“Fabulous and Magnificent Minerva Pannonnii, Wandering Master, there is only one issue, but nothing an audacious party like you couldn’t solve!”


    Of course, joining the Adventurer’s Guild was not only about walking in, so the locals could hand a badge over – so one could be technically above the law. Who could have guessed?


    “The Fabulous and Magnificent Minerva Pannonnii, Wandering Master''s Adventuring Permit was issued by a foreign, glorious Guild, and the contentious All-Elven Association of Free Agents only acknowledged the rank of… ehmm… Journeyvampire… is that even a guild rank? Ehmm… Anyway… For this indefatigable Guild to issue a local permit, the Fabulous and Magnificent Minerva Pannonnii, Wandering Master has to complete a most arduous task! In possession of a master-level permit, we will be able to acknowledge the invincible apprentices as such too!"


    “Industrious Heidi Bergbewohner, what is the arduous task this gallant party has to complete?”


    “Well, it just so happens, that a perilous monster is harassing a few assiduous villages not far from here. It is not excellent to let such a nauseous creature scandalize diligent citizens!”


    Was there another crazy Vampire on the loose? From that hard-to-understand sentence, Prof would have assumed, Mini had a good time in the villages, but that was impossible. They just arrived in the region.


    “It is a Troll, a most dreadful creature!”


    Oh, right, eating folks in front of their friends and family would probably be indeed scandalous. So, they had only to slay a fearsome Troll to be allowed in the Guild and legally be able to plunder dungeons. No one said, getting rich was easy.


    After Mini finalized the details, they were ready to leave for the next epic quest.


    Interestingly, no bare-chested burly Orc, wearing only straps, leather briefs, and fur-lined leather boots – accompanied by shifty-looking Goblins, or overdressed Hobs – barred their way. Prof was prepared for the inevitable shakedown of newbies. The established adventurers just had to prove their superiority by bullying low-level noobs! Or kicked their asses by overpowered noobs. Prof wasn''t confident, he and his party would be able to kick enough ass, but he wasn''t willing to lie down either.


    Instead, they were mostly ignored, only a few adventurers gave them nods or waved at them. Most just listened to the lecture on some bird. It was refreshing, that they finally ran into non-hostile people. No one wanted to rob, kill, kidnap, sacrifice, exploit, or detain them for once! They were only sent to kill off some local wildlife!


    Hey, wasn’t this how everything started?!?


    Walking out of the Guild, Prof tried to organize his thoughts. Albeit his [Monsterology] was – still – abysmal low, there were a few facts everyone growing up on Earth and reading (or playing) fantasy knew about Trolls. They were ugly, huge, strong, durable, and brutal, and could regenerate but were vulnerable to fire. There was a good chance, they provided good rare loot, too. They may even had acidic blood. He proudly shared his findings with the others.


    “Prof, you know…” Bianca started to congratulate him on his extreme and awesome knowledge


    “Look, Bia! A shop! Let''s go shopping!" Mini interrupted the accolade and dragged the poor mercenary in the direction of a shop. Sharpclaw followed on her own. Why a rugmaker caught Mini''s fancy, Prof couldn''t understand. Or how they wanted to pay for their newest rug. However, it was never a good idea to ask questions, you don''t really want answered. Why girls wanted certain items was such a question. Especially, when the "girl" in question was a crazy Vampire.


    It took only a few minutes for the girls to be done with their epic shopping spree – they were back without a new rug, but all were grinning. Prof had a sinking feeling. Did they want to prank him somehow or have a laugh at his expenses? He was neither Na?ve nor had Paranoia (he checked, just to be sure), so couldn’t decide, what to think. How should someone react, who wasn’t neither Careless nor Careful? In the end, he decided to be on the lookout, but do nothing else. They wouldn''t put him in danger, after all! Probably.


    Obviously, Mini got directions to the insidious monster’s lair, for they arrived at a partly collapsed building around noon without getting lost or asking for directions. Trolls were cave-dwellers, if Prof remembered correctly, so the basement of a ruin was most likely the closest place to be underground in a swampy place. Unfortunately, the stairs leading down were too narrow for Binky and Sleepy (as Prof decided to name his Nightmare), so they had to be left behind. As Prof started to change into his battle gear, he noticed, neither Mini nor Bianca was changing. Were they planning on going to battle in flimsy and unpractical costumes?


    It was strange. If their beast couldn’t enter, how could a huge Troll do it? Even if Mini was Irresponsible, weren’t four of them without further preparations quite insufficient?


    All his questions were answered as soon as they entered the basement proper.


    “Hah! This is what the Greenskins can afford. The dregs of the sentient species? Ugly losers! Are you even Level 1 yet?"


    Obviously, Arkadian Trolls weren''t copied from Tolkien – the specimen they faced was even shorter than a Goblin but had messy and greasy black hair. Its face (and to be honest, its whole body) was covered in pustules and pimples, its other parts were covered only by dirty loincloths. Barely. If one used the term in a very broad sense.


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    “Losers, do you even speak Greenskinian? I bet you don''t!"


    “What is this?!?” Prof was baffled. Yes, Trolls were disgusting, but this creature was foulmouthed too! How came, no one just walked up to it and kicked out its teeth? It was diminutive! It was unarmed!


    “This, my dear, is a Troll. What makes it dangerous is its mental and emotional attacks.”


    “Hah, I knew it! The losers can’t speak Greenskinian! Heh, even in your language, your grammar sucks! You are pathetic!”


    “Hey, I have 125% in [Speech: Bergian]! My grammar is good!” Prof replied angrily.


    “The Trolls feed on the anger of their victims. The longer the victims argue with them, the more energy or food they get out of it. So, don’t argue with them.” Mini was in all-out sexy teacher mode.


    “Look at you! Ridiculous clothes, pathetic weapons, laughable Skills! You aren’t adventurers, but just small-time idiots!”


    “I don’t understand. I don’t feel any different, and you girls also don’t look like you are trolled.”


    “Hey, douchebag! This is the best harem you were able to gather? How much do you pay for these ugly wenches?”


    “Well, you have an Intelligence of 18, that gives you high mental resistance. I gave Bia a trinket, that raises her resistance, and I just used Blood Magic for the same.”


    “They are so ugly, I bet, they are paying you to fuck them! Disgusting uglyfile!”


    “And Sharpclaw? She has the lowest Intelligence of us, and that would mean, her mental resistance is the lowest. And yet…”


    “You see, the funny thing with reptiles is, that they are completely immune to the Troll’s attacks. No one ever figured out why.”


    “They aren’t even the same species as you! Pervert! No Human wanted to fuck with you?”


    “So, if we aren’t affected by the Troll, why don’t we just walk over, and kick the shit out of it?”


    “Me not touchessss Troll! Contagioussss.”


    “It’s vile! Look, it touched itself! I’m out!”


    “See, this is why no one kills Trolls. No one wants to touch them. I even think about becoming a celibate vegetarian, just by looking at it."


    “Hah! You are all incompetent and impotent! Especially you, little man!”


    “Come on! It''s unarmed! We could just walk up it, one hit, and it''s done!"


    “Go for it, champion!”


    “Hit it hard, Prof!”


    “Sssstab it!”


    “Why only me?” Prof was pushed toward the Troll by his party members.


    “Aren’t you a Gentleman? You should protect innocent little girls from vile creatures!”


    They were right, a gentleman should indeed protect innocent little girls. As soon as Prof found some, he would protect them, he was absolutely sure. The current selection was somewhat deficient in the innocent department, and they couldn’t exactly be called little girls either.


    Be as it may, Prof steeled himself. He was or could be a hero (with lowercase h), so defeating a Troll on his own wouldn''t be impossible, no? He had awesome Skills, cool Perks, and incredible gear – how could such a tiny piece of vileness thwart his advance?


    Said tiny piece of vileness was currently monologing about how it would send letters to the Guild, the Chief, President, and General, describing, how useless, speciesist, and un-excellent they all were. Or something like that.


    It would be much better if Prof could enlarge the stairs, so their cute pets could enter the fray and eat the Troll. But no, that would take too much work, and they – or rather he – would be forced to listen to the Troll trolling the whole time. He really didn''t want to touch it. It was repugnant. Maybe he should rescue someone with good magic Skills and Perks next time. Mobile artillery was always good to have.


    Since they currently had none (and the girls were hiding behind), it was on Prof and his Skills and Perks to defeat their heinous, vile, and dreadful enemy. He took The Chopper in hand, concentrated on a Critical Hit on the head, and swung.


    His high Luck, combined with his Perks and The Chopper’s bonuses basically guaranteed a Critical Hit with massive damage. Honestly, it was overkill. Either the Troll was low-Level – Prof forgot to use [Observe] again; it was so counter-intuitive, he had to actively train himself to use the Skill – or the damage was truly through the roof. In one second, there was a horrific creature, spewing hatred on Prof’s non-existent [Agriculture] and [Mining], the next only a bloody pulp remained.


    It was a joke.


    If these creatures were so easy to defeat, how come, they didn''t go extinct millennia ago? Glancing over to the girls, he got the answer to his unspoken question: no one was willing to come into close contact with the monsters.


    Anyway, it was time for looting! Heaps of money, jewelry, magical trinkets, high-quality weapons, and armor! Paintings and rugs! Furniture! Everything, that could be converted into money!


    Unfortunately, the Troll’s den had neither.


    The most valuable things they found – even working Scavenger to its bones – were a few rusty nails and a few withered tubers. Probably the Troll''s cadaver had some value, but no one in the party had relevant Skills on a high enough Level to even start guessing. They only took the Troll''s ears as proof, they slayed the monster. Of course, it was Prof, who collected them. The girls made the argument, that Prof had the highest Skill for it – although it was true, but Prof suspected, they simply didn''t want to get their hands (and claws) dirty. Cutting off ears wasn''t that hard, every toddler with a knife could have done it!


    Before they left for the Adventurer''s Guild, Mini had Prof change back into his adventurer costume. He started to question if the whole hassle was worth it. So far they had to don ridiculous clothes and kill off a dangerous beast for free. Hopefully, the quest and the dungeons were lucrative enough!