《What I'll Become》 My Awkward Beginning 1 I wasn¡¯t particularly handsome, nor was I particularly kind. Most of the people I know would describe me as just, well, unpleasant. On the other hand I didn¡¯t really care, at least that¡¯s what I told people. Truth is I hated the way I was, I¡¯d gotten so used to the way I acted that I¡¯d grown accustomed to it. I tried being nice and kind, but most people thought it strange my sudden personality change I guess they¡¯d grown accustomed too. Growing up is a confusing process, you have no idea it¡¯s happening until it¡¯s almost over. For me it was like the dark ages, everything sucked. Middle school was one of the worst and best times of my life. While I had some of the closest friends that I¡¯d ever had, I also had a scourge of depression that always seemed to find a way to swallow me whole. My past wasn¡¯t the greatest, that coupled with teenage hormones made that depression seep deep into my psyche. I won¡¯t lie I often thought of suicide, at home I became more and more introverted, yet nobody noticed and that didn¡¯t help the situation. Everyday was worse than the last, for five years, there was contemplation and attempts of suicide. It wasn¡¯t that I hated anything in particular, I hated everything; my parents lack of caring ,loneliness that dogged me, the emptiness that was me, and myself. Events from my past terrorized my mind every time I closed my eyes, often times, quietly, I cried until my eyes closed completely and nightmares took.If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. My Loss of Faith Over those years I lost my faith, this had to do with all of those times that I was in so much pain I begged for someone to save me, anyone to help me burden my pain, and that never happened. Eventually I started begging God to kill me in anyway a car, lightning, heck even a murderer, I didn¡¯t care at that point anything besides life was mercy. After all of that I felt the most chilling emptiness, I was hollowed and left with nothing. By that time I¡¯d tried fashioning rope, we didn¡¯t have any and I was ten at the time so sadly the ropes I created always broke. Of five of those years I had four suicide attempts, still nobody noticed. This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. I Found a Purpose After those five eternal years passed I finally came out of that long depression. I was happy with only a few mental breaks every several months, it didn¡¯t happen often so I didn¡¯t think it was worth any notice. About the time I hit high school I had adjusted quite well. Everything had leveled out quite nicely, I was 6¡¯0 well enough built with sandy brown hair and hazel eyes, I¡¯d made friends not close friends , but friends all the same. I thought I was fine, yet every now and again deep down I realized I wasn¡¯t, even the people I cared about like Sarai one of my friends whom I admit I might¡¯ve liked a bit, had no inkling of who I really was in the end I was just existing someone who didn¡¯t care what happened to them it just didn¡¯t matter. Just listing through life that¡¯s how I spent years, until one day, my senior year, I was drafted. I had no feelings towards this nothing mattered, the training was tough and sometimes very painful, but at least I finally had the opportunity I may finally find some peace in death an exit. The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. Life The first few weeks were harsh, waking up early which isn¡¯t my strong suit, the exercise and trust me the words that spewed from our sergeants mouth would make an angel cry. The unspoken slogan we all learned was to either put up or shut up, do exactly as you¡¯re told when you¡¯re told there were no niceties it was mindless and I liked that,being a machine was something I practiced daily anyways just not in the same way¡­ I needed an exit this was a necessity either a way to live or my way to die. Friends were not hard to find. Though I was a quiet person we were all in this together we were a team relying on each other was natural to us. Most of the time it was hot, the wind kicked up throwing sand in my eyes all I could see were blurry colors, orange, yellow,and faded brown appeared in between blinks. The equipment I carried felt exaggerated in the heat. ¡°Hey Ray this sand tastes just like the dirt your mom sends¡± Tommy yells back to Ray ¡° yeah, yeah up yours Tommy boy¡± Ray yells in response. Ray was more serious than Tommy and easily my favorite between my two friends, he often prayed even though he didn¡¯t believe in God. Tommy and Ray were to my left Ray further back than Tommy almost forming a triangular I found Tommy joked too much that¡¯s why Ray occasionally made fun of him , but Tommy had serious moments as well. Sometimes I think Tommy joked to forget that he was here with people who¡¯d kill him in a heartbeat, the sun that blared down on him, joking covered up fear.If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. ¡°Michael where was it we said would be perfect to fish?¡± What? Where did the conversation end up? Dammit I wasn''t paying attention. ¡°Um I think we said Alaska, I hear it''s beautiful up there¡± At this Tommy laughed. ¡°Beautiful huh? Jeez Michael you sound like a woman¡± ¡°Eh? What''s wrong with being a woman? You don''t like girls Tommy?¡± I replied jokingly. ¡° Yeah anyways if Michael were a woman I think he''s the quietest one I''ve ever-¡± Crack! Echoes of a shot rang through the air like a bell, a second, one second was all it took. A spray of warmth hit the sensitive part of my neck. Turning to my left my eyes laid upon Tommy''s face, we¡¯d both been walking next to Ray, but since I was farther ahead the blood flecks sprayed the back of my neck whereas Tommy, Tommy''s face was clear to see and it''s a face I will never forget. His face had Ray¡¯s blood sprayed on it, the coat of blood looked like a bad piece of art, his expression showed a dazed confused stupor, eyes wide mouth agape as if he''d broken a vase and just got caught by his mom. We both looked at each other clueless, but then slowly Tommy''s face turned to one of realization. A Horror ¡°Run!¡± Tommy yelled, still confused I jumped into action. By this time, in this tiny sandy village, in this tiny place, in just one second, my eyes opened to the real world. This event was nothing new, war is nothing new, people affected and broken by our child,our abomination we gifted the name war, is nothing new, and yet it was new to me. With one shot, a pull of a trigger, Ray¡¯s life ended. He was simply gone leaving an empty body splayed behind me, I thought it was a dream I hoped it was a dream, but reality set in and an abrupt panicky emptiness panged in my stomach. I met Ray in training, we were in the same unit, we were allies, he was someone I could trust, I did trust, I shared my past and he shared his I¡¯d have to say though I never did say this, but he was my best friend someone who was always there to lean on, I had to leave his body behind me. I couldn¡¯t even be with him in his last breath. Was this my job? Was I here to merely bear witness to pain? At this thought a wealth of rage built up, blood dark, simmering rage. My mind had been set I was going to find the man who shot Ray, and God help him when I did. If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. Tommy and I were still in the area, but we¡¯d ducked inside a tiny abandoned house. ¡° Tommy where¡¯d that shot come from?¡± I asked ¡°Right out there¡± he nudged his head to a building further down across the way. My eyes set on the empty street, empty even though it was midday. Rushing from the little nook we were in, I left before Tommy could even get the words out that would stop me. The boy part 1 I scanned the eery street,wind blew with a whooshing howl and my closed world felt even lonelier. Glancing from left to right as I moved forward,I spotted movement from an alley in the same direction the shot had been fired, sure of myself that I¡¯d caught Ray¡¯s murderer I ran to that dark alleyway, but what awaited me was an ordeal I wasn¡¯t capable of handling. Created by two buildings, an alleyway nice and pretty sat narrowly filled in by shadow. Clothes hung on a clothesline to dry in the sun. Everywhere surrounding this alley was peaceful, as if everyone had just decided the sky was blue, the sun warm, and the breeze just right so why not take a nap. On occasion you¡¯d see one of those weren¡¯t quite tired, take a pleasant stroll down the beaten dirt street managing to pass a scene so tragic the world should¡¯ve wept. When I got into that cool alley I saw before me a trembling young boy, he looked to be about six or seven. I looked into wide brown eyes streaming with tears, they held fear, and his tiny hands held a revolver. My anger stopped replaced with confusion he looked so scared. I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him he was safe he didn¡¯t have to be afraid, I wouldn¡¯t hurt him. My vision blurred and for a brief moment I saw myself images of my past smudging and blending with the present.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. The Boy Part 2 A young me crouched in that same position shaking the same way, listening for the front door to bang open signaling my father¡¯s arrival from the bar. What I saw on this boy¡¯s face was the same fear I¡¯d worn on mine when my father shouted at my mother when my mother screamed as he rammed a fist into her stomach and she collapsed on the floor, as his foot jutted out striking her in the stomach again and again. My mother covered her stomach that held my baby sister inside trying to protect the little girl not yet born, she protected the unborn child as much as she could, not that my father cared he shoved her into the cold porcelain bathtub still hitting as hard and as much as he could. I wanted to protect my mother too, I was her child after all. Fear wasn¡¯t something I cared about when I took action I ran over gripping his legs trying to stop the onslaught of brutality, blood covered the side of the bathtub standing out against the white of the porcelain, my arms trembled I knew his attention would soon turn to me. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. ¡° Get the hell off me brat!¡± His words slurred He shook me off from his leg, a cold boot found its way to my gut knocking the breath from my lungs and puke onto the floor. Vision blurry, blackness encroaching, consciousness fading I heard the front door open, my brother Dylan must¡¯ve just returned from work he was 15 a lot older than I was maybe he could actually do something. His footsteps thumped over to me ¡° what have you done?!¡± His voice was shocked, even though he knew exactly what had happened, this wasn¡¯t the first time. ¡°Shut up whaddya know boy!¡± My dad¡¯s disgusting slur and smell exaggerated especially when he spoke I tried to move, but couldn¡¯t. I saw my brother¡¯s shoes as he stood up, a commotion, than a body next to mine on the floor. Screams, darkness, hell. The Boy Part 3 My hell played beautifully on this boy¡¯s face, but this boy was not me. This child who like all children in the world , should¡¯ve been innocent to life¡¯s cruel ways, instead he held a weapon a weapon that ended a life, Ray¡¯s life. ¡®How am I supposed to solve this? What should I do?¡¯ I forgave him. The boy¡¯s hands shot up pointing the revolver at my face. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡° I¡¯m not going to-¡± POP! My gun sounded and in that fraction of a second another life ended. The Boy Part 4 NO!NO!NO! I didn¡¯t mean to! It wasn¡¯t supposed to be like this, I wouldn¡¯t even dream of hurting a kid! Stupid gun ! I wish I¡¯d never picked you up! My gun had gone off when I was moving it , the safety wasn¡¯t on, I went out looking to take a life and now I really had, but I didn¡¯t want this! this was an accident! Or did my finger tremble ?! I don¡¯t know what I did, but I didn¡¯t want to kill him! It happened too fast I want to take it back! I wish I didn¡¯t run into this street! I wish I waited a second! I wish I wasn¡¯t angry! I wish Ray was here! I wish I can take this back, Please take this back God! I knew God wasn¡¯t there I knew I didn¡¯t have a guardian angel, and somewhere I knew this would not and could not EVER be taken back, time would not reverse. I fell to my knees sitting in what I had done, this was real. I moved my hands to the young boy¡¯s face, his face was warm like he was still alive even though I could feel no breath coming from his nose or mouth. The revolver had slipped from his hands, at the sight of such a hideous instrument used by a irresponsible child, I found the revolver, with all my might I flung it away from the poor boy. Tears streamed onto his face, ¡®why is he crying? Please stop crying. Oh these are mine¡¯ a deep guttural sound escaped from the very depths of my heart escaping verbally, I broke. The numbness had gone and every bit of me that I''d sealed away, crookedly stitched back in place, fell apart, I crumbled. Deep sobs as if I was releasing everything, but no matter how much I cried my sin would forever stain the whole of me I went there to die and instead I took a life that was not mine.The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. I pulled the boy''s tiny thin frame to my chest, coaxing my feet to walk forward. My swollen eyes and the tears still flowing made everything blurry as if I was looking through a world of glass everything was so fragile. I carried him to the tiny little shack and through the door . ¡°What have I done?¡± I showed the lifeless body to Tommy I''d gone completely hysterical I couldn''t put all my pieces back together now I was fully broken. ¡°Wh- what? What the hell Michael?!¡± Clearly confused, Tommy looked at me mouth agape. ¡°I - I can''t get him to stop crying !¡± My chest was heaving I felt as if my world was spinning I knew I was the one crying, I knew the boy was no longer alive, but I couldn''t face it I needed an escape. ¡°He, he shot Ray, but now he won''t move! D-did I make him cry? Tommy tell me what to do! How do I take it back?¡± My voice wavered, ''please someone help me save me from this!¡¯ Tommy looked shocked, but soon he showed a grim understanding he understood the situation when I couldn''t. Gently I placed the tiny body on a little cot by the furthest wall, looking at what I''d done made me sick vomit surged up my throat and I puked in a corner by the door again and again until there was nothing left then I dry heaved until my stomach muscles grew sore. When I finally looked up I saw Tommy sitting on a worn out short wooden chair, he kept his head down, but in his eyes he was looking at a place I couldn''t see. We sat in silence consuming all of the injustice carried out today. Nightmares Not long after we left the little body curled up by an oddly luscious patch of grass and wildflowers, were we back to base both of us looking worse for wear. A lengthy report was given from Tommy and I, Tommy leading the conversation, to be honest though my mind didn¡¯t occupy the same space as my body I felt completely, wholly, numb. Day after excruciating day I lived in an oblivion of gray. The incident blended with my past every time. Sometimes ,without noticing I was doing so, tears dripped from my chin turning the pale dirt and sand dark. I felt the urge to be warm to feel light and I knew one thing would give me that feeling, alcohol. I¡¯d promised to never drink, after my father how could I? Yet here I sat a bottle of warm vodka poured into a metal container, a burning in my throat as the liquid carried me into a time where I could feel something. One drink made me feel hope, the next made me feel light, a whole bottle later and I was unimaginably happy. About a week after I started drinking I was full of courage, I held a gun to my head and played a little Russian roulette Tommy frowned at me across the bunksThis story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. ¡° Jesus Michael, put the gun down!¡± Tommy said as he stalked over and yanked away the gun. ¡° Oh come on Tommy I¡¯m just having some fun, lighten up¡± I couldn¡¯t help noticing the last part of my sentence slur just a little. ¡° No pardon me I¡¯m just not a sick fuck that wants to see my friend¡¯s brains scattered across the room¡± scowling Tommy stalked off. ¡° Geez what did I do?¡± When night fell I was all alone my eyes would droop until finally heavy lids sent me off to a dark nightmare.Dirt would cover my body each grain weighing more than a ton. The child would appear with pale skin and dark circles under a now pair of lifeless gray eyes. Staring he¡¯d search me looking through to my very being invading every part of me he¡¯d tilt his head once he knew exactly who I was, and say ¡° where¡¯s your brother¡¯s? Why can¡¯t you save us?¡± Then he¡¯d simply whisper ¡° I¡¯m so scared¡± as tears rolled down both cheeks making a sea of blood that I¡¯d gurgle and drown in glimpsing Ray¡¯s pale face in the bloodied sea. I couldn¡¯t help them hell I could only see or hear their voice in my nightmares. I was stuck in a hopeless place, I wanted to tear myself apart for my weakness, instead I simply reflected on humanity. A decision. The only examples of true humanity that I¡¯d ever witnessed came from my family, which was rotten to the core. I¡¯d grown up with those who gained every time I was in pain, and this is after my father disappeared,there was an argument, a body, and then I never saw my brother or father again.I think about that night often. After that most people only cared about me when it was convenient for them. They¡¯d bring drugs around,not that my mom cared. High as a Kite, my uncle would try to play with me and not realize he was squeezing every bit of life from my seemingly incredibly frail neck, users and abusers. Smiles plastered their face as they plotted your ruin; that was just their nature, their eyes and their words shouted they never made a single mistake, they believed this they shouted it nothing was wrong in their world. To me these people were garbage,I was garbage, yet they were family so all those feelings that were negative grew guiltier, heavier, and finally they crashed down on me until I broke. I wanted to love them, I needed to love something, but instead I was filled to the brim with an antagonizing, bitter, overwhelming self hate. My life was broken the people I cared for I also hated, even my brother who vanished, why did he leave me with these people whom I can¡¯t hate, but can¡¯t love either? More and more I thought about them, how would these people behave at my funeral? Would they pretend to cry? Would their detached emotional states allow them to truly cry for me?....Or would they simply be trying to keep up their innocent angelic facades? The only person who ever truly cared was my brother, and he left me with them he left me with this feeling, to pick up everybody¡¯s broken pieces. He left me...Humanity was disappointing. Betrayal was the first thing I knew, and kindness was something I¡¯d never know. Strange thoughts rambled about my head, ¡®burn. Just burn, Burn, burn,burn,burn. BURN!¡¯. The thought was oddly compelling, I knew it didn¡¯t make sense how could lighting yourself on fire make any sort of sense? But somehow the thought was This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. Strange thoughts rambled about my head as I layed in the dark, ¡®burn. Just burn, Burn, burn,burn,burn. BURN!¡¯. The thought was oddly compelling, he knew it didn¡¯t make sense how could lighting yourself on fire make any sort of sense? But somehow the thought was hypnotic.I had one goal when I rose from my small tidy cot; find a lighter. Tommy¡¯s one bad habit was his addiction to cigarettes, that was currently why I was shuffling through his bag in the dark. Cold and firm my fingers grazed the sleek form of the zippo lighter, I pulled the form from the bag and walked outside into the moonlight. Why was I doing this?I couldn¡¯t say for sure. Maybe I wanted to take myself away from what awaited me when I returned home, if I returned home...I didn¡¯t want to be swallowed up by the humanity that had surrounded me, to be turned into someone like them would be hell. I wanted to go up in a burning white hot fire, to be nothing more than ashes that¡¯d blow away in the wind without a single trace I existed. Then no one would hurt me. A glint of moonlight reflected off the zippo, it was a clear night with a light breeze tugging at the sandy blonde tips of his hair. I focused on the moonlight that shone down like a cool stream of water, then the contrast of the orange flame, then a sharp searing pain erupted on the skin of my arm spreading and spreading. I was okay with this pain, simply because I knew it¡¯d be over soon I¡¯d turn to ash and be free. Shame ¡°SHIT!!!¡± A familiar voice cried. Footsteps filled the quiet night as Tommy ran. I gasped as I was pushed into the unyielding dusty ground, rough hands frantically patting out the flaming skin that enveloped my arm.The pain seared up racking the entirety of my left side, for a moment everything was black as intense pain wracked my head, which had ungracefully bounced twice when I was tackled. For a second I saw black then I opened my eyes again and sunlight stabbed at my eyes, my head felt like it was exploding. Confusion shoved it¡¯s way towards the front of my mind ¡®where was I?¡¯ Finally I realized ¡®I must be in the military hospital¡¯. The damage turned out to be quite minimal not to say it never hurt, a tiny part of me was upset Tommy had stopped me now I had to live with the pain. Tommy had come to see me after I passed out, and woke up three days later, he¡¯d stepped through the doorway and immediately I knew how upset he was. ¡°Michael?¡± His voice was quiet. This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡° Why did you do that?¡± He didn¡¯t look at me while asking. ¡°I-I don¡¯t know I just wanted to disappear¡± I was ashamed, when I was in the moment I had felt nothing, but looking over at Tommy¡¯s masked face his haunted eyes I felt all too much. ¡° I just don¡¯t understand? Why did you have to try and commit suicide, after Ray you would leave me to deal with two friends gone? Wh-why?¡± Right in front of my eyes he began to crumble to shake, and cry. I thought about how strong he¡¯d been through Ray¡¯s death, the death of that small child, I had never seen him cry he¡¯d just look off at what I couldn¡¯t see. Now his faraway look was cleaved in two everything that had been building up, grinding him into a dull skeletal figure, came to the surface rearing its ugly head. ¡°I-I¡¯m sorry, I know I shouldn¡¯t, I shouldn¡¯t be like this¡± I had nothing left to say, nothing left to give, not even tears. ¡°Michael I want to get you help. I need to get you help. This isn¡¯t for you it¡¯s for me because I can¡¯t stand another friend¡­ another friend¡¯s death.¡± With that he turned and left. Were Okay ¡°And how are you feeling today Michael?¡± A dark haired woman sat across from him, a notepad resting on her lap. ¡° How do you mean?¡± I asked not sure exactly what she was looking for. Did she want to know I was depressed, yet still had no explanation for that? Maybe she wanted to know that I thought of ways to numb my pain everyday. I didn¡¯t know. ¡° I mean have you had any more suicidal thoughts?¡± She was a curt person. ¡° Well¡­ I guess I have, but I mean that¡¯s normal for me so nothing new¡± it was always a strange topic, I did know that I wasn¡¯t supposed to be like this but it¡¯s how I¡¯ve lived all my life, so when she asked my reflex was to say ¡®I¡¯m okay¡¯. Apparently those weren¡¯t the answers she was looking for though. I met her two days ago while I was at the military hospital, she seemed like a wholesome woman introducing herself as Sarah Tellman a psychiatric therapist. Mrs. Tellman was, to be precise,my therapist there to evaluate my character and whether I was fit to continue my tour¡­ or if for my safety and everyone else¡¯s, I was to be sent home. She¡¯d been stopping in everyday since I woke up in the hospital, though everytime we met our session was cut short she certainly was a busy lady. ¡° Okay so that¡¯s not good. Do you ever have thoughts about hurting anyone else besides yourself or is it strictly limited to you?¡± ¡° Oh God, I wouldn¡¯t hurt anyone else on purpose unless I was ordered to. I only think about hurting myself, I guess I feel like I¡¯m someone who needs to be hurt I feel like nothing or sometimes it¡¯s worse than that, I feel like a burden on everyone around me¡± I was being as honest as I could because I wanted to get help, I didn¡¯t want to be like this anymore I wanted to change who I was. Her head nodded as she listened to my strained words , it was hard for me to admit the way I felt as a man I was supposed to be strong, confident, nothing was supposed to get to me, yet everything affected how I thought and felt. The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡° Okay well it¡¯s all about your safety your squad¡¯s safety so what we¡¯re gonna do is go ahead and send you home. It¡¯ll be a medical discharge, and you¡¯ll be getting your GI bill so no need to worry¡± her tone was dismissive leaving me no room to argue. ¡°Okay, thank you...I guess¡± I murmured as I walked out of her office. Later that very same day Tommy stopped by to visit. ¡° I heard they¡¯re sending you home¡± he said quietly. We didn¡¯t speak much he was my friend, but there was a silence that lasted between our words.I knew he was still mad at me, I wanted to be closer to feel normal, but how do you broach that subject without sounding¡­girly. We were both human beings, yet I couldn¡¯t get past social standards I didn¡¯t want to be perceived as something I wasn¡¯t...but what if he died? What if I never saw him again? Was I really going to let society dictate who I was? Or was I going to live with regret? ¡°Tommy, I¡¯m sorry. This is who I¡¯ve always been, and I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t let you know that I needed help I just didn¡¯t know how to tell you I was struggling. I want us to stay friends¡± I was afraid, I didn¡¯t know what his response would be or what he thought, but I knew that if I said nothing I¡¯d later regret the silence. ¡° I could¡¯ve helped you. I¡¯ve been struggling too you know¡­ I just. When I saw you on fire I got scared it seemed like everyone around me was dying I didn¡¯t understand why. I can¡¯t promise we¡¯ll stay in touch because I could still d...I might not make it I guess, but even if that does happen I will still be your friend; and you better write you punk¡± we both shared in a laugh as he asserted that last part. ¡°Of course I¡¯ll write, tell you about all the shitty life details I¡¯m required to tell you about¡± I joked. ¡° Good.¡± Tommy smiled as if those details actually mattered to him. ¡° I¡¯ll see you later then¡± He said turning on his heels and giving a short little wave behind him. I felt better knowing I could leave without regret. The Girl Now I had a new struggle to undertake, readjusting to life back ¡®home¡¯. I had been back in the states for nearly a month, and everything made me nervous. I had a part time job at a grocery store as a cashier, no actual place to live besides my friend¡¯s couch, but I was still getting help which was the one thing I had any control over. I wanted to be strong by myself, I was my own person and I didn¡¯t need any help I wasn¡¯t broken.These were the thoughts that kept me from help these thoughts were poisonous, yet they weren¡¯t uncommon. I learned to accept these feelings because they were apart of me, but they did NOT define me.Still with therapy and even when I was happy , dismal thoughts would strike me ¡®maybe I should just die¡¯ it didn¡¯t make sense I was trying so hard just to feel okay. Registers slammed open making me jump, while any sort of abrupt movement made me anxious I didn¡¯t know anyone and I was afraid they all wanted to hurt me, I knew sooner or later they would. Shhh. The endless fall of rain hitting earth, silenced the throngs of people as they rushed for some sort of shelter¡­ for this I was thankful, I didn¡¯t have to deal with the mass of people and the panic that would sprout from those faceless faces. The scar on my left arm ached from the colds icy touch, it was 11:00 p.m, and my shift finally ended, I was exhausted anxiety had crushed me every moment of today. Gray sidewalks and dark roads concealed pools of water,¡®Great¡¯ I thought as my foot landed in a deep expansive puddle that covered a dip in the road while I crossed the street, along with my sopping wet shoes I now had a soaked sock. Fat drops plopped onto my head streaking down my face like the tears I wanted to cry, hastily I found a nearby diner, the whoosh of warm air escaping into the cold night as I entered through the heavy glass doors put my iced bones at ease. A short girl with purple streaked black hair, greeted me with a smile from behind a counter. ¡° Hi, welcome to Benji¡¯s. Just you tonight?¡± She asked in the robotic customer service voice we all know too well. ¡° Yep, just me¡± I said . ¡° Alright follow me and we¡¯ll get you started¡± she sped around tables finding a small booth near the back of the diner. I sat on the hard green bench folding my freezing hands on the smoothe table¡¯s surface while I waited to order a sandwich and a bowl of hot soup to warm my body. A tall man with a spike through his lower lip, appeared to ask what drink I wanted. ¡° I¡¯ll have a hot chocolate with extra whip cream, and your butternut squash soup with the BLT¡± I said as he scratched my order on the ticket. ¡° Okay we¡¯ll have that right out for you¡± he gave a quick smile before scurrying off through a swinging dark green door. It took about 15 minutes before my server came back with a steaming bowl of creamy butternut squash soup and a crisp BLT, one spoon for my soup the other for my hot chocolate. I sat enjoying my food, until the bell above the diner¡¯s front door rang signaling another customer. Hair stuck to her face, drops of water tracing each strand finally pooling at the ends of each tip to fall on the shiny dark wood floor. Her small slender frame trembled trying to shake the freezing numbness that clung to her skin. Faint black lines of makeup ran down full pale cheeks, eyes puffy and red she crossed her arms over her chest taking comfort in only herself. The waitress took pity on her and escorted her out of the midnight crowd¡¯s way, to a isolated booth which happened to be the only one near me. I was concerned for this girl she¡¯d clearly been crying, and even now her eyes watered. The thing that worried me most was the lip that openly oozed blood onto her chin. She looked out to the rainy street from the window internally analyzing something I knew nothing of; then the bell dinged once more. A man with a sleeve of tattoos strolled in completely dry, he didn¡¯t look for a waiter he just scanned the small diner until his eyes finally fell on the shivering girl in the corner. Calmly he made his way to her booth and took a seat opposite her. When the bench squeaked from the man¡¯s weight the girl¡¯s head snapped towards his dour face eyes widening at the sight of him. A slight gasp escaped her plump red lips, she was obviously shocked to see the stranger. Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. ¡°You can¡¯t run, I love you and I¡¯m sorry... you know how I get when I¡¯m stressed¡± the man said. Tears brimmed at her eyes on the brink of spilling over, but she managed to let out a shaky response. ¡° I don¡¯t care. You said the same thing last time a-and I¡¯m done. I can¡¯t do this anymore¡±she looked away avoiding his eyes. He shot his hand across the table trying to grasp her fragile small hand, quickly she pulled away as if his touch would burn her skin. ¡° Baby, I never meant to hurt you I just had a bad day¡± ¡®ha¡¯ I thought as I listened in. ¡® Of course you didn¡¯t mean to hurt her they never mean to hurt anybody¡¯ his attempt to soothe her fears were absolutely comical to me because I knew he lied. ¡°Jackson I ¡­ know you¡¯ll do it again¡± her voice came out in a whisper as she finally meant his muddy brown eyes. ¡° You always do it again. I know you and that¡¯s why I know we can¡¯t be together no-not like this¡± there was still a shadow of hesitance in the depths of her aquamarine eyes, and the man knew saw it. ¡° No. I swear this is the last time I¡¯ll never do it again¡± He emphasized with a gesture. ¡° No Jackson just stop. We need to stop I refuse to be hurt again I can¡¯t take it anymore..you scare me¡± she left off all hesitation had gone from her eyes. ¡° You can¡¯t leave me. I won¡¯t let you¡± his voice was low and menacing, I could see why she¡¯d be afraid of someone like that. ¡° What do you mean you won¡¯t let me? It¡¯s not your call, you don¡¯t own me¡± her voice pitched as she spoke. ¡° I can¡¯t live without you! If I can¡¯t live you won¡¯t either, I swear to God, if you leave me I will find you and you¡¯ll be sorry¡± his voice started to raise in an angry gravelly rumble. ¡° You will not! Jackson I carry a gun if you come after me I-I¡¯ll shoot, then the only one who¡¯ll be sorry is you¡± I could tell she was starting to get angry as her face pinched into a scowl. ¡° No you listen here bitch! You are mine. You don¡¯t have a choice, I¡¯m taking you back home NOW!¡± Heads turned as he shouted, his rage finally rearing its ugly head. People clearly wanted to help concern splayed on their faces, but nobody moved a finger to help the girl they all just watched. The man stood up peering down at the girl as she flinched expecting a hand to strike her face, but instead his hand enveloped her wrist and he violently yanked her slight form from the seat as she fell to her knees on the hard floor. He drug her about like a rag doll even though she clawed at his hand, faces watched on in horror I have to admit even I was shocked into immobility for a second or two. I shot up from my seat and moved directly in his path, the girl still squirming behind him. ¡° You¡¯re not taking her anywhere, what¡¯s going to happen is I¡¯m going to pull out my cell phone and dial 9-1-1, then the cops are going to show up and arrest your abusive ass for battery and the nice thing is there¡¯s all these witnesses¡± I gestured to the audience that had gathered cell phones already pulled out as they taped the assault. His jaw went slack as he realized all the people around him,quickly his expression turned to anger as he glowered at me. ¡°FINE!¡± He shoved the girl¡¯s wrist away as a child would their veggies, then he stormed off to a black sudan outside the diner, everyone watched as he sped away. He left the girl on the floor like a crumpled piece of trash. I lowered myself to my knees so I could see her face clearly. ¡° Are you alright?¡± It probably wasn¡¯t the smartest question to ask considering the situation, but I wasn¡¯t sure what to really say. ¡° I-I¡¯m fine, just a little bruised¡± she rubbed her wrist looking at the already forming dark ringed bruise. ¡° Let me give you a hand¡± I offered her my hand, and to my relief she took it steadying herself as she arose. ¡° Th-thanks¡± she stuttered out. ¡° No problem, here take a seat you can even have my hot cocoa¡± I said as I helped her to my booth. She didn¡¯t say much, and I didn¡¯t blame her. Slowly she sipped at the rich chocolatey drink focusing on its dark color until she gained the confidence to speak. ¡° Really thank you¡­ I never should have stayed with him. Thank you, whoever you are¡± her aquamarine eyes glance up at me. ¡° It¡¯s Michael, and no problem animals like him should be caged¡± I despised people like him. ¡° If it¡¯s okay can I ask your name?¡± I asked thinking it probably wasn¡¯t a good idea to keep referring to her as ¡®the girl¡¯. ¡° It¡¯s Sarai¡± she said, giving a small quirk of her lips. Sarai ''Sarai.Sarai? Why does that name sound familiar?¡¯ I couldn¡¯t stop wondering about this girl. She was small, slender, beautiful by all measures, yet there was something else about her I couldn¡¯t quite place ¡®why does she seem so¡­ familiar?¡¯. ¡°Uhmm.. so Sarai, do you want to talk or anything¡± I wanted to know all about her, I needed to know who she was. I wasn¡¯t at all sure where to go from here¡­ ¡®does she need a ride home? Or does she just wanna talk? Maybe she just wants to sit in silence? Does she want my company? Should I just leave her alone, maybe she needs some time to herself¡¯ I didn¡¯t know how to talk to her, I was tongue tied. ¡°Ha ha ha ha¡± she openly giggled through watery eyes. ¡° I¡¯m not really sure what I¡¯m supposed to say-¡± sheepishly I bowed my head to look at the creamy bowl of butternut squash soup. ¡°It''s okay. Honestly it''d be odd if you knew what to do. I''m okay,really this isn''t the first time he''s done something like this however it is the first time I''ve fought back, and it¡¯ll be the last time he hurts me¡± her abrupt interruption put me at ease, it was comforting to know that I didn¡¯t have to try and fill the air between us by blurting out meaningless words. ¡°Good, that means you''re strong. So what do you want to do from here do you need a ride to the police station or anything?¡± I asked speaking as honestly as I could and hoping she''d press charges on that filth. ¡° Ca-can we just sit here a while longer, I''m not sure I''m ready yet¡± her fingers stroked the rim of the mug gracefully tracing a path, avoiding my eyes to do so. ¡°Sure, I understand if you don''t feel ready. How''d you meet a guy like that anyway?¡± I asked candidly. The delicate brow above her forehead drew together as she considered my question. ¡°Well we met after I graduated, you see most of my friends moved away or went off to college, they moved on without me. I started working at a cheap motel down the road from my parents house to save up money for college Jackson was a co-worker of mine. At first he barely caught my eye, but eventually we became friends he understood the pressure I was under to go to college to succeed, he was comforting. After a few months he asked me out, I liked him enough so I said yes. Our relationship started off amazing, I could talk to him about anything, he was sweet, charming, funny yet all of that changed when he lost his job at the mote. He was upset all the time, that should have been my first sign, but I was naive and thought he loved me. He found a job a few towns away, and asked me to move with him. I hesitated at first, I¡¯d be away from my family, I¡¯d have to transfer to a different college, I¡¯d have no support... but I loved him I could imagine us having a future- I could imagine marrying him . In the end I decided to move down here with him. What I didn''t realize was he''d just isolated me from my everyone I knew besides him I had no one I could count on. Our relationship got worse and worse he''d come home frustrated about every little thing, every time he came home I was afraid of what state he¡¯d be in it was like walking on glass afraid of being cut . I knew I couldn''t stay I was scared and alone, but I knew if I stayed he''d go too far one day and I wouldn''t make it...so here we are now¡± the whole time she told her story her eyes found solace in the rain that trailed down the glass,as memories replayed in her head. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for what you¡¯ve been through¡± I patted the top of her hand trying to comfort her. I really was sorry I¡¯d seen them ooze their way into people¡¯s hearts and lives like oil, first hand I witnessed the abuse, the hopelessness, I was aware of what they did to you. She didn¡¯t shrug my hand away like she did his, tears pooled over her shoulders heaving as great sobs tore through her tiny body. I could see all the pain she¡¯d been holding in crash and release through crystal blue eyes, seeing her like this threw my heart into turmoil. I was irate, anguished, those heart-rending tears almost made me want to break down and cry too. Before I could stop myself I moved to her bench wrapping my arms around her shivering body, she leaned into me collapsing on herself like a dying star. I held her waiting for the tears to stop and when they finally did she stayed in my arms for a few minutes, ¡® did she fall asleep?¡¯ hastily she pulled away. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. She looked miserable, face red, eyes puffy, hair everywhere, worse than when she walked in. ¡°I¡¯d like to leave now I don¡¯t care where, but I want to leave now¡± her voice was gravelly as if she hadn¡¯t spoken in years, and the desperation was prevalent, I couldn¡¯t say no. ¡° Sure, my car¡¯s not with me here though are you okay for a walk instead?¡± I asked. My car was back at my friend¡¯s apartment which was just a few blocks away. She nodded in response, I waved the waitress down for the check promptly paying and tipping then we both moved from the small diner. The rain had stopped leaving the night sky full of stars and the moon free to light their path; the earth¡¯s aroma wafted around the city mixing with the beautiful serene sky to creating a scene as enchanting of that in a fairy tale. Her hand wrapped around my arm as I lead her through the puddled grey streets, she still shivered as gusts of wind assaulted her skin. It didn¡¯t take long to reach my friend¡¯s small apartment, his blue truck wasn¡¯t parked in the driveway so I knew he was working a night shift. I stretched up high when we got to the thick door, searching for the cold metal of the spare key on top of the door frame. ¡° You¡¯re not going to murder me right? I guess I don¡¯t really care though¡± she asked. ¡° No, though my friend might murder me for bringing a stranger back to his place¡± I gave a quick laugh thinking of my friend¡¯s disapproval, I¡¯d have to shoot him a text later explaining everything. ¡°Do you want a cup of tea?¡± I asked thinking of what would comfort me when I was upset. ¡° That¡¯d be nice thank you¡± her voice was a whisper. Quickly I went to work on the tea, heating up the water and picking a chamomile lavender infusion. While waiting on the tea I changed out of my work clothes and into some sweats and a loose T-shirt, getting a spare pair of clothes in case she wanted to change from her wet ones. ¡°I got these for you, you can change in the bathroom it has a lock so don¡¯t worry about me coming in by accident¡± I said as I handed her a pair of sweats with a drawstring and an old worn tee I found in the back of the closet. ¡° Thanks¡± she grasped the clothes and moved her way towards the lit room down the hallway. The tea kettle whistle alerted me that the water was at a boil so I poured a steaming stream of water into the thick mug filled with tea,letting it steep, as I was doing this Sarai reappeared from down the hallway in the ill fitting clothes that hung from her slight frame, she looked like a kid playing dress up. Admittedly I found her a little cute, she¡¯d washed her face from the runny makeup and fixed her hair so it wasn¡¯t sticking everywhere ¡®well she¡¯s not not attractive¡¯ I vigorously shook my head trying to physically shake the thought out. ¡°Here you go¡± I handed her the hot cup of tea, gingerly she sipped at it as I watched on wondering what to do next. I didn¡¯t have to wonder for long; Sarai calmly finished her tea then promptly passed out on the couch. ¡®A little too trusting isn¡¯t she, she really shouldn¡¯t trust people she doesn¡¯t know I could be a creep for all she knows¡¯ she worried me with how trusting she was or maybe she just didn¡¯t care, but I found that I kinda did. I hadn¡¯t even known her for a day, yet I realized that I cared, maybe it was because she was strong or maybe it was because she was weak, but I wanted to protect this girl I felt like I knew her. I watched as she breathed in and out listening to the tiny trilling noises that came with every heft of her chest...this moment was calm, tranquil and relaxing I wasn¡¯t alone. I pulled out my phone texting a long paragraph to my friend so he wasn¡¯t shocked when he got home, he was a good guy so I knew he¡¯d understand the situation. Then I washed her cup, grabbed a warm blanket and draped it across her sleeping form the last thing Sarai needed was to be cold. ¡®Sarai...hmmm, Sarai. Wait a minute Sarai! That¡¯s right! I remember now how did I not notice before?! It¡¯s Sarai¡¯ finally I realized who I¡¯d picked up that night. My First Savior Sarai was a beautiful kind girl, I¡¯d never forgotten what she¡¯d done for me years ago. Four years earlier¡­. ¡°Michael! Michael where are you?!¡± A voice tore through the night. I didn¡¯t want to go back ¡­ I couldn¡¯t go back. ¡°Michael!¡± The voice rang again. She was looking for me, but she¡¯d make me go back to that place. It was so dark, empty,vast and I was continually stopped there this was where my heart dwelled, where my internal self cried out, where I was afraid I¡¯d die. Where did this place come from? Why did I call it my home? All of it was created by me it¡¯s where I went when they fought, where I cried when they yelled at me, where I lived when their apathetic eyes stared at my tears. I wasn¡¯t going back. The uneven ground seemed to catch at my feet every second they touched the clumps of dirt that shifted underneath my weight. I wasn¡¯t quite sure where I was going, I just knew I needed to escape somewhere. Even though the fall air chilled my bones, stabbing at my lungs, my face glowed red with the exertion it took to continuously push my legs forward...again she called to me. Finally the rough field gave way to a boundless meadow full of a tiny blue flower drawn like wisps, tiny little stars that reached out to comfort, without her call I slowed to catch my breath here in this sleeping place. Not long after I arrived, steps echoed through the chill night and a small girl broke through the field to squint at where she was. Her hair, though short, was puffed up in a nest of tangles, her chest heaved painstakingly as she exhaled letting out clouds of cotton as the warmth of her breath mingled with the cold crisp air. I stood still as her eyes found mine and her expression softened, as much as I would¡¯ve liked to run I couldn¡¯t get my the muscles in my legs to work instead I stood there frozen. ¡° Michael, you had me worried¡± her speech was thin, and not but a second after that did she put her hands on her knees and gasped for more air. ¡° Sarai, I¡¯m not going back please don¡¯t make me go back there¡± against my will, my voice quivered. I was frightened, I didn¡¯t want to return to a place that¡¯d make me feel so numb¡­ I was begging not to return. ¡° Michael I¡¯m not going to tell them where you¡¯re at, don¡¯t worry¡± there was a resolve in her voice that made me trust her strong promise. ¡° Just would you please stop running I hate long distances¡± her lips quirked into a loving smile as she looked into my face. ¡° O-okay¡± I stuttered not really sure what to say. When she¡¯d caught her breath she moved over to me and took a seat in the meadow of blue flowers, then her head tilted expectantly as she looked up at my standing form. I took her invitation, and plopped down next to her pulling my knees up to my chest for the extra warmth. ¡° So, tell me what happened so I can understand¡± she said looking over at me. I swept my hand nervously through my sandy brown hair ¡®should I tell her? She might think I¡¯m a freak. Screw it I need it off my chest¡¯ I¡¯d decided to share all of what ailed me, that night every night before. I told her of my abusive father, my weak mother, my druggy uncle, my crazy aunts, and I told her of my younger sister. Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. ¡° You know three weeks ago when I wasn¡¯t at school?¡± I asked to see if she remembered. ¡° Yeah I thought it was weird because the SAT¡¯s were that week, and you weren¡¯t there¡± she said. ¡° My little sister M-M-M¡± I could hardly say her name. ¡° Marianne...she passed away¡± I recalled the abismal memory the dark funeral, she was the only one at that point I actually cared for. ¡° Oh Michael...I¡¯m sorry¡± she put her hand on my shoulder, I relished the warmth of that hand. ¡° It¡¯s not like I didn¡¯t know this day was coming¡± I had known for a long while that she would die young the doctors had said as much when she was born. ¡° I took care of her, I fed her, held her when she cried, I was there when she woke up scared from a nightmare, or when she got sick, she was the only person I loved¡± I let my words free, free to the night, and free to be held by my dearest friend. ¡° See she was born premature with underdeveloped lungs, and brain damage, gifts from my father¡­ the doctors gave my mom pamphlets when she was born, but she didn¡¯t want to look at them. I knew, I knew and I tried not to get attached, but my mom barely wanted to look at her so since I was older I was supposed to protect her...So why couldn¡¯t I protect her from this-¡± my voice hitched as the tears started to flow. Suddenly I was pulled into a warm embrace, her arms covered my body not able to fully reach around. Warmth emanated from her arms, a warmth that soothed my tears I felt like a child being held by an adult I felt safe. I lingered in her embrace until my tears were gone, and I was ready to let go into the freezing cold, I felt that I lacked something when her arms weren¡¯t around me. ¡° I can¡¯t, go back to where nobody else even cares¡± I said letting the last word fall on her. I was drained after everything was said and done, there was nothing left. She looked up at the stars and silver moon that graced us with light, I watched as she chewed on every word that I had said, thinking of what to do. ¡° Michael¡­ if you want you can probably stay with us, I¡¯d have to talk to my parents, but I¡¯m pretty sure they¡¯d let you stay at least for now¡± she said. I was stunned ¡®could people really be that nice?¡¯ I wasn¡¯t used to any kindness. ¡° That¡¯d be great, I¡¯m pretty sure my mom won¡¯t even notice, she¡¯s too beaten down on life I guess she just doesn¡¯t care about anything anymore¡± I remembered all the instances where her eyes would glaze over as she looked at my face, I knew she wasn¡¯t seeing me, but my father or my brother¡­ I was just a memory to her. ¡° Okay just give me a sec to call and ask¡± she whipped out her blue cellphone, and quickly called, it was a brief discussion mainly her reassuring someone that she was okay then trying to explain our location. The call took about 15 minutes, which to me was brief considering what she was asking. ¡° Is it okay?¡± I asked worried that I might have to sleep outside tonight. ¡° Yeah my dad was mainly worried that I was out this late, alone thank God he knows you otherwise he might¡¯ve taken longer to convince¡± she said with a sigh. ¡° Thanks¡± it was all I could say to her kindness. From that point I lived with her family in the spare bedroom, I was warned that if I ever messed around with Sarai that nobody would find my body, which I¡¯m not gonna lie scared me when it came to such a serious man as her father, I got a job and paid a little rent then when I turned 18 I joined the army I was still lost at that time¡­ I think we¡¯re all a little lost. I can¡¯t believe I didn¡¯t recognize her before, or that she didn¡¯t recognize me we were such good friends. If it weren¡¯t for her and her family, I might have just died that day at that point I needed someone something to save me, she was the very first person to save me and Tommy was the last. Well maybe now I can return the favor, maybe now I can save her life. Courage The night was dark for only a few hours I had a hard time sleeping ever since I came back, every time my eyes closed I was back there fighting off memories¡­ events that no longer existed, but in my mind they took place again and again. I simply sat in the tiny living room sipping tea and reading a book,listening I could hear her soft breaths like the ticking of a clock they soothed the uneasiness that lurked in my mind so much so that even as light crept in through the curtains I was gently carried off into a deep sleep. ¡° Excuse me, um, hey I just wanted to thank you for last night¡± A hand tapped my shoulder. I awoke with a start, hair tickled my face as Sarai leaned over me to look into my face. ¡° Sarai? What time is it?¡± I asked curious to see how long I slept. ¡° uh I don¡¯t know my phone¡¯s back at Jackson¡¯s, along with all of the rest of my life¡± She stated shoving a hand through her smoothe honey comb hair. Still groggy, I rubbed at my eyes and stupidly asked ¡° What do you mean?¡± ¡° I mean everything I own is with him, family pictures, clothes, anything and everything is there but I¡¯ll have to leave it¡± a finality resonated through her words as if to say she was still powerless even though she left, it infuriated me. ¡° The most important thing is that you¡¯re safe¡­ you don¡¯t have to leave it either. I¡¯ll go with you to pick up your stuff from that jackass, just let me know when you¡¯re ready and I¡¯ll take you to do what you need to I owe you anyways¡± I wanted her to reclaim what she was, because I knew what she had been. ¡° You owe me?¡± She asked confused, she didn¡¯t remember me yet. I gave a quick chuckle thinking of how surprised she¡¯d be when she recalled who I was ¡° You¡¯ll figure it out here soon¡± I said. ¡° Okay? You¡¯re a bit of a weirdo anybody ever tell you that?¡± She said. A scene flashed before my eyes, the same girl with shorter hair stated that exact same thing to a younger me back in highschool. I laughed again, ¡° Yeah I think someone¡¯s mentioned that before¡± ¡° Alright. Well if you wouldn¡¯t mind I¡¯d like to file that report, you really don¡¯t have to though you¡¯ve already done so much¡± she looked down at her oversized clothes, and the couch where she¡¯d fallen asleep. ¡° Trust me on this one, I owe you more than you know so I¡¯ll help you however I can. Give me a few seconds to get dressed, and I¡¯ll take you to the station¡± I said already heading back to the spare room I was staying in. I threw on a pair of black jeans, and a red button up flannel with my dark gray running shoes, then I was ready to go. ¡° We should probably pick you up some clothes that actually fit before we go¡± I said taking in her odd appearance. ¡° You really don¡¯t have to do that¡± she said looking at the clothes that were practically falling off. ¡° I think if you stay in those you might commit a crime¡± I stated. ¡° We¡¯re not seeing the fashion police¡± she retorted, she was still spunky. ¡° I was thinking more of public indecency if they happen to fall off, we can¡¯t have you flashing the police¡± her blank expression cracked as she thought of flashing the police, we both ended up in a fit of laughter thinking of the whole ludicrous scenario. This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. ¡° Okay, but I¡¯ll pay you back¡± she said after tears of laughter had stopped rolling down her face, I was happy to see her laugh. ¡° Trust me you really don¡¯t have to we¡¯ve known each other for quite a long time I¡¯d be a scoundrel if I didn¡¯t help you¡± I said forgetting she didn¡¯t remember me. ¡° okay seriously, what are you talking about ? You look a little familiar, but I can¡¯t place you and mysteries drive me absolutely crazy so spill¡± she demanded. ¡° Well alright¡­ I¡¯ll give you a hint¡± I smirked, messing with her was really entertaining. ¡° A hint?! You¡¯re a monster¡± her shocked expression was enough to crack me up all over again, it had been quite awhile since I¡¯d laughed like this who¡¯d have thought she would be the reason. ¡° First let¡¯s get going then I¡¯ll tell you about it¡± I said ushering her out the door and towards my small cheap beat up tin can I called a car.I generally walked the places I needed to go, I enjoyed the time to think to myself to enjoy the air, but I had to have a car to get to my therapy appointments across town so I bought one of the cheapest cars that worked. The doors shrieked complaining that they had to open as Sarai and I climbed into the vehicle. ¡° Now that we¡¯re in the car tell me what you know¡± her eyes squinted in full interrogation mode. ¡° Alright well let¡¯s start with my name I am MIchael, so think of all the Michaels you know¡± I gave my first hint. ¡°I don¡¯t know many Michaels, hmmm...I actually can¡¯t think of any¡± brow furrowed she thought deeply about the name Michael. ¡° Did we know each other well?¡± she asked me as I turned onto the road that led towards the mall. ¡° I¡¯d say we knew each other very well¡± I said looking for a place to park outside the huge busy building. ¡°Hmmmm¡­ I really can¡¯t think of anyone, I mean I knew a Michael once, but he disappeared only left us with a note that didn¡¯t explain much¡± her face grew contemplative while thinking of the past. The car jutted into a parking space between two pristine cars, I opened the door while Sarai struggled with hers. ¡°Sorry that door doesn¡¯t like to open there¡¯s a trick to it you have to shove up as you push out¡± I explained. She shoved against the door again, managing to throw it open almost at the expense of the shiny truck next to her. ¡° Your car is certainly special¡± smiling she awkwardly pulled at the sweatpants drawstrings tightening the pants around her slim waist. ¡° As long as it gets me from point A to point B I¡¯d say it¡¯s a decent vehicle¡± I said as we walked through a throng of people, and into the cold store. Our feet plodded on the walkway as we headed to a clothing store on the first floor, it wasn¡¯t a large store,but it had women¡¯s clothes which is all I cared about. She chose a pair of jeans and a long sleeved blue striped shirt that covered the large dark purple bruises that wrapped around her wrist, those bruises were photographed when we stopped by the police station. We were there for hours, as she gave her statement explaining where the abuse took place and what had happened they went over it again and again making sure all of the details were covered. ¡° What do you want to do now?¡±I asked Sarai as we left the police station. ¡° Now we go get my stuff back, and don¡¯t forget you still have to tell me who you are¡± letting me know she hadn¡¯t forgotten. ¡°Just give me the address, I¡¯ll keep the police on speed dial¡± I said thinking that we should¡¯ve just asked the cops while we were there to go get her stuff, I didn¡¯t want to cause a ruckus. Jackson lived in a small house on the corner of an abysmal street; the houses were all tiny and gray, the yards browning and dust filled. ¡° Dammit that¡¯s his car¡± Sarai cursed at the compact silver vehicle. ¡° Don¡¯t worry, you have the police on speed dial right? Besides maybe he¡¯s out for a walk or something¡± I laughed it off trying to put her at ease. Slowly I walked up the cement walkway that lead to the front door, my heart skipped when I firmly cracked on the door; I am not a liar that¡¯s why I won¡¯t lie and say I didn¡¯t feel any sort of fear or hesitation I did, however I knew I was doing the right thing knowing this is what gave me the courage to knock. The door flung open revealing a looming form cloaked in the dark shadows that seeped out of the dark house, the mask he wore twisted in a look of disgust as he recognized who was at his door. Jackson ¡° What do you want?¡± Jackson asked. I thought better of it, I was not a hero so why was I doing this? I was just about to respond when the sound of wailing sirens caused both of us to look down the street where three patrol cars parked near the curb. I glanced over at Sarai who was still in the car, she just shrugged in response. ¡° I¡¯m officer Dorson, we¡¯re here to get Ms. Silvetti¡¯s things¡± a young police officer stated. ¡®Oh thank God¡¯ I thought with relief, I didn¡¯t want this encounter ruining my afternoon I especially didn¡¯t want it turning into a fight. The situation was handled, I didn¡¯t have to do anything else, a disappointment grew as I realized Sarai no longer needed me ¡®Why the hell am I unhappy I should be happy for her¡¯ I berated myself. I climbed back into the car letting Sarai know what was happening. ¡° So I can drive you to a friend¡¯s house¡± I concluded still unhappy for a reason I couldn¡¯t name. She smiled looking into my face ¡° How about we just go get something to eat first¡± My mood lightened when I heard this I was certain I wouldn¡¯t see her again, and now I wanted to see her all of the time after all she was a close friend even if she didn¡¯t know it yet. I took her to a great Chinese restaurant I was well known at, it was small and a bit deserted, but the food was good and the service was even better. We stuffed our faces on an assortment of mouthwatering orange chicken and stuffed mushrooms, we were so hungry we didn¡¯t even talk most of the time. By the time we were finished eating the sun was hanging low in the sky like the golden chime of a grandfather clock; I¡¯d just finished telling a joke, when I glanced down to see Sarai¡¯s face frozen in confusion then it registered, Jacksons vehicle was crookedly parked outside the Chinese restaurant. Tink! A beer bottle clattered against the cement as Jackson roughly flung his door open. He glared when he saw me, I could see the rage in his eyes. His glare continued me for a few seconds more before he hissed ¡°You already screwin¡¯ someone else, Sarai?¡± She stood strong peering into his eyes, as silent as a rabbit hiding from a fox. Part of me wondered if she was searching his eyes for the man she once knew or if she was finally standing up to say she was not a victim, he couldn¡¯t hurt her anymore¡­ maybe it was both. A twisted vulpine grin slithered onto his face as though the mere thought of her being her own person was just a giant joke. ¡°What are you doing here?¡± I was surprised at the venom in my own voice. ¡°What?¡± he questioned. ¡°I¡¯m here to take, what belongs to me¡± he stated. ¡°I am not an object Jackson¡± Sarai¡¯s steely voice froze even me. ¡°No that¡¯s where you¡¯re wrong. I¡¯ve told you time and time again you are mine!¡± He threw his head back in laughter. ¡°How did you even find us?¡± She asked when his laughter subsided. ¡°I knew I couldn¡¯t trust you so I¡¯ve been tracking your phone since you left me. You think you can just leave, have some fucking cops pick up your stuff and walk away? Well I won¡¯t let you! Even if I have to track you to the ends of the Earth I will find you, and so help me if you think you can run around with any guy you meet you whore!!¡± His voice was loud and dark a shadow passed over his face in the sun¡¯s dissipating light.The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. ¡°Hey you¡¯re going too far¡± I said. ¡°Shut your mouth! I wasn¡¯t talking to you was I? This is between her and I¡± He shouted. ¡°No I¡¯m afraid it¡¯s not. Sarai and I are friend¡¯s so if you want her you¡¯re going to have to go through me¡± I stated. I knew the situation was escalating quickly and there was no way I could avoid a fight at this point; hell I just egged him on, but all the anger I¡¯d built up over time, burned through my veins like oil being poured on a fire. ¡®I am not a child anymore! I am not defenseless! This time I can protect what¡¯s important¡¯ my mind raged as it flashed back to every moment I was powerless, every single time my brother protected me, and the one time I could not protect him. ¡°Michael¡± Sarai¡¯s soft voice brought me back to the present. Her small hand perched on my shoulder as she said ¡°You don¡¯t have to do this, I can handle him¡­I¡¯ll just call the cops¡± Gently I took her hand ¡°Sarai, don¡¯t worry. Call the cops, but for now I¡¯ll handle this¡± I gave the most reassuring smile I could muster turning back straight into his fist. His hit landed square in my eye leaving me momentarily stunned. I picked myself off of the hard ground quickly I lowered my stance moving in close in the time it took for him to hit me and for me to get up Jackson had left his chest unprotected. The outside of my forearm shot up instinctively in a high block as he threw another sloppy haymaker, it was clear he¡¯d never been in a serious fight, his arm slid off mine making his fist swing away from me. After blocking his horrendous punch I swiftly landed a punch in on his solar plexus with a solid strike, then another strike to his throat since it was a weak spot and he left it unprotected. Jackson doubled over on the ground coughing as he tried to catch his breath. I turned back to Sarai who was already on the phone with the police, I was proud this time I protected somebody. ¡°Michael are you okay?¡± Sarai flung her arms around me in a tight hug after she was done on the phone. I laughed at how worried she was ¡°I¡¯m fine, there¡¯s no permanent damage at least¡± ¡°I feel so bad, I know that eye is going to swell right up¡± she pouted then glared at Jackson who was still doubled over on the ground. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it¡± I laughed again. I was just glad everything was done with. Fifteen minutes later the police arrived, taking all of our statements then dragging us back down to the police station. ¡°Thank you for answering our questions you¡¯re free to go¡± the young police officer said towards the end of the eventful night. ¡°Not in any trouble then?¡± I asked. ¡°Well seeing as how we have witnesses who saw Jackson attack first, it was self-defense on your part, so no trouble¡± he said hastily. ¡°The officers have collected all of Ms.Silvetti¡¯s things so you two can be on your way¡± he offered his hand, I grabbed it shaking firmly. ¡°Thanks officer Dorson¡± I gave a quick smile then went to go help Sarai get her boxes in the car. Sarai¡¯s eyes kept on shifting over to me making my cheeks flush every time they moved over my face. ¡°What?¡± I said trying to keep my attention on the road as we made our way home. ¡°Oh nothing Michael¡± she sang, oddly emphasizing my name. ¡°Why¡¯d you say my name like that?¡± I asked a little embarrassed. ¡°Like what Michael?¡± She said innocently. ¡°Like that¡± I said as she put the same emphasis on my name. ¡°Oh! You mean like this, Michael, Michael, Michael¡± she sang playfully. ¡°Okay what is it? Why do you keep doing that?¡± I was genuinely baffled. ¡° Oh I just figured out who you are is all¡± she said nonchalantly. A genuine smile
¡° I can''t believe it took you this long Sarai¡± I laughed flashing a grin, for a second I was actually having fun. ¡®you should just kill yourself¡¯ the thought cut through what little happiness I was feeling. ¡®Right I don''t deserve happiness not with everything I''ve done¡¯ I let my smile fall. ¡°Hey! I''ve been busy I was a bit preoccupied with the present not the past mainly Jackson, so it''s natural I didn''t remember right off the bat¡±she stated defensively. Without any joy I forced a pleasant smile for her, I didn''t want to show her (or anybody for that matter) the weakness that lurked just underneath the stretch of my lips and show of my teeth. ¡°So where''d you go anyway?¡¯ She asked. ¡° I joined the army¡±I put simply. ¡°J-joined the army? Why didn''t you say anything what if you had gotten hurt? Someone who cares for you should''ve been told, someone should have known¡± a hint of anger echoed in her words, anger at me or herself? I wondered silently. ¡°Sarai¡­ can we just bought talk about it?¡± My question was really a plea. I didn''t want to think about the boy, or Ray, or Tommy. Every memory was filled with an aching pain, a pain that rose like a dragon taking flight when even the slightest mention of my time over there was brought up. My mind flooded with scenes of violence, of blood splayed in the dirt and on my face soaking my hands, dying my world red, I was back there holding a tiny warm body that was quickly chilling the smell of pungent vomit burned my nose the stillness of a body the spinning of my world¡­ I will never forget these sensations, his death will always be my sin. Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. ¡®What about Tommy? What if he''s hurt or-or¡¯ I grew pale at the thought of losing someone else. Each person I''d lost had carried a piece of me with them and those pieces died with them; the scariest part was knowing I could lose another piece at any moment, I''d seen it happen. Her eyes closely examined me until, gently, she said ¡° okay we don''t have to talk about that, I''m sorry Michael¡± I laughed ¡°Sorry for what? You didn''t do anything¡±after all she was too good to have done the same things I''d done. ¡°I''m sorry I brought it up¡± she said I noted a look of pity in her beautiful features. ¡°It''s okay really¡± I reassured her ¡® no reason we should both look so glum¡¯ I thought. ¡°I know! To make it up to you why don''t you come with me to the fair? I was going to ask you later but now looks like the perfect time to me¡± she said with a look that said I couldn''t refuse. ¡°The fair?¡± I asked confused as to why she''d invite me of all people. ¡° Yeah I work at one of the exhibits putting up pictures, so I get in for free they always hand out a few spare passes so I can get in a few more people, but since Jackson I don''t really have people to invite and you''ve helped me so much it would be nice to just hang out and have fun¡± Sarai explained with a wide smile clearly excited. ¡®I don''t deserve happiness¡¯ the words rang in my head. Those words were fact I didn''t deserve anything let alone happiness, but I also couldn''t deny her. ¡°Okay, sounds like fun¡± I smiled again trying to show a decent attitude. ¡°Great you can name the day¡± she smiled back, but her smile was genuine.