《Gerald the Outworlder Chef》 A dashing tale of a swashbuckler! Gerald never expected himself to be in this awkward position, around him in a wet alley was a group of early adults ganged up against him, they held knives and glared him down, his backpack was stuck against the wire fence. Where¡¯s the protection? ¡°Where¡¯s the fucking money, JoJo? Where IS IT!¡± He said What fucking money? You pieces of shit, if I had a gun I would blast you all. Gerald thought bravely. ¡°I-I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about,¡± he stammered out; quite contrary to his valiant thought. ¡°You know what¡¯s up, JoJo!¡± he shouted and the group took a collective step forward towards the stuck in a dead-end Gerald. I will punch the shit out of them and hope someone will help me. he thought. ¡°M-m-m m m,¡± He stammered unable to utter a word, his legs shook and his backpack felt like an anvil holding him in place. ¡°M?¡± Said one of the gangsters in the back. ¡°MY NAME IS NOT JOJO!¡± he shouted; Gerald took a swashbuckling step and sprung his feet into a sprint against the groupies. Time seemed to slow down for Gerald after his first feet, he thought I¡¯ll probably die anyways, might as well die proud! Huh? He huh¡¯d a single time before his feet shuffled awkwardly upon hitting a pebble the wrong way and plunged against the ground powered by his own momentum and the sheer force of gravity. Huh? Huh? Why am I falling? Oh yeah, the pebble huh. He huh¡¯d three more times before his head slammed the pavement curb and his existence went dark. ¡°Is he ok?¡± Someone asked. ¡°I think so, but, question, doesn¡¯t he not look like JoJo?¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ JoJo is tall and slanky, this is a kid, baggy sweatpants, white tee, brown hair, JoJo doesn¡¯ even have fucking hair!¡± ¡°Uh oh¡± the gang said simultaneously Thirty minutes earlier¡­ In his classroom, Gerald, was sitting on top of his classmate¡¯s desk, an overweight nerd who nobody really liked except jojo and that dork girl. ¡°Ok ok. So you¡¯re telling me, these retards, are actually gonna RAID area 51?¡± the nerd said. ¡°Noooo~. Of course not, nobody is that stupid yeah?¡± ¡°I hope so¡­ it would be really sad if that happened¡± the Nerd said. ¡°Imagine it, thousand retards running Naruto style across three miles of desert. That would be epic!¡± Gerald said, earning a chuckle behind him. There he was, the infamous badass and delinquent in Gerald¡¯s class, Jonas Johnson. ¡°kid, let¡¯s go, routine check-up,¡± said JoJo, Gerald had a frown on his face ¡°Wipe it off shit-face, hurry the fuck up.¡± The bully and victim walked out of the school area and continued on towards the closest ATM, in the shady part of town. ¡°one franklin and I would protect you for a week? Remember? You haven¡¯t been beaten up once since we agreed on this.¡± ¡°Yeah yeah, thanks as always JoJo.¡± Gerald said ¨C this again was very contrary to his thoughts ¨C I¡¯m not thankful, if I don¡¯t pay you, you will beat me up. Gerald could never say this to JoJo¡¯s face because he would obviously get beaten up. Then they came, a gang, JoJo pulled on Gerald¡¯s arm ¡°Run!¡± so they ran towards the nearest alley, JoJo was fit so he easily climbed the wire fence, ¡°Hurry up Gerald!¡± Gerald was weak, he never lifted a muscle and always sat out from gym. He tried to climb it but plopped his ass on the curb after slipping. Then they came and Gerald killed himself. ¡°That¡¯s pretty funny, don¡¯t you think so?¡± ¡°yeah¡­ a little. But oh my god¡­¡± Gerald put both hands to his face. ¡°Y¡¯know, kid. People use OMG and WTH, I don¡¯t mind it at all that people use it, but when they are face to face against me, the big guy, yeah? Don¡¯t use my name alright? Makes me feel all gawky.¡± ¡°Oh my god.¡± Gerald said. The seated god, completely nude, well not that nude? Gerald wouldn¡¯t say that god looked sexy or seductive, that might be because he literally mimicked a ken doll, one of those Barbie dolls without genitalia and nipples. ¡°Twice warned now Gerald of Earth.¡± What happens if I said oh my god one more time? ¡°I heard that you, lousy kid.¡± Does that count as three times? ¡°I don¡¯t know? Want to flip a coin for it?¡± ¡°Oh my god yes!¡± ¡°Well alright then.¡± A small white coin appeared in the palm of god, he threw it up. ¡°Call.¡± ¡°Tails.¡± ¡°A warning, if it landstails I¡¯ll ship you to another world and if it lands onheads I¡¯ll still shanghai you, protocol really. Questions?¡± ¡°Is the world like a game? Y¡¯know, one of those novels, I think it was called, icehay, or was it portal fantasy?¡± ¡°Yeah sure, I¡¯ll send you to one of those worlds.¡± ¡°Two more, why is the coin taking so long and what is the protocol?¡± ¡°Magic,¡± god said and moved his hands ostentatiously up in a rainbow. ¡°Well the protocol is simple, someone dies, not expected to die? What do we do? Ship ¡®em. one more dude dies? We ship ¡®em too!¡± ¡°Well¡­ the more advanced has to do with status quo, humans are notorious for they efficiency at breeding, so a world gets flooded to the brim with souls, some gets skimmed away by us, those that aren¡¯t really meant to die and shanghaied to a crude world so it can get developed. Another warning, kid. Some of those worlds are real~ fucked up, I¡¯m talking monsters that can annihilate a mountain with a flick of their finger or literal terrorists that want the worlds destruction.¡± Gerald nodded in understanding. ¡°So I got no choice but to end up in one of those worlds right? Will I get anything with me to help me out?¡± ¡°If the coin lands tails, sure.¡± Then it came down, god smacked his palm on top of the other hand and showed the coin. ¡°Tails, congratulations! You get two wishes.¡± Alright, alright¡­ I need to be prudent¡­ two wishes¡­ a grill and a large wiener would be cool ¡°Can I get a huge wiener? Make it all magical like, and¡­oh yeah! A grill, a loving grill that will always stay by my side! I never had a chance to experience love.¡±Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°¡­sure¡­¡± God was a bit speechless, why would a kid want a grill and a wiener? Everybody else wants power or super gear was what god thought. ¡°Alright boom, there we go, you¡¯re all set.¡± God said, he snapped his fingers and then Gerald was in a forest. What the fuck? Why the fuck would the transfer be like the infinity scene from 2001, is Kubrick secretly god or another reincarnated? His body was stiff and he felt pinned down by a massive weight, Gerald opened his eyes to a camel colored mass that blocked his vision from the surroundings. He shifted his body so he could remove his arms and push the large thing away from himself, he couldn¡¯t yank it completely out under it but he managed to wriggle his hands free, he touched the large camel thing. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SOULBOUND YOURSELF TO SUPER WIENER? ¡°Yes yes yes! Just get this fucking thing away from me!¡± THAT DIFFERS FROM WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SOULBOUND YOURSELF TO SUPER WIENER? ¡°YES! JUST MOVE THE FUCKING WIENER!¡± he shouted Wiener? Why would a wiener be on top of me¡­ wait¡­ no¡­ it can¡¯t be, really? CONFIRMED, SOULBOUND TO SUPER WIENER. SUPER WIENER: LEVEL 1 (0/200) ATTACK DAMAGE 200 REQUIREMENTS: OTHERWORDLY AFFINITY MINIMUM 100 STRENGTH TO WIELD IT PROFICIENTLY SPECIAL: SUPER WIENER HAS HYPER REGENERATION, YOU CAN STUFF YOURSELF TO THE BRIM OR CUT IT IN HALF AND IT WILL REGENERATE COMPLETELY BY THE END OF THE DAY, NOTE: ONLY A SINGLE EXISTENCE OF SUPER WIENER IS ALLOWED, NO DUPLICATION. SOULDBOUND TO: GERALD THE OUTWORLDER CHEF A chunk of a status screen popped up in azure with a tint of transparency. Uh oh¡­ Alright huh¡­ Status? GERALD THE OUTWORLDER CHEF LEVEL 0 (0/200) STATS: STRENGTH: 18 VITALITY: 16 WILLPOWER: 23 INTELLIGENCE: 22 MAGIC: 5 SKILLS: N/A (REACH LEVEL 1 TO OBTAIN A CLASS) COMPANION: CHARCOAL GRILL LEVEL 1 ¡°Fuck¡­ Move¡­ you stupid fucking hot dog MOVE!¡± Gerald flapped his body and wailed against the enormous wiener to no purpose, the hot dog was stuck and glued to Gerald¡¯s body. Status, souldbound, it¡¯s like a game so I have an inventory right? ¡°Inventory!¡± INVENTORY: SLOTS 24 FILLED SLOTS 0 OPEN SLOTS 24 ¡°Move SUPER WIENER to inventory.¡± The huge wiener disappeared from Gerald¡¯s body and he could finally view his new place in the world, it was magnificent, in a dark way. He was in a forest, but alas, it was not one of those mega large forests a fantasy world had, instead he sat on mud in a swamp forest, vines hung from trees and frogs croaked. He took a view of his surroundings and reverse alas, he had an optimistic view of the new world, a new start from scratch in a world of swords and sorcery. Gerald moved around, stretched his body and took a few pugilistic moves he self-taught from watching old-school kung Fu movies. ¡°That hit the spot! Wow, a new world, adventuring, banging and of course, loot!¡± he laughed. SOUL COMPANION WISHES TO APPEAR, DO YOU ACCEPT? Huh? ¡°I concur you, sweet magical voice.¡± A flash of light and a searing pain embedded itself into Gerald¡¯s stomach and expanded further into a blinding light. From the depths of Gerald¡¯s stomach came a black and round metallic object supported by a tripod. It was a grill. ¡°Uhm¡­ inspect?¡± CHARCOAL GRILL: LEVEL 1 0/200 STATS: N/A DURABILITY 200/200 ABILITIES: N/A SKILLS: N/A LINK: GERALD THE OUTWORLDER CHEF NOTE: SOUL COMPANION TO GERALD THE OUTWORLDER CHEF ¡°An actual grill¡­. An actual fucking grill.¡± Croaked Gerald. ¡°I¡­ ¡­never expected it would be literal. God, why have you forsaken me?¡± ¡°AND WHY AM I FUCKING NAKED?¡± Gerald fiddled with the grill looking for the specs of this bad girl, it was just a regular ol¡¯ charcoal grill. Next up for Gerald was not being naked. He looked around looking for anything that can cover his pecker, he saw willow trees and in the sky background several giant trees. Gerald couldn¡¯t use the willow trees so he bet that the giant ones could cover him up good. Gerald felt like he had no use for the grill so he left it there, he grabbed a stone for marking purposes so he could find his way back to the grill. His voyage to cover himself up started. He walked, marked trees and avoided wet spots. His gaze was subjected to repeated movements up and down to make his bearing for the closest giant tree also keeping watch from danger. Prolonged walking made his feet hurt, his feet adjusted to walking with shoes and socks with no calluses, did not enjoy the feeling of bare mud, sticks and stones. This wasteland with no grass nor bushes was not delectable to his eyes. He ventured on for 20 minutes before a howl screeched from a distance; his whole body got goosebumps. His first instincts were to hide, but behold, his own stupidity that this was a game world made him brave. Gerald took out his hot dog from the inventory by screaming, yes, screaming, ¡°INVENTORY,¡± Gerald pressed his hands against the inventory slot carrying his hot dog and it appeared in front of him. Gerald in shock remembered, by seeing the huge wiener, that he couldn¡¯t even move it away from his body. Imprudent decision. Another howl emerged, this one closer; Gerald was now panicking, he had nowhere to hide except at the side of a willow tree. He ran towards the nearest tree, forgetting his wiener left behind. He noticed them sniffing the hot dog suspiciously, then the grey spiked creatures started wolfing themselves full of saturated fat and mystery meat, the dozen or so monsters chomped and fought for the meal of their day. Gerald stood deathly still trying his very best at hiding, the monsters didn¡¯t seem to notice him or they did not mind him. The spiked left and Gerald emerged from behind the very thin tree that didn¡¯t hide shit from the creatures. The creatures had eaten their way inside of the massive wiener and hollowed it out. Hyper regeneration right? Gerald approached the hot dog and went down on his knees to inspect the regeneration; it was slowly rebuilding itself. Can I upgrade it to have poison? If I poisoned the creatures, I would probably level up. Gerald continued his short trek after storing the hot dog back in his inventory. He assumed if the hot dog regenerated while inside inventory then he could also assume food rotted. On his walk to the tree the only thing worth mentioning was a felled tree completely soaked in blood, Gerald was totally not frightened. He finally came to it, a tall giant; in retrospect it was a bit foolish to leave the grill alone and go to the tree. How in the ever loving fuck am I supposed to climb that fucking tree? The tree was colossus, you could fit into the ridges of tree bark and still have room to spare. The closest branch Gerald could reach was at least 100 meters into the air (for American readers that¡¯s 330 feet), and the retrospect was that he had no way to climb it. But he had to, if he ever wanted to not be nude he would need to climb it and pull of a leaf or two to cover himself up. At the same time a minor scheme was planned. Of course his own stupidity leads him to realize that plan couldn¡¯t be executed with his poor stats. He would take several leaves and tie them up with willow branches, what a genius plan. Gerald had to try and climb the tree, he would try and find something else to do. His pecker was very cold and tried to retreat itself back into a man vagina, so he held his balls and cock in a DYI heater, aka, his hands. The cold was not the only cause, Gerald might have been feeling a slight inferiority complex from giant. Now that Gerald has decided, he would go back to the grill and just spam a bunch of willow tree branches on himself. Or find a fresh carcass and use its skin. But then came another thought How the fuck do you made leather? Gerald is stumped, he has no clue what to do, he only has his massive wiener and a charcoal grill, which is completely useless to Gerald as he does not know how to cook. Why the fuck am I called Gerald the Outworlder Chef? Stupid world. Gerald slumped back to the charcoal following his tree markings closely. On his journey he spotted four more tree logs dripping with blood or a form of red liquid. Upon returning to the stationary grill he noticed a problem, it was gone, vanished by the musky air. Wait. There is tracks, Gerald just has shit for perception. First of all, he was hungry. He took out his hot dog, placed it on his legs - it had healed - and started ripping into it with his fingers, digging deep and gouging out a large chunk of hot dog festered with pre-rendered fat. He took a large bite and exhausted a moan through the stuffing of wiener, he had been so hungry, walked for several kilometers and finally managed to settle down to eat. Soon he was finished, he stored it back and climbed to his feet. He had to journey to find the filthy grill stealer. ¡°Those damn chads¡± he muttered to himself and chuckled slightly at his pity joke. The tracks led in a straight line, sometimes wavering bypassing trees but still on a track, almost like a homing device had stolen it. So he ventured on, he walked and walked until his feet started heaving aches of pain. The sun was setting and he was afraid, he was alone. Completely alone in this world of unknown shit that would tear him apart at the moment he gave in. Which he concurrently did, he laid himself down by a fallen log and dozed off, exhausted. He awoke to huge tremors right by him, a beast was lumbering over him, a massive giant of green flesh. Gerald was right under it. Soon a slit in the green mass opened and a very pink tendril came out from under it. Well, you can expect what happened next. He was showered in a very bright crimson color that was warm on his body. ¡°That explains the fucking red logs, fucking giant pissing on it! FUCK!¡± he screamed. The giant let out a screech and ran, fast. Gerald bounced as the giant ran. Well, now he was nude, missing a grill and now soaked in crimson piss. Hopefully this piss will be beneficial to keep monsters back, or something like that. He rose and continued following the tracks. Not long after he found a stone entrance into a small hill that continued down a slope of stone and dirt. You have entered the dungeon of Mild Blues. Fuck is that name sense? Blues as in sad, color or music? Gerald thought. Gerald is now snapping at nothing, he was tired, tired enough to dive into a dungeon without any gear if you except the piss and wiener. LEVEL UP! ¡°Why?¡± Gerald wondered at the creature. ¡°Why do you exist and why?¡± He repeated. Gerald had examined the seemingly inconspicuous item on the floor. BLUE BREAD SLICE LEVEL 2 51/600 STATS: STRENGTH: 1 VITALITY: 8 WILLPOWER: 69 INTELLIGENCE: 0 MAGIC: 0 SKILLS: CAMOUFLAGE LVL 2 OWNER: DUNGEON OF MILD BLUES. ¡°Do I punch it or¡­ eat it? Looks poisonous.¡± Gerald picked up the bread and held it with two fingers pinched, he turned it around to look around it, it had a back, under it there were small blue shards, upon closer inspection from Gerald he noticed a shard was a guitar pick. Gerald shook his head and threw the bread at the rocky wall. You have slain Blue Bread Slice lvl 2 Exp: 200(230) Level up. Please choose a class from the select list. Classes: Chef, Iron Chef, Coal Chef, Nude Chef, Hot Dog Chef, Nudist, Nudist Chef, Outworlder Chef (RARE), Lover, Lover Chef, A Loving Chef, Disciplined Chef, Risk taking Chef, Trekker, Tourist, Fast-food Chef, Pussy; Yes, there is a difference. ¡°Do you want me to ask another question?¡± ¡­ ¡°Oops!¡± Gerald laughed and started to mutter to himself, it was as he debated with himself about picking a class, but honestly he was thinking something along the likes of ¡®Fuck this world¡¯ ¡®Suck a fat dick¡¯ ¡®Go fuck yourself.¡¯ After his insane babble he came to a conclusion, he would choose the rare option, he felt it was more extravagant than the other options such as Nude Chef or Trekker and obviously Pussy, though he assumed Pussy would be a perfect escape artist if it didn¡¯t make him a cat or perhaps that option would work too as escape artist. Wow congratulations! You chose the worst option and now need to prove me wrong! A comment from the system and with quick-wit he responded with a shout ¡°Fuck you!¡± Truly a great person. Level up! +5 to all stats, Skills gained: Pancake flip, Perfect Otherworldly Sear ¡°Pancake flip?!? Go fuck yourself.¡± Outworlder Chef¡­ um¡­ class stats? CLASS INFO: Outworlder Chef +5 to all stats per level up Two skills per fifth level And so Gerald has finally leveled up in this new experience of a new world, with fantastical creatures, grill stealers and stuff he can never ever do. Now, back on track to the plot, Gerald continued his dungeon diving experience, after a huge fifty meters of walking in a dim lit cave of blue he stumbled onto the next monster! ¡°Why. Why?¡± He asked himself, for you see, Gerald had so many questions to ask and so many questions to be answered in previous blatant foreshadowing. Blue loaf. Gerald kicked a pebble away as he sprang towards the blue loaf that was seated comfortably on the stone floor, he would kick the ever loving shit and plot twist! He didn¡¯t stumble.If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. Wow holy shit, have I ever been this fast? No, you have never been that fast, you just leveled up. Gerald never expected that it would retaliate, after he kicked it further into the cave a shower of small pebbles hit him that annoyed him. He swatted his hands back and forth trying to stop the shower of pebbles that came as a stream from the darkness. He slowly creeped back as he continued to swat the stream, it soon came to a halt. You have slain Blue Loaf level one. Exp: 100(100) ¡°What? Why did I kill it?¡± Gerald said. He crouched and inspected the pebbles that hit him, it was bread crumbs, moist blue bread crumbs. Gerald imagined it had killed itself from shooting its own mass at him in a desperate effort. So Gerald walked on close to the wall avoiding stepping on the bread crumbs that he noticed felt too moist on his bare feet. Better to walk on a pebbly floor then a wet feeling of moist Lego¡¯s, at least the pebbles weren¡¯t sharp Gerald thought. He came to the Blue Loaf, crouched and ripped it open to inspect once more. Loot: Dry husk of Blue Loaf (Useless if you are not in to nutritional value, try eating it. I dare you.) ¡°Go fuck yourself.¡± Gerald said, he had decided to always respond to comments like that with ¡®Go fuck yourself.¡¯ Gerald threw it away and continued his walk. ¡°I just want my fucking grill back, what the fuck would you even need it for!¡± Gerald said, he was excessively using a variation of fuck in all his thoughts and comments, what a bad habit this kid had. ¡°Iz that right?¡± Said a smooth NYC accented voice. ¡°Yeah! ¡­What?¡± Gerald questioned once again. ¡°Aight my man, grab my hand, I ought to show ya what I¡¯ve been doin¡¯¡± The smooth voice said, a man emerged from the side wall in front of Gerald, a black cloaked man in a dark cape with a flowing wild hair stroked back was all Gerald could see, the man extended his hand towards Gerald. ¡°What¡¯s that¡¯s smell.¡± The caped man said. ¡°Can I even fucking question why?¡± Gerald questioned. ¡°Nah man, you see, I wanna be dragging you anyways, cause you¡¯ve been killing all my soul! But you proved me a wrong, you¡¯ve got some real soul.¡± He extended on the real part. ¡°I¡¯m confused?¡± Gerald questioned once more. ¡°Nah man, you¡¯ve oughta see what I got cookin¡¯.¡± Gerald did not question what he did not understand and grabbed hold of the man¡¯s hand, it was cold, icicle cold and boom he was in another place, a kitchen. There are two marble counter tops paralleled to each other in the wide, lit and open cave, one had two metal sinks in it, modern sinks. The other was a gas oven, MODERN gas oven with cooking plates on top of each other. On the side of the oven was a table for cutting. ¡°Welcome to my humble abode, you know what I¡¯m sayin¡¯¡± The black man said as he touched Gerald from behind, on his shoulder, not his ass. Gerald startled in a slight jump at his touch while he was transfixed at the MODERN kitchen. ¡°Calm down man, calm down. Just a teleport¡­¡± the man tried to calm down Gerald. Gerald turned around towards the black dressed man that smiled wide, what was even more shocking is his skin color, he was black. ¡°Fangs?¡± Gerald asked. The black velvet dressed black man with a black cloak and fangs flinched at his question, he turned visibly sad for a moment and Gerald did not miss it. ¡°Yeah¡­ you see, I¡¯m a vamp.¡± He said. ¡°It¡¯s alright dude, everybody is different.¡± ¡°Yeah yeah everyone says that man.¡± ¡­ ¡°I hate em, blood sucking fangs, you know why? Cause I ain¡¯t even got no soul,¡± ¡­ ¡°It¡¯s gone.¡± He said, the black velvet dressed black vampire man with a black cloak and fangs slumped down and sat down into a leather recliner that appeared with a pop behind him, same thing happened to Gerald, a recliner appeared behind him and he sat down too. ¡°Why are you sad that you don¡¯t have a soul? Is it because of religious reasons?¡± Gerald said and crossed his eyes while setting his none-existing glasses with one finger. ¡°No man, no stuff as god. You know why I took your grill?¡± ¡°Continue.¡± Gerald said, ¡°Yeah so uhm, your grill is special, it has a soul¡­ and uh¡­ your grill¡­ its very special in the way¡­ you can create stuff if you have the proper ingredients, and I¡¯ve been using it.¡± He said. ¡°For what purpose? Continue.¡± ¡°Well¡­ I have some souls that is not mine and is mine, and I¡¯ve been infusing ¡®em to create new stuff to figure out if I can uhm¡­ create a soul in me.¡± ¡°Why do you want a soul?¡± Gerald asked, ¡°I can¡¯t sing¡­¡± ¡°My name is Gerald, please continue and elaborate for me.¡± ¡°My name is James. You want the long story or the short one?¡± He asked, ¡°Long story if you can bring me water, I am very thirsty.¡± An oak table popped in between them, jug of water with lemon slices in it and a glass on top of a very neat lace tablecloth. Gerald poured a glass of water and drank half of it, he would drink half again in 5 minutes to maximize the kidney elimination efficiency, no chugging for young Gerald. ¡°So¡­ I was born in Harlem in the fifties ¨C a place nobody here knows exist ¨C and grew up with two parents and a younger sibling, before I turned 10 I started playing guitar with two friends of mine and we started a band when I turned 16.¡± He said. ¡°I have to stop you there for a moment, James. I could not help but ask if you grew up on earth? You¡¯re an outworlder? How long have you been here James?¡± Gerald asked. ¡°How do you know?¡± James asked. ¡°Well¡­ I am too an outworlder, like you, but I arrived yesterday, I think. Ahem, it was 2019 I died. No questions yet, please continue.¡± ¡°Our blues band played a lot of small gigs, school and caf¨¦¡¯s. But our big break was when we started playing in Bradley¡¯s, it was the biggest jazz club and we were scouted, some big wig label took us in and before we could sign I died, not literally, I turned vampire. A woman called silk bit me cause she liked me but god messed up, he took it literal that I died and, by his words, shanghaied me by mistake. Since I had no soul nothing happened except those words ¡®I shanghaied you by mistake, sorry.¡¯ And so I¡¯m here. I believe I am the only vampire that lives in this world, I have never touched a sapient being with my fangs by my moral code so don¡¯t worry Gerald.¡± James said as he looked down on his fidgeting thumbs. ¡°*hic*I understand¡­ you need soul to sing blues right? *hic* so sad, you died so young to never realize your dream right? So sad *hic*¡± Gerald said while sobbing a river. ¡°I¡¯ll help you! I will help you get soul!¡± Gerald shouted. Gerald sprang on top of his feet and cleared the table in a sloppy rush. Gerald started drumming the table in a slow 2-1 pattern, ¡°Get your Guitar James!¡± Then he started singing. James flinched as Gerald started drumming but he listened and magically popped his Guitar, he started following the rhythm of his drumming and started playing an amazing guitar riff ? Why the fuck is there vampires on earth What the fuck am I even supposed to do Fuck god and fuck this world I just want my fucking grill back Go fuck yourself ? Then James played a mind shattering guitar solo that went something like krStttUUviiiiil looOOoomTsaaaaviblyblblbliiii Gerald shouted across the table to James ¡°SING YOU HEART OUT BRO!¡± ? Buttercup dreams about happiness Flowing to a heart Electrified by clingy pollen Breathe, don¡¯t let darkness flutter you Away~ You¡¯ve been captured By her beauty, Death ? A walking corpse came out of a cupboard and started slamming down on a synthesizer hanged from his neck. Bibibiiiriririiiskrtpoooviiivivivi The black velvet dressed black vampire man with a black cloak and fangs playing his guitar had a sad look on his face. His eyes started beaming white that slowly enveloped him in a tight hug, Gerald did not miss the chance and flipped over the table, broke a leg and jammed it into the right side of James¡¯s torso where Gerald assumed was his heart. James made a small whimper noise as his heart was pierced. ¡°MY FUCKING GRILL, YOU STOLE MY FUCKING GRILL!¡± Gerald shouted. ¡°...why? Cough¡± James said and coughed out blood while still in the white shroud. ¡°My,¡± Gerald said, Gerald drove the stake further into James with his hand ¡°fucking grill!¡± Gerald hurried with his actions as the zombie stumbled itself across the floor inhibited by the synthesizer, breaking another leg and slamming it across the zombie¡¯s head repeatedly, not effective. Gerald pulled out his huge wiener so it would drop onto the zombie, critical, the zombie cannot move and could only wiggle at its fate just as Gerald once did when arriving into the new world. The white cloak dissipated and a now James dressed in white with a stake driven into his heart appeared slumped down in his chair. Gerald suspected that he kept his soul because the god made that stupid mistake and never truly was a vampire, the bloodsucking of humanoids which James withdrew from furthered his suspicions and in the end Gerald had committed cold blooded murder. You have slain James the Day Walker recently turned Human lvl 1. Exp 100(100) Acting skill unlocked. Good job, Gerald the Outworlder Chef.