《The Villainess's Dark Side (Completed)》


 Prologue

    It was the season of renewal. Every ten years, the three big countries of Jin: Nan, Qin, and Fen, reunited in a banquet that lasted a whole week, as a way to rekindle their peace''s treaties. The country where it would be celebrated varied each time, in a circular manner between the three. Although the decoration and festive could be already seen, it wasn¡¯t exactly the time yet, but it would be, in a month and a half and this year, it was to be celebrated in Nan country.


    However, what was making everyone even more festive especially this day, was that today was the second prince¡¯s birthday. His twentieth; and as such, many were invited to the palace to attend.


    Graciously sitting in her place, Mu Rong An, his unofficial fianc¨¦e, was nursing a headache silently. Her smile was amiable and faultless while internally, she was glaring daggers at the one she was talking to. It was none other than Li Ming Qi, a woman who recently seemed to be everywhere where the second prince was.


    Even though there was never an imperial edict which mentioned said engagement, a vocal promise between their parents had been made in their early years. An arrangement between the empress, the second prince''s mother, and her cousin, the prime minister''s wife. It was something widely known which was the reason why there had never been anyone daring enough to come and propose a marriage for this famous beauty, the legitimate daughter of the prime minister. The years passed by, the second prince had yet to have the intention to marry, and as such she was already eighteen, waiting for him since she was a kid.When she turned fifteen she had thought it was the time, however, no news came from him and it was three years later already.


    That they weren''t married yet, didn''t prevent her from already considering him hers. That notion had been ingrained in her since birth, how could it go just because they weren''t yet official? So, as his wife-to-behow could she feel good seeing others eyeing him? She very much wanted to gauge out their eyes and see if they dare to covet him again.


    From all those mindless women, the one who was really a thorn in her eyes was none other than this Li Ming Qi, the legitimate daughter of the minister of Personnel. Who knew why since last year, this usually sickly person turned into a healthy one, displaying talents for the four arts and miracle far greater than the physicians were able of.


    Even the second prince, Hen Ru Ying, who usually didn''t care about things like those was affected by her.


    For Mu Rong An, such a person was simply too unpleasant to look at!


    As such, to teach the person a lesson, Mu Rong An had tried the day before, to push the other woman in the water pond. Still, she was miraculously the one who ended in the pool. The very middle of it! The water was cold and freezing, making her feel as though millions of needles were been inserted into her very being. It took her many bitter medicines to not come down with a cold, but since then she had a terrible headache that won''t leave her.


    At one point, the emperor, called both the second prince and Li Ming Qi to hear the imperial decree. Smiling widely at her, the woman left to kneel beside Hen Ru Ying in front of the emperor, while Mu Rong An''s face paled terribly.


    It couldn''t be... it couldn''t be...


    And yet, it turned out exactly as she feared. The emperor bestowed a marriage upon the two!


    It was like a slap in her face, she could almost feel how much it stings and God, it was stinging bitterly. She could hear these women¡¯s whispers and they, who just some minutes ago were also finding fault with this person were already complimenting her.


    As fast as she could, she collected herself.Mu Rong An, whose acting wasn¡¯t any less extraordinary between them all, followed in complimenting the people with clenched hands under her sleeves.


    Her smile was so blazing as she was clapping that it marveled Li Ming Qi for a moment. If she didn¡¯t know better for having already witnessed the other person¡¯s double-faced, she would have been fooled!If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    ***


    By the night, when the emperor and empress had already left and the invitees were taking their leaves, Mu Rong An took a stroll through the garden, hoping to meet with Hen Ru Ying. If he was willing, she wouldn''t mind being a first rank concubine. It was, she thought, such a generous offer that certainly, it couldn''t be refused. He already had two lowly concubines that the Empress bestowed upon him since his fourteen years, a third certainly wouldn''t make that much difference.


    Yet, the person couldn''t be found in his favorite place after all. She kept on walking and eventually, feeling colder and her head heavier, ordered for her servant to fetch her a thick cloak. Her servant leaving, she walked a little more to sit and lean on one of the pillars by the stairs when she recognized a figure not far from her. The anger that was dormant was fueled again. If it wasn''t Li Ming Qi, who else could it be?


    The person was facing the stairs, giving Mu Rong An her back, seemingly waiting for someone. It didn''t even feel like she knew there was someone behind her, completely absorbed in her thoughts as she was.


    It was dark and easy to be concealed behind the big pillars.For wasMu Rong An it was almost of a reflex to want to push the person. Her hand stretched, with every intention to do so; however, it never reached, being blocked by another hand; and Li Ming Qi who escaped a terrible scheme waved at her own personal servant who was coming back to her, and left with her without knowing anything about it.


    Seeing her prey going far away, Mu Rong An grew annoyed and in a cold voice, said,


    ¡°Can this general leave my arm already? Thanks!¡±


    Indeed, it was the young general Ru, the great friend of the second prince and friend with Li Ming Qi too. At this very moment, the usual expressionless and taciturn face was thunderous, even scarier in this dim light. He didn¡¯t have the gentleness of a scholar like the second prince but the bearing of someone practicing martial arts thorough and thorough. His hand tightened on hers and she winced a little, before he let go, saying in a cold and clip tone,


    ¡°For the prime minister¡¯s daughter to think of such ways, I¡¯m really enlightened today!¡±


    She stumbled a little but didn¡¯t fall, glaring at the man briefly before her face revealed the brightest smile she ever had or was capable of. He was always where he wasn¡¯t supposed to be this person! Even yesterday, she was pretty sure that it was his fault she felt in the pond. For her to be in the middle of it, the person must have outstanding martial arts. He pushed her without others realizing at all, making a fool out of her!


    ¡°Ru general jests, wasn¡¯t this one just trying to pass, what of it?¡±


    He was about to say something but she lost her footing, almost falling.The throbbing in her head grew worse, as she felt lightheaded and he extended his hands for her to not actually be the one falling from the stairs. Stabilizing herself and realizing their position, she slapped his hands away and he didn¡¯t persist in helping even though she was staggering a little still. Rather, the taciturn man¡¯s frown deepened and she was sure that the annoying person was making a comparison between herself and the one he was actually infatuated with. Suddenly the very sight of this man was angering her,


    ¡°You had her back then, why let her go! Why must it that you be so annoying!¡±


    Her servant came then and tried to pacify her unusually angered mistress. It was rare for her after all, to lose her cool in front of others. But where would Mu Rong An have the time to think about face? The throbs in her head were growing worse. She finally passed out, looking hatefully at this man. Why couldn¡¯t he have gotten married to that woman when he loved her so, must he let others have her? Look now, the annoying witch was going to be married toherfianc¨¦!


    ***


    When Mu Rong An regained consciousness, even though her body was cold and feverish, her head stopped aching, the throbbing was non-existent too, almost as though the previous suffering was but just a nightmare. Nonetheless, her anger actually multiplied. She could finally put words to those strange sensations she felt ever since she was a kid. She was actually inside a book! She couldn¡¯t remember past that fact, couldn¡¯t see past that book. She couldn¡¯t even remember who she used to be. And why would she, she thought wryly, she was the villain anyway, what would she do with her memories?


    The second prince who used to be her fianc¨¦ was going to marry the woman who saved his life. That was to be expected of course! Li Ming Qi was the main character in the first arc and Hen Ru Ying, the male lead.


    Mu Rong An had never liked that person and now she understood better why. She was never supposed to like thattransmigratedperson! Just where had it been seen that the villainess was supposed to play friends with the heroine? If they did, of course, it was never sincere for the villainess was always a two-faced person!


    She had yet to recollect and ingrained in her the little details she could remember of her past life that a servant rushed to tell her that she was waitedfor in the main hall. An imperial eunuch had come with an invitation.


    For her to come to the second prince¡¯s wedding.

 Chapter 1: Imperial Edict

    The main hall of the Mu family was quite crowded.


    Those who came were an imperial eunuch and a mama from the Empress. The Empress, it seemed had bestowed upon her many gifts, obviously as a way of compensation for her long wait that in the end, served nothing. The list of things that had been brought was indecently long and even though she was still unmarried, she was already a rich woman in her own right. Mu Rong An''s conduct all the while was quite pleasant, letting nothing of her real feeling transpired.


    After the gifts, the invitation was passed. In an underhanded manner, she was told that her presence was awaited, using the empress and emperor''s name to pressure her. Whose idea was it, she wondered, who wanted to let her loose so much face? The second prince himself? It could be, for after all, what she liked the most was still her reputation, making her a mockery would teach her not to mess with his beloved.


    Her face still a little pale for she was sickly still, she received the invitation, saluted the eunuch and mama as they left afterward with the procession of servants that came.


    Now that the palace''s eyes left, the people in the manor slowly revealed the anger that was clawing at them. Her mother, in tears, was demanding answers from her father, her father was indignant on her behalf but in the end, who was the emperor? The dragon! His words were law. There was no other way. Her older brother wasn¡¯t any better and hearing him talk one fear that many could lose their lives if such words reach enemies'' ears.


    Mu Rong An was seemingly the calmest of the four of them, quietly rereading the invitation. She then closed it to look at her family. Those people, exceptionally today, appeared to her under a new light. Indeed, it didn''t matter that she couldn''t remember her previous life, in this life, she was extremely loved and doted upon. Sometimes that love was twinged and veiled under political reasons for before her happiness, her father was still trying to make connections, but considering this period, it was quite reasonable, for even then he had never been unbearable in his treatment to her.


    Her family, those three flushed people who were still discussing her in anger on her behalf, always sided with her. Ultimately, her strong pursuit of her first love and former fiance would lead them all to an early death, taken to dust with her. It was really she, who had failed them in the end.


    With an even voice and a composed face, she calmed them down and some people in the room joined her for persuasion.


    In this room, there were also three concubines, two shu sisters and one forever sickly shu brother. Those people, she could only say that she could just stand their presence for there had never been between them all a real feeling of belonging to the same family. Just sweet lies and fakeness.


    Between her father''s daughters, she was the first born and the most outstanding in consideration of talents. So although those people had an amiable smile trying to ingratiate themselves with her, consoling her for her broken engagement and praising her for her new acquisitions, she knew that they were secretly happy to see her engagement disappear.


    The arrogant legitimate daughter''s downfall, why would they feel compassion?


    Mu Rong An heard them all for a while, holding the long list that she was rereading and glancing from time to time at the carts outside. There were really so many! When she had read it all, she posed the paper and lifted her face. To their poisonous and veiled knives under sweets nothingness, she responded with a smile larger and warmer than any other day, which made them stiffened immediately. They knew her well enough to know her display of anger. And she was angrier than she had ever been.


    ¡°Why? The Empress is so kind. Going to such lengths for my sake it is indeed I who had been wrong. They want me to assist, very well, I will.¡±


    With the eyes that could now see clearly, she wanted to look at that couple once more.


    ***


    The second prince. Hen Ru Ying. She loved him since she was a child. Being his cousin from the maternal side of the family, it wasn''t that difficult to meet with him in their childhood, even more so that the empress was always making opportunities for them to be together. Since young she was repeated that she would be his wife, it was something she knew. He was always in her thoughts every day that she breathed, she would think of him. Waking up, eating, singing, walking even when sleeping she would think of him. She could almost say that she was breathing him. So she had long considered him hers, how then would it be deemed alright for him to just bailed out?


    But was it the same even now? She didn¡¯t know, she just knew that there was inside her an anger that was expanding by seconds and finding no way to be released! Waiting for the day of their wedding was a torture!


    The sounds of zither, qin, and guqin she produced these days were thunderous! The paintings she did were either scary, full of danger or bloody. When playing against her on go, no one saw her using anything other than ferocious attacks! And yet, no matter what, her mood wouldn''t calm down! She still felt the ire built more and more, unable to find release.


    Why wasn¡¯t she enough? What did she lack? Why?


    ***


    Her health a little better but her mood worse than ever, a week an a half passed and it was already time for the big wedding. The emperor wanted for it to happen before the renewal banquet and as such, the Li family had really overworked itself.


    To ease their burdens, the second prince proposed to let them be wed in the forest. Actually, it was,  Mu Rong An knew, a fantasy of his future wife that he was pleased to accomplish.


    It was a novelty. A wedding in the forest premises. Many wanted to complain but in the end, the second prince had his ways and convinced the emperor. Who dared say no to the emperor? In the forest''s edge, it would be!


    For Li Ming Qi, other than she really wanted to try something like this since her previous life, that forest also had an emotional meaning. It was in that same forest, that she met and saved the second prince who, without her advanced medical knowledge would have turn into a waste.


    If the story followed its course, at this banquet, Mu Rong An would try to isolate and physically harm Li Ming Qi and the one who would save her this time would be the second prince. He then would make Mu Rong An''s life a living hell before ultimately sending her to another country where she¡¯d be tortured to death. Consequently, when Mu Rong An, the last thorn in their path would be gone, the protagonists would then start their happily ever after.


    Really making people feel disgusted!


    As she stood there under the shining sun and blue sky failing to admire the forest''s beauty, saying light nonsense to other women when talked to, her lips twitched. The kneeling people under the emperor''s feet were really unsightly to her. She masked her ugly mood by smiling even more pleasantly letting her eyes roam elsewhere. It caught the sight of Ru Shan Yong, the young general.This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.


    Here, a love fool even fooler than her! Or maybe not. He actually had the generosity to let the person he liked chose who she liked. He was not a fool, he was a complete idiot!


    He met the newly transmigrated Li Ming Qi first and she even developed a fondness for him. However, he never reciprocated her underhanded advances and, in the end, thinking him uninterested, her feelings morphed and changed for that of a sister only. Ru Shan Yong realized his own feelings too late when Li Ming Qi was already far in love with the second prince. Comprehending his belatedness, he never voiced how he felt to not trouble her; even more so that he wasn''t the type to covet his friend''s love. Now, trying hard to conceal how he felt, came to celebrate with them.


    Mu Rong An didn¡¯t know why but the sight of him fuelled her anger more. Why? Why was everyone loving that person? Just why?


    This general who at the moment was lost in contemplation of the bride, this current love fool, even him, would later find his own transmigrated heroine to love!


    Why?


    What was wrong with women of this time?


    The bows were finished, the bridegroom, now husband smiled as he took his wife¡¯s hands when she lost her footing. Mu Rong An¡¯s nails dug into her palm, almost drawing blood, her sweet smile never leaving her face. That darkness inside her that she always repressed, what was the use of hiding it? Repressed, and repressed and in the end, die anyway?


    It was better to die on her own terms!


    ¡°Is there something wrong?¡± asked the daughter of the ministry of revenue by her smile.


    "Why would it? I''m completely fine" she said almost happily.


    ***


    The ceremony itself finished, they didn''t go back, but instead, were going to stay in the edge of the forest the whole day, celebrating here until late at night before going back the noon of the day after.


    Originally, Mu Rong An was supposed to drug Li Ming Qi but since she knew the outcome to that and wasn¡¯t really pursuing this anymore, she drugged another. One who never thought that he could be her target, thus never guard against her. Ru Shan Yong!


    The general wasn''t one who liked being waited upon, thus had no servants by his side. His guards weren''t by his side either, he had given orders for them to look out for the newly married couple. He wanted them safe -which was originally how they easily noted Mu Rong An''s wicked schemes-. Occupied to keep the couple safe from her, he didn¡¯t check his own security and was drug quite easily. After all, he had drunk more than he ever did tonight. He just wanted to forget it all. In his own corner, a man was drinking. A really desolate sight. If others could look at him downing one cup after the other, one wouldn''t help but wonder if it was actually him who was the bridegroom and his bitter friends were making him drink too much to spend a good night.


    In reality, he was just trying really hard to make his aching heart ached a little less... but completely failing!


    Since he had isolated himself, no one knew when he lost consciousness nor did they know that he had been taken away. Mu Rong An had her servants prepared a place somewhere a little more inside the forest and held a relatively big tent there. Unconscious as he still was, he was tied him easily and firmly.


    When he woke up, unable to move and talk, he could only glare at her. Having taken a bath not long, Mu Rong An was feeling fresh and liking the forest for its coolest way better than she had liked the stuffy sun in the morning.


    ¡°Ru Shan Yong" she called him, tasting the sound of his name on her lips. There was an almost feeling of elation. The taste of danger was so sweet! "you can¡¯t talk¡­" she explained when she saw him trying.


    He was lying on a mattress, his four members were tied to fours small pikes near each corner of the makeshift bed. A tapestry had been installed on the floor and she sat by his head, touching his silky hair.


    "I thought for a long time... In the end, I can¡¯t let it be, I am too unreconciled for that.¡±


    Maybe it was, she briefly thought, because she was written like that or maybe she just had this irrepressible side in her that wanted to take revenge for every little bit of grievance that she suffered. That was why she couldn''t hold onto her temper, the reason why her anger couldn''t go away. And what she suffered, she¡¯d give back three times harder!


    ¡°However, these two cheating people I can¡¯t touch, ah¡­".


    Looking at his frightening glare, she just smiled leaning on to him to whisper in his ears like a confession,


    "...but you¡¯re here, aren''t you?"


    Straightening up, she kept on talking.


    "You¡¯re the one who brought that woman in this forest, the one who let them meet.¡±


    Her soft hands that never worked hard a day in her life, drifted from his hair to his face, caressing his forehead, cheeks, nose. She traced his thick eyebrows, so different from Hen Ru Ying''s light ones. This man''s traits were really far from the effeminate and gentle ones of the second prince. His were manlier, rougher, screaming danger.


    Her gentle voice resounded in the tent again.


    ¡°Such an exceptional woman. She has a lovely face, wide medicinal knowledge, happens to appreciate mounting horses. Your dear Qi''er,... and later... your dear Xi''er. That one, boyish and with a strong sense of justice, not only would she liked horses and martial arts, she''d also know a bit of medicine and would always be full of ideas about strategies and whatnots. In simple words,¡± she looked into his eyes, as she said,


    ¡°A thoroughly modern person!... So distinct from the women here.¡±


    She gave a wry smile at that. She couldn¡¯t remember anything from her past life, so she really knew very little about it all. In the end, only the memories of this life remained and for her, she was thoroughly an ancient person. Until recently, she found nothing wrong with it. And even now, she thought, there was nothing wrong with it.


    Why must they then love others?


    The words that she couldn¡¯t address the second prince, she would address them to him. After all, even he would later marry a transmigrated woman. Where was the fairness in it all? Who were they, the abandoned women from this ancient time, supposed to marry?


    ¡°We talk too softly for you, you say? We are boring? Do you know how arduous it is to learn all those etiquettes about conduct!?"


    She traced his lips. They weren''t as rough as she thought they would be. Instead, they were supple and agreeable to touch.


    "They don¡¯t teach how to shout or whistle to a horse to proper ladies, you know? We just know about music and calligraphy? Do you know how painful it is to sit for hours to learn those unnecessary things every day? We assimilated this, try our hardest yet we¡¯re never good enough for you!¡±


    There wasn¡¯t any fake smile on her face this time. It had long disappeared during her speech, even she didn''t know at which exact moment.


    ¡°These women just sneak in there yet they get the most outstanding men while we, we are left with the unremarkable ones... and even more we should feel lucky that our lives were spared!¡±


    She got up from where she sat and his eyes followed her to one corner of the tent where rested a bottle of wine and a cup. She didn''t touch those things. Rather, she took hold of one of the many unlit incenses that were near the bottle and lit them all with a candle''s light. Each incense was then placed at one corner of the tent. Soon, its smell filled the small room.


    ¡°Do you know how much it hurts?" She asked, "to be the one left behind. The one whose choices were almost nonexistent. The one whose feelings were never taken into consideration...?"


    All the incenses in place, she took the bottle and the cup and approached to sat by his side again. Filling the richly decorated cup, she answered herself,


    "No, you don¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    "But know that it hurts. It hurts so much... It doesn''t matter now though."


    She drank the whole thing in one go, her face lightly flushed under the numerous candle lights. She filled the cup once more as she talked.


    "I found the best way to hurt you back... You, who couldn¡¯t snatch the woman you love, who couldn¡¯t fight for her¡­ I¡¯ll take what that other woman would covet the most from you: your purity¡­ I want to taint you taint you in black, as black as my heart!¡±


    Her smile was radiant as she announced him that. It was a real happy one. One that she herself didn¡¯t know how long she hadn¡¯t shown or had.


    "The wedding night is going on... Our beloveds are having their ways. Let us have ours."


    Raising the cup to her lips, she put the liquid in her mouth, then leaned to him, making him drink it from her lips.

 Chapter 2: ! Wedding Night

    ¡°First Miss,¡± came a soft whisper by the tent¡¯s entrance.


    Making sure he drank it all, Mu Rong Shan straightened up, her finger on her lips, a gentle smile on her face.


    ¡°I grew impatient and forgot, but,¡± she glanced at his flushed face, ¡°alcohol, plus the incense, maybe we won¡¯t need the aphrodisiac too?¡±


    Her eyes danced with glee at the killing intent he was flashing her, ¡°let us just take some for the fun of it anyway.¡±


    Talking until here, she put down the cup and went to the entrance to meet her servant girls outside. These two were extremely loyal to her and she needed not check to know that they wouldn¡¯t breathe words of her actions today. They were the ones who were always there and sometimes even gave her ideas for her schemes. However, giving her the book she asked for and the small vial with transparent liquid inside, these young women¡¯s eyes were carrying some fear. Behind that closed tent, it was, after all, the fearsome Ru general. The first Miss doing this kind of things was it to force this person¡¯s hand into marrying her?... Would such a bold think work?... Were they supposed to call for people to show that he had tarnished their miss¡¯s reputation?


    ¡°First Miss,¡± one of them began uneasily but was cut short.


    Mu Rong Shan just took the two things from them, not inclined to explain herself,


    ¡°Don¡¯t wander too far¡­ don¡¯t stay here either¡­ Don¡¯t do things I didn¡¯t ask for¡­ just stay put and wait for me.¡± And she once again entered the tent, closing the cloth behind her.


    She glanced at the bedridden person, the smile returning.


    Wishing to marry? There were no such things in her mind. She merely wanted to vent. So far, she was quite enjoying herself.


    She put the whole vial¡¯s content in what was left of the bottle of wine then stirred it. Opening the small book, she started reading it under the candles¡¯ light.


    ¡°Wait for just a little, I am learning,¡± she told him, turning the pages slowly.


    A couple more pages after, she didn¡¯t want to read anymore. It wasn¡¯t explicit enough and the illustrations were just too ugly to look at. By herself certainly, she could come somewhere. The most important information, the part of him that was going to be in hers, was fortunately mentioned in that book. For the rest, she could fill the gap with what she knew of the protagonists¡¯ sweet moments and her own imagination.


    The book was thus left alone as she approached him, starting to undress him. The ropes that were bounding him were quite unnerving, blocking her movements. These things were suddenly unsightly to her. He would be unable to move for a couple more hours. Kissing his front, she said,


    ¡°Wait a little more,¡±


    She straightened the clothes that she was about to take off and when he was once again neatly clothed she went out to call for her servants. Mu Rong An then had them unbound him even though the women didn¡¯t seem convinced that it was a good idea. The servants didn¡¯t dare meet eyes with this fearsome general too scared and worrying that he might just kill them when he would be good and about once again. Who knew if today wasn¡¯t their last day!


    Once done, they were chased out once again.


    He was unbound, but still very much unable to move. Mu Rong An liked that sight better.


    She started with his feet, taking off his dark boots. Then struggled to peel off his clothes one by one. Quite clumsily. She felt him shivered under her touch. Her hands were a little cold while his body was hot.


    Contrary to hers, his body wasn¡¯t soft but quite hard with well-drawn muscles. From his clavicles, she let her hand trailed, touching his chest, drawing the contours of his pectoris, his firm abs like steel, the beginning of his mermaid lines which died in a forest of hair.


    Her gaze landed on a certain part of his body and she couldn¡¯t help but comment.


    ¡°I never saw one... general you have quite the baggage...¡± she said, admiring for a second before taking back her gaze to look at his face, ¡°The second prince has two concubines but now that he¡¯s married he¡¯ll most certainly neglect them. You, on the other side, never knew a woman and normally wouldn¡¯t for a few more months... Going far away to forget your first love and for your forbidden feelings to not be discovered, stumbling upon that magnificent woman who was saving people from bandits.¡±


    Talking until here, she sighed, ¡°but we, on the other hands are normal people, who only know how to shout, run and cry when faced with bandits. Who would be thinking about saving others? No wonder then I suppose, that you¡¯d be attracted to her sense of justice¡­¡±


    She got up and put his clothes in one corner. There was a basin lying by the head of the bed that she bring closer with some efforts, for it was filled with water. Beside it, there were a large sponge and a towel.


    Putting the sponge in the water, she then wrung it and proceeded to wipe him. Goosebumps. He shivered again, the hot water having long turned cold. She didn¡¯t mind him, kept on sponged bathing him.


    ¡°Never a well breed lady, you always fall in love with the special one, and she falls in love with your purity, your good heart, ¡®you being you¡¯ she would call it... Guess what?¡± she stopped and asked looking at his eyes ¡°not in this lifetime.¡± She finished with a smile.


    Thoroughly cleaning him, she wiped him with the towel and gave him a beam, really satisfied with herself. It was her turn she thought. He was completely naked in front of her; she had to lay down her clothes too.


    The sweet and intoxicating smell of the incense had her flushed already or maybe it was shyness?


    She took down her outer robe and peeled off her own clothing; but in the end, when only her inner clothes separated her from the state of being as naked as a new-born, she hesitated and ultimately chose to stay like this. With her inner robe.


    It clung to her body and tease the imagination without revealing anything.


    ¡°The both of us are bathed and ready-¡± an explosion¡¯s sounds cut her off, startling her. When she understood and remembered what it was, she chuckled. The wedding¡¯s fireworks. The second prince had absolutely insisted to have it.


    She filled the cup of wine one more time,


    ¡°Your best friend is savoring his wedding night, let us have our own mock wedding night here,¡± she said with an anger she couldn¡¯t conceal.


    She drank half of the cup and leaned to make him drink the other half of the wine that had been tampered with aphrodisiac long before. This time, he was struggling and not gulping it down at all. Which was quite impressive of him, considering the amount of drugs that she had put in his alcohol before. He normally shouldn¡¯t be able to move the sole muscle, not even his tongue. Should she rejoice that he couldn¡¯t bite her still?


    She closed his nostrils her hand, forcing him to drink by her mouth. It was only when the last drop passed down his throat that she let go. He coughed a little after, searching for breath. When he had gulped enough air, she kissed him again, tasting the wine on his tongue.


    She was quite bad at it, she was aware of it herself, but she liked it anyway, his hot breath mingling with hers, his tongue that was trying to push hers out but ultimately dancing in sync.


    The aphrodisiac was coursing through her veins and she was starting feeling hot. Really hot. And him, with all the incense, aphrodisiac and drugs as well, was slowly feeling it too, whether he liked it or no.


    She put her hand on his cheek and kissed him until her tongue went numb and she was gasping for air. The, she laid open-mouthed kisses all over his throat. She sat on him for better access, one foot at each side, her lips on his clavicles, his chest, down his belly. She really wanted to kiss him all over. Like a new found toy, she couldn¡¯t get enough of him.


    Himself conscious of it or not, she didn¡¯t know, but his body was responding to hers, and she soon felt something hard that was poking at her.


    That part really gets hard, she thought. It wasn¡¯t an exaggeration.


    When she was bathing him, it was soft but now it got harder and bigger. Was this thing really supposed to enter her body? She smiled and touched it, not really knowing what to do with it. However, just being held inside her hot and soft hand, it got even harder. She found this quite interesting and stroked it up and down until it was hard as steel¡­ and twitching.


    She heard Ru Shan Yong groaned in a guttural manner almost as though she was torturing him. His face was flushed and she liked that. Adored that actually, knowing that it was she, who was making writhe.


    It was time she supposed, to be joined. She seated herself on him and looking into his eyes, while one hand was holding his member, she gauged his reaction as she was trying to let him in her entrance.The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    It was starting to go in but then got blocked. She wondered a little if he was too thick for her. Could it be that actually some men and some women couldn¡¯t perform because of physical disparity? Stubborn, she wriggled, while he groaned, and painfully, in the end, the whole of him entered her. Gasping, she laid on his chest, searching for breath. It was really awful and she felt full. There were tears at the corners of her eyes.


    He groaned seemingly searching for breath too, making her wondered exactly what he was feeling; for his face was flushed and his body was obviously reacting to hers but his eyes were glaring daggers at her.


    ¡°Is it hatred that I see?¡± she asked him, still on his chest. ¡°It is, isn¡¯t it? Good!¡± she leaned and kissed him, forgetting all about her discomfort. She bit his one of his earlobes and whispered to him ¡°I want you to remember it well: the one who took it, the one who was first, was me! Not the one you love, not the one you¡¯ll love in some unclear future or dreams, but the one who you presently hate. Mu Rong An. Never forget!¡±


    She kissed him again, tasting the lingering wine in his mouth, taking it all.


    ¡°Men are call flower thief¡± she breathed to him, ¡°I wonder how a woman should be called?¡±


    The gaze he was looking her with was thunderous and promising retribution. She relinquished at the sight, even taken the pleasure to continue from it. Having taken the length of him for a time, her body was better, having adapted to his size.


    She straightened up and arched her back, starting the oldest rhythm of humanity. She rocked herself up and down, slowly, adapting to him, the pain still lingering. He grunted and she could swear he had buckled his hips if she wasn¡¯t persuaded that he couldn¡¯t move! The faster she got, the more pronounced his grunts would be, turning into moans sometimes. She really liked that. What her body could make his do.


    She picked up her pace then, to hear him some more. The faster she got, the more bouncing her breasts would be. Following his line of sight, she saw him looking at them, thus while rocking, she leaned and placed her hands on his eyes,


    ¡°Don¡¯t stare¡± she whispered or simply thought, she didn¡¯t really know, before kissing his throat.


    The women this general fell in love with had, both of them, the habit to bandage their breasts and sneak out as males. Their breasts, constantly constricted, didn¡¯t develop much and when this person¡¯s future woman was once ashamed of that fact, he soothed her by saying that he didn¡¯t like those vulgar meaty things and preferred hers, small but beautiful.


    She picked up her pace while his grunts grew noisier. It was painful still for her. Was the villainess not supposed to feel the pleasure at all, she wondered? Yet she was still feeling all powerful by what she was making him feel. Soon she felt him twitched inside her and something hot poured was released and she cried a little, surprised by this.


    She was a little bewildered.


    ¡°Did you just-?¡±, she started, looking at him, but as though ashamed of himself, he had closed his eyes, refusing to meet hers.


    Where is the fairness in it all? Where was the part where ¡®pleasure mingled with pain¡¯? Wasn¡¯t she supposed to know sexual release? Ever?


    If the story had gone normally, she would be married to the Fen country¡¯s crown prince. The man had an extremely wicked sense of pleasure, liking his counterpart to feel pain, a real sadist. He would torture her, take her by force, he also liked to enjoy watching other men take her by force.


    So now she was feeling a little miffed to be denied pleasure even now.


    Did she think she would be surviving more than just some few months? No, she didn¡¯t think so. She had already angered dear miss heroine and was certainly a nuisance for dear mister hero. No matter what, she was quite sure that she would be sent to the neighboring country or if not, they would find a way to deal with her.


    And now that she angered this famous general, she¡¯d certainly die in an even quicker way but the difference being that it was actually on her own terms!


    Whether she¡¯ll be going to another country and be tortured there or the man she just took advantage of will kill her, she wanted those on her terms. Her death should be initiated by her own hands, the consequences of her own actions! She may be venting herself on him, but she knew that when it will come to him counterattacking, he wouldn¡¯t implicate her whole family for no one would ever know that it was done by him.


    That¡¯s how much she trusts his thorough sense of revenge: when he acts, his enemy has no way for defense.


    She chuckled as she saw his eyes still closed.


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter,¡± she said as she kissed his nose, ¡°it was satisfying in other parts.¡±


    She got to know a side of him that no one before her knew; she heard the sounds that no one before her had him make.


    She got off from him, cleaned herself with another towel, and cleaned him too. She snuffled out the incense.


    Hunger was clawing at her like a cat. Firstly draping him with a sheet, she wore her middle robe and opened the lids of the dishes that she had her servants prepared long ago. She had, after all, the intention to spend the whole night here! Until the morn!


    The meal was light and after eating, she found joy in forcing him to eat and drink soup too, by her mouth.


    He breathed heavily, his eyes sending her warnings that she paid no heed to and just had her way with his mouth, closing his nose if necessary. It came to the point that he stopped resisting and just ate what she was passing down.


    ¡°Like a baby bird!¡± she said with glee.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Even when the meal was finished she couldn¡¯t help but kissed him again, taking him lower lip in her mouth, gently sucking. It was delicious in a really unique way. She trailed to his earlobes, his throat. She unwrapped her middle robe and sat on him again, putting a hand on his silky long black hair. She took off that held them and saw it fall on the bed, some on the tapestry.


    ¡°So smooth¡± she complimented.


    He grunted and she was quite surprised to hear his voice. It was strained and feeble but he was still able to talk.


    ¡°That¡¯s enough!¡± he had said, almost making her jump. Was the medicine wearing off or was he usual his martial arts? Didn¡¯t that got blocked too?


    Not wanting to take risks, she got up and, using the ropes that had been left in a corner of the room, she bound his members once again to the pikes by his sides. Sure that it was secure enough, she resumed her position.


    He was glaring hatefully at her while she was letting her hands roamed freely over his chest. He was a little hairy, she pulled at it and in the end, the fingers were replaced by her tongue. Licking, sucking, pulling lightly with her teeth. She placed wet kissed all over his chest, before taking in her mouth one of his cherries. It was so small. She wondered if men liked it, as women were supposed to when playing with their breasts. She teased one with her teeth while pinching the other her hands.


    Whatever he really felt, his body was responding to hers anyway.


    He was groaning again and grunting. She inverted and took the other in her hand while pinching the first. The sounds he was making, even though he was trying to restrain them were so sweet.


    She came back to kiss his neck again, somehow, she really liked his neck and he liked it too for his groans were more guttural now.


    ¡°Miss¡­Mu¡± he said with difficulty,


    ¡°Shhh¡­ just feel¡± she whispered in his ear, taking his earlobe with her teeth, her hands roaming everywhere on his body.


    Now that he could talk, he was certainly able to bite. Would he bite her? If he did, it would certainly be painful. Who knew if he wouldn¡¯t be drawing blood? But she wanted to kiss him anyway. It was like a need, and she yielded in without holding back, tasting the meal that he just ate all over again.


    She seated herself on him again. It was still quite uncomfortable and slightly painful. She groaned,


    ¡°I am the one taking advantage of you, why am I still the one hurting?¡±


    Is it bleeding again she wondered, since when cleaning up she caught some blood on herself.


    ***


    She took a cold sponged bath, thoroughly cleaning herself before sponged bathed him. The night was quite advanced and she was tired and sored. Snuffing out the light, she lay by his side on the sole bed of the tent, draping both of them with a thick cover. He, in his naked glory, while she had her inner robe on. She leaned to him, drawing his heat closer to her.


    It was quite comfortable to lean on him, so she unceremoniously used his chest as a cushion and slept until the morning without any hint of remorse at all.


    ***


    When the morning came, her servants called to her.


    Waking up, she saw him glaring at her, and she smiled, wondering a little if he didn¡¯t sleep at all. Not minding, she kissed his forehead, not daring enough now, to kiss him on the lips. Who knew if the night before he wasn¡¯t just too enthralled by what they were doing and responded in the heat of the moment, now, most certainly, he would bite her tongue off.


    She got up and clothed herself.


    He said nothing, but his eyes were telling a history of their own. A story tainted with blood.


    ¡°Now why the long face, I even bathed you. Shouldn¡¯t we call ourselves even? Consider this a little revenge for throwing me into the pond.¡± She told him amiably once ready to leave.


    In good mood, one that she didn¡¯t have in a long while, she unbound the ropes. The drugs¡¯ effects were going to wear off in a couple of hours. She brought his clothes closer and couldn¡¯t resist kissing his neck once more before straightening up.


    The servants had already taken everything inside the tent beside the tent itself and the tapestry and of course, the bedding.


    ¡°Why?¡± he had asked as she neared the entrance, ready to step into the morning and disappear from his sight.


    She paused in her steps and glanced at him. Rather than forcefully taken, wasn¡¯t it still better to have those kinds of things done her way? And if she could spite him too, why leave the chance alone?


    ¡°Why not?¡±


    Thinking that somewhere she cheated her destiny had her smile as she left the place.


    She rejoined the people from the wedding, taking back her place with the servant that she had disguised as herself. Everything went quite smoothly, and when he came back later to depart with everyone, they didn¡¯t even meet.


    ***


    Coming back in Mu residence, she had her servants personally brew the soup for not getting pregnant and drinking it, she let the whole affair at the back of her mind, as though it never happened. Spreading the news that she was sick, she didn¡¯t want any visitor and while the women of the capital thought she loosed too much face and was hiding, she absolutely didn¡¯t mind for once. She was, for the first time in a good while, at peace with herself and feeling quite good about the fact.


    Concerning things like that she was living in a book, didn¡¯t feel all that much true. For her, those were only information. The reality was her life here. Sure, knowing some things, she could have done something about her fate, trying to completely divert it. But such a thing was too late now and she doubted she would have been successful in living by herself if she had tried to flee. Even if she had gotten married immediately she doubted that she¡¯d be really left alone.


    This method was good. Ru general didn¡¯t torture those that he killed. It was always swift and ended in an instant. That was the kind of death she wanted to have.


    ¡­Yet many days later, nothing happened to her still.


    ***


    She, mysteriously, was still alive, even though the day of renewal was just a couple of days from now. It was really surprising.


    In the end, would she still go to Fen country?


    Those people from the neighboring countries were going to come in just a few days. Ru general, if following the story, was going to the borders some months after that, where he would meet his future wife. Mu Rong An vaguely thought about their romance then pushed it at the back of her mind. She didn¡¯t really care.


    As much as she wanted to distract herself from such thoughts, she¡¯d inevitably think of her previous fianc¨¦ and smashed things down in anger. Will he really send her to that hell of a country?


    In the end, she was quite unwilling!

 Chapter 3: Welcoming Banquet

    Unexpectedly just a few days before the welcoming banquet, the Ru general actually sent a card. Well, well, well. No sneakily kidnapping her to kill her in the dark, no sudden poison infiltrated in her meals, no nothing but directly coming here, was he planning on confronting her? Implicating her parents? She wondered a little. Her parents were puzzled but had no reason to refuse his visit, so the infamous young general was welcomed some hours later.


    He had come with gifts and asked to see the prime minister. Quite surprisingly, the reason for his sudden arrival was to propose an alliance. He wanted to wed the prime minister¡¯s legitimate daughter!


    It was way too sudden! No one in the family was prepared for this! There had never been any signal or warning that he was interested in their daughter at all!


    The pride of the Ru family, the descendant of a military family. He was twenty-three already but had no interest in marriage at all, no matter how much his mother and grandmother had tried to persuade. It was quite shocking to see him suddenly here, proposing out of nowhere!


    In the end, he was neither refused nor given a defined answer. He was instead asked for some time and to come back another day. However, internally, the prime minister was quite elated. To make an alliance with that family wasn¡¯t bad at all! The worried one was his wife. After all, her cousin, the empress, had said that to replace the broken engagement that her daughter was afflicted with she would personally find her a good match. Wouldn¡¯t that be not considering her majesty to just accept without consulting her? Thus she tried to persuade her husband against this and even though it didn¡¯t seem like she succeeded in making him change his mind, she was quite happy that he hadn¡¯t given his immediate consent.


    The prime minister¡¯s wife wrote to the empress to report this particular event.


    The one whose marriage has been discussed wasn¡¯t told much. And truthfully, she was feeling way too weirded by this development to have a real opinion on the matter.


    He actually came to ask her hand in marriage. A marriage!!! Did he actually hit his head or did the drugs gnawed at his brain?


    He could have killed her with none the wiser but if she really did marry into his family, wouldn¡¯t he be suspected if anything were to happen to her? Didn¡¯t he care about gossips at all?


    The smile that left her face returned as she wondered just what exactly he had in store for her? What kind of counterattack was he trying to pull?


    If things were left as per as it was supposed to be originally, then the possibility for her to go in Fen country was still there. Violated, beaten, and broken beyond belief for other people¡¯s amusement with no one to care, no family to run to and ultimately, dying with no one to know about it for months. And when they did, all hell broke loose, for her family tried to take revenge and it all went terribly wrong.


    And long story short, the whole clan got annihilated.


    That she was unwilling to see the execution of such a future was an understatement. This man too, certainly was here for a certain kind of punishment, maybe worse than what she¡¯d done to him¡­ but strangely enough, he was a path she had yet to know and was willing to try. The one where death wasn¡¯t accompanied by cruelty. Maybe?!


    And as such, she responded in affirmative to her father when he asked her opinion on the matter even though her mother had previously pointed at her to say other things.


    Maybe he would break her too. But she doubted that his means would be as despicable as what she was supposed to suffer originally. She wondered though how he would do so. It shouldn¡¯t be too difficult actually. She wasn¡¯t like the brave women he fell in love with; just walking a certain distance leave her panting, where would she take the energy to run away and with what confidence? She was now merely waiting to see how he would deal with her. That she¡¯d die, didn¡¯t matter anymore, her family would be safe this time around anyway; this was a certitude she had.


    Mu Rong An wondered though, how the protagonists would react to their friend¡¯s sudden desire to wed and most of all, wed her, the one who had tried on many occasions to harm Li Ming Qi. Hen Ru Ying wouldn¡¯t be happy, certainly! After all, the second prince was the one who was going to ask the empress to talk to the emperor about sending her to Fen country.


    ***


    Indeed, neither Li Ming Qi nor Hen Ru Ying was happy with such news. Li Ming Qi worried that her good friend attracted got manipulated by the fake side of the prime minister¡¯s daughter and while it wasn¡¯t his style, he was a man and as such, could make mistakes. For his sake, she tried to warn him, quite bluntly actually, for their relationship was close enough to permit such. Even Hen Ru Ying who couldn¡¯t understand too reminded his friend of the person-he-wanted''s schemes.


    However, Ru general was unfazed and unmoving, his decision long taken and didn''t plan on being swayed. They tried asking if there was a hidden reason, was someone pressuring him? Threatening him? For certainly, even though he wished to marry there were better women out there, with less pretention and a heart way clearer and less jealous! The one he had seemingly taken fancy of was clearly not a real virtuous one. They had talked long enough and said all they could think of, yet he still stood firm in his resolution.


    He had just come to let them know, he said, and wouldn¡¯t intrude much longer in their newlywed time. He then bid them farewell.


    Following that, he actually managed to get the emperor¡¯s edict! Whether they liked it or not, the Mu family could only accept now! Well, not that the prime minister had in mind to refuse anyway.


    Two days later he came again to the Mu residence to properly proposed one more time, which was now a mere formality since the emperor had already given his golden blessing. Anyway, such actions were still pleasant for the prime minister anyway. Happy as he was, he even ordered his daughter to show the guest around the exquisite garden of the Mu residence and its face mountains a bit, which was merely an excuse to let them discuss in private. Of course, servants were following them behind.


    Mu Rong An¡¯s smile was unwavering on her face as she accompanied her guest. They were at a proper distance from each other and hadn¡¯t shared a single glance, much less talked to each other. They walked a little bit and sat near a pond. She ordered tea to be bought and personally served him herself. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    She could really sit there, not feeling uncomfortable at all, even though she knew herself what she had done. There were no awkward movements of her, no blushing and certainly no regrets either. Her conducts were prim and proper as though nothing happened at all.


    The scalding hot tea slowly turned cold without him touching a sip of it at all. He actually made no motion towards it at all, as though it didn''t exist in the first place. Mu Rong An''s eyes curved in a smile but she didn¡¯t talk, just sip her own tea. When he deemed that he had stayed long enough in this mansion, he got up and as he turned his back to her, she called to him, laughter in her voice.


    ¡°This humble one is really happy and eager to be married to Ru general!¡±


    He didn¡¯t acknowledge her nonsense with an answer. His glare, as he looked at her properly for the first time of the day was thick with anger¡­ and was it killing intent? She watched him go, giggles shaking her shoulders.


    She was quite carefree really, for she herself couldn¡¯t say if she was scared or not. The one who were paled and frightened to death were actually her servants!


    By the night, she learned that even the wedding day had been discussed! She was already eighteen, and the general seemed to want to wed quite quickly, it had thus been fixed for a couple months after the renewal banquet.


    ***


    Said banquet came just two days after. Representants of Fen and Qin came numerous. For Fen, there were the crown prince and his advisor, plus some ministries. For Qin, it was the emperor¡¯s cousin and the emperor¡¯s young brother, added to ministries. The power was quite balanced for now in appearance. In truth though, Fen¡¯s emperor was at the verge of death and their country was plagued with many internal conflicts. The crown prince had already dealed with many that wanted his life and affirm his position though.


    Officials were all invited with their legitimate wife and children. The location was the imperial garden, which was quite wide and in the cover of the night it was quite cool and agreeable.


    Mu Rong An didn¡¯t really wanted to go, but there was no choice for her in this matter. She just sat by her family¡¯s side and didn¡¯t really talk, just smiled and observed it all. The emperor was high in his dragon chair, by his side, sat the empress, a little below were three concubine of first rank. Her gaze searched for Hen Ru Ying and found him not far from the emperor, leaning gently towards his new wife whispering only them knew what that was making them smile.


    They were quite a beautiful sight. Two peerless beauties. Hen Ru Ying had a beautiful face, really beautiful and could easily passed for a woman. He truly let people wondered if the words like a celestial being weren¡¯t invented for him. Li Ming Qi by his side too, was remarkable. Although her beauty wasn¡¯t a match to Mu Rong An''s, she had a beauty that grows on people, or so they say anyway. The more you look, the more beautiful she appeared.


    Mu Rong An was quite impressed with herself actually. If it was before, such a sight would let her boiled in anger from the inside but it seemed that her rather peculiar way of venting last time was really efficient and knowing that her original fate deviated a little, she was quite at peace, genuinely. She got clear headed enough to analyze her feelings. Maybe she still, somewhere in her mind or heart ¨Cwell, not that it was big if she was to consider what was written about her- she may still like this prince however little. But knowing that it was that person that precipitated her to her death ¨Cactually that she could forgive-, and even more the death of her family, she refused to fight for him more than what she already did.


    Mu Rong An dropped her gaze to her tea that she quietly sipped. She didn¡¯t mind anymore, recently, she was feeling more and more soothe. And the reason most certainly¡­ she searched for his face, and sure enough, Ru general was here. He was looking towards Li Ming Qi and Hen Ru Ying. Mu Rong An¡¯s smiled curved at this constat, wondering a little which expression he was sporting now. Certainly an expressionless one, she mused, one that concealed perfectly how he felt. Did the second prince really not know about his feeling for Li Ming Qi at all, or, was he trying to ignore it in the name of their friendship?


    Realizing he was looked at certainly, he brutally shifted his line of sight. At such distance she couldn¡¯t exactly see his face clearly, she still was certain though, that he was glaring at her. She smiled at him anyway before returning to tasting her tea, not caring about what anyone was saying. Be that the emperor or his prestigious guests.


    But who knew that things would still stay the same and that eventually she would be pushed in a pit?


    The crown prince of Fen had talked about beauties and music and out of nowhere, she was asked to perform since she beard the title of the most talented person of the year, and she had held such a title for five year. Not this year though, this year that title was snatched by Li Ming Qi.


    If it was the original timeline, she would push the name of Li Ming Qi to dodge that which would bounced right back at her. Ultimately, her guqin¡¯s cords would broke due to anxiety, for she was scared of being selected to go form an alliance with Fen country, letting her lose face.


    Since Fen¡¯s emperor was at the verge of death, Nan was trying to have another durable alliance by sending someone to marry over, the current Nan emperor was trying to prevent war. And she was scared to be chose. Even though he wanted peace to be bought without blood, the emperor was quite unreconciled when he thought that one of his dear daughters must be sent away. He only had two that he loved dearly and doted upon them intensely; which was why all the legitimate daughters of his officers were invited, to replace one of the princesses in this role.


    Well, it didn''t concern her anymore anyway, that was something that couldn''t happen anymore even if she was taken fancy off for at this very moment she was already engaged. Not that it changed anything in her not wanting to play! This time, she simply said some words about her bad health while gritting her teeth in her heart. That lusty prince, who was going to play for you?


    This same crown prince was supposed to be her future husband, the one who would torture her and ultimately kill her. She had tried hard the whole night to not even glance at him but now if possible, she wouldn¡¯t mind droving a dagger in his chest!


    He was renowned for his wide number of concubines but had no wife and even though his wicked sense of pleasure wasn¡¯t something widely known, for Mu Rong An who knew of them, he was particularly disgusting to look at! This sick person actually liked the sight of blood! That was like his aphrodisiac!


    Her father joined in pleading, emphasizing her sickness too. He too, felt particularly sour at the idea of her playing for these people. Since it was repeated these last day how much she was sick and her face appeared paled, the emperor didn¡¯t insist and another person actually played.


    She was sick no more actually, just dressed a little plainer than every day and put on makeup to appear more fragile!


    Mu Rong An thanked her father. Originally he was supposed to try and fail but since she angered no one today, -well, not the protagonists- it actually went smoothly. She just returned to her tea, seemingly closing her ears, not wishing to listen to what was going on at all!


    She faintly glanced at that crown prince again and hid her sneer behind her teacup. She really wished she could see this person''s demise!


    He was actually the one who had wounded Hen Ru Ying, almost making him becoming a waste. Crown prince Wu Wei wanted to push Nan country in jeopardy and had tried to do so in various ways. His goal was, before accessing the throne, to destabilize the other countries and when he would stabilize his own reign, marched towards them to conquer them.


    Nan country was his first target. Nan emperor only had three sons, the first one was constantly sick and the physician had predicted his death before his thirties while the third one was too young still. Killing Hen Ru Ying would cause some chaos for even though it wasn''t official, everyone considered him as the crown prince!


    Mu Rong An then looked at her fiance and sight in her heart. A pity, she thought with a little bit of grievance, that she would die before Wu Wei! It was a person''s whose sufferings she wouldn''t mind seeing!

 Chapter 4: Petty Revenge

    The marriage was done exactly four months after the banquet. There were no mishaps and the Ru family didn¡¯t insult or belittles theirs either for the number of carts brought was reasonable. Considering what she did, Mu Rong An could almost call it excessive, as though, he was buying her off. Well, the idea didn¡¯t seem far stretched; maybe he was compensating her parents for their future loss?


    Being her father¡¯s legitimate child, her dowry was quite consistent, added to that the previous gifts of the Empress, really, no bride had been so well and worry free money-wise in quite a long time.


    Although she didn¡¯t think he would be thoughtless enough to slight their family¡¯s name, she didn¡¯t think he would be so upright. He came to pick up the bride at the right time, kicked the sedan and was more than respectful.


    All in all, the ceremonies were all respected and the marriage turned out quite splendid.


    Before being picked up though, that morning, her mother had passed to her a book. The cover was strangely familiar and sure enough, when she turned open one page, she immediately closed it. Her mother coughed a little, saying that some things couldn¡¯t be talked about but she still needed to know about them. Mu Rong An worked hard to blush, appearing like a decent girl, embarrassed at such contents. It was a version of the book she had looked at the night she drugged the Ru general! Who knew that mothers actually passed down such things for their daughter¡¯s wedding day!


    Originally, she immediately followed the Fen¡¯s crown prince back to his country and they wedded there. Her parents didn¡¯t follow, just some servants; so, there were many things that she didn¡¯t get to know about. Many things were so different than what she was living this day. Now that she could have a more normal wedding, she wanted it to be right no matter what; if only to have a good memory of such a day.


    She patiently listened as her mother gave some more counsels and pieces of advice. It was her day and she knew the extent of things thus she gave face to her half sisters and her father¡¯s concubines, didn¡¯t make anything difficult for them while accepting their half-hearted concerns and well wishes. She even had a talk with her elder brother and underhandedly told him that she was going to be alright so what was he waiting for?


    ¡®Hurry and marry¡¯, she thought. ¡®This time around don¡¯t be so concerned with me, try finding happiness and even more so, enjoy a long and happy life.¡¯


    She had many things she wanted to say but in the end, nothing would come out yet she was almost choking with tears. Breathing in, she composed herself and smiled gently, even though no one could see it with her veil hiding her face.


    Her four loyal servants were parts of her dowry and followed her to Ru manor. She was now inside a carriage to go there and Ru general was on his horse, diligently assisting the carriage, properly giving her face.


    It was really puzzling.


    Trying to think about other things than his motives, she looked down at her red clothes. She had embroidered the details of her clothes by herself. Despite the short deadline, she did her best and actually finished it only two weeks ago¡­ Clothes and shoes.


    To be fair, this was the second time she did such things. The first time she did a complete wedding assembles, was in prevision for her fifteen birthday. She had really thought that some days following her hairpin ceremony, the second prince would come and make their engagement official, even hoping that he would forego the engagement and directly go for a wedding. She had sewn for a year and a half. It was really meticulous and the decorations were beautiful. But in the end, it served no purpose and ultimately, she had burned those clothes without having a chance to wear them in a fit of rage.


    For having done such things, Li Ming Qi had called her a desperate fool who couldn¡¯t realize it when a man wasn¡¯t interested. Indeed, she had revealed all that thinking Hen Ru Ying would have been moved by her devotion and love, except he hadn''t been at all. But how could she recognize that, she just thought that he was bewitched by Li Ming Qi and to make him cleared his eyes, she had schemed to have Li Ming Qi¡¯s skin powder added with an irritation powder, wishing to see her face all red from the irritation and scratches. That turned out horrible as the one who ultimately used it was herself and she had to hide in her manor for a whole month to recuperate.


    Compared to that first wedding clothe, the one she was wearing today was simpler. It wasn¡¯t ugly though. She did have pride in her hands, so long as she set her heart on learning, no matter the motives behind, she would thoroughly learn!


    Only, it just so happened that such skills were not needed for these special men. At this point, she really didn¡¯t care anymore. All her life, she learned how to attract a man¡¯s interest, was taught how to be a good wife, how to manage a household. Those were things she could proudly say she mastered. Where was the need to know about medicinal herbs or whatnots? She wasn¡¯t planning to be a physician! Things like, taking a horse to pass time or brandishing swords weren¡¯t what she fancied doing in her spared time, she would rather paint or play some music.


    Sitting in the carriage, hearing his horse¡¯s neighing and its hooves thundering on the ground not far away, she really wondered what he was thinking about. All day long, that thought had followed her and was at the back of her mind, never to be forgotten for long. In what form would his revenge be coming?


    Oh, she thought, hours later, sitting on the big bed of the wedding chamber, wasn¡¯t this kind of revenge petty? The night was going deeper and deeper and still, he had yet to come. Her servants were fidgeting, apparently more scared to see him come than him not coming. After all, they were in the know of what their mistress did and were deathly pale thinking about the Ru general real motives behind such a wedding. Their colorful imagination always had blood and deaths! Theirs being the goriest!


    With all that had been done the whole day, Mu Rong An didn¡¯t get a chance to eat and was now hungry. Not saying much about his absence, she just ordered one of her servants to help take off her veil. The decorations on her head were exquisite but quite heavy.


    ¡°That¡± stammered her servant, not daring to do so, after all, if he did come, he was the one habilitated to take it off.


    Mu Rong An glanced at the night from the slightly opened window, thinking that he wouldn¡¯t come anyway but she didn¡¯t insist; instead, she asked to be brought some light dishes. Lifting her veil, she ate slowly and tastily, not the least bit contraried. Her first bowl emptied, she even had the appetite to add another, even mentally preparing herself to sleep after that.


    The servants who equally accompanied her should be hungry too, but where would they think about meals when their insides were turning just at the thought of their future master? They couldn¡¯t eat a thing and it was already good that they were not vomiting at the sight of their young mistress happily gulping down her late snack.


    Once Mu Rong An was done, the plates were brought out and she stared absentmindedly at the door. She wondered a little if his line of thought were really as she had deduced: did he marry her just to let her know she would never be a real mistress? Not sharing his bed, in the future she¡¯d have no real power at all in his courtyard? Let her lose face constantly yet too proudful enough to complain? Was it really this?


    If it really was, then it was far too easy to handle and much better than what she initially thought. If that was really the case, there had never been a need for her to prepare for the worst then. Thinking so, she touched the small flask that was hidden in her sleeves. Poison. It was a fast acting one with almost no pain attached. If there was a possibility to live she would, of course, take it; but she bought this just in case what he had in store for her became unbearable. It seemed that she may never need to use it.


    Surprisingly, the door opened and the one who entered was actually her husband. Behind her veil, she couldn¡¯t really see the expression on his face, but his red clothes were quite dashing. She dared say, his figure looked even more handsome than that of the second prince.


    There were people behind him. Males and females who were trying to see the bride¡¯s face. But who was it that could pressure him? Friends and acquaintances equally were flatly refused the entrance. He had the servant-girls ordered out. His voice was cold and unwavering yet faint smell of wine could still be perceived.


    Mu Rong An swiftly returned the flask to its hiding position and kept her head low waiting for his actions. She looked up though when she heard him rummaging things in the chamber. He was going through her things and before she could ask what exactly he was searching for he already had in hands two little flasks identical to the one in her sleeves. He put them on the table near the ceremonial wine.


    She watched him, unmoving, unblinking, completely mute. There wasn''t fear in her... more like apprehension?


    He didn''t talk and neither did she. He approached her at a steady pace, neither fast nor slow. Reflexively, she straightened her sitting position and clasped her hands tighter on her thighs as he stopped right in front of her. The silence was deafening. He leaned on her, and she involuntarily stopped breathing, waiting, for what, she herself didn''t know. As he kept on leaning on her, one of his hands clasped hers, loosening them. Although hardened with calluses due to sword training since his young ears, his palms were still agreeable to touch and hot and at this moment, she could swear they were actually scalding. She could feel his soft breathing on her neck, making her shiver slightly. There was a faint smell of wine under his breath. His other hand, that he had previously put on her shoulder, slid down gently. Through the many layers of her clothes, she could still feel the heat of his palm as it traversed her shoulder, her arm, her hands¡­ and in the end, took out the last flask of poison.


    The object in his hand, he straightened himself up and Mu Rong An felt slightly disappointed at the lost contact.


    He had found all three of them. This general certainly had others keep track of her activities these last months. Now what? He still didn¡¯t talk, nothing, just stood there in front of her. In the end, it was she who broke the heavy atmosphere; chuckling a bit and with no inflection in her voice she said,


    ¡°I had no intention of using them on you, you know?¡±


    It was for herself after all.You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.


    He still said and did nothing and she really didn¡¯t know what to think of this person anymore. She had never really given much thought to him before so she really didn¡¯t know his manner of thinking thus couldn''t adapt to it. She just smiled and continued,


    ¡°You went out of your way to marry me, will you really let our wedding night passed like that?¡±


    When she finished talking, he actually distanced himself even more. He stood by the window looking at the night. His cold voice resounded in the vast room,


    ¡°You really have no fear¡­ First miss Mu, from the north to the east, on this time and age, who saw someone as shameless as this?"


    Well, despite his tone, she was going to take this as a compliment. Smiling still, she didn''t interrupt him and diligently listened,


    "You say you thought hard about how to inflict me pain¡­," there was a hint of mocking in his voice as he continued, "laying with a man, do you really think that it will hurt him?¡±


    ¡°Your ego sure got bruised.¡± She said softly, haughtily, which he heard without much effort for his martial arts weren¡¯t bad at all; following such sentence, his voice got harsher, to which she thought ''I nailed the truth''.


    ¡°I too thought hard about what could make you suffer. Something that for you would be considered worse than death¡­ ¡±


    ¡°And here I thought you were an upright man, marrying a woman that you deflowered."


    Who knew that the usually cool man actually had little patience for such topic. In a swift movement, he was facing her again and it didn''t matter that she couldn''t see his expression clearly, she could still fill the intense anger in his words,


    "Who..." he started to exclaim but in the end, didn''t finish. He clenched his hands. "Amuse yourself while you still can!"


    Her neck sore from all the pieces of jewelry she was wearing, she put her left hand and slowly massaged it, wondering a little if asked gently, would he help her take them off... Certainly not.


    "This wife is quite ignorant," Under her veil, she never saw him flinch at the way she called herself, "so I can only ask for a clear explanation. Being married to me, isn''t it you in the end who throws a stone on your own foot?¡±


    Silence floated between them for a while and when she thought he wouldn''t answer her at all, his voice resounded again, hard as steel but she could still feel it, there were tremors behind, trying hard to mask an unadulterated pain.


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter, in this life, I don¡¯t plan to marry anyway.¡±


    Saying so, his patience had obviously run out and he left the big room in just a few strides taking with him the three dangerous bottles. When the door closed behind him, she heaved a sigh of relief and let herself fall on the bed. He was quite intimidating, indeed. To keep going on and talk with him she had to constantly refresh in her mind the erotic images of him, his flushed face, his aroused state. Those were a stark contrast to how he usually was!


    It doesn¡¯t matter, in this life, I don¡¯t plan to marry anyway.


    What a stubborn and altogether pitiful man. For him, he was still not married! Was this some kind of vow or was he cursing himself?


    It was truthful thought, that heartbroken over Li Ming Qi, he really thought he could love no other. The second arc¡¯s female lead had to work hard to let him recognized that he had fallen for her. Wasn¡¯t it funny now, that he blocked his own path of happiness by marrying her? Did this make her a demon to know that his future wife would certainly not pursue the married him but she still went on with this marriage? He would most likely stay heartbroken for a good while. She put one hand on her chest where her heart beats, thinking that they would have all the time in the world to antagonize each other. Such a thought, however, failed to placate her as even a fake smile refuse to form itself on her lips. Instead, she was feeling more and more stuffy, her chest uncomfortable.


    Did she eat too much?


    I too thought hard about what could make you suffer. Something that for you would be considered worse than death¡­ Amuse yourself while you still can!


    She still knew nothing about what he prepared for her... Well, well, well, it didn''t matter anyway. Pushing herself up, she touched her left earing, a soft smile adorning her face. She didn¡¯t mind that he found all those, the real one she wanted to hide was still here. The poison wasn''t hers, rather it was something her father found last year in one of the concubines'' room. He had immediately expelled that concubine who had poisoned her shu brother, although the infant had been treated immediately his body was sickly still. If left to act normally, it would kill in just some hours, the poisoned person just feeling a slight headache.


    Composing herself, she raised her voice and ordered,


    ¡°Come¡±


    Her servants scurried in and help to take off all her jewelry and clothes. She then laid comfortably, sleeping peacefully as though the one threatened just now wasn¡¯t her at all!


    The following morning she served tea to her family in law and everyone welcomed her, neither coldly nor warmly. They were mostly polite. Mother and Grandmother Ru were pleased that their child decided to marry but she obviously wouldn¡¯t have been their first choice. Her two sisters in law -one a Ru Shan Yong''s younger sister and the other the wife of the first son- too didn''t really know how to feel around her. Mu Rong An didn''t really mind, she returned their polite words and behaved accordingly.


    The following days, she didn¡¯t see her husband and spend her time alone in the vast courtyard that was now hers as well. Truthfully, she didn¡¯t even look for him nor asked anyone about him. If he didn''t feel well in his own home what could she, this newly comer do about it. Thus, not caring a little bit, she while away her time like she always did before her wedding playing zither or painting and sometimes having her servants accompanied her in a play of chess. She had the time too, to think about the second arc''s female lead. Feng Xi.


    Normally, Ru Shan Yong should be going to the borders around this time, she wondered if he would meet with that woman still.


    If he really went, she, this newly wedded woman would become quite the center of gossip. Abandoned so early in her marriage. If he thought that her pride couldn''t afford that little attention, he really didn''t know her. She, the prime minister''s first and legitimate daughter, was once ready to marry in as a concubine. Didn''t that already tell him how thick-skinned she could be?


    He may be a good strategist in the battlefield but he really knew nothing in handling women. No wonder Feng Xi would always be calling him a man as pure as jade!


    ***


    He may not be there but his servants that he sent to pack his things indicated to her that indeed, he was going to the borders sooner than later.


    Three days later he finally returned and accompanied her back to her family. She really couldn''t keep track with how he was doing things at all. She was sure that he would have let her return all alone but here he was again, giving her face.


    No matter what, she never had in mind to complain to start with, so the day was good and the reunion with her parents had been well. However, as it neared the time for them to go, he suddenly said something that made her choked on her tea. Taking her with him to the borders?! He wanted her to follow him there?! What was he saying so straightforwardly as though it was normal? However, she quickly composed herself and even helped him reassured her parents that despite the rebellion brewing there, she was going to be fine! After all, her parents''residence wasn''t the place to let out a temper, demanding what was going on.


    But she did so, as fast as they entered the carriage, her voice hadn''t been raised and could be called pleasant but the hint of anger in it couldn''t be concealed,


    ¡°Wait, you, when you were preparing yourself all these times no one told me anything! How come I didn¡¯t know something as big as this?¡±


    He simply stated,


    ¡°Now you know,¡±


    She was stomped for words and had to sight twice before her sweet smile stopped wavering,


    ¡°I can¡¯t follow you on such a short notice, I have to prepare clothes.¡±


    He, who all this while was sitting with eyes closed, actually opened them to look at her, his glare nailed on her. His voice cold, he reminded,


    ¡°It seems, you¡¯re forgetting that we aren¡¯t happily married. Are you so good at pretending that you even fool yourself?¡±


    There was in his voice a certain hardness and unwillingness to continue, discerning it, she only smiled at him and said nothing. Looking at her unflustered self and feeling unhappy about it maybe, he closed his eyes once again while she, she resumed to looking towards the carriage''s window. If there was no such law as a restriction of riding horses in the capital, he certainly wouldn''t be sharing a carriage with her.


    Going to the borders, she could adapt and not fuss too much about it. But coming back to the Mu residence, she was informed that she could take none of her servants at all!


    ¡°Mistress¡± they cried horrified. Their minds working fast and conjuring god knew what that scared them silly.


    No matter what she said, he wouldn''t budge at all. The things that she''d be taking with her there weren''t arranged by her servants but by his and she had no idea what was inside the bags. In the end, she only had a say in what she was wearing on her body to take off and nothing else.


    She gave a wry smile and joined her servants in thinking that once gone, their lives would certainly be extinct just like that. In the end, she failed to understand what his revenge was all about...


    ¡°They would live right?" she had asked him the night before they were to go, the sole one he actually spent in his own courtyard. She had barged into his room unannounced, threatening the servants who were daring enough to try and stop her. "There really isn''t a need to take it on them, that night, they were only following my orders!¡±


    He was sitting at the small table, book in his hand that he had yet to take his eyes off from, even so, he seemed to be paying attention to her words as he sneered,


    ¡°Playing the righteous act? Do you take me for a fool?¡±


    She clenched her teeth under her sleeves, the smile in her voice, she said, "This wife doesn''t dare."


    The book was closed abruptly as he glared at her, not liking how she addressed herself one bit.


    Who was annoying who now?


    Even though the air was thick with tension and thunder could be formed, no more words were said. She conceded first, humphing, she dropped the pretense and glared at him before going away. She knew she wouldn''t receive any more words this night.


    Those four servants, even though she would punish them when they''re wrong or in her anger, she would never actually want their lives. These people were still those who were with her since her childhood, inevitably, some links were still forged.


    Sighing, she closed her bedroom and talked to them, whether she was trying to reassure herself or them, she didn''t really know,


    ¡°Don¡¯t overstep your boundaries and quietly wait for me here, if he really wanted your lives, you wouldn''t have survived until now¡­"


    They were actually crying,


    "Shh," she ordered, not lightly, "Cry, cry, what''s there to cry about, are you dead already? Aren''t you well and living? And that will continue for many years! In my absence, you better let the place stay clean lest should I come back and be dissatisfied!..." she wryly added, "If I return of course..."


    Before she could add anything else two of them were crying again. Where would the agitated Mu Rong An take the patience to placate them, she hushed all the four of them out, before falling on the bed.


    She took deep breaths and finally calmed herself down. She recognized, she really has no idea at all about what that husband of hers was preparing. When closing her eyes, her definition of worst was always accompanied with four to five men torturing her with different tools, sullying her body as the crown prince sat there, enjoying the view, touching himself to find release.


    This was for her the worst, however, she does recognize that the fear of the unknown was also a little terrifying. The capital was like her safe haven, where she would unconsciously think herself to be in control, while the borders were like Fen country. A territory she didn''t know, where only strangers would surround her.


    Softly, while touching her earing she thought,


    "If not then I suppose it¡¯s a farewell.¡±

 Chapter 5: Life Near The Borders

    From the capital to the northern borders they were going to, the distance could be covered in a month at least. The thought of sitting in a carriage being jolted for such a long period of time wasn¡¯t comforting at all. However, wouldn¡¯t it have been far better than what she was actually living?


    As early as when they passed the capital¡¯s gates, Ru Shan Yong had her climb down the carriage and sit on a horse. A horse! When did she learn to ride? Never, obviously! Despite her protests, the man wouldn¡¯t take no for an answer and had a special device installed for her on the animal¡¯s back. At the very least, she was securely bound and couldn¡¯t fall down¡­ maybe?


    Perched on the quadruped, she discovered that those animals were quite high! It kept moving and she swayed with its every step, trembling all along, holding the straddles firmly, not daring to look anywhere but straight in front of her. To be honest, her horse was actually attached to the general¡¯s one so she wasn¡¯t really the one directing it. She just had to sit, yet that proved to be quite arduous and so, from time to time, one of the general¡¯s men had to arrange her position so the person wouldn¡¯t fall.


    Soon, her muscles grew sore and the hands holding the reigns too tightly were already tired. Despite his unwelcoming treatment, when she was complaining, he would still have the procession halted for the day and let her rest. In those moments, she couldn¡¯t help but asked herself if he was actually pitying her and truthfully letting her rest or if he was enjoying it so much that he didn¡¯t care being delayed!


    No matter what she did, no matter what she said, the inside of the carriage was refused to her. Flowery words, smiles and whatnots were wasted on this man. She didn''t even take time trying to have his men talked in her favor, not that she wasn''t interested in giving it a shot, but loyal dogs they were, they wouldn''t even meet eye with her, let alone converse. And anyway, the general was constantly near her, how then, could she endeavor herself with them?


    The food, after a few weeks, became only dried meats, tasteless soup accompanied with bread or rice and some fruits. It grew repetitive and her picky palate which was far too used to delicacy tolerated this state of things less and less. Mu Rong An couldn''t help it, it just wouldn''t cross her esophagus anymore and more often than not, just made her gag. As such, she was now mostly eating fruits. And since he was always by her side and even eating near her -mind you, he didn''t like talking to her- than with his men, she would mercilessly take his share when he was busy eating his rice and bread. Well, he wasn''t shameless enough to argue over meals with a woman though. When he would lift his head from his bowl to see her chomping down his neatly cut pieces of sugar cane, he would say nothing as she smiled at him, he just stared for a minute before returning to his plate. Sometimes, he would force her to eat regardless if she really did vomit later.


    The clothes packed for her, she understood the next day of their departing were actually simple clothes, terribly, low-quality ones, that she had to wonder if those weren¡¯t the poorest peasant''s ones. Even the lowest servant in her parents'' residence had better regular clothes than these. However, what she really thought of such arrangements, no one could tell as her temper, as always, was something she had under control. As he looked at her opening the bags, she lifted a bright sunny smile to him, her voice sonorous as she gave her thanks. He said nothing and just exited her tent, the sole moment he would actually leave her all alone, the sleeping time.


    Oh, he did let her alone when she bathed too. And she wished it was something they did on a more regular basis! But no, she could consider herself lucky if she took a bath after three days for mainly, it was one per week unless they halted in a village where she''dfinally have a good couch to lay her tired limbs. So, most of the time, she was uncomfortable.


    All in all, the worst in her first experience outside the capital was still the road. Too bumpy or was it always like that when one was on a horse¡¯s back? The destination seemed so far away and somewhat unattainable, she didn¡¯t know how much she had tried asking for a return. Never had she found smiling so difficult! His sole and only answer when asked such, he just asked her to drop the pretense!


    Her smile grew stiffer every day that passed by!


    Just like that, a travel which usually lasted a month, took them thrice the time. Threeagonizing months! He was really too carefree! Wasn¡¯t he scared the Emperor would fault him? Although at the time she would enjoy the breather, at the end of the road, she couldn''t help asking herself if it wouldn''t have been better if he ignored her whining and just rode for a month.


    By the time they arrived, she had blisters and was fatigued like never before. She was sored all over. She lifted her bandaged hands and kissed the inside of her palm wishing the pain to go away. What a long torturous journey, she couldn¡¯t stand up nor walk properly at all! If she could help it, that was enough horse riding to last her at the very least ten lifetimes! Not that the horse liked her any better than she did it, she swore the animal was actually snickering when she''d got down of it for the last time, at the Ru manor.


    Well, the sentiment was shared!


    ***


    Although Mu Rong An knew that Ru Shan Yong didn''t mean for her to come fight with him when he forcefully invited her here, she still thought that the manor wasn''t too far from the military camp. Which... happened to be wrong. It was far he said as he left her in this residence and continued with his men, letting her with only one elder woman.


    She had no words for what she felt.


    And even though she dreamed no more than to take a bath, she still humored the servant who was showing her around. The place was solely for the use of Ru Shan Yong but was still vast and had in it two courtyards. However, her amiable smile stiffened with every more meter of the place that she got to see. He had to have done it to spite her. The courtyard she was to live in was full of dust, specks of dirt and things stacked here and there. No one tidied it at all!


    Well, well, well, wasn''t there still another courtyard? Since she was his wife, of course, she would be the commending person in his absence. As such, she made her way to the other courtyard... only to find it worse than the first!


    A life worse than death he had said. Well, maybe for a missy like her it could still be considered torture. Mu Rong An breathed in and breathed out after which, her smile was quite lovely. She could do it, lived through this. Anyway, what of it, she just had to order servants around, she didn''t have to mind the delay.


    How wrong was she? Oh so very much!


    Beside this elderly person by her side, there weren''t anymore living souls! No one! And what of the elderly woman? It just so happened that the hands she was hiding in her sleeves all along were damaged. Her fingers had been cut in her infancy and apparently, she ought her life to grandfather''s Ru leniency... not that Mu Rong An cared one bit.


    All in all, she had to live in this desolate manor with no servants, less luxury, less everything. To top it all, she had to do the cleanings, cooking... and she didn''t know what more, but she had to do it all by herself! The worse being that she had to discover it by herself, he didn''t even take the time to inform her before riding his horse away with his men!


    It wasn''t like she wanted him to spend time here, she knew he was supposed to be spending more time in the barracks and the camps with the others, and actually, she was always looking forward to this those past three months, less interaction, less forced smiles... but it wasn''t supposed to be like this!


    Swallowing colorful words and with nothing to break to help her vent, she passed her nerves on the dirt of the bigger bedroom in the biggest courtyard sweeping as she could, before taking a bath. A cold one. She had no idea how to start a fire and the servant had miraculously disappeared at one moment when she wasn''t paying attention. She ate nothing that night. Sleep claimed her as fast as when she hit the pillow.


    ***A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.


    Contrary to what she thought, he still came the next day and she once again wondered if she thought it all wrong. Maybe he wanted to scare her the first night and would bring servants afterward?


    "You really liked cleanness." He said after looking at the only sparkling place of the manor, her acclaimed bedroom.


    Her lips twitched, her smile faltering a bit. It was early in the morning, she was sleepy, tired, sored... and desperately hungry. His face at this moment, was the last thing she had wanted to see, nonetheless he just so happen to be the one who entered unannounced. In his military uniform. His boots still on, staining the floor she had painstakingly cleaned.


    A flash of anger passed her eyes -that he managed to catch- before she offered him a warm smile.


    ¡°Between us, husband and wife, one of us has to or who knows what disease may plague us in the future."


    The standing man suddenly let himself sat on the floor, not far from her, staring at Mu Rong An who was sitting on her bed. The corners of his lips actually lifted a bit, when, she was sure, he wanted nothing more than to throttle her. ''You¡¯re being blackened'' she thought.


    "Aren''t you tired of always smiling?"


    Her smile was even more pronounced at his sentence, she pleasantly said, "I fail to understand."


    He stared at her, whose smile didn''t falter a bit and chose not to bother. Instead, he asked,


    ¡°Can you tell?...what I want from you?¡± She shifted in her place to find a better position, but otherwise stayed silent, ¡°That pride that wanted to harm me... I want to squash it!... So, you who never did anything with your hands... will learn. Hadn''t you always wanted to be a wife? A mistress? Let us see to whom and where you''ll be displaying your position and pride to!"


    As she listened to what he certainly thought was for her the worst treatment ever, she didn''t show any hint of anger, despair or whatever he was waiting for certainly. No emotion crossed her at all, he could have said nothing that it would have certainly had more impact on her. Smiling still, she asked,


    ¡°...Oh... so you want to live a lifetime with someone you now despise or do you plan to divorce at one point?"


    The glare she received was an indication that he, most certainly, hadn''t thought that far. Her smile bigger, she asked,


    "Is Ru general''s heart still pining on that person? She¡¯s married and had already forgotten all about you!¡±


    "Enough nonsense!¡±


    A touchy subject he wasn''t in the mood to talk about apparently, she didn''t persist. Rather, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, leaning forward a bit, her voiced huskier, she demanded sultrily,


    ¡°In this, do you happen to want a child? Pride or not, I''m still your wife, and from my point of view, company is always welcome... my own child, of course.¡±


    He suddenly stood up abruptly, a hand on his face. He''s remembering, she thought. He left without properly answering and Mu Rong An chuckled a bit. Ah, really as pure as jade. This small victory was absolutely satisfying!


    She went back to sleep once again.


    Hours later, she didn''t see even the hint of his shadow, he had already left again. She didn''t know if she should rejoice or not but the previously empty kitchen had been furnished and vegetables, rice and... chicken were brought. One''s head had already been cut for her... not cleaned though.


    She pursed her lips. That servant had disappeared once again. With no other choice, she assembled what she could need for the day''s meal. She did have to eat after all.


    Cooking wasn¡¯t easy, she understood moments later. Pampered as she was in her family, where would she be using her own hands? She just needed to know the recipes, the ingredients, and their properties and that was far enough. Things, like starting a fire, chopping things off or cutting fine slices, were obviously the works of servants. Hers should logically just be supervising. Yet here she was now, holding a kitchen knife for the first time in her. Her hands were already sored from the travel and hurt a bit and now she had to add cuts on them too!


    And that damned knife, was it to be so good? Look at her bleeding hands!


    She was hungry though, so very hungry. Thus she could only swallow her complains and tries harder. In the end, what should have been cut finely were all too big. Slicing the potatoes, she actually cut more of its pulpit than just its skin. The hardest part though was the fire. How to start a fire, she never learned such a thing! After two hours of trying, she gave up. Which was when the disappeared servant actually reappeared to give a hand.


    Mu Rong An was too tired to seriously reprimand yet she still had the energy to say some words. Which she did, without holding back!


    When the meal was finally ready... why didn''t it taste like it should? With a grumbling stomach far too hungry and a body far too tired, she could only force herself to eat.


    When it came to washing clothes, once again, that elderly person couldn''t be found anywhere and Mu Rong An had to do it all alone. It wasn''t like she even liked those clothes, the hard material was rugging her skin, making marks on her. Yet those were the only clothes she had!


    As five days passed and her cooking didn''t get any better, her stomach finally couldn''t keep it anymore. Nothing wanted to pass and she stopped forcing herself. It wasn''t good! She may be the one who cooked but she was still a picky eater.


    That was when actually, a decent meal had been brought to her. And since then, every five days, someone would deliver her three good, regular meal.


    No one helped with the cleaning and laundry though, and one day, as she was struggling to wash her clothes, she suddenly fainted.


    Although his treatment of her couldn''t be called good, Ru Shan Yong wasn¡¯t after her life. She understood so when he actually came back galloping on his horse when he heard that she fainted. It turned out to be heatstroke. He roared at her, the first time he actually raised his voice, it was three parts annoyed, two parts exasperated and one part worried,


    ¡°Are you stupid? Don¡¯t you know to protect your head?¡±


    Well, she wasn''t in the mood to talk nor smile either, Mu Rong An simply ignored him and stayed laid on her bed, even closing her eyes.


    He paced around the room for a time before finally seating in one corner. She actually really slept, so had no idea what he did at all. When she woke up, she saw that he had people brought in a small table in the middle of the room. He was sitting there, polishing his long sword.


    She slowly sat, while he didn''t even lift his eyes from what he was doing. Tilting her head, she observed him for a while. He didn''t have his armor anymore, his brows were like always furrowed, his lips tightly pursed. His posture was really unwelcoming. Somehow, she wanted to mess with him. It was like an itch that she had to scratch. And so, her voice traveled to his ears some moments later.


    ¡°I had a dream.¡±


    He didn¡¯t acknowledge her words but she continued nonetheless,


    ¡°Something dawned on me. You said you had in mind to never marry again. To live like a monk. I really don¡¯t mind. I hope that you too, dear husband, wouldn''t mind. When asked why I can¡¯t give birth I might just say that you¡¯re impotent.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    She sighed, ¡°even though both of us know that you most definitely are not.¡±


    "..."


    The corners of her lips rose even more,


    ¡°But you can still take fancy of someone". She dropped the smile, her eyes cold, "you don''t like fake smiles and polite words then let me be blunt, the woman you would be welcoming through this door would die! The children you¡¯d have, if not mine, would die. Even if we¡¯re not in the same manor and you find a way to lock me here, I¡¯ll still think of ways to eliminate her.¡±


    What could she say, she really didn''t like sweeping the floor or cleaning or cooking or doing laundry or anything that contributed to hurting her already hurt hands. And thinking that this person may have, in his side, already met with Feng Xi and played the game of love while she was here and even fainting from the glaring sun... she had to take it on someone!


    And even more, she was very serious. You want a divorce, bring it on, if not, then no, she wasn''t one to share nor compromise any more on such matter.


    He had posed his sword on the table and taken the time to look at her, the seriousness on her face. There was, indeed, no more deceptive smile plastered for others to see. He resumed his activity while saying slowly, with an even voice,


    ¡°Then I am now an informed person,"


    Oh, he wasn''t going to rebuke her?


    "You are a twisted deranged person, I''m enlightened more and more,¡± he added.


    She chuckled a bit, ¡°I know¡±.


    And that was all he had to say. Nothing more.


    Humming happily she got off the bed and went to sit near his table, both elbows on the table, she watched him work his hands on his weapon feeling more calm and satiated than she had ever been. She needed not, apparently, hide her darkness to him.


    Well, it wasn''t like he was unaware of it anyway.


    ***


    He left before the day ended. However, his visit improved things though, since from five days it lessened to every three days, the time when proper meals would be brought. Even though she had to clean, washed and prepared her meals, after a time, she got used to it, her grumblings and internal complains stopped -or maybe lessened. It really wasn¡¯t all that bad.


    Mocking him when he once more came, she said,


    ¡°A life worse than death¡­ surely you jest. This is far too easy!¡±


    He turned around and she thought, it was her win and his defeat!

 Chapter 6: ! Paying Back

    One day though, as she thought such days would continue, she ate something that made her passed out. Waking up, she found herself in the dark, her feet and hands bound to the bed. There was a smell lingering in the room, the intoxicating smell of an incense that had certainly been soaked in aphrodisiac, for she was feeling hot and bothered all over. Her breathing was becoming heavier and quicker with each passing second.


    She heard footsteps. There was someone in the room with her, and the person had apparently remarked that she woked up. He walked up to her side, stopping by her head. Mu Rong An couldn''t see. Her eyes were bandaged.


    Wasn''t he going to talk at all? The silence was deafening.


    She understood, she thought. Ru Shan Yong was maybe not as cool, calm and collected that she thought him to be initially. He could be losing his equanimity. Nothing he did really had a satisfying impact on her, so he had come back to the basis, a tit for a tat, a tooth for a tooth. She had had her way with his body like she wanted, now he¡¯d have his like he wants.


    No, actually not, she contradicted herself again. That was the aphrodisiac thinking. That general wasn''t like that. But no matter how hard she thought in this speck of time, her thinking always came back to that and when the silence prolonged, she said, in a voice that she herself doubted to be hers,


    ¡°There was really no need for all the trouble", she tried to pull the ropes, they didn''t budge a bit, her breathing became even more labored by her efforts, "didn¡¯t this wife already say that I didn¡¯t mind? I am far more than willing to cooperate if you need me too. No need for the ropes.¡±


    The person didn¡¯t answer though.


    As it prolonged, she actually grew scared of others, far more detestable possibilities. Ropes, aphrodisiac, unknown persons. Her breathing quickened and now it had nothing to do with the aphrodisiac. She was panicking. In her mind replayed how she was supposed to die and an unadulterated fear grew in her. Expanding the more she thought about it. What to do? Blindly and carelessly provoking him, did Ru general actually end up annoyed somehow and sold her to a brothel?


    ¡°Who are you?¡±


    But the person still wouldn¡¯t talk. He walked a little farther and she heard muffled sounds. Sounds, she imagined his clothes making as they fell on the floor. She tugged more fiercely on the ropes, not even feeling the pain of her skin being so madly pulled. Her mind was feverish and scared.


    The sounds stopped as she grew more agitated and the person came back to her side. Fingers, first, touched her cheek, after which the back of his hand, before it slowly became the palm, almost gently caressing her face, as though to soothe her. It was a callused hand, warmer than her cheek.


    She paused a bit, whispering the general''s name, to which the person stilled. Just for a sec, before the hand left her face and sooner than she could ask herself where he had gone, her clothes were slowly being peeled open, layer by layer. The silence turned her almost hysterical,


    ¡°This isn¡¯t proportional at all!¡± she shouted, ¡°Ru Shan Yong! You lousy general, I didn¡¯t bandage your eyes, neither did I gave you to another. Ru Shan Yong!¡±


    She was trashing, her heart thumping taken in a panic mode, all reasoning having long flown out of her mind, the only thing left being a nightmare she had had some months ago which led her to where she was in the end.


    The person stilled again at her shouting. Her inner robe still being almost neatly closed on her. There was a rumble. The person''s hands were actually on her stomach, she clearly felt him shaking before he guffawed, laughing breathily.


    This tone, in the end, it was just him? Ru Shan Yong?


    He leaned on her, laughter in his voice still, his familiar voice brushed her ears, his breath warm on her cheek,


    ¡°You still know how to be scared!¡±


    She actually let out a long breath she didn''t even realize she was holding, a long and deep sigh of relief.


    His hands behind her head unhook the bandages of her eyes. She blinked the moisture that was weighing her eyelashes but it still kept on flowing out anyway. It was still dark. The very room hadn''t been lit with any light at all so she couldn¡¯t make up his face. When taking off the small band, he touched the wetness of her face, and Mu Rong An felt the bed dipped in a little as he sat. His hands patiently brushed her overflowing tears away. After a moment, the terror left her eyes and the reflexive tears finally stopped.


    He had an almost gentle tone as he reprimanded,


    ¡°What are you crying and shouting for? Isn¡¯t it what I should have done from the start?" The warm palm left her hand to play with her hair, "drugging you, bounding you, intoxicating you¡­ and playing with your body independently whether you were willing or not!¡±


    There was in his voice a sort of melancholia Mu Rong An couldn¡¯t understand. Her fears cleared her head enough for her to distinguish it. These methods were after all, not his style at all. Which was why he wedded her to start with!


    ¡°What happened?¡± she asked unconsciously, her voice was still trembling a little from the previous emotion. He stilled before actually lying by her side, burying his face in her neck, inhaling deeply. There was in his breath the lingering smell of wine and something else. Something she couldn''t recognize. He shifted his head''s position quite a time, searching for a better place to put it and My Rong An chuckled a bit, his nose was a little ticklish against her skin and by the feel of it, he had stubble he didn''t shave.


    She felt much better now, so persisted with her question for, after all, he was quite strange today,


    ¡°I¡­ wondered", he finally said after a moment, shifting his head once again, his mouth on her neck, "now it¡¯s my time to have my ways with you I suppose!¡±


    As though to affirm that, he actually kissed her neck which brought an involuntary gasp from Mu Rong An. His lips were somewhat cold on her hot body.


    As though reminded, the excess of adrenaline provoked by her scare started to lose effect, and the aphrodisiac was once again taking reign of her brain. This was a way stronger one than what she had used on him. She groaned at the differences, not really liking that her own idea was played against her. She still wanted to see him though,


    ¡°I didn¡¯t let you in the dark, you could clearly see my face.¡±


    He chuckled a bit, light, pleasing vibrations against her collar even though his fuzz was pricking her slightly. He was way more clear-headed than she had thought him to be, as he still had it in him to keep a sound reasoning,


    ¡°You broke the light pearl of your room this morning and only you know what you did with the candles. How can I possibly light the room for you?¡±


    She had indeed broken that light pearl trying to polish it today, as for the candles, she just hid those away, wanting to get a reason to force him to either come back or have him send someone goes buy for more to which she could have added other things to be bought as well.


    As his lips got lower, her clothes seemed to be on the way, and he started to take this one off as well. The cold hair made her shiver a little; his lips were back on her body again, and she felt something already poking at her.


    ¡°Free my hands,¡± she more ordered than begged and he lifted his head from her collarbone to come back to her face, so close than their hot breaths were mingling together.


    ¡°My hands weren¡¯t freed,¡± he said prizing her stubborn mouth open with a thumb to kiss her hard and deep. Almost like a punishment.The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    He himself had a layer of clothing on him still, which he took off while kissing her, flinging it somewhere in the room where it landed. His long hair was unbound, she could feel a curtain of it on her arm. She quite wanted to touch it, to let her hand roamed in it and feel its coolness with her fingers. It was slightly damped as though he had just taken a bath.


    ¡°Un¡­bound me,¡± she said between heavy breathing.


    But his mouth was back on hers again, commanding silence.


    In the dark, he couldn¡¯t exactly see but he let his body do as it pleased. He¡®s kissing collar, down to her breast, sucking, licking, seemingly easily remembering what she did to him and Mu Rong An wondered for the bit of sense left in her if he actually used to think about it a lot to be remembering it so easily. She couldn''t help the startled gasp when he took the small mount in his mouth nor the way it merged into a moan as he bit and played with it. By the time he went to the other one, she was panting, making short, whimpering sounds.


    Was the aphrodisiac making her more sensitive than ever? She would put it on it. He couldn''t be that good for his second time. She did have a book and him he has nothing at all yet was still better!


    At one point he really did free her but her brain had yet to register the fact. She couldn''t move even if she wanted to. His tongue, his fingers, his hands, they were everywhere at the same time.


    As she cried she felt her lower self getting wetter. If he could see, no face had been redder than hers at this moment. Her breath left her in another hiss and he took in his mouth the remnant of her moan. Tongues dancing, trying to taste every bit of her.


    That was it, she thought. The pleasure, oh, the marvelous pleasure and how good it was.


    He wasn''t any less affected. His groans were rougher, he made low, broken noises against her throat as he slid inside her. Full, firm, and hot. Thick and hard as steel and soft like velvet. Her high shriek of surprise turned into a sound that could only be described as indecent.


    He still had yet to move though. He was patient, letting her adapt to his size and it was she, who buckled her hips and induced the first move. She wanted, needed him to move. He groaned at the sharp thrust and was kissing her again, her teeth pulling her lower lip.


    He started with slow rhythmless thrusts, a harmless tease that had her writhing into his unhurried pace. She was desperate for more, her body twisting as she attempted to rise. But he wouldn''t let her. He pushed her back down, restricting her movements. Her eyes flickered shut, her head rolling backward as her voice rose. Then she was coming again, buckling into his member. His lips went back to her own, muffling the desperate sounds. She pushed him a little to catch her breath, but he was moving again. His thrusts this time wilder, quicker. She came again, and it wasn''t long before she felt the equal build of his pleasure; she heard it in his voice, the tensing of his muscles, the thrumming of his member buried inside her. She felt his edge, a throated growl, his hips bucking forward, face buried in her chest, his climax pushing her over to another one of her own.


    And both of them were left panting. Her tongue darted out, and in the complete dark, it was almost like he could see, for he was kissing her again, equally as desperate as she.


    It was completely different. Way better. For her at least. And if that was what he felt that time too, she had to wonder why he was angry to start with!


    He got up. She made no motion to move. Too tired and too lazy for that. But she did miss his warmth.


    ¡®It isn¡¯t identical¡¯ she thought, ¡®I did it twice and slept by your side¡¯. But he¡¯s already gone and she just has her bedding to lay down with. Somehow, it was cold.


    However, he came back sometime later though, and contrary to her who had cleaned him in the same room, he lifted her and went with her to the water room where there was hot water waiting. It was way more pleasant than the cold one she had bathed him with that night, and she suddenly felt extremely grateful for the differences!


    She didn''t mind and not the least bit interested in helping him, she pretended to be asleep, letting him deal with her body, not making it easier for him one bit.


    Though she was pretty sure he knew she wasn''t really asleep.


    ***


    The next morning, she woke up sored, way more than she had been when she was the one in command. It never occurred to her though, that he would still be here when she¡¯d be waking up. At one point, she really did fell asleep so Mu Rong An had no idea when exactly they came back to the bed.


    The sky was still dark outside, slowly turning blue. Birds could already be heard chirping, what woke her though, was the annoying sound of the rooster. A rooster she didn''t which presence wasn''t there the previous day.


    She ruffled her hair and puffed a breath. They were messier than they had ever been with clot everywhere. She was feeling sorry for herself just at the thought of brushing them! Something she was forced to do herself because of a certain person.


    She tilted her head to his side, wondering a little if she closed his nose and mouth, would he suffocate in his sleep? No, he wouldn''t but she could still try to mess with his hair too, after all, she was pretty sure it was because of him that hers were in this state! She reached out both hands and halted as he shifted his position before deciding against it.


    Trying to get up, the cover fell and she actually found herself completely naked. There were love bites all over her body. She couldn''t help but flush at the reminder. Thinking back, Ru Shan Yong was really strange. She was sure that he too, was venting -in a sense- or had he eaten something? What? She didn¡¯t know. Wanting to even the score with her yet not knowing how to battle with a woman and in the end, taking her own arms against herself? That wasn¡¯t his ways at all!


    But what had been done had been done! Was she supposed to be angry? This was something she herself had started, and even at this very moment, she couldn¡¯t find it in her to say that she regretted what she did, if under the same circumstances she would surely do the same thing all over again.


    However, those kinds of things not being his style meant that there was a reason that brought him to her bed. At this particular moment, she didn''t really care what it was, her sole thinking was that she could find her way out of this stupid punishment he had designed for her. She could try and take back all the privileges she was born with, or if not, some of them.


    Her gaze lingered a bit on his face. There were bags under his eyes. Quite dark. She didn¡¯t know what was happening on the camps but he seemed awfully tired; He shifted and she was quite certain that he was awake now, so she said, with a voice slightly coarse,


    ¡°This time certainly, the scores are evened!... Then can we call for a truce?¡±


    He slowly sat too, and she watched as the cover shift and fell on his thighs, revealing his upper body. She took her gaze back, only hearing him cracking his neck to better wake himself up. He looked briefly then at the room were still laid some clothes,


    He said in a thick and voice was even huskier,


    ¡°¡­Fine¡±


    ¡­ That¡­ As simple as this? Was it really fine? Was it really okay?


    Hmph, if he wanted to let it go as simply as that who was she to prevent him? If anything, she was going to try and find even more benefits for herself!


    She tried to talk again but found herself with little voice, almost gone and she had to clear her throat, twice. A blush crept while she thought back about all her shoutings the night before. Even if his guards were not half as good as him, they must still have heard.


    ¡°I want my servants back!¡±


    A moment of silence.


    ¡°...You¡¯ll have to wait for a month for them, ¡­ meanwhile, others will come to serve you.¡±


    ***


    Once he talked he was actually someone fast to act. He had people fetch for them immediately and they came before the sun was high on the sky. Nine servants. It wasn¡¯t really an adequate number for such a large manor, but she would make do with it for the time being.


    It was honestly good to not have to do things by herself again, and ordering people was something that she actually missed.


    She had them cleaned the courtyard she resided in, inside out. For the other one, well, it wasn¡¯t urgent. The master could jelly well sleep here for the time being!


    She was actually in such a good mood that she chose to come and sit, watching him training with his sword while waiting for the tea she ordered to be brought. He had simple black clothes on and as she paid more attention, she remarked that his face had no stubble, he had, apparently shaved the night before.


    Her smile more genuine than ever, she was blabbering nonsensical nonsense to him, trying to see how far his patience with her would go or if he would end up snapping at her to shut up.


    He really was someone who made her feel like playing with fire!


    ¡°¡­So, I don¡¯t have to wash my own laundry anymore, nor cook... nor anything. If I knew it was this easy I would have suggested you take me way earlier¡­ that is called marital rights! This wife wouldn¡¯t dare refuse.¡±


    His steps faltered and he turned to her. The tea set had long been deposed by her side and she was serving some for herself.


    His cold voice rang, completely different than the gentle one of the night before which was groaning and whispering nonsense in her ears softly.


    ¡°You want things bought, buy them yourself, a carriage will come to you to help you to the village''s market!¡±


    She didn¡¯t mind. Why would she? There was no way he could let her go alone, so her smile grew wider as she openly mocked him. His lips twitched and one had to wonder if the Ru general wasn''t as intimidating as he used to be.


    Although Mu Rong An didn''t mind going to the certainly bustling, noisy, maybe dirty and quite possibly crowded market of the village, she still had to make a thing clear as she thought about something,


    ¡°I won¡¯t disguise myself,¡± she told him, thinking of his love interests who liked to dress as men. She was a woman and the only thing she needed was a veil, ¡°And to whoever asks, I¡¯d say I¡¯m your wife!¡±


    This was clearly saying that she was going to exceed whatever amount of money he was going to give and take out his name as a warrant for other purchases.


    This woman... really... give her an inch and she would take a mile...


    He had actually paused to listen to her, releasing, in the end, a sigh, the very first one Mu Rong An heard him released and far from being the last through their lives together,


    ¡°Whether you can convince them of this would be by your own abilities!¡±

 Chapter 7: Truce

    Mu Rong An was really idle, letting the perfect poise she was forced to learn since childhood bent a little as she looked at him. She didn''t know how long she sat there but with him as her personal attraction, she had yet to be bored.


    He was diligently swinging his sword, again and again, and again; alternating between anger, frustration and a myriad of other emotions she had yet to decipher for he was trying his harder to keep a calm and collected face. If she had to guess, she would say that he was trying to ease his mind of something. It didn''t feel like he was doing a good job at it though.


    She was fixing him so hard that she actually managed to catch the slightest changes on his expressions; it wasn¡¯t easy, however, for if women had a mask of polite gentleness always on, then some men had one of seriousness they were unwilling to part with and this man was doing a good job at being an expert in the art. Added to that that there were still dark bags under his eyes, making him even more unwelcoming with this sword in hand; some sleep wouldn''t do him any harm at all!


    At one point, he had taken off his upper cloth. The sun was coming out and he was sweating too much for it to be agreeable.


    It wasn¡¯t her first time seeing his upper body naked; she did undress him after all. Yet she still felt her breath taken away. For him she was part of the decoration though, he had long taken to not answering when she talked so, she had resumed to silently watching him. There wasn¡¯t much else to do.


    That barbarous sword that had always been unsightly to her every time they met previously, no longer felt so ugly. She could even find some beauty to it and was willing to compare it less to the feather used for poems. It wasn''t all that bad that he wasn''t a scholar; it was actually good that he favored martial arts more. His weapon was like a continuation of his body and suddenly her hands itched to take a plume and draw him.


    She really wanted her painting materials back.


    Closing her eyes, she could imagine herself sketching every curve of his being, every movement that he made, the swinging of his saber, the fluidity of his gestures, and the equilibrium of his pose. The sketching done, she would start to implement some details, the traits of his face, his eyebrows, his nose, the form of his mouth. His deep and dark irises.


    The expression of his face slowly morphed though, images of the first night superimposing on her imagination and when the serious face of her husband suddenly turned flushed in her head, she immediately opened her eyes, her own cheeks heating up, her breathing slightly irregular.


    She shifted in discomfort and sipped on her cold tea for the after effect to disappear. Mu Rong An forced herself to think about something else, what triggered him into coming back here sounded good enough,


    ¡°How are things on your side?¡± she tried talking to him again.


    In normalcy, he wasn¡¯t supposed to be this free, that he actually had the time to come here was surprising.


    He was sweaty and her lips twitched a little when he bent and took hold of her own towel to wipe himself. When had he taken it out, she didn¡¯t know. He looked at her as if to say ¡®spit out what you have to say¡¯ but it was truce she told herself, she just smiled -a truthful one or a fake, only she knew- and asked him to drink to rehydrate himself.


    He stopped being stingy with his words and answered,


    ¡°Nothing.¡±


    A lie, she immediately recognized.


    Her smile grew warmer, not adding anything anymore, she just nodded.


    He came closer though, took his upper cloth previously left there, not too far from her, then he froze, abruptly turning to her. Approaching, he leaned on her and actually sniffed, making her froze instantly.


    ¡°What¡¯s this smell?¡± He asked and she was quite happy that she didn¡¯t yet have the time to put on her earrings. Who knew if he was familiar with poison¡¯s smell?


    ¡°Just the smell of the repelling incense, it¡¯s really strong so even washed it stays on the clothes¡±.


    That was true enough. That incense really did have a strong smell, however, by now she was so used to it that it didn¡¯t matter anymore. At first, there had been discomfort though and the lingering anger from this showed its neck as her voice, so delicate and sweet that it actually gave him goosebumps, resonated,


    ¡°Would you rather have me been bitten by mosquitoes?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    He still insisted, undeterred and heartless, without any thought of showing her any face, he said,


    ¡°This one isn¡¯t good, it stinks.¡±


    The smile faltered and her hold on the cup tightened not trusting herself to not smash the thing on the floor by his feet. She herself knew the incense wasn''t all that good. Those were low-quality ones which were found inside this very manor. The ones he provided for her. Something he apparently conveniently forgot. For if the one she was currently using was really stinking, the others left didn''t have that much effect and she could hear those annoying flies at night when lighting them.


    Her smile finally disappeared as she said flatly,


    ¡°This smell is still bearable enough, yours, dear, I fear isn¡¯t anymore, can you lean out a bit?¡±


    General Ru¡¯s body froze and she saw his lips twitched. To be fair, he wasn¡¯t stinking that much, if nothing at all, it was just slightly uncomfortable to have him sniff her, talking about how she much she was smelling. The rude and blunt man wasn''t more polite not even for courtesy, why must she be?


    His face black, he didn¡¯t turn around at all as he directed himself towards the water room.


    ***


    The carriage, which was to take her in the village, finally came. It wasn¡¯t luxurious at all, quite a plain one. Well, truce didn¡¯t mean victory. Mu Rong An took two menservants and two women and they went to the market. There was no veil in her possession so she started by having the servant buy that, before going down the carriage.


    It was bustling and noisier than the environment she was used to but the smile she sported on was a triumphant one and for a good reason, she was finally out of the manor! She was feeling so suffocate there that even this place was a welcome break!Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    Since the man gave her almost free reign, let¡¯s see how she¡¯d buy whatever she felt like. Starting with clothes! Who cared about food? She needed to get out of her rugged clothes that were constantly reddening her delicate skin and finally wear something of good quality. Which was exactly what she did! Well, the quality wasn''t what she was used to when growing up but it was far better than what she had been forced to wear this whole time!


    Her smile, however, became strained once in front of a mirror. There was no mirror in the manor, so she was looking at her reflection for the first time in months. And for the first time in her life, she didn''t like what she saw there.


    Her eyes had bags under them, the long and silky hair she took pride on wasn''t as beautifully trimmed as it used to be, there were knots she had been unable to comb and which hurt too much when force was applied so she didn''t insist. Her skin didn''t glow like usual, it was pale as if she was a bit sick. There were no ointments here or anything to put in her bath so even if she wanted to, she couldn''t take care of it. Lifting her hands, she carefully looked at them. Using one to touch the other, to feel it. They were no longer as delicate as they used to be, they were a bit rough from the labor she had done these past weeks, full of scratches. It was quite disheartening. Mu Rong An forcefully closed her eyes when she felt the tears coming close to spilling.


    It was going to be alright she told herself with resolution, kissing her hands. She was going to be alright. When she opened her eyes again, the smile returned to her face and she fiddled with other things in the shop, quite decided to remedy her appearance.


    When she finished buying a couple of ready-made clothes, ointments, perfumes, and whatnots, she then turned to pieces of jewelry before refraining herself. Well, it wasn''t remorse just that she shouldn''t push it, not now anyway. So, the pricy jewelry could wait; she was so used to having them taken off that she really didn¡¯t mind since she wasn¡¯t going anywhere anytime soon.


    It was time then, to think of what the manors actually needed. Which were many things! She had made a list before coming but had no illusion of being able to find the whole things here; and if she did, they wouldn''t be as good as what could be found in the capital''s market however, it was still good to have beautiful tapestries and curtains than none at all. Since she didn¡¯t know the price of those particular things, she had to turn to her servants.


    Mu Rong An knew the prices of goods at the capital but not at the borders but from what she understood, those things were cheaper here and she actually discovered a stingy side of herself as she started arguing over prices with merchants. It must be said that what she was buying was mainly for her own comfort since Ru Shan Yong wasn¡¯t a permanent stayer at the manor; of course, if possible she would try to buy the maximum of things with the money that had been left with her moreover that she had to curb what was left of the money between decoration, cleaning tools, kitchen ingredients, and other necessities. And so, for those who tried to make her pay more than what she was willing to, she would present her brightest smile and argue seemingly amiably. Vendors had no way to lose their temper with such a calm person.


    Such a thing took her almost the whole afternoon.


    ***


    When most of the list was checked, she was quite satisfied. Along the way, she saw a store selling sweets. Mu Rong An didn¡¯t really have a sweet tongue, that was mostly the general¡¯s kind of thing. Something about giving energy; almost every member of his troops ate at least some sugar cane every other day. However, she did miss delicacies a little. Since coming here actually, she had had no dessert at all. Maybe it was to back at her for taking his fruits and sweets on the road but every time the meals where deliver on those selected days, there weren¡¯t any sweets at all!


    She felt a tad sour though, that it wouldn¡¯t be where she used to buy hers. At the capital, the famous ¡®Delicate Delicacy¡¯ store knew her taste very well and would usually lessen the amount of sugar for her commands. In the end, despite where it was, she still wanted to taste it. Her previous burned cooking curved her likings a bit and for now, she was craving sweets. She would deal with the sugar''s level later. That was her thought.


    However, as fast as she personally took the bag from the vendor, a child of ten or twelve maybe tried to snatch the bag, her veil tearing and falling in the commotion. She had one of her servants stop him while she reprimanded him. He had, apparently wanted to take them as they were displayed on the store but unfortunately, she bought the whole thing. Caught red-handed he struggled and insulted her unceremoniously before, at the end of his rope and in resignation, starting to tear up and cry like the child he was. He was saying things about his mother being sick. Some passer-by¡¯s heart softened while Mu Rong An¡¯s polite smile grew warm and wide. The manservant who was holding the boy looked at her, but she still had to give the order to release the person, so he could only hold on as Mu Rong An addressed the child once again.


    ¡°You¡¯re this big, can¡¯t you think of a better lie or is your mother teaching you how to swindle people like that?¡±


    People were gathering around them already. She didn¡¯t mind causing a commotion, the name that would be smeared wouldn¡¯t be hers. It was a retaliation as good as any, her bitter ego said.


    The child stopped crying a bit before tearing up even more pitifully swearing on whoever he could think of that he was saying the truth. His poor mother was deathly sick so he wanted to please her with some sweets.


    ¡°Is that so?" Mu Rong An turned to the servant holding the bag. "Pack three parts aside¡± she caught as the child''s eyes brightened before adding, "now try telling the truth for me to hear and you can have it," smiling she added, "some apologies to accompany it all would be welcome too."


    She was being difficult and didn¡¯t mind one bit, the boy cried even more and she didn¡¯t yield in at all. Truthfully speaking what she was after wasn''t the truth, she could careless about it. He wanted sweets so he tried to take it since he didn''t have the money if there was more to the story she wasn''t interested in knowing. However, she had yet to receive her apologizes. In his rants earlier, he dared criticized her face. Any other day she wouldn''t have minded too much but today, today, that insult was particularly displeasing to hear. Her reflection in the mirror had been far too unpleasant and she was a bit vain but she needed compliments at this moment, certainly not insults. It wasn¡¯t that she did suddenly become ugly as he said, but just that her pride was demanding reparation for such a prejudice on this sour day!


    ¡°What¡¯s happening here?¡± asked someone.


    The voice was fluent and light, and its beholder was a thin and beautiful man who had a sword by his left side.


    ¡°He tried to steal for his sick mother, the poor boy¡± responded someone.


    ¡°That noblewoman is heartless,¡± whispered another, acknowledged by most.


    Looking at the boy who was crying more and more, and the woman who was leaning on him but apparently had no intention to free him, the man had enough. From where they were they couldn''t hear what was being said by the woman but obviously, whatever she was saying was just torturing this child for his tears were even more affluent now.


    "Aren''t you lot going to do something? She is tormenting him!"


    The crowd mumbled incomprehensible things, shaking their head and at last, a man''s hesitant voice was heard.


    "And what will you have us do? He did indeed try to steal from others!"


    "The one who shall punish him is still not her!"


    Resolutely, he walked to the servant, yanking the boy out of his grasp.


    ¡°That¡¯s enough¡± he shouted putting the teenager behind himself, effectively shielding him.


    Mu Rong An looked up at the vehemently speaking man, valiantly dressed. She narrowed her eyes, carefully taking in the beauty in front of her, and on a hunch, let her gaze lingered on the man''s chest. It wasn''t like she could confirm it, but it wasn''t like his voice sounded very manly so she rather trusted her feeling on this. This newcomer was certainly the female lead of the second arc, Feng Xi. She blinked a couple of time at that realization then her gaze went to the boy who was hiding behind his savior and recognition flickered in her eyes. This child must then be Yan Mi.


    If she remembered it right, in the book too, Feng Xi protected the boy against the vendor when he caught the stealer red-handed. This female lead was a trusting person so she quickly believed him only to later discover the lie. But in the end, after a fair share of adventures together, she took the orphan boy as her brother and he was even there on her wedding day, later even entering general Ru''s army.


    Mu Rong An pursued her lips and took in hand the veil that her servant was presenting her, placing it back on her face.


    The person in front of her was her husband¡¯s soulmate. Her lips curved into a warm smile but only she knew what she truly felt in the end.

 Chapter 8: ! Messing With Fate

    Mu Rong An stood in silence for a time, drinking in the appearance of the person in front of her. ¡®He¡¯ was wearing deep blue male clothes, his sword¡¯s scabbard a glaring thing on his thigh, hair held in a high ponytail. His face was quite easy on the eye, an androgynous one with phoenix eyes.


    The smile, behind Mu Rong An¡¯s veil, stretched a little. What to do? Just the person¡¯s face was enough to annoy her. Ah, she really couldn¡¯t like them. Those special transmigrated women. Just couldn¡¯t. And it seemed to be something of a first sight. When others liked, at first sight, she, this supposed to be villainess, was annoyed at first sight. Must be in her constitution.


    Truth be told, Mu Rong An didn¡¯t like thinking that much that her life was something just a fiction of a book, so she wouldn¡¯t really dwell on it, more so that her fate changed thus inevitably there would be other changes; no reason then, to really consider that she could predict the future.


    However, whether she liked it or not, there were times when some details would just pop into her head without her conscious of it. And seeing this person already here, in this particular market already, meant that she had already met with Ru Shan Yong some few days before. Well, well, this wife really wanted to know if the meeting had been the same as per the original timeline. Had this beautiful girl rushed to save people from bandits like she was supposed to and then the general who was taking his horse for a ride to divert his melancholic thinking actually came in to see what the ruckus was about? He was supposed to take notice of her then, recognizing easily that she was a woman, a bit intrigued by her fearlessness which reminded him so much of Li Ming Qi.


    If nothing major changed, then the problem these borders had and the reason why the general came here ¨Cwell, after the fact that he was fleeing from his heartache- was the supposed rebellion forming here. The surrounding dissatisfied villages a little farther from here added to that there were also some others villages, a mix between this country¡¯s and Fen country¡¯s inhabitants suffering the hardships of continuous bad harvest. Others were trying to lure people into a revolt and it was expanding. With the army¡¯s arrival, the situation had been quite stable but peace hadn''t returned completely. It was just relatively safe until the moment it would explode later. As of this moment, there were just isolated cases of kidnapping and robbery nothing to do with the invasion of the Fen country that was to come later. And it was in one of those isolated troublesome cases that Ru Shan Yong and Feng Xi met.


    This Feng Xi was someone transmigrated for a long time, way longer than Li Ming Qi. Li Ming Qi transmigrated for less than three years while Feng Xi was here since the body she was in was but a child. However, the one in front of Mu Rong An was someone between eighteen to twenty. A free-spirited person who was quite nomadic never knowing to stay put in one place. She was a restless kind of person who didn¡¯t like staying idle and since she wasn¡¯t particularly attracted to a specific place and had a nomadic thread in her, she was must of the time roaming around the country, living day after day.


    ¡°Enough you say?¡± the general¡¯s wife asked quite pleasantly with a bit of laughter in her voice which hid well her rather growing annoyance. She just couldn¡¯t help the feeling.


    Feng Xi glanced at the shaking boy behind her back; although she herself condemned his act of thievery, she couldn''t let him be bullied any more than what he had already been. Obviously, he had learned his lesson.


    ¡°I can pay you.¡± she proposed hoping that things would end with just some coins given. There was quite the heartache in her heart though, at the thought of giving away her small remaining pieces.


    But where had she seen Mu Rong An asking for money?


    ¡°He didn¡¯t take anything, did he?¡± remarked the lady in front of her.


    ¡°Then what do you want?¡± she asked quite warily, as the boy gripped her cloth from the back, himself scared of whatever the lady in front of him would ask. Really had he known that little delicacies would bring him in such a conundrum he would have left them alone, for today at least. Why was this miss so unyielding when he didn''t even get to touch them!


    What did she want? Ah, Mu Rong An too, wanted to ask this question to herself. She had gone head to head with Li Min Qin and lost, would she try once again with this child of destiny too?


    She wondered fleetingly what Ru Shang Yon actually thought of that valiant woman he had met days ago. But then again, she didn¡¯t dwell too much on that for he had said ¡®I am now an informed person¡¯ when she threatened to act against any woman he would take fancy off. If he dared bring that woman in the manor or anywhere actually, he better have already killed her first otherwise, God helps both for there would be no way for her to remain calm.


    One step at a time anyway she reminded herself, coming back to the present situation, glancing at the boy hiding behind the blue cloth cross-dresser.


    ¡°Apologizes.¡± she voiced.


    It didn¡¯t sound outrageous. Feng Xi just pursed her lips and turned to the boy. He shared a glance with her before turning towards the lady in front of him. He stepped aside a little, his hand still firmly holding Feng Xi¡¯s cloth, he bowed slightly and said seemingly sincerely,


    ¡°I apologize for offending you.¡± He said in a small, meek tone completely different from the one he was barking at her with previously.


    ¡°And?¡±


    ¡°And insulting you.¡±


    Still feeling her burning gaze on him, he hurriedly added, ¡°You¡¯re not ugly! Not fat!¡±


    Mu Rong An glared a bit. It wasn¡¯t exactly what she wanted to hear... but that would do. Feng Xi patted the boy¡¯s head to let him know that it was alright now and that he did well.


    Mu Rong An took the small bag containing the three delicacies in the servant¡¯s hand by her side and threw it in the boy¡¯s direction which he easily caught. His eyes sparkled and he was full of thanks now, his voice way louder than the previous apologies. She could almost say that his thanks were sincere.


    Looking at the two persons close to each other still, Mu Rong An found her mouth saying,


    ¡°You are not too ugly to look at. How do you feel about being portrayed by me?¡±


    He was cute, this wasn''t false at all and the worse part of it being that he knew he was cute. Something he usually takes full advantages of. However, at this very moment not only was he dirty but even his clothes were filthy that she addressed him such a proposition had little to do with his appearance and much with her testing waters to see if she could bend some things to her liking.


    Not only the little boy was dumbfounded but Feng Xi too.


    ¡°If you could curb your stealing tendencies, of course." she added, "Feel free to come and drop by the general¡¯s manor, the pay will be gracious.¡±


    She didn¡¯t wait for his reply and left them, her servants following behind. She left, never paying attention, never seeing the slight frown that etched on Feng Xi¡¯s visage at. In her memory was still the fresh impression of a man who saved her and two others who had called him ¡®general¡¯.


    This little boy, Yan Mi, was one who grew up practically alone. Having quite a bit of a sad past but a will of steel, he lived his life day after day having little attaches. Distrustful at heart he would even try to steal from this savior of his some few hours after. The person was just too kind which was simply too weird to be genuine he had thought. For the moment, Mu Rong An was just wondering if she tried coaxing him and luring him with money, meal and a roof over his head, how would this change actually affect Feng Xi?


    She would try to see if there could be this small win before she would think of a hypothetical affair of her husband and the way to respond to it.


    It was a good thing, she thought once inside her carriage, that she was finished with what she had to buy for there was no more joy left in her from the fact of going out today as there had once been.


    ***


    To come back in the manor, there was a need for two other carriages to help take back everything she had paid for. Once home, she was quite pleased with herself to have bought that many. The courtyard would certainly look more welcoming with them and less ... less desolate. Since the sun was setting already, she gave some orders concerning those tapestries and other things before hurrying her steps...


    To be honest, Mu Rong An had thought when going that upon coming back, this dear general would have already left. Yet he was still here she realized as she saw his horse and the animal neighed in her direction when she stopped to observe it a bit.


    It was a proud one this horse which wouldn¡¯t let many people mount it. Only Feng Xi had been able or was supposed to be able anyway. Such an honor, Mu Rong An obviously wanted nothing of it. Rather than ride it, if she could get to have it attached to her carriage would be far preferable. But that too, wasn¡¯t something she dwelled on, for, she knew, having experienced it enough, this annoying animal liked running way too much at full speed. She could almost feel the ghost of long ago bruises on her thigh and hands due to this animal making her horse, which was attached to it, run too much.


    However, she was still ready to recognize that this quadruped was quite a beautiful one and if only for its majestic, she was willing to get on its good side with, of course, the idea of drawing it. She had, after all, purchased painting tools to while away her time, a pity that she didn¡¯t find zither, qin, guqin or other musical instruments. She would have appreciated some sonority in this monotonous manor.


    When she entered the living room, the general was sat there with two of his men inside. One was mixing things in a bowl by his left side. Something which resembled a medical concoction and had the smell of it, perfuming the whole room with herbs¡¯scent. The other was kneeling in front of the general with one foot awaiting orders. The moment her foot passed the door, the general who was still engrossed in reading his paper folded it, placing it by his side before dismissing the kneeling man.


    She took off her veil while giving orders for a bath to be drawn for her and dismissed the other servant by her side to take place not far from the sitting general. Ru Shan Yong lifted his head to look at her, taking in the new clothes -way more comfortable- she changed into but said nothing.


    The remaining man lifted his head from the concoction now ready and offered it to the general with a bowing head. It was dark and didn¡¯t look appetizing at all; Mu Rong An wondered a bit if this person who had a sweet tongue would really digest it, she had a faint memory of bitter medicine that she wouldn¡¯t like tasting again and if only just for that she was putting attention to always be healthy.  Nonetheless, as he gulped the whole thing in one go, there was no change in his expression at all.


    The man was still preparing another bowl again and Mu Rong An couldn''t quite resist asking,


    ¡°Are you injured?¡± There didn¡¯t seem to be any wound on him last night or this morning either when he was practicing with his sword, so she added, ¡°or sick?¡±. It must be pretty serious if it needed two doses of whatever it was that he was drinking so courageously.


    ¡°You need not bother with it.¡±


    And he took the second bowl in his hand.


    Well, they could be civil but there wouldn¡¯t be enough trust to spit out what ailed him? It would have been strange if there any form of trust, to begin with,  anyway.


    She smiled, looking on as he swallowed the bitter medicine hoping under her smile that it was the bitterest!


    She got up and left in silence when the servant signaled her bath ready. Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.


    It was a hot one for a change. One like she didn¡¯t have in many months! She just soaked in there with petals on the water, scent added to the water and the servant girls taking care of her hair.


    So comfortable was she that she closed her eyes. After a long time in the bath, she felt refreshed.


    ***


    When she got out of the bath, he was in her bedroom or maybe it should be said that she was in his bedroom for technically the courtyard was his and the one the first servant had said to be hers was the smaller one that she had disdained. And disdained still.


    He was sitting with folded legs and closed eyes. His hair was undone. She wondered a bit what exactly this ... -was it training?-was about. Eying him by the corner of the eye, she opened her oil bottle and smeared the lotion on her hands. It wasn¡¯t that they were hurting she just wanted them to be smooth again.


    And since she didn''t eat the whole morning, despite the time, she ordered for food to be brought directly in the bedroom; enough for the two of them. Hearing the order, he didn''t cancel it and she wondered if he really was hungry or was just going to ignore her.


    Light meals were quickly brought in to Mu Rong An''s delight. Ah, those days when she had to struggle were really behind her. However, the other person in the room was still sat in his position, eyes still firmly closed.


    And not responding when she talked.


    She was even willing to serve him, though, wasn''t she kind? Yet he was still in his own world apparently.


    They were supposed to civil to one another, weren''t they? But she wondered what exactly it meant being civil between husband and wife?


    Not caring about the food, for now, she got up to sat near him; close to one corner of the room. Despite feeling her close, he ignored her still. She approached again but was still ignored. Now wasn¡¯t he just asking to be toyed with? She kneeled directly in front of him with quite zero space yet he ignored her still. Did he think that by not acknowledging her she would grow bored and go away?


    She leaned on him, one hand on his chest to support her, the other on the floor, a delightful smile on her face when he didn¡¯t react at all. Now she wanted to do something villainous! She dived in and took possession of his lips only to¡­ immediately backed away.


    Bwah!


    Even his lips were so terribly bitter from the medicine still she really had no intention of knowing how his tongue tasted. However, as she had backed away, his closed eyes had immediately opened and one hand had caught the hand that was on her chest as she tried to jerk away and she fell on his torso. He lifted her chin with two fingers and their lips crashed again, his tongue forcing his way into her mouth. As though to incommode her at maximum, his tongue caressed hers incessantly living no corner of her mouth undone.


    Oh so terribly bitter! He was enjoying it she bet!


    When he freed her she instantaneously put some distance between her, not missing the mirth in his eyes before she went to fetch herself a glass of water near the plates that she drank in one go. To think that this was just some remaining taste, she really couldn¡¯t imagine how it must have been to drink two full bowls of that!


    Well, she would leave him with his peace, she was hungry anyway.


    She was halfway to finish her plate that he approached and helped himself to it. They ate in silence. Eating and talking shouldn¡¯t be mingled, not that his men cared about that saying for they had been so chatty on the road but for once she felt like breaking it herself,


    ¡°You never talk.¡± She pointed out.


    "..."


    "Isn''t it a bit boring and awkward otherwise?"


    ¡°¡­I have nothing to say.¡±


    ¡°I find that hard to believe. Maybe you just never had anyone listening to you.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll listen.¡±


    But it really didn¡¯t feel like he was willing to.


    ***


    The repairs and redecoration that she had ordered to be done were just for one courtyard, the one she was living in. She wasn¡¯t going to care about the other courtyard for now when she wasn¡¯t even sure when would be the next time she would have that much money in her possession to buy things. And anyway, it seemed that this second courtyard was where the general preferred doing his things in private for the time that he was in the manor.


    Since he was here still, his horse also. Even though she liked drawing landscapes, living things weren¡¯t too much for her but this particular living one was quite capricious, unwilling to stay put. She tried bribing the horse with food, a servant holding the fruit in a particular direction that she wanted so she could form the outlines of her drawing. The annoying thing would chump on it in mere seconds before turning around presenting her its butt. Whatever was the angle, the result was the same. As though it knew it was being drawn and was quite unwilling!


    Its master too was quite unwilling to be touched.


    Crudely stated, Mu Rong An had been trying to take advantages of him. A bit. Well, mostly kissing him. He was so unyielding, barely talking as though if they interacted too much there would be a friendship or a relationship that shouldn¡¯t be there. Did he think that becoming close to her was betraying his dear friends back in the capital? Well, far too late great general, they had already been closed, and more than just close. Twice or technically thrice. There was no way he could undo what had been done. And there was no way she was going to live with a human being and be ignored.


    In the beginning, the bitterness, for she was always kissing him in his weird position of closed eyes -that was the only time he was approachable-, was really putting her off, but after a couple of days, she could actually withstand it. More precisely she would make sure to eat sweet things before going for a kiss.


    ¡°You!¡± he exclaimed this night when she didn¡¯t back off like usual but was, contrarily persevering with her tongue caresses. As she was being held back, Mu Rong An could swear that there was a faint blush on his face. Obviously, he was making his best effort to let that acre taste in his mouth yet she was still on him. Everyday.


    ¡°What?¡± she purred innocently.


    He tasted good to kiss, she couldn¡¯t help it.


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you propose a truce?¡±


    Oh, so no talking was still in respect of the truce then.


    ¡°We¡¯re husband and wife,¡± she said as though it explained anything.


    Well, after that he actually started evading her when she came near him by this time of the day when he was doing whatever it was that he was doing with eyes closed. It was half funny half frustrating, to see him, eyes closed, with just a movement of his head dodged her.


    It was a bit strange that she was the one trying to take advantage of him when he was the man between them. Did that mean that she was more shameless than him? That wouldn¡¯t be surprising.


    ***


    A curious person, he was though, still sleeping in the same bed with her. Well, the only good one, there was no other comfortable bed in the courtyard. Not that he couldn¡¯t buy a better one or withgo the comfort if he had really wanted. He wasn¡¯t, she understood, going out his way to avoid her.


    She had tried asking him a few more times what ailed him. Since it wasn¡¯t something that happened originally she had no idea what was wrong with him and it seemed, he didn¡¯t feel like talking about it with her. At all. However, feeling quite unable to sleep and him being the only person she could bother, she unashamedly did just that.


    ¡°Say, what did you- what do you like in her, really?¡± She was talking about Li Ming Qi for there certainly couldn¡¯t have been enough interactions between him and Feng Xi to have amorous feelings developing so fast.


    She heard a sharp intake of breath by her side and wondered a little what the feelings behind it were.


    ¡°I can start talking first.¡± She generously offered. ¡°I hated her¡­ don¡¯t like her still but it¡¯s not hate anymore.¡±


    She let the information float in the air a bit, wondering if she should specify what exactly she hated on the woman. There were so many things, one night certainly couldn¡¯t be enough to talk about them all.


    ¡°Are they different for you?¡± his calm voice interrupted her thinking.


    They were abed; he was sleeping on his left side while she was lying on her back. The only thing she could see if she turned her head would be his own back. She wanted though, for this conversation to be able to look at his eyes. Mirror of the soul they were supposed to be.


    ¡°Hating and not liking? But they are!¡± she chuckled. ¡°You can trust me now, I won¡¯t try touching her. Doesn¡¯t mean I won¡¯t be ignoring her existence, however.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°She took what I believe was my reason to live, did you expect me to really smile and say help yourself?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± He shifted and the bed and finally turned to lie on his back too, his face looking at the roof, ¡°The second prince never recognize it.¡± He finally said, quite ready to properly discuss it, it seemed.


    Ah, such a shallow engagement it had been.


    ¡°He never did¡± she acknowledged, ¡°yet he wouldn¡¯t say it though. Wouldn¡¯t it have been better to go ahead to properly clear it before I turn eighteen?¡±


    ¡°Would it have change something?¡±


    ¡°¡­ Maybe¡­ maybe not. He never tried though; just didn¡¯t talk, only to say something when it was too late and feelings have been developed.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    The bed sunk a bit as she shifted to lie on her side, then choose to sit,


    ¡°You¡¯re quite a patient person¡±, she remarked two parts annoyed three parts amused, ¡°here your wife is talking about another yet you can easily ignore it. Is it that you¡¯re this formidable, or-¡± She straddled him then and he let her, his irises locking in hers ¡°or that I don¡¯t count to you?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    There was the faint glow from the candles that were shyly lighting the room, irradiating her face.


    He said nothing and it wasn¡¯t like she could understand this strange person so she did as she wanted, bent down, uncaringly searching for his lips with hers.


    He evaded and she was feeling a bit exasperated now.


    ¡°Do you hate it? Or must you hate it?¡± she asked. Both hands going to his face, touching his warm cheeks willing he could stay put for what she wanted to do. ¡°Whatever it is that¡¯s happening in your head, your wife is me. And I like kissing you! You... what do you like?¡±


    She said so much yet he wouldn¡¯t open his mouth still. Fine!


    ¡°Close your eyes. If it helps just imagine that it¡¯s the woman you love!¡±


    There was in his eyes a sharp glint of¡­ something, she didn¡¯t know what. Quite easily he had her on her back, his grip rough on her hand. She was a little astonished by his sudden movement, which had effectively shut her though. She wondered what he had in his mind but he just staid like that above her. It was certainly, more of a reflex than anything and he was now seemingly wondering a bit what exactly he would be doing with her¡­ a headache of a woman she was.


    ¡°Being rough is fine too¡± she encouraged daringly, one of her hips suggestively going to his back, mirth back in her eyes again.


    His appearance under the candles light was appealing. His unbound hair was falling on her, his eyes wild and fiery had a glint of anger in them.


    Ah, this one, this person was hers. Officially hers, no way was she going to let go.


    ¡°I want you,¡± she whispered, the need gleaming in her eyes.


    She couldn¡¯t help it, she quite liked his calm temper that would go incense by her, she found that touching him was also something she wanted to most of the time.


    The raw emotion that she didn¡¯t bother to hide caused whatever questionings were happening in his mind to be temporarily quelled as he gave in. He was kissing her then. She gasped, a sharp intake of air, her breathing mingling with his, tongues dancing in frenzy.


    His kiss was different, softer in contrast to his rougher grip. He had her trapped completely between himself and the bed, her hands locked above her. When they parted to breathe, she struggled managed to free her right arm and grabbed onto his clothing, her body curving forward, breasts into his chest. She sighed into his returning lips.


    He basculed their positions again and with just a movement of his hand, extinguished their candles


    She laughed which quickly turned into moans. Then he was slowing again, hesitating... which very much was frustrating her.


    ¡°You can call her name you know, if it helps you, I don¡¯t mind!¡±


    How truthful this sentence was, she herself didn¡¯t know. Her brain wasn¡¯t functioning correctly for the time being and certainly didn''t want him to withdraw from what they were doing as he already was about to do.


    His response came in a growl and he was kissing her again, almost punishing her.


    They laid there in the aftermath, him still in her, breath shaking against her, forehead and nose touching, right hands intertwined in one another.


    ¡°I am leaving tomorrow¡± he confided then.


    Since she didn¡¯t know the extent of his injury or whatever ailed him she really didn¡¯t know if he was better or not, he must be though if he was leaving.


    ¡°A pity¡± she whispered in his mouth, ¡°Now won¡¯t it be boring in this residence when you¡¯d be gone?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± He said nothing to being blandly considered a distraction and she wondered a bit if he was offended or not.


    ¡°Am I a prisoner?¡± she asked then ¡°or can I go out as I want?¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it truce?¡± he asked.


    ¡°I like truce¡± she smiled then kissing him again.


    And somehow it started another round.


    ***


    The next morning, she was up early to actually see him go, feeling a tad disappointed when seeing the horse that she didn¡¯t get to finish the painting of being gone. When she could see his silhouette and those of his men no longer, she returned to her bed, snuggling under the covers, searching for his fast disappearing heat.


    A thought came to her mind suddenly. Wouldn¡¯t it be good, to have a child to occupy her days? If they didn¡¯t get one now, then next time she should try her harder. It couldn¡¯t be that hard for after all just the first time was supposed to get him a child with Feng Xi.


    She slept with that idea and when she woke up some hours later, a servant announced to her the arrival of the boy she invited some days ago.


    Yan Mi.


    He actually really came. She wasn¡¯t sure he would, she wondered a bit if it could be considered some kind of victory.

 Chapter 9: ! Possessiveness

    Wasn¡¯t he a bit too much thick skin? Mu Rong An thought as she surveyed the suddenly timid child. She had, yes, invited him but he came so unabashedly, he really didn¡¯t fear many things.


    Little Yan Mi was quite clean and way more docile than she remembered him to be. He was quite humble too as he expressed all his truths stating that he indeed didn¡¯t have a mother anymore. He actually laid down his life to her, appealing to her pity and maybe because she already knew about it or just that she didn''t feel like being used that much, there wasn''t in her the intended emotion he wanted her to have. In there really was, his keen eyes couldn''t really see it as her smile although welcoming didn''t seem to pity him enough to the point of gifting him clothes and money. She actually just said some comforting words and then asked how he was living now to which he replied with his some prepared lies. Nodding, the woman digging dig much before then ordering a servant to fetch her painting box.


    Mu Rong An was really intending of using the little child as a model mostly because he was that easy on the eye -and she was bored-, she would think of his relationship with Feng Xi later.


    Opening the box brought to her, she took out brushes and coloring powders which a servant then mixed with water by the side.


    In some of the drawers of the box, laid the different sizes papers. She firstly carefully ranged the sketches of Ru Shan Yong which were at the top of the pile back to the end, before taking a handful of unused ones.


    Those sketches of Ru Shan Yong, she had done them by memory quite sure that she wouldn¡¯t really be given the approbation if she asked of him to stay put for her to draw. They were quite simple ones, nothing complicated and nothing outrageous. Him sitting with eyes closed and folded legs or him swinging his sword. In some sketches, she surprised herself by how much she knew of the sword, drawing it almost identically to the original by memory, which let her know she had actually been paying attention to the deadly weapon he liked to carry wherever he went with him.


    Others kind of sketches too came to her mind when she was sitting beside her painting tools with a brush in hands reading to pen down what her mind was conjuring. However, it was the kind that couldn¡¯t bear being showed to anyone and most definitely should not be laid down on a paper. She would squash fiercely the aspiration to draw such and would inevitably draw other things she could remember, quite insignificant ones like beautiful trees, lingering landscapes in her memories still, flowers or the empress¡¯s personal garden, roses, chrysanthemum or whatever could lay her flourishing imagination to rest. Mostly inanimate things.


    Beside the drawings of the general, there were also those of his horse. Between the two it was the most difficult one to draw for she couldn¡¯t remember its traits never really paying attention to it before thus she had to sit and observed to be able to come with something; but the blasted thing was unwilling for her to stare at it and would, most of the time, changed position. And in the end, all those sketches were quite unfinished drawing.


    She had the servant changed the little boy before she led him to sit on the upper step of the two-steps stairs leading to the courtyard¡¯s entrance. Behind them, the sun was glaring and Yan Mi was quite happy to not be under its burning heat for once.


    A couple of drawings and change in place and positions later, Mu Rong An was ordering for tea and snacks to be brought. The little boy devoured it quite unceremoniously,


    ¡°Where¡¯s your savior?¡± she asked, tools and papers put aside now.


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t really know him¡± the little boy had the decency to blush at the memory of the woman he had tried to take advantage of. There had been disappointment in Feng Xi¡¯s voice as she reprimanded him; yet, despite what he had done, she still insisted on taking care of him to which he responded by fleeing.


    ¡°Oh, she didn¡¯t welcome you?¡±


    Yan Mi stopped eating and ever so slightly narrowed his eyes at the smiling woman in front of him debating if he should reaffirm the idea that Feng Xi was a man as per what she wanted everyone to believe, suddenly feeling a sense of loyalty for the person who took care of him these past few days... He didn¡¯t¡­ couldn¡¯t guess as to what the one in front of him was trying to get, so he said,


    ¡°I don¡¯t know where he is.¡±


    Mu Rong An nodded at him and had the servant bring some coins for the boy and he was suddenly very eager to go, him who was before hinting as to stay here and work permanently. And since he didn¡¯t feel like working here anymore despite her trying to persuade otherwise, she didn''t persist,


    ¡°Feel free to come back any time. There are some more sketches I would like to try.¡±


    And he really took her words for it. Being back here almost every day. Mu Rong An wasn¡¯t always drawing him of course, actually, at one point she stopped drawing him but he stayed as a sort of companion. Being all inside this mansion wasn¡¯t really pleasant and quite boring ¨Cnot that she ever wanted to go back to being busy cleaning-. There were no invitation cards that she would receive, no tea parties she would organize for she didn¡¯t even know the officials residing here. Little Yan Mi became somewhat of her personal gossiper through whom she would learn other people¡¯s lives and through whom she actually learned others identity.


    Some days later, she decided that her own company for so long wasn''t enough anymore nor was that little boy''s one.


    The carriage, although not a dreamy one, had received many modifications that she personally ordered so that she would stop being terribly jolted on the roads. Following the little boy¡¯s advice and even howling him up with her, she was out and for lack of better entertainment, she went to a tea house. There she could hear stories while sipping new quality teas.


    When they arrived, the little boy asked to be excused for the day and ran away immediately as soon as his feet left the carriage for the ground. Following him with her eyes, Mu Rong An saw him going in the direction of the back of the tea house he brought her to. There was an alley and two persons were conversing there. Yan Mi tapped the hand of one of them to draw his attention. Turning around, the person seemed to be¡­ Feng Xi. Still in male clothes too. She was smiling and chatting with him now, patting his head to which he responded by swatting away her hands.


    It seemed that during these days they actually made up and even became friends, they shouldn''t be that far to become sworn brothers.


    Mu Rong An had a wry smile as she entered the tea house with one of her servant, her mood a little sour.


    ***


    Mu Rong An came back to that tea house once every other day. She didn¡¯t even know why herself. From the room she usually was, she would look at Feng Xi. The person seemed quite amiable, a big silly smile on her face. Her sword was missing but at its place, she had the cloth of a waiter.


    Really, it wasn¡¯t anything interesting to see someone work but knowing that the person was working here in this tea house instead of already having links with military situations, there was still a bit of joy in Mu Rong An; and maybe it was to confirm that those two people¡¯s path was diverging without her needing to do anything that she found herself coming back to this tea house which wasn¡¯t all that good compared to the one she was used to.


    That aside, there was in this gesture of taking tea made by a tea master a sense of coming home. Her real home, back at the capital. A yearning, a somewhat sense of longing, longing for her friends back there, her mother, her brother, her father. Those shared moments behind finest tea and inconsequent conversations.


    She felt oh so terribly lonely.


    ***


    Once when coming, there were no more empty single rooms thus she had to share the first floor with everyone else. The two servants who always accompanied her there first thought that she would go back rather than staying on the ground floor but to their surprise, she hadn''t been difficult at all and accepted. Thus, she sat on an empty table in a corner with her servants not far away.


    Scanning the room, Mu Rong An didn¡¯t see Feng Xi today and was somewhat disappointed. Waiting for the tea to be brought, she wondered a bit if she should go back to the market and paid for some jewelry before returning home. It just appeared to her that the one she was wearing most of the time, so accustomed to it was she that she forgot, housed poison.


    Lifting her head, a familiar face appeared in front of her. For once since coming here, the one who was serving her was Feng Xi.


    ¡°We meet again.¡± She smiled at the person.


    ¡°D¡­Did we?¡± asked Feng Xi pleasantly, ¡°Ah!¡± she exclaimed suddenly remembering, after all, in this little village there weren¡¯t many who fancied walking with veils on and certainly not under this kind of weather, ¡°You''re the one from the market!¡±


    ¡°Yes¡± acknowledged Mu Rong An, ¡°Care to join me? I could do with a company¡± she proposed in a smile.


    But as soon as the words left, someone was already shouting across the room,


    ¡°Little Xi, what are you doing, come and help me, ah¡±.


    It was a young woman¡¯s voice coming from the inner room''s,


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Feng Xi smiled sheepishly, putting down her command.


    ¡°A pity,¡± Mu Rong An pleasantly smiled as the other rushed to answer to the still shouting person.


    ¡°We could keep you company if you so want!¡± exclaimed an elder voice near her, and before Mu Rong An could politely decline, three women had already pulled chairs and sat by her table. Her eyes curved, but she declined on commenting.


    Villagers weren''t quite fond of strangers in troubled times and rather stay far away from unknown faces, she had thought previously. But it seemed Mu Rong An intrigued people as everyone here was very friendly but she, she talked to no one and always howled herself in a room all by herself.


    Whispers of incoming disasters were brewing and frightening people. Some came here to hear more about them while others were trying to distract themselves from them. The latter kinds would found people to converse with and share stories or whatnots, so long as the conversation was ongoing. It was that kind of tea house after all. The prices weren''t high but it provided entertainment and a certain warmth.


    Mu Rong An, whose peace was suddenly broken had quite bitter words for them. However, they were said in quite round about manner that obviously, neither of this straight women understood. Another waitress came with the women''s commands, her voice like that of the one who just called Feng Xi. She was glaring at Mu Rong An, seemingly she, she had understood the sarcasm between the lines.


    Well, thought the general¡¯s wife, you may as well tell them then for I can¡¯t seem to shake them off with whatever I say. However, the waitress didn¡¯t inform the others of her the true meaning of her words and just left after she was done, flashing for everyone a smile which turned quite stiff when she looked at Mu Rong An who returned to her a wide smile under her veil.


    Ah, it took Mu Rong An all her etiquettes to grudgingly end up participating in the conversation the women were forcing on her.


    They were straightforward and crude in their words. To call a cat a cat they said. They started with small gossips that escalated. They didn¡¯t, remarked Mu Rong An, talk about the increase in military men in the village as though afraid to call doom upon them almost as if, if no one denied it then peace would reign forever.


    They grew quite interested in her then after sharing some informations about themselves. They weren¡¯t that much old, between late thirties to early forties and seemingly more bored than her or maybe more scared thus turning around to rambling to forget the dreadful feeling of something wrong.


    She complied and shared some information. And she somehow, their discussion even came to her giving back that advise her mother once gave her when she was small. ¡®In anger, don¡¯t fight, smashing expensive things is more satisfying¡¯.


    ¡°It¡¯s as if the anger go inside that piece and you physically destroyed it, that anger. The greater the annoyance, the more expensive must be the piece you choose to destroy. Actually, even the knowledge that you can afford it helps in dealing with the resilient anger.¡±


    There was silence around the previously chatty table. These women were affiliated with some officials and weren''t really in need, actually in this village despite the gloomy atmosphere, they could be considered quite well off, however, they were quite different from people in the capital and attached more importance to their possession. Destroying things without rhyme or reason just because you¡¯re angry was still something a bit hard to do.


    ¡°And does the anger go?¡± one of them asked after a moment.


    ¡°Sometimes¡± confided Mu Rong An trustfully in a gleeful smile towards the shocked women. Other times it was quite good to know that what you were smashing down wasn¡¯t your property but someone else¡¯s! Who knew how much of her father''s vases or her half-sisters'' things did she destroy?


    The more the conversation was going on, the more likable she found it to be, and even though there were moments they had a bit of difficulty in understanding Mu Rong An or her understanding them, they could round it without that much trouble. Just like that, minutes turned to hours.


    As the chat was going on though, the ever calm and collected Mu Rong An found herself choking on her tea in public at what was being said to her so bluntly! The woman who talked laughed at her ¡®innocence¡¯ she called it. ¡®A shy woman from the capital¡¯. Another was patting her back, laughing too, while telling her that there was nothing to be ashamed of.


    Mu Rong An would never dare call herself ¡®innocent¡¯ but really there were some things she wouldn¡¯t do too. She didn¡¯t mind talking about bedroom matters whether with her husband or maybe some of her friends back at the capital, however, where had it ever been seen that those things were discussed with strangers. The only thing she did was acknowledged that yes she was married before they went on and forth about their weird pieces of advice!


    One, looking at her chest talked about how to ¡®use those assets¡¯. The other was whispering to her about ¡®tips so that her husband wouldn¡¯t stray!¡¯


    The blush that crept on her face was very much genuine. Talking about or doing these things with her husband was still alright but why come and comment? She now almost missed the daughter of the grand teacher with her forever preaching about etiquettes. If such a stiff person was by her side today she would have prevented her from such a weird afternoon!


    ***


    As she departed and extricated herself from her strange company, Mu Rong An caught Feng Xi''s voice not too far from her carriage. Rounding it a bit, she saw, hidden by the restaurant wall between the restaurant and a horse, Feng Xi and another young woman. It was the waitress who glared at her previously.


    That woman, Ah Mei apparently caught her staring at Feng Xi more than once previously and was warning her friends.


    ¡°Maybe she was mesmerized by my charms¡± joked Feng Xi trying to make the agitated Ah Mei smiled a bit. Who knew what the stubborn was already thinking about in that dramatic mind of hers?


    ¡°What if she¡¯s a spy?¡± she whispered, ¡°What if she knew?¡±


    ''Here,'' Feng Xi thought, ''Didn''t I say it?''. ¡°Shh" warned her friend before sighing when she saw how much the other had blanched. "Now, now, calm down,¡± pacified Feng Xi, ¡°didn¡¯t the general said he was taking care of that? Remembered, that handsome and very capable general" she boosted shamelessly, "who made your nose bled and in whose presence you whispered ¡®I now know what beauty is¡¯ to his face?¡±


    The mortified Ah Mei slapped her hands while whispered-screaming ''shameless''.


    "Those were your words!" laughed Feng Xi.


    ¡°Aye, aye, let''s forget about that! The glare he had given me, aya, I''m still too scared to dare think about it!¡±


    Feng Xi burst out laughing and despite wanting to be angry Ah Mei was smiling too. Ah, really, she made an embarrassment out of herself but it was good too, since that day she met with Feng Xi who saved her life and with whom she was friends since then.


    Feng Xi''s laughs suddenly died and she narrowed her eyes. She made a gesture to her waist but to her disappointment, her sword wasn''t by her side. It had been taken by the master of the restaurant when Ah Mei helped her get a job here.


    Undeterred though, with a firm voice she warned,


    ¡°You¡¯ve listened for so long, come out now.¡±


    Mu Rong An didn''t shy away and advanced with her two servants by her side, looking at one woman and the other.


    "What do you want" asked the cross dresser with authority.


    ¡°It''s her!¡± whispered Ah Mei, not really quietly.


    Slowly, Mu Rong An took off her veil to correctly look at these two women. The anger that was building inside of her, did it really have no cause to exist? Who could be daring enough to say that to her?


    Feng Xi was quite puzzled by this woman now. When Ah Mei talked she thought that the other was exaggerating but could it really be that she was being followed? Aya, if it was due to her charms then she would make another heartbroken maiden! It wasn''t her fault she was blessed with such a dashing face in this life ah!


    ¡°Handsome, isn¡¯t he?¡± she asked with a beautiful smile. ¡°My husband" she added the precision." He¡¯s truly dashing, isn''t he¡±


    And to the wind flew Feng Xi''s silly thoughts.


    "The general is married?" asked Ah Mei in a whisper, quite amazed by the news apparently.


    How could Feng Xi know about that? She didn''t really care and for now, she would just take this woman''s words for it. After all, she was living in the general''s manor. In remembrance of what she just said, she had the decency to blush.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t mean- ¡±


    ¡°You did," cut the woman, her voice going smoother and her smile warmer, "And I would like it to be the last of those kinds of thoughts.¡± It was her first time, actually, that Mu Rong An had a wish to be privy with his military affairs, to know a bit more about what was happening. An information that Feng Xi seemed to have.


    It was on the tip of Feng Xi¡¯s tongue to say that she couldn''t help admiring beautiful things and would certainly inevitably voice such an admiration if her friend hadn''t beaten her to it that day but Ah Mei was blushing so furiously now that she knew someone overheard that particular part of their conversation that the one who was more embarrassed by this was certainly that young timid woman.


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    "A misunderstanding, this is all a misunderstanding! I''m not a cut-sleeve. I like women, ah. Don''t slander me good madame!" was saying Feng Xi shamelessly, her voice suddenly going coarser. She felt Ah Mei pinched her hip but kept her face straight.


    Mu Rong An just narrowed her.


    ***


    Following that, she didn¡¯t go back to the tea restaurant for a time. She didn¡¯t want to meet with Feng Xi anymore to start with, and the other reason being that she rather not meet with these bored and chatty elder women. They were just¡­ too much¡­ too many things and that for various reasons.


    However, since she had to fill her now empty hours, she finally gave in to her ridiculous ideas of scandalous drawings.


    It was more of a gradual thing that a deliberate planned one. Drawing him too sweaty and maybe because the sun was burning too much too over her head, she felt the need to lighten him as he once did himself. She took off his upper robe and just draw him with the rest. Her eyes closed, she could still remember his almost dancing figure. A quite deadly kind of dance which certainly explained why she had drawn in the background some faintly discerned corpses. The only one whose head could actually still be distinguished was Wu Wei. Ah, that one had been quite a satisfying kind of sight. She stared at it for a bit wishing the person''s actual death was far gorier than what her mind was capable of thinking. And just because she was feeling rather good, she added more blood on the general''s sword. Wu Wei''s blood of course. How joyful! A pity though, that she couldn''t remember that sword''s name. She had half the mind to accompany her masterwork with an adequate poem eulogizing the swiftness of said sword.


    It staid a good sight for some more moments before she decided she didn''t really want something to remember that disgusting person by, not even a picture describing his death; so she burned that drawing.


    Her mind drifted back though, to simply drawing the general; with each more work she was doing, she was peeling off another cloth. And when she came to nothing left, she never really draw him bluntly naked. It was always suggested. Him lying on the bed with one leg covered under the blanket or imagining him in her place back then, washing in the river on the road to these borders...


    She wondered a bit how this good general would react to nude painting of him. Well, she thought, lifting her latest sketch where one could see the flushed face of Ru Shan Yong. It could be something akin to this, it would be quite good if he could blush like he did sometimes under the blanket with her.


    Although she had such though, Mu Rong An She wouldn¡¯t dare though, let her drawings anywhere near easily found. At the beginning she was destroying them the minute she finished but recently, she carefully folded them and hid them.


    ***


    A couple of days later, the general was back once again with a handful of his men at the manor. It became almost of a regular thing, him coming back to a somewhat regular pace. He would howl himself up in the other courtyard the whole day with his men or be completely out of the manor and come back to her courtyard by the night.


    He seemed¡­ busy. He could go back to these barracks he came from that it wouldn¡¯t be much of a difference. She couldn¡¯t see his shadow at all. He was back when she was sleeping or else he was with his men. Only the neighing of horses would indicate his presence.


    ¡®Who asked of me to wait?¡¯ she thought with bitterness and a good deal of resentment in her when once again the evening meal turned cold. She really needn''t someone else to tell her that.


    "Serve" she ordered.


    She wasn''t really angry though, just wished she could discuss maybe. Although Yan Mi was still coming from time to time to talk to her, the one she wanted to talk to was still Ru Shan Yong. However, the person, when he appeared, looked like he needed more sleep than chatting.


    It, his workload or whatever it was he was doing, regressed a bit, as for the first time since coming back, she found him still in the mansion when she woke up.


    "Oh, you''re here!"


    "The house is mine!"


    As they were being served by the morning meal by the servants, he reminded her,


    ¡°Your personal servant will be here by the next week.¡±


    His beard that he didn¡¯t care to shave for a while now was growing; despite the short sleeping time he managed to catch some hours every other night there were bags under his eyes and over his thick clothing, she couldn¡¯t tell if he had lost weight or not.


    ¡°You seem¡­tired¡±.


    Oh, he seemed many more, but she settled for this one word. It was far politer than the ones she had in mind.


    ¡°And you seem¡­alright.¡±


    Well, maybe he too had less nicer things in mind when saying this but she smiled at him anyway taking his words at face value.


    They ate in silence while she pondered a bit.


    She had, for a moment, the desire to ask when they would be going back to the capital, before burying that desire in her heart. It shouldn¡¯t be anytime soon why waste her saliva asking? And whatever it was that was preoccupying him was certainly the only thing he had in mind.


    However, he was really free this morning, for after eating he took that sword that he seemed to like more than anything and started polishing it. Mu Rong An just sat there observing without really seeing. She was so fixed on him that he had goosebumps.


    And maybe because she had never once left him alone when they were just they two of them, he was somewhat wary of her thinking form,


    ¡°Do you have something to say?¡±


    Jolted awake by his voice, for sole answer, she gave him a smile which meaning he couldn¡¯t quite decipher.


    "Why must I do the talking? I wish to be the listener for once."


    Was she snappy? Ru Shan Yong lifted the sharp-cutting sword, minutely observing its cuttingness, testing it with his thumb deciding that it was enough. He put it back on its scabbard before standing up, securing it to its waist. His own mood wasn''t bad, he could accompany her for a time, she looked definitely bored. Some windy air on horseback was what he was thinking about doing anyway.


    ¡°Must we talk here?¡±


    She gave a wry smile, imagining this restless person too used to be on horse¡¯s back to feel good on earth again; which turned into a lifted brow when he gave her his hand to help her up. Mu Rong An didn¡¯t deny him and let him help her. She followed where he led and as she thought, he was really going to that picky horse¡¯s direction.


    His idea of talking and hers were obviously very different!


    As soon as they were near it, it started neighing and Mu Rong An could almost traduce it by ¡®go away you are polluting my air¡¯. Such a charming beast this one!


    ¡°Little black can sense negative vibes.¡± Was informing the master behind her.


    ¡°Not surprising, those negative thoughts must definitely be emitted from its very being and terribly leaking!¡±


    Ru Shan Yong didn¡¯t seem amused to hear such things about his beloved horse.


    Despite the master''s urgent, the horse was quite unwilling to have a second person on its back, wouldn''t even let Mu Rong An approached.


    ''Mutual'' she was thinking, ''very much mutual.''


    It was the first time in a while that little black was so stubborn when the one commending was him. The woman was smiling strangely and the horse neighing in her direction. Ru Shan Yong could almost see the oozing annoyance from them both, wondering just when they developed such a thing. The one who was most definitely reluctant was him. It was stuffy, he wanted to ride.


    ¡°We are outside under the sun,¡± remarked Mu Rong An with a smile that wasn¡¯t quite one, this one this time directed at him, and Ru Shan Yong could easily guess the meaning. She made a concession in coming out under such a weather he should concede too in letting his horse behind. Very well, they could go back inside then but she didn''t seem to want that as she hastily proposed,


    ¡°How about a stroll by the garden?¡±


    The place could hardly be called a garden. It was too hot, nothing wanted to flourish, the ground was quite unwilling to grow anything. Thus there weren''t many flowers, and from Mu Rong An''s point of view, it was quite ugly. In one of her drawing, she imagined it with other kinds of flowers and far more worth seeing that what it was at the moment.


    They walked for a time, not under the sun rather in the shadow of the mansion, by the lane near the verandah. Ru Shan Yong had crossed his arms behind his back. There was no breeze, no wafting no nothing and Mu Rong An who was slowly ventilated by one servant before felt the heat more than him who was previously merely sitting. Now she regretted a bit proposing that stroll. And since he didn''t seem anytime near starting to talk, she went ahead and recounted what she did of her days wondering a bit if he would really share what he was doing with his. They didn''t have that much in common it would be good if they could at least talk to each other.


    As she went on, the change on her face was scarce and most of the time, Ru Shan Yong couldn¡¯t understand that gentle smile on her face. It wasn¡¯t one from when one remembered a pleasant thing nor was it really what he could call a sincere smile of happiness. It was just weird, too calculate and too permanent on her face. He rather, instead of smiling for decorum, someone be expressionless to boot.


    ¡°You¡¯re difficult,¡± interrupted his voice suddenly.


    Mu Rong An paused, not sure how to respond to that, not understanding what he meant actually.


    ¡°I can¡¯t understand you.¡± He echoed her thoughts.


    She felt like asking if they weren¡¯t talking the same language but decided against it.


    ¡°You never tried.¡± She said instead which was, for her truthful enough.


    ¡°That,¡± he started, bluntly pointing at her face ¡° is what I mean. Are you mocking me now?¡±


    Mu Rong An¡¯s smile curved a bit more. Ah, she very much was!


    ¡°I don¡¯t understand¡± her smooth voice replied, ¡°it is impolite to point.¡±


    ¡°I never know when you mean your words. Maybe even you don¡¯t know anymore when you mean them. That special tea you talked about in Lei village is famous for its bitterness. Did you really found it in you to like that acrid thing?¡±


    ¡°There was a lingering sweetness washing away the bitterness. Worth the bite.¡±


    ¡°It could always be ameliorated.¡±


    She halted in her steps which caused him to halt with her. Maybe she was reading too much between the lines but she asked anyway,


    ¡°Do you mean to ameliorate me?¡± she asked with a warm smile which was the exact opposite of the building anger inside.


    They were becoming friends she had thought or if not friends actually two people who could talk to each other without nasty thinking. However, did he, this whole time, considered her such a terrible person that he had to curb her into someone with whom he could actually spend time with? Was she, a piece of pottery he could mold to his liking?


    ¡°No¡­I just want to know. To understand you.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    He proceeded to explain.


    ¡°I want to hear your thoughts. Your truthful thoughts and not those words you say to please your listener. What you think under that smile of yours, what you have to share, when you are sad or angry and want someone¡¯s head. Especially when you¡¯re angry, as black as those thoughts may be. And they appear to be particularly dark then.¡±


    ¡°¡­Are there many people whose thoughts are pure when angry?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Thinking a bit, she decided to modify some of her words then. One step at a time, they could certainly become friends one of these days.


    ¡°The truth would be that I didn¡¯t particularly like that tea house. It had a strange smell and loud people, one could hardly hear his own reflections.¡± She offered.


    They did talk a bit with her being more truthful then and him opening his mouth some more. Not quite passionating days he was having. Meeting with advisors days on and forth.


    ¡°How do you feel about going back to the capital?¡± he asked at one point.


    ¡°¡­ It is very much welcome.¡±


    He nodded, ¡°It can¡¯t be done for now, but in a couple of months it would be safe to take the road back.¡±


    ¡°...Will you be coming back too?¡±


    He surveyed her face as though searching for something before answering, ¡°a decree should come by that time¡± was his answer.


    ¡°En¡±


    A whistle put an end to their conversation and it seemed she had occupied his whole free time as he once again left to rejoin his men.


    ***


    His load of works was steadily being resolved as he started coming back earlier and once again sharing her dinner. He had long stopped, she remarked, taking those bowls of medicine he once had.


    Their chatting although not really profound was quite courtly, friendly almost. And maybe it was looking at him like this for consecutive days that those almost forgotten strange pieces of advice actually came back from whatever corner of her memory that she had buried them in and wouldn¡¯t go, nagging at her from time to time. She remembered too, Feng Xi and her conversation with Ah Mei.


    And since this general seemed quite fond of truth, she very much bluntly told him, without any hint of embarrassment at all,


    "You''re so very handsome." Such words left her mouth in the middle of a conversation, without rhyme or reason at all or so to Ru Shan Yong''s point of view.


    And she wasn''t lying too. He indeed was easy on the eye. Not in Hen Ru Ying''s sense. Ru Shan Yong had nothing effeminate in him at all.  He was manly all thorough with sharp features, which didn''t prevent those features from being exquisite. Actually, even this beard she would have found quite disgusting months ago looked quite good on him in her eyes now.


    Her husband who was actually chewing on something froze. Mu Rong An suddenly wondered a bit if Ah Mei had caught him off guard as she did now. She thought he would respond to her with a glare like he supposedly did to Ah Mei which wouldn''t surprise her but instead on his tanned ears and even though she couldn''t really swear to it, there seemed to be a sudden redness there.


    The husband was the one embarrassed by the wife''s shamelessness, something didn''t seem quite right there.


    If she had dared said a thing like that a year ago the glare she would have received would have her back sweating profusely but now she felt a bit giddy at his reaction. Ah, was it normal that she itched to touch him now?


    He let out a sigh before coughing, not even responding to her nonsense, quite willing to continue to eat as though she didn''t talk at all!


    However, Mu Rong An wanted to shock him more,


    ¡°What¡¯s there to be ashamed of? You¡¯re my husband, isn¡¯t it normal to want you? I want to jolt you with my hands, feel you shudder under my touch, see your face going red as you tremble and release yourself in me. The cold general who is so charmingly human in bed!¡±


    His cheek ever so slightly went red too. He was quite speechless indeed. Hearing crude words from his rough men was one thing but hearing such words coming out from the singsong voice of a female was entirely another!


    ¡°You!¡± he seemed quite unable to utter a word after this one. Repeating ''you'' over and over again and she laughed to his face with the pride of an accomplished duty!


    And since she was quite finished with her plate and he had long posed his bowl because of her, she got up from her place to go to his, bending down to observe his face at closer range.


    "Go back!" he ordered, an order she joyfully ignored!


    Ah, it was really a blush. Pure jade indeed, ah! So not terrifying at this moment.


    With a smile, she dived in and went for a kiss. well, he didn''t evade which had her smile through the exchange as he gripped at her waist.


    "And you like kissing me too." she muttered in between their kisses, not really intelligibly but she knew it to be right anyway as for once, he seemed more eager than her.


    His beard was ticklish and quite strange making the experience of kissing him something of a novelty.


    A whistle was heard and Ru Shan Yong broke the kiss, immediately on his feet. The making out session was over before it even properly began.


    As she sat there once he left, Mu Rong An was feeling a bit sour. Seducing one¡¯s own husband was quite hard it seemed.


    ***


    When she went back to the tea house after not going for a while, she understood that Feng Xi wasn¡¯t working there anymore. She didn¡¯t really ask that Ah Mei what happened to her friend.


    Going out bothered her more than boredom would have ever done, she should have stayed in the mansion, at the very least she wouldn''t have known.


    Was ignorance better?


    But then again she could have it all wrong and Feng Xi just being the restless person she always had been decided to roam somewhere else. It mustn''t be though, for Yan Mi was still coming every other day and at this point seeing how friendly they were in the restaurant everytime she would look at them, Feng Xi already considered him the brother she once lost, there was no chance she could leave him behind...


    ¡°That weird smile again? Who annoyed you?¡± a masculine man interrupted her musing.


    She was a little startled and, letting down her brush, she turned to look at Ru Shan Yong who was already looking at her, the desert she was painting long forgotten,


    ¡°You think I am angry?¡±


    His clear expression morphed a bit as he frowned, carefully looking at her face. He wasn''t really sure how to read this complicate person¡¯s mood so he said nothing,


    ¡°You really think so?¡± she persisted into asking somewhat wanting to know.


    ¡°The smile is fake and quite unsettling. Almost scary.¡± He informed then.


    She smiled wider while his frown went deeper. He never got his answer.


    ***


    ¡°There are pretty inventive people with wide imagination in the world!¡± He commented one night upon coming back, really happy, in his mind the success of the new weapon''s test.


    ¡°There are.¡± Mu Rong An acknowledged half asleep.


    She was readying himself to go to bed and yawned discreetly, a bit tired. Ru Shan Yong was late to come back compared to the recently previous nights but he seemed more invigorate than tired.


    Once he took his bath and came under the blanket, he seemed for once, determined to talk and Mu Rong An wanted no more than to snap at him to shut it up! Her not-a-care-in-the-world attitude she sometimes had with him seemed to be rubbing on him as, even though he was aware of her sleepy state, he still talked and wished to be responded to. She ended up following his lead and sat on the bed, to hear him ramble on about ingenuosity and world''s curiosity, not understanding more than half of what was being said.


    Having been in the person''s company for so many months now, Mu Rong An was herself aware that Ru Shan Yong wasn''t a chatty kind of person. He must be terribly happy to be this talkative and somewhere in his mind he must think her a friend for it was only with close people that he would reveal his long-windedness. And the person to whom he had felt the closest to in years had been Li Ming Qi, which certainly explained why, when he interpellated the person he was talking to, to hear what she had to say, he unconsciously blurted ''Qi''er''. Ru Shan Yong coughed at the slip and passed, repeating his question.


    Mu Rong An''s eyes narrowed, and she ignored the question to voice a remark of her own,


    "You never called my name,"


    "Miss Mu"


    ¡°I''m hardly a miss still. Mu Rong An. Let me hear those words leaving your lips" she whispered, all sleepiness gone.


    Her tone had been so soft and strange that Ru Shan Yong who was about to call her halted again. He found it a bit weird to repeat it after the way she stressed it.


    Since they weren''t that far from one another on the bed, leaning, she could whisper in his ear. And she did so, ever so gently, "Call my name¡±. Coaxing, urging.


    She suddenly very much wanted to hear the sound of his voice uttering her name. Hers. And hers alone.


    Imaginative people indeed, she murmured as she thought back at the pieces of advice she had received and wondered if the one about the man begging was true. Hearing Ru Shan Yong''s voice muttering her name in something akin to desperation, like she was his last saving cord sounded great and without further thinking, Mu Rong An went down the blanket.


    Sleep must have gnawed at her brain for otherwise, such a thing she still wouldn''t have tried.


    "What are you-"


    The frown didn''t even get the time to form on his face that Ru Shan Yong jumped at the stab of her tongue in his navel.


    ¡°You!¡± he exclaimed, trying to lift her from him body pacifically. He wasn''t done talking and very much not in the mood for any extra activity today but she wiggled away and nipped the hard curve of muscle below his navel with her teeth earning a groan from him.


    "I''m sorry" he willingly apologized, half not sure of what he was apologizing for.


    However, Mu Rong An was a determined person with a mindset. For him to beg in her name. And Ru Shan Yong didn''t feel like manhandling her. Every time he tried to get her to move she would stick to him like there was no tomorrow.


    "Come out of the blanket at least."


    "If you stay still."


    And when he really let her, waiting for her to come out she was back once again to kissing his belly instead.


    He yanked the blanket and she didn''t care.


    "You''re not angry," he said. It wasn''t a question but she answered anyway, fleetingly sharing a glance with him,


    "I am not." No, I want you to beg my name. "Don''t move and let me be, will you."


    There was something akin to determination in her eyes, a determination Ru Shan Yong couldn''t quite understand. And in the end, he let her be, may as well.


    The hair on his belly was prickly, coarser than his chest hair. These last days he shaved nowhere but he had a good smell of soap on him still. She tried hard to remember what she was told, at the time she wasn''t really listening. In the end, she went at it like she felt, raining kissing under his navel, across his thighs. At one point she could feel him twitching at her throat.


    By minutes he was giving restrained moans such an intonation that one could think he was being tortured but whether he didn''t understand or was unwilling, his name didn''t leave his lips still.


    Tentatively, slowly, she reacquainted herself with his body using her lips, her tongue, and even her teeth, every bit but his member. He held still for her as best he could, trembling and sighing at times moaning and groaning. Quite enjoying it actually albeit sounding somewhat in despair. A need he himself wasn''t sure what of. Still, he didn¡¯t spell her name. Even when she turned her head to drag her lips lightly over the side of his member and he ended up jerking and sitting clumsily on the edge of the bed. He moaned again when she repeated the caress on the other side. But nothing more. Quite the fighter.


    They said that then the man would beg, he would beg in soft tones the name of the person he wanted, half out of it. She wondered, would he never beg her name at all? She really wanted it to escape his lips. Her name. Her sole name.


    ¡°Aren''t you finished?¡± he asked difficulty as though the words were wrung out of him.


    ¡°No,¡± she said, pulling away to smile up at him.


    ¡°What exactly are you doing?¡± he voiced painfully, his eyes cloudy with unsatisfied desire.


    There was a mischievous glint in her eyes as she smiled without answering and he wished for the life of him that he could give a name to that sensation. His touch was tender as he cupped her cheek in his palm. She turned her head slightly to kiss the center of his hand and he could feel her smiling still beneath his skin.


    ¡°I¡­¡± he tried to say and Mu Rong An imagined that the words he found difficult to utter must be ¡®I want you¡¯. The raw emotion of need. But those weren''t what she was after.


    The glint in his eyes though, boost her to do what she was second-guessing, squashing the latest hesitation in her.


    The sound he made when she took him in her mouth was¡­ unique. He was very much startled by the gesture but that sound... oh, no words could describe it. The more she tasted him, the stiller he grew, holding himself rigid with his hands fisted in the blanket at his sides. It was only when he began to tremble violently, his peak too close, that he moved, reaching down to grab her under the arms and hauled her up. He pulled her over him as he tipped back onto the bed, his mouth finding hers in a kiss as he spilled against her belly in warm pulses that dampen her clothing. Mu Rong An was a tad annoyed that he said her name at no point at all.


    She separated herself from him, a frown on her face now, her hand going to cover his lips.


    ¡°My mouth... what do you think-¡±


    But he was kissing her again and since he didn''t mind, neither did she. Oh, he was very much more the one leading afterward. She didn''t mind, she let it to him, she would try making him beg another night. They had plenty to come.


    Her eyes had fluttered shut, her head thrown back, neck taut and throat exposed to him as he made her undone.

 Chapter 10: ! To Take Care

    When her own personal servants came from the capital, it was on one of these days where the general was back at the barracks. The young women were profusely happy to see the mistress they grew up with and were very vocal about it, stating their happiness to serve her once again, to see her safe and well. They, too, were quite safe and well, no harm done to them it seemed. They brought with them her qin, erhu and a game of chess, as well as presents from her family and friends. There were items destined to the general too, coming from his family. They conversed long about people from the capital and shared a bit of how life was in the general¡¯s residence back there.


    The days went on, at the difference that now the ones by her sides were her own people and that for some time of the day, faint sounds of music could be heard coming from the manor. Sometimes, Mu Rong An would wonder a bit if she was pregnant, delicately touching her stomach. She could be. It wasn¡¯t like they hadn¡¯t done it these past few days when was he was here.


    Her disappointment some few days after when she saw the red contradicting her thoughts was a bit greater than what she had imagined it would be.


    ***


    The next time Ru Shan Yong came back he was actually wounded.


    He had the carriage come to take him and bored, she felt like annoying him a bit by tagging along in the carriage so that she could mock him, asking if he was tired of his precious horse riding. However, upon arriving at his location, it turned out that he asked for the carriage not because he was tired but actually wounded or so she thought. From the chest to his right arm. It had already been bandaged but faint traces of redness were visible from the white cloth. He had draped his upper clothes over his shoulder without really wearing it, his expression grim, unhappy and somewhat quite sad.


    ¡°What¡­¡± she started but felt her mouth going dry, her words dying in her throat when she recognized galloping on a horse¡¯s back towards their direction, the figure of Feng Xi.


    ¡°It¡¯s just some flesh wounds, no bones were touched¡±, he assured, his voice jerking her back to him. He climbed by himself as naturally as possible, not really asking why she was here. He didn¡¯t have his men restrain her movements and it wasn¡¯t like they were in conflict or he was set on hiding things from her.


    Feng Xi¡¯s horse finally caught up with their position and the person swiftly climbed down to come and report. Mu Rong An couldn¡¯t really describe the emotions coursing through her. Her own mind couldn¡¯t seem to settle with one anyway. There was fear, hatred, disappointment, anger and so many more. But there was a certain kind of pride and joy too, as Feng Xi recognized her and saluted here with the rank due to her marital status. The woman didn¡¯t linger for Ru Shan Yong ordered her somewhere else and she left on the back of the horse she came with. Mu Rong An felt herself breathed freely again, no more constricted pain in her chest.


    The place they were and where the carriage was parked was actually a bit farther from the barracks and only the general and three of his men were here previously. By the feet of these men, now that she considered her surrounding and not just the disappearing silhouette of Feng Xi, Mu Rong An saw a bundle of clothes from which one could discern the distinguished red of blood. She couldn¡¯t really see it clearly from where she was. The clothing was moving, debating and muffle sounds were coming from it. One man kicked it to have it stay put.


    ¡°Don¡¯t look.¡± Ru Shan Yong said, his voice making her whipped her head back to him.


    She locked eyes with him, something she was trying to prevent herself from doing for a moment now. She really didn¡¯t want to see the emotions inside. But it was quite different from what she imagined. He didn¡¯t seem to mind the coming of Feng Xi nor her being gone, that woman could have been a man of his army that it wouldn¡¯t have made a difference it seemed. Mu Rong An finally felt herself relaxed only to frown when she felt the carriage move slightly and understood that the tied man was being hidden under it.


    ¡°Your wounds, how did they happen?¡±


    ¡°By being stupid,¡± he said bitterly pointing with his finger the floor of the carriage under which the muffle sounds could still be heard ever so slightly. She didn¡¯t particularly fancy the idea of taking the road with an almost cadaver hiding under her feet. She very much was regretting the idea of coming here. So much for nagging him.


    Mu Rong An didn¡¯t really catch his meaning for there were hardly people who had the ability to wound this person like that, and certainly not in a one on one dueling. He wasn¡¯t outnumbered too, for there was just this one person tied here and no one else unless the other enemies were buried away. She surveyed his bandages with a frown. Such a thing never happened originally. They had yet to engage in battle after all, there was still so much more time for that.


    ¡°A spy.¡±


    Mu Rong An frowned a bit more, something letting her remember that actually in the original timeline Ru Shan Yong and Feng Xi never really caught the spy who leaked their military secrets, just deduced that it must have been one of his close men, a Xian something. Her frown went deeper when she remarked that said Xian ¨Cor whatever he was called- was actually taking a seat near the carriage¡¯s rider.


    The other really close person to this general other than this Xian-man was another advisor, one of those with whom he was most of the time. The latter was missing and Mu Rong An could only think that it was actually him who was tied up and now on the verge of dying. So did this mean that they had originally deduced and accused the wrong person? For after all, when they ¨CRu Shan Yong and Feng Xi- arrived on the scene, the two advisors were both dead and Xian had appeared to be the more suspicious and incriminating one, thus it had been somewhat assumed that he got discovered and tried to kill the other; only to be killed himself even if the defendor had succumbed to his wounds too afterward.


    Now though, that reality was different and it seemed something had appeared clear that the real spy was this other person whose name she couldn¡¯t even recall and looking at Ru Shan Yong¡¯s face, he seemed to have being way more closer to this pretended friend and was now sporting an equally angry, disappointed and sad face. She surprised herself to be able to guess all this from his thunderous expression; it would have been comical if it wasn¡¯t a bit scary.


    ¡°Did your new weapon got leaked?¡±


    ¡°¡­He didn¡¯t have the time for that.¡±


    Oh, it meant fewer deaths to come then.


    ¡°Are we taking it back home?¡±


    He paused, suddenly doubting the location himself before answering anyway.


    ¡°¡­the second courtyard.¡±


    Ah, he had some interrogations to make it seemed. She wondered a bit if by taking the time to hide the person under his carriage to bring back home, if he was trying to prevent his men from knowing about the spy¡¯s identity. It didn¡¯t sound good to let them know that such a dear friend as he was, wasn¡¯t real to them or maybe the fact that it was this one advisor they knew for so long, to know that even this kind of person could be an enemy wasn¡¯t something that everyone should know. A strategist and advisor at that. Just a selected few could be informed and it seemed he didn¡¯t mind including her, not that she had any links with army whatsoever besides of him.


    ¡°Is war about to break?¡±. They were moving on so fast would they shorten the time to wait for the war too?


    ¡°¡­You can still sleep peacefully, you¡¯re safe.¡±


    Was he now aware that the trouble wasn¡¯t only the rebellion but also the Fen country? It seemed so. And he knew the cause way earlier too. Well, the earlier the problem was resolved, the earlier they would be back to the capital.


    As they talked a bit more, the general, too, relaxed, calming down his anger to exchange with her, even though they were still discussing military-related matters. They weren¡¯t really discussing the strategies or confidential secrets, she just wanted to talk to distract him from his own gloomy thinking -or murderous thinking-.


    They arrived at the point where they started talking about his so busily-occupying-him work at the other courtyard and around the subject of his new weapon.


    ¡°How did you come up with that deadly armament¡¯s idea?¡±


    ¡°...From an imaginative person, ...little Xi, the one you saw before.¡±


    She stiffened a bit even though she actually more or less knew already.


    ¡°Feng Xi, that woman?¡±


    Ru Shan Yong didn¡¯t seem all surprised that she knew the real name but more so about the fact that she knew the person was a woman.


    ¡°Have you known it all along? That she was cross-dressing?¡± Then he shook his head, ¡°you¡¯ve keen eyes after all¡± he dismissed it vaguely, ¡°keep it to yourself for now.¡± He was saying now, leaning his back on the pillow, his gaze focused on the outside, looking without really seeing the scenery outside the carriage.


    She narrowed her eyes at him, smiling slightly.


    ¡°Is the general really keeping a woman in his army?¡±


    Ru Shan Yong''s mouth curved ever so slightly, his mind drifting far away as he answered without thinking,


    ¡°She has good ideas worth breaking some rules for.¡±


    ¡°One should wonder if the emperor says so too?¡±


    Mu Rong An was very much aware that he certainly never asked permission for this. Now her bitter comment was just asking for a fight to erupt.


    Ru Shan Yong turned to her then, studied her face for a while before slowly saying, his tone far from threatening, rather there was a bit of curiosity there.


    ¡°You¡¯re angry.¡±


    That was a remark.


    He had raised a brow in mild surprise but besides that, he didn¡¯t seem bothered by his conclusion. Mu Rong An scrutinized his face as he was doing hers. There was no infatuation there, no anger either. They didn''t have the time to be close it seemed and even though she understood such a fact, her brain was whirling too fast, conjuring too many scenarios. And in the end, there was still a bitterness inside her at the thought of Feng Xi, of the future and of the what-ifs.


    ¡°Hardly,¡± she said with a warmer smile.


    ¡°You don¡¯t like her,¡± he persisted. ¡°Why don¡¯t you like her?¡±


    Mu Rong An had in mind to gloss over it and say some nonsense about deceiving the emperor but didn¡¯t go forth with it, rather, she let the truth spilled from her mouth, her eyes curving,


    ¡°I just don¡¯t,¡± she informed him.


    From his knowledge, the two women hadn¡¯t met enough to have a concealed great enmity between them and from what he knew of Feng Xi, the person was quite approachable.


    ¡°There ought to be a reason.¡±


    She looked at him. There was in his eyes no wariness, no anger, and no killing intent that had once been there when they met up with each other in the past. It was now mere curiosity and maybe a bit of worry. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    Changes were great. They ought to be. Yet, why was she scared? Looking at his redder bandages now than when he climbed inside the carriage, her hands trembling ever so slightly before she composed herself, letting out a sigh. She leaned on the pillows behind her back.


    She really didn¡¯t want to talk about Feng Xi.


    ¡°There are many reasons why I don¡¯t like people, do you want to hear them all?¡±


    He arranged his position too, listening closely to her. Seeing him undeterred and even willing-to-hear-her-rambles expression, Mu Rong An sighed inwardly. She opened her mouth, her tone far away, her gaze looking at the scenery they were passing,


    ¡°I don¡¯t like the ministry of work''s daughter, maybe because she¡¯s too much like me. Says one thing but think another you can never really know what she¡¯s thinking. Her schemes are so profound too. Hardly a person to mess with."


    Since she already likened the person to herself, Ru Shan Yong could only stay silent.


    "...the son of marquis Xuo is way too chatty and only know how to talk about himself¡­¡±


    General Ru wasn¡¯t fond of socializing and just had a vague impression of the people she was talking about thus he could only say, from what he remembered,


    ¡°Yet you¡¯re always smiling with them, aren¡¯t they what one could call your childhood friends?¡±


    ¡°My friends are Li Lin, the daughter of the rites'' minister, Han Min, Han Chi and Han Mei, the children of the grand chamberlain, my maternal cousins Zhan Bei, Zhan Fu. Those are the people I¡¯m always with, as for the others with whom you see me together with, I supposed it must be on those occasions when everyone is gathered in the palace. Hardly enough to call it every time and they certainly are no childhood friends of mine. Childhood acquaintances if they must be called something...¡±


    ¡°With whom you attended to gathering too, flower sighing, music entertainment or attending plays with.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m giving them face, that¡¯s what I¡¯m doing,¡± she says with a wry smile, ¡°I can¡¯t possibly ignore all their invitations. In the end, it¡¯s the name of my father that I carry¡± she shifted her position before smiling warmly at him, ¡°and now I¡¯m carrying yours.¡±


    Ready to make a concession and meet with people that he may like and she hated? He didn¡¯t take the bait anyway, rather, returned to his original question, ¡°And that woman?¡±


    She looked by the window for a long time, he didn¡¯t interrupt her way of thinking and maybe even thought that she wouldn¡¯t talk anymore after the moment of silence she let float, but her soft voice sounded, and somehow, it was a little broken, making him feel somewhat uncomfortable.


    ¡°Isn¡¯t she an intriguing one? So fiercely denying her gender. Brandishing a sword and following you to the battle. But if I don¡¯t like her it is maybe because only she could have prevented you from being hurt?¡±


    And that was what hurt very much. Why was he all alright with Feng Xi in the beginning but now that she, this bug in their loving path entered, he was suddenly getting wounds? She couldn¡¯t help but think that the fate she altered could only go wrong.


    He dismissively waved his hand.


    ¡°Don¡¯t talk nonsense, I was injured because I wasn¡¯t paying attention. And Feng Xi is only an advisor, no one would be letting her go to the battlefield.¡±


    She smiled bitterly and continued as though he didn¡¯t interrupt.


    ¡°A woman so much like the one you can love wholeheartedly¡­ I made many mistakes all throughout my short life, mistakes I wouldn¡¯t mind doing all over again because they mold me into who I am; and I don¡¯t hate who I am, no matter what you all say¡­ but I think the one that I can regret and maybe should is the impulse of that night.¡± She brought her gaze to his bandages, ¡°It changed quite many things¡­ if not for it you wouldn¡¯t have been wounded, everything would have been quite different¡­ Do you understand?"


    Did she herself? She should regret it but maybe she was way too selfish for that because if given the opportunity she would certainly do it again without changing anything and this was a scary thought.


    ¡°¡­I think you lost me somewhere talking about your mistakes¡­ without answering my question. Can¡¯t you just say that you¡¯re eating vinegar?¡± he actually joked at the sigh of her strange expression.


    She blinked, realizing it herself and she had a smile, tossing her messy thoughts away as she said, ¡°but I am, good general, I am. This wife isn¡¯t going to deny it. It is the truth after all, what to do? Husband is attracting bees and flies, of course, it wouldn¡¯t sit well with me!¡±


    He muttered something under his breath that she didn¡¯t catch and with his good hand, he pulled her toward him. She stumbled and fell on his chest which had him groaned when his wounds opened.


    ¡°You earn that-¡±


    But he was silencing her words with an eager kiss. Why? She had no idea, she kissed him back though, going so far as to lean against him to steady herself. If he himself didn¡¯t care about his wounds, she wouldn¡¯t care about them either! And it wasn¡¯t like there were many occasions when he was the one initiating their kisses.


    ***


    Mu Rong An sat and watched as the physician smeared the medicine on his wounds and bandaged him again. It was someone from the village they had taken here to make sure there. He seemed to be a relative from one of the advisors and would certainly go take care of the one tied in cloth after this.


    Mu Rong An pursed her lips not sure if she liked or not that the one who was looking at this ghastly wound wasn¡¯t Feng Xi. For all her negative feelings about the woman she still knew that the other had enough knowledge of poison to detect the faintest of it and should Ru Shan Yong be affected she would know. However, this physician seemed to know what he was doing to, and since nothing was detected she could rest assured for now that nothing was really wrong. Well, the wounds would certainly leave a scar but wasn''t this general the one all about being prideful of scars?


    When the physician finished with him, and as the servants were showing him out, Mu Rong An had him fetch by one of her servants again to talk with her. She was under no illusions that if he really wanted to know Ru Shan Yong would be aware of their conversation but at the moment she still wanted to talk with this physician all by herself.


    It had been months now and she still wasn¡¯t with child. She wondered a bit if there was something wrong with her. That thought hadn¡¯t left her for a time now. She couldn¡¯t help herself but compare to Feng Xi for she had been with child quite easily, just a month in their marriage, or was it that the villainess was not supposed to give birth to the lead¡¯s child?


    The physician¡¯s words came as comforter though when she heard that nothing was wrong with her after he took her pulse. She was quite fine and just had to be patient.


    ***


    Ru Shang Yong was, despite his wound still as restless. His upper robe would be most of the time draped over his shoulder and the only things covering his chest would be bandaged. Such disposition didn¡¯t halt him from going to the other courtyard from which he would return with a serious expression, trying to ease it into a more welcoming one and more than once failing. Mu Rong An didn''t really mind his taciturn face, she had seen this side most more the last past years of knowing this general and anyway, she knew the displeasure wasn''t directed at herself.


    ¡°You shouldn¡¯t,¡± she told him, lifting her head from her chess table to look at him who had his sword in hand, readying himself to practice after two days of relative rest. Such a short amount of time, of course, wouldn¡¯t be enough for his wound.


    ¡°I heal fast.¡± He was untying the sheat to take the blade out.


    ¡°Highly unlikely. Care enough for a game?¡± she proposed.


    When he wasn''t in the other courtyard, he was in one corner of the room, eyes closed, sitting still. And now, it seemed, he was tired of sitting still. He needed to be occupied it seemed, even little black wouldn''t let him anywhere near it.


    She could bet he was being tortured by his own thoughts. He would be gloomy in his side and she felt that he needed the distance without her bothering him to come to term with the betrayal which was what she actually, very tactfully did for the first time in a long while, let him his distance. but now he was just being self-harmful which was quite stupid, really.


    Ru Shan Yong looked at his sword for a time. The blade was always at arm''s length from him even more so recently. It was like the extension of his body, a permanent mark of security. In the end though, after frowning a bit at it, he put the weapon back in its scabbard, leaving it behind as he sat in front of the person strange who was playing against herself for a time now.


    He would take up his sword later.


    ***


    Mu Rong An was actually finishing a song on her erhu and for once, Ru Shan Yong was the one looking at her intently. She had him sit, after all, talking him out of his practice again and as he listened, he couldn''t help remember her words.


    We just know about music and calligraphy? Do you know how painful it is to sit for hours to learn those ''unnecessary'' things every day? We assimilated this, try our hardest yet we¡¯re never good enough.


    "Don''t you like playing?" he asked once she was finished.


    "Oh, was it that bad?"


    "It was... peaceful, wonderful actually." It had, after all, put his mind at rest. The praising about her talents wasn''t exaggerated.


    "Then why wouldn''t I like it? Learning isn''t exactly easy but I don''t usually do things I hate when the necessity don''t force me to it... My servants brought my instruments because I like music and I like being the one to make it."


    "You called it unnecessary."


    "Did I?"


    "Yes, when..." he halted, before coughing twice and suddenly Mu Rong An understood.


    "I could have indeed said some things in my anger criticizing people who belittled the things that I cherished, of course, I can''t remember it all."


    He rather not remember it too and hastily asked instead what else she liked then. Mu Rong An turned her head to look at him, letting down her erhu. He seemed genuinely interested from what she could see. She closed her eyes and imagined as her mouth enumerated for him,


    "...slightly bitter teas, flower sighing, poem gathering, plays acting, bittersweet cakes, jewelry, fine clothes..." she opened her eyes, her gaze locking with his, "those are what comes to my mind but say, must I make a list, are you going to buy it all?" she jested.


    "Why not?" he asked in a whisper, lifting her erhu in his hand.


    The only musical instrument he once learned to play -and that, because his parents insisted very much- was a guqin, he wondered a bit now if his rusty skill could be considered good enough to accompany her erhu. When they would be back in the capital he could still try.


    "Are you, general, going to play for me too?" she asked as he seemed fixed on her erhu.


    He didn''t respond, just stared at her face. The smile there seemed to emit happiness. He bent down to kiss her, lifting her chin with his fingers.


    When they broke apart, there was a mischievous glint in her eyes and she asked,


    ¡°Oh, you stopped trying to tell me how outrageous it was to have such thought in broad daylight? ¡±


    ¡°I never tried to make you ashamed of that!¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°No¡± he affirmed again taking her lips.


    His beard against her skin was ticklish and she couldn''t help the chuckle when he was kissing her throat. Pushing his chest with precaution as to not hurt him, she reminded,


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you hear that you should rest carefully from the physician?¡±


    ¡°He said nothing about you resting did he?"


    Mu Rong An smile turned sly. Ah, she really rubbed off him didn¡¯t she? Tainted, tainted, tainted. He was so tainted! She wondered a bit at which point did she broke this upright person?


    "Must I buy an aphrodisiac for you to be willing?¡± he was saying now with slyness in his voice, his lips back on her throat, and she openly laughed now,


    "You have a beautiful laugh... but that isn''t the sound I am after."


    And he very carefully turned her giggles into moans.


    ***


    The day after he actually had something to do in the village. It seemed he had some things to discuss there with specific people. But would it be too much for her if she let out her dissatisfaction at the knowledge that it was back in that tea house and that Feng Xi was there too?


    She was waiting in one of the private room for him to finish his meeting and come to her; her smile, he was somewhat aware, was not the reflection of her emotion.


    When he came to her, he entered the room with things to eat, claiming to be famished yet what was served in front of her was mainly the dishes she had said to prefer. Not commenting on that, she simply ate in silence.


    Sitting not far from the window, Mu Rong An caught the moment when Feng Xi went out of the building and to her horse. The general''s wife admired as the agile woman swiftly got on without needing help.


    She leaned on her husband, the latter bending down in reflex to her and she whispered in the crook of his ears,


    ¡°She mounts the horse with such agility, doesn¡¯t she? Like she was made to sit on it, to ride it,¡± her voice was very soft,  tilting her head towards the cross dresser¡¯s direction to let him know who she was talking about she continued, ¡°it lets people wonder how it would be to be ridden by her¡± straightening up, she concluded in a smile, ¡°And I don¡¯t mean on the back.¡±


    The general was now coughing, regretting to have put a mouthful of food in his mouth as he was listening. He was certainly not the only one. All of those with good martial arts, the guards, a room away, not too far from them were choking on their meals suddenly embarrassed.


    Ru Shan Yong took hold of the sweets and placed a good quantity on his wife''s plate.


    ¡°Here, let the sweetness leaks and drips on your words it would only be better than being a boiling pot of vinegar.¡± He suggested, a smile menacing to form on his lips.


    She stared at her now full plate a bit and really did take one in her mouth before leaning on his chest.


    ¡°You¡¯re someone with a really good patience.¡± She acknowledged.


    Had it been anyone else, this dark part of her she wouldn¡¯t have been so open about it no matter what he said. However, Ru Shan Yong was a person who didn¡¯t like a sweet smile that carried poisonous intention, but if she was truthful with her words about how she felt she found that he wouldn¡¯t mind that much what those words were and would just deal with whatever she was saying his own way.


    ¡°You should learn to have a little more of that.¡± He was saying now.


    She lifted her head to look at him.


    ¡°Believe it or not, I don¡¯t really hate Feng Xi.¡±


    Fighting a smile, he just put something in his mouth vaguely responding between chomping,


    ¡°I know. You just don¡¯t like her. Different from hatred.¡±


    ¡°It is different¡±, she said, suddenly feeling important that he understood, ¡°hating and not liking.¡±


    The stress she put on her words had him lifted an eyebrow,


    ¡°It is¡± she repeated,


    He nodded then


    ¡°I know.¡± He said.

 Chapter 11: ! Burst Bubble

    As the days passed, their relationship stayed quite good, ameliorating even. In his free time, he indulged her enough to have little black stay still for her to draw it completely, harmless drawings that were piling up now, hiding well, the sketches of him at the bottom of the piles. The horse was... a willing participant, not that she would be testing its willingness to have her on its back anytime near.


    A letter, one from the capital that he was waiting for finally arrived. It was actually a decree.


    An imperial order.


    ***


    She was¡­ quiet. It wasn¡¯t that she was too much of a talkative person but she was never this quiet in bed. And while kissing her, caressing, hoping to hear a moan escaped from her lips¨Cor even a giggle -, Ru Shan Yong found, for the first time, that she was biting her inner cheeks, firmly keeping her mouth shut, desperately holding herself back from making any sound.


    And he couldn¡¯t quite understand why.


    ¡°You¡¯ll hurt yourself,¡± he whispered to her prizing her mouth open with a finger, which she bit too. Ruthlessly, holding on for dear life and had it been a softer hand, she would be tasting blood already.


    The general didn¡¯t have too much of a reaction, instead, wondering what was happening in her head. She had been ever so strange since he talked about going.


    ¡°You¡¯ll hurt your teeth,¡± he whispered again, contemplating for a moment to open her mouth with another finger to release the first but deciding against it when she just added pressure on her teeth. Least he broke one of them now.


    There was a flicker of anger in her eyes as she saw him not reacting still and he thought, she wanted him angry too¡­ and he couldn¡¯t understand why.


    In the end, she released him herself, her eyes blaming him¡­ of what¡­ he didn¡¯t know. He was ever so familiar with her glares and if before he could actually state the reasons why she was usually angry with him, -which most of the time if not all of them were related to Li Ming Qi- now, he absolutely didn¡¯t know why and it wasn¡¯t for the lack of trying.


    Such a hard person to understand.


    He snuggled to her neck, inhaling her scent, trying to memorize it for no real reason he could name. Maybe because this time they were going to be separated for a longer period and even if he wanted to, he couldn¡¯t come back.


    ¡°Mu Rong An¡±, the words left his lips, her breath hitched in response.


    He felt her tensed under him.


    ¡°Repeat it,¡± came her voice in a shaky breath, ¡°Repeat my name.¡±


    Ru Shan Yong lifted himself up, his eyes searching hers under the dim light of the candles. She was staring at him with a bit of uneasiness, a bit of scare; a bit of¡­ apprehension¡­ and he couldn¡¯t understand the fixation she had with her name. The fear she was feeling at this very moment¡­ that state of almost losing her sanity.


    And how could he? He had never loved to the point of insanity. He had been heartbroken yes, but nowhere near what she had felt. Maybe because she had loved for a longer time or maybe because hers was an unhealthy one. The kind which didn¡¯t know restraint¡­That tearing pain of seeing her beloved choose another, seeing him take another person¡¯s side, seeing him call and whisper that person¡¯s name ever so lovingly. Ah, these people had had no qualm in flaunting their love to her face¡­ and beyond losing face, how much she had hurt.


    Mu Rong An. Mu Rong An. Didn¡¯t she have a sweet name too? Wasn¡¯t it a beautiful one too? Was it so difficult to spell?


    It didn¡¯t matter at this very moment that Ru Shan Yong wouldn¡¯t be saying her name with the same adoration that Hen Ru Ying had in his voice when calling Li Ming Qi. Mu Rong An felt that she would be contented if she was called if she was, this time, the one whose name left the person she wanted¡¯s lips; she would have then, maybe, the illusion of being the one chosen.


    ¡°Mu Rong An,¡± he indulged her, his voice, even though one used to shout for his men on the training ground or a battlefield, this same voice was now incredibly soft as it enounced the syllables composing her person; saying her name like a caress, like someone he really cared for.


    He saw her smile. Not the kind she would have, that polite stretch of her lips, perfect replications of palace etiquettes. She had perfectioned those to the point that, even fake smiles could appear real, warming her eyes, blocking her behind that illusion of serenity. Oh, how he never liked it. All those ceremonial in the palace and those people he could never completely read. People with whom one should always have his guard up, whose words always had twice, thrice and sometimes far more meanings. Those same people from whom the second prince was always trying to find a breather against¡­ and Ru Shan Yong, too used to his surrounding filled with blunt people, simple and most of the time direct ones, was finding those people¡¯s proximity even less pleasant than Hen Ru Ying who had grown accustomed to them since childhood.


    Yet the person in his bed, in his arm, under him at this very moment was the living representation of all of that¡­ nevertheless, the idea of being anywhere else didn¡¯t graze his mind at this exact instant.


    Her lips were trembling a bit, the smile didn¡¯t reach her eyes and he was in a bit of dismay, wondering if this was a fake one too. She stretched her right hand to his lips, her fingers shaking slightly as they touched his lower lip,


    ¡°Again,¡± she asked of him in a barely audible voice.


    He took hold of the stretched hand and placed a kiss in the middle of her palm. It appeared to Ru Shan Yong, for the very first time that this woman too, could be sincerely fragile sometimes.


    ¡°Mu Rong An,¡± he whispered against her palm.


    She stretched the other hand and touched his face, holding it between both hands. His curtain of hair framing his face, slipped between her fingers. He let her do as she looked at him, intently, as if it was the very first time she was seeing him, really seeing him.


    ¡°Mu Rong An,¡± he repeated to her and she grinned again.


    He could feel her smile still even when he bent down and kissed her. Tongues touching, breath mingling, suddenly more than it had ever been. The silly smile was still on her face as they parted, and maybe that was what prompted him to keep saying it all through the night.


    Her messy thoughts scattered and left her for a time as she became mindless saved for his lips on her neck, on her breasts, lips that kept on repeating her name ever so gently.


    He lost count on how many times it left his lips but at one point, she echoed it with his, over and over and over again until it felt like they were both drowning in those names.


    As they came, both their names died in the other person¡¯s mouth, lips locked together. Yet when they parted, Ru Shan Yong felt a wetness on her cheek that had him startled.


    ¡°Did I hurt you?¡±


    How could he have? He was far gentler than she ever thought it humanly possible. Nonetheless, he seemed horrified with the thought and a ghost of a smile appeared on her lips as she murmured a broken ¡®no¡¯, smiling but not smiling at the same time, those unruly tears not listening to her as they kept on dampening her face.


    Sanity came back, and with it, even messier thoughts.


    The gentler he was, the more scared she became.


    In no position to know the happenings in her head, he could only wipe her face and draw her closer to him, letting her lie on his chest, and for more than once now, he wished he could be privy to her thoughts. She held him tight and he inhaled her hair¡¯s scent, gently tapping her back. At this very moment, he knew, it would lead him to nowhere if he asked, for she wouldn¡¯t respond.


    ***


    It was a little hot despite it being dawn. The sky was still a little dark with rays of orange from afar. But why was it that she was so cold? So horribly cold? She was saying goodbye¡­ it wasn¡¯t the first time¡­ yet how scared she was that it was going to be the last one? Why were such ideas in her mind for days now¡­ refusing to leave her alone? Something impossible to share but maddeningly clawing at her sanity?


    He was already in his armor this time and she watched mindlessly as he finished wearing it by himself as he usually did.


    Ru Shan Yong was quite confident though and she nonetheless was overthinking things. She smiled, a pitiful effort for her own self maybe.


    She found that recently she had been feeling¡­ glad, joyful and dared she said¡­ happy, so immensely happy¡­ and the realization of that¡­ got her overthinking things... Being happy wasn¡¯t in her plan¡­, never had it been, really¡­ She had thought she would be living her last days the way she wanted to¡­ not bending to anyone¡¯s will but hers and she would be contented with that no matter where her decisions lead her to¡­ yet she grew happy here¡­ and now she was desperately holding onto the hope that it wouldn¡¯t disappear¡­


    If she had married Hen Ru Ying as had been her childish dreams, if Li Ming Qi never showed up, she would have lead a life where she would have had to share her husband with some concubines. He was, after all, a prince and for the sake of being virtuous, she would have said yes to him expanding his rear court a bit somewhere far in the future. Following the three morals and four virtues, if only on the surface. She didn¡¯t doubt though that it would have been like it was with her mother, she would have, of course, oppressed these concubines, make their life as uncomfortable as possible if they were too daring and mayhap, wouldn¡¯t have let them have children easily. Even like that though, she could have supported it, would have to, were her thoughts at the time. She would have been the main wife and be contented with it knowing that she had her husband¡¯s love for her. What of concubines? With her talents, she would have made sure that it was only the minimum. A life she was ready for, had been trained for all along.


    However¡­ why was it that she was happy right now? Really, she had a belly full of complaints about living here was far from what she found pleasing¡­ at the same time¡­ not living here¡­ that idea was far more annoying¡­


    If Mu Rong An had to define what she felt in view of that marriage she had with Ru Shan Yong it would be plain possessiveness. She had always been a person who didn¡¯t like to share and since the situation wasn¡¯t one in which she cared if her husband was seeing a good side of her, she had made it quite plain to him, not caring that he would find her unvirtuous. Anyway, he was someone already aware of the unvirtuous nature of her being.


    Yet, despite all of the things she could hate in his manor -and they were many actually- she found that her days when he was here weren¡¯t so bad.


    A stolen happiness¡­ how far could it run?


    How many fates did the change of hers altered? How many lived because of her, how many died because she changed the path intended for her?...This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    Mu Rong An found that she didn¡¯t care. The whole world could explode and everyone dies that she wouldn¡¯t care. The only one¡¯s fates she cared about were hers, her loved ones¡­ and now his too. And she wondered a bit if she wasn¡¯t going crazier.


    The events forwarded by so many months and all she could think about was how she was supposed to die around a time like this and how her life¡­ the one that she managed to save¡­ could actually be replaced by ¡­another¡¯s death. His.


    Why did she keep on seeing deaths in her dreams lately?


    ¡°What is it?¡± he halted when he was finished with his hair¡¯s ornament. The expression she had on the face was¡­ an intriguing one.


    ¡°Nothing.¡± She replied to him. And for once, she found, that no matter how much she willed it, the smile couldn¡¯t form itself on her lips.


    ¡°Don¡¯t do that¡­ Don¡¯t start lying... Not to me.¡±


    Ru Shan Yong was frowning trying to understand her. She barely slept, had awoken long before him, that he knew, and even when he started readying himself she sat there, on their bed, just staring at him without saying anything. Her head was on her knees, the blanket wrapped around her shoulders, tightened on her body calling for a heat that she lacked. She was trembling ever so slightly.


    He cupped her cheek and she inhaled a bit at the contact of his skin on hers, turning her head to press a kiss on his palm, mindlessly.


    Yet she said nothing.


    Ru Shan Yong wasn¡¯t sure what he was waiting for himself. He wished she would talk though.


    ¡°Take her with you.¡± The words were whispered, soft, heating blows on his hand, that he barely caught.


    But he really didn¡¯t seem to understand.


    ¡°Feng Xi.¡± She added.


    She had won, didn¡¯t she? Mu Rong An could feel good about that, there weren¡¯t any amorous feelings in him when she evoked Feng Xi.


    And as she was thinking such, the only thing in his mind was ¡®she was so not like her usual self.¡¯


    ¡°Why?¡±


    Because she got his back. Because she was supposed to be there. Because they were supposed to help each other and saved each other¡¯s lives. Because¡­ Because Mu Rong An wanted him to live¡­ in this tormented moment of febrile insanity, she could lock her selfishness for a time and truthfully willed him to live.


    She had many reasons she could state, reasons she rather died than stated¡­ so short words left her lips,


    ¡°She¡¯s good with a sword.¡±


    Ru Shan Yong waited for a moment and when it didn¡¯t seem like she would be adding anything, he said,


    ¡°And so are my men.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± She already talked once, she wouldn¡¯t be vouching for the woman twice.


    ¡°But she¡¯s really good,¡± he acknowledged, ¡°that¡¯s why she would be staying with you. One more guard won¡¯t do you any bad. A woman at that, more appropriate to follow you everywhere.¡±


    She pursed her lips into a thin line but didn¡¯t say anything. Reinforcement from the capital had already come. He was leaving now to take charge and in the coming days, the evacuation of the population would be organized. They were all ready and set, far more prepared than they should have been originally¡­ and only she was cast with infinite nightmares and bad days.


    Just why was she suddenly plagued with so many black thoughts?


    ¡°You won¡¯t be dying.¡± He felt the need to assure her, ¡°There isn¡¯t any danger threatening your life.¡±


    She just looked at him uninterestingly, not lifting her head from her knees and with eyes closed, she exhaled, feeling suddenly so¡­ tired.


    ¡°¡­I know.¡±


    ¡°Go back to sleep.¡±


    ¡°Not sleepy,¡± she mumbled with eyes closed, willing the bloody scenes behind those eyelids to disappear too.


    ¡°I¡¯ll come home.¡± He suddenly said which had her staring at him.


    Fragile was certainly not a word that should be used to describe this person yet as she was now, he couldn¡¯t, for the life of him, remember those times when all he could think about was wringing her neck. And they were supposed to be many.


    ¡°We will then return to the capital.¡± Taking the road back to the capital at this very moment wasn¡¯t really doable, he could only have her wait for him.


    Ru Shan Yong had no plan to die. ¨CDid anyone ever have when going to the battlefield?-. Still, Ru general was confident in his return. And he found that he quite liked it, the idea that maybe, what was depriving her of sleep at this moment was her fearing for his life, even if only for a little bit.


    ***


    Mu Rong An had sat there on her bed, not accompanying him anywhere at all, not seeing him off either. The disappearing neighing and clapping sounds of the horses'' hooves on the ground told her all she had to know whether she wanted to or not... and the silence that resided after was one that she didn''t quite like. She sat there, long after he was gone, as the sky cleared and the day reigned. She let herself lie on the bed again.


    In the end, it wasn''t something she had any power to control.


    Mu Rong An found long after when she finally got out of bed and stopped sending her servants away when they were trying to come in with food, that maybe, she should have actually gone out to talk to him before he went; for really, he knew how to be stubborn. Didn''t she say she was fine without Feng Xi being here? What then was the woman doing in this manor?


    The woman was saluting her and this time, for once, dressed in women clothes. Mu Rong An was really in no mood for that, so she tried having the other servants and even guards see her out. Yet, the general''s wife got apologized to, for it seemed it was the only order they couldn''t follow. Ru Shan Yong knew after all, that she didn''t like the other woman.


    She could hear her own voice again, praising the woman''s swordsmanship. Really, it had been so that she would follow him, not her!


    Hearing those servants'' words, Mu Rong An had a warm smile that her husband had grown now to recognize as false and a particular sign of anger. As she stood preparing to rebuke them all, she swayed a bit and Feng Xi rushed to steady her.


    And if on the moment Mu Rong An wasn''t particularly pleased with it, later she felt that she could be dizzy all day long that she certainly wouldn''t mind much!


    For, really, the sole reason why she started not minding the fact that she started living under the same roof as Feng Xi was certainly that the physician, after prompting her to eat, told her she was expecting. Really expecting. Hearing such a news, her mood cleared and her stormy thoughts finally left the place to clearer ones. Ah, even Feng Xi¡¯s face was quite bearable to see now.


    Nothing could have occupied her thoughts and cleared her mind better than that. And she was the one feeling all restless now not knowing what to do with her euphoria. Her servants were ushering to sit still. but she had waited for so long... to finally hear such a good thing, really, she was overflowing with joy. She listened without really listening to the physician, it was mostly her servants that were, she was far too occupied with touching her stomach, imagining it swollen... Imagining being a mother... to Ru Shan Yong''s child...


    A pity that she had already departed, she wondered how he would have reacted to hearing it? ... She was far too glad at this moment to conjure negative thoughts so of course, he would have been happy!


    She did collect her bearings though and the silly smile left the place to a polite one as she thanked the physician and asked for the precautions to take and the prescription for her to follow.


    ***


    Feng Xi was to be her closest guard yes that she could accept, but for the time, since they were still in the manor, Mu Rong An really didn''t have to have that person near her every day. They would talk sometimes but it wasn''t like Feng Xi herself was someone who particularly liked sitting without doing much so most of the time she could be found with the other guards, dueling, somewhere in the manor or revisiting their itinerary for the incoming days.


    And by her side, Mu Rong An would occupy her days liked she used to. Drawing, playing... wondering a bit how to be a mother... daydreaming a lot more about that than other things actually.


    Lifting her brush, she found that it was actually quite easy to imagine a child. A healthy and plump one. Now a boy or a girl? Caressing her still flat stomach over her clothes, she wondered a bit if she asked for both, would it be considered being greedy?


    It didn''t matter in the end, she drew both anyway, trying to find features that could match them. When thinking about Ru Shan Yong, there was always a shadow of doubts that she would cast aside quickly. Her mind coming back to what she was doing previously. A girl with his eyes, his nose; a boy with her hair, her ears, her mouth. And then she inverted.


    She filled her days like that. Even thinking further in the future, contemplating how their features would be at three, at five... when they had yet to be born.


    When putting her things back at night, she found the carefully hidden earrings that hid poison. It seemed so far away the time when she had put it in her ear thinking about the worst.


    With a glimmer of hope for the future, she had her personal servants get rid of the earrings. At the place left, she found good to put a small white stone. One of the garden''s stones. If only as a memento of her first year here. It was as white as her earing had been blue, almost sparkling, yet the meaning entirely opposed.


    ***


    When the evacuation started, everyone was mixed together. Villagers and officials and a part of the army was their escort. They were to go to a city where they would stay behind the safety of its large doors. They wouldn''t be taking the open road but skirting around it. Some with horses others with feet, carriages.


    When they met, Feng Xi asked if her friends, Ah Mei and Yan Mi could actually stay with their group. Mu Rong An discovered a soft spot in her recently for children and anyway, she quite liked Yan Mi so the idea wasn''t rejected.


    Of course, they weren¡¯t sharing sleeping places but just the carriages. Yan Mi would sometimes sit in the carriage with her and Feng Xi, or he would go to the other carriage with Ah Mei and some of her servants.


    ***


    It wasn''t always easy to fall asleep at night. She would usually lay early willing for days to pass quickly and when she couldn''t quite sleep, she would take out that random stone she had picked up. It was a simple stone, really, all round and cold; but it was warm in her hand, and the warmth spread. She would smooth her thumb over the edges, mechanical action that helped her imagined behind her closed eyelids the garden where the rock had been picked up from and she would find herself thinking about the scenery there in a better climate, wondering how it would be if the flowers were all blooming. Usually, she would fall asleep with the small stone in her hand. The weight of it is like her thoughts, all heavy and light at the same time.


    Feng Xi was outside Mu Rong An''s tent, it was her turn to guard, the others weren''t too far anyway. Ah Mei who couldn''t sleep still came to sit by her friend''s side and they started talking. And as usual with them, the discussion was quite long once started.


    And as they talked they got to a point were Ah Mei lamented a bit that Feng Xi wasn¡¯t actually the one being the general¡¯s wife, she thought, somehow, they would have made sense. So couldn''t help herself but think so.


    Feng Xi laughed it off. Really, the person was a good catch, she would lie if she said she wasn¡¯t attracted even now; however, he was married and no matter what¡­ Feng Xi was quite unwilling to lose herself, her value, even if she had lived for a long time in this world now, to actually become someone¡¯s concubine... she couldn''t do it... If she had to settle down it would be with someone who would have her and only her alone.


    It was true though, that there was a bit of a heartache in her when she thought back to those time she spent in the general''s company... despite knowing she was a woman he hadn''t look down on her and actually had listened as she proposed her ideas, praising her even... and sometimes she couldn''t help but wondered what if...


    ¡°The next time you will talk, will be last time you¡¯ll have a tongue!¡± said a sharp voice behind them, and Ah Mei scaredly turned around to see Mu Rong An standing behind her at the tent''s entry, covered in blanket her eyes glaring directly at her and if they could, would have kill her on spot.


    Thinking back at what she said, she had never thought that she could be heard so she hastily apologized. Her first impression of that general''s wife wasn''t one she had liked but it still didn''t permit her to say such words and never could have Ah Mei thought that the other wasn''t asleep. It was so late in the night already and she had been the first one between them all to go to sleep.


    Ah Mei felt Feng Xi patted her trembling hand, reassuring silently that it was going to be alright she would handle it. And indeed, Feng Xi proceeded to apologize on her friend''s behalf, a bit remorseful now that she was the one who usually encouraged Ah Mei to talk to mind.


    But the boss there definitely wasn''t in the mood to listen nor forgive now, Feng Xi felt that maybe she too, wouldn''t be in such circumstances,


    And that was how Ah Mei lost the privilege of a carriage ride although Feng Xi prevented it from being anything worst.


    ***


    At the end of the journey, they arrived in Lan City where they were welcomed, Mu Rong An being invited to an official''s residence. Her face was the definition of politeness, yet her mood swinging between sour and sourer these days. She couldn''t quite help it, Feng Xi''s face got even less pleasing to the eye than before something the other seemed to have caught on, for now, she was trying to avoid meeting face to face as much as possible, an arrangement that wasn''t displeasing Mu Rong An.


    The time passed even slower there, her stomach swelling ever so lightly.


    She could resume then, with her previous activities and even rekindled with lost ones, as there were many who were inviting her left and right but most of the time, Mu Rong An had to decline, assisting to the barest minimum for the sake of politeness.


    If asked, she would say that everything was going alright, really. That was why she absolutely couldn''t understand then.


    She just woke up, one day with blood on her thighs. Too much blood. And before she could register it herself, she was already screaming, the thought of face the last thing in her mind.


    ¡°No¡± she cried, ¡°please, no¡±


    And the horror got confirmed later when a fast fetched physician said as much. There was no longer any baby in her.


    Her baby, her dear baby... Ru Shan Yong''s child... lost to her...


    He was gone, just like that... and she didn''t even know why!


    And just like that the silly bubble of life that she started to imagine pop without her able to do anything about it. The babies she was dreaming about dying before even taking a single breath.


    And she was herself no longer.

 Chapter 12: Resigned

    The physicians talked long and lengthy explaining that it was no one¡¯s fault, really, for she was taking care of herself at the best of her possibilities, it was just one of those unpredictable things. The child had no fate to live. When she heard such words from that particular physician¡¯s mouth, the motionless Mu Rong An became as though possessed, shrieking and flinging things to the one whose words apparently offended her. What of fate? What did he know of fate! The poor man could only bow and let out a stream of apologizes yet the general¡¯s wife was unwilling to listen, unwilling even, to have him in the same room as her. As such he was seen out as fast as the words were ordered from her. The rest of physicians were wiser and said fewer words in fear of bumping into yet another dangerous territory they couldn¡¯t handle.


    However, was Mu Rong An even willing to listen? They were prescribing things for her recovery, really? She had many others before prescribed things for a safe pregnancy, where did it lead her then!


    The city wasn¡¯t like the borders, there were more officials here. They were supposed to be safe at this place and since the non-existent echoes of the faraway fights didn¡¯t prevent others from sleeping, they had the time then to be leisure and even trying to make connections still. Whether they were sincere or not, Mu Rong An was in no mood to find out and the flock of cards that were sent to her was burnt before even being read. She wasn¡¯t willing to make efforts for anyone, not even giving face to the one whose residence she was in. Such thoughts were the furthest possible from her.


    ***


    The servants were quite troubled. Their mistress wouldn¡¯t even cry, wouldn¡¯t grieve¡­ wouldn¡¯t do anything apart staring all day long towards the horizon of her chamber, not talking, barely eating and drinking something when they insisted. They didn¡¯t know what to do! It was way too strange.


    The box of painting that she usually liked to touch was thrown in a corner, far from sight. And they couldn''t help but think that she surely wanted it far from mind too, but couldn''t bear destroying it, only having things piled on it, hiding it under miscellaneous items; always faltering between the order for them to get rid of it... or just let it be.


    She just sat there, both willing to get up and touch the remainder of what had been her hope yet hating it with every fiber of her being, for not becoming reality, for being the reminder of the horrid truth.


    Feng Xi had tried talking to her too, explaining that it couldn¡¯t have been her fault. After all, miscarriages in the early three months weren¡¯t really rare even in the modern time. But she wasn¡¯t sure the other person heard. The latter hadn''t even acknowledged her presence.


    She reacted though when Feng Xi proposed to let the general know about it.


    "It is unnecessary," had come her long unused voice, a hollow sound that didn''t even feel like her own anymore.


    He didn''t know in the first place, now that the infant was gone, what did it matter? It was almost as though it had never been there from the beginning.


    Touching her stomach, those thoughts echoed in her mind endlessly, ''it had never been there.''


    ***


    Feng Xi was still getting news from the battleground. So far, nothing went out of tune with what general Ru had designed which was good.


    Though the fact that the neighboring country¡¯s king died did come as a surprise. Prince Wu Wei¡¯s wife died too; she had been convicted of poisoning the king and trying to kill her husband, the prince. There had been proof that it was a conspiracy organized by Nan country''s people and for such a thing the prince -now king- was demanding reparation.


    Feng Xi''s mouth twitched. When the enemy was losing he suddenly got a solid reason to attack? Even threatening their peace treaty? Hadn''t he conveniently forgotten that treaty and treated it as joke way before that? Yet now in order to get more allies, he was ready to push the whole blame on others. Even willing, suddenly, to let bygones be bygones if they could come to an arrangement?


    Well, no one asked her opinions if such proofs were forged or not anyway, and she wasn''t the one calling the shots here, it was their emperor''s decision to take.


    And when she let the military matters aside and thought a bit about the woman a room away from her she couldn''t help but sigh; it wasn''t evident to help when the other wasn''t letting anyone in.


    ***


    Mu Rong An came around though, by herself. She suddenly went back to smiling again, properly clothing herself, playing on her erhu and go, even mingling with others. Only, that large box containing brushes, sketches, and painting was now nowhere in sight.


    Feng Xi looked at the woman from a distance as she talked and smiled with some people. She came around on her own¡­ or did she? Feng Xi narrowed her eyes, wondering and stretched her ears to listen. When someone would try talking about her misfortune to offer some comfort, the general''s wife would swiftly redirect the conversation and it didn''t take long for the other women to know the other wasn''t willing to discuss it; so they tactfully refrain from going there but besides that, their conversation was quite smooth and could even be deemed normal.


    As she observed the woman the whole day, for Feng Xi, it appeared to her that this grief-stricken person was in denial.


    ***


    Feng Xi felt quite conflicted. Mu Rong An was going on about her days as if, the person holed up in her room for weeks in the dark wasn''t her and if it was really her way of overcoming this, Feng Xi had, initially, not in mind to interfere. After all, there was no correct way of grieving. It had its own part of being personal and related to how every person could cope.


    But the more time passed by the more unhealthier it felt to her. No matter how one could see it, this person never cried, even once.


    Even when she had locked herself forbidding everyone from coming closer, Feng Xi, who had never been far away, never heard any muffled cry and sometimes, because it was too silent and even her breathing seemed to have fallen short, Feng Xi would have the servants check on their mistress. But the other was just sat on the bed, touching her flat stomach, her gaze far away, so distant and bleak.


    Yet this same person was now quite... fine?... albeit unwilling to mourn... Definitely unhealthy.


    This person had been left under her protection because the general trusted her, she couldn''t bear let him see his wife like this; Feng Xi herself couldn''t bear let this situation like this. If this person kept on bottling it up, when reality would kick in... she would be left in pieces! Thus, Feng Xi took the matter in her hand.


    At first, she tried having the other talked about it. If she wasn''t ignored then she would be retorted with jabs of polite words not hiding the underlying insults and simmering anger. She then tried getting Yan Mi to get some time with Mu Rong An. Yet the other suddenly wasn''t fond of the boy anymore and wouldn''t see him.


    Feng Xi decided that she wouldn''t be so polite from now on. She went out and brought back a child. It was a five-month-old little boy whose mother was following behind her.


    Mu Rong An, who was playing on her qin felt her fingers shook, the last note straining, almost piercing everyone''s eardrum. The sleeping baby awoke in a fright and let out loud terrible wails.


    "What''s the meaning of this?" Mu Rong An had asked in a brisk tone.


    The mother, a friend of Feng Xi made a movement to take the child but decided against it. Her friend had asked a favor out of her and she knew the baby was safe in her hands. So she pressed down her maternal instinct and waited at the side, observing Feng Xi rocking the baby in her arms. Feng Xi didn''t respond to Mu Rong An and the other was observing her with narrowed eyes, already calling in the servants to see them out.


    Yet no one came in. Feng Xi had already locked the door behind her.


    "Your courage is big!"


    When the child calmed down, Feng Xi turned then to look at Mu Rong An and as she approached, she could see the general''s wife tensing,


    "Just hold him for a time," she asked as she knelt and sat by Mu Rong An''s side, not minding the deathly glares she was given.


    Mu Rong An pursed her lips not making any movement towards the arms stretched in front of her, holding the baby.


    "... and I''ll leave you alone after that."


    She''d take her words for that. She opened her arms and the bundle of clothes was carefully pass to her. Feng Xi motioned for her with her head to look at the baby''s face.


    It was really a cute little darling, sweet baby that was now making small sounds with his small little mouth. He was quite lively after his previous scare, telling a story of his own, hands stretched that wanted to touch Mu Rong An nonstop but were too small and just patting the air.


    With the other''s head down, Feng Xi couldn''t see Mu Rong An''s face no matter what position she tried to peak and could only cross fingers now. It didn''t take long anyway, before the general''s wife lift her head and Feng Xi felt... her heart sank.


    Truthfully speaking, what Feng Xi was after were Mu Rong An''s tears, an acceptance of reality, for her to shout, cry or whatnot. Yet the face looking back at her now was stone cold, not even that polite smile there anymore.


    "Will that be all?" she asked and Feng Xi found that she lost the voice to talk and just sat there as she saw Mu Rong An beckoned to Ji Fei to come closer and take her child, a small smile as she praised that child''s features and hoped for his longevity.


    In his mother''s arm, the baby was even more lively. He had been soft and warm in her arms, and now it left the place cold and desolate and Feng Xi thought, he was as bubbly as Mu Rong An was dead inside. Feng Xi heart broke in helplessness... Was she far too gone? She hadn''t even felt anything when taking this baby in her hands?


    Looking at Mu Rong An a bit more, she reckoned that maybe, she had just made the situation worse.


    Feng Xi could only sigh in her heart and let Mu Rong An alone for now -physically anyway-. As promised, she managed to find a work for Ji Fei in return for her help and not completely giving up on her idea, she would, from time to time, help Ji Fei take care of the baby choosing spots were the child''s voice could be heard by Mu Rong An even if the latter was unwilling to see him.This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.


    ***


    The days kept on coming and going. One morning, as Feng Xi was holding the paper in her hands, she debated with herself if she should talk about it or not. The contains were unofficial things for now. The fight had been ended, two big cities were taken from Fen country. Yet the emperor had apparently consented to the new king''s peace offer. This had yet to be made into a decree.


    Well, it was good if this could get Mu Rong An to stop ignoring her when they were in the same room and she was trying to engage in a conversation.


    ¡°The general is on the road.¡±


    The words were said in a low tone when Mu Rong An was alone in her bedroom. It wasn''t really correct persay. It wasn''t like she had talked with him or that he was written to her; for her informant was a vice general Ru Shan Yong had put her under. However, general Ru has no reason to not be coming back here -well, he couldn''t go back to the capital before having an imperial decree specifying so but here was alright, right?


    Mu Rong An listened as Feng Xi talked, her fingers trembling slightly so she crossed her hands together without breaking her perfect poise. Somewhere in her bedroom were small papers written by Ru Shan Yong, she herself didn''t know where for she had the servants take care of them. They weren''t many, couldn''t even amount to ten certainly but despite the fact that he had said she wouldn''t be hearing from him all that period, he still wrote. There had been discovered traitors in his ranks, he guarded carefully... yet he still wrote even though she knew somewhere in him he didn''t completely trust her.


    He was never saying much but he still thought about her enough to write.


    Yet... she never wrote back.


    The first missive had arrived when she was in this city already and she had been tempted to write, actually, she had even written and rewritten many versions of that letter. A thick thing it had been despite Feng Xi''s warnings for the time really wasn''t good to distract him. Mu Rong An could quite careless about Feng Xi''s opinion but thinking carefully, she still wanted to see the surprise in Ru Shan Yong''s face herself, so she folded the papers and kept on thinking about what to write... until she couldn''t write to him anymore...


    She stopped reading his missives too and let them pile... somewhere.


    The eyes she never knew she closed were opened as hearing Feng Xi until the end, she just commented lightly,


    ¡°That treaty too won''t last."


    King Wu Wei had broken this previous alliance in just a year after the renewal season, even if he was placing the blame on his father. He would try again certainly when he would deem himself stronger and at that time it would be Hen Ru Ying the emperor and he would march to kill the person himself, originally anyway...


    But it was still good that from being assailed Nan country became the became the assailant, even prizing two cities from Fen country.


    ***


    The news somehow leaked that the general was coming to the city and who knew that there were so many people holding grievances against him.


    Prior to that, there had been some refugees who were running away from the battleground, who had been admitted into the highly secured city. The original orders were to not let anyone in for an actual place waiting for those people had been made. But those who came were hungry and lost and broken. How would they have the endurance to go through being questioned individually then walked a distance again to another place they saw as confinement?


    Some were taken pity by soft-hearted military people and infiltrated in, Feng Xi herself helped a certain number of persons under her male identity known to be one of general Ru''s advisor.


    One could salute her good-heartedness then for even in this ugly world she still stayed true to herself but at the same time, it could be wondered if attracting troubles and life-threatening situations weren¡¯t always the heroine''s role for otherwise, would there be then a traitor to burn them all?


    They had won, they were celebrating, the idea of danger far away. The imperial decree was made known to everyone and the ever tight secured city finally opened its gates by the mornings. They were now waiting for their heroes to acclaim them.


    In the midst of the joyful events, a conspiracy was being prepared while everyone''s guard was down.


    One night, it wasn''t one or two but a great many residences that had been set ablaze as the population was shouting having seen the faraway horses of the waited ones coming here. From joy, their cries quickly had a horrified tone. The guards whose foods and drinks had been spiked struggled to help as the scene became one of slaughters.


    For the perpetrators, after those who naturally wanted to see the doom of others, after the traitors who were taking advantage to murder their enemy, after those who had been commissioned and targeted people for political reasons, there were also those refugees who rejoiced in the idea that these military men too would be coming back to a devastated city, to losing family as they had loved their previous ones.


    ***


    The residence where Mu Rong An was, was targeted too. Had been given a particular attention even. Swords were crossing outside as everyone had been gathered inside. That day found it that Ji Fei''s little baby was in Feng Xi''s care and she cradled the sleeping infant closer to her breast while her eyes were darting everywhere, processing the sudden situation. She had come to tell Mu Rong An that the general''s banners were seen that one guard suddenly attacked her from behind, a stroke that she managed to evade.


    But now, now the situation was a mess, everyone shouting and she wondered which part of the residence would be the best place to hide the general''s wife and this infant so that she too would come out and help with the fight.


    Mu Rong An''s personal guards were defending her while they were running. There were three of them that had been left to her care by Ru Shan Yong. Each time their swords sliced an assailant, blood would be splashed everywhere. The sight of the red liquid making Mu Rong An all the paler.


    Blood, so much blood which had her flashbacked to her bloodied self, crouching down on a bloodied bed begging... pleading.


    One of the guards was killed in front of her and she snapped awake as Feng Xi yanked her hand to have her run quicker. Two of her servants following closely.


    Mu Rong An and her servants were shoved then in a room which was defended by five of the residence''s guards, while the general''s guards stood there too. The infant was passed to her by Feng Xi and without looking back, sword in hand, the latter bolted out.


    Inside the room, there was the couple who had welcomed her in and some of their servants as well as the concubine. The wife talked to appease her and with a polite smile, Mu Rong An responded that she was alright even inquiring about the others.


    Short after, Feng Xi brought in Ah Mei for her security too, going out again in hope to find Ji Fei who she had arranged to work here.


    Ah Mei, crossing eyes with Mu Rong An hastily dropped her gaze.


    Mu Rong An got up to sit by her, unconsciously putting the baby closer to her chest.


    "Why? Nothing to say now, you had so much to talk about last time."


    But the other wasn''t willing to be her distraction as she resolutely kept her mouth shut, her head not lifting at all. Mu Rong An simply smiled responding a vague something to what the concubine asked of her.


    The man of the house was all reassurance, stating how he had his men searched for her and how good it was that she got to arrive here this quickly. This room was a secured one, the windows couldn''t be broke from outside and the front was protected by capable guards. Mu Rong An''s polite face was on, but her mood wasn''t one for cordiality as she jabbed in that the city was supposed to be a secured one too and weren''t his guards also those lying dead not too far away in this same residence?


    And as if to test her words they heard fighting sounds just in front of the door and Mu Rong An smiled stretched while the others sucked in their breaths.


    A difficult situation never coming alone, suddenly one of the residence''s maids threw the oil''s lamp on the ground and had the candles light it, while a couple of others stabbed the people closest to them.


    "Comeuppance has come for you." they were saying with bloodshot eyes.


    The deadly shouts recommence here too and death walked around, danced even.


    Mu Rong An''s servants were fast to come in front of her while she, apathetically, asked the trembling Ah Mei by her side.


    ¡°If today was your last day to live what would be your greatest regret?"


    The fight was going on, servants against servants, the masters by the opposite side already dead. Outside, they noticed that something was wrong and wanted to force the entry here but the doors had been locked and the fire had spread there.


    Ah Mei, didn''t want to die... she absolutely didn''t want to die...


    "It is just death anyway..." said the voice near her as though reading her thoughts with those pallid eyes of hers.


    This person... this person... she was ready to die... Ah Mei''s tears couldn''t stop running. Why was she so collected? Were they really going to die no matter what?


    The infant couldn''t sleep any longer and start with small sobs before wailing loudly in Mu Rong An''s embrace letting her remember that she actually had this small one in her arms still.


    As though jogged to reality by the child''s scream, Ah Mei became a louder teary mess too.


    "I don''t want to die" she whimpered shakily. "I have yet to accompany Feng Xi, I have yet to return to grandpa... I don''t want to die. I don''t want to be strangled... I don''t want to be stabbed... I want to die of old age," Her voice was broken and full of sobs.


    "Well, you won''t have to be stabbed" interrupted Mu Rong An. From what she could see, all the assailants had been handled, one servant of the house still alive and her two servants too, who were now looking for an escape from this rapidly burning room. "But chances are greater to die suffocated," It was almost as though that death didn''t concern her.


    To the still collected noblewoman who was just looking at her, Ah Mei finally lost it and started shaking the other,


    "Aren''t you going to die too?" But the other just smiled so she shook even harder, "You, you..., how can you be the general''s wife,... Feng Xi would have found us an exit!" Obviously, she should be a brave one who had an answer to everything was saying the scared brain of Ah Mei.


    The slap that followed this sentence was resounding even in the burning room. Anger came to Mu Rong An''s rescue as nothing else could have done. Her eyes were thunderous. She would not let it be, that even to her very end, she had to be compared to others. Really, if this person was this anxious Mu Rong An didn¡¯t mind helping her leaving this world earlier!


    At the other side of the door then Feng Xi''s voice was shouting, which had Ah Mei scrambled on her feet, newfound hope in her eyes. The servants too weren''t idle and were trying with all their might to take down the windows so they would run there for everywhere around the door was inflamed and the air was becoming smokey and hard to breathe.


    They were coughing then. Things started to fall from the roof on their heads. The baby was wailing and she could only cradle him closer.


    The idea of her death didn''t phase her much but looking at this small, tiny little thing in her hand, who couldn''t even cry normally anymore, she found she was a bit unwilling to see him disappear too.  A phantom pain tore at her stomach. The pain of living. She bundled his cloth so that he wouldn''t inhale too much smoke, wishing he could have more oxygen than he was having now.


    The servants finally broke one side of the window, theirs fingers all burnt, shouting for them to come quickly. The room they were was upstairs, they had an exit but couldn''t jump yet. Things get falling down.


    Feng Xi had people gathered down with clothes asking them to jump.


    The residence''s maid jumped first and was safely taken back, followed by Ah Mei. The two servants asked Mu Rong An then to jump before them, but the woman only passed the small little boy to one of her maids and pushed her to jump. Both landed safely. The wood above the window broke and the other servant jump in reflex but Mu Rong An was now trapped in the blazing room with no escape.


    She never planned to escape in the first place. Her hand on her flat stomach, a faraway pain far more horrible than the burning she was feeling now had demanded her to stay. Fate was too cruel, she rather damned it all.


    Living day by day was so painful. Far too painful.


    At the outside, Feng Xi was shouting her name.


    Dying, she really hadn''t thought of dying but now that the opportunity was there, why let it go? As she was coughing in this unbreathable atmosphere, her lungs seemingly ablaze too she felt that she regret getting rid of her poisoned earrings. She could have used it now. taken it. The fire in her chest was so uncomfortable. She couldn¡¯t breathe.


    Another voice was now shouting her name. She thought it to be his.


    She... concerning him... she really wished, she could have seen his face as she presented him their child. She had had so much ...love for this unfortunate one. Would have cherished him. This child... she had no fate with.


    In the end, she would have just been a stone in general Ru''s road; he tripped but didn¡¯t fall. And soon, he will certainly forget how that annoying stone even looked like.


    Was she monstruous to, even near her last breath, hated the idea that he won¡¯t be happy because of her? Was it bad to wish for him to stay single, never forgetting about her? To mourn for her as though he really cared?


    Suddenly the faraway shouts were now nearer, many people''s voice and a louder want, asking her, commanding her to stay the furthest from the door. Later an explosion as the burning door was blown. Her name was shouted and it had never been so loud, the voice had never been so desperate.


    Whether she imagined it all or not, she couldn''t be sure and she lost consciousness, her hand on her stomach, a prayer on her lips.

 Chapter 13: ! Maybe Not So Dark

    The soldiers were on the roads, dealing with the assailants, rescuing and saving people. Long before entering the city, at the sight of the heavy smoke behind the gates, the general had already dispatched his troops and given orders. The men who were hoping to come and relax, take some leisure time with the identities of heroes found themselves whipping their horses faster, their duties calling for them again before they even had the time to breathe.


    The blazing places were being evacuated. There were no fixed locations where the people were deported, so long as they were out of danger they were even left on the roads. Those who couldn¡¯t move or needed medical care were amassed in various areas, physicians being over occupied with them, not taking a breath of respite.


    While Ru Shan Yong had dashed inside the burning residence himself, Feng Xi had already spotted and cleaned a place to receive them. Her feet had moved in instinct and now all she could do was wait. The explosion that followed shortly after had her whipped her head towards the residence, her heart in her throat. Oh God, he had left his wife to her as the chief of her guards, what did she do? Her heart was beating fast as she was praying for them to still be alive, ready to bolt any second in there herself too...


    And the moment she was quite ready to go, she saw the general come out running, his unconscious wife in his hands, shouting for a physician. Although his men were already pulling at another physician for him, Feng Xi called out for the general to come to her, she had already prepared after all.


    She looked, though, as he ran into a room, another physician in tow. Had he not heard her or did he deliberately ignore her, at that moment, she didn¡¯t know. She hoped it to be the former.


    ***


    His jaws were taut, his form firm. He stood still, as the physician was examining his wife, she had slight burns on her arms, feet and her hair too got damaged a bit. That aside, he couldn''t see more and hope it to be all.


    One of his men came running, respectfully staying outside, his eyes looking at the floor, he reported the overall situation going on. Ru Shan Yong passed some instructions, looked at the unconscious person one more time before going out. Whether he wanted to or not, he couldn¡¯t stay for the situation hadn¡¯t calmed down yet.


    Feng Xi was outside, not far away, seemingly wanting to go in but hesitating. She had a hand on her chest with a worried expression on.


    ¡°I¡­¡± she tried to talk but could quite get passed after that word. She really didn¡¯t know what to say. It was the first time that this person was so unwelcoming. Based on their interactions through all these past months, they could now be considered a bit more than just a general and one of his advisor, they were friends. But at this very moment, the look he had on wasn''t like one acknowledging a companion. She could be a stranger that it wouldn''t be different. He seemed so unapproachable and cold, his body emitting an aura of... war. This was actually the famous general Ru. And Feng Xi found that even in their first meeting, she had never felt this pressure for since the first time there had been a twinkling of admiration in him towards her.


    But not now.


    Collecting her bearing and before he passed her, she asked,


    ¡°¡­ Can... Can I check on her too?¡± She was more knowledgeable on poison dealings but she still wanted to check, if only to let her own worries calm down.


    The general¡¯s jaw clenched, he kept on walking, never opening his mouth. And even though Feng Xi¡¯s heart broke and she felt like crying, she clenched her teeth and clung to that one truth, that he didn¡¯t say ''no''. Had he really not wanted her there, he would have.


    ***


    Once the situation was stabilized, the fires put out and everything was in control again, the first place Ru Shan Yong directed himself was the chamber where Mu Rong An was recuperating. At his arrival, his wife had already been given new clothes, her wounds had long been taken care of.


    Before going, he had already been said that her life wasn¡¯t in danger, but seeing her pallid sleeping form still left an unsettling in his heart.


    Feng Xi was sitting in the room too and had stood up once he came in.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I failed you.¡± She apologized in one trait fearing that should she delayed, she wouldn''t have the courage to do so.


    For the first time since coming in the city, Ru Shan Yong finally looked at her. The woman looked worn out and depressed far from her usual bubbly self. Her clothes still had the smell of smoke and she was full of cinder.


    Ru Shan Yong wasn¡¯t in the mood to talk. And if they should, it wouldn¡¯t be just as her identity as Mu Rong An¡¯s guard. He would also have to address ''Little Xi'', her male persona concerning the city.


    ¡°Not here, not now.¡±


    His voice was cold and low. He took a chair that he brought near the bed, sitting by his wife''s headbed, his eyes locking on her and never leaving.


    Feng Xi¡¯s mouth quiver. Somehow, she had the impression that she lost something she would never have back. It took all her willpower to not let the tears that were beading in her eyes fall. Not one who liked exposing her weakness, she turned to the door.


    ¡°Wait,¡± he said suddenly without turning back, ¡°that moment¡­ that moment, she could have jumped but retreated instead. What happened?¡±


    He and his men had arrived when the people trapped in the burning room where already jumping by the windows, and he did see his wife hesitated to jump only to refuse it all together in the end.


    By the door, Feng Xi had halted, her hand on the doorknob. She bit her lips, really not wanting to be the bearer of bad news, sighing, she still said in the end,


    ¡°She¡­ miscarried and wasn¡¯t well since then.¡±


    General Ru didn¡¯t talk, but his eyes shut as the words sank in. A terrible weight in his chest.


    Feng Xi saw him intertwined hands with Mu Rong An and that was when she felt that she couldn¡¯t bear staying. Without waiting to be told, she turned and exited. Once outside, she leaned on the closed door, one hand on her aching chest, the other covering her wet eyes, she sobbed silently. Hot tears ran down her cheeks, her heart squeezing, aching, breaking in tiny millions of pieces. Ever so silently.


    She lost something, something undeniably precious¡­ yet she herself didn¡¯t know what. And it was all the more heartbreaking.


    Hearing footsteps coming closer, she bolted and run, jumping from a corridor''s window towards the deep night, in search of solace, a place where she could lick her invisible wounds.


    Ah Mei, who had been detained in a corner was glaring at the man who was still holding her wrist. She didn''t know him but he was wearing a military uniform. After a moment he let go and before she ran too far, he advised,


    ¡°Don¡¯t follow¡­ let her be for now.¡±


    She has stopped for one second before dashing again. This was her friend, and she needed her.


    The vice general, who had been placed as the direct superior of Feng Xi for a long time now, sighed before jumping from the same window the person previously had. Even though they were friends -Ah Mei and Feng Xi-, he felt that behind that welcoming personality of Feng Xi, there was still a certain pride, a pride which wouldn''t take too well to be seeing in her moment of weakness.


    ***


    It was the morning of the next day, yet, the person on the bed was still asleep. Counting this day, it was now almost two full weeks that he barely slept and to be factual three days went by without him sleeping a wink. And that, he wasn¡¯t counting those days before the imperial edict came.


    Ru Shan Yong had declined the servants when proposed to check on the madam until she woke and had sat there all through the night himself. The only thing he did was taking a quick bath and changing clothes, fearing the smoking smell and lingering sweats would incommode her.


    The chair was uncomfortable, far more than what had been his latest sleeping conditions -and for months now, he wasn¡¯t sleeping to his contentment-, but maybe this had more to do with his mental inability to sleep rather than the chair itself. For after all, in genuine consideration, it was a good chair with a cushion, even. But it felt cold and awkward and desolate. Thus, the him who usually took mere minutes to sleep -it was precious for a military man to sleep whenever he could- couldn¡¯t even close his eyes. He could only be stiff and his muscles with it. However, he still sat there, barely changing position, his eyes locked on the sleeping person.


    Her breathing was slow and even, there were more colors on her face already. The physicians and even Feng Xi had repeatedly said that nothing was wrong. She had slight burns but if the cream was applied regularly for a time it wouldn¡¯t be obvious. Only her hair shortened a little. Ru Shan Yong passed his hand in her silk like hair and wondered a bit if she would be angry about that. She quite liked them after all.


    The bandages were on her left arm, her left leg and both feet. How come it was he who went to the front yet she who needed the bandages?


    His gaze went to her stomach and he touched it through the blanket, eyes closed, heavy thoughts that were swirling in his mind.


    He hadn¡¯t had his men reported her activities for a long time; since she asked for a truce. They had established to talk things out and he had been willing to try. Sometimes she talked too much, she quite liked to talk, only if to annoy him -and also, he suspected, because she liked the sound of her own voice very much. Always talking lengthily even if to say a simple thing. And somewhere along the days, he felt that it was how things should be. It was alright. Some days though, he wished she would stop testing his patience and let him breathe a bit.


    Not now, however. Now he wished she got up and talked all the way back to the capital. He would listen... and even comment on her flower garden if he must... was willing to listen to the gossips she felt like sharing too... he wished he could hear her voice... right then, right now.


    He lifted her hand up to his mouth, kissing her middle palm; an action he took conscience of when he breathed on her skin and his heated breath returned to his face. He wondered fleetingly, between he and she, who started it for the first time, without really dwelling on that; Intertwining his hand with hers, he thought they fit quite well.


    There was still a longing in him. An absence... a missing thing that he yearned very much, that he couldn''t quite name.


    Ah, he truly wanted to hear her voice.


    ***


    Her crooked voice some hours later let him know that he had, somehow, drifted to sleep.


    She tried to talk again only to cough; he then passed to her a cup of water from the cup and jar that were in the room, helping her to sit and holding the cup for her to drink.


    The water was drunk thirstily, in reflex, and she straightened up, her long hair which usually came to her thigh, spilled on her shoulders, and now was barely attaining the middle of her forearms...


    She seemed kind of lost. Sometimes later when she was still in the process of differentiating between dream and reality, head tilted looking straight at him, her voice sounded again,


    ¡°You¡¯re really back?¡±


    Frowning a bit, he put his palm on her forehead to feel it, no sign of fever. There was a certain kind of relief then and his mind lighter he asked,


    ¡°How do you feel?¡±


    She looked at him, it was as though she didn¡¯t really believe. So, she stretched her hands, motioning him to come closer, which he did and his face was trapped in her hands as she touched his cheeks.


    ¡°You are alive,¡± she realized in a whisper and then frowned, one hand touching her own neck. Warm with pulsing veins. ¡°And so am I¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Her hands drifted to her sides, eyes locked together still.


    ¡°I wanted to die,¡± she confessed.


    Ru Shan Yong froze a bit and for a lack of knowing better, he took her in his arms, embracing her small figure. She didn''t react, didn''t return his hug but he didn''t let go, and slowly started to sooth her hair. There, her heart was beating normally, she was still warm. She was still alive.


    ¡°I almost did.¡±


    A knot formed in his throat at her words, his arms tightened around her a bit but he didn¡¯t talk, letting her ramble on. She needed it, it seemed.


    ¡°You¡¯ve been long gone.¡±


    ¡°I am back now.¡±


    ¡°En,¡± she paused a bit; ¡°I almost died,¡± she said again as though not understanding herself.


    She was shaking a bit now, he could feel it. Untangling himself from her, he took her trembling hands and lightly left a kiss in the middle of her palm. ¡°You¡¯re alright now¡± he reassured. ¡°That¡¯s the most important.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±, She was awake without really been there, yet.


    She admired her hand that was still in his for a bit, her sight drifting to the bandage on her forearm.


    ¡°Your wounds¡­ they won¡¯t leave visible scars,¡± he assured.


    He wasn¡¯t one to care about scars but he knew she did. Her usual self anyway.


    There was still no expression on her face and he regretted having once said to prefer expressionless people than forever smiling one. It was a terrifying sight on his wife. One he couldn''t bear seeing. One he was really uncomfortable with more so than her mad tempers.


    He really wanted to see her out of her lethargy.


    When she didn''t talk still, he asked,


    ¡°Are you hungry?¡±


    He saw her touch her stomach, her gaze a faraway one. Gently, he placed his hand over hers, his eyes searched for hers, wishing to bring her back here with him, wherever her mind had drifted to.


    ¡°I wish I knew,¡± he whispered to her thinking form. ¡°I wish I was there.¡±


    She flinched then and hastily took her hand away from his, like his touch burned her and somehow, that gesture hurt very much.


    He wasn¡¯t there. All through these months, she was suffering, he hadn''t been there. This was a fact. Her withdrawal, a condemnation.


    ¡°You¡¯ve been told,¡± she whispered in an understanding, her gaze dropping to the bed, her hands clenched in one another.


    He felt like taking her hands again but stopped, she would surely back away again. He just sighed then.


    "I am here now."


    Ever so slowly, she lifted her face to his. Whatever she was waiting for, Mu Rong An herself didn''t know. What she was hoping for, that too she didn''t know. But in his eyes now, he let her see something akin to compassion, a sense of dependence... he was looking at her so gently, so welcomingly and¡­ Mu Rong An wanted no more than¡­ to gauge out his eyes.


    This so annoyingly understanding person!


    Why was he so understanding, so patient, so¡­ kind? He should have been ¡­ cruel, ruthless, unforgiving¡­


    Instead, he had left her thinking that there could be hope. That she too, could have her own happiness, that she deserved it. But she was the villainess, wasn¡¯t she? How could she obtain happiness!


    Why then was he here? Why, if she wasn¡¯t supposed to be happy with him, was he here?


    She had wanted to control her death, to ameliorate it, if she had to die, she rather it be a swift one ¡­ yet he didn¡¯t kill her¡­ He even married her¡­ and had let her hoped¡­ dared gave her hope¡­ Why? Why?! Why when obviously this world wanted her unhappy!


    She oh so hated him at this moment.


    She was suddenly so angry, so unbearably angry. An anger that could only snap at him, taking her out of her torpor.


    ¡°Don¡¯t dare, don¡¯t you dare¡­¡±


    How could Ru Shan Yong understand her sudden madness?


    ¡°You¡¯re happy, aren¡¯t you?¡±, she was shrieking, all composure left, not a thought to her noble status, way too angry, past caring.


    ¡°Calm down, you¡¯ll hurt yourself.¡±


    He easily held her still, she tried debating but couldn¡¯t.


    ¡°Shh¡­¡±


    ¡°Go away, go away. Don¡¯t touch me.¡±


    He tried hugging her again but she debated even more fiercely,


    ¡°Calm down, Mu Rong An, calm down.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re happy aren¡¯t you! You won¡¯t be having a child from someone like me." She flung her blanket at him, "Go back¡­ Go back to your damn Li Ming Qi¡­ Go back to that Feng Xi¡­ I don¡¯t care! Go. Get out!¡±


    When she made a motion to jump out of the bed he held her by the shoulders. Both of her feet needed to heal first, she couldn''t and shouldn''t freely put weight on them.


    "You''re hurt... Mu Rong An,... it is all right. You are going to be alright."


    She sure was fierce and had she been more powerful would have seriously wounded him, she tried scratching his face though, but couldn''t.


    "Do you really want children that much? So early?"


    To be fair, Ru Shan Yong didn''t place many thoughts on them. Had once thought that he wouldn''t have any descendants actually; the idea of marriage then far away as the person he had chosen was already taken. However, he found that he didn''t dislike imagining children now. In a voice as calm and soft as he could muster to calm her, he truthfully said,


    ¡°We¡¯ll have children, as many as you like. Beautiful healthy children.¡±


    But she didn''t calm down at all.


    ¡°I¡¯m sure you will but I can¡¯t, can I?... Fated to be alone... Forever... I cheated death, but not my fate.¡±


    Ru Shan Yong couldn''t quite understand and thought for a moment that she feared having become barren.


    ¡°There is nothing wrong with your body," he assured then, and only if to calm her, he kept on persuading, "Having children if you want them so soon, that¡¯s okay too.¡±


    She had stopped struggling, her angry eyes still fiercely held his calm ones, and somehow, the fact that he was so calm was so damn more annoying.


    ¡°Don¡¯t talk as if you know, you know nothing!¡±


    Her breathing was ragged and forced. She had moved way too much. She kept on mumbling things, incomprehensible ones to him.


    He assisted, as her anger morphed then to sadness, and dared he think, something akin to despair.


    ¡°I tried, but it wasn''t good enough, was it? It could never be enough! ¡®I¡¯ could never be good enough... That child,... that poor child¡­ I killed it didn¡¯t I?¡±


    She was, at that moment, like a small lost little girl¡­ who couldn''t find her way back... back to herself.


    ¡°No, you didn¡¯t-.¡±


    But she was as if in trance, not listening to him at all.


    ¡°If it wasn¡¯t me... if it was anyone else,... he could have lived,... but because it was my body, this unfit person¡¯s body-¡°


    He took her in his arm, her words unbearable to his ears, and kissed her then, swallowing in his mouth her morbid rambling and self-harming thoughts.The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    She just sat there, wanting to push him but unable to let go, she could only cling on desperately; wishing, wishing with all her soul... for what she didn''t know... but she knew she was wishing. Hot tears she never realized she was shedding mingled with and it tasted all salty and desperate... and alive.


    At this moment she both hated him yet desperately needed him closer. Oh so desperately.


    And when the kiss broke, she wounded her arms around him, crying harder. Mu Rong An snuggled to his shoulder and bit his neck to muffle the sounds, willing herself to stop crying; but no matter what, it wouldn¡¯t stop. Her shoulders kept on shaking with her ragged breaths. It was like she opened a dam and it couldn¡¯t be undone anymore.


    She was bitting so harshly that she tasted blood. Marks would be left that would keep on hurting come the next hours but he didn¡¯t care and gently soothed her hair.


    Somewhere, between sobs, she started mumbling again,


    ¡°Do you even understand? If it wasn¡¯t me¡­ if I wasn¡¯t its mother... if it was¡­ someone else¡­ that child,... my poor child¡­¡±


    And she looked all sad and hopeless and broken, worse than the little girl whose dream was wrecked. She was the woman whose world was shattered¡­


    He squeezed her tighter, and if he could he would like to be one, to share her pain; softly, gently whispering in her ears.


    ¡°You are perfect the way you are.¡± Again and again, and promised himself to do so until she believed it.


    How long she cried, she didn¡¯t know. But she did so, for a long time. The repressed anger, the repressed pain, her bottled up sadness and despair, fallen hope and lost promises ¨Cthose made to a yet-to-be-born child who in the end didn¡¯t breathe its first-, all her repressed emotions went out at the same time and he was carefully holding her to not let her break in tiny little pieces that she herself would be unable to count.


    She did calm down at one point and he delicately tucked her to bed again.


    Her whole face was completely red, her eyes and nose the reddest. He passed a wet towel that he swept on her to help ease the warm sensation.


    ¡°I¡¯m cold,¡± she complained in a strangled voice, ¡°I¡¯m so cold¡±.


    He tucked the blanket up to her neck then. But despite doubling it and after tripling it, she was cold still; trembling all over, the sensation seeping in her bones, her muscles, and her very being.


    ¡°Lay with me,¡± she asked at last.


    And he did so, taking her in his arm, careful to not touch her bandages. She snuggled to his chest, and he embraced her in his arms, their legs intertwined. He felt that he too, had certainly been cold for at this very moment with her there, he felt that the warmth he was lacking for days now was finally back.


    It didn''t take long before sleep took over her and he too, lulled by her steady breath so near him, her warm body by his side, he drifted to sleep, at the rhythm of her heartbeats.


    It felt home now, finally.


    ***


    He woke before her, observing her sleeping form clinging to him still. He was attentive to her, so he knew when her breathing changed and she woke. They both were, but none disentangle himself from the other.


    Mu Rong An kept on clinging to him, needing him closer. It was real she told herself, she was alive, wasn¡¯t she? He could be hers, couldn¡¯t he? She too could be happy. Deserved to be happy... had the right to...


    ¡°What are you thinking about again?¡±


    She was thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. Light and heavy thoughts. There was no define answer she could give him.


    She had said once that he needed to talk and she would listen, from where he stood she was the one who needed sharing the most.


    ¡°I missed your warmth,¡± was what she settled with. ¡°The nights were so cold and the days colder.¡±


    The temperature these last months were increasing almost suffocating. But she couldn¡¯t explain it, she was cold nonetheless.


    He tightened his arms around her.


    ¡°So did I,¡± he shared.


    He snuggled to her neck, inhaling her scent. Hearing her heartbeats. Both erratic and calm but still very much lively.


    ¡°I missed your music¡­ I missed the sound of your voice¡­ I missed you.¡± He sighed. ¡°I truly missed you.¡±


    She needed to get up, needed to eat. However at this moment, neither really wanted to.


    ***


    General Ru had never really known how to be attentionate to a female. The women in his entourage, his family members were valiant and blunt women who didn¡¯t care about cute things, flowers and the like. He found that he wanted to please this person, but didn¡¯t know where to start.


    But looking at her, he felt like he could start with giving her back those weights she had lost. And that was why he was constantly inviting himself to her food. Always looking at her as she was eating and Mu Rong An felt like she was back on the road going to the borders all over again, and with his hawk-like eyes, observing her every gesture. Even forcing her to eat sometimes. But now, what did she do again, she was diligently eating, wasn¡¯t she? She didn¡¯t even touch his sweets, did she? Must he look at her plate? She felt that she was hungry now, her stomach finally complaining about all those days it barely ate. And everything served were her favorite¡­ she was definitely reluctant to share and being stared at like this could give her stomach-ache.


    ¡°Could it be general wants the fish, this wife isn¡¯t stingy and would very much share!¡±


    Ru Shan Yong could hear the biting ¡®eat your own plate and stop staring¡¯ underneath meaning or rather he could now discern them from her face and voice. He nodded, one step at a time, they could get there. And since she proposed, he guided his chopsticks and took a bite from her bowl and she could only purse her lips and replaced what he took with another morsel from the coverts.


    ***


    The troublesome people were dealt with, imprisoned.


    The responsible ones who let refugees in were punished accordingly, some lost their ranks and got lashed with the military rod. Feng Xi¡¯s male alters ago since he was officially an advisor, didn¡¯t get punished but had his salary deducted for three months and had been deemed unable to rise rank for three years.


    At first, Feng Xi had proposed herself as the sole bearer of consequences, shouldering the blame all alone, but general Ru wasn¡¯t a partial person and treated it fairly. Since he was unwilling to have her lashed, he still had to be a bit harsher to prevent others'' dissatisfaction. However, from the beginning, she had said that she was just interested in saving that village so this punishment wouldn¡¯t really affect her as she was going to retire anyway.


    ***


    Sometime later, an imperial order reached the city. The emperor was calling for the general to go back to the capital.


    Ru Shan Yong glanced at the bandages on his wife¡¯s body and had a subordinate write a letter back.


    ¡®The general is wounded and unable to immediately depart. When his state would be suitable, he will be hurrying back.¡¯


    The subordinate stilled a bit, but in the end, did as bid. If the general said he was wounded, of course, he was wounded, ah!


    ***


    When he entered her bedroom, she was sleeping again. He wasn¡¯t used to seeing her sleep so much but was unwilling to wake her. She was sweating a bit so he opened the windows to let the gentle wind cooled the room a bit. With his finger, he soothed the frown on her face and at one point, she smiled, an action which had him lift an eyebrow in surprise.


    She was going better and better.


    His own mind lighter, he went out again.


    Outside, servants had stocked all the burnt possession of their masters, in hope to see what could be salvaged. Not many things, unfortunately, merely some jewelry. However, Mu Rong An¡¯s clothes, musical instruments, and whatnots were all devoured by flames.


    General Ru saw Mu Rong An¡¯s personal servants hesitated before they went and brought to the place a relatively imposing painting box. He recognized it for having seen it enough in his chamber. This was where she stored her tools and her drawings. Many drawings of little black she did with some landscapes. The box, he was explained, only got spare because their master had asked them to get rid of it. However, it was something she held dear and they thought when she would calm down, she would want it again. So they carefully guarded it in their servant¡¯s quarter, which wasn¡¯t as badly affected by the fire as the masters'' quarters had been.


    He had the servants go out then, to inspect those things himself. Her erhu, her chess¡­ just blacken wood now¡­ Her painting box had slight burns from its left side but it seemed superficial some painting and it would be as good as new.


    Ru Shan hesitated a bit, before opening it. The first thing he saw was the brushes on one side, and at the other, there were the coloring powders.


    He opened the first drawer. A thick pile of papers greeted him. He carefully took it out and went through each one. A small smile formed its way onto his lips¡­ those were drawings of children. Two children. A boy and a girl. They weren¡¯t that small either, could be around ten, smiling at a flower garden. The drawings continued with the same kids from what he could see as they regressed in age, slowly¡­ both on horses, both drinking tea. There was one where the girl was holding the sword and the boy was playing on a guqin and the next it interchanged¡­ it went on and on to the point that they were small, tiny little babies¡­ and a knot was forming its way slowly in Ru Shan Yong¡¯s throat.


    There were so many. So many drawings. How many times did Mu Rong An sit, imagining their lives with their children? Their small little child. That she had loved so dearly without even seeing first. A child lost to them. Looking at those small little hands stretching as though they wanted to touch the physical him, he could discern faraway ¡®father, father¡¯ calling to him. Voices he would never hear. Children he would never meet. A lone tear ran down Ru Shan Yong¡¯s face as he stood there, lost and alone, sad and broken.


    He collected himself and put back the pile to its place.


    ***


    She was sleeping still. Having eaten not too long, she had gone to sleep again almost right after. As though sleeping was so much better than the reality. And he wondered a bit, was it?


    She was here obviously at arm¡¯s length but he really missed her. He raised the blanket and went under, taking her in his arm; he needed to feel her alive, to feel her warm skin against his, hear her low breath and steady heartbeats. But more so than that, he wanted to dream with her, marveling what it was like in her faraway lands of her imagination.


    ***


    The next time they ate together, he nodded when seeing her eating so heartedly again. She had really thinned after all, it was good to see that she had an appetite.


    ¡°Your painting box was spared from the flames,¡± he told her and her chopsticks halted. She just looked at him a little surprised. Not knowing how to talk about it, he remarked first,


    ¡°Your drawing skill got better.¡± Then he coughed and his eyes searched hers, ¡°That baby¡­ It was just an accident. Your body has nothing wrong with it.¡± He affirmed again. He needed her to understand that.


    ¡°Unasked kindness is unwanted general,¡± she said putting down chopsticks and bowl.


    She was withdrawing from him, wanting to preserve what exactly, he didn¡¯t know.


    ¡°Nothing wrong with it,¡± he insisted, his eyes firm.


    Her lips quiver...


    ¡°Nothing.¡±


    He reached for her hand. It had more meat to it than when he came which was a reassurance. Kissing the middle of her palm, he whispered, his breath fanning her skin, ¡°Mu Rong An, your body has nothing wrong with it.¡±


    She nodded and leaned on him, burying her face on her chest, holding him tight. She really wanted to believe.


    ***


    The novel was closed in a soft turn of a page. She mostly whiled away her time like this these days. Not that she didn¡¯t like the stories, they had their part of entertainingness, but they tend to grow a bit repetitive.


    ¡°Didn¡¯t like it?¡±


    The voice was coming from the window, Ru Shan Yong was sat there, a military book in hand, his face looking at her.


    ¡°It was fine I guess, a bit boring.¡±


    A corner of his lips rose.


    ¡°Do you want to change with me?¡±


    She scrunched her face. If hers was boring his was a level higher again.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine!¡±


    There was laughter in his voice as he said that more books were at her left, under the bed, she just had to bend a little, before going back to his own one.


    He was wearing light blue and white cloth, his hair left down. Sat where he was, they still were touching the floor lightly. Mu Rong An touched her hair too, fiddling with it a bit. Taking a strand and observing how long it was.


    ¡°Do you disdained it for being shorter?¡± he asked again.


    She turned to him and she smiled, shaking her head slightly. She didn¡¯t mind much, really.


    His worry frown disappeared as he nodded.


    It wasn¡¯t long after, that one of Mu Rong An¡¯s servants came knocking. It was time for the cream to be applied.


    Her wounds needn¡¯t be covered again but the cooling salve was to be applied every day. It was quite good for the scars were whitening already. Once finished, the servant went out and Mu Rong An turned to the sitting person not too far away.


    ¡°Shouldn¡¯t we depart for the capital?¡± she asked her husband.


    He glanced at her feet. She hadn¡¯t set a foot down since the incident. He wouldn¡¯t let her walk by herself until it healed completely. Whenever she needed to use the water room she had to call him, whatever it was that she had to do there, and she wasn¡¯t just talking about bathing. It was really embarrassing!


    ¡°We are in no hurry,¡± he answered


    She must be indignant, she tried telling herself but she was still unable to mask her smile. When touching them, her wounds didn¡¯t hurt anymore but she found that she quite like it though, the attention, she was given, however embarrassing they could be. That, she wouldn¡¯t deny it.


    But was it enough?


    Mu Rong An looked at the person in the room with her. Once, she had given the sake of dying to this person; she had trusted him with her death, could she trust him with her heart? Would she be foolish if she did that?


    She felt that there were some secrets she would take to her grave, but she didn¡¯t want¡­ liking him¡­loving him to be one of them.


    She felt that she was willing to try if only this once.


    ***


    Ru Shan Yong felt that his wife was back to being herself when she started being long-winded again. Not that he was complaining.


    They had eaten dinner on the floor of the chamber, and for the first time since long, Ru Shan Yong had wine at his disposal. He actually deliberately chose a strong one. He had, he found, the tick to see which kind of drunk his wife was. He couldn¡¯t really help it; he wanted to know, he wanted to see. If asked from who he took something like this, such a strange hobby, he would, without a doubt said it to be her bad influence. She had talked long and lengthy about those drunk people she remembered from the capital and more than once repeated she wanted to see him completely wasted so that she would know which kind of drunk he was too.


    Well, better be the attacker then than the defendant.


    It was a bit unfair, he recognized, to his wife, who actually thought she was drinking light wine with just unusual flavor ¨Cnever having drunken a strong one before-. But he felt it was good too. His wife herself wasn¡¯t particularly a person playing by the rules, he certainly was authorized then to be a bit devious with her. Really, it was enough if only she was aware of that trait of his personality.


    And, to help her not remark it, he was keeping the talk going on while pouring more wine in their cups. He was, he thought, definitely a greater drinker than her anyway, no matter if she kept on saying he had to pour a double dose in his cup.


    ¡°You know,¡± he confessed, ¡°If time could be rewind and I knew that you drugged my bottles ¡®that¡¯ night¡­¡±


    She looked at him, intensely, halting whatever it was that she had been saying previously. But she knew though, that no matter what he was going to say, she was hell-bent on being unrepentant! Yet his conclusion was out of her expectations,


    ¡°I would drink even more eagerly.¡±


    The smile returned to her lips then, her eyes twinkling with happiness. Her cheeks had long gone pink and she was half not in control anymore, as she chuckled and tilted her head, drinking the content in one go, delightfully, letting out an ¡®Ah¡¯ that seemed like a liberation.


    She was the kind who, when losing their inhibitions, just did whatever passed through their heads, he thought, as she mimicked his sitting position, and suddenly hot, she opened her cloth. Whatever emotion was running through her, she was displaying them without an once hesitation, without double checking if she had a pretty smile enough to hide her inner thought. It felt good talking to her like that, really good. He too was smiling without a stop for a moment now.


    ¡°I am good, aren¡¯t I?¡±


    He nodded, ¡°You are¡±


    ¡°The best,¡± she said again, coming closer to him,


    ¡°Of the very best.¡±


    She nodded again. She liked boosting her ego too apparently.


    When she approached to take hold of the bottle from his hand, he hid it behind his back. That was far enough. She shouldn¡¯t be drinking more. Not that it was to her pleasure since she went to her place, both hands trying to take it from his back. His smile more prominent, he wound one hand around his wife¡¯s waist. Before the pout finished forming itself on her face and she started chasing around for more wine, he said, looking into her eyes,


    ¡°As long as you don¡¯t take any decision in a moment of anger, you¡¯re finicky and thriving perfection. Definitely the best.¡±


    She frowned at that, displeased, extracting herself from his embrace.


    ¡°General jests, this decision of drugging you, wasn¡¯t it also taken in anger?¡±


    He felt the case a bit helpless, missing the warm that had been just there as she sat back, just in front of him now, knees touching.


    ¡°How about, next time, when you won¡¯t be so calm anymore, you let me hear your decision before you act on it so that we can both see if it is a reasonable one?¡±


    ¡°Was the action of drugging general Ru reasonable?¡± she asked, her smile lifting ¡°You would have said no, right? And there was no way then that the time now could exist¡± He took his hand, suddenly as though to confirm that she was still here, they still existed. She suddenly had a certain slyness in her eyes, lifting their intertwined hands, she asked, ¡°Does general really want a world where I wouldn¡¯t be there?¡±


    ¡°This world is fine enough,¡± he had said then, in all seriousness, kissing the back of her hand, eyes locked together. And Mu Rong An was suddenly bashful under this scrutinizing gaze.


    ¡°You''re no fun,¡± she complained to him then when her cheeks warmed even more, ¡°General used to blush if I was getting too close, now it¡¯s not fair!¡±


    He suddenly laughed at that all happy and free and she buried her head to his chest. Ah, the place was warm and good. She could hear his beating heart and felt his chest rise and fell as he laughed. She wounded her arms behind his back. It was good to be here. He didn¡¯t laugh at her expense for long, but the corner of his lips couldn¡¯t stop rising. He stroked the hair on the person embracing him, feeling the softness of her breathing, the warm heat through his cloth. Maybe he should bring her back to bed now.


    She asked suddenly, in a small voice,


    ¡°I am not Li Ming Qi, do you disdain me for that?¡±


    He paused, taken aback, before letting his chin on her head.


    ¡°Of course not, you¡¯re Mu Rong An, no need to compare.¡±


    ¡°I still don¡¯t like riding, will you hate me for that?¡±


    His mouth twitched in humor.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay to take the carriage then, no trouble.¡±


    ¡°...When in the Capital, will you abandon me?¡±


    ¡°Of course not, you can go back tea houses, to painting landscapes or little black or go back to music, I¡¯ll accompany you to it all if you want.¡±


    She snuggled even closer,


    ¡°About that night, what I did, I¡¯m a bit sorry now¡­ but not apologetic,¡± she added.


    What kind of apology was this one? Could it even be considered an apology? He chuckled a bit, soothing her hair, he said,


    ¡°That¡¯s fine then. I accept your apologies.¡±


    In a smaller tone, muffled by his cloth, she asked,


    ¡°¡­I like you, do you hate me for that?¡±


    He halted then and inhaled the scent of her hair before whispering to her too,


    ¡°No¡­ I think I like you too.¡±


    She suddenly disentangled from him, wanting to see his face. There was a smile there, one that reached his eyes, kilometers apart from the usual general¡¯s face. From sitting, she went to her knees, a bright smile on her face too, as she straddled him, sitting on his thigh.


    ¡°Do you find your wife beautiful?¡± she asked in a whisper, leaning to his face.


    ¡°Very much.¡±


    She leaned even closer,


    ¡°Even last year when all you wanted was to wring my neck?¡±


    She put both hands on his shoulders, while he steadied her with a hand around her waist.


    ¡°Especially then,¡± he said, gruffly, noses touching, eyes locked together, breath intertwining.


    And the fire, of there was a blazing fire in them, consuming them, trying to break free.


    ¡°Then, good general, what are you waiting for to kiss this wife?¡±


    And the general did as his wife bid.


    ***


    The morning after, she woke up groaning. Her head aching a bit and he had a hungover soup prepared for her.


    ¡°That wasn¡¯t fair.¡±


    And he did as though he didn¡¯t understand, taking her complaint in a kiss. And somehow, between his heated tongue and caresses, she forgot all that she was complaining about.


    When they had been bathed and clothed, she wanted, she said, to see her painting box and he had people take it over.


    But she sat there, hands trembling, heart aching, unable to open it. He was beside her then, putting his hand on hers as they opened it together.


    She saw her things, they were all intact, spared by the fire. Touching them, as though rediscovering them, she could imagine herself again, when she just sat there and drew. Drew a happy, beautiful life. And she really wished it could still be.


    He didn¡¯t rush her, let her the time as she touched every one of her brushes and when she had picked the last, he commented about her children drawings. They were good, really. And if she wanted he could have an expert enlarged every one of her painting.


    Ruminating his last words, she couldn¡¯t help herself but shake with laughter.


    She was laughing at his expenses but he really didn¡¯t know what he said. He could only touch his nose, his eyes happy to see her good again, even though he really wanted to know what prompted these waves of laughter.


    He wasn¡¯t ignorant too long.


    ¡°Did general inspect all the drawings?¡±


    He didn¡¯t, not really, he had seen the first drawer and the second, he hadn¡¯t opened the rest.


    But she did, she opened all the drawers and took out all the piles. There were behind false bottoms, which wood she took out and for each of the four drawers, there was a new pile of papers.


    When she carefully unfolded it, the him who was looking over her shoulder felt his breathing halt a bit, his whole body stiffening. She was leaning on him and looked up at his face as he took the drawing in hands, letting him saw it closer.


    Ah, it seemed he was stiffening more, she thought with a bit of slyness.


    Pictures of him. Him. Ru Shan Yong hadn¡¯t even voiced his admiration for her drawings -which he recognised did look close to the true; She even drew him on little black with his military uniform on- but his words died on his throat as he saw that the more papers he was putting to the side, the more naked he was going.


    Drawing him without an upper cloth was fine, but was there a need to draw a complete naked scene, barely covered? The face on the drawings was flushed and goodness, was his body aroused?


    How can a person draw such a thing!


    His already embarrassed form had the tips of his ears turned redder. And he thought back to his words, wanting to enlarge all her drawings. For others to see him like this¡­


    Mu Rong An saw, as even the person¡¯s neck turned red, the smile never left her face. Ah, the expression he had on, she itched to take a brush again.


    And it was as though he read her mind,


    ¡°I¡¯m going to destroy them all!¡±


    ¡°Why, aren¡¯t they good enough?¡±


    Really, ah what could he do with such a person!


    ¡°That kind of things actually procured me joy, and drawing you in that ecstasy, the kind of face that only I know, I wouldn¡¯t want others to see; So they¡¯re secured really. They are only for me.¡±


    He was bright red, shaking his head to ignore her nonsense as he folded the papers again,


    ¡°What would you do with them anyway?¡±


    She hugged him then, really ah, she didn¡¯t want him to burn them,


    ¡°They¡¯re for when you¡¯d be all grey, with wrinkles everywhere, I can remember then that you had once been a dashing young man.¡±


    Really, left people speechless!


    ¡°And what can I remember your young days with!¡±


    ¡°Ah, but general, your wife will be forever young in your eyes, won¡¯t she?¡±


    She sure had no qualm in saying that, still rambling on about his exquisite body. He groaned and leaned to kiss her, shutting her embarrassing mouth.


    She yelped in surprise as she was lifted suddenly off the ground, his arms wrapping around her and they were back on the bed.


    ***


    It was the sound outside that woke her. The howling winds rattling the windows.


    It hadn¡¯t rained for a long time. Actually, all through the year, there had been almost no rain at all. But here it was now, pelting the windows accompanied by loud thunder shattering the sky. The pitter-patter of the rain filled her ears. Things had advanced and arrived far before they were supposed to. This rain was supposed to be the silence before the storm. That acclaim moment when the villager and army would lower their guards and then there would be attacks from the neighboring country. A state that should have lasted for months.


    But now, it seemed the rain was announcing the end of it before it even began. Mu Rong An flittingly wondered what geared it all, how it had been resolved, before throwing questions like these at the back of her head. She didn¡¯t really care. Military strategies or whatnots, that too, she didn¡¯t care, but, she turned around and looked at the person in the bed by her side. She did care about this one very much. As long as he was alright, then it was good.


    She lifted one of his arms and snuggled to him. They both had no clothes on, so she directly felt the warmth on his skin against hers. She breathed slowly, contentedly.


    They were set to leave for the capital in some hours but she wished this moment with them both under those coverts could go on forever.


    ¡°Go back to sleep,¡± He murmured to her. It was still night after all.


    She lifted her head to see his gaze on her, smiling, she pushed herself up to meet his lips and when they parted, she whispered,


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to¡­ reality is finally better than dreams.¡±


    He had previously -when she had glared at the almost invisible scars on her body, complaining about them not being completely removable-, kissed every one of them as though he worshipped them, and she had felt special. Unique. That was the sensation she wanted to keep on feeling.


    His burning gaze locked onto hers as he shifted them so that she was under him and kissed her again. Heatingly and passionately. He breathed onto her skin, his breath heated against the cooling night. The contrast caused her to shiver, her legs parting as her lips did the same in a soundless whisper.


    The storm had picked up outside. She felt like she was in a cocoon with him, wrapped up in a warm storm cloud and shot through with bursts of lightning every time he clutched her thighs or sucked another hickey onto her throat, onto her breasts, marking her. She was his. And he was hers. So, she marked him alike.


    There was in her that sensation of want, want, want. His name resonated in the room muffled by the sounds outside. She had repeated it so long that she felt it became a reverberation in the room; when she kept on saying it, their bodies rollicking, and close enough, it just kept on being reiterated by her mouth so much that it surely turned into an echo. And he was groaning hers and she felt all complete and warm and full.


    For a long few minutes, only the sound of the storm and their panting filled the place. She sat back on his thighs, kissing him all over again while he softened inside of her.

 Chapter 14: ! Returning Home

    ¡°You¡¯ll cut me.¡± He said again but still, reluctantly, let her have the razor in her hands. It was a sharpened knife-like razor.


    ¡°I won¡¯t dare., she protested with a bit of laughter in her tone now gesturing for him to sit down and let her have her way.


    Sighing resignedly, Ru Shan Yong really sat thinking that one cut or two -maybe a bit more- didn¡¯t really matter, they would heal anyway before they arrived in the capital and it wasn''t like it really hurt.


    All this started because he innocently just wanted to shave his beard. He wasn¡¯t really minding his appearance previously, it was the least of his preoccupation these past weeks, but looking in the mirror when waking up he found that he had let it grown too much this time around and he didn¡¯t particularly like it. With or without it, he was dashing had chimed in his wife but seeing him determinate to shave she suddenly found herself in the mood to serve him and do it for him.


    Well, this woman, eagerly serving others was a first and he didn¡¯t really know if he should consider himself lucky or unlucky to be the subject of her service. He had only look on as she had shooed her servants -who were asking behind the door if they should come in and help her bath and dress-.


    Mu Rong An leaned on him, smearing the foam on his chin and, with a concentration he had never seen her have before she delicately passed the knife over with all the precaution she could muster. Each time wiping the mixture of foam and hair on the borders of a small basin before wiping it again on a towel then coming back to his face. Her gestures were slow and careful really not wanting to hurt him. It was a bit of a strange sight. And seeing her so serious had him lift the corner of his lips a bit which got him to be pinched on the cheek and scolded,


    ¡°Do you really want to be cut? Don¡¯t move your mouth, ah.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± He was still the husband, wasn¡¯t he? He was still older than her, wasn¡¯t he? How come he was treated like this?


    ¡°Lift your chin a bit.¡±


    He obediently did so, yet seconds later he took in a sharp breath as the iron pierced his skin,


    "Ah! Don''t touch! Don''t move!" she said immediately, wiping the blood that leaked with attention. "Wasn''t my fault," she grumbled in a whisper as she got even slower after that.


    "..." Was it his fault then?


    And when she finished, she wiped his face with a clean towel, sat on his thighs and observed her handiwork, proud of herself. Well, he had to give her that she did better than he thought she would. Three cuts that didn¡¯t even bleed that much was good for her first time and she had this elated expression, caressing his face, as though she did something wonderful that he couldn¡¯t quite help himself but pull her hand to seal their lips together.


    ¡°Will you be helping me every day from now on then?¡± he asked in a whisper in her ear.


    She pushed his chest to see his face once again and frowned a bit, as she passed her hand on his chin,


    ¡°Smooth is good," she replied "but I like it when it¡¯s ticklish too. So no. Otherwise, when will this beard grow again?¡±


    Ru Shan Yong really didn¡¯t know how to feel, it seemed his appearance from now on was to be decided by her when he should shave and not. The corners of his lips wouldn¡¯t stop raising though and when she bent down to kiss him again he thought it didn¡¯t really matter, it was fine to do it as she liked.


    She yelped when he suddenly stood up with her in his hands,


    "We should bath already," he said, "else the water will grow cold."


    She just wound both hands behind his neck and kissed him again.


    ***


    The morning they approached the gates of the capital enough to see them, Ru Shan Yong left the carriage to mount on little black and Mu Rong An knew then that he would be finishing the travel there. It wasn¡¯t that he previously did all the travel in the carriage; actually, most of the time, he was on little black¡¯s back, galloping near her window. However, for some time of the day, he would keep his wife company by directly sitting in front of her. But now, he was in the front line, the first to be seen in the procession and Mu Rong An, left alone in her carriage, clasped her hands together, her thoughts a bit of a mess.


    It wasn¡¯t that she didn¡¯t want to come back to the capital; in actual facts, coming back here was great but she couldn¡¯t help but wonder how it would affect the new harmony she finally found with her husband. He would be back to his friends and she was thinking about two particulars ones of them. If she had to be honest ¨Cwould she really be if he asked?-, she would quite like for him to cut ties with them. However, she was perfectly clear though, that she couldn¡¯t seriously mess their relationship even if she tried¡­


    She wouldn¡¯t¡­ That¡¯s how she was feeling at this moment anyway¡­ she just hoped they would give her the courtesy of not trying to mess her relationship too¡­


    The procession passed through the gates, the population¡¯s cheers got even louder now and Mu Rong An firmly kept the carriage¡¯s curtains down, trying not to think at all.


    At one point, the men halted while the carriage kept advancing and when it advanced enough to catch up with Ru Shan Yong who was perched on his mount, unmoving, the man then had his horse came closer to let her know that he was going to the palace first and, she, she would be directly accompanied in the Ru residence. Mu Rong An didn¡¯t immediately respond, letting the silence floated a bit, before saying, ¡°I know¡±.


    He ordered his men then to move forward. He stood there, watching the carriage go for time, before having his stallion move to the other direction followed by his men.


    ***


    Coming back in the Ru residence, Mu Rong An, this time around actually did some efforts to know her in-laws, to better their views of her and ameliorate their relationship. If before it was mostly politeness, now she was sincere in trying to be filial. Ru Shan Yong loved his family and she really had no reason to find fault with them. They were, from now onwards her family too and she sincerely hoped they would be getting along.


    ***


    The night came and Ru Shan Yong still had to come back. Sitting by the small table in the chamber, gazing at the window, she had almost forgotten that sensation.


    Waiting.


    Would she have remembered if she didn''t converse with her sisters in law? Ru Shan Yong''s biological sister, Ru Ying Yue didn''t talk all that much but his elder brother''s wife had wanted to accommodate her and not let her feel like a stranger in the room. However, Hui Yin didn''t really think she had much in common with this younger sister, so after the common greetings, she had Mu Rong An talked a bit about her life in the borders before lamenting jokingly how she, she never had the chance to accompany her husband.


    The conversation didn''t last long. Her mother in law said that she should rest early for she must be tired after all this travel. And sitting here, all alone in this big bedroom, it finally dawned on her that actually, she was really married to a general. A general. Someone bounded to go to battlefields and risked his life. Someone, she would be unable to see at will.


    She wasn¡¯t a person who could mount a horse and brandished a sword to actually claim to him ¡®I¡¯m going with you¡¯. She was bound to wait. And wait. And wait... Maybe there were times when it wouldn¡¯t resolve itself in months like it did with the Fen country, maybe it could take years before he comes back¡­ And maybe¡­ despite her wait,¡­ he would never come back.


    If it was like this, wouldn¡¯t it be better for him to actually work in the capital, to be promoted in the capital¡¯s defense or work for the palace? She wondered a bit if she could persuade him to ask for an affectation in there.


    She gazed at her bed. It was the same one she had slept on in their wedding night -not that they shared a bed that night-, all too big for a single person now she thought. She really wished he would come back to her and sleep here for she had already forgotten how it was to sleep by herself.


    She was dozing off when he came back, her neck already sored for she had lied down uncomfortably on the table. She vaguely heard him sighed helplessly before he lifted her and tucked her to bed, then changing his clothes and lying by her side snuggling to her. He sighed comfortably now and she snuggled closer to share his warmth.


    ***


    The day after, even if Mu Rong An wanted to return to her family to greet them, it would have to wait, for a feast had long been prepared by the Emperor for the general and was just waiting for his return. So it seemed before getting to see her family members, she would have to first play pretend in the palace. And with her best smile on, she was ready to go.


    ¡°You won¡¯t try harming people, right?¡± Ru Shan Yong asked quite bluntly with a frown on his face as they were both ready and about to go to the carriage.


    And by people, he most certainly meant Li Ming Qi. That was a subject of conversation they didn''t have since long ago and he genuinely couldn''t tell what kind of thoughts his wife had concerning his friends. She had said not hatred but for this person, it could mean a variety of things. Mostly bad ones.


    ¡°Of course not," she said pursing her lips. That person and her, if they both could go on with their lives and not interact at all would be best but since it couldn''t be, she truthfully said, "At worst, it would only be words.¡±


    "Mu Rong An," he said with a sort of warning in his tone and she smiled at him,


    "Have I ever been rude in public? I''ll be the very picture of courtesy. I really have no reason to be in disharmony with people now, do I?"


    He seemed to think a bit before saying,


    "It''s alright to fight back though," He added just in case it was actually his friends that incite her ire.


    Even though he already talked to the three of them Ru Shan Yong really couldn''t predict how they would react. If only by being just polite it would be good enough.


    Mu Rong An didn''t acknowledge his words for she really needn''t his authorization for this. For those who picked on her, she had always retorted in kind so far and she wouldn''t stop doing it now. Either way, that woman was now a princess consort, she would have to be courteous to her; however, if it was the other that started it, no one would fault her then in defending her self.


    He seemed to read her thoughts, though he didn''t rebuke, just lightly knocked her forehead with his finger; frowning at him, she lifted her hand to massage the place. It was good, he thought, to see her face displayed so many emotions now but he knew once they stepped in the Palace, her smile would be as fake as all the others.


    ¡°And you have me too,¡± he assured.


    She opened her mouth but didn''t say anything and in the end closed it, shifting her sight, not looking him in the eye, she murmured an "En" that he almost didn''t catch.


    What now? Was she blushing? That''s an endearing sight!


    He made a motion to touch her hair - a gesture he seemed to like recently- but before it reached she already swatted his hand away. Her hair had already been dressed so beautifully what was he messing it for!


    ***


    Mu Rong An really didn''t have to wait long before meeting with the second prince and his wife again. It just so happened that they arrived almost at the same time in the Palace.


    Hen Ru Ying wasn''t living in the imperial palace but in his own residence which wasn''t too far and upon entering the palace, from one point, everyone must go down the carriage and finished the road by feet. Seeing the general just some meters in front, the second prince had a servant go and asked of the general to wait for them to catch up so they could arrive together.


    Mu Rong An long ago had her signature smile on her lips and said nothing, standing still near her husband while looking back at the approaching couple. She sneaked a peek at her own husband. The corners of his lips that used to be slightly lifted each time he saw Li Ming Qi previously weren''t today. Her heart finally calmed down. She could now believe he really let go of his feelings. So, her mood better, she reported her attention to the incoming people.


    Wasn''t it cute, they were wearing matching clothes!


    Li Ming Qi didn''t change much or maybe she now had more presence than before. Her husband was dotingly holding her hands almost as though, would she so wished, he was ready to carry her and spared her the walking. Mu Rong An noted too, that none of Hen Ru Ying''s concubines were present. She bet one really did court her death by constantly opposing this female lead and the other -who certainly faked an illness today- was planning on not minding her husband anymore but curry favor with the new wife.The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    Wasn''t it kind of unfair? Others were deemed unvirtuous if they oppressed the concubines but this person had the world singing praises for her virtuousness instead albeit that was the handiwork of her husband''s influence. They were in love and since marriage, the prince never strayed. People were acclaiming this even more so that this husband liked to profess his infatuation.


    As she was looking at them, the one Ru Shan Yong had his eyes on, was her. Somehow, it was important for him to see which reaction she''d have upon seeing the second prince again. No longing he could see or tenderness. Good. And upon looking at Li Ming Qi too, she was still calm.


    There wasn''t any anger in Mu Rong An, really, maybe something akin to boredom so she couldn''t help herself then but wish for this ''perfect'' woman to trip and fall and if possible, drag her equally ''perfect'' husband in that fall too so that she, Mu Rong An, could attest how well matched they were and she certainly wouldn''t forget to praise their so-called harmony.


    Ru Shan Yong cleared his throat and she flashed him an innocent smile. Wasn''t he way too much perceptive lately?


    The royal couple finally joined them and they exchanged pleasantries before continuing the road together.


    ***


    Once inside the great imperial hall, the sitting places had been arranged so that the second prince and general Ru sat side by side so consequently, Mu Rong An and Li Ming Qi were quite close too.


    There wasn''t a separation for men and women, the hall was slowly getting filled while waiting for the Emperor and Empress to arrive.


    Something Mu Rong An discovered later in the ongoing discussions, it seemed that Li Ming Qi already had a son of some months now, so she could only follow suit like everyone else and ask how the child was, though, she couldn''t really be sure what this new mother responded. She suddenly developed selective hearing, ah, which was wonderful, absolutely!


    And while others were marveling at the crown princess cold countenance, noble aura, and whatnot Mu Rong An was thinking if she should just fake illness and leave earlier. It wouldn''t be good though, the banquet had yet to start and she couldn''t really miss the Emperor praising her husband now, could she? It was just that she would have preferred a different sitting position.


    Anyway, she had a fake smile on that Ru Shan Yong definitely wouldn¡¯t be proud of and participate in the conversations while her husband was deep in his.


    ***


    When the Emperor and Empress left and everyone started following, and although Mu Rong An too, wouldn''t have mind returning home -heck, she wished they would return already!- she still denied being tired when asked and so, Ru Shan Yong left without worry with Hen Ru Ying somewhere to catch up all by themselves; and she, she was wondering now if she should go out to breath a bit rather than stay here to answer all these questions the women around her fancied asking.


    ¡°You were politer than I thought you would have been,¡± interrupted the voice of the princess consort when she really did go out.


    They were just outside the hall, not far from the passage and even though Mu Rong An''s servant had previously wanted for her mistress to wear a coat, the other had claimed to want to feel the cool breeze of the night some more.


    "Is princess consort so bored that she would come to seek my company?" she asked with a smile.


    There were so many people in there trying to talk to her, what was she doing here? Was she feeling lonely if no one was making things difficult for her?


    Li Ming Qi looked at Mu Rong An for a time. The other was clearly not welcoming her presence but there was no longer this murderous aura she was filled with when facing her previously.


    "Were the northern borders an enjoyable place?"


    Was Mu Rong An supposed to say she liked staying in a place of war? She just kept her mouth shut.


    Mulling her words over, Li Ming Qi finally said after a sigh,


    "Life goes and continues. A deception isn''t bad sometimes and help the growth. The past shouldn''t be thought about with longing but should serve as a lesson."


    "..." Who asked this woman her opinion? Mu Rong An''s smile didn''t waver but her eyes grew cold.


    Seeing that the other wasn''t willing to converse, Li Ming Qi turned to the servant by the side and ordered,


    "The night is getting colder, what are you waiting for, already put that coat on your mistress."


    Such a thing had Mu Rong An''s polite smile went warmer as she lifted her hand to motion for her servant to stop,


    "Princess consort still has the time to care of others I see. It is quite unnecessary."


    "What others," said the now princess in a smile, "there is no need for such politeness between friends... Aren''t we friends now?"


    Mu Rong An''s smile widened some more,


    ¡°I don¡¯t dare accept such a friendship.¡± She said, adding in her heart, ''even if the world had no more people, I''m afraid there are still some that I would never befriend.''


    "... This may be a saying you may not know but it goes ''never say never''," chuckled Li Ming Qi. "This princess had been friends with the general for a longer time and can help to give his preferences, what do you say," she tried again.


    "One would wonder when the princess consort learned to be a dog who catches mice."


    Before Li Ming Qi''s servant could get angry and rebuked, her master was chuckling again, feeling that indeed, she was a bit meddlesome now. She had first thought that whatever magic Ru Shan Yong did to this woman it made her more amiable, but apparently, that was just an impression or maybe as long as the person talking to her wasn''t Li Ming Qi she was genuinely amiable?


    The first prince Hen Ming Jin got out of the hall at this moment and greeted them, particularly lingering to talk to Li Ming Qi with unending appreciation.


    The first prince was bound to die. Previously, the physician had predicted three years left to his life. Always suffering, he was never seen in public, forever in his residence drinking terribly bitter medicines every day. Li Ming Qi arrived and ameliorate his state. For that, he was quite fond of her. He wasn''t experiencing that excruciating pain anymore and even though she too said he couldn''t be saved, she added to his lifespan a bit, saying that he still had seven years to go at least and nine at best.


    When the man left, Mu Rong An couldn''t resist saying,


    ¡°Isn''t godly doctor the title bestowed upon you? What is it that you can''t really cure?"


    "Sometimes no one can do anything," she sighed with regret.


    "Indeed. no one is God. What the princess consort can do and cannot, only the princess knows. The Emperor had already prayed but wasn''t listened to, maybe when the second prince would be crowned then this time around all wishes could be satisfied."


    Li Ming Qi smiled too and Mu Rong An thought, it was as fake a smile as everyone else in the Palace now.


    "Indeed. Let us hope."


    If asked, Mu Rong An would say that Li Ming Qi was simply refusing to cure the first prince. Of course, whether the woman really had the ability she didn''t know but just for the sake of antagonizing her, she rather thinks that the woman was securing her hubby''s dragon seat and either way if the first prince died easily without a stream of blood to follow it was best for them.


    One had to wonder though if he was coveting it in the first place. Informed since birth that he wouldn''t live long, he certainly wasn''t.


    The one who would sit on the Emperor''s throne was Hen Ru Ying. He and his desire to unify the world.


    Calling for a palace servant, Mu Rong An had him pass a message to her husband stating that she was quite tired now, while she returned to the hall to wait for him.


    Li Ming Qi looked at her, sighed once again and thought that she did try anyway.


    In a pavilion, just the two of them, Ru Shan Yong and Hen Ru Ying were talking while sharing wine. They talked about the borders first, Fen country, the new weapons,... and in the end, redirected their conversation to Ru Shan Yong''s marriage after having talked about Hen Ru Ying''s baby.


    "Are you really planning to stay married?"


    Even now, the second prince couldn''t quite understand what prompted his friend''s decision and even more, he chose Mu Rong An as the one he wedded.


    "By now you must have experienced countless reasons for a divorce to be approved."


    Ru Shan Yong vaguely thought about someone threatening to harm any other woman he would be infatuated with and the corners of his lips rose a bit,


    "None at all," he said and the lie was actually a truth for despite everything he knew of her, divorcing Mu Rong An wasn''t something he envisaged at all. It sounded like a ridiculous thing actually.


    Hen Ru Ying observed his face a bit,


    ¡°This prince remembers your words of four years ago," and he proceeded to repeat them although adding some words and deleting others.


    "If it comes down to it and if by sheer will, I think I''ll never marry" had once said Ru Shan Yong in a gathering. "They talk another language entirely." There he was talking about the ladies in general. "I won''t understand her and she won''t stand me."


    Not everyone was like the sisters he had at home after all.


    "And I remember your words being way harsher than mine."


    "Indeed," Hen Ru Ying conceded, in a laugh, "but Qi''er is different while Mu-"


    Ru Shan Yong violently put his cup on the table, the thing cracked and broke and the remaining wine spilled all over. The abrupt sound effectively cut Hen Ru Ying''s words and the latter looked at his friend who had a somber expression on, the smile long gone,


    "My wife," he said with a tone of warning.


    His friend was serious, the second prince realized. Since when had they not being crossed with each other? It should certainly be way back from when they were still kids yet now his closest friend was getting angry at him for another person? And for Mu Rong An at that?


    "It is indeed I who went too far," Hen Ru Ying apologized, not ready to turn this joyous night into a quarrel. "No need to take it so seriously."


    The servant sent by Mu Rong An came at this moment and Ru Shan Yong got up to go, but halted to state,


    ¡°If it comes down to facts, I think my previous words can be considered as lies now.¡±


    He was starting to understand her just fine after all and she didn''t seem to be struggling too either.


    ***


    Back in the Ru residence, in their courtyard, all ready and set for bed, as he looked at his wife who, since the carriage hadn''t uttered a word, Ru Shan Yong asked,


    "How was it with the princess consort?"


    He had deliberately left them together to see if their relationship could be bettered. Although he didn''t think they would be all suddenly the closest friends in the world, he still wanted though for them to be able to stand each other''s presence without forcing themselves; without Mu Rong An having to cage all her anger in a smile. He had waited for her to talk about it or even complained but she said nothing so he could only resolve himself to ask.


    Mu Rong An was sitting on the bed, pulling at the blanket to slip under, she paused in her movement to look at him who also sat on the other side of the bed.


    She pursed her lips. She had wanted to catch up with her friends that were present or talk to her brother alone but it was as though that Li Ming Qi was following her everywhere so much that she had to step out and breath. So no, she didn''t particularly find the banquet pleasant. From the moment he stepped out with the second prince it became stuffy for her -and that because she was particularly trying to mind her words-. She wasn''t sure she would keep minding them all that much in the future. She kept on distracting herself with the idea that she could always send cards to invite those she liked in the residence later anyway or directly go visit; else she swore, princess consort or not, her mouth would have ended slipping and bringing calamities to let him deal with it! It wouldn''t be bad, hadn''t he said she could count on him?


    "It was entertaining," she responded anyway not wanting a lengthy conversation on those people at the moment. "The crown princess was bored so I accompanied her to talk a bit," Ru Shan Yong certainly didn''t miss the insincerity in that smile of hers and sure enough, she added, "unwillingly, of course. Not that in her greatness she minded; she is all healthy now, good and well... we talked for some time..." her smile got even brighter, "it was amazing."


    "...I won''t meddle anymore," Ru Shan Yong promised in an apology tone and quite helplessly added, "we are out of the Palace can you stop smiling like this now?"


    She didn''t, "Why," she asked, "I had such a good night! Listening to everyone around praising the princess consort and so loud near me... and I didn''t mind that" she said hastily before he could cut her, "but she had to follow me everywhere I went... forcing me to listen to her life... and yours," that''s where her smiled died "as though she wanted to prove a point."


    Ru Shan Yong furrowed his brows too,


    "Mine?"


    "Your great friendship! It''s not like this wife is unaware of it!"


    He took her hand that was holding on to the blanket in his and pressed a soft kiss to her palm, brushed his lips over the inside of her wrist. The gesture seemed to calm her and her eyes searched his.


    "It''s disappointing you that I don''t want... I can be polite to her. She is the princess consort, I would still have to be polite to her... To give people face... I can do it... I learned it all my life... I can play pretend... but don''t ask me to genuinely have her in my heart."


    "I can''t be disappointed..." he said his hand on her cheek, "it was my wrong... and it''s alright... keep telling me... don''t bottle up things..."


    "She was polite maybe even amiable... I just didn''t want to see her... Maybe I was jealous... Did you know," her voice got softer and softer as she lowered her head "... she has a child... a boy... a healthy, living, boy"


    She had put a hand on her stomach, without a doubt reminiscing that child they lost.


    He lifted her chin and kissed her.  Soft kiss that got heated quite soon. He whispered to her in ragged breaths, forehead touching, mouthes close, hot heated breath mingling,


    "You''ve got nothing to prove. Being you is enough and for anything else, we are together. We have a lifetime to understand each other... a lifetime to know each other in and out."


    He kissed her forehead, her temple, her cheek, descended to her neck slowly pushing her on the bed; his hands everywhere as though wanting to physically prove her to her that she indeed wasn''t alone.


    Clothes flew left and right, pants and soft moans filling the air.


    "Don''t move," he ordered when she wanted to bascule their position and he went even further down the bed, stretching between her legs. He rubbed his cheek against the inside of her thigh, trailing kisses over the well of her knee; she shivered, moaning as he smoothed his hands over her hips. He nosed at the crease of her thigh, his breath soft and warm against her; he slid his hands down to open her legs further, his palms warm against her sweaty skin, then drew his tongue-


    She yelped,


    ¡°You! Where do you think you¡¯re licking?"


    He chuckled. "I remembered someone once doing the same... and refusing to budge!"


    She whimpered, hissing the inhale through her teeth when he pressed his mouth to the high juncture between her legs, his face buried in the cradle of her thighs, his hands an upward slide across the soft slope of her low belly.


    ¡°Don¡¯t talk when in this place.¡± she scolded albeit panting and not very convincing. Dear! he kept on licking and she gasped, trembled; Heat rushing all over her body, under her skin, down her belly, wetting her all the more.


    Her eyes closed and her hands clenched in the blanket. Breathing was so hard. And he kept on licking so brazenly. The initial shame dissolved as she couldn''t think anymore, her panting louder, her breath more ragged. He kept on feasting on her unabashedly, his tongue parting her and delving inside. Her hold on the sheet tightened. She threaded the fingers of one hand in his hair, was she pushing him out or pushing him in for a deeper contact, she didn''t know. She was gasping and trembling, heat twisting in her belly. He curved his hands underneath her, moaning and lifting her closer to his mouth, and she pushed up against him, desperate and unable to breathe, finding her release had her back arched and his tongue fluttered and curled. She cried his name, holding his hair firmly not caring at the moment if it hurt him or not, heart beating fast, toes curling.


    He chuckled as he lifted himself up. Her face was redder than it had ever been and he felt a sensation of accomplishment then.


    She could taste herself when he leaned up and kissed her, sharp and slightly sweet; he mouthed at her neck, dragging his lips over to her collarbone. He made a low noise against her neck as he slid inside her. It took her a few long seconds to regain her composure, and she was suddenly aware of a heated length. She reversed their position then and he let her set the rhythm...

 Epilogue

    ¡°Aren¡¯t you eating way too much recently?¡± asked Feng Xi in a sort of amazed voice when she saw Mu Rong An followed her lead and filled her own bowl one more time. For Feng Xi it was quite alright, she would train and her body needed the additional energy but where did this slim woman stock all that she ate?


    The comment, an unwelcome one, had Mu Rong An scowled ¨Cwhich Feng Xi actually liked better than the other''s polite smile. These days, Mu Rong An seemed to ease in her presence and wasn¡¯t as rejecting as before.


    ¡°Aren¡¯t people supposed to eat when hungry?¡± she rebuked.


    ¡°Are they starving you in there for you to be so hungry!¡±


    ¡°You!¡± Wasn¡¯t this woman cheeky! She came all the way to her residence to eat for free and dared comment as boldly as she wanted, ¡°I¡¯m hungry so what!¡±


    Feng Xi laughed out loud at the other¡¯s outrage and slapped her thigh as she said, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯m sorry, eat, eat, never let it be said that because of me the general¡¯s wife didn¡¯t eat her fill. He won¡¯t let me alone if I dare.¡±


    Mu Rong An glared at her and returned to her chopsticks, choosing to ignore her.


    Feng Xi, a smile on her lips, observed the other woman more attentively now. For the past month, she would come from time to time to pass a bit of a time in this residence to see this person. Although she was mostly treated politely at the beginning it was better now and looking at this person who was now acting like a human and not like some sort of automaton without a soul, filled Feng Xi with ecstasy. Her face had regained its color, her eyes were brimming with life and¡­ she had a decent appetite. Actually a big appetite. Something for two weeks now¡­ which had Feng Xi¡¯s imagination run a bit wild, looking at her stomach¡­ It was flat still but maybe¡­ maybe... She smiled some more¡­ It was good. Really good.


    Finished with her bowl, Feng Xi placed it down and said,


    ¡°I am going to leave the capital.¡±


    Life here really wasn¡¯t for her. She had followed the army until here but she wasn''t really bound to them. She mostly came for her own reasons and now that her worries had been erased, there was no reason then, to stay where she wasn''t comfortable.


    Mu Rong An lifted her face to look at her. She found Feng Xi way more pleasing than Li Ming Qi, maybe it was because they actually never did go head to head against one another. It wasn''t that she was completely comfortable with being around her but it was far better now. After a moment, Mu Rong An said,


    ¡°En,¡­ do you know where you¡¯ll be going?¡±


    Feng Xi smiled, ¡°not yet, but the good thing about not having a destination is that every road leads you there.¡±


    The general¡¯s wife smiled wryly at that. What kind of logic was this?


    ¡°When will you depart?¡±


    ¡°In a couple of days; I¡¯m not sure I¡¯ll have the time to come and say goodbye by then so I''m doing it now.¡±


    "With Yan Mi?"


    "En."


    Mu Rong An thought a bit and motioned for her servant to come closer and she whispered in her ears. The servant left but returned swiftly after that, a pouch in hand that she gave to Feng Xi. It was filled with coins. Golden Coins. After all, what this person usually lacked the most was still money.


    ¡°I can¡¯t accept,¡± she dared reject though.


    Feng Xi thought Mu RongAn would push but the other just waved at her servant who took away the pouch and instead proposed to play a song on her erhu as a departing gift then.


    Feng Xi was more than willing to listen.


    It was just that, caught up in the song, she never remarked that the servant put the pouch in her bag and the day she did, it was far too late; she was already outside the capital.


    "Write, from time to time," Mu Rong An had suddenly asked when Feng Xi was ready to go. It would be a lie to say that there wasn''t a part of Mu Rong An happy that Feng Xi was going but at the same time, there was another part of her that started to like this woman who was constantly looking out for her as though she was her appointed guard even now.


    "I will," she promised and Mu Rong An smiled for her.


    ***


    The evening of that day, when Ru Shan Yong came back from court and they were sharing dinner in their courtyard, Mu Rong An caught herself filling her bowl one more time. If Feng Xi never pointed it out, she wouldn¡¯t have remarked.


    She pursed her lips. Was she really eating that much?


    ¡°What is it?¡± asked Ru Shan Yong when he saw that she had frozen and was now glaring at the rice in her bowl.Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    ¡°Am I eating too much?¡±


    Ru Shan Yong nearly choked on his food,


    ¡°Am I too fat?¡± she persisted,


    He first wanted to say that indeed, the amount of food she was ingesting these days had increased. He had initially wanted to ask her about it but she seemed healthier than ever so in the end, he stayed silent. To her question now, he wanted to say that a bit more meat on her was alright and even if it was more than a bit it was alright too ¨Cnot that she had gained weight- however, something in her expression told him that he must certainly not, say such words.


    ¡°Not at all,¡±


    ¡°But I eat more now, don¡¯t I?¡±


    ¡°Maybe you need to grow more,¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t be growing any more than I already am!¡±


    Why was she getting angry at him now?


    Mu Rong An tried resisting her hunger and set down her bowl intending not to eat anymore. She got up and went to sit farther, suddenly finding interest in reordering the things in the room. However, her husband still caught the sneaky glances she was giving his bowl and didn¡¯t know if he was authorized to laugh. She was actually gazing at his plate with longing! Really where was the need to torture herself? Ru Shan Yong personally served her and stood to give her the plate,


    ¡°Eat and don¡¯t think about anything else,¡± he was barely holding back his laughers and even though she was glaring at him, she still obediently took it and appeased her stomach.


    ***


    It was some days later actually, when she was with her sisters-in-law, that the idea of summoning a physician had been raised and finally understanding, she clutched the clothes on her stomach, filled with anxiety, fear, hope... Ru Shan Yong wasn¡¯t there that morning, already having departed for court; it was his sister, who took her hands in hers and smiled at her, assuring that it was going to be alright. Ru Ying Yue had felt at the time that someone must do so, for Mu Rong An had already gone pale before the physician even come.


    And when the physician said that she was pregnant, Mu Rong An didn¡¯t know if she was most scared or most happy. She really wanted it to be alright this time. The women in the residence were all happy and all praises and even though she couldn¡¯t settle for what she felt, Mu Rong An was eager to share the news with Ru Shan Yong.


    She hadn¡¯t even let him the time to change clothes and hadn¡¯t even been able to properly formulate sentences. When he came back, she had stood in front of him, a hand on her belly, a look of both joy and fright- a really strange expression. Her husband frowned, a flash of worry had him be by her side in two strides.


    ¡°What is it?¡± he had asked a hand on her shoulder staring straight into her eyes.


    She smiled then, taking his hand in hers, she guided it gently and placed it on her stomach. And through her clothes, she could still feel his warmth ¡°I... I...¡± the words failed her,


    Understanding finally dawned on him though, eyes sparkling, she saw him smiled at the point of having dimples and she thought that was the face she wanted him to have for the rest of their lives. He was kissing her then, whispering softly,


    ¡°This general told you that there was nothing wrong with your body.¡±


    She beamed at him, all worries disappearing into nothingness.


    That night she snuggled impossibly closer to him or maybe it was he who was embracing her too tightly. He was assuring her that this time around everything was going to be alright, he would see that she lacked nothing,


    ¡°Be there all the way,¡± she had whispered to him, her sole plea.


    At that, Ru Shan Yong drew in a breath to her neck, inhaled her warm scent,


    ¡°I will¡± he promised, his words like an oath.


    ***


    Wasn¡¯t it ¡®wonderful¡¯ that a couple of days later that royal couple gave them the high grace of coming personally in their residence to congratulate them? Mu Rong An received them politely, took the long list of presents and medicinal supplies that were brought,  thanking the princess in all kind of flowery words. At one point, Ru Shan Yong had to entertain Hen Ru Ying alone and not trusting herself to stay in the same room with Li Ming Qi near anything breakable such as teapot and vases; she invited the other for scenery viewing of her garden. In the open air! Where she could further the distance between them!


    They were talking. At least, their mouths were moving but Mu Rong An couldn¡¯t be sure what she was saying herself, let alone the other. Her features were schooled into neutrality, her smile gentle and she just had to put a hand on her stomach to be at ease and even forget who she was talking to.


    A neigh interrupted whatever it was that the princess was saying and she turned to see little black not far away from their position.


    Lately, Mu Rong An had wanted to befriend the animal. Or at the very least to have it come when she called. She couldn¡¯t quite help the feeling; the thing was as though glued to her husband to the point she thought they were sharing him. Well, no, not really it was just accompanying him to the palace and bringing him back but she felt that it was taking way too much time of her husband! And anyway, the quadruped was loved dearly by him and thinking carefully, it was, the only one between her husband¡¯s friends, she wanted to make a long lasting companionship with! Seriously, the horse was an intelligent one!


    Not that she was anywhere near mounting it though. It was all good if it just came when called, or fake a dance when she played on an instrument or simply stood still and let her paint it. Obviously, Ru Shan Yong was here all those times or it wouldn¡¯t have. Which was certainly why it was unbound now. The servants certainly thought that today too, the general would teach his horse to be obedient to his wife.


    Looking at the animal that was lying near the flowers, Mu Rong An clapped her hand once. The horse didn¡¯t even lift its head. She clapped them again. But it kept on pretending to sleep. She pursed her lips. That annoying quadruped! Wasn¡¯t it all obedient when Ru Shan Yong was there? She clapped again.


    ¡°It¡¯s not a dog you know-¡± Li Ming Qi started, but before she could finish, the proud animal lifted its head and neighed loudly and it stood suddenly, slowly coming closer to its mater¡¯s wife. Mu Rong An flashed Li Ming Qi a smile as, for once, the animal was actually letting her pet its head by itself.


    ¡°It is my husband¡¯s horse, of course, it knows me better than outsiders!¡±


    Li Ming Qi pursed her lips but didn¡¯t talk. When she too, made a motion towards little black it shrugged, lifted its head to neigh and came closer to Mu Rong An. Suddenly, Mu Rong An felt damn prideful of this animal! She noted somewhere in her head that she most definitely should reward it with more food! For once she really felt coordinate with this quadruped!


    As she joyfully recounted the obedience of the stallion that night to her husband all smile and compliments about it, Ru Shan Yong''s corners lips couldn''t lower. Hearing her, one could doubt she was talking about an animal and to add to her delight of that night, he broke to her the news that, the emperor had given him the charge of the inner city. Unless they were to be assieged or another decree, he would be working in the capital from now on.


    The future really looked bright. Far brighter than she could have ever thought of.