《The Female Perspective》 Chapter 01 - The Female Perspective - Satisfied With Life Yes, I¡¯m aware you¡¯re here for an epic tale of rogue AI, genderswapped romance, plain vanilla Harlequin romance novel style romance, annoying sidekicks, elves obsessed with racial purity and feces eating golems. Also existential threats to the real world in which we all live, which may or may have passed. And yes, I am skeptical, despite the solemn assurances from every government agency with three letter acronyms to slap together as well as Doctor Bancroft that we are now safe. Sorry, but if you¡¯d been through what I¡¯ve been through, you¡¯d be skeptical, too. DAVIS is many things, but a quitter isn¡¯t one of them. And, no, I will not use the past tense in reference to DAVIS. Well, too bad. This saga begins, with me as your bargain basement combination Odysseus/Homer, in the run-down conference room of my former employer, Central City Payroll Services, LLC. Hardly an auspicious beginning, but given what followed doubtless an appropriate one. And instead of singing of the Wrath of Achilles, let us open with the Rage of Elana. And, boy, from what I was later told I¡¯d managed to push every damn button she had, and perhaps managed to manufacture some from whole cloth. And, no, I will not sing. That I will spare you. ¡°Maybe I should go shopping for shoes with my girlfriends?¡± Ever hear the expression a piercing voice? This was it, except it was more like an armor-piercing one. ¡°2:12 into the video, that bit was.¡± ¡°And I bet you laughed. In fact, I¡¯m certain you did.¡± ¡°Not denying it. Our boy SwitchingToGlide over here does do snark well. Nobody can deny that.¡± ¡°Ms. Bancroft, Mr. Foyle, I¡¯m not quite sure I understand ¡­¡± ¡°Ms. Rogers, my employer and my associate have a rather unique method of expressing themselves, but trust me that we are sincere in seeking to utilize¡­¡± ¡°I mean, I am the daughter of a self-made billionaire and an old-money millionaire. I do have not just one but ¡®two silver spoons PERMANENTLY ADHERED TO MY MOUTH,¡¯ and doubtless ¡®simply do not understand what makes an RPG or ARPG worth playing.¡¯¡± ¡°Ha ha, that was the best! 4:53 that was. Bet your face was as red as your hair when you heard it.¡° ¡°Ms. Bancroft, at Central City Payroll Services we have a service plan to suit any employer¡¯s needs. I¡¯m sure we can offer you a high level of service at a reasonable price. And since you did specifically request Aidan as your Primary Contact in our telephone consultation, you¡¯ve doubtless heard good things about both him and this firm.¡± ¡°Yeah, good things,¡± Elana snorted. And all eyes turned to me. I realize the above conversation is doubtless confusing, but too bad. Trust me, as it unfolded it began for me in confusion and ended in a sort of dawning, waking nightmare sense of horror. My life as a YouTuber had somehow managed to infiltrate my real existence. In any event, let me now enlighten all and sundry as to the Cast of Characters in what would be for me a meeting to remember. Elana Bancroft you most certainly know. Those who didn¡¯t before what happened , well they do now. I think it is safe to say that at this point she must be one of the mostly widely recognized faces on the planet. As she noted, or well as I noted and she quoted, daughter of a self-made billionaire and an old money straight off the Mayflower millionaire. A fiery mane of red hair, pale skin and, yes, a metaphorical fire in her green eyes. Maybe an inch or two too short to strut down the catwalk as a high fashion model, but otherwise the sort of young woman that every eye turns toward when she enters a room. And believe me she knew it. And played it for all it is worth. Oh, and of course also President, CEO and sole shareholder of IceNine Games, Inc. But that I¡¯m sure you also knew. Mr Timestamp? Of 2:12 and 4:53 fame, the one not denying laughing at snark directed at his employer? That would be Joseph Spencer, who I later found out was the lead programmer and liaison with Bancroft Industries, Inc. With the then very secret special sauce for their next game. Eiditic memory. Dual undergraduate degrees in Mathematics and Physics. Dressed in a Los Angeles Lakers hoodie, jeans and, incongruously, penny loafers. Some sins cannot be forgiven. Obviously British and obviously not from the sort of background that would have him rubbing elbows with royals. High IQ and Oi, mate vocabulary. I guess it made him easy to underestimate. And the one attempting to inject a bit of professionalism into the conversation, that was Jason Hong, In-House Counsel. Everything about him was trying to scream respectable attorney, and everything was failing. Nice suit, nicely shined wing-tips, a haircut doubtless done by somebody named Pierre and for a price approaching three figures. But, too bad. He in fact looked like a little boy playing dress up in daddy¡¯s suit, something appropriate for Halloween. Too young, or at any rate too young looking. And poor, poor, confused Janine. Completely mystified at what was unfolding before her. As in my boss, Janine Rogers. By far the oldest person at the table, the one eagerly offering our services as opposed to going down the street to one of our far larger rivals, yeah that was Janine. Baby boomer Janine, but one of the unfortunate Baby Boomers who emerged into the world a finger¡¯s breadth from the even more annoying Generation X, who was in diapers for Woodstock, who spent the 1980s spraying her hair full of ozone destroying chemicals and cast her first presidential vote for Reagan. Republican sensibilities aside, favoring Hillary style pants suits and helmet hair, desperately attempting to cover the grey hair with so-so results via a so-so dye job. Doubtless gazing with horror into the prospect of an underfunded retirement. And me. Looking ¡ª okay, desperately seeking ¡ª to make my escape. But there would be no escape for me. Not this day. And me. Aidan Petersen. Twentysomething. Under-employed. Underachieving. Fortunately able to support himself (marginally) for all that. But keeping his fingers crossed his customer service job didn¡¯t get outsourced to India or China or the dark side of the moon. Hoping his health insurance premiums didn¡¯t go up another ghastly amount. Looking for a roommate to replace the one that had abandoned me to the vagaries of a year long lease on two bedroom apartment that I could barely afford when split. Just under six feet tall, but lying cheerfully about that missing inch or so when asked. Unremarkable blond hair, washed out blue eyes, the sort of guy you¡¯d pass over in a crowd without a second look. And me. SwitchingToGlide. YouTuber. Twitch streamer. My superhero identity, if you will, since in defiance of current convention I never showed my face, never sought product endorsements, never responded directly to requests I review games or even accepted review copies. And always flew solo. But, donations cheerfully accepted. And those sadly diminished advertising dollars? Can¡¯t say as I turned them down, either. Piddling an amount that they were. And, no, nobody in my life or out of it was supposed to be able to connect the dots from Aidan to SwitchingToGlide, if you hadn¡¯t already realized this. And not only had they, the connection was being made quite publicly. And worst of all, at my place of employment. Did I say worst of all? Sorry for jumping the gun. This is, after all, before Elana took out her phone held it in her manicured hand and started reading. And for all my horror, annoyance and embarrassment, even I must concede she did a better than average imitation of my voice as I tone it when speaking to my 83,000 subscribers. ¡°SwitchingToGlide is the name, and RPGs are my game. And boy howdy do we have turd blossom to step in this week. Torrie¡¯s Castle. Single player campaign, with rumored multi-player coming. Hopefully it is on the horizon. As in that point that constantly recedes as you approach it. The one you never reach. Unless you¡¯re a Care Bear hugging filty casual, I guess. Everything about this is just awful and seemingly designed to set a gamer¡¯s teeth on edge¡­¡± ¡°Ms. Bancroft? Is there something I¡¯m missing here?¡± This from Janine, my erstwhile employer. And, yes, I have always wanted to work ¡°erstwhile¡± into a sentence somewhere, and by this point I was beginning to think all my whiles were indeed about to erst-ed, at least as far as employment at Central City Payroll Processing, LLC, was concerned. And, also yes, as she was saying Elana, she was looking at me. Here Jason Hong jumped in, saving me from, well, probably a great many things, none good. And proving himself every bit the negotiator belied by his appearance. ¡°Ms. Rogers, I apologize for the confusion here, IceNine Games is after all something of a start up and Elana has had a great deal on her mind lately. This is why we¡¯re here today, seeking out your services. I¡¯ve reviewed your standard engagement letter, printed it, signed it as a representative of our company and have already forwarded the first payment to your bank account. Our payroll and HR records necessary for things like correct tax withholding will be forwarded as soon as you¡¯re ready to receive them.¡±Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. Here he handed the paperwork over to Janine, and cleared his throat. ¡°As a start up, we also have a need for outside consultants and would like to engage Aidan in that role. Specifically we would need him every evening beginning two days from now, on Wednesday, and for the next two weeks from Nine PM until Midnight. We would also need him physically at our office tomorrow, Tuesday, and Wedneday for certain tasks. I realize this is slightly irregular, and we would be happy to reimburse you an amount for the inconvenience this would potentially cause. We will necessarily need a signature on a non-disclosure agreement both from you and from Aidan, given the nature of the consultancy. And, of course, here is the fee that would accompany this engagement. Aidan will be available for his regular duties during the day beginning Thursday morning, and every day during the period we will require him for three hours a night.¡± Here Jason handed Janine a check. Her mouth opened and closed. And opened again. ¡°And, yes, that is a bank check. The funds have been set aside, so there should be no worry as to it clearing. Note that the NDA we are having you sign does have one unique feature: we are requesting that you do not inquire of Aidan the work he will be performing. I promise you it is nothing that is illegal or that will discredit your firm.¡± I am still not quite sure how much Janine received, but I cannot imagine it was an insubstantial amount. At any rate, she signed whatever it was they put in front of her. But, to her credit, she did also stand up for me. Sort of. ¡°And Aidan?¡± ¡°In the agreement you just signed, we state that we will compensate him separately. And, given the confidential nature of our industry, would it be possible if we spoke to him privately for a few minutes?¡± Janine, again to her credit, looked a bit uncomfortable. But then glanced at the bank check. And sighed. ¡°I¡¯ll hold onto the agreement and the check while you meet. Should you guys and Aidan not be able to come to terms, I¡¯ll shred both. Fair enough? Aidan, you okay with this?¡± ¡°Ha, they can¡¯t come to terms, she¡¯s gonna shred him, I think,¡± Joseph snorted with a laugh, before I could reply. Elana smiled at this. Kidding, I hoped. ¡°I¡¯ll hear what they have to say, and let you know, Janine.¡± ¡°We¡¯re gonna make him an offer he can¡¯t refuse,¡± Joseph put in, Godfather style. Elana raised an eyebrow, and her smile widened turning into whatever it is you¡¯d call a cross between a grin and smirk. And on that note, Janine left, leaving me at the tender mercies of the trio. ¡°Thank God the Boomer¡¯s gone, now we can really talk, Mister Aidan ¡®SwitchingToGlide¡¯ Peterson. And, yeah, I have more than a few things to say.¡± Out came her phone and she flipped through the screens. Much to my surprise, Jason spoke up, adding ¡°Elana is not at all into age discrimination, but her father has been, well, kind of a problem of late. It has kind of soured her on the older generation.¡± ¡°Yeah, those pesky ethical concerns,¡± Joseph joked, ¡°Why¡¯s he not willing to get on board with things?¡± ¡°Ah, here we are. Aidan Peterson. Age 27. Bachelor of Science, Business Administration. Qualified as eligible for and sat for the CPA exam, receiving partial credit but not pursuing completion. Last relationship of note over three years ago, has let his friendships from college slip away while forming no new connections of note. Applied for and was accepted into a graduate program in Hospital Administration, but decided not pursue this either. Father is deceased, mother works as school teacher, has two sisters, one older, one younger, only other family is one nephew and one niece. Mother¡¯s brother is the locally famous, or infamous, real estate developer George Hope. Cousin¡¯s wedding in two weeks may very well be the social event of the local season. ¡°I know I¡¯m going.¡± Here she smiled, ¡°And if he knows what¡¯s good for him he goddamn better well be coming with an engagement ring.¡± ¡°You know my cousin Celeste?,¡± I blurted out. And if I had any thoughts of pity toward whoever it was that would be, or was supposed to be, presenting this creature an engagement ring, well, I wisely kept them to myself. Ignoring me, Elana continued, ¡°Employed at Central City Payroll Processing for two years, as one of ten customer service representatives. Generally well liked by his clients, co-workers and employer, if considered a bit stand-offish. In sum, slacker, loner, letting his twenties slide by with minimal engagement with the world around him. Neither attracting attention or seeking it, letting the world pass him by.¡± ¡°But that¡¯s not all there is, is there, Aidan? No, we have our super-secret never to be revealed identity as YouTuber extraordinaire SwtichingToGlide, analyzing and reviewing games from single player old school titles like Darkstone to on-line MMORGS like World of Warcraft and the like. In the eighteen months of the channel¡¯s existence, we¡¯ve had seventy five videos put up, of varying quality and obviously of variable effort. Twitch streaming is much more of a hit or miss experience, and is typically confined to GW2 or PoE. ¡°This is your life, Aidan Peterson, hope you like it.¡± And, yes, here she rolled her eyes. ¡°Any questions?¡± ¡°Well, yeah. A lot. But ignoring the creepy stalking that is borderline to doxing, ignoring you intruding on me in my workplace, ignoring whatever the hell it is you want me to do for you or with you, ignoring my curiosity as to how much you plan on paying me, just one question. One big one. Or, maybe two. First, why? And second, why me? I don¡¯t get it.¡± ¡°Yes, I get I can be a little snarky doing my reviews and and analyses. Yes, I get I¡¯ve got a decent following. But, I¡¯m hardly the snarkiest, the most knowledgable or someone who dedicates my life to my on-line persona. And I¡¯m certainly far from the largest channel out there, even in the field of RPG gaming. I¡¯ve got this job. I¡¯ve got, well¡­ I¡¯ve got this job,¡± I ended. Maybe a bit lamely. Here Joseph spoke up, ¡°You don¡¯t watch your competition, do you? Or really do much of anything with social media, right?¡± ¡°Not normally, no. I just don¡¯t really have the time. Between work, playing games, editing footage, writing the script for each episode, doing reading to try and further my understanding of common elements of most RPGs, I just can¡¯t do it. And when I do try to look at other channels, well, usually it is for games I have not played and probably will not play.¡± ¡°So, you¡¯re not aware your content is being stolen?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry?¡± ¡°Other channels, they¡¯re taking your footage, they¡¯re taking your research, hell they¡¯re even quoting your reviews and analysis word for word. You¡¯re the one setting the tone, far more than you think, whether or not you¡¯re aware of it. Or the general audience is.¡± ¡°Huh. I was unaware. I just like to do my own thing.¡± ¡°Well boys, give him the NDA, have him sign it, give him his marching orders and let¡¯s blow this taco stand,¡± Elana said and started to rise. ¡°Wait, but you haven¡¯t answered my questions. Not really.¡± ¡°We haven¡¯t? All will be revealed. In the meantime, consider this a downpayment,¡± and slid a check across the conference room table. Fifty thousand dollars. ¡°Contingent, of course, upon you signing the NDA and agreeing to act as a consultant for IceNine Games,¡± Jason added. ¡°Look would it be okay if I thought this over, like overnight, and got back to you? At a minimum I think I might like a lawyer to explain the terms of this agreement to me,¡­¡± ¡°No. Either sign now, and join us, or we walk. I will say that at the end of the two weeks, that initial deposit? Expect a similiar one. With an extra zero on the end.¡± ¡°Jesus. You are serious?¡± ¡°As cancer, Aidan.¡± What can I say, I signed. After the team from IceNine Games left I staggered ¡ª I can think of no better term ¡ª out of the conference room and walked slowly back to my cubicle, collapsed into my chair and kind of stared at the water-stained drop tile ceiling in a haze. What the hell had just happened? I had just agreed to do something, though I was not quite sure what, every evening from Nine PM to Midnight for the next two weeks. Or for the next two weeks, starting in two days. And before that, to show up at the office of IceNine Games for the next two days, for some sort of, well, Training? Consultation? Who knew? ¡°You back on the clock, Peterson?¡± This from Virginia, our office manager, and technically my boss. Stinking of cigarettes, as per usual, huffing with exhaustion from the whole fifteen feet from her slightly larger cubicle to my smaller one. ¡°Actually, Virginia, I think I need to check in with Janine first, now that I think about it. If that¡¯s okay?¡± Plus it would give me a few more minutes to help get my head straight. ¡°Ha, she came out of that meeting looking like she¡¯d just received a marriage proposal from Tom Selleck. And had accepted. What the hell monster client did you two dig up this time?¡± She jerked her thumb over her shoulder, pointing toward her office. Made of sterner stuff that I am, Janine was already on the phone and answering questions post-meeting. And as usual it was Metzick Industries and as usual it was the train wreck that was the processing of payroll in the state, or more properly, Commonwealth, of Pennsylvania. When you¡¯re in the business I¡¯m in, Pennsylvania is both your full employment act, and a walking nightmare. Each town as an income tax, many have what they call an Occupational PrivilegeTax and nobody outside the state processing new hires in the state has a clue how to do it right. And, of course, the HR drone who set the employe up was blaming us. Never gladder that that sort of thing was above my pay grade. She motioned me to sit while on the phone, and once finished rolled her eyes and looked at me. ¡°Well?¡± ¡°I¡¯m in.¡± Here she let out a sigh. Of relief or frustration would be difficult to say, but definitely a sigh. ¡°Why don¡¯t you take the rest of today off¡­ oh, wait, you¡¯re going to be out of the office the next two days as well. Hmph. Sit down with Jared, go over any open items or processing concerns you¡¯ve got, get your head straight overnight and head out as soon as soon that''s set. And do what you need to do at this Games Studio. I do expect to see you Thursday morning first thing, though. You¡¯ll have a new client to set up, if nothing else.¡± ¡°Thanks, boss. But does it have to be Jared?¡± ¡°Yes, it does. Keep your personal dramas, personal, Adian. And I¡¯ll see you on Thursday.¡± Ugh. Jared Coughlin. The jerk who stiffed me with the apartment lease I couldn¡¯t really afford in the first place. ¡°Bro, its love!¡± He offered as justification as he moved out and in with his girlfriend. Not that we were great friends before he moved out, but since, well, let¡¯s just say I kept my distance. Fortunately, there was not a great deal to be said to him, the summer being a slow time of the year. Other than to remind him to get the last of his crap out of my apartment. That done, I let Virginia know what Janine and I had agreed upon, and headed back to my desk. To log out of the software, shut my computer off and get ready for tomorrow. When much to my surprise, my extension buzzed. ¡°Hey, kid, normally I¡¯d just take a message and tell them to call back on Thursday. But, well, its your mom. Figured you¡¯d want to talk to her.¡± Oh, God. Mom being, well, Mom. ¡°Plus one, Aidan. You. And a guest. Presumably a female one. In a week from this Saturday, or in thirteen days. For your cousin¡¯s wedding. You are going to do this. ¡± ¡°Mom, Jesus. Leave it be. I¡¯m between relationships.¡± And was reasonably sure planned to stay that way for the rest of my life, but she didn¡¯t need to know that. It wasn¡¯t even like Carol and I, my one and only serious relationship, had had a difficult break up. We just grew apart. And between work and my YouTube channel I kept as busy as I wanted or needed. Like the old song lyric says, ¡°Why fall in love when there¡¯s better things to do?¡± ¡°Between relationships,¡± she snorted. ¡°No. You¡¯re doing this for me. You¡¯re finding and bringing a date to your cousin¡¯s wedding. Here, talk to your sister.¡± there was some rustling in their end, and a clunk as the old landline hit what sounded like a table, as Tiffany, my older sister picked up the line. ¡°Hey bro.¡± ¡°Tiff, please talk to her. She¡¯s being totally unreasonable here.¡± ¡°She¡¯s a mother. She gets to be unreasonable. I should know, blessed as I am with one girl and one boy. And as her only son, she well, as has some ideas that, yeah, are a tad eccentric, but she means well. And it would mean a lot to her if you showed up at Celeste¡¯s wedding with a date.¡± ¡°But¡­¡± ¡°No, buts. Besides it¡¯ll be fun.¡± Fun and weddings. Yeah, right. Goes together like peanut butter and battery acid. ¡°Look, I¡¯m starting a new project and I¡¯m going to be busy for the next few weeks. Very busy. Even if I were interested in searching for a date, and I assure you I am not, I don¡¯t see how I could. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Then you¡¯re gonna disappoint Mom. You wanna do that? I mean, does she ask for all that much from you? Really? Humor her on this, and everyone¡¯s life with go much easier.¡± ¡°But¡­¡± ¡°No buts, baby brother.¡± And she hung up. Chapter 01.1-The Female Perspective-Interlude-Two Videos and Message Board Posting In the interest of full disclosure, here is a partial transcript of the video that infuriated Elana Bancroft so much: [Generic instrumental music plays. A series of images flash on the screen. A male knight in improbable armor. A female warrior in even more improbable armor; subtsantially less in fact. The following words appear on the screen:] Switching to Glide Video Game Reviews and Analysis The Occasional Bad Movie Review Aimless Rambling Fully Anonymous [Screen Briefly Flickers and the Wording Changes] Episode 48: Torrie¡¯s Castle - Where Bob the Builder Meets the Care Bears, and we all lose SwitchingToGlide is the name, and RPGs are my game. And boy howdy do we have a turd blossom to step in this week. Torrie¡¯s Castle. Single player campaign, with rumored multi-player coming. Hopefully it is on the horizon. As in that point that constantly recedes as you approach it. The one you never reach. Unless you¡¯re a Care Bear hugging filthy casual, I guess. Everything about this is just awful and seemingly designed to set a gamer¡¯s teeth on edge. For those of you who saw my Twitch stream of this game, feel free to NOT repeat the colorful language I used therein in the comment section of this video. I try to keep YouTube bit more on the family friendly side, as it were. And go perhaps just a wee bit overboard on Twitch. Just a bit. [On screen a young girl approaches a clearing, in the center of which is a larger than life apple tree, containing ¡ª no surprise ¡ª larger than life apples. She touches one, and it spawns a shield, slowly turning inside out and from apple to shield. She touches another apple and this one spawns a book, using the same transformational graphic. She touches a third apple and, uh-oh, this one turns into a worm. A cartoonish looking rather fat worm, but one with two pincers at the front. The girl holds the book up over her head and a beam of light shoots from it, skewering the worm, which vanishes. A series of words appear on the screen: Torrie¡¯s Castle: Build, Co-operate, Survive and Grow Together] I mean, with that as the trailer, my expectations were not high, but wow did this slither underneath even those. Gaah. Look. [The young girl has now built a log cabin, one with an improbably large stone fireplace and a sturdy, solid door with an iron frame, iron supports and a nice porch. The apple tree referenced in the opening scene is clearly visible through a window. Torrie ¡ª the young girl in question ¡ª is cooking some sort of stew in an iron pot over a small fire. There¡¯s a knock at the door. An on-screen prompt asks if you wish to answer/inquire/ignore the knock. You answer. At the door is an old woman with a staff accompanied by a small dog and an absurdly large cat. ¡°Congratulations on surviving a week in the Secret Forest. I am Martana, the guide here to help you further grow your Castle, expand your Magic and help attract companions. And fulfill your destiny as you build your castle. The Horde is coming, dearie.] Sigh. Yes, they really went there. The Secret Forest. [Here the audio is interrupted by a loud burst of laughter.] And getting to this point was every bit as banal and tedious as you¡¯d expect. Mean ol¡¯ worms interrupting your farming. Magical system as hard to figure out as opening the average box of cereal. Dialog as predictable as sunrise. The frustrating part being the graphics, the rendering, the transitions, the frame rate, all of that? Superb. Kudos to the programming team. But it is like drinking powdered lemonade out of a fine wine glass. [Two more scenes - with equally snarky commentary - follow. Omitted for the sake of brevity.] [Our hero Torrie appears on the parapet of a castle that would have made Sir Walter Scott proud. She is wearing a gorgeous white gown, and leaning over the balustrade. An old man with a white walrus mustache appears before her, and kneels. ¡°My Queen, the Horde approaches. What are your orders?¡± A series of options appears: Do you wish to close the gates? Do you wish to order an evacuation of the village? Do you wish to flee?] I got to this point, and I was like, hot damn. FINALLY. FINALLY A POINT TO ALL THIS. A final boss, a final battle, FINALLY something of interest. And, NOPE! SPOILER ALERT! THEY MEET. And talk. And talk. And talk. And¡­SPOILER ALERT! Nobody dies! Nobody even fights, try how you might! The ¡°Horde¡± settles down as¡­ get this¡­FARMERS. Normally I don¡¯t do spoilers, but here? For this? What? Why? What even is this? So, there you have it. Download this turd from the usual suspects, for PC and console. No mobile version yet, but presumably that¡¯s coming as it is about the level this rubbish story deserves.This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Which brings me to my larger and final point. Strap yourselves in, STG-ers, ¡®cuz I¡¯m about to climb on my soap box and let it rip. As per usual on YouTube channel, there will no cursing. But man, oh, man is that gonna be difficult. Grrrr. Yeah, my no potty mouth guarantee holds. But barely. First off, let¡¯s talk about the Dev Team, the people behind IceNine Games. Ha! No, let¡¯s not. Let¡¯s talk about the money pot for this one. Yeah, let¡¯s talk about Elana Bancroft. Do I get accused of gatekeeeping? Yup. Typically unfairly. Well in her case, I¡¯m gonna keep gates. And lock ¡®em tight against the barbarian horde in high heels looking for entr¨¦e. Nope, nope, nope. Just kidding. Make the damn games you want, and I¡¯ll snark away like the madman I am. Every time I hate on a game I do nothing but gain subs. Anyhoo, Elana Bancroft? Daughter of a self-made billionaire, world-renowned scientist daddy on the one hand, daughter of the inherited millions of mommy¡¯s ancestors on the other. Yeah, she ain¡¯t worried about making the rent. Two silver spoons permanently adhereed to the insider of her mouth. But, if this is gonna be her studio¡¯s output, well, she should consider sticking to shopping for shoes with her girlfriends. This is just awful. As noted above. I sincerely doubt she has the skill, talent or knowledge to make an RPG or ARPG worth playing. [And so on. You get the idea.] [Same Opening as Game Review - You Get the Point¡­until] [Screen Briefly Flickers and the Wording Changes] Important Announcement - Channel Going on Brief Hiatus [Disembodied voice speaking over gameplay of an Arena Shooter] SwitchingToGlide is the name, and RPGs are my game. Just not, well, for the next three weeks. I¡¯m afraid pressures at my work ¡ª yes, that horrible real world, even I need to heed it ¡ª are gonna knock out my production schedule for what looks like a little over the next two weeks. After which time I will be back on the clock, cranking out videos, but there will be a slight delay before anything gets posted, so I¡¯m giving myself three weeks for this hiatus. [Spawning in as what appears to be a US Marine circa 1943, except that by scale would be at least eight feet tall, except wielding an absurdly large bright yellow assault weapon that would never have passed Pentagon review, except wearing bright red rocket boots, GameTag SwitchingToGlide stomps toward the sound of battle.] Missing my content? Go for a walk. Read a book. Re-connect with your girlfriend. Ha ha, just kidding, we know nobody watching this has one of those, given that my YouTube demographic is eighty seven percent male last I looked, forty percent between the age of 18 to 29, thirty percent from 30 to 45 and and an astonishing 25 percent over that age. Forty five percent white, thirty percent Asian, ten percent African-American, fifteen percent unclear. Sixty five percent US and Canada, which doesn¡¯t surprise me, ten percent UK and Ireland ¡ª a hello to my friends across the pond ¡ª ten percent Brazil ¡ª which, yes, still astonishes the heck out of me, but Bom dia, Boa tarde, Boa noite to my friends there ¡ª and fifteen percent elsewhere. [GameTag SwitchingToGlide sneaks up behind what appears to be a bright pink minotaur holding a giant umbrella and opens fire. The minotaur turns and attempts to open and raise the umbrella to block the incoming hail of bullets. But fails. SwitchingToGlide has killed BastianBalthazarBux Flashes in the message section. The minotaur falls dramatically to its death and vanishes after a few seconds. GameTag SwitchingToGlide reloads and moves on.] And as you can see, the special project I¡¯m working on is doubtless going to be taking up most of the grey matter inside my head, though a few of the details are in fact yet to be revealed. So, when I¡¯m gaming I¡¯ll be joining our intellectually challenged friends pew-pewing away at each other on console rather than trying to figure where or how so-and-so a character fits into Campbell¡¯s Hero¡¯s Journey. [GameTag SwitchingToGlide enters the ruins of a castle and crouches down behind a wall. Before him holding a staff is an absurdly proportioned female, unclothed more than clothed but with the truly vital bits covered, presumably a sorceress of some sort, spawning in sparrow after sparrow. If sparrows were purple. If sparrows had a murderous gleam in their red eyes. GameTag SwitchingToGlide pops up from behind the wall and unloads a full clip. Alas for him the bullets bounce harmlessly off a shield of some sort. The flock of birds, now numbering at least thirty, follow the direction of their mistresses¡¯ staff and flow seamlessly toward our hero, who in short order has been rendered into bloodly mess, pecked to death. PrincessPowerGoGoGo has killed SwitchingToGlide Follows in the message section. After a brief flash on the screen, the character respawns in what can only be described as an American ice cream shop, circa 1956, except of a scale to accommodate the hundreds of accounts loitering therein. Earth Angel by the Penguins plays on the Wurlitzer Juke Box and over the sound system, though gameplay sound is muted in the video, alas. Three Minutes to Launch Shows as a message] And, no, there will be no ¡°face reveal¡± should I ever hit that magical one hundred thousand subscriber mark. Sorry, that just isn¡¯t how I roll. Just want to quash that rumor up-front, so nobody¡¯s disappointed. No clue how that one got started, but it definitely wasn¡¯t by me. Trust me, you ain¡¯t missing much. Like the man said in the old days, I have a face made for radio. On a serious note, if any of you guys want to do something worthwhile, check out The Roll Up Kingdom, as I reviewed in Episode 50. I am seriously in love with game. Nothing like MC Escher in an MMORG to get my motor running. Yes, the graphics are probably not what we all expect these days, but wow, such an innovative take on guild formation, base building, technology and a magic system. Once things in my life get a bit more settled I fully expect to spend far more time in that game than is healthy for me. I¡¯ll be stocking up on Sour Cream and Onion potato chips and Diet 7Up and looking forward to it. On an even more serious note, be sure to Like, Subscribe and hit the Notification bell. Helps me, helps the channel, helps everybody. Didn¡¯t like my content? Off with you to play BattleBulletHell, then, as I will doubtless be doing for the next few weeks. And should anyone care to do so, a full transcript, possibly with a bit more in the way of explanatory detail, will be up on my blog at SwitchingToGlide.WordPress.com. But I¡¯m sure you all knew that. Anyhoo, SwitchingToGlide, Out! Video ends. [As the final element of our little interlude, we provide for your enlightenment the one element of Aidan¡¯s life Elana & Co. Did NOT manage to unearth. Namely, his adherence to the philosophy as espoused in The Rule of One: Manhood in the Twenty-First Century. And his participation in a private, invitation only message board associated with said school of thought. This was one pseudonymous ID he always made sure to proxy out from, to cover his tracks and to associate with no other ID of any kind. Notably, the RuleOfOne.pl site no longer exists, and this message was a recovered archive.] [Posting as StandBackFromItAll] Thread Title: Taken Out of the Garden¡­Hopefully for a Short While Brothers: My quiet peaceful life was intruded upon today, and potentially turned upside down. Yes, the offending event was largely caused by a female, but occurred strictly in a professional domain, and as a mea culpa I must admit I did act in a way likely to provoke a reaction. In any event, I am now saddled with a two week project that is going to push me out of my normal life and into a bit of a strange situation. My sense is, given the nature and quality of the industry I am pursuing this project, I am going to be largely surrounded by males, but I am at present unsure. The principal of this business is female, however. And is a rather strong-willed domineering one for all that. I apologize that I cannot be any more specific in the terms of engagement, but, eh, I am a private person and on balance simply wish to be left alone. One issue that arose: this woman and her employees/followers were savvy enough to track me back from another pseudonymous ID I use, in a wholly different context from this one, to my real life. I see no evidence this particular ID has been compromised, but any additional advice offered in terms of security would be greatly appreciated. The compromised ID was a public one, and within a certain sphere arguably both very public and reasonably well-known. Had they compromised this ID I have no doubt it would have been thrown in my face. Subtlety is not a trait of the principles involved. Any help, guidance or good wishes anyone wishes to send my way would be most appreciated. Grateful thanks in advance. Notable responses: [Posting as StreetSanctuary] Wouldn¡¯t worry too much, even with the the business of the pseudonymous ID. I¡¯m guessing Reddit or maybe YouTube, given how you described them. Those are far too easily compromised, and unlike this place nowhere near as locked down. Just keep your head down, your mouth shut and get on with it. Sounds like it is short-term. [Posting as GreyOverlord] Never, ever, ever act in a way to provoke a reaction from a woman. Never! Cool indifference at all times and in all ways. Sounds like you¡¯ve learned that lesson. Go back and read Chapter Four of The Rule of One now. Fitting homework. [Posting as GlacierTree] I¡¯m not as sanguine as my brothers in the preceding. Sounds like you''re heading into some dangerous waters and need to be careful. Post here often ¡ª and for God¡¯s sake don¡¯t forget to proxy on your way in. Women are by their very nature nosy, and once they sink their hooks into you will keep digging to a degree no man would truly imagine. Until you bore her, of course.