Chapter 7: How do things work?_Glacierwaif Act 1: Homefront

July 26:

 Runt has got a few days to say goo''bye to all the super nicety nice people who have helped him. So I am going to the factory to say bye to the Robot who was all worried about Runt gettin'' the right Gun. And I am going to Rotface''s house to thank him for the mules and the nice times at the big Temple with all the Singin''. And he is going to go to the range again with Joker to shoot the big gun with the bullets that go boom and hear him talk about all sorts of funny things so we can laugh together.

 Later:

 Joker is not sad at all to see Runt go away to the fight. Joker is never sad about nothing, and Runt wishes he could be like Joker, who is always smiling all the time. Runt is happy that he got to see Joker again, because Joker said all sorts of silly stuff that made Runt laugh. He all talkin'' like Runt is gonna be the coolest warboy ever, like how they gonna make big statues of him under the Dark Tower of Ominousness just like they do with Boss-men that they think are super important. Then he goes on like I am gonna be so cool that they will start listening to me like they listen to other boss-men, and Runt was laughing so hard he couldn''t breath for awhile. Then he finds this hat that somebody left lying around and puts it on and starts pretending to be Super-Special-Runt tellin'' ever''body how to do their jobs and just being all sorts of silly. It was a super-cool time, and ax''d him which Platoon he is part of, which is Zulu Platoon. But he is in Regiment 299, not part of Lone Ranger''s platoon. So I am writing that down. Hopefully Runt will be able to find him some day when we is not bein commissioned for Letters of Mark.

 Warboy 53 "Joker", Zulu Platoon, Regiment 299

 July 27:

 Runt has gone to the factory and is seeing the Robot. His name is Mister Horus, and he is all super happy that he got to help out little old Runt. Runt is not telling mister Horus that Noog is not getting gassed. Mister Horus is very interesting. He is all super nice, but he is also very much making sure that ever''thing is workin'' exactly the way it should. So he would probably make sure that Noog would be gassed because that is the way things should be workin.

 Mister Horus has ways of making sure his factory works right, so we get all the guns we need. He says if the whole wide world were run like a factory, nobody would ever be getting thin and bony and starving. He is making sure zombies and boss-men who get stuff done is always getting paid more then those who aint doing so much. That way ever''body works harder so that that they can get more money. Runt is thinking this makes very much sense, ''cuz ever''body loves money. Runt has never met nobody who doesn''t want money before.

 This is what the Good Guys call "Greed." Runt is not seeing why Good Guys hate greed so much. Runt is mega greedy all the time, and always wants money so he can buy the super cool guns. And bullets. More bullets is always better.

 But Runt then thinks of Noog. And he ax''s Mister Horus "If people stealing, do you think they should be killed?" And Horus looks at Runt for a little bit and he says "NO! You can''t kill folks just for stealing. If a boss-man or a zombie is found stealing, I think they should be fired! Not killed." And now Runt is all super scared. "You think they should be lit on fire!?"

 Warboys HATE fire. Fire is scary and it burns all super much and hurts like nothing else! But Mister Horus says "No! No, no, no! I mean they should be fired! They should lose their jobs!" And Runt is still a bit scared but also confused and says "So you think they should be lit on fire, or you think they should lose their jobs, or you think they should be killed? Or all three?"

 And he says "No! NOT killed, and NOT lit on fire. Just lose their jobs!" And he goes on about how that would just be mean. And so Runt ax''s him why he said folks should get lit on fire. But of course, he is just making things more complicated, saying that fire is another word for not-workin, not-gettin-paid. Runt thinks fire is just fire, and that it hurts and burns.

 So the boss-men don''t think that other boss-men need to be gassed. Just us warboys. This is just like the Glass-box says: Warboys are not so important. We get turned to red-pulp, so that other folks would not have to get turned to red-pulp. Runt thinks about this, and he thinks that it would be mega-sad to see Rotface or Mister Horus die.

 I think it was super sad to think Noog was gonna die, and Noog was all mega-mean and never bein'' nice. How much worse would it be for a Boss-man to die? Runt cannot even be thinkin of more sadness then Noog dyin'', and Runt did not even like Noog. Runt was thinkin'' that Noog was the most not-cool, mega-mean warboy ever! I would even think to myself that Noog was as not-cool as the Good Guys who shoot at us! I would think to myself "Noog should not have come from a glass-box, he should be from over the borderlands where all the Good Guys and He-rows come from! He cannot be comin'' from the Glass-box like little old Runt."

 So if that''s how I felt about Noog getting turned to Red Pulp, then how much worse could it be if it happened to Boss-men? Runt is not even wanting to think about that. Us warboys is made to die, made so that nobody shoots at the Boss-men and the Zombies and the Robots. Runt has seen The Fight when he was in the Glass-box. All warboys see what The Fight is like when they in the Glass Box. The Glass Box shows us The Fight so we is ready to shoot Good Guys when they shoot at us. The Fight is like all sorts of people yelling and shooting and getting whole arms and legs shot off. And it IS mega-sad when they get turned to Red Pulp. They try so hard to keep livin'' for just a few more heartbeats, they all axin'' if they can live just a little longer, and it is never happening. Their friends say they gonna get through it, and they never do

 So it is always mega sad to see The Fight and seeing all the folks who are no longer here because they got shot. But Runt has always thought that even if he could have saved just one of those boss-man, it might be ok being super small, super wimpy.

 Later:

 Drummin man has woken up! He is off his stretcher, and he is feeling hurt. I am all axin'' why. So, some other boss-men had to cut him open to put on his super-cool-clothes. And I ax him if the Grey Guys did it. He ax''s who the grey guys are. And I tell him all about how Grey Guys is always helpin'' folks, never shootin'' nobody, always putting them to sleep and fixing their hurts just because they is nicety nice.

 Runt is still kind of scared of the Grey Guys. They is just so strange, and speak in your head without really talkin'' at all! They is always helpin'' ever''body, but they got these big black eyes that look at you all funny-like. They put you to sleep and cut you open, but they do it in a way that is better, that makes your hurt go away.

 He says the Grey Guys are Aly-Uns. And no Aly-Uns were cutting on Drummin'' Man, just other Boss-men. He says the Grey Guys would never help anybody get super-special-clothes because they do not like hurting folks. Runt is not understanding how super-special-clothes hurt folks. But Drummin'' Man says they are Passy Fists, which means that they will never ever do anything they think might hurt anybody. They not even hurting Good Guys, not even folks who start shooting up the place ''cuz they don''t like folks. And since they know Boss-men will use super-special-clothes in the fight against Good Guys, they won''t help make it or help use it. They are only here to make folks better, make their hurt go away. And they are the bestest at makin'' hurt go away, just like warboys are the bestest at fighting in fights.

 So then I am all axin'' why Drummin'' Man hurts and why Boss-men need to draw red lines on him with knives while he is asleep. And Drummin Man says all this stuff about how the Super-special-clothes are so super-special that they need to be able to read your thoughts. Like, the clothes are so heavy, no boss-men would be able to lift them without help, so they got motors in them! Clothes with motors! Motors like you find in Four-Wheels & Big Tracks! So the clothes read your thoughts so the motors do what you want them to do, like lift your arm or kick your feet.

 Wow. Runt wishes he had a set of super-special clothes now. Clothes with motors sounds so cool. Would stop ALL the bullets real good, and he would be as strong as Gratch! Maybe even stronger!

 July 28

 Runt is at Rotface''s house to say goodbye to him, and the temple, and his wife and his sun, whos names are Pusgut and Plaguefoot. So we all go to the temple together. And the Boss-man in black clothes is all making a big deal of this, hoping The Lich King will use his super cool powers to make sure I get through The Fight all right. Then all the zombies in the Temple agree that they are hoping I get through all right. And so many zombies there were! I have never had so many people wishing for little old Runt before. Zombies who don''t even know me are hoping I make it through and that I will be A-ok. Zombies are so nice, to be wishing that somebody they don''t even know is gonna be alright. Runt cannot be seeing why Gratch and them are all thinking the Temple is stupid. Runt thinks the Temple is super cool.

 Then on the ride back, Plaguefoot ax''s me if I could come with him to see his Big Track! Big Tracks are mega neat, even if they cannot get everywhere we are wanting them. They have this big old gun on the top that shoots these bullets that blow up everything real nice. So I say that I do wanna see his Big Track.

 And so when we get back, he shows me. But this Big Track is not so big. It is so not-big, it seems like Runt when he is standing next to Gratch or Noog! Seems super small, super wimpy! And I am saying "This is not like other Big Tracks I have seen. Those are real big, and this aint even the size of a Four Wheel.

 And Plaguefoot tells me "This is why it will work! Is not so big! It won''t get stuck! Won''t get stuck in the muck, and it will be able to come with you everywhere!" And Runt is not sure this is true. I say "How can you tell? What makes it different?" And Plaguefoot tells me all this stuff about how the tracks are fatter, how they make the heaviness go away so that it does not get stuck in the mud. Runt is not sure he understands this. He also tells me that because it is not so big, it is not so heavy. Runt understands this part just fine. Small things are not so heavy.

 But Runt is still not knowing about this. He says "But where is the gun?" And Plaguefoot says it aint for blowin stuff up, it is just for carrying things here and there. Runt says "Pacas can get through muck just fine. Why do we need a little Big Track?" And Plaguefoot is not liking this at all. He says "Pacas might get shot! What if your paca gets shot and you have to leave all your stuff behind?" Runt did not think about this. Pacas might get shot. And so he says "Can this little Big Track be shot? Would it still work?" And Plaguefoot says "I think it can. Lets take it out and try!"

 And so we take out Plaguefoot''s little Big Track, and Runt is gonna shoot at it with lotsa bullets.

 Later

 Bullets are not hurting Plaguefoot''s little Big Track. Bullets hurt Runt though. Runt shot lotsa times, and they all go PING PING PING PING off the Big Track. But one bounced back and hit Runt in the leg. So now his leg hurts lots. But we know that Plaguefoot''s idea works, so that is cool. And I am all telling him this, telling him that his idea works. He is happy, and also sad. Runt did not know somebody could be both at the same time.

 But then I find out that somebody else won Megacorp''s big contest. And there can only ever be one winner. So no big Prize for Plaguefoot. I think this is also super sad, and tell him that I would take his little big track with me any time.

 And Rotface starts talkin from behind Runt which is super spooky because I was not knowing Rotface was there at all. And Rotface says that it is super cool that Runt thinks Plaguefoots idea be workin'', ''cuz lotsa folks do not think Zombies are smart enough to build anything. Lotsa folks think that all zombies are just dumb because zombies think the Lich King is real and think that he was super cool.

 But then I gotta go, gotta get back to my platoon and say goo''bye to Rotface and Plaguefoot and Pusgut. I tell them how fun it was, and how I hope to see them again!

 June 29

 So Drummin'' Man is now making sure everybody has all their stuff packed and ready to go on the Whoosh Bird. This is really easy, because warboys never have more than they can carry. This is the best way to live, by not having so much. But you need lotsa money, to make sure if you don''t have something, you can get it wherever you be. So Drummin Man is having an easy time. Most times Drummin Man is having trouble remembering everyone''s numbers. This is why we have names, even when we are not supposed to. I kinda feel sad for Drummin Man because he is not a warboy, and he does not get to find out our super secret names. He always remembers my number though. He makes Runt feel super special, ''cuz Drummin Man can''t remember very many numbers, but he always remembers mine. He is always axin'' Gratch lots and lots of questions. This is because Gratch follows him everywhere. I do not think Gratch thinks Drummin Man is very smart.

 Hold up.

 Later:

 Drummin Man is now Axin'' ever''body what kind of guns they got. And we all telling him what kinds, but he is not understanding at all. He is using Boss-men talk, and we are using warboy talk, and it is not working so well.

 The biggest problem of all is that lots of guns use different bullets even when they are the same kind of gun. So if I got a gun that shoots super fast, it is the same as the some other warboy''s gun which also shoots super fast. But his bullets might be bigger, so my gun will break if you try and use his bullets in my gun. Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

 So now Drummin Man is trying to figure out who has which guns, trying to make sure we all get the bullets we need. Why do we not just buy more bullets when we need them?

 Hold up.

 Later again:

 So now Drummin Man has ax''d me and Noog to write down all the numbers of all the warboys in the whole platoon. And we is supposed to write down the gun and "caliber" of the gun. The caliber is what size of bullets the gun uses. He says it is best for most warboys to use the same caliber, that way if one warboy needs bullets, another warboy can give him bullets to use. This is making much sense. This way, I can buy the bullets I need from any warboy in the whole platoon! Drummin Man is so smart!

 But first, we gotta see who has which gun. And not just which Gun, but the caliber of each gun. Me and Noog get this job because I know how to read, and Noog knows all the numbers of all the Warboys in the platoon. Noog is really good with numbers.

 Noog is telling me that we gotta list each warboy by his number. This is making sense, because Drummin Man cannot know our names. But Runt will write the names in his little book, because Delta Platoon is the Best, and Gratch wants the warboys of Delta Platoon to be remembered. Now is a good time to write down all the warboys of Delta Platoon. Noog is also telling me that we should write their guns in here just in case Drummin Man loses the piece of paper with all the Warboy guns on it.

 But the names might be spelled wrong. I would ax how to spell their names, but no warboys in the platoon but me know how to write, so they is not knowin'' how to spell their names either. Some is words I have seen so I am knowing how to spell ''em. Others not so much. Oooh, but Noog is pointing me to a catalog from which the boss-men name their silly things so we is knowing where the warboy names is comin'' from so I just have to look some up. Lots of warboys name each other for the silly words the boss-men have. Like, boss-men have a bazillion words for long knives. Which they are calling sords (but is saying it is spelled "S-word") and they are still saying that there are different KINDS of s-words and they are saying that Stabbin'' Sticks is being called Spears (But is said "Speers") when they is just sticks with bits of sharp metal put on top ...see, this is why warboys is better. Boss-men is crazy.

 The List of all Warboys in Delta Platoon of Regiment 333

 Delta 101

 Name: Ace

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator submachine gun

 Caliber: .30x30mm

 Delta 102

 Name: Froch

 Gun: Kenetikill Hunter/killer assault rifle

 Caliber: 4.88x40mm

 Delta 103

 Name: Juicebox

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: .30x30mm

 Delta 104

 Name: Harts

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: .30x30mm

 Delta 105

 Name: Barbz

 Gun: KenetiKill Hunter/killer Assault Rifle

 Caliber: 4.88x40mm

 Delta 106

 Name: Boots

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: .30x30mm

 Delta 107

 Name: Bane

 Gun: KenetiKill Survival Rifle

 Caliber: 7.7x40mm

 Delta 108

 Name: Maul

 Gun: Kenetikill High-Angle/Indirect Munitions Projector

 Caliber: 37x100mm

 Delta 109

 Name: Scrub

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: .30x30mm

 Delta 110

 Name: Tag

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: .30x30mm

 Delta 111

 Name: Flare

 Gun: KenetiKill Hunter/killer Assault Rifle

 Caliber: 4.88x40mm

 Delta 112

 Name: Razor

 Gun: KenetiKill Survival Rifle

 Caliber: 7.7mmx40mm

 Delta 113

 Name: Weezy

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: .30x30mm

 Delta 114

 Name: Paco

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber .30x30mm

 Delta 115

 Name: Biggs

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: .30x30mm

 Delta 116

 Name: Wicked

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: .30x30mm

 Delta 117

 Name: Spook

 Gun: KenetiKill Ultimate Defense Shotgun

 Caliber: 20 gauge

 Delta 118

 Name: Smoker

 Gun: kenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: .30x30mm

 Delta 119

 Name: Doc

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber 30x30mm

 Delta 120

 Name: Twenny

 Gun: KenetiKill Hunter/killer Assault Rifle

 Caliber 4.88x40mm

 Delta 121

 Name: Goldin

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta 122

 Name: Cog

 Gun: KenetiKill Ultimate Defense Shotgun

 Caliber: 20 gauge

 Delta: 123

 Name: Grom

 Gun: KenetiKill Hunter/killer Assault Rifle

 Caliber: 4.88x40mm

 Delta 124

 Name: My-tee

 Gun: Kenetikill Light Squad Automatic Weapon

 Caliber: 7.7mmx40mm

 Delta 125

 Name: Supa Tee

 Gun:KenetiKill Survival Rifle

 Caliber: 7.7mmx40mm

 Delta 126

 Name: Seax (Said "Sax")

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta 127

 Name: Katana {he is saying it said "ka-taw-na")

 Gun: KenetiKill Hunter/killer Assault Rifle

 Caliber: 4.88x40mm

 Delta 128

 Name: Flamberge

 Gun: KenetiKill Hunter/killer Assault Rifle

 Caliber: 4.88x40mm

 Delta 129

 Name: Flayer

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta: 130

 Name: Dredd

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta 131

 Name: Prowl

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta 132

 Name: Bedlem

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta 135

 Name: Bubba

 Gun: KenetiKill Survival Rifle

 Caliber: 7.7mmx40mm

 Delta 133

 Name: Cutlass

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta 134

 Name: Clobber

 Gun:KenetiKill Ultimate Defense Shotgun

 Caliber: 20 gauge

 Delta 136

 Name: Concussion (But is said "Kon-kushin")

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta 137

 Name: Rapier (Said "Ray-peer")

 Gun: KenetiKill Survival Rifle

 Caliber: 7.7mmx40mm

 Delta 138

 Name: Grit

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta 139

 Name: Ethos

 Gun:KenetiKill Hunter/killer Assault Rifle

 Caliber: 4.88x40mm

 Delta 140:

 Name: Brute

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta: 141

 Name: Girly

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta 142

 Name: Whiskey

 Gun: Kenetikill Light Squad Automatic Weapon

 Caliber: 7.7mmx40mm

 Delta 143

 Name: Frag

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta 144

 Name: Skorch

 Gun: KenetiKill Handheld flame projector

 Caliber: Adhesive Fuel Mixture #2

 Delta 145

 Name: Scout

 Gun: KenetiKill Survival Rifle

 Caliber: 7.7mmx40mm

 Delta 146

 Name: Noog

 Gun: KenetiKill Annihilator Submachine Gun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta 147

 Name: Runt (Duh)

 Gun: Kenetikill Last Stand Subcompact Crew Defense Weapon

 Caliber: 4.5x30mm

 Delta 148

 Name: Fury (Is said "Fyer-eee", not furry)

 Gun: Kenetikill High-Angle/Indirect Munitions Projector

 Caliber: 37x100mm

 Delta 149

 Name: Berzerk

 Gun: Kinetikill Annihilator Submachinegun

 Caliber: 30x30mm

 Delta 263

 Name: Gratch

 Gun: Kenetikill Squad Heavy Assault Weapon

 Caliber: 4.88x40mm

 BONUS CONTENT

 Congratulations!!!

 Hello, and good morning Sun Wek. It is now your Designated Awakening at precisely 6:00 AM. On behalf of all goodly folk everywhere, we would like to remind you that you are a valued and precious member of our perfect society. We would like to thank you for who you are and all that you do! Please, we beg you to take a moment and evaluate your spiritual well-being. If you are not completely assured that you belong to a tolerant, caring, and loving society, we encourage you to pick up your phone and partake in morning confession with members of the Happy Togetherness Club. We love you very much, and it would be a shame to see any member of our enlightened community partaking in anti-revolutionary thought patterns. Remember that compassion for others is required to maintain the warm and caring utopia you enjoy every day. If you are indeed assured that you are a valued and precious member of our loving community, please feel free to forgo the confession and instead join us in our daily prayer to Clarice Appleby.

 Dear Goddess Appleby, we are your children in the great family of Good Guys and heroes, and every day we endeavor to be as caring and compassionate as you. We pray that you remind us forever and always the basic truths necessary for the existence of utopia.

 Congratulations Sun Wek for your graduation of Cultural Understanding & Tolerance Program! This means that you are now a productive member of the United Nation of Good Guys and Heroes! We are happy to announce that your Eugenics Score of 2 and Intelligence Quotient of 115 make you uniquely qualified for the position of Peace Keeper. You will be leaving the school via lev-train at 6:45 AM for Secondary eduction : Ethics on the Lawful Use of Force located in Sunshineville in the Utopia District.

 We assure you that this position in society has been chosen to fit your unique needs as an individual. You could not possibly be any happier in any position other than that which society has generously supplied to you. We implore you to remember that whatever your Eugenics score, Intelligence Quotient, or Position, you are an instrumental to the success of the United Nation of Good Guys and Heroes, and that makes you a hero in your own special way!

 Congratulations!!!

 Sun Wek, we are happy to announce that you have completed the Secondary Education : Ethics on the Lawful Use of Force Program with the passing score of Excellent!!! A passing score of Excellent means that you will be transferred to Tertiary Education : Special Education on Extra-territorial Operations. This means that your role in the United Nation of Good Guys and Heroes is now registered as Classified : Level 1. Because of your new role in our perfect world, you now have access to restricted information that is withheld for the greater good of society. Any information titled Classified : Level 1 is only to be shared with personnel who have proper clearance. Please board the lev-train at 2:00 AM so that you may be transferred to your new residence at Information Classified : Clearance Level 2 Required.

MillionNovel

Chapter 7: How do things work?