《A Safe Place》 Year one The rain from the night prior had formed a dense cool heavy fog that cloaked half the tall buildings that towered nearly swallowed by the fog into the skyline. On my way out of the underground subway I could see the sun struggling to melt the fog. By midway through my morning commute the fog had all but disappeared only to be seen far off in the distance between the odd cluster of apartments. The warm light of morning fell on the hoods of cars, shine off the pained glass buildings, falling on the heads of people on the busy street. The streets were lined with vehicles that stretched down the length of the long streets. The smell of dewy grass and crunchy leaves wafted it''s way through the exhaust fumes from the cab drivers and road crews from, the little edge of forest by Central Park. I watched as someone stepped onto the street they caught onto a cab. Several colourful awnings and business signs stood out across the street. Trees lined the sides of the streets. The crunchy leaves of late autumn had yet have fallen away from their wet branches. The condensation coated the thin branches it dripped off the leaves onto people who walked beneath them. On this particular day I was late to my job this happened to be job number three. Three jobs I had failed being unable to secure my position. Fears of being sacked ran rampant through my mind. The streets in New York City were alive as ever that morning. I hurried pushed past several people on their morning commute to work when my legs began to feel as though, I was running through water. They were greatly fatigued for I had ran nearly four blocks past fancy shops as well as busy cafes. I glanced up at the grey scarf stuck in the trees ahead of me. That single object distracted me each morning so much so, that if I stared at it long enough maybe I could will it to blow into the wind and find its owner. That scarf had been there for over a month. I thought about climbing the tree to retrieve it when, I felt had made it to the heart of the business district apprehension rose in my chest when, I approached a red light. It felt like the cars took a year to cross the road way. My heart lurched in my chest. The little white symbol flashed above signaling to cross the street, I glanced down at my watch before I sprinted across the crosswalk. When looked down at my watch in front of that cafe I must have walked in the path of passers by because I collided with him. He had to have just come from one of several cafes attached to one of the skyscrapers in Manhattan. I nearly shouted when the coffee his hand erupted spilling fourth from its tiny open spout. In my haste to get to work I lost several documents in their folders in my arms I grasped onto flew into air. Both of us knelt on the side walk. We began to frantically pick up the mess at my feet. But commuters on the street grumbled rashly shouting cuss words at the mess in their way. My ears went red the more and more papers I collected. I looked at the disaster I created as, I frantically collected my documents at the same time, I stammered attempting to apologize. "S..Sorry. I was rushing across the street. I must not have been paying attention to where I was going." I stammered. The man I bumped into stood to his feet. He laughed softly as he smirked he kindly said. "It''s no problem at all." While tilting his head the side he extended his hand towards mine helping me to my feet, as he passed a few documents to me. "It''s alright " he laughed. "I''ve been here many, many times myself." Right away I noticed his accent. It was Scottish. I smiled looking him over my eyes traveled up his torso to meet his kind eyes. They smiled back me. He introduced himself to me. "I''m Alex." Anxiety swelled up inside me like a tidal wave. The waves tossed me about internally. I was unable to find words. My mind pieced various words together still, I could manage to open my mouth. Perhaps that was because I was taken aback pleasantly by his tall, slim body. That light brown slicked back short hair was appealing. His eyes were like honey brown sugar. The man was well dressed in a pair of dark wash denim jeans, also he wore a well fitted royal blue sports coat over a burgundy button down shirt. I admit I felt a little sheepish although, I felt relieved having not crashed into an angry person. How long had I been standing there? I barely so much as blinked when he bid me farewell as he carried on his way somehow, I nervously said. "I''m..I''m Gabriella." I looked at my watch I had 15 minutes to get to the office. A wave of panic rushed through me. I shook his hand firmly as I made eye contact with him. I apologized again for having run into him. Then I winced before saying. "Oh no, I have to be on my way. Good bye." Upon arriving at work the meeting was already underway and I was assigned the position of note scribe. However I was late by twenty minutes.The head of our department waited for me outside my office. Her arms were folded across her chest. Her icy blue eyes froze fixated on my face. I felt as if a bomb went of in my chest flooding my nerves with toxic limb numbing anxiety. The woman was middle-aged with the face of someone far younger. She pushed out her chest exclaiming dryly. "Why did you bother coming in the office today. We needed you back there.'' She sighed calmly she pointed towards the board room using her thumb. "If you continue this behaviour you won''t last here. This is job number well, let''s see.'' I hung my head in shame, I mouthed the word ''three.'' "I just want you to know that you''ve been running my patience thin." By the time I looked up she had walked away. I could smell her expensive Sacs Fifth avenue perfume. It lingered in the air as a reminder of my failure to meet her needs as my employer. So I set the pile I held within my arms on the corner of the desk. Then I sat down to open my files left from the previous day. I stayed in my office for the remainder of the day. I finished my days share required of me. Hours later I was on my way home papers to be completed in hand when, I noticed the one on top had a company name I failed to recognize. "How the heck did I miss that! " Just then, it dawned on me the paper belonged to that young man I had crashed into earlier that day. And so I dragged my tired body off the subway route I took every evening home from work onto another train. Then using google maps I located the business he worked for, Some acting firm in the heart of downtown. The building stood before me. It was modern with large panes of glass that covered most of the face. The light from street lamps reflected off the glossy darkened windows. I opened the heavy glass door. Once inside the foyer I looked around to see a directory. The dim lights cast a shadow over the spacious floor. I barely noticed the two security guards at the front doors. I asked them which floor the name on the paper was. Floor 25 was a short elevator ride to the businesses floor. The stainless steal doors opened revealing an open concept office space. The white glossed over floors were darkened among the partially darkened room. I nervously stepped into the large office space I stood in place to look for any sign of him. The posters on the walls took up most of the space of the grey walls. Their faces hidden due to most of the lights either dimmed or shut off, this floor had natural low lighting as well so, the room was mostly dark. Then I noticed a faint light through a office window near the back of the spacious room. Could he have been there? "How dumb am I going to look to him." I questioned myself, as I walked past the rows of desks. Each desk was clean and orderly. Papers were stacked in folders they sat in front of high-tech slender computer monitors. I made my way over to the corner office. As I drew closer to the side room I could see him. His light macchiato hair fell over his face. I pushed the already ajar door further open. I stood still at the door way for a few seconds, before I silently entered the office. I noticed several photos in translucent frames along the back wall behind him. A desk lamp cast a faint yellowish hue throughout the large room. There he sat at a large dark wood finished desk two beige upholstered chairs were on either side facing the desk. he wrote several sentences on a thin piece of paper. I had to have failed to speak loud enough because he did not respond to my. " h.. hello " "I hate to intrude, I know you have to be wanting to get home for the evening." When I repeated myself he looked up at me he took off slender silver framed reading glasses. I noticed his eyes in the dim lit office they reflected honey brown.They shone in the faint lighting. I tried to suppress my reddening face as I looked at the stunning man before me. "I''m so terribly sorry. I''m the girl that.." "That bumped into me on their way to work. I recognized your eyes." I explained to him I had one of his documents. "Yes. I must have taken one if yours by mistake." He smiled kindly looking into my eyes. "Honestly, it''s not a problem. I''m just amazed you tracked me down. Shows your dedication and your kindness towards others." His almond shaped eyes crinkled at the corners. However when he took the paper from my nearly sweaty nervous hands, his eyes flickered down at the script. His light eyes trailed back up to meet mine then, he casually mentioned he was new to the city. He gave me his phone number, soon after he invited me to coffee. "You seem like a nice person. Let me take you out to coffee or a drink as a thank you." He told me his name was Alec, but he shortened it to Alex. After he moved here from the United Kingdom. Over several weeks I learned more about him. With each meeting I felt my heart growing fond of him. His kindness and pose was most attractive. That accent was certainly pleasing to listen to. I found myself wanting to go deeper in conversation with him. "We both know the truth, we can''t keep talking without acknowledging the fact." "It''s all lies if I fail admit that I do find you massively attractive. Not just physically but you have a kindness, a your gentle soul defiantly shines through in the way you carry yourself. "The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Three weeks later. "Alex? I know its late but can we talk for a bit." "That''s no problem at all. I''m awake often late at night. So yes, I would enjoy some company." I sat in my kitchen at a narrow window sill in my home. I began to say him. "When we first met I was caught by surprise. You were and still remain in my mind." I barley heard him reply. "Well you shocked me when you looked up at me that day there in the street. I feel you having that one file folder only, to return it to me was the one thing that I felt brought you back me." I blushed when he said in the tenderest whisper. "Even when you leave my side I can feel your embrace, hear your voice in my head. The thought of you brings me comfort." I told him a secret I''d been hiding about him. "I feel I can sleep once I''ve heard you speak to me in tines such as this." His voice caressed it way through my ears into my heart. "Your whisper is love song I hope I will never forget. I want your voice embedded in my memory." I got up and made my way up the stairs to my bedroom. I left the door wide open. With Alex on the phone I took my clothes off and crawled into bed in just my underwear. Once I was comfortable under my blankets I asked him. "Last week if you had not let me go from within your embrace I defiantly would have kissed you." When he replied I could tell by the elevation in his voice that he was smiling. "We will have to repeat that evening and achieve that ending." "I can feel myself, my heart falling deeper for you." Within a week I found myself waiting for him at the office. I sat back in one of the chairs facing his desk. He looked up at me from his paper he was writing. I un-crossed then slowly re-crossed my legs. I wanted to tempt him. So I acted as if I were adjusting my knee length flowing skirt. He let the pen in his hand slip through his fingers. His eyes followed the trajectory of my hands. I looked up him acting coy. I said in a low voice. "What? You want me to come on over there. Well I''d much rather you come sit here." Alex pointed at the desk. Then he pushed the papers in his hands into a pile they lay in front of him. He took off his thin spectacles. He placed them in his front shirt pocket. He looked at me with curious eyes. He whispered darkly. "Why don''t you." He pushed his chair back slightly. His hand fell off the desk landing on his knee. "I know your teasing me. So how about you come over here. We could.." "And when I do walk myself over to you what will you do then? You''ll have me all to yourself. With that large space -" I stopped speaking mid way through my sentence when I got up and walked over towards him. He reached out taking my hands within his. "Let''s stop talking." My heart began pounding echoing inside my ears. I felt his hands reach around to hold my hips for a moment before he pulled me close so, that I sat in his lap. "I want you close to me. I want your kiss to linger on my lips." I felt the back of his desk at the back of my thighs. His nose lightly touched mine. Alex whispered to me. "You''ve got me now all to yourself. What would you like to do?" "How about that kiss I''ve been hoping for. To feel your body against mine." He leaned me back so that my backside rest against the edge of desk. I pulled my hands out from under my chest. I placed them on his shoulders. I leaned close to his ear I said in an airy whisper. "Or we could do so much more if you''d like." He leaned into me he pulled my hips close to his. His lips brushed along my jawline. They found their way to mine. I closed my eyes so I could better feel his lips light against mine. Then I felt his fingers slide up underneath my shirt. I began to add pressure in my lips upon his. Enjoyed his full lips upon mine. We began kissing deeper our mouths opened in several passionate open mouthed kisses. I undid several button on his shirt. I paused when his lips slid off mine down my jaw then along my neck. Soon he pushed the papers back further on the desks surface. I gasped pulling him onto me. He push my back against his desk. His hands pressed on the cold surface. My arms were now around his neck. I lifted my legs bending my knees. I felt my face flush I could not help wanting him right there. I narrowed my eyes as I tilted my head going in for another kiss. I whispered to him. "I want to fuck you so bad." His face was red when he let out a breathy laugh saying. "Here? Well if you really want to." He lay me back so that my legs were now wrapped around his waist. He reached up my skirt hooking my panties between his fingers. He felt between the sides of my panties along my hips. His fingertips felt warm and smooth. His lips above mine when I paused to look into his almond eyes. I smiled and he smiled back at me. His face fell onto my chest. We laughed softly before we sat up. He separated from me to see beside me. He took my hands looking at my fingernails he said to me. "I think we should wait. I really want you as much as your want is for me. But really we should take this slow.'' I smiled softly nodding my head. I grasped his hands and stood up. I took his hands and pulled him towards the doorway. "Lets go watch a movie tonight! It''s a perfect night. There was three released yesterday." He let go of my left hand to turn the light off. We exited the office and headed for his car. Six months later Within a matter of weeks a date was set to review my current position with the news firm. I climbed my way from bottom of the company. Cleaning up the debris left over from past coworkers. I was determined to prove myself to them by taking on any task big or small. I had thought tackling the mountain of papers and file folders was hard, no conversing with the public in conference calls was by far more difficult. Thoughts of dread clouded my thoughts when speaking to the mass of reporters covering a new development in a article By the time I put my mental notes into full verbal paragraphs my face physically hurt. Migraines often accompanied by tingling nerves resulted, from all the loud flashes of cameras. I could not tolerate the bright lighting, nor the sea of microphones stretched in my face held by desperate reporters. The day I walked through the office doors I was greeted by the whole team. When I saw them gathered around the news room floor I knew I had made it. My executive walked up to me with her arms stretched wide. My heart raced as, I felt unsure to embrace them. I thought to extend my hand out to meet theirs in a formal hand shake before, they picked me up swigging me off the ground in a congratulatory embrace. Finally Life looked as though it was falling into place. Had I come to figured out my life''s purpose ? I thought so even as Alex came into my life. He had shown me glimpses into a life I had not known, that there was a love after having a series of heartbreaks. He modeled empathy towards others especially, when Alex would smile kindly making direct eye contact with passers by. He was courteous towards people around us by holding the door open, as we came to and from place to place. I enjoyed listening to him talk of his current projects. I admired his whole-hearted passion for his work. And I felt he was a gentle soul with a vibrant spirit. He captivated my heart with his transparency and authenticity for, he knew the right way to get his opinion across. As if Alex carefully chose each word he spoke out of compassion towards others. He had a optimistic view of life, he would see positivity despite misfortune. Soon he gave heart felt gifts letting me know he wanted me to be his one and only. In my heart I felt he was a wish granted. That I''d long ago forgot I had made. With each passing month I found myself wanting more and more to be with him often. I was naive believing Alex was mostly quite until, he got me alone with him. Then the enigmatic laughter would begin. His high energy was infectious as was his subtly romantic nature. Each time we met he brought me a single rose. He would leave notes for me at in my mail slot. No matter how many gifts he gave me what stood out the most to me was, his compassion. At times when I would complain to him about others rude behavior towards me he would gather my face in his comforting hands,,then tell me no matter what that others said he knew my truth. That there is always a positive light even in the darkest of dark times. I remember the day I came to him in tears after a fight with my sister. Yes, even as a adult in her thirties my sister still could bring me to tears. I was a sensitive person who took others words into my heart to the very depth of my being. It was in those times Alex embraced me in his arms, he reminded me I was strong. "I know its hard to breathe sometimes in the waves of hurt brought on by someone else storm but I will be there to carry you through those times and the times to come. Don''t hold in all your hurt, don''t take it in all at once, take it in slowly so you don''t break down and let their words in to cut your heart strings." Eight months My mothers birthday was a month away. I looked online for several hours for a venue book for her 75 birthday. I had been given the task to plan the day of celebrations. I settled on a fancy family restaurant in Manhattan. Finally I placed the reservation for noon on a Sunday. I thought it would be funny to see her face when she noticed the fruit bouquet centrepieces, so I ordered three. Next I called all 45 quests leaving messages for the family and friends. My four siblings and myself went to view the restaurant the week prior. When I notified my sister I was bringing someone important. I decided to invite Alex. The day had arrived and I was late as usual despite having planned the whole event. Alex agreed to meet me to pick up the centerpieces. Alex paid for the bouquets then, he turned around to face me with a large fruit structure in his arms. He smiled bright at me saying, " I brought my car so we have extra room for these beauties. Aren''t they something in person." I smiled back breathing a sigh of relief. Then we loaded the cellophane wrapped fruit in the backseat. And we drove to the restaurant. I turned to Alex as we pulled a parking spot placing my hand on his I smiled softly. " mom and most everyone except for my eldest sister know you are coming with me." He gave my hand a tight squeeze. "This will be an adventure then." Upon entering the front doors I pointed out where we needed to head to. I asked him to stay behind while I grabbed the other centerpiece. We approached the long table to see my sister and two brothers had already opened a bottle of bubbly champagne. setting down a bouquet I jokingly said with a airy laugh. " Already breaking into the good stuff" The eldest of us four, my sister was looking out the open patio when she turned hearing my voice. "so, You must be the new one. Alex is it?" She stretched out a thin hand towards him after he set down the centerpiece. He shook her hand smiling a closed lipped smile. She turned away from him calling out to my second cousin who just arrived through the door. I returned to the car grabbing the last centerpiece. Locking the door behind me. I made my way back through the doors to see mom had arrived. She and Alex were conversing about something I was too far away to hear when, I walked over to mom and gave her a warm hug. " I brought someone for you meet.. I can see you both met before I could introduce him to you/" She smiled taking my hands she looked at me with that mom look. " I''m happy for you. really, I am. " she pulled me away from Alex''s view saying to me. " I know you''ve had a tough time with work and John having passed away. Please let this mans love into your heart. Promise me. Please promise me you wont hold back with this relationship. You are far to guarded and tense." I looked at her unsure of how to react to her motherly wisdom. I scratched my head. "mom..yes Its was painful loosing John but I was guarded for my reasons.. He was the first person I trusted only to have him pass away seven months into our marriage. I''ve taken time to heal for the past two years. I certainly do feel something special with Alex." Months prior On one of our first dates. We were going to a symphony performance. When Alex arrived at my apartment he was dressed in a charcoal button down dress shirt and matte silver tie. His hair neatly slicked back yet a slightly messy fringe. I wore a wine red ankle length dress. The sleeves were quarter length I had rented the garment specially for this evening. We sat sixth row from the front, the music was breathtaking. I forgot how powerful music could be until that night. Our first kiss was one I could not forget. We had just arrived to his house from going grocery shopping. One of my bags broke tomatoes we had bought for the pasta Alex planned, yes, planned. It did not get made. Tomatoes spilled onto the floor. One of them split open. Bending down to pick it up he looked up at he with a smirk he said. "Awesome sauce ." I stared blankly at him stifling a laugh. " What .. do .." Just then Alex burst into laughter squishing the tomatoe in his large hands. " I said awesome .. sauce .. now we have sauce.." Hold on a minute .. I should mention we had a few drinks at the pub before we walked home. I laughed hard watching him with tomatoe guts strewn at his feet while he took at hand towel cleaning his hands off then cleaning the floor. " here''s a great idea .. no. An even greater idea." We both were laughing near crying at this point. When he walked over to me playfully backing me up against the refrigerator. I wanted to kiss him in that moment. "Let''s forego dinner tonight ..we could just be .. you know .. be." His accent was so cute as was his silly joking even in romantic times. I nodded pushing past him picking up the tomatoes off the floor. Once all the groceries were put away we sat on the sofa to watch a movie. Alex must have been as disinterested as I was. He looked at me meanwhile I had been looking at him for the past five minutes, I was sure of it. Alex put his hand on my shoulder. He leaned in close to me and, I into him until our lips touched. Soon we began to kiss deeply. I lay down pulling him alongside with me. On the way down Alex''s kisses gradually deepened His soft lips becoming smoother as his kisses got wetter with each kiss. I wanted to taste him more than ever. Feeling how agile and swift he tongue could be against mine. I anticipated his tongue at my lips to feel its gentle caress. My lips parted allowing him to dive his tongue into mine. I remember how he tasted like bourbon blueberry tea. Late one afternoon I was late to see Alex because the shared washer and dryer was in use. I had yet to take care of my laundry for that week. I had just loaded my laundry into the washing machine when I turned around hearing a knock at the door. There was Alex beaming at me. "Your not sorted today now are you ." Alex walked over to me looking me up and down. Then he turned to check the door. He whispered inching close to me. "All clear ." I looked at him feverishly tucking my hair behind my left ear. As Alex placed his hand at my waist his eyes locked into mine. He sucked his bottom lip. "I could have you all to myself. We could do so much right here in this room." He eyes fixated on my naked small lips. He moved close to me so that my body leaned against the washer. He picked my hips and lifted me up setting me on top of the washer. I opened my legs wrapping them around his hips. I pulled him close to me by his shirt collar. I bit my lip as I said in a more than harsh tone. "Alex .. I " I fingered his T-shirt pulling him close to me. Our foreheads touched for a short moment before he lunged at my mouth with his wet kisses. He left me with no way to escape him. He pulled away from my kiss he leaned his forehead against my chin he apologized saying. "I''m sorry. I shouldn''t be tempting you here of all places." Two years on into our relationship Our relationship felt solid, stable. I regularly began staying at his apartment. I believed our relationship had been rather well maintained. Although I had known little of Alex''s relationships back home with family and friends because he avoided the topic. If ever I asked Alex about what life I''ve been like back home in Scotland he often changed the subject or simply left the room. I chose to dismiss these actions of his because I figured there had to have been tensions back home. Alec had a long history and was well respected as an actor. I chose to focus on my relationship with him. I hoped one day in the near future he would feel comfortable with me enough to let me into his past so I could better understand the man I was living with part time . I myself had not had a positive nor healthy home life. One morning I awoke to find him not there. This was highly unusual behaviour from him. My heart sank in my chest. He''s always been there to hold me tight in his embrace giving me tender morning kisses before he left for work. I walked around his spacious home missing his presence. Soon I had head out to work. I dressed for the day feeling confident. Then I seemed to have misplaced my spare keys to my home away from home. I searched until they were found. They rest on a handwritten note. Picking up the note addressed to me I read: " my darling, Recently I''ve been having a tough go with life. Well with my father back home sick and all I wanted to thank you to tell you. I want nothing more than to have you beside me always, that you''ve brought out a part of me I did not believe I could see. I feel I am a winter lost inside you. I will never forget the love I found that is you. When you rest your heart against my chest I am reminded what safety feels like. You are and will always be my safe place. - love Alex " Tears well up in my eyes while reading his words. He''s been so strong despite all the sorrow surrounding his fathers terminal illness. I knew in that moment something had to have happend between his father and him. Why had he not mentioned him or this sooner. Had he chose to avoid the whole topic of family all together because something traumatic had gone on in his childhood obviously. He''s always thought of myself with love in his heart. I feel so lucky for the day we met yet there was so much I had not known and still do not know. I wished he would let me into life his whole life, past and present. Part of me felt duped that the man I fell for was consciously withholding crucial aspects of his life from me. Why had he done this ? I questioned my feelings for him I knew when he was away I felt as though he keeps grounded from a past that''s haunted me, but what about his past. I could see a future with him even though I can not touch it even though I do not know the inner workings of Alex. Why he behaves the way he does. What has shaped him into the man he is now. Sometimes I forget what love means because love felt so foreign to me. When I felt love growing up was fleeting often withdrew from me when I had not done what my family had wanted me to do. I lived my life sacrificing myself for love I hoped to receive yet never fully had. There were always hidden motives hidden agendas. Stipulations and regulations, rules unspoken all of which I never fulfilled or qualified for. I longed to be in his embrace for he demonstrated how to hope despite tough times. He pulled me from the darkness within myself reminding what love is, that he would not leave me like I felt others had, he''s not a echo in my mind because echos fade away. He is as real as his love is for me. I was far from who I once was but not who I wanted to be. I could not fully allow love to penetrate my heart once I felt betrayed. Alex''s actions that morning stung my heart leaving a feeling of betrayal. If only he told me so I could understand why he''s deeply affected by a man, his father whom I knew nothing about because Alex dodged the subject of family and home in Scotland all together. Avoidance Six months prior I had been on two dates with Alex already. We haven¡¯t shared our first kiss yet. Who knows maybe tonight will be the night! We are going to a symphony performance tonight. Alex arrived at my apartment dressed in a charcoal button down dress shirt and matte silver tie. His hair neatly slicked back yet a slightly messy fringe. I wore a wine red ankle length dress. The sleeves were quarter length I had rented the garment specially for this evening. We sat sixth row from the front, the music was breathtaking. I forgot how powerful music could be until that night. Our first kiss was one I could not forget . We had just arrived to his house from going grocery shopping. One of my bags broke tomato¡¯s we had bought for the pasta Alex planned, yes, planned. It did not get made. Tomatos spilled onto the floor. One of them split open. Bending down to pick it up he looked up at he with a smirk he said. ¡° awesome sauce .¡± I stared blankly at him . ¡± What .. do ..¡± Alex burst into laughter squishing the tomatoe in his large hands. ¡° I said awesome .. sauce .. now we have sauce..¡± hold on a minute .. I should mention we had a few drinks on our walk back from the store. I laughed hard watching him with tomatoe guts strewn at his feet while he took at hand towel cleaning his hands off then cleaning the floor. ¡° here¡¯s a great idea .. no. An even greater idea.¡± He walked over to me pinning my frame between his and the refrigerator. He leaned in close to me his voice low. ¡° let¡¯s forego dinner tonight ..we could just be .. you know .. be.¡± His accent was so cute as was his silly joking even in romantic times. I nodded pushing past him picking up the tomatoes off the floor. Finally all the groceries put away we sat on the sofa to watch a movie. He must have been as disinterested as I was. He looked at me meanwhile I had been looking at him for the past five minutes, I was sure of it. He put his hand on my shoulder. He leaned in drawing nearer to me whispering in a seductive deep tone. ¡± I¡¯d so rather be caught up in your starry eyes. May I kiss you? Just one kiss? Maybe a little more..¡± His words were like heat to my melancholy heart. I let him draw even closer until our lips touched. We began to kiss deeply. I lay down pulling him alongside with me. On the way down he placed his tongue at my lips in a gentle caress. My lips parted allowing him to dive his tongue into mine. I remember how he tasted like bourbon blueberry tea. He moaned in the softest tone causing me to feel weak benieth him. My body had compleatly surrendered to him. Late one afternoon I was late to see Alex because the shared washer and dryer was in use and I had yet to take care of my laundry for that week. I had just loaded my laundry into the washing machine when I turned around hearing a knock at the door. There was Alex beaming at me. ¡± Your not sorted today now are you .¡± He walked over to me looking me up and down. Then turning to check the door. He whispered inching close to me. ¡° all clear .¡± I looked at him feverishly tucking my hair behind my left ear. I knew he was thinking something kinky but what exactly ? Alex placed his hand at my waist as he looked into my eyes. He sucked his bottom lip briefly. He eyes fixated on my naked small lips. ¡° Alex..¡± I fingered his T-shirt pulling him close to me. He smirked tilting his head to the side speaking darkly to me. ¡± You look so deliscious .. I want to taste your kiss on my tongue¡± I was intrequed sexually at his words. He took me in his arms our foreheads touched for a short moment before he lunged at my mouth with his sloppy wet kisses. He breathed hot little sighs into my kiss while he picked lifted me up on the washing machine. I laughed at the loud noise our bodies made bumping the machine washing my clothes. ¡° right here?¡± I laughed into his ear as his began sucking at the base of my neck. He breathed into my neck saying in his strong Scottish drawl. ¡± Oh yes... right here. I want you so hugely right now. .let¡¯s have have some fun while we wait .¡± He pulled at up my knee length skirt massaging my inner thighs. I blushed hard pushing his chest close to mine. I burried my face into his neck stifling a moan. I grasped at his hair while he swooned my body with his delicate fingers. I bit against his shirt collar as I moaned heavily against him.The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. ¡° a.,Alex . ..HA!¡± I exhailed sharply. He giggled in my ear. Not the kind of cute giggle he usually had. Oh no. This was a haughty turned on giggle. His voice was deep and airy at my ear. Small breaks in his voice as he groaned., ¡° you like that ..¡± My lips paused against his neck. ¡° Gah! Fuck . Yeah ..¡± unfortunately we were interrupted by the some young teens who warned down the hall high. Thinking they could have a conversation with the couple enjoying a passion moment in the laiundry room ... present day I spend the day fixated on his written words in that letter for me. Fear and frustration keeps my mind unable to focus on tasks required for that work day. Lunch break comes around I found myself cradling my head in my hands. My face screwed up in mixed emotions of heart- ache. Buzz/ buzz a text message had dropped in my mail box. I half excited reach for my latest edition smart phone he bought me. I looked through a series of unread messages many sent from my estranged sister. Marty who lived in Florida with some rich arse hole for a husband she loved pushing my buttons despite her being the older sibling. No messsge from Alex. I slumped over in my chair hoping something bad hadn''t happened. Fearing the worst that he''s left me for someone new. This fear soon turns over into anger. Irregardless of his sadness surrounding his fathers illness I found I could not fully comprehend this change that''s come over Alex. He had not been authentic with me about his family nor had he displayed very much emotional distress until recently. Yes he''s been more sensitive but certainly had he explained earlier in the relationship we have, that maybe just maybe , he had a tense possibly estranged relation with his father and now with his father not having a strong change to live to see another drinking ground. That the illness had brought up some unresolved issue within Alex. Of which Alex has clearly been in denial of or avoiding within himself . I thought he owes me an explanation. It''s time he was honest. Suddenly my phone slipped through my fingers. I bent over retrieving the miniature tablet- like rose-gold device banging my head on my desk on my way from retrieving the phone. Lunch break ends and I haven''t eaten out of guilt for having not heard from him. As angered as I was he enchanted me with his Scotsman charm not to mention that irresistible accent of his. I headed home from work later than usual. Head across town to drop by his place and collected my misplaced charger to charge my now dead phone hoping to have some clarity about his apparent upset over the father of his whom he rarely if not at all mentioned. I decide to confront him. I turned the deadbolt entering his suit. It''s not long before I felt something not right in the atmosphere. Then I saw him he stood in the doorway looking disheveled holding back tears in his eyes. The sight of him sends a look of shock across my face the anger melts away when I watched as the monsoon of flowing tears spill fourth from his pretty almond eyes. Taking him in my arms as he cries. I sat with him on the bed on top of a feather duvet.,he curls himself into my chest. I cautiously ask him " why are you .. so., broken ., so devastated about your father. You hardly speak about life back in Scotland ., your friends, you father ,, I have failed to meet such an emotional human being especially a man." I found out had left early that morning on urgent request from the agency. He still dodged the topic of his reason behind his upset about his father. I chose to confess something I''ve kept within my heart most of my life. " I have not known what real authentic love is.. my family can be emotional but not often to me . If I felt loved and let myself truly feel it, allow it into my heart it was as my family noticed and they punished me for having feelings.. they would take back their kindness. As I grew older I had a series of crap relationships after crap relationships., when I feel for a man he would tell me I''m needy. Then become tired of me and leave. Just leave. I guess my lack of security in my family had caused me to when I did feel loved, to hold onto it. To be so afraid to have that love ripped from me that I appear needy. So over time I hardened my heart .. becoming cold afraid to show or feel emotions or accept them from another person." I asked him again " why are you so broken " He explained how he had been given a new 6 year contract. Then he finally gave me insight into his brokenness. "I grew up in a religious family ., I am no longer practicing because I felt there was no room for God in my acting profession. Christian''s are well, less cast ., their roles a far and few between .. they were soley cast in Christian films. I felt I needed to broaden my field my repertoire. I felt a fraud as a Christian when I look back at the roles I have played to further my career. I chose to sacrifice my beliefs for my profession. My family, particularly my father when he disapproved of any matter.. he was rather .. hugely clear in his words and actions to show his dissatisfaction. I lost my fathers respect and now I may never have a chance to mend this." Alex felt he had no choice but to submit to the roles he had been offered because He wanted to further his career however this contract renewal made traveling back to Scotland to see his father every three months now impossible. He starts weep within my arms. I knew whatever he had with his father would eventually come to light. Hopefully He would trust me enough to open up. Seeing his tears for his father reminded me of all the times I tried to please my family. On the day my father died a large amount of unacknowledged grief hit you at full force. I think back to all the years of hurt and unmet needs my own father failed to meet for me. My heart felt sorrow reflecting back to that time in my life now years later the man I adore appears to be in a similar time in his life. I think " at least he can bloody damn well grieve, cry ., I hadn''t shed a single tear even two years after my fathers passing" Tears of compassion felt warm when they fall from my eyes. Leaning back Alex laid on my now tear stained silk blouse. His hair sweeping against my face each time he heaved heavy woeful sighs. Heavy tear drops slide down my chin " honey don''t hold back. Let the tears fall." I said to help comfort the man whom I adored. Minutes go by as he calms down wiping his face he looks up at me. ¡±I do have a reason that''s keeping me here in regards to the six year contract renewal." He asks me stay laying on my back when he goes into another room. Alex emerged from the room with a document in hand. " You remember I told you how 5 years ago was cast as a lead role in a series back home ?" I nodded wonerding where his words would go. He leaned over me his hands above my head one leg between my thighs the other rest one the other side. " My agency was contacted they are shooting many projects over 4 years time one of them is a recreation of that series, they want me to stay the remainder of the six years to help wrap up promotional bits.. I''ll be the lead role! Safety In conversation and well most of our interactions he stopped bringing up his family. Overnight he just stopped talking about the whole situation. I felt I had not lost the man I knew I loved. One afternoon we were in the park walking watching the wind blow past some trees ahead., Alex was a quite person who spoke not a often however in times of intamacy his words were as intense his eyes. His eyes were captivating, mezmersing even. I remember on holiday to Los Angeles he surprises me with a reserved evening for us . He had reserved the entire evening meal for only us two. We shared wine and a few, well, maybe more than few kissses beneath a stunning rather unique tree a glow with tiny chandeliers. They illuminated themselves within the darkness. I stood close taking in the view marveled at each single individual chandler, each had a depth of character I had not know existed. Alex came over me looking down at my face engrossed in the tiny shimmering lights. He smiled at me offering. ¡° would you prefer a photograph to remember this evening ?¡± I slipped my arm between his sort of linking elbows with him. I gently pushed his thin frame towards the tree before us, I wanted to see his eyes up close in close proximity of the dolled up tree. Alex let his hands be loose against my shoulders as he pulled me close. His back now rest against the towering force of nature. In a soft raspy tone he dropped his voice so the workers would not heard what he uttered next. ¡° come close., look with me..¡± He curled his fingers into mine as he looked down at me fire sat on lips. First, Alex caressed my dewy skin, while looking deeply into my eyes. His dark espresso eyes reflected the shimmers of light now above our body¡¯s. Then without a word he bent his face to meet mine in the tenderest yet tempting kiss. His warm lips caressed along mine until our lips parted Alex breathed softly into my open mouth as he kissed my lips this time again only in a deeper kiss. I wanted that passion from him. I sealed a tiny gap that was temperairly between us. My restless hands moved up and down his neck in a innocent caress while our faces swiveled against each other in intensifies passionate now, becoming hasty lip locks. I wanted to stay there in that moment in time for as long time would allow. When we returned home from holiday we were met yet again with weather constant with rain shower after rain shower, one after another. We had grown tired of this weather. For days the city was blanketed by clouds bringing rain storm after rain storm. Finally one unsuspecting day on working holiday we were greeted in the early morning hours I sat up in bed woken by rays of sun reflecting off the adjacent buildings neighboring my apartment. Bringing my hands to my face I aggressively wiped sleep from my eyes. I wasgazing out the small bedroom window. The pale blue walls stared back at me unamused. I was half asleep at 9 am. I stretched my hands over my head letting out a shrill yawn dropping them once my yawn had ceased. Tomy surprise I felt someone grasp at my hands playfully. I could not see him. I knew Alex was behind me but I wanted to play along with his game. I feared for Alex that being away from his family in such a difficult time might the passion away in our relationship. I could not have been more mistaken. Maybe through all this he needed s distraction and maybe just maybe I could be his distraction. This morning Alex felt particularly playfull. He tookhis hands and wrapped them around mine slowly he rose my arms above my head. Alex released my hands at once, wrapping his arms around my midsection. My arms reached up searching hoping to find their way around his neck. I gathered his soft hair between my fingers. His chest softly rest against the back of my shoulder. Then, Alex leaned over my face I felt his nose snuggle up against my ear. He breathed into my ear as his lips softly slide between my ear. I giggled feeling his teeth nibble affectionately above my earlobe. He laughed softly. The feeling of his warm breath against my ear made my body yearn for more of him. Still, I could not see him but I felt his wet kisses did end down my neck. I couldn¡¯t suppress a sigh as my body wanted to feel him. By this time, I wanted to see his face. I pulled away from within his embrace so I could turn around facing him.The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡° Alex..¡± I breathed heavily yearning in my breath for I desperately longed to feel his fingers to feel my body once more. My thighs ached for his warm breath between them. I raised my hand s above my head while I lay on my back waiting to see what he would do next. He smirked looking down at me as he hovered above me. Alex¡¯s strong wrists were above my shoulders just before my ears. I sighed at the sight of his macchiato locks falling over and around his face. My lips parted waiting for his lips to meet mine. With a long stroke of his delecate smooth fingers he began caressing my shoulder tempting my senses with the slightest pressure in his finger tips. ¡± Don¡¯t do this to me..¡± I breathed impatiently wanting his tender fingers to move lower along my body. He evoked my keen senses using his other hand slowly teasing with those soft finger tips. I sighed with ease feeling him add more depth to his fingers sliding them under my night gown his hands halted at my upper thighs. My now exposed thighs felt the crisp air of morning sun rays sit warm upon my skin. Alex warm lips caressing mine as he leaned his face into mine. His closed lips rest upon mine only for a moment before he withdrew his kiss. He teased ¡° you fancy some morning fun..¡± his accent caused him to roll his R¡¯s further enticing my desire for him. I answered in a breathy teasing low moan. ¡±why, yes.. ¡° Alex bent his head to side of my face, I bite my lip feeling his parted lips move across my collar bone. I giggled softly as his hair tickled my face as his kiss swept across my skin. I loved not seeing him but rather feeling Alexs tender buttery lips smooth their way in a sensuous velvet caress along my navel. ¡° call me Mr. time lord.. let me take you on a trip ..¡± his voice was sexual implementing a game. I sat up half laughing at him realizing what he was eluding to.i said between laughter. ¡° Alex.. aren¡¯t you a time lord in your new project ..?¡± He pauses resting his chin on against my chest. ¡° well... yes... I thought you might enjoy some role play.¡± I heave a sigh at the sight of his golden amber eyes he stared deeply up at me. His eyes a blaze with passion exuding strong desire. His stare caused my body to tingle. I wanted him to satisfy my tingling spots of passion. I stretched a hand out to touch his thick short locks of macchiato hair. My hands tenderly stroke his cheek as I softly sighed to myself knowing this man had won me over. ¡° ok..¡± I started whining in a deep sexual tone as I ran my fingers through my auburn hair. I arched my eyebrows upwards in a helpless expression to prevoke him. My voice was airy and sounded breathless. ¡± Oh mr time lord .. come take away somewhere .. somewhere where you can teach me how you please a woman.. ¡° Alex propped himself up on one elbow he elevating his body his face coming up to meet mine up. One of his hands tentatively resting at my side below my bust. I caressed his cheek raising a hand to his whiskery scratchy narrow jaw. Without warning Alex leans in tenderly he kissed the side of mouth. He kissed the center of my mouth applying more pressure from his lips his face angled into mine he let out a low moan as his lips parted mine against mine. My lips quivered as I breathed in his hot breath kissing him deeply. He sighed heavily now moving his tongue past the threshold of my lips, my fingers slide off his face navigating their way through his dense hair. He held my gaze in a smoldering stare for a moment we both started to get lost in each other''s eyes. He laughed while saying " I could lay here forever with you "! I smile sweetly knowing I feel safe inside with him A mystery in goodbye 8 weeks later I had been having a relaxing day Alex and I drove up to mountains near Canada to go for a hike. The picturesque landscape unfolding before my very eyes as I parked the Range Rover. I am not one for fancy cars nor is Alex so we had settled on the Range Rover. He quite liked the silver chrome detailing on the particular model we now own . We step out marveling at the ancient mountains standing before us. They must be unshakable I said turning to him. " Surely they are " he says then referencing to his fathers work as a minister of a large worship congregation in Scotland. Alex had a hard week with the filming of an American version of the widely watched British series. In between filming and reviewing scripts he frequently made regular phone calls to Scotland to keep in touch with his family especially to learn of any news regarding his fathers medical condition. 3 weeks later Alex was rushing to the set full of anticipatory excitement when mid stride his phone rang he continued running now, on the set he hears his phone ring again. He puts his hand out to plead with the cast and crew to not loose patience with him as he glances st the number. It''s a number he''s not sure he recognizes but he sees the area code and immediately he knows that on the other side of that call is someone back home. With fear and trepidation he slides the answer button holding the phone against his ear he holds his breath as hears his mums voice on the other line say " a., Alex . it''s mum calling .. your fathers just been rushed to hospital. They put him up in Glasgow. It''d be best you come soon ..we fear he hasn''t hit much time left with us. " her voice trails off he can her trying to hold back tears. Alex then drops his hand from his ear the phone begins to slip in his fingers. He tightens his grip so the phone doesn''t fall to the ground. He stands still stuck for words. The director walks over to Alex knowing something serious was said on that phone call. He says kindly in a sympathetic tone " go home. Go to him, heck, he''s your dad .," weeks on I came home and would often find him despondently sitting in a darkened room , usually the living quarters. His Tear streaked cheeks gleam in the light filtering through the windows outside that illuminate his face. All I could do to console him is take him in my arms and hold him tightly against my chest in a compassionate embrace. I know his tears are his soul grieving,, they are a silent language of sorrow they come to him as if Alex is trying to release all the emotions surrounding bereavement before his father passing once and for all leaving this world behind him to enter a new unfamiliar world. For now grieving is but a sunset that seams to be setting on him as his world slowly collapses around him. He whispers words of sorrow into my hair while tears fell in waves from his eyes. The sound of silence or rather the absence of sound which produces silence with tears of anguish of a little boy who grew up adored by his father who now, he may not get to see his face, hear his laugh, feel his embrace or see the face lined from years of emotions he felt for those he loved, and adored for his friendships built, the love of his church, the love of his life, and for the one only son whom he encouraged to dream all those years ago. Several hours and a plane ride from New York City to Scotland we exit the planes cabin. He and I locate and retrieve our belongings. Alex looks at his phone around exiting the airport doors he''d missed a call from his mums cellphone. He dials the number getting no response. He calls again, still no answer. Flustered he drives a rental car through the sprawling hills, vast mountains and castles then through the busy towns. Finally the two of us reach the hospital. Once parked we exit the small cramped spruce green car. Him and I stare at each other briefly then he takes my hand looks into my face " well, there''s the entrance way." He says anxiety in his voice. This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.Together finding his fathers room there were several people are gathered around a hospital bed. Alex releases his hand from mine he runs over towards the bed " let me see him! " he pushes past his aunt and mum he sees his father with his eyes closed. No movement from his chest an indication of no breathing, death. Alex shouts in incoherent tearful moans while covering his face in his hands. his mum takes him in her arms he slumps over in her empathic embrace. Tears pooling in his glazed over almond eyes spilling fourth a river of desolation. I rushed to his side place a hand on his shoulder I lean into him and his mum holding back tears. I gasped tears feel hot as they fall on my cheeks I utterrd through a tense raspy vocal chords "I''m sorry .. I''m so.. so sorry." I heave as tears like running water stream down my face falling off my chin. Alexes mum with her eyes closed says softly " I stopped believing long ago but I believe he''s found peace I pray, I hope you all find yours. He fought so incredibly hard .." Alex ceased his tearful cries at his mums words. He sat at the bed at his fathers feet taking his hand within his tears once more stream down his face saying " bad things happen to good people.. you were a good father .. " Alex stood up and walked past the little remaining family present in the room. He wiped tears from off his face. He walked up behind me placed his fingers around within mine he rested his forehead against the back of my shoulder "let''s go .. please" he whispered in a tearful whimper. Turning to kiss his cheek me wrap his arms around my waist he curls his body from behind into yours. Alex heaved a sigh and shook against me letting out a quiet sorrowful moan. "come on .. let''s get out of here." Softly I whisper. So we traveled the nearly 2 hours to his mums country side estate. We sat in the car waiting for her to arrive. Alex had fallen asleep his head lay limp at his side. His fingers curled between my warm petite hand. His mum had shown up 15 minutes later. His Mum slams the door of her old Mini Cooper behind her. She spotted the rental vehicle we''ve traveled in she motions me to wake up sleeping Alex and come inside. The three of us sat in her rustic style kitchen. We stared at each other grief-stricken lost for words. Later that evening Alex¡¯s Mum had taken me aside she said she wanted to tell me something important she was not ready for Alex to hear " as you may already have known Alexes father was a minister. I regularly attended the services yet I have fallen out with God. My sister become rather ill six years prior to Alexes fathers illness. Through her death I no longer could believe." I knew now was not the time to ask what I asked. I knew this may have been my only chance to find the answers about Alexes relationship pertaining to his father. " Alex has been deeply emotional frankly, I have not know any man to be this emotional. " His mum smiled " he gets that sensitivity from me. His father was sensitive but guarded." I was shocked " Had anything .. you know .. had something happend between them before he started his acting career overseas? " His mum sat with me at the table she stretched her hand towards mine grasping my hand within hers. She looked into my eyes as she said " Alexes father encouraged him to pursue acting at a young age. He had huge potential we had no idea he would soar in his career . Alex took on multiple roles, however after Alex had done not one but two sex scenes his father made it very clear he had disapproved of Alexes role choices. He had not agreed at all. Alex could sense this so he slowly stopped conversing with his father. He eventually stopped associating with the church and distanced himself from his father. He felt he had disappointed us.. he couldn''t face his father no more. They only started reconnecting after the news of his fathers illness arose." The Window The home belonging to Alex¡¯s mum and now late father sat on the lowland hillside nestled near seemingly never ending fields of the most vibrant green surrounded by shrubbery, brambles and sparse thickets. The setting sun have way to darkness after making the smallest of small talk Alex¡¯s mum showed us up to our room. The spacious room had original wood paneling floors even the four poster bed had been made of soft hand carved wood. I was in awe of the character this house contained. The walls adorned with elegant gold threads woven into a period era floral wall paper. Alex stood at the massive arched window. Moonlight pouring in through the worn four paned frame cast a shadow over Alex¡¯s tall frame I stood beside him feeling cold seeping through the lifted eroding windowsill. I admired his eyes how beautiful they shone in the reflection of moonlight off the now still waters barley visible across the boundless sweeping landscape. His wide vibrant copper brown eyes held a incandescent golden honey hue. I gently brushed his umber toned brown mahogany hair kissing his forehead in a silent reassurance that all will be alright. I grasped his hands tenderly in the moonlight bathed room laid my head on his shoulder kissed him above his clavicle. His fingers curled around mine. "come to bed ., when your ready " softly I whispered to him. I let go of his hands and walked over the heavily blanketed large I undressed myself. Realizing my clothes were across the darkened room I felt my way over to the suitcase. I hadn''t bothered to turn on the light because the moonbeams were shimmering illuminating the room. My hands had been half way through the bundles of clothing when I turned to see if he''d come to bed yet. He still stood there his silhouette radiating in the blue moonlight. I hurried to put on my satin sleep wear. Then I knew Alex was no longer bathing in the moonbeams his hands curved around my waist. His breath at my ear whispering sweetly to me " I need you .. to take me somewhere other than here .. " His voice broke " please.. pull me from the darkness .. please " I turned to face his tearing eyes. I kissed him softly. Trying to lighten the mood I playfully suggested " only if you find me first,," I smirked. Running a across the room I wedged myself between a book case and the wall nearest the door. Alec took his shirt off pulling it over his head. His hair now lay messy his eyes wild like flashlights in the darkness. " oh. I can play this game well" he said in his adorable song-like accent. He made his way over to my corner.. I clearly was not good at hiding. He rested a long gorgeous arm against the wall before me tilting his head he flashed a tempted smile at me. His hands now crawled up my thighs. I blushed as our foreheads touched . Alex bit his lower lip.Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! He leaned in to my face his lips brushing over mine as they tenderly wove their way into mine. Kneeling at my feet Alex lifted my silken night dress he kissed my navel breathing his warm breath against my skin he slowly undressed me. In exhilaration lifting me up wrapping my legs around his waist. His scent was all encompassing. I craved the way his scent of subtle notes of verbena and sandalwood would fill my nostrils. I did not want to leave his embrace. We tumbled onto the bed he found his way up my jaw covering me in wet sloppy kisses. " where do you want to go .?" I breathed in between his kissess. He breathed a hot sigh saying " I want to get lost in you.. I just to feel you .,hmmm." Alex ran his hands down my chest tickling my waist. He undid his denim trousers. He pulled me into his waist looking sharp into my eyes. " stay focused on me, now. " he said in a deep tone his words sounded like velvet. Pulling me close to him holding my body tight up against his.Alex held me, softly his fingers caressed my neck and my shoulders. In the night our breath met coming together like moon beams. Strands of my hair fell over his freckled face. I pressed into him not wanting this moment to end. In brief exhale I offered if he wanted to play another game. He knew instantly what I meant because he knew of the writing online that seemingly was underground. Alex breathed in between gentle pulsations from his hips " what., you want to call me by my characters name hm ? " he smirked his eyes wildly passionate. I replied " yes master mm take care of me " I grinned deep into hip thrusts letting Alex enter me deeper. He half smiled he was half intrigued and half deep in passion when I said darkly ¡°you want me to take you to the stars..!" Alex pushed harder I whined " oh yes my time lord I never want you to leave me " whispering into his ear " .I love you " he began to move much faster. Alex looked deep into my eyes as I now lay on my back he lay over me and continued to play a little more. He was more gentle this time than we''d been in the past. Him taking me into his arms and being gentle even in intimate times was so romantic he knew how to take my breath away.. We lay in the darkness afterwards his hand within mind he lay his head on my chest while we fell asleep. I next morning I awoke to sunshine pouring in through that great window with its surreal landscape view. Alex still asleep at my side. Today was hopefully going to be a day of exploration on the surrounding grounds. Alex kissed my cheek whispering "morning " to me he said tenderly " thank you for last night ..I know we haven''t been as close recently .. I want to change that .. let me surprise you today.." I smiled at him thanking him .I planted a sloppy wet kiss on him. Before we fall It had to been mid morning the grey skies shone a small amount of light through the arched window in our room. The air felt stale, old as if in that room we were inside an old relic lost to time. This house with it''s wooden floors, wallpaper and high arched windows seemed like a historical home. We lay there asleep through the early hours of morning. Last night Alex seemed off saying he wasn''t sure if he could go through with the hurt from years of words left unsaid. He seemed as though having seen his father passed away before his eyes that he was still in disbelief in the whole situation. Alex awoke with a start, his body shaking. His eyes snapped open slowly they adjusted focusing on the room. His body felt damp with cool sweat. His face felt moist, moisture sat on his cheeks in the corners of his eyes. He turned over to move the soft pillow his head rest against. He was suddenly stricken with confusion as his fingers touched several drying wet spots where his head lay previously. His movements woke me from sleep. I sat up right wiping foggy sleep from my droopy heavy eyelids. I noticed his face was shinning in the light, the light was reflecting off tears on his cheeks. He had been crying in his sleep. He looked at me with a stark appearance of sadness in his eyes. He asked "Where are we ?" He held back tears. Taking Alex''s hand within mind I assured him he was somewhere familiar saying "We are at home your mums home in Scotland." I placed my hand on his face smoothing over one of the tracks left by tears on his face. "You were crying in your sleep" I said my voice was calm. He looked at me he was puzzled, his mouth trembled at the corners pointing down " I do not ." Alex stammered. Placing my hands on his shoulders I forced myself to be as focused as I could despite sleep creeping back up on in my eyelids. I said "You, your father passed away last night." Alex''s eyes left my gaze. His eyes glazed over he was going someplace in his mind. He breathing out one word: " no" My ears strained to hear the word but the word was so quiet I could barely hear it. He whispered again "No it was a dream, that is not true" Alex''s brows furrowed his eyes turned back to mine. He said firm despite teardrops forming in the corners of his eyes "That can''t be ." His whole face reflected depth of sorrow he had been avoiding all these months. He pulled himself into a sitting position his back to me his feet planted on the floor. He spoke quietly saying Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. "This cannot be happening" He faced forward transfixed on the antique wallpaper it''s golden threads glimmering in the light of the room. Then he whispered that word again "No" he repeated it " no.." his voice become louder " NO." He gritted his teeth grimacing in pain from heart ache. He turned to stare at me. His eyes full of anger and sorrow. Down the hall we heard his mum say " Alex is that you ? Are you awake?" I called back through the wall hoping she would hear my voice "It''s all right, we will be downstairs in a few minutes." I pushed off the scratchy well-made quilt off myself. I crawled over to David embracing him. My night clothes hung off me while I held him in a comforting embrace. I wanted to will him to heal and feel better. He looked blankly into my face. I knew I could not be frustrated and he is denial his father''s death despite having flown all this way to say goodbye. I had far too much compassion for him I wanted to clear away all the hurt anguish and torment that this situation has brought upon him. I placed my hand on his weaving my fingers into his. He looked at my hand and giving it a squeeze. "Well let''s get a move on then" he said sighing. 2 weeks on On a sunny morning David''s mum suggested Alex and I go to town to show me the quaint places in town even the tourist attractions. Up to this time Alex was dressed in onyx black button down dress shirt with a charcoal and grey mottled tie. I wore a ankle length obsidian grey one piece. This has been my first time in the United Kingdom at the suggested idea put fourth from his mum Alex had thought of a better idea. We drove to Leven Beach rolling luscious green hills were the drop. We walked past people on a morning stroll. Dogs chased each other while their owners stood not to far watching them mingle about the sand. We watched the low tide ebb and flows onto the land. We walked a long distance to the shore line. The deep grey murky oceanic waves roll on top of of the sea gaining momentum in their stride as they rise higher and higher until they have no choice but to collapse into one another folding into themselves. Alex grabs my hand pulling me close to him wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I embrace him my arms around his waist. I rest my head against his chest he rests his chin on forehead. We stand there silence between us aside from the ocean current waves lapping against the damp sand along the shore line. I turn my face into his chest and kiss his neck. He sighed leaning his forehead against mine. The tip of his nose touched my cheek as he leaned his face towards mine. His left hand migrated down my back. He paused resting both his hands on my hips. He tilted his head smirking He said pulling me closer to him holding me tight against him in an embrace. His fingers danced in a caress along my jawline. My hands rested on his chest. I pulled him by his tie bringing him close to me. I smiled then looked at the water in the distance. Bending down I took my shoes off. "Come on! " I said running to the waters edge "Hey no fair My ankles now deep in water I beckoned him closer finally when he was close enough I skimmed my fingers along the water splashing at him. He put his hands up to guard his face shouting " You did not!" Alex splashed me back then, submerging his full hand in the disappearing waves coming to the shore, he wiped his wet hand on my face laughing as he did so. "Oh! No you didn''t .. I''ll get you !!" I shouted at him lunging at him now, he bent down again as he did I jumped on his back. The contact of my body against his made the both of us fall into the water. "Why''d you go do that for ." He eyes were wide, small creases in his forehead slightly visible between clumps of now dampened hair shock spread across his face. "You asked for it" I said accusingly yet playful in tone. Later that night back at home we sit against the sofa on the floor. My back against his chest. He sat half cross legged his one leg curled its self around mine. We sat in silence his chin rest on my shoulder. My head rested against his. He broke the silence asking "How does somebody truly heal from grief knowing that an image of our loved one we hold in our mind fades as the years go on. If only the image as well as the profound positive memories could be etched into the back of our mind for an eternity so they could never alter, never fade so we could have them stay with us forever because the pain of them not being there physically would possibly be easier. holding them there visually in the back of your mind because fading memories feels like forgetting." I responded the best way I could by saying "It takes time to heal. Be patent. I know you fear forgetting him, that one day you may forget his voice, his wisdom, his love, his compassion, and maybe his face. Even though he''s gone from this world physically know in your heart always that he will live on each day in the very things you do. The words you speak, the actions you make. Living out his wisdom is letting him live on. Remembering your father and not only holding on to what he''s taught you in wisdom and love but, living out what he taught you through your actions, Passing on the wisdom from him makes his memory and him live on forever. In the end he is but a story of a man who had a fantastic story, ultimately living a fantastic life. "