《Thru the Change》


 First Chapter

    I woke up looking out of the window beside my bed.


    Like usual, there was a small road lined by two columns of houses with a bright sun shining down on them. This was more or less the same view that I''ve been seeing for the past six years. Of course, there would be a few deviations such as the sun still being down or a neighbor walking their dog, but in the grand scheme of things, those differences were superficial. They still made the scene seem normal. This was the first time, however, I realized that this view was available for me to see because I lived at the end of a cul-de-sac in the Atlanta suburbs.


    That got me thinking... What would happen if I were to one day see nothing but rural grass or an urban skyscraper when I look out of my window instead of the usual? How would I respond to such a change of setting? Is it even something worth responding to?


    Never mind. I gave up on my thought. If I kept thinking about it, my head would''ve started hurting.


    I turned to starting my morning routine instead.


    But before I could get out of bed, I heard a loud knocking on my door. It was probably my twin sister going to wake me up.


    "Sam! Wake up. Mom made breakfast."


    My tired self was slow to reply, so she broke my door down to shake me back and forth.


    "Okay... Okay, I get it. I''ll be downstairs soon," I mumbled, but the shaking didn''t stop. "I said I''ll be downstairs, Shannon."


    The shaking stopped. Shannon must''ve heard me that time¡ªexcept she wasn''t finished bugging me yet.


    "Come on. You know I want to be referred to by my nickname. How many times do I have to say this? Everyone else calls me Shane, but my own twin doesn''t. Don''t you know how weird that is?"


    "Sorry, it''s out of habit."


    "Then break out of that habit before it causes me problems."


    "Easier said than done... Can you leave already?"


    I still needed to change out of my pajamas, use the bathroom, and eat breakfast otherwise I was going to miss the school bus.


    "Not until you call me Shane," a devilish Shannon promptly replied.


    "Do I have to?"


    "You don''t have to if you want me to see you strip."


    I sighed, "Well, it doesn''t matter if you see me naked. We are twins after all."


    On cue, I jumped out of bed, approached my closet, and began taking off my clothes to which Shannon took exception to. That was an understatement. She looked pissed.


    "Go fuck yourself," she said angrily¡ªface red with fire burning in her eyes. "One day, I''ll make you call me by my nickname!"


    "You can try," I said, trying to act as disinterested as possible while taking off my flannel pajama pants. "Now, do you really want to stay here and stare at my naked body?"


    "What''s the point if you don''t care?"


    "You can admire my gains from working out the other day."


    Shannon snickered, "Don''t make me laugh. There''s nothing there but bone. Don''t even try to say that that is the ideal male body or some other stupid one-liner like you usually do."


    She was slowly but surely crushing my spirit.


    "Okay bye!" I encouraged her to leave, and for a second, I thought she was going to leave as she made her way towards what was left of my bedroom door.


    Unfortunately for me, she turned right back around as if she was forgetting something and approached me, her chest pushed up right against mine and her nose dangerously close to making contact with mine since we were about the same height.


    "Wh-what are you doing?" I stuttered after being somewhat frightened by the sudden close encounter.


    "I''ll be taking this," she confidently declared as she reached out to something behind me, grabbed it, and took off but not without screaming, "This is mine now!"


    I couldn''t make out what she took from me¡ªshe was so fast that I didn''t bother to chase after her.


    It was only after I turned around to examine my closet that I realized my favorite t-shirt, which featured 2D from Gorillaz, was missing from its wooden hanger.


    "Tch... She did it again. That''s the fifth shirt this month. At this rate, I''ll actually have to sneak into her room and get them back or else there''ll be no more t-shirts for me to wear..."


    I paused for a moment before resuming.


    "At least she doesn''t take the tops with frills."


    ***


    At Northside High School, every Junior is required to have four meetings¡ªonce every marking period¡ªwith their assigned counselors. The reasoning behind these meetings goes beyond addressing the academic needs of a student''s high school life. They also serve to help prepare the child for adulthood. Consequently, those counselors are obligated to ask us students a barrage of questions inquiring about our future.


    That being said, I spent most of my fourth period dreading having to go to my fourth and final meeting which was currently scheduled for lunchtime. I didn''t even finish picking the classes I wanted to take next year.


    "Is it too late to reschedule the meeting?" I muttered to myself.


    "Did you say something, Sam?" Jen, my best friend and deskmate, whispered. At first glance, he looked like he was hard at work on the Calculus worksheet Mr. Long assigned to us. Then I noticed the green piece of paper hiding underneath.


    Like me, Jen was rushing to finish picking his classes. This was my chance.


    "Jen, what are you taking next year? I can''t decide on mine, and I have my meeting right after class."


    "I haven''t finished deciding yet."


    "That''s fine. I''ll just fill out what you have so far, and we can figure out the rest together. This way, we''ll have the same classes for the third year in a row."


    Immediately, Jen looked uneasy.


    "I don''t think that''s possible..."


    "Sure it is. Just slide your paper to me. Long won''t notice."


    "No, I''m saying that we can''t take the same classes."


    "Huh?" How was that possible? There were only so many classes a senior could take, not to mention that Jen and I had the same number of credits. Did he not want us to take the same classes anymore? There was only one way to find out. "Why not?"


    "Do I have to say?"


    "How bad can it be?"


    Jen hesitated, presumably to enter some deep thought before replying, "I guess you''re bound to find out sooner or later." He then reluctantly handed over his course signup form.


    Scanning through the form''s first page, nothing in particular stood out to me, so I filled in the corresponding classes on my form before flipping over to scan the second page.This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    It was there that I discovered why Jen was embarrassed to give me his form.


    Under mathematics, Advanced Placement Calculus BC was circled¡ªJen was planning on retaking the class we were attending right now.


    "You''re failing the class?!" I struggled to keep my shock in a soft whisper.


    "No, I simply get turned on from the suffering that is Long''s series and sequences tests which is why I''m taking his class again," Jen said sarcastically.


    Unfortunately, Mr. Long overheard Jen''s crude remark because as soon as Jen said that, Mr. Long announced to the entire class, "Jan, must I remind you that this is an individual assignment to be done on your own without outside assistance from your neighbors?"


    "Understood, Mr. Long, but I''m Jen. My twin is in your fifth period."


    Mr. Long apologized for his mistake before ordering Jen to get back to work.


    I returned Jen''s form without taking a look his electives. It didn''t matter anymore. Because Jen was going to retake this class next year, there was a zero percent chance we would end up sharing any classes even if every other class was the same.


    "I guess I''ll pick my electives using the random number generator in my calculator," I muttered.


    "Sam, I can explain."


    Jen probably noticed my dejected tone.


    "Yes, I''m failing this class, and yes, I''m taking it again next year even though the F will still show up on my transcript when I apply to colleges. The thing is, if I don''t retake the entire class, I''m definitely not going to get the score I need on the AP exam that''ll let me pass out of Calc II of whichever college that accepts me, so I have to do this otherwise I''ll be subjecting myself to more pain."


    I couldn''t help but grumble at this unfortunate turn of events.


    By the sound of it, Jen was not just going to be in different classes next year¡ªhe was most likely going to attend a different college seeing that his GPA was tanking during the current academic year.


    Crap.


    A headache.


    "Sam, I hope you understand."


    ***


    "Do you know what courses you want to take next year?" my counselor asked me, prompting me to hand her my completed form. "Alright... Hmm..." She looked at it for a quick second before giving me a nod of approval. "Perfect. You seem to be doing well in your current classes, so I''m sure you can handle the workload of four APs."


    I couldn''t help but think about Jen.


    My counselor confidently said I could handle four APs while Jen apparently couldn''t handle the four we were taking now. To think, I was previously under the assumption that Jen was more talented at schoolwork than I was. After all, Jen would always be the one who''d tutor me before tests¡ªalthough the last time that happened was last year.


    Did something change?


    "Now, on to the next thing. If I remember correctly, you said you''re going to apply for college. Have you decided on which ones you want to apply to?"


    "Georgia Tech..." That was the school I settled on with Jen early in the year. Of course, the circumstances are different now, so I became a lot less enthusiastic about this decision. But, it was too late to change without disappointing my parents. "That''s my target college."


    "Solid choice. Local, in-state tuition, and you''ll probably see some of your friends there."


    "I guess that is true. It''ll probably be easier for me to adjust if I go to Georgia Tech. Plus, some of my friends did say they want to go to Georgia Tech. The only issue is that I''ll have to say goodbye to my friends who can''t attend Georgia Tech with me," I lamented.


    However, my counselor ignored me.


    "Let''s see... With your GPA and SAT score, you should be able to get in comfortably. Do you have any reach schools in mind?"


    I didn''t have any. I was only concerned about going to a decent school where I could fit in comfortably with people I knew, so I gave no thought to any of the prestigious colleges that you hear so much about. As a result, I gave out a half-assed answer.


    "MIT. Harvard. Yale."


    "Hmm... Those schools might be a little out of reach." As expected. "How about adding Caltech or John Hopkins?"


    What?! I understand not being good enough for MIT, Harvard, and Yale, but how was I qualified for the next tier of schools? This entire time, was I underestimating myself or was I overestimating those colleges?


    I thought you had to do something special such as win a science fair, get on the news, or have rich parents who can bribe the college staff to even be considered for admissions. FYI, I didn''t have any of those checked off on my profile.


    "Well, I suppose I''ll add those colleges to my list."


    I still couldn''t see myself going to a college in the same tier as Caltech or John Hopkins, but if I were to get admitted, my parents would surely be overjoyed.


    Whose Asian parents wouldn''t be?


    Nevertheless, I wanted to stay committed to Georgia Tech and stay close to my family and most of my friends.


    "Okay... Final order of business... I''m sure you know what''s coming up. Sam, please don''t look at me like that. We can''t delay this issue any longer. We need to have a discussion aboutthat..."


    Andthatwas the reason why I dreaded coming here.


    ***


    At the dinner table, dad asked Shannon how she did on her chemistry test to which she responded with a "Fine" to his displeasure since it usually meant that she bombed it. Before I knew it, dad went all in to interrogate her in hopes of getting her to come clean.


    Meanwhile, I started a casual conversation with mom since it was unlikely that dad would ask me about how I did on my chemistry test.


    "So... Mom, what''s in these dumplings?"


    Her reply was entirely in Chinese, so I could only understand half of it. But from what I could pick up, we were eating homemade dumplings with ground beef and leek filling.


    "What about thesebaozi?"


    Same response.


    Admittedly, the conversation we were having wasn''t all that interesting, but at least I could enjoy the taste of my mom''s cooking¡ªthe same great food I''ve been blessed with my entire life¡ªwhile a yell fest was brewing right across the table.


    "Dad, I don''t want to talk about it!" Shannon screamed. "Can''t you see that you''re stressing me out right now?!"


    "How about your meeting today with your counselor?" dad asked in unaccented English¡ªsuddenly switching topics out of the blue.


    "Why don''t you ask Sam for once?!"


    "Oi. Why''re you dragging me into your mess?"


    "Sam, how was your meeting today with your counselor?" dad asked me.


    "..."


    I couldn''t respond. To be honest, this was the one question I didn''t want to answer mainly because I didn''t want to bring upthattopic. So, I kept my mouth shut.


    That was until my dad sternly repeated his question.


    I couldn''t lie. If there was something that scared me more than bringing up thatthattopic, it was my dad. So, I timidly let out a vague response.


    "It was fine."


    "Sam," dad raised the intensity in his words.


    "I turned in the list of courses I''ll be taking next year. Four APs in AP Stat, Lit, Bio, and Psych. My counselor said I should be able to manage the workload, so I think I''ll have time for college apps." If I couldn''t refuse to answer, then I had to pad my answer with enough material so that my dad wouldn''t inquire any further. "Lastly, we talked about which colleges I wanted to apply to. I told her what I told you¡ªmy target is Georgia Tech."


    What did she say?my mom interjected in Chinese.


    "She said I should be able to get in comfortably given my GPA and SAT score."


    "Wonderful!" my dad said¡ªseemingly pleased with my response.


    "My counselor also said I should have some reach schools."


    "What do you have in mind?"


    "I didn''t have any in mind, so I told her MIT, Harvard, and Yale."


    "Hah! Let me guess, she probably said they were out of reach for you," Shannon interjected this time to which dad immediately gave her a stare down for her rudeness.


    I didn''t need him to do that for me though¡ªher comment didn''t bother me in the slightest.


    "Yeah... But she said I could go ahead and apply to someplace like Caltech or John Hopkins."


    I instantly drew in the full attention of everyone at the table including Shannon with mom and dad looking eager to ask me more about it.


    "So are you going to apply?" dad continued.


    "Sure, but my preference is still Georgia Tech." I tried to leave it at that, but dad wanted to hear my reasoning. "The tuition for those schools are pretty expensive, and I don''t want to be in debt after finishing my studies. Besides, Georgia Tech offers a comparable package for in-state tuition."


    "Don''t worry about the cost of tuition. If you get in, mom and I can cover for you."


    "I also don''t know if I''ll be able to handle the difficulty-"


    "You''ll be fine," dad cut me off.


    He was being annoyingly persistent on the idea of me going to one of those reach schools. I was against it of course. Unfortunately, I couldn''t tell him I didn''t want to go for a lame reason such as not wanting to be far from home.


    It was obvious that my parents prioritized my future over the present.


    There was only one way I could satisfy them.


    "I guess I''m going to Caltech or John Hopkins if I get accepted..."


    I tried my best to hide my disappointment for the purpose of bringing a halt to my dad''s questioning and ending our conversation, but I forgot to take into account for Shannon getting a perfect read on me.


    "Cheer up, Sam." As expected of my twin, she found an opportunity to establish her dominance in our brother-sister relationship, and she capitalized on it by taking on the role of the extrovert. "Think about it this way, you''ll be able to explore the world and meet new people instead of being holed up in a local college like me."


    Her so-called bright side was precisely what I didn''t want happening.


    I could only slump in my chair.


    Little did I know that the worst had yet to come.


    My mom restarted the conversation.


    She asked me aboutthat.


    ***


    By the time midnight came around, the only thing I could think about doing was sleeping.


    I had developed a massive headache, making it an unbearable struggle for me to continue working on the homework that needed to be done in less than ten hours.


    Having recently finished my shower and brushed my teeth, I stumbled all the way to my closet where I began sifting through my clothes.


    "Bleh!" For a second there, I thought about puking, but I assured myself that it was only a headache¡ªand hair in my mouth. "Disgusting..."


    As a guy, I had short black hair that rarely grew beyond an inch and a half, so as you can imagine, suddenly growing hair that could extend down to my waist always required some adjustment. I considered tying my hair back so it''d stay out of my eyes as I grabbed a set of violet pajamas.


    But, I couldn''t.


    I went without both the hair tie and my pajamas, walking back to my bed completely naked before laying down and clutching my pillow.


    I didn''t want to think aboutthat¡ªthe decision due by my next birthday.


    It was impossible, however.


    My body only served as a reminder.


    In the end, the thought stuck with me until I could finally enter a deep slumber as the twin sister.

 Second Chapter

    The date of Sam Chau''s conception is the same as Shannon Chau''s.


    We are twins after all. But, to call us fraternal twins would be incorrect. Calling us identical twins would be equally wrong. Those terms are both way off the mark when it comes to describing us¡ªand everybody else.


    Fraternal or identical twins? It doesn''t matter. They don''t exist.


    There are only twins.


    Therefore, when it comes to children, the mother and father should always expect there to be no more and no less than two mistakes in case they decide to do it.


    I''m kidding about the mistakes part. I don''t want to offend anyone by saying they are a mistake. I can only say that is the case for me and Shannon.


    I wasn''t kidding about the two children part, however.


    One law of nature: Everybody who lives on this Earth is bound by blood to one other person of the opposite sex, their twin.


    Without fail, this phenomena will always come to pass along with the conditions that come with it.


    Other than having a twin of the opposite sex... With the way our bodies work, us twins are also subjected to having our biology (and, by extension, our sexes) exchanged at each stroke of midnight.This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    Take last night for example, Shannon and I switched bodies right as the clock hit twelve. And what happened? Shannon''s hair got shorter when my hair grew longer. Shannon''s breasts disappeared while my own developed. Shannon received a penis, so I received a vagina. Shannon became a he. I became a she. That is the simplified explanation.


    If you were to compare both male forms or both female forms to each other, you''d think they''d be identical with our appearances differing only slightly based on our preferences. Meanwhile, if you were to compare our male and female forms to each other, they''d obviously be fraternal.


    So, I guess in a way, twins are both fraternal and identical¡ªat least until their day of reckoning.


    Okay, I''m being melodramatic again, but it is true that twins must face an important issue when they come of age at eighteen years old.


    That issue being twins must choose which sex they''ll be for the rest of their lives. One twin must forever be biologically male. The remaining twin must forever be biologically female.


    I''m not sure how the human race evolved so as to allow us to incorporate this twinning business into our biology, but I can see how it helps with our survival as a species. First, it ensures that every pair of parents produces a pair of children, reducing the risk of population decline. Second, the one male and one female deal helps make the human sex ratio nearly one-to-one. I guess these two consequences would be useful in alleviating the problems of societies suffering from overpopulation and an unhealthy preference for sons.


    On the other hand, my status as a seventeen-year-old twin is actually creating tons of problems for me.


    Shannon has already decided that he wants to live the rest of his life as a guy, and I would wholeheartedly support his wish¡ªif only mine wasn''t dependent on it.


    That being said, I don''t want to make my decision.


    It''s hard for me to explain my dilemma to others¡ªmy counselor, best friend, parents, and Shannon all included¡ªbut I just want to stay the same, neither strictly male nor female.


    I want to stay the same because I''m scared... I''m scared of losing a part of me.


    I''m scared of change.

 Third Chapter

    "Fuck... I''m so screwed," I cursed under my breath.


    I managed to oversleep for the second day in a row, but this time, I still had incomplete homework to do without a lunch break to work with.


    As you can imagine, I was going to be in a rush this morning.


    For now, however, I took my seat at the kitchen counter, ready to dig into the breakfast my mom prepared for me. Two scrambled eggs and cheesy grits. A breakfast this good didn''t deserve to be eaten in a single gulp. I was going to take my time.


    That was my excuse for not wanting to move around.


    Other than getting dressed for the day, I had yet to get anything else ready, meaning my backpack had yet to be packed, my face needed to be cleansed of sleep, and my hair was still a mess.


    Perhaps I could convince dad to brush it for me. He''d either understand how hard it is to manage long hair or take me to the salon to get a haircut.


    "Tch... If only it was my turn to be a guy today, I wouldn''t have to expend so much effort just to look decent."


    "You only have yourself to blame," Shannon said as he walked into the kitchen half-dressed but a shirt away from being ready to head off to school. "It''s your own fault for oversleeping and not having enough time to get ready for the day."


    I took the time I spent chewing on a fried egg to gaze at his torso¡ªnothing but washboard abs and toned pectorals.


    Needless to say, I became slightly jealous of Shannon''s male body.


    Still, I was only a little salty.


    "Well, why didn''t you wake me up before the bus had already left? Shouldn''t you feel somewhat responsible? Aren''t you the one who woke up early to go on a morning run, you meathead?"


    "Hm? Did you say something?" Shannon asked after he finished chugging a protein shake down his throat.


    I went on a little tirade, and Shannon just ignored it.


    All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball.


    "You''re such an idiot, Shannon," I said pouting. "How come you couldn''t wake me up earlier? Now I have to rely on you for a ride to school."


    "Aww... You''re so cute, Sam. And again, I prefer to be called Shane. That said, why''re you blaming me? It took me a lot of courage to shake you awake when you were completely naked."


    "Oh come on. Don''t bullshit me. How does it take courage to touch the naked female body of your own twin?"


    "Because I''m currently a guy, and you''re currently girl. I don''t want to be slammed with those sexual assault charges you always hear in the news nowadays."


    "You''re so stupid..."


    "I''m the stupid one here?"


    "Yeah, you are."


    "Then if I''m the stupid one, why''re you eating food that isn''t even there?"


    "Huh?" I looked down at my plate to see nothing left. On my fork, also nothing. I was about to eat air.


    Shannon let out a chuckle at my expense. "Get ready. You must need to be at school soon if you''re eating mom''s breakfast like a pig. I''ll start up the car''s engine."


    "Okay..."


    And with that, Shannon grabbed his car keys before leaving for the garage¡ªleaving me behind to bury my face in shame.


    ***


    "Sam, you look awful."


    I lifted my head off my desk to see an angelic blonde-haired pale-skinned beauty gracing me with her presence.


    "Don''t worry about it, Jen."


    Fifth period was about to start, and I was in my English class all burned-out. I had spent my first four periods juggling between finishing my homework, trying my hardest not to get caught by the teachers, and doing the in-class assignments they assigned.


    Luckily, I was able to finish my homework on time.


    Unluckily, I was caught sleeping near the end of fourth period by Mr. Long, so I had to spend much of my lunchtime in his classroom to receive a detailed lecture on why I should be getting a good night''s sleep everyday.


    "Are you having another headache?" Jen asked.


    "No, Long''s lecture just sapped me of the last bit of my energy."


    "Damn. Was it really that rough? Do you want a hug?"


    "Sure, I don''t see why not."


    Jen followed through, bent over my desk, and gave me a warm hug¡ªBoth of her humongous breasts were pressed into my face. She then waited for five seconds before releasing me.


    I could only give her a meek thanks...


    The boyish side of me might''ve passed out from excessive excitement, but because my girlish side was in control right now, I could only think about how soft Jen''s chest was. It was like putting my head on a Tempur-Pedic pillow. It felt like absolute bliss.


    Wait.


    It wouldn''t be weird for a guy to think that too.


    "Let me know if you want another prescription hug to cheer you up, Sam. Ah! But only if you bring a girl with you."


    That girl was me. After all, Jen''s schedule followed mine. That is, until next year.


    Jen gave me a wink before sitting down at her desk, so class could start.


    "I''m so stupid."


    Why did I have to remind myself?


    Now, I had a headache.


    ***


    I wanted to say that the world was going to end, but that would''ve been irresponsible of me. Saying my life was in a downward spiral should''ve been completely fine though. My friends disagreed, however.


    "You''re just having a bad day, Sam." Jen tried to console me, "Take another bite from my cookies ''n cream frozen yogurt, and I''m sure you''ll feel better in no time."


    This prompted Jen to feed me a spoonful of her soft and creamy M&M-topped dessert.


    I had to acknowledge the savoriness of the yogurt, and I had to admit that the yogurt made me feel slightly better¡ªbut that didn''t last for long because the yogurt soon numbed my brain before creating an intense brain freeze.


    "Oww..." I moaned in pain while pressing my hands onto my forehead.


    "Jen, I think you''re feeding Sam too much at once," said Aster, another friend of mine.


    "You''re barely eating any of it yourself," Gabe, also another friend of mine, chimed in.


    The four of us were sitting in a booth at the mall''s food court, hanging out like any group of friends would after a long, hard, and grueling day of school.


    "Haa..." The brain freeze finally subsided. And yet, that didn''t make me feel one bit better. "I want to die."


    I think I preferred the brain freeze over the headache that had been bothering me since fifth period, but that would be like choosing between the guillotine and stoning. So out of despair, I put my head on the table to which Gabe objected.


    "Sam, you''re going to get your hair dirty with grease and bread crumbs."


    Slightly annoyed by Gabe''s reproach, I responded with a sarcastic remark, "Guess I''ll die¡ªGahahaha..." I couldn''t help but break into laughter because Jen began tickling my sides. "Stop it! Ahahaha! Please... I beg you..."


    Eventually, Jen stopped, so she could give me a good scolding.


    "That''s what you get for rehashing the same joke about wanting to die. I don''t care if school is putting you down, Sam. The reason why we''re at the mall is so we can get away from the stress of academics."


    She was serious.


    I regretted my distasteful joke... I had to apologize.


    "Sorry guys. I didn''t mean to stop us from having some fun. Something''s just bothering me, that''s all."


    "What is it?" a curious Aster asked. "Did something happen in your and Jen''s class?"


    "No, what''s bothering me isn''t school specifically. I''m past that already. It''s something, but I can''t say what it is."


    "Hmm..." Gabe thought about my problem for a second before making a conclusion, "I think your problem is unsolvable."


    Aster concurred, "Yeah... I think you''re being too light on the details, Sam."If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    "That''s fine. I don''t want our one group up in a long time to be me pushing my problems onto you guys to solve. Besides, who knows when''s the next time Gabe can take time off to hang out with us?" I forced out a weak laugh.


    Gabe replied, "Don''t know. Between college and my part-time job, it''s a miracle that I''m able to be here now."


    Because Gabe was a college freshman and two years older than the rest of us, it was unavoidable for us to be living in two different worlds. Gabe was in the adult world while Aster, Jen, and I were still in the world of adolescence.


    Aster and Jen could attest to my claim that a lot changed after Gabe graduated to adulthood, but shockingly, they already seemed to be used to some of the changes¡ªthese included the maturity, the disheveled appearance, and most importantly, the fact that Gabe was going to be a guy for the rest of his life.


    In any case, I could not bring myself to get used to these changes.


    "Alright! Finished my cookies n'' cream!" Jen slapped the table for her accomplishment of consuming a mere tenth of the frozen yogurt she ordered¡ªthe other nine tenths went into my mouth. "What do we wanna do now?"


    The four of us, devoid of ideas at first, had to take a moment to think about it in silence.


    Four total minutes for each of us.


    Then finally, Jen came up with one to answer her own question, "Why don''t we go shop for clothes?"


    "It took you that long to think of that?" Gabe asked.


    "What about you? None of you spoke up, so I had to do it," Jen shot back.


    "I didn''t speak up because there''s nothing to do in this mall but look at clothes."


    "What''s wrong with looking at clothes?"


    Aster spoke up, "Jen? I think Gabe''s saying that it''s kinda hard for him to get enthusiastic about buying clothes with him being a guy and all."


    "Oh, I get it! Because Gabe is now one hundred percent male, he''s afraid that the testosterone in his body will kick in as soon as he takes one step into a Victoria''s Secret."


    "Precisely!"


    "It''d certainly cause quite a controversy if our friend here got caught having sexual relations with his underage friends¡ª"


    "Please stop it before anybody gets the wrong idea," Gabe demanded after he sensed that a few bystanders were tuning into our conversation. "Also, my body feels no different from before I turned eighteen, and Aster, you''re one to talk considering you''re currently a guy too."


    "Alright, alright." Aster gracefully acknowledged his defeat. "I''ll admit that I''m also not interested in window shopping either."


    "Honestly..." Gabe let out a sigh before pointing to me and Jen. "What about you two?"


    Although I said he was addressing both of us, Gabe had a fierce gaze directed towards Jen, presumably so he could intimidate her into surrendering too since she also partook in Aster''s teasing.


    Of course, Gabe''s tactics weren''t going to work¡ªJen was simply too stubborn to let herself be on the losing end of a battle.


    Anyways, I gave no thought into my response, so I quickly submitted my answer.


    "Not interested," we both said in unison.


    "Jinx. Sam, you now owe me a soda."


    "Hold on a second."


    It was my turn to ask questions.


    "Or are we not playing that game anymore?" Jen squeezed in her question before I could.


    So, I maintained an awkward pause for a few seconds, "..."


    Okay. Now it was my turn to ask questions.


    "Jen, why''d you suggest that we go clothes shopping if you weren''t interested in the first place?"


    "Because nobody was saying anything for four whole minutes, so I had to break the silence. Plus, you didn''t look like you were having that much fun hanging around here in the food court, so I thought giving us a reason to walk around the mall would help cure your headache."


    How did she know about my headache when I denied having one earlier? Was it obvious that I was having one? On the other hand, Aster and Gabe were suddenly expressing mild concern that wasn''t there before, so it probably wasn''t that obvious.


    Perhaps Jen knew me too well to not notice it.


    What a shame because apparently, I didn''t know Jen as well as she knew me.


    Meanwhile, something in my chest tightened up.


    "Well..." I had trouble finding the right words to say, so it took me some time to gather my thoughts. "I guess I don''t have anything against buying some more clothes. There were some cute shoes that caught my eye on the way here..." Then a crucial memory from yesterday resurfaced. "But I''m running low on allowance money and currently in need of boy clothes, so we don''t have to go window shopping today if we don''t want to."


    The fact that Shannon had been stealing my t-shirts gave me an excuse to politely reject Jen''s suggestion¡ªexcept she wouldn''t be in any way offended even if I didn''t give her an excuse.


    What was I doing?


    I quickly changed topics.


    "Actually, you know what''s been bugging me?" I said in a frenzy.


    "What?" Aster, Gabe, and Jen replied collectively.


    "What''re we doing at the mall in the first place? There''s nothing here but a food court and apparel stores."


    "Yes, this mall is boring. We established that fact already," Gabe said.


    "But it''s not like the mall changed in any way since we met each other in elementary school, right?"


    "Sam, what''s your point?'' Aster asked.


    "So why did we change?"


    "Sam..." Jen was giving me a concerned look.


    "Why did we change our hang out spot? Before Gabe went to college, we would always go to his house to play video games in the basement, eating Doritos and drinking Mountain Dew just for the meme while roasting each other in Smash. Why can''t we do that again?"


    Back then, those days were nothing short of bright and fulfilling. They were days to look forward to. I wished that they would never end.


    "Why can''t we go to Gabe''s house right now and start up the Wii for old times sake? I''ll even bring over my copy of Melee for us to play!"


    But now, those bygone days were nothing but a dream. All good things had to come to an end. And as it turned out, the reason why we couldn''t hang out at Gabe''s house anymore was because his parents sold it once Gabe started college.


    "Gabe, remember when you juked the three of us as Fox before sending us to our doom while being at a hundred and fifty percent damage? Aster, remember when we played Mario Kart that one time, and you were behind me in second place? We could both see the finish line, and it looked like I was definitely going to win. But at the last second, I was hit by a blue shell, knocked off the track, and then struck by another shell to put you in first and me in last. And Jen, do you remember when we finally beat Grandmaster Galaxy''s prankster comet to complete the Super Mario Galaxy 2 run? I think both teams wasted over a hundred lives each, but in the end, we ended up doing what Gabe and Aster failed to do."


    I couldn''t lie. Everything that happened back then was pretty stupid, but I didn''t care if it was stupid because it was also so much fun. It was stupidly fun.


    There was nothing wrong with that.


    "Are we never going to be able to relive those memories ev¡ª"


    "Sam, your makeup is running."


    "Huh?"


    I lifted a finger to touch the underside of my right eye¡ªit was damp.


    "Did something get in your eye?" Jen said in false wonderment even though it was quite clear she knew what was up. I could at least say for sure that was the case from her worried facial expression. Apparently, the fake smile I wore could not deceive her. "Come on Sam. Let''s go to the washroom."


    ***


    "I''m fine... Everything''s fine..." I murmured to calm myself, and for the most part, it was working. My pulse had returned to normal¡ªthe only issue was that it still felt like my heart was in a clutch...


    Looking at the mirror, a light grayish streak still marked my face and needed to be cleaned up, but after musing, I had to appreciate the fact that I wasn''t one to wear an excessive amount of makeup. Otherwise, I would''ve looked much worse than I did currently. I say this because I didn''t want to give off the impression of being some heartbroken teenage girl after a difficult breakup. On a related note, I prayed that Gabe and Aster bought the excuse Jen made up for me.


    They were the last people I wanted with weird ideas about me¡ªthe last thing I needed was for them to treat me differently.


    Besides, I already spoiled enough for one day.


    "What''s gotten into me?"


    Was I sad? Was I happy? I was neither¡ªor at least it didn''t show on my face that I was either.


    I simply looked frustrated.


    An unfamiliar feeling was welling up inside me, and everything around me was changing for the worse¡ªthe things Aster, Gabe, Jen, and I valued in the past were slowly disappearing.


    "Hmm..."


    They always say change is a good thing. Meet new people, find new hobbies, and explore uncharted territory and all that to lead an exciting life. That''s why New Year''s Resolutions exist.


    I can accept change.


    In truth, however, I would much rather maintain the status quo. I wanted to preserve the same friendship I shared with Aster, Gabe, and Jen since our elementary years. I didn''t want that to change.


    I didn''t want our friendship to change just as strongly as I didn''t want ourselves to change and grow up, and in a way, these two desires went hand in hand.


    If we were to grow up, there would certainly be less time for our friendship. Gabe becoming an adult this year only exemplified this reality. And like the Beatles, we will eventually go solo.


    At that point, can you really call it a satisfying friendship?


    Sure, as we drift apart and head our own ways, we find new people to make friends with. Whether it be going to a new school, working at a new office, or starting a new family, there''ll always be someone to talk to. But for me, how am I supposed to keep myself from longing for the friends I leave behind?


    I guess I was purely allergic to change because that was all I could think about recently¡ªfearing change.


    How pitiful.


    "Why am I such a kid? Everyone my age has to go through this. I just have to suck it up and not let it bother me¡ªenjoy the present and not worry about the past or future. Besides, I should be considering myself lucky for being blessed to have those guys as my friends for so long," I encouraged myself. "Come on. Let''s have some stupid fun with Jen and the others already."


    ***


    Coming back from the washroom, I happened upon my friends'' idle chatter.


    That wasn''t quite right.


    If it made me hide around the corner so I could overhear their dialogue without being detected, it was probably anything but ordinary idle chatter.


    Aster, Gabe, and Jen were talking about their love interests.


    "So did you find a G.F. yet?" Aster asked Gabe with an apparent keen interest.


    Gabe, on the other hand, sounded reluctant to divulge any information. "Err... Let''s just say there aren''t many girls for me to introduce myself to in the Comp Sci department at my school."


    "I wonder why," Jen made a snide remark probably as payback for his attitude earlier.


    "Dang you!"


    "Dang you? What the hell? Is your mommy following you around and making you put a dollar in the swear jar?"


    "Shut it. I''m just trying to moderate my language in public ever since some family on a college visit got pissy at me for cussing like sailor one time."


    "So what if some random family got mad at you?"


    "Well, they made me and my classmate late for class, and I definitely don''t want to deal with that mess again."


    "But it''s so unnatural to see you not cuss like usual."


    I had to agree with Jen.


    "Look. I''m trying my best to break my habit, but it''s difficult enough when I have to debug code for my shitty-ass projects¡ªFuck."


    "There we go. Classic Gabe."


    Meanwhile, Gabe was looking awfully disappointed with himself for his blunder. "Fuck this... Aster, do you have someone in mind?"


    "None in particular. I just can''t decide on what I want. Like seriously, what is it do I need from my future?"


    "I can relate, Aster," I said under my breath.


    "I''ve banged so many bitches and sucked so many bastards'' cocks that I''ve become numb. Honestly, all the degenerates I''ve fucked with always turn out to be complete assholes. I think I have to stop hooking up with everyone confessing to me."


    I could not relate to playboy Aster.


    "What about you, Jen?"


    As soon as Aster asked his question, Jen tensed up¡ªhuh? Jen was looking rather bashful.


    My chest tightened again.


    "Does Jen actually have someone she loves? She never told me anything about it. This... This will be interesting."


    But for a whole minute, Jen didn''t say a word.


    Gabe grew impatient, "Well? Do you have anyone in mind or not? No need to keep us in suspense¡ªwe''re not in some romantic comedy."


    "That''s not my intention!" Jen snapped back.


    "Then what''s the hold up? Gabe and I answered and so should you," Aster pushed forward.


    "I''m hesitating because the one I love is Sam... and you should know she doesn''t handle these kinds of conversations well."


    "..." no one spoke¡ªI didn''t dare to speak. I just couldn''t.


    "Jeez... Quit giving me those looks. Here''s the deal: If you see Sam coming, you are to shut me up¡ªI''m sure you''d be more than willing to comply Gabe. I mean, do you really want Sam walking in and something I say ends up hurting her more than she''s hurting now?"


    Oww...


    "Yeah, I''m in love with Sam. I''ve been in love with her for a while now, but I can''t tell her that. I have to hold it in because if I don''t... I''ll just say that Sam treasures the current relationship we have. I''m sure she''s fine if it stays as is. Especially at this point in time, I can only imagine that being boyfriend and girlfriend is the last thing on her mind since she doesn''t want to change the dynamic in our friendship. After all, the last thing she wants to see is any one of us getting excluded. Plus, if a serious conflict were to arise between me and Sam because of this love, it would certainly ruin the fantastic four''s run. Of course, I would never let it happen, but Sam would probably lose sleep worrying over the possibility of it happening since we might be going to different colleges."


    I couldn''t breathe...


    "So until Sam is ready, I''ll keep my feelings for her a secret¡ªeven if it means she ends up falling in love with someone else before then."


    I needed to go back to the washroom.


    "Aster, what kind of question is that? I want to be a wife for the rest of my life, so obviously, I hope Sam chooses to become a guy when she turns eighteen. However, I can only hope that is what she chooses after I make my decision..."


    My head...

 Fourth Chapter

    For a good portion of our lives, Shannon and I socialized with separate groups of friends. That was just how it turned out ever since we attended different classes during Kindergarten.


    As a result, we spent most of our free time with our friends rather than with each other, and before we knew it, our personalities had drastically diverged in order to conform to our respective surroundings.


    Shannon became a jock while I became more of a nerd. Unsurprisingly, our contrasting personalities oftentimes put us at odds with one another.


    That''s not to say we were prone to heated arguments, however. Those only happened when our dad was involved.


    No matter whatever differences in opinion we might''ve had, we never took it to a point where one of us could confidently say they despised the other.


    I guess it was thanks in large part to our unbreakable connection as twins¡ªalthough that connection didn''t stop us from maintaining separate social lives.


    Anyhow, a social gathering mandated by our dad ended up bringing me and Shannon together for one whole Saturday.


    The social gathering, in question, was the wedding of two cousins¡ªthe children of dad''s twin sister¡ªwho were several years older than us and happened to fall in love with another pair of twins. And because there were two couples getting married, a record-breaking number of people were in attendance.


    Nevertheless, Shannon and I weren''t familiar with anyone outside of our immediate family. Once it was time for the wedding reception, neither Shannon nor I had anyone to talk to but ourselves¡ªnot even friends since our phones could not find a signal anywhere in the building.


    Except I didn''t even want to talk to my friends... and Jen.


    "Being forced to attend this boring wedding might be a blessing in disguise," I said, leaning on a balcony overlooking the Atlantic. "I get to eat so many delicious foods after all." Meanwhile, I was poking at an Irish creme chocolate trifle with a silver fork. "Ah... But I''m supposed to be on a diet..."


    I ate a bite from the trifle anyways¡ªmy weight be damned.


    "Don''t worry. No matter how much you eat, you''ll always look like a stick."


    I felt a blood vessel pop out.


    "So what if I look like a stick? It''s not like you look any different. All that exercise, and you barely have anything to show for it."


    "That''s because it''s my turn to be a girl today!"


    "Always with the excuses, Shannon."


    I jokingly shook my head, much to her chagrin as she corrected me in regards to her name.


    "Tomorrow! I''ll show you how pronounced my muscles are on my male body!" she declared, pointing at me like a JoJo reference. If she was actually a guy today, there would''ve been no doubt in my mind that she could''ve pulled off a convincing Jotaro Kujo impression. However, with Shannon dressed all formally in a simple black dress that only exposed a somewhat delicate figure, it was hard to take her too seriously.


    I let out a small laugh to continue spiting her, "Alright, alright. Whatever you say."


    "Man, why do you have to be such a dick?"


    "You''re the one who started it!"


    "All I said was the truth!"


    "That doesn''t make it any less of a dick thing to say! And what makes you think I was referring to anything but my overall health?" I lied.


    Personally, I was content with myself as long as I simply didn''t look like a fat-ass. That was why my routine often involved me working out for barely an hour a week and compensating for my insufficient exercise by dieting, so I could spend as much of my free time on reading and playing games. I know, my lifestyle was hardly a healthy one.


    Shannon could see through my lie though, which she expressed in a disheartening eye roll¡ªshe knew me too well to fall for such an obvious falsehood.


    "Nothing gets past you when it comes to the only subjects you''re good at, health and physical education." I sighed. "I guess it also doesn''t help you know our bodies inside and out."


    "Well..." Shannon hesitated. "I have to be better than you at something. Otherwise, how am I supposed to legitimize my existence if my twin is superior in every imaginable way?"


    I hesitated.


    Did Shannon indicate that she had an inferiority complex? She looked noticeably uncomfortable... I refused to acknowledge that this was the case.


    "Umm..." I said as my eyes wandered back towards the Atlantic. "Look. There''s a full moon tonight."


    I had to dodge the question.


    I simply wasn''t prepared for it.


    Shannon seemed to have noticed my own unease because she soon made a rare apology.


    "Sorry. I didn''t mean to make things awkward, especially since you were looking so spirited after looking so miserable earlier."


    "Ah. Don''t misunderstand. It''s not your fault..." I countered in a hurry to deny her of self-inflicted guilt¡ªbut that didn''t make me feel any better.


    "Haha... How typical of you to shoulder all the weight¡ª"


    It wasn''t right.


    "That''s it, I''m tired of feeling sorry for myself."


    "Huh?" she said, giving me a perplexed look. "What spurred you on to say something so out of the blue?"


    "And what spurred you on to wear something as tacky as black two-strap sandals? If it were me, I''d wear a pair of black ankle-strap heels to compliment that dress you''re wearing."


    Shannon became flustered.


    "Wh-what are you talking about?! You should know that I don''t like wearing high heels! They''re uncomfortable to walk in!"


    "I knew you''d say that. You''re just so unrefined. No wonder you prefer being a boy so much."


    "So what if I like being a guy? Being a girl comes with the expectation that I should be ''cute'' or ''beautiful'' when I couldn''t give a rat''s ass about such bothersome things. If I could wear a simple suit like yours and call it a day without getting chastised for my fashion sense, I''d put a lot more consideration into being a woman for the rest of my life!"


    Shannon genuinely seemed proud with the delivery of her spiel.


    Perhaps I could respect her commitment to defying gender norms.


    "Actually now that you made your case, I guess I can appreciate your tomboyish attitude."


    "Thank you."


    If only I wasn''t about to end this girl''s whole career¡ªas lame as that sounded.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    "I mean, if you were to put on heels, you''d end up taller than me. That''d be pretty embarrassing for a guy. Wouldn''t you agree?"


    Shannon looked like she was about to explode. After all, I was treating her with complete and utter disrespect by not taking our talk seriously.


    "Pff..." I soon burst into a laughter. "Gahaha..."


    "..."


    "Phew... Apologies. I needed to get that out of my system."


    I could not help but get my fill from teasing Shannon.


    As I took a deep breath to calm myself, Shannon took that time to cool off and swap her anger with pure confusion before giving me a face one would normally give to an insane person.


    "Alright, lesson learned. You''re definitely better than me when it comes to bringing cheer to an awkward situation¡ªyou can''t possibly do any worse than what I just did. I''m sure of it. At the end of the day, you''re the extrovert whereas I''m the introvert, so this outcome is to be expected."


    "Right..." Shannon said before covering her mouth while looking away to avoid eye contact. "So what''s gotten into you all of a sudden?"


    "A lot of things... Something Jen said yesterday has been putting me down."


    "Huh? Did you guys fight or something?"


    What I said apparently piqued her curiosity.


    "We didn''t fight. I simply overheard something. It wasn''t anything bad per se¡ªI just don''t know how I should feel about it."


    "And that motivated you to..." She paused for a brief moment. "... act so strange just now?"


    "Sure... Let''s go with that." Like Shannon, I also took a pause. "I need someone to talk to because I can''t keep this frustration bottled up anymore."


    Despite not being my original intention, my odd behavior made for a great excuse to raise the issue.


    "And out of all the problems that have been troubling me for the past couple of days, this is the only one that I feel comfortable talking about. I mean, I figured you can offer me some advice."


    After all, I reasoned that Shannon was most likely the only sensible option for an unbiased take on the issue since she hardly involved herself in my social life but still had enough of an understanding of it.


    Meanwhile, Shannon was deep in thought, considering my plea for help.


    "Hmm... I suppose I could offer my opinion¡ªespecially if your problem is something as trivial as love."


    I was surprised to say the least.


    Did she just deduce the subject matter of my issue? And how was love supposed to be trivial!


    "How did you know it''s about love?" I asked simply.


    "Is it not?" Shannon said in wonderment. "From what you''ve said, there doesn''t seem to be a serious dispute between you two, so I can only guess that it''s about love."


    She then claimed her conclusion made sense because Jen and I got along so well that the two of us would make a great couple¡ªputting me in a panic.


    A part of me was reevaluating the decision of letting Shannon in on the issue since her comment about love suggested that she was going to use it to mock me.


    On the other hand, I could not bring myself to run away.


    "Don''t worry. They don''t call me the Love Guru for nothing."


    "I find that hard to believe... and who''re ''they''?"


    "My clients of course. For whatever reason, the people at our school trust me to solve their relationship problems, and somehow, my solutions always manage to sort everything out in the end without fail."


    "This is the first I''ve heard anything about it."


    I was only aware of Shannon''s reputation as an athlete that came close to getting held back several times.


    "Actually, the funny thing is that I have no idea how all of this started. I only learned about my title just last week. I guess my friends started spreading the word around after I helped them out with their problems, but I honestly don''t remember doing any such thing."


    "Maybe they began looking up to you after you scored a relationship¡ª"


    "Nah," Shannon quickly refuted my assumption. "I''ve never dated anyone before in my life. Like I said earlier, love is trivial. I have no intention of wasting my time to pursue a romantic interest just for the sake of having a romantic interest that''ll last no more than a month like most high-school relationships."


    "I see..."


    I was hung up on the fact that the so-called Love Guru continued to call the concept of love trivial when she never experienced it for herself.


    "But never mind all that. What did Jen say that got you depressed?"


    "He..." I sighed. Despite my reluctance, I couldn''t beat around the bush forever. I had to push myself forward. "He said that he loves me."


    "And what? He wants to marry you in the future too?"


    I nodded meekly, confirming her assumption.


    "And you''re not happy about this?"


    "I want to feel happy, but deep down, I just want the same¡ª"


    "The same life you''ve had for seventeen years."


    I nodded once more.


    "You really are hopeless," Shannon said bluntly. "Well, I don''t know what to say because this sounds like our decision all over again."


    It didn''t help that our decision was also playing a part in my frustration.


    "So what are you going to do once Jen confesses his feelings to you?"


    "He won''t. He said that he won''t. Even if he has to suffer for it, Jen can''t confess his love to me because he understands me."


    Shannon furrowed her brow before making a remark about the absurdity of the situation. Then, she shook her head in disappointment. "So he''ll have to wait for you and hope¡ªall Jen can do is hope for something that is hopeless."


    "Unfortunately, everything is up to me..."


    "And all you can do is feel the guilt from your indecision."


    "I want to do right by Jen and reciprocate my own feelings, but at the same time, I can''t bring myself to do so out of my own fear for what might happen."


    "Chicken," Shannon ridiculed.


    "I know."


    "Chicken," Shannon repeated.


    "I know already."


    "Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken..." and Shannon kept going on and on until she ran out of breath.


    She began to cough violently, and I could only look at her in shame before she recovered.


    "Sam, I don''t wanna sound like some lame motivational speaker, but all I can say is that you should have nothing to be afraid of¡ªincluding a breakup¡ªand just ask Jen out before it''s too late."


    "And what makes you say that?"


    "Trust me on this... as the Love Guru if you have to."


    "I don''t find that to be a convincing reason."


    "Fine. Sometimes you gotta take risks like me. For example, the other day, I joined my friends and took part in the most intense triathlon I''ve ever finished."


    This time, it was my curiosity being piqued.


    "What made it so intense?" I asked.


    Shannon began detailing the triathlon, "The first segment was a marathon on the school track."


    "One whole marathon right off the bat?!" I interrupted Shannon. "How am I supposed to believe that you and your friends had any energy by the end of that run to complete the biking and swimming portions of the triathlon?"


    However, she disregarded my comment.


    Wait. Were they attempting an Ironman triathlon?


    "We then switched onto our bikes and pedaled about two miles to the Chattahoochee River."


    "Only two miles of biking?!" I interrupted Shannon once more. "I knew you guys ran out of energy as soon as you finished the run. You might as well take the biking out of the equation and simply boast about the marathon. I mean, not even the easiest of triathlons have such a short biking segment."


    I was unexpectedly disappointed after being severely mislead.


    And again, Shannon ignored me.


    "Afterwards, we jumped off a bridge."


    "Huh?" I interrupted Shannon one last time. "Are you insane? Were you guys committing suicide? Why the hell would anyone sign up to do this?"


    Shockingly, I wasn''t as alarmed as I should''ve been. It must''ve been too unreal to seem believable in any way. There had to be no way Shannon would''ve done something so idiotic, reckless, and dangerous and come out unscathed.


    Unfortunately, it didn''t seem like she was joking because this time, it looked like she paid attention and took offense to my comment.


    "What do you mean? You think my friends and I are ones to have a death wish? Jumping off a bridge into a shallow river like the Chattahoochee and swimming several more miles to Lake Lanier isn''t deadly at all¡ªas long as you do it during a storm, so it raises the water level."


    "That''s even worse!" I shrieked¡ªjust as I realized that we got sidetracked.


    We were getting nowhere. The only point Shannon convinced me of was that she only had brawn and no brain. Was my situation really hopeless?


    "Come on, do it."


    "I can''t."


    "Come on, do it. Just do it. Stop wasting everyone''s time and confess already."


    "I said I can''t."


    "Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it¡ª"


    "Can you stop!" I snapped. "No matter how hard I try..."


    I couldn''t finish my sentence.


    Shannon was giving me a look of pity causing a sudden heaviness to descend upon me.


    I could only regret opening up to her about my problems at that moment. It wasn''t her fault that I was so inept at accepting change. So why did I take my frustration out on her?


    ...


    All I wanted was happiness.


    "Heh... I made it awkward again..."


    "Sam..."


    "..."


    "You hold your current life in such high esteem. But, are you really happy?"


    "No..."


    "And it doesn''t look like you''ll be any happier if you leave your problem unresolved."


    "..."


    "From my experience, nobody stays the same¡ªthat includes you. Your feelings for Jen are proof. There''s no way you can deny that."


    "And so what if I have these feelings? What''s the purpose of these feelings if all they do is cause pain and suffering?"


    "They''re telling you to live a new, happier life."


    "What?"


    "Just look around you. Our cousins are getting married, and all their friends and family came all the way here to celebrate the occasion with them. Don''t they look like they''re having the time of their lives?"


    "..."


    Shannon took a step back away from the balcony and turned to the party behind us.


    Then something happened that I didn''t think was going to happen.


    For a moment, I saw.


    Casting away her tough exterior, Shannon showed me a soft smile¡ªa smile that had been lost for what seemed like forever.


    And without waiting for me, she began walking towards the building to join in on the happiness.


    "Tell me. Do you really want to miss out on what could''ve been the life you truly wanted? Do you really want a life where you continue living with this pain and suffering?"


    "Of course not..."


    "And why is that?"


    "Because..." Before I could say another word, my head cleared. My heart tightened. And tears welled up. "Because I love Jen."