­ which reflected the sunlight upon her skin. Goodness! I should not have looked upon her with so little thought!


    Was I ever so ready to abandon my awareness before, or had my Arianna simply stolen my attentions such that I should have forgotten? No, these must¡¯ve surely been some of the inclinations which had come from her, so I decided that she should be at fault for this too, as surely it could not have been my natural proclivity to look for so long upon such a fascinating sight as the droplets which came sliding down that shimmering skin!


    Of course I would be affected by her nakedness: she was simply so wonderful to see that even ¡®Old-Hag-Olga¡¯ should have struggled to look away from her! I determinedly tore my eyes away from her again while I could only cry out for Providence in my mind to deliver me mercy from this beautiful creature!


    ¡°Sweetie, I¡¯m really sorry for my ranting. That couldn¡¯t have been pleasant at all. I apologize that you had to witness that.¡± Katherine spoke to me, and it was everything I could do to keep my eyes from naturally turning in her direction. This couldn¡¯t keep happening, and I knew it, but I shortly invented such an easy solution that I was surprised that my Arianna hadn¡¯t come up with it herself!


    So equipped was I with such an obviously good idea that I simply couldn¡¯t endure it any longer, so I turned towards her with my eyes wide open, and although it took my every effort to stop my mind from stuttering into gibberish: I still maintained the image so strongly that one of Carmen¡¯s finest dresses would appear around Katherine in a size that suited her form!


    The blackness formed around Katherine, but luckily for me she didn¡¯t simply turn back to water, and she merely looked curious about what it was that I was doing. When at last she was clothed, I finally allowed my eyes to fall again while I took in a tremendous gasping breath of fresh air, for I had so long held my breath as I concentrated that I was in rather a dire need of it!


    A feeling of shock arose in Arianna, and I could hear her muttering to myself, ¡°Why didn¡¯t I think of that? Am I stupi-ack! Maybe you should¡¯ve picked a different outfit!¡±


    What could''ve possibly been wrong with my choice of outfit now? It was one of Carmen¡¯s favorites, and it was one of the few among her many ¡®clothes¡¯ which made her appear as chaste and virtuous! There was no conceivable path towards any of her other ones being better, but I looked at Katherine now, for she was entirely clothed and even as beautiful as she was: I should surely be able to gaze upon her without even the slightest trou¡ª


    I¡­ made a terrible mistake! My knees gave out from under me, and so my eyes were returned with a shock towards the ground as I was gripped with a sort of shock that brought my recent struggles to bear!


    Katherine was a rusalka, a creature whose watery form only held the illusion of a person. Naturally, this meant that her ''skin'' was made of water too, which was rather a problem with keeping any clothing placed upon her false form dry, but ordinarily it should have been a less suggestive thing to look upon than her more ¡®natural¡¯ look.


    But I¡¯d overlooked a very important possibility, for it didn¡¯t occur to me: I¡¯d chosen a white blouse for her to wear! Naturally, I couldn¡¯t even dare to look in Katherine¡¯s direction anymore, for the mere vision of her had become a fatal weapon! I cried out for my beloved, who ¡®only saw her as a bunch of agitated water¡¯ for help,


    ¡°Rianna¡­ please: you must do something about this!¡±


    Katherine absolutely chortled while I stared at the earth I¡¯d collapsed upon, but I felt the blackness depart me, and I had to rein in my mind as it naturally brought to my mind all of those clothes being eaten away again, the cloth coming away to reveal the bare skin beneath it! What devious trickery this was, and I had done it all to myself unknowingly, unintentionally, and worst of all: unwittingly!


    ¡°She¡¯s safe now, I think. Probably.¡± My beloved said to me, not that her saying it made my heart beat any less aggressively, ¡°At least, I think she is. I really couldn¡¯t say, since she really does just look like water to me. If this doesn¡¯t work, I¡¯m teaching you aethersight. I mean, since you¡¯re capable of magic now anyway, I was going to do it sooner or later, but soone-¡±


    ¡°Rianna?¡± I interrupted her, for even as afflicted as I was: she¡¯d said something that I couldn¡¯t possibly ignore, ¡°What makes you think I can do magic?¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it obvious?¡± She started, and I felt a tremendous amount of panic and shame as she realized how rude it was to say, so she continued with speed, ¡°I mean, it¡¯s because I can use your weird aethery stuff to do like, anything. Surely, that means you can use my magic, right? I don¡¯t really know, Mira, I¡¯ll admit it and everything, but I just can¡¯t see why you shouldn¡¯t be able to?¡±


    Academic, I thought blankly. We were going to have an academic discussion now, of all times, and so I briefly had to debate the merits of my options at hand! Option one was that I could ignore this absolutely thrilling new discovery, or hypothesis, as it were¡­ and I could desperately plead that Arianna build us up a contained area somewhere not too far away to relieve this horrible strain I¡¯d been burdened with!


    Tempting that, oh so unbelievably tempting the first option was, but there was another, almost equally delicious option which came to me, which was to simply let it burn ¡ª and there I had to shudder with a terrible trepidation!


    This would not do, I thought as I forced myself to turn into that ridiculous fear, for the simple words and ideas that now brought me to fear were so very unlike the terrible experience which had spawned them, and I would not allow for this to continue! Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    The sooner I could put that event behind me, the less stress I could be under. So I tried to channel it through a better place for me, just how I¡¯d done with those horrifying pains from before. I forced myself to endure the thought of being consumed with fire even as it brought me to shiver uncomfortably, and I tried to overlap it with the fiery passion that I was nonetheless still taken with in that moment, and as I opened my mind to the possibilities: I felt a grin take me.


    I¡¯d decided then and there that if fire was so fearful a thing, then at the least I should not have to fear my own, for it was of my make! I knew so little of how intricate spells really worked, but the basics I¡¯d heard so many times that I simply couldn¡¯t do this wrongly, if indeed I was capable of it, and as my Arianna had said: there was no actual reason I shouldn¡¯t be!


    So I stared at the air a short distance above my hand, and I imagined that the air there would be engulfed with a red flame as high and tall as I was. This fire wouldn¡¯t hurt me, and even if it somehow did: I would make it submit before me!


    ¡°Wait, why are you trying it out with fire?! Are you crazy?! Mira, talk to me, please, you¡¯re not really going to use fire, right?¡± Arianna spoke to me with a fear for me rising within her, and she hurried to re-explain everything that would surely go wrong with the process to me, even though I already well knew,


    ¡°Mira, what are you not understanding about undead being weak to fire?! Stop already, you¡¯ll only hurt yourself!¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t stand for shuddering every time I think of fire, Rianna.¡± I told my beloved in no uncertain terms, for I really was not about to let myself balk in the face of a little pain, and it wasn''t as if I couldn¡¯t find a way to enjoy it anyhow, ¡°I will not just lie down and take everything this unlife throws at me! It¡¯s time I took it into my own hands, don¡¯t you agree?¡±


    Arianna absolutely balked at my arguments, and she responded to me with a dreadful seriousness as she formed up a dozen spells around me at once, ¡°Mira, I don¡¯t care how you try to frame it: I¡¯m still not letting you do this to yourself!¡±


    Finally, when I was just about to let go the full force of will that I could muster, and feed it with the very passion that I had been forced to endure, of all the interruptions I didn¡¯t expect to have on dry land: I heard Katherine speak as her gorgeous face appeared right before mine,


    ¡°Where¡¯s this Rianna you¡¯ve been talking to? I don¡¯t see her at all!¡±


    I¡¯d never so much as thought of being able to cast a spell before, and so it was a great relief to me that either the lapse in focus she¡¯d given me had made the primed aether fizzle out, or that I¡¯d been doing it wrongly from the start! Such an incredible proximity Katherine¡¯s lips and eyes suddenly had with mine that I could only be thankful for the instinctive step I¡¯d taken away from her!


    She was thankfully clothed now, in some dark and mysterious costume Carmen used to wear, but even then it took me a few moments to descend again from that precipitous situation I¡¯d been engaged with, and the surprise of the unexpected third party¡¯s interruption had left me rather short of breath!


    Quaking breaths entered my lungs, and they took me between nausea and a feeling of exhaustion, so it would seem that I really hadn¡¯t exactly been in my right mind when I¡¯d escalated that situation, and all the while I could still feel Arianna¡¯s overbearing readiness to cast any number of spells to put out any sudden explosions of fire upon my person!


    But I did recover some, and Katherine looked unable to so much as step towards me, so I got to wondering how she even got over here, when the river lay some twenty meters away, so I asked her to the best of my current ability,


    ¡°Katherine, how did you get over¡­ here?¡±


    She laughed, though I wasn¡¯t quite sure what was so appealing about what I¡¯d said that it¡¯d inspired such a jovial response, but she informed me as she pointed out a small hole, which was filled with water that one of her toes was inside of,


    ¡°I drilled my way over! It¡¯s pretty unreliable if I go too far, but this close to the river? It¡¯s easy!¡±


    That raised a lot of questions for me, but before I was exactly able to form them, let alone to postulate them to her, she¡¯d again asked me that question from before,


    ¡°Are you on the phone with Rianna? Does she have an invisibility cloak? Why can¡¯t I see her?¡±


    I¡¯d only rarely read about the first in Ancient texts, and the second sounded so strange that I didn¡¯t know what it meant at all, so I didn¡¯t know how to even address the questions she was putting to me! At least the answer to the third question was something I could certainly try to demystify for her, though as I was so distracted by the strangeness of her first two questions: it didn¡¯t go exactly as expected,


    ¡°Well, she¡¯s inside me.¡±


    Katherine gave me a sagely nod as a ponderous look came over her, and she mused as if to herself, ¡°So she¡¯s got a split personality then?¡±


    My eyes bulged as she said this, for she actually thought I was disturbed ¡ª of all things! I could feel an outrage so enormous building up within me at her accusation, but I couldn¡¯t help but to think of how I¡¯d been acting, and I instead broke off into peals of laughter! Katherine looked me over as if she really had to reassess me, and so I had to fight through the giggles to deny her ridiculous misunderstanding,


    ¡°Not at all! Rianna¡¯s really in my heart, Katherine.¡±


    She gave me a look that scorched so with pity in that moment, as if I were only reinforcing her misguided conclusion! My laughter died out as my mouth opened in horror at her unstoppable delusion when she asked me,


    ¡°I already knew that you loved her, though?¡±


    This really wasn¡¯t working out at all well, and Arianna was being of no use whatsoever, as she¡¯d been reduced to a fit of giggles all on her own while I''d panicked to find a way to explain my sound and rational belief that my dearly departed really spokewith me to the drowned spirit before me!


    I was desperate at this point, so I declared to her despite knowing that I was only digging this hole of disbelief in her deeper by using this evidence she couldn''t possibly understand,


    ¡°Rianna¡¯s in a phylactery, like this one here,¡± I pointed with my hand to showcase the jewel around my neck, ¡°she¡¯s really been talking to me!


    This was the end of whatever chance I had to impress my sanity upon Katherine, for I well knew that once a person believed another was actually crazy: there was no argument on this Earth which could rein them back in, for the human experience is simply riddled with such insanity! There was surely no chance to appeal to reason anymore once a person had been deemed by another to be insane!


    It was to my surprise then, that a bright look of recognition formed upon Katherine¡¯s red lips and eyes, and she made a motion with her hand to show that she completely understood now, only after revealing a deeply secret and dark magical ritual to her,


    ¡°A phylactery! So what you¡¯re saying is she¡¯s a Lich!¡±


    Even Arianna ended with her giggling at this, and I felt her suddenly become so overly wary and protective of me that hundreds of aetherial constructs worked themselves into being around Katherine! I was entirely too dumbfounded to do more than nod, but Katherine decided to take it one step further than I could really understand,


    ¡°So why isn¡¯t she floating around wearing a pile of bones?¡±


    What gibberish was she saying this time? I could feel that Arianna felt insulted, for she was absolutely thrumming with the desire to speak for herself, but since she couldn¡¯t, I had to stand in for her despite only having a question of my own to answer Katherine with,


    ¡°Exactly what are you trying to say?¡±


    Katherine smiled at me happily as she answered me, almost as if she were excited to converse with someone else who shared in the same dark and terrible knowledge as her! She acted so like my dearly departed as she unveiled these secret truths that tread upon God¡¯s realm, and cheerfully elucidated them for me,


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s what Liches do, right? They raise an army of the dead, and manipulate for themselves an avatar of bones to interact with the world while their real body is safe within a phylactery!¡±


    She finished and nodded to herself, then she looked at my astounded face, and then continued on as if to defend her interest in some occult matter, ¡°I¡¯m not only a missionary, you know.¡±


    Among all of the out of place words and terminologies she¡¯d used: this one had truly flown past me. If she¡¯d told me before that she was a missionary, then she must have said it while I was talking to my Arianna, for I most certainly never heard her say such a thing!


    ¡°People still have to live out their lives on this Earth before they can join our Father in Heaven, and so I¡¯ve played a few games with some of my friends.¡± Katherine said to me as she carried a touch of sentiment upon her voice, ¡°They¡¯d have been amazed if they knew that you had your girlfriend¡¯s phylactery hanging around your neck!¡±


    I couldn¡¯t help to feel that my head was ready to explode with the pressure of something building in my subconscious, though what it was I couldn¡¯t quite get a grasp on, but I again had to correct a silly mistake that the rusalka had managed to make,


    ¡°No, that¡¯s my phylactery. Rianna¡¯s is where my heart used to be.¡±


    What I said tore Katherine out of her reflective mindset, and she stared at me for perhaps an entire score of seconds before the pieces she was missing tumbled out as an uncertain statement,


    ¡°You¡¯re looking pretty lively for a Lich, sweetheart.¡±


    Mercy! First it was Lisset, and now even a ghostly woman was saying it to me! I probably should have taken it as a compliment,but it was rather a challenging thing to endure hearing, because ¡®looking¡¯ alive didn¡¯t change the fact that I¡¯d had to eat human bodies and drained my friend of her lifeblood!


    ¡°I¡¯m not human anymore, Katherine.¡± I finally said it, as even if it had been in question before, when I was merely considered Cursed and likened to the Fae: it was indisputable now, and I was owning it, if only for myself. I mused about it to myself for a short while, but my present company apparently wouldn¡¯t let me leave it like that without contestation,


    ¡°I¡¯m confused,¡± Katherine began with a shake of her head, ¡°I understand that you died, but you still look human, and you still act human, and you certainly feel human to me. I haven¡¯t given up my humanity simply because I¡¯ve also become something else, and neither should you!¡±


    As angry as what she''d said made me, I couldn¡¯t bear any of the childish arguments that came out of my mind while it was so affected by emotions! I was only just willing to admit this truth to myself, and this rusalka thought she could just snatch it away from me?! My mind traipsed through myriad responses, and they each came back lacking¡­ none of them were capable of landing me a sure and certain victory for the truth of my inhumanity, but I simply knew it must''ve been present, if I could only just have seized upon it!


    I would have argued that I wasn¡¯t any longer a human since I¡¯d eaten those corpses, but other people didn¡¯t simply lose their humanity by taking the lives of their fellows, and what of the cannibal tribes? They don¡¯t lose their human status, even though they sometimes cooked the other humans before eating them ¡ª an utterly disgusting thing to do, and certainly depraved, but it was not in and of itself inhuman!


    I could have then asserted that I wasn¡¯t human because I would burn in the sunlight if Arianna wasn¡¯t helping me, but so did a few ordinary persons with unfortunate deficiencies in their skin! I might have even insisted that I''d demonstrated inhuman tendencies when I''d stolen the lifeblood from Lisset, but she¡¯d given it freely to me, and the Ancient texts had spoken much of the usefulness of ¡®blood transfusion¡¯ ¡ª not that it¡¯d been replicated since.


    Although I would likely soon figure out an argument which could not be disputed ¡ª for surely even in humanity¡¯s dark and sordid past there must be something which even people would not do to each other! ¡ª Katherine¡¯s teary voice cracked, and it completely cut across my failure to find an immediate argument,


    ¡°I do miss it, don¡¯t get me wrong. I miss being entirely human; to be able to leave the water whenever I wanted to. I didn¡¯t mean to die, all those years ago; nobody did back then. If I could up and walk away from this river, I would never look back!¡±


    A chill came over me in that moment, and for all the unlife of me, I could not place it. What I did know is that I couldn¡¯t let such a beautiful and wonderful woman cry like this before me, so I shortly had her in my arms, even though simply leaning against her in such a manner sent chilly water all across my form, and she collapsed again into her natural form to better cling to me as she sobbed against me!


    The source of that awful feeling soon revealed itself to have been coming from inside me, as I¡¯d again been preemptively disturbed by something that Arianna was thinking! I watched as each of her intricate spells faded out of existence in short succession, as if she was not even the slightest bit worried for my safety despite a rusalka absolutely submerging my entire body in her tears besides for my very face!


    That dreadfully distressing suspicion I¡¯d had turned out to have been well-founded when my dearly departed finally spoke again to me, after maintaining her silence for so long,


    ¡°Mira? I think we can actually grant her wish.¡±

 Chapter 14: Wherein We Address The Core Of The Matter

    Arianna¡¯s words offended me greatly, for she had delivered them amidst Katherine¡¯s dreadful heartache, and I saw no reason for her to behave in so heartless a manner! I could not help but to hiss at my beloved¡¯s suggestion as I tried to hold and comfort Katherine¡¯s wet form, which still sobbed and shook with loneliness even as she was wrapped all around my body for support!


    What a horrible thing Arianna had said, and I felt a growl forming in my throat outside of my control! Just this once, I was glad that Arianna couldn¡¯t speak for herself anymore, as it meant she had no way to inflict that cruel notion upon Katherine ¡ª I would not have the water spirit¡¯s mood be uplifted by such false pretenses, only to later fall to despair and horror once presented with the truth! ¡ª but I could not keep my silence, for I simply had to respond to my Arianna, or else I¡¯d soon be shouting thunder!


    ¡°Rianna!¡± An indignant whisper carried all of my anger, for I could not bear to hold it entirely inside of myself, and I demanded that she justify her insensitive proposal that we test a ¡®solution¡¯ upon such a pleasant spirit as Katherine!


    She¡¯d suffered from that terrible loneliness for so long a time, such that she¡¯d quaked with wracking sobs all through my efforts to comfort her, as if the mere contact with another person¡¯s skin had such a terrible nostalgia upon her memory! I would not have her suffer from Arianna¡¯s curiosity as well, so with retribution thick upon my voice, I demanded of my beloved,


    ¡°You will explain yourself.¡±


    ¡°It-it¡¯s not what you think, Mira! It really isn¡¯t!¡± Arianna actually stood her ground on this matter, even as I could feel her recoiling sharply from the righteous anger which raged within me, and I was so impressed with her backbone in the face of my absolute displeasure that I came to believe her.


    It was certainly not an unlikely enough condition recently for me to have been wrong, and though a new part of decried my rational response, for it could never be mistaken: I denied its continued purchase upon my reason. It fought me then for control over my belief in Arianna, but its battle was rather short-lived, as I was no stranger to discarding my feelings, and it was a feeble new thing that hadn¡¯t yet known it had no chance in a contest against my very wits! Perhaps it might have learned some humility from this defeat, but I very much doubted it, even as the relief of its departure washed over me.


    A tightness which had arrested my chest thankfully relented as I was freed from my own fury. I truly hated this new anger of mine, for it was so very difficult to control when it came upon me, and it combined so very dreadfully with my paranoia: I¡¯d never been so fast to leap to my worst conclusions as I was now!


    I let it go with a sorrowful sigh, for really: there was no reason that I should¡¯ve been holding her at fault for a mere suggestion ¡ª no matter how poorly it came across to me ¡ª for it was myself who was primed toward the negative, and this was certainly no fault of hers! I wouldn¡¯t have let this feeling of disgust turn to anger so readily if I could have helped it, but it seemed that I was quite unable to quit that deep-rooted hatred which held me!


    Would that I could¡¯ve also stopped seeking an argument in favor of my inhumanity so easily as I¡¯d dismissed the symptoms my self-loathing had brought forth¡­ but the back of my mind did not seem to appreciate this necessary return to pragmatism, for it was so oppressively insistent upon being right! This poisonous ill-will was filling me up past my capacity to keep anymore, and this was becoming an alarmingly common occurrence of late ¡ª though I used to be the very image of self-control, except for in the particularly extreme circumstances which actually warranted intense response!


    This wasn¡¯t like me at all, for I¡¯d blown up with anger again despite my promising myself that I wouldn¡¯t! What of my promise to Luca that I would hurt nobody? Was that trust he¡¯d shown me then so utterly dismissable for me as my word was to myself? Were all of my determinations so false and paltry to me as this last one all along? If so, then I¡¯d become a liar, for my assurances had all been made in self-deceit, and I was evolving into such a wrothful terror for my loved ones that all of the kept promises in the world couldn¡¯t let me still pretend that I was a good and righteous person!


    Mercy, please tell me¡­ which important part of myself should be revealed to have vanished next? Was I lying to myself about my own qualities all along? What more of my life and person would yet be ceded to these new emotions of mine?! What else did I stand to lose¡­ and just what was to become of me¡­ Oh, what was I to become, Lord?


    Even in this wretched undeath, was I to forever be haunted by the memory of whom I once was, and could never again be? These awful thoughts burdened me so much as Katherine¡¯s form tightened around me in still tighter a hug, her tears far quieter now, and I was so sick of these ludicrous anxieties that I could have thrown them! I would have cast them far away if I could, oh but if only I could have, for they clung to me like thistles to clothes!


    Of all the things I¡¯d never meant to be: I¡¯d become unfaithful to my family and my very self! What other precious qualities would I abandon in this unlife: all that I had left to lose was my Love, my Faith, and my Practice, and for how much longer would I be able to keep those from the self-made menace that was my ego?! What a wretched thing it is to have changed so completely that I can no longer recognize myself!


    A lump formed in my throat as my teeth pressed against each other painfully, but I shook the forming tears from my eyes ¡ª for I would not allow these emotions to take my tears from me as well! ¡ª and I turned towards my dearly departed in my heart. With all of my being invested, I sent her as warm and sorrowful a feeling as I could, before I finally let it out with a low voice,


    ¡°I¡¯m so very sorry, Rianna. Go on then, I won¡¯t¡­¡± I caught myself as I was about to make another promise, but I refused to do such a thing in the face of the one I¡¯d just broken, and my teeth gnashed so bitterly against each other at the thought that my jaw ached! I swallowed my assurances back inside me with all the force I could yet muster, for I couldn¡¯t be certain of anything anymore, and of myself least of all! A number of seconds of quiet followed in which even Katherine¡¯s crying seemed to have been muted, but it was broken as I finally finished my apology,


    ¡°No. I¡¯m sorry my love. Please tell me?¡±


    Warmth came back to me now, from a source near to my heart, and I was affected with the thought that she wanted very much to hold my hand. An impossible dream now, but it was a pleasant thought nonetheless, and it did well for me to feel forgiven, despite how horribly I¡¯d been acting lately. Arianna¡¯s voice came out carefully all the same, as she¡¯d been the one primarily affected by my spontaneous temper, and this¡­ this more than anything made me feel such a misery for what I¡¯d done, and I was viciously determined that I should not come to a rise again, promise or none!


    ¡°Mira?¡± She spoke with an uncertain caution, as if waiting for me to simply explode at the moment she spoke, and when I didn¡¯t: she continued, ¡°Umm, so¡­ do you remember the last time I tried to make an elemental?¡±


    My nose snorted so despite my attempts to restrain any emotion, for a laugh had forced its way out of me, and since my mouth was already closed taught: it only had one path to take. My chest heaved with it, and a tear came down my cheek, for it was such a drastic and total change in emotion that I could only let it fall as a mix of guilt and mirth. Did I remember, of course I remembered,


    ¡°How could I forget, Rianna! You absolutely obliterated our house! You sent our roof to Heaven!¡±


    She attempted to sulk at my laughter, though I could tell that she was trying to hide the funny feeling beneath it ¡ª even Katherine who still held onto me was beginning to rouse from her wretched state as I erupted with laughter ¡ª and Arianna muttered her tired old excuse to me as she tried so not to smile,


    ¡°It was an accident¡­ how could I have known how a salamander would interact with your sulfuric acid?¡±


    I shook my head at hearing the same defense she¡¯d always used, for even a decade after it had happened: she¡¯d still never fully admitted to herself that it was her recklessness that¡¯d caused it. She¡¯d avoided to think of the lab¡¯s detonation whenever it was possible, and she¡¯d never once attempted to summon forth an elemental again, for the danger it could have represented had been a torment on her mind for years after. It was rather strange that she brought it up now, and while trying so hard not to smile, of all things¡­ but perhaps this was the impact of my soul upon hers: that she should be able to laugh even at so potentially terrible an event?


    We¡¯d sent Luca off to play with the other boys his age earlier in the day, and thankfully he was able to sleep over at Fredricksons until we¡¯d rebuilt, for his room had been the one which had suffered the brunt of the damage, being immediately beside the lab. It was empty of someone so important to us, and it was almost totally destroyed: even the roof had collapsed in on it.


    What if things had been different? What if she¡¯d hurt him in that accident? She¡¯d done enough damage to me that she¡¯d felt ashamed to be near me, but what if she¡¯d actually killed me? These questions plagued my beloved then, and she would awake with nightmares of losing us even years later.


    It¡¯d only been a few short years since Carmen had left us, and she¡¯d never fully recovered from the sight of her corpse hanging from the ceiling tresses. She likely still blamed herself for it, somewhere deep inside, as was revealed in her attempt to bring her back, and she probably just wanted to apologize to Carmen for not having been good enough, or for doing whatever-it-was that she must¡¯ve done wrong enough to make Carmen leave us in so haunting a way. She never could forgive herself for her ¡®potential¡¯ crimes, my Arianna¡­ let alone the ones she could see and touch the reality of.


    She couldn¡¯t truly face having left a scar upon my person, for to have admitted that she¡¯d caused the accident by skipping a precaution: she would¡¯ve had to have seen herself as being guilty of the ¡®same crime¡¯ she¡¯d killed a man for, and she could not have endured the comparison! It so disgusted her for anyone to have hurt me, and all the more for her to have done it herself!


    This was a rather silly thought of hers, for I¡¯d very well known the difference between an accident and a wicked interest in torture, but she never would accept my opinion on the matter, no matter how often I¡¯d presented it to her. She¡¯d always been possessed with the doubt that someone with senses so maligned as mine could have anything more than a distorted impression on the subject, as how could someone who derived pleasure from pain and the reverse as well possibly understand what was so terrible about what she¡¯d done to me!


    But how could I not have understood, to see her so overcome with remorse? Sometimes she would ¡®secretly¡¯ kiss those blemishes that ran across my arms in apology, for she¡¯d figured that she could disguise the gesture with her sweetness. She was wrong, of course, but I never minded the attentions she would give me, for they were magnificent even when she held onto that small note of sadness all the while.


    Although she was certainly technically at fault for the explosion: she was right to have called it an accident in my mind, for it truly was outside of her expectations, and she¡¯d really never meant to hurt me. I¡¯d never once blamed her for it in my heart, not even in the moment it¡¯d happened, though given that I was rather overcome with the superheated acid burning through my skin and flesh at the time: it would have been extraordinarily unfair of me to have harboured such thoughts during that misadventure!


    What an ordeal it was, and it¡¯d caused quite the commotion in the village! It wasn¡¯t every day that all of the houses around us felt such a report as that; I was later told by Amadeus that he¡¯d believed the cause to have been a severe earthquake at first! I¡¯d only just started to patch myself up after her emergency cleaning, when she went to address the shouting Orlovs who were demanding an explanation for the ruination of our house.


    Arianna was so terribly affected with the shock of having hurt me, that she was rather more amenable to their badgering than usual, and so as the shouting only escalated, my curiosity led me to take a peek out of the door to our room, despite being only dressed in my sodden underthings. I was then presented with the strange scene of my proud Arianna genuflecting before the assembling villagers with her head against the dirt, as if in apology for disrupting the peaceful day of those who¡¯d been driven to investigate!


    Seeing her prostrate before others brought a jealousy and a pique untold upon me, and not even the elder Orlovs could continue exclaiming their irritation against my Arianna when the sight of my freshly burned flesh came into their eyes, and I was entirely without a care for my relative nakedness. I¡¯d pulled her swiftly back to her feet in a rough manner, and I¡¯d shortly taken her back to our room with such a passionate fervor that I¡¯d slammed the door in the process ¡ª the door which was in plain sight of most of the arrayed villagers through the gaping holes in the walls of our house!This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    Her pride was so low then that she could not have defied me, and her guilt was so high that she could not bring herself to resist even a single one of my actions! This combination of ¡®rightful retribution¡¯ and the ¡®popular awareness¡¯ of exactly what kind of compensation I was extracting from her was wonderfully addictive. If there were a single person present in the village that did not then know exactly which sin my Arianna and I shared in, then I couldn¡¯t name them, and my goodness was that empowering!


    ¡°You could have made it outside, Rianna.¡± I admonished her regardless, because although it didn¡¯t matter in present times: it was a delightful distraction to have this useless old argument to ¡®clash¡¯ over, as it wouldn¡¯t arouse any new feelings for us to suffer from, for we¡¯d long made a game of old fights, and so I continued my criticism,


    ¡°It wouldn¡¯t have done such damage if it wasn¡¯t contained, and none the sulfuric acid you¡¯d helped to make would have been present whatsoever.¡±


    Arianna scoffed at my judgement of the situation, for she was surely the master of the arcane between the two of us, and since I¡¯d been born amongst plebeians who¡¯d reviled the arcane: that was surely indicative of our difference in aetherial knowledge, so I¡¯d heard her reply to my reproach in her haughtiest and huffiest voice,


    ¡°Certainly, I could have done as you suggest, commoner¡­ but only if I wanted to risk the natural aether turning my precious little salamander into a fat and ugly gnome! The lab was the perfect place for a friendly salamander to come to be, as it admirably demonstrated by¡­ setting it on fire.¡±


    Oh, so we were playing this game, and it seemed she was going for ¡®the aristocrat hoodwinks the unlearned peasant through her trickery with words¡¯, given that my typical response to such a gamble was currently denied to me, but she¡¯d made such a fumble with her ending, and I was absolutely aiming to roast up my princess and eat her! I opened my mouth with excitement, but my wonderful opportunity for victory disappeared in that short moment as someone else spoke,


    ¡°What are you-¡± a warbly sniff came from Katherine who still held me in her watery embrace, ¡°talking about?¡±


    Despite the chill she¡¯d inflicted upon my body, and the way that my hands moved through the water that made up her person to comfort her, it seemed that I¡¯d quite forgotten about Katherine. How that was possible, given that she¡¯d soaked through all of my clothing and still rippled across my skin: I did not know, but my answer came full of speed and honesty for her,


    ¡°Rianna was just explaining to me that she was entirely responsible for the disaster in which she¡¯d exploded our labora-¡±


    Garbled speech exited my mouth and I was unable to continue to inform Katherine about the reality of the situation, for Arianna had dumped quite a lot of water onto my head, as if she didn¡¯t even consider that I might¡¯ve mistaken her behavior for the rusalka¡¯s having finally decided to drown me¡­ but I could feel the aetherial current which stretched away from us, and it was definitely my beloved who was responsible!


    When the torrent of water finally stopped pouring over me, I took in a great breath of air, and it was to my surprise that the only water which still stuck to me was natural. I nearly started looking around, but I¡¯d learned my lesson well after the last few times, so I closed my eyes as calmly as I could, and I asked my dearly departed,


    ¡°I know that I deserved that, Rianna¡­ but is she dressed yet?¡±


    ¡°So long as you¡¯re aware,¡± she responded without a moment¡¯s hesitation, and I felt a mischievous urge arise within her before she¡¯d suppressed it and turned more serious, ¡°and no, she hasn¡¯t reformed yet, but like: we should tell her.¡±


    Perhaps I¡¯d grown incapable of understanding my Arianna over the years, for I was rather lost as to exactly what it was I was supposed to be telling Katherine, and it seemed that my dearest could tell, because she¡¯d shortly continued,


    ¡°Mira, just think about it, I mean: really think about it¡­ imagine the kind elemental I could make with this much aether! Powerful, right? Scarily so, even, but still as difficult to control as ever. But we can solve that, Mira! Right now, you and I could solve the core problem with elementals!¡±


    She¡¯d¡­ lost me. I felt that I should have known what she¡¯d meant, but between learning that I might be capable of magic, that I¡¯d been born with aether of an unknown variety, that spirits of the drowned don¡¯t necessarily seek to drown a person, and that she¡¯d resurrected Bart as some strange abomination which seemed to have retained his soul: I was having a great deal of trouble keeping up, let alone puzzling out something like this.


    Ants seemed to dance all around my heart as she considered how to explain this to me, since I wasn¡¯t putting the pieces together at all. I felt a black force go out from inside of me, but I didn¡¯t dare to turn and look, so I stood there and considered the matter until I at last happened upon what felt like the question she¡¯d been waiting for me to ask her,


    ¡°You want us to give an elemental a soul?¡±


    My beloved cheerily babbled expressively to the affirmative at such a speed that it was almost entirely eclipsed by what the reformed and surely reclothed rusalka said from behind me,


    ¡°But I already have a soul, don''t I? Really, what are you two talking about? Your pretty face is turning all kinds of scary, sweetheart.¡±


    Katherine probably wasn¡¯t wrong, for I was quite horrified by the implications that stretched on ahead of me. At least I wasn¡¯t shouting at my beloved, or even at all angry this time, but I was extremely concerned nonetheless, and I couldn¡¯t be sure why Arianna was suggesting this path forward.


    People had tried before to force a vampiric spirit to merge with an elemental, for one was entirely constructed of their soul, and the other was entirely absent a soul, so it¡¯d been reasoned that it would have worked to have relaxed the worst elements of both of them! Unfortunately for the theory: either the elemental consumed the soul to no positive effect aside from a growth in power, or the spirit was the more powerful, and the body simply vanished inside of the vampire.


    His Holiness himself had banned all research upon the soul, and it seemed that only the Ispanian Clans still dared to openly defy this verdict, as news would occasionally come from that part of the world that horrifically mighty vampire lords and elemental storms would arise. Even the ruler of the Deadlands was rumoured to have been one such disastrous affront to God, and the Maelstrom which rent both the skies above Gibraltar and the seas beneath it was such a terrible Sylph that it was reputed to have developed a religious following!


    Not that my beloved cared what His Holiness decreed, for being his niece had afforded her with a rather different view of him¡­ not so much as Christ¡¯s representative on this Earth, but as a man, and even as a friendly uncle in her family, for in her own words not long after I¡¯d met her, ¡®He poops same as everyone.¡¯


    Still, it certainly remained that the last time my Arianna had gone against one of his decrees: His Holiness and the Cardinal had been the ones who sent her to death on our own doorstep! Although her ritual was a ¡®success¡¯ in that neither of us were nearly so dead as we¡¯d previously been: we were also fused together in places, and she could not manifest a body of her own.


    I wouldn¡¯t blame either of us for that, for this was far harder to trace to the Lord working in strange ways than it was to the work of men, and although I was rather loath to put the blame on His Holiness: who else was more deserving of it than him? Either he didn¡¯t stop the Cardinal¡¯s strange mission, or he¡¯d enabled such an excursion out into the frontier! I felt my anger rising again, and I clamped down on it hard to answer Katherine,


    ¡°Rianna believes that we can affect a significant change upon your form, which could potentially free you from the river,¡± I revealed to her as forthrightly as I could, for I was not one to obfuscate upon a person¡¯s future, ¡°however, the method she¡¯s been suggesting to me is entirely untested, which is to say that it¡¯s extremely unsafe, and that your ultimate demise is extraordinarily likely to result from it. But there are a few other options, do you have any interest in hearing them?¡±


    ¡°Mira!¡± Arianna complained to me, as if she hadn¡¯t known that I could never have allowed such a dangerous elective procedure without first informing the prospective patient of the risks entailed, as that would¡¯ve run counter to the ethics I believed in. Regardless, she lamented my having done it, for it¡¯d rather interfered with her scientific excitement,


    ¡°You can¡¯t just present this life-changing ¡ª well, unlife-changing transformation in such a clinical way! Nobody would ever agree to it if you frame it like that!" Arianna was feeling rather cross with me, as if I''d done something unjustified by protecting Katherine, but I was actually incredibly relieved that the lovely rusalka wouldn''t be tricked for curiosity''s sake, even as my Arianna continued to berate me endlessly for it, "For a doctor, your bedside manner is just terrible, and I really don¡¯t know why anyone agrees to be treated by you, and I don¡¯t mean like back in the city-¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡± Katherine surprised us both with a shout full of exuberance, and it interrupted my beloved¡¯s rant quite entirely. Katherine¡¯s illusory form wrapped around me again as she hugged me from behind with a strength like the tide, and her voice came clamouring over itself like the rushing water of a deluge,


    ¡°Choice-I have choices?! What are my choi-You¡¯re seriously my fairy godmother righ-I¡¯d totally kiss you if you weren¡¯t marr-well¡­ you¡¯re unmarried, but you¡¯re still taken. Don¡¯t worry, beautiful: I¡¯ll help you out with that soo-Am I going to evolve? Will it hurt?¡±


    My eyes spun as I was squeezed by a liquid form which belied Katherine''s solid grip around me, and I grew awfully short of breath. I didn¡¯t know why she felt that it was necessary to speak such gibberish at such a speed right next to my ear, but I would have rather preferred she hadn¡¯t! Ultimately, she responded to my desperate attempts with my hands to peaceably suggest that I¡¯d have appreciated it if she were ever so slightly gentler with me, and I was released!


    I took in a few deep breaths of air, and I had to think to myself that it was no wonder rusalka were believed to be such drowning risks: Katherine didn¡¯t even have to cover my mouth to have almost completely taken my ability to breathe from me, and in an entirely friendly setting! Still, my breath came back to me, and no small pondering on the ultimate fate of the young men other rusalka might¡¯ve absconded with could prevent me from answering Katherine¡¯s core question,


    ¡°The first option I see is vampirism.¡± I took air in again, for she¡¯d really done a number on me with that hug, and I set myself in a serious manner as I elucidated, ¡°You¡¯re most of the way there already, actually, Katherine. You¡¯re an unclea, ah¡­ you¡¯re a spirit that¡¯s been disconnected from your original body. All that remains is to conjure up a suitable human corpse, and you should be nearly able to wholly integrate with it regardless of our assistance.¡±


    Arianna¡¯s defeatist attitude clearly hadn¡¯t entirely worn off despite Katherine¡¯s sustained interest in reincarnation, for my dearly departed seemed particularly unenthused by this ¡®safe¡¯ and ¡®reasonable¡¯ option I¡¯d prescribed, though she shortly revealed to me why,


    ¡°She¡¯d be a shtriga if she did that, Mira. Seriously, don¡¯t let her try to take a corpse. There¡¯s a lot of important differences, you see, between unclean spirits of nature and vampires: the former could never store the power of life in the first place, and so if they take a body: they¡¯re always perilously close to falling apart. Their bite is like a poison for the living, and every feeding kills.¡±


    Naturally, I¡¯d never heard of this horrible creature, of these so-called shtriga, so I had to ask my Arianna, ¡°Where did you learn that from, honey?¡±


    Katherine started to speak to me, as if she¡¯d thought that I¡¯d been speaking to her, but I held up a finger for her to be silent, and she conveniently opted to stop talking for me, as Arianna explained exactly where she¡¯d heard it from in her usually overly-informative manner,


    ¡°Clan Velez of Ispania found in December of 2346 that when a group of naiads, that¡¯s nymphs Mira, were forced into the bodies of the deceased: they retained all the negative elements vampires experience with holding their bodies together, but they didn¡¯t show any massings of power¡­ which meant that they needed to change out corpses frequently, or they had to feed more often. It was¡­ it was really bad, Mira.¡±


    That was putting it rather lightly, I thought, for the heathen Ispanians probably tested the effects of both possibilities extensively, and likely ended the experiments by butchering a few dozen slaves in a celebration of ceremonial blood sacrifice! I turned to Katherine with a grim feeling, and I delivered to her the terrible news,


    ¡°Actually, you can¡¯t become a vampire, so that really reduces the options to ¡®Rianna¡¯s really sketchy idea¡¯ and ¡®wait for us to come up with a different solution.¡¯ Any other solutions coming to you, Rianna?¡±


    My beloved¡¯s thinking ants didn¡¯t even have to skitter once around my heart before she¡¯d exclaimed an ¡®interesting¡¯ possibility to me, ¡°Phylactery! Mira, we could make her a lich, couldn¡¯t we? Yeah, that¡¯d work, perfectly safe things aren¡¯t they, liches.¡±


    This pretend ¡®discovery¡¯ of hers didn¡¯t fool me for a second, for I¡¯d long guessed which method she¡¯d planned to use: she almost certainly wanted to exploit our new ability to seamlessly join aetherial bodies together to combine the rusalka with an elemental of water. But what if something had gone wrong in the process? Surely the ¡®addition¡¯ of a phylactery to her original idea would have assuaged my concerns regarding Katherine¡¯s safety.


    Arianna knew better than to leave things ¡®to chance¡¯, as even with all of her precautions for us: she¡¯d still ended up failing in many ways, though through no fault of her own whatsoever! What better way to protect Katherine¡¯s lonesome soul than to bind her to a phylactery prior to the attempt? What better way to stabilize an awaiting undine than to typify regulations into something it could not affect?


    A phylactery was a good idea by itself when it came to staving off death, and the obvious benefits it provided for Arianna¡¯s desired experiment were merely coincidental, and would have had absolutely no bearing whatsoever on whether or not I might¡¯ve agreed to continue once we¡¯d already gone so far as to make a reliquary!


    Sometimes I had to wonder if my Arianna had forgotten that she¡¯d spent the last fifteen years excitedly babbling more to me about phylacteries than I¡¯d ever wanted to know. But then, she did successfully sneak my own resurrection into mine from the start without having revealed it to me, and although it didn¡¯t work quite as she¡¯d intended: I had been ¡®saved¡¯.


    For her own interests, she was absolutely right to have suggested it, as there was no better solution for ¡®bridging the gap that separated the essences of spirit and matter without damaging either the soul or the body in the integration process¡¯ than to put a mass of aether between them. It would act very much like a lubricant or cushion might have done for preventing damage from scraping or crashing together at speed!


    To her credit, this wasn¡¯t a necessarily terrible idea, and it actually intrigued me considerably. The question then, was whether it fascinated me enough that I should feign ignorance in going along with it, or if I should instead tell Katherine who was being very much left in the dark on this matter?


    As if there was ever any doubt as to which I would choose, and so I finally presented her with the only two options she really had for escaping this river short of following it out to sea,


    ¡°Katherine, would you rather be an ordinary lich, or an elemental with a soul crystal at its core?¡±

 Chapter 15: Wherein An Arcanist’s Best Efforts Are Defeated By A Bucket

    Katherine stared at me almost reverentially with her crystalline red eyes after I¡¯d presented her with those ¡®choices¡¯ ¡ª which were functionally almost one and the very same in the sense that they both fulfilled an identical objective: to preserve her soul, and to take her away from the river ¡ª and a slight discomfort nagged at my academic mien as her gaze persisted upon my person without end.


    Her ruby red lips shortly parted to reveal two rows of shark-like teeth, and a rush of air left me as I was presented with a shimmering smile that reflected the sun¡¯s light in a dazzling glitter! Katherine was thankfully properly dressed in one of Carmen¡¯s more subdued black outfits, for her enchanting smile already had such a hold on me that if the rest of her unnatural beauty was still within my vision: I might¡¯ve been wholly unable to resist being drawn closer to her fascinating form!


    Mercy but she sparkled so, and the lights which flitted across her had such a hypnotic charm to them that I¡¯d almost entirely lost track of precisely which wonderful words might have precipitated this serenity of mine¡­ but so great was my appreciation of her that I found I rather didn¡¯t care to know what had been said! Her effect upon me was tremendous, and if beauty were a sin: hers was such an affront that even the Lord might not have endured to look upon her!


    Her teeth in particular held my lingering academic attention, for they looked to be almost unsettlingly inhuman, and I had to wonder why she might¡¯ve possessed such pointy teeth. They seemed perfectly made for rending flesh, and yet their purpose eluded me even as my mind cast about for one, for what cause could a spirit have to sustain themselves through such a mortal method?


    They could scarcely have been solid, for none of the rest of her was, so what ends did her sinister smile serve? I found that whether my eyes remained upon her devilish grin or briefly chanced a glance directly into her sparkling gaze: this predatory demeanor she¡¯d affected was rather emphasizing the chill that my wet clothing administered to my skin!


    I shivered from this undue duress, and I very nearly asked my Arianna if she could remove only the water from my clothing, but I restrained myself despite my desire for salvation! I was reasonably concerned, given my general impression of the indecipherable feelings that bubbled up from inside me: that she might quite intentionally flub the execution, and an apparel malfunction was almost certainly not to my benefit at this juncture!


    Conversely, I especially didn¡¯t trust my own efforts, for while it was ¡®my power¡¯ in truth: I was less than a novice with it, and who could say what my intentions might have accomplished when they were already fluctuating with such erraticism? I didn¡¯t have such a confidence in myself to risk such an endeavor, and so I would simply have to suffer this wetness upon my person.


    Really though, a rusalka''s eyes were such mysterious things, for without pupils to them: there was no telling what they might be admiring at any given time! This exciting new observation of mine quite nearly made me miss the sweet words that came out of her delightfully intriguing mouth,


    ¡°I¡¯m not totally sure what to think about lichhood, but you look amazing, so it can¡¯t be too bad. I¡¯m already an elemental though, so tell me, lovely: what does a soul crystal do?¡±


    Goodness, Katherine was such a dangerous creature that in some ways it was good that she was interested in me. I could just imagine having to protect Luca from this woman, and the thought was more frightful to me than anything I¡¯d ever had to endure before! Still, why did she call herself an elemental¡­ did she really not know what she was?


    ¡°Katherine.¡± I delicately started, for my heart had rapidly swelled with such compassion that her beguiling splendor was swept aside, and she was again ¡®stood¡¯ as but a woman before me; beautiful yes, but not so unthinkably gorgeous a creature to enthrall me with but a smile! It was a tragic thing to be free of the peace that I¡¯d recently come to know, only to be reminded of the pain I''d felt for having been misguided about my nature for all the years of my life, but the truth has to be heard before a person can move to face it, and so I continued with a greater determination,


    ¡°An elemental of water has no tethers, but their freedom has a cost: they have no soul. Katherine, you¡¯re all soul, and a lovely one at that. You¡¯re not an elemental, dear.¡±


    She just shrugged with acceptance when I told her this, and I was startled by how readily she seemed to acknowledge her very world turning onto its head! My surprise must have shown on my face, for she stepped towards me and shortly had my hands in her more illusory ones, and she spoke to me as a gentle tide pulled upon my fingers,


    ¡°If I¡¯m not one monster, then all that means is I¡¯m a different one, sweetie. I¡¯ve been a monster for a long time, but I¡¯m still me.¡± Katherine squeezed my hands with still more force as if she¡¯d meant to reassure me, and she must have cut right into the heart of an argument that I didn¡¯t know I¡¯d still been having until she said this! A fearful sorrow came pouring out from within me, and this new emotionality of mine again sought to take my mind from me!


    I would not let it have me, though¡­ for this unwarranted distress came to me from so small a thing as an obviously dichotomous statement: an undead spirit declared that she was ¡®still herself¡¯! What nonsense this was that she believed herself to be so unaffected by such a change! She spoke as if she were impervious to the world, but perhaps it was rather that ¡®people¡¯ change so irreparably upon becoming inhuman monstrosities that they simply cannot tell the difference anymore!


    Certainly, she might still very well be the very same ¡®person¡¯ all these years after she¡¯d first found herself already so distorted, with her humanity reduced to a dissipated memory¡­ but what could she even truly remember of being human?! I ate a man and I barely blinked! Even Arianna had more humanity to her then than I still did, and she¡¯s a thrice-damned bodiless lich; an evil shadow of the archon she¡¯d meant to be!


    I couldn¡¯t even fool myself into feeling ashamed of what I¡¯d done, and so if my undeath truly hadn¡¯t changed me, then my humanity all along must have surely been a mere facade for the vile Monster I was in this unlife! But I was not unchanged in this undeath, so perhaps this evil came from my Arianna instead? Had I exchanged my goodness with her evil, or had we both been such fiends all along and we¡¯d only recently exchanged enough of our traits to become aware of it?!


    Just what could Katherine know of the matter? How could she still believe that she was herself after so long; that she was not merely tricked by some fundamental change that lay between a person and a creature of such a dark and foul origin as a rusalka?! I¡¯d barely swallowed back a furious sob in my trembling throat when Katherine continued,


    ¡°I¡¯m still a person, and so are you. No matter what form we take, beautiful: we¡¯re still God¡¯s children. Did He not put you on this Earth to begin with? Was it not His Hand that shaped you? Is it not with His blessing that you¡¯ve risen?¡±


    She was perhaps more right than she knew she was, and my body stopped its ever more violent shaking as a stillness came over me. My blood froze delightfully in my veins, and I was released from the anger, fear, and sadness which had held such a grip upon me. My emotions no longer controlled me because they were mine from the start, and I was thrilled with the giddiness that at least this feeling hadn¡¯t forever abandoned me in death!


    Arianna shuddered with aversive delight and apprehensive dread in equal measure, as if this wonderful control I felt had provoked an irresistible agitation in her! I quietly relished the trepidation she sent through my body, but she needn¡¯t have worried, as I was hardly going to do anything of that sort while in a conversation! My penance would come later, for I had five corpses to account for, but there was no call to rise in the present.


    A total calm came over me, and I gently withdrew my hands from Katherine¡¯s grasp. I willed myself past the religious elements of what she¡¯d said in favor of her earlier question, which I answered with a plastered smile,


    ¡°A soul crystal, Katherine, is a theoretical phylactery which can entirely contain an elemental¡¯s body, as well as a soul to guide it. Nobody has ever successfully achieved this before, and I wouldn¡¯t have brought it up at all if we hadn¡¯t happened upon circumstances which could potentially make the impossible less so.¡±


    Katherine stared blankly at me for a moment, as she was probably lost by how totally I¡¯d changed the subject and my visible feelings, but she shrugged after a short moment, and she didn¡¯t make any waves about my having switched our conversation to a better topic. Instead, she asked me with a curious note in her voice,


    ¡°I¡¯m the soul in that equation then, am I not? It probably doesn¡¯t matter for a decision, but if not an elemental: what am I?¡±


    This was infinitely preferable to attempting to stop my Arianna from talking about something, as she would¡¯ve just kept on forcing a conversation which had no positive endpoint, even as it fell to a monologue! The only options were to entirely silence her, or to bear with her, and there was no in between! I loved her dearly, but I would have to find a way to quiet her down in this afterlife of ours.


    That was something to look into when things settled down again, as there were simply too many overwhelming elements about our strange unlife, and until I could solve them: I would likely just have to endure her. She was mercifully quiet at this point, probably because she knew me best, and she knew that I was not feeling so warm and friendly as I was trying to affect.


    But I was very much striving to be calm, for I had control over my emotions for the first time in this unlife, and I absolutely refused to yield to them any further before I was home again. I¡¯d build our house up myself if I had to, but I was sure my Arianna would do it for me.


    Emotional wounds are the kind a person can only cry to sleep for, and there is no better cure for distress than to rest securely in the comforts of home. I would face Arianna about these shared feelings of ours then, but not now¡­ blowing up with anger can provide an instant catharsis, but only by sustaining a hard dialogue can a bitter situation be made right between two people. The future would have to come in the future, but I had a spirit to answer presently,


    ¡°You¡¯re a rusalka, Katherine,¡± I said with my mind as unfocused as I could make it, ¡°an undead spirit tethered to the body of water you drowned in. Yes, your soul is at risk, for it¡¯s the only thing you have left to risk.¡±


    Katherine had gone back to pondering for some time, and I had fallen into a meditative silence while I awaited her next query. For a short span I simply listened to the sound of my own breathing as the river ran along with its rushing, and I¡¯d nearly found a tranquility in it when my Arianna surprised me by speaking,


    ¡°So, actually, I don¡¯t remember any rusalka having that kind of ability to control water in anything I¡¯ve read, Mira. I¡¯ve been thinking about it and I just don¡¯t know of any cases where they could greatly affect the waterbody around them. Drowning, yeah they do loads of that usually, but nothing like the thing she did with the river, or that stupid drill thing she did, I mean¡­ I know what a drill is Mira, and it¡¯s weird that she brought it up like it¡¯s something normal.¡±


    My dearly departed had said such an interesting thing to me, and more than anything I was impressed that she¡¯d dared to interrupt my momentary repose. The peaceability between us had been so strained since we died, and so this normal engagement had such a tender affection to it that I turned to see her despite myself.


    Obviously, she wasn¡¯t there. She was inside me now, trapped inside my heart just as Katherine was trapped inside this river. I needed to see my Arianna again so terribly, and although helping Katherine with her troubles wouldn¡¯t necessarily assist with the more arcane process: I decided that I should apply myself to the one if I should ever see my beloved again.Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.


    ¡°Katherine,¡± I spoke to break her musing, ¡°you don¡¯t have to make such a hard decision today. Rianna and I will do some tests at home, and we¡¯ll come back with some more answers or options for you.¡±


    I figured that she wouldn¡¯t mind having more time to think on this decision, for if I were in her shoes when Arianna first decided I should be preserved after death: I might not have been convinced by any reasoning, and I would have probably fought with her on the matter. Undeath was hard on a person, and I had every reason to believe it hadn¡¯t been easy on Katherine.


    Which is why I didn¡¯t expect for her to suddenly tackle me to the ground. The impact with the ground winded me for a moment, and my mind was agitated with adrenaline, so I turned towards her anticipating that I would burst with some emotion or action, but then I saw her, and whatever it was I was going to do had entirely frozen inside me.


    She was crying with her watery arms around my waist, and there were tears leaking out of her¡­ well, everywhere. Her illusory form maintained its general human shape, but its colours and contours were shifting every moment as she desperately begged me in a cascade,


    ¡°Don¡¯t go! Please, don¡¯t leave me! Don¡¯t say you¡¯ll go! I don¡¯t want to be alo-I can¡¯t do this again! Please stay!¡±


    Her tears affected me greatly, but I¡­ I couldn¡¯t stay. That was the reality: I had too many things that needed doing, even outside of my own needs emotionally and physically. I needed to change Petyr¡¯s dressings, check on his general state, and ensure his survival to the best of my ability. I needed to examine Bart to know exactly what punishment Arianna should suffer for his ¡®resurrection¡¯. I needed to see our son, and to get back before he ignored my order that he rest: he could do permanent damage to his eyes! They were a doctor¡¯s second most vital resource after their hands, and there are no blind surgeons!


    ¡°I cannot stay,¡± I grit my teeth as I informed Katherine of the bitter truth, ¡°but I will come back tomorrow, I pro-.¡±


    I held my tongue, for I wasn¡¯t ready to make another promise again even if it was what Katherine needed to hear. The watery form around me just disintegrated into a puddle beneath me, and the clothing she¡¯d worn fell upon the ground beside her. She cried out with such a sorrow even though she no longer held me, and I felt like the world¡¯s greatest villain for having the responsibilities of a doctor, a lover, and a mother.


    ¡°You can go, sweetheart. I¡¯ll be fine,¡± she warbled and bubbled from below me as I reluctantly lifted myself to my feet, ¡°I apologize, I didn¡¯t intend to guilt trip you, but I really do hope to see you again. This was nice, I haven¡¯t had company for so long, and I just suck with goodbyes because I¡¯m out of practice. I¡¯ll see you later alligator? No, let me try again, hang on.¡±


    Katherine rapidly reformed her liquid body into a vaguely humanoid shape, and I watched with relief as she brought her sodden clothing around her body before she filled in the ¡®details¡¯. Her beautiful red hair was still enough of a sight by itself that I almost had to turn away from her, but she was usually so conscientious to me, and one instance of emotional overflow that hadn¡¯t hurt me didn''t deserve that kind of treatment from me, so I stood my ground and watched the rest of her come back into ¡®being¡¯.


    Her lips and eyes came back into existence, and they sparkled in that same red shade as her hair, but I was more resilient now that I could watch her like a masterpiece being painted. Every individual ¡®brushstroke¡¯ of illusion added a depth to her appearance that hadn¡¯t been present but one addition prior, and until the whole of her came back into being: she wasn¡¯t quite so hard to look at without losing myself in her beauty.


    Still, she stood there again before me, in her complete ¡®body¡¯, and she said to me with a resplendent grin, ¡°The Lord will watch over your coming and going, both now and forevermore, sweetie.¡±


    I would have left then, after her delivery of that Biblical line, but I had time enough left to ask a question that had been fundamentally bothering me since she¡¯d come so far away from the river,


    ¡°Katherine,¡± I began my question, ¡°have you ever been separated from the river before?¡±


    Arianna¡¯s thoughts as I said this began moving at a thousand kilometres an hour, as her little ants indicated by running whole marathons around my heart, while Katherine just tilted her head in confusion before she answered with a perplexed gesture,


    ¡°The river dried up once, and I was stuck in a puddle, why do you ask?¡±


    Why? Why? Oh Katherine, this was the best news for you that was possible. She wasn¡¯t bound to the river, she was only bound to the river¡¯s water! Mercy, we¡¯d been so stupid. We were so completely focused on an arcane solution that we¡¯d ignored the simple scientific one that was staring us in the face all the while!


    ¡°Because you might be coming home with us, Katherine.¡±


    Arianna summoned up a massive quantity of river water, and floated it in a giant orb over my head in an almost threatening manner, before informing me in no uncertain terms, ¡°She can come ¡®home¡¯ with us to the village, sure, but like, not to the house. That¡¯s what you meant, right?¡±


    Katherine¡¯s illusory jaw came open so far it was actually a little freakish, but before she could respond with any enthusiasm: I addended what I said, for I¡¯d had rather enough of being totally soaked through,


    ¡°To the village. Home to the village. It¡¯s not much of a village right now, but we¡¯ll make you a nice well or a pond or¡­ whatever you want. There are plenty of children around, and as long as you don¡¯t try drowning anyone: you shouldn¡¯t want for company.¡±


    She absolutely beamed at me as her jaw came back up, and she trickled a thin line of water along the single length she stood away from me, before she moved as if she were going to tackle-hug me again! Luckily for me and my poor clothing, Arianna was there with a massive ball of water to catch her, and Katherine was lifted entirely into the air and separated from the river at that moment.


    These first few seconds were the ones which mattered most, for they would tell us whether she would actually be able to survive the disconnection with the river. Things were tense for me and Arianna both as we watched, for while Arianna might not have cared for her in the same manner as I did: she wasn¡¯t so amoral as to hurt an innocent person without cause, and so we both held my breath in conjunction.


    This¡­ breathing together with her thing was getting rather on my nerves, but at least it helped me to know that we were of a similar mind when it came to Katherine. We hadn¡¯t both changed that much when we became monsters together, we could only be relieved. Still, a sigh of relief came from us both when Katherine¡¯s form remained entirely intact and she didn¡¯t seem to struggle at all in this new massing of water.


    Arianna formed up another ball of water, this one not from the river but entirely aetherial in origin, and she held this one next to the other. Since she wasn¡¯t quite able to communicate this next step to Katherine, I took over for her with a shout, for I did not know how my voice might reach through the orbs of water,


    ¡°Katherine! Would you please try to see if you can integrate with the aetherial water! Don¡¯t be dangerous about it, just chance a small amount of your spiritual body until you¡¯re sure!¡±


    Such a look of happiness the rusalka had, but she could clearly still hear me through all of that water, since she made her over to the edge between the types of water, and she prodded a single finger into the aetherwater. I felt Arianna stressing slightly as we all three waited to see if anything bad might occur, and so I placed my hand over my heart, and I was relieved that my beloved could feel my sentiment.


    Nothing unfortunate happened again, and so Katherine shortly tried in stages to cross the divide with differing amounts of her liquid form inside the spheres, until at last we were running the reverse experiment: she had only a single finger left inside the riverwater, and I could see trepidation come to Katherine in this final moment of truth.


    With a bracing look upon her face, she pulled her finger free of the river she¡¯d been trapped inside of for all of her unlife, and she grinned and cried inside the aetherwater as Arianna carefully deposited the other sphere back into the river.


    Katherine came to the edge of the remaining sphere, and she slipped ever so slightly outside of it before crying out to me, ¡°Thank you! Thank you so much! I just knew that meeting you here was fate! I am so glad to be out of that river! Thank God for the both of you!¡±


    Her joy was infectious, and I couldn¡¯t help the wide smile that came over my lips. Still, my Arianna was struggling a bit for some reason, but she was the most powerful magister that I had ever so much as heard of, so how could she possibly be having such a difficult time? Although I couldn¡¯t imagine her having any trouble with ¡®so small a thing¡¯ as lifting up hundreds of liters of water, and so I felt somewhat awkward about asking: I figured that I should still find out what she was struggling with,


    ¡°Rianna, why are you stuttering inside me like you¡¯re about to go into aethershock?¡±


    She spluttered at my suggested possibility, and it really was terribly unfair of me to have said, but this was usually the easiest way to get a full picture of a situation out of her, and she supplied the details in her typical manner: relentlessly, and utterly without concern for the potential presence of children ¡ª it¡¯d been quite the battle to keep Luca from speaking like she did, and he didn¡¯t get out of our parenting unscathed from her personality.


    ¡°Pft, I am so not going into aethershock, why would you even think that I was?! I¡¯ve got aether for like, well¡­ forever! I can barely run out of the stuff if I tried! Short of me trying to do something impossible: nothing can even remotely possibly under any circumstances happen that¡¯ll empty me of aether!¡± Arianna took a breath here, and then she took another one because the first one clearly hadn¡¯t done the job, before she continued to the answer buried under her pride that I was looking for,


    ¡°It¡¯s just that your ridiculous pet rusalka keeps throwing off the balance of this stupid fucking ball of water. Water¡¯s always been stupid hard to control, but I¡¯ve obviously got it under control, Mira, so get off my case while I keep Katherine from splattering into the dirt and potentially getting hurt!¡±


    So, to parse her language, she¡¯d meant to say that Katherine¡¯s watery form, which she had no control over, was causing issues with her usual method for keeping water afloat in a sphere.


    I remembered how she used to struggle with it when we were children, as keeping water molecules held aloft in the air involved a continuous swirling motion, so anything that interfered with it would almost immediately cause the spellcraft to fail¡­ she was most cross with me when she¡¯d discovered that I¡¯d been secretly tossing pebbles into it before, and making it come apart at the moment she most wanted to impress me with how ''like awesomely cool'' she was.


    A whole month I was at it before she¡¯d finally caught me, which was no surprise really, since if your arcane enterprises are successful at every instance except when you¡¯re with one particular individual: there¡¯s probably a reason it¡¯s failing only then. At the least, this was true enough of me, and the thoughts brought me to giggle here in the present.


    I had a solution for my Arianna, though I wasn¡¯t quite sure if Katherine would quite fit, but she¡¯d clearly defied gravity with ease before, so perhaps it wasn¡¯t such a tremendous concern. Just as I¡¯d done with the spray bottle: I imagined that I held a plastic bucket in my hand. I¡¯d seen one while I was apprenticed to a Zoroastrian doctor, and it¡¯d proven to be quite the marvel of science.


    I didn¡¯t know where he¡¯d found such wealth that he was able to possess such a thing, for he¡¯d been impoverished for as long as I¡¯d known him. Still, I was able to bring forth my memory of the thing, for I¡¯d used it often enough that I had quite missed having it around when I¡¯d left his apprenticeship.


    The blackness spread out below my hand, and a fluorescent orange bucket formed up from the handle to the base. I looked at it, and I was rather satisfied with my work. So I spoke to my Arianna then,


    ¡°Rianna, is it really your plan to carry Katherine for five kilometres while you¡¯re struggling like this?¡±


    Irritation just erupted inside my heart, and I immediately knew that I¡¯d struck a nerve, for my beloved absolutely growled at me in frustration ¡ª it was probably quite the difficult task to keep a sphere of water going in such a form, and I knew that it was only her pride and sensibilities that were keeping her from just dragging Katherine across the ground ¡ª and she shortly brought her emotions to bear against me,


    ¡°Obviously, Mira! It¡¯s not like you have a better plan! I¡¯ll keep her alive, so why don¡¯t you just start walking!¡±


    I supposed that I could¡¯ve done that and let Arianna suffer needlessly, but I felt rather a bit stubborn about trying out my new bucket, so I next envisioned a wheelbarrow, and the blackness spread out before me and an almost perfect replica of Gerald¡¯s wheelbarrow appeared from within the darkness, except that it now had both of its handles again. It¡¯d only been broken for a few days now, but it wasn¡¯t as he could just grab a branch and make do¡­ not that it¡¯d stopped him trying.


    It was fixed now, though. I couldn¡¯t fix his hypertension, or his lonely heart, but I could repair his wheelbarrow! It was a shame he didn¡¯t live to see it, and it was ever more tragic that I wouldn¡¯t get to hear about how he¡¯d fought off a vicious dryad for the piece of wood that now made up a handle. I sighed, and I supposed that Arianna was too busy with her spellcraft to notice my efforts for her sake, so I spoke aloud to her,


    ¡°How about you put Katherine in my bucket, Rianna? I think she¡¯ll fit.¡±


    Arianna¡¯s ants did a thousand meters a second, though I didn¡¯t know what was all that interesting for her to be thinking about, and the stability of the sphere of water fluctuated for a moment, causing a small amount of aetherwater to rain onto the ground. Finally, she must have looked around for the answer to whatever had affected her, because she suddenly cried out,


    ¡°Oh, fuck that¡¯s awesome. Right, yeah okay, we are absolutely doing that instead! That¡¯s brilliant, Mira. Seriously, I love you. I¡¯m sorry for being snappy, but this spell just really frustrates me. I¡¯m really sorry, and seriously, great idea with the bucket.¡±


    She lowered the sphere of water down towards the bucket, which I¡¯d set into the wheelbarrow, and she carefully let just a little bit of water spill out of the sphere until the bucket was completely filled to the brim with water. Katherine seemed to mostly follow what was going on, because even without my telling her to: she¡¯d slid herself from the sphere to the bucket with ease, and she only slightly disturbed the surface of the water in doing so.


    Arianna immediately launched the water sphere some distance away where it crashed against the ground with a rushing sound, and came completely undone. Immediately, I could feel several layers of stress had peeled off of my beloved, and I could only smile in shared relief.


    Katherine formed up just her head from out of the bucket, and her vibrant red hair, ruby lips, and sparkling crimson eyes came back into being set in her pale skin, and she asked me as just a disembodied head,


    ¡°There¡¯s not a lot of water in here, so please don¡¯t go too fast?¡±

 Chapter 16: Wherein I Face My Inner Strength

    Although I couldn¡¯t be certain why Katherine felt such a need to form up her humanoid appearance before speaking to me, as she¡¯d proven to be decidedly capable of bubbling out her words through her watery form alone: I suspected that she rather enjoyed the ¡®humanizing¡¯ aspects that the transformation afforded her.


    ¡°Are you afraid that I¡¯ll spill you, Katherine?¡± Mirth flowed out from me with a few chuckles, for her current ¡®plight¡¯ just seemed so underwhelming to me when compared to the dangerous possibilities of Arianna¡¯s earlier solution, but I was moved nonetheless towards assuring the rusalka in my bucket,


    ¡°I will strive not to, but I¡¯m afraid that I¡¯m not particularly accustomed to this sort of labour, so some spillage is to be expected. We are quite a distance from the village, but you shouldn¡¯t worry overmuch: Rianna will replace any water that escapes.¡±


    Arianna muttered out some unintelligible curse when I said this, for she was always so loathsome about answering another¡¯s needs, and so she disdainfully objected to the declaration I¡¯d made in her stead,


    ¡°And just what makes you think I¡¯ll be doing that, Mira? It seems to me that you¡¯ve got a handle on things, and I¡¯m sure she¡¯s very pleased to be in your very capable hands. You can make water yourself anyways; you know how it functions already!¡±


    My beloved wasn¡¯t necessarily mistaken, for there was every chance that I could channel aether now, but that didn¡¯t mean I had any appreciable expertise with doing so! I hadn¡¯t so much as practiced my very first spellcast, and that I might have access to her aether did not mean I was suddenly her equal, so how could Arianna¡¯s pride even allow her to pretend that I could serve as even a poor substitute for her?


    Certainly, I¡¯d witnessed her perform magical tricks for decades ¡ª Mercy knows, but I¡¯d so often been driven to the acknowledgement of her mastery over the arcane, and through such an intimate manner of instruction that if anyone existed who¡¯d been tutored so well as I on the subject: I could not even imagine the ordeal they¡¯d been made to suffer! ¡ª but the vision of her aethercraft itself had always been entirely invisible to me, and no amount of description can quite capture what can be gleaned by sight alone!


    Arianna had overplayed her hand when she pretentiously threw aside her conceit, so I put quietly my hands upon the wheelbarrow and started wheeling it along, and I thought of precisely how I might indicate her hubris to her. The wheelbarrow was light upon my arms, and it shook so minimally in my grip despite the uneven terrain of the forest, that I almost had to stop in astoundment at how much easier this was than I¡¯d imagined it would be!


    Strange, this was so terribly strange, for it very much conflicted with my understanding of the physical drudgery I¡¯d believed inherent to such labour! Why it did not even pull upon my muscles to drive, I could not understand, for I was hardly the strongest person I¡¯d ever known, and infact I¡¯d rather ranked myself among the weakest persons in the frontier! But to feel how extraordinarily easy this was: I simply could not fathom the musculature of those who¡¯d for years hefted such barrows from dawn till dusk!


    Granted, normally there wouldn¡¯t be so light a weight in them as a mere bucket of water, but I just couldn¡¯t shake the feeling that something was very wrong with this situation! I couldn¡¯t help but to stop for a moment to see about something I knew a slight bit more about: buckets full of liquid, and what a dreadful pain upon the arms they were to carry.


    I made for the bucket of water with Katherine¡¯s head still sticking out of it ¡ª she¡¯d been staring in awe as the scenery had slowly changed, and though we were not so far away from the river yet: she looked so full of wonder that it occurred to me she might¡¯ve never seen this part of the forest before ¡ª and I had a request for my ghostly new friend,


    ¡°Katherine, would you dreadfully mind turning back into water for me for a moment? I¡¯d very much like to examine an element of my¡­ physical state.¡±


    She turned to look at me with curiosity, but a bubbled ¡°No problem, darling; anything for you.¡± came from her as she rapidly dissolved back into the rest of the water. I studied the orange bucket with some small degree of reproach, for I had a terrible feeling that I might very well be made aware of yet another incredibly human aspect of my undeath, but I was determined that whatever happened: I would not shrink away from it in cowardice!


    My hand very delicately found its way to the plastic handle, and I affected a minuscule pressure upon the bucket full of water¡­ and it came away from the barrow as if it were but an oddly shaped flower I¡¯d plucked from its stem.


    I shivered with disgust as I was made to face this wretched new element of myself, but I nonetheless brought it down almost as steadily as I¡¯d picked it up, for I did not seek to injure Katherine, and I was regretful that a small amount of liquid slopped over the sides and pooled into the wheelbarrow, so I apologized shortly,


    ¡°I¡¯m very sorry for spilling your water, Katherine, but thank you for letting me do this. You can come out again.¡±


    Both she and my Arianna spoke to me at once then, and Katherine¡¯s head began to reform above the water¡¯s surface, but I didn¡¯t have the capacity to listen to either of them at that moment. I was quite overcome with having lost yet another part of myself to this unlife, and I was greatly strained with just holding my tears back inside me. I would not tolerate just standing around uselessly, and so I searched my immediate surroundings for an object that suited my vile curiosity as to just how far gone from human I¡¯d become.


    Just a score of lengths away, I saw that a small pine sapling had taken root, and it was about twice as tall as I was; a perfectly acceptable scapegoat, yes it really was an ideal sacrifice for my purposes. The voices of two women very much overlapped as I stepped away from the barrow, but they needn¡¯t have bothered calling me, for I was coming right back after this. I just had to know how bad a case this really was, for I needed to understand the scope of this horror before it expanded out of my emotional control, which was so very delicate a thing at this instant that I dared not to test it!


    The tree¡¯s trunk came into my hands, and I pitied the unfortunate thing, really¡­ but it was only a plant, and it wasn¡¯t as if I would be running into a dryad or treant so shortly after I¡¯d met a rusalka! I scoffed at my indecisiveness, so I gripped the pine tightly around its base without concern for the boughs that protested my insistent grasp, and I pulled upon it upwards with all of my strength!


    Earth erupted around me and great clumps of the stuff ¡®rained¡¯ back down upon me as I tore the sapling from the ground, roots and all. I held the sapling aloft for a few seconds as the reality of this development sank into me, but it came back to the ground alongside my failing knees after a span that seemed to stretch on into the past for a moment.Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    The images came back to me of breaking bones, bodily ripping men to shreds, and even the strenuous hug I¡¯d given to my own son¡­ I swallowed back the dirty tears that had run the length of my face as I set the poor tree roughly back upon the disturbed earth I¡¯d pulled it from. It probably wouldn¡¯t survive now, but it had as much of a chance as I once did, and perhaps it would someday be made to become a great and terrible treant of pestilence and undeath against its will if it really shared such a fate as mine!


    I laughed then at my ridiculousness, and I sent the blackness that was my own unholy ¡®aether¡¯ out all around the tree. I shaped its roots back into the earth to the best of my ability, though I was sure it would have to rely on its own hardy nature if it were really to survive while surrounded by such tall trees all around it, and in this manner I ¡®restored¡¯ much of the tree to how it had been, but not all.


    No, I¡¯d stopped myself short of removing the imprint my fingers had left upon its trunk. I¡¯d caused those scars, and I wasn¡¯t going to let the tree pretend to itself that nothing so unfair and cruel as what I¡¯d done had ever happened to it! I imagined that it might be driven to grow into a mighty tree in the face of such adversity as being forcibly uprooted, though I highly doubted that such physical mars could ever be a help to something in nature¡­ they certainly hadn¡¯t alleviated me of any burdens that life ever sent my way!


    It was... selfish of me, and I trembled for having done it. This¡­ this was so very cruel of me, and so utterly unlike me, and I¡¯d done such a thing with no good reason to one of the Lord¡¯s hapless creations! All for nothing¡­ but I¡¯d just lost so much, and it was quite impossible to prevent myself from ensuring that some small and horrible part of me still survived anywhere. I was disappearing so very quickly, as if my existence had always been some ephemeral thing that could¡¯ve evaporated with but the slightest change in the wind!


    This body, how I hated this body of mine, and every part of this resurrection in name only! What of myself was really still here?! Arianna had asked me so many times if I wished to indefinitely postpone my death, but the Lord gave us but one life on this Earth, and I truly believed that even with all of my sins: I might¡¯ve yet been absolved of them, and gone to Heaven! I had seen it! My Arianna had thought that it was some silly metaphorical thing, but I always had faith, and I saw it when I died! Heaven was a real place¡­ and I¡¯d been¡­ and I was rejected from it!


    I shook my head to loose the tears that flowed freely down my cheeks, and I forced myself to take deeper breaths even as my airway kept trying to close with heaving quakes. In this manner, I slowly came to stop my hyperventilating, and the ringing in my ears subsided sufficiently that I could hear Arianna desperately pleading that I tell her what was wrong, so I tried to respond to her concerns before they sent me back into that pit of terror that I¡¯d only just barely pulled myself out from,


    ¡°No¡­ nothing important¡­ Rianna. Just, I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m stronger than¡­ I thought¡­. I was.¡±


    That, I could tell since I could hear my own breathless voice, did not even slightly convince myself, so I continued after a particularly painful inhalation,


    ¡°We will talk about¡­¡± I exhaled before I was quite ready, so I took another terrible lungful of air, and I said to her, ¡°Later, Rianna, when we¡¯re home. Please.¡±


    Our home was almost all I could think of at this point, for I felt so miserably low that all I wanted was to lie in bed and sleep, but there was still a quarter of daylight left in the sky, and I had things to do¡­ though I very much wondered if I was in a state to do them. I wanted nothing more than to sleep, and if I let go of my pride for but a moment: why was I really so against Luca taking care of Petyr on his own? He was more than capable enough, was I just holding him back because I was scared of being replaced by a better creature than I¡¯d ever been in life?


    Luca. Luca¡­ I didn¡¯t bring him into this world, but he was mine, wasn¡¯t he? He was my son, and I¡¯d raised him to be what he was, we both did. If there was ever a sign on this Earth that I¡¯d once lived, and had been a person: it was him. He was all of the best parts of us, and none of the bad. He was at least my equal in doctoring by now, all he needed was more time and he¡¯d be surpassing me so totally that I should not ever stand in as his assistance.


    He could delegate, he could perform surgery, he knew to triage where it was necessary, and he made hard decisions when they were needed, even if he could be a little faster about it: he was every bit as good as I was and then some from when my apprenticeship had come to an end!


    My son was not so young and useless that he couldn¡¯t manage without his mothers anymore, and he¡¯d proven it¡­ time and again he¡¯d shown his capacity for medicine, the arcane, and he¡¯d even found time enough to grow as a person¡­ his future was as bright as he¡¯d made it. Neither Arianna nor I could claim such a thing, for we were infinitely marked by our childhoods even now, but Luca had turned out so much better than we ever could have hoped. He had inherited the better parts of Arianna and I, and he was completely free of the torments we had suffered!


    The blackness again departed from my phylactery, and it wreathed the injuries I¡¯d left upon the pine. The marks I¡¯d cut into it with my fingers shortly healed as if they¡¯d never been there, and I put as much of myself into ensuring its future survival as I could! Not all of my marks had to be like those that¡¯d been carved into my flesh: I could leave positive signs of who I was in this world too!


    There surely must remain enough of me in this unlife, for my son had left me alone with Petyr despite knowing what I was! He trusted me, it was stupid of him, but he really did¡­ or perhaps he only trusted that if Arianna could bandy her magic about for so long as the initial surgery had taken: she must¡¯ve also been able to stop me from hurting the patient.


    No, that¡¯s an absurd oversimplification: if he was watching my behavior with aether in his eyes over the course of our treatment ¡ª a third of the day had gone by, and he¡¯d kept his spells running through them all the while, so it was no wonder that his eyes were so strained as I¡¯d last seen them ¡ª then he must¡¯ve seen me for what I was, and he still believed I would not tear into Petyr¡¯s bloodied form!


    I saw a monster in myself, but Luca had seen his mother. I saw myself as a fiend, but Lisset had seen her friend. I¡¯d been entirely certain that I¡¯d become the worst sort of lingering demon in my unlife, but even a stranger like Katherine had seen me looking, acting, and feeling like a human! If the perceptions of my son, my dearest living friend, and a sweet stranger were all so out of alignment with my own¡­ then perhaps it was my own view on the matter which was mistaken!


    There was only one other person I needed to hear this from, for she¡¯d called me a freakish undead, and a monster, and it was her opinion that I needed the most clarity on. So I spoke to her, my voice coming more easily now that I could breathe without the weight of having pointlessly inflicted myself upon the world,


    ¡°Rianna, my love¡­ what do you think of me?¡±

 Chapter 17: Wherein There Is Talk Of Vengeance

    Arianna¡¯s thoughts skittered across my heart after I delivered that bitter inquiry, and strange feelings spilled into my chest from her, though I knew not what they signified. I was rather too overcome with myself to pay much mind to her indecipherable feelings, for I had only a tenuous grasp on my own emotions, and how was I to parse this complex mood that came from her while I was so otherwise affected?


    ¡°Umm¡­ just¡­ what are you trying to ask me, Mira?¡± My Arianna¡¯s uncertainty rang throughout her own question, and I could feel her almost trembling with a hesitant indecision inside me. Still, a small resolution must¡¯ve persuaded her to speak on, for she continued on even though her voice still sounded as if she remained at a loss for why I might be asking such a thing, and in so serious a tone of voice,


    ¡°I mean, I love you, if that¡¯s what you¡¯re wondering about? I really do. Really, what¡¯s got you so¡­ upset? No I don¡¯t mean that, I just¡­ Mira, what was all that about? Are you okay? How do I¡­ help?¡±


    Of course I was upset, but I wasn¡¯t about to be frustrated with her just because her word choice might¡¯ve been ever so slightly entirely warranted! She naturally wouldn¡¯t have understood me with the way I¡¯d asked her, after all: I¡¯d barely been able to understand myself of late, and I was now so utterly absent the knowledge of who I¡¯d become that I¡¯d been absolutely brooding from dusk to dawn, and well into the next day, and then some besides!


    Such a bothersome thing it was to consider myself in such a manner, but I just had to, for I felt that I was unraveling, thread by thread, and that I might soon be so well unmade and replaced that I couldn¡¯t even say anymore that I¡¯d been who I¡¯d thought I was in the first place! My lifelong reckoning of myself seemed to have been so totally misfigured that I simply couldn¡¯t believe that the person I used to be had always been this same foul and terrible creature that I now knew myself to be!


    But¡­ I might¡¯ve been mistaken even in this awful knowledge that had come to me, for the people I loved continued to call me Mum and Mira as if nothing had ever changed in me! I just had to know what it was that they still saw in me that I couldn¡¯t recognize for myself! I considered these concerns of mine, and I put them to words as best I could¡­ though in my wretched state: it would be a wonder if my Arianna could actually disentangle my worries from the emotions which spawned them,


    ¡°I love you too, Rianna. Tell me though, am I still me? I need to know, dear: what¡¯s still the same about me now? Has your love for me not been at all shaken by these¡­ by my changes? What remains of me in this undeath?¡±


    A short ¡®ah¡¯ ran up from the muscles around my trachea, and my jaw clenched all of its own accord as this strange trespass was visited upon my person. My beloved¡¯s thought-ants crawled over my heart¡¯s surface, and this discomforting focus she had upon each of my questions lasted long enough for me to bring myself back upon my feet, even as my limbs trembled from the unpleasantry I¡¯d put myself through.


    I very much doubted that my arms and legs were overmuch bothered by what I¡¯d done to the pine sapling as a test, for it was so much more likely that it was my emotional upheaval that was responsible for how my hands shook, or for how my knees struggled to maintain my balance! As disconcerting a thing as it was to think: there wasn¡¯t so much as an overture of soreness in any of my muscles!


    Tearing any tree out by its roots was a difficult enough task, but this one had been twice my size! Not with ten men could this have been done without levering the poor thing out; even with aetherial assistance: most people wouldn¡¯t have accounted for enough to have budged a tree half that size from its earthly connections! Yet it had come out so easily for me that I¡¯d broken down for the sheer madness of it all!


    What of my control¡­ what of my artificial peace¡­ what of my sanity: I could not have known that I would be so affected by such a small thing as being a little too strong. I was no gladiator engaging in bloodsport, and I was certainly no inquisitor, so why should such a strength as this be had by a doctor like myself? I didn¡¯t need to be strong to press a spine back into place! No great power was necessary to hammer a hip back into its socket!


    Although I didn¡¯t have any good and proper reason to dislike this attribute I¡¯d been blessed with ¡ª and by all rational measure it should be considered a blessing! ¡ª but as objectively positive a thing as it was: I wanted positively nothing to do with it! My relative weakness was just one more treasured aspect of my person in life that had been flipped around in this unlife ¡ª which was so completely opposite to everything I was that it might¡¯ve been a mirror to me!


    Unfortunately, even as I considered these frustrations of mine, the world carries on, and my Arianna had quite finished with her musing while I¡¯d been ineffectually attempting to brush the wet dirt from my leggings. Her voice rose inside me as a warm and gentle wind blew across my body, and I was not so blind to aether anymore to ascribe it to anyone but her!


    ¡°I love you more every day, Mira, so yeah it¡¯s been ¡®shaken¡¯, because I love you like two days more now than ever. Yes, you¡¯ve changed, but God knows, Mira: I¡¯ve changed too¡­ I¡¯ve changed a lot, and maybe more than I actually know. So, that just means we get to rediscover ourselves together again, I mean we did it once before, right?¡± My beloved took a great considering breath here, and my heart leapt in my chest as she continued,


    ¡°We can do it again, except this time we have like, tons of advantages. You know, all of my favorite parts of you are still here Mira ¡ª and I don¡¯t mean your body ¡ª but I, well actually, fuck I am so bad at this, sorry.¡± Arianna had said these heartening things to me with perhaps an overfond appreciation, but her efforts were certainly not wasted, for I had to close my eyes as relieved tears poured through the tracks left on my dirty cheeks.


    Although my eyes were well shut from crying, I¡¯d finally regained a point of pride, and as I¡¯d had quite enough of wearing mud on my face and sodden dress upon my skin: I summoned up the blackness from within me, for if I had such a power within me, then I could surely keep my clothing even as I rid myself of the filth and excessive dampness which clung to me!


    The dark mist surrounded my body, and I had to smile in self-satisfaction even as my tears continued to fall from my suddenly much cleaner cheeks, so I chanced that my Arianna¡¯s continued gushing would only lead to pleasant places for me,


    ¡°What are these parts of me that you still delight in, Rianna? Don¡¯t hold out on me, honey: I need this. You¡¯re doing wonderfully, so don¡¯t stop.¡±


    My Arianna never knew how to leave a good ¡®opportunity¡¯ to lay unmolested, and so a queer lusciousness seized around my heart with heat as the giggles took her quite far from this rather seriously-intended request of mine,


    ¡°¡®Don¡¯t stop¡¯, she said,¡± and still more tittering came from the hopelessly wicked woman I¡¯d had the fortune to fall in love with as she attempted to mimic my voice¡­ if not exactly in a similar tonality. ¡°¡®I need this! Don¡¯t stop!¡¯¡± and my Arianna fell into such an uproarious laughter that I couldn¡¯t help affecting a shameful snort of my own, for her emotions and mine were no longer so separated that I could entirely hold to my own poise.


    A single wall of stone arose between myself and Katherine as the blackness began to depart from my form amid my lover¡¯s complete descent into shrieking barks of laughter, and I couldn¡¯t keep the smile off of my face, even as my attention was disrupted and the black mist started to steal my clothing from a few spare bits of my skin!


    There were no circumstances by which I would have appreciated more spontaneous nakedness than I¡¯d already been subjected to over the course of my unlife, so I¡¯d immediately imagined my clothes back upon my person while ¡®dried¡¯ and ¡®clean¡¯. To my tremendous relief: I was able to remain wholly clothed despite the treacherously playful diversion my Arianna had provided to me! A smile of triumph came to my face even as my own chest heaved with tremendous humor, and I had to laugh out of the sheer joy of successfully remaining clothed!


    I recovered long before her, and so I let Arianna¡¯s laughter echo into the background for me, as it was clear that she wasn¡¯t going to be answering my genuine queries until she¡¯d come out of her hysterics, so I looked upon the fragile-looking stone ¡®wall¡¯ my Arianna must¡¯ve raised in anticipation of my failure to contain the dark powers I now possessed. How she¡¯d found the capacity to work with aether while otherwise single-mindedly overcome with amusement: I did not know, but her aethercraft was certainly uncharacteristically shoddy in this example.


    Regardless, the fact stood as incontestable that her protective interference had been wholly unnecessary! My pride just soared at my so totally eclipsing her expectations of me, and with a more confident step I rounded the flimsy stone partition she¡¯d raised as I made my way back to the wheelbarrow. As I neared the barrow, I saw that Katherine had a pondersome expression on her face, and so I spoke out to her in twofold apology and explanation for the volatility I¡¯d shown her,This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    ¡°Katherine, I am deeply sorry for that display, but I pray that you can forgive me. Rianna and I are but two days dead and risen, and we¡¯ve hardly had an hour pass since without some tumultuous new truth revealed to us.¡±


    Arianna¡¯s self-inflicted euphoria was rather nearer to its end after I¡¯d addressed Katherine, for she¡¯d been reduced to merely chuckling over her own buffoonery now, but the rusalka before me rather had my attention. Katherine shook her head, and her long scarlet hair passed through the bucket¡¯s water as if it¡¯d never been physically impeded by the water¡¯s presence.


    ¡°No, sweetie, you don¡¯t have anything to apologize for.¡± Katherine said to me, and as if she knew how vehemently I disagreed with her assessment, she carried on with a reminiscent muse upon her mind,


    ¡°Dying is really hard on a person; it was way too much for me too. I was alone for a long time, and I cried something awful for those first couple of years. Even my Faith was shaken from the isolation, as every time somebody came upon my river: they ran from me, or they threw stones to make me go away! But you didn¡¯t, beautiful, and when you arrived before me so distressed as you were: I knew. I knew I¡¯d never been forsaken from the start. He delivered you to me for both of our sakes. My mission in His name didn¡¯t end with my death, and His plans for you are greater than you know.¡±


    Katherine¡¯s support for me was sobering my Arianna up inside me at such a pace, and I could feel my heart tensing with a tremendous concern for me. She shouldn¡¯t have worried, however; although Fate had been such a cruel thing to me for so long: I never saw reason to shrink back from it. If the Lord truly intended that I suffer, then I could not help to feel as Job: that I¡¯d been created to endure this wretched unlife by the Lord, and I would not abandon Faith for adversity¡¯s sake.


    But was it truly all that necessary for His plans that I¡¯d been so extremely tormented by his other creatures? What benefits did the Mother¡¯s threatening me with a life wasted in hapless servitude serve? What virtues had been spawned inside anyone by the Father¡¯s perverse fascination with the interior workings of the human body?


    The Devil whispered these seductive things to me in his usual manner, but I¡¯d never given in to these absurd statements before, so why should he think I¡¯d have changed now? How was someone so low as I to know what the Lord willed, let alone why He¡¯d willed it? What an abhorrent suggestion it was that my wretched feelings should be greater than the Lord¡¯s plans for me!


    I breathed deeply there for a moment, before I nodded my head in acceptance, and I steadily gripped the handles as I moved the barrow to rise upon its wheel. I addressed both of the women in my presence in turn, one with an amiable expression, and the other with an ever-so-slightly stern affect to my voice,


    ¡°Katherine, thank you for saying that. I really do appreciate hearing it; it matters to me ¡®more than you know¡¯. Rianna, I will hear what I asked for, and more clinically this time, if you would please.¡±


    Arianna swore to herself, which she used to ¡®hide¡¯ behind her eyes in a brief closing of them, but which now announced its presence in the sour feeling that she¡¯d unintentionally produced inside me. There were no pretentious eyelashes to keep her reactions ¡®secret¡¯ from me anymore, and she could likewise feel my that my pique rose in immediate response, so her emotions were shortly replaced with an embarrassed and ashamed mien,


    ¡°Sorry, right. Ummm, well, I still like this part of you a whole lot. The anger¡¯s new for sure, but the demanding and that... drive are definitely not. Mira, I love you, if I were able to properly touch you again, I¡¯d be all over you right now. Or well¡­ I guess it¡¯s that feeling that you¡¯d be all over me if I did anything, and it is really distracting me from a more academic assessment of your character, Mira.¡±


    A smile came upon my face in whole to hear this from her, and it was a wonder to me how well she could manage my worst impulses. She had always been able to manipulate me through my love for her, even before she¡¯d come to love me as well, and long before she¡¯d known herself to be guiding my reactions. I was an easier thing to control for her back then, when all it took was her expressing an interest in doing any particular thing, and I would be agreeing to do whatever it was¡­ I¡¯d have done anything for her touch.


    That only changed after we¡¯d become lovers, for my addiction to her caress was well rewarded almost regardless of my behavior, and so it was no longer the guiding principle behind what I might¡¯ve done. No, I became rather more enamoured with exploring every aspect of her, and the cries that I could elicit from her became my newest fixation¡­ but she better knew me by then, and since she knew I wanted her so terribly: she would use herself to bargain with my disposition towards her.


    However, that appreciation reigned equally in both of us, and it wasn¡¯t long before I¡¯d also realized this. Her ¡®management¡¯ of me over this last decade had necessarily evolved towards distraction and delay instead of deliberation and denial, and it was quite exemplified in her response to me here: where she¡¯d masterfully framed the result of my rising anger upon her as weighing too heavily upon her mind for rational discourse in an entirely desperate bid for our conversation¡¯s deferment.


    As appealing as she¡¯d made it sound to me, I wasn¡¯t having any of it, and although she had taken the surging irritation from me in her struggle: she had only smothered a symptom, and she¡¯d completely failed to take the cause into account as well. I chided my Arianna lightly as I spoke to her, for I¡¯d seen through her machinations even while I¡¯d been physically preoccupied with returning with Katherine to the village,


    ¡°Rianna, really¡­ you forget yourself.¡± I said, and I was well aware of Katherine¡¯s presence before me, so I rather attempted to cloak my diatribe, ¡°Which of us was waxing arcane secrets just yesterday? I believe you can do better, and you will do so.¡±


    Arianna¡¯s disappointment was a visceral thing to feel, though she needn¡¯t have been so disappointed: I was most certainly not uninterested in investigating her appeal for me in such a manner at a later time; I only wouldn¡¯t allow for her to ¡®distract¡¯ herself in this particular instance. She surely knew how I felt well enough, for she displayed her full knowledge in what she said to me,


    ¡°Damn, I¡¯m sorry Mira; I know that you need to know that you¡¯re still you, and you are ¡ª you really are ¡ª and I¡¯m trying to tell you that ¡ª I really am ¡ª but I just can¡¯t help it, Mira! I¡¯ve got some of you in me now, and you¡­ did you always love me so strongly as this? It¡¯s just so dizzying, however did you ever hold this back? I¡¯m just¡­ is there no peace from this?¡±


    It stung so to hear that my Arianna was suffering from my love for her¡­ and my chest tightened ¡ª for it just ached so much to be told this ¡ª but I wouldn¡¯t leave her any illusions as to my feelings, not even if they were to hurt her,


    ¡°Always, Rianna, and only with great difficulty. It¡¯s harder than before, though¡­ your emotionality is a part of me now, and it¡¯s¡­¡± I stopped here for a moment, and I had to interrupt our journey to breathe, even though we were so close to the village now; only a quarter of the journey remained. I delivered the most important answer to my beloved, and a few tears came down as I choked it out,


    ¡°It never stops, Rianna, I¡¯m sorry. Not ever has it stopped... not even now has that changed; if anything, my love has grown all the stronger. I suspect that it¡¯s the same for you: has your fury at all relented by my feeling it?¡±


    My beloved positively growled at this ask, as if she¡¯d meant to answer it long before she spoke, but she elucidated her emotions to me regardless,


    ¡°Not. At. All. More than ever actually: that fucker has to die. He did this to us, all the way the fuck out here; did you hear those bastards ¡®speaking¡¯? I¡¯m going to fucking murder him this time. So just¡­ please Mira, please don¡¯t say that you¡¯ll stop me again?¡±


    My fingers found their way back to the wheelbarrow¡¯s handles as she spoke, and I gripped them there a slight bit more tightly than I should have, for the wood creaked as if I was going to break it. I lifted the barrow, and I pushed my feet to move, even as I swallowed this emotion I shared with her back down.


    Lord help me, for I could not bring myself to deny my Arianna this once¡­ I certainly could not have made myself stand between my love and her own father again. I used to wear those particular scars proudly enough, for I¡¯d protected my beloved from committing patricide that day. Her desperate redirection to avoid absolutely killing me led to her destroying the Cardinal¡¯s palace in my place, and she¡¯d fled with my scorched form in her aetherially enhanced arms.


    Those scars were gone, and so too was any respect I¡¯d ever had for what family had meant to her father. Whatever he¡¯d tried to do: he¡¯d killed me, and his own daughter¡­ and he would have killed our son too. My family meant more to me than my morality when pressed too far, it seemed¡­ and she was no longer the only one of us who wanted the Cardinal dead.


    Even if I still could not rise to anger for myself: what had been attempted would have left me furious regardless. If his men hadn¡¯t begun killing us all, then it still remained that he¡¯d sent armed men over two thousand kilometers into the wilderness after us. There was no pleasant way to view his actions, and I very much suspected that the original intent had included kidnapping, and quite possibly murdering me and Luca before her.


    But I could now feel the righteous anger of the wronged self, and it swam within me alongside the ocean of justified hatred that pumped out of my heart. I breathed as deeply as I could, to search for the slight clarity of mind it might have brought to me, and I exhaled with the same conclusion that I¡¯d first come to.


    I steeled myself, even as the clearing where the village used to be came into view, and Katherine gasped with what must have been at once excitement and shock. I leaned upon the wheelbarrow heavily, and I finally released my Arianna from the prison of my morality, as I said to her what could never be unsaid,


    ¡°I won¡¯t. Rianna, I won¡¯t stop you. I promise you this.¡±

 Chapter 18: Wherein We Discuss The Finer Points Of Buckets

    Exultation flooded through my veins in a surge, and celebratory heartbeats thundered with joy, for my Arianna had finally been released from the shackles my principles had placed upon her. If I hadn¡¯t stopped her from killing her father that night: these terrible and wretched circumstances which brought us to death would not have happened!


    There was a clear and evident difference between her father still living today and her father having been slain back then: we were now suffering from this unholy afterlife while he yet lived! Perhaps the attackers and the Cardinal weren''t such an obvious connection inherently, but an incredibly suspicious correlation had become clear to us when those soldiers had spoken in Italian around us!


    They''d known whom to target before beginning their attack, which necessitated that they¡¯d first been made extremely well informed of the potential risks that might arise prior to their assault. Certainly, that still could be the work of an exceptionally clever breed of banditry¡­ but such a intelligent group would never have struck us immediately before winter, nor in such a manner as these soldiers did!


    Our attackers were too well-prepared, too well-organized, too well-equipped, and far too fluent in the Vatican dialect to be mere raiders ¡ª indeed, what a strange thing that was to consider, for they¡¯d behaved like no raid I¡¯d ever heard the account of! Certainly, there was a wanton element to them, for I had seen it myself, but where was the looting? They killed with little distinction ¡ª only a few absolutely unspeakable creatures saw fit to spare anyone for even a short while ¡ª and they¡¯d had a plan that didn¡¯t pan out quite as rehearsed!


    There was the distant possibility that indeed some silly band of organized Roman brigands found themselves out here in the frontier with knowledge of Arianna¡¯s person, and as they¡¯d never engaged before in a raid: they simply didn¡¯t know how bandits were supposed to function! Proper bandits pillage and plunder in a craven manner, they don¡¯t totally despoil and ravish a population of farmers so brazenly as to face them in a remotely equal number!


    Banditry is a dangerous game to play, for it¡¯s best played in small numbers, and for a very short time. The moment that normal brigands have had a successful raid is the same moment that ordinary marauders begin to squabble amongst themselves, which rapidly degenerates into scuffles with each other, which themselves erupt violently into all out hostilities between the evildoers! There is no honor among thieves, for they¡¯ve seen that their fellows have money and goods, and they covet these things!


    Why would a bandit group bother to rob from some near-destitute farmers far beyond the fringes of society in autumn? They¡¯re supposed to be opportunistic! Robbing us on the cusp of winter was risk, and they are supposed to be rather risk-averse sorts! They had just weeks to beat it past the snowfall, and the terrain of the frontier can be treacherous even in summer!


    Even supposing that such a group did come upon us: there was simply no sanity in murdering and raping all the farmers in a place where food is hard to produce, and so far away that there was no possibility that we might ever find justice for their crimes! If they truly were stuck by winter¡¯s snows: there would be no more people left to produce more goods to rob in the spring!


    Regardless, there was just no excuse for murdering us all, for conventional bandits simply wear masks so that they will not be recognized by their victims, but each of these ¡®would-be outlaws¡¯ had their faces bare and visible! No matter how I framed the argument for ¡®coincidences¡¯ upon ¡®coincidental¡¯ circumstances: I simply could not reconcile their actual behavior with these motives!


    ¡°Wow, oh my God, Mira¡­ like, I never thought that I¡¯d hear you say that, and you promised too! I can¡¯t believe this, I¡¯m just¡­ this is just so fucking awesome!¡± My Arianna¡¯s voice just gushed inside me with utter release, for she¡¯d been withholding herself from this for almost twenty years, and entirely on my account. She¡¯d shortly continued as was her usual when she was feeling particularly excitable: without any pause if she wasn¡¯t made to,


    ¡°I¡¯m definitely happy that you said it, I mean, I¡¯m still like really angry, but I¡¯m just sooo glad to be done with pretending that I¡¯m over it! I am so not over what that fucker did to Carmen! I¡¯m going to tear him apart, and I¡¯m so starting with his smug fucking face! I''ll burn his eyes right out of thei-¡±


    ¡°Rianna!¡± I interrupted her incredibly rude ranting before she¡¯d quite gotten into the full swing of it, as even if she was going to murder her own father: I would not have her speak of it with such imagery as that! Not because I cared one whit what language and graphic details she used away from the ears of children, but rather that I didn¡¯t want to think about it, and she¡¯d already managed to put such a disgusting thought into my mind as to make my stomach growl in false protest!


    I¡¯d stopped her in the middle of her thoughts, and her mind seemed to have somewhat stalled for the disruption, if the stuttering steps I felt upon my heart were anything to judge by. Rather than keep listening to my heart as it absolutely clicked inside me in such a nauseating manner: I decided that I should strike up conversation with the rusalka in my bucket,


    ¡°Welcome to our village, Katherine. I pray that you¡¯ll like it more than that river.¡±


    The watery woman began to form up the top half of herself, for she didn¡¯t exactly have room to ¡®stand¡¯ in the bucket, and I was quite thankful that she saw fit to clothe herself at the same time. She then turned to me with her sparkling jewel-like eyes and spoke,


    ¡°Hey, sweetie, I see the one house and the bandstand,¡± and she gestured to the Fredrickson¡¯s place and the new feasting area that my beloved had designed on a whim, before she continued, ¡°and a few ruins, but where is the rest of the village supposed to be?¡±


    I wouldn¡¯t have known what Katherine had meant by ¡®bandstand¡¯ if she hadn¡¯t indicated the pavilion when she¡¯d said it, and this was far from the first strange and unplaceable comment she¡¯d made in my presence. I¡¯d figured that Katherine was from very far away, for her accent continued to elude me all the while. I would absolutely have to ask her where she was from later, for I was dreadfully curious, but it wasn¡¯t as if she would be going anywhere: there would be other opportunities, so I answered her with as tight a grip on my emotions as I could,


    ¡°Two nights ago, our village was annihilated when men of Roman stock came upon us. There was an exchange of death, and my Arianna performed an ascension ritual with the last of her life. It went awry, and there was an accidental aetherial discharge which ate at the surrounding matter.¡±


    Katherine¡¯s eyes had no lids by which to blink, but she affected such a confused look before me that I couldn¡¯t help but to laugh at how utterly confounded she¡¯d appeared to be. Arianna¡¯s voice came to me in that interim, for her mental blockage seemed to have cleared,


    ¡°Mira, that may have been like the single most clinical thing I¡¯ve ever heard you say.¡±


    Arianna had the right of it, for I¡¯d been very much trying to keep any errant feelings from entering my voice. I was simply unable to endure their intensity, so I ¡®hefted¡¯ the wheelbarrow which was as light as a feather to me, and I moved my feet towards the few buildings that still stood.


    For most of the way there we had a blissful silence between all of us, and Katherine came out of her astounded state as the vision of children playing and freely feasting came into her eyes. A tremendous toothy smile appeared on her face, and her lidless eyes reshaped themselves to resemble a joyful expression.


    She seemed so greatly enthused to be seeing other people ¡ª and in such numbers as this ¡ª that I very much hoped her amiable cheeriness meant that she¡¯d quite entirely forgotten about my extremely understated summary of events! That was by far the better outcome for me, as I didn¡¯t terribly desire to speak of that night if I could help it, but I¡¯d found myself shortly near enough to the Fredrickson¡¯s house for what I¡¯d been planning.


    ¡°Rianna,¡± I spoke to my dearly departed, ¡°how difficult would it be for you to dig a new well?¡±


    My beloved¡¯s thinking-ants didn¡¯t even wriggle into step before she¡¯d come out with what I¡¯d been hoping to hear, ¡°Easy. That¡¯s not even a little hard, Mira. I¡¯ve got so much aether to me that I won¡¯t even have to do it in batches anymore. Where do you want it?¡±


    I pointed out to a place only a small distance away from the pavilion, which happened to be within a few meters of me, and the black mist pooled out of my phylactery. It swarmed into the grass at the designated location like a cloud of locusts, and the darkness soon ate away at the earth as the dark aether tunneled towards the aquifer.


    Stones embedded themselves into its walls all down its length, and the hole just radiated with a blackness deeper than any I¡¯d ever before seen. It wasn¡¯t a minute before my dearly departed spoke to me,


    ¡°And that¡¯s water, Mira, so you can bring her over now. Ah, we can reuse the bucket too!¡±


    My Arianna was usually so clever, so it was always such a strange thing when she missed an obvious fault. This bucket was utterly unusable for a well-pail as the flimsiness of its plastic carry should have indicated to her, but although I had some vital disagreements to argue with Arianna: I felt that we should first have asked Katherine where she might¡¯ve wanted to be moved to.


    I hadn¡¯t considered how very cramped a well might¡¯ve been for someone who¡¯d felt trapped in that river for so long, so I was a feeling far too regretful to admit that I¡¯d been thinking of pouring my newest friend into a well and being done with her until morning! While I felt so cognizant of the matter: I very much prayed that she was entirely ignorant of the implications of building a well right before the barrow she watched from¡­ so I did my best to pretend away my rudeness as I quibbled on to find Katherine¡¯s actual wants,


    ¡°Katherine, I don¡¯t believe that I¡¯ve specified our intentions yet, but I don¡¯t mean to be so uncourteous as to leave you unknowing on matters that involve yourself. We¡¯d intended for you to test your toes in the water of a natural aquifer today, but we would happily leave aside such experimentations until the morrow, or never if you should prefer. Would you like for us to build a large pond of aetherwater for you before we continue our well work?¡±


    The watery ghost¡¯s gaze broke away from the children, and she smiled so sweetly at me that I rather had to close my eyes to remain unaffected by her radiant beauty¡­ which rather didn¡¯t work as I¡¯d intended, for the soft sounds which came into my ear retained her attractive influence,


    ¡°A pond sounds lovely for a night, sweetheart, but you don¡¯t have to drop what you¡¯re doing. I¡¯ve wanted out of that river forever, and magic is just fascinating to witness, so I can wait til you two are done with the lightshow.¡±


    What a relief it was for her to ignore my heartless original intentions, for I hadn¡¯t meant to be so negligent and cruelly careless about helping Katherine. I was decidedly less than relieved of her voice¡¯s effect on me, though¡­ for it was a shuddersome thing to listen to, but I nevertheless nodded to her as I took her words to heart, and I turned again upon my Arianna,


    ¡°Rianna, this handle simply won¡¯t hold up to the directed pressure of a rope upon it; it will strain, and it will snap. This bucket was not at all designed for use in a well, and you can surely see that the total lack of stabilizers or weights upon it would lead to it floating near-uselessly at the bottom! Just imagine the struggle there would be to tip it into the water sufficiently for it to stick!¡±If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Arianna must¡¯ve been ready enough for my argument, for she shortly disagreed with part of my assessment, even as she acceded to the rest,


    ¡°Then all we have to do is change out the handle, and it¡¯ll hold up properly! It may not have been designed for being a good well-pail, but think about how much easier it¡¯d be to pull it up!¡± Here she stopped to draw breath in through my lungs, and I found myself giving in to her need for air before she was satisfied enough to continue,


    ¡°Plastic is impossibly light, Mira, like I know you¡¯re incredibly strong now and everything, but do you remember that stupid wooden thing we had to use before Gerald got us a leather one fixed up? Fuck that sodden thing was heavy. We absolutely should make the new pail out of plastic, even if we don¡¯t use this one in particular!¡±


    Arianna¡¯s excitable raving had a convincing-enough ring of truth to it, and I figured that I might as well build an example bucket for us to better debate the best design. I began to manipulate the evil energies which swirled inside me, and they answered my call to form up into another fluorescent orange plastic bucket, but with a slightly modified design!


    Its bottom was elevated slightly from the one I¡¯d built for Katherine, for I had created a hollow which I then weighted with stone on one side. The plastic handle became a nest of metal wires that came into a rope-ring at their end, and in a stroke of inspiration: I widened the bucket¡¯s opening such that it more resembled a plastic bowl with its flanged edges. I smiled with a satisfaction at my work, and then I addressed my Arianna,


    ¡°What do you think of this then, Rianna?¡±


    Little feet danced across my heart as my beloved studied my prototype with a critical eye, and although I could feel a general approval arising from her phylactery: her words were not quite so generous as I¡¯d hoped, and they had a judgemental bent to them,


    ¡°Better, but we¡¯re not there yet, I think. If we have to weight it, then we lose many of the advantages of using plastic from the start, Mira¡­ and why didn¡¯t you use a heavier substance for that instead? That little stone won¡¯t even push against the buoyancy! Like, lead or gold might have done it, but not mere stone, Mira. So we need to completely forgo the weighting process, or else maximize it, and I¡¯m sure everyone would prefer that we abandon trying to make their work harder than it needs to be.¡±


    The blackness ran out of my pendent of her accord, for it seemed that she''d meant to debate our designs in the same manner as I. Darkness wrapped around the bucket like an inky cloak, and when she was done iterating upon it: it rather resembled the leather bowl of Gerald¡¯s make, except that it was made entirely of plastic aside from the few metal hoops inset for multiple ropes.


    ¡°The buoyancy Mira,¡± Arianna continued while I scrutinized her work, ¡°I just don¡¯t think we can actually burden plastic sufficiently to cause it to sink. To even try would make it just absolutely unusable, so like, why fix what isn¡¯t broken? We can just ¡®scoop¡¯ the water into it like Gerald used to. I¡¯m not really all that good with knots though, and I don¡¯t know that yours are going to work for this, so maybe we should get Bart to¡­ Bart. Oh, Mira, we¡¯re idiots.¡±


    I groaned as she¡¯d said Bart¡¯s name for the second time, for I felt truly ridiculous. We¡¯d been arguing so much regarding our better bucket prototypes for manual pulling that we¡¯d entirely forgotten about a system which forwent such a tired old method, and it was better enough that it made our debate wholly pointless! That was a lot of intellectual energy gone for nothing, and I was so exhausted with being awake as it was!


    Bart had long been the most scientifically adventurous person in the village after Arianna and myself, and he was the reason the village had such an easy time with water, for he¡¯d been the one to build and install the ¡®draw handle¡¯ we used to have. Simple, he¡¯d called it with a hearty laugh, as all we had to do was ¡®crank¡¯ the handle and it would bring up the bucket with an ease that bordered on effortless even when compared to Gerald¡¯s old system, which had itself been a Godsend.


    ¡®Simple¡¯ it may have been in hindsight, for the machinery involved was easily enough understood once a person was shown the device, but when the Fredricksons arrived in our village, and Bart had first performed his own brand of ¡®magic¡¯: we¡¯d celebrated with a fete, and Olga herself deigned to preside over the exultant prayer and song that rang out that day! It was so joyous an occasion that I even saw a cheerful smile upon Olga¡¯s face, as Providence had surely visited us through Bart¡¯s works! Of this ¡ª and this alone ¡ª the two of us were in total agreement for.


    As simple a thing as his mechanism had been: it had quite evaded us in our discussion about drawing water before Arianna had said Bart¡¯s name, and it was therefore very lucky that absolutely nobody from the village was gawking as we had our useless discussion of comparing buckets. That every one of the living children aside from Petyr and my son were gathered in attendance was nothing short of a fanciful lunacy! An engineered vision brought forth by my shame for failing to account for Bart¡¯s ingenuity from near a decade past!


    Certainly, I couldn¡¯t say what might have actually drawn the children over, for there was hardly a single interesting sight for which they might¡¯ve come to congregate before! There were simply no incredible feats of the fantastical for them to witness; not our incredible mystical powers of creation, and there was positively nothing of any note to be said of the most beautiful creature the Lord placed upon this Earth rising out of my bucket like a fabled djinn from its lamp!


    No, my eyes framed with a red tint as the scent of life flooded through my nostrils, so it would seem that we¡¯d actually had pests aplenty in attendance to our foolishness, for they numbered in near to a score, and only the two eldest children among their stock were absent! Even Roger was gawking like a young child faced with the most wondrous sight to have ever graced this Earth, for he stared with such a stupefied expression at the rusalka in my bucket, though he was nearing fifteen years of age himself! His awe was not to be outdone though, for the thirteen year old Alexander had been so very enamoured with the beauty beside me that he had absolutely fallen onto his face after tripping over his own feet!


    Well, I had no room to chide their behavior, for my own experience with Katherine had gone well beyond mere wonder and fascination, as the mere sight of her had very nearly sent me into felicity itself! My eyes glanced in her direction to be quite sure Katherine was still clothed, and I breathed a short sigh of relief to find that she most certainly was.


    I turned back to the hole for the well, and I then realized that if I hastened now: I could potentially reclaim a small portion of my lost pride, and so I cast out the blackness to form up the shape of the well we¡¯d known for the last eight years, with its axle, wheel, gear, handle, bucket, and rope.


    A determined focus held for me, but I could still sense that my Arianna felt compelled to join in, so it was no surprise to me when stones began to coalesce from a split she¡¯d formed in the dark particles I commanded, and they shortly appeared in a neat stack underneath the mechanism I was recreating!


    Although I¡¯d done my very best to will their existence from my mind: the underfoots continued advancing around us all the while, or so the smell went! I had to blink the Thirst from my eyes, for it was a dreadful enough distraction that I¡¯d rather had to recreate some small portions of my evil efforts, which had fallen away as the blackness lost its cohesion! I could only pray that they all stayed far enough away for me to quite complete my remembrance of Bart¡¯s old mechanism, and I was immensely enthused when at last the well¡¯s functionality had been restored!


    Such a progress my lover and I had made, that we¡¯d entirely disregarded the audience we¡¯d never intended to attract, and the mist went out of Arianna¡¯s and my will at once to complete the well¡¯s cover. It didn¡¯t matter anymore that the bucket which connected itself through our memories wasn¡¯t made of plastic, for it was such an easy task to bring it to the surface that the task of drawing water had long fallen to the chores of children!


    Still, there was some small manner of disagreement between us over the roof as Arianna and I otherwise worked in tandem, for she¡¯d rather wanted to adjust it to being ever so slightly larger. I didn¡¯t see the reason in ¡®fixing what wasn¡¯t broken¡¯ as my dearly departed had earlier said, and so the roof repeatedly ended up as some mismatched and warped thing completely despite our entirely pure intentions for it!


    The redness soon painted my vision in blood-tones, and the smell coming to me as I squabbled with my Arianna over the proper size a well cover should ought to be was rather causing me to further malform the very roof I¡¯d felt so driven to repair! My concentration gathered tightly in response, for the difficulty of my task had increased in small steps, and this was so frustrating a thing for me that I stubbornly refused to allow for Arianna¡¯s inane design!


    ¡°What are you doing, Missus Mira?¡± I heard Talia Fredrickson¡¯s voice from a small distance in front of me, though I didn¡¯t turn to see her. My annoyance with my own failures was at near the maximum I could quite endure, but I wasn¡¯t about to take it out on a six year old sickly child, so I affected as gentle a voice as I could to explain this dire matter to her,


    ¡°Miss Mira, Talia; Arianna and I aren¡¯t married, though we do love each other very much,¡± I corrected her as I felt myself slowly losing the battle over my own dark powers to Arianna, but all the same I couldn¡¯t simply ignore her query, so I answered in as elucidating a manner as I then felt capable,


    ¡°And as you can see: I¡¯m vying with her over the size of this¡­ roof. Mercy, what am I doing?¡±


    I sighed with a heavy sense of defeat, for although I was unreasonably loathe to allow my Arianna full control over destroying the roof: I was surely above this pettiness ¡ª it really was just a roof after all, and when she inevitably broke it by overburdening the struts: she was able enough to fix her own mistakes! ¡ª so I finally released my will from the blackness, and I let her bend the conical shape to her will entirely.


    The roof was thus symmetrical in short order, if perhaps slightly overlarge ¡ª it was so very comically oversized in its contrast with the structure beneath it, and it rather sparked the beginning of a cathartic fit within me! ¡ª and the well appeared almost entirely as it used to be, although in a different location, as there was no logic in keeping it so far away from the Fredrickson¡¯s when there were no other houses around anyway.


    There was a deep satisfaction in this construction, and we were both silent for a spell, but our reverie could never have lasted¡­ for the roof began to sway, and it shortly teetered itself free of its comparatively tiny holding boards! It landed with a thump, and I had to laugh with such abandon then that I fell to my knees!


    I had so many snooty inquisitions in mind to play before my Arianna then that if there¡¯d been no bystanders around: I might¡¯ve mercilessly teased my poor lover, and I would have been well rewarded for it, to judge by the embarrassment which pumped into me from her phylactery! Even the bloodthirst I was affected with was dissipating in small amounts before my sheer humor, such that I could shortly see that Talia¡¯s also giggling form was immediately before me!


    So confident was I then in my relative harmlessness that I could not resist the adorable girl before me, for we had bonded well over the last six years, and I spread my arms around her in a hug. Immediately, the rational part of me regretted my arrogance, for her tiny heart pounded the red back into my eyes like a hammer¡­ but this newly emotive side of me would not release her, for she¡¯d wrapped her own smaller arms around my back, and it very much reasoned that there were some things so wonderful that a person simply had to suffer for them!


    It was regretful that I couldn¡¯t any longer see for the deep bloody haze that covered my eyes, but I remained the very image of restraint. Talia shifted in my arms, and my emotive and logical sides compromised such that I was able to release her for long enough to take her minuscule hands in mine.


    ¡°Who¡¯s the pretty lady, Missus Mira?¡± Talia asked me, and I could only assume that she¡¯d meant Katherine, for I was entirely unable to imagine that any other otherworldly beauties might¡¯ve appeared since I¡¯d lost my vision to Thirst. Naturally, since I was entirely blind to the world aside from the crimson beacons that vaguely outlined each of the children, I refrained from trying to gesture at Katherine as I introduced my newest friend to Talia and the crowding underfoots,


    ¡°This is Katherine, Talia, everyone. She¡¯s a rusalka from the nearby river. We were just about to build her a pond in the village, actually.¡±


    One of the cleverer teenagers ¡ª likely Natalie Orlov, though I could not see her for the blinding crimson outlines of life ¡ª very responsibly came out with a caution-minded warning for the rest of the children before they all drew so close as Talia, though she addressed it to me as a question,


    ¡°Doctor Mira, if she¡¯s really a rusalka: why did you bring her here? Will she not drown us and eat our bodies if given the chance?¡±


    A small smile turned onto my lips as the nostalgic image of Natalie sneaking into our house at odd hours for tutoring came into my mind. The girl was always too bright for the frontier, and if her mother hadn¡¯t been Olga Orlov: I might¡¯ve tried to match her with my son! With the elder Orlovs gone before her, perhaps my Luca might finally find a worthy romance in this frontier village!


    Not that I¡¯d actually interfere with his decisions on the matter. My own forbidden love had been far too important in my life, so for me to tell him precisely whom he was allowed to love was as hypocritical and needlessly cruel a thing as I could do. I wasn¡¯t his only parent to think this, for Arianna¡¯d had enough suitors arranged to her absolute exasperation that the mere mention of an arranged marriage could cause a spontaneous conflagration around her! Just as the barest consideration of fire now brought me to shiver inside, but I was thankful to have something else to immediately distract myself with!


    ¡°That¡¯s what I¡¯d thought at first too, dear, but I was mistaken. It seems the only thing Katherine will drown you in is sweetness. Probably.¡± I answered Natalie¡¯s fears as best I was able, and I was relieved to find that the exchange stopped there.


    Arianna stirred inside me, as if she were mentally rousing herself from her meek and defeatist mindset. I felt the blackness pour out of me again, and it traveled back towards where I remembered the well being in relation to Talia ¡ª whose hands I made myself release ¡ª so I knew that Arianna was trying to fix the roof again. I might¡¯ve let her continue, but the other children all began to properly approach the elegant stranger in my bucket, and although I didn¡¯t know that my bloodthirst could be any worse than it already was: I was shortly given a lesson I¡¯d never wanted to learn.


    Drool escaped my mouth before I¡¯d quite realized it, and I swallowed the gathering saliva back as my vigilance rose. I figured that it was as good a time as any to retask my beloved¡¯s talents, for I needed anything which could distract the children away from me, and I very much felt that Katherine was the key. The beautiful, charming key to my salvation that I couldn¡¯t properly interact with while I was so thirsty!


    ¡°Rianna, stop playing with the well,¡± I said, and then I gulped down still more of the pooling spittle, ¡°I need you to make the pond, and drop Katherine in it.¡±

 Chapter 19: Wherein I See Red

    I could vaguely make out Katherine¡¯s voice making several exchanges with the children, and laughter and cheer rang out around me, but more than anything: heartbeats dominated my sense of hearing! One after another, they came in a cacophony, and when two or five or however many at once would beat in tandem: I would very nearly lose my grip upon myself! The only words I was still able to focus on in the red passion which weighed upon me were my Arianna¡¯s,


    ¡°But Mira, I¡¯ve almost finishe-¡± ¡°Rianna¡±, I interrupted her, for I was in rather desperate need of her help, and the inanimate well was of a clearly lower priority than myself and the children around me,


    ¡°Finish later, help now.¡±


    Thankfully, she acquiesced to my demands, though I could feel her labouring extremely to pivot her obsessiveness away from her original focus. I could feel her bending and twisting my dark powers in line with my needs, for strangely: I could sense that she¡¯d cut away a spherical depression in the earth some distance from me, though I could not also see this truth with my eyes!


    An immense amount of liquid must¡¯ve rushed into the hole she¡¯d hastily dug with my powers, for I could hear a violent sloshing, and even a thunderous clap sounded out which so dwarfed the heartbeats that I¡¯d worried someone had put my ear right to their chest! What might have caused such a thing was beyond my ken, but it must¡¯ve been a truly dreadful sound, for it reverberated beneath my feet like only an earthquake should be able!


    A highly pitched squeal of delight alighted my ears as it traveled away from me with a rapidity that bordered on instant, and it was followed close by a number of footsteps as the heartbeats all at once increased in pace! Mercy, I called for Providence as I clenched my teeth so determinedly as the deepest hue of red ¡ª so thick it could almost be called black! ¡ª painted over my already blinded eyes, and I absolutely couldn¡¯t trust myself in such a situation!


    Since there was no sanity in staying upon my knees ¡ª from which I might yet spring ¡ª I forced myself to teeter until I¡¯d fallen onto my back! I hit the grass below me without the slightest grace, even as I fervently prayed to the Lord that I be delivered from this madness, at least for long enough that none of the children might have to pay for my irresponsibility!


    It was tremendously difficult to maintain that meditation, for although I¡¯d successfully resisted the impulse to follow after those retreating palpitations: the echoes of their presence pursued my ears still! I simply sat there for a while in silence with my eyes closed tightly, and I trusted that the relative quiet around me meant that my Arianna had successfully delivered Katherine and all of the children away from me.


    But the Thirst just refused to leave me, as one tiny heartbeat blared in my ears, so I warily opened my eyes again to the endless scarlet tinge, and a small pyre of life burned from above and to my right. Just one person still remained beside me, and I knew who it was by her heartbeat. For six years I¡¯d listened to that overfast heart, though always before by stethoscope, and I¡¯d have known those murmurs anywhere: it was Talia Fredrickson who¡¯d been so foolishly attached to me.


    ¡°Talia, you silly girl.¡± I spoke to her in as solemn and gentle and careful a tone as I could affect while the monster within me commanded that I drain the life of the sweet girl who¡¯d chosen to stay with me! Even in the face of such a wonderful being as Katherine: she was all alone with me despite the obvious succor of that delightful crowd of her friends and peers! Why should she be here?! Would that I could have chastised her for her ignorance, but of course she didn¡¯t know what she was risking in being so close to me: she was six, and I was almost family in her eyes for how often she¡¯d seen me!


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you join in with them?¡± I finally asked, though it was a battle to keep my jaw closing regularly enough for speech to form, but I strove to send her away in a pleasant manner ¡ª I was not so far gone yet that I would adapt the cruelty at my core upon a child! ¡ª so I swallowed back the demon inside me, and I forced the unintentionally bitter words out of my lips,


    ¡°They¡¯re surely missing your lovely company. You should go to them and play, instead of being here with only my company to share. Talia, you¡¯re only six once, don¡¯t waste your time on my account.¡±


    The small girl before me shortly showed her parental heritage, as she came down to hug me on the ground, entirely ignorant of the potentially perilous predicament she was placing herself in! Her heartbeats were always so small and I knew them to be alarming fast, and yet they were now so deafening and strangely slow for me now, as if they¡¯d been amplified a thousand times while a deadly amount of adrenaline coursed through my veins.


    Her pulsating heart whooshed in through four of my senses at once, for I could smell her sweet ichor as it hid just beneath her skin as it pressed against mine at the stomach, and between my eyes and ears all I knew was the blinding and deafening fact of her life! I had but to taste her, oh I had but to taste her, and my body trembled and seized as I withheld that insanity that reigned in my thoughts.


    ¡°You looked like you needed a hug, Missus Mira!¡±


    Talia had answered a question which I hadn¡¯t even been able to ask her: why did she close that short and safe distance between us? She was probably entirely correct on that matter of my appearance, for even if she couldn¡¯t quite get the Missus out of my name: I¡¯d been dreadfully browbeaten by this day, and the last had been no better for dragging my emotions all around!


    ¡®I¡¯ve really suffered enough, haven¡¯t I¡­ so it¡¯s only reasonable if I take a small bite, and she¡¯s surely wearing a smiling face under that wonderful glow, so she¡¯s even offering hersel-¡¯Under. No. Circumstances. I violently disconnected myself from those alien thoughts which had taken residence in my mind, for they were insidious things and I would not entertain the horrific wants of these uninvited ¡®guests¡¯ to my daily function!


    Great shuddering breaths fought their way past my teeth as I panted and grimaced, and the urge to relieve myself of this terrible strain was fast upon me, but I would do no such thing! Suffering did not itself warrant that I should allow myself to steal away another¡¯s sweetness for the mere satisfaction of the monster inside me!


    Though I was so stricken with the greater symptoms of my undeath: I barely knew how to explain these new needs to an educated adult when I wasn¡¯t so affected by them, and so I was certainly in no state to explain a matter this complex to someone so young and unlearned as Talia while it was everything I could do to keep myself from biting into her tender flesh!


    Still, I could not remain so close to her, for I did not rate a fiend¡¯s patience highly, and my fortitude might not have held for much longer! I did not trust myself to rise upon my feet and run for distance, for I felt that it was those more predatory instincts which in subterfuge called for me to rise, so I instead endeavoured to speak,


    ¡°Thank you, Talia¡­¡± I had to swallow here, for the salivation came at an unbelievable pace, but I forced further speech out of my throat with no regard for tone, volume, or emotion,


    ¡°I appreciate it, but could you r¡­ run and find your Mother for me?¡±


    Every breath was a battle, for I struggled with each word to stay in control, and all through my desperate attempt at speechcraft I fought away her heart as it tested my resolve! As I wrestled with my ferocious Thirst, I idly considered my plight: if perhaps there was anything I might¡¯ve done differently to have avoided the depths of this dreadful condition, and I found that I¡¯d left many faults in my planning!


    At the moment I set foot in the village, I should have had Arianna build a pond for Katherine¡­ but I did not then realize that it would have been such a necessity! Perhaps I might¡¯ve simply not argued with my beloved before the well we replaced, and thus my voice might not have carried such that it attracted the children¡­ but there was just no cause for me to anticipate that the children would find our new form of aether and Katherine so fascinating!


    No, it was certainly that foolish moment where I¡¯d gotten carried away with humor, and had allowed for Talia to first hug me. I knew then that I was already in a compromised position, but I still arrogantly assumed I could maintain control over myself, as I¡¯d never faltered in such for any reason for all my life before! Pointless as it was to actually think of now, but ultimately: I concluded that I¡¯d have to discover if I couldn¡¯t find some way to wholly prevent this issue in the future! It would surely be easier to alleviate my symptoms than it would be to change the habits of a lifetime!


    ¡°Yeah! Mom gives the best hugs!¡± I¡¯d heard Talia shout near my ear as she immediately dropped the tight embrace she¡¯d had on me. The Thirst shifted inside my body as her small footsteps raced away from me ¡ª as if it were actively moving to chase her down despite my steadfast resilience holding true and secure! ¡ª but I was not so weak as I¡¯d been yesterday, and it hadn¡¯t even Hunger¡¯s alliance to bring me down this time!


    With a great consternation at the absurd actions my Thirst attempted from within the bounds of my own body, I¡¯d restrained the hands that¡¯d made to snatch at her retreating form. But despite my best efforts, they¡¯d eventually claimed the ¡®small¡¯ victory of reaching the space she¡¯d recently vacated, and it was only luck that I¡¯d retained my control until Talia had totally departed from my presence!


    Technically, it had overcome me in the end, and this was a great and terrible blow to my ego, my pride, and my very person. All while I commiserated to myself, my eyes betrayed me; they followed the radiance of Talia¡¯s escaping form, and still they pulsed with red in accordance with distant heartbeats!


    As she¡¯d finally closed the door to the Fredricksons¡¯ household, the red tint over my eyes didn¡¯t bother me quite so much, though it would seem that walls were not a complete protection from my depraved sight¡­ but there was a reduction, in the sense that it obscured where she was amidst life¡¯s glow as it ran throughout the building, and I rather intended to capitalize on this effect!


    I¡¯d meant to speak with Luca before I¡¯d had Arianna rebuild our house, but unless he came to me soon: I would have to simply trust that he knew when to ignore my orders by now, as for me to be in the same room as a recently-maimed patient while I was so afflicted with this terrible Thirst was just courting the Devil! I did trust in my son, at least insomuch as he knew how to treat a fever, though I was mightily reassured that he wouldn¡¯t have to remove any of Petyr¡¯s ligatures over the coming weeks, for the catgut we¡¯d been blessed with would dissolve naturally with time.


    He always was a quick study, Luca¡­ but success in surgery simply necessitated that he¡¯d had significant experience with the subject, and I¡¯d held him back from it for far too long already. Luca was in truth already a man, and no matter how much I still longed to consider him as my boy: he was well and truly capable enough without me, and he could have been free of my interference had I not insisted that he stay on for another year.


    Was it mere loneliness that really drove me to keep him so near to me? I loved him, as any mother should love her son, but I should not have held him captive to my parentage for so long as I had: he could have been out in the wider world, practicing medicine in any place he so wished to!


    The excuse I¡¯d used to keep him here was as paltry and pathetic as any one of my old promises had become: I did not desire for my son to suffer for his experience in surgery as I had for mine. Those first few failures had ever haunted my practice, and although they had driven me to saving more lives: theirs were not spared, and the fault for that lay with me.


    When the young Princess had appeared so often in that dreadful Foundation to seek out my attention, the Mother had rather decided to take advantage of the situation to the best of her wicked ability! Though she was loathe to touch my cursed skin, her craven want of the Material had led her to lay the fingers of her left hand upon me, and so I was baptized in the Tiber.


    I was driven to write and to read for the sake of eating, and with time and some additional ¡®tutoring¡¯ from a ¡®safe enough¡¯ distance: I was just narrowly able to apprentice to one of the least ¡®superstitious¡¯ doctors in the city ¡ª himself an outcast among Mazdakites, for he¡¯d refused to heal the sick and wounded through faith and prayer alone, and no other heathen Zoroastrian held the power of science with such a regard as he! ¡ª who was only able to practice in the very seediest of the slums!The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    Though he never told me his name: he would often preach to me, but I was indoctrinated already by the Mother such that his heretical mantras could not touch me. To my tremendous relief ¡ª as I¡¯d greatly feared what might¡¯ve been done to me had I failed to maintain this apprenticeship the Mother had procured on ¡®my¡¯ behalf ¡ª he¡¯d kept me on regardless of our differing faiths, though more as a useful tool than as an aspirant, for with his aether: my hands could become any sort of necessary device he might¡¯ve imagined!


    While I can be glad now that my ¡®unfortunate¡¯ body had been useful enough for him to keep me on as a ¡®student¡¯: those moments had been so painful that I¡¯d been entirely unable to learn from what I¡¯d been made to do with my manipulated body, and thus my practice with surgery was left terribly lacking for so much longer than it should¡¯ve been.


    I¡¯d actually learned most of my craft by watching the easterner work in silence, and by rifling through his medical texts to the best of my desperation, for I knew that this was my one chance, and if I were thrown away as the unlearned girl I¡¯d entered his tutelage as: there should be no prayer of living long for me.


    Once I¡¯d battled through his handwritten journals written in English, and exhausted all that could be gleaned from his other manuscripts: I¡¯d taken advantage of my rich and unknowing benefactor by requesting that she bring me books of science and medicine! Her wonderfully unfettered personality was then so innocent that she didn¡¯t even know that I was using her, and such a tremendous guilt would weigh upon my heart at each of those occasions where she¡¯d delivered such inspiring works to me as those from the Cardinal¡¯s very own collection of Ancient textbooks!


    They were wrought in precious plastic and laminate, and they were often so much more informative upon the scientific subjects than anything the Zoroastrian had ineffectually ¡®taught¡¯ to me, that I¡¯d rather had cause to wonder if I¡¯d learned anything of use in my apprenticeship at all! So much medical knowledge was lacking in the slums, and at this point I began to break away from the ¡®learned¡¯ old doctor, as I would practice my craft for free upon the worst cases in the slums I could find¡­ and there was certainly no shortage of those in need to be found among them.


    My early practice went fairly well, for I¡¯d had enough theoretical knowledge of medicine that I¡¯d shortly become better known than the Zoroastrian! Despite that many still dreaded my touch more than they¡¯d feared the diseases that ailed them: my success spoke for itself, and soon I was even sought out for, if not always by the most pleasant of folk ¡ª indeed, who in the slums could¡¯ve been said to belong to that precocious stock, for morality was always a rarity among the destitute and beggarly who could not afford its yoke ¡ª but I might¡¯ve nonetheless claimed that I traveled along a path to rise from amongst the reviled.


    The Mother had so wretchedly and determinedly sought for the Cardinal¡¯s money through my mere acquaintance that I may well have become the only Cursed person to have ever been educated or employed in the Vatican in all the hundreds of years since our kind were first visited upon man! But the Mother¡¯s bold ¡®venture¡¯ soon turned to a dangerous despair, for no matter how often I¡¯d interacted with Arianna: the Mother never saw a single golden speck from the Cardinal. Naturally, she totally disregarded my relative success, even as she took the iron coinage from me on my every return.


    But while I was set to rise: my medicine did not always go so well for my patients¡­ for while my newfound theoretical capacity for surgery was nothing short of incredible: my actual physical performance of my operative techniques left much to be desired! Dozens died despite my best efforts, and some largely safe cases which I knew should not see a person to death were made fatal by my own unpracticed hands!


    Though the burden of my mistakes lay firmly upon myself as the practitioner: could it not also be said that I was made an instrument of irresponsible creation, and that my Zoroastrian ¡®teacher¡¯ was also to blame for having left me so utterly incapable!? I¡¯d killed and committed malpractices as a direct result of his errant misguidance! I so deeply regretted my failings as a doctor, and I prayed earnestly that my son should never experience the same!


    Remorse and a rueful outlook had long weighed upon me, but I did not also suppose that I shouldn¡¯t have seen Heaven for my crimes, for they¡¯d been made in good faith, and I¡¯d rather thought that I¡¯d exacted a sufficient penance of myself¡­ but it would seem that I¡¯d been most terribly mistaken. My stomach turned inside itself, for I¡¯d been born wrong, and taught wrong, and now I was resurrected as wrongness incarnate!


    Disgusted lamentation came as I considered the whole of my self and my fate, and despair just gushed from my eyes. I pondered these cruel and unjust matters, and I was soon risen to scorn and to anger as I pursued the blasphemous truth from the silence the Lord had always afforded to me! Was this really to be my ¡®life¡¯ from now on? To be made to drink of a person¡¯s very lifeblood every day? Was this truly a future the Lord willed for me?


    Perhaps it wouldn¡¯t be quite so awful if it could always come from a willing Lisset, the Devil answered my rhetorical inquisitions as always, but he was not so malignant as to spout total inaccuracy this once, for there was a kernel of truth to the suggestion ¡ª although it was a shameful enough thing to admit, and it would have no basis on my behavior whatsoever: having a ¡®real¡¯ reason to seek out Lisset¡¯s company truly did mildly assuage the guilt I¡¯d long felt for having any interest in her ¡ª but I just couldn¡¯t know how much blood I¡¯d already taken from her in quenching this Thirst but yesterday night!


    A person can only truly replenish their lost ichor over the course of weeks, and it might even take even months in such severe cases as her son Petyr had suffered! Still, the arousing thought of taking more of Lisset¡¯s blood for myself was Thirst¡¯s final desperate motion to make me drink of that ambrosia, and it held me rooted to the spot despite my determination to properly hide myself away from those I might harm! I¡¯d had enough marks against my oaths, and I would have none further!


    A vague prickling was forming from just under my skin as I shook myself of this ¡®reverie¡¯ that had come over me, and I tore my eyes away from the glow of the Fredrickson household. Though the red pulled at me to turn towards the massing of children who were somewhere behind me: I resisted the impulse, and with a regathering haste I spoke a request to my beloved,


    ¡°Rianna, would you rebuild our house for me?¡± I was hardly in a state to do it myself, and she¡¯d been the one to largely construct our original residence through aether, so even if I¡¯d felt so able: she surely knew our house better than I did, and so I clarified my ask,


    ¡°Even just our bedroom is fine for now, please.¡±


    With only a vague and despondent ¡°Sure¡±, my Arianna set the dark mist to spread forth from my phylactery, and the outlines of our house began forming up a few paces from me. There was some strangely viscous shame that deeply clawed at her inside of me, but whatever it was, I was sure we¡¯d be able to talk through it shortly. Knowing her, it was probably just that she didn¡¯t want to push anything physical upon me when I¡¯d so recently been through such a terrible experience with Talia.


    She needn¡¯t have felt ashamed for her own feelings, for I was very much able to separate today¡¯s terrible stressors from tonight¡¯s pleasures, and although this was perhaps the single most overwhelming torment of them all: there was still no need for her to feel so distressed by her emotional needs. A person has needs, and if I was the cure for what she felt were ¡®unreasonable¡¯ interests, then so be it. I curtly thanked her as I stepped across the unformed black walls and into the vague shape of the room we used to sleep in. It seemed that she was intent on bringing the whole of our home back into being, for I¡¯d had to pass through the dark framework of two walls to reach this ¡®haven¡¯ from the Thirst.


    I was overcome with a touching sentiment as small pieces of our house came back into being. Our dresser formed up, and our folded clothing appeared as if it¡¯d always been there, though we used to live entirely to the opposite side of the village! But as amazing as this was: something was¡­ off. Mistaken. Strange. I couldn¡¯t put my grasp upon it, but a tingling sensation came from under my skin, and at times I felt a stinging that came from an uncertain origin, but this wasn¡¯t what was truly perturbing me.


    As wonderfully romantic and chatty as she usually was: Arianna now worked with an almost unnerving silence, as she was surely deeply engaged with her thoughts, but I was soon rather distracted from her troubling quiet by a far greater wrongness. I might¡¯ve been more concerned with her odd behavior, but I was rather more pressed with how all of the materializing objects in our house appeared as flowing curtains of blood in my still reddened vision!


    A latticework of horror drew itself before me, and I could not bear to look upon it for long, so I would shake myself of these illusions, but they would again come to me if I so much as glanced at any part of the reforming dwelling that surrounded me! I closed my eyes to the world for a while, but even then: I could still feel every room in our house coming slowly into being, and all of our forming material possessions flowed and pulsed with the same blood in this aberrant new perception of mine!


    My entire body soon itched as if it were on fire, and I could not prevent the memories of my recent immolation coming back to me! This returning burning agony would not be thrust away with my weakening will, and the horrified tears that streamed from my eyes ran with that same terrible sweetness that cascaded all around me! This was no bloody delusion: it was my blood which flowed into the world around me!


    This silence might¡¯ve just screamed to me for how it bludgeoned and battered me until I was nearly hysterical! Any word would have been a comfort, but the house built of my own lifeblood was silent save for its beat! This terrible beat, how could I have missed this?! The heartrate rose all around me as panic and terror set into me, and it matched mine, for I checked my own pulse to be sure! A¡­ pulse, Mercy I¡¯d been so blind! Why should I have a pulse?!


    ¡°Rianna!¡± I breathlessly cried out, as my lungs tried to pull in oxygen just as soon as they released it, ¡°What¡­ have you done? Why is our house¡­ made of blood?! What am I?¡±


    Even though I¡¯d asked her such pressing questions, I could feel her try to turn away from me with shame, and although she¡¯d stopped in the middle of building the greater house: our room she continued to construct! She was silent no more, though her mumbled and regretful answer did not calm my hyperventilation at all,


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I¡­ I didn¡¯t mean to. I¡¯m really sorry. I don¡¯t know. I don''t even understand!¡±


    As if I could believe that she really didn¡¯t know what I¡¯d become: she¡¯d resurrected me after all! She would not escape from her responsibility in this manner, and so I pressed her,


    ¡°You. You made me¡­ a phylactery, Rianna!¡± I tried to draw in deeper breaths, but they was beyond my ability at this moment, for I was totally overcome with emotion, and I could not calm myself in the slightest, so I continued even though I was slowly suffocating all through my words,


    ¡°So: what monster¡­ were you trying¡­ to turn¡­ me into!?¡±


    Arianna retreated deeper into my heart with trepidation, even as she finished bringing the walls and bed into reality such that they no longer bled with my blood, and it seemed that she would not answer me, even though my very skin just boiled with fury, and so my rage finally choked off my breathing so entirely that I couldn¡¯t speak! I couldn¡¯t breathe, and a frigid terror poured over me as I fought for air and it came as if through water!


    Hysteria wasn¡¯t a condition unknown to me, but I¡¯d been foolish as the brief signs of its onset came upon me. I hadn¡¯t wanted to wait for it to run its course: I needed those answers! Even as my chest repeatedly seized and I was taken with cold sweats: I would have listened as earnestly as I could for them! But it was too late for that now, and I knew that I would have to abandon my inquiry until the spasming fits of fear came to their natural end. It wasn¡¯t like they would kill me, but I¡¯d died before, and this really was not so preferable an experience in comparison!


    My Arianna spoke plenty then, but while she was nearly not soon enough to stop my descent into the convulsions of breathlessness: she was imperative in greatly shortening the span they affected me for,


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, please be okay, don¡¯t¡­ fuck. Mira, breathe. Just breathe, okay¡­ you¡¯ll be okay, just focus on my voice, take deep breaths. Breathe with me, in, and out. In, and out.¡±


    For a length of time unknown to me, she carried on speaking like this to me, and her own ¡®breaths¡¯ made my chest rise rather more readily than it ever had before from this condition! Although it should have instead caused me to fear more: I was immensely grateful just to have any air, and I didn¡¯t mind for a moment where it came from, even as invasive a feeling as that normally was for me! In this manner, I¡¯d eventually come out of the worst of it, though I still trembled and shook, and the wild extremes of temperatures and pains still shot through my body with reckless abandon!


    Those first few unlaboured breaths were so very painful, as if I were a newborn babe taking in air for their first time, but though they inflamed and burdened my chest: it was the most wonderful air I¡¯d ever breathed. As I became conscious of my location through my new and freakish sense: I had to remind myself to maintain the same pattern of breathing, so as not to fall victim to another wave of those symptoms again so shortly after the last one faded.


    My eyes came open, and they revealed as useless an image as before. My vision was red; just red, and nothing but shades of red. The room resembled a great sea of red, and I didn¡¯t understand why this should be. I silently mused to myself on the matter, and I was no closer to an answer when I¡¯d heard the tail end of something Arianna had said to me,


    ¡°...nant, I¡¯m really sorry, Mira.¡±


    It seemed that she was finally ready to tell me what I¡¯d wished to know, and I¡¯d entirely missed it for my preoccupation with the strange matters of my existence! She surely wouldn¡¯t hold my ignoring her against me though, especially given what I¡¯d just been through, so after I¡¯d taken a few more intentionally deep inhalations: I dared to ask her to repeat what she¡¯d said to me,


    ¡°Rianna, I completely missed that. Would you say it again for me?¡±


    She must¡¯ve resented having to repeat such a shameful thing, for my teeth suddenly felt inclined to grit. It rather seemed that she didn¡¯t desire for me to actually insist on hearing her say it properly, and so with a slight air of tetchiness amid her infinite sorrow, she told me,


    ¡°I said: I shouldn¡¯t have done it, but I tried to make you a¡­ revenant. I¡¯m sorry, Mira¡­ I really am.¡±

 Chapter 20: Wherein I Discover Arianna’s Fatal Error

    A revenant, she¡¯d said to me with such a palpable shame upon her voice, as if it were the most damnable thing she might¡¯ve told me! Revenant, the word echoed around in my skull, and yet I found absolutely no significance in it, though I was sure enough that it must be something terrible for the way she apologized for it!


    An errant spike of pain wracked my chest, but it was so much lesser than its earlier siblings that it did not at all detract me from my mission for meaning! But I could not just ignore it, so I placed a hand on my chest to steady my breaths, and I shakily pushed myself onto my feet, although my ribs protested my rise, and they saw my spine hunched in their spiteful remembrance of the pain I¡¯d so recently been assailed with!


    The bed was not far from immediately beside me, and so I forbade that these insignificant torments should prevent my reaching it! I forced my back straight, even as a searing agony enveloped my ribs for their disobedience, and I unsteadily marched myself over to our bed with my head held high! My bones just creaked inside me, but I gave them no ear as I gingerly lowered myself down upon our covers, and my body naturally resolved itself to sleep as I made complete contact with the bed.


    I was weary, for my day had been long and trying, and this entire unlife I¡¯d been ¡®blessed¡¯ with was at the heart of why. My eyes shut themselves as I lay upon my pillow, and every breath I took brought in my Arianna¡¯s scent again. Although she was not truly gone: I still so terribly missed her physical presence, and my arms naturally sought her out to no avail.


    In life we had been together just so often as we could be, but I never knew just how much I¡¯d relied on those small moments of privacy I¡¯d had from her¡­ and I never knew just how necessary it was for our love that I could feel her hair in my fingers. My outstretched hand grabbed into the partner pillow to mine, and I aspired to envision that it was her who I held in my hand instead¡­ but try as I might: I could not trick myself into actually believing that I lay there beside her!


    Regardless of my want for her and for sleep: I could not forget the word she¡¯d said, for my mind whirred away despite its wretched tiredness. Revenant, I¡¯d heard that word before, I was sure of it, but from where? It was a type of undeath, of this I was certain¡­ but it wasn¡¯t particularly common if memory served.


    My beleaguered mind jumped at the shadows of all the undead monsters I¡¯d ever known, of ghouls and liches, of vampires and rusalka, of the shtriga I¡¯d heard tell of this very morning, and none of them had the qualities of a revenant.


    Even the lich that my Arianna had become had registered a few notable entries in history, such as Koschei the Immortal ¡ª who once ruled a distant land to the east with a golden fist ¡ª and I was sure that her name would rank high among them in the future! Notable examples of villainous creatures were usually not so troublesome to remember as revenants were becoming for me; ghouls might be easily enough identified through Caesar and his Legion, and notable vampires simply had to start with Miguel Torres, for he still lorded over the Deadlands when last I¡¯d heard!


    If any notable revenants had ever existed, then it was a wonder how they managed to so completely elude me! I was near enough to asking my dearly departed to clarify the word when at last my mind arrived upon the phantom memory of a near-Ancient text which depicted the foul presences they¡¯d had to contend with in the early days of their end, and it was such a dreadful scrap that I was forced to speak in disgust!


    ¡°Who was it, Rianna?¡± I growled to her with as bitter an edge as had ever been in my voice, for I very well knew why my symptoms so differed from that which had been documented of ghouls! I was not sustaining my state¡¯s degeneration through the human remains I¡¯d gorged myself on: I¡¯d been devouring the vestiges of their very souls to repair the damages that had been dealt to me!


    A chill ran down my spine as the journals of those first survivors of that Ancient devastation came further into my mind, and I had to shudder as I remembered still more of their desperate documentations; enough of them had ended in mid-observation that the gravity of the catastrophe they must have suffered was clear to any who were so fortunate as to see even a copy of them¡­ but my Arianna still hadn¡¯t answered my unspecified question, so I more purposefully charged her,


    ¡°Whose life did you mean to exchange with mine? Who was meant to be consigned to oblivion in my place?!¡±


    She withstood my ferocious inquest, but I could feel her wincing with my every word. I tried to wait for her to delicately formulate an answer for me, but my patience was not nearly so vast as it once was, and so shouting soon erupted from me,


    ¡°Of all the vile undead on Earth and in Hell, Rianna¡­ and you chose to make me a revenant? Are you insane!? Does my solemn oath mean nothing to you?! I swore to do no harm, and you may as well just see me dead now, for I will not break it!¡±


    Tears fell from my eyes like rain in a storm, and my voice broke with despair as I struggled again for air. I put my hand back over my chest, and I forced myself to take great blubbering breaths, as I could not trust my involuntary breathing to do the job while I was so upset! A fit of terror had assailed me but minutes before, and I was not at all ready to risk another one!


    For a great while we remained in that unspoken emotional armistice where I wept, and she affected an unending shame from inside me. It was all that I could do to secure my breathing amidst my sobs, but I pondered what a creature she¡¯d wanted to turn me into, and the more I thought of it: the less I understood why she had done it! I had to know, and just as soon as the hiccups let me go: I would find out!


    ¡°Why a revenant, Rianna? Just... how were you expecting me to react?¡± I¡¯d recovered just enough to earnestly ask her, but all the while after I¡¯d delivered my question: she was silent. This was a strange quiet that came from her, for it felt as if she¡¯d already determined that she would accept whatever judgement I came to without her explanation! But what explanation could be worse than not knowing at all?!


    This utter readiness she¡¯d affected ¡ª for the feeling that came from her was one of nonchalance in the face of my endless and overwhelming fury, and it seemed from her bracing that she¡¯d felt entirely prepared to endure whatever punishment I might¡¯ve meted out to her! ¡ª brought me steadily again to anger. Did she really think that I would let her defer this through omission alone?!


    So hot and terrible was the scope of the emotion that pressed upon me that it was like a mountain of molten wrath bearing down on my shoulders! Even strengthened as they now were, they could not withstand the sheer weight of the contempt I had for her uninspired attempt to leave me witless and oblivious to the truth only she could provide me with!


    I shook so, for I could not well contain the rejection that arose in defiance of her clearly intentional maliciousness, and though I fought to constrain the explosion of resentment that gathered inside me: I failed to withhold it for so long as even a handful of agonizingly drawn out seconds, as had become a common occurrence in my undeath!This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    The deeprooted pain which had consumed me with a deluge of liquid fire shortly bubbled out from within me, and when it made to impose itself upon her as well: I was not even remotely inclined to stopper its sulfuric outpouring! This bile was a substance born of righteousness, and its formation was so completely justifiable that I very consciously rather exacerbated the concentration of vitriol it had meant to direct at her silence,


    ¡°Was it not enough that I must bleed the living and sup upon the bones of the dead, but you would have had me commit murder as well?! Is there no desecration that you will not sink to, Princess Arianna Stella?!¡±


    No matter how a person might¡¯ve prepared to be kissed by fire: it must always burn their skin on contact. As the flames of my bitterness licked her: I could feel her recoil and blanch within me, and she affected such an aching disgust and sorrow as she there reeled! To have been at once called by the whole of her given name, status, and Clan origin was such an unnatural detachment from my speech of decades, and she could not have possibly imagined my inflicting it upon her in castigation!


    She¡¯d rent such a wound in my trust in intentionally preparing to resurrect me as a revenant! Of all the terrible undead in this world ¡ª of all those unnatural creatures that had come into my earlier considerations ¡ª the revenant undead are such a contemptuous existence that the formation of a lich or a wraith are lesser evils by the objective truth of how they must be brought into being!


    Blood sacrifice is necessary for a revenant to enter this world, for they must slay a target of their vengeance, or they will be forever banished from even their afterlife! Their souls are destroyed in total upon failure! I had not even considered that I should be one of their kind, for I¡¯d thought my Arianna to be above engaging in such an impure practice!


    Clearly, I did not know my beloved so well as I¡¯d once thought, as for her to do this to me was entirely outside of my reckoning of what a person of her character might have done, but she¡¯d finally strained to rise from the blow I¡¯d dealt her, and I was shortly presented with her voice which now carried an edge of steel,


    ¡°I¡¯d meant for you to live, Mira¡­ I am not my uncle: I cannot just bring someone back because I want to! Yeah, it was absolutely selfish of me, and I am sorry that it came to this, but a revenant was the closest I could do to having you back and whole, I mean¡­ assuming you¡¯d perished.¡±


    My teeth ground against each other, and hateful tears just rolled down my cheeks in a cascade! What a rotten rationale my beloved had presented to me in place of a real justification for the madness she had forced into me for the sake of my Godforsaken skin! Had my own lover exchanged her veritable reason for such a selfish insanity as to make my flesh bear the barest pretense of life?!


    As if the undead and the alive were ever so interchangeable as that! We were not meant to walk on this same Earth that we once knew! We are an abomination of the Lord¡¯s works! Any unholy aspect she might¡¯ve formed up from my skin, bones, and corrupted soul would have been an affront to His kingdom¡­ but a revenant was far worse than any of these foul mockeries of life¡¯s function!


    ¡°But what of the cost, Rianna?! Did you think that I would simply accept this?¡±


    Arianna affected such a cluelessness at my first rhetorical question that I¡¯d quite faltered from the elongated rant that flowed in my mind. It couldn¡¯t be that she didn¡¯t know, surely? She was by far the more studiously educated in spiritual matters than I, and there was no possibility that she hadn¡¯t accounted for the negative elements that were necessarily associated with revenants!


    She certainly wouldn¡¯t have let me experience such a thing, and she¡¯d had so long to deliberate over what it was that she¡¯d wanted to chain me to unlife as that there was simply no angle she might have left uncovered, as I was too precious for her to risk in the slightest! Thankfully, she shortly showed me where the fault in her understanding lay,


    ¡°What cost? We already killed the man who killed you: you ate his corpse for God¡¯s sake! So there¡¯s obviously no target of vengeance then! You¡¯re alive, Mira! Just with some¡­ new quirks.¡±


    How very wrong she was, and over such a fundamental issue that I had to groan as my heavy head left its pillow for the sheer ludicrousness of this situation! It was so like her: she¡¯d had every advanced and intricate detail covered by a dozen failsafes and redundancies, and yet still she would miss such a basic step!


    Oh, if only she hadn¡¯t done this so very underhandedly: I might have caught this stupid inconsistency that she¡¯d left in her reasoning, and it might have otherwise prevented her from committing such an absurdity as raising me as a revenant! I truly hadn¡¯t expected her to have been so unobservant of such an obvious detail, and I soberly indicated it to her,


    ¡°Rianna, a revenant seeks vengeance upon the person they blame for their unjust death. The soldier only killed me, and while I cannot say that I enjoyed the experience: I am not one to ascribe condemnation upon a tool for its master¡¯s works!¡±


    The clarity of the situation expanded for my Arianna in three stages. At first, she was befuddled, and I could feel tiny feet racing all around my heart as she tried to get a pulse on just what I was implicitly suggesting. Then the ants stopped all at once, as she¡¯d finally come upon a conclusion that suited her, and it was followed by such an excitement that it bordered on dangerous as she spoke her deduction to me,


    ¡°Mira, are you actually saying that you thought the decrepit old creep was responsible?¡±


    How fortuitous it would have been for my beloved if that were only the case, for our vengeances would have then been in alignment, and I very well may have broken my vow ¡ª if only to protect my son and the remaining children from her father¡¯s further impious behavior! Really, the matter of culpability is one far better judged by a person who can wholly blame any one individual for any one thing they might have done¡­ and thus a person very much unlike myself.


    But if there had to be one culprit for our death, and they were to be decided by me, then it was not at all unlikely that the Cardinal simply did not merit such a position of responsibility! No, that crowning achievement went to a far higher power, but as I was firmly unwilling to lay the faults of man at the Lord¡¯s feet: the onus therefore fell upon the person who could have most affected our destiny.


    ¡°It¡¯s worse than that, Rianna.¡± I said to my lover, and I made a considering pause there as I checked that my breathing was stable, before I elucidated my inner workings to her,


    ¡°His Holiness should have stopped the Cardinal long before it came to this.¡±

 Chapter 21: Wherein I Am Threatened With An Eternal Unlife

    A whispered echo lingered in the air after my pronouncement, and I had to cringe upon reflection for having even thought of it! My Arianna¡¯s mind seemed similarly overwhelmed with this revelation, for she¡¯d engaged in such a flurry of mental activity inside me that it rather discomforted my heart as it pulsed beneath a storm of skittering footsteps! Were it only my transgressing thoughts that burdened themselves upon me: I might¡¯ve just laid down my weary head and let this day fall away from me like a bad dream!


    But such a fortunate destiny did not belong to me, for I could see how the glow of life still seeped in from the exposed bedroom door through my half-reopened eyes, and although I very much would have preferred to have remained in ignorance: I¡¯d witnessed its warmth flowing in an unrelenting steadiness by way of our own drafty privacy window!


    We¡¯d never had a true cause to repair it, for even in the most wretched of winters: we¡¯d merely had to blanket the offending breach, and we¡¯d have been free of its nuisance! Besides, we¡¯d rather preferred its presence for myriad reasons, not the least of which was that it actually made sleep come more easily on days with little wind. Now it seemed that I had no more choice in delaying the matter, for once I¡¯d taken life¡¯s brilliance into my sight: I could not simply command myself to look away from where it flowed, and it held me captured as if I were under a spell!


    What a miserable thing it was to be made to ¡®live¡¯ like this, and with a biting disgust upon my mind: I pressed my will into sealing myself away from the villainous wants my body now held for me, and an evil mist of blood was sent out from my phylactery! It wrapped itself around the room¡¯s connections to the world of the living as it began to dissolve away the inconsistencies between window and wall, and the gaps in the door were encroached upon by expanding wood!


    The window and door were gone in short order, and although my vision was still filled with the remnants of life that still floated around our room: they were now mercifully separate from the trail which might have led me to hunt down their source. Still, a terrible darkness should have expanded inside this enclosure I¡¯d trapped myself inside of ¡ª for the aetherlamps had not quite finished developing before I¡¯d called for Arianna to stop building ¡ª but I could see with a clarity that stretched far beyond perfection, if all suffused with an incandescent red glare!


    My eyes had never suffered from the deterioration that should have been expected from age, study, and sunlight¡­ but now they worked so much better for finding details in the darkness that surrounded me that I nearly had to despair! First I was strong where I¡¯d been weak, but now the world was also clear to me where my eyes had been definitively among the best I¡¯d ever tested, even without having had the capacity to further enhance my vision with aether!


    This unlife had made such a mockery of the person I¡¯d been, and it seemed to have entirely tilted and shifted my estimation of myself such that I was all flipped around, and it was not able to leave alone even one single morsel of the person I used to be! It had not left even my eyes unmolested by my unnatural return to life, and I might¡¯ve near enough expected for my hair to turn black and my skin green! Not that I would have been able to see the changes, given this horribly oppressive colour that smothered everything I saw!


    I thought back through what I now knew myself to be, and yet I came to no conclusive answer for the condition I suffered from! None of those survivor¡¯s journals had ever mentioned observing such a thing as red vision in ¡®the returned¡¯, even though there¡¯d been revenant undead amongst those who¡¯d written them! Whole cities had been obliterated by the sheer might by which the Ancients had gone to war, but still the dead had reformed from their very ashes, and they could not be put down again!


    For one entire year they¡¯d been able to murder and devour and perform all manners of vile acts with reckless abandon! But only for the one year, for after it was over: near all of the revenants had fallen back to ash and dust, and no aspiring summoner of spirits either demonic or celestial was able to say their goodbyes to their loved ones; only those who had murdered the person they blamed for their death still remained, but they were made mortal again!


    This was how the world had come to know of revenants, and to fear them¡­ oh Arianna, why did you do this to me? All of the scribbled texts I¡¯d seen copies of suggested that 2044 was a year of death and undeath, of great blessings and terrible curses, and of terrors old and new come both at once to destroy the world the Ancients had built¡­ and my strange symptoms suggested to me that I might well be of both kinds at once!


    Such old and trialsome horrors as vampires, ghouls, and the Fae had long been sealed away from the world, and they sought vengeance as they arrived again by the score. Would that they had come alone, perhaps the Ancients might have rallied to repel them and banish them from the Lord¡¯s Earth anew, but they¡¯d been joined in ravaging the world by such new and disastrous undead as liches, revenants, and wraiths, and not even the mighty and powerful Ancients could withstand the force that was brought to bear against their world!


    Even as I thought through these horrible histories, and came to a still more bitter hatred for what I¡¯d become: I could not find any records which completely matched my strange symptoms! Although I searched my mind for clues across the hundreds of years that had passed, the only creatures I knew that had eyes that might see in red tones was the vampire, or the dhampires they sired, and what should a revenant even need a phylactery for anyway!?


    For the unlife of me: I just couldn¡¯t remember having read of any such vampiristic elements as my bloody vision ever being experienced by revenants! The mysteries of my newfound nature so befuddled me that a headache was rather forming at the base of my skull, for no matter how I considered it: I just couldn¡¯t rightly exist!


    The strange amalgamation of unnatural evils inside me was such ludicrous concoction that I was absolutely baffled for just how they¡¯d each come to reside in me! Just how was a person to manage so many competing wants at once? Just what was I even supposed to be? Was there a cure for the undeath that so ailed me, and did I even have a future to pray for anymore?


    Who had ever heard of a monster like me? One that could have changed its own shape even while it was alive, and which could now twist and bend and reformulate the space around it with but a portion of will? If such a creature as I had ever existed, then surely the human race must have disappeared from this Earth long ago!


    Certainly there were dozens of examples where revenants had been seen eaten bodies, and even some were written in their own account of having done this¡­ but it was not for ¡®sustenance¡¯ in the traditional sense ¡ª in the way that it was necessary for ghouls to stop their very skin and flesh from falling off of their rotting bodies ¡ª as revenants were supposed to subsist wholly off of the aether, and they¡¯d only truly began to feed in those last days before their end!


    But even revenants and ghouls with their voracious appetites were still not known for devouring the whole of multiple corpses in a sitting as I had! Where was the sense in this existence? Why should I have to feel such a Hunger for flesh and a Thirst for life while I yet carried something so aetherial as a lich in my very chest?!


    If I really was a revenant as my Arianna had planned to make me ¡ª and I had a pulse despite my having very memorably died, so I was rather inclined to believe she¡¯d had at least a partial success in her efforts! ¡ª then it remained that I would have to murder at least one person if I truly wished to live again.


    Being that I very much did not: what could possibly motivate me to murder a pious man with my own two hands? I may as well have slain my very self, for all that I would have to cast aside in the endeavour! Some things just couldn¡¯t be done, and I couldn¡¯t understand why Arianna had thought I could have just killed a man in cold blood! That wasn¡¯t the person I was at all, and I didn¡¯t believe I¡¯d ever given her cause to think that I was such a fiend!


    Were it only so easy for me to put my vow behind me, and my morals, and my love for my fellow man, and for me to just hang all of my principles besides! I¡¯d never been ready or eager to dole out judgement, as even triage felt like such a cruel thing in theory, even as necessary as it had proven to be in practice.


    Although His Holiness was responsible for affording the Cardinal with absolution for his many disgraceful, profane, and otherwise surely excommunicable acts: it was not my place to cast judgement upon him!


    The impunity with which Cardinal Stella regularly trespassed against the Lord had made it quite apparent to all who lived in the Vatican that the younger brother¡¯s thinly disguised penchant to engage in ¡®fatherly instruction¡¯ had no effect on the familial bond he shared with His Holiness, as he was endlessly spared from justice!


    The brazenness with which the Cardinal performed his wanton acts against nature and good sense had given rise to a great discontent in the Holy See, but the His Holiness was ever silent on the matter, and it had seemed to me that an insurrection would never happen, for who could hope to even challenge a single spark of the power the Stella clan held? So it was for years, until the destruction of the palace paved the way for a massive outcry.


    Given the free reign that Cardinal Stella¡¯s perversions were granted, it was only so long before his wandering eye had found a girl so exquisite as Carmen through her friendship with Arianna, and the fiery response my beloved had delivered to him and his palace was perhaps the very first actual reprimand the man had ever had! But I¡¯d come between them as she¡¯d brought him to such grave injury, and forced her away from killing the man.


    Arianna¡¯d had the gall to renounce the greatest familial name in the entire world, and she¡¯d aetherially expunged it from herself in the name of friendship¡­ and I¡¯d protected that terrible man, even as he¡¯d done such unspeakable things to someone I¡¯d loved like a sister. The betrayal I¡¯d seen in Arianna¡¯s eyes at that moment had been just dreadful, and although Carmen forgave me in voice and assurances: we had never been so close afterwards as we used to be.


    If I¡¯d not held so firmly to my principles then, so many people would not be dead, for the Cardinal would not have massacred insurrectors and innocents alike in the name of his wounded pride, and Carmen might not have killed herself. If there was someone to blame for the death of our dearest friend, it was me¡­ and yet I¡¯d thrust that name back into my Arianna¡¯s face these two decades later!


    The words I¡¯d said were so cruel and unnecessary, for there were so many other ways I might have broken free the damnable truth from her! A shame mixed in among the rest of the feelings which mired within me as I considered again what I¡¯d wrought with my morality, and I closed my eyes to the tears that demanded to fall!


    As much as I was bitter with the disgusting and unreasonable manner in which I had chosen to breach her silence: it remained that it was His Holiness¡¯s refusal to punish his errant brother¡¯s heinous behavior which had ultimately led to the Cardinal¡¯s descent into depravity, and thus our deaths by proxy!


    Despite the guilt I¡¯d long held for my own principles for their preventing justice that night, and the frustrations I¡¯d had with Arianna¡¯s murderous temper for being so uncontrollable that she¡¯d exploded with murderous fury on the spot: our actions were a but a symptom of our births.


    It had been Cardinal Stella who¡¯d brought both of these long-held traits of ours to bear by hurting someone so dear to us at such an absurd time as that, but his actions were but the result of centuries of having gone without a just retribution, which would have been delivered to him had his brother not always shown him generosity. If I¡¯d had to choose the one person whom I felt most deserved the most blame for our deaths: it naturally had to be His Holiness.


    But that didn¡¯t also mean that I had to act upon this observation! It may well consign my soul to oblivion, but I would sooner be forever lost in spirit than to have left behind a vile legacy as a testament of murder and treason against the Lord!


    Regardless, even I¡¯d believed that my ¡®target of my vengeance¡¯ were the worst, most evil, and impious person to have ever existed in the history of this Earth: I could not have sent them to death by my own unfettered intention, as it was not my place to do so! I was a doctor, and I would do no harm!


    Arianna knew that I could never be knowingly made to bring about another person¡¯s end, even though our circumstances might have necessitated it. In lieu of a proposal: my lover had promised to me that she would protect me from all the world¡¯s evils, and from committing any other sins I might have yet made except for my loving her ¡ª and she¡¯d always contested with me that my cursed birth did not specifically forbid my entering Heaven, and although I¡¯d never actually expected to be granted clemency by the Lord: I had seen it! I¡¯d been granted absolution by Him at the end! ¡ª so why had she seen fit to turn me into this abomination?!


    Whatever had happened to remake me this way, I felt so terribly unwell¡­ as I could now see my every dark and beastial impulse staring back out at myself, and my Arianna really wasn¡¯t helping matters at all! It very much seemed that near-all of the squirming steps that still ran across my heart were now traveling in the same direction! I couldn¡¯t say what conclusion they were heading towards with such a certitude and surety to their steps, but such an unease gripped me that I felt absolutely unnerved by the experience!


    She¡¯d taken so very long to think through the implications of what I¡¯d said, and this had left me free to muse over the monstrous creature I¡¯d become and the past I¡¯d wanted to forget! How was I to cope with my own guilty history in the face of this monstrous future that awaited me?


    Reason would have it that I should put myself to death to avoid the suffering that would surely come to me and the wider world that my undeath had been unjustly inflicted upon, but I could not have done this, even if my soul should already be consigned to oblivion! Of course, if I had been so inclined as to attempt upon my own mortality: I could not have succeeded if I truly was the kind of revenant which might¡¯ve driven me to such a desire in the first place!This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    Even when chopped into a thousand pieces, and burned to ashes: a revenant would still return to complete its vengeance! Not even the Ispanians dared to raise up the revenant undead, as if the target of vengeance was themselves: they should have to spend an entire year without sleeping, and not even with aether¡¯s assistance could a person do this!


    It rather didn¡¯t sit well with me to consider upon these immoralities: I¡¯d eaten five men and I¡¯d barely balked at my having done it, and I¡¯d amorously enjoyed bleeding my married friend Lisset even though I¡¯d retained a pulse myself! His Holiness had represented the Lord since nearly Ancient times, and if I were to actually reclaim my life and soul, then it was him that I would have to murder!


    What putrid things these were to think, and my leaking eyes just continued to outpour with emotion as I was brought to rocking on the edge of our bed! I so terribly wished to know what other horrible things I may yet discover of myself; to have the breadth of my monstrousness known for certain, but the full introspection I¡¯d taken in Arianna¡¯s extended silence just wasn¡¯t getting me anywhere!


    It wasn¡¯t as if there had been any revenants left to be properly studied in the last five hundred years, and of all the various creatures of Fae and Foul origin: it wasn¡¯t as if the studious sorts that might¡¯ve performed profane experiments upon inhuman creatures were likely to be such charitable despots as to tell the world all that they¡¯d learned in the torturous process!


    Information held power, and those with the power to possess it are ever uninclined to share their ill-gotten knowledge with others! I might¡¯ve actually had the ¡®opportunity¡¯ to have learned from some of them firsthand, if some of the Mother¡¯s blustering declarations of how else she could yet recoup her ¡®investment¡¯ in me if I were at all unsuccessful held true! I snorted at this ridiculous remembrance, even as it did not provide me with any humor in the slightest!


    But I was not to be left alone forever, for Arianna eventually spoke her conclusion to me, and it took my indrawn contemplation from me like a fog blown away by a sudden gale,


    ¡°So I guess we just have to kill my Uncle too, then.¡±


    As she¡¯d said this, she had affected a shrug which seemed to move the muscles in my very own shoulders, and the sleepiness that had once clouded my mind at its fringes ¡ª even as I¡¯d pondered upon such weighty matters of my unlife as establishing an actual baseline assessment of my seemingly amalgamated traits ¡ª was driven from me in total!


    So utterly banished was the lethargy with which I¡¯d been reexamining myself that the return of total clarity upon my mind took me with rather a shock, and I was for a while lost as to exactly what it was she¡¯d actually said! I¡¯d found myself and her words again in short enough order, but I was still utterly unable to parse how she¡¯d come to such a dreadfully foul determination as that!


    I gripped my hands upon the mattress edge as I rejected her unsavory suggestion, as it was simply so unacceptable to me that I very much wondered if she even remembered to whom she was speaking,


    ¡°No, Rianna: we do not have to murder His Holiness! How did you even come by such a disgusting conclusion as that? It¡¯s mistaken from its very foundation, and you know this!¡±


    My beloved pulled at my neck muscles as she instinctively shook her head in denial of my rebuttal, and a great rage rebuilt inside me as she continued to err against my person in her invasive new manner! Even as my anger mounted itself for another outpouring, she was undeterred from further pressing her foolish assessment,


    ¡°Mira, I am not going to lose you, and so if there¡¯s like any possibility that my awful uncle¡¯s death will keep you alive, then he really does have to die. He¡¯s close with that thing too, so it¡¯s actually kinda convenient if you think about it: we were probably going to have to kill him anyways.¡±


    The ramifications behind what she¡¯d said to me were as damnable as any I¡¯d ever heard from her, and what a bitter hatred I had for the possibilities that arose in my mind! I could not allow these to sit inside me as a poison, and so I¡¯d silently begged that she would provide an antidote to my concerns with her speech as I demanded that she explain herself,


    ¡°Who else, Rianna¡­ just which other persons would you find it acceptable to murder if it would keep me in this false life? Lisset, what if I¡¯d blamed her for the attack: would you also send her to death so readily? Just in case?!¡±


    She shivered with a horror that seemed to extend through the whole of my body, so I¡¯d naturally thought I could be relieved by that much, and the tightness in my chest alleviated for a moment. It was not to last, however, for my conflating her actions with her father¡¯s must¡¯ve been a more biting admonishment for her than I¡¯d originally imagined it to be. It seemed to have put her into a surprisingly forthright mood, and I was astounded by the pure sense of honest intentions she now affected inside of me!


    The legs that foretold her thoughts stepped along my heart in a shaky manner, and alarm fast rebuilt inside me as it seemed that she was actually considering my fearful hypothesis! This couldn¡¯t be, though¡­ for her emotions had always run closer to the surface of her than mine, and for her to do this: she would have to actually imagine the horrible scene I had suggested to her as an experience, for she had always so strongly empathized!


    I anticipated her emotional self-brutalization with a quiver that ran all throughout my body, and I felt her swallow using my own throat as my own larynx trembled, for she was clearly preparing to say so sour a thing that I might¡¯ve wept just to hear it! A great and worrisome quiet went out as she wrestled with her answer, and when at last her pained words rang out from within me: my lips might¡¯ve almost followed after them in a hoarse whisper,


    ¡°Yes. It would fucking break my heart, Mira¡­ but I would definitely do it, if it meant saving you. I like her, Mira¡­ I mean, I like her a lot even, and she¡¯s always been so wonderful, and I would never fucking forgive myself for having done it, and I know it would wound me forever¡­ but like: I love you, Mira. I¡¯d kill the whole damned world and God himself if it¡­ If it meant saving you from¡­ I¡¯m just, I¡¯m sorry Mira¡­¡±


    Her voice broke into a thousand pieces by the end, and I was left to drown in the ocean of devastating shame she that felt for admitting the extent of her idolatry to me. What a thing it was to be worshipped in such a manner, and the tears I had shut my eyes to forced apart my eyelids as they streamed down in a torrent!


    How could honesty be such a repulsive and vilesome thing as this, I wondered as a dreadful tightness pulled upon my chest, and the fear of a second attack came again upon me, but I was so wholly encumbered with emotion that I could only dare it to take me here and now! Sorrow just poured out from within me, and I could feel that my Arianna suffered herself from such a weighty misery that she couldn¡¯t keep her sobs from reaching my ears!


    Such distress my lover felt that even as she¡¯d confessed the magnitude of her sinful love for me: I longed to hold her, if only so that she could cry in my arms instead of in that room of blood and gemstone that I¡¯d last seen her in. Of course I knew that she would¡¯ve rather kept her shameful debasement hidden from me until the end of this Earth!


    What I¡¯d done to drive her to display her unspeakable and unvirtuous integrity to me, I could only suspect it had to do with the name I¡¯d thrust back upon her. Still, as much as I should¡¯ve appreciated her honest opinions and earnest way in which she had tried to explain herself to me: I also sincerely wished that she¡¯d never revealed to me the depths to which her depravity ran!


    If a close friendship meant so little to her that she could exchange it for my life, then I just had to know who else she might have sacrificed for my unwilling sake! Even as I quaked with furious sobs, I felt that she might as well get it all out and done with at once, just so long as she felt so courageous ¡ª I could have spit at the word, I was so disgusted ¡ª as to present me with such unbidden and terrible truthfulness,


    ¡°And Luca?¡±


    A horror like one I¡¯d only seen upon her twice before came to life within her, and she was so instantaneously sick to the thought that she rather brought me to retching, though nothing came of the tearful heaves I was stricken with! At least this much must still be sacred for her: our family, even if nothing else truly mattered in the mind of the woman I¡¯d loved for most of my life!


    But those ants stepped one lethargic foot upon my heart, and I was at once angered beyond measure! Even as her very own disgusted thoughts were burdened with that sordid scenario I had voiced to her in those two words: she¡¯d actually made to consider it, and this rather deepened the sick convulsions I was assailed with!


    My ability to endure was tested against the mighty waves of my indignation, and each time they crashed over me: my resolution to hear her answer nearly faltered, and terrible cracks appeared in my fortitude! That she would bring her ¡®consideration¡¯ upon our family just endlessly incensed me: Luca may not have been made of our flesh and blood, but he was built of our love and spirit!


    ¡°I¡­ fuck Mira, I don¡¯t know! I can¡¯t even think about it! That¡¯s just horrible, and I can¡¯t believe you even fucking said it!¡± Arianna spat her disgust from inside me. She trembled with a fury of her own, and I could feel that itchiness spreading all across my body again, but she soon came to shouting from my heart,


    ¡°You can hate me all you fucking want to, but that was a fucking outrageous place to go! I¡¯m sorry that I don¡¯t care enough about others when it comes to you but, Mira: you can¡¯t have really thought I¡¯d hurt Luca, right? Don¡¯t tell me you actually thought¡­? Mercy, tell me it isn¡¯t true?¡±


    Was it truly my fault that I¡¯d come to doubt in my beloved¡¯s character? No, I did not see how that could be, as she¡¯d destroyed my faith in her all of her own volition, and through her own efforts. But she wasn¡¯t wrong: it was cruel of me, and just as needlessly so as my having put her father¡¯s name to her.


    I shouldn¡¯t have pressed her so deeply into that corner of her own make, as she¡®d surely never meant to include our son among that world full of persons she might have otherwise seen dead for my skin¡¯s sake. But I was ever unwilling to lie to her, as had been a trait of mine for all of my life, and what a vice truthfulness had been today.


    Even as I was loath to speak of the confidence I¡¯d lost in her, for I knew that it must be devastating for my Arianna to hear: I would have this last remaining ¡®virtue¡¯ of mine reflected regardless, so I clenched my hands tight with my conceited resolve, and I admitted to my beloved,


    ¡°Rianna, I don¡¯t even know that you have a basis for what constitutes right and wrong anymore. Although I am endlessly relieved that our son actually matters to you: I shouldn¡¯t have to feel relief for that! Caring about one¡¯s family is the basics, and you gave up on your last one. Sure: they deserved it, and I am very glad that you did¡­ but you can surely see how the precedent connects with your willingness to have seen our dear friend dead if it might¡¯ve been necessary to safeguard my living.¡±


    The edges of my eyes burned with her crestfallen spirits, and what a strange sensation it was to be brought to cry someone else¡¯s tears, but I did not resist these. My limbs all ached with a desire to pull inwards towards my core, but this shriveling up I would not allow. No matter how much she might wish to close herself off and cry through me, I would have my final say on the matter,


    ¡°You can¡¯t save me, Rianna, for I will not commit murder. You should not have tried to make me a revenant, but I will live out this last year for you, and no longer.¡±


    My lips trembled violently with her sadness, but even as grating an experience as I found it: I wasn¡¯t going to rise to anger over the strange influence she had over my body¡¯s muscles, at least not while our conversation touched upon such a grisly subject matter as my inevitable death. But Arianna found the steel inside her again, and it seemed she very much disagreed with my willingness to meet my end with grace,


    ¡°That¡­ no, I''m not letting that happen, Mira. I¡¯m not losing you ¡ª not now, not ever ¡ª and I¡¯ll kill him myself if I have to.¡±


    I scoffed at this silly willfulness of hers, for her precocious influence always chose such interesting times to surface, even as it was totally ineffectual in this case, so I made my unwillingness very clear to her,


    ¡°Rianna, really, even if you could do it in my stead, which you cannot: what makes you think that I would let you?¡±


    Her mood then darkened considerably inside of me, as if she were considering something truly terrible and wicked, and had begun to weigh whether or not she should do it. I suddenly felt very threatened by her demeanor, but although I hadn¡¯t known what to expect from her: I watched for her aetherial work with such a hawkish manner, that I might simply destroy whatever horrible thing she planned to form up¡­ and this left me entirely unprepared for her chosen methodology!


    Every one of the muscles in my body all at once seized up, and each of them abandoned me in the same moment! Arianna shakily lifted me up to my own feet by my very own twitching arms and trembling legs as they moved under her intent!


    She used my surprise and terror to send out my black mist, and before I¡¯d known it: she¡¯d recreated the door I¡¯d ¡®removed¡¯, and she regarded me with a furious confidence I¡¯d only seen in her once before. She breathed deeply using my own lungs, and she then spoke using my own voice, and my own lips, and my own larynx, and trachea, and tongue,


    ¡°I can, and what makes you so sure you can stop me, Mira?¡±