《Sub》


 Chapter 1

    Every day zooms by like another step whenever I walk. Not much thought is put into it, yet I stick with the stagnant routine. It is something you accept without thinking of any questions. Hell, if you can think of any stupid questions, you will probably get ridiculed or disowned. The only answer you can ever hope to get is "What the fuck," with the absence of a question mark. If you ever think of any questions with "What the fuck," being the only answer, I suggest to simply stop. They are meaningless. They do not serve a purpose. Your time and energy is better spent leaving it alone. What I will say is that I have asked myself many times over if there is anything meaningful out there that needs me. If I can serve a purpose for something with value. If I can see my name on something I can have pride in. I say I have not found such a thing. Perhaps the answer is "What the fuck."


    I look out through the window of this cafe. The size of the place was decent enough. Not big enough to be a full scale restaurant, not small enough to be a cramped hole in the wall. It was simply fine. Though that being said the seats were spread further apart than other places and that is something I find appealing. Cannot stand the conversations from others that leak into my ears.


    From my glance across the cafe, probably half of the seating was occupied. All the others seem like young, aspiring people probably aged within the twenties and over judging from their looks. Their eyes glued to either their phones or laptops and their fingers dancing in front of them. All are soaked in their own little world they have become a part of. Trapped and indulged in their small, enclosed communities they have become accustomed to. They expect that through whatever they are doing on their devices they have the power to make...something. Or perhaps something greater like becoming a leading figure of a useless movement. Or cater to the pointless interests of their peers. Or perhaps something as simple as having their ego fed.


    Whatever it may be, I have nothing to do with it. Already realized that I am nothing special. When will the day come that the others realize they are nothing? That what they stand for so strongly will bring pain not to others that walk among them but to themselves? Will they ever reach the same conclusion I have? That I am not special and neither are they?


    As my frail mind was running frantically, I was snapped back into reality by the piercing sound of a police siren from the streets of the dirty world outside.


    "Dammit," muttered to no one but myself.


    Thinking about the world around me in such a pessimistic manner has not helped in the past nor now so why should I bother doing it? Perhaps it is a reassurance. To silently judge your surroundings routinely can improve your perception, so a friend of mine has said. I would say it may be nothing but a waste of energy. He obviously said it to comfort me. What a nice guy. But it does not matter. My surroundings remain unchanged. It has all become too familiar. The only thing I can do is leave it as is.


    Finished the last remaining sip of my now cold black coffee. A disappointment how the enjoyment I get out of it is easily ruined because it was left alone for too long. True how all good things come to an end. Just some things take more time than others.


    Got up from my seat and made my way to the exit. Ready to breathe the spring air from the currently sunny world outside. Away from the heavy atmosphere of the cafe. A shame too. Best cafe around this area. Just having difficulties having to see so many others there.


    <hr>


    Been two hours since I got out of that cafe. Did not feel like making dinner so I got some ready-from-the-warmer pizza to eat at home. Not having a car, my main use of transportation is by walking. Second is the train.


    Owning a car is too much for the city and having to pay for gas, insurance among other shit that piles up with the job I have is just not worth it. The streets always crowded like sheep being herded. Just too damn filthy. Do not want to be a part of it.


    Standing in the dim underground of the subway, waiting for the next train to come. At the current time of this day of the week the train should not be full. In the station a total of five others are standing alongside me. Going to wherever they got to go for whatever the reason may be.


    Nice having it not full. Not just from the crowding but having to be next to anybody is enough to make me feel uneasy.


    "The next train to arrive is for 59th Street," the artificial announcer said through the speakers.


    Finally, the train can be heard coming from the distance. A wild screech making an impact into my ears. It comes into view with its lights flashing towards myself as it slowly reaches to a full stop. A scene that I have witnessed countless number of times and many more to come. Normally I would wait for the door to open and ignore whatever advertisement that was plastered on the side. This time though, it caught my attention. Was not the flashy visuals of flowers and various shapes that were splashing upwards, nor were its usage of colors used in its entirety that can brighten the world away from its true shades, nor the exaggerated girl whose empty smile looks at though it was pulled violently by an unseen puppeteer. It was the slogan, "Make your dream a reality" that got me. Turned out to be an ad for some college.The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    Dream. That is nostalgic. Used to have a dream myself.


    The doors to the train open. As the few others from inside step out, me and the other passengers take their place.


    <hr>


    The air of the night is cold and crisp. A sensation I have grown fond of. On the balcony of the apartment I sleep in. Six stories above the ground and a view of the glowing city I am a part of. Fueled by the others who surround me.


    Times like these are when I take out my usual smoke. Slipped into my pocket as I grab out my pack of cigarettes.


    "Another day," I utter to myself quietly.


    Took out the first one I was able to get my fingers on and stuck it in my mouth.


    "Nothing..."


    Putting the pack back, took out my lighter and burned the cigarette. After taking in a mouthful of the smoke, separated the cigarette from my mouth and gently blew into the air in front of me. The haze fading away in a matter of a few seconds. The relaxing feeling sets course through my body as I repeat this motion until the end of the cigarette''s life. With my last blow I rub what is last of it in the filthy ashtray next to me on my withered plastic table.


    Another one of my daily activities is over. Nearing closer to the days I work again. Pathetic having to do something you hate for five days of the week, looking forward to the two days you can waste time with leisure only for the vicious cycle to continue. Perhaps by chance there is going to be one thing that will turn my life around. Just one thing I need.


    Turned away from the night outside and retreated back into the indoors of what I call my home. A pathetic home decorated with a week old pizza box on the coffee table, some empty liquor bottles on the drawer. A single source of light emitted from the screen of my laptop.


    This sure is the high life. A life I have grown accustomed to. Walking on the planet for twenty-six years and ending up like this. I want to change. I want things to be different. But this is what I have become. Have grown to simply accept it. Not having any big responsibility eases the shoulders, but there is always the feeling that I was told it would be better than this. That I deserve better. That all of this could have been better. What a joke. A good joke, but there is nothing to laugh about simply because the joke is not funny; just well thought out.


    Looked over to the couch I treated as a bed. Complete with a blanket that was able to successfully rejuvenate me whenever I woke up for the past six years I had it. Closed the door to the balcony behind as I headed towards the bathroom. Got to brush these teeth before going to sleep.


    <hr>


    Call this part of the house my room but what I have made it out to be is my art studio. My bed and desk were tucked to the walls that have been plastered with numerous pencil sketches, colored drawings and awesome paintings. All done by me.


    "This painting turned out to be great!" I yell out to myself as I complete the painting of a majestic forest.


    The crisp, green leaves flowing together so smoothly, being held up by the tough, yet gentle bark, flowing down to the sprouts of the grass as delicate as emeralds and the nutrients of healthy dirt. The streaks of the sun''s rays making its way through the gaps between the leaves, and it was nothing short of breathtaking.


    My name is Rob. A young child painter, soon to be at the top! My future to become an artist that will go down in history will soon become a reality! I am so excited~!


    "Oh, Robby! I knew you could do it!" I heard the voice of Mother praise me.


    "Rob, boy! You''re going to make it! I can guarantee it!" Father joined in along with her.


    I was showered with praise. A promise for a glowing future. I can make it. I had to stand up. Release my energy. See the world. Just run outside with joy. But just as I did, my surroundings were flushed away. Drained and soaked into the ground as I realized I am no longer in my familiar room. What I am in the presence of now is a green, lush meadow. My parents were gone and in their place was someone familiar.


    "Elizabeth?" I call out.


    "Well, aren''t you going to show me your new painting?" she asked in her innocent voice. A girl the same age as mine, same school as mine, and a precious friend of mine. Her hair of ebony flowing with the wind and her azure dress almost bursting with radiance.


    "I would but I left it back home."


    "Then take me to your home, silly. I want to see it!"


    "Alright then! Calm down. Here, let us get going. It will be great. You will not be disappointed."


    But that cannot be true... Everyone is disappointed¡­


    <hr>


    Eyes open to the light of dawn as I am welcomed to the bright world of reality. Stare aimlessly at the ceiling as I focus on the dream I had. My parents were there. They were saying something...and Elizabeth was there... It was a dream. They make no sense at all, so why linger on it?

 Chapter 2

    "Hey, Rob! What''s your answer?" asked Lisa, my younger and much newer coworker. Her hands firmly on her hips while her eyes strike mine with her stern gaze.


    "Yeah, sure. Why not?" smiled back at her with a clear answer. As troublesome as it is to spend time outside of work with a coworker, it might be okay once in a while. Do not like to create unnecessary habits.


    Was the end of my shift and normally I would either go home or go to the one local cafe I frequent for coffee and occasionally a snack. But this day is going to be an exception as Lisa wants me to go to the cafe with her since both of us got off at the same time. She also happens to frequent that very cafe and yet I do not recall ever seeing a girl like her. Honestly, most people I have gotten surrounded by never stood out to me. The times anybody did has either annoyed me or I genuinely got along well with them. Most people fit the former.


    Been working at Michael Donald''s, the fast food chain for about four years. My folks have pestered me before to get a degree and find a better job with it. Lisa on the other hand has worked for a little over a month now. During her early time here, I was the one responsible for training her. Whenever she needed help or anything related she would come to me. It was only natural I was to become her main interaction at the workplace. Not like that matters. Just get some work experience and get out. You do not want to end up getting stuck in a position like this and have nowhere else to turn.


    Lisa''s intact gaze morphs into that of a smile. "If it''s a yes then let''s go!"


    <hr>


    Our walk to the cafe. The sun was bright with very few clouds to fill the rest of the sky. The streets were on the quieter side of the city. Air between us was quiet for the moment. I was not the type to start conversations and instead would have the other party, Lisa right now, to initiate the talk.


    "So...what do you do outside of work?" she asked me.


    "I don''t do a whole lot. Like to keep life simple," I smile at her. "I do enjoy watching movies and drinking out from time to time. Don''t worry, I assure you I''m not an alcoholic."


    She giggles. "You don''t seem like the type to get blackout drunk. I see you as the type to drink cocktails and craft beer."


    "You nailed it! Although that does sound like a very...elitist thing, I assure you I''m not some snobby elitist. Just not my thing."


    Was rather quick when we found ourselves inside the cafe. The aroma of coffee filled the interior. There were not many people today. Just a couple near the windows and a single person with their laptop open on the opposite side of them.


    "Welcome!" the waitress greeted us. "Sit anywhere you like!"


    Lisa walks ahead and finds herself a table next to the windows. The sun shining away from the windows thankfully. She seats herself elegantly as though she was getting ready for some royal meeting of some sort. A funny sight. Treating this economy class joint as though it was first class. Regardless, I take myself a seat, opposite from hers. Noticed she had a strange, mischievous smile on her as if a child had set a prank, ready to be initiated. She was definitely smiling in a manner such as that.


    "So...do you like anybody?" she said in a jolly manner. What an unexpected question. Does it have any importance?


    "No. At least not at the moment," I tell her as I shift my view away from the sun''s rays coming in from the window. Must have been moving without realizing. Remembered back in junior high that practically both the boys and girls love to do: hear about who has a crush on who. It never clicked with me. Are you going to help with whoever to win the heart of the person in question? Perhaps you are going to tell everyone around the school? People like Lisa are simply childish and I do not like childish behavior.


    From the corner of my eyes I see the waitress coming over. Was thinking about getting something other than coffee but I could not make a decision fast enough.


    "Decided on what you like?" the waitress cheerfully beams at us. Must get tired doing that after an entire day.


    Lisa was on it and ready, "Yes, can I get a vanilla latte."


    "Of course! And for you, sir?" the waitress''s brown tinted eyes are directed towards my presence.


    "Coffee. Black," was the answer I was able to provide.


    "Can do. I''ll be back in a jiffy,"


    "Thank you!" Lisa said as she smiled with sunshine. My gaze turned past the windows of this cafe. The sight of another simple day, only this time I have some company.


    "Rob, you barely talk during work, and when you do, you''re actually a pretty fun guy. This is the most I''ve heard from you. Maybe you should open up a bit?" Lisa tells me as she leans forward on the table. I am noticing my own thirst for coffee is growing strong. "It''s just that I feel like I haven''t really done a good job trying to get to know anyone around work, you know. The only person I really did any talking with was with you."


    "I just don''t like to talk much. Especially if it''s at work," I tell her. "Or unnecessary," I muttered that part very quietly. I did not mean to say that. It simply came out on its own. I do not believe she noticed.


    "Hmm..." Lisa''s eyes begin to dart up and down. Examining me as if she is looking for something in my body language. Perhaps she heard my muttering? I doubt it.


    The waitress reappears with a tray of two familiar drinks. "Vanilla latte for you, and a black coffee for you. Enjoy!"


    "Thank you!" Lisa said as she smiled with sunshine yet again. I can almost see the rays shining from her.


    The waitress makes a smile back and leaves to attend to whatever her duties are. Lisa''s line of sight is back directed at me.


    "Tell me. Do you have any dreams?" Lisa asks me out of nowhere.


    I answer, "No. Not really."


    "My dream is to become a big, maybe famous musician. I play the acoustic guitar if you didn''t know. It''s a passion of mine."


    "And how''s that going?"


    "Not much as of right now but I got things working down the road."


    Thought so. It ends up like this more often than not. I lift up my coffee and let myself take a sip.


    "Maybe you should look into something that isn''t so tough to get in," I tell her with an unintentional sharp tone in my voice as though I was a company''s boss lecturing an employer, unintentionally.


    "Whoa, Rob. That''s quite the mean thing to say. Are you sure you should go around saying something like that?"


    "I don''t know... Dreams make people blind from what I''ve seen. It''s better to do something that''s actually practical and worthwhile. I mean, just forget about the whole passion thing."


    "Well, I''m going to work hard on my dream and make it a reality and I''m going to do it just to prove that it really is worthwhile."


    "Work hard? I am not sure if that is enough for something as big as becoming a famous musician? What are you doing to work on it?"Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    "I''ve been playing at a venue twice or three times a month."


    "Like where?"


    "The Charles and Pals Club."


    "And that shack is going to help you with the exposure and attention necessary to kick-start your wonderful career?"


    "Rob... What''s wrong with you?"


    Realized I let the conscience I desperately kept hidden had been leaking out. These cracks will have to be sealed fast.


    "...Sorry, I''m just not feeling too well. Felt like it was a long day," I tell her with a smile. May look like from the nervous variety but that was all I could pull off for now.


    Lisa did not show emotions of anger or sorrow. What I received instead was that of concern and a pinch of sympathy. "You seemed to have a lot to say just now. Did something happen?"


    "No. Nothing big or anything in particular. Just feeling a bit heavy these days. Maybe I''m getting old or along those lines," brushed off.


    "...I guess it was kinda busy today...right?" Lisa''s words did not come out quite clear as before. Struggling to find the right words out? It was inappropriate to keep the air between us so odd after my slip.


    "Oh yeah, Lisa. If you''re big into music, I can''t help but wonder what genres you''re into."


    "Me? I''ll let you know I play a lot of folk and pop on the acoustic, especially at the venue, but I''m not shy from the heavy and the metal! They don''t let me play that kind of stuff at the venue though..."


    And so Lisa conversed with me on music and other various topics over my coffee and her latte for the next hour. Did not bring up the subject of any dreams or my slip for the rest of the time. It did not feel awful being able to talk about something such as music. I have to say the time with her was rather passable. It''s been a time spread apart too far.


    We said our goodbyes afterwards and went back to our daily lives. Work tomorrow. I will be seeing Lisa again. Would not mind going for coffee again, with her or even somebody else.


    <hr>


    The classroom walls were painted using various bright, vibrant colors that can fill the rainbow. Floor scattered with drawings of classmates. But despite the familiar feeling of the classroom, the atmosphere was strangely foreign. To be honest, I always dreaded bright colors like this in school. An attempt to give off a welcoming feeling for unsuspecting students. The arts and crafts decorated the walls to give off the individuality and creativity of the children. But nobody cared. The old always get thrown into the trash to make way for the newer students and the process simply repeats itself. We are disposable. I am disposable. But it could have been tolerable, if it was not for them. The bullies always picked on me. They rarely gave me a break. What was worse was their faces were always blank. An unnatural view into what can only be described as a glimpse into oblivion. The classroom had only me and three of the bullies. The first bully swipes away my latest painting I was able to create from my arm. The second and third bully lean in to take a look themselves. Felt like a whole hour of just them judging my work. The faceless void did not change. There was no telling what they were thinking but I could feel it was not good. Felt like it was almost sucking me into its realm.


    "It''s stupid," the first bully broke the silence. The voice was heavy as though the voice itself weighed me down greatly. I was being suffocated.


    The second bully joins in, "Nobody will like this."


    "You''re wasting your time," the third bully said.


    I realized I had no control over myself. I could not move! What the hell is going on!?


    The words from the bullies continued into me and there was no resisting. "Who makes this garbage?"


    "You''re drawing more of these? Just throw it in the trash where it belongs."


    "Idiot!"


    Shut up... Be quiet... Why can nobody leave me alone?


    They did not stop.


    "Loser!"


    "Freak!"


    "You''re pathetic!"


    I had enough.


    "Just shut up!" was what burst out of me. The boom echoed throughout the classroom, giving anything in its way a violent shake. The shaking did not stop. In fact the world around me was losing its color. With each vibration the colors became more and more lost revealing nothing but an endless darkness. Soon enough, everything around me has faded. I was left alone in the never-ending field of black. Scared. Frightened. Confused. Yes, the dreadful pain has taken ahold of me. Just when I thought I was going to wither and become a part of the darkness, I could hear.


    "Rob?" I heard and felt the presence of Mother but she herself was nowhere.


    "Honestly, could you please stop your little ''hobby'' of yours?" the voice of Father I heard and felt but just like Mother''s, he was nowhere to be seen.


    "Your grades are lower than ever! Isn''t it because you never focus on your studies?"


    "You need to stop with this nonsense!"


    "Aren''t you getting old playing these childish games? You''re not going to survive in the real world like this."


    "You can''t go on like this! You''ve got to stop!"


    "Why can''t you be better?"


    I am trying. I am really trying...


    My parents'' presence fades into the darkness that surrounds me. The grim feeling has attached itself to me and refused to let go. I was left alone in this oblivion.


    "Elizabeth!" I cry out her name. The one person who ever gave me hope. The one person who cared for what I do. In an instant I see her before me. Back faced towards me.


    "..."


    "Elizabeth! Thank you for coming back! I thought I would never see you again!"


    "..."


    Elizabeth did not move a single bit. It was as though her lifeless statue that stood before me.


    "Elizabeth?" as I called out her name one last time, bit by bit her body became dust. Falling down slowly and growing smaller and smaller with every drop until they were not visible to the eyes. With that she was gone.


    Alone again. Trapped in this hell. No way out. Wanted to run. Get away from it all. Far away from it. The next moment, without thinking, my legs moved on their own. I bolted even further into this nightmare that I was consumed by. I could not stop. No matter how unchanged my surroundings were, no matter how much I knew I was in a helpless situation, I could not stop. That is until I was stopped by a mirror.


    It was one of those that showed the whole body from the top to bottom. Its design was made elegant and traditional. The sides had multiple branches stuck out and curled up like the twist of a spiral. Its appearance was similar to that of Victorian architecture. A smooth and silver flair emitted from the mirror an air of being otherworldly. As I stood before it, I could not see the reflection of the child that was supposed to be me. What the mirror showed instead was a familiar person that I could not fully remember. A man in his twenties. Had to look up to see he had a very gloomy look to him that was supported by his unkempt hair and the tired expression on his face as though he had not slept. His dark colored hoodie seemed loose for his own body and his jeans felt very sloppy as though he does not put any care into his appearance. Despite knowing this was not a normal situation, seeing someone other than yourself in the mirror, I was not frightened. Could not put my finger on who he is but he looked awfully familiar.


    "Just stop what you are doing," the man in the mirror spoke with his expression remaining dull and unenthusiastic as if what he said was repeated a thousand times before, "You are trying to take comfort by believing in a hoax made for gullible people."


    "No!" I roared at the man''s disgusting statement. "I am not going to give up! Everything is going to work out someday! Just have to be patient for good times to come!"


    "Be patient and wait? Are you expecting for something to simply happen? Out of nowhere? Do you really think waiting is going to help?"


    "No, that is not all. I am going to work harder than before! I am going to work and work and make everything work!"


    "But you are not going to... You do not feel like it. You do not have the motivation. Not have the drive. Not have the strength. The weight is too heavy for you to carry and because of that, you are not going to do anything... Anything and everything that should push you forward will cease to move and there is nothing that can be done."


    "Then I am going to do something about it! I am going to do something about everything and then it will all work!"


    "If only that happened..."


    With the man in the mirror''s last words, the mirror shattered into a million tiny pieces as if it was dust leaving only the frame unharmed. Through the frame was a pile of drawings at a near distance of maybe a few feet. Stacked in a messy pile, the height of it was half my own height. As I stared at all the drawings I soon realized they were not just any drawings from nowhere. Those drawings were mine. I did not do anything but let the image soak in. My work, my creation, my future all collected and stacked there for me to see. What was the meaning to this?


    That is when I got my answer. Without warning, the pile burst into a raging fire. Second by second my work was becoming unidentifiable ash. The flames were burning hot that I could feel the entire front portion of my body heating but I was still cold at the sight. Could not move. Could not turn. I could not look away. This is what my life has amounted to.


    "But it was supposed to come true..." the words escaped my mouth. The image in front of me came to a halt as everything has become pitch black. Senses began to rush throughout and my motors started to move once again. Eyelids slowly crawled back as I was welcomed by the bleak ceiling of my room. Body covered in sweat and tears. Tried to remember what I had witnessed but it was all drained out of my system. Nothing but the vague image of a mirror and fire stayed with me. Whatever it was, I should not worry about it. Focus on reality. I should be happy in reality.

 Chapter 3

    End of the shift for today. Another day like any other. Uneventful and repetitive. But it was over, and the time there will be forgotten with time itself. With that being done, I am able to spend the rest of the day doing whatever I am led to. Nothing is set. Free with nothing tied.


    "You don''t have anything to do today, do you?" asked Lisa who was done the same time I was.


    "Not that I planned," I answered honestly.


    "Then do you want to tag along for coffee?"


    "Didn''t we just do that just yesterday?"


    "What does that supposed to mean? I''m not forcing you. Just thought I''d ask if you had nothing else to do. That''s all."


    No reason why I should decline. I have said it already, nothing is set.


    "Sure. Why not."


    "Alright then! Come on."


    <hr>


    Today is considered to be sunny. No clouds in sight. Should be a good day to most, yet I do not feel anything for it. My preference is the rain. The harmony of raindrops that ring into my ears are soothing, like melodic chimes playing in rhythm. The distaste others have over the wet world means less people outside. Something I prefer. Hard to feel at ease when so many others are out and about. Always felt as though the air was heavy whenever I found myself stuck around them. Was as though I was drowning in the crowd. Of course that is a simple exaggeration but the feeling could not be shaken off.


    "Hey Rob?" Lisa shoots at me during this journey to the cafe. Eyes looking up to mine.


    I respond, "Yeah?"


    "You seem to have a really hard look on your face. Did something happen?"


    "It''s nothing."


    "That''s good to hear... Oh, that''s right! Have you gone to college or anything?"


    "Nope. Just haven''t gotten around to it and by the time you know it, it just zooms by you."


    "I mean, you''re still young. It''s not too late to start."


    I desire to be honest but topics like this are best for me to keep shut.


    I say, "There''s nothing I can think of that''s good for me. I''ll figure something out eventually."


    Lisa''s expression goes quiet as her eyes are directed to the side. "Oh," is all she said about that.


    Rest of the walk had Lisa talk about her daily life of saving up for college, taking it easy after high school, the simple things. Nice to listen to simple things. The world does seem a little brighter when you change the lens. To see for what it really is though, you have to take it off.


    Before we knew, we were inside the cafe. Busier than yesterday. At least half of the seats were taken by others. Like the last time there was a waitress, the same from yesterday, who welcomed us and got ourselves a seat at a vacant table. And after that, Lisa''s talk continues, now about a vacation she is planning with a few others, a concert she and her friends went to, and... Must be nice to have something to grab your attention on a constant basis. Never a dull moment for someone like her. I am admittedly envious.


    The waitress was quick with us, "What would you like to order?"


    Lisa came first, "I''d like the caramel latte."


    And then it was me, "Coffee. Black."


    "Caramel latte and a black coffee. Alright. I''ll be back with your drinks."


    The waitress disappears from sight as Lisa returns to sharing her stories. It is okay this way. Never was a talker myself.


    "So hey, Rob. You''ve done anything interesting lately?" Lisa said.


    "It''s only been a day since we last talked," I tell her.


    "That doesn''t mean there''s nothing. You barely talked."


    "Did I?"


    "You did?"


    "I thought I did. Do you have an objection?"


    "Umm..." Lisa seems to have the expression of having question marks twirling around her.


    "More importantly, how has your music stuff been doing?"


    "It''s only been a day, Rob," she said with her head turned away from my own.


    "You are right," I lean back as I recall what I said yesterday.


    I have said something that can take time to sink in. Telling her how she should simply give up on her dream she has been working on for some time. Was a bold statement. To give up on something that was supposed to be your future. Having spent many hours worked on. Actively making it a piece of you. It was tough to soak in. That was when I realized bringing that up was a mistake.


    "I''m not going to give up just because you said something like that. It''s my passion and making a living through it is my dream," Lisa said with her voice being much bolder than before. Her previous cheery demeanor has slipped away.Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.


    Stayed in silence as I noticed the waitress was moments away from serving our drinks but the few moments moved painfully slow as though my own blood flow slowed down with it.


    "Here''s your coffee and your caramel latte. Enjoy!" the waitress has come and now gone.


    Back to whatever tasks are at hand and for me to go back to the conversation with Lisa.


    I say without thinking, "The problem is not only because the market is saturated, it is the fact that studios are now at home and anyone who is slightly interested can give a shot. This can apply to a bunch of other shit that is a creative but impractical field like movies, comics, or music. The path you are on is a flood and is made even worse when your vision of getting there is so big. The world does not need so many people to work in such a field. There only needs to be a handful to keep the world afloat. There is so much competition, especially in this era that you need to be in the ten percent to get any attention, and also be in the ten percent of that to get the recognition you seek, which is being ''big'' and ''famous'' which I believe was your claim. Everybody else simply drowned from the high volume. They get buried and never dug out. They cannot be living off of that."


    "But...I mean...yeah," Lisa responded.


    "Dreams are not the most important thing in life. That is just a slogan to sell you the latest new gadget or a way to bury you in debt. There is opportunity for a much more practical and stable lifestyle and yet nobody wants to look at that."


    "What about you, Rob? Have you found something outside of where you are right now? Are you happy with how things are for you?"


    When I thought I was putting some sense into this girl, she had hit me with a question I am finding difficult to answer myself.


    "I am happy in reality. Why would I not be?" I said with a convincing look, "I''m happy in reality."


    Lisa''s eyes became sharp, "Hmm... You don''t sound very convincing, and it''s not the tone of your voice either."


    "What is it then?"


    "Are you really happy working at where you are right now? You''re never enthusiastic. You''re always quiet and only talk when somebody comes up to you first. That could just be how introverted people act but I can''t ignore that it''s like you''re disconnected from everybody else."


    "..."


    "I mean, I''m not trying to offend you but I just want you to be honest with me."


    "No. Everything''s fine with me."


    "Oh... Is that so."


    The air between us has gone silent. We started having the small talks like before but there was a sense of unpleasantness above us. Lisa''s voice has gotten slightly shaky and I couldn''t help but let my eyes wander around, not being able to look at her.


    Was not long until Lisa realized she had to go. We left the cafe and said our goodbyes. There was nothing else for me to be doing but go back to the apartment. It was during my walk that I began to think about Lisa. The fact that she has a cheap narrative of becoming famous swimming in her head curdles my stomach. Makes me want to ask how we got ourselves to a stage such as this. May sound nice to become a musician and play a role in many people''s lives but why does she have to become so big, so famous? Is that what she is really looking forward to? Invite all the top celebrities to her "you made it" party? Be featured on trendy websites and be spread across the world. Seeing your name on a golden plate does sound nice but fame is a luxury and should be treated as such. I suppose we live in a time where such a thing is much more achievable than a decade ago but should it be something to be held on such a high standard? Must you seek the approval of others to feel your life is validated? Are there not smaller but better things that can be pursued? It may not sound like fun but should you continue blindly pursuing your dreams, stick to your passion and ignore the opportunities that may come? If that is the case, have I encountered a missed opportunity? Perhaps the seeds that were planted are simply taking its time to grow? They say good things happen to those who are patient. Do I apply? Does she apply? Perhaps none of us do?


    The day is ending. The night is settling. Time to take a rest.


    <hr>


    The mall''s food court is where I ended up eating. Burger with fries and a drink. Sitting at this table by myself. Was the appropriate time for everybody else to be sitting down and chowing away their respective meals. Sitting in their own seats that surround mine. Really crowded now that I took a look around. But had to wonder why all the other tables around me were so far away from mine. The design choice was awful. There was nobody near me at all. Just me left by myself.


    "He''s always alone," someone said from the other tables.


    "All he does is draw during recess. They''re not even good. Even I''m better than him," someone else jumps in.


    "He also talks weird," the chatter builds up.


    "Why can''t he be normal?" it builds up and doesn''t stop.


    "So creepy!"


    "Probably messed in the head."


    "Careful! It might be contagious!"


    "I think he''s looking at us!"


    My eyes pointed towards everybody in this food court. Can feel the heat burning inside me. My anger reaches its limits. Wanted to yell, scream and make everyone here disappear. Had enough with the shit. Got up from my seat without care. Fists were clenched and there I punched the air in front. Nobody was there when I did but my fist hit flesh. I hit somebody. Whoever the unfortunate person was, I saw them fall to the ground. Back landing onto the floor. That is when everything went quiet. The noise halted. The people vanished, even the person I punched. Gone. I did not want this to happen. Just wanted everyone to stop. Why did they have to be like this? What did I do that was wrong to everybody? Perhaps I was meant to be alone. Nobody wants me. Nobody needs me. If that is the case...fine...


    As I gaze back across the room there was a single person who was sitting in what I thought to be an empty food court.


    "Hey, Rob. You got that guy real good," it was Elizabeth.


    "Shit would not stop. Did what needed to be done," I told her.


    "Creeps like us should stick together."


    "No doubt about it. I would not know what to do if I ended up being truly alone."


    "Being alone is a scary thing. I don''t know what I''d do if I was trapped alone in my own world. Nobody to talk to, turn to, look to. Spend time with, smile with, just to be with. Left to be by yourself forever? Should drive anybody crazy."


    "I agree. Sometimes I look outside and end up talking to myself because I am all on my own. Not even sure what I am even doing with myself."


    "What do you mean, Rob?"


    "I do my best following what I was meant to do and yet nobody wants to give me recognition. No support, no encouragement, nothing. Nobody sees me as anything. Nobody wants me. Nobody needs me. Everything is a mess and I am starting to believe I really do hold nothing. Not sure what I am supposed to do. They told me I had something, I was destined to do and be something great. Yet, here I am. Nothing to show for myself."


    Without a notice, here I was. Standing in a stretch of darkness. The food court, Elizabeth gone. The only thing that remained was me. Nobody else. A chill was rushing through me. The cold fact that this was meant for me. To walk endlessly in solitude, unable to form anything with anybody. Could not put a smile on anybody''s face. Pushed away until everybody was too far to make out.


    When I was ready to accept the darkness to take me away, felt the presence of something behind me. Turning back, I saw it. The mirror from sometime ago. Have seen it before but I cannot remember when or where. Staring into its reflection, saw something fuzzy, muddy. Was it me? Was it someone else? Whoever it was, they spoke.


    "Wake..." was what they said.


    I was shaking. "What," is all that escaped from me.


    "Up... Wake...up..."


    And after that, it all stopped. Realized I was back in my apartment. My body came back to control. Tried to recollect what went on when I was asleep but there was nothing except for a food court, Elizabeth, and the mirror. The goddamn mirror.

 Chapter 4

    Before I knew it, it was my last day of work before the few days off. Did what had to be done, like usual. Like any other day. Like any other time, and every other time. The same procedure everyday. Start, cook, serve, end, repeat. Start, cook, serve, end, repeat. Thinking about it, it probably sounds like what some whiny child would say. But what else can be said? Life is one giant hassle. Weight that crushes your feet into the earth as one struggles to take another step. If the weight is dropped, that is when they are finished with life. Sounds comfortable, not having to carry something so heavy and aching. Thought of dropping the weight myself crossed many times, but that is when you go eye to eye with death. And death -- or rather after death -- is a terrifying thing. Fear of what lies beyond death is akin to the fear of the unknown, and I am not but a coward. That is why I continue.


    The past few days after the last time having coffee with Lisa was quiet. Sure as though she was doing her best not to talk with me during work. Never tried to approach her first but I could tell from those eyes that she did not want me close. We had our greets and our farewells but that was it and nothing else. I acted like it was nothing, but an act is an act. Acted normal, usual and that was it as though nothing has changed. As always.


    Only thing noteworthy were my dreams. Was the same fucking thing. Always standing in darkness in front of the goddamn mirror. Could not tell if it was me or someone else from the reflection. Could never make it out. Again and again. Over and over. Fucking irritating. Times like this are better spent drinking. Need a stimulant.


    <hr>


    Cloudy, today was. The sun had difficulty shining down to the earth as though the sky was blurred by gray smudge from an unwashed glass. Found the bar I visited before. Entrance cowering away from the busy road. Glowing signs from the other shops shining more bright than the bar''s own. It was easy to miss this little place but that was its charm. Would mean less others who would stumble upon here on a whim. That was what I liked. Felt like a part of a secret club obscured from the world''s eyes.


    Made myself down the short staircase and went right in. The calming, smooth atmosphere passes through my body. Felt as though I have withdrawn from the outside. Moody lighting, spotlight on the bottle shelf. Bar counter was fit for a few people. Tables were pushed against the walls. A considerably small place with not much seating and even fewer people. Only ones present was the bartender that I do not remember from my previous visits and a couple seated at a table. Not surprising since it was still before the evening. Prefer it like this.


    Seated at the counter. The noticeably graying bartender standing on the other side smiles as though that was his warm greeting.


    "What would you like, sir?" he asked.


    "White Russian," gave him my order.


    "Certainly."


    Do not go to bars often. Usually buy alcohol from liquor stores. Drink them from a glass and nothing else. Bars are where I get the drinks mixed. Something I happen to prefer. Cannot explain why. Feel like mixed drinks belong somewhere outside of my apartment. That is all.


    "Here you go, sir," my beige drink placed in front of me.


    "Thanks." I attempted to smile but my mouth was tight. Probably made a smirk instead.


    "Feels like it''s going to rain tomorrow," the bartender said, not making a comment on my stupid smirk.


    "Wouldn''t mind that. I like the rain."


    "Don''t hear that often."


    "Something about the rain always makes me feel at peace. Walking in the wet world with an umbrella, having less crowds to worry about never felt bad to me."


    "That''s an interesting way to put it. Always hated having my clothes get wet though. But the rain does bring back memories."


    "Memories?"


    "Used to play this one fantasy role-playing video game with my son when he was younger. Couldn''t remember the name. It was during spring break...or was it winter break? Couldn''t remember but it was a rainy day and we stayed indoors. My son started playing this one game I got him for his birthday but he got stuck on some dragon boss. Too young to understand how everything worked in its entirety, and so I helped him. Turns out it was the first boss and I found the whole battle system to be enjoyable. So we played together every day I was off and I learned more about the game and its story...I''m sorry, I''m just rambling, aren''t I?"


    "No -- no, please continue."


    "Well then, turns out the story goes that the main characters were a party of misfits, different backgrounds, shouldn''t even be friends with each other but we''re all tied to this goal of defeating this tyrant. What really stuck out to me was the ending in which the main characters were not seen as the heroes in history because another group took down the tyrant before you could. It came as a shock after all of that work and effort, the main characters were reduced to something so...small. They didn''t get any of the glory the other heroes got. My son got pretty depressed after seeing that."


    "Goddamn."


    "It was the simple fact that another group beat your own to the punch. Worse was the epilogue when you see half of your party going back to what they were doing before and nothing else, going back to their previous insignificant lives. There was one character in the party that struck me though, it was the young man with the sword, one of the first characters to join you. In it, he happily married a lovely merchant girl and was able to fight bandits, vicious creatures and the like that ambushed them single-handedly during their travels because of the knowledge and experience he gained from the adventure."


    "That''s...a rather good thing to happen."


    "He also became the leader of a merchant defense group for hire when his wife wasn''t traveling. He didn''t become a knight in shining armor to the kingdom he fought for but he at least became something that mattered in the end."


    "I believe that was a more interesting direction for the story to go. Gave the audience quite a surprise."


    "It certainly did. I find it funny how that game really stuck with me. The ending presented a scenario that I believe happens more often than we want to acknowledge, and seeing that after everything that''s happened, my god. And all because it was a rainy day and my son needed help with the first boss."


    "And you can''t remember the name?"


    "My god, no. It was a strange one. My son took the game with him when he moved out. I should really ask him the next time I talk to him."


    "You got me interested. Hope you find out the name soon. I want to know too."


    "Hopefully soon..."


    Heard the entrance door swing open. Some others were coming in. Was the time when people would start populating. Did not want to stay here much more. Was not long until I finished my drink, paid, and soon gone. Becoming another part of the night on these streets.


    <hr>


    The village found in the outskirts of the capital was small, dull and did not provide much for excitement. The villagers were always indifferent to me. The quiet life here was not stimulating. Spent most days in my shelter and the only company that I had was myself. Everybody else had each other, their friends, families, all that you wish to keep close. Was here where they were born and here they will die. Not what I had in mind for myself. The only activities that did not involve farming or the likes was moving to the capital. Wanted better for myself. Did not want to be stuck in the goddamn middle ages forever. Perhaps one day I will get recognition, something I can call an accomplishment and not just be loved by the village here but throughout the kingdom for doing something so achieving, so amazing it would drop anybody in awe. Just needed a reason to get out of this insignificant village.Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Was one day when I caught word that a terrible evil was attempting to take over the kingdom. That was when it was my time to act. Was not long until I arrived in the capital. So many people and liveliness. Vendors and chants on the streets that stretch so far. The casual citizens to the armored heroes, all meeting in one place. Overwhelming as though being thrown into a strange movie set but I had to kill this tension if I was going to stop the evil that was coming. Bought my first sword at a nearby armory. Strong and sturdy one this is. Could take on a few enemies but still could not go alone. Had to find people willing to join. Went to a bar and found luck. After a few ales I convinced Lisa, the bard; Elizabeth, the paladin; and the aged graying man who I forgot his name, the mage. We were set.


    We fought through towns and forests, dungeons and mountains. Against bandits and henchmen, monsters and dragons. We have gained strength, experience, higher levels, and better equipment and were more than ready to take on the final boss. Closer and closer we were reaching the grim castle which housed the evil we were set to stop. Traveling up the hill was when Elizabeth tapped me on the shoulder.


    "You want something?" I asked her.


    She had pleasant air, a certain trait of hers. "What''s your plan after we save the kingdom?"


    "Suppose I will go back to painting and drawing."


    "So what did make you want to start this quest in the first place? It sounds like doing this and what you want to do are completely unrelated."


    "When I said I wanted to go back to painting and drawing, I suppose I have not done that in a while. Want to do it, but goddamn. Hands get shaky. Ugly thoughts cave in. Loved it and it does not love me back. Bites me if anything. Where did it go wrong, I ask myself. What the fuck, I ask myself. Wish I knew the answer. Is stupid, really."


    "You haven''t answered my question, Rob."


    "What about yourself, Elizabeth?"


    "Me? I''m not so sure. My parents were talking about moving because my dad found a job somewhere so I guess that''s something."


    "We can always mail each other."


    "Uh -- wait, you haven''t answered my question."


    Then we were in. Inside the castle of the evil that we came to stop. A giant throne room with a ceiling that reached unnecessarily high. Numerous stained glass windows fitting for a church ran along the walls, many being smashed. Marble pillars that held the room together were crumbled and damaged. The main piece; the throne was ripped, dirtied and nobody occupying it. Was obvious what happened here: the evil was already defeated. Nobody needed to say it. We all got the message.


    I opened my mouth, "Shitty as it may be, at least we gained something from all this."


    "Are you fucking stupid?!" Lisa yells at me. Was the first time I saw her in rage. "We fought, busted our asses off, risked our lives and all that other shit we went through for what?!"


    What was I supposed to respond with? "I assure you that not all is lost. We learned a lot from the whole experience, did we not?"


    "I''m afraid to tell you this, Rob," the aged graying man said, taking a step forward towards me. "But I agree with Lisa. We didn''t get ourselves nearly killed just for the experience."


    "We have to look at this situation in another way, is all. Can''t be that difficult."


    "Have you gone mad?!" Lisa was in a state of both anger and shock. Her eyes were beginning to tear.


    "We were supposed to become heroes and be known throughout the kingdom. Our names to be written in history and passed down for generations to come. Our lives to be held high and worthy of praise. But that''s been crushed and you think it can''t be difficult to look at this another way?!"


    "Yeah...well...you see..."


    "No, Rob. We are fucked! F-U-C-K-E-D! There''s no point to this! How am I supposed to go home now!?"


    "I''m sorry to tell you this, but Lisa has a point. What will become of us now?" The aged graying man had a hint of annoyance in his voice.


    "Yeah, Rob! What will become of us?!"


    Oh fuck, make it stop.


    "Did you have a backup plan prepared?"


    "Come on! You''ve got to be smart enough to have one!"


    Make it stop. Make it stop.


    "We could really hear it right now, Rob."


    "Spit it out already!"


    Enough of this goddamn shit. "EVERYBODY, SHUT UP!"


    And that is when they were gone. Vanished. Was though they were taken by the wind like nothing but dust. Only Elizabeth and myself remained in this giant tarnished room. Eyes drift to hers. Sadness and disappointment was reflected.


    Had to say something. "This is not what we worked for. I know."


    Elizabeth shook her head slowly. "It''s okay. Things like this happen. Probably more often than we want to acknowledge."


    Tried to smile back. "Yeah. But I do not know myself."


    "There''s bound to be something to get out of this."


    "I say that but it is easy to say. To do it though...I have no idea. What can I make out of this? Made everything into a waste. Do you honestly believe there is a way out of this?"


    "I...I don''t know..."


    "That is the reason why I should throw everything I still have away. It cannot get better from here. It will not get better from here."


    "Don''t say that. It''s bound to get better --"


    "No. Will not happen. I will not find a merchant girl to marry and make use of myself. Did not stop the evil. Did not catch my dreams. Failed Lisa and the graying man. Failed myself. Am a failure myself. Am useless. Life will not get better. Life is not worthwhile. I am a failure."


    "But we were supposed to stick together."


    "And you did not, Elizabeth."


    "Sorry. It was so sudden. There was no warning."


    "You believe an apology will fix this? You believe an apology will fix any of this? Have been sorry for myself for a long time now and nothing has changed. Have been waiting for a new chance to do and be something but that has not come. What can I do, Elizabeth? What can I do? Answer me. Please answer me."


    Elizabeth stared at me and nothing else. She stood there like a statue with nothing but to stand indefinitely. Eyes wide and frozen. Answer was obvious: there was none.


    "You stupid child..." I heard behind me. A familiar voice belonging to someone close to me, but who?


    Turned around to see the world has become an endless black with the goddamn mirror right up to my face. Reflection in the mirror was not mine but of a familiar person wearing the dark colored hoodie of his. Could not make out his image fully due to the mirror''s blurry glass, but can tell he was angry.


    "You cannot seem to listen." His voice filled with anger and impatience as though this was not the first time he had said it. "You do a nice job talking big towards others but once you go on the defensive you become helpless. The only way to get out is to yell, run and hide. That is all you have done. Worst is that the only person to blame is yourself."


    "The worst is not myself! It is everybody around me! They have pushed me to become like this! None of this is my fault! It is everybody around me!"


    "You blamed the world for your problems and you forgot that it is ultimately you who is in charge of yourself. When a problem came upon you, you concluded that everybody else was in the wrong and never you. When things turned sour, you never thought you ought to do something about it yourself. Now you take pity on your own self and have become a pathetic and worthless human being, no better than others. Sure, the world is a tough and mean place, but it has always been the survival of the fittest. You have to get back up and keep moving when you are pushed down. But you did not want to do that, did you? You wanted the easy way out. Was not you who needed to change but the world, so you convinced yourself. And now you live an insignificant life built upon disposable days. Revolting, really. You lost the will to seek your own growth. You have latched on to a false hope of everything becoming better out of nowhere one day so you had an excuse to not make better of yourself. You really are the worst."


    "...Get out of my goddamn face."


    "So that is how it is, you goddamn child... Guess it shows that humans are an adaptable species even if one were to be stuck in a mess such as this..."


    Then I woke up. Was back in my own room. Have already forgotten what I have experienced. What remained in my memory was a fantasy world, Elizabeth, Lisa, a graying man and the mirror. The goddamn mirror was back.


    Shit is going to drive me off to the end if this keeps up.

 Chapter 4 and a Half

    "List of accomplishments can be found on a blank piece of paper."


    Everyday zooms by like another step whenever I walk. Not much thought is put into it, yet I stick with the stagnant routine.


    "Activities include emptying bottles of liquor, staring at a computer screen for long periods of time, walking outside, and spending time drinking coffee at a cafe."


    If you ever think of any questions with ¡°What the fuck,¡± being the only answer, I suggest to simply stop.


    "Number of visits to the doctor: lost count."


    Walking on the planet for twenty-six years and ending up like this.


    "Favorite birthday cake flavor: chocolate. With vanilla buttercream frosting."


    They make no sense at all, so why linger on it?


    "Asks many questions but receives very few answers."


    Honestly, most people I have gotten surrounded by never stood out to me.Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.


    "Introverted and is not very social."


    Just forget about the whole passion thing.


    "Not on good terms with parents."


    Shut up... Be quiet... Why can nobody leave me alone?


    "Said to have been bullied in school. May have caused trauma."


    The one person who ever gave me hope. The one person who cared for what I do.


    "Did not have many friends."


    Just have to be patient for good times to come!


    "Favorite drink: White Russian."


    Everybody else simply drowned from the high volume. They get buried and never dug out.


    "Despite having done poorly getting involved in social circles, became a ''party animal'' in college."


    The night is settling.


    "Dropped out of college as marks began to come in."


    They told me I had something, I was destined to do and be something great.


    "Sleeps for ten, maybe fourteen hours on days off work."


    Life is one giant hassle. Weight that crushes your feet into the earth as one struggles to take another step.


    "Smokes half a pack a day."


    None of this is my fault! It is everybody around me!


    "Health condition: could be better."


    ...Get out of my goddamn face.


    "If you say so."

 Chapter 5

    Few days passed and there was nothing to them. Time did not make an impact on me. Breeze on the skin was all I felt. Long days melded into a short experience. Can only vaguely recall a few moments in my days... Already accepted my days are meaningless. Nothing every blooms as my desire to exist withers everyday. Born into this world without reason. Most fun I have had was to engage in hedonistic activities once high school was finished with. But I lost interest from the repeated exposure to the soulless enjoyment when I made an effort to be accepted by the others. But times only worth in the moment and gone with a tick of a clock. Worst though was when I stood in dread over being left with nothing. Realized that fun does not make for fulfillment and proved to be no alternative for what I longed for. Reached and could never seem to grab. Hurts in many different areas all over, but the pain has become so numb that it feels only like a mere inconvenience. Asking questions to myself is pointless when I lack the answer to any of them.


    Within the absence of the sun, body made its way to the bar I visited a week ago. Needed another drink. Needed a moment to gain myself back. All around myself was obscured in a haze, and that was bothersome. Drink or two would be enough to clear it out. Maybe not quite but at least I know it makes me comfortable.


    Stepped into the warm air inside my eyes laid onto a face I have not seen for some time.


    "Rob?" he said to me.


    I knew him well. "Chris?"


    "Holy shit, Robby! It''s been too long!"


    Chris left his seat. Arms out and lunged in for a hug. Felt a bit awkward but did not make a big deal out of it.. Scent of alcohol touched my nose as his unignorable tough arms fit for a bodybuilder wrapped me. There was no way of winning a fight or an arm wrestle with him. He was fit before, but not this much.


    "There''s a lot a shit we''ve got to catch up on! Come, sit here," Chris said as he motioned his arm to the empty seat next to his.


    Agreed and seated next right to where he wanted me to be. The bartender, different one from the graying man from last time, a young woman with brown hair.


    Chris had his eyes widened. It was though he peered into memories he had no idea he had forgotten about, all being played at once and all flowing back to him so quickly. As for myself, I remember him quite well.


    <hr>


    How it went for me was that we went to that mess of a college together. Do not even want to be reminded of that waste. Though that being said, it was there that myself and Chris met. He was pursuing a future in film while I did what I thought would work for me, much against my parents'' will. Was sitting outside the college one day. Sun was shining its way without the interference of clouds and eating my lunch when he decided to sit next to me to do the same thing. Did not mind his business. Never saw him in my own classes and took no interest in him at first. Was already distant from my own classmates. Could never find any ground with them and could not figure out the reason why. Physically we were in the same room scheduled to come back for the same reason as each other and yet our minds...our souls were so distant that breathing in the same air meant absolutely nothing. Had to wonder if they even saw me as human.


    However, Chris was not like the others. "What are ya eating?" was what he had to say to a meaningless stranger simply minding his own business. Conversation was lifted as I gave him the answer of "Ham sandwich." Such a commonly packed meal was then responsible for soaring my conversation with Chris as he started throwing waves of other questions from "Is that what you usually eat?" to "What course you taking here?" and even "You ever go to this one bar a little outside of downtown with thirty beers on draft? Fuck dude, we should go there! Shit man, everybody else I know scattered all over the country, I have nothing really going on. Classmates aren''t really my type too so that doesn''t really help." Asked him questions myself, initially as filler to let him dribble, yet I found myself taking this jester seriously. Did not even realize until we were heavy in the discussion of our area of study.


    "You see," Chris went on, "I always had a thing for television. I know my mom would always tell me that I''m watching too much of the TV but I continued to binge on it. There was that one series in particular, you know the one with the five-man hero squad for kids... Yeah, that''s the one! The way they made the big monster fights using guys in costumes, and buildings out of cardboard was the coolest shit. Oh yeah, the monster movie with the mutated lizard did the same thing. To create such illusion out of something so simple, it''s fucking nuts. Now there''s all this CGI shit that feels uncanny... You agree? Yeah dude, it doesn''t feel right. Like some heavy makeup or something. When you had cardboard buildings, it felt like something real was there. Like what''s captured on screen were actual things caught by the lens of the camera rather than adding shit afterward. Same with explosions. You got those edited explosions into movies and it feels so forced. It feels fake. I hate it. Fake shit always gets under my skin, not just from TV and shit either... What do I mean? I guess I just don''t have good experience with fake shit. It''s just an imitation of something. Trying to be something that isn''t. And when you notice it''s not right, that it''s fake, it leaves a real bad taste in my mouth. Like it''s trying its best to deceive people. I know films and TV and shit are all about editing and creating illusions but when they''re making ass of an effort to create something, it''s just shit. Am I saying too much?... No?... Really? I thought I was giving out too much there."


    Chris stayed in his field while I never knew I was cruising through my time recklessly, swerving off course yet not giving a damn, almost like driving while drunk. Mother and father did not care. They had their own shit to attend to and made it obvious they did not support the route I have taken. Time passed and the passion I once had was draining with it as though there was a hole in the bottom of a tank, emptying away the fuel that was needed to run a machine, desperately burning in the losing fight against the leak. The passion I once had had left and gone away leaving me only filled with nothingness. Became nothing but a hollow husk.If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    <hr>


    Now here we are. Face to face with him once again after a few years of quiet absence, now back in full along with his noticeably loud demeanor.


    "Hey, bartender! Get this man a drink," he said as he pointed towards my direction. The bartender noticed and her focus fell on me.


    "White Russian, please," I gave her my answer.


    With a short nod she went on to her task as Chris went on with his talking.


    "So, like, man, where''ve you been this whole time? You just disappeared on me. Poof! Just vanished, man."


    "Dropped out. Simply could not keep up with the courses. Stopped feeling as though that was the life I wanted," which was my answer.


    "Here''s your order, sir," the bartender appeared and extended her hand over the bar to place the White Russian in front of myself. Her voice and manner reserved. She left us to ourselves after returning to her other duties. Titled my head down to catch the drink in my eyes. The ice in the familiar beige drink twinkled in the light over ourselves like that of a star would. Gave a special quality to the cocktail.


    Chris striked a stern look at me. "I mean, yeah, but why''d you leave me hanging like that? I thought you moved out of the city."


    Gave him a sluggish shrug. "Was kind of a sudden thing that happened. We never exchanged cell phone numbers and I got too caught up in my own problems. Slipped out of my mind. Did not mean to forget about you like that. Ended up getting distracted by foolish shit." Took an honest sip of my drink.


    "Uh huh," Chris acknowledged in a disappointed tone. "At least you had a reason. I guess I can say for certain that you''re being honest with me."


    "How can you tell?"


    "Oh, let''s just say it''s my intuition, man." Chris had a benevolent smile which lifted the mood around us.


    "What are you doing now by the way? You must have been done with college at this point."


    The smile he had a moment ago disappeared. "Yeah, that shit. I graduated, I''m qualified, I got through interviews, but I couldn''t land one fucking job."


    "You being honest?"


    "You think I''m fucking with you, man?"


    "No, simply making sure."


    "Ha ha! You haven''t changed one bit, Robby! But yeah, not one fucking job. Guess they wanted someone with more experience, however you get that. Or the guy next to me simply appeared more appealing than I am. Well, guess you could get some experience if you want to be like the poor guys going through the unpaid internships, but they say time is money, and money is something I really am seeking..."


    "You do not mean to say that you are out of a job, are you?"


    "Nah, Robby. I''m doing good. I was good enough to graduate but when everybody wants in on the jobs but only a few have open positions, there were just others who looked better than me. Looking at what other shit I''m interested in, I remembered when we used to hit the gym. I know we didn''t do that as much as we should''ve, but that got me fired up to apply as security! Crazy to think some fortune 500 tech company hired me! Not to mention they pay better than other places."


    "You are happy with that?"


    "Hell yeah, man. I kind of lost my own drive to do what I originally went to college for with how surprisingly nice the job is. On the bright side though it got me wanting to hit the gym more often than before. It''s nothing crazy like they''d show you in movies, but it feels fucking good in the outfit. Which makes me wonder, what are you doing these days?"


    "Working at Michael Donald''s..."


    "I mean, it is something to do. Better than nothing. Nothing to feel so ashamed about. As long as you''re not like one of those entitled shitheads, which I know you''re not, it can be okay for experience, unless you''re planning to climb up on the ladder in that world. Then go all out."


    "..."


    "I guess it''s for experience. Tell you what, let''s exchange numbers before we forget to do it like last time... This is my number... And... Yours is... Ah, got it. Great. Now then. Lucky for you, I got a special offer for you, fucker. We are going to need somebody coming on board to get on the security shit. I wasn''t expecting to ask anybody today but I guess I''m lucky to find you!"


    "Will let you know soon enough."


    "Oh, you better! Don''t want you disappearing on me like you did already!"


    "Do not worry about it, I assure you!"


    We talked and continued to talk as though time was nonexistent. Felt as though I was being myself, requiring no mask to impress anybody. Was a rare experience I wish to be able to repeat many more times. But as much as anybody would want to ignore time, time does not discriminate. Soon me and Chris had to leave and exchange our farewells and off back into our own lives to lead. I was able to leave with a sense of satisfaction and felt the stretched pain of a smile that may have overstayed its welcome.


    Was a fun time... Hope I can do this again¡­


    <hr>


    "We have to push through!" yelled the chief. His voice tight and under heavy weight.


    Our squad was spotted by the enemies and that was the start to this disastrous firefight. Constant low banging blared from both sides as bullets from the enemy flew towards ourselves, hoping that those bullets would manage to find a target other than ourselves.


    The ruins of buildings reduced to rubble surrounded us all. The air itself had become coarse, hard to breathe. Luckily I was able to have a sturdy concrete wall as my cover. Our squad was spread apart and getting a good look at any enemy was going to be difficult if I wished to keep myself unharmed from the shots.


    "Robby! I''m moving up! Cover me!" yelled Chris from across from me. The space between us provided no cover as we both were in a tough spot with our respective walls providing our position.


    Continued shooting as Chris rushed to me. Had to keep a distraction while he was making his way to regroup with me. Had to have him get over unharmed. I had to. I had to.


    But something had struck. My eyes focused on Chris''s as his own widened as he began to stumble towards me as though the motor in his legs were malfunctioning. Managed to catch him before he fell on the ground. The weight on him made it hard for me to keep standing. Lowered the both of us to the ground while having the heat of harsh gasps from my squadmate on the side of my neck. Got him to lay down on his back as my sight came into view of the warm crimson stain that covered his stomach area.

 Chapter 6

    He was shot, terribly. Wound size of a curled fist. Flowing streaks of wine dripped out of it.


    Mind began twisting and turning in a whirlpool of chaos. What was the next step to take after my friend has been shot and in need of medical attention? I do not have such experience or knowledge. Will he be fine for the next few minutes? I do not know. What the hell can be done next? I do not have an answer. Get help? Keep fighting? What? What?


    "It''s your fault," the voice came from Chris. "Why did you fail me."


    What can I say? What can I do? What do you want me to do?


    "You never tried to see me after you dropped out. You thought that shutting yourself out was the best thing to do. Why?


    Do not know. I do not know. Being alone was easy, comfortable, familiar. But never treated like it was the best path. Only what was deemed the least worst.


    "That''s the reason, man? Didn''t you want to make yourself better for yourself? Didn''t you want to do better? Instead you pursued quick gratification as a means to make yourself content."


    What?


    "You refused to take responsibility. You lost any purpose you once had. All you ever did was seek for easy pleasures and cheap entertainment to brighten your days. But that was all it ever was. The value that you held on was scrap, dirt and a sorry excuse for existence. Nobody will care to remember the Rob who did nothing. Nothing but spent his days either wallowing in his own self-pity or withdrawing into his own space.


    "You understood this. You knew continuing the unremarkable days of expedience would not lead to anything, anything meaningful and close. And yet you did nothing. Why? Why did you stay like this? Why did you grow to become so accustomed to the patterns of life you used to despise? You let your resentment towards the world engulf the better of you. You shook your fist up to the sky and cursed it, only to receive not one reply. And from there you let it be. Neglected the will to change. Neglected yourself from making it better. Neglected the will to duty. Neglected it all as though you wanted to make your life a statement of the injustice that was cursed upon you. The indignation you suffer everyday. Yet that was nothing more than a pitiful excuse and a way to dump the responsibility off of yourself. Simple rationalization to not do anything on your end.This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.


    "Now your days are nothing but just another step whenever you walk. Every single day is another step. But a step towards what? Forward? Do not delude yourself. There is nothing waiting for you at the end. Nothing. Why should there be when you yourself are nothing. You cursed those who at least made an attempt to make a mark. Was that due to envy? Funny. A simple, sad and confused child. A child who believes the path towards nothingness is the answer. Let me make this clear: you are nothing, and you will stay as nothing..."


    <hr>


    Brought back to the familiarity of my room. Still in the darkness. There was no light sneaking through the curtains. Was still the night outside.


    Felt...horrid. Disgusted. There were too many awful emotions to list. Too quick to identify. Once one got the best of me another one took its place. Was though they were all competing for dominance, the next one more extreme than the previous. Thoughts were absent from my head, only the heat of fire burning inside of me.


    There was no way. Was no way I was able to continue like this. Only...only...an answer. An answer to answer everything regarding myself.


    Made my way out to the rooftop. Sky shrouded in darkness. Moon and stars were dismissed from tonight. City lights still glowed in the distance away. Nice sight it was. Especially now. The city''s radiance gave an impression that I was near the gates. Felt very much alive. Even now.


    Walked to the edge. Drop was a long one. Was no thought left in me. Emotions killed each other in the fight. What was left was ashes. I felt nothing.


    Took a step off and that was going to be it for me...

 Chapter 7

    Body was weightless, drifting in the darkness, a feather floating aimlessly to an unknown destination, if there even is a destination. Was a mirror in the distance, a very grand and extraordinary mirror out of arm''s reach. Floating parallel to myself in the endless abyss. Able to make out a reflection, a reflection that did not belong to mine. A familiar young man stared back at me from the mirror within.


    "We know each other..."


    "Correct."


    "But who are you?"


    "Believe you know the answer."


    "Me?"


    "Yes. We are the same. Took you long enough to realize that. Thought being in a mirror made it more than obvious."


    "How did I let this happen? I remember I was on the rooftop and I...I..."


    "After failing to achieve anything of worth, began to wish upon others around to suffer the same fate as myself."


    "No merit. Nothing to prove. No value. I am nothing but a disposable human left to be forgotten."


    "Sure I may not be wrong about many things I have said. I, myself, still believe people who put themselves higher on the hierarchy than they actually belong are more common than others would think, but was that ever an excuse to slither on dirt? To stay at the bottom while continuing the resentment towards the world?"


    "Humans are known to be adaptive, I told myself. Even with misery this is true. There are thousands and many people who adapted to their life surrounded by garbage and a lack of warmth. No desire to climb out of the pits of hell they fell in. They crawl, beg and do whatever they can to live another day. Yet I cannot help but wonder how such would happen in the first place."


    "Perhaps I am on that path right now."


    "Wake up to a day where I struggle to carry myself. Unable to find a reason to exist."


    "And yet I cannot face death."


    "Yes."Stolen story; please report.


    "Continue to search for the one thing in life that made it special, I felt it at some point, but struggled to find it. As though you had it in your hands but slipped away from your fingers. The tiny fragment of a memory still lurking inside."


    "Unable to describe but recognize the scent."


    "Sitting here waiting for it to finally fall into my hands, to be able to finally embrace it. Everything around moving ahead while I remain stationary."


    "Me, blameless. That is what I truly believed. To consider the possibility that I was at fault. I was the one who caused myself to become this way. How could I comprehend?"


    "Did I not consider the faults of my own actions? Once I had given up, that was when I pursued the easiest way to brighten my life. Reckless enjoyment of the most superficial that life has to offer. Quick jolts of joy to long stretches of days and weeks passing by with nothing to it. Eventually grew tired of what used to be considered fun. Now left empty. Everything seemed meaningless after."


    "Not everything good happens to anyone. That does not mean we are allowed to let ourselves weaken, our bones to soften or to take comfort in misery. Yet I let exactly that happen. Refused to make...adjustments. Did not consider doing what was necessary to remedy the chaos I found myself in. Was all a simple matter of entitlement. As though the world owed me, responsible for the pain I had to endure. Did not realize that simple fact."


    "Me, a sad child. To believe everything was acceptable simply because I accepted it. Yet I longed for the day when everything would be over. To go to bed forever, never to wake up again."


    "What is the reason for all of this? For me to suffer until I had to face the monster that resides beyond? To face headfirst into the darkness of the permanent solution?"


    "The monster can be two very different things."


    "Explain."


    "There is a permanent solution like you said, I do not believe that needs an explanation. But why have I not considered the other route? To grow from a small sprout to a blooming flower. To climb the high mountain through progression. To open the door that has not been turned."


    "To better myself, is it?"


    "Yes. That is what I should be doing."


    "Where to start?"


    "Grab an opportunity that is in your reach can be a start."


    "Where would that be?"


    "Should that not be obvious?"


    "Accept Chris''s offer?"


    "Of course that is a start. Step out of what you find comfortable and usual, especially if it is not beneficial to stay for so long. Do not be afraid to explore, to discover what you have not already done so. Especially if staying in a single place is not helping so what is there to lose? What do I have to lose?"


    "What else am I supposed to do?"


    "Do not ask me everything. I only know as much as you do..."


    The man in the mirror smiled benevolently as he waved what seemed like a parting as the mirror pulled itself away from me growing smaller and smaller as it absorbed into the darkness. When I began to think it was only me in the gravity absent space, I knew Elizabeth had appeared behind me.


    "Good luck, Rob. I will miss you."

 Chapter 8

    "It''s been a while since we came here, Rob."


    "Yes. Really has."


    "So I guess you found a new job."


    "Oh, did I tell you?"


    "The boss told me, ha ha! That''s actually a really sweet place to land a job at! You''re really lucky to get it!"


    "Thanks. Oh, our drinks are here..."


    "Thank you!"


    "Thanks."


    "You know it''s really strange to see you drinking hot chocolate. You really have the bitter drinker image going on."


    "Thought I had the heavy drinker image more."


    "Oh god, is that a joke?"


    "Yes. Though the truth is I simply felt like changing it up a bit. Go on the sweeter side from time to time."


    "There are a lot of dessert cafes all around the city. Like, a lot. Maybe you should get around to those places from to time."


    "Didn''t know about that. First time I heard it. I''m not much of an explorer."


    "You don''t get out enough! At least that''s what you look like."


    "Is it because of how pale I am?"


    "Well...yeah. Pretty much."


    "I...listen. I wanted to apologize."The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    "...For?"


    "When I had that outburst weeks ago."


    "Yeah...that. It''s okay! I mean, you''re right with it not being the most practical route or anything. I was definitely overestimating myself when I finally thought hard about it but it''s still something I want to do. The very act of being able to perform music in front of people leaves me with a satisfaction I can''t really explain. It''s like when I perform I feel truly glad and fulfilled to be alive so of course your comment really left a wound in me. But I forgive you. I know you weren''t trying to be malicious or anything like that."


    "I just have a terrible way of trying to help people..."


    "Mmm! This pumpkin spice latte is out of this world!"


    "..."


    "You''ve got to some of this!"


    "I''ll pass on that."


    "What? Come on. Just a sip."


    "More for you."


    "Aww... Why not?"


    "Alright, fine. I''ll try it."


    "Yay! Here. Don''t spill any."


    *sip*


    "..."


    "Holy shit that''s really sweet."


    "That''s it?"


    "Not bad though. Very different from what I have had in my life."


    "Geez, your age is showing."


    "Yeah, I think I''ll stick with my hot chocolate."


    "Hey, Rob?"


    "Yes?"


    "I''m doing a performance in a month."


    "A heavy metal performance?"


    "Rob, come on!"


    "I jest! I know you play the acoustic guitar. Of course I''ll come, I assure you! I have been curious for a while now."


    "Well, you better be prepared. I''ll be giving it 120% just for you! A whole 20% more than what''s worth."


    "Never thought I was that special."


    "You''re not."


    "What?"


    "Ha ha! Everybody''s special including you, Rob. Oh hey, why not bring somebody or two."


    "I think I know somebody who would come along."


    "Awesome! Need as much exposure as I can get."


    Would be lying if I did not say I was worried for you, Lisa. The world is tough and cruel but we, ourselves have the power to be worse and may be our own worst enemy. Unless we come to accept our situation and the circumstances surrounding it we may continue falling deeper into the terrible pit we created for ourselves. If our plans do not go as expected, please do not stay in the spot of misery. Wake up and step forward. Good luck, Lisa. I am looking forward to it.

 Chapter 8 and a Half

    "It''s not really the same with Rob gone now. I mean, I wish I didn''t avoid him during the last few weeks now that I think about it. But he seemed really impressed by my guitar performance. He also seemed to be more...cheery? No, no. Happy? Relieved than before. Thinking about it now, felt like there was always something troubling him that was always behind his back. He never showed it but there was something there. I don''t know what but regardless I''m glad to see him the way he is now. I''m doing pretty good myself! Work is the way it is, the music stuff is the same too. I do wish I could go more with the metal but it''s not as easy as it sounds to get involved in that scene right now. The venue is not the most welcoming to the more...extreme genres. What am I going to do forward? I think I''m going to figure that out soon enough... There''s so many people saying do this and do that and it gets really confusing. Sometimes contradictory. Don''t want to rush in and do something I''ll regret for the rest of my life, right?"


    <hr>


    "Man, things been pretty fucking great. I got him to hit the gym more and I think that did good for him. He seems really focused like he doesn''t have brain fog shit going on. It''s nothing too obvious but I started catching on to it after a bit of time passed. Oh yeah, he invited me to check out what''s her name? Lisa was it? Her guitar performance at the venue. I never really thought he''d invite me to do anything if I''m completely honest. But it was a fucking good time. She was cute so that''s a bonus. All three of us talked for a long fucking time about all kinds of shit. Music, television, going forward in life and how we all deal with bullshit that gets thrown at you. It was a fucking blast. I''d say I''m content with where I am right now. Life''s not fucking bad at all. Still have a bit of debt to pay off. I think you can guess where that came from. Other than that though I never would''ve thought I would be happy the way I am right now. Tell that to my grade school self."You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    <hr>


    "Dreams are meant to be woken up from. That is what I have learned. To run and keep running from reality will not help anybody, especially yourself. Of course facing it is a difficult task, but a necessary one. After years of being engulfed in my form of escapism, I feel as though I can finally stand up in the day and be able to move forward. It was not easy the first few days of cleaning myself up but now I can look in the mirror and see myself. Familiar and...well. Hopefully this state of mine will last. Do not want to go back to the way I was before."


    <hr>


    "I am sorry for making you go through all of that. I hope you can keep moving on without me. Good luck."