《L.R.》


 A new beginning

    L.R.


    Hello, hahaha I¡¯m sorry I just couldn¡¯t think of anything else to say. Well I¡¯m not sure what unfortunate set of events has led you to my rotten mind but hello none the less. I am not a skilled writer nor do I believe a good person but oh well. I would like to start a new first chapter of my life and decided to document it for¡­.. well I¡¯m not sure who. To be honest there is a good chance no one will ever see this mad man¡¯s scribbles but I have a strange compulsion to create so there. I¡¯m going to do it regardless.


    I wish this dumb boat would quit rocking. I can barely read what I¡¯m writing. Oh god I hope no one has to ever try to decipher my scribbles. Hahaha you would have to be a scholar of scribbles to do that. But the funniest thing is when the scholar was done he would find out all was for not because nothing productive was ever actually said. Oh what a sad joke that would be. I¡¯m actually laughing to myself thinking about it.


    Anyway my name is Lupus Rex. No my parents weren¡¯t monsters it is the name I have given to myself. They actually gave me a nice strong name which I will never live up to. Oh well what is a name but one of the many masks we wear. Today I am L.R. for short, or random writer whose personal thoughts you have found or, which in time you will call me, monster.The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    I would love to tell you my tragic story I really would. But then you would know me, judge me, and find me a pathetic degradation to the word man and title me a monster. It is a title I deserve but let¡¯s have some fun first and delay the inevitable. To be honest if I am good at anything it is that. I have been cursed to delay the inevitable every waking hour. The mysterious inevitable end that we all call death. All blessed to but me. I don¡¯t know if this is some sick joke or some retribution I truly disserve, but deaths embrace has no room for me. And trust me it¡¯s not from a lack of effort or conviction.


    To be honest I don¡¯t know what to curse back for my Affliction. I¡¯d like to blame it on some god. But I have seen the throne of god for myself and found it was empty. Not a great surprise to me but I know quite a few who if knew would fall to their knees one last time and never get back up. Oh the beautiful lies we tell ourselves just so we can fall asleep. I wonder what lies you tell yourself late at night? When all the world has gone dark and cold and you stand on the brink. Or have you found some warm hands to hold you then and pull you back? I did once. What sweet memories. However for fear of losing those hands I strangled them till they turned cold. Then pushed them away with my own deluded sense of morality that I hate but am forever a slave to.


    I told you reading this was pointless. All it is is the rambling of my broken mind. But here you are and maybe here you will stay.


    This new island is not too far off in the distance. I should be there soon enough. This will be nice. A fresh start and a new crowed. I wonder what they will think of me. Don¡¯t worry I will be back tomorrow but for now goodnight.

 The Hypocrite

    So much for tomorrow haha. Honesty has never been my forte and I don¡¯t believe it ever will. These past few days have been mundane. I could explain them to you and I even have a funny story or two I could tell. However my suffering has led me back to my desire to create.


    I believe I have finally found what I desire most. It is to reveal all the ugly I hide from the world. Then once revealed to be embraced and accepted. I wonder what you desire most. Do you share my hideous soul or is yours made out of the purest white ivory? Haha I wonder if you really understand what I was asking.


    I wonder if some of us were born to suffer. I know I was. That is my sole purpose decreed upon me by what repulsive entity you call god. I¡¯m sorry if I bore you with all my rambling about myself but it is the one and only thing I know. I would love to talk about people and the way they act and think. However I don¡¯t believe we act in a regular pattern. Yes at times our understanding and experiences will align but on the whole any generalized statement will leave the people like me bewildered. For this reason I hate the school of psychology.


    The ridiculous attempt to understand people and how they will react. For every example of a situation and how a person would normally react what I would do as an individual was never represented. I could accept that I was simply a freak of nature. And yes this could be true. Rather I understood it as the understanding itself wasflawed.This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    I am a person who if I see something wrong or something I disagree with I will throw out everything and start again. For example I could never be part of a religion if I could find even one thing that was wrong or that I disagreed with. In truth if I was part of a religion where this was the case and stayed I would have to acknowledge and label myself a hypocrite.


    I wonder why people stay members of religions. Are they too dumb to understand their own hypocrisy or rather have no problem following what they are told rather than what they know and understand? That has never been something I have been able to do. I have never rebelled just to rebel but I have also never done something just because I was told. I don¡¯t understand how someone could do either one of these things.


    How can a person live and not be true to themselves? I mean because when the night comes and we are all alone it is only you who is left tormented by your own thoughts and memories. For me I have to live a life I am proud and happy with. Otherwise I would never be able to eat or sleep haha. But then again who am I to talk. I¡¯m lying awake late at night writing this because I¡¯m afraid to fall asleep and deal with my own ghosts.


    Then again the only people in life worth listening to are hypocrites. They understand what should be done but simply lack the strength to do it.