ã€ŠStories Of A Daylilyã€‹


 Colorblind

    When im in the train, i have a strange feeling in my chest.

    I feel a bit tired, from the idea of going to school itself. I am in my third year already, so i''ve grown pretty damn tired of this trip already, haven''t i?

    My body feels quite heavy already. What time was it?

    I looked over to my phone, to which i accidentally unplugged my earphones.

    This happens way too often, to the point where i rarely get annoyed at it now.

    7:48... i''ll probably be late again, won''t i? Well, whatever.

    I won''t really get in a lot of trouble anyways, so it''ll be fine. Or i hope so, at least.

    As im staring at the ocean from the window in the train, i really ask myself why i feel so tired.

    Is it school?

    No, i really don''t think so. If it truly was, i would probably be skipping classes really often by now, but im not.

    Then, am i just bored of the constant loop?

    I mean, maybe... The only other thing i can really think about, would be my social anxiety acting up, but even so... i don''t really dislike hanging around most people i do over there. I did tell myself, that if it''s my last year, i want to make it as best as i can.

    "Soon, we''re stopping at the terminal station. Check your belongings, and please descend upon arrival."

    I checked my phone once again to make sure i won''t get there that late.

    7:58PM. I should be fine, after all the walk over to school isn''t really long from the station.

    I made sure to walk slightly faster than usual, without paying much attention to the relatively empty beach to my left.

    Sure, i could just sit on the sidewalk, and admire it while i get slightly lost in thought for quite a while,  but i don''t want to.

    I''ll start feeling pretty restless if i stop walking, so i wont. Besides, it really does get boring when you see it daily. Or maybe not boring, but i''ve just grown used to having the sea in sight.

    ¡ªHaruna, late again? ¡ªA familiar voice called out my name as T¨­kai High was in sight.

    ¡ªIt''s just by a few minutes so its alright, isn''t it?

    I jokingly exclaimed knowing well that these "few minutes" have been a pretty usual thing lately.

    ¡ªA few minutes can make you go a long way, young lady. Here, take these.

    Goro-san, tossed a bag at me, and i could guess by the smell what it had inside.

    He runs a small Taiyaki shop in the very same street where T¨­kai is.

    And ever since i''ve moved to this small town here, he''s been a face i get to see pretty often on my way to school.

    ¡ªEat them while they''re still warm. Have a good day, Haruna.

    He waved at me goodbye as i bowed in thanks to him, and made my way to T¨­kai, while biting down on the warm anko taiyaki.

    As i entered through the back gate of the school, i made sure to swiftly make my way through the campus over to classroom 3-A.

    I''ve gotten pretty used to sneaking through the back gate, because if i try to enter through the front gate..

    ¡ªMizuno, you''re late again!  ¡ªthe principal will yell at me exactly like that.

    I tried to speed up my walking a little bit, pretending nobody called out to me, but i could feel someone''s gaze being fixated on me from behind.If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.

    ¡ªAgain? Principal, that''s a bad joke... i always make sure to arrive on time! ¡ª i joked around lightly, knowing well i can''t probably talk my way out of here.

    ¡ªYou do always make sure to constantly arrive late, you''re right. Fill this out and leave it on my office before you go back. ¡ª he slapped a small folded sheet of paper on my had.

    I gave a defeated thumbs up, and wrote my name quickly on the sheet that i''ve grown pretty fond of recently.

    After this snarky interaction that is slowly turning into the very first thing that happens to me as soon as i get to school, i headed towards the 3rd floor.

    I took a deep breath, changed my expression to a more relaxed and calm one, and slowly opened the door as many eyes were instantly fixated on me.

    ¡ªExcuse meee, my train ran a little late! ¡ªi exclaimed playfully, as i do at times like these.

    ¡ªMake yourself comfortable, Mizuno. We haven''t really started yet, so don''t worry.

    ¡ªIs that so? I''ll take that gladly, maybe a little too gladly ¡ª i answered back as i kept the playful act up for a little bit more.

    Our math teacher chuckled along with some girls from the classroom, and i made my way to the back of the classroom, to sit.

    ¡ªSo, was it on purpose today aswell, Haru? ¡ª my seat neighbour exclaimed daringly.

    ¡ªExcuse me?! but of course it was, Yuuko.

    As i managed to take out my notebook to act like i actually pay attention in math, the girl next to me chuckled at my answer.

    ¡ªI can hardly believe you''re the same person you were last year, you''re a lazy mess now, Haru.

    ¡ªHey, don''t sound so dissapointed in me... i get tired too, am i not allowed to?!  ¡ªi tried to defend myself.

    And before i even finished talking, i knew what Yuuko was going to bring up.

    ¡ªYou''re awfully tired, aren''t you? It''s been a whole week already of constantly getting it from the prin...

    ¡ªOkay, leave it at that, please. For my own sake, okay?  ¡ª i tried to put end to this topic before my name got slandered any further.

    The girls around us, while not being familiar faces to me, laughed along at how Yuuko was digging into me, and soon class began.

    Do i remember anything?

    Of course not. i just fell asleep midway through. I really can''t seem to find a way to properly kill time in here that isn''t sleeping.

    Most of the day goes by like this, genuinely. I''ve grown tired of these lectures, and all of these contents which i''ll likely never use in the future.

    Sure, i could keep it up as last year, and truly be a good student, and all, but...

    A faint picture in the form of my memory started forming in my head.

    "I''ve always admired how hard you work when you truly get into things, Ruu-chan"

    Ugh, it really hurts. Every time i start remembering things from last summer, a faint static starts to envolve my head, and it hurts.

    I really shouldn''t be feeling that down over it given it''s been already a year, but... i don''t know.

    My feelings are a bit too complicated to sort out at the current moment, so i''ll just lose myself in these lectures for now.

    ¡ªHaru, we''re gonna go hang around in the beach today. Want to tag along? ¡ª Yuuko said to me as soon as the bell rang for the last period of the day.

    ¡ªNot really, i don''t have to work today so i''ll just go to my house and drop dead for a little bit.

    ¡ªI''ll go bother you for a little bit if we go home early.

    ¡ªI would rather not, but do as you''d like. See you then, Yuuko ¡ª i waved her goodbye as i walked away, the sky dyed orange now.

    17:30PM.

    Im usually not walking towards the station on Thursdays, since i''d be going to the restaurant to work until 8, but i called in today so i could take the day off.

    I don''t feel particularly bad or anything, but it''s one of these days where i just want to head home, put some music, drink a cup of tea and just lay in my bed.

    That is, if Yuuko doesn''t come along to drag me out to somewhere, but whatever.

    The same usual routine, repeating once again. I get in the train, put my earphones on, and doze off until i get to the last station.

    Im not particularly bothered by it, you know?

    But i still feel like im doing something wrong by having such a... gray way of living.

    It feels like most of the time i give to myself isn''t really worth, for some reason.

    I walked out of the station, and the street was unusually filled with people. I looked around, to the very familliar sight.

    Takoyaki and Taiyaki carts on the middle of the street, a incredibly out of place convenience store, and so many people walking around just having a nice time.

    I forgot, today there''s a fireworks show, so there''s a festival going on. Really, how do i keep forgetting these things?

    The unusually large amount of food carts and nice atmosphere in general made me want to take a slight detour and eat something.

    I figured, it''d make for a nice way home, but my body feels a bit too heavy already. I don''t think im in the mood, for now.

    As i crossed the street, i took one last glance at the large street, and turned my back to walk a few blocks away from it.

    Not even five minutes passed, and i was already climbing the stairs to my apartment. I took my key out, and went inside.

    ¡ªIm home.

    I exclaimed to meet myself with the same silence i''ve always been used to.

    As i took off my shoes, and went inside, i opened up the curtains to be slightly blinded by the sky, still dyed of orange.

    I thought it looked even more colorful than before, when i was out. And it made me feel a bit lonely, for some reason.

    The light that came in from the outside was enough for my whole room to be decently lit.

    A bed,a closet, a small shelf with some books, and a white bass hanged up on the wall.

    There wasn''t anything else worth noting.

    After i opened the window to let air in, i went to the living room, and i laid down for a little bit, without really thinking about anything.

    I checked my phone, just for it to be empty. I pressed the play button, as i turned it off again and laid down.

    I don''t know if it was a sour coincidence or not, but the name of the song  that was playing was engraved in my head, despite my consciousness fading slowly.

    "Colorblind"

    Even if it''s just a coincidence, it''s a pretty good description of how i''ve felt lately.

 Third Degree

    ¡ªHaru, haven''t you been out cold for a little too long already? ¡ªshe slapped my face as she annoyingly complained.

    ¡ªMaaaaybe. I could have slept a little bit more, you know?

    Yuuko sighed as she got back up and walked back to the kitchen.

    ¡ªI made curry while you were sleeping. In fact..

    ¡ªYes, you''re surprised i didn''t wake up with the smell. I woke up when you opened the door, i just knew it was you so i stayed down because i felt like it.

    Yuuko turned around and glared at me before letting out another sigh and sitting down on the table.

    It''s around 8:30PM, and Yuuko has been coming to my apartment to hang out, and cook dinner in here.

    How did this end up happening?

    Well, i had lost a lot of weight last year and i mentioned how i have pretty unhealthy eating habits, so one of these days she followed me into here, and instantly took hold of my kitchen, given it''s pretty well equipped and big, even if i never use it...

    ¡ªHaru, it''s weird for you to be so down, even in here. Did something happen? ¡ª she asked, concerned.

    I looked at my own reflection in the glass of water i was holding. My hair was messy, and all over the place, and my expression looked a lot more terrible than i thought it did earlier.

    ¡ªNothing really happened, but i just had a bitter memory pop up into my head again. ¡ªi spoke very quietly.

    Yuuko didn''t continue to push the matter any further, since she knew damn well what i was thinking about. Maybe im just being a bit of a idiot, but i want her to.

    ¡ªI was thinking to myself how i could keep the "me" from last year up.

    ¡ªAnd? ¡ªYuuko gave me room to keep speaking.

    ¡ªI remembered that Sayumi really liked that part of me, and it felt like the rest of the world lost its color for today.

    ¡ªYour voice isn''t trembling now like it used to, you know? ¡ªYuuko exclaimed while looking at me with a faint smile on her face.

    Is it not? I didn''t really notice, because i always get so shaken up thinking about it, even worse speaking.

    Yuuko placed her finger on my forehead as i looked down, and drew my attention towards her.

    ¡ªRegardless of what happened with you and Sayumi, that''s not even close to being the only reason you changed, Haru. You''re your own person, you know?

    ¡ªI know, but... ¡ªmy eyes dropped down instantly, as i couldn''t really look her in the eye straight while speaking.

    ¡ªThere you go again. Haru, you really don''t like thinking or talking about yourself, don''t you? ¡ªshe told me, as she sat down in her chair, a bit defeated.

    ¡ªI really don''t. I can''t get the words out, and i can''t express my feelings well enough. Im sorry.

    ¡ªWell, i can''t just get mad at you for it... but i would like for you to think about things from your own eyes instead of clinging on to Sayumi''s vision of things. It''s like you''re completely over her, yet you... ¡ª i knew exactly how she was going to finish this sentence, and i didn''t want her to.

    ¡ªI know. Don''t say it, please.

    Yuuko narrowed her eyes before she just smiled and went back to eating in silence.

    ¡ªThank you. ¡ªi told her, this time with my voice back to normal instead of the pitiful tone i had before.

    After we finished eating, i made sure to clean up everything by myself to not trouble Yuuko any further.

    ¡ªI''ll go home now, Haru. I want to stop by the festival, so i''ll leave a bit earlier.Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

    ¡ªOh, i forgot that was going on. Don''t worry though, i''ll be fine now. ¡ªi smiled gently at her, with my honest feelings worn on my expression.

    She waved goodbye at me, and left my apartment as i stood there silently, looking at the now closed door.

    I went to bed shortly after since i felt really tired to begin with, and eating made me more sleepy than i might have already been.

    As i woke up the next day, the day followed as usual.

    I took the same morning routine i always do. I was just as late, and i was just as unfazed by it as usual.

    Except, i saw something different on my way to school on the beach.

    There was a girl, from my school sitting there.

    "She looks pretty lonely" i thought to myself, as i just kept walking.

    She was from the 2nd years, since her skirt wasn''t the same gray one i was wearing. I don''t know who she is exactly, but if she''s skipping just like me, she''s probably subject to the same stupid gossip im the victim of quite often.

    I''ve heard a lot of stupid stories come up. Like im staying at some random dude''s house and that''s why im late.

    And that''s not even the worse of them. I''ve heard that i am working ilegally at a bar at night, that im going out partying every night, and that im coming school from a different place every time.

    Sure, i was probably offended at every single one of them when i heard them, but they''re so ridiculous now that i think about it, that i cant help but chuckle at the thought. It''d be dissapointing for all of them to know that their very well loved Haruna is nothing more than a lazy mess of a girl that can''t get herself out of bed in time for school.

    No, really. I''ve always been terrible at waking up by myself. Sure, i wasn''t late thanks to her last year, but even so im really not a morning person.

    As i was getting to school, i noticed that the front gate was closed, but so was the entrance in the back.

    I didn''t even get restless, or anxious. I was dissapointed.

    Yuuko probably went to my apartment yesterday to tell me about this and she forgot about it.

    We weren''t supposed to come to school today, that''s right. The festival that was held yesterday extends to today, and i don''t even know what it is about exactly, but i do know that they 100% announced this and i didnt pay attention because im stupid.

    Oh well, i''ll just head back. The breeze feels really good at this time anyways, so i won''t really complain about taking a pretty stupid walk.

    As i was heading back, the image of the lonely girl i saw earlier popped up in my head, and before i realized, my eyes were glued to the beach searching for her.

    Maybe i do feel a bit lonely after all, since this walk has been pretty uneventful, i forgot i didn''t even have to come here today, and to make it even worse i forgot my earphones at home.

    It was then that i heard a group of people laugh near by.

    I sat in the stone wall separating the beach from the main street, and looked around.

    It didn''t take me too long to notice three girls in the same, 2nd year uniform staring at another, somewhat familiar girl.

    From where i was standing, despite my slight near-sightedness i could still recognize her orange hair.

    I stood still and tried to listen closely, because she sitting still, with her back turned towards the other three.

    Even so, i couldn''t really listen to a damn thing at all. The sea''s loud, and the breeze isn''t really helping.

    ¡ªOh well, like i don''t get into worse situations willingly... ¡ª i said to myself as i pulled out my phone, and walked up slowly.

    I had a pretty decent idea of who she was now, and what was going on.

    One of the random girls around her, pushed her making her fall head first into the sand, and that''s when i lost my fuse a little bit.

    ¡ªThree second year girls, all gathered up together in a day where we aren''t even supposed to come to class. This is really curious! ¡ªi exclaimed in a annoyingly loud and enthusiastic tone.

    All three of them turned around with some noticeable shock in their faces. Well, at this time there really shouldn''t be anyone walking around here, less a student of T¨­kai.

    ¡ªWho are you? ¡ª miss blonde exclaimed first.

    ¡ªSomeone. Let me tell you something though, sweetie. Wouldn''t it be bad if this someone made sure to show what you girls were doing to every single one of your classmates in 2-B? ¡ª i kept the obnoxious tone up. This should be enough to get them out of here, at the very least.

    The three of them started whispering to each other, before they walked away slowly while staring at me with a lot of disgust in their faces.

    Im sorry, i guess.

    I looked over to miss lonely, and she was still sitting down staring at the ocean in the same position she was before they pushed her down.

    Her clothes were messy, and she was filled with sand. Even down to her hair.

    I could just go now, right? I mean, i could. But this girl... okay, whatever.

    I sat down silently next to her, a bit closer than i usually would. I made sure to keep my gaze to the ocean for now.

    ¡ªMizuno-senpai, what were you doing here? ¡ªthe girl spoke with a oddly firm tone. I shifted my gaze towards her, since she did speak to me.

    ¡ªI didn''t notice we had off today, so i was genuinely just passing by. I did see you earlier, though. I wouldn''t have bothered if it wasnt the case.

    As i looked over to her, i could notice a slight shade of red around her eyes.

    So, this isn''t really a one-time thing, huh...

    ¡ªYou shouldn''t have both.... eeaah?! ¡ª i interrupted what she was going to say by putting my hand on top of her hair and cleaning the small amount of sand that was still on her hair.

    ¡ªOops, my bad. I didn''t bother, though. Im not one to let people do whatever they want. I don''t really want to get into a fight though, so i did have my doubts. Wait, how do you know how i am? Explain yourself.

    ¡ªYou know well that you aren''t precisely a nobody in Tokai, Mizuno-senpai. ¡ªshe answered with what i was hoping she wouldn''t. Oh well, i guess it''s fine.

    ¡ªThat isn''t really the reason i wanted to hear, miss... oh wait, that''s wrong. If i remember correctly, we met last year shortly, right?

    ¡ªYes. Hanamiya Anri. Do you remember now? ¡ªHanamiya swiftly hid the long part of her hair tucked under her shirt, leaving her frontal image to match the same one as last year. I remember she had her hair cut a lot shorter last year.

    I smiled at her, and nodded.

    ¡ªYou were probably the face i recognized the most every time i went to the library with... ¡ªthe words got stuck in my throat as i was about to name her.

    Anri stared at me, itching me to finish the sentence.

    ¡ªWell, i do remember you. I didn''t expect your hair to get that long in a year, though... ¡ªi spoke a lot more softly and less upbeat than i do at school. I figured, that i have no reason to in here out of all places.

    ¡ªI didn''t expect to either, but i just wanted to leave it like this because i''d hate it no matter what. ¡ªshe said as her gaze dropped down, defeated.

    As much as i wanted to tell her something, i really couldn''t. Or i just didn''t feel like it. I don''t know.

    We didn''t really keep talking that after that. We both brought up quite the awkward topics to each other, didn''t we?

    She knew well i wouldn''t pry any further on why she feels like that, or why those girls were messing with her.

    And i also figured she wouldn''t pry about why i didn''t mention Sayumi''s name, knowing she probably remembers her.

    ¡ªNishida-senpai moved to Tokyo, right? That''s why you aren''t... ¡ª i quickly put one of my hands on top of her mouth to stop her from talking.

    It''s not that i don''t want her to bring up the topic, or just ask. She isn''t doing anything wrong.

    It just feels like every time that i have to explain anything about Sayumi my body starts aching, like she left a part of me charred with her absence.

    ¡ªIm sorry. It''s a bit of a pretty difficult topic for me still ¡ªi chuckled in self-deprecation trying my best not to make her feel awkward about what just went on.

    ¡ªI know, so i apologize for asking. I''ll leave now, Mizuno-senpai.

    Anri got up, bowed at me and swiftly ran away from where i was sitting.

    I sighed, as i realized its still pretty difficult. I didn''t feel this troubled when talking about it to Yuuko, so was it just not being familiar enough with Anri to bring it up?

    Even so, i did feel a bit down about having her leave, for some reason.

    "I guess i really do feel a bit more lonely than i thought." i whispered to myself, with the sea breeze blowing my words away into the distance.

    Now i don''t really want to walk back home.

    You really did leave a part of you burned into my heart, didn''t you?

    Sayumi.

 Deep Red

    I woke up to my phone vibrating oddly close to me. I answered the call that i was recieving.

    ¡ªWhat''s the matter now? ¡ªi spoke first begrudgingly.

    ¡ªCome over to my house. ¡ªYuuko ordered me around, cutting the call as soon as she finished.

    Classic Yuuko. I don''t even have a choice. Because if i don''t go know, she''s going to end up coming here to drag me herself.

    I went to the bathroom to wash my face, and i really looked messy despite getting ready to go to school not so long ago.

    When i got back home, i fell asleep instantly. I didn''t even make my way to my room, i just passed out on the couch. So now, my hair is all messy and being completely honest, i don''t feel like fixing it now.

    I went into the balcony to take a quick peek at how cold it is outside, and as soon as i stepped out i nearly froze to death.

    It''s not only windy, the wind itself is pretty cold.

    I managed to throw myself into a somewhat decent outfit so i don''t genuinely freeze to death, took a quick peek at myself in the mirror, and nodded.

    I turned the lights off, closed the windows, and walked towards my door.

    "What does Yuuko want out of nowhere?"  i thought to myself, and as i wrapped my scarf around my neck, and put on the nearest pair of boots that i had, i walked out.

    As i walked down the stairs and into the street, i noticed pretty quickly that i, Haruna forgot for the second time in a single day my earphones.

    I let out a huge sigh, and decided to just keep walking anyways, for the second time.

    Thankfully, there wasn''t a lot of people around in the street, and there wasn''t really any noise that could make me feel slightly more annoyed than i already am at myself. I can really be a pretty huge idiot sometimes.

    I checked my phone quickly to take a look at what time it was, and it was just past 1PM.

    That''s surprising. I felt like a slept a lot more than just a few hours.

    Well, whatever. I still feel a bit drowsy, but it is a day off, so i guess its nice that i got a bit more sleep in.

    Of course, not like i had anything better to...

    "I didn''t expect to either, but i just wanted to leave it like this because i''d hate it no matter what"

    Before i realized, Anri''s words found their way back into my head. Am i just curious? Because that comment from her really did catch my attention, given the only thing i know about her, is that she loves books, and that even last year she already had a bit of a sour look in her face when it came to talking to people.

    Not only that, but i also remember pretty clearly a lot of people making comments about how her hair looks pretty, and more.

    I guess she does have her own things to worry about if she hates it that much, huh...

    Before getting too caught up in overthinking, i realized i was already at Yuuko''s house.

    I walked up, and i knocked twice.

    ¡ªHaru-chan, welcome! ¡ªa familiar face opened the door pretty swiftly.

    ¡ªIm sorry to appear out of nowhere, Akemi-san.

    ¡ªYuuko told me you were going to come, so don''t worry about it. Come in.

    I took off my coat and my scarf as i thankfully made my way into Yuuko''s house, where it was a lot warmer than out in the street.

    Yuuko''s mom signaled me to just head upstairs, and i nodded to her, as i made my way up.

    ¡ªIm coming in, Yuuko  ¡ªi knocked once before opening the door to her room.

    ¡ªAh, you got here a lot earlier than i thought you would. ¡ªshe was laying down on her bed, and she looked a lot more alright than i thought she would.

    Not only that, but she was eating some pocky without a single worry in the world.

    ¡ªI thought something had happened to you, and all i can find is a young lady without a single care in the world eating snacks like its nothing. This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.

    ¡ªYou''re already here, so keep the complaints to yourself. Besides...

    ¡ªI made sure to get here quick precisely because i thought it was something serious. And here, i nearly froze to death for you! ¡ªi played up my best "dramatic girlfriend" impression towards her, before i realized she had a completely blank expression on her face, and i felt someone''s gaze on my back.

    I turned around, and i felt my heart skip a beat when i realized who was staring at me.

    ¡ªYuuko-senpai, is there something i don''t really know about you two?

    ¡ªNot really. You don''t see her in class, but this is how Haru usually acts. Get used to it, Hanamiya.

    I reflexively froze, and sat down next to Yuuko, as if i was getting ready to get scolded or something.

    What''s with this stupidly stiff reaction? Something''s wrong with me.

    ¡ªAnyways, what are you doing here, Anri?  ¡ªi asked to try to bring the attention away from the sheer embarassment im feeling right now.

    ¡ªI live next door. I told Yuuko-senpai what happened earlier. ¡ªAnri brought us some tea as she sat down next to me,a lot closer than what i expected her to.

    I couldn''t really take my attention off how close she was.

    Okay, listen here, Haruna. Why are you getting nervous about something like this? Please, get it together.

    Yeah, something''s really wrong with me if im constantly speaking to myself in my mind.

    ¡ªI see. It might be a bit stupid for me to ask, but are you...

    ¡ªYes, im fine. After all, they''ve been doing this for a while and this is the first time in a while that they do something physical.

    It really wasnt a one time thing, then...

    ¡ªHaru, you took a video of those three while they shoved Hanamiya around, right? ¡ªYuuko asked without paying much attention to what Anri said.

    I took out my phone, and just handed it over to her, so she checked herself.

    ¡ªMizuno-senpai, you were going to show this at school anyways, right?  ¡ªAnri asked me with a slightly concerned expression on her face.

    ¡ªNot really.

    ¡ªThen, be honest and tell her what you were planning by doing that. ¡ªYuuko stared at me with a sharper gaze.

    Sure, i''ll play along.

    ¡ªI''ll remember their faces, so i was going to keep a look out for Anri at school. You don''t want me to blow it out of proportion, right?

    Anri started clenching her skirt and nodded without saying a word.

    ¡ªMizuno-senpai, i appreciate you looking out for me, but...  ¡ªAs she kept speaking, i realized where this was going, so i interrupted her.

    ¡ªI didn''t do it specifically for that reason, you know?

    Yuuko stood up and grabbed my arm pretty tightly.

    ¡ªThen, what are you doing?

    She''s pretty shaken up... It''s been a while since i''ve seen her like this.

    ¡ªIm not just going to stand around and let a whole group of idiots do whatever they want. That''s it. Besides, i recognized Anri too. I did say i was going to look out for you, and it''s because...

    My mind went blank, as i realized i couldn''t bring myself to say it.

    "Sayumi would have done the same"

    Yuuko seemed to realize how my words started to get stuck in my throat, and she let my arm go very delicately.

    ¡ªIm sorry, i got a bit heated up. Hanamiya''s parents are close friends of mine, so i want to look out for her too, but you know... overdoing things is the worst we can do for her. ¡ªYuuko spoke pretty earnestly.

    ¡ªMizuno-senpai, i wasn''t going to blame you for doing something wrong. In fact, the way you handled things was pretty nice for me. I just want to ask you something.

    ¡ªGo ahead.  ¡ªi smiled at her, knowing well i feel a bit more comfortable now.

    ¡ªWe should spend more time together.

    My heart skipped a beat again at how much i got caught off-guard.

    I must have instantly dyed my face red, because Anri backtracked instantly.

    ¡ªOkay, that sounded weird. I mean it, but don''t just be weird and go about things for "looking out for me". After all, it''s not like anyone''s going to even bother doing something to me with Mizuno-senpai around.

    Yuuko chuckled at Anri''s comment, and i could already feel the dagger flying into my chest.

    ¡ªTrue, she is pretty infamous after all... ¡ªshe took the jab at me while holding her laughter.

    ¡ªYeah, yeah. Then, i''ll take you up on that, Anri.

    I really had no reason to. But, i have no reason to just tell her no in the first place.

    It''ll be just fine, i guess.

    ¡ªWill you both stay over for lunch?

    I stood up, and i looked at Anri before i spoke, hoping she understands what i was trying to tell her with my eyes.

    ¡ªI''ll leave early. I have some things i want to buy on the way back, so i''ll pass for today, Yuuko.

    ¡ªI did call you at the worst time possible, so i understand. Well, be careful on your way back, Haru.

    I smiled at her and nodded before looking at Anri again.

    ¡ªI''ll go back to my house too. I''ll walk Mizuno-senpai out.

    We both waved goodbye to her and started walking out.

    Thankfully, she did get it.

    I picked up my coat and my scarf back, and headed out with Anri following me closely.

    ¡ªI''ll walk you a little farther down, is it okay? ¡ªAnri asked softly.

    ¡ªI don''t mind. Maybe you could just take me all the way down to my apartment. I''d appreciate it. ¡ªi exaggerated it, to see if she''d feel a little less stiff talking to me.

    ¡ªI didn''t realize you were that lonely, Mizuno-senpai ¡ªshe said trying her hardest not to laugh. A bit cheeky now, huh?

    ¡ªI might not be joking at all, you know? ¡ªour eyes managed to meet as i leaned over a little closer to her, while i spoke.

    ¡ªEven if you aren''t, im just surprised. You''re very easy to talk compared to how people see you at school.

    ¡ªWell, even i get tired of playing dumb and being upbeat, you know?

    She chuckled at my line as i thought to myself, that it was probably just fine to let out a little bit more.

    ¡ªEven so, i will admit that i feel a lot more at peace talking to you and Yuuko.

    ¡ªIs that so...  ¡ªher voice softened a lot , and she gave me a pretty short answer.

    I stopped walking, and turned around to face her as i figured we''ve talked enough.

    ¡ªI''ll be fine from here on, Anri. Thank you for taking the time ¡ª i smiled at her again, this time meeting her eyes directly.

    I couldn''t tell if i just felt happy, or if my heart was truly skipping a beat right now.

    ¡ªNo problem, Mizuno-senpai. See you tomorrow, at school ¡ªshe waved goodbye at me with her hands, and i noticed they were trembling a little bit.

    I didn''t realize... well, it''s fine.

    Before i waved goodbye back at her, i quickly ran up close to her, and put my coat around her.

    ¡ªYou could have said something, you know? ¡ªi spoke slightly concerned for her.

    Anri''s eyes were avoiding mine.

    ¡ªYou can just give it back to me tomorrow. I''ll be going now, Anri.

    I turned around, waved her goodbye this time, and started walking back towards my apartment.

    Thankfully, i forgot my earphones again. Im sure, that if i did bring them, i''d be hearing the sound of my own heartbeat louder than the music i''d be listening to.

    Even if i don''t know why im suddenly getting so shaken up... i figured i''ll be just fine.

    All of this, feels a bit wrong... i think.

    I''ve been seeing in shades of gray most of the time, nowadays, but i feel like this day everything started taking a little bit more color.

 Full Circle

    It had been a few days since i went to Yuuko''s house and got slightly closer to Anri.

    Since then, my days have changed quite a little bit.

    I''ve been running into Anri more frequently on my way to school, to begin with. And the most surprising part about it, is that i''ve been waking up a bit earlier recently, and getting to school on time.

    She''d take a slight detour to wait for me at the station with Yuuko, and they''d wait for me, so we could walk to school together.

    Today, was one of those days where that happened. And currently, im doing nothing but recapping to myself on the day i just had.

    I don''t get any less weird, don''t it?

    ¡ªMizuno, read the next lines, please.  ¡ªour literature teacher spoke up and demanded me to read.

    I was already lying down on my desk, so i covered my face with my bangs and closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep.

    Honestly, it''d be way easier if i just stood up, read out whatever i get asked for quickly and just go back to zoning out, but for some weird reason, i just don''t feel like seeing everyone stare at me in some way.

    I feel a bit uncomfortable, ever since i left my house. Even when walking with Anri and Yuuko, something felt a bit off.

    And i can''t really shake this feeling off, or pinpoint what''s exactly causing it.

    After our teacher gave up in getting through to me, i checked the time on my phone through the corner of my eye, and it was about to be 12:00PM, which meant...

    I heard the bell ring before i even finished my thought. It''s lunch break, and i have absolutely nothing to do, so i guess i''ll follow Yuuko around today.

    ¡ªHaru, want to come with me to the cafeteria?  ¡ªYuuko asked as she was putting her notebook away inside of her bag.

    ¡ªSure. Wait, won''t it be really full? ¡ªi asked a bit concerned, given i don''t really like crowds that much.

    ¡ªIt should be fine. Unlike you, i always go there so don''t worry about it.

    Yuuko''s words gave me a little bit of peace of mind, and i walked behind her smiling.

    As we were making our way to the cafeteria, a small idea popped up in my head, so i decided to act on it.

    ¡ªYuuko, can you grab a seat for us? I''ll go get Anri. ¡ªi ran back quickly as i finished speaking to her.

    I made my way to the 2-B classroom, and as i peeked through out the door, i noticed most people were eating in here.

    I heard a few whispers which were along the likes of "isn''t that Mizuno-senpai" and "Its her" but i really paid no attention at all towards them and looked with my eyes for...

    Found her!

    ¡ªAnri, come with me for a little bit!  ¡ªi made my way to her desk, as i practically dragged her by the arm outside of the classroom.

    We swiftly made our way to the 1st floor, and before we went into the cafeteria, i wanted to have a small little chat with her.

    I don''t know why, but i didn''t want Yuuko to see this side of me.

    ¡ªMizuno-senpai, what''s wrong? ¡ªAnri exclaimed, surprisingly calm.

    ¡ªNothing. I was bored, so i looked for you.  ¡ªi had my back turned towards her, and i told her my genuine intentions.

    ¡ªThen, what do you want me to do exactly?

    I turned around to face her.

    ¡ªJust keep me company for a little bit, that''s all. I do get pretty lonely, don''t you remember? ¡ªi made the same gesture i did back then, leaning in close to her while smirking.

    Only that this time, Anri was pretty calm about it, and she just smiled back at me.

    ¡ªYou''re a bit of a handful, Mizuno-senpai ¡ªAnri complained with quite the cute smile in her face.

    Oh. I called her cute.

    ¡ªMaybe i am. Well, im not forcing it on you, so if you want...

    ¡ªIm not leaving. Besides, anywhere''s better than that classroom for me, and you know it.

    Her expression turned a bit gloomy as she muttered that quietly.This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

    I grabbed her arm again and pushed her slightly closer to me.

    ¡ªThen, i''ll just have to drag you out like i did today every day, right? ¡ªi smiled gently at her. My heart was starting to beat a little faster, but i paid no attention to it, and tried my hardest to drag this small little moment of us as long as possible.

    ¡ªYou''re actually a bit of a pain in the ass, Mizuno-senpai.

    I got on my knees exaggeratedly and pretended to be in severe pain.

    ¡ªThat hurts! And i was being serious about it, i really did feel a bit lonely!

    And when i stopped doing my stupid act, Anri started laughing like i''ve never seen her before.

    I don''t really get it, but she just got a lot... brighter.

    ¡ªI''ll play along, don''t worry. I didn''t mean it.

    I got back up, and i grabbed hold of her arm again.

    ¡ªThen, come with me.

    This time, i was a lot more gentle, and soft with the way i dragged her.

    "It wasn''t a bad idea at all"  i thought to myself, as i was grinning from this small moment we shared together.

    ¡ªTook you long enough, Haru. Also, nice to see you too, Hanamiya.

    Yuuko was waiting with a slightly annoyed look on her face.

    ¡ªI went to get Anri. Can you at least pretend not to be annoyed at it? ¡ªi told Yuuko, trying to poke fun at her.

    ¡ªI knew you were going to get Anri, yet you still took pretty damn long to just go towards 2-b, Haru.

    Anri locked eyes with me, and i tried my hardest to tell her with my eyes, not to mention anything else.

    ¡ªYuuko-senpai, i was a bit busy when she came to get me. Im sorry ¡ªshe apologized pretty damn sincerely for it to be a small lie.

    Im a bit scared of you now, Anri...

    ¡ªWell, whatever the case is, its fine. Let''s eat quickly, both of you.

    Anri and i both sat down in front of Yuuko.

    Yuuko and Anri both pulled out both of their bentos, and started eating.

    ¡ªHanamiya, do you make your bentos yourself? ¡ªYuuko asked.

    Anri nodded, and she didn''t really elaborate any further. She feels a lot more guarded now than she was before, with me.

    Maybe im overthinking things, but...

    No, it''s fine. Haruna, don''t start trying to guess other people''s business.

    ¡ªYuuko is really good at cooking, Anri. You should steal a few bites of her food if you can. She doesn''t let me.

    Anri stared at me quietly for a few seconds, and as if she noticed something very wrong, she got a bit concerned instantly.

    ¡ªMizuno-senpai, i just realized that you aren''t eating anything at all. Are you okay?

    Ahh, so that''s the case. Oh well, i get why she''d be concerned about it.

    ¡ªI get pretty sick if i eat around this time, so i never do. Its...

    Yuuko covered my mouth with her hand, and stopped me from elaborating any further, probably to throw a jab at me.

    ¡ªShe''s been this way since she was around 6, she says. I don''t believe her for a second at all. Worst of all, she''s taller than me and she''s very slim. It''s unfair... ¡ªYuuko started pouting as she complained about it.

    ¡ªThe reason you get sick is probably because you never eat early in the first place, Mizuno-senpai. You can''t do that.  ¡ªAnri added with a pretty serious voice.

    She was also staring at me pretty closely, and she didn''t seem to have any intention of backing off at all.

    It was a bit... bittersweet to have her worry about that out of all things.

    ¡ªIm sorry...

    ¡ªNo. Don''t say that you''re sorry. Instead, please try to change that. No matter what''s the case, you have to take care of yourself.

    For some reason, her words hit a bit of a weak spot within me, since every single time i mention this, people just make fun of me for being airheaded, lazy or something else.

    But this girl, she''s actually just concerned about my wellbeing.

    This genuine kindness... it kinda stings a little bit.

    I know damn well i can''t do these things for myself. So with someone by my side, bringing out the best in me, and straightening my spine...

    "I can''t take the weight of two people at once, Ruu-chan. You''re too much."

    A chill went down my spine, and before i could answer, i froze in place, with my breathing quickly getting faster and faster.

    Anri and Yuuko both just stared at me without mentioning anything, but... im sure they noticed something''s wrong with me.

    I took a deep breath, and made sure to properly meet Anri''s eyes before speaking.

    ¡ªI can''t promise anything, but... i''ll try. ¡ªi barely got my voice out, as Anri took a bit of distance from me and smiled gently.

    ¡ªI''ll settle with that, for now. ¡ªshe proudly accentuated the "for now".

    Yuuko didn''t say a single world through out this entire exchange, and i could feel her gaze being fixated on me.

    I don''t know exactly way, but the way Yuuko reacts to certain things when Anri''s around... it makes me feel like something''s there.

    But i can''t really grasp what it is, so i''ll just bury it deep in my head, and move on from it.

    The rest of the day went pretty uneventful. Yuuko rarely spoke to me through out the day, and i could really feel that there was something wrong with her, but i didn''t have the mental strength in me to speak about it.

    I played a really bad prank on myself by having the worst possible memory come up in my head at the worst moment possible.

    After i left from school, Yuuko was nowhere to be seen, so i just left on my own, to find a familiar face waiting for me at the entrance.

    I know where this is headed. But am i really okay enough to play along with her?

    I don''t really know. I''ll just pass by, and if she reaches out to me then i''ll oblige.

    ¡ªMizuno-senpai, wait a second. ¡ª Anri grabbed my hand very softly, as she did reach out to me.

    I didn''t answer back, but i stopped moving, and waited patiently for her to talk.

    ¡ªCan we take a walk, for now?

    I nodded, and she let go of my hand, making sure to stay in front of me.

    She didn''t say anything, but i knew where she was heading. We were walking along the beach side, nearing the same spot where we first talked to each other.

    ¡ªLets sit down here.

    We both sat down on the sand, while staring at the ocean nearby and i took a deep breath, to hopefully be able to do this right.

    ¡ªIt''s been just about nothing. We don''t really know each other really well, and im well aware of it. But, i feel like i can grasp you pretty well, Mizuno-senpai.

    She took a few seconds of silence, to observe my reaction, which was sadly just a plain expression.

    Regardless, she kept speaking.

    ¡ªYou''re playful, you''re airheaded, and you''re pretty sly. That''s how you act at school.

    ¡ªThat''s right.

    ¡ªAnd while you are that way, you''re also pretty... fragile.

    I couldn''t answer that question, because i didn''t feel able to.

    ¡ªThe first time i thought you looked pretty lonely, was when i brought up Nishida-senpai.

    Another few seconds of silence. I didn''t feel like confirming or denying anything, since it hardly mattered to Anri.

    ¡ªI thought it was just my imagination, but the way you try to joke around with feeling lonely, and the way you reacted earlier today... you really aren''t alright, aren''t you?

    She''s right, but... I can''t just tell her straight up.

    ¡ªIt was just a memory. I''ll cheer up in a little bit... ¡ª i subconsiously tried lying my way out of this way knowing well this girl was different.

    Then, Anri grabbed both of my hands and pulled me closer towards her.

    ¡ªI can tell more than anyone, since im the same as you. For these next minutes, and just for today... you don''t have to pretend. No one else can hear us, and if you want me to i''ll never bring this up again. But be honest with yourself, please.

    It took me about a minute to process what she''s saying.

    Do i even have a true reason to trust her?

    I can''t deny that i''ve felt a lot more comfortable with her than even with Yuuko, but... i don''t need to do this.

    I''ll be fine by myself.

    This has happened before, it''ll hapen again...

    I''ll just...

    ¡ªI can finally see what your real expression looks like. ¡ªAnri took off my glasses and pushed my bangs out of the way as she drew her face near to me.

    I could feel a few tears fall down my cheek, and i realized that i fell completely into her grasp, for this moment.

    Right now, i didn''t even get the time to decide if i truly wanted to show this vulnerable, and pitiful side of myself to her... she just dragged it out of me.

    I started crying.

    How long has it really been since i felt like i could get this weight out of my chest?

    I don''t really know.

    But while my tears keep falling down... the thought that maybe someday i''d get back to who i used to be didn''t seem that far off.

 Seneca

    I cried pretty terribly for a good five minutes or so. In this entire time, Anri didn''t say a single word... and she probably didn''t even look my way.

    Being left aside this way while crying feels oddly comforting, for some reason.

    Not a single question... not a single explanation needed, and not a single ounce of prying into what''s my problem.

    "Be honest with yourself"

    Her words reached a bit too deep for this one time.

    I''ve been trying pretty hard, you know? Playing the strong girl, being the one to always joke around, to always be upbeat...

    Of course, it''s nothing that weighs on me too heavily, you know. Even so, it still does tire me out.

    And, where Sayumi used to be for me, when i fall into this state of stalling....

    There''s no one that can fill that gap that i need. I know im being unfair, im being dependant, and im being unhealthy.

    I''ve always known. But it feels like i''ve been paralyzed.

    None of these feelings came out anymore. No matter what memory popped up in my head... no matter what song, what line of lyrics i read... or what image i could see.

    I couldn''t bring myself to cry by myself, and just face my feelings head on.

    But today... i think i feel like doing so, even it''s just a little bit.

    She gave me the space i might have needed, so i can at least try.

    ¡ªI could give you the full story, but i don''t feel like it. I''ll leave some things out.

    ¡ªDo as you wish. I''ll listen so long as it''s fine with you.

    I genuinely appreciate how considerate she''s being to me. I think i can do this...

    ¡ªI met Sayumi when we were 1st years. I was pretty shy back then, because i was scared of this town, and this school.

    ¡ªOut of all people, i can''t imagine you being on the shy side. That''s a weird image in my head. ¡ªAnri chuckled.

    ¡ªWell, love can change people, as they say.

    Anri seemed to pay no attention to my remark and stood silently waiting for me to continue.

    ¡ªWith how shy i was, and how kind she was towards me, i fell in love with her pretty quickly. I didn''t say anything until our 2nd year, and we started dating. ¡ªI spoke trying my best to keep my voice steady in tone and volume.

    I took a bit of a deep breath, and noticed Anri didn''t say anything at all.

    ¡ªIm used to people judging this part when i say it. This is a bit weird. ¡ªi told Anri, knowing damn well she wouldn''t be the type to find anything i do at this point weird. I was just joking with her.

    ¡ªIs it really that terrible to just fall in love? There is no reason for me to judge people on being happy to love who they love. Besides, i could tell.

    ¡ªCould you? ¡ªi answered mockingly.

    ¡ªYes. I somehow just felt like you were the same as me.

    Oh, that''s a statement to make out of nowhere, miss Anri. Well, whatever. I''ll just keep going, before it turns a bit more awkward...

    ¡ªWe didn''t really have a bad relationship, but... i was incredibly dependant on her, emotionally. I was, and im probably still pretty weak emotionally. So it took just about nothing for me to break, and i''d have to lean on her for everything.

    ¡ªThen, what happened exactly? ¡ªAnri gazed at me intensely.

    I took a bit of a pause, hesitant about if i wanted to truly explain this or just gloss it over without going into detail.

    I usually would just skip it, but...

    Something about this whole situation and this girl, makes me not want to lie.

    We just met. It''s a bit stupid of me to really vent, and open up to her this way.This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

    But, i can''t lie to my own heart. She could bring these feelings out of me, and even i wasn''t able to.

    So, i''ll give her what she wants.

    ¡ªSayumi was going to move to Tokyo, on a scolarship. And before doing so, she broke up with me. Told me she couldn''t handle the weight of two people at the same time. That i was being annoying, and that i didn''t let her breathe at all. The last thing she told me, was "stop making a mess of my life, and leave me alone".

    Anri took this sequence of events in silence, and seemed to be thinking quite deeply about it.

    ¡ªAfter that... i promised to myself that i''d change, waiting for her. I changed my hairstyle... the way i speak... i even started paying more attention to how i dress up, and more things. I started being more upbeat at school, talking more to my classmates... None of them even knew me and Sayumi broke up, because she left the other day, and the way that i behaved seemed like nothing had happened at all.

    We sat in silence after i finished telling my not-so-long story.

    ¡ªIs this the first time you tell this, to some degree? ¡ªAnri asked, looking at me.

    I nodded, and she gazed into the ocean once more.

    ¡ªYou''re messed up for doing that to yourself, you know? ¡ªshe said, sounding a bit dissapointed.

    ¡ªI know... ¡ªi exclaimed, defeated.

    ¡ªNo, you don''t. But, it''s whatever. Come here. ¡ªAnri placed both her hands in my cheeks, and pushed my face closer towards hers.

    ¡ªRegardless of what happened, and if what Nishida-senpai did is right or wrong, from now on, you''re going to voice out your feelings when you feel like this.

    I looked away, trying not to give a clear answer because i didn''t want to think about doing this again, but instead of insisting, she let go of my face, and stood up.

    ¡ªMaybe im not the person that you can truly open up to, but i don''t want you to keep your feelings bottled up like that again. It''s very hurtful to you, and i get worried seeing how damaging you can be to yourself.

    I just stood there, paralyzed by her concern.

    A few seconds... no, minutes? had passed.

    I wanted to yell out to her "wait", but the words didn''t truly come out.

    Before i knew it, i turned around to look for her with my eyes, just to see Yuuko wave to Anri with a smile i had truly never seen on her face.

    I didn''t get to see Anri''s expression at all... and she didn''t even say "goodbye", or anything of the sort. She just left.

    Maybe she was just being considerate with my feelings, and leaving me space to think for myself.

    But if that''s the case... why did i want her to stay for a little bit longer?

    "Is it too much to speak so honest with you?"

    I wanted to ask her from the start, but i didn''t.

    And i might end up regretting it. I knew it. I was supposed to tell her the story properly.

    When i turned around, all i could see was her walking away in the distance, with Yuuko.

    They were both hand in hand with each other, and even with my near-sightedness i could see how much Yuuko was truly shining.

    A Yuuko i had never truly seen before, and a side of Anri that i could barely even grasp.

    I wanted to know more, but at the same time... the mere thought of wanting to know the truth about these two disconnected, yet intertwined things made my chest ache a little bit.

    After a depressingly uneventful and gray walk to the train station, and a train ride home, all i could do was lay in my bed, constantly asking myself questions about what i knew i didn''t want answered.

    I remembered Sayumi, and how i had promised to myself that i''d "wait for her".

    I also remembered, how the last time that i saw her on social media, she was graduating early, and how they held a big celebration for her.

    I used to spend so much time daydreaming i was with you.

    After all, i still don''t really hate you. I constantly ask myself if i do, and i can never give a clear answer to you in my head.

    I don''t miss being your lover. I don''t miss being with you, and i feel like even if you walked into my door right now, i wouldn''t be able to love you back.

    Maybe it''s your presence, and the lack of a clear answer the only thing that i miss in my life.

    Feeling like im able to truly be myself around someone. Doubting myself, and being troubled over and over again, just for someone to truly drag that out of me, and give me a small push in the back to take that step forward, and face my feelings.

    "Maybe im not the person that you can truly open up to, but i don''t want you to keep your feelings bottled up like that again. It''s very hurtful to you, and i get worried seeing how damaging you can be to yourself."

    I thought about her words, and how she seemed a bit distant while saying them.

    The genuine concern in her voice.

    The way she hid her expression from me and left briefly after saying those words.

    I don''t know what it is about Anri. But she ends up dragging my feelings the same way Sayumi did.

    No, not even. She''s even more upfront about it. And i can''t say "no" to her at all.

    I feel like it''s alright to tell her everything, but...

    The image of her and Yuuko, holding hands and walking off into the distance popped up into my head.

    I sighed.

    Im not sure if i can truly give my feelings right now a name, or some sort of definition.

    I managed to swallow the ugly feeling dwelling up in my chest, and i moved on with my day as usual, hoping i could keep it this way for a little bit longer.

    After that day, neither Anri or Yuuko spent a lot of time with me.

    We didn''t walk together to school... we didn''t spend lunch break together, and Yuuko seemed pretty distant, and didn''t speak very much with me in class.

    I was starting to get fed up with this. Not because they''re both my friends, but because i can''t stand being left out at all. Im just being selfish, but i''d like for them to be upfront about it.

    And maybe, i can kill the small feelings that are slowly building up inside me quickly this way.

    I was waiting by the entrance after the last bell of the day rang, and i was waiting for Yuuko, knowing well she was on her way out.

    About two minutes passed, and i could see her face widen in shock at seeing me wait for her instead of dashing out home.

    ¡ªHey. Mind if i borrow you for a little bit? ¡ªi calmly asked her.

    ¡ªSuit yourself. ¡ªYuuko gave a pretty cold and distant answer.

    Maybe im also a bit more distant with her than i should be, but whatever. I just want answers, for now.

    I could have done things a bit more smooth, and i could have waited for a right moment, but... i just want to know.

    ¡ªHow long have you and Anri been dating? ¡ªi just blurted it out.

    Yuuko seemed to be slightly annoyed at my question, but she answered.

    ¡ªA month. ¡ªshe answered, uninterested.

    ¡ªThat''s why she was at your home the other time, then?

    She nodded.

    ¡ªWe were hanging out before i remembered to call you. Truth is, i was jealous that she was with you and i wanted to tell you right there, but i couldn''t. ¡ªYuuko couldn''t look at me while she spoke this.

    ¡ªI didn''t think of you as the jealous type. Specially to a girl that your girlfriend just met.

    She didn''t answer at all. To be fair, i really shouldn''t have commented on it.

    After we got to the train station without saying anything else to each other... i just waved her goodbye trying my best to smile.

    I got in my train, plugged in my earphones, and just played my usual playlist as loud as possible.

    Don''t do it. Don''t look.

    I was telling myself the entire time, but i eventually looked at my reflection in the window.

    And i could see a few tears forming in my eyes already.

    It isn''t just my imagination. My chest hurting back then, when i saw them both wasn''t because of the heavy topic, or from anything else.

    I knew damn well, the reason i couldn''t chase after them, or why i felt down while thinking about it.

    Anri went from being a complete stranger, to being the person i like.

    But i can''t do anything else. Im going to give it up.

    With my tears slowly falling down, again, i whispered to myself.

    "I have to understand that you''re elsewhere"

    I felt like a complete idiot. I shouldn''t decide i like someone in just a few days.

    But if it really isn''t that... then why did my chest ache when i saw her and Yuuko together?

    Im tired. I don''t want to answer any more of these questions.

    The only thing i want, is for the small fire that was lit inside of me ever since we met, to die down as quickly as it appeared.

 Yuuko Sagawa: Worst Wishes (Short Story)

    How long has it really been since i started feeling this deep, and unfair hatred for her?

    I don''t really know. Im a bit of a piece of shit for calling myself her "best friend" to later just think of her like this.

    Haru has always been... dazzling.

    No matter how much she plays the idiot at school, how useless she is by herself, and no matter how much she plays pretend... there''s always a radiance to her.

    It''s blinding. For the better or the worse.

    How funny is it, really? Because she doesn''t even realize it at all. She''s amazing at reading people yet she misses the mark completely when it comes to herself.

    She can barely get by. She''s messy, she''s a liar. She''s pretty self-destructive in some ways. If i put it like this, she seems like a terrible person.

    Yet... why is she so damn bright when it matters?.

    "How is she so strong?"

    I used to ask myself while seeing her at school. No one could believe that she was the same gloomy and distant girl from our 1st year. The amount of unecessary gossip about her being a flirt was insane. I''ve heard every stupid comment about her. How she apparently has the number of every 2nd year girl, how she works late at night and comes to school from a different house every day..

    I''ve even heard people say that she''s dating a college student that''s older than her.

    When i think about the helpless girl that Haru is by herself, it''s a bit stupid to think about.

    I thought for sure that last year, she''d finally come to terms and quit the play-pretend act thanks to the gossip, yet she only got more and more bright after Sayumi destroyed her feelings.Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.

    Yet... when im alone with her, most of that is gone.

    She turns a lot more witty and her gloomy personality comes through. She seems incredibly lonely, and somewhat sad when you speak to her.

    But her eyes still have the same sparkle they have at school.

    I thought i''d eventually grow over this, and i convinced myself that i have to support her, but no matter how much time passes, i feel like she doesnt need my support, or my presence at all.

    It''s impossible to read Haru. I''ve long given up on it.

    When i met Anri, i had forgotten all about my unfair hatred for Haru. Anri was the opposite of everything i hated about Haru.

    It''s a disgusting way to put it, but that was what made me like her from the start. She was oddly shy most of the time. But there still was a fierce strength to her, that i had all to myself.

    I really love that part of her and i thought it was my privilege as her girlfriend to have that side of her be our small little secret.

    But... when Haru started interacting with her, it changed.

    I realized, that it really wasnt my privilege.

    I remembered one of our conversations from a few days ago.

    ¡ªThe reason you get sick is probably because you never eat early in the first place, Mizuno-senpai. You can''t do that.

    ¡ªIm sorry...

    ¡ªNo. Don''t say that you''re sorry. Instead, please try to change that. No matter what''s the case, you have to take care of yourself.

    When she scolded Haru like that, i was staring closely at her expression.

    And it was then that i realized it. This is the same Haru that i see at her apartment. The same helpless, lonely and gloomy Haru.

    I backtracked a little bit, and i didn''t even notice my own girlfriend''s attitude had changed at all.

    We''re at school, yet here she is scolding her upperclassman like its nothing.

    I was a bit stunned at the realization, but there it was. The same strength that i thought i had all to myself, was coming out in her words, her body language, her mannerisms...

    As a incredibly bitter emotion stirred up on me, i tried my hardest not to say anything.

    But deep down, i realized the same unfair hatred that i kept hidden for Haru was growing slightly.

    I was incredibly jealous at knowing someone else could see Anri the same way that i do. I don''t care how toxic im probably being right now.

    I don''t want this to keep going for another second.

    No matter how dramatic im being, im not gonna let Anri get any closer to that sparkle that Haru has.

 Tunnel Vision

    I thought things were going to get really awkward from now on.

    I like my best friend''s girlfriend.

    This is destined to make things... not pretty at the very least.

    While that is what i''d expect... i couldn''t hide my bitter surprise at seeing Anri as soon as i got out of the train.

    ¡ªGood morning, Mizuno-senpai.

    I took a second to realize who just spoke to me, since im pretty grumpy in the morning, at least before i pass the school gate..

    ¡ªMorning. Im suprised you''re here. Wait, but not in a bad way, i swear.

    ¡ªYou are certainly making it hard to believe, you know... ¡ªAnri answered with the tone of her voice only being described as "you''re being a bit of a pain in the ass but im used to it".

    ¡ªIm sorry. I hate mornings.

    ¡ªNot like i don''t know already, so don''t worry about it. ¡ªshe sighed while smiling back at me.

    ¡ªEven so, i thought for certain that you''d be walking to school with Yuuko.

    Shit, i wasn''t supposed to bring that up. Im not supposed to know, to begin with...

    A awkward silence was presented for a good 30 seconds before i could even look back at Anri or she answered.

    ¡ªNow that you think about it, you two really haven''t been talking much lately. Did you get into some sort of petty fight, or anything?

    So she really doesn''t want to talk about it, huh...

    ¡ªNot really. She just seems a bit done with me, and i don''t really want to know why. ¡ªI lied shamelessly. Yuuko is probably starting to hate me a little bit for the very thing im doing right now. Doesn''t help that im not known for a lot of pretty things at school, and Yuuko is well aware of it.

    ¡ªSo that''s why she looks upset... ¡ªI could hear Anri whisper very softly.

    I could guess she was talking about Yuuko just now, but i''d rather play dumb and not bring it up at all. I shouldn''t be getting in the way...

    ¡ªAre you sure you didn''t do something questionable that caught her the wrong way? You are pretty unpredictable, Mizuno-senpai. ¡ªAnri complained.

    ¡ªI really didn''t, why am i the one at fault? ¡ªI forcefully complained with a slight bit of frustration showing on my voice. I couldn''t really stop it from leaking out, since it''s not the only thing i feel at fault for.

    ¡ªI was just asking, Mizuno-senpai. Are you sure you didn''t do anything? ¡ªAnri stopped next to me, and gazed directly into my eyes while getting pretty close to me.

    I got pretty nervous, and i felt very anxious, so i met her gaze for a few seconds before lashing out at her.

    ¡ªThis is a pretty unfair way to do things, you know? I can''t lie to you anyways, so im telling the truth. ¡ªI looked away, slightly panicked and tried my hardest not to look back at her. I felt like if i did, my heart would start speaking for me, and i really don''t want that.

    Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

    I really don''t want to cause any misunderstandings.

    ¡ªThank you for telling me that. I was honestly making fun of you, but you look a bit stressed, so im sorry. ¡ªAnri spoke pretty softly, and i felt dragged in by the way she spoke those words.

    She was smiling weakly, but she was still looking at me with concern, and her eyes looked a bit sad.

    My heartrate started rising pretty switly as Anri apologized, and i could feel the words getting stuck on my throat.

    She shouldn''t be apologizing about it.

    ¡ªIt''s fine. Im sorry for being a idiot and reacting like that. ¡ªI managed to blurt out with something closer to a defeated whisper than anything.

    I still can''t bring myself to look at her, and it feels like i''ve been paralyzed by all of the grim emotions im trying to fight back.

    ¡ªThere you go, making yourself the problem again. Don''t do that, okay? ¡ªAnri took both of my hands and held them close to her chest.

    I just hid behind my bangs and looked away.

    Anri clenched my hands a little bit tighter, expecting me to do or say something, so i nodded without saying a word.

    ¡ªEven if you don''t feel very okay, im not mad at you and you aren''t being a problem to me right now. Okay?

    I nodded again, trying my hardest to not say anything else, or to let my emotions out of control now.

    She''s always so understanding, and i can feel how genuine her concern is. It''s something i''ve never had, and it''s really precious to me, lately.

    It''s always the way she gives me so much to choose from, but...

    There''s so much stuff that i really want to tell her right now, but if i do... i''ll make a lot of problems for her.

    So i''ll just keep quiet. It''s the best thing i can do for Anri.

    To keep my mouth shut, and to silently take her kindness in, until she has no good left to give.

    After our small moment, we kept walking silently to school, and before we got to the entrance, i noticed Yuuko talking to Goro-san, at the Taiyaki shop i always come across.

    This isn''t even close to the route Yuuko takes to school, so i instantly knew something was off. Anri got used to walking to school with me, so she takes this one whenever she does, but Yuuko rarely came with us. She would usually meet us at the entrance gate, so my gut instantly told me that something was going to happen.

    I shook my head silently, and tried to soften my expression as much as possible to hide the bitterness that was flooding it, as we walked closer and closer to the point where Anri could see her too.

    I took a quick glance at Anri, and she looked... bitter.

    Was it the little moment we had before? Did something happen to her at home, maybe? Is she maybe worried about Yuuko seeing us together?

    No... maybe she doesn''t want to see her to? She did mention she looked upset... Did something happen between the two of them?

    Wait, Haruna. This isn''t any of your business, isn''t it?

    I shook every question that i just asked myself, and just continued to walk to the Taiyaki shop.

    ¡ªOi, Haruna! Come here! ¡ªGoro-san shouted my name, and waved at me to come closer, as i waved back and gave him the same smile i always give everyone.

    ¡ªAnri, come with me a little bit. It won''t be long, so don''t worry about being late. ¡ªI spoke with my voice now in school mode. Im sure Anri is used to my "personality swings" as i like to call them, but she looked a bit freaked out at them right now.

    I could feel my heart ache a little bit at her shocked and slightly afraid expression, but i tried not to think about it and just moved on, with her walking slowly behind me.

    ¡ªYou look a lot better this mornin''. Somethin'' good happen to ya? ¡ªGoro-san happily asked away as he opened up shop in the morning.

    ¡ªBut i always look this way, Goro-san. You''re seeing things! ¡ªi replied, acting excited with the very limited amount of energy that i had.

    ¡ªHahah, maybe. I am gettin'' old after all. Anyways, this young lady was lookin'' for ya. ¡ªGoro-san pointed at Yuuko, who was sitting quietly near by.

    ¡ªI know. I just wanted to come say hi before talking to her. Hope business is good today for you. ¡ªI bowed and waved at Goro-san as i walked towards Yuuko, without realizing Anri left my side at some moment and was next to Yuuko, with her expression being unusually fake...?

    She was smiling, and she was laughing. But... it seemed off.

    Does it?

    No, im just seeing things. She''s with her girlfriend. Im just overthinking things that aren''t really my problem.

    I buried my thoughts deep in my head, and just walked up towards the two of them with my heartrate slightly faster than it should be.

    ¡ªMorning, Yuuko. Quite the detour you took, right? ¡ªI mockingly told Yuuko, hoping she''d clap back as im used to... i really just want things to stay like they were before, so i hope she plays along with me.

    ¡ªMorning.  ¡ªa cold, and very distant voice spoke. I couldn''t even link it to the person i thought of as my best friend.

    I just nodded in place, before thinking to myself

    "Wait, that''s it?"

    She stood up, and started walking with Anri by her side in front of me, and i was stunned for a few seconds before i snapped out of it, and i started walking behind them.

    I could have walked faster, i could have caught up with them and try to force myself in like i would usually, but...

    Both of my eyes were focused only on Yuuko for now. She was... smiling.

    And not in the same snarky way that she usually does with me.

    She was wearing such a bright smile, when speaking to her girlfriend. Her cold stare, more akin to a glare was completely gone. Instead, she seemed relaxed, and at peace.

    I came to a dead stop when i saw her like that.

    "Im just in the way, right?"

    The words escaped from my mouth without being able to hold the thought back.

    Yuuko wouldn''t be that cold to me were it not for any other reason.

    Im just taking both of their time, probably. Maybe the same walks i enjoyed so much with Anri to school, would be better off if i let Yuuko take my place.

    And, maybe Anri''s expression would be less grim if Yuuko doesn''t feel jealous of the time i spend with her, and she''s not stressed about it.

    I wanted to scream, and at the same time i was steeling my resolve to just leave them both in peace, but her words came back to my head.

    "¡ªThere you go, making yourself the problem again. Don''t do that, okay?"

    Im sorry, Anri. It''s not that im making myself the problem... I know i am the problem this time.

    Yuuko has every right to feel uneasy about me being around her so often. I am a bit of a flirt with her, because i really like her. I''ve never felt this way about someone so quick, and the sincere, yet grounded way she supports me and scolds me when i deserve it is something that i really don''t want to let go.

    But this time, i have to.

    It''s the best thing i can do, for all of us, right?

 Heaven Sent

    Class had passed, and the bell for lunch break rang as loudly as it ever does.

    I was already in the rooftop when this happened.

    The whole morning, there was a lingering pain in my chest, and every time me and Yuuko looked at each other, or talked to each other my heart started aching a little bit more.

    I try my hardest to just smile back, but no matter how it might look to her, and to everyone else on the outside, it''s slowly getting to me.

    So much, that as soon as the bell rang, i just dashed out of the classroom. I don''t want Yuuko to speak to me right now.

    I don''t want any of my classmates to ask me anything. I don''t want to be with anyone.

    Everyone seems a little bit too loud. It''s like some sort of static, that doesn''t let me listen to anyone or anything properly. It just hurts, and its annoying.

    I was holding my canned coffee pretty tightly with both of my hands, as every time i got a little lost in thought, it''d be a bit less warm when i snapped back out of it.

    And now it''s completely cold. Winter has begun, after all. And it feels like with the cold it brings, it''s freezing me and all of my doubts and fears in place.

    Not enough to make me unable to run away from them, but just enough to slow me down to overthink everything just a little bit more.

    As i skipped through every single song that i really didn''t feel like listening to, i eventually gave up and just put my headphones away, as i could hear someone coming up.

    I felt the need to hide somewhere, but i eventually just discarded it quickly, specially after seeing who came to the rooftop itself.

    ¡ªMizuno-senpai?... ¡ªAnri walked in pretty slowly, and she semeed bitter.

    I didn''t really answer and i looked away from her, since it''d hurt if i looked at her for any longer than a mere second.

    Even so... having her here turned my mood around very quickly, since she''s the only person i don''t mind seeing in this state.

    Despite me not saying anything, i could feel her sit down and then i felt her rest on my back.

    ¡ªAre you okay? ¡ªi asked, unable to shake the stupid amount of nervousness she caused me.

    ¡ªNot really. I came in here because i wanted to be alone. I thought this was the first place i''d find you, too. ¡ªshe spoke very quietly.

    ¡ªIm sorry, i ruined your plans a little bit then. ¡ªi apologized half heartedly.

    ¡ªIt''s fine. If it''s you, then it''ll be alright. Or at least i think so. ¡ªAnri chuckled a little bit. I couldn''t really see her, but i can picture a faint smile forming on her face.

    I wanted to ask what was happening to her directly, but at the same time i don''t. I want to know more about her, about what troubles her, and i want to help her, but at the same time i really don''t want to get any closer to her.

    It''d be wrong to get closer, but...

    ¡ªIt kinda got to me today. So many stares from a distance, judging me for every little step, and every little action i take. ¡ªAnri started speaking, and i could feel how frustrated she was despite her voice keeping soft, and quiet.

    ¡ªNo matter how much i try to tell myself that it''s fine, it''s bound to get to me. And i can''t do anything back, because my neck is on the line if i show any signs of misconduct. It''s a bit stupid, isn''t it? ¡ªAnri sighed as she finished speaking.Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.

    ¡ªThis all started because of my god damn hair color, when i was a kid. They messed with me pretty often because of it, and i hate my hair to this day as a result. It doesn''t help that being the one transfer student in here, im bound to get a lot of attention. And i can''t really answer back like i''d want to, because one wrong step and it''ll go back to how it was in middle school. I''ll end up getting pushed away, and isolated.

    Anri took a deep breath and she seemed lost in thought before she continued speaking.

    Was it my presence? My lack of comment on anything?

    I don''t know... but i wanted to know more about her.

    ¡ªIt''s pretty stupid stuff now that i look back at it, but as a child... it scars you. Even to this day, i still hate the thought of it, you know? I really don''t want to be alone. ¡ªAnri''s voice started shaking by the time she stopped speaking.

    It''s been enough of me just playing listener.

    ¡ªEvery time someone compliments you for something you hate... it''s like the only thing you can do is smile deprecatingly to yourself, right? Or every time that you try to just simply be yourself, and that you try to get a little bit closer to someone... they shove you off, and keep staring at you from a distance. Like you don''t belong there, and that you''re somewhat special.

    I could feel that more than anyone. I''ve always lived under the spotlight of being "special" in some way ever since i moved here. That im a girl from Tokyo. That im extroverted, that i get involved with everyone. That im a model student. That im a bit clumsy, or airheaded.

    No matter what, there''s someone judging what i do or how i act. And it never lines up with who i really am.

    ¡ªYeah. And that same awkward moment where you have to choose between taking the compliment in a awkwardly formal way, or to just fake a smile as best as you can. You fall more on the second one, don''t you? ¡ªAnri laughed and threw a curveball at me.

    ¡ªOf course i do! You should know by know, im the best at playing the idiot. ¡ªI replied, feeling slightly disgusted at myself but at the same time, i felt like it was okay to do stupid stuff like this in front of her.

    ¡ªI know. And i hate that part about you a little bit every time you show it. You''re better off this way, Mizuno-senpai. ¡ªAnri spoke with what sounded to me like a small amount of embarassment in her voice at the last part.

    ¡ªI''d rather let hell freeze over than to be like this in front of everyone. Do you really think i could have this sort of conversation with just about anyone? ¡ªI decided to speak my honest thoughts to her.

    Ever since i met her these conversations always just feel a little bit more right.

    ¡ªOf course not. I wouldn''t even dare to admit stuff like this to anyone else either. I don''t even know why i told you in the first place. ¡ªAnri spoke, but it almost felt like she said that more to herself than to me. She sounded pretty confused.

    Even so, i had a pretty good guess on what she thought aswell.

    ¡ª"It just felt right", is it? ¡ªi told her, pretty confident in my words.

    ¡ªYeah. You felt the same, didn''t you? ¡ªAnri also replied to me, and she seemed pretty confident about it too.

    ¡ªEver since we spoke on the beach. You''re very sincere compared to me, and i don''t know, it just dragged me in. ¡ªi told her what i felt that day pretty honestly, and all she could do was turn around to face me, and i could see the huge amount of doubt in her face.

    ¡ªDon''t give me that... i know you''re good at flirting, but hearing it from the girl  that turns into the very definition of the word "submission" when scolded for a small thing it falls short. While we''re at it, take care of yourself, please. You''re terrible at that.

    Wait, what is this change of topic out of nowhere? I wasn''t even trying to flirt with you...

    Okay, im lying. Maybe i was. A little bit. But even so?!

    ¡ªHey, why are we acting like this is a common thing to happen?! It genuinely just caught me off guard once, okay? Besides, you''re the one at fault here. How else do i react to someone caring so sincerely about me? Im used to being a idiot, so it kinda stings a little bit for the 1st time. ¡ªi gasped and covered my mouth as i realized how bad i started panicking at what she told me. I could feel how my face turned beet red instantly.

    Anri laughed pretty hard at my reaction, and she took quite some time to do so before speaking back to me.

    ¡ªCalm down, okay? I didn''t say it was a bad thing either. Besides, at the very least i appreciate you not playing the idiot for once and listening to what i tell you seriously. I''ll consider it my own little privilege. So please, keep doing it?  ¡ªAnri winked at me, and she finished her sentence with a voice pretty similar to the one i do when im jokingly flirting with Yuuko.

    And just like that, it felt like she pierced my heart. I don''t know what it is, but something about what she just did set my heartrate at pretty much double the speed it was. I was stunned.

    Yes, me. That shameless flirt that i get made out to be. I just got completely stunned by a single cheeky girl.

    ¡ªOkay, enough with this, alright? ¡ªi practially begged her to just leave it at that, since my embarassment was probably so huge it could tell more than any word i could say right now.

    ¡ªAs you wish, Mizuno-senpai. ¡ªAnri just kept laughing, but fortunately she didn''t do anything else. I might have died if she did.

    I stood up, trying my hardest to avoid the panic i was feeling right now, and i was trying my hardest to not show my red face to Anri, but before i stood up, she hugged me from the back.

    ¡ªThank you for listening to me patiently. Let''s head back now, i feel a lot better now. ¡ªShe whispered with her face buried in my cardigan.

    I tried my hardest not to let my heart shoot out of my chest, so i just distanced myself from her after a few seconds.

    ¡ªIm glad you feel better. ¡ªi managed to practically whisper these words out, but she fortunately heard them and smiled at me.

    After i nearly got cured of my near-sightedness from how bright her smile was just now, i just turned around and tried my hardest to walk in front of her, so that i could hide my face and my embarassment from her.

    I had a slight feeling that i would never live this day down if she had noticed, and started teasing me about it.

    At times like these, is where i realize that liking someone really isn''t a terrible thing.

    At least, not completely.

 Anri Hanamiya: Tightrope (Short Story)

    How long had it been since then?

    About a month and a week or so. Ever since i started dating the first person i truly became friends with.

    Im not sure if i regret it or not. I never got the chance to truly fall in love with someone, or to get to define what it means to "like" someone.

    But... Yuuko-senpai said she loved me. And that she''d treasure me. Surely that''s enough of a reason to tell her yes, right?

    I mean... im not sure. It just happened, i guess? We didn''t have any deep conversations... and we don''t know much about each other.

    Sure, Yuuko-senpai is attractive. But i can''t be judging someone just because of that?

    The more that i think about it... the more that i realize i don''t even know why im dating Yuuko-senpai.

    We used to talk pretty frequently the first weeks, and i couldn''t say that i wasnt happy while talking to her.

    But now... i barely get to see her.

    She doesn''t text me very often, and she''s always busy doing something.

    Im being a good girlfriend by being understanding, and not making any trouble for her, right?

    I feel frustrated because i wanted to learn to love her and i''ve been giving it my all to do so since we started dating.

    But she already feels far away. I don''t know anything about her. I don''t know what she likes. All that i know is that she''s my girlfriend.

    Even so... are all of these things that frustrate me what i''d want about my lover?The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

    I thought back, to the conversation i had with the other girl that i''ve been recently thinking about.

    "¡ªEver since we spoke on the beach. You''re very sincere compared to me, and i don''t know, it just dragged me in."

    If i think about her the same way... her actions actually match her words. When i speak to her... she''s always there. She''s not like Yuuko-senpai. She''s a lot more patient. She listens to me very patiently, the few times i have to speak to her from my heart

    . And she can always guess pretty closely to how i feel about things.

    We''re pretty similar, if i think about it. But she''s a really terrible liar. I hate liars more than anyone.

    Yet... i can''t say that Mizuno-senpai has ever lied to me like she lies to other people.

    She''s always fragile when she''s with me. To the point where i can hardly believe this is the senpai everyone gossips about or admires.

    She always looks like she''s on the verge of breaking down. Every time that i scold her... her eyes narrow from the guilt. She also has a habit of deeply apologizing for a lot of stuff she shouldn''t. And i always like to remind her that it''s okay, and that she hasn''t done things wrong.

    I always have a lot to say about Mizuno-senpai. I know her really well, despite knowing her for slightly less time than Yuuko-senpai.

    Is it like this, how i was supposed to talk to Yuuko-senpai this entire time?

    I tried, and i tried but no matter what, Yuuko-senpai doesn''t even bother. She doesn''t even try to understand me, or to pay the same attention that Mizuno-senpai does to me.

    Mizuno-senpai always feels really close to my heart, and she always knows what to say when i need it. I''ve never even been close to feeling that about Yuuko-senpai. No matter how many times we''ve walked holding hands... or how many times i''ve hugged her thinking i''ll eventually feel something... my heart doesn''t beat the same way it does when i talk to Mizuno-senpai.

    And my words, they never feel as unfiltered as they do when i speak to Mizuno-senpai.

    It just feels like my heart does the talking for me when its to her. And when Yuuko-senpai does it... i have to think really hard.

    I don''t know what im doing. I don''t want to be with Yuuko-senpai anymore. She''s never felt like a lover to me.

    Im not sure what i really want... but i really want to reach Mizuno-senpai''s slightly injured heart.

    I dont mean to intrude... but i really want to be somebody she can rely on. If i don''t start now... im gonna lose touch.

    Because i know this pitiful act of a relationship is causing her pain... and im always too afraid im going to freeze up if i mention it.

    I really wonder... can i try to be somebody you could love?

 Lead Pipe

    Winter break had started for us. And, with this one of my biggest problems came into play.

    I don''t have a whole lot to do. So, i started working at a restaurant that''s close by.

    My shifts aren''t that long, and they''re pretty flexible.

    Sure, i don''t get paid a whole lot... but it helps keeping me distracted.

    Today, it was one of such days. And i had a pleasant surprise while on my shift.

    I usually work from 8AM to 4PM, and i am practically done with my shit at 3:30PM, since we get 30 minutes of break, and i overlap it with the end of my shit to leave a bit early.

    I was doing exactly that before leaving, when  Yasuko-san, who''s one of my coworkers called out to me.

    ¡ªSomeone on table 22 is calling for you. Can you go take care of that for me? ¡ªshe asked out to me, despite me reporting my break.

    ¡ªSure. I don''t think this will ever happen again, so its whatever. ¡ªi answered joking.

    Or at least it probably seemed like that to Yasuko-san, who had to hold her laughter in at my genuine thoughts...

    Even so, i had a slightly anxious feeling. Who would know me enough to call out to me in here?

    I hope it isnt some girls i''ve exchanged a few words with on my class, or some second year girls... it''d be a pain if it was.

    As i headed out, a smile formed in my face as i realized it was the one person i didn''t think it would be, but i wished it for.

    This girl waved out to me, and as i sat in front of her, she also greeted me with a smile that was probably just as wide as mine.

    She''s really cute.

    Wait. Keep that to yourself, Haruna.

    ¡ªIt''s been a while since i''ve last seen you, so im glad you showed up here out of nowhere.

    ¡ªI actually come here to eat quite often. I don''t feel like cooking sometimes, and it''s really close to my house. I didn''t expect you out of all people to be working here though, Mizuno-senpai ¡ªAnri spoke, and i could practically see  the excitement coming out from her words and her eyes.

    Im quite happy, because she might have missed me, even if its not as much as i did.

    ¡ªYou can probably guess why i started working here not so long ago, so take a shot at it, wont you? ¡ªi dared her to do so while smirking.

    ¡ª"I probably have nothing else to do, so i might aswell just work somewhere", right? ¡ªAnri pulled off a scarily accurate impression of me as she guessed completely spot on, in fact it was so accurate to what my thoughts were, i felt a bit insulted.

    ¡ªCorrect. Way too correct. Also, you''re a bit too good at doing a impression of me.  ¡ªi complained.

    ¡ªYou could practically call it my hidden talent. Im so good at acting like im bored and tired, that i suddenly channel Mizuno-senpai''s soul inside of me.

    ¡ªHey. When did i mention any of those things? ¡ªi started to feel quite a bit insulted at this.

    ¡ªAre they the truth? ¡ªAnri answered back shortly, without letting me complain further.

    ¡ªYes.

    ¡ªSee? ¡ªshe said as she smirked at me.

    ¡ªI hate you. ¡ªi blurted out while burying my face in the table.

    ¡ªLiar. ¡ªshe answered instantly while chuckling.

    I looked away from her, slightly frustrated at how comfortable she''s gotten with calling me out on things like this.

    I don''t hate it... but am i not supposed to have some sort of respect here as the upperclassmen?!

    ¡ªThat aside, when does your shift end? ¡ªAnri asked me while fidgeting a little bit.Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

    ¡ªJust about now. I work early in the morning, and i overlap my break with my time of exit, so i should be fine as long as i drop a word.

    Anri''s face lit up with a smile as i said this.

    ¡ªThen, i''ll wait for you outside. You''re coming with me today.

    My face was split between confusion and happiness as she spoke.

    ¡ªEh... where exactly? And wait, shouldn''t you ask me first? ¡ªi asked her a bunch of nonsense in a panic.

    ¡ªAny complaints then? ¡ªAnri''s gaze turned sharper, and she fixated it on me, proning me to even try to say something. Knowing damn well i probably cant.

    Well, i usually can''t. Today is not usually.

    ¡ªOf course not. Better yet, i couldn''t wait to tell you that i was free?  ¡ªi answered as playfully as possible, as i picked her hand up playfully and held it tightly.

    Anri''s face instantly lit up with embarassment, and she tried her hardest to look away from me after i said that.

    Ooh, that worked a lot better than i thought it would. I want more.

    ¡ªWhat''s wrong, Anri? ¡ªi continued to push her with the same playful tone. I might have sounded more flirty than usual now.

    I do like her, after all.

    Except this time, she didn''t say anything. Instead, she let go of my hand forcefully, and stood up, turning her back to me as quick as possible.

    ¡ªI''ll wait.  ¡ªShe mumbled out, as i could barely make out what she was saying.

    I can''t really explain how fast i walked back to change, and to leave as quick as possible.

    After all, i missed her a lot. It''s been more than a week since we last saw each other, since we have a longer autumn break than most schools, and we had exams before that.

    Could i have simply asked to see her through message?

    Of course. Did i?

    Of course not.

    After all, i don''t really know if she has plans with Yuuko, or not. I can''t really ask her either because it''d be awkward.

    This is about the only chance i''ll get, and it was up to nothing but sheer luck.

    As i walked outside, Anri was waiting patiently there, staring at the sky.

    I could have spent quite some time just looking at her from here, but im pretty sure anyone that''s walking by would report me for being a weirdo. So i won''t do that, i think.

    ¡ªAnri, over here! ¡ªi called out to her and waved.

    She saw me, and she started walking in my direction.

    ¡ªMind explaining me where are we going now, miss? ¡ªi went back to teasing her as soon as i could.

    ¡ªTo my house. ¡ªshe answered nonchalantly.

    And my face froze stiff when she said that. If i remember correctly, Anri lives alone too. I don''t like where this might end up, but i do like where im going.

    ¡ªI live alone too, so you''re going to be a good uperclassmen to me and keep me company, right? ¡ªAnri stopped me by holding my hand, and she took a few steps too close while gazing at me.

    I nodded to try to break this situation as quick as possible, and before she turned away, she flashed me a cheeky smile that pretty much shouted "i win".

    And with that, it was nothing but sheer embarassment on the way to her house. I couldn''t shake it off, since it was getting worse at the thought of being alone with her.

    I was also getting anxious about Yuuko knowing about this and making a scene, but... i haven''t heard a single word from her in a while.

    At this point, whatever she wants to think isn''t my problem. I love her and she''s been the only person i could rely on for a while... but there''s a limit to what im going to allow someone to do. And she''s not going to control whatever i want to do.

    There''s a line that i will never cross with Anri so long as she''s dating her, but that doesn''t mean im going to be a pushover and break my relationship with her apart because of it.

    Im the one that''s most hurt over it to begin with. If she wants to be unfair, then i''ll be unfair back.

    ¡ªMizuno-senpai, can you walk up ahead to my apartment? I have to buy a few things and it''d be pointless for both of us to walk back. ¡ªAnri exclaimed, while taking out a key from her bag.

    I was a bit confused, but i nodded regardless and walked up ahead. I do know where she lives, after all...

    And i thought it was fine, up until i remembered exactly why i know where she lives, through the worst way possible.

    ¡ªYou''re sure having fun with her recently, aren''t you? ¡ªI could hear a hoarse voice behind my back. It was the last person i wanted to see, yet i knew there was a quite high chance i would.

    Of course she''d be here. She''s never going to stop being a pain in the ass as long as Anri is involved.

    Im quite honestly tired of Yuuko at this point.

    ¡ªAm i supposed not to talk to her at all, or what? ¡ªi answered back, a bit frustrated.

    ¡ªI don''t care anymore. You''re a bitch anyways. ¡ªYuuko made a disgusted expression and she turned her back to me.

    I ran up to her, grabbed her by her shirt and pushed her into a wall out of anger.

    ¡ªCan you stop being a pain in the ass about nothing?! I''ve tried my hardest to make your life easier and here you are treating me like shit over it.

    Yuuko''s face widened in shock, and then it turned into something resembling regret.

    ¡ªI didn''t ask you to do that anyways. It doesn''t even matter anymore. I told you, do whatever the fuck you want.

    Something about her voice made me lose my head even more than usual.

    ¡ªI don''t want to do whatever the fuck i want, i was trying to look out for you, Yuuko. Im the one that''s felt the worst about this, i feel like shit for liking her, and i feel like im a piece of shit to you for doing so. Can you at least do the bare minimum and treat me normally?

    ¡ªYou don''t have to look out for shit now, Haruna. We broke up. You''re free to do as you like. This is probably what you wanted anyways, so leave me alone and don''t fucking talk to me, you bitch. It''s all your fault to begin with.

    Yuuko slapped me, and she pushed me away forcefully.

    I could have snapped at her right here, but  i was too stunned by what she told me to do so.

    They broke up?

    Anri didn''t look like she was down about it...

    Wait, but Anri did look really sour about a month ago, every time she was together with Yuuko.

    If that was the case, her grim expression would have something to do with Yuuko, so if they did break up, and Yuuko lost her shit over it... then  she''s probably the one at fault too.

    What could she possibly do? Anri isn''t really hotheaded or moody to begin with, so i don''t see her...

    ¡ªMizuno-senpai, what happened? ¡ªAnri ran up to me, with a concerned look in her face.

    She probably saw what happened to begin with, so she''s just asking out of concern because of the slap.

    ¡ªYou were there, so you know what went down, probably. Im fine. A single slap isn''t going to cost me my life, Anri. ¡ªI tried to speak calmly, because i didn''t want to make her worry.

    And because i also have to ask what went down now.

    ¡ªLet''s head up then. ¡ªAnri avoided the details completely, and she walked in front of me, taking the key from my hands.

    We both entered her apartment shortly, and as she put on some music, and we sat down in her room, i took a deep breath and blurted it out directly.

    ¡ªAnri, why did you break up with Yuuko? ¡ªi practically glared at her.

    I need answers now. Im probably doing something wrong by being this pushy, but...

    I think i''ve held out for long enough. The one that treated me like shit might already be out of the picture entirely, so i want to know at least what the fuck went down.

    Anri didn''t turn back to face me, and she seemed to be visibly nervous about it.

    Even so... she took a deep breath, she crouched down in front of me, as i was sitting on the bed.

    And i could see how her eyes were filled with strength... and i felt just as dragged in as i always do when it''s about this girl.

    ¡ªI''ll tell you. I always knew she wasn''t going to give you a single word... so i''ll do it by myself. You deserve to know, Mizuno-senpai. So could you please, listen closely?

    ¡ªI will. Thank you for telling me, Anri. ¡ªi smiled at her, and this seemed to shake a bit of her nerves off.

    That''s when she sat down next to me... and when things would probably change for the better.