Live From The Greece Of Old (You Know The One I Mean)
Arena Arcadia Presents Episode 3:
NO GODS, NO KINGS, NOVEMBER
Sunday, November 8, 2020
★ ★ ★ INTRODUCTION ★ ★ ★
We open to the mild, slightly wet weather of the Mediterranean (circa 800 BC). This week the seating arrangements of the live crowd are more Panathenaic in structure, but otherwise the stadium setup is the same: ring, surrounded by Out-of-Bounds zone, surrounded by camera crews and audience members. No robots in the crowd this time, though there are a few satyrs and a dryad present.
Without messing around we get right to the first match.
★ ★ ★ OPENING MATCH ★ ★ ★
The Spirit of Phlox vs Alph the Prinny, Dood
0:00 The bell rings and Alph is already alternating between outright panicking and complaining about the situation to whoever will listen. "DOOD, COME ON! I can''t fight this, dood! This is a cloud, my doods?!"
0:30 Alph is forced to begin retreating as Phlox advances. Alph is still shouting about how "First it was a computer, dood! Then a campfire? And now THIS, dood?!?!" The commentators point out that, despite any obvious power differences, Alph and Phlox are the only two fighters on the roster with two losses and zero wins; this match is to act as a sort of tie breaker.
3:17 Alph is still retreating, though the speed at which they''re doing so has steadily increased as the Spirit''s gained on them. Alph has thrown a few knives, which whirled hopelessly through the vaporous Phlox; aside from that, the majority of the fight has been the prinny frantically fleeing the elemental, running a literal circle around the outskirts of the ring. The audience is starting to boo.
5:32 Phlox is actually starting to dim, the formation of the smoke-like phenomenon growing more erratic in its motions. The commentators hesitate to claim she''s getting tired and/or hungry, but they also struggle for a more technical way to explain it.
8:21 Alph is also starting to get worn out from running. The crowd is now throwing sodas and popcorn bags at Alph, and this show just started--it''s all full. Phlox is... visibly struggling to stay existent. As much as it can be said that she ever appeared to breathe, she now commits to a behavior not unlike panting or wheezing as she very subtly shrinks in size. The display seems to unnerve Alph a little.
10:09 Alph, getting a little distance between themselves and Phlox, begins to dig around in their fanny pack.
10:14 Alph, with a sudden improvement in expression, draws and throws a single knife at the advancing Phlox--
10:14 And somehow... it cuts her. The knife visibly slices through the otherwise incorporeal Spirit of Phlox, tearing its way straight through her non-solid body before bursting out the other side. While what remains of the ethereal entity does react quite dramatically, it''s difficult to pin any particular emotion to it.
10:17 Alph, after a moment of looking quite stunned themselves, presses the attack--hurling one knife after another, rapidly shredding the Spirit of Phlox. Team Echo throw in the proverbial towel and call for the bell; the audience and commentary team both are bewildered, unable to explain Alph''s sudden ability to damage their previously untouchable opponent.
Phlox''s team, likewise, are talking amongst themselves quite furiously.
The judges make their call, however.
Winner: Alph the Prinny, Dood by Tap Out in 10:17
★ ★ ★ SHENANIGANS AFOOT ★ ★ ★
Backstage, the Administration is on the phone.
"You cannot be serious. You... you are. You''re serious. It''s going to be the hazard match this week? ... Did you ask the team, or-- ... They SUGGESTED it? ... She AGREED to it?! Don''t get me wrong, the crowd''s going to love it, I''m just saying that if it were me in there-- ... yeah, one moment."
Someone who is very clearly a lawyer (one can look, and just know) strolls into the office, calmly handing the Administration a manilla envelope. The lawyer smiles, and then takes her exit. The Administration opens the envelope and begins to inspect the various Polaroid photographs it contains.
He returns his attention to the phone. "...I''m going to have to call you back. We may have a problem."
★ ★ ★ MATCH #2 ★ ★ ★
Theodore Oakley vs Champ Fire
0:00 The bell rings, and the ghoul from the wastes is doing his best not to be thrown off by the Champion of Camping. "If you can," says Champ Fire proudly, "avoid camping in Athens during July or August. That''s when temperatures reach their hottest!" Oakley chuckles, and confusedly thanks him for the advice.
1:04 Oakley, seeming to give up on trying to read the unreadable, moves in--keeping his guard up but going on the offensive. Champ Fire, despite his almost comical appearance (as a walking campfire with a face), responds in kind. It''s a surprisingly fast paced start to an unusual matchup; Oakley demonstrates his skill, fencing with his umbrella, but Champ Fire is fast, hits hard, has literal chunks of wood for arms and legs and is armed with a blaseball bat.
5:38 Champ Fire has Oakley on the back foot; the old timey ghoul starts to lose ground as the living campfire becomes more aggressive with roundhouse kicks, bat swings and flaming headbutts. Champ strikes with enough force that Theodore can barely block against it, instead being forced to wear himself down dodging every attack. "The great thing about backpacking is that you can diversify your trip!," announces Champ Fire. "In addition to the mainland, try exploring some of the local islands!"
8:55 Oakley, more than a little self conscious of how he lost his match to Crown Chaser last week, grows more visibly aggressive as he nears the ring''s edge. He takes a few hits outright from Champ Fire in a gambit to lose no further ground--getting kicked in the leg and opposite arm by Champ''s sturdy wooden limbs, but grimacing through the pain and pressing onward, away from the out-of-bounds zone.
12:13 Champ Fire is undeterred. "If you''re uncomfortable camping out in the wild," he says, "you can always look for organized camping sites at your choice destination. It can be a great way to meet other campers!" He throws a thrust kick that rockets his opponent backward, dropping Oakley to a knee and nearly propelling him out of the ring entirely. The ghoul''s as close to the edge now as it gets without being over said edge.
12:14 Champ Fire follows through, rushing forward with frightening speed and an unchanging smile. At the last possible second, Oakley flips his umbrella, hooks the oncoming Champ, and uses the creature''s momentum to swing them straight out of the ring and to the floor. He almost loses his balance in the process, not to mention almost eating another high powered kick to the chest--but he remains in the ring, and Champ Fire does not.
Winner: Theodore Oakley by Ring Out in 12:14
★ ★ ★ SHENANIGANS AFOOT, CONTINUED ★ ★ ★
The camera cuts once again to the Administration''s office, where the bandaged man in a suit is now sitting at his desk. With hands folded and eyes(?) forward, he addresses the world.
"While it''s a less publicized aspect of the rules here in Arena Arcadia, every competitor agrees to register any weapons above a certain baseline for technological advancement or general capability--what is referred to in the fighters'' contracts as regalia. All regalia MUST be registered with Arcadia officials, not just for the sake of fairness and proper booking, but for safety and security reasons.
We don''t want fighters bringing nuclear armaments or the Necronomicon into an opening bout with a packed crowd. Every regalia, regardless of its nature or origin, is subject to the judges'' discretion--but the judges need to know about the regalia before they can become involved. That being said..."
The Administration gives a small sigh. He hesitates, just a little, before pulling out several photographs and displaying them for the camera; pictured is one Alph the Prinny (dood) in what appears to be a parking garage, receiving steak knives from a shadowy figure in a trenchcoat.
"...In the opening match, Alph the Prinny utilized an unregistered regalia--+1 Knives of Ghostbusting, I''m told. While the judges missed this, I can''t in good conscience allow it to go unchecked. Thus, I am hereby ruling that Alph''s win will be stricken from the record, and the knives in question will be confiscated by Arena Arcadia staff. Officially, the winner of the opening contest tonight is hereby changed to Phlox via DQ.
Thank you for your time, and we apologize for the interruption."
★ ★ ★ MATCH #3 ★ ★ ★
AGINT & Caxi vs Crown Chaser & Rin Natsuki
0:00 The commentators note two things: one, that team or "tagteam" matches in Arena Arcadia don''t require tagging; unlike similar matches in professional wrestling, all fighters compete in the ring simultaneously.
In addition, group-based matches in Arcadia are NOT elimination style--so if even one fighter is knocked out, ringed out, tapped out or DQ''d, the fight is called then and there.
AGINT arrives slightly late... in a new body. An actual mechanical body, and not just a server this time--and an actual body clutching an ancient sword, at that. "Shouldn''t that be in a box?," Crown Chaser comments with a smirk. The bell rings, and the fight commences.
0:03 Crown Chaser begins to make another joke, but Caxi has already started crossing the ring. Rin is hurling bombs, but--not wanting to hit herself, or her partner--her bombs at thrown to mid-range, sufficient for keeping AGINT at bay; Caxi uses her portal gun to close the distance, bypassing the mid-ring explosions to get right in Chaser''s face.
1:38 Caxi is having a surprisingly difficult time dealing with Chaser. A vampire, his speed and reaction time are easily a match for Caxi''s, and in a flat and empty ring her portal gun can only accomplish so much. He draws blood from the lizardgirl, getting in several good cuts with his sword as she bursts from her portals. AGINT is still trying to maneuver across the battlefield, against icy winds, a partially frozen floor, and a large supply of Rin''s explosives.
5:05 Crown Chaser is just beginning to really put the hurt on Caxi when AGINT reaches the melee, slamming into the Ventrue with his now slightly damaged robot body. AGINT, fighting icy joints and a smoking hole in his shoulder, signals for a switch in dance partners. Caxi, full of slashes from trying to outmaneuver Crown Chaser, nods and heads for Rin while AGINT confronts the vampire.
5:26 Despite her injuries, Caxi''s speed and portal gun still prove quite a method for getting into Rin Natsuki''s personal space. Crown Chaser drops a few more quips about AGINT''s new form; AGINT swings his sword, Crown Chaser blocks with his own--
and finds his crimson blade cut cleanly in half.
And also, discovers a rather hefty gash across his chest.
Chaser''s smile disappears, and his joking abruptly halts. The vampire realizes he does not, in fact, want to fight the robot.
8:15 The fight has devolved into madness. Grabbing the broken half of his sword, Crown Chaser attempts to abandon the melee with AGINT--instead pursuing the lizard, and yelling at his own partner to cover him (so as to prevent AGINT from interfering). Rin''s attention is divided between trying to keep AGINT off of CC, and trying to keep Caxi off of Rin herself--a difficult feat, as Caxi uses her portals to go blasting in and out of Natsuki''s massive ice pillars, to completely ignore the frozen floors, and to dodge every barrage of icicles coming her way. AGINT is blaring Yakety Sax</a> from his built in speakers.
12:33 The temperature in the entire ring area has plummeted. Crown Chaser''s inhuman balance proves perfect for physically walking the frozen floor, but the various structures of ice that have been sprouting up still have to be navigated with some difficulty. AGINT has cranked his music up so loud that the other team can''t coordinate--but neither can his. He mostly operates independently, attempting to herd Chaser and Rin while Caxi leaps in and out of existence, basically using AGINT for cover. ...And a jumping off point.
13:20 Chaser manages to get a good cut on Caxi--and another, and another, each strike (with a broken blade, no less) healing his own wounds. Caxi trades blows with him, clawing wildly at the vampire, but with the power of his blood sword he''s rapidly outhealing the damage and winning the confrontation. Rin is lost in the smoke and ice trying to catch up with a fight that keeps moving, and AGINT is juuust catching up to the melee again himself. Every fighter in the ring looks like they''ve been through Hell; Caxi is bleeding out from all her sword slashes and nearly losing an arm, AGINT is half frozen and half exploded, Rin is nursing claw marks from Caxi and though Chaser''s damage has entirely healed, well... his expensive shirt is just, ruined
13:45 Caxi, in a last ditch effort as she struggles to remain standing, creates a portal in the ceiling above the out-of-bounds zone... and a second portal under Crown Chaser, who has almost fully recovered via his regalia. Chaser, having regained his pre-fight levels of confidence, doesn''t notice what''s going on until he''s already exiting the ring.
13:46 Relinquishing his sword as he drops through the portal, Crown Chaser reaches out blindly with both hands for something, anything, to hold onto--and grabs the stable, icy legs of the recently arrived AGINT. AGINT begins to stab Chaser and kick him back down into the portal (and out of the ring), however--
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
13:48 AGINT is caught at the edge of a blast zone... from the last bomb in Rin Natsuki''s arsenal. She watches from a safe distance (having followed the Yakety Sax to its source) as AGINT loses balance and topples over, nearly getting dumped through Caxi''s portal but catching onto the edge (with Crown Chaser still hanging off of AGINT, the two of them dangling from the portal in the ceiling and over the no-go zone), and
13:52 Crown Chaser climbs up the hanging AGINT, out of the portal and back into the ring. As he''s unarmed, the wounded Caxi has absolutely no issue making a run at him to shove the vampire back into the hole--
13:55 She sinks her claws into Chaser, forcing him backward. He grits his teeth... and wraps his arms around Caxi, essentially suplexing her backward--into the hole, and into the still hanging AGINT. All three fighters go tumbling from the ceiling to the floor outside the ring.
14:05 With a loud, dull thud, Crown Chaser lands atop AGINT and Caxi. Rin Natsuki remains in the ring, blinking slowly. "D... did we win? I think we just won...?"
Winners: Crown Chaser & Rin Natsuki by Ring Out in 14:05
★ ★ ★ SHENANIGANS AFOOT III: THE REVENGE ★ ★ ★
Once again, we find ourselves at the Administration''s desk. Despite having a fully covered face, he looks very tired.
"The earlier altering of the record must be... err... double altered. Re-altered."
He pulls out a second, newer manilla folder, revealing it to also be full of blurry Polaraoid pictures; this time, the photos depict some manner of alchemical laboratory, where members of Team Echo are incorporating... something, the contents of a withered bag, into a contained and restrained Spirit of Phlox.
"Alph the Prinny utilized an unregistered regalia in this evening''s opening bout, acquired from an unknown third party. It has now been brought to my attention that the Spirit of Phlox, too, has been equipped with an unregistered regalia for at least the last two of her matchups, and with a regalia provided by Phlox''s own sponsors, Team Echo. With that said..."
Big sigh. He leans back in his office chair, pinching at the bridge of his nose.
"...Phlox''s recently dictated win over Alph must also be stricken from the record, as Team Echo''s fighter should also be disqualified for this behavior. Thus, I am ruling that both fighters will go down in the record books as having lost the fight. Both teams were well aware of the rules, and I''m not going to dignify the outcome by calling it a draw. Team Echo has since registered the regalia in question. They''re allowed to continue using it--as Team Echo can''t figure out how to remove it from the Spirit--but they''re on thin ice regarding weapon registry."
The Administration straightens up in his chair, staring more intently into the camera.
"Moving forward, I will be attaching major fines to the inappropriate handling of a fighter''s regalia. Unregistered weapons in official, non-hazard bouts WILL be punished, and wins gained fraudulently WILL be stricken from the record. Any information regarding this matter, and any parties associated with it, would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your patience in this matter; without further ado, Arena Arcadia would like to present your main event for this evening--the tournament finals, a hazard match for the Worlds Championship."
★ ★ ★ TOURNAMENT FINALS - WORLDS CHAMPIONSHIP - HAZARD DIVISION ★ ★ ★
Leith vs Douglas
0:00 We leave the relative safety of the arena, the camera cutting instead to a battleground very much off the beaten path: a rickety dock off the coast of the river Styx.
On one end of the dock: Leith, kelpie, unknown potential. Her regalia is registered with arena officials, but she has yet to demonstrate it on television; last week, AGINT implied it''s something potent, however.
On the other end of the dock: Douglas, the 13 foot tall Mgalekgolo or Hunter. They are the only fighter to compete in the Worlds Championship tournament with not one but two legal regalia: their armor, and a massive double sided lance.
The scene is quiet, save the creaking of rotting wood, the flow of the river and the swinging of ancient lanterns in a stiff, chilling breeze. The referee rings the bell; Leith charges her enormous opponent.
1:15 Leith won her first fight in the tournament versus Rin Natsuki with grappling, and kicks--however, they prove ineffectual against the other finalist. Douglas'' armor has joints, but the hivemind themselves do not--they are alien and worm-like, undeterred by a chokehold or an armbar, not to mention gigantic as a composite. There is nothing worth grabbing, no segment of the Hunter''s anatomy to wrench or break. Leith''s hooved kicks echo through the underground, but don''t leave so much as a scratch on Doug''s impressive armor.
3:40 Douglas almost seems to humor her, at first--or is perhaps just gauging her capability, letting Leith accost the hivemind at her own pace... for a little while. They begin to crank up the pressure, however--launching Leith back down the docks with a kick, almost taking her head off with a swipe of those symmetrical blades, putting her flat on her ass with a shoulder charge. ...Just enough to make it clear that Douglas is in control of this fight any moment they choose to be.
5:56 Leith is growing increasingly frustrated; her initial insults soon slur into nigh incomprehensibility as she curses out the giant Hunter. Douglas, too, appears frustrated (as far as Mgalekgolo body language is concerned; one likely has to take the commentators'' word for it), but in a different fashion--almost... impatient? Bored?
6:02 Abruptly switching gears, Douglas grabs an attacking Leith by the face and proceeds to slam her straight through the dock, into the waters below. The judges begin the ten count a moment after she disappears below the murky surface.
6:06 A furious Leith explodes out of the water, launching like a torpedo into a thunderous dropkick. The speed and power of the attack (not to mention the angle) come as such a shock that Douglas actually stumbles, nearly toppling over with the force. Leith hits the dock, rolls, and dives back into the other side of the river before the Hunter can counter.
6:40 To the surprise of very few, the kelpie is much, much faster in the water. Using hit and run tactics, she repeatedly blasts out of the river Styx, bounces off Douglas'' back or kicks them across the face or dropkicks them in the legs, then dives straight back into the river. If not for the big D''s sheer size and strength, they''d have already been launched off the docks and dragged into the water themselves (which is, as the commentators rightfully point out, the last place Douglas wants to be against Leith).
7:07 Douglas, sporting experience in dealing with similar guerrilla tactics in their previous match against Caxi, is beginning to catch on. Leith launches out of the water but, rather than getting an opportunity to attack, is forced to mid-air dodge a huge swing from Douglas. The fight begins to swing back to a stalemate; Douglas'' attacks are big enough to effectively control the zone around them, but Leith comes in too hot for Douglas to get a real hit off.
8:55 Leith is wearing down faster than Douglas is. In a last ditch effort, Leith launches straight up through the dock, rocking Douglas with an uppercut; in a rare display for the monstrous combatant, Douglas teeters back... and drops to one knee, leaning on their weapon like a crutch. However, as Leith tumbles back downward...
8:56 Douglas, staggered and a little punch drunk, nonetheless powers through and charges forward--and catches Leith out of the air. They slam her, hard enough to crack the dock but not put her through it--once, twice--
9:02 Rather than go for a third slam, Douglas hurls Leith back down the dock... almost, roughly, to where she began the fight. The Hunter''s stance is a little less refined, their movements not as tight--but their armor is immaculate, and they are back quite confidently to their feet. Leith is down, bruised and bleeding. The judges start the count.
9:08 With a groan, Leith forces herself to her feet. Though Douglas has no real face to speak of--and certainly no visible eyes--they almost seem to... stare. Expectantly. Anticipating something that has yet to come.
9:13 Leith huffs. She grumbles that she hasn''t been hiding her regalia, she just...
really, really hates using it.
Douglas does not reply.
9:21 After yelling a few more obscenities at both Douglas and the collective dark surrounding the battlefield, Leith begins to... sing? Through gritted teeth and heavy dialect, the lyrics are impossible to register,
but something on the docks begins to stir.
Douglas tilts their head, watching. Waiting.
9:37 Inexplicably, music begins to accompany Leith''s singing. Energy builds around her, taking a shape not unlike armor. Douglas tightens the grip on their symmetrical lance.
9:44 Leith gradually becomes more confident in her song--her voice coming through clearer, louder, her anger infusing the words with a tangible power. The armor solidifies, as does a gigantic sword in her now gloved hands.
9:50 Douglas charges. Leith, now fully decked out in her symphogear, stands her ground; the big D takes a huge swing with their double bladed lance, and with her ridiculous sword,
Leith blocks it.
9:56 The dock shakes beneath the force as the fighters go swing for swing, symmetrical lance against giant sword. Leith is singing the entire time as she blocks every blow, and Douglas accordingly manages to block every strike of her''s. The river beneath them crashes, as though a storm is forming beneath the earth.
10:11 The music is growing more intense, accompanied by more invisible instruments and a phantom techno beat. In a shocking demonstration of speed, Leith slips past a broad swing from Douglas to plant a jumpkick in the hivemind''s chest--and sends their hulking form skidding backward.
10:13 Douglas begins committing more to each attack, rushing, throwing themselves into the fray, their symmetrical lance tearing up the dock as they swing hard and wide--controlling the zone, keeping Leith back and out of proper melee range.
10:17 Leith begins relying more on her speed and agility to get in, rather than brute forcing through the Hunter''s attacks--and proves that she is more than capable of dancing between Doug''s strikes, leaping through the air, shooting behind the hulk and delivering rapid strikes to D''s side and back while the titan struggles to keep up with her movements.
13:37 After repeated feints, distracting kicks and a bewildering series of movements, Leith--leaping high into the air--brings her sword straight down upon Douglas. Once more, the Hunter is forced to one knee--this time with enough weight to crack the wood beneath them and to leave visible damage on the colossus themselves. Their visored helmet almost splits in half from the impact.
13:38 Following up with a twirl, a yell and a swing from the side, Leith propels Douglas across the dock. Douglas drops the lance entirely, landing on their back. The judges almost forget to start the count.
13:42 Douglas rises, and collects their lance. With the adrenaline fading and the pain catching up, Leith is clearly fighting to keep her song going. Her symphogear does not stop the blood from trickling out of her mouth, nor does it hide all the bruises from earlier in the fight.
13:45 Douglas adjusts their cracked helmet before charging. As they cross the most damaged section of the dock, it breaks beneath the big D''s weight; Douglas leaps off as the chunk of dock collapses below, catching a surprised Leith with a Muay Thai-esque knee across the face. Leith goes down, but not even long enough for the judges to count--she kips up, readies her enormous sword, and the two fighters resume trying to cut each other in half at a frankly inhuman pace.
18:58 Both fighters are breaking down rapidly. Every hit from Leith leaves a dent in Douglas'' armor, or a new chip in their lance; each hit from Douglas, likewise, is almost shattering portions of Leith''s armor, and testing the fortitude of her sword. Douglas moves like a combatant exhausted; Leith''s song is degrading into half-gasped syllables through gritted teeth.
20:42 Amidst all the brawling, one of the lanterns is broken off its pole alongside the dock; a blue blaze begins to build on one side of the fight, opposite the huge, broken gap overlooking the rushing river Styx. The battle is essentially trapped, and the fire is spreading rapidly down the dock.
23:02 The amount of dock still capable of being fought on is shrinking quickly, pushing Douglas closer and closer to the water. Leith is tiring out, but not fast enough for Douglas, who is beginning to lose whole pieces of plating to gunshot-like kicks and Leith''s enormous sword.
26:37 Douglas swings wide with their two-ended weapon, but they do far more than that: two of the worms that comprise Douglas escape the whole, throwing themselves in the path of the gestalt''s blade as it cuts through the air. As the two worms are slashed in half, seeming to sacrifice themselves to the weapon... D''s blades begin to glow. They follow through, bringing the ignited weapon at Leith--
26:38 Leith leaps over the slash, as high as she can, uncertain of what power Douglas has just invoked. She brings her own weapon overhead, preparing to get the drop on the giant--
26:39 Douglas relinquishes the lance mid-swing, practically hurling it with the force it was being brought around with. It''s a risky maneuver, powering up and tossing their own weapon as a bluff,
but it works.
Douglas, freed of its weight, shuffles to the side in the breath between moments.
Leith sees the maneuver in motion, but she''s already coming down from the jump--it''s too late. For all her speed, for all her boosted reaction time, she lacks the air control to reposition or the immense strength required to bring such a titanic sword forward any faster than she is. The song chokes in her throat.
26:40 Douglas catches Leith out of the air with a single punch, square in the head. Her anthem, with all its accompaniment, abruptly screeches to a halt. The judges begin the count.
26:46 Douglas, bleeding out of broken armor, leans on one of the remaining lanterns. Leith is still down.
26:50 Leith has not moved.
The bell rings.
Douglas allows themselves to fall to their knees.
Winner and New Worlds Champion: Douglas by Knock Out in 26:50