《The story of a Nightingale》


 Prologue

    In the far south of Skyrim, somewhere not far from Helgen, on a summer night. Two women ride stirrup by stirrup on the road leading to the Cyrodiil border. Both are very young. One is a brunette with dark, curly hair cut short. A frightening scar furrows her face, which has features as if cut in stone and might have been pleasant if it weren''t for her eyes. Her black, wide-lidded eyes are fixed and sharp, rarely blinking, and perhaps if they had the sharp edges of daggers, they could easily pierce even one of those handcrafted armors that were once forged by the People of the Deep.


    The other is tall for a woman, blonde, and with short hair cut above her ears. She''s very pretty, has gray, soft eyes, and could be considered very beautiful, a rare specimen in that respect, if she weren''t so thin! She is so slender that she looks transparently diaphanous, and when a gush of warm wind blows in, bearing the scent of fir-trees that have been sun-browned in the daytime, you would sometimes expect to see her dissipating like a light mist, rising up into the deep, starry summer night sky.But perhaps this is only an appearance because, if you look more closely, you notice that the long, hooded cloak in which she is wrapped is embroidered with all sorts of arabesques and runes that seem to have a life of their own. Sometimes they shimmer with a ghostly glimmer in the spectral light of the Secunda, at other times they seem to move gracefully, like the foam of waves, giving the impression that the cloak is the surface of a sea, apparently somewhat calm on the surface, but tossed by strong waves in the depths.


    The dark-haired woman carries a child across her chest in a black bundle clasped to her shoulder, in a manner often used by the ordinary women of these lands who must work or hunt while still nursing their babies.This is a poor land whose men are seldom at home, engaged in the endless wars of the Empire. Most are conscripted as young men into those imperial legions called the "Iron Legions" that brought glory and splendor to the Empire. Others are always away at sea, on secret and savage raids for plunder in the southern lands.You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.


    Not far from the fortified gate that separates Skyrim from Cyrodiil, the two women saddle their horses and dismount.Without a word, the brunette loosens the baby''s bundle and hands it to the other. The blonde''s eyes fill with warmth and she sheds a few tears... But maybe it''s just an illusion, because everything Kiersten does, every move she makes, seems shrouded in a diaphanous haze where strange luminaries play in a peculiar manner, false lights that cannot spread the darkness but only thicken it. And her eyes, which are originally grayish, change color so often! She hastily stretches out her arms to receive the bundle in which the child sleeps very peacefully, and then, with graceful, supple movements, passes it along her chest.She sighs softly and, while looking straight into the other woman''s eyes, asks in a crystalline voice, like the low, low sounds of a magic silver bell. "Are you sure, sis?"The other mumbles a hurried "Yes" as she tries to tear her gaze from the blonde''s eyes. But she fails and continues to stare at Kiersten as Kiersten whispers further, "Keep in mind that if you entrust her to me now, she will be mine forever. I''ll be her mother and I''ll never mention you to her!""Yes," the other one choked, "Where I''m going, there''s no place for children, and she herself was a mistake... I''m sure she was meant for you and I was wrong to steal your man!"To which, as crystalline waves of laughter burst from her mouth, Kiersten said, "Oh Astrid, why are you being silly? You know very well that since we were children we have shared everything we have found good in this world!""Yes, I''m sure!" replied Astrid sternly, and with an effort of will, she tore herself away from her sister and took a rather bulky bag from her horse''s saddlebag. "Take this, Kiersten, and may Nocturnal guide your steps."The blonde hastily grabbed the bag and then the women threw themselves into each other''s arms. "Farewell," they said, and then they both mounted their horses, Astrid riding slowly back north while Kiersten rode at a cheerful, playful pace south.Right then, to the east, Masser, still hidden by the mountains, began to cast its reddish glow over the land.


    Somewhere, not near but neither too far away, an owl began to hoot..."Never mind, I don''t believe in omens and I am strong enough to defeat or avoid any threat," Kiersten whispered as she gazed lovingly at the baby at her breast.

 Chapter 1

    I don''t really remember much about my early years... Even though I am still young, those times seem to belong to another era, another world, and, in fact, a kind of mist seems to hang over them! I don''t even like to think about them; I just feel pain and fear when I do. But what happened then is crucial for the whole subsequent course of my life, so, my friends, I will tell you everything I remember!


    I only have in my memory a tall, blonde woman who was very dear to me, probably my mother. I''ll call her that in what little I can write about my early childhood. And I remember that we lived together in a nice little cottage in Bruma, where my mother, who was unmarried, ran a shop. I suppose I was happy enough at the time because my first memories show the crisp clear skies, the fresh snow and the fresh, comforting smell of cold that reigned on the streets of that northern town at the foothills of the Jerall Mountains. I had many toys, each more interesting and beautiful than the last, but my mother was the most wonderful of them all. Every evening, when she came back from her store where she spent the rest of the day, she would play with me and cuddle me as not many mothers do. She was so beautiful, with such a sweet and melodious voice! My mother was young and agile too, and we often happily chased each other around our little house! And she used to invent new games, or maybe they were just very old games from another part of the world... Sometimes, my mom would tell me wonderful stories where knights in shining armor, always full of honor, saved beautiful ladies, damsels which were invariably oppressed by evil men or wicked beasts.


    She loved me very much, and I remember with tears how she came every morning to the cradle where I slept and, after watching me for a while, gently caressed and kissed me. Many times, even though my mother had a very light step, I would wake up, but I wouldn''t let her know... I would let her love envelop me like a warm, fragrant bath envelops a tired and frostbitten body!


    I had friends among the children in our neighborhood, and sometimes, when I was late for playtime, my mother would come to pick me up, always bringing a big pot full of cookies to share with all my friends. On some occasions, she would return early from her store and join us in our games, acting just like a child and enjoying herself immensely. My mom was so beautiful and so good with the other children that they all loved her madly! But her eyes... I was a child then and didn''t understand much, but they stuck in my memory because they were strange. My mother''s eyes were the eyes of an old woman, with a deep, very deep gaze and sometimes full of an overwhelming sadness. And although she was so young, she had those slight creases around her eyes that people who have been through a lot in life tend to have. Her hands, though caressing and soft, bore in specific places those calluses which now I know well to have come from the long use of a bow with a hard string.


    As far as I remember, she hadn''t befriended any of the town''s inhabitants, not even our neighbors, among whom were two very nice families who tried to get close to us. We had a maid, Anya, and my mother was very fair to her. On her days off, she even helped Anya with the housework, but she was always distant in her dealings with her. Yet to me, my mom was always gentle and kind, no matter how silly I was, may her soul have peace where it is now!


    When I was about five years old, my mother came home one day, visibly distressed, and immediately asked Anya to pack clothes and other belongings for both of us. By evening, we were on our way in the carriage that regularly traveled to the Imperial City. We arrived the next morning. There, my mom rented a modest house in the Waterfront district, right near the docks. As far as I remember, we continued our life there without incident, except that our way of life changed significantly. My mother didn''t hire any help, so she stayed home all day, tending to my needs and the household chores. I didn''t have any friends in the neighborhood. I tried to make friends with the children there, but they were different¡ªmore agile and interested in other things than the childish games that had delighted me back in Bruma. I remember one time when I went outside, beautifully dressed and with a nice toy in my hand. I met a group of children from the Waterfront District and wanted to play with them. They stopped what they were doing, circled around me, and one of them¡ªa brat older than the others¡ªproposed a new game. He told me to give him my toy, close my eyes, cover them with my hands and stay like that until he would told me to open them. Then, he said with a cunning smile, something wonderful would happen. Full of joy, I did as he told me and waited... But no one said anything for quite a long time, and after a while, I decided to open my eyes. I did so, a bit scared because I felt like I was breaking the rules of this new game! As you probably already guessed, no one was around me anymore¡ªnone of those children! I was left very confused and stayed that way until I''ve got home where my mom explained what had happened. Later, after a particularly nasty day when two kids beat me and dragged me through the mud for no reason, my mom wouldn''t allow me to go out of the house by myself anymore. I wouldn''t have wanted to anyway because I was a good and quiet child, eager for the love and friendship of my peers. Besides all that, I didn''t like the surroundings in the Waterfront District. There were many ships arriving and departing every day, a lot of drunk or rowdy sailors, and above all, the odors characteristic of such a harbor¡ªa port serving a huge city that imported many goods and luxuries from overseas. The things that happened there could have been interesting and even entertaining for many children, but not for a child like me. As I told you before, I was a well-behaved and shy little girl, and the love with which my sweet mother, Kiersten, surrounded me made me even more unsuited for such an environment.The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    At some point, my mom started to go out during the night. At first, she didn''t stay out long. She didn''t even let me know that she would be gone, hoping I would sleep peacefully and not miss her. But one night, she came back to find me crying in despair, searching the house for her. She lovingly took me in her arms, caressed and kissed me, chasing away the worries that gripped my heart. My mother Kiersten explained that she had very important errands to run and that, from then on, she might have to be gone for longer periods¡ªsometimes even during the day. I adjusted to the new situation quite easily, and after a while, my mom brought a kitten into the house to keep me company when she was away.


    Oh, I loved that gentle animal from the bottom of my heart! I was fascinated by the kitty''s behavior¡ªits apparent serenity most of the time and its spontaneous, playful reactions. I was heartbroken when the animal disappeared without a trace one day, but that happened some time later. Specifically, it was during a period when my mom was away from home for several weeks. Before she left, she packed a bundle of clothes and toys for me, locked up our house, and took me and the kitten to a young family who lived in the Elven Garden District. The couple was very kind and attentive to me throughout my stay, but my kitten, unaccustomed to the place, disappeared one day after we had been playing in the garden. I was called to lunch, and when I returned, the animal was nowhere to be found. I waited, not worried at first, since it wasn''t the first time it had wandered off. But it never came back, and I suffered terribly when I realized I had lost it forever. I cried and was so distraught that the young woman who was caring for me persuaded her husband to bring me another kitten.But I couldn''t love this one. I couldn''t attach myself to it, and soon, a chilling fear began to creep into my heart¡ªthe fear that my mother would never come back from wherever she had gone. Just as my kitty did!


    Spring had just begun when she left, and now the summer heat was tightly embracing the city in its burning arms... I shuddered every time I heard footsteps through the open window, seemingly approaching our gate! My heart pounded wildly each time the gate or the door opened, and every time, I felt the bitter taste of disappointment and the cold fingers of fear clawing at my soul!But then came the blessed day when my mother, Kiersten, returned! I remember it as if it were yesterday: she arrived in a wonderful robe whitened by the dust of the Empire''s roads, smelling terribly of a sweaty horse, and looking so skinny and gaunt. But my mother''s eyes were shining, and big tears welled up in them as I threw myself, laughing and crying, into her arms. She brought rich and strange gifts for the family that had taken me in, and gave me a wondrous toy¡ªsomething that I now know was made in the remote islands of the South by the Elves. She wept with me as I told her, sobbing, of the disappearance of our kitten. She caressed me and told me that the soul of the dear animal now awaited us both in the land of Nocturnal, where we both were destined to go someday.Then, for the first time in my life, I heard HER name. I didn''t pay much attention to it because I was overwhelmed with joy, the intense happiness caused by the return of my mother Kiersten, whom I thought was lost forever. And my mom never mentioned HER name again, throughout all our time together. In the end, without sitting at the table where our hosts had invited her, without even washing or resting, my mother gathered all my belongings, and together we returned to our cottage in the Waterfront District.


    Once there, we resumed our accustomed life, and everything went on calmly and normally, without any particular events, joys, or sorrows, until I was seven years old, when my mother got married.


    I don''t remember much about my stepfather, except that he seemed very busy and was rarely home. I can''t even manage to build his image in my memory but I am absolutely sure that if I see him again, I will recognize him immediately. I can hear his voice, deep and gravely, I remember his confident and steady gait and I can feel his somewhat rough and careless pats. But that''s all... Because something broke and died within me in the period immediately following, when the most terrible thing that could have happened to me was about to occur. Perhaps my mind is trying to protect me and simply refuses to reveal what is deeply hidden under the black veil of despair, because, not long after they got married, my mother Kiersten was murdered in the dark alleys of the Waterfront District.


    Again, I cannot recall anything from what happened immediately after this terrible event, and I can only suppose that my stepfather disappeared, vanishing into the cloudy, rainy sky... It was autumn back then, this I remember very well! I recall a fresh, modest grave covered by leaves of all colors, wet and pale under the gray light falling from the ashen sky... And on the grave, there was a stone¡ªplain, gray, and rather thin¡ªwithout any marks or signs. A little girl was there, embracing the stone. She stayed there, wet and cold, all day long, holding the stone close and speaking to her mother...


    The lone coffin slept profoundly,


    ''Neath funeral garb and leaden bloom.


    I stood, a shadow by the grave¡ª


    The wind howled softly through the gloom,


    And garlands rustled in their tomb.

 Chapter 2

    There is a time in my life that I believe it will remain as blank, unwritten or maybe erased pages, until my death... I cannot remember the first days or perhaps weeks after the death of my mother Kiersten.Only vague and blurred images haunt my memory, no matter how hard I try...Out of the deep fog that shrouds this part of my memory, there sometimes appears a middle-aged woman, small of stature and with a pained look on her face pouring milk into a bowl placed on the table in our cottage.I know it is our table because it is wrapped with the fabric my mother Kiersten brought with her among the things she had taken from Bruma.


    There were two deer embroidered on it, the mother and the cub, and I used to think the cub was particularly cute... I always took pleasure in watching the mother doe gently beckoning her young one to eat.Ah, my mother Kiersten had even made up a little tale about this scene to persuade me to take a bite when I was picky and didn''t want to eat! Then I see the same woman weeping, looking with pity at me, and carefully hanging a little bag of gray, dirty cloth around my neck.Then I feel her holding my hand, I see her opening the gate of our little garden, and then before my eyes is the narrow, damp lane where our little house in the Waterfront District used to be.


    It''s raining and it''s chilly, a light mist hovers over the face of the world and I am cold... Cold and frightened, maybe because I was terribly afraid of the naughty children lurking in the streets of our neighborhood.I see with a sharp sense of sorrow a gravestone and feel the chill emanating from its shiny, wet surface. Then a tall, burly man with a thick black beard that covers most of his face, appears.His voice sounds loud and harsh in the gray twilight that falls on the cemetery wrapped in the cold, dull rain...


    And after that, I see a fire cheerfully burning in a small fireplace on top of which there is a pot in which the man with a harsh voice is stirring with a large wooden spoon.The room is very small and there is only a primitive bed and a wooden table with crooked legs...


    Then I recall cold mornings, some of them rainy of the kind where the dampness soaks the body to the bone, others clear and crisp, with high, pure blue skies.And I feel pain and fear, I feel overwhelming physical pain and I see blood and then faces of children laughing... The children are dressed in rags and their eyes have a hard, mature look! A pleasant torpor and strange dreams, a dull and steady but not unbearable pain and strange dreams again.... I hear harsh voices and feel harsh hands picking me up and then being carried in strong arms, my face pressed against a hardened leather armor...


    The first clear memories I have are of the life I lived in an orphanage outside the Imperial City, on the shores of Lake Rumare, right next to the fortress that those who have traveled through these places know as Fort Nikel. Both the orphanage and the stronghold belonged to the Order of Stendarr and to me these places have a frightening significance, probably due to the fact that years later I was going to be imprisoned in the fort prison, in conditions worthy of the most horrible nightmare.However, the orphanage itself should not have inspired such fear. It was well-organized, clean, and relatively welcoming, at least as welcoming as a place like that could be. The staff of the institution consisted mainly of sisters of the Order who worked hard to give the orphans a decent life and teach us various crafts.The cult of Stendarr, well, the cult of Stendarr as his Order on Nirn understands it, was also of great significance in this establishment.But for a child like me and, on top of that, still under the influence of a terrible shock, the orphanage was by no means a welcoming refuge.


    When I was brought here by a City Guard patrol, I was badly injured and seriously ill. I must have been close to death because I spent a long time in the infirmary. The Sisters took good care of me, and I remember an old, imposing man with a beard who came to my bedside from time to time. He always gave me a spoonful of something that tasted horrible... But eventually I got better and took my place among the children who lived in the orphanage.Our schedule was very strict and every day there was invariably a succession of activities in which we had to take part. We had to wake up very early in the morning and staying in bed after the nun on duty would open our bedroom door was strictly forbidden and punishable.We had to wash ourselves afterwards and always with cold water and I remember the icy chills that I felt because it was winter then, in the first days which I spent as a guest of the orphanage.


    Then we had to make our beds and thoroughly clean the room in which we slept before attending the morning liturgy in the chapel.The service was always led by the same priest, a stern-looking fighting monk from the Order. His sermons were usually short and presented Stendarr as a God who mercilessly punishes any mistakes or misbehavior of his worshipers.These orations, combined with the big mace he carried and his figure which was more the face of a fighter than a priest, made me perceive Stendarr as a harsh and merciless deity; one that rather punishes than forgives, constrains rather than teaches, hurts instead of healing its broken, weaker subjects... I couldn''t love such a deity and I was only frightened by it!


    But I don''t believe his words had the desired effect on all the children who took part in the ceremony because in the back of the hall, always in the same place, there was a group that was having a good time in a discreet enough way for the priest, absorbed in his fiery tirades, not to notice.


    After the liturgy we would go in close formation to the refectory where the first meal of the day was served. The food was abundant and, even though it was generally tasteless, you could clearly see that the sisters tried to make it as varied as possible. Once we had eaten, the daily activities began and they lasted, almost without exception, all day long, with a short break for lunch.They varied according to the age of the children and, after a certain age, their sex.Because in this orphanage lived children with ages between five and fifteen years.


    After this age, all the children, without exception, left the orphanage and on this occasion the Sisters of the Order organized a small celebration. I have taken part in several such festivities and I can say that everything was organized with a lot of common sense and good faith.The children who left received a set of new clothes and small gifts from the orphanage administration and, while the other children sang a hymn praising Stendarr, they departed the institution with the priest''s blessing. That gladiator-looking priest with a huge mace on his hip... There were rumors circulating among the orphans, whispers that the brightest children who left the institution were given the chance to join the Order of Stendarr. And all the children were eager for this distinction so, in general and especially in appearance, discipline and order within the institution was easily maintained by the ever-present hope of the weak and poor that they would be able to climb a little up the social ladder. Of course, each of the numerous aspirants would adopt his own method to achieve the final goal, and not always the most honest one! As far as I am concerned, however, I can say that this method did not work. In the short time I spent in the orphanage I never wanted to become one of the Sisters of the Order of Stendarr.


    And even if I had wanted this distinction, I would not have been able to receive it because I was not at all suited for the life and the different kinds of activities that were going on there.The religious services, so frequent and frightening for me at the beginning, terribly boring afterwards, did not please me at all and I would have liked to be in the group that, in the back of the hall, was having so much fun. But there were only boys there and I could never have been among them because the girls and boys in the orphanage lived completely separately and only at religious services did they get together for a short time.The work I was required to do daily was too hard or boring for me and our life schedule became unbearable for me after my wounds had completely healed. The Sisters were not slow to notice my laziness and disinterestedness and consequently soon integrated me into the group of girls who worked in the institution''s laundry.Generally, this is where the most unpromising, lazy and wicked orphans were sent...There was a lot of work in the laundry because the orphanage cleaned the clothes of the fairly well-to-do inhabitants of the Imperial City. There were also responsible activities here, because pressing men''s shirts and women''s underwear with a hot iron is a laborious and dangerous work at the same time. I didn''t manage to perform as expected even in this place; on the contrary, I even caused damages and the nun who was in charge of this activity started to despise me and, a little later, to hate me.Her behavior could be easily understood by anyone; hard work overwhelmed me and I couldn''t cope with it, and for the so-called light, fine work, I was completely inexperienced. And, to tell the truth, I was lazy and utterly disinterested. It is absolutely normal that the punishments against me began to increase and become progressively harder and more humiliating. The other girls were quick to see me as the outcast of the group and started to make jokes at my expense and sometimes even to hinder my work which was already unbearable for me. On top of all these, an unfortunate coincidence made two of these girls who worked in the laundry to be my dormitory mates, and they extended their fun at my expense even during my sleeping and resting hours, following me everywhere and insulting me, soiling my food when the nun who watched us was not present or attentive, and going so far that they sometimes ruined even the little work I managed to do well. They disturbed my night''s sleep with all kinds of sinister jokes and one day they sneaked back into the dormitory after we had gathered to attend the religious service and messed up my bed that I had so carefully arranged. I was harshly punished by the nun on duty for this so-called negligence from my part and when I tried to explain through tears that I''ve had done my duty, she increased my punishment.Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.


    I was in despair and in pain; I was weak and suffering from a morbid fatigue because some of the harsher punishments were partially or totally suppressing my daily food.My poor body, so small and weak and still bearing the scars left by the attack that had almost killed me, was now full of bruises due to the numerous corporal punishments I had endured. One day the two friends, for those girls were very good friends now, came upon me on the road they knew I had to walk on, carrying a basket full of washed, ironed and pressed laundry, ready to be delivered to the customers.They stopped me and while one of them immobilized me by holding my hands tightly, the other snatched the basket and dumped its entire content in the mud at the edge of the alley. Then, laughing and having great fun, they trampled all the laundry underfoot, mixing it with the dirty water and mud. I was filled with despair and fear because I knew that I would be punished with the utmost severity for what had happened.But at the same time, a new feeling , unknown to me before, grew in my soul. The thought of the terrible injustice that I was enduring made anger and hatred grow in me and I felt the desire to harm those who tormented and wronged me! I charged so suddenly and ferociously that the first girl immediately rolled on the muddy ground, hitting her head on a rock beside the road.Left alone, the other one hesitated, even though she was bigger than me. So I hit her as hard as I could with my little fists, and when she ran away screaming, I chased her, caught her and beat her badly.I tore her hair and scratched her, and I think I would have put out her eyes if two nuns who were passing had not stopped me.


    I was immediately brought in front of the Prioress who ran the institution.Sister Sescia was a mature woman and a former fighter of the Order.In those times, few of the Sisters were accepted among the fighting members and only the Great War that decimated the men made their number increase dramatically in recent times.But beyond her martial allure and her rugged figure was a wise and generous soul. Now I suppose that, if I''ve meet her earlier, I would have been able to live just as the other children did in the orphanage under Sescia''s benevolent care! But for me it was already too late, that moment passed...The violent and untamed blood of my ancestors had just been awakened and was boiling with rage and anger.And, on top of that, I felt absolutely no guilt for what I had just done.On the contrary, something inside me was screaming loudly that I still had much to avenge and that I had paid only a small part of the debts I felt I owed.


    In any case, at that moment I was very impressed by the Prioress''s stature and especially by her piercing look.And when she questioned me about what had happened I answered politely, as my beloved mother Kiersten had taught me, but short and cold, just to the point.I didn''t get lost in details, I didn''t cry or whine.And all the time I looked Sescia straight in the eyes. I think the Prioress was also impressed by my words and behavior because her eyes became kind and she said briefly, "A quarrel between children, make sure it doesn''t happen again". So, I was free to go and I went back to my chores and things went on normally that day except that my other colleagues now looked at me with a kind of respect and the nun who was supervising us became more lenient with me. My two oppressors were both in the infirmary of the institution so I had a few quiet days, and when one of them, the one who had run away, was discharged and resumed her work, she avoided me and gave me fearful looks when she was around me. But things were soon to change as the girl who hit her head never fully recovered from the trauma of the brain injury she had suffered during her fall.She soon regained consciousness but was unable to walk and her reasoning was severely disturbed as she was no longer able to understand the words of those around her.The administration of the orphanage soon made the decision that she would undergo a strange surgical procedure, new in the medical art and following this surgery, although at first it seemed that she had fully recovered, after three days the girl died.


    The superior leadership of the Order of Stendarr was then informed of the whole affair and its consequences and decided to set up a special tribunal to try the matter.In the meantime, while awaiting the trial, the behavior of my colleagues towards me changed and one night a couple of girls in my bedroom, no doubt instigated by my surviving enemy, attacked me while I was asleep. Although I was sleep-drowsy, I managed to successfully fend them off and was so wild in the fight that after a short while they retreated.But one of the girls and I myself had been quite badly injured and my sheets were soaked in blood that the traces of our confrontation were discovered the next morning by the nun on duty. As a result, we were both brought before the Prioress and, of course, our stories were very different, me telling the truth and the other girl lying through her teeth and claiming that I was the one who attacked her; she also stated that many girls in our dormitory had witnessed the fight and could confirm her words. Sister Sescia did not investigate the matter further and decided that, pending the trial, I was to be locked up in a room intended for this purpose.The room was small and extremely austerely furnished but, like all the spaces in the orphanage, it was very clean and had a large enough window.Extremely surprising for me, during my detention I was very well cared for. The doctor of the institution carefully treated my wounds and my body which was so frail and sore from all the punishments I had suffered; the fire was always burning during the day in the little stove in the corner of the room and I was fed from the Sisters'' ration.Moreover, a nice young nun came every morning and made my bed, cleaned the room and always brought me a glass of sweetened milk which she made me drink right then and there in front of her.


    My confinement, so pleasant and restful after the life I had led for the last few months, lasted quite a long time, long enough for me to fully recover from the state of physical weakness I had reached. But, at the same time, my soul began to soften again and I often cried bitter tears for my beloved mother Kiersten. I dreamt about her so often during the night that most mornings I woke up in tears and terribly disappointed that my meeting with my mother had only happened in a dream.Ah, dreams... Dreams are a great mystery and Nocturnal herself doesn''t know or doesn''t want to say anything about them!Dreams can sometimes hurt our souls more than reality can... The young nun who brought me milk often found me weeping forlornly, and, as she began to love me, she was always taking me in her arms and trying to soothe my sufferings.But all these, the good treatment and the caressing, only weakened the dark strength that had begun to grow in my soul! So, on the day of the trial I behaved foolishly and, when asked to relate my own version of the incident that was being investigated, I was incoherent and cried almost constantly, frightened to death by the portrayal of the presiding judge who was himself the Grand Master of the Order of Stendarr, Ser Gregorius Clegius. Almost all testimonies were negative against me, portraying me as a lazy, lying, violent and disobedient girl... The doctor of the institution was among the last heard witnesses and he repeated and emphasized that the death of my colleague could not be blamed on me because the girl had died following a new and dangerous surgery procedure and not because of the blow received in the confrontation between us. It was the Prioress who spoke the last words before the court, in fact the Grand Master, pronounced the sentence.She looked at me first with sadness and disappointment and then said that, in spite of the fact that I am such a clumsy and wicked girl, she believes that she can bring me back to the right and good path, the path blessed by Stendarr, if I am entrusted to her for re-education.


    And then Ser Gregorius Clegius loudly ordered everyone present to rise to their feet.Then, sitting in the large chair in which he sat, he looked at me with contempt and said that he condemned me to death by hanging.The whole hall sighed with relief, there were even a few small shouts of approval but Ser Gregorius banged the wooden hammer on the table and added:


    -The execution of the sentence is postponed for half a year.In the meantime, I entrust the named Elsie to the honorable Prioress Sescia who will bear full responsibility for the deeds that the murderess will do during this time.Do you take this responsibility, Prioress?


    -Yes, I do! replied Sescia with a firm voice and looking Ser Gregorius in the eyes.


    -I declare the session closed!" said the Grand Master then, looking bored, got up from his chair and left the hall amid the disappointed murmurs of the audience.


    I was taken back to the room where I had been confined until then and for a few days life went on as before, except that the young nun who had become attached to me no longer came and in her place was an old Sister who did not speak to me; she practically acted as if I did not exist. The sentence pronounced by Ser Gregorius had made almost no impression on me; instead, the hostility I felt from the orphaned children present in the courtroom pained and stunned me deeply.And once again, the anger provoked by the injustice I was convinced was being done to me made my blood boil and my mind go dark!


    And one morning Prioress Sescia came in place of the old nun.She closed the door carefully behind her and after sitting on my bed she called me to stay by her side.She looked me straight in the eyes and I could see pity and sadness in her eyes and, while gently caressing me, she said:


    -You will leave this morning with a group of children that I am sending to clean the city streets of the snow that fell during the night.Don''t come back here again! During the day, find an opportunity and get lost among the people on the city alleys.Now put on the clothes I brought you and over them, the orphanage uniform. In the city, the first chance you get after you run away, change them in between so that you will never be seen in our uniform.And look for the entrance to the city sewer in the south side of the Talos Plaza District, the sewer is always warmer in the winter! Stendarr be with you!


    She sighed, got up and spread the contents of the satchel she had brought with her on the bed, then gave me a small purse containing twenty septims, stroked my hair and left... The Prioress stopped in the doorway and looked back at me and when I saw the glance she gave me, I smiled and opened my mouth to thank her.But Sescia, may her god be always with her, smiled in return and put a finger to her lips.


    This was the first time when I saw our Prioress smiling and her smile, so warm and friendly, gave me strength and courage. I did everything as she told me and I went out in the orphanage yard. It was a sunny morning, a cold and sunny morning, and all the fresh snow around was shimmering in the bright sunlight like thousands of diamond splinters scattered all over the place.Oh, it was just like so many other mornings I''ve seen in Bruma when I was so happy to see snow, fresh snow, inviting me to play and erect intricate buildings and cities under the glaring sunshine.My soul was filled with joy and I waited patiently for the other children nominated for the activity to gather in the courtyard.

 Chapter 3

    Freedom... This is the word that comes to my mind now, as I dip my pen in ink and begin to write the first words of this chapter.


    I had an extraordinary sense of relief as I stepped under the archway of the orphanage gates; I remember following the long string of children who were walking in a long column, two by two. And right in front of me there were even three girls holding hands because nobody wanted to go with me. But after a short while, Sister Lenora, the young nun who had taken a fancy to me, came to my side and took me by the hand. I looked at her curiously and then I saw her warm smile and her brown eyes staring at me lovingly. I smiled in my turn and squeezed tighter the warm hand that had chased away the few gloomy thoughts that had stained my joy of that winter morning. Our well-ordered and almost soldier-like column strode at a brisk pace across the bridge that crosses the Rumare Lake towards the large, richly ornamented gates of the Imperial City. Below us, the lake was rippling its waters softly and in some places, towards the shores, we could see frozen surfaces on which the freshly fallen snow formed some interesting structures. All the sky was pure blue, deep, and without a cloud to roam its depths. Only far to the south, a light mist seemed to tremble over the ancient woods, now immersed in heavy snow, which dominated the shores of Lake Rumare.


    We entered the city which was dressed in a thick white mantle and in a magical silence, specific to mornings like this. It was a holiday day and the freshly fallen heavy snow had kept most of the city''s inhabitants in their homes, at least for a while. We began to clear the city streets right near the great gates, and I remember the joy of this work, which, though not very easy, was so much like a game for all the girls. So, in a short time, starting from a simple accident when one of the girls had accidentally splashed the content of her shovel on another, a general snow-battle began. The girls, cheerful and with their faces red, were now rolling in the soft powder, laughing and enjoying the fresh snowfall. Even one of the nuns accompanying us had joined their game! I was looking sadly at them and I would have liked very much to participate in their play... But the childish games were already over for me and Sister Lenora came, took my shovel and whispered: "Go now Elsie! Stendarr be with you!" I smiled at her and sneaked into one of the alleys edged with houses, most of them still with their shutters drawn. Then I ran, struggling with the snow that in some places reached past my knees. I stopped for a short time in a sheltered place and, as Sister Sescia had advised me, changed my clothes and then covered my head with the hat I had kept hidden until then.


    I wandered for a while through the city that was beginning to come to life; I was deeply impressed by the extraordinary White-Gold tower, the first Ayleid structure I had ever seen in my life. The palace was open to visitors and I was able to enter without any difficulties. I was amazed by the extraordinary dimensions of the complex, by the vast interior spaces in which the visitors'' footsteps resonated in a strange way for me; the numerous ancient bas-reliefs on the high walls told me strange and beautiful stories, brought to my mind unknown places full of lush vegetation such as I had never seen in my life. My soul vibrated before the paintings and carvings that decorated the many niches that adorned the white walls, so brightly white. I wandered for a long time through the vast reception hall of the palace, ignoring the passage of time! But eventually I got hungry and then I headed for the exit.


    The weather had noticeably warmed up, and the snow-covered rooftops had begun to drip, thin streams of water trickling onto the now soft, slushy ground. There were many people in the palace courtyard where a troupe of traveling acrobats were putting on a show that I found both amusing and astonishing. The juggling and acrobatics they were performing with great skill were something new, never seen before by me. When the fire eater began his act, the crowd pressed in closer, and being as small as I was, I couldn''t see a thing. Disappointed, I tried to weave my way through the people in front of me, but just then, an irresistible scent caught my attention. The aromas came from the stall of a peddler who was baking and selling all kinds of hot pies and pastries, just out of the little mobile oven. There were two people working there, the apprentice who made the pies and baked them with unbelievable speed and the master baker who sold them. Attracted by the mouth-watering scent, many people gathered around the stall, creating a constant rush that gave the bakers no time to rest. I eagerly approached, drawn in by the tantalizing aroma, and my stomach growled in a funny way as I looked forward to tasting one of those warm delights... But there were so many people waiting to buy that when the apprentice pulled out of the oven a tray full of pies and put it on the counter, I simply, serenely took one of them... I did this without thinking and, without leaving, I started eating the pie... Being very busy and tired and maybe for other, much stranger, reasons, the two merchants did not notice. And no other people around me, apart from an old lady who just then bought what she wanted. She quickly sat between me and the counter and ordered two more pies: one with pork and one with cheese. The one I had just stolen was an apple pie...Then she turned to me, gently grabbed me by the shoulders, and whispered: "Don''t eat all of it now, little one, wait till you eat these two first!" and she gave me the two pies he had bought at the end. We then left together, the old lady holding me by hand and watching me from time to time while I was eating my pies quietly. They were really delicious or at least they seemed so to me after the abundant but tasteless food that was served to me in the dining room of the orphanage. Then the old lady asked me if I want more food and I replied that I would very much like to eat something sweet. She smiled and bought a whole bag of glazed chestnuts from another traveling salesman who was selling his merchandise around the palace. Oh, the chestnuts were also hot and I ate them with delight... I hadn''t even been able to eat all of them... And then we stopped near a tearoom where I sipped two big cups from the most excellent hot tea I ever drank. During all this time, the old lady looked at me with interest and curiosity and maybe there was something more than that in her eyes... In my turn, I studied her face and clothes carefully and without timidity and I had the overwhelming feeling that I knew her from somewhere! That I knew her as well as only the closest relatives can know each other... A peculiar feeling came over me, and suddenly I thanked her for her kindness and told that now I had to go and look for my parents. The old lady smiled and told me to go to the Arena District where most of the refugees from Anvil County were temporarily housed. So I got up and left. I stood in the tea room doorway and looked back. The old lady was staring at me with a look in her eyes that had not the slightest hint of a smile. On the contrary, her eyes had the sharpness of steel and seemed to be assessing me with the utmost attention. I shuddered and ran out into the crowded street.


    I was filled with two contradictory sentiments, one of fear and the other of curiosity, even of attraction towards the old lady who had done me no harm. On the contrary, she had saved me from a dangerous situation... And, as I slipped through the crowd of people that, with the coming of evening, filled the streets of the city, many thoughts began to run through my head. At the orphanage, the priest''s sermons and the moral lessons taught by the Sisters had presented theft as one of the most terrible sins that can be committed by mortals. Perhaps they had even portrayed it as the worst of all sins because I remembered clearly that we were made to repeat daily the words "Do not covet what belongs to another". Very convenient from the point of view of all the rulers of this land, they who always want more, never get enough! But at that moment it became obvious to me that I had committed the worst of sins, as they had been presented to me by my former mentors. However, I didn''t feel guilty about anything, my conscience was as clear as fresh spring water and I even smiled at the thought that I could have taken two pies instead of one... Or perhaps even more and, maybe there were even some coins scattered on the floured counter... At the same time, a feeling of fear overlaid these cheerful thoughts and I suddenly realized that I would have been severely punished by the traders and, probably, by the other people who were around, if I were caught in the act. I stopped my run, and began to pace at a walk, totally absorbed in the flood of thoughts that had stormed my little brain. I was so immersed in my meditations that I bumped into a man coming the other way. When he roughly pushed me away I did not react in any way and my soul was no longer filled with sadness, fear or shame as it would have been before. I just looked after him and chuckled softly thinking about how funny it would be if the grumpy man would slip on the ice and fall...


    As I continued to walk, I felt a strange freedom growing inside me, something like a power that whispered that the commonly accepted rules no longer concerned me. And so, some deeds that had previously seemed unthinkable now appeared natural, even necessary. I didn''t understand it then, nor could I have, but on that first day of my freedom, tremendous changes were happening in the way I looked at the world and at life! I gradually came out of my state of reverie and started to attentively look around me.


    And I saw people, lots of people, women and men, tall northerners with cold eyes, noisy and very cheerful Imperial citizens, delicate Bretons of small stature. Here and there would even appear the extremely intelligent figure and the alert gaze of one of the cat breed, Khajiit as the Imperials call them. I stopped in a sheltered place beneath the gate of a luxurious property and began to watch the human tumult on the street with attention and greed, and it seemed to me that beneath the good mood and cheerfulness that characterized the people on this day of holiday there was a rather ill-concealed anxiety and fear. As if an intense excitement urges a critically ill person to gather his last strength to enjoy life a little longer... Strange things were happening in my mind, which was greedily absorbing all these new sights and sensations. I was really overwhelmed by the sensory information I received; those two women dressed in expensive furs and accompanied by a little Redguard carrying their luggage seem to be very good friends but the brunette one hates and envies her friend... Her look, captured by my greedy eyes, said so much that I was overwhelmed by the wave of sensations! And that tall gentleman with the thinly cropped mustache has no loving thoughts at all for the young lady who hangs on his arm and looks at him with adoration... My brain was receiving so much nourishment from the surrounding metropolitan world that the moment my eager eyes caught sight of a Khajiit who had swiftly and with extreme dexterity snatched the bag of an old and well dressed man, it began to mix the information and combine it in a strange way, giving birth to feelings and impressions unknown to me before. Suddenly, the lights glowed too brightly, sounds seemed to surround me from all directions... Scents mingled in a dizzying storm... Everything was too much, too fast! I turned my back to the street and closed my eyes. I drew a deep breath and tried to recover from the sudden dizziness that had seized me. And when I did, I wondered with curiosity how I would now perceive my former colleagues from the orphanage... Or Sister Lenora and Prioress Sescia! A strange thought crossed my brain and I tried to reconstruct in my mind the figure of my beloved mother Kiersten. But I didn''t succeed at all and instead of her loving, beautiful and wise figure, I could only see with my mind''s eye my own figure, the round and sweet face of a little blond and long-haired girl... I was frightened and saddened at the same time and then I took for the first time in my life the decision to stop thinking for a while about something that deeply disturbed me. And let things flow, sensations and feelings crystallize in the subtle alembic that is the brain... And only then to try to grasp the true meaning of apparently strange and incomprehensible facts. I cautiously walked out from beneath the gate where I had been standing until then and, trying not to let my attention be diverted by the crowd of people on the street, I made my way towards the Arena District.


    In that special quarter of the Imperial City I found even more people than on the streets of the Talos Plaza District. Only that their general condition, their clothing and appearance were very different. The people here were poorly dressed, many of them with their clothes patched or torn; their faces, pale and drawn, bore the weight of unspoken sorrow and the laughter and cheerful shouts from other parts of the city could not be heard near the big Arena. Only a constant hum, occasionally pierced by the cries of small children, reigned over the gray crowd of people who, in the dusk''s dim light, were making their way in disorderly ranks toward the huge cauldrons steaming on the fires set up in the neighborhood. I tried not to mingle with the sad crowd, which caused me an uneasy feeling of fear crossed by impulses of curiosity, and, carefully avoiding the puddles covered with brown snow, trampled by thousands of feet, I walked towards the enormous stone and wooden circus that sheltered the Arena. Oh, this is another of the impressive constructions that adorn the Imperial City! The high walls that looked ashen in the early winter twilight, the large bronze gates that, when opened, resembled the ravening jaws of a prehistoric monster, and the small, oval, barred openings that corresponded to cells where animals of all kinds brought from the farthest corners of the Empire were temporarily kept, all these elements gave an astonishing impression of power and wealth! And indeed the Arena is a symbol of the former undisputed power and glory of an Empire which was now living its last years! As I was far from understanding the political aspects that dominated Tamriel at the time, I could only admire the enormous structure, an undeniable proof of the skill and wealth of the people who lived here, in the largest city on the continent. In those early days I couldn''t fathom the function of this huge edifice, nor could I imagine the tumult of the ecstatic crowds in front of the cruel spectacles in which men and beasts kill, injure and maim each other just for the entertainment of a decadent people! I later witnessed such a so-called entertainment, and I can firmly state that it is one of the most disgusting, shameful and harmful distractions that can be offered to a people in order to make them not to notice or forget the serious matters that are plaguing a society at a given time.


    But to me, on that first day of freedom, the hundreds of huge tents and bunkhouses hastily erected in a vacant area of the district were much more interesting; there was once a park whose trees had been cut down to make room for the temporary shelters that housed thousands of refugees who, after a grueling journey, had arrived here, in the heart of the Empire. As I found out that day, they were all from the county of Anvil, which had been overrun by the Dominion''s light cavalry. From what was rumored throughout the neighborhood, the elves were looting and burning all the small, unwalled towns in the county and Anvil itself was besieged by the Dominion infantry. I didn''t understand much of what the people around me were saying, but their looks and sadness, the tears of those who had lost relatives and loved ones in the dreadful strikes were enough to make me realize that terrible things were happening somewhere in the Imperial lands.


    That evening, however, I wanted only to find a safe place to sleep because the day spent in the midst of so many new sensations had made me terribly tired and my mind was still confused. A few Sisters of the Order of Stendarr were sharing blankets to those who came to take shelter in the precarious lodgings and I managed to get one and find a relatively quiet corner where I slept without dreams until sunrise. I woke up in the midst of people who were waking up noisily, eager to receive the morning meal that the Order was serving freely to refugees. I sat at the end of a long line of people and when I finally reached the huge steaming cauldron, I was handed a canteen filled with a thin and hot stew which, although barely more than water with a few floating beans, spread warmth through my frozen limbs. In any case, I had never eaten such miserable food in my life and, adding this reality to the uncomfortable way in which I had spent the night, I decided that I had to find another refuge. And that as soon as possible... But as I found out pretty soon, finding a new and more convenient shelter was not such an easy task. And, after all, no one here was making me work or attend boring religious services! Besides, I was free to leave or return to the Arena complex as I wished so I remained there for a while, time in which I started to learn and practice very useful things for a girl in my situation.This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.


    I wandered then the streets of the Imperial City and I was amazed by the many interesting things that could be seen or heard here. I spent many afternoons and evenings in the crowded taverns of the city and heard many stories and new things about lands of the Empire that I didn''t even know that existed. I tried my luck and skill at the begging trade; there were so many beggars in front of the Temple of the One on holy days and there were so many feast days in those happy times! As the free food I received from the refugee rations was insufficient and not to my liking, at first I bought various supplements using the money given to me by Prioress Sescia or, when the situation allowed it, by stealing food from the counters. There were a few situations when the merchant or one of his customers noticed me trying to steal goods but I always managed to run and escape the danger...


    And so, the days passed one after the other, winter was coming to an end and the number of refugees arriving in the Imperial City was increasing steadily. The money given to me by Prioress Sescia ran out sooner than expected. The clothes she had gifted me began to tear, and soon I found myself blending into the gray, hungry, and dirty crowd that roamed the city''s streets by day. But even the Imperial City itself changed in those few months. Some streets started to smell of decay and desperation, the scent of unwashed bodies and stale bread clinging to the air like a bad memory and the well-dressed, cheerful, people were gradually replaced by hungry and desperate beings mingling with all sorts of villains. Therefore the number of crimes committed in the city had increased so much that a partial curfew had been instituted; that meant that walking or staying on the city streets between sunset and sunrise was forbidden to refugees; carrying of weapons of any kind by non-residents of the city was also strictly forbidden. The City Guard being considered both insufficient and totally ineffective in combating the crime wave, Stendarr''s Order was given charge of the matter on request.


    So, at the same time as the gray and poverty-stricken wave swept over the city, a new wave, this time black and equipped with heavy clubs and even crossbows, invaded all the neighborhoods. The Order''s fighting monks were brought in from all over the Empire and, after a short so-called special training at Fort Nikel, were put in charge of patrolling the streets and maintaining order in the metropolis. Totally different from the old soldiers who made up the City Guard till then, the monks of the Order were extremely harsh and not shy to punish certain crimes on the spot. After all, the judicial system of the Imperial City had been over saturated with lawsuits and was considered insufficient to deal with the new and numerous crimes that were plaguing the once so peaceful and cheerful districts of the great city. The Special Court of the Order, which had previously dealt only with internal matters, began trying a large number of offenses. Eventually, it handled all cases involving murder, theft, robbery, illegal night-time wandering, brawls, and even tavern fights. And the Order managed, to a significant degree, to change the atmosphere of the Imperial City, bringing about a sense of safety and calm for its citizens, who had been teetering on the edge of despair because the war that had recently begun had ravaged the fertile farmlands of Anvil County, driving food prices ever higher. By early summer, much of the city''s peace and order had been restored. New refugees were no longer being allowed inside the city walls but were directed instead to a vast camp set up in the southeast, beyond the capital. Additionally, the Order launched an effort to identify and register the refugees living in the Arena District, with plans to deport most of them from the metropolis. Orphaned children, meanwhile, were to be sent to the orphanage at Fort Nikel... But for me, there was no going back; at the time, I had almost forgotten that I had been sentenced to death by the Order''s tribunal, but the words of Prioress Sescia echoed in my mind: "Don''t come back here again!"


    So, one day in early summer, I decided not to return to the refugee camp in the Arena District and instead spent the night in a crumbling warehouse in the Merchant District. What followed were some of the hardest days of my life; days when I often found myself without anything to eat, forced to scavenge through the piles of garbage under the cover of night, hoping to find even a dry crust of bread. Begging had become nearly impossible, as the Order tightly controlled it, allowing it only in a small, designated area near the Temple of the One. And even then, the citizens of the city had grown cold and unfriendly toward those of us who had been displaced, forced to leave behind our homes and embark on the harsh, sorrowful path of wandering. The merchants were now carefully watching their goods, which were becoming rare and expensive, and not rarely in the larger stores was stationed a fighting monk of the Order. Just the sight of their rugged faces and the huge clubs they wielded made me abandon any thought of theft. On top of that, the place of the wave of villains and desperate people that had haunted the city until then had been taken by a lot of ragged and hungry children who roamed the streets of the city alone or in small gangs. Most of them came from the ranks of refugees from Anvil County but there were among them also children of poor local families. On the one hand these vagrant children made my life difficult but on the other hand they were like an excellent training ground for me... You see my friends, these children were not those so experienced and dangerous urchins roaming the narrow winding alleys of the Waterfront District... The great majority of them were children of peasants, neither good nor bad. Like me, they were not experienced in all the habits and tricks characteristic of those who sometimes haunt the streets of big cities. They were just hungry and above all they feared the orphanage of the Order. At first, I tried to keep as far away as possible from groups of such children, but this was difficult; like me, they were very interested in the temporary garbage dumps of the neighborhoods and the fruit trees in the public parks that were just starting to bear fruits. So a lot of the times I was beaten and robbed of the few bits and scraps I could gather. Also, finding a relatively quiet place to rest during the night became very difficult for me. Once again a morbid fatigue had begun to embrace me in its moist, misty wings; the severe underfeeding, the tormented sleep, often interrupted and fragmented by numerous moments during which I had to run in despair, pursued by other children or by the vigilantes of the Order who had found my temporary resting-place, the countless beatings I received when I tried to defend the poor crust of bread I held in my weak little fist, all these had turned me into a skeletal, fever-eyed little thing.


    But in spite of all these terrible difficulties, I never despaired! And I began to creep at night through the now constantly open windows of people''s houses and steal food. I remember that on the first such attempt I was so weak that I climbed with difficulty through the very close-to-the-ground window of a poor house where a lonely old woman lived. I knew that because I had often seen the old woman sitting in the sun on a stool in the small, neglected little garden of her house. She was very old and thin and had a soft, sad look... Once in the house, I crept as silently as I could past the narrow bed from which the old woman''s labored breathing could be heard, and slipped a large loaf of bread and some cheese from a large, deeply cracked plate on the corner table. I was very surprised to notice that the darkness was not as deep as I would have expected and that only the smell of the cheese and even of the bread had been strong enough to guide me to the place where they were. I sat down on the floor, right next to the crooked legs of the table and started to greedily munch. Ah, I was so happy... I didn''t get up until I had finished eating and then, with infinite care, I snuck to a small, cheap wooden cupboard. I opened the door and found two apples, which I pocketed. Under a clumsily embroidered cloth, I discovered two septims and a few copper coins... I took them and carefully climbed out of the window...


    I was so pleased by the easiness with which I had gotten food that, at the moment, I didn''t reflect on the strange way in which sight and smell had served me in that circumstance. Nor did I take into account the fact that, just then, I was able to hear the soft footsteps of a mouse passing with some business of its own through the old woman''s garden... I was far more preoccupied by the fact that, as the sky was beginning to glow slightly towards dawn, from the neighborhood square came the overwhelming scent of warm bread. Guided by the wonderful aromas, ah, even now when I have everything a woman could wish I think the odor of fresh bread is the most wonderful and disturbing smell in the mortal world, I found the bakery through the door of which came waves of warmth and aroma. I approached cautiously and looked in. On a long table just near the open door were huge trays of hot, wonderful, golden, loaves of bread! I slowly slipped in and grabbed a huge loaf of bread and then I ran away, followed by the shouts of the baker who had come out of the doorway holding the huge shovel with he manipulated the loaves in the oven. I burst into laughter and ran faster and full of joy! A little later I stopped suddenly near a cobbler''s shop and let myself slip like a shadow through the open hatch of the cellar. It was cool inside, a welcome coolness in the humid heat of that hot summer night. And it smelt of leather, quality leather, a subtle fragrance that was very pleasant to me... I slipped through the bundles of wares and after I had munched a quarter of the wonderful bread I had just stolen, I fell into a deep and refreshing sleep. I woke up only towards evening; the hum of the city was reverberating all the way to the cellar where I was and the diffuse light of dusk filtered through the narrow hatchway. I devoured a piece of bread and then rushed out into the light.


    I longed to eat some meat, I felt the need for meat overwhelming me and the feeling was almost painful. So I entered the first butcher''s shop I met on the way, I proudly put a septim on the counter and asked for sausages, pork sausages, those wonderful, thick, fat and full of spices sausages! The shopkeeper, a dry little man, with a pale greenish face and thin lips, took the coin, tried it in his teeth, and then looked at me with a wicked smile. "Where did you steal it from, you brat? Get out of here before I call the guard..." he whispered in a soft voice and looking at me with his yellow eyes that were like slits now. I tried to object but the butcher quickly pulled a club from behind the counter and hit me with it. I fled, I fled crying and moaning and didn''t stop until the protective shade of a high fence fell over me. I wiped the tears and blood from my face with my apron which was a real rag now and I walked off down the street where the shadows of the torrid dusk were descending like velvet curtains. I went hesitatingly towards the Elven Garden District where I knew there was a large garden full of vegetation. I was in pain and especially the thought that I could have been so stupid made me suffer. A small success had so easily caused me to let down my guard, to think that I belonged again to the crowd of ordinary people who were now wandering leisurely through the sun-scorched streets of the city... I saw one of them right in front of me; he was as drunk as drunk could be and was coming towards me grinning stupidly and shaking his legs... I froze on the spot and watched him carefully. He was a middle-aged man, relatively small of stature, with a neatly trimmed beard and big brown, teary eyes like most drunks have. I had nowhere to run so I waited, tense and careful but not scared. When he reached me, I saw him take his right hand out of his pocket and hold it out to me... Without judgment, just by instinct, I dashed past him and swept his right leg from under him. He collapsed just like a chopped down tree and groaned deeply when he hit the hard, cobblestone pavement. I laughed, a cold, dry laugh as I watched him struggling hard to get up... But the laughter suddenly froze on my lips when I saw what the unfortunate man had in his hand. A silver coin rolled not far from the body of the man who could not stand up... And then, probably for the last time in my life, I was tempted to help my fellow man in distress, the man who had wanted to give me a coin. But I recalled the butcher''s club... And then I shrugged, grabbed the coin and ran away, limping as quickly as I could. I avoided people, whenever I saw them in front of me, I tried to hide and sneaked into the shadows of the walls of the surrounding houses, in the doorways of the gardens or behind an old tree trunk.


    When I arrived in front of the house where a year ago I had waited for my mother Kiersten, I stopped and looked over the low fence. The garden was full of flowers and the sycamore tree in the yard was a little taller than when I had played in its shade with my dear kitten. It was also full of ripe fruit; the owners were wealthy people and the modest fruits of this tree were of no interest to them... A strange song, sweet and bitter at the same time, almost a melopee, sung by the low, deep voice of a woman could be heard through the open window of the dwelling. I did not recognize the voice of the young woman who had so lovingly cared for me, so, intrigued, after looking carefully around me, I climbed the fence, wincing with pain. My left shoulder, where the butcher''s club had left a large bruise, throbbed with pain and I crouched to the ground to catch my breath. My body was shaking with pain but I gritted my teeth and crawled towards the wall of the house. I stood up slowly and peered out of the window. The room was shrouded in partial darkness, the only source of light being a long, thick, white wax candle, one of those very expensive candles that are only used on special occasions by wealthy people. They usually contain expensive spices brought from the remote southern islands in their composition and their burning spreads overwhelming, strange, sweet or musk-like fragrances... Sometimes, in the case of the very special exemplars, all these scents at once or in turn, according to how they were made. The room seemed identical to the one in which I had played so many times in the past with my benevolent hostess, but on the table in the middle of it was a coffin. A small, narrow coffin, as for a child. Seated with her back to the window through which I cautiously watched, a woman with long white hair was chanting that strange song that had drawn me into the garden. I stood and watched, immersed in the subtle scents spread by the candle. The strange song pierced my soul with a terrible force and conjured up images that were truly overwhelming.


    I saw with my mind''s eye a stout woman with dark, terrible eyes, unblinking eyes that had the hardness of steel. The woman held a dagger in her left hand and snuck up behind a well-dressed old man who was strolling carelessly down a snowy city street. It was snowing heavily, and I could hear the wind whistling as it whirled through the strangely shaped houses, unseen by me before. And the woman made a long, graceful, feline leap and grabbed the old man by the neck with her right hand. She raised the dagger and... A terrible dizziness overcame me and I shook all over!


    Then another woman came into my mind, a tall and very thin woman, dressed in a strange robe, of undefined color and resembling the waves of the sea, as it seemed to move and have a life of its own. On her head she wore a dark blue hood, embroidered with silver runes that glittered silently in the twilight. The woman was standing with her back to me, rummaging in a large iron cupboard from which she was pulling out all sorts of shiny things that she put in the pouch she had hanged around her neck. Suddenly, as if she sensed my eager gaze, she turned and... A new sensation of choking came over me!


    Then I saw myself , not as I really was in that particular day, but decently and cleanly dressed, with my hair neatly combed and washed, so pure that it looked like silk. My eyes were closed and I was lying with my hands on my chest in the small coffin lying on the table in the twilight room!

 Chapter 4

    -Come in, why are you standing there?


    The voice of the woman who had been chanting suddenly woke me up from the nightmare I was experiencing. The bruised shoulder was hurting me badly now and in the shadows of the dusk, strange luminaries seemed to shimmer around me. I tried my best to regain my senses and mumbled:


    -I don''t want to!


    -Why? Are you shy? Do I have to lie down on the couch and fall asleep for you to have the nerve to come in? said the woman softly.


    I looked at her and a new shudder trembled my being. It was that old lady who had bought me goodies on the first day of my freedom. I felt like I tasted the hot pies and the chestnuts, I felt the sweet tea warming my insides again.


    I tried to get up and I did so with difficulty, clinging desperately to the window ledge through which I was peering in. My legs were trembling and my whole body seemed to be gripped by a devouring fever. I looked again at the woman who was watching me curiously. I repeated in my mind that I had no reason to fear her and that she was the only being who could help me now.


    But that wasn''t enough to completely dispel the terror that had taken hold of me the moment I looked into her eyes. Deep and without expression now, they commanded me to move, to come close to her. But the pain that made me wince was too intense so I murmured feebly:


    -I can''t walk! It hurts...


    -Well, then crawl! Don''t just stand there staring at me...


    She said in a flat voice.


    I did so and after a time that seemed like an eternity, I managed to reach the room where the woman was. I stopped and looked up at her. Her eyes had lost their strange look and were again the eyes of a kindly old woman who was looking at me gently. Only her long, shiny, flowing hair, was in dissonance with the general image...


    She gently grabbed me by the armpits and sat me on a stool next to the table. She then unbuttoned my blouse, carefully undressed me and then sighed:


    -A dislocated shoulder and maybe a broken rib. But, if you''re lucky, maybe it''s only the shoulder. Let''s see...


    She rummaged in her bag and pulled out a clay jar from which she took out a bright green ointment with a strong minty odor. Carefully, she smeared it on my shoulder and the pain suddenly, miraculously, diminished. She sat down on a chair and looked at me quietly. I felt my brain clearing up and after a few moments the chills of fever stopped. By then the fear had completely left me and I looked curiously at the old lady.


    -Are we done? Can I go now?


    She chuckled and said:


    -No! The most painful thing is only now to come! But I''m going to ask you to be a good girl and not to start yelling! It won''t take long... Here, hold this between your teeth!


    And she pulled out a short and rather thick stick from her bag. I think it was made of wood, but a strange wood, maybe brought from the South Seas, supple and rather soft but very resilient.


    With smooth, precise maneuvers, she put my shoulder back into place in a single movement. The pain was excruciating, so intense that my whole body was drenched in sweat, as if I had just come out of the water after bathing. I bit down hard on the stick but I couldn''t pierce it with my teeth. I stood there, stunned and looking at the woman with tears in my eyes. I was sure I was going to die, the pain was so intense... And then my coffin was waiting on the table, right there, next to us...


    But the pain suddenly ceased and on the table... Well, on the table was only a vase with exotic flowers, the candlestick in which the candle was burning and a plate full of fruit! I smiled shyly and tried to move. I felt numerous stings in my bruised shoulder, as if it were a pin cushion in which hundreds of needles had been stuck, but compared to the pains before, it all seemed like nothing.


    -Who are you? What''s your name?


    She burst out laughing and patted me gently on the head.


    -Maria!


    -Maria?! What kind of a name is that? I''ve never heard it before! Are you an Elf? Can I see your ears? I''ve never seen Elvish ears but I''ve heard they''re very cute!


    She stopped laughing and looked at me harshly. However, I felt that she was holding her laughter with difficulty and that under the severity so well simulated was actually kindness and relief. Relief; that''s strange, I thought then.


    -You are incorrigible, aren''t you, Elsie? Perhaps in a few moments you will begin to like me and forget what you felt towards your fellow mortals only a short time before!


    She remained silent for a few moments and then added quietly:


    -Though, perhaps it''s better this way... No, I''m not an Elf and I don''t have such ears...


    She lifted her hair and showed me an ordinary human ear.


    -But...


    I said, eager to ask her hundreds of questions that came into my mind with lightning speed.


    -But now you will close your mouth and listen! You will listen carefully, and maybe you could use some ears like the ones you were talking about, Elsie!


    -How do you know my name is Elsie?


    I couldn''t help but ask and I looked at her with big, curious eyes. This time she became angry, I felt her anger invading my soul and I looked guiltily at her. And I kept my mouse closed. With big difficulty though...


    -You are very cute indeed when you adopt this innocent look! But we don''t have time, and for a long while from now on we won''t meet again. So, from this moment on, you will do well and make no more mistakes. Sleep during the day and haunt by night; the darkness, as your so-called fellow mortals perceive it, is your best ally! Go down into the sewers of the City and explore a little of the countless corridors and vaults that make it up. Find a place that you can consider as your haven. But beware! There in the sewers are some unfathomable depths... Every time you''ll feel a strange cold coming from some vault, just run, don''t go farther! Get new and clean clothes, several sets, and store them in your new home. Don''t throw away the rags you''re wearing now because you''ll need them too. Never ever should you leave your shelter dressed alike. Observe and study carefully the places and people you want to steal or buy from. Don''t just steal food, try to get as much money as you can. And learn to spend it. In all your daytime outings be careful and never stay in the same place for longer. It is good to study during the night the places that interest you and only then to visit them during the day. Do not be timid and do not avoid fights that seem to you balanced or in your favor. You are much stronger than you think... But not in the usual way! Think less and try to act on instinct when you are in danger. Learn to cry seemingly real tears when you need to. And, at least for the next year, try not to attach yourself to anyone, be they animal or human. You have no friends at present in the City. She finally stopped and looked at me carefully. I wanted to ask her questions again but she ordered me to be quiet. Maria took then out a small pitcher from her bag and poured a stinging smelling substance on a piece of cloth. She carefully wiped my sick shoulder. Then she told me to stand up.


    -So I will be going now. Eat the fruit on the table if you like them. Get dressed and then get out of here. Don''t you dare to take anything from this house and leave it as soon as possible!


    The old lady left then but she stopped in the doorway and, without looking at me, she said:


    -Maria? Maria is a name from another story... maybe you will find it out someday!If you live...


    Then she left, carefully and quietly closing the door behind her. I stood for a moment and then took a peach from the plate on the table. I bit greedily but the fruit was overripe and much, much too sweet. I put it back and took an apple instead. A large apple and as yellow as the ancient gold. But it was also much too sweet and somewhat dry. The apricots on the plate were the same: extremely sweet and overripe, and the cherries, the cherries were like honey but not so fragrant and aromatic. All the fruits from the big plate were like those of the extremely old trees that are sometimes found in old, long-forgotten cemeteries, where even the imposing marble monuments of the rich are totally overgrown by vegetation in the summers. I gave up trying to eat and looked around curiously. Everything in the room was arranged the same as it had been a year ago, the painting depicting Red Mountain erupting hung on the wall above the soft and low couch that beckoned to rest and the glass cabinet containing all manner of delicate trinkets glowed dimly in the soft light spread by the candle on the table. I approached the cabinet and saw inside it the black crystal horse with two very small rubies as its eyes, masterfully embedded in the material, which had been given as a gift by my mother Kiersten to my hosts. And next to it were miniature ivory figurines of various exotic animals. And many other beautiful and delicate things... But I wanted to take the little horse, to keep it as a heirloom from my mother Kiersten... I vividly remembered that when I asked her about it, my mother Kiersten told me that it was a very good reproduction of a legendary horse. I couldn''t remember its name at the time, but now I know it was Shadowmere, the mare that, as I write this, is angrily neighing in the garden beneath my open window. But as I tried to open the panel, a malevolent, snake-like hiss came from behind me. I looked horrified and saw that the candle on the table was smoking and making that unpleasant sound. But candles like that don''t smoke¡ªthey never do. I remembered Maria''s words and hurried to get dressed and get out of the house.


    I went out into the deep, silky, warm summer night. None of the Nirn''s moons were in the sky, so I decided to take Maria''s advice and make a night incursion into the Elven Garden District and study the surroundings. There were people in the wide, dark streets, many of them strolling leisurely and taking advantage of the relative cool of the night. I stepped confidently among them knowing that the darkness enveloped me in its silky rich brocade. I followed some of the pairs closely and listened to what they talked, I climbed fences but only the low ones because my shoulder reacted painfully to any particular effort, and I peered intently and curiously through the lighted windows. And even through the dark ones because my gaze easily pierced the deepest darkness. Of course, I couldn''t see objects and beings as they were during the day, and colors were almost completely absent, with black and white prevailing, but shapes and surfaces were clearly and undistorted visible to me. And I could distinctly sense odors... Smells of food, of subtle perfumes, of human sweat; smells emanating from the various candles and candelabras burning in some of the rooms; aromas of wine or expensive sweets, of flowers of all kinds and of fruits; the smell of the latrines discreetly hidden in lilac bushes which in turn gave off a heavy and perfumed scent but which failed to cover the other, more earthy smell. And many others... I saw people and their deeds, some of which were incomprehensible to me at the time. I carefully gathered fruit from the trees of the gardens through which I was wandering and ate them with pleasure, I drank cold water from the very deep fountain of a rich man''s garden. I spent all the night that followed in this way, and when dawn was approaching I set out for the Talos Plaza District, intending to find that entrance to the city sewer of which Prioress Sescia had told me. I found it easily.


    The district is surrounded by an uncovered collecting canal and on its south side is an opening, an oval aperture closed with bars. The gate was locked with a big, old and rusty padlock which I broke using a stone. I opened the grate with difficulty; its hinges were very rusted and made a terrible rattling noise in the quiet of the early morning. I looked around carefully and stepped into the narrow corridor that descended with a slight slope. At its sides, along the silt-covered walls, was a narrow border made of stone slabs. As I moved away from the entrance, the darkness deepened and I had to stop for a short while. I leaned my right hand against the damp, slightly sticky wall and after a while I began to distinguish the gray outlines and the narrow road ahead of me. To my left, in the water of the passage, things glimmered now and then in the water of the gallery, borrowing the dim dawn light that diffused inland through the manholes that were quite numerous in this densely populated quarter. I continued my journey until I came to a branch that corresponded in a tunnel much wider than the corridor through which I had come. The heavy, damp, cold smell was now stronger and I wondered if anyone could live here... But both ladies, both Sescia and Maria, two women who had done me good, had recommended the city sewer as a place of refuge, so I decided to continue my exploration. To my right, the wide gallery ascended with a relatively steep slope so I decided that this was the direction I should follow. I continued to walk carefully along the main gallery in which, from place to place, on my right, the openings to other narrower corridors appeared. In these places, thin stone arches crossed the secondary drains, which discharged their waters into the collector sewer; I walked along them slowly and carefully, but as I went on, I began to distinguish better and better the details of the surroundings. There was more and more light coming through the manholes into the city''s sewers and I could notice that most of them were equipped with ladders made of metal steps that were embedded in the wall. I tried to climb one of the staircases but my injured shoulder would not allow me to do this so I continued my journey. The gallery I was traveling through seemed to be getting wider and the side corridors that opened into it were getting thicker and thicker and at one point I entered a large room. It was darker here than in the gallery from which I had just exited and I tried to guide my way, always feeling with my hand the wall to my right. I began to feel tired and hungry and I wondered if it would not be more appropriate to go back along the rather long way I had traveled. But I decided to continue my exploration, unsure if I would soon have the courage to go again into the darkness. From time to time, as in the case of the gallery I entered through, branches, wider or narrower, opened in the wall on my right. I began to explore the room and under the overwhelming impression of darkness and eager to cover as much as possible in this journey, I made the mistake of not counting the openings I was leaving behind... From place to place, they didn''t contain a canal and I initially thought they were probably dead ends where there couldn''t be anything interesting. I wandered quite a long time, and it didn''t even occur to me that I was probably repeating over and over again the path I had started from the entrance to the great room. As I had finally found out, the chamber was situated right under the White Gold Tower and was perfectly round. The entire sewer system that I had traversed so far was ancient, having been built by the Ayleids themselves, and, like all those built by this great nation, it was a pinnacle of perfection. And, in addition, it contained the magical elements that are inherent in any Ayleid structure. In a way incomprehensible to those of us living in our present times, even to their distant Aldmer kin, the stone and marble of which their edifices are built contains an ancient magic, strange and powerful, equal to the great and cruel practitioners of it.


    None of these was known to me when I was exploring the Imperial City sewers for the first time.Tired and hungry, beginning to fear that I was lost in the underground maze, I stopped and tried to come up with a plan to get me back to the place where I had entered the sewers. But nothing crossed my mind; the fear began to take hold of me. But I didn''t give up and tried to think of the two remarkable women who have guided my life lately. Prioress Sescia... Ah, Prioress Sescia would not be overwhelmed by fear and weakness! I was sure of that! And Maria... I was certain that Maria would come up with a very elegant workaround to get out of a deadlock like this... And then I realized that in the place where I was, the unpleasant odor from the sewer had weakened a lot, it was almost non-existent. And the air was a little warmer and not humid at all. I sniffed around, trying to follow the warm air, and ended up next to an opening in the wall, one that didn''t correspond to a drain. I stepped cautiously into the secondary gallery which, curiously, went up rather than down as did all the corridors that had channels. The trend of the slope gave me courage and I continued on my way despite the fact that the darkness seemed to be deepening. And I didn''t have much farther to go because the narrow gallery suddenly stopped in a wall. I touched the wall and felt that there were steps cut into it. They were roughly carved, rough-edged and irregularly shaped, but deep enough for a man to climb up or down. I ignored the pain in my injured shoulder and started climbing the ladder but very quickly, I reached the ceiling of the gallery. I probed its surface but I couldn''t feel anything special. I went down the same way I had come up and went back the way I had come, checking to see if there were any other galleries opening from the tunnel, to the left or to the right. But no, the sole use of the corridor was to access that ladder.Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.


    Now I could distinguish things better around me so I ventured towards the center of the room. I was intrigued because in front of me seemed to be a massive structure that stood like a thick and probably tall pillar. But how high could the things be here in this subterranean realm? I wasn''t to find out too soon though, because I quickly reached a relatively high ledge of stone, shiny and seemingly warm to the touch. It appeared like a whitish shape in front of me and I stretched out my hands to the right and left... Yes, the structure continued on both sides and I didn''t dare venture along it because I didn''t want to lose my direction to the short and seemingly dead-ended corridor I had just explored. I sat down on the floor with my back pressed against the stony wall which seemed to radiate warmth and, very calm despite my situation which did not seem to be very good, I took from my apron pocket a large loaf of bread and one of the apples I had stolen from the poor old woman. I began to eat, quiet and tactical as if I were at a jolly picnic in a glade in a sunny wood. I was comfortable there, in that room where no unpleasant odors existed and where the cold dampness from the galleries that converged into it seemed not to reach. The bread tasted extraordinarily good, it had a flavor I had never felt before, and it seemed to melt in my mouth. And the apple... Ah, the small, wrinkled apple, it was sweet and fresh, just like honey squeezed from a honeycomb fresh from the hive! Occasionally I could hear sounds similar to the wind that sometimes sings as it creeps through ancient, ruined, ivy-covered walls. And the darkness around me now seemed to hold within itself a kind of strange light, extremely faint and probably imperceptible to a normal sight. But for me it was absolutely sufficient to be able to distinguish from where I was standing the edges of the corridor that interested me so much. I finished eating and then my thoughts began to wander.


    As in The White-Gold Tower, lush landscapes, unspoiled jungles and sun-drenched swamps full of flowers of a strange and wild beauty formed in my mind. All green... All so wildly green in the harsh light of a sun shining high in a sky of pure blue and untainted by a cloud... I could hear the birds singing and the deafening squawking of a big tribe of monkeys scurrying through the branches of the tall, thick trees... I saw a magnificent creature which, in spite of its impressive size, was gracefully sneaking to the shore of a pond where a few gazelles were drinking water... The leopard, I know now that it was a leopard, a beautiful and young exemplar, stopped in a thick bush... I clearly distinguished the muscles that played beneath its glossy fur, I saw its yellow eyes, so attentive, searching for the most suitable prey... It crouched and jumped like a highly strung spring! The leap was long and wildly graceful and the magnificent animal secured its daily food... The sun was falling swiftly towards the sunset and I felt a sweet torpor fell over me and my eyes were closing... And sleep seemed to me like a smooth, cozy water, yet so deceptive in that young and wild world... But I longed to sleep, I longed to sink in the sweet waters of oblivion and dreaming, I longed for a dream in a dream...


    And I dreamed... I dreamed of a dark crypt, illuminated here and there by vivid flames erupting from the ground or from the walls of strange structures that dotted the cavern. Somewhere, in the midst of the darkness, there was a well... I knew it was there, and I longed to drink from it! The lights that slashed through the darkness were wicked, burning my eyes and skin, and I wished to lie down, rest, and wait for a while... But in places like that, you are not allowed to linger, for things can change swiftly, and the darkness or shadows can become flame at any moment! I began to run frantically among the flames that breathed around me, and in the distance ahead, wrapped in a blue mist, I saw the well''s edge! With my last bit of strength, I crawled toward it and finally stood up with difficulty. I tried to drink directly from the well, but the deceitful waters turned into a starry sky arched above me. I was lying somewhere in the grass and it was soft and silky and I was watching the celestial spectacle above me. Unknown constellations floated in the depths, with no sign of Nirn''s moons, only a large, yellow, and spotted disk hanging above this world. I stared at it in awe for a while until a deep, echoing sound disturbed me. Then, in the unknown sky a red star lit up, its light flickering, and it seemed to be crashing down upon me...


    I woke up suddenly and saw a man with a torch emerging from the corridor I was watching. My mind was clear and rested, my senses alert, and I rolled gently out of the path of the light coming toward me. I remained in the protective shadow of the wall and looked around. Both the walls and floor of the central hall were clad in marble, and in the center stood a thick column. The column was in the middle of a wide pit, bordered by marble edges that had stopped my progress earlier. As for the ceiling, it was indistinguishable in the dim torchlight. The man carrying the torch was very tall and thin, dressed in dark clothes, and was dragging a big sack behind him. I was tempted to follow him from the shadows to see where he was going and what he was planning to do, but caution urged me to investigate the corridor from which he had come and see if I could find the entrance. I found it easily enough; above the stairs I had unsuccessfully climbed earlier was an opening through which I exited into one of the mausoleums that dotted the cemetery in the Palace District.


    I breathed a sigh of relief and quickly distanced myself from the secret access to the city''s sewers. It was already night, and I had begun my new life, just as Maria had advised.I wandered through the city every night and rested during the day in the parks or cemeteries of the Imperial City. I never suffered from hunger that summer and learned many interesting things about people and their homes. I discovered that there are often other ways to enter someone''s house; sometimes, while the doors were securely locked, some merchants'' or wealthy people''s cellars were completely unprotected for someone willing to wait patiently and with a keen sense of observation. I learned to climb, first in trees and then onto the roofs of houses, where there was usually a hatch leading into the attics. Most of them weren''t locked or blocked from the inside, and even those that were secured in one way or another were easy to open for a skilled hand. And I also learned to procure food in other ways because breaking into homes was extremely dangerous; more than once, I found myself nearly caught as the owners woke up, worriedly inspecting their homes due to the noises and mistakes I sometimes made. I stole food from city markets, where piles of produce were carelessly guarded at night; I also visited the nests of domestic or wild birds, stealing their eggs; often, especially with the wild ones in the trees of the city parks, I would catch the birds themselves during my nightly visits. Dawn raids on freshly opened shops, especially bakeries, were another rich source of food for me.


    For a time, I had no more trouble from the refugee children who once flooded the city. On one hand, I roamed while they slept in dilapidated warehouses or in the temporary lodgings from Arena District, and on the other, their numbers had significantly dwindled that summer. The Order had managed to capture many of them, and others had moved together with their families outside the city, to the large refugee camp set up southeast of the capital. But I found out that there was another class of urchins; they were locals, much more skilled and dangerous than their counterparts from the Empire''s war-torn regions. Most of them were under the care and control of the Thieves Guild of the Imperial City, and these posed no threat for me. But there were also independent groups whose members I occasionally encountered at night. Though we generally didn''t operate in the same hunting grounds, these dangerous predators began to hunt me once they became aware of my presence. But my nocturnal life and frequent forays into the city''s sewer system had sharpened my senses; I had grown more comfortable in the twilight, even in darkness, and where my sight failed me, my sense of smell compensated for the deficiency. Moreover, in the stillness of the nights or caverns, my hearing was sharp enough to detect even the faintest sounds made by moving creatures. Thus, it was relatively easy for me to avoid these beings who, despite their brilliant street-fighting or survival skills, were clumsy, noisy, and frightened by the shadows.


    As Maria had advised, I set up a small hideout for myself somewhere in the sewers of the Merchant District. Here, the system of galleries and channels initially built by the Ayleids had been expanded by humans during the Empire''s reign. The newer corridors and drainage shafts were much more superficially constructed, and the materials used could not compare to those the Elves had used millennia ago. So, the system was quite unstable, and in some places, the gallery ceilings occasionally collapsed. Such collapses were usually caused by the massive infiltration of water into the thick layer of sand beneath this district and were usually signaled by cracks in the street pavement. But sometimes, long before these cracks emerged, the floors of the galleries would sink into the quicksand beneath them, turning those places into deadly traps. There were at least two such areas in the sewers of the Merchant District during the time I roamed the quarter like a creature of the dark. I discovered one of them on an autumn day when the morning cold reminded me that I needed a shelter for the winter. It almost claimed my life, and I survived only thanks to my instincts and the fact that I was so small and light. Initially, the trap had caught me in its merciless, wet, and filthy embrace, quickly engulfing me up to my knees. I felt the monster absorbing me, swallowing me alive, felt myself sinking hopelessly into the filth around me. Ah, such a death is terrible, my friends, and perhaps no fate more dreadful can be imagined... I understood perfectly what was happening to me, knew what the outcome would be, but I didn''t panic and didn''t try to struggle against the filthy mire around me. On the contrary, guided by instinct¡ªor perhaps by something more¡ªI embraced the trap, which stank horribly and was filled with all the city''s filth, such as one might find under an overpopulated city like the Imperial City. I lay flat on the surface of the quagmire, stretching my arms toward the nearest wall, in the direction I had come from. I grasped a corner of stone and held on tightly but without wasting my strength. With infinite patience, moving as little as possible, I pulled myself free from the boiling mire that surrounded me. After what felt like an eternity to me, I escaped the terrible death that awaited and reached the damp but solid floor of the gallery. Despite my exhaustion, I forced myself to crawl as far away from the dangerous spot as I could, then lay still for a long time, breathless, my mind drifting away, dreaming of the sunlit jungle that often appeared in my visions... And in time, Maria''s stern face appeared, and I heard her firm voice urging me to be mindful of the unfathomable depths sometimes found in the sewers... When I began to recover from the torpor that had gripped me after I had escaped, I sniffed the air around and indeed detected a distinct smell amid the wide array of scents surrounding me. It was a cold smell, just as Maria had warned me, but not like the scent of fresh snow, for instance. Or that of a clear winter''s night, with high skies and frost. Those are clean and pure smells, but the one emanating from the death trap was more earthy and, at the same time, more subtle... Among the many messages it sent to my brain, there was both the warning of imminent danger and, curiously, an attraction, a desire to explore the infinite.


    I didn''t understand much of this at the time; I only learned a very important lesson for survival in the shadows. But now I know that on that autumn day, deep in the bowels of the Imperial City, I perceived the Void for the first time in my life. In a raw, unrefined form, it is true, but perhaps much closer to reality than the elevated forms in which I can sense it now. Ah, I''ve mentioned the word "reality"... I may make this mistake again throughout my confession, and for this, I apologize in advance. I have the excuse that language, even the subtle and rich Ta''agra, does not contain the proper terms to describe how we perceive the world around us...


    From then on, I became much more cautious, and in poor visibility conditions, I became accustomed to using my sense of smell, which, in my case, is far more developed than that of most mortals. Except for the cat people, of course. Even the most young and inexperienced among them far surpasses me in this regard! I then emerged from the sewers through a manhole in the Elven Garden District and washed myself thoroughly in the cold waters of a fountain. However, the pestilential stench I had borrowed from death''s passionate embrace clung to me for several days after that event, forcing me to remain in the city''s underground until it fully left my body. These days, however, proved to be quite useful and productive, as during them I managed to explore a large portion of the Merchant District''s sewer system. I discovered a new collapse, more recent and less extensive than the first. Here, the corridor''s floor wasn''t completely submerged in the deadly sludge across the entire width of the gallery, and the tunnel ended in a dead-end beneath the district''s market hall. It was the perfect place for a hideout worthy of that name. Or at least that''s what I believed at the time, and as it turned out, I wasn''t far from the truth. I blocked the two access points from the inside, ensuring that no one could enter the dead-end, and I established my winter residence there. More importantly, it became the place where I would store my small fortune. Following Maria''s advice, I stole children''s clothes of all kinds... And not just clothes; I even acquired a mattress and two wonderful, fluffy, warm quilts. During my usual nightly strolls, wherever I saw clothes left to dry or air out by poor housewives preparing their homes for winter, I''d take what I needed or fancied and carry them back to my lair. Ah, I smile now with tenderness as I recall those little domestic urges that drove me to lovingly and carefully arrange my small den!


    But it was neither the time nor the place for such tenderness, nor for those small, human joys that were denied to me so early in life... Winter had come, a dreadful winter, far colder than anything the elders could remember, and across the Empire, war was raging fiercely.

 Chapter 5

    On a dark night, with the sky completely covered by a thick curtain of whitish clouds that seemed to drag their huge, snow-laden bellies directly on the surface of the earth, a raging wind blew from the north, from where the Jerall Mountains guard the northern border of Cyrodiil. I pulled tighter on the small cloak I was wrapped in and tried to face the storm and continue my nocturnal routine. But the wind was so strong that it was almost carrying me with it, taking me on its wings, and very soon the first snowflakes, initially large and fluffy and then small and icy, began to whip my cheeks. The blizzard quickly unleashed itself in full force and, despite the fact that the pickings that night were very poor, I was forced to return to my shelter much sooner than I had anticipated. I went underground through the Merchant District''s trading hall just after I had managed to collect two nearly rotten cabbages lying forgotten in a corner of the market. I breathed a sigh of relief when I reached the secondary tunnel that was my home and slipped with infinite care through the death trap that served as the door and latch of my lair. Inside, the roar of the blizzard was much muffled and the constant howling from above was replaced here by soft whistles and occasional rumbles that came through the manholes. It was generally quiet in this particular part of the Imperial City bowels, and I crept, cold and wet into my bunk and fell asleep.


    When I awoke from my sleep, it was completely quiet and not even the soft whistling that had accompanied the blizzard at the beginning could be heard. I stretched out under the thick blankets I was wrapped up in, happily gathering up the last available warmth for the day and then stood up getting ready to start shivering as usual of late. But that didn''t happen; the air in the gallery was warm and even drier than usual. Surprised, I immediately went on alert because I was aware that the stirring slime in the immediate vicinity could evolve, it was capable of suddenly growing and engulfing more of the length of the corridor. I sniffed nervously the air around me but I did not smell the specific odor of death or any other unusual scent. Instead, the silence that was usual here had transformed into something solid yet diaphanous. I felt like I was wrapped in cotton wool and I could actually hear the silence... This is a rather unpleasant sensation when it lasts longer, but for the moment I could not perceive any danger signals in the air around me. I walked under the first manhole in that dead end and could not see the light coming through. I supposed that it was still night and decided to investigate my surroundings a little, to see what changes the blizzard had brought to the world above me. But, after removing the hindrance placed by me, I could not lift the grate of the manhole and the darkness coming from there was deeper than on any night before. I tried the same thing with the next three manholes that followed and could not open any of them. Consequently, I drew the only rational solution and decided that the town was buried in a thick layer of snow. Besides, the hunger gnawing in my stomach was clearly telling me that it must already be daylight outside, and the lack of light near the manholes could only confirm my assumption.


    I went back to my den, ate and then inventoried the food I had. A huge loaf of bread, almost whole, a long piece of pork sausage and lots of apples... I cleaned out the cabbages I''d taken in the day before and added them to my little stash. It was pretty good for the moment, but the bottled water was very bad. Only about half of the canteen I had was full and here, underground, getting drinking water was impossible. An almost paradoxical situation, similar to that of a castaway who dies of thirst in the middle of the sea. But I thought of the central chamber of the sewage system that I had not properly investigated before. At its center was this enormous pit that I knew nothing about at the time but which gave me hope. So I decided to go there, traveling a path I had never explored before. The complete darkness that reigned in the depths did not hinder my mission so much because my sense of touch, smell and hearing guided me easily in this world of darkness. In fact, I arrived that day in the central hall guided only by the sense of smell and hearing after a long detour through the Elven Garden District sewer because the connection between the Market District and the Imperial Palace is, as I was to find out in a few days, made through galleries far too low for a human being, however small, to squeeze through. Initially, orienting myself by hearing alone, I ended up in a clogged corridor as I thought at the time. This surprised me and I began to combine auditory and olfactory impressions. For, surprising as it may seem, the smells of the underground odor of the various neighborhoods of the Imperial City differ considerably. And at their borders, the range of odors is so rich that it can easily mislead an inexperienced visitor. But I finally reached the central hall, which seemed full of light after the long journey through the gloom of the sewers.


    A diffused light of a color similar to blue always reigns there. I wasn''t able to detect its source and the scientists who have traveled in the time of the Empire in the underground of the Capital don''t even mention it in their writings because for normal eyesight it is very similar to darkness. Later I tried to find references about this mysterious phenomenon in the Winterhold College archives and I was about to find a very interesting source but that happened just then when Faralda banned me from the college. At present, my dear friend Brelyna is trying to continue the path I started, but Faralda and Nyria have banned the regular members of the college from certain sections of the great library there... Oh, but I see I''ve digressed from my story! As soon as I got close to the huge column that supports the high dome of the central room, I began to study the shaft that surrounds it with great interest. As I said before, it has marble ledges and in a certain place they are interrupted by the bridge that crosses the pit towards the pillar. There''s a door there, a heavy bronze door and it was locked but probably locked from the inside. I couldn''t find any locks or keyholes on it. It didn''t even have the usual handle on its interior part. So I concluded that this gate was of no interest to me and tried to find out if there was water in the surrounding well. But of course I couldn''t find any stray stone on the perfect shiny surface of the central chamber so I went back into the gallery from which I had come and peeled off a large piece of plaster from the damp wall. I went back by the well and let it fall inside. And then, after a long while, I heard a very faint splashing sound that dashed all my hopes. I then explored the tunnel leading to the mausoleum in the cemetery. It was closed, and though I searched the place very carefully, I couldn''t find any contraption to open the secret door. In addition, I noticed a strange, unknown odor there. It was quite faint, which explains why I didn''t smell it during my first incursion there. At the same time, it was totally unfamiliar and strange, full of signals indicating danger. So I didn''t press on and started down the gallery that I had entered during my first time there. As I had expected, where the barred gate was, I found total darkness, unbroken by the slightest ray of light. This gate was also obstructed by fallen snow and, moreover, when I searched it by hand, I found that it was locked with a new padlock which, being outside, it would have been impossible for me to open. Completely disappointed, I turned back the way I had come to my hiding place. I had already formed the ability to memorize long routes traveled in the darkness of the underground, and I reached my little nest without any difficulty. All that remained was to wait for the people to clear the city streets of snow and I decided that in the meantime I would move as little as possible and ration my water consumption.


    This temporary isolation from the outside world was an interesting experience for me. I had the time and quiet to reflect in detail on the last year of my life so far. And I was amazed by the conclusions I drew at the end... After all, only a year ago I was just a weak and disoriented being, a hungry little girl, distraught and grieving beyond measure over the death of her mother. And now I was able to survive on my own in the middle of a big, uncaring city. I did not dwell too much on my own senses, which were far superior to human senses, but took them for granted because my experience of life up to then had been extremely limited. But in the end it amazed and saddened me to think that I felt almost nothing about my beloved mother Kiersten. When I thought of her, and I can assure you that I did this often during that time, I felt only a slight nostalgia and a bittersweet taste crept into my thirsty mouth. Because I suffered from thirst during that isolation... And when I tried to reconstruct her image in my mind, I could only see a slender and petite silhouette, draped in a black robe, like my mother Kiersten had never worn in my presence. She was shrouded in a long, rich hair, yellow as gold and waving lightly in the breeze of a spring wind, and she spread a strange odor that was filled with the flavors of musk, nightshade, horse sweat and that of freshly tempered steel. There were faint traces of incense and fresh blood in the scent that came from my mother Kiersten, the one in my imagination, whose face resembled mine very much.


    I also reflected on how I had ended up in the Order orphanage. Although I couldn''t remember anything clear of what had happened to me after the death of my mother Kiersten, I came to the conclusion that some urchins, similar to those who now sometimes haunted me on the night streets of the Imperial City, had robbed and beaten me almost to death. A not so new feeling began to grow in me again and I felt hatred and the need for revenge. I saw Maria''s face again and her words dripped on my soul like a balm: "Do not be timid and do not avoid fights that seem to you balanced or in your favor. You are much stronger than you think..." And I began to make plans for revenge and that took up most of my remaining time until the city streets were sufficiently cleared of snow to allow the manholes of the sewers to be opened.


    When I emerged for the first time from the isolation in which I had been living for the past few days, I found a frozen city almost paralyzed by snow and frost. The previously boiling life of the big city seemed to have suddenly and permanently stopped in the icy silence that had settled over the capital. There were few people on the streets during the day and almost none at night. In a short time, insecurity and poverty set in as food became scarcer and more expensive by the day. Many of the stores were closed for lack of goods and bread became quite a luxury. The food markets were empty and large groups of people could be seen waiting in the Arena District and the Palace District where hot soup was served almost constantly. At one point even, all the bakeries in the city worked permanently for a few days and bread was distributed free of charge by the Order in many public places around the Imperial City. But the grain and oats in the capital''s reserve warehouses ran out very quickly, and then desperation and famine broke out in the city. The bitter cold continued for an unusually long time in these parts, and when it eased off a little, waves of snow would again pour down from the ashen sky. But I did not suffer from hunger in those terrible days for most of the inhabitants of the Imperial City because, as always, the rich had plenty to eat and I feasted without any remorse and even with pleasure from their storage. It was a time when I taught myself how to open simple latches and locks... Although, looking at things from today''s perspective, I''m not so convinced that I could have learned things like that as quickly and easily as I did then... But back then I was not at all interested in finding explanations for the inexplicable, I was far from being the philosopher I am today.


    Back then I was simply fighting for survival and I can say that I did that brilliantly. But I had a big problem; in the unusually and prolonged cold conditions, the ambient temperature in the city sewer became far too low. I acquired extra blankets; I even found a new mattress; I put on several layers of clothes but none of this seemed to protect me from the terrible cold that made it impossible to sleep. In a desperate attempt I made a fire one day near my little crib, but the smoke which suddenly invaded the whole tunnel made me put it out almost immediately. It was not a viable solution anyway, a fire lit in those places is a source of multiple and terrible dangers. I finally thought of the central hall, of that marble palace where everything was different; the air was dry, bad smells were non-existent, and there was a permanent but very dim light. So I decided to visit the place again and, in spite of the hazy and bizarre feeling that the corridor leading to the Palace District cemetery inspired in me, to set up a temporary sleeping place there.


    As soon as I reached the secondary galleries of the Elven Garden District traveling on the perfectly memorized route, I sensed that something was wrong. A faint smell of smoke mingled with the usual odors of this area and the almost imperceptible sound that was characteristic of the central area and that I was used to hearing in this place was distorted by new chords, never heard by me before in the underground of the city. Instantly I became more cautious than usual and accordingly made my way through the labyrinth leading to the main Elven Garden District collector sewer in an unusually long time. And when I entered under its wide arches it became apparent that someone had been or even was still in the central chamber. I took off the heavy boots I was wearing and stepped silently like a shadow toward the dim blue light that now seemed to flicker, just like a candle that was about to go out. There was no one in the great hall at the time, but I found countless signs that the place was inhabited. The trace of a fire made directly on the marble floor, ah, that pained me terribly and made me hate those who had warmed themselves by its flames, the dirty clothes scattered everywhere and the scraps of food lying spread on the floor, all told me that a group of people had settled there for some time. I carefully searched the room and found food supplies and even a big barrel of water... Near the guides of the well, where the marble seemed to be permanently warm, I found a lot of makeshift cots. Mattresses, blankets and pillows, all disgustingly filthy, were senselessly piled there and I couldn''t get the exact number of the new tenants. I entered then the main sewer gallery of the Talos Plaza District and, with infinite care, made my way to the access point through which I had first entered the underground. The gate was superficially closed and the padlock, though it had been put in its place, was open. I returned then to the central hall and began rummaging through the belongings and supplies of those who had settled uninvited into what I already considered to be my own private realm. Upon further investigations, I was convinced that I was dealing with urchins. There were toys and a great deal of sweets in the common possessions of those unwanted guests, and then the thought that at last I had a chance to take revenge on those who had caused me nothing but troubles and pain since I had come to the Imperial City crossed my mind. In the first instance, I helped myself from their food supply, from which I took two large loaves of bread, a long sausage, and a big bundle of dried fish. I would have wished to take more with me because I wanted to indicate to them the presence of a stranger but even so I could barely carry what I had taken back to my lair.This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.


    I carefully put away the food I had brought with me, and then went to sleep in my freezing cold bunk, with the thought of being rested for the night to come. When I awoke, it was pitch dark in my place, a sign that night had fallen outside. The cold bit relentlessly, and, shivering, I ate of the provisions which had now improved perceptibly. I then set out on the planned night''s prowl after dressing in the darkest clothes I had. The smoke was now so dense in the main sewer gallery of the Elven Garden District that my olfactory sense was seriously affected. So, almost deprived of my primary aid which guided me in the dark, I was forced to rely almost exclusively on my hearing, which in turn was picking up many new signals, unusual in these parts. It was a dangerous situation and I was aware of this but I did not give up my plan. I was very determined to deal with those intruders in my own domain, and at the same time I hoped that my actions would cause them to leave the place where I would have liked to spend the rest of the winter. As soon as I reached the entrance to the central hall, I laid down on the floor and tried to assess the situation, to find out the number of uninvited guests and what they were doing at that moment. The fire they had lit was smoldering and next to it, in its light, I could see four little fellows making fun of something. I crawled toward the entrance to the Arena District sewer and I was surprised to find that in the central room the smoke generated by the fire was almost non-existent and very soon my sense of smell started to come to my aid again. Encouraged by this, I moved closer to the fire and, hiding behind their water barrel, listened to the chatter of those who were having so much fun there. I was very surprised by the fact that I understood almost nothing of what the four of them were talking... It seemed to me that they were speaking in the common tongue but pronouncing the words in a strange way, and I could only make out a few disparate words in all their conversation, which was filled with sobs of laughter; I understood that the whole discussion was centered around a priest of the goddess Mara who had preached during that day in the Arboretum District. And the sermon had been followed by a massive distribution of oat flour and dried fish during which the beneficiaries of the donation got into a fight among themselves. During the scuffle, one of the urchins by the fire had managed to steal the priest''s amulet, which he kept pulling out of his pocket and showing it to the others with terrible pride. The one who did most of the talking was a boy who looked the oldest of the four by the fire, blond with long, uncut hair, and dressed in rather expensive clothes for a guy like him. One of the other three, also blond, looked at him in ecstasy and seemed to echo his words, constantly approving and praising him. The other two didn''t talk too much but only contributed to the night''s conversation with their laughter. Since I didn''t understand much of what they were saying, I wasn''t interested in eavesdropping further and preferred to study the surroundings, to see if there had been any changes and, above all, to find out the exact number of those who had moved in without my permission. There were a dozen other children, boys and girls, of various ages, sleeping in makeshift cots near the central pit. I couldn''t notice anything special about them as immersed in sleep as they were; they all looked alike in the rags in which they were wrapped, and they all had the same odor, well known to me, of misery and poverty. I stepped aside and entered the short, narrow corridor that led to the mausoleum. I waited there until the four had gone to bed and then inspected the group''s food supplies again. There were new things there and, among them, a large piece of salted butter. It was a rare delicacy in those hard times and I put it in the bag I had brought with me. Then nuts and peanuts from which I took as many as I could fit in my apron pocket. There was also a large chunk of the pulp of a cow, fresh and appealing, but I had no opportunity to cook food so I filled my bag only with dried fish. Then I went to study the boy who seemed the leader of this little gang. He was a robust lad and, as immersed as he was in the treacherous waters of sleep, he seemed quite handsome. I saw the chain of the amulet of the goddess Mara coming out of his pocket and I smiled excitedly. I grabbed it and pulled it slowly, very carefully, and the amulet came out without any difficulty from where it had been hidden. I hung it around my neck, and in perfect silence, disturbed only by the snoring of the sleepers, I went to see if I could overturn the water barrel. It was too big and full for my strength, but it had a faucet that I turned on and let the water run on the floor. Then I gathered up as many of the clothes that were lying scattered around as I could and put them all on the fire that was smoldering, ready to die out. And then, very pleased with my deeds, I walked slowly, in no haste, to my little lair. Not long afterward, while still in the sewer of the Elven Garden District, I heard various shouts and screams, the sounds of which reverberated from the narrow walls of the galleries and seemed to repeat endlessly, fainter and fainter. My hearing, which is so sensitive to any vibration, no matter how faint, was very annoyingly assaulted by this subterranean and nocturnal concert, but it was all compensated by the satisfaction I felt in the depths of my soul. And, at the same time, I came up with new ideas about how I could make the invaders'' life hard in the future.


    When I got to my little den, after safely putting away all the food I had procured, I lit the candle I had and looked carefully at the amulet of the goddess Mara. It was a cheap piece of jewelry, made of bronze and inlaid with tiny aquamarines, and only the silver chain could have had any small commercial value. It wasn''t even particularly beautifully crafted, but the face of the woman staring at me from the amulet had something both unsettling and attractive in her eyes. I must say that this jewelry had been crafted in Bravil, in the workshops of the great Temple of the Mother there. I did not know this at the time, and was not to find it out till during the day that followed; and even if I had known it, it would have suggested nothing to me. Nothing at all, I had not even known of the existence of Bravil until then. But it was enough to look at that sad, kind, yet commanding face to make up my mind that, as soon as daylight broke, I would go to the Arboretum District and inquire about the priest of Mara who had preached there the day before. I fell asleep holding the amulet tightly in my hand and when I woke up I found that the candle was spent and that made me terribly nervous. It was very unwise to leave a candle burning for any length of time down here in the undergrowth of the city. Especially for someone like me; but what''s done is well done so after having a good snack and dressed in the best clothes I had, I left my hiding place through the nearest manhole.


    Outside, in the frozen city, the same winter ambience prevailed, of a harsh and endless winter. Beneath the leaden sky and down the frozen and snow-covered streets of the Imperial City, people were rushing about, and their feverish gazes seemed to be searching desperately for something that could not be found... Dressed in a multitude of garments and bundled in a heap of shawls and scarves, all, without exception, looked poor and worn. This was a neighborhood which, without being rich, could by no means be called poor, at least in ordinary times, but now it seemed just a ghetto into which those on the edges of society were herded. On very few chimneys you could see smoke coming out and it was thin and even diaphanous, as if the fire that produced it was ready to die, to enter forever into the category of memories... Impressed by the general appearance of the Market District, I was overcome with an insatiable curiosity. I was eager to see what the Waterfront District looked like these days so, instead of following my planned route to the Arboretum District, I went to the place where I hadn''t been for a year. Or maybe I had never been there; that cute, sweet little girl had probably died and been replaced by a small predator struggling hard to survive... The Waterfront District was, like the rest of the city, plunged into the grip of the merciless winter. And it seemed deserted, like those long-forgotten towns in the heart of Elsweyr''s "Anvil of the Sun" desert. No smoke could be seen coming out of any of the chimneys of the houses that, submerged in snow, seemed so small now. The few windows that had not been covered with boards or sacks seemed blind and, gray as they were in the white environment, looked like open doors to other frozen lands... The harbor was frozen and the docks deserted. But there you could still see traces of life; smoke was coming out of the cabins of the few ships that had been trapped by the ice in the harbor and even from inside a ship you could hear happy harmonica chords and voices shouting with the joy that one would expect to hear at a certain stage of drunkenness...


    While wandering the district''s alleys, I walked past the cottage where my mother Kiersten and I lived and stopped for a moment. I tried to remember, to feel again, the warmth and love that had once been there, but I couldn''t. The street window of the house was still adorned with the curtains brought by my mother Kiersten from Bruma, but otherwise the place seemed unfamiliar and without any special significance. Then I wanted to go to my mother Kiersten''s grave, but the cemetery was covered in snow and the gates were closed. The wind coming from the north was blowing bitterly here through the leafless branches of the old poplars that edged the cemetery street, stretched like greedy claws towards the sky. And again I felt no regret and knew then that I would never return there again... Without any particular feeling in my mind, I clutched in my fist the amulet from which seemed to spring a subtle warmth and returned to the city, following my original intention.


    Arboretum is a very pleasant place in the summer. It is a huge park, a miniature forest in the heart of the Imperial City. In its meadows, there are statues of all the gods of Nirn''s Pantheon, and the priests usually hold sermons here, in these places so close to nature. Even then, in that dreadful winter, this custom was kept up, and when I entered the vast park I found quite a crowd of people there. It seemed as if a large part of the population of the capital were here, trying to find in the words of the priests who were tirelessly preaching, the solace and comfort they so sorely lacked. However, there was no one near the statue of the goddess Mara, only the traces of the previous day''s gathering were still visible: the snow was trampled and dirtied by countless footsteps that had churned it up, torn sacks, and even scattered flour in some places... I silently watched the statue for a while and then I took the goddess''s amulet out of my pocket. The face on the amulet looked nothing like the statue in the park. While the latter depicted a woman overwhelmed by pity and the hardships and sorrows of life, the figure on the amulet, besides these features it also contained, expressed, something additional. An indestructible will and a surprising coldness seemed to spring from the eyes that watched me from the small metal disk. I clutched it in my hand again and thought that since I didn''t know who to return it to, I might as well keep it and look at it from time to time. But just as I was about to leave, I heard behind me:


    -Do you want the blessing of the goddess, child?


    I turned and saw an old priest, impressive in stature with a thick white beard. His eyes looked at me keenly, and, among the lightning that seemed to flash from them, I seemed to discern a trace of interest... Very impressed by the venerable old man''s personality, I babbled:


    -No... In fact, I know nothing about Mara... I''m only here to return something stolen!


    The priest smiled.


    -The thing you speak of was not stolen... And you, Elsie, should be the last person in the world to give back, to give up, an object which you have acquired by your own skill! Now, show it to me...


    I unclenched my fist and held out the amulet. He looked at it intensely and smiled.


    - Keep it, child! It''s yours now because Our Lady wanted to come to you!


    I didn''t ask him how he knew my name. It seemed a natural, self-evident fact to me at the time, and only later, when I came out from under the influence of his overwhelming personality, I realized with wonder that, once again, something fated had happened to me. Back then I only told him that I did not understand why the two faces, that of the statue and that on the amulet, were so different. The priest smiled again and replied that he could not see any difference between the two figures. Then he took me by hand and, as we walked together through the little glade around the statue of the goddess, he told me about the Holy City, Bravil. Ah, the mere mention of that name stirs in me the desire, the restless urge, to lie prostrate at Lucky Lady''s feet there, in Her City! Under the pale light of Secunda, when it is at full moon stage, wherever I am, I am seized with a wild, almost physiological, desire to commune with Our Lady! And this is possible for me only there, in the shadow of her great Temple of Bravil... And then, the priest and I took a long walk in the wintry park. And he told me many things about Mara. He spoke of love and mercy, kindness and respect, candor and kindness. I didn''t even feel the passage of time and when we both arrived at the gate of the park, I was amazed to see the shadows of the fuming winter sunset falling over the city, overrun by cold and snow. The priest stopped and, while looking kindly at me, said:


    -You''re a good girl, Elsie! Please, wherever your life may lead you, never forget that there is still kindness and respect in the world around you! And that forgiveness and mercy can sometimes cease for a time the never-ending fight that rules our lives here in this wonderful little world!


    We parted there and I returned to my little haven in the bowels of the great beast that is the Imperial City. I pondered the venerable old man''s words, but though they seemed pleasant and full of meaning, I found nothing of use to me there, at least for the moment. I took off the amulet I had put around my neck and looked at the face of the goddess who now seemed to be smiling at me. But not in the gentle way the priest had told me about... Oh no, Mara of the amulet was grinning at me mockingly and with a shadow of contempt in her piercing eyes! I smiled back and put it back.


    I ate a hearty supper in my frozen lair. But it was warm here now, compared to the capital''s bitterly cold streets. And besides, here in the depths, there was no wind... Only a slight whisper was discreetly making its way into my ears and, snugly wrapped up with all the blankets I had, I fell asleep, swayed by the ancient chanting that was constantly echoing in the underground galleries.

 Chapter 6

    I spent my days, and especially the nights that followed, haunting the lair of the uninvited guests who had intruded upon what I considered to be my rightful domain.


    During that time, I committed many wicked but also humorous acts, as such deeds tend to be when carried out by children. My initial goal had been to drive the intruders away from a place I wanted for myself, but along the way, all these became an excellent training ground for me. I''m not sure I even wanted them to leave anymore; first of all, because I no longer had to wander the frozen city in search for food¡ªthose urchins had exceptional sources from which they procured very good food, rare items in those difficult times for the rest of the population of the Imperial City. And secondly, because I could feel certain abilities developing rapidly within me, abilities that amazed me and that I wanted to practice as much as possible.


    I began by carefully studying their behavior in the evenings. I loved watching them from the shadows, hidden beneath the darkened arches of the main drainage canals. I would observe them as they divided the day''s spoils, ate, and prepared for sleep. When some lingered by the fire, which, much to my annoyance and envy, they managed to light every evening, I would slip unnoticed and unheard close to them, just near enough to catch their words. As I''ve mentioned, I couldn''t understand much of what they were discussing. They spoke in a language that, although I had the chance to hear it frequently later in Bravil, I never managed to learn. My beloved friend Courtney knows it very well and sometimes tried to guide me in learning it, but unfortunately, I am poorly suited for learning new languages. Except for the wonderful and so subtle Ta''agra, of course...


    But I understood enough to realize that those children were surprisingly well-organized, a solid structure, a real urban fighting group. Each had well-defined roles in the various situations that could arise during their daily activities on the city''s streets. Streets, markets, temples, or other crowded places, wherever large groups of people gathered, generally preoccupied with something specific. For these urchins were excellent thieves and beggars. They were masters in these professions, and even when chance, luck, or a wrong move exposed them to the furious crowd, their diversion team would step in, not hesitating to use the small and so wicked blades they hid in their filthy garments. They weren''t murderers, but they had no scruples when their freedom or lives were at stake; they were the epitome of urban survivors in the densely populated environment of the capital.


    Just like me, in fact. But in a different way, and above all, they were daytime predators. Darkness and silence frightened and intimidated them... I took full advantage of all the assets I had in this underground world and played with them for a long time... Sometimes, especially in the beginning, I used to lure the night watchman¡ªoh yes, they now assigned one of them to keep guard while the others tried to sleep¡ªtowards the entrances of the drainage canals. And while he nervously searched the spot where he thought he had heard something, I would slip quickly into the midst of the sleeping ones and start screaming at the top of my lungs. Then I would run and hide in the darkness of the galleries... Where, after a short while, I would start to sing or shout, depending on my mood, moving closer to or farther from their lair. I had gotten into the habit of dressing in dark clothes and covering my face, leaving only my senses free, so even when they managed to glimpse my silhouette in the dim torchlight they carried, they weren''t sure if it was really a human being, a child like them. But I think I''m wrong, terribly wrong... None of us were truly children anymore, not there, beneath the high dome built by the Ayleids...


    I would periodically raid their food supplies, and I must admit to my shame that I took much more than I needed and destroyed it. Yes, in those times of hardship and famine, the sweet girl with blonde hair and innocent wide eyes was feeding the rats of the depths with food delicacies... For with the onset of the terrible cold that plagued the capital for so long, all the rats of the great city had migrated into the city''s sewers. At first, there were endless waves of mice, which were terribly bothersome to me. But they were quickly driven away by the relentless, unmerciful migration of their larger, stronger, and more intelligent relatives. For rats are very intelligent creatures, I can affirm that with certainty. I used to scatter food not far from my little shelter, and soon enough, a community of rats established themselves permanently in the area. Interestingly, this community did not allow other rats to roam the zone, and at least in the early days, there were bloody battles between my rats and those trying to feast on the rich daily offerings I provided. I tried to replicate the experiment near the central chamber, where the intruders lived, but although the rats began to roam the area in large numbers, they never entered the large circular room. No matter how much I tried to lure them there...


    Instead, they made the uninvited guests fear wandering through the sewer galleries, especially at night. Even in the morning, when they left through the main collector channel in the Talos Plaza District, they usually armed themselves with various sticks and a multitude of torches to reach the city access gate. I, on the other hand, began to try to befriend some of my rats and hunt the others. I''m not sure I managed to gain the trust of these intelligent creatures, but I became very skilled at catching them. Rats are very dangerous creatures when cornered, and, on top of that, their tendency to organize into groups often heightens the danger when faced with threats. At first, I was often badly bitten by other rats while capturing one, but soon enough, my movements became so quick and my tactics so perfect that I could capture several specimens alive without any problem or pain. And this happened in a very short time; I would place the captured specimens in a sack and quickly bring them to the spot where the invaders slept; I would release them there and then have great fun watching the confusion, disgust, and horror of those woken up in this manner. Although they were very agile and skilled everywhere else, in the large central room, where they wouldn''t usually enter voluntarily, the rats became extremely disoriented and dangerous when they found themselves among those human bodies, under the high vault! An all-out confrontation took place in those moments, which were not as funny as they seemed to me... But for me, that group of street urchins was an enemy, a competitor, and an almost identical element to me in the food chain of that microsystem.


    In any case, I pushed things much too far in this regard, and the endless nightly disturbances in the sewers eventually stirred the anxiety and wrath of an unusual kind of predator. This entity was already aware of our presence, including, or perhaps especially, mine, sensing that it would be much safer without any human presence there. Yet it''s likely it wouldn''t have taken drastic measures if our life in the sewers had gone on quietly. Or perhaps things were much more complicated, as something incredible happened at the end of this incident...


    A creature of darkness, a real creature of darkness this time, authentic and truly terrifying to any living being, began hunting all of us. One of the urchins, a tall brunette girl, didn''t return one night from one of the secondary galleries in the Elven Garden District, where she had ventured with two other gang members looking for me. I wasn''t even near the place where the tragedy unfolded, but I could clearly hear the desperate and quickly cut-off scream of the girl. Then, the terrified screams of the other two urchins and the sound of their footsteps as they ran desperately toward the illusory safety of their refuge in the central chamber. I was puzzled but not frightened; I knew they feared the rats and assumed that the group I had lured deep into the sewer system had been attacked by an aggressive rodent community established in the area. However, that night, my sense of smell almost constantly warned me of a new, unknown presence very close to me.


    In fact, I had felt something strange around me for a while, something akin to an immaterial presence, but I attributed it to the amulet I wore. The amulet sometimes behaved very interestingly, heightened perhaps by my loneliness and desire to communicate. I had gotten used to looking at it and speaking to it, recounting the events of the day and asking it for advice... And the amulet seemed to respond, not with words, but with the expressions on its face.


    But this time, it was a physical presence and not a specter or illusion. The creature was something that people call a vampire, and our paths had crossed from the first day I spent in the sewers. There are many legends and stories about vampires, and even some serious studies by scholars regarding these natural oddities. Many accounts, testimonies, or conclusions drawn by scientists differ so much that a person studying vampirism could conclude that there are many kinds of vampires with different behaviors, powers, and weaknesses; sometimes, these differences are so great that the term may refer to entities that have nothing to do with the classic vampire.


    This very skilled and dangerous predator who began toying with us that night was, let''s say, a classic vampire. It only acted at night, lay dormant during the day in his coffin, and was devoid of reason. Perhaps not entirely, but it certainly didn''t possess the characteristics and habits described by some authors who prefer to romanticize and present certain monstrosities of our world in an interesting and attractive way. I say this because vampires are, without exception, enemies of the human race and entities that exist contrary to the basic laws of life.


    I suspect that this vampire has been feeding on the blood of gang members living in the sewers from the beginning. And I think it did this discreetly, initially without intending to reveal his presence. I''m also sure he was aware of my presence in the city''s sewer system from the beginning and ignored me; I''m not sure why it avoided me from start to finish, but I have certain suspicions about that. In any case, from that night onward, the urchins began to disappear and their abductions were, I believe, done deliberately loudly, and demonstratively. The last one to be abducted before the gang fled the sewers was their leader, the tall, blond, well-dressed boy. He was reckless, probably because he felt his authority threatened by the events unfolding; first by my annoying behavior, which only irritated and provoked, and then by the actions of the monstrous entity, which this time killed. I say killed, but I don''t know what actually happened to the urchins who were abducted; I found no corpse or sign of their deaths in the city''s depths. There was only blood, and not always, at the scene of the attack; and, usually, very little.


    I perceived the gang leader''s abduction with all my senses. It happened on another night, not long after the first girl disappeared. During this time, I had changed my behavior, bewildered and unsettled by recent events, trying to remain as discreet as possible. I stopped the silly pranks I had played before and sought only to understand what was happening and, especially, the nature of the new predator in the depths. I can''t say I was frightened, as I probably should have been, but I felt an increasing unease, especially as my sense of smell, my greatest aid in the darkness, detected only vague and unclear signs of this entity. And my hearing detected absolutely nothing, except for the moments when the creature deliberately made noise while attacking.


    On the night of the event that triggered the gang''s disorderly flight from the sewer system, I was under the vault of the collector channel in the Arena District, carefully observing the surroundings and the urchins'' behavior. At one point, they began to argue, and their argument soon turned into a full-blown quarrel. On one side were the leader and the blond boy who always agreed with him and whom, as I later learned, was his younger brother; on the other side were the seven remaining gang members. The latter strongly insisted it was absolutely necessary to leave the city''s sewers, while the other two resolutely opposed them. Soon, they began fighting, and immediately the vampire, who had waited until then undetected in the main collector channel of Talos Plaza District, attacked the brawling crowd.


    It slithered, more precisely flowed, along the marble floor of the central room, but did so with incredible speed, moving like a snake. Near the group that was fighting, it suddenly compressed, instantly becoming much shorter than before, and leapt, darting, striking with incredible force in the middle of the scuffle, scattering the urchins around like mere wood chips. Dazed, each lay where the extraordinary impact had thrown them, and the vampire rose, becoming a bipedal entity once again, immensely tall and thin, and simply picked up the gang leader from the ground, tossed him over his shoulder, and then, moving swiftly and almost floating, disappeared into the darkness of the Arena District''s sewers. It passed right by me as I watched in awe at the extraordinary display of strength and agility that had just occurred, and as the vampire moved¡ªif I can call that strange, levitation-like movement walking¡ªit cast a look at me.


    I will never forget those eyes that looked at me then from beyond the grave, from a world that practically doesn''t exist. Or shouldn''t exist... They were like two blind windows and didn''t seem to see; they were simulacra of eyes and didn''t look like eyes; as much as I could discern in the sepulchral light around, they gave me the sensation of boundless emptiness, endless sorrow, and something like terrible thirst... or hunger, or some other powerful physiological impulse, blindly and irrationally followed by living beings.


    It vanished into the darkness along with his victim, who had begun to scream piercingly. But those screams were abruptly cut off, and for a few moments, all I could hear was silence. That absolute silence that can sometimes create a feeling of pain...


    And then came the uncontrolled screams of the other urchins, who fled, rushing in a panic through the high arch of the main collector channel of Talos Plaza District. None of them ever returned there, at least not during the time I continued to dwell in the sewers.


    Unbelievable as it may seem, I continued my life in the depths of the Imperial City undisturbed and only slightly worried about what this terrifying entity would do next. I did not truly fear this embodiment of Hell; whenever I thought of the vampire, it was enough to clutch the amulet of the goddess Mara in my small fist to regain confidence and strength. I didn''t move into the central chamber of the sewer system as I had originally planned; it was still too close to the place where the vampire could enter the underground. I continued to live in my small refuge in the dead end under the Merchant District trading hall. The supplies and clothes abandoned by the urchins in their refuge were enough to sustain me through that terrible cold spell that had gripped the Imperial City. I even found money and cheap jewelries among the things left behind by those who fled with the horror of the world nestled deep in their hearts.


    I only encountered that vampire once more in my life, but it was an encounter so strange that it deserves mention in this confession of mine.


    I was asleep and dreaming... It was a deep sleep, with vague and strange dreams flashing one after another.


    I dreamed of an ancient cemetery, overrun by greenery, forgotten by humans and even the gods. Sad, restless shadows drifted among the time-scarred tombstones under the glaring light of a sun shining wildly and cruelly from an ominous, deep sky. A tall, slender shadow crawled toward me, looking at me imploringly with its blind eyes.


    Then I dreamed of a threatening castle, more like a small fortress perched atop a barren, steep hill. Its white walls gleamed strangely under a massive red sun, gazing at that world from the depths of a gray, almost black sky. It was indeed light emanating from the dark heavens, but not the light we know; it seemed more a primordial light, like that which witnessed the shattering of Lorkhan. A tall, slender knight, clad in gleaming armor, stood atop the highest tower, shaking his fist menacingly at the sky.


    Next, a verdant land appeared, filled with lush vegetation and rushing, crystalline waters; the forests were full with restless animals and beautiful birds. There lived people and their children; I saw their rich flocks and fertile fields, planted with all sorts of grains and vegetables. The sun, yellow and bright, shone from a high sky, and in its young light, people fought fiercely against each other with weapons of red bronze, glinting mercilessly in the powerful light. Oh, the steep hill was there too, but now its slopes were covered in a forest of pines. At the top, a tall, broken, crooked gray tower was visible, surrounded by tattered walls.


    Finally, I dreamed again of the dark sky from which dazzling flashes of lightning burst, zigzagging and splitting the heavens that pulsed rhythmically under the power of a voice chanting an unspeakable incantation.The tall knight in shining armor reached out from the top of his tower and captured a bolt of lightning. Triumphantly, he lifted it above his head and let out a cry of joy and victory. Deep within the dark, unfriendly sky, a red star ignited, pulsing as if it would crash down upon me from on high.


    I awoke, shaken and overcome with sadness; light surrounded me, and this frightened me. I turned and felt the terror griping my soul; the vampire was there, just steps from my shelter, sniffing the air. In its left hand, it held a smoldering torch that spread blinding light through the darkness of the underground. We studied each other for what felt like an eternity; the creature was tall, extremely thin, dressed in black, tattered clothes caked with earth. It was barefoot, its feet covered with hair, more like a thick fur; its hands ended in long, claw-like fingers, covered in a layer of damp, rough skin. Its face was the embodiment of horror; as I had noticed before, the creature had no eyes, only a thick layer of rough skin covering where they should be. Its mouth was like a slit, a gash across his face, with long, gleaming white fangs visible in the flickering light of the torch. That vampire had no nose, only monstrous holes, and its hair, wild and rough, black as the bottom of Hell, fell over its shoulders.


    I tensed like a cornered animal; I lunged forward with a long, elastic leap, squeezing past the slender body of the entity and the gallery wall, scattering all the blankets and clothes that had been wrapped around me. Without turning back or caring what the creature''s reaction might be, I ran, ran as if death itself were on my heels. I traversed the entire length of the dead-end gallery in seconds, crossed the deadly trap without any precaution, relying solely on my body''s instinct. I stopped, breathless, my heart pounding painfully in my chest, and looked behind me. The vampire was right there beside me; it no longer had the torch and was now on all fours, sniffing. It opened what was presumably its mouth, and from it came a high-pitched, thin, imploring sound. Terrified, I crawled a few steps further away, but the creature did not follow. It only stayed where it was, emitting that unbearable sound that tortured my already frayed nerves. I did not try to flee; I knew I could not escape that entity.


    I crouched down on the floor and watched it. I watched the nightmarish creature until the terror that had gripped me transformed into calm... into peace, acceptance, and a desire to understand. I slowly, very slowly, approached the entity, who only sniffed continuously, endlessly chanting its heartrending lament. I reached out with my left hand, eager to touch the horrifying figure now so close to me. But then my hand felt only the Void... the vampire was no longer there. Yet I knew it was no mere figment of my imagination, so I was not surprised when I found it behind me. This time, however, it was silent. It stood upright, and after a few moments, it drifted away, melting into the depths of the sewer.


    The encounter with the abyssal entity drained me terribly. I spent days practically lying low after that strange, dark and unusual event. I ate and slept; I slept deeply, without dreams¡ªor at least without dreams I could remember. In any case, each time I awoke from that leaden sleep, I felt rested and stronger. Fear didn''t haunt me, and I didn''t hesitate when faint flute notes and whispers of laughter and songs echoed in the underground. I went straight to investigate the source of the noises. New guests had settled in the sewers of the great city, though this time, they were somewhere beneath the Arena District. They were adults this time, ragged and frightening in appearance, spending their nights and particularly cold days in the tunnels but always gone to their activities in the capital by day. Men and women alike¡ªbeggars and thieves, people who didn''t hesitate to kill while robbing someone. They weren''t organized, but the terrible winter that had fallen upon the Imperial City had forced them together, much like wolves.Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    I avoided provoking them, yet I found a peculiar pleasure in spying on their lively gatherings, their rambling conversations, and the restless, troubled sleep of the drunk. I would creep close to them, listening in on their talks; each night, I slinked among the snoring, groaning bodies as they sank into the murky waters of sleep haunted by alcohol and skooma. I stepped with utmost care, grazing their grimy clothes, trying to deduce by scent whether they were men or women. Then I would return to my little den and sleep. I ate and I slept. And thus, being well-fed and rested, eased by the peculiar amusement these new guests offered me, my body¡ªand more importantly, my soul¡ªfully recovered from the terrible shock that had shaken them. I was beginning to understand that the world was far more complex than it seemed at first glance; the encounter with that terrifying entity had toughened my spirit and awakened my curiosity, the desire to understand at least some of the strange things that happen daily around us.


    The newcomers to my domain didn''t cause me any trouble. They never tried to venture deep into the galleries under the Arena District. And, besides, one night, shortly before the end of winter, a platoon of monks from the Order entered the galleries and slaughtered them all. I was there, witnessing the entire massacre. The monks came with torches, clubs, spears, and swords, showing no mercy as they butchered everyone who slept there, exhausted from the day''s crimes. The Order members then carried all the mangled bodies out of the sewers, and silence returned once more to the underground. I was saddened by this event; it robbed me of the only amusement I could have in those places. But I soon found solace, retreating into my imagination and dreams whenever I felt bored.


    Besides, I didn''t have too much time to grow bored, as winter ended. It ended as abruptly as it had begun; a warm, fragrant breeze swept through the great city one night, and the following morning, the sun shone bright and kind in the depths of a clear blue sky. The winter snows melted with astonishing speed, and the city''s sewers flooded with gushing waters that made their merry, relentless way toward their destination, Lake Rumare. I emerged from the sewers like a little rat, drenched and foul-smelling, a rat caught by surprise by the waters in its miserable lair, but one that had survived and was now eager to enjoy life.


    The great city suddenly awoke to life under the warm spring sunlight. Yet this awakening unfolded under the worst possible auspices, as the melting snow only intensified the famine that reigned in the capital. Travel along the Empire''s roads, now transformed into veritable swamps, came to a halt, and all human activities across the realm ceased. Even the dreadful war that had savaged the Empire''s eastern territories came to a standstill, and, as I learned later, much later, diplomats from the two warring states held a first meeting during this period. An armistice was signed, diplomats exchanged polite, artful words and embraced each other, while both armies, immersed in the mud, stood face to face, watching each other with suspicion, waiting... The slow thawing of the ice that had gripped Lake Rumare in an unyielding embrace was a spectacle worth watching. All the ships trapped by the frost in the Imperial City''s harbor suffered terribly during this period, with two of them sinking, complicating port activities even after Lake Rumare had fully thawed.


    As a young and healthy being, I was swept up by the joy that accompanies the sunlit days of this season. The warm wind that constantly blew from the south, carrying at first only the dense smells of the city awakening from its long winter sleep, and later the intoxicating scents of a reviving nature, filled me with restlessness and a yearning for life, for running across the freshly green meadows and beneath the crowns of ancient trees in the city''s parks. Yet the blinding light of spring, the wide-open spaces filled with enchanting scents, the crowded and noisy streets did not suit me well after my time spent in darkness and silence. Moreover, my small shelter was now unusable, and having lost all my meager possessions to the waters that flooded the city''s underground, I was forced to struggle anew for survival. And though I was more experienced than a year prior, the general situation in the capital had changed drastically. Over the winter, Stendarr''s Order had managed to eliminate most of the city''s vagrants, both adults and children. I now had to compete with the elite of this social class, with true urban survivors, all ruthless and highly skilled.


    At the same time, the intensified poverty enveloping the city''s inhabitants in a tattered shroud¡ªand forecasting a famine of unprecedented proportions¡ªonly worsened and complicated my situation terribly. So, instead of enjoying the warm and benevolent sun, the fragrant spring breeze, and nature''s rebirth as any other child might in normal circumstances and times, I was forced to resume the grueling struggle for survival. Again, finding a quiet and hidden place where I could rest and dream became a daunting challenge. My habit of sleeping during the day and hunting at night served me well. I snuck into various cellars, especially those of craftsmen in the Merchant District, and usually managed to rest undisturbed in these dark and damp places. Undisturbed only by people, for the dampness that plagued the city until summer''s arrival seeped into my small, frail body, filling my young bones with cold and pain. But, worn out with exhaustion, I still managed to sleep and regain my strength for the endless struggle that fate had destined for me.


    During that time, obtaining the daily food had become a daunting task for most of the inhabitants of the Imperial City. Even wealthy merchants or skilled craftsmen in the Merchant District sometimes had nothing more than a porridge of oats with a few scraps of meat floating in it... Ah, the meat of those times... I shudder at the thought of it; throughout my tumultuous life, I often ate things that might seem inedible or repulsive to ordinary people, but the meat sold at exorbitant prices during that troubled spring in the capital''s markets was particularly suspect! Fish was in high demand, and when Lake Rumare finally thawed enough for fishermen to venture out, they made true fortunes. The homes of the wealthy were now closely guarded, and even in their vast kitchens, cooks sometimes shrugged helplessly, unable to prepare the lavish meals their masters were accustomed to. Nevertheless, these reserves in the wealthy people''s stores became my primary source of food until the first merchant ships managed to sail up the Niben and dock in the Imperial City''s port.


    The black market for food experienced then an unstoppable boom that even Stendarr''s well-organized and ruthless Order struggled to suppress. Most southern merchants preferred selling the bulk of their goods to the speculators prowling the port like predators. These speculators bought any food brought up the Niben wholesale at very high prices, far more than any local merchant could offer. Thus, the city''s markets were suddenly flooded with extremely expensive food. Flooded may be an overstatement for what happened then, but in reality, despite the famine ravaging the metropolis, products managed to linger in retailers'' stalls for days. But soon, the starving and furious masses attacked the stalls of these speculators, killing the merchants and taking their goods for free. The Order intervened, and at that moment, the Imperial City stood on the brink of civil war; when the first hungry people were hanged in the Arena, which then became the Order''s preferred execution site, mobs armed with all manner of household items, sharp or otherwise, began to regularly attack the patrols of warrior monks.


    Suddenly, the citizens of the capital came to see the members of Stendarr''s Order as enemies, and since the monks lacked proper military training, being nothing more than common thugs in fact, the first large-scale confrontation was won by the people. The hungry crowds collected the weapons of fallen monks, so soon Emperor Titus Mede II found himself besieged in his own palace by an outraged populace. The commander of the City Guard refused to order his crossbowmen to shoot at the crowd, which clamored to speak with the emperor; his replacement also declined any hostile action against the ragged and hostile masses; several platoons of monks from the Order melted away like the winter snows when they came into contact with the ragged and desperate front lines. And the light cavalry squadron, the capital''s only mounted military unit, was so pressed by the angry crowd, that they were forced to retreat with their horses into the Imperial Palace''s great hall. The armed populace did not follow them but remained massed around the palace, loudly demanding that the emperor come out and hear their grievances. So, Titus Mede II stepped out onto the building''s balcony and promised the starving people bread and new laws.


    And he really did try to keep the promises he made on that restless spring day... For Titus Mede II, that weak yet kind emperor, truly loved his people. But everything, absolutely everything, was against him... The greedy state to the south, the ineffective ministers in his own small council, the greed and corruption that plagued the hearts of so-called entrepreneurs, the betrayals by provincial nobility, and even the unusual weather conditions during those terrible years for Cyrodiil¡ªall these deeply eroded the already frail foundations of the Empire. The Grand Council passed law after law in the days that followed, and food prices were stabilized for a while; government officials bought all the goods from ships docking at the port and then distributed them to local merchants for sale. At fixed prices, set by law. But some merchants bringing goods from afar soon decided that the prices they received from the Emperor were far too low; tempted by the local speculators'' cartel, they began unloading their goods on the shores of Lake Rumare, from where they were transported to the city and stored in secret warehouses¡ªsome right in the docks area, others in the Merchant District. Then followed days when the Order of Stendarr fought hard against these smugglers and speculators, whose goal was to create a shortage of food in the capital''s markets; it was a fierce, balanced struggle, and only the reopening of the imperial land routes finally resolved a situation that seemed desperate and hopeless for the government.


    For me, it was a harsh and dangerous time, as the Order''s patrols filled the city''s streets day and night, conducting raids and searches in almost every storage area large enough to serve as a hideout for the speculators. Using all my newly discovered abilities, I managed to survive in this turbulent environment, but I never truly found peace until the city''s underground became livable again. The lack of any personal space, no matter how small or filthy, the endless disturbances to my sleep from the never-ending raids and street skirmishes, and the inability to store a small supply of food or spare clothes turned me once again into a skeletal, ragged creature with feverish eyes and a mind emptied of all thought. I had now become a small predator, guided only by survival instinct, and the urban jungle I lived in served only to reinforce habits and traits that would forever be etched into my soul.


    But summer arrived, and earlier than expected. The food shortages in the capital eased, and, in the end, the situation resolved itself. Drawn by rumors of famine plaguing the Imperial City, a multitude of merchants finally filled the city''s markets with foodstuffs. Given the truce in effect, even the wealthy county of Anvil was now contributing to supply the metropolis, and the city''s residents settled down and returned to their usual activities. I retreated to my old hideout beneath the Great Hall of the Imperial City. I managed to recover physically in a relatively short time; ah, youth sometimes has the power to regenerate even the most depleted bodies when they receive the food and rest so vital to all mortal beings! And the summer dragged on, hot and dry, hinting, despite appearances, at hard times ahead for the Empire... It was so hot, and the air so thick, that at midday you could sometimes see the cheerful, unsettling ghosts that dwell in the deserts of arid Elsweyr dancing in the streets! People, especially the poor and laborers, roamed the streets almost naked under the merciless blaze of the sun, which hung indifferently in the depths of a pale blue sky¡ªso pale it sometimes looked gray...


    And rain was nowhere to be found, the city''s fountains began gradually to dry up, and the level of Lake Rumare dropped so much that one day, I was able to exit the city sewers directly onto its shores. The main spillway, part of the drainage system serving Talos District, was extremely long and had been fitted with bronze grates by its builders; but these had not withstood the millennia spent in the lake''s restless waters, and now the tunnel opened wide, like a gate, onto what was usually the bottom of Lake Rumare. Now, however, it was a beach covered with fine sand, lying at the base of high, hollowed-out cliffs.


    It is astonishing what can be found in a place like this; the many centuries that had passed over the Imperial City had built, here where the bottom of Lake Rumare once lay, a true museum of Man and Mer. Or rather, they had painted a fantastic fresco, depicting vanity and humility, cruelty and tenderness, hatred and love, wealth and poverty... ah, a terrifying yet pathetic work of art at the same time. Yet there was nothing to admire; everything, absolutely everything, was merely a pathetic glorification of the vanity of our lives, so short on these beautiful and cruel lands! But the little predator I had become did not linger to marvel at all this futility; there was nothing to eat among these things, nor even a single usable piece of clothing! So, I contented myself with a long swim in the warm waters of the lake under the peaceful light of Masser. A nighttime bath beneath the starlit sky is a wonderful thing, and from that moment on, I made it a habit to do this every night spent in warm lands, wherever I could find water deep enough...


    I did not return to the capital''s underground; the foul smells had become overwhelming there, and the heat had filled the tunnels with an unbearable, suffocating air. I spent most of the summer wandering the surroundings of the Imperial City; I visited most of the villages in the area and curiously observed the people who lived and worked there.


    Very different from those who lived in the capital, they were far more generous, and often I earned my daily food just by begging. Their kindness and gullibility did not stop me from spying on them and slipping through their houses¡ªduring the day, when most were working in the fields, or at night, when families slept the sweet, deep sleep of those who earn their living by the sweat of their brows. Something whispered in my mind, telling me that things I obtained through my own skills were far better and more valuable than those offered freely and with such generosity... Now I know all too well that this was just a lie, one of the temptations that my Mistress put in my path at that time! Temptations and opportunities, oh, they were so many that my poor young mind could not resist them... There was one exception, however; among the many inns along the Red Ring Road, there was one whose innkeeper truly took a liking to me. And every time I entered her inn, she fed me treats, and sometimes even had a piece of clothing to give me as she looked at me kindly. I was always welcome there, and I was allowed to set up a place to sleep wherever I wished; the innkeeper even wanted to keep me longer, to make me live there with her and her family. Yet I was so wild and unused to kindness or love that I felt terrified whenever someone tried to get close to me. And although I enjoyed the food I received there and the undisturbed rest in that inn, I eventually stopped visiting; I simply didn''t feel at ease when treated with gentleness. Still, my soul somehow resonated with those obvious signs of goodwill, and that was the only place from which I stole nothing in my wanderings around the Imperial City.


    I also visited the huge refugee camp that had been established to the southeast of the capital, right where the road to Skingrad begins. The people there were well-organized, and despite the large cemetery that bore witness to the ravages of the cruel winter that had just passed, the residents seemed cheerful and content. A real village had formed there, and the people had cleared the land and were working the soil that the Emperor had granted them. But here I did not encounter the innocence I had found everywhere in the rural world until then; the residents were harsh and stingy, exceedingly industrious, and eager to amass wealth... My soul was filled with joy there; I had been somewhat ashamed to steal from people who had treated me with kindness and goodwill¡ªnot so ashamed that I wouldn''t snatch any unattended item that caught my eye, but there was, somewhere deep in my young soul, a twinge of regret. Here, however, in the newly founded village, I unleashed myself and committed many bad deeds, many of them completely unnecessary. I went so far that the local community instituted a nighttime guard system, which amused me greatly and heightened the wild instincts that sometimes overwhelmed me. I had tremendous fun for a while, but in the end, patrols from the Order appeared in the village. And those war dogs I despise from the depths of my soul...


    So I left that place and returned to the great city. I now missed the crowded streets, the continuous hum and the bustle that reigned over the paved streets of the metropolis. And I found the City, the great beast, teeming with life and activity. Things were going well now, and the people had reconciled with the Order of Stendarr, which, I must admit, had done many good things in and around the Imperial City. Despite the hard times that enveloped the Empire in the relentless grasp of the Dominion, the Order had managed to regulate daily life in the capital. And now, everyone who worked had bread and even a little butter, so to speak, to spread on the hot crust of fresh bread. And beer, there was plenty of beer, and it was so cheap that it could often be obtained more easily than water in those drought-ridden times...


    Yet bad news circulated among the residents of the City; the war had resumed, and Anvil, the great imperial port to the east, had been conquered by the elves. It seems, however, that this particular military effort had drained the Dominion for the moment, so that when the leaves began to yellow and the first autumn rain blessed the sun-scorched land, a treaty of peace was signed between the two powers. Despite the defeat, the imperial army paraded splendidly through Talos Plaza District, and for the first time in my life, I saw an Iron Legion. Tall, muscular men, blond with sky-blue eyes, with huge beards and mustaches that impressed me deeply¡ªtrue men of the North¡ªmade the old buildings tremble as they marched, proud and full of grandeur, through the streets of the capital. I felt an inexplicable attraction to them; though I feared and avoided people, I somehow felt love for these men, and I wished that one of them, perhaps that young and handsome captain, would carry me in his muscular arms.


    But none of them turned their gaze toward the small figure, blonde and with sky-blue eyes, who watched them intently. Filled with excitement, I cheered along with the crowd that looked on with confidence and enthusiasm at the long columns of men clad in steel, our shield against the darkness rising from the south.


    A short but very beautiful period followed in the life of the great city. Endless public parties were held in Talos Plaza District, and in the Arboretum, priests of all the gods, without exception, raised prayers of gratitude to the gentle autumn sky. The streets of the capital were adorned with wonderful lanterns that illuminated the nights with a magical glow under the high, starry sky, and the city''s population breathed a sigh of relief at last. There was peace, and bread, oil, and beer were within reach for anyone, no matter how poor they were; even the Order''s patrols used to walk the streets of the metropolis completely unarmed, sometimes adorned with the flower garlands the population offered to all those they considered their protectors.


    As for me, the relaxed life I had been leading in the surroundings of the Imperial City, as well as the unprecedented food abundance in the recent history of the capital, had only weakened all, but absolutely all, of my survival instincts that had so brilliantly kept me out of trouble until then. I had become careless, and I no longer even bothered to block the entrance points to the city sewer near my little underground shelter, which I had started to prepare for the coming winter. Just like the previous autumn, I began procuring clothing, blankets, and quilts. And pillows, oh, I love pillows, and even now, as a mature woman, accustomed to all the hardships and roughness of this wonderful world in which we have been granted to dwell for a while, I still tend to sleep in my lonely bed, holding a large pillow tightly embraced! All this excitement and my reckless movements eventually attracted the attention of a few small predators, whose leader was firmly convinced that I had killed his brother... The small blond boy, who adored his brother and listened with admiration to his stories told there, in the marble palace where they had temporarily stayed the previous winter, concluded, after receiving reports from his gang members, that the small, restless being who constantly entered and exited the city''s sewers could only be the same person who had terrorized their nights and stolen their provisions. Furthermore, he believed that I had lured his brother into a trap and killed him... As a result, after careful observation, he set a trap for me, in which I fell with no hope of escape.


    They lay in wait for me on a rainy, cold autumn night by all three sewer entrances through which I usually left my little nest, and when I emerged, they threw a fishing net over me, a piece of a trawl. They beat me terribly, slashed me with their small, wicked serrated blades, and would have certainly killed me in the end if he hadn''t appeared.


    Rasha, the young and handsome Khajiit who saved me that night from the claws of death, was on his way home to his parents'' house. As he later told me, when he saw through the light fog that cloaked the city in a damp and cold shroud the commotion caused by the struggle in which I was trapped with no way out, he was tempted to just pass by and avoid getting involved in a problem that wasn''t his. After all, Rasha had never been a knight in shining armor, like the ones from the stories my dear mother Kiersten used to tell me once. But the sound of my cries and voice strangely caught his attention, as he would later say. And something, beyond all his beliefs and habits, urged him, forced him as my dear brother Rasha put it, to come to my aid. Now, as I write these lines, I see him vividly: a tall and muscular Khajiit, his long cloak fluttering in the wind, with a short, dark-colored sword raised above his head. Those who were tormenting me did not abandon their prey easily, and I''m sure there were victims among them. But Rasha scattered them effortlessly, and then, unraveling the net I was trapped in, he lifted me in his muscular arms as if I were a mere dove feather. I was so dazed and battered from the blows that I bit and scratched him countless times. But he gently restrained my hands and carried me in his arms to his parents'' house.

 Chapter 7

    So, I was lucky enough to be adopted by Rasha''s family. And then... happiness and joy; sunny days and a lot of running with my brothers and sisters; quite strange food in the beginning, followed by a lot of delicacies...


    I slept and played with my brothers and sisters. Sometimes, I even fought with them. My dear mother Shaira used to punish us all after such incidents! On many quiet and lovely evenings, I listened to my father Ra''ha''s wonderful stories and funny jokes... Often, he would spend the whole evening caressing and kissing us all! I remember my mother Shaira sitting in a dark corner of the room, smiling and watching over us with care and love. She adored her husband and family, including me, although she ruled us all harshly! Shaira reigned over everyone in her family except Rasha, her most beloved son; he could get anything he wanted from her at any time...


    These are some of my memories from the time I lived with the cat people, in the happiest family I ever meet in my life! Now, with all of them so far away, I remember them with melancholy and even a smile... At first, I was scared then fascinated by them all. Just try to imagine a little girl, and a shy one at that, in the middle of a large Khajiit family! But now, they are all gone, as if they had never existed! Still, as long as I live and breathe, I am firmly convinced that a small part of all of them will continue to live and breathe... Inside me!


    In the beginning, I was very intimidated by the nearly constant presence of that strange being, as I thought of her back then¡ªmy dear mother, Shaira. On top of that, some of the many children of the family that had adopted me with rare gentleness and goodwill often entered the room where I lay. Mother Shaira did not allow anyone to come into my room, but you know, it''s very hard to stop a Khajiit from entering any place they wish to go! They were all very kind and friendly, but I was utterly wild from the life I had led over the past year... And they were so different from me!


    Fortunately, I couldn''t react as my instincts urged me to; I was badly injured and almost crushed by the brutal beating I had endured. So, I surrendered myself to them, and they surrounded me with love and care. Our father, Ra''ha, brought a young doctor, a Khajiit, to tend to me, and I now smile at the memory of the piercing look our mother Shaira gave him when they entered the room where she was caring for my broken body. Ra''ha immediately understood the meaning of Shaira''s gaze, and the two of them left the room almost as soon as they entered. He returned later with another doctor¡ªthis time a human, an Imperial citizen.


    I was exceptionally well cared for and nourished throughout the time I was helpless, tormented by the excruciating pain that wracked my body and soul. I often woke up in the dead of night, crying in agony, and Shaira would always come to soothe my pain with potions the doctor had brought. As I began to recover, I started to observe closely those who often came into my room. First of all, my mother Shaira. She was a middle-aged Khajiit, rather slender than stout, and quite tall for her kind. Our mom had very skilled, comforting hands and stern, commanding eyes; but there was no malice in her gaze¡ªonly authority and the habit of commanding, of arranging the lives of those around her as she thought best. Then there was Rasha... Rasha often visited me in the room where I lay; he wouldn''t speak to me but would simply sit and watch me for a long time. Sometimes, when Shaira wasn''t watching, he would gently stroke my hair and play with it. I was never afraid of Rasha¡ªnot even in the early days when I was utterly terrified by the crowd of beings swarming around me. That says a lot, for Rasha was very tall for a Khajiit and seemed sculpted from stone¡ªmuscular and tall, with eyes of a hardness I had never encountered before. Eyes like his, I would only see again many years later, far from this place, somewhere north of the Jerall Mountains... Our father Ra''ha rarely visited me while I was ill, but whenever he entered my room, I could always recognize him by his light, stealthy steps and the warm gaze he cast over me. As for my numerous brothers and sisters, I wasn''t able to tell them apart at that time. Some of them, however, brought me sweets and left them on the bedside table, while others simply watched me with interest and curiosity.


    I managed to get out of bed and take a few hesitant steps on a day when a terrible blizzard was howling outside, the wind rattling the window of my room. I could hear noises coming from the house: laughter, shouts, and exclamations of joy. For me, however, any unfamiliar sound was a threat. Despite the dizziness clouding my thoughts, I slipped out of the room, closing the door gently, without a sound.


    The noises seemed to come from a lower floor, so I began to descend the wooden staircase. The steps were steep and narrow, and each movement was a struggle, but I couldn''t stop. I had to find out what was happening¡ªwho was making those sounds and why. The noises grew clearer with every step, layering themselves over the relentless howl of the blizzard outside. Together, they formed an unsettling concert, something that set my nerves on edge, sharpening my instincts.


    I continued forward, filled with fear, and suddenly found myself in the midst of one of the most exuberant family gatherings imaginable. As I would later learn, that day marked a major religious celebration for the cat people: the Day of the Cat Mother, as they call Nocturnal, at least here in Cyrodiil. Coincidentally, it was also the birthday of their father, Ra''ha. I had hoped to remain unnoticed, but that was impossible; a human, no matter how skilled or gifted, cannot sneak unnoticed in the presence of a Khajiit¡ªmuch less an entire gathering of cat people, even when they''re deeply engrossed in one of their favorite pastimes.


    In truth, they had all been aware of my presence the moment I left my room. They didn''t react in any special way because they already considered me a part of their family and the doctor had informed them that I would soon be able to move around and take a few steps. As my dear mother Shaira later explained, they saw my recovery manifesting on such an auspicious day as an extraordinarily good omen, but nothing more.


    For me, however, it was an utterly shocking experience. In the middle of their joyous celebration of Ra''ha, one of the smaller kittens turned bright, gleaming eyes toward me and shouted, "Look! The human cub is awake!"; then he ran toward me with open arms.


    Everyone turned suddenly to face me, and under the avalanche of their curious stares, I felt exposed and defenseless. Panic surged within me; I was terrified. My instinct was to run, to hide in some dark corner until the danger passed... I turned sharply and tried to flee, but my legs gave way and I collapsed onto the thickly carpeted floor. My head spun, pain coursed through me, and my vision blurred. Barely conscious, I dimly recognized Rasha lifting me in his strong arms and I heard the angry voice of our mother, Shaira, but couldn''t understand a word she said... Then Rasha carried me gently back to my bed, laying me down with care. Moments later, Shaira entered the room and tended to one of my wounds, which had reopened and a little while after that, Ra''ha came in, softly stroking my hair as he looked at me with his warm, kind eyes.


    Shaira then asked both Ra''ha and Rasha to leave the room. She spoke to me in a calm yet firm voice, saying many things... However, in my fear-riddled mind, I retained only one message: I should not be afraid, that no one¡ªabsolutely no one¡ªin that house wished me harm, and that under no circumstances should I get out of bed until the doctor saw me again. She then brought me two large mugs of milk sweetened with honey. The second mug had a dash of a sleeping powder mixed in, and soon after, I fell into a deep sleep.


    After that, many days passed before I regained my strength, before my body¡ªand more importantly, my soul¡ªbegan to heal. My mother, Shaira, cared for me with devotion and determination; my father, Ra''ha, would visit occasionally, telling me jokes or short stories and smiling at me with kindness. My brother, Rasha, visited me quite often, but, as usual, he didn''t say a word. He would just sit and watch me, his intense gaze fixed on me. Somehow, his silent presence helped me more than Shaira''s wise words or Ra''ha''s gentle stories and warm looks; I felt as if I were drawing strength from Rasha''s cold eyes. During all those days when everyone was doing their best to be kind to me, he never once smiled. Yet he was the only one I wasn''t afraid of...


    I vividly recall a bright winter morning when my body was nearly healed. It was Rasha''s birthday, and the entire family was joyously celebrating the occasion. I was still not allowed to leave my bed, so Shaira and Rasha came to sit with me for a while, letting me share in the happiness of the day.


    My mother brought a tray laden with treats, and under the golden rays of the morning sun, my room filled with the fine aroma of spices. The warmth of the sunlight filtering through the window, combined with the presence of the two of them, stirred me gently awake but not fully. I dozed with heavy eyes, the touch of the sun''s rays almost as tender as Shaira''s hands, which had so carefully tended to my wounds. That morning, however, the usual stillness of my room was interrupted by a strange sound: the soft pitter-patter of small feet running across the floor. I turned slowly, just in time to see a very young Khajiit struggling to place a small, clumsily wrapped package on my nightstand. She gave me an awkward smile, and I reached out toward her; but before I could say anything, she vanished out the door like a shadow.


    Shaira and Rasha both watched me then¡ªshe with visible concern, he as cold as ever. When they saw me smile, they both burst into laughter.


    -You should scold Elira, Mother! Rasha said still laughing. Oh, I''ve so rarely seen him laugh...


    -Her name is Elira? Could I play with Elira a little? Or at least talk to her? I asked, my voice trembling.


    They both sighed in relief. Then Shaira gently stroked my hair and told me that very soon, I would be able to talk and play with all the children in the house.


    -Even the father might be willing to play with you, she added with a smile.


    And she wasn''t exaggerating in the slightest! Our father, Ra''ha, was perhaps the most playful and jovial member of the entire family. He, along with the little cubs, played a tremendous role in healing my soul. It wasn''t easy at all; the year I had spent alone in the depths of the Imperial City and the habits I had developed during my time as a small predator struggling to survive in a jungle filled with all kinds of voracious hunters had left me cautious and distrustful. On top of that, I had a tendency to steal anything I liked. Once I was able to move a bit more freely, I often snuck into the kitchen to steal sweets... But as I''ve already told you, dear friends, it is impossible for a human to sneak unnoticed in a Khajiit household! Everyone was fully aware of my nightly raids into the pantry filled with goodies, yet no one in the family ever said a word. No one ever reproached me for my nocturnal expeditions into the kitchen... It makes me laugh now to think that back then, I believed nighttime was the perfect moment to evade the attention of a Khajiit!


    One day, our mother Shaira gently pulled me aside and explained me many things that I had been entirely unaware of. She told me a lot about the Khajiit people, describing in detail and with examples their ability to slip unnoticed through the busiest city streets, their unparalleled acrobatic skills, and especially their capacity to see better at night than even during the day. Full of pride, I shared my own skills in all these areas with my mother; Shaira smiled and stroked my hair, then seriously advised me never to challenge or compete with a Khajiit in any of their unique talents.


    However, I was so used to simply taking whatever caught my eye or pleased me that I paid little attention to Shaira''s wise words. Often, I would steal toys from my brothers or sisters¡ªnot because I lacked toys of my own or because they wouldn''t share theirs with me, but because my innate nature as a Nightingale and the life I had led over the past year had etched deeply into my soul the desire, the need, to steal. Nocturnal, when She is upset with me, calls me a sick woman in this regard... I smile when I think about this, for my mistress is far sicker in this respect than I could ever be!


    In any case, with rare exceptions, my brothers and sisters¡ªmay Nocturnal forever bless their warm and kind souls¡ªnever reacted to these undignified acts of mine. Partly, this was because Shaira had strictly forbidden them from harming me, but mainly it was due to the fear they felt toward their brother, Rasha. He went so far as to proclaim one day, after finding me beaten by a sister whose ring I had stolen, that he would kill anyone who touched me again! Strangely, instead of feeling protected in that moment, all I felt was shame... And I tried my hardest not to take things anymore, to be content with what my dear parents gave me.


    Anyway, this problem gradually lessened over time because I didn''t have the habit of hiding or keeping the things I stole from my siblings for long. It was enough for me to enjoy the item for a few days, after which they could take it back without the slightest protest from me. They grew accustomed to this oddity of mine and, with the typical tolerance of the felines toward less intelligent species, they allowed me to satisfy my instincts without further comment.


    As for my pantry raids, my mother Shaira warned me that eating too many sweets at once would make me ill. But, as usual, I didn''t listen¡ªand indeed, one morning, I woke up so sick and with such terrible stomach pains that I avoided sweets for a long time afterward!


    Thus, in the end, and despite quite a few difficulties caused by my temperament and habits, I fully integrated into the wonderful family that Nocturnal herself had gifted to me. Physically, I made a complete recovery near the end of the winter and I was fortunate enough to be able to play with my brothers and sisters in the fresh snow that blanketed the Imperial City in its shimmering, cool mantle. It is truly delightful for a human to play with the cubs of the cat folk; they are so playful and adorable, endlessly energetic in their constant desire for movement, and extraordinarily graceful! Their reaction to snow, however, is utterly amusing; while they adore the snow as carefree and well-fed children would, they also have a slight fear of it. Much like their feline nature, they are almost always wary of anything cold and wet!Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.


    Thus, our frolics in the wintery, festive landscape, bathed in the sunlight of late winter, often ended in mock battles. These playful skirmishes did nothing but rebuild and strengthen my muscles, which had been weakened during my prolonged illness. In this enjoyable way, spring arrived, spreading its fragrant blossoms across the capital, and found me in excellent condition. I was once again ready to face the streets of the metropolis! And I was incredibly eager to do so; thoughts of vengeance began to take shape in my mind, and at the same time, I yearned for my nocturnal escapades in search of prey...


    To be fair, I no longer had any need to scrape by for survival. The family that had adopted me was well-off, and I could request anything I desired from my parents¡ªwithin reason, of course. Yet I remained loyal to the habits I had formed and continued to roam the streets of the capital at night, returning home at dawn and going to bed just before the household began their daily routines. My brothers and sisters were utterly baffled by my behavior, while our mother, Shaira, began to closely observe my movements. I have no doubt that, on occasion, she followed me like a shadow, from a distance, through the night-shrouded streets of the Imperial City.


    My mom was likely quite intrigued and somewhat amused by what she witnessed because, one beautiful evening near the end of spring, she took me aside for a long conversation. Among other things, she told me that, based on my behavior, I was old enough to begin learning things that would be greatly useful to me in life. She also pointed out, in a very serious manner, that I needed to change my way of living¡ªat least for a while. It was very difficult to resist Shaira''s wishes; my beloved mother was accustomed to command and always achieved what she set out to do. So, despite my laziness and rebelliousness, I adopted the schedule she imposed on me starting the very next day.


    And my first lessons came directly from Shaira herself; my dear cat mother taught me how to sneak around. Ah, that was a little rough for me because she used to treat me just like her kittens. She would scratch and bite me every time I was distracted or not diligent enough... Shaira also trained me in hand-to-hand combat, especially using the claws. But here, she was very gentle with me, always wearing some soft gloves; when she thought I was good enough, she gifted me a wonderful pair of steel claws, and after slapping me a little, she told me not to wear them when playing with my little brothers and sisters.


    My beloved brother, Rasha, trained me in knife combat. He explained that the knife is a very dangerous weapon in skilled hands when dealing with the usual street thugs. Anyway, most of the humans and elves fear the knife; many of them will run only if you show it to them, he said. But try not to use it with the cat people; they are much quicker than you, and it is not useful at all against armored foes, he added. Then, he taught me how to fight with a dagger. In the end, he took me to an archery range and paid for many crossbow lessons for me. Ah, the crossbow was so heavy for my thin arms!


    My father, Ra''ha, taught me some things about breaking locks and gave me interesting hints about stealing people purses. But while my mother''s and brother''s skills reached perfection, our dear father was rather clumsy in the areas he attempted to teach me. In fact, he was more than once astonished by my remarkable abilities in picking locks of simpler construction. Thus, it was decided that I would improve in these arts on my own¡ªa prospect I didn''t mind at all; and in no time, the small pocket on the front of the apron I wore began jingling with the first copper coins I had earned through my own skills. I was so proud that I rushed into the sweet shop at the corner of our street and bought an enormous assortment of candies of every kind, treating all my brothers and sisters!


    I was now able to wander agilely and fearlessly through the streets of the capital, even in broad daylight. From those days onward, I developed the habit of always carrying a knife hidden in a sheath strapped to my left leg; ah, I think I forgot to mention, dear friends, that my most skillful hand is my left; later, however, in other places, under the blazing sun of a tropical land, I learned to fight with equal dexterity using both hands... I searched tirelessly for those who had wronged me, but by then, I was already known within the underworld of the capital, making me easy to avoid. Every single criminal in the great city knew I was under Rasha''s protection, and he was truly respected and feared by all who lived beyond the boundaries of the law. The laws themselves had softened considerably; the relentless monk patrols had been replaced by soldiers from an auxiliary cohort, and they were far more interested in the free beer and sausages they received from innkeepers than in the various petty crimes that had begun to proliferate on the streets of the Imperial City.


    Ah, the metropolis truly thrived during those times, and everyone seemed happy. Though the poor became poorer and the rich richer, in the end, everyone had their daily piece of bread assured. And their mugs of beer were always filled with this drink that was both refreshing and nourishing!


    Thus, I could not carry out my plans for revenge, and perhaps it was for the best. The truth is, deep in my heart, I didn''t truly desire it. It was more of a childish ambition, and the words of the venerable priest of Mara often echoed in my mind. And it is especially easy, particularly for someone like me, to forgive in peaceful and prosperous times... Forgiveness and mercy often bring far greater satisfaction than the dark and bloody revenge!


    And I benefited greatly from abandoning my vengeful thoughts. I was so enveloped in the love and understanding of my new family that my soul was completely at peace. Ah, my brothers and sisters, my dear mother Shaira, and my beloved father Ra''ha understood me in every way! Where any other family would have struggled greatly to tolerate many of my habits and joys¡ªwhich, to be honest, were quite strange¡ªamong these cat folk, I found nothing but understanding and acceptance.


    It wasn''t surprising, though; apart from their feline nature, the whole family, except for the very small ones, me and Rasha, was somehow involved in the business of the Thieves'' Guild. And my mother was a really important person in the Guild with some good connections in the city administration also.


    The Thieves'' Guild in the Imperial City during those years... I cannot say much about this organization, which also vanished, consumed by the flames of the Great War; not more than what I could glean from a few dusty chronicles or old, mold-eaten letters. However, from the long columns of numbers and numerous commercial ledgers, from securities and mortgage documents found in the incomplete archive I discovered in Riften, it is quite clear that, at that time, it operated more as a financial institution and had lost much of its original nature and essence. In any case, my mother Shaira never introduced me to this world, and it is likely that Nocturnal''s hand was at play here, as it was throughout much of my earlier life.


    As I''ve already mentioned¡ªand I feel like I can never tire of emphasizing this¡ªmy father, Ra''ha, was an exceptionally kind person, and all the kittens adored him, while they generally feared their mother, Shaira. In his youth, he had been a thief, though not a very skilled one, truth be told. However, it was through this path that he met Shaira, and together they built a beautiful and happy family, where the father''s kindness blended so wonderfully and harmoniously with the mother''s determination and cleverness. By the time I lived with them, Ra''ha had given up thievery entirely and had become something of a comedian; he worked as an actor at the largest theater in the Imperial City.


    My father was incredibly skilled in the art of improvising charming stories and delightful jokes. He was perfectly fluent in both languages: the common tongue, widely spoken on the streets of the capital and across the Empire, and Ta''agra, the melodious and rich language of the cat-folk. This language is a true cultural treasure¡ªsubtle and extraordinarily difficult for anyone who isn''t a Khajiit to learn! Yet, under Ra''ha''s guidance, I managed to learn it surprisingly quickly, despite my struggles with foreign languages. It''s true that the entire family I lived happily among made great efforts to help me, but my father''s brilliance as a teacher contributed enormously to the complete success of my endeavor. Ra''ha was kind and cheerful, and no matter how distracted I might have been, he always knew how to capture my attention and sustain my interest in this challenging task. I cannot help but compare his teaching methods to those of Shaira or Rasha... As I''ve mentioned before, I loved all three of them deeply; yet, while Ra''ha would smile and joke whenever I slacked off, Shaira would scratch and bite me and Rasha would throw me a merciless glare and mutter through gritted teeth, "You''re so stupid!"


    Regardless of their individual styles, I absorbed precious knowledge from all three of them. They were persistent and generous in their efforts to teach me, never giving up until they had passed on their full range of skills. And so, I quickly transformed from a wild, ignorant, and dirty creature into a charming teenager who was cheeky and spirited. My brother Rasha played an extraordinary role in this metamorphosis. He was the leader of a gang of ruffians who provided "protection" to the merchants and craftsmen in our district. In this capacity, he spent most of his time roaming the streets of the Merchant District in the company of his comrades. And since Rasha was like a god to me, I couldn''t help but follow him constantly¡ªjust like an eager puppy trailing its master.


    At first, I kept a considerable distance, too scared of the loud voices and fierce appearances of his companions. But as time passed, I got closer and closer until I eventually found myself walking among them on the old streets of our neighborhood. None of them mocked me; on the contrary, before long, they all seemed relieved whenever I showed up. One of Rasha''s trusted men, Rolf, told me one warm summer afternoon, as we were sipping cold lemonade on a terrace, that their leader was much more lenient with them when I was around. And he wasn''t lying¡ªI could see it for myself; Rasha''s behavior almost always changed when I was around. He cared deeply for me and, sometimes during their street battles, I would catch my brother anxiously searching for me with his eyes...


    I, however, saw all their skirmishes with the rival gangs as nothing more than a game. I would laugh and dance in the middle of these fierce men as they cursed and fought with fury! I was so agile and quick that I could easily weave between them, avoiding any accidental or intentional blows. And at the end of the fight, Rasha would always scoop me up in his arms and carry me home to our parents. It felt so wonderful in his arms; I felt protected and powerful, and his cold, ruthless eyes were like fountains of energy for me! We were truly very happy together, and though Rasha tried hard to maintain his aloof and tough demeanor, he even began to behave a little more kindly toward the rest of the family.


    Shaira was particularly grateful to me for this. Though she disapproved of her eldest son''s activities, she became much calmer and more relaxed knowing we were together on the restless streets of the capital. My mother even began to genuinely love me, and we would often spend quiet hours talking about our favorite subject: Rasha.


    As for my other brothers and sisters, I could write an entire novel about them alone! But I''m sure even my most devoted reader would tire of such a digression, so I will only briefly mention a few highlights. There were the incredible acrobatic talents of my sister Nahshi, who trained with the members of the Imperial Circus in the metropolis; the unparalleled charm and grace of my sister Elira; and the extraordinary skill of my brother Ra''irr, who could speak without even opening his mouth... Ah, they were all so talented and intelligent, and I feel like I''m doing them a grave injustice by mentioning only a few of them! So, I shall let them all rest in peace, and I hope that Nocturnal keeps their souls in her care forever.


    I''ve lived very happily in their family for four years, and I deeply loved them all; in return, they responded with great affection. That big family was a true haven for me¡ªa haven and a school where I learned many useful things. Above all, they taught me how to live among people. I was very lucky that they were so similar to me; despite their entirely different nature, spiritually, we were the same. And our Goddess smiled down upon us with love and care.


    Unfortunately, though, she is a deceitful and demanding entity. Nocturnal tends to get bored very quickly, and on top of that, the other one¡ªthe Spider¡ªwas also watching me. Her gaze and whispers seemed to cast a dark spell over the happy family... Toward the end of my time with them, I was constantly aware that something bad was bound to happen. All seemed the same as before, but Rasha became unusually relentless and violent, more so than ever. And everything around me seemed to subtly change, and I, too, felt restless. I imagined I was simply worried about Rasha, who often argued with the members of our family, especially with our mother, Shaira. But it was more than that; now I know that I felt a painful separation looming, one that would shatter the peace I had found here, in the midst of this welcoming family that now regarded me as a daughter or sister.


    I gave Rasha the amulet I had worn uninterrupted for several years. I wasn''t sure why I did it, but looking back on the events that followed, I am certain the Goddess wanted to accompany my brother on the first steps of the path destined for both of us. Of course, Rasha initially refused to accept what seemed to him like a cheap trinket and a symbol of a cult he neither understood nor wanted to. However, his attitude abruptly changed when I pressed the amulet into his hand. As always in moments like this, the amulet seemed to come alive; it was warm and appeared to vibrate slightly, and Mara... well, Mara smiled unsettlingly at both of us! Our mother, Shaira, reacted cheerfully to our little scene and uttered the first prophetic words of many she would speak in the future:


    -Now I feel completely at peace, Rasha! I am certain now that Elsie''s spirit will watch over you, even in the darkest and most perilous places you may tread!


    I smiled timidly, and Rasha laughed heartily. When Shaira told us that, far beyond the Jerall Mountains, existed a fascinating tradition regarding amulets like this one, we were both surprised... I, a bit embarrassed but suddenly thrilled by the idea, and Rasha, skeptical but visibly intrigued! Then, Shaira embraced us both and looked at us with love.


    In the days that followed, Rasha and I wandered the streets of the Imperial City together, inseparable. Rasha was unusually kind and attentive to me, and I was both amazed and overjoyed, savoring his presence and the clear light of the spring days. Ah, I was so young, and I couldn''t have guessed that, in truth, my brother was saying goodbye to the city where he had spent his childhood and grown up! We shared unforgettable moments beneath the fresh foliage of the ancient trees in the Arboretum; we watched the bustling activity at the docks together and walked unafraid along the narrow, treacherous streets of the Waterfront District. During important religious festivals or whenever it was permitted, we would visit the grand reception hall of the Imperial Palace together; there, I felt wonderfully at ease, gazing at the gleaming white walls of intricately carved marble while holding Rasha''s hand. At dusk, we sat on the newly opened terraces of upscale establishments in the Talos Plaza District, talking about anything that came to mind. It was profoundly comforting and delightful for me, as Rasha, when he chose to speak, always shared wise and captivating thoughts. He would also invent stories that I listened to, utterly enthralled, marveling at his talent and knowledge...


    But, as with all good things in life, these joys did not last long. One day, without saying goodbye to anyone, Rasha left our parents'' home forever. That morning, when I realized what had happened, something broke inside me, and I knew that my happy life here would soon come to an end. And, shortly after this, the dream occurred.

 Chapter 8

    That dream... I can recall it as vividly as if I had dreamt it yesterday, and I believe it will remain etched in my memory with all its wealth of details for the rest of my life. It was a hot summer night, and, tormented by longing for Rasha, I couldn''t fall asleep until dawn began to break. And then I dreamed...


    I was running through a dense pine forest; the strong scent of resin, the ground so soft it felt like silk, and the mist that deepened the usual darkness of such gloomy woods even in the middle of the sunniest day created around me a realm that seemed to be both unreal and magical. I suddenly stopped in a small clearing where the vertical rays of the noonday sun barely managed to thin the damp mist; I stopped because I heard my name being called by many overlapping voices! Frightened, I looked around, and then I saw it...


    Through the heavy mist, a raven, perched on a gnarled branch, turned to look at me with an eye that gleamed like a shard of midnight. A low voice, flowing like honey laced with venom, whispered my name: Elsie... And in that moment, I knew¡ªthe shadows had chosen me; I was filled with fear and amazed at the same time. And I ran¡ªI ran until the shadows of the day grew longer, while the raven laughed behind me...


    Then suddenly was night and, under the high starry sky, a woman of peculiar appearance and exquisite beauty stood tall, her presence commanding, like the queen of shadows. Her hair flowed in cascading waves, so black it seemed to devour the moonlight, while her eyes gleamed with a cruel kind of wisdom. Draped in a cloak that shimmered like the night sky, she appeared less human and more like an embodiment of the Void itself... And yet, across from her, there stood another figure¡ªpetite, golden-haired, clothed in a dress adorned with delicate snowflake patterns. This other woman seemed fragile, like a snowdrop blooming in the darkness, yet there was a faint defiance in the way she held herself. Her wide, innocent eyes seemed to plead for understanding, though they were tinged with the weight of an unspoken destiny.


    "Listen, my pet," the tall woman purred, her voice smooth yet cutting like a blade wrapped in silk. "For thou art mine own chattel, and times of tribulation do lie afore thee, I shall bestow upon thee one of mine own most cherished gifts for a worm such as thee. Use it well, and forget not that thy woeful life belongs to me! Forget not that thy soul I can hold ceaselessly at the boundary betwixt thy miserable realm and mine own domain. Wherein I keep the soul of thy unworthy mother..."


    Her words struck like the tolling of a funeral bell, each one reverberating with a promise of despair! And yet, beneath her malice, there lingered something unsettlingly tender...


    "Ah, but don''t take my words to heart," she continued, a playful smile curling her lips. "Verily, I do take pleasure in possessing thee, mine own sweet worm, yet I shall chastise thee with severity each time thou doth transgress against me! Thus, until our next rendezvous, take heed of thy life, for it is mine own possession..."


    Her voice faded like smoke, but her presence lingered, oppressive and inescapable and the golden-haired woman in the dream did not move, her expression torn between awe and fear. The scent of nightshade hung heavy in the air, and the tall woman''s long cloak seemed to move of its own accord, as though alive... And then, the dream dissolved into darkness, leaving me with a deep, unshakable chill that clung to my very soul.


    Overwhelmed by the terrible heat and utterly exhausted from the dream I had, I woke up dazed and frightened; strangely, however, I wholeheartedly wished to see that terrible and majestic woman again. Moreover, what I had heard about my mother Kiersten''s soul ¡ª whom, to my shame and sorrow, I had already forgotten ¡ª deeply unsettled me. I did not yet understand why she claimed my mother''s soul or why she sought to burden me with this knowledge; and this question tormented me for a long time...


    But now I know that Nocturnal, my beloved mistress, lied shamelessly. Anyway, it is in her nature to do so; Nocturnal''s lies are never without purpose, and her truths are never complete. Even her deceptions serve a design known only to her... From the beginning I hated her, and I worshiped her. How could I not? She was a goddess, and I was her chosen... Her words hurt more than any blade, but they also bound me to her in ways I could not yet comprehend!


    And her gift... It was truly something special, a precious gift for someone like me, just like she said. I could benefit from Nocturnal''s bestowal for the first time on a day when I was being chased by a few vigilantes. Exhausted, I turned into a narrow and dark alley where I suspected there might be a sewer opening. But there wasn''t, so terrified, I pressed against a wall and drew my knife... However, the vigilantes rushed past me, and even though one of them looked straight into my eyes, they continued on! I was amazed and sure that I possess an extreme power that will open doors inaccessible until then... However, I must add a word of caution here for any of my readers who might one day become the "beneficiary" of Nocturnal''s gifts or favors. Like Her, all of Her blessings and offerings are dazzling and immensely valuable, yet they are also shrouded in the fog of deception and disillusionment... A disillusionment that can sometimes prove fatal! Never, and I repeat, never place your full trust in anything bestowed upon you by Nocturnal! Do not wager your life on any situation involving Her gifts, I implore you, friends!


    The Mistress of Shadows is so capricious and cruel¡ªdivinely cruel, of course, in a way that transcends anything we experience in our ephemeral and fragile world¡ªthat she sometimes delights in abruptly withdrawing any blessing she has granted, whether temporarily or permanently, and without the slightest warning.


    Even this gift of becoming invisible to the eyes of those who hunt me is incredibly fragile: I can in no way control the moment it activates; I only know with certainty that I must be out of sight for it to even have a chance to trigger. And as for the moment I become visible to mortal eyes once more... Oh, it is better not to speak of it! It is completely random, with no connection to my actions or my will...


    In those confused days for me, as I struggled to comprehend the unpredictable nature of Nocturnal''s gift, the city seemed to be caught up in its own game of shadows. Restlessness spread through the streets, as if unseen forces were subtly intruding into the lives of mortals. The atmosphere in the capital remained as it had been lately, yet unease was growing among the people. Whispers and rumors began to spread through the city streets, and residents started stockpiling food. The poor, of course, did so out of fear, while the wealthy pursued different concerns¡ªgold and precious stones were in high demand, and the prices of houses and land were plummeting.


    Troubling news echoed from distant lands: in the north, the province of Skyrim was rife with major unrest, and its once-inexhaustible supply of recruits for the Imperial legions seemed to have dried up. It was also said that the Dominion had filled the fortified city of Anvil with first-rate combat forces, veterans of previous wars. The Imperial army, in response, had been deployed to the County of Skingrad, with one legion marching toward Bruma. For the first time in centuries of relative peace, male citizens of the Empire aged 15 to 25 were being mobilized and trained for war.


    Meanwhile, the warrior monks of the Order of Stendarr once again took on the heavy burden of maintaining order on the streets of the Imperial City, their presence growing more visible as they intensified efforts to curb criminal activity. Stendarr''s tribunal presided over most of the crimes committed in the metropolis, delivering swift and severe judgments.


    As for me, however, these events and worries barely touched me; my life continued as before, except for the ache of missing my brother Rasha. I constantly asked my mother Shaira when he would return, and she would always reply, "Soon, my dear, soon."


    One day, worn down by my relentless questions, Shaira took me aside and said in a somber tone:


    -Elsie, Rasha has died. He will never come back to us, and it is time for you to accept this truth.


    -No, Mom, Rasha can''t die! He''s too strong and clever! Why are you tormenting me with these lies instead of telling me where he really is? I shall embark upon a quest, ask his friends, and I''ll bring him back!


    Shaira looked at me, her expression heavy with sadness. For a moment, she hesitated, and then she spoke softly:


    -You''re right, my dear. Rasha hasn''t died, but... it would have been better if he had. He walks a dark path now, in a land of shadows and despair. It is better that you do not seek him.


    -I will search for him in the darkest corners of the world if I must, Mom. I will bring him back here, to you, to us!


    To my shock and dismay, Shaira began to cry. I had never seen her shed tears before. She embraced me tightly and whispered through her sobs:


    -If you find him, Elsie, he will take you with him into Sithis''s realm. And then neither of you will return...


    We wept together in each other''s arms for what felt like an eternity; now, as I reflect on the things my beloved mother Shaira told me during that time, I am amazed by what I can only describe as a prophetic gift she seemed to possess in the last year I spent as part of her family. Her words often carried a strange weight, as if she saw not only the past and present but also glimpses of a shadowed future that even she could not fully grasp. Between us, a rare bond had formed, rooted in our shared love for the same man, whose seemingly permanent departure only brought us closer. Many of the long, languid days of that final summer were spent in conversation, with Shaira speaking endlessly of Rasha. She shared stories of his childhood, his illnesses, and the challenges she faced in raising him. According to her, Rasha had been a brilliant but difficult child¡ªoften distant, his sharp mind matched by a puzzling indifference to the joys and sorrows of those around him. He attended family celebrations with an air of disinterest, as if such moments were beneath him. Yet Shaira was proud of him, though her pride was tinged with sorrow. On one of those days, she said something that has haunted me ever since:


    "Rasha will not return to me, Elsie. But one day, he will return to you. And when he does, he will place you, with all the love he can muster, into the arms of your next mother."


    I did not understand her then. Her cryptic words seemed to hint at something both tender and terrible, a future that I was too young to comprehend. I smiled, trying to reassure her, and declared that she was my only mother and I could never imagine having another. But Shaira did not share my certainty. Her gaze turned stern, her voice steady as she replied:


    "You must grow up, Elsie. You must learn to face the world with strength and responsibility. The time for childish dreams is over."


    Her words cut deep, not because of their harshness, but because they carried a weight I could not yet grasp. Shaira often spoke to me like this¡ªsevere and unyielding, her piercing eyes demanding more from me than I thought I could give. Yet, I treasured those moments because, although her rebukes sometimes stung, they were the clearest signs of her love.


    She spoke of Rasha''s strong aversion to alcohol and to the moon sugar¡ªa wondrous but dangerous gift bestowed upon the cat-folk by the Goddess. Shaira herself was an avid consumer of this divine product, and during those precious days, she introduced me to its pleasures. Yet even as she did, she cautioned me:


    "Too much greed for it, my dear, and it will consume you. Everything we touch of the divine carries both joy and ruin."


    Her words stayed with me, as did her voice, gentle yet firm, filled with a wisdom that seemed almost otherworldly. It was only later, long after her second prophecy shattered my world, that I truly understood the depth of her foresight and the weight of her love.


    Shaira never truly relaxed unless we were speaking of Rasha¡ªor of moon sugar. My mother took immense pride in Rasha''s apparent aversion to alcohol and to the wondrous gift bestowed by the Goddess upon the cat-folk: moon sugar. She, however, was a devoted consumer of this divine substance. During those cherished days we spent together, Shaira introduced me to the pleasures it could bring. She spoke of it as though it were a sacred connection to the divine, a fragment of the Goddess''s own grace. But even as she guided me through its wonders, she never failed to warn me of its dangers. "The gift is sweet, Elsie," my mother would say, "but it is also a test. Those who take too much are bound to lose themselves."


    And so, the days of that final summer I spent in the Imperial City passed quickly¡ªtoo quickly, in fact. Or maybe it only seems that way now, as I look back with nostalgia at the wonderful, carefree life I was fortunate enough to live within the embrace of that fascinating and kind-hearted family.


    I continued to spend much of my time with Rasha''s gang. Rolf, who had taken over leadership after my brother''s departure, was very fond of me and never missed an opportunity to show it, while the other members of the gang were equally attached to me, treating me as their lucky mascot. But the times had visibly changed, and our lives were no longer as easy as they had been before. In Rasha''s day, it was enough for Nash, our treasurer, to walk into the merchants'' shops in our neighborhood with a smile, and they would promptly pay their protection fees while bowing and grinning obsequiously. But now, with the warrior monks of the Order of Stendarr stomping through the streets of the capital in their heavy boots, the craftsmen and merchants had become insolent, outright telling us that they no longer needed our protection!


    My friends decided that these people needed to be punished and brought back to the "right path"¡ªfrom their perspective, of course. I eagerly embraced their initiative, even contributing my own malicious ideas. We began a full-blown campaign of terror against those people who, in truth, were merely earning their livelihood through hard work and skill. As is often the case in such situations, our primary targets were individuals who weren''t truly wealthy¡ªthey couldn''t afford private guards, and their voices carried little weight with the civil authorities. So, apparently, it seemed like we had every chance of succeeding in our intimidation efforts...This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    Though, the Order of Stendarr was vigilant, and above all, my mistress Nocturnal¡ªwho had recently made her definitive appearance in my life¡ªwas determined to thoroughly enjoy herself at my expense. Thus, the two forces that would dramatically alter my life acted seemingly independently, and I unwittingly stepped irreversibly onto the path of ruin... In this confession, I won''t blame anyone else for what happened next; the Order was a strict institution¡ªperhaps too strict and inflexible¡ªbut it merely sought to preserve order and peace during very challenging times for the Empire. As for Nocturnal... well, the Mistress of Shadows never forced me to do anything! She merely nurtured the seeds that had been planted long ago... And I, for my part, was utterly delighted by everything happening around me and by the misdeeds I began to commit in those days.


    My friends weren''t exactly subtle, and their methods of intimidation typically involved physical threats, which, if necessary¡ªor sometimes simply for fun or to set an example¡ªwere carried out swiftly and with extreme severity. However, as I played no role in these physical confrontations, I began to grow bored with the monotony of our daily routine; moreover, the old methods no longer worked as effectively, given that the Order''s patrols were highly vigilant and intervened promptly in any situation involving physical altercations.


    So one day, I pulled Rolf aside, and over a sumptuous meal generously accompanied by the sweet, sparkling wine from the vineyards on the hills overlooking the city of Anvil, I shared my ideas about how I thought our situation could improve.


    Although what I was saying to him in a calm voice, deliberately detached and uninfluenced by the passion I felt inside, seemed difficult to achieve and the results highly dubious, Rolf finally agreed to discuss my proposals at one of the gang''s meetings. It''s very likely that the wine and fine food played a major role in his decision¡ªa factor I had anticipated beforehand. These meetings were held periodically and were a tradition inherited from Rasha''s time; it was during these gatherings that the gang members were paid their wages and given additional benefits if they had distinguished themselves in some way. At the same time, following the curious tradition of free brotherhoods, such as those of the brigands of the forest, important decisions regarding the gang''s future activities were sometimes made through individual voting. Rolf himself had been confirmed as the gang''s leader during one such meeting, held after my brother''s abrupt departure. I found this procedure strange and even harmful. In fact, in none of the many legal or illegal organizations I would later become part of in my life was this kind of approach ever adopted. However, I didn''t take long to see the advantages of this procedure in this particular case, especially since I sensed Rolf was in fact very reluctant about my proposals. It''s quite likely he didn''t take them seriously and considered them merely the silly ramblings of the sweet and mischievous little girl who accompanied them on their escapades.


    As a first step, in the days that followed, I spent a lot of time in Nash''s company. Ah, our treasurer was deeply troubled and even beginning to dread the days when the gang''s wages were due. For him, in the newly created circumstances, it was becoming increasingly difficult to secure the necessary funds, especially as the gang''s primary income¡ªthose "protection taxes"¡ªwas being refused by more and more merchants. So I did everything I could to win him over, to flatter him, and at the same time, to amplify the fears and anxieties that had been haunting him lately. First, once he started paying some attention to what I was saying, I suggested that I could directly contribute to the gang''s prosperity by successfully carrying out various robberies if I were supported by a few gang members. He laughed kindly and patted me gently on the head. At the same time, he expressed doubts about my ability to break into merchants'' or craftsmen''s locked homes.


    "And then, once you''re inside, how would you avoid being caught by the owner? Besides, at night, in the dark, no one can manage in a house they don''t know..." Nash added, smiling at me.


    I then told him that, in fact, for the first attempt, I planned to act in broad daylight, but I would absolutely need the support of two gang members to follow my instructions. He laughed even harder and then told me he would think about it.


    It''s no surprise, then, that even though Rolf kept his word and spoke to the gang about my ideas, no one took them seriously. When Nash suggested we might give it a try, the gang members burst into laughter, saying they had no intention of being ordered around by a little girl. It''s true that they were all very kind to me, and in the end, they playfully ruffled my hair, but that meeting left me particularly irritated; and at the same time, it filled me with determination to show them what I was capable of.


    I decided to focus my attention on the butcher who had broken my bones some time ago; this was a personal matter, and it only fueled my ambition and desire to pull off a grand heist. I spied on his home and habits for several days and nights. I no longer wandered with my gang, and my friends were convinced I was upset with them. I didn''t go home during those days either, which earned me some serious scolding from my mother, Shaira. But back then, nothing else mattered to me; all my attention and thoughts were now focused on that little man, sallow-faced and with badger-like eyes.


    I came to know his house, his family, and their routines perfectly. I spent several nights carefully studying his residence. It was a tall and somewhat narrow house located on one of the winding lanes of the Talos Plaza District. On the ground floor of this house were the shop, which was the largest room in the entire building, and the kitchen; both were connected by a narrow hallway that featured two doors: one leading to a very neglected inner courtyard that resembled more of a well, and the other opening onto the street. From this hallway, a steep and narrow staircase led up to the two floors used as living quarters by the butcher''s family, as well as to the attic.


    I had come to know all the items of any notable value scattered through the cupboards, drawers, and elsewhere across the two bedrooms and the living room. And, most importantly, I knew that the merchant had a secret spot where he kept some of his money in a cabinet filled with junk in the attic of his house. I knew his wife well¡ªa gentle, timid woman deeply devoted to Stendarr¡ªand I knew everything there was to know about his two daughters. They had a curious habit of attending school run by the god''s nuns every workday. This detail caught my attention particularly, and although it was absolutely irrelevant to what I was planning, I spent a lot of time carefully and delightedly observing the activities the girls engaged in under the nuns'' supervision.


    The students usually sang hymns to Stendarr, which bored me terribly, though I greatly enjoyed the sound of their young, crystalline voices blending harmoniously, which left a very pleasant impression on my soul. They also read from heavy, thick books and, to my great surprise and delight, wrote on wax tablets using lead styluses. And, as the crowning delight of these activities, the students enjoyed breaks during which they played joyfully in the school''s lush garden.


    Of course, there were less pleasant activities from my perspective: the girls were taught to sew, weave, and cook various dishes or were made to sweep and shake out all the rugs in the building. Ah, but I''ll stop here¡ªjust thinking about such chores makes me feel ill... The memory of those terrible days spent in the orphanage''s laundry will never leave me!


    But I wished I could read, especially since some of the passages the students read aloud were very interesting and captivating.


    None of this mattered to me during those days, though. My goal was set, and now all that remained was to execute the first major heist of my life. So, one morning, just at dawn, I broke into the butcher''s attic through the skylight and began rummaging through the junk-filled cabinet.


    There was a lot of coins in that pathetic hiding place he had put together. The total value wasn''t particularly high, as it consisted of only a few gold pieces, many silver coins, and an entire bag of copper coins. I decided I had to take absolutely everything, but for someone like me, the heavy bag of copper coins was too much to carry. Especially since I intended to leave the same way I came, navigating the steep and treacherous paths of the tile-covered roofs.


    And, on top of it all, I didn''t have much time at my disposal since I had meticulously planned that morning of an exceptionally special day, with every hour playing its part according to the family''s daily routine. As quickly as I could, I made small sacks out of some old bed sheets I found in the attic, tearing them into pieces. I filled each little sack with coins and then tied all the pouches along lengths of rope I found discarded in a corner. Taking a few risky ventures across the rooftops of neighboring houses, I stashed all the bundles of coins inside the chimneys of the adjacent homes. I tied each end of the rope securely around its respective chimney and then returned, sweaty and exhausted, to the attic of the house I had begun to rob methodically.


    I had a few moments to catch my breath while the entire family woke up, had breakfast, and tidied up the house. Then, the daughters left for school as usual, and I immediately slipped into their room, taking from the drawer where I knew they kept their few small, inexpensive pieces of jewelry. With immense satisfaction, I tucked them into the small pocket on the chest of the apron I wore over my dress.


    Next, I waited for the butcher''s wife to leave for the market, as she did almost every day. As soon as she left the house, I carefully explored every room in the house, knowing that the maid, who was busy in the kitchen, could climb up to the family''s living quarters at any moment. I ransacked all the bedrooms and the living room, taking everything that was shiny, small, or remotely valuable. Two rather large silver candlesticks gave me some trouble, but since I was determined not to leave anything behind, I wrapped them in a large handkerchief and tied them with a ribbon the mistress of the house was particularly proud of.


    Moving awkwardly under the weight of all the trinkets and glittering items I had stuffed into every single pocket I had, I went even further and rolled up a small, thick, and exquisitely woven rug, managing to hoist it onto my shoulder with great effort. Exhausted, I slipped out through the narrow staircase and into the butcher''s backyard. From there, I spent the rest of the day till noon transporting the stolen items to a pre-arranged hiding spot in the main sewer channel beneath the Talos Plaza District. By the time I finished, my arms were aching, and I was drenched in sweat, but I felt a deep sense of satisfaction. The first phase of my plan was now complete...


    I caught my breath for a moment and then went to enjoy a lavish lunch at an expensive restaurant near the Temple of the One. Oh, I stuffed myself so much and was so tired that I decided to rent a room in the adjacent hostel, leaving instructions to be woken up an hour before sunset. I slept like an innocent child with no sins weighing on their conscience. Rested and in good spirits, I raced back to our house. Cautiously, I paused at the threshold, trying to figure out where Shaira was and what she was doing at that moment. But, as expected, I couldn''t avoid my mother, and she caught me just as I was trying to sneak into the girls'' room, where I slept and kept my belongings.


    She confronted me rather sternly, asking where I had been the past few days and, most importantly, what I was up to next. Putting on my most innocent face and looking her straight in the eyes, I began to tear up and muttered a few incoherent words. Shaira softened a bit, her expression turning concerned, and when she reached out her hand toward me, I darted past her as quickly as I could and bolted into the girls'' room. I slammed the door behind me and bolted it.


    Looking around, I saw that only my sister Elira was there¡ªthe sweetest and most endearing of them all. She stared at me in astonishment, a hint of fear beginning to flicker in her playful eyes. But I smiled at her and raised a finger to my lips. She smiled back, nervously, and sat down on her little bed, watching me intently. Outside, in the hallway, poor Shaira was shaking the door and calling my name, but I didn''t answer. Instead, I rushed to my small personal wardrobe.


    I quickly changed into my most beautiful dress, tossed off my heavy boots, and slipped into a pair of satin slippers that I reserved for holidays. I let down my long, golden hair from its braid and ran a comb through the silky tresses a few times, the strands cascading around me like a diaphanous embrace.


    Then I ran to the open window, paused for a moment, and shouted to our mother not to worry and to forgive me. "I''ll be back tonight and will explain everything!" I added, straddling the windowsill. The window was on the second floor of our house, and I gripped the drainpipe securely as I slid down its length to the flower-filled courtyard below. The yard was teeming with stems and leaves from that plant so dear to all in the cat-folk lineage¡ªand even to me.


    It was already late, and I began to fear I was running behind. Ah, that copious meal and the afternoon nap! Two mistakes I could not forgive myself for! I ran breathlessly toward the butcher''s shop; the city streets were bustling with people at this hour of the summer evening, as the velvet night began to settle over the restless and ever-busy metropolis. Weaving my way through the crowd, I finally reached the butcher''s shop just as the sun dipped below the horizon.


    To my shock, instead of being closed with its shutters drawn, the shop was teeming with noisy customers. A few were even waiting outside on the street! Thrilled and nervous, I hid behind a pile of garbage awaiting the waste cart drivers and kept a vigilant eye on the shop''s door as customers entered and exited in a way I had never seen before.


    At last, when night had almost completely blanketed the capital''s streets in its silken mantle, the final customer emerged, arms loaded with packages. I hurriedly ran to the shop and burst in like a storm, screaming as though out of my mind while staring at the two merchants in horror.


    "A scoundrel with a lit torch is on your roof, master! Smoke is already coming from the attic!"


    The butcher opened his mouth and stared at me in desperation. Oh, I could hardly hope that such a self-assured and cunning man could be so easily deceived; but I''m sure that evening his soul was torn¡ªon one hand, by the joy of the unexpected crowd of customers who swarmed his shop, and on the other, by the news he had received throughout the day about the disappearance of various small trinkets and relatively precious items from his house. He shouted in a choked voice to his apprentice while locking the counter, from which the delightful sound of gold and silver coins emanated:


    "Stay here, Jon! Watch the shop!"


    He grabbed the club he had once used to crush my bones years ago and raced up the inner staircase, from which uneasy voices soon began to echo. But above all, moments later, an unearthly and utterly despairing shout shook the entire house. It was as if all the disappointment of this world had been compressed into that single cry!


    The butcher had reached the attic and discovered the chaos I had left behind, not to mention the old cupboard with its door wide open and its secret compartment completely emptied!


    The apprentice looked at me hesitantly but could see nothing more than a very young, exceptionally well-groomed woman with golden hair cascading in silky waves over her petite figure. I gazed back at him with wide, innocent, and frightened eyes.


    He whispered, "Please, Miss, could you watch the shop for a moment until I get back?" and without waiting for an answer, darted up the stairs after his master.


    I was overwhelmed with a joy akin to ecstasy. I grabbed the cleaver embedded in the table where the butcher carved meat and smashed the counter lock without hesitation. I filled a bag I found hanging on a hook with all the coins from the drawer. And let me tell you, dear friends, there was a lot of money there! Far more than I had expected or thought reasonable for a day''s trade, even on the eve of a major holiday!


    In a mockery, I scattered a few copper coins on the floor and walked out of the shop, calm and composed, as if nothing had happened. Very soon, I disappeared with my hefty prize into the shadows of the secondary streets in the Talos Plaza District.


    I was exhilarated and felt powerful¡ªunbelievably powerful. I was utterly convinced of my great talents and skills. In those special, spellbinding moments, a dark melody of joy and triumph resonated in my soul.


    Ah, how na?ve that little golden-haired girl with her wide, innocent eyes was! I smile sadly now as I write these lines, knowing with certainty that Nocturnal plays a strange and cruel game every time a thief embarks on a heist or picks someone''s pocket. My beloved mistress is so perverse that she isn''t content with the ordinary emotions her divine game evokes. Sometimes she cheats¡ªand she does so in such a blatant manner that I can''t help but marvel at how shameless she is!


    Oh, as I understand years later, on that fateful night, Nocturnal sought new emotions for herself and, in exchange, decided to ensnare me completely in her web. And she succeeded without a shadow of a doubt, for from that unforgettable night onward, my passion for shiny things became utterly uncontrollable!