"Damn it!" Quaraun muttered as he stopped to adjust his pink corset lacings.


    "Boob!" Unicorn yelled out. "Sweet nip nop."


    "Nipnop?"


    "Ya nipples."


    "I know what you meant. What the hell is wrong with you? Where do you come up with these words?"


    "Ya pink titties match ya dress."


    Unicorn pinched the Elf''s nipples.


    "Will you stop it?"


    Quaraun slapped the Phooka.


    "No! I saw yar boob."


    "I don''t have boobs. It would be much easier to wear this corset if I did."


    "Yis has lovely boobs."


    "I don''t have boobs."


    "Aye ya does. Yis mammal."


    "And male."


    "Dressed as female."


    Quaraun glared at the little goat sized Unicorn.


    "I do not approve of assigning gender to clothes. Anybody ought to be able to wear whatever they damned well want to wear without being told only males or females are allowed to wear it. There is no damned reason why only females can wear dresses. Tighten this damned thing for me. I can''t do it myself."


    The Elf lifted his long hair around his shoulder, off his back, while holding one hand over his chest holding the pink lace corset in place. Unicorn moved around behind the Elf and cinched up the laces tightly.


    "That tight enough?"


    "No."


    "Really?"


    "You can go tighter."


    "Ya sure?"


    "Yes."


    "Ya''ll pass out."


    "I''ll pass out any ways."


    "That true."


    Unicorn continued tighening the cords. Quaraun held his breath. Unicorn stopped pulling, to tie the ends.


    "Tighter," Quaraun said.


    "T''at gonna hurt."


    "Since when do I not like pain?"


    "Too tight un ya''ll crack ya ribs or rupture yar spleen."


    "Tighter."


    "It can''na go tighter."


    "Tighter!"


    "It''ll break ya ribs if it go much tighter."


    "It can go tighter."


    "I does no want to hurt ya."


    "I like it tight. I can''t get it tight enough myself. I need you to do it."


    "I can t''ink of other things I like tight un would love to do."


    Quaraun looked back at Unicorn.


    "You don''t have to fuck me every five minutes."


    "Aye, I does."


    "Later."


    "Why not now?"


    "Just tighten my corset."


    "I''d rather remove it."


    Unicorn wrapped his arms around the Elf''s waist and pulled him close. Quaraun felt Unicorn hard and erect, pressing against him. Unicorn forced the Elf forward, pushing him against the wall. Quaraun gasped, suddenly realizing how much he wanted the Phooka to fuck him. He did not resist as Unicorn began to hump against him, kissing his neck and slowly pulling his skirts up.


    Mallac came storming in just then.


    "What are you two doing?" The Human demanded.


    Quaraun looked back towards the door.


    "Do you never knock?" Quaraun groaned.


    Unicorn continued kissing Quaraun''s neck, unperturbed by the Human''s intrusion.


    "You two are indecent."


    Quaraun placed his hands against the wall to steady himself and push Unicorn back. Unicorn stepped away when he realized the Elf was trying to get away.


    "What do you want, Mallac?" Quaraun asked as he straightened his clothes once again.


    "Finish tying me up," he said the Unicorn, once again holding his hair out of the way so Unicorn could lace up the corset.


    "You were supposed to meet me," Mallac growled angrily.


    "Was I?"


    "Yes."


    "Oh."


    "Well?"


    "Well what?"


    "Where have you been?"


    "Obviously right here where you found me."


    "Doing what?"


    "Being fucked by him."


    "That''s not what I asked you."


    "It most certainly is what you asked me. You wanted to know what I was doing. That is what I was doing."


    "You was supposed to meet me."


    "I don''t seem to recall."


    "Don''t play dumb with me, Elf. You agreed to help me."


    "I did?"


    Quaraun was only half listening to what the soldier was saying. He was trying not to talk as to hold his breath while Unicorn tightened the corset strings. He was also trying not to pass out, as Unicorn was correct, the corset was too tight all ready. Mallac continued talking, explaining how upset and angry he was, but Quaraun only heard a word here or there.


    "...and you knew that." Mallac finished with.


    "Did I?"


    "You are an hour late."


    "Hour?"


    "Yes."


    Quaraun looked back at Unicorn and asked: "What''s an hour?"


    Unicorn shrugged.


    "I knows not."


    He was too busy focusing on tying ribbons and cords to think of anything more to say.


    "What''s an hour?" Quaraun asked Mallac.


    "Don''t play dumb with me!" Mallac yelled, while taking several brisk steps forward.


    This sudden movement startled Quaraun who released his grip on the wall, stepped back and stumbled over Unicorn. Unicorn was caught off guard and also stumbled, but was able to grab Quaraun''s bare shoulders and steady him, and likewise keeping them both from falling.


    "Yis scaring me Elf," Unicorn snarled.


    The soldier was inches from Quaraun now, yelling in his face and shaking an angry fist. Lots of angry words spilled from his lips, but Quaraun was too light headed to hear most of them.


    Mallac wasn''t a very large Human, but even a small Human was big next to the little petit and easily frightened, and right now not getting enough oxygen, Elf. Words were coming from the Human''s lips. His mouth moving in angry jerks, his eyes blazen with hatred, his fists flying over his head. Panic seized the Elf.


    The Human''s movements were too threatening, too much looking like an attack, and Quaraun was far too unprepared for this interruption and so did exactly what he did best: had himself a panic attack.


    Bright coloured snowflakes of light bursts were flashing in front of his eyes, mixed in with a sinking blackness that was enveloping him. Quaraun didn''t hear what the Human was saying, he was too busy hyperventilating from the panic attack that resulted from the Human''s unexpected and threatening movements. Sight and sounds melded together into one. Seconds later, Quaraun was passed out on the floor.


    Next thing Quaraun knew he was waking up, with Unicorn hovering worriedly over him.


    "Yis okay?"


    Quaraun stared up at Unicorn for a moment trying to remember where he was.


    "I think so."


    Unicorn had removed the corset and wrapped the Elf in one of his pink silk kimono instead.


    "I told ya it was too tight," Unicorn chided.


    Quaraun tried to sit up.


    "I still feel light headed," he moaned as he laid back down.


    "You pussy," Mallac yelled.


    "Leave ''im alone, ya git."


    "I wasn''t talking you."


    Unicorn''s eyes flared with rage, glowing red.A faint blue glow hovered around his body.


    "Unicorn, don''t," Quaraun said weakly.


    The Lich did not listen. The undead beast saw this Human as a threat and was ready to turn into a bloodthirsty skeletal beast to suck the life out of the soldier.


    "Unicorn..." Quaraun forced himself up and pulled Unicorn away from Mallac. "He''s not evil. He''s not trying to hurt us."


    "Him attacked ya."


    "No. He didn''t. He wasn''t trying to hurt me. He was upset. His people are being killed and he was expecting us to help him stop the attacks. Some how he got his information wrong. He thought we abandoned him. You know what abandonment feels like. Better then most."


    "I does. It no fun."


    "He''s frustrated and frightened. Something or someone is killing his friends and family. He''s frightened, he''s reacting out of fear."


    Quaraun turned to Mallac, then leaned again the bed to steady himself. He was breathing heavily trying to catch his breath.Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    "Oooh. I''m so dizzy."


    "Damned corset were too tight on ya. Told ya. Ya would nay listen."


    Quaraun ignored Unicorn and addressed Mallac.


    "I''m sorry. I really wasn''t aware you expected us to meet with you today. There seems to have been a miscommunication somewhere. I would have been there had I known it was what you had expected. I''m afraid your language is difficult for me. It''s not my native tongue, and the local dialect is not one I''ve heard before. Perhaps I did agree to meet you, without fully understanding what it was I was agreeing to do?"


    "Is that an apology?"


    "Why was it you wanted to meet with me... or us meet with you?"


    "The murders."


    "Of course. You''ve said that. Your people are being murdered. I know. I don''t know how I can help. We were not planning to stop here in your village. I was wounded back by Witch Pond. Highwaymen and a pack of hounds attacked us, just outside of your village. We only stopped here so I could rest while my wounds healed. I lost a lot of blood, I''m very weak right now. It''s why I keep passing out. I''m not sure what use you think I could be in my current condition."


    "I asked around about you. You''re a wizard for hire."


    "Yes."


    "You help villages in trouble."


    "Occasionally, yes. That''s not the type of wizardry I specialize in though. I mainly make magic items for other magic users."


    "I have no other wizard to go to for help."


    "My understanding is you have a whole group of wizards living here in this village."


    "HellBorne and his lot?"


    "Yes."


    "They are half-Elves!"


    "Is there something I don''t know about half-Elves that makes them not someone you can go to?"


    Mallac spit on the floor.


    "We don''t associate with half-Elves. A damn pack of thieves."


    "Perhaps if they were allowed to have jobs and make trades with your people I doubt they would nee..."


    "We do not make trades with half-Elves."


    "I see."


    "You don''t know what half-Elves are like."


    "Maybe if you Humans didn''t treat them like shit, they wouldn''t have to become criminals to survive."


    "Those Highwaymen you meet, were probably half-Elves."


    "The Highwaymen were Humans. Scum of the Earth. Parasitic plague."


    "Probably cast a spell on you to make you think they was Humans."


    "Half Elves is evil but you can full blooded Elf?"


    Quaraun sat down on the edge of the bed. He was too dizzy to stand any longer. He didn''t want to pass out again.


    "Full blooded Elves like you don''t roam around the countryside killing people."


    Quaraun raised an eyebrow at this. Unicorn sat on the floor grinning and trying not to laugh. Roaming around the countryside killing people, was exactly what Quaraun did.


    "Thought you asked about me," Quaraun said dryly.


    "I did."


    "And? What did you learn?"


    "That''s you''re the world''s most powerful wizard."


    "And no one mentioned anything about me being an evil super villain roaming around the countryside killing people?"


    "No. Why should they?"


    "Probably because I AM an evil super villain roaming around the countryside killing people."


    "Are you?"


    "Yes," Quaraun said.


    Quaraun waited for Mallc to respond, but the soldier just laughed, clearly thinking that Quaraun was joking.


    Quaraun sighed.


    "And you have to have a wizard to help you?" Quaraun asked.


    "People round these parts are scared of wizards."


    "As they should be. But I do not understand, why, when you have an entire group of wizards living in this town, do you not go to them. Surly they have more interest in helping their fellow villagers than some some random stranger would have."


    "Most of them ain''t been here long."


    "No?"


    "No."


    "So you are saying they are strangers?"


    "That old lighthouse is basically a bandit''s camp these days."


    "What about GhoulSpawn?" Quaraun asked.


    "That crazy glowing in the dark freak? Even the other half-Elves don''t like him."


    "So I''ve heard. But wouldn''t he help you if you asked."


    Mallac laughed at this.


    "I don''t what is so funny. I meet GhoulSpawn outside of town. He helped me when the dogs attacked. He probably saved my life. The dogs caught me off guard. If GhoulSpawn hadn''t been there I might be dead now."


    "Pttf."


    "You clearly don''t like him."


    "No one round here does."


    "Why not? He seemed nice enough."


    "He''s the worst thief among them. Steals everything that ain''t nailed down. My men try to catch him and he opens up a hole in thin air and runs through it."


    "What does he steal?"


    "Everything. Every damned thing. We catch him jumping over fences into fields and orchards. Stealing harvests, corn, apples, pumpkins..."


    "Pumpkins?"


    "Lately sheep. Every damned last sheep for miles around. Hundreds of them! All gone missing."


    "He does like his sheep."


    "The other day my men caught the hoodlum robbing graves."


    "Grave robbing?"


    "Yeah. Not jewelry like most grave robbers, either. No. Bodies."


    "Bodies?"


    "Probably getting them for that damned HellBorne. He''s a Necromancer you know?"


    "HellBorne is a Necromancer?"


    "Yeah."


    "I wonder how it is I don''t know him?"


    "Why would you?"


    "Necromancy is a very specialized skill. Only a few who know how to do it well enough to teach it. Three I believe. Gibedon, who I killed. Gwallmaiic, who Gibedon killed, thus why I killed Gibedon. And me. Me and Gibedon both trained under Gwallmaiic. If HellBorne''s a Necromancer I would know him. And I don''t. So I doubt if he''s a Necromancer."


    "I didn''t come here to talk about HellBorne. I need your help."


    "But why? What is it you think I can do? We are strangers here."


    "You have a reputation... one I think, you don''t live up to well..."


    "No. I''m not the big scary monster, the stories like to say I am."


    "People are scared... but they''re more scared of you. They''ll talk to you. You''re coming with me. I want you to talk to them."


    "Talk to who?"


    "The victims'' families. Witnesses. Anyone who might know something."


    "Meaning I need to get dressed, which is what I was trying to do when you interrupted us."


    "It looked more like you were trying to get undressed."


    "Yes, well, I seem to have difficulty keeping my clothes on around him. He''d rather take them off them put them on."


    "What are you two?"


    "I''m an Elf and he''s a Unicorn."


    "That''s not what I meant. I meant... You two... You..."


    "I''m his wife. Is that what you wanted to know?"


    "You''re a male."


    "So?"


    Mallac decided to change the subject. The thought of a gay couple bothered him.


    "He doesn''t look like a Unicorn."


    "He''s a shapeshifter. Takes a Human form when we are around Humans."


    Quaraun turned to Unicorn.


    "Re-lace me."


    "Ya gonna try un squeeze into dat t''ing again?"


    "Yes."


    "Why?"


    "I like wearing it."


    "It does no fit ya. It made for woman. Yis no shaped right to wear it."


    "I am going to wear that corset and you are going to help me get it on."


    Quaraun tossed his kimono off.


    "Boobies!" Unicorn screamed again.


    "WILL YOU STOP IT!"


    "I can see ya boobs again."


    "I don''t have boobs, as you just so aptly pointed out, my being male and lacking boobs is the reason I''m having trouble wearing this damned corset."


    "Then why wear it?"


    "I like it. I look good in it when I finally get it on."


    "If ya folded the top down ya could walk around wid ya tits on display."


    "Unicorn, just help me get it on."


    Quaraun once again went through the process of putting the corset on.


    "I understand ya wearing dresses. Ya can find dresses what fit ya boobless body. Corsets I does no understand. Dey is made to hold boobs on shelf un ya ain''t got no boobs to put on shelf."


    Once again the Elf lifted his long hair around his shoulder, off his back, while holding one hand over his chest holding the pink lace corset in place. Unicorn moved around behind the Elf and cinched up the laces tightly.


    "Dair must be gender transformation spell out dair to give ya boobs, sos ya could wear these t''ings better."


    "I don''t want boobs."


    "Why not?"


    "I''m not trying to be a female."


    "Ya might as well be female, ya let me fuck ya un suck on ya nipples."


    Mallac stared at Quaraun wide eyed.


    "Do you?" He asked the Elf.


    "It''s none of your business what I do or do not do with him. Why are you even still here?"


    "We have people to question."


    "People to question," Quaraun sputtered angrily. He braced his hands against the wall while Unicorn pulled the laces tighter on the corset. "I still don''t remember agreeing to do that."


    "I think you were drunk."


    "When?" Quaraun asked Mallac.


    "Tighter," he added to Unicorn.


    "When you agreed to come with me."


    "And when did I do that?"


    "Last night."


    "Last night... Oow!" Quaraun yelped in pain. "What are you doing?" He yelled at Unicorn.


    "Ya said ya wanted tighter," the Faerie answered.


    "I said tighter, not kick me in the back!"


    "Well how is I to get ya in dis t''ing. It does nae fit ya. Ya skin un bones un I still has to squish ya into it."


    Quaraun spun around to face Unicorn, pulling the cords out of the little Fae''s hands, in doing so.


    "You don''t have to kick me!"


    "I was nae kicking ya, I were bracing me foot so to get cords pulled tighter for ya."


    "In my back?"


    "How else I supposed to get ya in damned t''ing? Un why ya gotta wear dis one for, eh? It does nae fit ya un ya has dozen others what do."


    "I want to wear this one."


    Mallac watched the two magical beings as they bickered over the corset and the fact that it was several sizes too small for the Elf trying to wear it. Mallac contemplated interrupting them, but was scared of both of them. His being loud, rough, and bullying towards them was more show than anything else.


    The fact remained, Mallac was terrified of Elves and wizards and Necromancers and here was one that was all three. He''d seen the powers half-Elves had and knew they were very limited compared to the powers of a full blooded Elf. He''d heard rumours that the High Elves had more inborn powers than other types of Elves.


    While he had not heard of Quaraun himself before, others in the village had and after last night''s meeting, Mallac had told other soldiers of Quaraun''s agreeing to help them, and a few began to tell the stories they''d heard of the infamous transvestite Pink Necromancer Quaraun the Insane.


    Word had soon spread around town and by morning fear hung on the tongue of every Human in the village, as they whispered every rumour they had heard and every rumour they had not heard, plus simply began making up new rumours, about the strange albino Elf that had arrived in town last night. Mallac had begun to question his invitation to the Elf to help him investigate the murders.


    Quaraun had clearly not been interested in helping the Humans, for the simple reason that they were Humans, and now this morning he seemed even less interested. It was clear by the scene he was watching right now, that the vain, flipitant Elf was far more interested in his clothes then he was in helping anyone.


    Mallac didn''t know what to think of the little Faerie. He''d asked around town if anyone knew anything about Faeries and everything he was told was that they were bad news. When those who knew of such things, asked him what type of Fae he had seen, and his answer was a Phooka, he watched their faces turn from fear to dread as every last drop of blood drained from their faces.


    "A Phooka?" One old man had said.


    "Yes, a Phooka," Mallac had answered.


    "Worst of the worst," another elder said.


    "They eat Humans," a third added.


    "Predators with no morals," said a forth.


    "Tricksters."


    "Shapeshifters."


    "As bad as Demons."


    "Deviant bastards. Never turn your back on them. They''ll make you think they are your friend then BOOM! When you least expect it, rip off your head and eat your entrails."


    "Only good Phooka is a dead Phooka."


    "Damn near impossible to kill. They Blink and Shimmer. Can''t catch them. Once second they are here, next second they are on the other side of town."


    The men had continued on in this manner for well over an hour. By morning Mallac was regretting he''d approached the two beasts. Everything he''d been told, left him filled with dread. Apparently High Elves were stuck up snobs who hated Humans, seeing them as inferior to ants and a High Elf traveling with a Phooka could only mean that this Elf hated Humans more than most.


    "You say the Elf is travelling with this Phooka?" An elder asked.


    "Yes," Mallac had answered, retelling the events of his meeting them.


    "Undead?" One elder had exclaimed upon hearing this part. "The Phooka is undead? And you say the Elf is a Necromancer dressed in pink? The Pink Necromancer?"


    "You think this is The Pink Necromancer?" Another elder asked the first.


    "Think of the implications if it is!"


    Mallac had never heard of this Pink Necromancer before, so was unable to comment on this, but the elders began talking among themselves and would not have heard anything he''d said anyways.


    "They say he controls Liches."


    "They say he BUILT the Liches."


    "Most powerful Necromancer on the face of the Earth."


    "Killed Gibedon."


    "Killed King Gwallmaiic."


    "Wasn''t King Gwallmaiic a Phooka?"


    "He was. Elf Eater of Pepper Valley they called him. He''s one of the Lich Lords now."


    "The Pink Necromancer built the Lich Lords."


    "And controls them."


    "They do his bidding."


    "Keeps them as his slaves."


    Those words buzzed through Mallac''s head as he watched the little Phooka obeying the pink robed Elf''s every command without question. He wondered if the Phooka had any free will of it''s own, if it even could say no to the powerful, eccentric wizard would stood before him, trying to squeeze into a stiffly boned, pink lace corset.


    It made matters worse, in Mallac''s mind, that both these magical beasts were not only not Humans, but they were also wizards.


    He wondered if one could trust a wizard. He''d seen many wizards of late, what with HellBorne gathering up every low level mage and sorcerer he could find. But Mallac was uncertain how those self taught hacks, compared to these very advanced, elite high level wizards who were academically trained.


    Quaraun was supposedly the most powerful wizard on the planet, a title that Gwallmaiic had held before him, and here now was both Quaraun and Gwallmaiic together, arguing over a piece of women''s underwear that the wizard was intent on wearing.


    Quaraun seemed to be doing an awful lot of bossing Gwallmaiic around and Mallac was trying to determine if the little Phooka was a free man or a slave, when the creature turned to him and said:


    "Help me get him in dis damned t''ing. Him stubborn as fuck. Him will nae helps ya till him dressed for grand entrance. Arrogant piece of shit."


    Before Mallac had a chance to respond, Quaraun had spun around and was screaming at the top of his lungs.


    "What the hell did you call me?"


    "I called ya arrogant."


    "You called me shit."


    "I calls every one shit, ya should be used to me tongue by now."


    "How dare you!"


    Quaraun pulled out his wand and waved it in Uncorn''s face. The Phooka, straightened up, crossed him arms and smirked at the Elf.


    "Oh I dare ya try that! I gots more power in me little finger then ya will ever has. Ya''d be dead before ya hit me."


    Anger flared in the Phooka''s eyes. Quaraun immediately went dead silent and quickly put the wand away. It bothered Mallac, how absolutely terrified the Elf looked just then. If this truly was the world''s most powerful wizard, than anything that scared him, was to be feared, or so Mallac thought.


    "Turn around, shut up, un let me get get dis damn t''ing on ya," Unicorn growled as he shoved the Elf into the wall.


    Quaraun did as he was told without further objection. From that point on the Elf remained gravely silent. Mallac tried to determine the pink Necromancer''s expression, but Elves did not outwardly show emotions the same way Humans did. Mallac finally concluded that Quaraun looked too scared to speak.


    The fact was, Quaraun like being pushed around by Unicorn and frequently went out of his way to irritate the Phooka, with the intention of getting Unicorn angry enough to push him around. The problem with this was Unicorn''s temper tended to get out of control and often became too violent for the frail, ill healthed Elf. This was one of those times.


    Quaraun was scared and he had stopped talking because he realized he had gotten Unicorn too angry this time. There was a fine line between Unicorn''s playfully roughly handling the Elf and abusively beating him. While he liked Unicorn to be rough with him, Quaraun did not like Unicorn to beat him.


    When Unicorn finally got the corset facened, Quaraun silently finished dressing. He was visibly trembling with fear. Unicorn saw this and grabbed the Elf''s shoulders from behind, in an attempt to calm the frightened Elf, but Quaraun squealed in terror and jumped away as though he thought he was being attacked.


    Unicorn quickly jumped back, holding his hands up.


    "I not gonna hurt ya," the Phooka said quietly, now realizing how badly his words had frightened the little Elf.


    "I don''t want you mad at me," Quaraun whispered, his words barely able to come out.


    "I not mad at ya. Ya was waving wand in me face. Dat t''ing dangerous. I does nae like ya pointing it at me."


    "You eat Elves."


    "I will nae eat ya. Ya should know dis by now."


    Unicorn pulled the Elf close to him and softly kissed his face.


    "Yis so high strung lately. What is wrong wid ya? Ya like wild little filly needing taming. Ya becoming as feral as a Wild Elf. I never seen ya dis high strung before."


    "I don''t know."


    "I t''inks dat bad trip ya had still messing wid ya head. Hope ya dids nae damage what little brain ya gots left."


    Quaraun suddenly remembered Mallac was in the room and regained his earlier prideful composure. Walking past Unicorn and up to the Human he asked:


    "Where did I say I was going with you?"


    "There have been five murders. One each night for the past five nights. You was going to help me question the victims'' families."


    "Did I say I would do that?"


    "Yes, you did."


    "I don''t remember it at all."


    Quaraun turned to Unicorn.


    "Was I drunk last night?"


    "Aye. Un ya did tell ''im ya would help ''im. I heard ya says it."


    "Well then, I guess I''m coming with you," Quaraun said to Mallac. "Let me get my things and then lead on."